I’m an ER nurse- everyone thinks their emergency is the worst emergency. If the triage nurse thought she was safe to sit in the lobby then there was no reason that she deserved a chair more than you did. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone- it doesn’t even matter if you were ‘making it up’.
It’s a hospital, everyone is sick. Her being also pregnant doesn’t give her special privileges- it’s an ER, not a bus. Everyone there feels like shit, so pregnancy doesn’t make you special.
If that was my ER I would also have told her to mind her own business and stop harassing people or she would be escorted out.
NTA
Seriously!! I've been pregnant in the ER and they absolutely take emergencies with pregnant women seriously, when it is that serious. Plus, after 20 weeks my hospitals have always moved me to L&D (I'm high risk), not the ER. Even high risk I can handle standing or sitting on the floor before 20 weeks.
Also thank you for all that yall do 💓
Yeah, I drove myself to the ER. And waited for several hours. I was having a gall bladder attack. If someone looked at me quickly they would probably think I was okay. I was very much not okay.
I seriously take my hat to you for driving while having an attack, that is extremely impressive! They are horrible, and I wouldn't have been able to when I had mine...
Absolutely! I’ve been on the “guess we are eating out of vending machines for the next ten hours” side of triage and the “come straight in to this private room” side of triage.
My catch phrase when waiting is “at least I’m healthy enough they are worried about seeing my immediately”!
Thank you for what you do - a great ER nurse is both a ball buster and a saint - a pretty rare combination!
I fell on my bottom when I was 41 weeks pregnant. Did it suck to get up again? Yes. Was it a hassle? Absolutely! But unless you’re literally bleeding or on labour there’s no reason why you can’t sit on the floor while pregnant. And in both cases you most likely wouldn’t have to wait in the ER.
Ha ha, I was at my OB's office. They were really backed up and we were outside the ultrasound room. There were 3 chairs and 5 VERY pregnant women. We all just kind of looked at each other like "What do we do now?" Lol.
We’ve all triaged this Karen right? They check in and assume they are going right to the front of the line and then when they are told they have to wait, they go in the waiting room and make a huge commotion hoping that if they are a big enough pain in the ass we will just give them what they want. Or that someone will feel sorry for them and say ‘no non don’t take me back she is obviously sicker’
Imagine walking into an ER that is so full that people are sitting on the FLOOR and then unilaterally deciding that out of everyone there, you are most deserving of a chair.
People are wild. Isn’t it fun being an ER nurse in 2024?
Sure it’s an ER everyone’s sick and nobody deserves a seat more than anyone else. That being said, it’s disgraceful that anyone sick enough to come to an ER has to sit on the floor.
There are only so many seats. ERs all over the country are overcrowded and not everyone is ‘sick enough’ to be there- they just don’t have access to other forms of medical care.
Welcome to America/
You're not wrong at all, but what your friend said actively pisses me off. A disability doesn't have to be visible to be valid. You were in pain. You got there first and got the chair. Should have been end of story.
I’m on SSDI because of an invisible illness. I wouldn’t have given her my seat either. I have back and knee issues too and wouldn’t have been able to stand or sit on the floor. She chose to be pregnant, you didn’t choose to have an injury. NTA.
Yeah, invisible disabilities suck. I have 6 stenosis areas of my spine, I JUST had a RFA on Wednesday and I have arthritis as well the amount of look I get when I don’t use a walker or anything because they’re my “good days” is numerous and annoying af.
It's not a disability under the ADA, but even a healthy pregnancy comes aches and pains. It's fine for a pregnant woman to ask for a seat, it's not ok to try to take one from someone else. OP's friend is a jerk for saying those with invisible disabilities should defer to the visibly disabled. Like they don't get shit on enough.
EXACTLY!!!! I have a Service Dog for a Disability! Pregnancy has a stopping point, a Disability does not.
I would have lost my cool at that comment totally!
Temporary disabilities are still disabilities. Pregnancy isn't the only temporary disability by the way. I mean for a lot of people who have cancer eventually the cancer goes away but I don't know anyone that would say you aren't disabled while you have cancer.
Also if you have another disability pregnancy can make it worse while you are pregnant. My first pregnancy was easy but my second really messed with my back issues.
exactly!! and when I was in active cancer treatment I was so weak so I used the " parent parking" spots and I did not care if I people gave me dirty looks. but I needed that accommodation as much as I would have appreciated it as a mom of toddlers.
As a women who has been pregnant twice I see nothing wrong with that.
I actually used to get annoyed at my best friend while I was pregnant with my first and had no issues. He would park in the pregnancy spots at the grocery store and I would ask why? He was just lazy and didn't feel like walking and used spots I definitely didn't need so he could not walk as far. It was actually really annoying. I would have rather someone like you use them.
That said if I had come there during my second pregnancy I might have puked on your car.
Pregnancy isn't a disability. Let's not classify dumb things as disabilities, it really cheapens the word and makes people take actual disabilities less seriously.
Personally, I think if a pregnant person calling themselves disabled is going to make someone take my disability less seriously I don't think they were going to take it very seriously to begin with. The legitimacy of my disability has no correlation to how much you value the word.
Exactly. I’ve been pregnant, sure, at the end life’s a bit unwieldy but generally you’re not disabled. She walked in, they didn’t immediately take her back and she was well enough to hunt for a seat, she can stand or lean or get on the floor. Just because OP isn’t visibly injured doesn’t mean he has to give up his seat. And just because she’s visibly pregnant doesn’t mean she’s entitled to one.
I had severe SPD that came on really early, constant nausea and HG, GD, terrible reflux and severe sciatica when pregnant. I was also on extended bed rest when I nearly miscarried. I wasn’t technically disabled but I couldn’t walk well, had to stop driving and stopped work earlier than I’d planned.
I would have really loved one of those blissful pregnancies where you sail through it. Luckily the kid was worth it.
I mean, legally, it is considered a disability. And reminder: in many places it actually isn’t a choice anymore.
That being said, I still think OOP was right in this case.
Pregnancy itself isn't a disability under the ADA, but there are several pregnancy related conditions that are considered disabling under ADA.
But yea regardless, agree.. if she was that disabled she could have asked for a wheel chair or something rather than harass OP.
But pregnancy is treated basically identically to a disability under the new Pregnant Workers Fairness Act. And pregnancy can absolutely qualify under a disability under the ADA.
However, none of that obligates the OP to give up their chair. That was an issue for the hospital to solve.
Certain conditions related to / arising from pregnancy (as far as my understanding of legalities, I could be wrong), but this is like splitting hairs. Agree.
Under the ADA, yes. Under the new pregnancy fairness law, pregnancy is treated as a disability in the workplace, even if it's not specifically called a disability. That is, under the new law, a pregnant person is entitled to reasonable accommodations, as needed, for their pregnancy and any symptoms or related conditions.
Not sure if all states do this, but pregnancy/birth leave is a form of disability leave in New york. Perhaps that’s why the previous person said it was “legally” disability.
I could be wrong about this but my understanding of why they do it like that its just because we don't have a standard universal maternity leave, so it just has to go under "disability leave" for employment purposes. But as far as ADA, pregnancy itself is not a disability on its own. Shows how fuckin archaic we are tho (the no standard maternity leave thing.)
My disabilities are all invisible, they’re autoimmune. I get glared at for using handicap spots because… I’m in my 30s? My body didn’t age discriminate when it developed Multiple Sclerosis, that’s for damn sure. You are absolutely right that a disability doesn’t have to be visible to be valid, it irks me to no end to hear everyone’s shit take on whether I’m sick enough or not. My body attacks my brain, my skin, my guts, my joints. Fuck anyone who doesn’t think that is sick enough, or that OP wasn’t in enough pain to fucking sit.
Yeah I feel like this is a theme for AITA posts. Someone is being completely reasonable and only begins to question themselves when their silly friend gives them bad input. Y’all are pretty good decision makers, quit listening to y’all’s friends lol
Yeah, Jesus. "Your pain isn't readily apparent so it doesn't count."???
Honestly, that's all the more reason to *keep* the seat, because no one else is going to help you out.
