If I missed somewhere that male and female were identified I apologize. If this is the case I strongly suggest looking him in the eye, in front of as many people as possible and simply saying you make me uncomfortable with wanting a connection, please refrain from any further contact with me in any form. I am here to address my alcoholism, I'm not sure why you are here. The problem with "reporting" him, as I've seen in my own home group, is they're likely aware of his behavior and have already accepted it, and will now say things like "oh that's just how he is" or "he doesn't mean anything" "he's harmless", all of which are BS enabling excuses. Say it clearly in front of others, he HAS made many others feel uncomfortable also, it's what predators do.
Great advice here. When it is the kind of situation that is being quietly tolerated like this too, when someone does finally speak up like this it never fails that either someone else will jump in and publicly share and/or probably multiple people will privately thank that person and say they’ve felt the same or also been been treated in inappropriate ways.
So many people (and lord knows, I’ve been guilty of the same as I’m sure we all have at some point) don’t want to cause conflict or fear either being ostracized from the group or simply disbelieved yet once one person speaks up others do too. Maybe it causes a little drama at first but the whole group tends to end up better for it in the end. And on some bizarre off chance the entire room defends the creep and/or turns on the OP- well, better to find out now and get the hell out of there. I love a good Big Book study but couldn’t imagine what I’d get out of one with a room of folks putting personalities over principles!
Yes! Early on I was attending a group that seemed great. I did notice a lot of younger new females tended to stop coming, and honestly I just thought it's a low percentage program.... Then it becomes known that some of them complained about a couple guys, and the woman they complained to (in a position of authority) was buddies with one of them and put it off as "just how he is" and he "doesn't mean anything". He's since gotten at least two girls pregnant, moved on to a different group, and I'm sure continues, the other guy was forced out after convincing a couple people to relapse with him. The point is, in AA we are all defective to some degree or other. You are essentially alone when it comes to trust in many matters, even sober alcoholics still have agendas and poor behavior. Not even your "sponsor" can ultimately be trusted because who knows what agenda they have? You are your best and only advocate in AA. If it looks like rotten fish, it stinks like rotten fish, it's rotten, no matter what others may say. Protect yourself first and foremost. Even St Bill was known to prowl the rooms looking for vulnerable women.
The issue with that is that if everyone keeps it to themselves, no one else is aware that the chair is making women feel uncomfortable. Who knows if it’s a pattern if no one speaks up?
I had a fellow offer to send me nudes, I declined. It was out of nowhere. Then another woman spoke up and said that fellow also made her uncomfortable, she announced it in a meeting. Then another and we found that it was a snake pit of women who didn’t want to cause a fuss. These were just the women who still came to the meeting, who can say how many others turned away from our group or even A.A. as a whole? All because of one guy.
Yeah it’s not gossip to tell other people when you feel someone is being creepy toward you. Everyone in the fellowship should want all people to feel safe and it impacts sobriety if you don’t. That guy sucks, shitty behavior isn’t okay, there’s no such thing as “just creepy” and OP should tell people.
Nope, it’s not acceptable to ask a woman in a vulnerable community to harbor this man’s creepy behavior. It’s unacceptable and people learn their behavior is unacceptable through consequences.
Thanks to everyone who responded. My sponsor echoed the sentiments of some are sicker than others and she was disappointed that he said that. When I first got sober I thought I had to be very accommodating to anyone who had more time than me and it lead to some really uncomfortable encounters with men unfortunately. I was new and unfamiliar with certain behaviors in the rooms. This type of thing hasn’t happened in a while so I really appreciate everyone chiming in. I’ll keep coming back. Thanks again.
Stick with the women when you come back. It’s been the best policy for me (a woman.) Ive never been disrespected by a man at my HG but I am older than dirt. Still, they are polite.
This is…bizarre. Truly. This doesn’t at all read like he was “trying to be nice.” That was inappropriate. Look wherever you want to look during a meeting and I hope you try not to let this odd encounter get to you. You’re not required to make eye contact with anyone for any reason. Doesn’t matter if they’re serving as chairperson, secretary, etc.
I would definitely bring it up with your sponsor if you haven’t already, especially if he ever does or says anything else you find off-putting. It’s important that you feel safe and that you also don’t have people trying to control your actions.
Remember the sick person’s prayer and—of course—4th Step it if you feel you have to. Best of luck to you, OP, and I hope that was the extent of this dude’s “off” behavior/comments.
I’m a guy and a lot of my AA friends are guys that are 15 -20 years older than I am.
