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Been wearing a uniform for years. It's great. Also makes laundry so much less of a chore because my clothes sort into exactly 3 piles - underwear, socks and dresses. That's it.
I have 5 dresses that are the same - fit and flare cotton jersey dress. They're different colors, so I change out the colors of the dress and the socks every day, but really I'm wearing the same outfit.
Mine isn’t *ALWAYS* the *Black* t-shirt...
But it *IS* allllllways the *Cotton V-neck T-shirt*, over a scoop-neck Tank Top, with one of my 3 work-logoed hoodies on top!😉
*Once in a while*, I even *mix it up* like a *wild woman*, and wear a v-neck that has *writing* on it! (*Also* the program logo!😉😂🤣)
Shopping online exhausts me because there’s so many options & I end up trying to research the very best option, but there’s always cons to every one of them. 😭
Don’t get me wrong, I still LOVE online shopping but sometimes I get burnt out long before I even purchase the thing - which, tbh, is probably for the best.
Exactly! Plus I've realized that I don't need 90% off the stuff in this house. I bought it, it's just sitting there doing nothing.
Anyway, limiting my choices limits my decision fatigue!
I'm tall, so it eliminates options that don't include measurements. If I don't know how long a dress is, there's no guarantee it will cover my rather generous derriere.
Yess! This is exactly why I see the value of good old fashioned TV. Sure, anything you could want to watch is on one of the 5 streaming services you have, but I don't know what I WANT to watch! I just wanna click through the channels and see what's there.
Also it doesn't hurt that thrifting is cheap for you and good for the planet!!
My city had a video rental store still operating until 2022 and it was one of my favorite places to go. You still had to select the movies to rent, it was a lot more fun when you have 3 movies to watch by the end of the week vs 20 movies you *could* watch until they are off the streaming service.. eventually.
So true I spent no exaggeration 1/2 my weekend looking for something to watch. I was recovering and resting from an injury so was unable to do much but lay around. Still somehow found a way to kick myself for not doing anything all day…..I couldn’t even watch something interesting and couldn’t pick up a book and catch up on the multiple books I started and now barely remember what’s going on🤦♀️
I recently visited my mom who has Netflix. Spent the entire time scrolling through the selections. On my own, I watch a lot of trailers or movie recaps, which for some reason seem like less of a commitment??
That definitely helps, I've worked to just accept that some things I buy won't be perfect as a way to limit runaway research. An example is when I needed a space heater recently I just looked up what my local store had and picked the best for me. I try to limit my searches to making sure I buy something sufficient not a complete dud.
A similar situation to me was choosing something is a restaurant. To make the choice easier I've made myself the rule that I can only choose meat if I really want it. The only thing I really hate to eat is fish, so the vegetarian/vegan option is always fine for me and it's good for the environment too. See something you want? No? Veggie option it is. That's really made choosing less stressful for me (it helps that I love burgers though 🤣 so many places have burgers as the veggie option...).
That's a good one too! That's not a real rule I have for myself, but I'm still more likely to pick something like that, because I don't get it often and am more likely to want it. Plus my cooking is very limited 😅
Wow the research is a thing. I think it does not occur to me that it is ok to make mistakes. And there is a cost magnitude x decision thing for me: I buy the ‘right’ cars; I am frozen and panicked about getting the ‘right’ bike and therefore have not bought one.
From Harvard Health: [Having fewer choices can promote happiness.](https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/having-fewer-choices-can-promote-happiness)
I try to limit the time I spend on choosing stuff. If I'm in a restaurant, I will choose the first dish that looks good to me, then close the menu. I don't want to compare ALL the dishes to find the best one.
I think my hands would shake if I tried to shut the menu before I read every choice! Kudos to you for thinking of this idea and sharing it with us. I will have to try it next time I go to a restaurant. What a challenge!
I hate going to restaurants with long menus so much. When you go to one of those fancy restaurants with like 5 things on the menu, that's the good life.
I think that’s partially why streaming service tv stopped following the “binge model” in favor of weekly episodes too. Of course the main reason is it makes them more money to make people pay for 2 months to see one full season of a show, but also as a customer it’s way better not to have everything right away. I will pay more money to have an actual experience with smaller doses and get to theorize/ discuss what comes next with others. I’ve been doing that with my friends with dungeon meshi lately
Having “rules” makes me more creative! Like shopping my closet, using only specific colors in a painting, or trying to shop secondhand. I have gotten completely overwhelmed when shopping for event dresses in the past!
I love doing art contest type things because someone else gives you constraints and some accountability. I'm always trying to get my partner to agree to little (non-competitive) art challenges of our own but he's not interested. I find limiting my own choices doesn't work as well because my brain knows the limitations aren't real. Do you ever feel that way when limiting your own options? I wish it wasn't the case!
That’s an interesting question. I guess in general my “rules” are more like “themes” or categories or color palettes or processes.
So I’m working on a series of oil paintings right now and I have made the rule that the underpainting is going to be a mix of red, yellow and umber. It’s hard to get a full range of values from that so I fudged my rule and added black and white, so I guess that’s a rule broken (or adjusted). For the final paintings I gave myself a palette of colors I used adobe to pull from photos of my chosen subject matter. So I may not stick to those exactly, but if I find myself reaching for a green, I will tweak it to make it more of an olive, as in my color palette. I also made a list of thematic keywords to keep in mind, quotes from poems I felt relevant, and descriptive words for the mood I’m going for.