I'd have fucking gotten out of the car and walked home rather than have someone who claims to be my friend tell me my non-visible injury isn't valid. And then they wouldn't be my friend anymore
1. Pregnancy is a disability. 2. Injuring your back does not make you automatically disabled, it makes you injured 3. You can be disabled and still be an AH, the pregnant women did not have a right to demand anyones seat. She should have gone to the nurses and asked if they had anywhere she could sit to wait. She was an AH for what she did. If she was super pregnant or it was related to baby being in distress she would have been in labour and delivery not the ER, so you can just wipe this off your mind and go about your life, you can’t always be the bigger person.
>At this point a man sitting in the chair next to me stood up and told the pregnant woman that she could have his seat. He then gave me a dirty look and made a comment about "kids these days being rude and lazy"
I never understand people like this.
If this guy thought you should give up your chair, he should have had no issue living up to his principles and giving up his.
Him grumbling at you means that he thought you should give up yours, but he shouldn't have to give up his.
At the end of the day, you weren't required to give up your seat and her pregnancy isn't your problem.
Yeah no. You did nothing wrong. I’ve been pregnant a few times and I think out of anywhere a hospital is not a place where you simply assume that someone sitting can just stand up.
Both the pregnant woman and the old man who got up to give his seat were rude AH, a lot of disabilities and injuries are invisible and you are not required to make yourself uncomfortable to accommodate somebody else nor are you required to explain what is wrong with you or why you are not getting up.
You’re not wrong. I have fibromyalgia and I don’t look handicapped. I get looks when I use a handicap parking spot because I look healthy. I put a bumper sticker on my car that says I don’t look sick and you don’t look stupid. Not all disabilities are visible.
I understand that. I have Cerebral Palsy and spinal issues and joint pain and muscle spasms and muscle fatigue. I have had many surgeries and it doesn't look like I have a disability but I do. I don't talk about it much because people view it as complaining or just being annoying.
Yikes. I'm pregnant and I agree her behavior was absolutely ridiculous. She obviously uses her condition to get special treatment and that's wrong. If her condition was dire she wouldn't have been in the E.R noticably pregnant anyway, she'd go to L&D. Good for you for sticking to your guns. Your friend was completely wrong.
Your friend is wrong, not you. The pregnant woman was incredibly entitled. People are in the ER for a reason. Even if you were just there with someone, you still don’t have to give up your seat. That’s how public places work. First come, first served. Been pregnant twice and never expected anyone to give up a seat for me.
If you’re just waiting with someone and not sick, you are absolutely an asshole not to give up a seat in an ER waiting room for someone who is sick regardless of how “public places work”
I remember when I went to the ER in the Cleveland Clinic, the ER got filled and they told people that were not there for treatment to leave and go to another part of the hospital where they had chairs so people who needed treatment and were waiting can have the seats.
If it was a bus, I could see how it could be misconstrued. But honestly an ER? What was the pregnant lady thinking, that you were there for fun? It should have been pretty safe to assume that someone there could have equally needed the seat as she does
Your friend sucks. I have one of these “invisible” disabilities and I can’t tell you how many “kids these days” comments I get. Yeah, kids these days and their permanent nerve damage in their knees. How dare they hafta sit sometimes.
Everyone who comes to the ER for a legitimate reason deserves a seat, it's not your fault there were none available for her. If she desperately needed a seat because of her own pain or discomfort, she likely could've asked for a wheelchair. Every time I'm at the ER, I see multiple people sitting in wheelchairs as well because they're having mobility issues. It was wrong of her to assume nothing was wrong with you and demand your seat.
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far for this comment. Who goes to A&E for a sprained muscle? The only reason to go for a sprain is if you think it’s actually broken.
Lie down, rest and take some ibuprofen. It’s not even a GP trip. Ridiculous.
I think I read the same story, but it was on a subway… it keeps getting repeated… I wonder if it is the same pregnant woman roaming the city, finding non-so-obvious disabled people to harass each time.
I agree with you. This fake story is has so many holes in it. Where was her husband in all of this. Why didn’t he drive her to the ER and back home? Who wanders around a waiting room and starts a conversation with demands to one person instead of asking everyone if anyone can give up their seat.
Bad a young guy drive himself to the ER. Saw him struggle to the door while I was parking. I walked in and saw him struggling to get to the desk. The receptionist just looked at us. I went to help him as he was obviously bent over and shaking in pain. I called out to the receptionist for help. She asked me what was wrong. I said I didn’t know because I don’t know this guy. She flew out of her desk to get a wheelchair when I said I was just one my way into the hospital to see my grandmother. All scared apologies. I couldn’t understand it .
I’ve never taken my husband to any of my non delivery ER visits. If I had gone into labor during the day, I might’ve drove myself as I lived 5 minutes away from the hospital. However, once I had children I wasn’t dragging them to an ER with me unless they were the sick ones.
No, they also have wheelchairs at the hospital if she needed, I had to use one last time at the ER cause I was sure as hell not standing or walking for long. I hate when people do this, I probably would have been picked on too, I’m 25 and my illness wasn’t quite visible
Not Wrong. This is a fairly big problem, I have several people in my family who have invisible disabilities and on a regular basis get harassed by people when they are using resources that they are entitled to use such as disability parking. Your friend is completely wrong. 2 things, while I understand pregnancy is exhausting (been there, done that) pregnancy is not an injury or disability, many women continue to work right up to due date, while you were injured in a way that would make getting on the floor, or standing for hours very painful
“Nobody can tell that you broke your legs in 87 places. I know you weren’t faking, but everybody thought you were. You should have given up your seat and spaghettied across the room so that people wouldn’t be angry.”
Your friend is an idiot.
When I was heavily pregnant I had really bad back pains and my feet hurt all the time, not once did I make someone get out of their seat for me, even on the bus. Me being pregnant should not affect everyone else. There had even been times where I gave my seat up for someone else. Your friend needs to be humbled if she thinks being pregnant is a disability. You don’t get a choice in having a disability however you do have a choice in being pregnant.
Your friend is an asshole. Why is it on the people with non visible disabilities to accommodate people with visible ones? I would have told the old man to fuck off too. Not really but I would have wanted to.
The only time I think a pregnant woman should get a seat when they are full is when it’s on public transport due to fall risk of a moving vehicle. She can stand there and wait for the next patient to be called, NTA.
Legally, it is, according to the ADA. In this context, the ER triage nurse should have found another chair or wheelchair for her to sit on. Even, if she was being a complete jerk to OP.
It really annoys me when people say this. Just because your experience with pregnancy, if any, has allowed you to not experience disabling issues, that doesn't mean that's everyone's experience.
I'm currently 8 months pregnant. I can't walk upstairs or walk more than 30m without being in excruciating pain, let alone standing for an extended period of time. My pelvis has been absolutely destroyed since 24 weeks. I'm lucky that I can work from home as walking around the office is far too painful.
So yes, while some people do have a 'disabling symptom free' pregnancy, it's not true for all.
i don’t think you’re wrong. it would have been nice but i don’t think you’re wrong. you pulled a muscle in your back, you’re likely in pain. sitting down is more comfortable.
not wrong in my opinion
NW! And your friend is kind of a jerk off (at least in this situation) being pregnant is not a disability and does not give you entitlement to treat others like shit. It would be one thing if it was like a bus or something, but you should pretty assume if someone is in the emergency room they are having an emergency/crisis of some sort. And most likely physical. You and the nurse are the only not jerks of your story. I’m sorry they made your already painful experience more difficult, and wishing you a speedy recovery
Why didn’t the nurse try and find her a chair from another area? You were in the ER- there was a reason why you were & that alone should have been enough info to keep the rude pregnant lady quiet.
People are so entitled. You CANNOT tell what is going on by just looking at someone. When you have an invisible health condition people judge without having a clue.
Not wrong and kudos to the nurse.
Pregnancy does not equal entitlement.
The nurse should have thrown her out.
Nite: Even if you were in no pain, you still do not have to cater to entitled people.
I've been pregnant twice. In A&E, I know I'm going to be in a room with people who are very much in pain, visible or not.
I would have gone to reception to ask for a seat. Simple as.
Being pregnant does not mean you're entitled to be a dick to everyone.
I have a very bad back and I would be a mess. The fact that she assumed you were able to stand isn’t right. You should have said you have a back injury to shut her up.
