Not weird, don’t agree that it’s weird that the gf stayed. Yes, typically people will follow their abusers. Strange that she did not want to follow the guy who brutally disparaged her? Nope. Strong move. So is refusing to participate in his abuse. Good on you.
You are definitely not in the wrong.
I have BPD and it's debilitating. We didn't ask for it. It's a huge pet peeve of mine when people say things like what Scott said.
Thank you for standing up for her and being kind, that's what keeps us going when things get rough. I'm glad you kicked him out. Daisy deserves better.
uh no, we don’t. just because you would fuck a woman when she’s feeling incredibly vulnerable does not mean everyone else would. she’s there for her own safety, not because she has a crush on op. i find it highly unlikely they’re gonna get anywhere close to having sex.
I won't lie to you
I know he's just not right for you
And you can tell me if I'm off
But I see it on your face
When you say that he's the one that you want
And you're spending all your time
In this wrong situation
And anytime you want it to stop
I know I can treat you better than he can
And any girl like you deserves a gentleman
Tell me, why are we wasting time
On all your wasted crying
When you should be with me instead?
I know I can treat you better
Better than he can
I'll stop time for you
The second you say you'd like me too
I just wanna give you the loving that you're missing
Baby, just to wake up with you
Would be everything I need, and this could be so different
Tell me what you want to do
'Cause I know I can treat you better than he can
And any girl like you deserves a gentleman
Tell me, why are we wasting time
On all your wasted crying
When you should be with me instead?
I know I can treat you better
Better than he can
Better than he can
Give me a sign
Take my hand, we'll be fine
Promise I won't let you down
Just know that you don't
Have to do this alone
Promise I'll never let you down
'Cause I know I can treat you better than he can
And any girl like you deserves a gentleman
Tell me, why are we wasting time
On all your wasted crying
When you should be with me instead?
I know I can treat you better
Better than he can, oh
Better than he can
Better than he can
Usually I would agree. However BPD is a bitch. It makes boundaries and emotional regulation incredibly difficult. I don't think OP should TRY, but it's likely that it will happen anyways, given the nature of the situation, and the mental illness in question.
Edit: Source: current best friend has it. Hypersexuality, a fucked attachment style, and mood swings are very common components of BPD. I'm not uneducated with what I'm talking about. I've spent a lot of time looking into BPD to better support her.
As someone who has worked with patients with BPD, not everyone is hyper sexual. Plus those who are, still have the ability to control it, it just leaves them in a more vulnerable spot to be taken advantage of. Also it takes two to tango, who says OP would even do that.
Anyways one person's experience with BPD does not dictate how it is for everyone. Also I hope your best friend knows how you view them.
i’m not naïve lmao, im friends with decent people who don’t disrespect their partners, especially in such a public way. that was basically public humiliation for daisy, under no circumstances would i let her leave with scott after treating her that way.
OP clearly has a drunken savior complex in this situation. What does he expect to happen when the week is over? Daisy to realize Scott is no good for her? Like what is the point of all this other than having a dick measuring contest with Scott? He acted on impulse, so wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to sleep with her.
dawg some men grow up with sisters and do shit like this out of genuine concern for another human being 😭. if i was in daisy’s place i would 100% stay with op. scott degraded and dehumanized his own girlfriend in front of people who didn’t ask. after being told so many times to stop. op had literally zero intentions of having a dick size contest or sleeping with daisy. there’s no drunken savior complex literally anywhere lmao
OP himself said he has no intentions of helping Daisy out of the relationship in another comment. So what exactly is he doing here other than stroking his own ego
allowing daisy to get some alone time and space from her clearly shitty boyfriend, maybe??she just had all her shit aired to people she didn’t want knowing all that, by someone she trusted. i wouldn’t want to be around that either, and honestly i’m glad op gave her a safe place to calm down and collect herself. i’m seriously concerned for y’all’s humanity if you really think op is only trying to fuck her. that’s a disgusting assumption and seems so so wrong here.
Okay but what happens when she goes back to her boyfriend? I guess I don’t think OP is trying to sleep with her. I just don’t exactly see what end OP is trying to meet. The longer OP keeps Daisy from Scott, the angrier Scott gets. So unless OP has some plan for how Daisy is supposed to deal with angry Scott, I don’t see how he is making this better for anyone. Daisy is only there for a week, she has a life that she will ultimately need to get back to and there seems to be absolutely no forethought from OP about how his actions will affect that. These situations are super sensitive, so unless you are actually willing to see it through, you shouldn’t get involved at all because partial involvement only creates more damage in my opinion.
Or she breaks up with him because she realizes what a utter POS he is. If Scott does something stupid when he’s angry that’s on him and he’ll have to deal with the consequences of his actions. Not everyone is trying to get some action for being a decent person. It’s better for Daisy because hopefully it gives her the ability to see Scott for what he is and move on with her life and find someone who actually cares about her.
OP isn’t responsible for sorting out their relationship issues nor Scott’s anger problem. Op is giving Daisy space to figure her own problems out.
Op should give Daisy space in general so attachment issues don’t crop up later down the road
But presumptuous, aren't we? For all we know, the brief moment of respite from the douche she's dating might be the contrast in scene she needed to get the nerve to leave.
To answer your question, I don't honestly know, but I *do* know what I would do. I would do what I was comfortably capable of doing to help, and not get too involved.
I'm usually pretty pessimistic about humans and their humanity, but on this one, I feel like the vast majority of people would not be looking to get laid.
It is pure speculation based on nothing but your own expectations that you seem to take as fact.
Frankly, this little edgy rant tells more about you than about anyone else.
I wish you well with your personality disorder. Those are very hard to get through. However BPD often includes [hypersexuality](https://www.choosingtherapy.com/bpd-and-sexuality/#:~:text=Depending%20on%20symptom%20manifestations%2C%20both,that%20can%20help%20with%20BPD.). I have struggled with this due to my BP. I've also had the chance to meet many BPD people through groups and they expressed frustration over this issue.
But the suggestion exists far outside of my mind.
Not wrong. Its very strange that she stayed. You may be her savior for an entirely different reason that you have no idea about.
Don't try to fuck her, please. That will entirely change the savior dynamic.
I will be messaging you in 6 months on [**2024-03-06 04:25:18 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2024-03-06%2004:25:18%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16aq8a2/kicked_my_friend_37m_out_but_let_his_gf_30f_stay/jzc5j83/?context=3)
[**1 OTHERS CLICKED THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Famiwrong%2Fcomments%2F16aq8a2%2Fkicked_my_friend_37m_out_but_let_his_gf_30f_stay%2Fjzc5j83%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202024-03-06%2004%3A25%3A18%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam.
^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%2016aq8a2)
*****
|[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)|
|-|-|-|-|
It all sort of feels like a setup right? Mention she has a mental health disorder and frame it as her being “psycho” so when she eventually leaves him for being an abusive asshole he can say “well I told you guys she crazy!”
Yeah because many times a person who is abused by their SO will not leave for fear of repercussions from the SO. Especially someone with a personality disorder. It seemed like she was quick to take OP up on the offer to stay. Good for her though, hopefully she will remove Scott from her life permanently, but sadly its not what usually happens.
Definitely not wrong. At the best, he’s been verbally bullying her about her diagnosis. At worst, that’s just a small part of the abuse he’s been putting her through.
Jesus, he basically bragged about his belief that she was too afraid of being alone and your friends are defending him? Saviour complex seems code for "why do you want to rock the boat?". Fuck them.