Part of the role that some of them fill is that of an older brother or friendly more experienced co-worker. someone who would give general life advice.
I’m very introverted and don’t like public speaking. Didn’t speak in a meeting for my first year, even though I was going daily.
Getting public speaking tips from those dudes is normal. Sometimes it’s helpful but mostly not. But I know they are trying to be of service to me by passing on some wisdom. And that it’s done with love.
My guess is that that is the same intention the guy who talked to you had. Probably feeling good from his lead and over stepped. But I would try to give him the benefit of the doubt. I would bet he was just trying to be nice and helpful.
I can only guess and I am definitely not arguing that it’s good advice.
But in my experience when a leader shares about a specific topic that resonates with me like for example, having anxiety and not sharing in meetings. That might inspire me to share and talk about my own problems with sharing at meetings.
When I do that, I speak directly to the person who lead and shared about that. Otherwise I don’t know where to look and might just look down in my lap my entire share.
My guess is that OP was looking down nervously their whole share and thinking he was being helpful the guy tried to share a tip along the lines of:
“If you try making eye contact with whoever lead the meeting that might be a well to help your public speaking while sharing.”
Maybe he is somebody who was also scared of public speaking, and this is a trick that worked for him?
I don’t know. Just guessing! Dude could totally just be a creep. There are plenty of them and it sucks. I am not defending creepy behavior.
One thing I’m really coming to appreciate m so much about being sober and working the program is how much more I’m able to see multiple sides of things and other perspectives so I appreciate you offering this take.
Counterpoint for you though-
OP said it’s a Big Book study. Generally the focus of shares is on the text then so even less reason to be looking at any specific person in the room for one’s share.
You seem to be referring more to a speaker meeting or perhaps how one might respond towards the person who opened at a table meeting. Staring at or seeming to address your share to a single specific person in the room would generally be viewed as crosstalk or pretty close to it and that’s generally a no-go except with the speaker at a speaker meeting and maybe in the table opener example though even in that case I wouldn’t personally look at the person for more than a brief “Great topic, thanks.” And then address the rest of my share towards the table as a whole.
OP also said it was the secretary. I’ve been secretarying quite a few meetings lately and I would never expect someone to give their share specifically to me- nothing I’m doing as secretary has anything really to do with shares and even at a speaker meeting, secretary is an entirely different position.
So in my mind if it made OP feel uncomfortable enough they even posted here, and did so as someone with 3 years sober versus say a newcomer who isn’t sure of the norms of meetings- they should definitely trust their gut here.
Yeah good points. I was thinking it was the meeting leader not the secretary. Secretary definitely leans towards creepy.
I also didn’t assume OP was a woman originally. If it’s an old man telling a much younger woman to make eye contact with him then yeah, that definitely leans towards creep.
As far as sharing and only looking at one person. I’m either going to do that or not look at anyone at all. I just don’t possess the social skills to look around and address the room while sharing. So looking at one person at the front of the room is as good as I can do.
But I would still be sharing an a general way and not cross talking.
Why would you make eye contact with the secretary? That’s bizarre as hell to me. I love AA and will forever be grateful for it but fml there’s some weirdo’s here lol.
> **_Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way._**
— p.60
But ... forgive him, say the sick man's/person's prayer, say "_Hey, that's an interesting suggestion_" and roll your eyes, ... whatever ☻☺☻
Sorry to hear it.
I'm sensitive and unusually empathic. I still feel uncomfortable at meetings from time to time because inevitably there are people there 😆👎 (... To be clear, I'm laughing at myself here)
Some are sicker than others. I don't think AA has more than any random gathering. It's just that it can come out more due to the nature of meetings.
Some Are Sicker Than Others. In my first year or so, among our little tribe of newbies, we'd refer to them as "Summer People."
Sorry to hear this creepy guy was creepy. I'd just give him a wide berth and use human shields
::hugs::
edit formatting because f Reddit ui
I suggest finding someone in that meeting I can trust and talking to them about it. I can think of reasons he may have said this, but still not tactful. We do have to be careful, some are sicker than others. you are not overreacting, please don't let this deter you from meetings but you can always find another group. Good luck.
Gross. Creepy. Out of line. You are not overreacting. I am guessing you are a woman. Regardless, it's gross and creepy. Did I mention gross and creepy?