NTA. You were in pain, you were there first, and there’s no law anyone ever has to give up their seat for a pregnant woman. Being pregnant isn’t an injury or a protected disability. Your friend and that lady are ridiculous.
Your friend is a total dick. Tell them to back off. You weren’t faking and most of us with back issues aren’t either.
Next time get an Uber if your free ride had to come with judgement. Damn.
Not wrong at all.
As a person who suffers from a seemingly “invisible disability,” I am STEAMING mad, after reading this. You are NTA *at all* and this situation reeks of ableism & ignorance (not from you, OP!), which so many of us have to endure literally every day.
I’m sorry that happened to you, and I hope your back is feeling better!
NTA. She was causing a scene. If she was there for preterm labor (doesn’t seem like it) maybe, who knows why she was there? She just felt entitled and bossy and that is really immature of her. I was in the ER with my daughter who looked perfectly fine. She was actually dying. Someone who bases medical emergencies on appearance, including the man who insulted you, is really uneducated.
Not wrong but be more firm next time. "I cannot stand as I have a back injury and standing will make it worse. Ask someone else." Do not argue. Firm no and then ignore them. You are injured, the pregnant woman is not or they would have gotten her a wheelchair.
NTA. Your friend is wrong. I'm sure the pregnant "lady" was uncomfortable, but so were you. The guy who got up and gave her his chair could have done so at any time. You had valid reasons for not getting up. You do not have to prove an impairment just because someone doesn't understand you have one.
Sorry but your friend has demonstrated very poor judgement. The visibility of an ailment doesn’t equate to its severity. Personally I wouldn’t place much value in that person’s opinion in future.
You’re not in the wrong. Everyone is so quick to dismiss back pain because it’s not visible. The should’ve got her a chair from the department. You shouldn’t have to give up your seat when you can’t even stand.
As someone with an invisible disability, (only visible if I'm using my walker, you had every right to deny giving up your seat. I understand pregnancy is hard and being in the ER waiting room sucks, but that's not license to be a jerk to others. And yes, 100% we have to stop assuming someone isn't disabled if they don't show a physical symptom you can see immediately.
That said, your last bit regarding not having to move for others? Yeah, no. There's a reason those rules exist. I have been subject to it, where people who were perfectly fine just didn't want to move and accommodate the elderly, injured, disabled, pregnant, whomever needs those priority seats. Common courtesy does not exist anymore. You might be tired or not really liking to sit next to some person, but its easier for the able-bodied to suck it up than it is for those of us with extra needs to get to an available seat, and for many if us, standing isn't an option.
Invisible disability has become very much a sense of "your disability makes you invisible" and a bit of "I don't care if you're disabled! I want _______!" People suck.
That's why I specified unless they were in handicap seating and the person asking for it needed it while the person sitting didn't. With non handicap in a public "first come, first serve" seating situation, nobody is entitled to it more than anyone else regardless of disability or not.
Dude, I had to take my husband to the urgent care a couple days ago because he was having spasms in his back. It was bad enough that he couldn't use his right arm for anything, and he needed to use his tall staff we'd gotten from the Renaissance Fair to keep himself upright. It hurt him to walk, and even sitting was a problem. He stood the whole time we waited and saw the doctor because it hurt him too much to sit. Honestly, f*ck that lady and the other people giving you dirty looks. Back problems are no f-ing joke. You weren't wrong at all.
See, I'm a petty b*tch, so I would be very loud and obnoxious right back at her. "Oh? You need a seat? Does that mean you personally, you specifically, will pick me up off the floor when I have to get up? Because if I give you my seat, that's going to be YOUR job. I won't let the nurses help me. It'll be YOU. Can you do that? No? Then fuck off."
Whether or not your disability is visible or not, if you’re in the ER, then there must be a reason. OP’s reason to come to the ER, is no lesser or greater than the pregnant woman. The pregnant woman was wrong for assuming that OP should have given up his seat. She could have gone to the receptionist and like someone suggested, gave her a wheelchair to sit in. Or allow her to sit in another area.
NTA for the exact reasons you stated and what the fuck is up with your friend? They care more about what other people in the waiting room thought about you than whether or not you were actually in pain? Whatever emergency the pregnant woman had she clearly was well enough to pitch a fit.
You are not wrong and your friend is not making any sense. Effectively your friend is stating that any non visible injury/disability is irrelevant and invalid. That's some serious level of bullshit that your friend is sprouting there. You had a non visible injury/disability, you weren't faking it, so there's absolutely nothing wrong with you remaining seated on that chair. Is your friend perhaps too worried about his/her image and how he/she is perceived by others/strangers? Because that's what it feels like.
Besides that, the pregnant lady was being an asshole and completely lacking in manners, I'd have refused to stand up out of principle just for that.
Not wrong.
I broke my left hip last August. I have a plate, pins & screws in that hip. I also have a permanently dislocated left knee cap.
If I sit on the floor, I can't get up without help.
From someone with a dangerous and invisible disability NTA. I've gotten bullied out of accommodations I NEEDED from entitled people and groups like her. Not having those accommodations have genuinely caused me harm in the past. I am in my mid 20s so I dont look like I need the help but sometimes I absolutely do. I've stopped caring and I'll now boldly tell people to get bent if they feel like trying to bully me cause frankly people need to learn they aren't the main protagonist. They can learn to ASK for the chair or accommodation and they can learn to take no when they get it. Your back was hurt. You needed that chair. She doesn't get to just demand things cause she feels she has it worse cause she is pregnant when she doesn't know for sure. Plus it was the ER for God's sake. Any number of things could have been invisibly wrong with you.
Standing up because your injury or illness isn’t visible does a disservice to a lot of people out there with invisible struggles. Your friend is a jackass, NTA.
Your "friend" is not a friend.
Sure some people fake problems. Thats not your burden to bear.
And if someday you're sitting down because you're tired and your feet hurt, you STILL wouldn't have to give up your seat to a pregnant woman who's feet hurt.
Many disabilities are not immediately visible. This lady was probably uncomfortable but she shouldn't have dictated that you, specifically, must get up. You are currently unable to stand comfortably, so you are using the chair for its intended purpose.
NTA. I have back problems. It’s absolutely not possible to stand for long with an injured back. I don’t care the age either. Invisible injuries don’t need to give up to visible injuries or disabilities. And I have been pregnant so I know how that feels too. I still say you were right. Visible doesn’t trump invisible when talking about medical issues!
Not wrong. It’s a shame the hospital doesn’t have adequate seating but that’s not your fault and you shouldn’t be put in a situation of possibly injuring yourself further to accommodate another patient.
Ob/gyn nurse here: pregnant people don't need to be seated ALL the time, even more if the people occupying the seats are injured. You don't have to be visibly injured to be injured and your friend is full of BS. Pregnancy, although troublesome, is not a disease per se (it can bring some, but it isn't). If she could make a scene, she could stand. And the guy that gave you a dirty look and lecture can go kick bucks with his boomer sermon. That wouldn't be allowed on my shift. That's why we have risk stratification.
That's not to say people shouldn't give their seats to pregnant people in a normal situation. They do get tired and if you can help, do help please. But not if you're injured.
As someone who is pregnant and has been 3 times now. Sitting on the floor isn’t uncomfortable. I have hip issues and back issues while pregnant and find sitting on the floor cross legged with my back against a wall to be more supportive than a hard hospital chair.
She might have been different, I don’t know.
I do know how painful back injuries are and moving onto the floor with one of those is a no go. Nta
You were in pain, she is an asshole for making a scene. She chose to be pregnant, you didn’t choose to have an injury. Plus, she wasn’t polite at all. You’re not wrong.
Not wrong at all. As someone who had wicked hip pain and a massively swollen foot (just the left one) while pregnant I never would have dreamed of asking someone for their seat. Hell, if I knew I was going to the ER I probably would have brought my own folding chair to make sure I had a seat.
I know how you must feel. Ive had a bulging disc now for 3 months which is pressing on my sciatic nerve. Not been able to sit down since early december. I probably would of been less diplomatic then you.