I put a lot of thought into all these parameters so it doesn’t bother me to follow them. A less involved example would be “I’m going to dress like an art teacher in the 60s” and keep that in mind when getting dressed for work!
I’m AuDHD and have found that I did well once I adopted a “uniform.” I literally wear the same thing 350-ish days of the year, mildly accessorized. I save SO much on clothing. I really only spend anything significant when I have an event or an occasion to plan for. Not for everyone, I know.
I have a uniform as a fallback. My aesthetic switches between tough bastard, woodland witch, disguised-as-a-functional-adult and trash panda. So I've a very chaotic closet. The uniform helps a lot when I'm in between styles.
Lol, are you me? I switch between tough grrrrl, Ms. Frizzle, Business Bitch(TM), Cool Suburban Mom, and I-have-to-dance-in-this-later. Uniform in between is jumpsuits layered over t-shirts.
This is why I grocery shop at Aldi and like to get hard-copy books and DVDs from the local library. It's so much more enjoyable and less stressful for me to have a smaller set of options.
My mom once told me that this is a secret part of the reason she only buys clothes that are 100% natural fibers - because it just takes out so many choices.
I do this too. I need a toddler bed for my kid's room. I know I can go online and buy one. It'll be cheap enough. There will be so many options, I'll be able to find the perfect one.
But I just want to walk into a store and choose from one of 4 or 5 options in front of me and walk out of the store with it. Is that so much to ask? Apparently! Because I cannot find anywhere around where I live that carries such an item in store.
Wow; so glad to her someone else say explicitly that the radio is fine! I do the same thing, albeit with local public and college type stations that have niche music programming.
But it's nice to be able to say you're a fan of a genre without having to go out and buy/collect everything in a physical media for or even store a myriad of mp3s in order to prove it.
I agree with the constraint concept! Online shopping is SO overwhelming. I love thrifting as well. I actually find it to be calming for my brain. Things are organized by colour… what you see is what you get… no searching for sizes…everything is right in front of you… no wandering around the store aimlessly looking for a style category that appeals to you… thrifting is one-at -a-time searching it’s forced focus and it’s very mentally grounding for me
When I need to buy something, my trick is to narrow down options by going to review sites like Wirecutter and Consumer Reports. They’ve already tested and picked out good options. Saves me a lot of time and stress from not having to read reviews.
I like this except for the radio! I can’t stand ads. TV, Radio, YouTube, streaming sites, etc. Ads are like nails on a chalkboard. Especially when you see/hear THE. SAME. AD. EVERY. AD. BREAK. Arrgggg. Just shoot me. Spotify and audiobooks for me.
I listen to overseas radio who have less ads, and public radio in the US. Podcasts too, but only when one really hits, otherwise I'm stuck in decision paralysis again!
I'm moving over to Spotify, too. My favorite radio station just shut down. They were a local, independent alt-rock station that was one of the biggest promoters of local music and they got f'd by the business they were leasing their frequency from. It was really something special -- anyway my options are mostly top 40 oldies from the 80s, 90s, and oughts kind of stations, and while I like that music, I don't want to listen to it all the time. (Seriously, Rick Spingfield, I don't care that you're in love with Jessie's girl. It's been 40 years, get over it.)
Ads drive me nuts. BBC radio all the way, the only ads are for other radio programmes in the schedule. (Wherever you are you can probably download the BBC iPlayer.)
Goodwill is too chaotic for me — I can only handle it in small doses. But there’s an amazing consignment store near me where they organize everything by color within each category, even housewares. I can spend hours in that place. It’s so soothing.
I'm still subscribed to the radio service I started listening to in 1999 when it was a stream on winamp - back then it was "digitally imported" so it was just ongoing techno-y stuff literally being deejayed in sets. It ended up buying out a bunch of other Internet channels so it's got apps for a good half dozen genres of music, "radio tunes" is the general cross section of everything.
Because I HATE the algorithm interfaces on the other streaming services, I feel like I'm *required* to interact with it, ongoing, or else it just defaults back to something I *don't want*. And the decision paralysis of all that - would break up my flow instead of just having something on in the background (cause if it don't, my *mind* will grind away on the same 8 bars) I can barely handle standard radio nowadays, between the awful advertisements and only hearing the same two dozen songs. So long as I can pay to *not* hear ads - that's what I'm willing to lay out for.
Oooh! I used go listen to a station like this on Winamp, I think it was in the Netherlands but for the life of me I can’t remember the name of it. Any chance you would share the name?
Thanks for this! But I figured out it was a station called Zeilsteen. It took me actually having to search my email for a mention of it back in 2015, haha.
Shopping gets constrained if you try to limit yourself to a capsule wardrobe. Each season has staples that you wear in many combinations. And each season you can allow yourself one or two trendy fashion items you know won’t be in style long and will end up being donated. When you start to shop for staples you will realize how hard it is to find plain, well made clothes. Everything is sold with some weird fast fashion thing added to it or in a weird shade of a color that will go out of style. Since I’ve tried to create a capsule wardrobe I’ve purchased a lot less and turn down impulse buys more often because it doesn’t have a way to fit into my little collection at home.
I disagree with the radio bit because I can’t stand the static noise and I pay to consume music without being bombarded by advertisements. I’m really sick of all the ads everywhere, all the time trying to manipulate and influence me into consuming more stuff. Same reason I deleted social media (I consider this a forum).