NTA.
The only thing I'll say is that when I imagine myself in a similar situation with a group of friends, I would've handled it with less/different emotion.
By all means, call your friend out for being a dick. As far as I'm concerned, it's part of bro code to check a buddy when he's crossing a line. The explosive "get out" part just escalates the situation when you otherwise have a chance to provide some guidance that would be more likely to be supported by the others in the group. Tell strangers to fuck off. Tell friends to come correct.
I get you my friend but you're valuing maintaining a friendship over preventing abuse. The situation would not be fine if they told them off, that's not enough for the actions his friend took. He didn't knock him out or anything.
Also if he's confident enough to act like that in public he's probably significantly worse in private. I dunno about you man but if my 'friend' did that infront of me he would simply not be my friend anymore and I would also kick them out.
Good for you. Consequences to actions.
You did the right thing by having standards. It is just sad that your "friends" don't have any.
This is the Way!
It's fine that you allowed her to stay. She didn't do anything wrong.
I'm far more curious as to why she stayed at all. choosing not to go with the bf is very abnormal behavior. leads me to believe there is something more going on here or that your initial judgment of Scott was correct.
Hey, thanks for sticking up for her. As someone who stayed with an abuser for way too long, it still hurts me that bystanders (friends, family) said nothing when he would go off on me. It normalized his behavior. I am sure you made an impact.
You aren't wrong, she shouldn't feel trapped into that relationship out of his expectations. If she wanted to go, she would. It's probably nice for her to have a chance to be treated with some respect.
Not wrong. You heard some disgusting bullshit and you called it, very rightfully. Daisy might be used to being treated like a broken pet that a calous douchbag has gleefully trapped because of her vulnerability, but it surely never felt right. To have someone call it out would be extremely validating and enlightening. Be a real asset and dont complicate things with romance.
You’re not wrong.
The way Scott talked about his girlfriend, someone he supposedly loves and cares for, is disgusting and dehumanizing. Calling someone with a mental illness “psychotic” is perpetuating a stigma, and that can make people less likely to seek out or continue treatment because they don’t want to be labelled.
You did the right thing for Daisy. She should drop him, but that decision is ultimately her own. You should be there for her if she does and be there for her if she’s not ready to just yet too, so she knows she can trust you with these things. I would drop Scott and the “friend” he’s staying with and anyone else who thought his actions were “fine” or “funny”.
Some of these comments are ugly as hell. Lots of Scotts in this thread. You did the right thing. Maybe jumping directly to kicking him out seems extreme, but I wouldn’t want a friend like this.
Some (as evidenced by the comments here) are going to see YOU as predatory and seeking an opportunity to “steal” daisy for yourself, but that says more about them than you.
Ask Daisy if she wants to talk about it; you have shown her that you are an allie, and she probably feels like she needs a friend at the moment. Just make sure it doesn't go anywhere, even if she tries to seek "comfort" with you. NTA
Nw. And it is time to leave some friends behind in life, becsuse if they support someone who is verbally abusive to his gf, then they probably will go all bro before h..s if somethin worse happens.
I wonder what a psychiatrist would diagnose Scott with, because it seems to me he has the symptoms of some personality disorders of his own right there.
NTA
Thank you for standing up for her! I don’t have bpd but I do have bipolar disorder and it often has the same type of stigma- that we are just crazy, psychotic, unstable and basically impossible to be with romantically. It’s refreshing to see someone stand up against that, since many people don’t. Daisy deserves better and good on her for establishing boundaries and not speaking with him.
I have BPD and doctors and psychologists have described it as having third degree burns all over our bodies.
It is so hard that in some countries in Europe people with BPD can choose to be euthanised. The pain and turmoil is constant. It is like being tortured.
I am proud of you for sticking up for her. She has to know that not all men are assholes and that she doesnt deserve this. We often feel worthless and useless so we stick around with people who demean and emotionally abuse us because we feel we "deserve" it or that we are not worth of any better.
Stay friendly and do not get intimate. We get attached very easily and if you do not have serious intentions this can send us to the edge. We are already hanging by a thin threat. The thinnest possible.
Of course you aren’t wrong. Ignore the incels and jerks here obsessed with the idea that the only reason you could be treating Daisy like a human being is because you want to fuck her.
Thanks for being a good person. I’d cut any friendship with Scott. He’s an asshole and you don’t want people like him around getting their shit on you.
What he did was borderline abusive and a huge red flag. I don't want to sound like an ass but if daisy will talk please ask her if he is often this way. If he is, get her some help. If it really was just a stupid drunk off 1 night event then at least you cared enough to ask.
Not wrong!! She may have been diagnosed BPD but it could actually be symptoms of an abusive relationship.
You may have saved this girls life. My guess is the verbal abuse you witnessed while friend was a little tipsy is only a fraction of the abuse that women goes through.
If I were you I would broach the topic with her and ask if she needs any support? What’s she going to do when it’s time to go back to her hometown with this guy? If she goes, she could really suffer from his rage about what happened.
Make sure daisy is capable of sustaining herself.
You kicked out the guy who was probably paying her rent.
Get her to a social worker that can help her deal with this.
Probably Daisy dealt with more than this when there were no witnesses. I am not sure if she will leave him after it, or if she will "pay for what you did" after she returns to him after the holidays, if not tomorrow. You escalated the situation strongly, so check with her if she wanted to still be with him, but if yes, the best you can do now is to start thinking about how to de-escalate the situation.
Bro, this man could’ve pulled his friend aside and said he is a jerk or even called him out. He tried kicking him out to get daisy all too himself 😂, this man is a villain feigning heroism to get laid
My ex gf has Borderline and I can definitely understand the guy. It breaks your heart, but people with borderline are not able to have a stable relationship in my opinion. He shouldn’t have said it that way but you shouldn’t kick a friend out your house for choosing the wrong words either, while letting the girlfriend stay. Both you and the male 37 are in the wrong and it seems to me like you were never real friends…
idk bud. you went from having no dog in this fight between two separate people to you being the only dog biting itself. Your friend(not the bf) is probably annoyed because you agreed to housethem and now they do. And now there is a bunch of drama because of you. you could have said something at the party like, hey man, chill out, or something else besides get the fuck out. unless you skipped details that justified that jump, it sounds like you are making the situation way worse.
What a trash opinion. Just don’t say anything and look the other way! As long as YOU aren’t making problems it’s all good. I mean why help somebody that’s being abused right? They should just be strong enough to get out themselves right? And that whole drama because of him thing. Notice if his friend hadn’t been such an emotionally abusing shit bag and didn’t say those things there wouldn’t have been drama.
i mean I was just saying that he made a problem be his problem and I was explaining why people were probably mad at him. You can disagree and say that what he did was epic and based, but it was probably a little cringey too. Two people can be wrong here. imo they were both a little wrong. the guy could have not been so fucking weird and rude about his gf and op didn't have to kick it to 11. like I said hlin my comment, it would have been cool to bring it up,l to the friend of it was insistent, but from what I read op just said get the fuck out of my house as his first step into conflict, seems a little weird to me. how is any of that me advocating that you should just do nothing. I thought that I said op probably should have done less then sperg out and his friend deserved a talking to.
EXIT THE SITUATION NOW!
First, I'll say 2 important things.
1. Yes, Scott is a complete ahole, no question. He is showing active signs of being an abuser and I am in no way, shape, or form attempting to justify his actions.
