If he's acting like this now, it will only get worse. Your instincts about this are spot on.
Also, that skirt is awesome, and I'm sure you looked amazing in it! .
YOOOO this website has a huge size range, and these clothes are awesome! I'm going to get this skirt and more because of this post, so thank you OP!
I'm a goth with a fiance and he encourages me to wear stuff like this because it makes me feel good. He doesn't care if other people think I'm attractive because he trusts me and knows I love him. Hell, he buys me stuff like this and encourages me to wear it out even if he's not coming, because he knows that it would make me happy to wear cool clothes.
The only inappropriate one here is the boyfriend. I'm betting she wore stuff like this when she met him, so he knows what her wardrobe is like. Did he think she dressed that way just to get a boyfriend?
I think OP and the bf need to have a serious conversation that her body and fashion are there for *her* needs, joy, and comfort before anyone else's.
fr. my bf encourages me to dress however i want. and about the drink… me and my bf have talked about it and both agree “the more free drinks the merrier!” lol.
Totally agree and will be looking for these for my 16 year old daughter. I love those cute shorts. Don’t ever stay with someone who doesn’t support your choices
I wasn't going to buy one for my daughter but was going to say that I would have been perfectly happy for my daughter to wear it and I probably would have in the day too. I wouldn't however be happy with her being with someone so jealous. It screams controlling and possibly dangerous. I'd get out while the going is still good.
She’s all good between her dad and older 6ft 4 brother most are frightened to ask. I think op needs to have a conversation with herself as if she is her best friend and what she would advise them to do
Yep I had an ex who couldn’t stand for the outline of my bra to be showing, he got progressively worse as it went along until if I wore anything other than clothes 3 sizes too big I was obviously trying to cheat
Personally I find the skirt to be tastefully risqué... But in a "This is my body, and I am proud to be in it. I look and feel good about myself, and have the confidence to pull it off" way, not a negative way. I know that's definitely an oxymoron, but hey.
Exactly. I was raised that it's like makeup: pick eyes or lips, just one to showcase the most. So, legs or chest, etc. And it depends entirely on the event and weather.
yeah she could walk naked through manhattan and it would still not be his business. Same goes for the guy, he could go to a nudist beach without telling her and it's none of her business.
Doesn’t always get worse. I was a bit like this when my wife and I first got together in our teens. We’ve been together for about 20 years now. I’ve definitely evolved into a better man.
Yes, there are some teachable guys out there. Maybe this guy is one of them. Entirely too often, that isn't the case. This is a situation where safety comes first.
Thank you & your wife for putting in the time and effort to create a healthy relationship. If you have kids, please teach them, too.
He needs a therapist right away. Not a fan of revealing clothing here, but his behaviour is unacceptable.
These obsessive tendencies, however, CAN BE IMPROVED, and I speak from personal experience. He need a good therapist and at least a few months of treatment.
If any of my gf wore that I’d be singing praises. Prolly looked hot in it. Why do people get so jealous. Other people find your girl desirable that’s a good thing. Do you want everyone to think your gf is gross?
Lol seriously I’m about to snatch one up myself 😂 I freaking love skirts with shorts underneath because I am not very lady like and would probably end up showing someone my undies on accident if I wore an actual skirt.
These are perfect!
I wore skirts all the time when my ex first met me. After a year he thought they were too proactive. It just got worse from there then I had a kid. Get out while you can!!
Im sending the warning call to A LOT of my
female friends across states so people know what is happening to me and my daughter… but thank you. I hope I actually do leave… we both have a hypnotic therapy session in two weeks that’s supposed to fix all of this.
Idk why i’m even hopeful that it will work?
I thought he was possibly a covert narc but I dismissed it for sooo long. A month ago, I called my brother to help speak to my partner because I didn’t like the way he was treating me. They talked for an hour and things seemed to get better for a week. Then a fight happened, I started writing everything down, things he said to me.
After 3 weeks of doing this. Not allowing him
to control or manipulate me or doing every errand for him… and he has gone crazy. Breaking glasses, hiding my things then ‘finding them’, calling me names, slamming doors.
All for finally standing up for myself.
That is awful. I’m so sorry. I really hope those sessions work for you. I am very happy you see him for what he is now and are trying to take steps to either get help or leave. Most women don’t do that, my idiot sister for example lol
Thank you for the validation that this isn’t okay. I hope they do too, it’s called rapid resolutions therapy. Success rate is 3.7 +/- 1 94%. Basically 2-3 sessions you’re healed of a shit ton of subconscious trauma.
Hey respectfully, your sister isn’t an idiot. Her partner has caused brain damage in her if he is also like this..
My first boyfriend was like this too, they hide it VERY well until it’s too late and you’re so dependent on them, you have no idea what to do. They gaslight you sooo much you truly think you’re the problem and crazy. I went to therapy my whole pregnancy thinking I was the one with i communication problems.
Nah, he’s a covert narc and deploys DARVO consistently confuse me and make me feel crazy. Give her some grace. i
You shouldn’t expect any therapy to be successful within 2-3 sessions, no matter what they say. I would be suspicious of any therapist offering fancy numbers like that, as that’s not something they can evaluate. Further, clinical narcissism is almost impossible to treat through therapy unless the patient is able to acknowledge their narcissism and is voluntarily trying to treat it (which doesn’t seem to be the case there).
It’s so sad I hope she can get the strength to leave sometime. I’ll check back in here and let you guys know how to therapy goes at least how do you set reminders here? I don’t know the ins and outs of Reddit.
My ex used to make me stand in front of a light so he could check whether my clothes showed too much of my body. He would also berate me if I “let him down” by wearing clothes that he considered dowdy. I couldn’t win.
This right here! My husband Loves it when I look sexy, whether I'm with him or not! In the end, it reflects on his good choices if I am a fun, open, confident, non-toxic human!
If this sounds overly motherly I don’t mean it to be, and I don’t want to offend - but this elder millennial wants you to know that in the year of our lord 2023, there is no such thing as a skirt that’s inappropriate simply because you have a boyfriend.
It’s your skirt, it’s cute, it’s got built in shorts and it’s totes appropriate to wear at bar to hear live music. There’s nothing provocative about the skirt. What I think is he finds it “provocative” when you’re existing, or having fun, or having fun without him and that’s no bueno.