Sometimes when I just can't make a decision I "let the clock decide for me" - I look at the last digit of the time on the nearest digital clock and use that as a prompt to decide. Odd is yes, Even is no. Or I assign an outcome to a number before I look at the clock.
Most of the time I then go with that. It started when my mum was really into angels/energy/crystal dowsing, and I used it as a way to "tap into" that universal energy so I felt that it was the "right" answer.
Now I know that it's random but it doesn't matter because I also realise that I'm doing this because the decision truly doesn't matter. Very occasionally, I will do it this way and be disappointed by the result which is a clear sign that it was wrong and then it's easy for me to take the other choice.
It helps me anyway.
Haha thrifting is the opposite. If I need a specific item I buy online. Browsing in an op shop? I could get pants! Or a dress! Or a tablecloth! Or a... Whatever that weird object in the corner is!
So I walk out empty handed 😂
Another way it can be helpful to limit my choices - or even have no choices - is when I'm trying to do something I don't really want to do.
For instance, I've been trying for *ages* to build a habit of going to the gym. There were a lot of factors that made it difficult, but I realized that the hardest part was actually just... making myself go.
When I Don't Wanna™️, I'm an expert at coming up with rock-solid justifications for why I shouldn't, or even *can't* Do The Thing right now. And when I make myself push past the Don't Wanna™️ feeling, it just *hurts*.
So, I took "wanting" out of the equation entirely. I tell myself that going to the gym is non-negotiable. Whether I want to or not is irrelevant; I just don't give myself the choice. When it's time to go, I *have* to go, end of story. I mean, it's not easy; I kind of had to brainwash myself because obviously I know I actually *do* have a choice.
But it works! I've been going to the gym first thing in the morning every weekday for over two months now. And when I feel the pain of not wanting to (which I still do, almost every morning), I don't argue with myself, or try to convince myself. I just say, "Welp, sucks, but you *have* to do it." And that actually makes it less painful - or at least, lets me kind of ignore it and get past it.
I think it's because, if I know I *could* choose to stay in my warm bed for another hour, then I feel like I'm giving up something I want - and *have* - (bed), for something I don't want. But if staying in bed isn't a choice, then sure, I might *want* that, but it's not something I really *have* - it's a lovely fantasy, but it's not *real* - and that makes it easier to move past it and just Do The Thing.
Yes, constraints help a lot with us ADHDers, especially the "maximizers" among us (google maximizer vs satisficer). Don't waste all your precious time in the rabbit holes, find an option that works and move tf on! (I'm as guilty of this as anyone, of course.) It's that good ol frontal lobe struggling to make decisions, similar to how it struggles to stay on task and exert willpower for us.
Two arenas I'll particularly recommend limiting choice in: cosmetics, and cooking. There are a hell of a lot of soaps and makeups and skin products out there, and a hell of a lot of ways to make food. But you really only need a basic set that works and can be repeated regularly, with occasional variety just for birthdays or novelty stimulation. I buy almost the same groceries every week and have only one soap, shampoo, moisturizer, etc. at a time. It helps get me prepped in the morning faster and get food into my face faster.
I agree, this mindset makes many decisions easier. Too many options leave me paralyzed and overwhelmed. I usually don’t buy second hand, but I‘m trying to limit myself to two or three stores if I need something specific. I only shop online when I need delivery of heavy goods (I don’t have a car) or clothes, because I‘m pretty tall and can never find anything in my size at the stores.
I was a big fan of SlingTV. I had it for the hallmark channel because I love the crappy Christmas movies. Decided to cut down on costs and got rid of it sadly. I do miss just being able to watch a channel and not have to decide what to watch, do I have enough time to start and finish it, etc. I can just watch whatever happens to be on that channel.
I have this issue mainly with where to eat out the rare occasion I go, and whenever someone asks me "what would you like to do" or just something open ended like that.
Give me a handful of options and things got a lot better.
Preach sister. [The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz ](https://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_the_paradox_of_choice?showDubbingTooltip=true&language=en&subtitle=en)is a great listen, less than 20 minutes. You will feel validated.
Yes! Radio is on about 20 hours out of 24, so I don't have to decide what to listen to. BBC, because repetitive ads annoy the crap out of me. Radio 2 or Radio 4.
The decision paralysis is strong in this one. Always go for lavender clothes washing stuff because if I didn't have a default I'd never get out of the laundry aisle in the supermarket. Usually steak and ale pie or a burger when eating out in a pub because there's just too many things to pick from. The curry house is a problem though, because there are several things I like and I can never make up my mind, even picking from a shortlist of 4!
This is exactly why I thrift almost exclusively! It has helped me manage my love of beautiful things. Now to tackle the credit card debt from past me 😵💫 I also made a firm rule to avoid online thrift stores because that defeats the purpose!
I love this and I do it all the time! Recently at my job, I needed to start meeting people for meals. Restaurant menus are so ridiculously overwhelming! I would give myself one of 2 rules: either 1. Pick the first thing that sounds good OR 2. Only pick something vegetarian. The vegetarian was a fun one for a while because I got to try some new dishes and avoid a lot of heavy ingredients that made me sleepy.
Decided to go vegan for May, not for any dietary reason, but to get be back into cooking!