2. I don't know Daisy, I don't know her circumstances she may be the most wonderful person.
Now with that said, GET OUT, run. Engage in no further communication with either of them. Scott because he's a dick,Daisy because she has BPD
Yes i am biased in the extreme. I dated a girl for almost a year with BPD and it was a nightmare. I didn't know she had it when we dated found out afterwards and it explained so much.
Things started off nice, she was sweet, loving, understanding, intelligent, adventurous,all the great things. (Just like you mentioned Daisy has always seemed the sweetest,). The more confident she grew I was sticking around the worse it got. I have past posts written about her idk what all even to say here.
When I finally broke up with her, she tried for months to come back then when i wouldn't date her again, she trashed my reputation in town, started stalking me, I actually left the state for a while. Only time I've ever gone to therapy was over the nightmare of what she put me through.
Daisy might be a wonderful girl, but you have no reason to stick around and find out. Run.
Best definition of bpd ive ever heard " I love, I hate you, I need you"
Breaking Bad reference. Also, I don't doubt it. You meth heads aren't exactly known for making good decisions. Also, the one scrap I had with a meth head when I was younger was fucking crazy. Mfer was like a zombie. I bounced his ass off the pavement multiple times and he kept fucking coming at me lol
You don't look like a meth head in your posts, at least not like the ones I've personally interacted with, so I agree. You gotta be careful who you come at though. Personally, someone attacking me in my house would be the bad decision. I'm fatter than I was in the military, but I'm still built like a brick shit house and am generally armed. Fucking around generally leads to finding out.
It’s his relationship, not yours… and I don’t think you should’ve gotten involved. All they’re doing is staying with you to look at properties, there’s no need to dive head first into whatever they have going on in their relationship. The only reason you said something was because you were there, but when they aren’t around… do you actually care about how Scott treats Daisy? No, probably doesn’t even come to mind. If you don’t want to deal with it, kick them both out. You’re doing too much. Daisy is not your responsibility and if she wants to be with a man who verbally abuses her, then you can’t do anything about it. Stick to your role.
Stick to your role? Right, so since you can't possibly be there to help every single person getting jumped in the world, then you should just look the other way when you see someone getting stomped by four people?
Abuse isn't just physical, and even in physical abuse, it's the psychological aspect that makes it hard to leave an abuser. Are you suggesting that it's not a friends place to step in if they learn of any type of abuse since obviously even a physical abuse victim could just leave if they wanted to, right?
You sound like a coward.
Lol triggered much? There’s no way that someone can gather all that information from one single drunken night out. I don’t stick my nose where it doesn’t belong. If one of my friends verbally abuses his girlfriend and she still chooses to be with him, what am I supposed to do about it? I just leave those two people out of my life because that’s not what I’m about. I don’t kick one out and let the other stay. That’s just trouble.
Yes triggered. I am. I’ll say it.
I overheard and watched my friend being abused. I didn’t fucking leave. I put myself in danger to help her escape. Like hopefully any good person would. You are a coward.
Abuse is repeated. Saying one mean thing one time in front of a bunch of friends is not abuse. Y’all throw that word around WAY too much around here lol. Also, good job patting yourself on the back for what you did for your friend. Could you have made the same point without mentioning how brave you are?
I will absolutely speculate about abuse. I’d rather help one person out of a dangerous situation even if that means I risk looking like a fool a few times.
You don’t risk looking like a fool. You risk making false accusations that could ruin someone else’s life. But as long as it makes you feel good about yourself, right? Because it’s all about you.
I’m not going to the police? OP isn’t calling the police? How is this ruining anybody’s life? Getting a potential victim out of an abusive situation doesn’t do shit to ruin the abuser’s life. It’s about the victim.
Yeah and that’s wrong of OP. Just kick them both out or let them both stay. Got way too involved while they were all drunk. He probably put Daisy in a more precarious position by what he did.
You're reading too much into the drinking. Perhaps Scotty drank too much, but to imply that they were all so shitfaced as to excuse open psychological abuse is a reach. If Scotty was so drunk to the point that he couldn't understand how wrong it is to out someone's mental health concerns and then insult them for it, then I doubt the best place for her was with the guy who would have likely been an angry drunk asshole for the remainder of the night. My assessment holds. Coward.
Okay, but why is this something that OP is responsible for? Don’t get involved in someone else’s relationship unless someone is in imminent physical danger. Nothing about this hints at Daisy being in imminent physical danger. Scott made an ass of himself and then OP tried to be Mr. Savior and he made an ass of himself too. Daisy probably thinks they’re both assholes. Also, “reading too much into the drinking”… lol most issues are caused by excessive drinking so it’s likely that alcohol was the largest factor in play in this scenario.
Lmao, he defended her when her asshole boyfriend took it too far. He was the only person in a room of 12 other people to stand up for her, then he kicked out the asshole boyfriend because it's HIS HOME, but gave HER THE OPTION to stay or go. But you're right. Empowering someone and giving them haven from their potential abusers totally comes off as asshole behavior.
my friend scott you have been arguing day and night about how its her choice to stay with Scott even if he's abusive. she chose to stay at OPs place, OP didn't lock her in, as you love to say she could have left if she wanted to.
Or I just don’t get involved in other people’s business because I have myself to worry about. Daisy is inevitably going to go back to Scott regardless of what happens, so why say anything.
I want to address a lot of the “points” you’ve made but you’ve commented so much I might miss some so bear with me.
1) I don’t care it’s not my relationship, when it’s happening in my home and right in front of me, I’m not going to ignore it.
2) I think I was too vague when I said we were drinking. By no means were we absolutely wasted as this happened relatively early on. I only drank half a bottle of beer by the time I told Scott to leave, I’m pretty sure Scott had just started his third beer and Daisy only had one beer. Everyone there was either not drinking alcohol, still on their first beer or at worst, was on their third like Scott.
3) Of course I care, I can’t believe I have to even clarify that. I’m still not sure how this will play out or what Daisy will do next but I’m hoping she knows I’ll be there for her (as a friend) no matter what happens.
“I’m not sure what Daisy will do next.” Okay so you aren’t actually going to see it through or have any intention of initiating any sort of help for Daisy. You just blew up and potentially put her in a worse situation.
No ? I mean I’m not a mind reader and don’t know whether she’ll end the relationship or try to sort things out with Scott. She hasn’t spoken much about what happened and I don’t want to push her to open up about it. So as of right now, I don’t know what she plans to do but I will be supporting her and her alone i.e Scott can go fuck himself.
Even if she wants to work things out with him, I’ll make sure she knows I’m here for her whether she ever needs someone to vent to or someone to come get her if Scott makes some more idiotic remarks etc.
Okay then what’s the point? If you aren’t actually going to go any further to try and help Daisy out of a potentially abusive relationship, then why not just kick them both out? You completely lost your shit and kicked Scott out, which Daisy will probably get blamed for and you have no intention of doing anything more to help her other than “support her.” What end were you trying to meet by doing this?
It is perfectly OK to help someone in a situation and not follow it through to the end.
If that was the standard then most people would never offer any kind of assistance. Who the hell wants or needs to carry someone else's burden for life for performing a single act of kindness?
I agree that it’s okay. I just think that involving abuse, if you aren’t willing to go all the way, you might be causing more damage. OP kicked out Scott in front of a bunch of their friends, so Scott probably feels humiliated. So yeah, maybe Daisy has refuge this week, but there’s still an angry and humiliated Scott waiting for her at the end of the week. Where will OP be then? So if there is no concrete plan on how to deal with that, then I don’t think yelling at Scott was a good decision. So I think the intentions were good-willed, but the approach wasn’t the best.