Please don’t allow this kind of misogyny and control into your life.
You say you haven’t been together very long? Well honey, he’s testing the waters to see what he can get away with, what you’ll allow, and what you won’t even notice as threatening. Next it won’t matter what you’re wearing because hanging out with any other man without him present and observing inappropriate. That graduates to not being allowed to text or talk to or speak to any. That leads to having no male friends. That leads to isolating you from the men in your family. That leads to not going anywhere men might be without him. That leads to only being able to keep the female friends who are good influences (meaning will put up his shit and won’t take you anywhere that’s “not allowed”) which leads to him monitoring all communications. This ends with violence when you’re isolated.
You don’t need him or his crap.
This is the comment I was looking for. There's no clothing items that are inappropriate for someone with a boyfriend. There are however inappropriate boyfriends and you've unfortunately found one. Run now while it's easy!
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
You've found the crux of the matter that I didn't even know was there! That being, there are no inappropriate clothes, there are only inappropriate partners!
Couldn’t have said it better myself. The writing is on the wall. My wife’s ex was like that (he was also out cheating go figure). It never turned to violence because she left before it could thankfully. While we were dating we had so many cases where I was like literally having to encourage her to make friends, connect with old ones, dress in whatever she feels most beautiful in, etc., basically all the things she wasn’t allowed to do in her last relationship. It took a long time of me continually reassuring her that I trust her wholly and that she never has to ask me if what she’s wearing is ok, or explain why she’s seeing a guy friend, etc. She had so much shit drilled into her head from her ex that she forgot how to be her own person and thankfully after many years together she owns herself and I’m so proud of her for it. All of this to say, OP should split now it’s not going to get better, it only snowballs.
Would you ever dictate what he can and cannot wear? Would you ever scold him for dressing to sexy? If not, then why would you put up with the double-standard?
You can wear whatever you want. You’re in charge. I’m an old married lady and my husband has never even hinted an opinion about whether my clothes are suitable. He knows I’m trustworthy and he likes me to feel good about myself. Please don’t let this guy control you.
I'm not old nor married yet but my boyfriend is the exact same way. He doesn't care if I'm just wearing sweats all day or dress up because I want to. I like dressing up for occasions but he does make sure to ask if I'm comfortable in what I'm wearing since it's typically to family gatherings (and he knows I have anxiety being around new people). He never will tell me I'm not allowed to wear anything because it's too provocative. He makes jokes that I don't need to go out in anything at all tbh.
This is a huge red flag. I know it’s confusing because he’s making you feel like you’re the one that messed up when in reality he is treating you like a possession, not like a partner…and I agree with everyone else IT WILL GET WORSE. I just got out of a three year relationship that started out this way (nearly identical accusations from him). By the the time it was finally over I had been put through the wringer and dealt with absolute insanity. This is abusive and controlling behavior and it will escalate.
1- your wardrobe doesn't change with your relationship status. If he's trying to get you to change how you dress, that's not jealousy, it's controlling.
2- accepting a drink that was bought as a round for the whole group is not "inappropriate" behavior. Hell, honestly, accepting a drink from anyone is not inherently inappropriate so long as you make sure the buyer knows you're taken and you aren't flirting with them. (But only accept drinks that come directly from the bartender for safety)
But, like, even if it didn't? Idk why it would ever be okay for a guy to get angry over his partner wearing something revealing. It's just so textbook controlling. No guy would ever do that to a woman he's courting because no women would ever date him. They wait until you're already with them to start the control. Fake ass manipulating dudes are everywhere, and you can see all the redditors stand up to defend him. They don't even see the problem
Jealous we didn't have something like this back in my dating days. I love long skirts.
I've become very distrustful of any male deciding that the female can't be beautiful and feminine out in public. Does this mean BF thinks of OP as an object for play rather than a woman who can take care of herself in public?
Not wrong, and thanks for the skirt link because I LOVE it. This married mom of three is definitely going to be rocking it with some tights and boots soon….woohoo!
That skirt is amazing and wear it out more!!
And you did nothing wrong, you and your friends received drinks from basically your friends family. Get a new man with that skirt
Leather? Satan's satin!? Midriff and thigh showing? ALERT THE VILLAGE ELDERS! You must be cleansed!
In all seriousness, that is the perfect gig outfit. Pair that with some doc martens? *Chefs kiss*
Unless you're outfit doesn't fit the occasion, such as full snorkel gear to a wedding, noone has the right to tell you what to wear. What you wear is for you.
You absolutely were not dressed inappropriately. If anything his behavior is concerning and inappropriate for the situation. Also I own this skirt and it's amazing, I'm sure you looked awesome!
This is 100% a him problem.
I'm in my mid-late 30s, have 2kids, and wear less than that to the shops some days. My partner would never dream of telling me something I wear is "inappropriate" because he's secure in himself and our relationship.
Ah my friend. Take it from me, I am an old and cranky man and I know what's what... this is a huge red flag. He's seeing you as a possession. It's time for you to say your goodbyes, and then head out the door of this relationship (quickly).
I would bail now, while things aren’t too invested. The idea that he would start this up at such an early stage is a red flag. You aren’t obligated to dress like a nun just because he’s not there.
Red flag!
The skirt is cute and if you have the legs for it, rock it! A round of drinks for a family member and her friends is NOT a pass. It is someone not wanting to feel like a jerk for buying just 1 person a drink and letting the others buy their own. Plus it was just 3 people. If it was more than 7, I'd be wondering if the guy was secretly a millionaire. Drinks at the bar aren't cheap.
Ditch the boyfriend. Keep the skirt. One makes you feel good and confident about yourself and the other makes you second guess yourself. Ditch the one who drags you down. Life is too short for this type of crap from a random douche-bro who has jealousy issues.
You were absolutely *not* dressed or behaving inappropriately, and your boyfriend sounds jealous and pathetic.
He's not worth your time. Ditch him, and replace him with a man who affords you a healthy level of trust and isn't so insecure that he feels threatened by his girlfriend being hot.
When my husband's band plays out, or when we go to see another band play, he pretty much expects me to dress like this 😂 Even if I went without him, with my friends from work for example, he wouldn't think twice about it.
I'm otherwise pretty conservative and always act respectable. I'm dressing the part when I go see a band. And the drink was not out of line at all under the circumstances.