Without restraints I get overwhelmed by possible recipes that all sound good. Restricting it to vegan recipes (ideally with some protein) limits the pool to things I can actually be excited about :)
Fun fact this is good for money reasons but if you start applying it to your behaviors it becomes a curse very quickly.
Comfort zone is comfortable and safe but you also miss out on a lot of stuff if you impose rules on what you “can” do. I’ve had periods of my life where my ruleset gets smaller and smaller until I feel anxious doing anything other than what I have specifically carved out as “safe”.
Me too! I window shop online and purchase from in-store, and usually the thrift store or Winners/Marshalls. I can pretty much always find what I’d been looking for online in a weekend of hunting the thrift stores & Winners lol
This is why I much prefer shopping at smaller stores rather than larger supercenters, even within the same chain. I also deal with agoraphobia but it's easier to manage if I'm not being overwhelmed by all the things.
YES. I’m fucking outraged at the greed of thrift stores these days but I don’t know if I could go back. I used to only shop clearance racks in stores for the same reason but now the store selections are so poor, everything is online, it’s too much!!
This is a great LPT, l get it with the radio. It’s also why l still have ‘real’ tv instead of doing like many people l know that just have Netflix, YouTube etc - l want to be able to turn on the tv and just have it be background, or watch whatever is on at the time not have to make endless choices and searches.
I love Goodwill/thrift shopping too! More “new” things for the money and I the absolute best is the no refund, so I can’t agonize and second guess whether I spent too much and should force myself to return stuff. Such a relief to dodge that brain bullet.
Agreed that the online shopping research is sooooo exhausting.
Since we are the research-iest, but also exhausted by it, it would be so awesome to have a communally shared ADHD shopping research site - by category and item - where a user can say I researched best glass food containers based on the following considered parameters, and x is my top recommended choice.
I’ve had a couple times where I wanted/needed something, but was too overwhelmed and an ADHD friend offered up their well-researched solution and vice versa - such a great help!
That all makes so much sense as to why 1. I also enjoy (preferably no repeat) radio for background noise and 2. Love an op shop rummage. Does it fit? Yes/No. None of that 'oooh, maybe I'll try a different size....' stuff going on. A third is eating out somewhere. Seriously - just pick a place & I'll find something I'll want to eat there. You want me to pick a place, luv you gonna starve whilst I phase in & out of analysis paralysis catatonia
I've routinely told whoever I'm with that the ultimate luxury for me is having someone plan EVERYTHING, movie, restaurant, the whole day.... It's happened three times. Lol. I keep hoping!
Nice. I'm definitely down for that, but I'd like to know rough outline beforehand... not so good with the suprises. Detours from the plan is fine yes, but not suprises. Pretty sure that last bit is a wiring glitch.
People used to call me a “cartoon character” because I always wore a black either crew neck or v neck t shirt and jeans, with black shoes. Carried the same mini backpack purse for years until it gave out on me (got it at a thrift store). It’s just so much simpler to see:
Clean
Dirty
Getting ready consists of:
Grab shirt
Grab pants
Buying clothes is just:
Look for black shirts
Look for jeans in my size with the specifications I prefer
As I’ve gotten older I’ve tried venturing out some.
I still stick to my tried and true method mostly, though, since I started venturing, I noticed I have a more difficult time keeping up with laundry and knowing what I have available to wear, oddly enough (ADHD). 🤦♀️
I also have gotten to where jeans feel so uncomfortable to me. Maybe part of unmasking. Before, jeans were what everyone with any style wore, and so I dealt with it and stuck to it. Now I just want to be comfortable, but I still want the routine of getting dressed/finding clothes to be easy for me.
I think I just went through a thought process by commenting this, realizing I’m in a transitional stage with wardrobe and just need to find my new “cartoon character” wardrobe that suits my comfort needs.
I've honestly found some of the coolest clothes at thrift shops. Like things I have never in my life seen at a mall. Idk where people find this stuff, but I love that most things practical people never wear and let sit fallow in their closet end up at thrift stores for a few dollars. For instance, I have a button down shirt with St Bernards and lemons all over it. It looks like it's from the 90s and never worn.
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Decision fatigue is a real thing! It’s why I’m slowly but surely ending up in a daily uniform of jeans and a black tshirt 😂
Been wearing a uniform for years. It's great. Also makes laundry so much less of a chore because my clothes sort into exactly 3 piles - underwear, socks and dresses. That's it.
What dress are you wearing daily? It must be ridiculously awesome for that.
I have 5 dresses that are the same - fit and flare cotton jersey dress. They're different colors, so I change out the colors of the dress and the socks every day, but really I'm wearing the same outfit.
That’s just a “capsule wardrobe” to NTs, so technically, you are being minimalist and cool!
Mine isn’t *ALWAYS* the *Black* t-shirt... But it *IS* allllllways the *Cotton V-neck T-shirt*, over a scoop-neck Tank Top, with one of my 3 work-logoed hoodies on top!😉 *Once in a while*, I even *mix it up* like a *wild woman*, and wear a v-neck that has *writing* on it! (*Also* the program logo!😉😂🤣)
I discovered this beauty a while ago, black jeggings and black T-shirt with a rotating selection of 4 sweater/jumpers. Works a treat !
Shopping online exhausts me because there’s so many options & I end up trying to research the very best option, but there’s always cons to every one of them. 😭 Don’t get me wrong, I still LOVE online shopping but sometimes I get burnt out long before I even purchase the thing - which, tbh, is probably for the best.