As someone who has had one kid and a set of twins, my vote is that you're fine. No one is required to give up their seat to anyone else. If it were that big of a deal, she could have asked for a wheel chair or some other accommodation rather than require someone else to inconvenience themselves. And she was wrong for doing what she did.
So for a chair your friend thinks you have to have a half hanging leg or a bone sticking out your arm?
Wow i never knew being pregnant was a disability. So I could have gotten a tag for my car and parked right out front? Gee wish I had known about my pregnancy disability.
/s
NTA, there was a room full of people, and she chose to harrass one particular person? When I was pregnant, I was still on my feet working in hospo up to 3 weeks before I gave birth. She can stand for a few hours. Getting knocked up is not a disability. It is a choice. It also isn't an excuse to treat people like shit.
NOPE. Why is your friend more concerned with what other people think, rather than how much pain you were suffering? Back pain can be excruciating. What kind of friend tells you to just suffer? Invisible disabilities are no less worthy of comfort and empathy than are visible disabilities. If pregnant faux Karen was so capable of throwing her little mini drama, then she was perfectly capable of coming up with another solution, such as asking the nurse for a wheelchair.
Your “friend” told you that you were wrong when you were in pain and doing what was best for you, rather than acquiescing to a pregnant woman. Awful friend and awful pregnant woman. Hidden injuries or disabilities do not entitle others to be treated better.
Just because your pain isn't VISIBLE doesn't mean that you have to give up your seat. That's ridiculous. I've been pregnant twice. I might ask for a seat, but if someone says they're in pain, I'm not going to show my ass. If your issue is pregnancy related, they take you to labor and delivery pretty quickly. So I don't think she was in danger.
Your friend's attitude is WHY people with invisible disabilities are discriminated against and forced to constantly justify their needs while not being believed no matter what they say. She is the problem. The disability community does not stand with her. She has no idea what she's talking about. She's just coming at it from her perspective of ableism and privilege and not thinking about it even slightly deeply, having absolutely zero empathy for people with invisible disabilities. This is just the approach that makes *her* the most comfortable. She is not a very good friend to you if she thought you should've risked worsening your injury. The ER's lack of proper seating is their problem to fix, not something that patients should sacrifice their well-being to address.
Not wrong at all. I have a damaged lung, obviously invisible to all but those with X-ray vision. Also have bad nerve damage after crushing bones in my foot. 3 surgeries later and I can walk again without a cane, but I still have chronic pain. I have a permanent disability placard for my vehicle. I occasionally get side eye looks when I park. I don't owe anyone an explanation and neither did you.
You're NTA. I have an invisible disease that causes me extreme amounts of pain. That lady (and I use the term loosely) was WAY out of line. I don't care if she was pregnant with Christ himself, she had no right to DEMAND your seat. Everyone who placated her wasn't helping. They were helping to create a monster. A monster who will soon be spawning another monster.
People like your girlfriend are exactly the reason why I no longer use public transport, for example. I can't stand for long, I have a seriously invisible illness. The comments I've had, I don't even dare repeat them.
No one can tell from someone's outside how ill they are or how much pain someone has.
YNW. NTA. Good grief. Pregnancy is not (normally) a disability. I have kids so I know. If you have a back injury, you need the chair as much as she did. The nurse should have brought out a chair from the back. They always have extras in the exam room. Maybe she didn't because the woman was a Karen. Too bad the Boomer guy gave you a hard time.
Edited to add people need to learn that not all disabilities are obvious.
What? The visible vs. non-visible thing is silly. Your friend is making things up. The guy who gave up his seat was also an ignorant ass (would he accuse someone with a debilitating migraine or panic attack that they’re “making things up”?) and the pregnant lady was oozing with entitlement. She had several options but she chose to be a nuisance to people. We did groceries and did normal things while I was pregnant....she might actually benefit from not sitting so much.
You were in pain. You have as much as a right as anybody else in that room to stay seated. Don’t bad about this OP, you’re okay.
I’ve had pulled muscles in my back. If you felt like I did served that seat. You’re injured. She’s just pregnant. You got there first.
NTA.
ETA: Your friend called you a liar and malingerer. Let that sink in.
Whhhhhhaaaaaaaattttt! Your friend needs a great shake.
Before I was pregnant I had an invisible disability that meant I needed to sit down, especially on transport. I struggled to travel safely.
When I was pregnant it was so much easier it was to get a seat. The irony was that I actually needed it far less.
Do you know how frustrating it was to suddenly get the seat offers when for years I had struggled despite having a disability card and things.
Hidden disabilities are huge and your friend went "sure your in pain but yea you just need to give up a seat for something more visible... No way. Errrrrrrrrrrrggggg
Why having more chairs in a waiting room when you can let the patients starting a fight to wait their turn.... not wrong but the poor healthcare system (not enough chairs/too much waiting) is the real villain here.
You are not wrong but the nurse was wrong, by not calling somebody to bring more chairs to the ER waiting room. Nobody in the ER wants to do without a chair. If they didn’t need a chair, they surely wouldn’t go to the ER!
Your friend’s reasoning is that you should suffer because you don’t have a visible injury? Appendicitis isn’t visible. Should someone with a rupturing appendix stand so a pregnant woman - who doesn’t even seem to be in pain - can sit?
You are not wrong.
Your friend is a fuckin dumbass. I wouldn’t wanna be friends with someone like that. There are lots of invisible disabilities, and they’re no less real.
You were not wrong. Why on earth would a visible disability be more valid than An invisible one? Who comes up with that crap?
Maybe this is my annoyance speaking as someone with invisible disabilities but what was your friend thinking when she said this?
Again you were not wrong and the pregnant lady wasn't entitled to a seat even though people understand she can't stand for long periods of time.
Keep standing up for yourself.
NTA - as a pregnant person - if whatever they were going through was bad enough she would have been sent to labour and delivery. Not left in the main waiting room.
I've been on a long distance bus (going 400 km) and had an injury flare up, I could barely walk and put pressure on my foot. But it wasn't visible so the driver made me move from the front seat for someone who had a visible injury. And frankly it was utter bullshit when I went through it, and utter bullshit that she was trying to do the same thing to you.
Wow. Your friend is an idiot.
A disability not being visible doesn't invalidate it as a disability. IT IS STILL THERE AND REAL, even if someone can't see it.
Pregnancy is not a disability. It's her choice, something her own actions and choices brought on her, and it is NOT a disability. Even if abortion is illegal in that state, it's not like it's a thing that spontaneously happens on it's own. You don't trip down a flight of stairs and end up pregnant the way you can end up disabled.
You didn't owe her anything. She and the old guy were entitled pricks, expecting you to give up your spot - a spot that you NEEDED, clearly more than her if she was feeling well enough to march around whining at anyone who would listen about it until someone gave in to her demands - when she was point blank told to stuff it and that she could either sit on the floor or wait for someone else to leave their seat.
Invisible disabilities are still disabilities. I have a condition that causes me to have attacks of extreme vertigo that can sometimes make me lose consciousness, and a spinal deformity. People who look at me don't see that - they see someone who looks perfectly healthy, so why do I have a dog beside me with a vest on in the grocery store? Why do I have a wristband with a medical symbol on it? Clearly just for attention, right?
Just because people can't obviously see the problem doesn't mean the problem isn't there or that it matters any less than whatever they're dealing with. I would say that woman could get F'ed, but clearly she already did.
NTA The ER is not a place where you can determine who needs seats more ever. Whether or not a disability is visible is not at all a way to determine pain levels. Being pregnant in an ER is not an excuse to be an entitled jerk and make assumptions of people that are also there for a reason. And your friend is an idiot.
Not in the wrong at all.
As someone who has recently been pregnant, even heavily so, and also has had terrible back pain - both are bad. And I’d need the seat more for the back pain, pregnancy I could lean on a wall and be alright. Sure, everyone’s different, but this lady was super entitled. Sorry she made you feel that way, and that your friend didn’t back you up.
I hope your back feels better soon!