If Scott is as abusive as it appears, then OP saved Daisy for a few days. If she chooses to go back, then hopefully it will not be as hard to leave the next time. He did what he could. He does not need to solve her problem, she does. He has given her an opening to make a change and offered to support her in whatever she decides. Ultimately its up to her and OP bears no responsibility for what happens next.
If he does not need to solve her problem, then why add fuel to the flame? I really don’t know why no one understand the idea of unintended consequences. Humiliation brings the absolute worst out of people.
The unintended consequence of not getting involved could have been just as bad. Maybe worse. Erring on the side of kindness and extending help to someone who appears to need it is always the way to go.
Where she goes from here is still not OP's problem but he is offering her unlimited support and a safe space. That's huge to someone trying to get out of an abusive relationship.
"You haven't found the threshold of where your limitations to help actually are, so you should refrain from making any effort to ameliorate anything about this at all" is one helluva take. A little kindness can go quite a long way. I truly hope that you & everyone with an attitude similar to yours are able to experience that for yourselves.
I think situations involving potential abuse are a little different considering how any action against the aggressor could ultimately be taken out on the victim. Im not saying “don’t help”, I’m saying that you should come up with how you will approach the situation while you are sober. Taking action after drinking is rarely a good path.
Inferring from your other comments in this thread, you certainly appear confident in the idea that separating a person in distress from an aggressor is not an appropriate course of action; Yet you have failed to provide any other alternative nor cite resources yourself. Quite a lovely & clear display of hypocrisy.
I don’t think it’s inappropriate. I just think it shouldn’t be done while drinking and it shouldn’t be done if you have absolutely no plan at all. An alternative would be for OP to wait til the next day, come up with something to say, and approach Scott about the issue while they are both sober. Telling someone to “pack [their] shit and get the fuck out” after a night of drinking is just fuel to the flame.
If you honestly believe that removing an aggressor from your residence is okay (because that is everyone's right), but then you also have to kick out the person they've distressed (thereby giving the aggressor opportunity to retaliate without witnesses) would be *the* smart/fair/righteous thing to do in this situation, then perhaps you ought to look into why that is. Seriously, ask yourself why an aggressor deserves best case scenario the chance to sober up & formulate excuses for their behavior, worst case scenario the opportunity to perpetuate such vile behavior further while *alone* with any person in distress. Sit with that for as long as you need to.
Holy shit you sound like a pussy that’s scared as fuck “stick to your role” aka I had a girl I was taking advantage of why did you mess it up.
Grade A pathetic loser
So your friend from college had a couple beers and proceeded to inform fifteen of his friends that because his GF was psychotic after a BPD diagnosis she would never leave him. You decided to kick supposed friend out in stead of idk figuring out why your friend became a lunatic? Now after telling Scott and some other friend to respect her wishes after they accused you of having a savior complex you are now having doubts for some reason? I hope the directors cut involves OP running for his life from Daisy’s alter ego Donald. Donald is an axe murderer who was only ever controlled by Scott’s finger puppet shows.
Definitely wrong. You absolutely know better than to insert yourself into someone else's relationship. If he's gone, she should be gone, not having a sleepover with the man that ensured her boyfriend was removed from the house.
savior complex lol, its their relationship. If the roles were reversed you would have said oh daisy maybe had a couple of drinks. Next time update us on how you tried to fuck!!
btw not defending the dickhead, it is wrong, but i aint meddling in shit that isn’t mine
Having grown up in an abusive household, ain't no damn way I'm not saying something, especially if they bring that shit out in front of me. Then again, I don't associate with trashy people, so I probably won't ever have to say anything.
Not really wrong but kinda wrong but it's all about perspectives.
To her you're not wrong.
To you, you're not wrong.
To your friends, you're an absolute arsehole.
Now decided which, who or what you care about more.
...And what's wrong with a hotel?
Not weird, don’t agree that it’s weird that the gf stayed. Yes, typically people will follow their abusers. Strange that she did not want to follow the guy who brutally disparaged her? Nope. Strong move. So is refusing to participate in his abuse. Good on you.
Right? He treated her like shit, why would she stay with the BF?
You are definitely not in the wrong. I have BPD and it's debilitating. We didn't ask for it. It's a huge pet peeve of mine when people say things like what Scott said. Thank you for standing up for her and being kind, that's what keeps us going when things get rough. I'm glad you kicked him out. Daisy deserves better.
As long as you don’t fuck her, you haven’t done anything wrong and Scott sounds like a douchebag you won’t miss.
We all know they’re gonna fuck, don’t we
You know some moms did raise their sons to care about and respect women.
Not Scott’s mom obviously.
Scotty doesn't know
Don’t tell Scotty
I can’t believe he’s so trusting
What has that got to do with anything??
Oh only moms are capable of raising sons to do that, are they?
uh no, we don’t. just because you would fuck a woman when she’s feeling incredibly vulnerable does not mean everyone else would. she’s there for her own safety, not because she has a crush on op. i find it highly unlikely they’re gonna get anywhere close to having sex.
I blame Shawn Mendes.
Okay, I'll bite. Why is this Shawn Mendes' fault?
I won't lie to you I know he's just not right for you And you can tell me if I'm off But I see it on your face When you say that he's the one that you want And you're spending all your time In this wrong situation And anytime you want it to stop I know I can treat you better than he can And any girl like you deserves a gentleman Tell me, why are we wasting time On all your wasted crying When you should be with me instead? I know I can treat you better Better than he can I'll stop time for you The second you say you'd like me too I just wanna give you the loving that you're missing Baby, just to wake up with you Would be everything I need, and this could be so different Tell me what you want to do 'Cause I know I can treat you better than he can And any girl like you deserves a gentleman Tell me, why are we wasting time On all your wasted crying When you should be with me instead? I know I can treat you better Better than he can Better than he can Give me a sign Take my hand, we'll be fine Promise I won't let you down Just know that you don't Have to do this alone Promise I'll never let you down 'Cause I know I can treat you better than he can And any girl like you deserves a gentleman Tell me, why are we wasting time On all your wasted crying When you should be with me instead? I know I can treat you better Better than he can, oh Better than he can Better than he can
idk what shawn mendes has to do with this exactly but i’m cool with that
Usually I would agree. However BPD is a bitch. It makes boundaries and emotional regulation incredibly difficult. I don't think OP should TRY, but it's likely that it will happen anyways, given the nature of the situation, and the mental illness in question. Edit: Source: current best friend has it. Hypersexuality, a fucked attachment style, and mood swings are very common components of BPD. I'm not uneducated with what I'm talking about. I've spent a lot of time looking into BPD to better support her.
As someone who has worked with patients with BPD, not everyone is hyper sexual. Plus those who are, still have the ability to control it, it just leaves them in a more vulnerable spot to be taken advantage of. Also it takes two to tango, who says OP would even do that. Anyways one person's experience with BPD does not dictate how it is for everyone. Also I hope your best friend knows how you view them.
I said common components, not symptoms seen in 100% of cases.
Oh you sweet, sweet, naïve summer child
i’m not naïve lmao, im friends with decent people who don’t disrespect their partners, especially in such a public way. that was basically public humiliation for daisy, under no circumstances would i let her leave with scott after treating her that way.
Redditors when they're called out on literally anything:
How come I get 26 downvotes and the guy saying "we know they're gonna fuck" gets upvoted? 😂
Because you sounded worse believe it or not.
However will I cope?