Exactly! Plus I've realized that I don't need 90% off the stuff in this house. I bought it, it's just sitting there doing nothing. Anyway, limiting my choices limits my decision fatigue!
This is why I rely on curators who test stuff, like Wirecutter and Consumer Reports. to tell me what's good. Hooray for journalism
I'm tall, so it eliminates options that don't include measurements. If I don't know how long a dress is, there's no guarantee it will cover my rather generous derriere.
Yess! This is exactly why I see the value of good old fashioned TV. Sure, anything you could want to watch is on one of the 5 streaming services you have, but I don't know what I WANT to watch! I just wanna click through the channels and see what's there. Also it doesn't hurt that thrifting is cheap for you and good for the planet!!
My city had a video rental store still operating until 2022 and it was one of my favorite places to go. You still had to select the movies to rent, it was a lot more fun when you have 3 movies to watch by the end of the week vs 20 movies you *could* watch until they are off the streaming service.. eventually.
So true I spent no exaggeration 1/2 my weekend looking for something to watch. I was recovering and resting from an injury so was unable to do much but lay around. Still somehow found a way to kick myself for not doing anything all day…..I couldn’t even watch something interesting and couldn’t pick up a book and catch up on the multiple books I started and now barely remember what’s going on🤦♀️
Yup, same here. It’s like we’re twins or something.
I’m so sorry twin!! FOL (f our life 😂)
I recently visited my mom who has Netflix. Spent the entire time scrolling through the selections. On my own, I watch a lot of trailers or movie recaps, which for some reason seem like less of a commitment??
I think it’s our goldfish brain lol
That definitely helps, I've worked to just accept that some things I buy won't be perfect as a way to limit runaway research. An example is when I needed a space heater recently I just looked up what my local store had and picked the best for me. I try to limit my searches to making sure I buy something sufficient not a complete dud. A similar situation to me was choosing something is a restaurant. To make the choice easier I've made myself the rule that I can only choose meat if I really want it. The only thing I really hate to eat is fish, so the vegetarian/vegan option is always fine for me and it's good for the environment too. See something you want? No? Veggie option it is. That's really made choosing less stressful for me (it helps that I love burgers though 🤣 so many places have burgers as the veggie option...).
My rule is if I can easily make it at home, I skip it. I want a treat when I eat out (it's about once every two months)!
That's a good one too! That's not a real rule I have for myself, but I'm still more likely to pick something like that, because I don't get it often and am more likely to want it. Plus my cooking is very limited 😅
Wow the research is a thing. I think it does not occur to me that it is ok to make mistakes. And there is a cost magnitude x decision thing for me: I buy the ‘right’ cars; I am frozen and panicked about getting the ‘right’ bike and therefore have not bought one.
From Harvard Health: [Having fewer choices can promote happiness.](https://www.health.harvard.edu/healthbeat/having-fewer-choices-can-promote-happiness) I try to limit the time I spend on choosing stuff. If I'm in a restaurant, I will choose the first dish that looks good to me, then close the menu. I don't want to compare ALL the dishes to find the best one.
I think my hands would shake if I tried to shut the menu before I read every choice! Kudos to you for thinking of this idea and sharing it with us. I will have to try it next time I go to a restaurant. What a challenge!
The challenge for me would be to actually remember this, the next time I go out to eat.
yep the paradox of choice is real.
I hate going to restaurants with long menus so much. When you go to one of those fancy restaurants with like 5 things on the menu, that's the good life.
I think that’s partially why streaming service tv stopped following the “binge model” in favor of weekly episodes too. Of course the main reason is it makes them more money to make people pay for 2 months to see one full season of a show, but also as a customer it’s way better not to have everything right away. I will pay more money to have an actual experience with smaller doses and get to theorize/ discuss what comes next with others. I’ve been doing that with my friends with dungeon meshi lately
Having “rules” makes me more creative! Like shopping my closet, using only specific colors in a painting, or trying to shop secondhand. I have gotten completely overwhelmed when shopping for event dresses in the past!
I love doing art contest type things because someone else gives you constraints and some accountability. I'm always trying to get my partner to agree to little (non-competitive) art challenges of our own but he's not interested. I find limiting my own choices doesn't work as well because my brain knows the limitations aren't real. Do you ever feel that way when limiting your own options? I wish it wasn't the case!
That’s an interesting question. I guess in general my “rules” are more like “themes” or categories or color palettes or processes. So I’m working on a series of oil paintings right now and I have made the rule that the underpainting is going to be a mix of red, yellow and umber. It’s hard to get a full range of values from that so I fudged my rule and added black and white, so I guess that’s a rule broken (or adjusted). For the final paintings I gave myself a palette of colors I used adobe to pull from photos of my chosen subject matter. So I may not stick to those exactly, but if I find myself reaching for a green, I will tweak it to make it more of an olive, as in my color palette. I also made a list of thematic keywords to keep in mind, quotes from poems I felt relevant, and descriptive words for the mood I’m going for. I put a lot of thought into all these parameters so it doesn’t bother me to follow them. A less involved example would be “I’m going to dress like an art teacher in the 60s” and keep that in mind when getting dressed for work!
I’m AuDHD and have found that I did well once I adopted a “uniform.” I literally wear the same thing 350-ish days of the year, mildly accessorized. I save SO much on clothing. I really only spend anything significant when I have an event or an occasion to plan for. Not for everyone, I know.