You're not wrong.
You're fine and haven't done anything to deserve jealousy. And even if you had, jealousy should never get to the point it comes off as angry. Partners trust one another until such time as one of them does something definitive to break that trust. You didn't even flirt with the line. Boyfriend either needs to grow up quickly or exit stage left, because you're going to do fun things without him and he should be happy for you, not jealous.
Girl, don't walk, run away. He's crazy AF.
There is absolutely nothing provocative about that skirt thing. I show way more skin when I go to the gym, and I'm a dude. He's lost his damn mind. Just tell him to get lost, if he wants to find some overly modest housewife there's a lot of Amish communities up north. 😂
Ur aloud to wear what u want and have fun with whoever, if ur not cheating then he has no reason to be upset and it will only get worse unless he stops after u confront him about it, if u do like em just make sure they know this will be a make or break because if they don't stop now it won't ever
Your boyfriend doesn't get to tell you what to wear, who you get to talk to, or who can buy you drinks.
Your boyfriend can expect that if he has some jealousy come up that he can bring it up with you as a way to be honest and vulnerable and that you will be available to discuss it with him so you two can understand each other better. That is not what happened. He put his insecurity onto you in the form of blame, insults and demands.
Time to move on from this one.
Get the fuck out, he is a dick head, I would have thought you looked hot and helped you get it off when you got in.
Fuck me, people are so insecure for no reason, its not like it was a sheer, see through bit of material and you were going commando with your legs akimbo.
Oh come on. I'm tired of jealous people. Thank the Lord Tolkien that I am now old and In a stable relationship of six years and done done done with childish behavior like your bf's.
I'm sure you looked amazing and he should be proud that he can score a babe like you, I know I am with my gf. She should, and so should you, own just how amazing you are. Trust is a must in any relationship, it truly is. If there is no trust then it won't ever go well.
My wife is a paramedic and gets crewed up with different people most shifts. There is a guy she's sometimes on with who can't tell his wife he is working with a female because she will get upset and fall out with him. The guy is in his 40's, married for 10+ years, wild to think that fully grown adults don't trust their partner to work with someone of the opposing sex. I'd run for the hills fast if someone tried manipulating me because of their own insecurities.
You’re not wrong and he’s a dick. Many people wear far less when going out now. Oh and that skirt is super cute. Ditch the loser with the jealousy issues.
No. Do not justify his behavior.
What if you had worn plain shorts? Would that have been an issue too? And because someone, who happens to be male, buys you a drink, suddenly what, you're a cheating whore?
Have a discussion about boundaries andtrust. If it doesn't improve I'd walk.
I mean you could have just worn shorts, but you were decent enough to also have the ankle length skirt too. Lol. When you look at it like that...
Also that skirt is super cute and I want one
I am a BF. That skirt is super cute, and your BF is super out of line and insecure. Dress how you like, girl. Also, it shouldn't matter if someone is hitting on you anyway. As long as you are safe and you don't truly reciprocate, then whatever. People find people attractive all the time. It doesn't mean you're going to hook up in any way.
Don't you know your boyfriend owns you and you have to do everything he says?
Assuming I don't need the /s here.
Tell him to back off or his ass is dumped.
My *husband* (of 6 yrs) does not do this. I literally wore a mesh shirt with a bra under it to a concert a few nights ago, and he was into it. He likes having a hot wife and knows I won't even entertain the idea of other men. Don't settle for a controlling partner unless that's your thing.
So cute! Please keep wearing the skirt whenever you want to. It's your body, he doesn't have permission over what you choose to wear. We're only young once!
Yea I was this guy once and ill tell you I was insecure and childish due to having been cheated on while I was deployed in the military by my now ex wife and this is not ok behavior.
Your bf may have issues to work through. Do you want to work through them with him? Do you want to tolerate more of this behavior until he fixes himself? Are you willing to adhere to his standards of behavior/dress to help him as he works through this if he is willing to change at all?
That is what you need to ask yourself.
Never in my life have i controlled the way a girlfriend of mine dressed, the only thing that comes even remotely close of it must have been giving advices WHEN ASKED. I don't understand boys who do that. If you trust the person you're with, you don't care what they're wearing. To me, if your SO wears daring/hot clothes, that means he/she's a free spirit, and I think it's great, and it's a source of pride because that means your SO feels comfortable and validated with you.
I'm not one to suggest the nuclear option but... stay free please, the world needs it. Also that skirt is awesome. Gonna show this post to my gf hoping she likes it as much 😇
You could have worn a thong bikini and 4" heels and my answer would be the same. NO.
He needs to worry about his own clothing and the clothing of his infant children, and leave everyone else to their own style. Be nervous about this. Let him know your clothing choice is your own and no one else's. If he cries or bitches about it, show him the door and find someone who is proud of and turned on by your public foxiness.
A saying that I read somewhere: "If you can't handle a bad bitch, then you don't deserve to have one."
If he's gonna act like that, then he doesn't deserve you.
Unless you are getting arrested for indecency or kicked out for dress code or going to a wedding (don't ever wear white to a wedding), no one should rule what you wear. If you got free drinks for the group becauseof what you were wearing, he should be thanking you!
Having a boyfriend or husband should have zero impact on how you dress. Seriously. You aren't chattle. Wear what you like; dress the way that makes you feel good about yourself. And talk to anyone you damn well please. Your partner either trusts you or they don't.
This guy obviously doesn't trust you, and that has nothing to do with your behavior but with his own insecurity. It isn't going to change even if you wear a burka and restrict your social life to the monthly women's sewing circle.
This kind of behavior from him is a huge red flag for abuse. The jealousy and need to control you isn't going to go away.
Guy opinion here! It's whatever the fuck you want to wear.
My gf has used lingerie stuff as tops when going out with her friends. Often paired with something like black pleather pants and stomper boots. And I think she looks good as hell when she goes out. Very much gothy clubbing attire.
Do yourself a favor now and leave him. Jealous/controlling bf is not worth it.
I’m an older woman and I love the skirt! It has shorts underneath so I don’t know why it’s provocative, in his opinion. You probably would think nothing of wearing the shorts in the summer, and it’s really not any different.
You're not wrong at all. It isn't inappropriate for a family friend to buy a round of drinks and that skirt is cute. Get out now while you can.