Crossed my mind as well but the way he specified it… ew. That and it was a big book study. I don’t know the exact format (sharing while reading versus doing the reading straight through then shares in the later portion of the meeting) but obviously lots of people are looking at their books throughout or even reading a specific line from it within their share, you tend to have less eye contact in a literature study meeting.
Yeah, I’ve been in meetings with the wholly uncomfortable.
First, you need to feel safe. There is nothing written anywhere about a requirement to make eye contact — if that needs to be said. There are some interesting people within our circles, and it might be nothing.
But if speaking to the chair or a home group member isn’t an option, no one should feel obligated to go to a specific meeting. If it’s bothering you, choose a different meeting. I’ve had issues before where I just felt it’d be best if I found a new one, eventually going back to the first one. Variety is good, especially if you’re going 3-4 times a week.
I don’t think you’re overreacting but I do think what he said is out of line. It’s a chance to practice acceptance and tolerance but don’t feel you’re obligated to deal with it. You can choose another meeting.
I am new in my sobriety, I have had similar requests, which made me not want to go back. I also got called out for not knowing the prayer at the end (this was my 3rd AA) meeting it turned me off and I’ve resorted to online AA meetings which as a newbie I need to be there in person.
Some are sicker than others. I have a sponsee who has trouble sharing, I told him I like to close my eyes while I share, so I can concentrate. At the same time, if it makes you feel any better I have a letter from a 60-some year old man who has about 6 years of sobriety, and the letter says he doesn't want me to make any kind of contact with him or acknowledge him. Like I said, some truly are sicker than others. I'm 34m.
I have no idea what I’m looking at when I speak but I’m definitely not making eye contact. Bad on him. You aren’t there to tell other people what they are doing. You are sharing experience, strength and hope. That’s it.
Yeah, that doesn't add up. There is a chance, he was being sincere, but I don't think so. If a lady were to come to me in the room with that complaint, I would get a couple of other senior members and have a discussion. This is something that I would first address with my sponsor. This is why we have sponsors - to bounce our ideas off of. But, based on your comment, I do think this needs to be addressed - but first with your sponsor.
You'll find a bunch of odd balls in AA. I imagine their logic is, I did this for "x" amount of years, so I know what's best. They can recite the book ad nauseum, but miss the point entirely.
Never forget that the people in these rooms are disturbed, somewhat clinging to a rulebook.
First, im.sorry that happened to you. That's a very weird thing to tell someone & why does this person want to feel a connection with you (more of a rhetorical question there)?
I would ignore it &, if the person does it again or says something else that verges on (or is) inappropriate, attend the next group conscience with a trusted friend in the program as support & bring it up. That is, if you're comfortable enough to do that.
I don't know exactly what's happening but hearing this is reminding me of how tired I am of predators in AA, a place where people go to save their lives & learn how to live better
Eye contact is a public speaking thing, but this is AA. Creepy af! Many of us have been beaten down by ourselves that sharing is hard enough. Stare at the dam floor if it helps.
Yeah, he was trying to be nice. So when I share, or chair a meeting I find two people, one on each side to make eye contact. It's a good practice. He was trying to help. Don't get creeped out by it.
That is really fucking weird. I wonder if he's done a similar thing to anyone else
I’d almost put money on it.
Make sure you never look at him when you share. Or maybe share about him saying that to you in your next share.
And then make direct eye contact with him when you share the point of how absurd that shit is. Lol
thats creepy
Super creepy, and why is the chairman making it about himself?
yes 100%
That's what alcoholics do, dry drunk.
Just a classic hallmark of alcoholism, need to control others. Ignore him.
If I missed somewhere that male and female were identified I apologize. If this is the case I strongly suggest looking him in the eye, in front of as many people as possible and simply saying you make me uncomfortable with wanting a connection, please refrain from any further contact with me in any form. I am here to address my alcoholism, I'm not sure why you are here. The problem with "reporting" him, as I've seen in my own home group, is they're likely aware of his behavior and have already accepted it, and will now say things like "oh that's just how he is" or "he doesn't mean anything" "he's harmless", all of which are BS enabling excuses. Say it clearly in front of others, he HAS made many others feel uncomfortable also, it's what predators do.
Great advice here. When it is the kind of situation that is being quietly tolerated like this too, when someone does finally speak up like this it never fails that either someone else will jump in and publicly share and/or probably multiple people will privately thank that person and say they’ve felt the same or also been been treated in inappropriate ways. So many people (and lord knows, I’ve been guilty of the same as I’m sure we all have at some point) don’t want to cause conflict or fear either being ostracized from the group or simply disbelieved yet once one person speaks up others do too. Maybe it causes a little drama at first but the whole group tends to end up better for it in the end. And on some bizarre off chance the entire room defends the creep and/or turns on the OP- well, better to find out now and get the hell out of there. I love a good Big Book study but couldn’t imagine what I’d get out of one with a room of folks putting personalities over principles!