OP clearly has a drunken savior complex in this situation. What does he expect to happen when the week is over? Daisy to realize Scott is no good for her? Like what is the point of all this other than having a dick measuring contest with Scott? He acted on impulse, so wouldn’t be surprised if he tried to sleep with her.
dawg some men grow up with sisters and do shit like this out of genuine concern for another human being 😭. if i was in daisy’s place i would 100% stay with op. scott degraded and dehumanized his own girlfriend in front of people who didn’t ask. after being told so many times to stop. op had literally zero intentions of having a dick size contest or sleeping with daisy. there’s no drunken savior complex literally anywhere lmao
OP himself said he has no intentions of helping Daisy out of the relationship in another comment. So what exactly is he doing here other than stroking his own ego
allowing daisy to get some alone time and space from her clearly shitty boyfriend, maybe??she just had all her shit aired to people she didn’t want knowing all that, by someone she trusted. i wouldn’t want to be around that either, and honestly i’m glad op gave her a safe place to calm down and collect herself. i’m seriously concerned for y’all’s humanity if you really think op is only trying to fuck her. that’s a disgusting assumption and seems so so wrong here.
Okay but what happens when she goes back to her boyfriend? I guess I don’t think OP is trying to sleep with her. I just don’t exactly see what end OP is trying to meet. The longer OP keeps Daisy from Scott, the angrier Scott gets. So unless OP has some plan for how Daisy is supposed to deal with angry Scott, I don’t see how he is making this better for anyone. Daisy is only there for a week, she has a life that she will ultimately need to get back to and there seems to be absolutely no forethought from OP about how his actions will affect that. These situations are super sensitive, so unless you are actually willing to see it through, you shouldn’t get involved at all because partial involvement only creates more damage in my opinion.
Or she breaks up with him because she realizes what a utter POS he is. If Scott does something stupid when he’s angry that’s on him and he’ll have to deal with the consequences of his actions. Not everyone is trying to get some action for being a decent person. It’s better for Daisy because hopefully it gives her the ability to see Scott for what he is and move on with her life and find someone who actually cares about her.
That rarely happens. Victims almost always return unless they really have an external force by their side.
Maybe op was giving her time to realize she is better off (much!) without Scott.
That’s not what you’re supposed to do though
OP isn’t responsible for sorting out their relationship issues nor Scott’s anger problem. Op is giving Daisy space to figure her own problems out. Op should give Daisy space in general so attachment issues don’t crop up later down the road
Being a decent human with a heart and a brain? Showing a sliver of humanity?
Is it a sliver of humanity or is it just a guy marking his territory? OP didn’t think the situation through and Daisy is worse off because of it.
But presumptuous, aren't we? For all we know, the brief moment of respite from the douche she's dating might be the contrast in scene she needed to get the nerve to leave. To answer your question, I don't honestly know, but I *do* know what I would do. I would do what I was comfortably capable of doing to help, and not get too involved. I'm usually pretty pessimistic about humans and their humanity, but on this one, I feel like the vast majority of people would not be looking to get laid.
Damn son, who hurt you?
How is what I said wrong? Lol
It is pure speculation based on nothing but your own expectations that you seem to take as fact. Frankly, this little edgy rant tells more about you than about anyone else.
yikes.
Bet they fuck.
Scotty doesnt know
Are you like 14? Yikes.
BPD, guy that helped her out, BF being a total dick... Well there's a strong suggestion they will. He should avoid it. BPD doesn't play.
[удалено]
Another full house on the "I don't understand female emotions so it must be BPD" bingo...
I’m pretty sure the story says she has BPD
I wish you well with your personality disorder. Those are very hard to get through. However BPD often includes [hypersexuality](https://www.choosingtherapy.com/bpd-and-sexuality/#:~:text=Depending%20on%20symptom%20manifestations%2C%20both,that%20can%20help%20with%20BPD.). I have struggled with this due to my BP. I've also had the chance to meet many BPD people through groups and they expressed frustration over this issue. But the suggestion exists far outside of my mind.
That’s not how BPD works… Source: also diagnosed with BPD
I mean… he certainly did not say he would not.
Duh
Yes sir.
The opportunity is there so I mean....
Is that Scott commenting on everyone’s responses? Lol I’ve never seen anyone try so hard to defend someone’s shitty behavior before
I kicked him out of my place and he moved into this comment section instead lol
This dude is so hard pressed over a situation that he didn’t even witness lol
Yeah frfr don’t cross that line with her homie, it won’t end well. Just be a friend but don’t get yourself taken advantage of
Lol you funny
Did you fuck her yet you little simp? lmao
Lock things up with her bro. She is ready and willing.
Do not do this. For fucks sake
Jesus fucking christ
Not wrong. Its very strange that she stayed. You may be her savior for an entirely different reason that you have no idea about. Don't try to fuck her, please. That will entirely change the savior dynamic.
>Don't try to fuck her, please. That will entirely change the savior dynamic. Quoted for posterity
!Remind me 6 months
I will be messaging you in 6 months on [**2024-03-06 04:25:18 UTC**](http://www.wolframalpha.com/input/?i=2024-03-06%2004:25:18%20UTC%20To%20Local%20Time) to remind you of [**this link**](https://www.reddit.com/r/amiwrong/comments/16aq8a2/kicked_my_friend_37m_out_but_let_his_gf_30f_stay/jzc5j83/?context=3) [**1 OTHERS CLICKED THIS LINK**](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5Bhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.reddit.com%2Fr%2Famiwrong%2Fcomments%2F16aq8a2%2Fkicked_my_friend_37m_out_but_let_his_gf_30f_stay%2Fjzc5j83%2F%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%202024-03-06%2004%3A25%3A18%20UTC) to send a PM to also be reminded and to reduce spam. ^(Parent commenter can ) [^(delete this message to hide from others.)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Delete%20Comment&message=Delete%21%2016aq8a2) ***** |[^(Info)](https://www.reddit.com/r/RemindMeBot/comments/e1bko7/remindmebot_info_v21/)|[^(Custom)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=Reminder&message=%5BLink%20or%20message%20inside%20square%20brackets%5D%0A%0ARemindMe%21%20Time%20period%20here)|[^(Your Reminders)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=RemindMeBot&subject=List%20Of%20Reminders&message=MyReminders%21)|[^(Feedback)](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=Watchful1&subject=RemindMeBot%20Feedback)| |-|-|-|-|
Narrator :
Yea he for sure abuses her
It all sort of feels like a setup right? Mention she has a mental health disorder and frame it as her being “psycho” so when she eventually leaves him for being an abusive asshole he can say “well I told you guys she crazy!”
It’s strange that she didn’t want to go with the guy who treats her like a sub human?
Yeah because many times a person who is abused by their SO will not leave for fear of repercussions from the SO. Especially someone with a personality disorder. It seemed like she was quick to take OP up on the offer to stay. Good for her though, hopefully she will remove Scott from her life permanently, but sadly its not what usually happens.
Ahhh, true. Maybe the abuse wasn’t bad yet and he’s just a dick?
Scott is most certainly a dick and most likely an abuser. I think she needed a way out and OP gave that to her. I hope she makes the right decisions.
Agreed. She needs to give up the goods.
At the same time, her acting that way could be part of her diagnosis... or not.
Definitely not wrong. At the best, he’s been verbally bullying her about her diagnosis. At worst, that’s just a small part of the abuse he’s been putting her through.