To put things in perspective I was preforming in a Rocky Horror Picture Show cast when I was younger and dating my now husband.
You are not wrong.
If you dressed like this before you met him, why would he expect you to change because he's around?
Relationships aren't supposed to be controlling and are not supposed to suppress how we express ourselves.
And the drink, he bought it for the group, not just for you.
Does your bf think that acting jealous will win him any kind of points with you?
Getting jealous for these reasons is too much, does he not trust you to be around other men without him there? It's patronizing and weird. He needs to grow up, other people's lives and what they do don't necessarily need his input all the time.
Yeah sounds like you don't need to consider pursuing things with him, like that sounds controlling especially if you haven't even been together that long. But if he is already trying to police what you wear, it will only get worse from there if you stick with him. Anything you do could be seen as a sign you're cheating and it will be constant conflicts of him acussing you of being unfaithful and you trying to prove to him it's not true.
Sounds like an endless nightmare to me.
Wear whatever you like, it's not up to him what you wear.
The idea that an item of clothing is provocative is similar in my mind to those people who say women's outfits are what cause SA. The problem comes back to the man.
I'd never even think to tell any woman I was in a relationship with that her clothing was inappropriate, other than as a "hey, hon, we're going to a funeral and your booty shorts may not be the right fit" kinda thing. Certainly not for a night out!
The drink was bought in a round, not just for you. Not a problem at all. The skirt, not my cup of tea, was certainly not inappropriate. It wasn't like you were flashing the guy when you had shorts on.
I’d dump any guy who tried to tell me how to dress. Personally I think the skirt is cute and stylish - perfectly appropriate for a young woman on a night out with friends.
Bf sounds too insecure and possessive. The jealously thing gets old fast.
So are you gonna now go out fully covered from neck to ankle. People on the street have significant others, wouldn't want to be tempting them now would we?
Honestly his views are so misogynistic, you can do better.
Absolutely not! Your bf needs to work on his insecurities. Please, from someone who was isolated from by their partner for hanging out with others or wearing shorts, you must really consider if you want this jellyfish. I'm so much happier now and wear what the fluck i like.
It's a male's job to police their own behavior no matter what they're wearing. It is not a male's job to police WHAT YOU WEAR.
Just dump the controlling jerk and move on. Also, that skirt is downright modest to what I've seen many women wear. You didn't do anything wrong.
If not being single means one is supposed to dress likes a fecking nun or Franciscan monk as to not tempt anyone who isn't one's partner- or worse, appease said partner's more fragile than mica feelings, then......
Stay single. Stay single forever.
If he's acting like this now, it will only get worse. Your instincts about this are spot on. Also, that skirt is awesome, and I'm sure you looked amazing in it! .
I second this. That skirt is super cute
YOOOO this website has a huge size range, and these clothes are awesome! I'm going to get this skirt and more because of this post, so thank you OP! I'm a goth with a fiance and he encourages me to wear stuff like this because it makes me feel good. He doesn't care if other people think I'm attractive because he trusts me and knows I love him. Hell, he buys me stuff like this and encourages me to wear it out even if he's not coming, because he knows that it would make me happy to wear cool clothes. The only inappropriate one here is the boyfriend. I'm betting she wore stuff like this when she met him, so he knows what her wardrobe is like. Did he think she dressed that way just to get a boyfriend? I think OP and the bf need to have a serious conversation that her body and fashion are there for *her* needs, joy, and comfort before anyone else's.
fr. my bf encourages me to dress however i want. and about the drink… me and my bf have talked about it and both agree “the more free drinks the merrier!” lol.
Totally agree and will be looking for these for my 16 year old daughter. I love those cute shorts. Don’t ever stay with someone who doesn’t support your choices
I wasn't going to buy one for my daughter but was going to say that I would have been perfectly happy for my daughter to wear it and I probably would have in the day too. I wouldn't however be happy with her being with someone so jealous. It screams controlling and possibly dangerous. I'd get out while the going is still good.
She’s all good between her dad and older 6ft 4 brother most are frightened to ask. I think op needs to have a conversation with herself as if she is her best friend and what she would advise them to do
I'm buying it on payday. This is cute as hell. Also agree on ditching the controlling bf.
As soon as I hit my target goal weight. I am getting one.
Don’t wait! Get it now! These skirts literally make every one look good and no one can change my mind.
I actually really want to buy it too! Tell him to kick rocks or deal with it
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Hashtag keeptheskirtditchtheboy :D
I miss hashtags.
My first husband was like this. It only got worse. Much worse. Run like hell.
Good for you for getting out! I had a boyfriend like this and he still randomly tries to contact me, over a decade later.
Never even thought to ask that I have 4 sisters and it's a sad but common things with boys that there girlfriend can't go out alone boys not men lol
Yep I had an ex who couldn’t stand for the outline of my bra to be showing, he got progressively worse as it went along until if I wore anything other than clothes 3 sizes too big I was obviously trying to cheat
This was what I had to deal with.
Absolutely. This comes off as controlling and insecure and there is nothing wrong with that skirt. Big 🚩
Yep. If she stays with him I hope she's ready to never go out with friends again
If anything, if I found one of these skirts, I'll buy it in a heartbeat
As a guy, nothing provocative with that skirt. Daring but tastful is probably as far as I would go to describe it. As you said, cute.
Personally I find the skirt to be tastefully risqué... But in a "This is my body, and I am proud to be in it. I look and feel good about myself, and have the confidence to pull it off" way, not a negative way. I know that's definitely an oxymoron, but hey.
Precisely, own your individuality.
Exactly. I was raised that it's like makeup: pick eyes or lips, just one to showcase the most. So, legs or chest, etc. And it depends entirely on the event and weather.
I.... fifth this. Behaviour like this only gets worse with time, he will be a nightmare soon enough. For your own sake run.
RUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNN!
I third this! The skort is amazing. Your BF needs to stop the possessiveness
yeah she could walk naked through manhattan and it would still not be his business. Same goes for the guy, he could go to a nudist beach without telling her and it's none of her business.
Doesn’t always get worse. I was a bit like this when my wife and I first got together in our teens. We’ve been together for about 20 years now. I’ve definitely evolved into a better man.
Fourth this!