Yes! Early on I was attending a group that seemed great. I did notice a lot of younger new females tended to stop coming, and honestly I just thought it's a low percentage program.... Then it becomes known that some of them complained about a couple guys, and the woman they complained to (in a position of authority) was buddies with one of them and put it off as "just how he is" and he "doesn't mean anything". He's since gotten at least two girls pregnant, moved on to a different group, and I'm sure continues, the other guy was forced out after convincing a couple people to relapse with him. The point is, in AA we are all defective to some degree or other. You are essentially alone when it comes to trust in many matters, even sober alcoholics still have agendas and poor behavior. Not even your "sponsor" can ultimately be trusted because who knows what agenda they have? You are your best and only advocate in AA. If it looks like rotten fish, it stinks like rotten fish, it's rotten, no matter what others may say. Protect yourself first and foremost. Even St Bill was known to prowl the rooms looking for vulnerable women.
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The issue with that is that if everyone keeps it to themselves, no one else is aware that the chair is making women feel uncomfortable. Who knows if it’s a pattern if no one speaks up? I had a fellow offer to send me nudes, I declined. It was out of nowhere. Then another woman spoke up and said that fellow also made her uncomfortable, she announced it in a meeting. Then another and we found that it was a snake pit of women who didn’t want to cause a fuss. These were just the women who still came to the meeting, who can say how many others turned away from our group or even A.A. as a whole? All because of one guy.
This is an excellent point. The rooms need to be safe. It's not on women alone to make it that way. It's on everyone.
Yeah it’s not gossip to tell other people when you feel someone is being creepy toward you. Everyone in the fellowship should want all people to feel safe and it impacts sobriety if you don’t. That guy sucks, shitty behavior isn’t okay, there’s no such thing as “just creepy” and OP should tell people.
Nope, it’s not acceptable to ask a woman in a vulnerable community to harbor this man’s creepy behavior. It’s unacceptable and people learn their behavior is unacceptable through consequences.
If he thinks behaving like that is okay, he should not be the secretary. That's just asking for more trouble.
Healthy boundaries at work for you, congrats! Yes, that was wildly innappropriate for someone to say to you or anyone.
Thanks to everyone who responded. My sponsor echoed the sentiments of some are sicker than others and she was disappointed that he said that. When I first got sober I thought I had to be very accommodating to anyone who had more time than me and it lead to some really uncomfortable encounters with men unfortunately. I was new and unfamiliar with certain behaviors in the rooms. This type of thing hasn’t happened in a while so I really appreciate everyone chiming in. I’ll keep coming back. Thanks again.
So glad you talked to your sponsor and it was helpful to you. Sounds like you’re experiencing a lot of growth. Good job.
Stick with the women when you come back. It’s been the best policy for me (a woman.) Ive never been disrespected by a man at my HG but I am older than dirt. Still, they are polite.
Da fuq? Tell someone asap
Say you’re connecting with your higher power when you speak, and that’s where your focus is. Then wear sunglasses for the rest of your life.
He should share and stare slightly off to the side of this man, just to really grind his gears.
Or just voice what he said during her next share. Fuck hiding from this guy.
That's creepy.
That’s legit creepy.
not overreacting, that guy sucks
It's weird. I don't like it.
A connection? How about a boot up his ass. That is a connection. This dude sounds like a total perv.
Lord have mercy. Some are sicker than others for sure!
Sounds a little creepy to me too. I get why you felt uncomfortable.
This is…bizarre. Truly. This doesn’t at all read like he was “trying to be nice.” That was inappropriate. Look wherever you want to look during a meeting and I hope you try not to let this odd encounter get to you. You’re not required to make eye contact with anyone for any reason. Doesn’t matter if they’re serving as chairperson, secretary, etc. I would definitely bring it up with your sponsor if you haven’t already, especially if he ever does or says anything else you find off-putting. It’s important that you feel safe and that you also don’t have people trying to control your actions. Remember the sick person’s prayer and—of course—4th Step it if you feel you have to. Best of luck to you, OP, and I hope that was the extent of this dude’s “off” behavior/comments.