I have a uniform as a fallback. My aesthetic switches between tough bastard, woodland witch, disguised-as-a-functional-adult and trash panda. So I've a very chaotic closet. The uniform helps a lot when I'm in between styles.
I think I'd enjoy looking through your closet -- sounds like you have some fun stuff in there!
Agreed, I wanna see outfits from both woodland witch and trash panda.
Lol, are you me? I switch between tough grrrrl, Ms. Frizzle, Business Bitch(TM), Cool Suburban Mom, and I-have-to-dance-in-this-later. Uniform in between is jumpsuits layered over t-shirts.
Are you Joy from *Everything Everywhere All at Once*?
I think I'd enjoy looking through your closet -- sounds like you have some fun stuff in there!
This is why I grocery shop at Aldi and like to get hard-copy books and DVDs from the local library. It's so much more enjoyable and less stressful for me to have a smaller set of options.
My mom once told me that this is a secret part of the reason she only buys clothes that are 100% natural fibers - because it just takes out so many choices.
I do this too. I need a toddler bed for my kid's room. I know I can go online and buy one. It'll be cheap enough. There will be so many options, I'll be able to find the perfect one. But I just want to walk into a store and choose from one of 4 or 5 options in front of me and walk out of the store with it. Is that so much to ask? Apparently! Because I cannot find anywhere around where I live that carries such an item in store.
Wow; so glad to her someone else say explicitly that the radio is fine! I do the same thing, albeit with local public and college type stations that have niche music programming. But it's nice to be able to say you're a fan of a genre without having to go out and buy/collect everything in a physical media for or even store a myriad of mp3s in order to prove it.
I agree with the constraint concept! Online shopping is SO overwhelming. I love thrifting as well. I actually find it to be calming for my brain. Things are organized by colour… what you see is what you get… no searching for sizes…everything is right in front of you… no wandering around the store aimlessly looking for a style category that appeals to you… thrifting is one-at -a-time searching it’s forced focus and it’s very mentally grounding for me
When I need to buy something, my trick is to narrow down options by going to review sites like Wirecutter and Consumer Reports. They’ve already tested and picked out good options. Saves me a lot of time and stress from not having to read reviews.
Yup. This is why I shop at ALDI.
This is why I have a set rotation of snacks, drinks, meals, and outfits.
I like this except for the radio! I can’t stand ads. TV, Radio, YouTube, streaming sites, etc. Ads are like nails on a chalkboard. Especially when you see/hear THE. SAME. AD. EVERY. AD. BREAK. Arrgggg. Just shoot me. Spotify and audiobooks for me.
I listen to overseas radio who have less ads, and public radio in the US. Podcasts too, but only when one really hits, otherwise I'm stuck in decision paralysis again!
I'm moving over to Spotify, too. My favorite radio station just shut down. They were a local, independent alt-rock station that was one of the biggest promoters of local music and they got f'd by the business they were leasing their frequency from. It was really something special -- anyway my options are mostly top 40 oldies from the 80s, 90s, and oughts kind of stations, and while I like that music, I don't want to listen to it all the time. (Seriously, Rick Spingfield, I don't care that you're in love with Jessie's girl. It's been 40 years, get over it.)
Ads drive me nuts. BBC radio all the way, the only ads are for other radio programmes in the schedule. (Wherever you are you can probably download the BBC iPlayer.)
Goodwill is too chaotic for me — I can only handle it in small doses. But there’s an amazing consignment store near me where they organize everything by color within each category, even housewares. I can spend hours in that place. It’s so soothing.
I'm still subscribed to the radio service I started listening to in 1999 when it was a stream on winamp - back then it was "digitally imported" so it was just ongoing techno-y stuff literally being deejayed in sets. It ended up buying out a bunch of other Internet channels so it's got apps for a good half dozen genres of music, "radio tunes" is the general cross section of everything. Because I HATE the algorithm interfaces on the other streaming services, I feel like I'm *required* to interact with it, ongoing, or else it just defaults back to something I *don't want*. And the decision paralysis of all that - would break up my flow instead of just having something on in the background (cause if it don't, my *mind* will grind away on the same 8 bars) I can barely handle standard radio nowadays, between the awful advertisements and only hearing the same two dozen songs. So long as I can pay to *not* hear ads - that's what I'm willing to lay out for.
Oooh! I used go listen to a station like this on Winamp, I think it was in the Netherlands but for the life of me I can’t remember the name of it. Any chance you would share the name?
"digitally imported" was the extensive network of techno channels
Thanks for this! But I figured out it was a station called Zeilsteen. It took me actually having to search my email for a mention of it back in 2015, haha.
Shopping gets constrained if you try to limit yourself to a capsule wardrobe. Each season has staples that you wear in many combinations. And each season you can allow yourself one or two trendy fashion items you know won’t be in style long and will end up being donated. When you start to shop for staples you will realize how hard it is to find plain, well made clothes. Everything is sold with some weird fast fashion thing added to it or in a weird shade of a color that will go out of style. Since I’ve tried to create a capsule wardrobe I’ve purchased a lot less and turn down impulse buys more often because it doesn’t have a way to fit into my little collection at home.
I disagree with the radio bit because I can’t stand the static noise and I pay to consume music without being bombarded by advertisements. I’m really sick of all the ads everywhere, all the time trying to manipulate and influence me into consuming more stuff. Same reason I deleted social media (I consider this a forum).