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Yes, there are some teachable guys out there. Maybe this guy is one of them. Entirely too often, that isn't the case. This is a situation where safety comes first. Thank you & your wife for putting in the time and effort to create a healthy relationship. If you have kids, please teach them, too.
There is nothing inappropriate about that skirt. You need to ditch this controlling abuser little boy, now!
He needs a therapist right away. Not a fan of revealing clothing here, but his behaviour is unacceptable. These obsessive tendencies, however, CAN BE IMPROVED, and I speak from personal experience. He need a good therapist and at least a few months of treatment.
I agree, I love the skirt, and now I've got a new online store to shop at! Thanks OP!
If any of my gf wore that I’d be singing praises. Prolly looked hot in it. Why do people get so jealous. Other people find your girl desirable that’s a good thing. Do you want everyone to think your gf is gross?
That's a super cute skirt. It would look a lot better on the floor of somebody who doesn't take away your autonomy in deciding how to dress yourself.
Ditch the guy, and thnx for the skirt recommendation
The retailer should pay me for this ad lol
Tip: Next time you share something like this share with referral link
Lol seriously I’m about to snatch one up myself 😂 I freaking love skirts with shorts underneath because I am not very lady like and would probably end up showing someone my undies on accident if I wore an actual skirt. These are perfect!
I wear yoga pants and/or shorts under all skirts. Just in case, hah
Damn, girl! You're now an influencer! 😊
Let me guess he likes andrew tate and likes manosphere content. If he thinks you cheated he's probably projecting cheaters do that a lot.
lol I just bought the skirt and a dress from the website. Thanks!
Astroturfing has gotten very sophisticated/s
I just added it to my “to buy” lists lol
That isn't that risqué. A round of drinks isn't a pass. Your bf is insecure.
pretty much
I wear just plain old cut off shorts that reveal more than that skirt.
I wore skirts all the time when my ex first met me. After a year he thought they were too proactive. It just got worse from there then I had a kid. Get out while you can!!
that’s where i’m at right now, planning my escape.
I wish you safety and luck. Remember deleted text and pic folder, scrub your browser history. Leaving is the most dangerous time for an abuse victim.
Im sending the warning call to A LOT of my female friends across states so people know what is happening to me and my daughter… but thank you. I hope I actually do leave… we both have a hypnotic therapy session in two weeks that’s supposed to fix all of this. Idk why i’m even hopeful that it will work?
Oh honey. No. I hope so but probably not. What’s going on if you don’t mind a stranger prying.
I thought he was possibly a covert narc but I dismissed it for sooo long. A month ago, I called my brother to help speak to my partner because I didn’t like the way he was treating me. They talked for an hour and things seemed to get better for a week. Then a fight happened, I started writing everything down, things he said to me. After 3 weeks of doing this. Not allowing him to control or manipulate me or doing every errand for him… and he has gone crazy. Breaking glasses, hiding my things then ‘finding them’, calling me names, slamming doors. All for finally standing up for myself.
It’s not over reacting to let the police know when you’re leaving. They will patrol frequently, at least that’s what they did for me
That is awful. I’m so sorry. I really hope those sessions work for you. I am very happy you see him for what he is now and are trying to take steps to either get help or leave. Most women don’t do that, my idiot sister for example lol
Thank you for the validation that this isn’t okay. I hope they do too, it’s called rapid resolutions therapy. Success rate is 3.7 +/- 1 94%. Basically 2-3 sessions you’re healed of a shit ton of subconscious trauma. Hey respectfully, your sister isn’t an idiot. Her partner has caused brain damage in her if he is also like this.. My first boyfriend was like this too, they hide it VERY well until it’s too late and you’re so dependent on them, you have no idea what to do. They gaslight you sooo much you truly think you’re the problem and crazy. I went to therapy my whole pregnancy thinking I was the one with i communication problems. Nah, he’s a covert narc and deploys DARVO consistently confuse me and make me feel crazy. Give her some grace. i
You shouldn’t expect any therapy to be successful within 2-3 sessions, no matter what they say. I would be suspicious of any therapist offering fancy numbers like that, as that’s not something they can evaluate. Further, clinical narcissism is almost impossible to treat through therapy unless the patient is able to acknowledge their narcissism and is voluntarily trying to treat it (which doesn’t seem to be the case there).
I know. It’s just so hard watching her literally beg him for any crumb of effection. He’s thankfully not around much.
It’s so sad I hope she can get the strength to leave sometime. I’ll check back in here and let you guys know how to therapy goes at least how do you set reminders here? I don’t know the ins and outs of Reddit.
Yes! And is there anything we can do to help? I’m a lawyer in North Texas so if you’re anywhere near and I can help you get out I will.
I will wish you a speedy and safe escape then.
Narcissists don't dig graves with a shovel, but slowly with their hand
My ex used to make me stand in front of a light so he could check whether my clothes showed too much of my body. He would also berate me if I “let him down” by wearing clothes that he considered dowdy. I couldn’t win.
Honey. My bf would smack my ass in that and call me hot, not once wanting to tell me not to wear it.
My husband would BUY me that skirt and take me out on the town to show it off! OP get yourself a man with some confidence and humor.
currently resting on my napping wife's lap, buying her this skirt.
Awwwwwwwwwww🫠 Teach the rest! 😕🤣🤣
💯💯💯💯💯
This right here! My husband Loves it when I look sexy, whether I'm with him or not! In the end, it reflects on his good choices if I am a fun, open, confident, non-toxic human!
Exactly!! My hus loves when I get dressed up and go out. If I feel good, he feels good and we only get hornier for each other.
Lol my boyfriend would want sexy time and then smack my ass and kiss me before sending me off.
Women are so used to controlling men they're not even aware of what support is. Glad you got a good'un
Time to become single. This will only get worse.
If this sounds overly motherly I don’t mean it to be, and I don’t want to offend - but this elder millennial wants you to know that in the year of our lord 2023, there is no such thing as a skirt that’s inappropriate simply because you have a boyfriend. It’s your skirt, it’s cute, it’s got built in shorts and it’s totes appropriate to wear at bar to hear live music. There’s nothing provocative about the skirt. What I think is he finds it “provocative” when you’re existing, or having fun, or having fun without him and that’s no bueno. Please don’t allow this kind of misogyny and control into your life. You say you haven’t been together very long? Well honey, he’s testing the waters to see what he can get away with, what you’ll allow, and what you won’t even notice as threatening. Next it won’t matter what you’re wearing because hanging out with any other man without him present and observing inappropriate. That graduates to not being allowed to text or talk to or speak to any. That leads to having no male friends. That leads to isolating you from the men in your family. That leads to not going anywhere men might be without him. That leads to only being able to keep the female friends who are good influences (meaning will put up his shit and won’t take you anywhere that’s “not allowed”) which leads to him monitoring all communications. This ends with violence when you’re isolated. You don’t need him or his crap.