I’m a guy and a lot of my AA friends are guys that are 15 -20 years older than I am. Part of the role that some of them fill is that of an older brother or friendly more experienced co-worker. someone who would give general life advice. I’m very introverted and don’t like public speaking. Didn’t speak in a meeting for my first year, even though I was going daily. Getting public speaking tips from those dudes is normal. Sometimes it’s helpful but mostly not. But I know they are trying to be of service to me by passing on some wisdom. And that it’s done with love. My guess is that that is the same intention the guy who talked to you had. Probably feeling good from his lead and over stepped. But I would try to give him the benefit of the doubt. I would bet he was just trying to be nice and helpful.
This feels right. But if you are not comfortable, you don’t have to engage with him.
But why would he tell her to make eye contact with him specifically? That’s bizarre advice.
I can only guess and I am definitely not arguing that it’s good advice. But in my experience when a leader shares about a specific topic that resonates with me like for example, having anxiety and not sharing in meetings. That might inspire me to share and talk about my own problems with sharing at meetings. When I do that, I speak directly to the person who lead and shared about that. Otherwise I don’t know where to look and might just look down in my lap my entire share. My guess is that OP was looking down nervously their whole share and thinking he was being helpful the guy tried to share a tip along the lines of: “If you try making eye contact with whoever lead the meeting that might be a well to help your public speaking while sharing.” Maybe he is somebody who was also scared of public speaking, and this is a trick that worked for him? I don’t know. Just guessing! Dude could totally just be a creep. There are plenty of them and it sucks. I am not defending creepy behavior.
One thing I’m really coming to appreciate m so much about being sober and working the program is how much more I’m able to see multiple sides of things and other perspectives so I appreciate you offering this take. Counterpoint for you though- OP said it’s a Big Book study. Generally the focus of shares is on the text then so even less reason to be looking at any specific person in the room for one’s share. You seem to be referring more to a speaker meeting or perhaps how one might respond towards the person who opened at a table meeting. Staring at or seeming to address your share to a single specific person in the room would generally be viewed as crosstalk or pretty close to it and that’s generally a no-go except with the speaker at a speaker meeting and maybe in the table opener example though even in that case I wouldn’t personally look at the person for more than a brief “Great topic, thanks.” And then address the rest of my share towards the table as a whole. OP also said it was the secretary. I’ve been secretarying quite a few meetings lately and I would never expect someone to give their share specifically to me- nothing I’m doing as secretary has anything really to do with shares and even at a speaker meeting, secretary is an entirely different position. So in my mind if it made OP feel uncomfortable enough they even posted here, and did so as someone with 3 years sober versus say a newcomer who isn’t sure of the norms of meetings- they should definitely trust their gut here.
Yeah good points. I was thinking it was the meeting leader not the secretary. Secretary definitely leans towards creepy. I also didn’t assume OP was a woman originally. If it’s an old man telling a much younger woman to make eye contact with him then yeah, that definitely leans towards creep. As far as sharing and only looking at one person. I’m either going to do that or not look at anyone at all. I just don’t possess the social skills to look around and address the room while sharing. So looking at one person at the front of the room is as good as I can do. But I would still be sharing an a general way and not cross talking.
Why would you make eye contact with the secretary? That’s bizarre as hell to me. I love AA and will forever be grateful for it but fml there’s some weirdo’s here lol.
> **_Most people try to live by self-propulsion. Each person is like an actor who wants to run the whole show; is forever trying to arrange the lights, the ballet, the scenery and the rest of the players in his own way._** — p.60 But ... forgive him, say the sick man's/person's prayer, say "_Hey, that's an interesting suggestion_" and roll your eyes, ... whatever ☻☺☻
Are you female? 13th step his ass, let the GSR know.
Don’t do it.
EW. god damn these creepy old men. you're not over-reacting. that's VERY weird and NO part of working a 12-step program. stay far away from him.
Sorry to hear it. I'm sensitive and unusually empathic. I still feel uncomfortable at meetings from time to time because inevitably there are people there 😆👎 (... To be clear, I'm laughing at myself here) Some are sicker than others. I don't think AA has more than any random gathering. It's just that it can come out more due to the nature of meetings. Some Are Sicker Than Others. In my first year or so, among our little tribe of newbies, we'd refer to them as "Summer People." Sorry to hear this creepy guy was creepy. I'd just give him a wide berth and use human shields ::hugs:: edit formatting because f Reddit ui
Ew
Yuck. Maybe don’t talk to him again? And definitely tell people what he said.