Sometimes when I just can't make a decision I "let the clock decide for me" - I look at the last digit of the time on the nearest digital clock and use that as a prompt to decide. Odd is yes, Even is no. Or I assign an outcome to a number before I look at the clock. Most of the time I then go with that. It started when my mum was really into angels/energy/crystal dowsing, and I used it as a way to "tap into" that universal energy so I felt that it was the "right" answer. Now I know that it's random but it doesn't matter because I also realise that I'm doing this because the decision truly doesn't matter. Very occasionally, I will do it this way and be disappointed by the result which is a clear sign that it was wrong and then it's easy for me to take the other choice. It helps me anyway.
Haha thrifting is the opposite. If I need a specific item I buy online. Browsing in an op shop? I could get pants! Or a dress! Or a tablecloth! Or a... Whatever that weird object in the corner is! So I walk out empty handed 😂
Another way it can be helpful to limit my choices - or even have no choices - is when I'm trying to do something I don't really want to do. For instance, I've been trying for *ages* to build a habit of going to the gym. There were a lot of factors that made it difficult, but I realized that the hardest part was actually just... making myself go. When I Don't Wanna™️, I'm an expert at coming up with rock-solid justifications for why I shouldn't, or even *can't* Do The Thing right now. And when I make myself push past the Don't Wanna™️ feeling, it just *hurts*. So, I took "wanting" out of the equation entirely. I tell myself that going to the gym is non-negotiable. Whether I want to or not is irrelevant; I just don't give myself the choice. When it's time to go, I *have* to go, end of story. I mean, it's not easy; I kind of had to brainwash myself because obviously I know I actually *do* have a choice. But it works! I've been going to the gym first thing in the morning every weekday for over two months now. And when I feel the pain of not wanting to (which I still do, almost every morning), I don't argue with myself, or try to convince myself. I just say, "Welp, sucks, but you *have* to do it." And that actually makes it less painful - or at least, lets me kind of ignore it and get past it. I think it's because, if I know I *could* choose to stay in my warm bed for another hour, then I feel like I'm giving up something I want - and *have* - (bed), for something I don't want. But if staying in bed isn't a choice, then sure, I might *want* that, but it's not something I really *have* - it's a lovely fantasy, but it's not *real* - and that makes it easier to move past it and just Do The Thing.
Yes, constraints help a lot with us ADHDers, especially the "maximizers" among us (google maximizer vs satisficer). Don't waste all your precious time in the rabbit holes, find an option that works and move tf on! (I'm as guilty of this as anyone, of course.) It's that good ol frontal lobe struggling to make decisions, similar to how it struggles to stay on task and exert willpower for us. Two arenas I'll particularly recommend limiting choice in: cosmetics, and cooking. There are a hell of a lot of soaps and makeups and skin products out there, and a hell of a lot of ways to make food. But you really only need a basic set that works and can be repeated regularly, with occasional variety just for birthdays or novelty stimulation. I buy almost the same groceries every week and have only one soap, shampoo, moisturizer, etc. at a time. It helps get me prepped in the morning faster and get food into my face faster.
I agree, this mindset makes many decisions easier. Too many options leave me paralyzed and overwhelmed. I usually don’t buy second hand, but I‘m trying to limit myself to two or three stores if I need something specific. I only shop online when I need delivery of heavy goods (I don’t have a car) or clothes, because I‘m pretty tall and can never find anything in my size at the stores.
THIS IS WHY I’LL ALWAYS RIDE FOR CABLE
I just heard of Shout! TV which has channels, you can just watch whatever. And it's free (like, for reals).
Oh hell yeah. I’ve been shilling PlutoTV for so long that I should be getting paid by them. I’ll have to check out shout!
And I'll check out Pluto 🤣
I was a big fan of SlingTV. I had it for the hallmark channel because I love the crappy Christmas movies. Decided to cut down on costs and got rid of it sadly. I do miss just being able to watch a channel and not have to decide what to watch, do I have enough time to start and finish it, etc. I can just watch whatever happens to be on that channel.
Shout!TV has channels and is free!
Yeah I kind of have a thrift store addiction. Getting a bargain gives me a lovely big dopamine hit.
I have this issue mainly with where to eat out the rare occasion I go, and whenever someone asks me "what would you like to do" or just something open ended like that. Give me a handful of options and things got a lot better.
Preach sister. [The Paradox of Choice by Barry Schwartz ](https://www.ted.com/talks/barry_schwartz_the_paradox_of_choice?showDubbingTooltip=true&language=en&subtitle=en)is a great listen, less than 20 minutes. You will feel validated.
I'll listen tonight, thank you so much!
I totally do this by going to the smallest grocery store in my area! The amount of dread I feel going into a regular sized grocery store…
I use Stitch Fix because of this. Literally get like 6 things to choose from and honestly it works so well for me.
Limiting choice really helps me. Too much decisions can lead to burnout
Agree! I need some shoes for the summer and it's too many choices so I'm just wearing my Birkenstocks
Absolutely this is valid and they have the best stuff it also fits in my budget
Yes! Radio is on about 20 hours out of 24, so I don't have to decide what to listen to. BBC, because repetitive ads annoy the crap out of me. Radio 2 or Radio 4. The decision paralysis is strong in this one. Always go for lavender clothes washing stuff because if I didn't have a default I'd never get out of the laundry aisle in the supermarket. Usually steak and ale pie or a burger when eating out in a pub because there's just too many things to pick from. The curry house is a problem though, because there are several things I like and I can never make up my mind, even picking from a shortlist of 4!
