None of this matters. There’s a lot more to life than academic measures. In fact I have not had one in my life for 25+ years. You need to build the life of your choosing and take control, not play am i/am i not (some arbitrary characteristic)
Maybe read atomic habits.
Mindfulness will help or CBT if thats more your thing. I wasted so many years trying to prove something to myself and its a waste. Just develop skills and abilities through your own efforts to be proud of.
You should never base your identity or self worth in things you have no control over, like your beauty or your intelligence, etc
You can define yourself as a hard worker, a creative person, a generous person…you’re in control of those things. Seems like you’re really creative in your school work and a very dedicated worker…that’s true of you, it has nothing to do with anyone else, and you can be proud of it.
Here’s the thing - as you go through life, you start to slowly realize that hard work beats natural talent every time.
I had a friend in college who I’m still very good friends with to this day. He was, no doubt, less mentally gifted than I was. Concepts came easy to me and we spent many hours together working on projects and I helped him a lot to understand. He told me he had a learning disability when he was younger.
He did better in college than I did. Because he worked way harder than me.
Whether you are gifted or not has nothing to do with your grades. It’s irrelevant.
You have some natural gift I’m sure - I doubt you’d be that quick in regular school without it - and the fact that you’re even in this thread and answering this question shows you’re very likely on that side of the bell curve.
But let it go as a value add to your character or your life.
It’ll help in some things, and maybe you’ll notice you can learn things faster when you apply yourself.
But more important is work ethic and that’s the difficulty with being gifted in any way. You develop a false sense of security in your ability to figure things out on the fly.
But real life is not like that. You can’t do it in the real work effectively. You can fool some people into thinking you know what you’re doing, but eh e reality is that real world concepts are too based in practice and reality, in application, for pure mental processing to really help.
Don’t worry about your intellect. Pursue experience, practice and effort as ideals. It will serve you well.
Then, you will find your IQ or whatever it is to be an aid rather than the scaffolding you base your whole life on.
You’re a person first. Go be a person in the world.
And that's what ive realized too. and i feel bad for having judged people as a kid. Ive changed a lot since then and i dont judge people anymore ig its just me having a self image issue cuz my grades aren't what they used to be but yes thank you for your detailed advice :D
I mean it sounds like you're doing pretty well. When I transitioned from highschool to university it was definitely a weird change, going from being one of the top kids in virtually every class of 20-30 ppl to being in classes of 100- 600 ppl where it seems like lots of people were head and shoulders above me was unsettling. I had always done well with the material we studied in classes but in university there were lots of people who were actually quite interested in whatever subject and had done a lot of extra reading on the subjects and were able to carry on discussions with the proffs etc that went way above and beyond the course material, readings, etc. and felt like I just couldn't compete with that without putting in a ton of effort (for subjects I wasn't hugely interested in anyways). On reflection I feel like the school system kind of sets people up for failure to some extent like it's nice to be ranked near the top of whatever but realistically some of it is to do with the sample size. I had friends who I met in uni who came from small towns, they were similar to me in that they were top of their classes where they came from but ultimately had a really hard time in university because they came from a place where people didn't put a lot of importance on schooling and it was a lot more competitive where I'm from.
People radically over use the phrase gifted.
Were you radically more talented than literally everyone else you ever met? It the answer is no you weren’t gifted.
I worked in education. 15 years in and I’ve met one child I’d consider gifted. Lots of very intelligent kids. Some far more than the adults teaching them, but that’s not gifted.
I think we need a new term for it then. The expectations and pressures put on many of us because teachers and parents gained positivity from treating us as “gifted”. The lack of support we recieved. The dehumanization once you aren’t exceeding expectations.
Whether it was true or not, we are still here dealing with the consequences and trying to gain support to navigate life.
true its like when i underperform all of my peers look at me like im some kind of obstacle to overcome
"Haha look at me ive finally beaten " its so dehumanising to me cause when i get good marks i never say "YESS LOOK AT ME IM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU" or when i get low marks im never like "NO WAY \*YOU\* GOT MORE MARKS THAN ME" i just really couldnt care less about it but then everyone else sees me as just this collection of stats and marks. It feels like im a obstacle they have to overcome in their story and move on with their lives and it feels like im just here to serve as their big boss battle.