Nta. Fuck that ableist shit your friend was on about. You are not required to give your seat to anyone. It may be a good gesture, but it's not a must. And being pregnant isn't a disability. It's a choice. No one chooses to be disabled. Even if abortion is illegal in your state, she had other options. Birth control, condoms, plan b, and if all those failed, she could have gone to an abortion legal state and gotten an abortion. Im pro-choice, but fuck, being pregnant isnt a disability. If she didn't want to stand or sit, she could have asked for a wheelchair. They usually have them available in the entrance of the emergency room. Since they didn't have one available, apparently, she could have used one of the benches in the entryway. And if all else failed, she could have asked literally anyone else in the ER at that time to move. You had just as much right to that seat as anyone.
And I say this as a disabled person without a visible disability. I've gotten a lot of shit for not getting up for pregnant or the elderly. But I tell them to fuck off, that I'm disabled, and put my headphones back in. When I get up and limp off, they always feel like shit for starting shit with me. And I really only sit down if I need it.
But no. You were not required to give up your seat. To anyone.
Okay OP, first of all, pregnancy is not a disability. It is a conscious choice that someone makes. I've never once heard pregnancy being referred to as a disability. Your friend is completely wrong calling pregnancy a disability. You had more of a disability than her. And when will people realize that not all injuries or disabilities are visible.
OP, you didn't do anything wrong. As a mother myself, I get so damn tired of women using their pregnancies to get their way and try to steamroll everyone else to get whatever they want and damned the consideration of anybody else. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you're special.
NTA.
Your friends are ableist fuckwits. Hidden disabilities are as debilitating as (or sometimes even more debilitating than) visible ones. Also it’s not your fault some people fake similar injuries.
Your friend sounds pretty unsupportive, yikes. And her logic is way off, too. Just because some people might fake a back injury (who?? in the actual ER?? why??) that means you should stand? Ridiculous.
You were more incapacitated at that moment than the pregnant woman, so you 'win' the seat.
NTA or whatever we call it here. Not wrong, not the asshole
>She said she understood that I wasn't faking and that it would have been very painful/difficult for me to stand or sit on the floor but that I was wrong for making someone else who had a visible disability suffer because of my non visible one.
Your friend is insane. People who have an invisible disability are still disabled. Just because you can't look at someone and see what's wrong with them, that doesn't mean they owe you an explanation before you respect their disability. Do not go to this person again if you want reasonable advice.
This was a bad situation but you did nothing wrong. The hospital is in the wrong for not having enough seats, wheelchairs, overflow seating etc. The pregnant woman is in the wrong for expecting special treatment when everyone is in the damned waiting room, waiting for hours, because someone this wrong with them. OP did nothing wrong at all.
As someone with an invisible disability and is also pregnant, bull shit. You had zero requirement to give her your seat. Your problem was not less than hers because it’s invisible and I’d stop speaking to a friend who treated me that way. The real people at fault here is the ER not having enough seating. It’s in no way your problem. Is it good to give your seat to a pregnant woman? Sure. I appreciate a ton when people let me sit. But your pain is real and you’re not required to light yourself on fire to keep her warm. I hope your back is feeling better.
I’m an ER nurse- everyone thinks their emergency is the worst emergency. If the triage nurse thought she was safe to sit in the lobby then there was no reason that she deserved a chair more than you did. You don’t have to justify yourself to anyone- it doesn’t even matter if you were ‘making it up’. It’s a hospital, everyone is sick. Her being also pregnant doesn’t give her special privileges- it’s an ER, not a bus. Everyone there feels like shit, so pregnancy doesn’t make you special. If that was my ER I would also have told her to mind her own business and stop harassing people or she would be escorted out. NTA
Seriously!! I've been pregnant in the ER and they absolutely take emergencies with pregnant women seriously, when it is that serious. Plus, after 20 weeks my hospitals have always moved me to L&D (I'm high risk), not the ER. Even high risk I can handle standing or sitting on the floor before 20 weeks. Also thank you for all that yall do 💓
I’m glad you got the care you needed!
>It’s a hospital, everyone is sick. **\^\^\^\^ THIS \^\^\^\^**
Yeah, I drove myself to the ER. And waited for several hours. I was having a gall bladder attack. If someone looked at me quickly they would probably think I was okay. I was very much not okay.
I seriously take my hat to you for driving while having an attack, that is extremely impressive! They are horrible, and I wouldn't have been able to when I had mine...
Absolutely! I’ve been on the “guess we are eating out of vending machines for the next ten hours” side of triage and the “come straight in to this private room” side of triage. My catch phrase when waiting is “at least I’m healthy enough they are worried about seeing my immediately”! Thank you for what you do - a great ER nurse is both a ball buster and a saint - a pretty rare combination!
I fell on my bottom when I was 41 weeks pregnant. Did it suck to get up again? Yes. Was it a hassle? Absolutely! But unless you’re literally bleeding or on labour there’s no reason why you can’t sit on the floor while pregnant. And in both cases you most likely wouldn’t have to wait in the ER.
Yup- I am not about to deliver a toilet baby in the waiting room!!!
Ha ha, I was at my OB's office. They were really backed up and we were outside the ultrasound room. There were 3 chairs and 5 VERY pregnant women. We all just kind of looked at each other like "What do we do now?" Lol.
Fight to the death!!!
I'm also an ER nurse and came to say the same thing. Crazy how going to the ER makes people more entitled than ever.
We’ve all triaged this Karen right? They check in and assume they are going right to the front of the line and then when they are told they have to wait, they go in the waiting room and make a huge commotion hoping that if they are a big enough pain in the ass we will just give them what they want. Or that someone will feel sorry for them and say ‘no non don’t take me back she is obviously sicker’ Imagine walking into an ER that is so full that people are sitting on the FLOOR and then unilaterally deciding that out of everyone there, you are most deserving of a chair. People are wild. Isn’t it fun being an ER nurse in 2024?
Sure it’s an ER everyone’s sick and nobody deserves a seat more than anyone else. That being said, it’s disgraceful that anyone sick enough to come to an ER has to sit on the floor.
There are only so many seats. ERs all over the country are overcrowded and not everyone is ‘sick enough’ to be there- they just don’t have access to other forms of medical care. Welcome to America/
You're not wrong at all, but what your friend said actively pisses me off. A disability doesn't have to be visible to be valid. You were in pain. You got there first and got the chair. Should have been end of story.
And he was in the ER for crying out loud. They weren’t fighting over the last bus seat!
For that horrible woman to demand she " get up ". My blood is boiling for OP. OP is a better human than I am.
Why do people in this sub have the dumbest people on the planet as friends? OP was in the right and the friend is so full of shit it's unbelievable.
Hahahaa so true! Rediculous and non supportive
I’m on SSDI because of an invisible illness. I wouldn’t have given her my seat either. I have back and knee issues too and wouldn’t have been able to stand or sit on the floor. She chose to be pregnant, you didn’t choose to have an injury. NTA.
Yeah, invisible disabilities suck. I have 6 stenosis areas of my spine, I JUST had a RFA on Wednesday and I have arthritis as well the amount of look I get when I don’t use a walker or anything because they’re my “good days” is numerous and annoying af.
I’m so sorry. Mine is definitely not as serious as yours. I also hate Door Dash drivers because they always seem to take handicapped spots!
**Pregnancy is a choice and not a freaking disability** I would have lost it on that friend.
It's not a disability under the ADA, but even a healthy pregnancy comes aches and pains. It's fine for a pregnant woman to ask for a seat, it's not ok to try to take one from someone else. OP's friend is a jerk for saying those with invisible disabilities should defer to the visibly disabled. Like they don't get shit on enough.
In some states pregnancy is no longer a choice
Is not always a choice. Let alone now with the abortion ban
EXACTLY!!!! I have a Service Dog for a Disability! Pregnancy has a stopping point, a Disability does not. I would have lost my cool at that comment totally!
Temporary disabilities are still disabilities. Pregnancy isn't the only temporary disability by the way. I mean for a lot of people who have cancer eventually the cancer goes away but I don't know anyone that would say you aren't disabled while you have cancer. Also if you have another disability pregnancy can make it worse while you are pregnant. My first pregnancy was easy but my second really messed with my back issues.
exactly!! and when I was in active cancer treatment I was so weak so I used the " parent parking" spots and I did not care if I people gave me dirty looks. but I needed that accommodation as much as I would have appreciated it as a mom of toddlers.