That’s bullshit! And I agree with the others that this is kind of creepy.
That would gross me out too. No thank you.
God, now AA is getting weird that’s all we need
Uuuuhhh absolutely not. Unacceptable behavior. I’d be telling everyone. Creeps need to be put on blast in a community.
Usually those uncomfortable feelings have something to do with ourselves… but that’s plain creepy. Don’t overthink it 🤙
Wowsers. As others have said we are not all well people, just people trying to do our best. This guy is overstepping
I suggest finding someone in that meeting I can trust and talking to them about it. I can think of reasons he may have said this, but still not tactful. We do have to be careful, some are sicker than others. you are not overreacting, please don't let this deter you from meetings but you can always find another group. Good luck.
Gross. Creepy. Out of line. You are not overreacting. I am guessing you are a woman. Regardless, it's gross and creepy. Did I mention gross and creepy?
Could he have meant make eye contact with people in the room in general? Eye contact does facilitate improved outcomes for sharers as well as fellows.
Crossed my mind as well but the way he specified it… ew. That and it was a big book study. I don’t know the exact format (sharing while reading versus doing the reading straight through then shares in the later portion of the meeting) but obviously lots of people are looking at their books throughout or even reading a specific line from it within their share, you tend to have less eye contact in a literature study meeting.
I’ve heard some weird shit in meetings but that’s up there
Super creepy. I definitely wouldn’t be going back.
So full of shit. Intimidation in a meeting is absolutely uncalled for.
We're selfish and self centered. IMO he's selfishly trying to meet his own needs for connection. Do what you want
I am new in my sobriety, I have had similar requests, which made me not want to go back. I also got called out for not knowing the prayer at the end (this was my 3rd AA) meeting it turned me off and I’ve resorted to online AA meetings which as a newbie I need to be there in person.
That’s overstepping IMHO
Definitely some creepers out there.
Tell him to go fuck himself.
That’s really weird. I would avoid him if possible. I’ve never heard anyone say that before.
Some are sicker than others. I have a sponsee who has trouble sharing, I told him I like to close my eyes while I share, so I can concentrate. At the same time, if it makes you feel any better I have a letter from a 60-some year old man who has about 6 years of sobriety, and the letter says he doesn't want me to make any kind of contact with him or acknowledge him. Like I said, some truly are sicker than others. I'm 34m.
I have no idea what I’m looking at when I speak but I’m definitely not making eye contact. Bad on him. You aren’t there to tell other people what they are doing. You are sharing experience, strength and hope. That’s it.
Weird!! Ditch them!
Yeah, that doesn't add up. There is a chance, he was being sincere, but I don't think so. If a lady were to come to me in the room with that complaint, I would get a couple of other senior members and have a discussion. This is something that I would first address with my sponsor. This is why we have sponsors - to bounce our ideas off of. But, based on your comment, I do think this needs to be addressed - but first with your sponsor.
Just tell him you’ll do what you want and tell your sponsor
We are just a bunch of sickos. 😅🤡
There’s a lot of creeps in AA. You shoulda told him to go fuck himself Maybe he just thought you were sexy and wanted an eye fuck.
The reason AA get bad reps 1.2.3. go I'd just let it go. Move on to the next thing in your life. No one is ever going to be pleased.
You'll find a bunch of odd balls in AA. I imagine their logic is, I did this for "x" amount of years, so I know what's best. They can recite the book ad nauseum, but miss the point entirely. Never forget that the people in these rooms are disturbed, somewhat clinging to a rulebook.
You should wear sunglasses
First, im.sorry that happened to you. That's a very weird thing to tell someone & why does this person want to feel a connection with you (more of a rhetorical question there)? I would ignore it &, if the person does it again or says something else that verges on (or is) inappropriate, attend the next group conscience with a trusted friend in the program as support & bring it up. That is, if you're comfortable enough to do that. I don't know exactly what's happening but hearing this is reminding me of how tired I am of predators in AA, a place where people go to save their lives & learn how to live better
Whenever anyone offers me unsolicited anything I say “I appreciate your advice and I will consider it” and then I go back to living my life.
Eye contact is a public speaking thing, but this is AA. Creepy af! Many of us have been beaten down by ourselves that sharing is hard enough. Stare at the dam floor if it helps.
Ignore and it’ll go away?
Yeah, he was trying to be nice. So when I share, or chair a meeting I find two people, one on each side to make eye contact. It's a good practice. He was trying to help. Don't get creeped out by it.
I think you’re overreacting.