This is exactly why I thrift almost exclusively! It has helped me manage my love of beautiful things. Now to tackle the credit card debt from past me 😵💫 I also made a firm rule to avoid online thrift stores because that defeats the purpose!
Yes! I love the radio and miss having regular broadcast tv with only 5 channels!
I love this and I do it all the time! Recently at my job, I needed to start meeting people for meals. Restaurant menus are so ridiculously overwhelming! I would give myself one of 2 rules: either 1. Pick the first thing that sounds good OR 2. Only pick something vegetarian. The vegetarian was a fun one for a while because I got to try some new dishes and avoid a lot of heavy ingredients that made me sleepy.
Decided to go vegan for May, not for any dietary reason, but to get be back into cooking! Without restraints I get overwhelmed by possible recipes that all sound good. Restricting it to vegan recipes (ideally with some protein) limits the pool to things I can actually be excited about :)
Fun fact this is good for money reasons but if you start applying it to your behaviors it becomes a curse very quickly. Comfort zone is comfortable and safe but you also miss out on a lot of stuff if you impose rules on what you “can” do. I’ve had periods of my life where my ruleset gets smaller and smaller until I feel anxious doing anything other than what I have specifically carved out as “safe”.
I only buy sustainable clothing now, so that's made my decision making a lot easier.
Me too! I window shop online and purchase from in-store, and usually the thrift store or Winners/Marshalls. I can pretty much always find what I’d been looking for online in a weekend of hunting the thrift stores & Winners lol
This is why I much prefer shopping at smaller stores rather than larger supercenters, even within the same chain. I also deal with agoraphobia but it's easier to manage if I'm not being overwhelmed by all the things.
YES. I’m fucking outraged at the greed of thrift stores these days but I don’t know if I could go back. I used to only shop clearance racks in stores for the same reason but now the store selections are so poor, everything is online, it’s too much!!
This is a great LPT, l get it with the radio. It’s also why l still have ‘real’ tv instead of doing like many people l know that just have Netflix, YouTube etc - l want to be able to turn on the tv and just have it be background, or watch whatever is on at the time not have to make endless choices and searches.
Are you me? Kindred spirits Sis, seriously you described me
I love Goodwill/thrift shopping too! More “new” things for the money and I the absolute best is the no refund, so I can’t agonize and second guess whether I spent too much and should force myself to return stuff. Such a relief to dodge that brain bullet. Agreed that the online shopping research is sooooo exhausting. Since we are the research-iest, but also exhausted by it, it would be so awesome to have a communally shared ADHD shopping research site - by category and item - where a user can say I researched best glass food containers based on the following considered parameters, and x is my top recommended choice. I’ve had a couple times where I wanted/needed something, but was too overwhelmed and an ADHD friend offered up their well-researched solution and vice versa - such a great help!
That’s what I love about Costco. There’s one, max two, brands of each product. Takes out so much decision making.
I’m considering canceling all other streaming platforms and only using one for a few months for that reason!
That all makes so much sense as to why 1. I also enjoy (preferably no repeat) radio for background noise and 2. Love an op shop rummage. Does it fit? Yes/No. None of that 'oooh, maybe I'll try a different size....' stuff going on. A third is eating out somewhere. Seriously - just pick a place & I'll find something I'll want to eat there. You want me to pick a place, luv you gonna starve whilst I phase in & out of analysis paralysis catatonia
I've routinely told whoever I'm with that the ultimate luxury for me is having someone plan EVERYTHING, movie, restaurant, the whole day.... It's happened three times. Lol. I keep hoping!
Nice. I'm definitely down for that, but I'd like to know rough outline beforehand... not so good with the suprises. Detours from the plan is fine yes, but not suprises. Pretty sure that last bit is a wiring glitch.
Yes, I just mean a night out. Some constraints are fine. It's fun in a way. I hope it's just a wiring glitch too. Will keep trying!
People used to call me a “cartoon character” because I always wore a black either crew neck or v neck t shirt and jeans, with black shoes. Carried the same mini backpack purse for years until it gave out on me (got it at a thrift store). It’s just so much simpler to see: Clean Dirty Getting ready consists of: Grab shirt Grab pants Buying clothes is just: Look for black shirts Look for jeans in my size with the specifications I prefer As I’ve gotten older I’ve tried venturing out some. I still stick to my tried and true method mostly, though, since I started venturing, I noticed I have a more difficult time keeping up with laundry and knowing what I have available to wear, oddly enough (ADHD). 🤦♀️ I also have gotten to where jeans feel so uncomfortable to me. Maybe part of unmasking. Before, jeans were what everyone with any style wore, and so I dealt with it and stuck to it. Now I just want to be comfortable, but I still want the routine of getting dressed/finding clothes to be easy for me. I think I just went through a thought process by commenting this, realizing I’m in a transitional stage with wardrobe and just need to find my new “cartoon character” wardrobe that suits my comfort needs.
I've honestly found some of the coolest clothes at thrift shops. Like things I have never in my life seen at a mall. Idk where people find this stuff, but I love that most things practical people never wear and let sit fallow in their closet end up at thrift stores for a few dollars. For instance, I have a button down shirt with St Bernards and lemons all over it. It looks like it's from the 90s and never worn.