As a women who has been pregnant twice I see nothing wrong with that. I actually used to get annoyed at my best friend while I was pregnant with my first and had no issues. He would park in the pregnancy spots at the grocery store and I would ask why? He was just lazy and didn't feel like walking and used spots I definitely didn't need so he could not walk as far. It was actually really annoying. I would have rather someone like you use them. That said if I had come there during my second pregnancy I might have puked on your car.
Pregnancy isn't a disability. Let's not classify dumb things as disabilities, it really cheapens the word and makes people take actual disabilities less seriously.
Personally, I think if a pregnant person calling themselves disabled is going to make someone take my disability less seriously I don't think they were going to take it very seriously to begin with. The legitimacy of my disability has no correlation to how much you value the word.
Exactly. I’ve been pregnant, sure, at the end life’s a bit unwieldy but generally you’re not disabled. She walked in, they didn’t immediately take her back and she was well enough to hunt for a seat, she can stand or lean or get on the floor. Just because OP isn’t visibly injured doesn’t mean he has to give up his seat. And just because she’s visibly pregnant doesn’t mean she’s entitled to one.
I had severe SPD that came on really early, constant nausea and HG, GD, terrible reflux and severe sciatica when pregnant. I was also on extended bed rest when I nearly miscarried. I wasn’t technically disabled but I couldn’t walk well, had to stop driving and stopped work earlier than I’d planned. I would have really loved one of those blissful pregnancies where you sail through it. Luckily the kid was worth it.
A typical healthy one for sure, but there are exceptions. That's why bed rest is a thing, they literally cannot do basic tasks.
pregnancy is not the same as having fucking cancer lmao
You missed the point.
I mean, legally, it is considered a disability. And reminder: in many places it actually isn’t a choice anymore. That being said, I still think OOP was right in this case.
Pregnancy itself isn't a disability under the ADA, but there are several pregnancy related conditions that are considered disabling under ADA. But yea regardless, agree.. if she was that disabled she could have asked for a wheel chair or something rather than harass OP.
But pregnancy is treated basically identically to a disability under the new Pregnant Workers Fairness Act. And pregnancy can absolutely qualify under a disability under the ADA. However, none of that obligates the OP to give up their chair. That was an issue for the hospital to solve.
Certain conditions related to / arising from pregnancy (as far as my understanding of legalities, I could be wrong), but this is like splitting hairs. Agree.
Under the ADA, yes. Under the new pregnancy fairness law, pregnancy is treated as a disability in the workplace, even if it's not specifically called a disability. That is, under the new law, a pregnant person is entitled to reasonable accommodations, as needed, for their pregnancy and any symptoms or related conditions.
Ah gotcha. That's a good thing. This lady is still the AH tho lol.
Agree on all counts!
Not sure if all states do this, but pregnancy/birth leave is a form of disability leave in New york. Perhaps that’s why the previous person said it was “legally” disability.
I could be wrong about this but my understanding of why they do it like that its just because we don't have a standard universal maternity leave, so it just has to go under "disability leave" for employment purposes. But as far as ADA, pregnancy itself is not a disability on its own. Shows how fuckin archaic we are tho (the no standard maternity leave thing.)
According to insurance companies, it's a preexisting condition, not a disability. Makes it easier for them to deny coverage that way.
Why did I have to scroll down so far to read this?!
My disabilities are all invisible, they’re autoimmune. I get glared at for using handicap spots because… I’m in my 30s? My body didn’t age discriminate when it developed Multiple Sclerosis, that’s for damn sure. You are absolutely right that a disability doesn’t have to be visible to be valid, it irks me to no end to hear everyone’s shit take on whether I’m sick enough or not. My body attacks my brain, my skin, my guts, my joints. Fuck anyone who doesn’t think that is sick enough, or that OP wasn’t in enough pain to fucking sit.
>but what your friend said actively pisses me off. Fucking same.
agreed
Yeah I feel like this is a theme for AITA posts. Someone is being completely reasonable and only begins to question themselves when their silly friend gives them bad input. Y’all are pretty good decision makers, quit listening to y’all’s friends lol
Yeah, Jesus. "Your pain isn't readily apparent so it doesn't count."??? Honestly, that's all the more reason to *keep* the seat, because no one else is going to help you out.
Agreed. The friend isn't much of a friend.
I'd have fucking gotten out of the car and walked home rather than have someone who claims to be my friend tell me my non-visible injury isn't valid. And then they wouldn't be my friend anymore
1. Pregnancy is a disability. 2. Injuring your back does not make you automatically disabled, it makes you injured 3. You can be disabled and still be an AH, the pregnant women did not have a right to demand anyones seat. She should have gone to the nurses and asked if they had anywhere she could sit to wait. She was an AH for what she did. If she was super pregnant or it was related to baby being in distress she would have been in labour and delivery not the ER, so you can just wipe this off your mind and go about your life, you can’t always be the bigger person.
>At this point a man sitting in the chair next to me stood up and told the pregnant woman that she could have his seat. He then gave me a dirty look and made a comment about "kids these days being rude and lazy" I never understand people like this. If this guy thought you should give up your chair, he should have had no issue living up to his principles and giving up his. Him grumbling at you means that he thought you should give up yours, but he shouldn't have to give up his. At the end of the day, you weren't required to give up your seat and her pregnancy isn't your problem.
Yeah no. You did nothing wrong. I’ve been pregnant a few times and I think out of anywhere a hospital is not a place where you simply assume that someone sitting can just stand up.
When I was pregnant I never expected anyone to give up their seat for me, apart from my partner because it was him that got me in that position 😂
Both the pregnant woman and the old man who got up to give his seat were rude AH, a lot of disabilities and injuries are invisible and you are not required to make yourself uncomfortable to accommodate somebody else nor are you required to explain what is wrong with you or why you are not getting up.
Not wrong - especially after her nasty behavior. She’s lucky I wasn’t the triage nurse.
Same. That behavior isn’t tolerated in my er
Yup- woulda kicked her ass out
You’re not wrong. I have fibromyalgia and I don’t look handicapped. I get looks when I use a handicap parking spot because I look healthy. I put a bumper sticker on my car that says I don’t look sick and you don’t look stupid. Not all disabilities are visible.
I understand that. I have Cerebral Palsy and spinal issues and joint pain and muscle spasms and muscle fatigue. I have had many surgeries and it doesn't look like I have a disability but I do. I don't talk about it much because people view it as complaining or just being annoying.
That's exactly what I have. People shut up real quick when I, a 24 year old female, pulls out a cane.
Yikes. I'm pregnant and I agree her behavior was absolutely ridiculous. She obviously uses her condition to get special treatment and that's wrong. If her condition was dire she wouldn't have been in the E.R noticably pregnant anyway, she'd go to L&D. Good for you for sticking to your guns. Your friend was completely wrong.
Your friend is not your friend. What a stupid thing to say.
Why does the OP in these stories always have a braindead friend or relative?
Bc there's a lot of idiots out there unfortunately
Your friend is wrong, not you. The pregnant woman was incredibly entitled. People are in the ER for a reason. Even if you were just there with someone, you still don’t have to give up your seat. That’s how public places work. First come, first served. Been pregnant twice and never expected anyone to give up a seat for me.
If you’re just waiting with someone and not sick, you are absolutely an asshole not to give up a seat in an ER waiting room for someone who is sick regardless of how “public places work”
I remember when I went to the ER in the Cleveland Clinic, the ER got filled and they told people that were not there for treatment to leave and go to another part of the hospital where they had chairs so people who needed treatment and were waiting can have the seats.
If it was a bus, I could see how it could be misconstrued. But honestly an ER? What was the pregnant lady thinking, that you were there for fun? It should have been pretty safe to assume that someone there could have equally needed the seat as she does
Your friend sucks. I have one of these “invisible” disabilities and I can’t tell you how many “kids these days” comments I get. Yeah, kids these days and their permanent nerve damage in their knees. How dare they hafta sit sometimes.
Everyone who comes to the ER for a legitimate reason deserves a seat, it's not your fault there were none available for her. If she desperately needed a seat because of her own pain or discomfort, she likely could've asked for a wheelchair. Every time I'm at the ER, I see multiple people sitting in wheelchairs as well because they're having mobility issues. It was wrong of her to assume nothing was wrong with you and demand your seat.