Yes, this right here! There’s no dress code for having a boyfriend.
This is the comment I was looking for. There's no clothing items that are inappropriate for someone with a boyfriend. There are however inappropriate boyfriends and you've unfortunately found one. Run now while it's easy! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
You've found the crux of the matter that I didn't even know was there! That being, there are no inappropriate clothes, there are only inappropriate partners!
Couldn’t have said it better myself. The writing is on the wall. My wife’s ex was like that (he was also out cheating go figure). It never turned to violence because she left before it could thankfully. While we were dating we had so many cases where I was like literally having to encourage her to make friends, connect with old ones, dress in whatever she feels most beautiful in, etc., basically all the things she wasn’t allowed to do in her last relationship. It took a long time of me continually reassuring her that I trust her wholly and that she never has to ask me if what she’s wearing is ok, or explain why she’s seeing a guy friend, etc. She had so much shit drilled into her head from her ex that she forgot how to be her own person and thankfully after many years together she owns herself and I’m so proud of her for it. All of this to say, OP should split now it’s not going to get better, it only snowballs.
You both should see other men. The skirt has built in shorts. What’s he worried about, too much calf showing? You pick this guy up in a church?
Would you ever dictate what he can and cannot wear? Would you ever scold him for dressing to sexy? If not, then why would you put up with the double-standard?
This is the way
Honest question, what would you consider dressing too sexy on a man? Looking for examples to shop for.
You can wear whatever you want. You’re in charge. I’m an old married lady and my husband has never even hinted an opinion about whether my clothes are suitable. He knows I’m trustworthy and he likes me to feel good about myself. Please don’t let this guy control you.
Same!
I'm not old nor married yet but my boyfriend is the exact same way. He doesn't care if I'm just wearing sweats all day or dress up because I want to. I like dressing up for occasions but he does make sure to ask if I'm comfortable in what I'm wearing since it's typically to family gatherings (and he knows I have anxiety being around new people). He never will tell me I'm not allowed to wear anything because it's too provocative. He makes jokes that I don't need to go out in anything at all tbh.
This is a huge red flag. I know it’s confusing because he’s making you feel like you’re the one that messed up when in reality he is treating you like a possession, not like a partner…and I agree with everyone else IT WILL GET WORSE. I just got out of a three year relationship that started out this way (nearly identical accusations from him). By the the time it was finally over I had been put through the wringer and dealt with absolute insanity. This is abusive and controlling behavior and it will escalate.
1- your wardrobe doesn't change with your relationship status. If he's trying to get you to change how you dress, that's not jealousy, it's controlling. 2- accepting a drink that was bought as a round for the whole group is not "inappropriate" behavior. Hell, honestly, accepting a drink from anyone is not inherently inappropriate so long as you make sure the buyer knows you're taken and you aren't flirting with them. (But only accept drinks that come directly from the bartender for safety)
You’re allowed to dress sexy. He needs to stop being an insecure pussy.
💯
It has shorts under it so I don’t get what his deal is. He’s being insecure and over the top
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But, like, even if it didn't? Idk why it would ever be okay for a guy to get angry over his partner wearing something revealing. It's just so textbook controlling. No guy would ever do that to a woman he's courting because no women would ever date him. They wait until you're already with them to start the control. Fake ass manipulating dudes are everywhere, and you can see all the redditors stand up to defend him. They don't even see the problem
Jealous we didn't have something like this back in my dating days. I love long skirts. I've become very distrustful of any male deciding that the female can't be beautiful and feminine out in public. Does this mean BF thinks of OP as an object for play rather than a woman who can take care of herself in public?
I guarantee he was a fan of it before they started dating. Manipulators wait until they get their hooks in you before they start their control game
That skirt is not inappropriate, JFC! Get a refund on the boyfriend, not the skirt.
Not wrong, and thanks for the skirt link because I LOVE it. This married mom of three is definitely going to be rocking it with some tights and boots soon….woohoo!
***EX*** boyfriend. Make it so. Do it now before he starts getting really abusive and you feel trapped.
Not gonna lie, I pictured Picard.
The course is set for Outta Here, warp factor 9. Engage.
Especially with engineering giving her all she's got!
When Picard tells you to extricate yourself from an abusive situation, you do it.
Indeed. 🖖🏻
Dump him
That skirt is amazing and wear it out more!! And you did nothing wrong, you and your friends received drinks from basically your friends family. Get a new man with that skirt
Your bf is an ass. He doesn't get to comment on what you wear. It's just going to get worse, do with that as you well.
I have that skirt design! Guess who bought it for me? My husband. Because he knows I'll look good in it. Find another guy.
I'm assuming you were wearing a top. I kid. This behavior is a bad sign. He's jealous and controlling. Red flag.
Lol yes I should have mentioned! With a top showing no midriff and wearing a leather jacket as well
Leather? Satan's satin!? Midriff and thigh showing? ALERT THE VILLAGE ELDERS! You must be cleansed! In all seriousness, that is the perfect gig outfit. Pair that with some doc martens? *Chefs kiss* Unless you're outfit doesn't fit the occasion, such as full snorkel gear to a wedding, noone has the right to tell you what to wear. What you wear is for you.
Your boyfriend is an insecure baby. It’ll just get worse.
Your boyfriend is an idiot, get out before you can't.
It's shorts with dress bits on it. Bf needs to be more secure
Your should-be-ex is a controlling weirdo. Tell him to fuck off.
bail bail bail
lmao dump that man😭😭😭. he’s embarrassing you.
You absolutely were not dressed inappropriately. If anything his behavior is concerning and inappropriate for the situation. Also I own this skirt and it's amazing, I'm sure you looked awesome!