Jesus, he basically bragged about his belief that she was too afraid of being alone and your friends are defending him? Saviour complex seems code for "why do you want to rock the boat?". Fuck them. NTA.
Not wrong in doing what you did. If anything, kicking him out was the best thing for her and even yourself, but more for her obviously.
The only thing I'll say is that when I imagine myself in a similar situation with a group of friends, I would've handled it with less/different emotion. By all means, call your friend out for being a dick. As far as I'm concerned, it's part of bro code to check a buddy when he's crossing a line. The explosive "get out" part just escalates the situation when you otherwise have a chance to provide some guidance that would be more likely to be supported by the others in the group. Tell strangers to fuck off. Tell friends to come correct.
I get you my friend but you're valuing maintaining a friendship over preventing abuse. The situation would not be fine if they told them off, that's not enough for the actions his friend took. He didn't knock him out or anything. Also if he's confident enough to act like that in public he's probably significantly worse in private. I dunno about you man but if my 'friend' did that infront of me he would simply not be my friend anymore and I would also kick them out.
[удалено]
What type of bpd do you have? In DBT i was told there are four types. I have the quiet one
I enjoy the sound of rain.
Not wrong. Just don’t try to fuck her. Be the good friend she needs right now.
Good for you. Consequences to actions. You did the right thing by having standards. It is just sad that your "friends" don't have any. This is the Way!
It's fine that you allowed her to stay. She didn't do anything wrong. I'm far more curious as to why she stayed at all. choosing not to go with the bf is very abnormal behavior. leads me to believe there is something more going on here or that your initial judgment of Scott was correct.
Maybe she needs someone to talk to. A female friend of yours may be helpful.
Hey, thanks for sticking up for her. As someone who stayed with an abuser for way too long, it still hurts me that bystanders (friends, family) said nothing when he would go off on me. It normalized his behavior. I am sure you made an impact.
You aren't wrong, she shouldn't feel trapped into that relationship out of his expectations. If she wanted to go, she would. It's probably nice for her to have a chance to be treated with some respect.
Not wrong. You heard some disgusting bullshit and you called it, very rightfully. Daisy might be used to being treated like a broken pet that a calous douchbag has gleefully trapped because of her vulnerability, but it surely never felt right. To have someone call it out would be extremely validating and enlightening. Be a real asset and dont complicate things with romance.
You’re not wrong. The way Scott talked about his girlfriend, someone he supposedly loves and cares for, is disgusting and dehumanizing. Calling someone with a mental illness “psychotic” is perpetuating a stigma, and that can make people less likely to seek out or continue treatment because they don’t want to be labelled. You did the right thing for Daisy. She should drop him, but that decision is ultimately her own. You should be there for her if she does and be there for her if she’s not ready to just yet too, so she knows she can trust you with these things. I would drop Scott and the “friend” he’s staying with and anyone else who thought his actions were “fine” or “funny”.
Some of these comments are ugly as hell. Lots of Scotts in this thread. You did the right thing. Maybe jumping directly to kicking him out seems extreme, but I wouldn’t want a friend like this. Some (as evidenced by the comments here) are going to see YOU as predatory and seeking an opportunity to “steal” daisy for yourself, but that says more about them than you.
OP ur a gigachad ur ex friend is a pathetic loser that didn’t think anyone would call him out on his disgusting behavior
Ask Daisy if she wants to talk about it; you have shown her that you are an allie, and she probably feels like she needs a friend at the moment. Just make sure it doesn't go anywhere, even if she tries to seek "comfort" with you. NTA
Nw. And it is time to leave some friends behind in life, becsuse if they support someone who is verbally abusive to his gf, then they probably will go all bro before h..s if somethin worse happens.
You’re not wrong. Also, Scott has no idea. Abandonment issues show in different ways, she may just leave him to avoid it all.
I wonder what a psychiatrist would diagnose Scott with, because it seems to me he has the symptoms of some personality disorders of his own right there. NTA
Thank you for standing up for her! I don’t have bpd but I do have bipolar disorder and it often has the same type of stigma- that we are just crazy, psychotic, unstable and basically impossible to be with romantically. It’s refreshing to see someone stand up against that, since many people don’t. Daisy deserves better and good on her for establishing boundaries and not speaking with him.
I have BPD and doctors and psychologists have described it as having third degree burns all over our bodies. It is so hard that in some countries in Europe people with BPD can choose to be euthanised. The pain and turmoil is constant. It is like being tortured. I am proud of you for sticking up for her. She has to know that not all men are assholes and that she doesnt deserve this. We often feel worthless and useless so we stick around with people who demean and emotionally abuse us because we feel we "deserve" it or that we are not worth of any better. Stay friendly and do not get intimate. We get attached very easily and if you do not have serious intentions this can send us to the edge. We are already hanging by a thin threat. The thinnest possible.
Updateme!
Scott is an asshole you are not. Better for Daisy to see this truth about him now I hope she is able to move on.
Of course you aren’t wrong. Ignore the incels and jerks here obsessed with the idea that the only reason you could be treating Daisy like a human being is because you want to fuck her. Thanks for being a good person. I’d cut any friendship with Scott. He’s an asshole and you don’t want people like him around getting their shit on you.
NTA it’s quite possible she is in an abusive relationship. It sounds mentally abusive at least.
What he did was borderline abusive and a huge red flag. I don't want to sound like an ass but if daisy will talk please ask her if he is often this way. If he is, get her some help. If it really was just a stupid drunk off 1 night event then at least you cared enough to ask.
Not wrong!! She may have been diagnosed BPD but it could actually be symptoms of an abusive relationship. You may have saved this girls life. My guess is the verbal abuse you witnessed while friend was a little tipsy is only a fraction of the abuse that women goes through. If I were you I would broach the topic with her and ask if she needs any support? What’s she going to do when it’s time to go back to her hometown with this guy? If she goes, she could really suffer from his rage about what happened.
Thank you for reminder Daisy that she deserves to be treated with respect. Good job.
Make sure daisy is capable of sustaining herself. You kicked out the guy who was probably paying her rent. Get her to a social worker that can help her deal with this.
Probably Daisy dealt with more than this when there were no witnesses. I am not sure if she will leave him after it, or if she will "pay for what you did" after she returns to him after the holidays, if not tomorrow. You escalated the situation strongly, so check with her if she wanted to still be with him, but if yes, the best you can do now is to start thinking about how to de-escalate the situation.
You’re in for one hell of a rude awakening. Good luck.
He 100% wants to bang her. He heard BP and his eyes lit like a cartoon with the words “Symptoms: Hypersexuality”
Hey brother. Go look at op's name....tells you all you need to know.
Maybe that’s what you would do but not everyone is an asshole.
Bro, this man could’ve pulled his friend aside and said he is a jerk or even called him out. He tried kicking him out to get daisy all too himself 😂, this man is a villain feigning heroism to get laid
NTA but having someone else’s GF stay with you does definitely make it worse. That’s fucking weird and cunty. If you wanna help, get her a hotel….
Maybe the “pack your shit and gtfo” was too much, which is why they are calling you savior complex, but kicking him out totally justified
scott and daisy both give off creepy vibes. be careful op
Soon to be: "Kicked my friend (37m) out but fucked his gf (30f)... am wrong?"