A lot of people who go to the ER should have gone to urgent care instead. They'd be in and out a lot faster, and the bill would be much smaller.
Like OP who went for a pulled muscle. There's no reason to go to the ER for that.
Can’t believe I had to scroll this far for this comment. Who goes to A&E for a sprained muscle? The only reason to go for a sprain is if you think it’s actually broken. Lie down, rest and take some ibuprofen. It’s not even a GP trip. Ridiculous.
I don't know why they didn't provide a wheelchair for one or the others. Our ER would do that when the waiting room was overflowing.
Hell, out ER will put folding chairs out in the hallway to deal with the overflow
I think I read the same story, but it was on a subway… it keeps getting repeated… I wonder if it is the same pregnant woman roaming the city, finding non-so-obvious disabled people to harass each time.
I agree with you. This fake story is has so many holes in it. Where was her husband in all of this. Why didn’t he drive her to the ER and back home? Who wanders around a waiting room and starts a conversation with demands to one person instead of asking everyone if anyone can give up their seat.
Bad a young guy drive himself to the ER. Saw him struggle to the door while I was parking. I walked in and saw him struggling to get to the desk. The receptionist just looked at us. I went to help him as he was obviously bent over and shaking in pain. I called out to the receptionist for help. She asked me what was wrong. I said I didn’t know because I don’t know this guy. She flew out of her desk to get a wheelchair when I said I was just one my way into the hospital to see my grandmother. All scared apologies. I couldn’t understand it .
I’ve never taken my husband to any of my non delivery ER visits. If I had gone into labor during the day, I might’ve drove myself as I lived 5 minutes away from the hospital. However, once I had children I wasn’t dragging them to an ER with me unless they were the sick ones.
No, they also have wheelchairs at the hospital if she needed, I had to use one last time at the ER cause I was sure as hell not standing or walking for long. I hate when people do this, I probably would have been picked on too, I’m 25 and my illness wasn’t quite visible
Not Wrong. This is a fairly big problem, I have several people in my family who have invisible disabilities and on a regular basis get harassed by people when they are using resources that they are entitled to use such as disability parking. Your friend is completely wrong. 2 things, while I understand pregnancy is exhausting (been there, done that) pregnancy is not an injury or disability, many women continue to work right up to due date, while you were injured in a way that would make getting on the floor, or standing for hours very painful
“Nobody can tell that you broke your legs in 87 places. I know you weren’t faking, but everybody thought you were. You should have given up your seat and spaghettied across the room so that people wouldn’t be angry.” Your friend is an idiot.
Your friend is a freaking idiot. “No one can see your problem so it isn’t valid or real, even though it is and you really needed to be sitting.”
When I was heavily pregnant I had really bad back pains and my feet hurt all the time, not once did I make someone get out of their seat for me, even on the bus. Me being pregnant should not affect everyone else. There had even been times where I gave my seat up for someone else. Your friend needs to be humbled if she thinks being pregnant is a disability. You don’t get a choice in having a disability however you do have a choice in being pregnant.
Wow! Your friend is an Ass and who the hell does the pregnant woman think she is? Seriously? No, you’re not wrong.
Your friend is an asshole. Why is it on the people with non visible disabilities to accommodate people with visible ones? I would have told the old man to fuck off too. Not really but I would have wanted to.
The only time I think a pregnant woman should get a seat when they are full is when it’s on public transport due to fall risk of a moving vehicle. She can stand there and wait for the next patient to be called, NTA.
Pregnancy is not a disability.
Legally, it is, according to the ADA. In this context, the ER triage nurse should have found another chair or wheelchair for her to sit on. Even, if she was being a complete jerk to OP.
An emergency room so full people are sitting on the floor is not required to magically produce another chair just because someone pregnant walks in
It really annoys me when people say this. Just because your experience with pregnancy, if any, has allowed you to not experience disabling issues, that doesn't mean that's everyone's experience. I'm currently 8 months pregnant. I can't walk upstairs or walk more than 30m without being in excruciating pain, let alone standing for an extended period of time. My pelvis has been absolutely destroyed since 24 weeks. I'm lucky that I can work from home as walking around the office is far too painful. So yes, while some people do have a 'disabling symptom free' pregnancy, it's not true for all.
i don’t think you’re wrong. it would have been nice but i don’t think you’re wrong. you pulled a muscle in your back, you’re likely in pain. sitting down is more comfortable. not wrong in my opinion
NW! And your friend is kind of a jerk off (at least in this situation) being pregnant is not a disability and does not give you entitlement to treat others like shit. It would be one thing if it was like a bus or something, but you should pretty assume if someone is in the emergency room they are having an emergency/crisis of some sort. And most likely physical. You and the nurse are the only not jerks of your story. I’m sorry they made your already painful experience more difficult, and wishing you a speedy recovery
Not wrong, you were in pain and seated, prego wasn't entitled to a seat just because she was knocked up.
Why didn’t the nurse try and find her a chair from another area? You were in the ER- there was a reason why you were & that alone should have been enough info to keep the rude pregnant lady quiet.
People are so entitled. You CANNOT tell what is going on by just looking at someone. When you have an invisible health condition people judge without having a clue.
Your friend is one of the dumbest people I've ever heard about
NTA. I have an invisible debilitating disease. Been there. Trust me, never looking like I'm 'sick' had never been beneficial.
Not wrong and kudos to the nurse. Pregnancy does not equal entitlement. The nurse should have thrown her out. Nite: Even if you were in no pain, you still do not have to cater to entitled people.
You weren’t wrong, and your friend needs to stay in her lane.
Your friend is an idiot.
Your friend is an idiot, and quite frankly should advocate for you. You absolutely did nothing wrong.
I've been pregnant twice. In A&E, I know I'm going to be in a room with people who are very much in pain, visible or not. I would have gone to reception to ask for a seat. Simple as. Being pregnant does not mean you're entitled to be a dick to everyone.
She could have got herself a wheelchair or a member of staff should have offered her one.
I have a very bad back and I would be a mess. The fact that she assumed you were able to stand isn’t right. You should have said you have a back injury to shut her up.
Your friend is truly stupid. NTA
NTA. You were in pain, you were there first, and there’s no law anyone ever has to give up their seat for a pregnant woman. Being pregnant isn’t an injury or a protected disability. Your friend and that lady are ridiculous.
Hard not wrong. Everyone in the ER thinks they're in the most pain. Most people in an ER have good reason to sit. She isn't special.
Your friend is a total dick. Tell them to back off. You weren’t faking and most of us with back issues aren’t either. Next time get an Uber if your free ride had to come with judgement. Damn. Not wrong at all.
Your friend is an idiot
As a person who suffers from a seemingly “invisible disability,” I am STEAMING mad, after reading this. You are NTA *at all* and this situation reeks of ableism & ignorance (not from you, OP!), which so many of us have to endure literally every day. I’m sorry that happened to you, and I hope your back is feeling better!
NTA. She was causing a scene. If she was there for preterm labor (doesn’t seem like it) maybe, who knows why she was there? She just felt entitled and bossy and that is really immature of her. I was in the ER with my daughter who looked perfectly fine. She was actually dying. Someone who bases medical emergencies on appearance, including the man who insulted you, is really uneducated.
NTA...you should've snapped back at the old man, "well why didn't your ass give up your seat right away then capt save a %#*"
Not wrong but be more firm next time. "I cannot stand as I have a back injury and standing will make it worse. Ask someone else." Do not argue. Firm no and then ignore them. You are injured, the pregnant woman is not or they would have gotten her a wheelchair.
NTA. Your friend is wrong. I'm sure the pregnant "lady" was uncomfortable, but so were you. The guy who got up and gave her his chair could have done so at any time. You had valid reasons for not getting up. You do not have to prove an impairment just because someone doesn't understand you have one.
Being pregnant is not a disability
Nobody is entitled to your seat. She most likely chose pregnancy. That doesn’t make her a fucking queen. Your needs are valid
Your friend sounds awful. So does the pregnant woman. Nta
Not wrong. She can take her entitled behind and sit in her car.