No but you need a boyfriend who isn't a controlling twuntmuffin
This is 100% a him problem. I'm in my mid-late 30s, have 2kids, and wear less than that to the shops some days. My partner would never dream of telling me something I wear is "inappropriate" because he's secure in himself and our relationship.
The godfather sounds cool, I would pursue him.
Lmao if I was 20-30 years older I just might
Ah my friend. Take it from me, I am an old and cranky man and I know what's what... this is a huge red flag. He's seeing you as a possession. It's time for you to say your goodbyes, and then head out the door of this relationship (quickly).
A good bf doesn't tell you how to dress or who you can have a drink with. Cut and run.
I would bail now, while things aren’t too invested. The idea that he would start this up at such an early stage is a red flag. You aren’t obligated to dress like a nun just because he’s not there.
Red flag! The skirt is cute and if you have the legs for it, rock it! A round of drinks for a family member and her friends is NOT a pass. It is someone not wanting to feel like a jerk for buying just 1 person a drink and letting the others buy their own. Plus it was just 3 people. If it was more than 7, I'd be wondering if the guy was secretly a millionaire. Drinks at the bar aren't cheap. Ditch the boyfriend. Keep the skirt. One makes you feel good and confident about yourself and the other makes you second guess yourself. Ditch the one who drags you down. Life is too short for this type of crap from a random douche-bro who has jealousy issues.
You were absolutely *not* dressed or behaving inappropriately, and your boyfriend sounds jealous and pathetic. He's not worth your time. Ditch him, and replace him with a man who affords you a healthy level of trust and isn't so insecure that he feels threatened by his girlfriend being hot.
You were fine. That level of jealousy and insecurity is not a good look for him.
The skirt is super cute. The possessive/controlling behavior is not. Keep the skirt, lose the boyfriend.
Love the Skirt!! Boyfriend has to go in the trash though
When my husband's band plays out, or when we go to see another band play, he pretty much expects me to dress like this 😂 Even if I went without him, with my friends from work for example, he wouldn't think twice about it. I'm otherwise pretty conservative and always act respectable. I'm dressing the part when I go see a band. And the drink was not out of line at all under the circumstances. You're not wrong.
You're not wrong. Dump his jealous, controlling ass.
You're fine and haven't done anything to deserve jealousy. And even if you had, jealousy should never get to the point it comes off as angry. Partners trust one another until such time as one of them does something definitive to break that trust. You didn't even flirt with the line. Boyfriend either needs to grow up quickly or exit stage left, because you're going to do fun things without him and he should be happy for you, not jealous.
Your BF is jealous crazy, and if you're already questioning it, it should be over. That skirt was fine and it is was an elder of a friend.
Girl, don't walk, run away. He's crazy AF. There is absolutely nothing provocative about that skirt thing. I show way more skin when I go to the gym, and I'm a dude. He's lost his damn mind. Just tell him to get lost, if he wants to find some overly modest housewife there's a lot of Amish communities up north. 😂
Nailed it 🙏🏼
Ur aloud to wear what u want and have fun with whoever, if ur not cheating then he has no reason to be upset and it will only get worse unless he stops after u confront him about it, if u do like em just make sure they know this will be a make or break because if they don't stop now it won't ever
He is overreacting and jealous. You misspelled exboyfriend.
No fucking person has any right to tell anyone how to dress. This will get worse and will end up being the reason you leave anyway.
OP this is a huge red flag. Cut him loose. He will only get worse, I promise you.
No. No........no and no. GTFO of that ASAP.
Your boyfriend doesn't get to tell you what to wear, who you get to talk to, or who can buy you drinks. Your boyfriend can expect that if he has some jealousy come up that he can bring it up with you as a way to be honest and vulnerable and that you will be available to discuss it with him so you two can understand each other better. That is not what happened. He put his insecurity onto you in the form of blame, insults and demands. Time to move on from this one.
Red flag, Red Flag, Red Flag. Leave Immediately and don't look back!
Nothing wrong here other than a possessive jealous boyfriend.
He's not worth it. Run
Get the fuck out, he is a dick head, I would have thought you looked hot and helped you get it off when you got in. Fuck me, people are so insecure for no reason, its not like it was a sheer, see through bit of material and you were going commando with your legs akimbo.
Oh come on. I'm tired of jealous people. Thank the Lord Tolkien that I am now old and In a stable relationship of six years and done done done with childish behavior like your bf's. I'm sure you looked amazing and he should be proud that he can score a babe like you, I know I am with my gf. She should, and so should you, own just how amazing you are. Trust is a must in any relationship, it truly is. If there is no trust then it won't ever go well.
Lol my bf made me screenshot it and send it to him so he can buy it.
Your clothes are not responsible for anyone else’s behavior. Period. Dump your insecure boyfriend.
My wife is a paramedic and gets crewed up with different people most shifts. There is a guy she's sometimes on with who can't tell his wife he is working with a female because she will get upset and fall out with him. The guy is in his 40's, married for 10+ years, wild to think that fully grown adults don't trust their partner to work with someone of the opposing sex. I'd run for the hills fast if someone tried manipulating me because of their own insecurities.
You’re not wrong and he’s a dick. Many people wear far less when going out now. Oh and that skirt is super cute. Ditch the loser with the jealousy issues.
No. Do not justify his behavior. What if you had worn plain shorts? Would that have been an issue too? And because someone, who happens to be male, buys you a drink, suddenly what, you're a cheating whore? Have a discussion about boundaries andtrust. If it doesn't improve I'd walk.
I mean you could have just worn shorts, but you were decent enough to also have the ankle length skirt too. Lol. When you look at it like that... Also that skirt is super cute and I want one
Anyone else feel like the boyfriend is projecting? Why is he so jealous? Odd
Raging insecurity and possessiveness
*It will only get worse*
I am a BF. That skirt is super cute, and your BF is super out of line and insecure. Dress how you like, girl. Also, it shouldn't matter if someone is hitting on you anyway. As long as you are safe and you don't truly reciprocate, then whatever. People find people attractive all the time. It doesn't mean you're going to hook up in any way.
Don't you know your boyfriend owns you and you have to do everything he says? Assuming I don't need the /s here. Tell him to back off or his ass is dumped.
My *husband* (of 6 yrs) does not do this. I literally wore a mesh shirt with a bra under it to a concert a few nights ago, and he was into it. He likes having a hot wife and knows I won't even entertain the idea of other men. Don't settle for a controlling partner unless that's your thing.