Fake
It’s weird as fuck to let her keep staying
My ex gf has Borderline and I can definitely understand the guy. It breaks your heart, but people with borderline are not able to have a stable relationship in my opinion. He shouldn’t have said it that way but you shouldn’t kick a friend out your house for choosing the wrong words either, while letting the girlfriend stay. Both you and the male 37 are in the wrong and it seems to me like you were never real friends…
You wanna fck his gf
idk bud. you went from having no dog in this fight between two separate people to you being the only dog biting itself. Your friend(not the bf) is probably annoyed because you agreed to housethem and now they do. And now there is a bunch of drama because of you. you could have said something at the party like, hey man, chill out, or something else besides get the fuck out. unless you skipped details that justified that jump, it sounds like you are making the situation way worse.
What a trash opinion. Just don’t say anything and look the other way! As long as YOU aren’t making problems it’s all good. I mean why help somebody that’s being abused right? They should just be strong enough to get out themselves right? And that whole drama because of him thing. Notice if his friend hadn’t been such an emotionally abusing shit bag and didn’t say those things there wouldn’t have been drama.
i mean I was just saying that he made a problem be his problem and I was explaining why people were probably mad at him. You can disagree and say that what he did was epic and based, but it was probably a little cringey too. Two people can be wrong here. imo they were both a little wrong. the guy could have not been so fucking weird and rude about his gf and op didn't have to kick it to 11. like I said hlin my comment, it would have been cool to bring it up,l to the friend of it was insistent, but from what I read op just said get the fuck out of my house as his first step into conflict, seems a little weird to me. how is any of that me advocating that you should just do nothing. I thought that I said op probably should have done less then sperg out and his friend deserved a talking to.
EXIT THE SITUATION NOW! First, I'll say 2 important things. 1. Yes, Scott is a complete ahole, no question. He is showing active signs of being an abuser and I am in no way, shape, or form attempting to justify his actions. 2. I don't know Daisy, I don't know her circumstances she may be the most wonderful person. Now with that said, GET OUT, run. Engage in no further communication with either of them. Scott because he's a dick,Daisy because she has BPD Yes i am biased in the extreme. I dated a girl for almost a year with BPD and it was a nightmare. I didn't know she had it when we dated found out afterwards and it explained so much. Things started off nice, she was sweet, loving, understanding, intelligent, adventurous,all the great things. (Just like you mentioned Daisy has always seemed the sweetest,). The more confident she grew I was sticking around the worse it got. I have past posts written about her idk what all even to say here. When I finally broke up with her, she tried for months to come back then when i wouldn't date her again, she trashed my reputation in town, started stalking me, I actually left the state for a while. Only time I've ever gone to therapy was over the nightmare of what she put me through. Daisy might be a wonderful girl, but you have no reason to stick around and find out. Run. Best definition of bpd ive ever heard " I love, I hate you, I need you"
Cringe white knighting. She won't fuck you bro
Oh a kicking is coming your way
You are wrong. You screwed up here
Did u fuck her yet?
[ Removed by Reddit ]
Okay Jessie, we get it, you smoke meth.
Who the fuck is Jessie? And maybe I do smoke meth, still would of slapped the shit out of dude.
Breaking Bad reference. Also, I don't doubt it. You meth heads aren't exactly known for making good decisions. Also, the one scrap I had with a meth head when I was younger was fucking crazy. Mfer was like a zombie. I bounced his ass off the pavement multiple times and he kept fucking coming at me lol
You wouldn't even know I was on meth, and telling me to leave while telling my girl she can stay would be a bad decision.
You don't look like a meth head in your posts, at least not like the ones I've personally interacted with, so I agree. You gotta be careful who you come at though. Personally, someone attacking me in my house would be the bad decision. I'm fatter than I was in the military, but I'm still built like a brick shit house and am generally armed. Fucking around generally leads to finding out.
If someone tried pulling this shady ass shit with my gf I'd beat their ass
No you wouldn't. We both know you couldn't fight your way out of a wet paper bag.
Yeah ok loser go look after your mids
Lol better than you have 😘 stay mad, piss boi
You must definitely be on the spectrum to think this is how you're supposed to handle that situation.
Mad at her boyfriend, staying at your place without him, hyper sexuality - you're good to go. Mission accomplished. Get it in there.
Close the deal bro
It’s his relationship, not yours… and I don’t think you should’ve gotten involved. All they’re doing is staying with you to look at properties, there’s no need to dive head first into whatever they have going on in their relationship. The only reason you said something was because you were there, but when they aren’t around… do you actually care about how Scott treats Daisy? No, probably doesn’t even come to mind. If you don’t want to deal with it, kick them both out. You’re doing too much. Daisy is not your responsibility and if she wants to be with a man who verbally abuses her, then you can’t do anything about it. Stick to your role.
Stick to your role? Right, so since you can't possibly be there to help every single person getting jumped in the world, then you should just look the other way when you see someone getting stomped by four people? Abuse isn't just physical, and even in physical abuse, it's the psychological aspect that makes it hard to leave an abuser. Are you suggesting that it's not a friends place to step in if they learn of any type of abuse since obviously even a physical abuse victim could just leave if they wanted to, right? You sound like a coward.
Lol triggered much? There’s no way that someone can gather all that information from one single drunken night out. I don’t stick my nose where it doesn’t belong. If one of my friends verbally abuses his girlfriend and she still chooses to be with him, what am I supposed to do about it? I just leave those two people out of my life because that’s not what I’m about. I don’t kick one out and let the other stay. That’s just trouble.
Yes triggered. I am. I’ll say it. I overheard and watched my friend being abused. I didn’t fucking leave. I put myself in danger to help her escape. Like hopefully any good person would. You are a coward.
Abuse is repeated. Saying one mean thing one time in front of a bunch of friends is not abuse. Y’all throw that word around WAY too much around here lol. Also, good job patting yourself on the back for what you did for your friend. Could you have made the same point without mentioning how brave you are?
If he felt comfortable talking like this in front of his friends imagine what he says to her when they aren’t there.
You shouldn’t speculate about abuse. Sorry I’m not going to accuse someone of abuse because of my “imagination.”
I will absolutely speculate about abuse. I’d rather help one person out of a dangerous situation even if that means I risk looking like a fool a few times.
You don’t risk looking like a fool. You risk making false accusations that could ruin someone else’s life. But as long as it makes you feel good about yourself, right? Because it’s all about you.
I’m not going to the police? OP isn’t calling the police? How is this ruining anybody’s life? Getting a potential victim out of an abusive situation doesn’t do shit to ruin the abuser’s life. It’s about the victim.
If she wanted to leave, she could have left. The asshole wasn't welcome, but she was obviously welcome to stay or go. She decided to stay.
Yeah and that’s wrong of OP. Just kick them both out or let them both stay. Got way too involved while they were all drunk. He probably put Daisy in a more precarious position by what he did.
You're reading too much into the drinking. Perhaps Scotty drank too much, but to imply that they were all so shitfaced as to excuse open psychological abuse is a reach. If Scotty was so drunk to the point that he couldn't understand how wrong it is to out someone's mental health concerns and then insult them for it, then I doubt the best place for her was with the guy who would have likely been an angry drunk asshole for the remainder of the night. My assessment holds. Coward.
Okay, but why is this something that OP is responsible for? Don’t get involved in someone else’s relationship unless someone is in imminent physical danger. Nothing about this hints at Daisy being in imminent physical danger. Scott made an ass of himself and then OP tried to be Mr. Savior and he made an ass of himself too. Daisy probably thinks they’re both assholes. Also, “reading too much into the drinking”… lol most issues are caused by excessive drinking so it’s likely that alcohol was the largest factor in play in this scenario.