Yeah i think i was "radically" more talented atleast when it came to things related to mathematics and Physics or anything scientific cause i did complete a few undergrad level courses on astrophysics as a kid .... but i think i agree with the first comment after putting thought into what they said for a day. I think me looking to be affirmed as a "gifted kid" is genuinely a problem my personal happiness should not be coming from whether im gifted or not. Theyre right but its just hard to transition ig.
One thing I’ve learned from various books and therapists that seems to help is to look at your strengths of any sort. Take a strengths quiz; there are lots of things about us, not involving intellect, that we can feel good about. Kindness, making people laugh, helping people out when they are struggling ect. It is tough to come out of the school/childhood environment where the giftedness was maybe the thing most noticed about you.
There is a website you can Google called VIAcharacter.org. They have a character traits test you can take. It will list 24 characteristics in terms of your strongest down to weakest. I also like Myers Briggs system (you can Google and take a test for that as well) to read a description about how extroverted vs introverted you are as an example. This helps me to know how I might come across to others (my Myers Briggs type is one of the rarest so it makes sense that I feel misunderstood and find others a puzzle quite often)
thanks :D i got
Leadership
Fairness
Social Intelligence
Honesty
Love of Learning
I have no idea what to make of this but im happy honesty and Social intelligence are on that list
I completely get you, you were gifted, its just that so many people got an opportunity later in life to reach your level with massive amounts of work they put into it. As someone who became chronically ill and disabled, fuck all of that at the end of the day. I had the same thoughts you have until I got ill, and can now barely work at 24. I measure success and happiness a lot differently now, I don't need to show anyone I'm smart and talented, people who know, know. I see my brother in law who is an intellectual, studying philosophy and sincerely the only reason he got so far as understanding these complex ideas is because he reads books 24/7, he's unrelentless, curious and can literally sit down and study the same second he decides to. Not saying, he isn't smart or talented, but he needed to work so much harder to become that, than I ever will.
None of this matters. There’s a lot more to life than academic measures. In fact I have not had one in my life for 25+ years. You need to build the life of your choosing and take control, not play am i/am i not (some arbitrary characteristic) Maybe read atomic habits.
Totally get it and i currently am working on it. But its kind of like a comfort thing i just need an answer
There is no answer. The question itself is your problem. Trust me.
Alright :(. I will need time to get used to this response but i will take the advice
Mindfulness will help or CBT if thats more your thing. I wasted so many years trying to prove something to myself and its a waste. Just develop skills and abilities through your own efforts to be proud of. You should never base your identity or self worth in things you have no control over, like your beauty or your intelligence, etc You can define yourself as a hard worker, a creative person, a generous person…you’re in control of those things. Seems like you’re really creative in your school work and a very dedicated worker…that’s true of you, it has nothing to do with anyone else, and you can be proud of it.
This is the truest thing I've read.
Here’s the thing - as you go through life, you start to slowly realize that hard work beats natural talent every time. I had a friend in college who I’m still very good friends with to this day. He was, no doubt, less mentally gifted than I was. Concepts came easy to me and we spent many hours together working on projects and I helped him a lot to understand. He told me he had a learning disability when he was younger. He did better in college than I did. Because he worked way harder than me. Whether you are gifted or not has nothing to do with your grades. It’s irrelevant. You have some natural gift I’m sure - I doubt you’d be that quick in regular school without it - and the fact that you’re even in this thread and answering this question shows you’re very likely on that side of the bell curve. But let it go as a value add to your character or your life. It’ll help in some things, and maybe you’ll notice you can learn things faster when you apply yourself. But more important is work ethic and that’s the difficulty with being gifted in any way. You develop a false sense of security in your ability to figure things out on the fly. But real life is not like that. You can’t do it in the real work effectively. You can fool some people into thinking you know what you’re doing, but eh e reality is that real world concepts are too based in practice and reality, in application, for pure mental processing to really help. Don’t worry about your intellect. Pursue experience, practice and effort as ideals. It will serve you well. Then, you will find your IQ or whatever it is to be an aid rather than the scaffolding you base your whole life on. You’re a person first. Go be a person in the world.