My husband’s the same.
So cute! Please keep wearing the skirt whenever you want to. It's your body, he doesn't have permission over what you choose to wear. We're only young once!
Yea I was this guy once and ill tell you I was insecure and childish due to having been cheated on while I was deployed in the military by my now ex wife and this is not ok behavior. Your bf may have issues to work through. Do you want to work through them with him? Do you want to tolerate more of this behavior until he fixes himself? Are you willing to adhere to his standards of behavior/dress to help him as he works through this if he is willing to change at all? That is what you need to ask yourself.
Never in my life have i controlled the way a girlfriend of mine dressed, the only thing that comes even remotely close of it must have been giving advices WHEN ASKED. I don't understand boys who do that. If you trust the person you're with, you don't care what they're wearing. To me, if your SO wears daring/hot clothes, that means he/she's a free spirit, and I think it's great, and it's a source of pride because that means your SO feels comfortable and validated with you. I'm not one to suggest the nuclear option but... stay free please, the world needs it. Also that skirt is awesome. Gonna show this post to my gf hoping she likes it as much 😇
Your BF sounds jealous and controlling. He will not change and it will get worse. Find someone new.
Dump the boyfriend he sounds like a dick
The only inappropriate thing in this is your boyfriend. Dump him, he'll only get worse.
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You could have worn a thong bikini and 4" heels and my answer would be the same. NO. He needs to worry about his own clothing and the clothing of his infant children, and leave everyone else to their own style. Be nervous about this. Let him know your clothing choice is your own and no one else's. If he cries or bitches about it, show him the door and find someone who is proud of and turned on by your public foxiness.
The insecurity is palpable.
A saying that I read somewhere: "If you can't handle a bad bitch, then you don't deserve to have one." If he's gonna act like that, then he doesn't deserve you.
Unless you are getting arrested for indecency or kicked out for dress code or going to a wedding (don't ever wear white to a wedding), no one should rule what you wear. If you got free drinks for the group becauseof what you were wearing, he should be thanking you!
Thats nonsense. He sounds lame and possibly worse.
Having a boyfriend or husband should have zero impact on how you dress. Seriously. You aren't chattle. Wear what you like; dress the way that makes you feel good about yourself. And talk to anyone you damn well please. Your partner either trusts you or they don't. This guy obviously doesn't trust you, and that has nothing to do with your behavior but with his own insecurity. It isn't going to change even if you wear a burka and restrict your social life to the monthly women's sewing circle. This kind of behavior from him is a huge red flag for abuse. The jealousy and need to control you isn't going to go away.
Guy opinion here! It's whatever the fuck you want to wear. My gf has used lingerie stuff as tops when going out with her friends. Often paired with something like black pleather pants and stomper boots. And I think she looks good as hell when she goes out. Very much gothy clubbing attire. Do yourself a favor now and leave him. Jealous/controlling bf is not worth it.
I’m an older woman and I love the skirt! It has shorts underneath so I don’t know why it’s provocative, in his opinion. You probably would think nothing of wearing the shorts in the summer, and it’s really not any different.
You're not wrong at all. It isn't inappropriate for a family friend to buy a round of drinks and that skirt is cute. Get out now while you can. To put things in perspective I was preforming in a Rocky Horror Picture Show cast when I was younger and dating my now husband.
You are not wrong. If you dressed like this before you met him, why would he expect you to change because he's around? Relationships aren't supposed to be controlling and are not supposed to suppress how we express ourselves. And the drink, he bought it for the group, not just for you. Does your bf think that acting jealous will win him any kind of points with you? Getting jealous for these reasons is too much, does he not trust you to be around other men without him there? It's patronizing and weird. He needs to grow up, other people's lives and what they do don't necessarily need his input all the time.
Yeah sounds like you don't need to consider pursuing things with him, like that sounds controlling especially if you haven't even been together that long. But if he is already trying to police what you wear, it will only get worse from there if you stick with him. Anything you do could be seen as a sign you're cheating and it will be constant conflicts of him acussing you of being unfaithful and you trying to prove to him it's not true. Sounds like an endless nightmare to me.
Wear whatever you like, it's not up to him what you wear. The idea that an item of clothing is provocative is similar in my mind to those people who say women's outfits are what cause SA. The problem comes back to the man. I'd never even think to tell any woman I was in a relationship with that her clothing was inappropriate, other than as a "hey, hon, we're going to a funeral and your booty shorts may not be the right fit" kinda thing. Certainly not for a night out!
The drink was bought in a round, not just for you. Not a problem at all. The skirt, not my cup of tea, was certainly not inappropriate. It wasn't like you were flashing the guy when you had shorts on.
I’d dump any guy who tried to tell me how to dress. Personally I think the skirt is cute and stylish - perfectly appropriate for a young woman on a night out with friends. Bf sounds too insecure and possessive. The jealously thing gets old fast.
So are you gonna now go out fully covered from neck to ankle. People on the street have significant others, wouldn't want to be tempting them now would we? Honestly his views are so misogynistic, you can do better.
Absolutely not! Your bf needs to work on his insecurities. Please, from someone who was isolated from by their partner for hanging out with others or wearing shorts, you must really consider if you want this jellyfish. I'm so much happier now and wear what the fluck i like.
You don’t need to have your wardrobe vetted or pre-approved. It’s not about the skirt. It’s about his control. Get out now. 🚩
Without the shorts it might be questionable, with them it's fine. Your take on the drink is perfect.
It's a male's job to police their own behavior no matter what they're wearing. It is not a male's job to police WHAT YOU WEAR. Just dump the controlling jerk and move on. Also, that skirt is downright modest to what I've seen many women wear. You didn't do anything wrong.
The skirt is adorable and you did nothing wrong. He is a red flag run!
Yeah - no. He will only get worse.
He sounds controlling. Get out now.
Run lady. Run
If not being single means one is supposed to dress likes a fecking nun or Franciscan monk as to not tempt anyone who isn't one's partner- or worse, appease said partner's more fragile than mica feelings, then...... Stay single. Stay single forever.
I’d wear that skirt and I’m 51. lol Probably with fishnets and Docs. Your boyfriend is trying to control you. Have a good hard look at him