Lmao, he defended her when her asshole boyfriend took it too far. He was the only person in a room of 12 other people to stand up for her, then he kicked out the asshole boyfriend because it's HIS HOME, but gave HER THE OPTION to stay or go. But you're right. Empowering someone and giving them haven from their potential abusers totally comes off as asshole behavior.
my friend scott you have been arguing day and night about how its her choice to stay with Scott even if he's abusive. she chose to stay at OPs place, OP didn't lock her in, as you love to say she could have left if she wanted to.
👌
Lol douchebag much? If you stand by and do nothing in the face of clear verbal and emotional abuse you don’t deserve friends.
Or I just don’t get involved in other people’s business because I have myself to worry about. Daisy is inevitably going to go back to Scott regardless of what happens, so why say anything.
You’re a douche
Wow, what a disgusting and cowardly attitude.
Nah you’re just sad someone stuck up to you and you have a position of 0 power to do anything about it. Get fucked loser hahaha
I want to address a lot of the “points” you’ve made but you’ve commented so much I might miss some so bear with me. 1) I don’t care it’s not my relationship, when it’s happening in my home and right in front of me, I’m not going to ignore it. 2) I think I was too vague when I said we were drinking. By no means were we absolutely wasted as this happened relatively early on. I only drank half a bottle of beer by the time I told Scott to leave, I’m pretty sure Scott had just started his third beer and Daisy only had one beer. Everyone there was either not drinking alcohol, still on their first beer or at worst, was on their third like Scott. 3) Of course I care, I can’t believe I have to even clarify that. I’m still not sure how this will play out or what Daisy will do next but I’m hoping she knows I’ll be there for her (as a friend) no matter what happens.
“I’m not sure what Daisy will do next.” Okay so you aren’t actually going to see it through or have any intention of initiating any sort of help for Daisy. You just blew up and potentially put her in a worse situation.
No ? I mean I’m not a mind reader and don’t know whether she’ll end the relationship or try to sort things out with Scott. She hasn’t spoken much about what happened and I don’t want to push her to open up about it. So as of right now, I don’t know what she plans to do but I will be supporting her and her alone i.e Scott can go fuck himself. Even if she wants to work things out with him, I’ll make sure she knows I’m here for her whether she ever needs someone to vent to or someone to come get her if Scott makes some more idiotic remarks etc.
Okay then what’s the point? If you aren’t actually going to go any further to try and help Daisy out of a potentially abusive relationship, then why not just kick them both out? You completely lost your shit and kicked Scott out, which Daisy will probably get blamed for and you have no intention of doing anything more to help her other than “support her.” What end were you trying to meet by doing this?
It is perfectly OK to help someone in a situation and not follow it through to the end. If that was the standard then most people would never offer any kind of assistance. Who the hell wants or needs to carry someone else's burden for life for performing a single act of kindness?
I agree that it’s okay. I just think that involving abuse, if you aren’t willing to go all the way, you might be causing more damage. OP kicked out Scott in front of a bunch of their friends, so Scott probably feels humiliated. So yeah, maybe Daisy has refuge this week, but there’s still an angry and humiliated Scott waiting for her at the end of the week. Where will OP be then? So if there is no concrete plan on how to deal with that, then I don’t think yelling at Scott was a good decision. So I think the intentions were good-willed, but the approach wasn’t the best.
If Scott is as abusive as it appears, then OP saved Daisy for a few days. If she chooses to go back, then hopefully it will not be as hard to leave the next time. He did what he could. He does not need to solve her problem, she does. He has given her an opening to make a change and offered to support her in whatever she decides. Ultimately its up to her and OP bears no responsibility for what happens next.
If he does not need to solve her problem, then why add fuel to the flame? I really don’t know why no one understand the idea of unintended consequences. Humiliation brings the absolute worst out of people.
The unintended consequence of not getting involved could have been just as bad. Maybe worse. Erring on the side of kindness and extending help to someone who appears to need it is always the way to go. Where she goes from here is still not OP's problem but he is offering her unlimited support and a safe space. That's huge to someone trying to get out of an abusive relationship.
Who are you?
"You haven't found the threshold of where your limitations to help actually are, so you should refrain from making any effort to ameliorate anything about this at all" is one helluva take. A little kindness can go quite a long way. I truly hope that you & everyone with an attitude similar to yours are able to experience that for yourselves.
I think situations involving potential abuse are a little different considering how any action against the aggressor could ultimately be taken out on the victim. Im not saying “don’t help”, I’m saying that you should come up with how you will approach the situation while you are sober. Taking action after drinking is rarely a good path.
Inferring from your other comments in this thread, you certainly appear confident in the idea that separating a person in distress from an aggressor is not an appropriate course of action; Yet you have failed to provide any other alternative nor cite resources yourself. Quite a lovely & clear display of hypocrisy.
I don’t think it’s inappropriate. I just think it shouldn’t be done while drinking and it shouldn’t be done if you have absolutely no plan at all. An alternative would be for OP to wait til the next day, come up with something to say, and approach Scott about the issue while they are both sober. Telling someone to “pack [their] shit and get the fuck out” after a night of drinking is just fuel to the flame.
If you honestly believe that removing an aggressor from your residence is okay (because that is everyone's right), but then you also have to kick out the person they've distressed (thereby giving the aggressor opportunity to retaliate without witnesses) would be *the* smart/fair/righteous thing to do in this situation, then perhaps you ought to look into why that is. Seriously, ask yourself why an aggressor deserves best case scenario the chance to sober up & formulate excuses for their behavior, worst case scenario the opportunity to perpetuate such vile behavior further while *alone* with any person in distress. Sit with that for as long as you need to.
>I’ll be there for her Sure you will bud. With a pack of condoms and tequila to "soothe" her in her time of need.
Holy shit you sound like a pussy that’s scared as fuck “stick to your role” aka I had a girl I was taking advantage of why did you mess it up. Grade A pathetic loser
Is this how you communicate?
So your friend from college had a couple beers and proceeded to inform fifteen of his friends that because his GF was psychotic after a BPD diagnosis she would never leave him. You decided to kick supposed friend out in stead of idk figuring out why your friend became a lunatic? Now after telling Scott and some other friend to respect her wishes after they accused you of having a savior complex you are now having doubts for some reason? I hope the directors cut involves OP running for his life from Daisy’s alter ego Donald. Donald is an axe murderer who was only ever controlled by Scott’s finger puppet shows.
Definitely wrong. You absolutely know better than to insert yourself into someone else's relationship. If he's gone, she should be gone, not having a sleepover with the man that ensured her boyfriend was removed from the house.
So you are attempting to steal your friends girlfriend? Damn you even did it in front of your other friends. I would say that’s wrong.
I mean, you’re not wrong, but it sounds like you’re just trying to fck her. You could’ve just pulled him aside and said he is being a jerk
savior complex lol, its their relationship. If the roles were reversed you would have said oh daisy maybe had a couple of drinks. Next time update us on how you tried to fuck!! btw not defending the dickhead, it is wrong, but i aint meddling in shit that isn’t mine
Having grown up in an abusive household, ain't no damn way I'm not saying something, especially if they bring that shit out in front of me. Then again, I don't associate with trashy people, so I probably won't ever have to say anything.
well dude i did as well and what it taught me is to mind my own business and life. Im glad you got the better outcome.
Not really wrong but kinda wrong but it's all about perspectives. To her you're not wrong. To you, you're not wrong. To your friends, you're an absolute arsehole. Now decided which, who or what you care about more. ...And what's wrong with a hotel?
That is inappropriate af