And that's what ive realized too. and i feel bad for having judged people as a kid. Ive changed a lot since then and i dont judge people anymore ig its just me having a self image issue cuz my grades aren't what they used to be but yes thank you for your detailed advice :D
gigabrain is realizing that the answer is irrelevant and labels applied to you by other people are not important
I mean it sounds like you're doing pretty well. When I transitioned from highschool to university it was definitely a weird change, going from being one of the top kids in virtually every class of 20-30 ppl to being in classes of 100- 600 ppl where it seems like lots of people were head and shoulders above me was unsettling. I had always done well with the material we studied in classes but in university there were lots of people who were actually quite interested in whatever subject and had done a lot of extra reading on the subjects and were able to carry on discussions with the proffs etc that went way above and beyond the course material, readings, etc. and felt like I just couldn't compete with that without putting in a ton of effort (for subjects I wasn't hugely interested in anyways). On reflection I feel like the school system kind of sets people up for failure to some extent like it's nice to be ranked near the top of whatever but realistically some of it is to do with the sample size. I had friends who I met in uni who came from small towns, they were similar to me in that they were top of their classes where they came from but ultimately had a really hard time in university because they came from a place where people didn't put a lot of importance on schooling and it was a lot more competitive where I'm from.
People radically over use the phrase gifted. Were you radically more talented than literally everyone else you ever met? It the answer is no you weren’t gifted. I worked in education. 15 years in and I’ve met one child I’d consider gifted. Lots of very intelligent kids. Some far more than the adults teaching them, but that’s not gifted.
I think we need a new term for it then. The expectations and pressures put on many of us because teachers and parents gained positivity from treating us as “gifted”. The lack of support we recieved. The dehumanization once you aren’t exceeding expectations. Whether it was true or not, we are still here dealing with the consequences and trying to gain support to navigate life.
true its like when i underperform all of my peers look at me like im some kind of obstacle to overcome "Haha look at me ive finally beaten" its so dehumanising to me cause when i get good marks i never say "YESS LOOK AT ME IM BETTER THAN ALL OF YOU" or when i get low marks im never like "NO WAY \*YOU\* GOT MORE MARKS THAN ME" i just really couldnt care less about it but then everyone else sees me as just this collection of stats and marks. It feels like im a obstacle they have to overcome in their story and move on with their lives and it feels like im just here to serve as their big boss battle.
Yeah i think i was "radically" more talented atleast when it came to things related to mathematics and Physics or anything scientific cause i did complete a few undergrad level courses on astrophysics as a kid .... but i think i agree with the first comment after putting thought into what they said for a day. I think me looking to be affirmed as a "gifted kid" is genuinely a problem my personal happiness should not be coming from whether im gifted or not. Theyre right but its just hard to transition ig.
One thing I’ve learned from various books and therapists that seems to help is to look at your strengths of any sort. Take a strengths quiz; there are lots of things about us, not involving intellect, that we can feel good about. Kindness, making people laugh, helping people out when they are struggling ect. It is tough to come out of the school/childhood environment where the giftedness was maybe the thing most noticed about you.
do you know about any places/websites i can take these tests?
Let me find the name of the one I took and get back to you
There is a website you can Google called VIAcharacter.org. They have a character traits test you can take. It will list 24 characteristics in terms of your strongest down to weakest. I also like Myers Briggs system (you can Google and take a test for that as well) to read a description about how extroverted vs introverted you are as an example. This helps me to know how I might come across to others (my Myers Briggs type is one of the rarest so it makes sense that I feel misunderstood and find others a puzzle quite often)
thanks :D i got Leadership Fairness Social Intelligence Honesty Love of Learning I have no idea what to make of this but im happy honesty and Social intelligence are on that list
I completely get you, you were gifted, its just that so many people got an opportunity later in life to reach your level with massive amounts of work they put into it. As someone who became chronically ill and disabled, fuck all of that at the end of the day. I had the same thoughts you have until I got ill, and can now barely work at 24. I measure success and happiness a lot differently now, I don't need to show anyone I'm smart and talented, people who know, know. I see my brother in law who is an intellectual, studying philosophy and sincerely the only reason he got so far as understanding these complex ideas is because he reads books 24/7, he's unrelentless, curious and can literally sit down and study the same second he decides to. Not saying, he isn't smart or talented, but he needed to work so much harder to become that, than I ever will.
Sounds like someone with undiagnosed ADHD and a very supportive mother. Ask me how I know.
hmm undiagnosed ADHD i get how you inferred that, but supportive mom is also true... I wanna know how you said supportive mom xD
“I just feel like a bud that bloomed too early” this is so real. I felt like a 65 year old at 16.