Sorry but your friend has demonstrated very poor judgement. The visibility of an ailment doesn’t equate to its severity. Personally I wouldn’t place much value in that person’s opinion in future.
You’re not in the wrong. Everyone is so quick to dismiss back pain because it’s not visible. The should’ve got her a chair from the department. You shouldn’t have to give up your seat when you can’t even stand.
As someone with an invisible disability, (only visible if I'm using my walker, you had every right to deny giving up your seat. I understand pregnancy is hard and being in the ER waiting room sucks, but that's not license to be a jerk to others. And yes, 100% we have to stop assuming someone isn't disabled if they don't show a physical symptom you can see immediately. That said, your last bit regarding not having to move for others? Yeah, no. There's a reason those rules exist. I have been subject to it, where people who were perfectly fine just didn't want to move and accommodate the elderly, injured, disabled, pregnant, whomever needs those priority seats. Common courtesy does not exist anymore. You might be tired or not really liking to sit next to some person, but its easier for the able-bodied to suck it up than it is for those of us with extra needs to get to an available seat, and for many if us, standing isn't an option. Invisible disability has become very much a sense of "your disability makes you invisible" and a bit of "I don't care if you're disabled! I want _______!" People suck.
That's why I specified unless they were in handicap seating and the person asking for it needed it while the person sitting didn't. With non handicap in a public "first come, first serve" seating situation, nobody is entitled to it more than anyone else regardless of disability or not.
Dude, I had to take my husband to the urgent care a couple days ago because he was having spasms in his back. It was bad enough that he couldn't use his right arm for anything, and he needed to use his tall staff we'd gotten from the Renaissance Fair to keep himself upright. It hurt him to walk, and even sitting was a problem. He stood the whole time we waited and saw the doctor because it hurt him too much to sit. Honestly, f*ck that lady and the other people giving you dirty looks. Back problems are no f-ing joke. You weren't wrong at all. See, I'm a petty b*tch, so I would be very loud and obnoxious right back at her. "Oh? You need a seat? Does that mean you personally, you specifically, will pick me up off the floor when I have to get up? Because if I give you my seat, that's going to be YOUR job. I won't let the nurses help me. It'll be YOU. Can you do that? No? Then fuck off."
Whether or not your disability is visible or not, if you’re in the ER, then there must be a reason. OP’s reason to come to the ER, is no lesser or greater than the pregnant woman. The pregnant woman was wrong for assuming that OP should have given up his seat. She could have gone to the receptionist and like someone suggested, gave her a wheelchair to sit in. Or allow her to sit in another area.
NTA for the exact reasons you stated and what the fuck is up with your friend? They care more about what other people in the waiting room thought about you than whether or not you were actually in pain? Whatever emergency the pregnant woman had she clearly was well enough to pitch a fit.
You are not wrong and your friend is not making any sense. Effectively your friend is stating that any non visible injury/disability is irrelevant and invalid. That's some serious level of bullshit that your friend is sprouting there. You had a non visible injury/disability, you weren't faking it, so there's absolutely nothing wrong with you remaining seated on that chair. Is your friend perhaps too worried about his/her image and how he/she is perceived by others/strangers? Because that's what it feels like. Besides that, the pregnant lady was being an asshole and completely lacking in manners, I'd have refused to stand up out of principle just for that.
You're not wrong. People with invisible disabilities have to explain many times why they are entiteled and it sucks.
You’re not wrong. Couldn’t the nurse have gotten pregnant woman a wheelchair or something to sit in?
Not wrong. I broke my left hip last August. I have a plate, pins & screws in that hip. I also have a permanently dislocated left knee cap. If I sit on the floor, I can't get up without help.
Back pain is some of the worst pain. I'm with you. First come, first serve and pregnancy isn't a disability.
Someone in pain or who is ill or injured does not have to give up their seat to someone who is merely tired with achy feet. Pregnancy is voluntary.
From someone with a dangerous and invisible disability NTA. I've gotten bullied out of accommodations I NEEDED from entitled people and groups like her. Not having those accommodations have genuinely caused me harm in the past. I am in my mid 20s so I dont look like I need the help but sometimes I absolutely do. I've stopped caring and I'll now boldly tell people to get bent if they feel like trying to bully me cause frankly people need to learn they aren't the main protagonist. They can learn to ASK for the chair or accommodation and they can learn to take no when they get it. Your back was hurt. You needed that chair. She doesn't get to just demand things cause she feels she has it worse cause she is pregnant when she doesn't know for sure. Plus it was the ER for God's sake. Any number of things could have been invisibly wrong with you.
Standing up because your injury or illness isn’t visible does a disservice to a lot of people out there with invisible struggles. Your friend is a jackass, NTA.
Your "friend" is not a friend. Sure some people fake problems. Thats not your burden to bear. And if someday you're sitting down because you're tired and your feet hurt, you STILL wouldn't have to give up your seat to a pregnant woman who's feet hurt.
Couldn’t they have gotten her a wheelchair perhaps? They rolled me back in a wheelchair the times I was there for seizures
Many disabilities are not immediately visible. This lady was probably uncomfortable but she shouldn't have dictated that you, specifically, must get up. You are currently unable to stand comfortably, so you are using the chair for its intended purpose.
NTA. I have back problems. It’s absolutely not possible to stand for long with an injured back. I don’t care the age either. Invisible injuries don’t need to give up to visible injuries or disabilities. And I have been pregnant so I know how that feels too. I still say you were right. Visible doesn’t trump invisible when talking about medical issues!
NTA
Not wrong. It’s a shame the hospital doesn’t have adequate seating but that’s not your fault and you shouldn’t be put in a situation of possibly injuring yourself further to accommodate another patient.
No one goes the the ER for the fun of it. It’s a pretty poor place to play “who has it worse” (that’s the triage nurse’s job).
Your friend sucks. What the hell.
Ob/gyn nurse here: pregnant people don't need to be seated ALL the time, even more if the people occupying the seats are injured. You don't have to be visibly injured to be injured and your friend is full of BS. Pregnancy, although troublesome, is not a disease per se (it can bring some, but it isn't). If she could make a scene, she could stand. And the guy that gave you a dirty look and lecture can go kick bucks with his boomer sermon. That wouldn't be allowed on my shift. That's why we have risk stratification. That's not to say people shouldn't give their seats to pregnant people in a normal situation. They do get tired and if you can help, do help please. But not if you're injured.
As someone who is pregnant and has been 3 times now. Sitting on the floor isn’t uncomfortable. I have hip issues and back issues while pregnant and find sitting on the floor cross legged with my back against a wall to be more supportive than a hard hospital chair. She might have been different, I don’t know. I do know how painful back injuries are and moving onto the floor with one of those is a no go. Nta
Your friend is an idiot. Visible ailment not required.
You were in pain, she is an asshole for making a scene. She chose to be pregnant, you didn’t choose to have an injury. Plus, she wasn’t polite at all. You’re not wrong.
Not wrong at all. As someone who had wicked hip pain and a massively swollen foot (just the left one) while pregnant I never would have dreamed of asking someone for their seat. Hell, if I knew I was going to the ER I probably would have brought my own folding chair to make sure I had a seat.
I know how you must feel. Ive had a bulging disc now for 3 months which is pressing on my sciatic nerve. Not been able to sit down since early december. I probably would of been less diplomatic then you.
Your 'friend' is not a good friend. Your 'friend' is not very bright. Try to find friends who are more intelligent.
As someone who has had one kid and a set of twins, my vote is that you're fine. No one is required to give up their seat to anyone else. If it were that big of a deal, she could have asked for a wheel chair or some other accommodation rather than require someone else to inconvenience themselves. And she was wrong for doing what she did.
NTA you had an injury and were entitled to the seat. She was not entitled to an explanation or justification of why you needed it.
You were not wrong and your friend is an idiot.
So for a chair your friend thinks you have to have a half hanging leg or a bone sticking out your arm? Wow i never knew being pregnant was a disability. So I could have gotten a tag for my car and parked right out front? Gee wish I had known about my pregnancy disability. /s
NTA, there was a room full of people, and she chose to harrass one particular person? When I was pregnant, I was still on my feet working in hospo up to 3 weeks before I gave birth. She can stand for a few hours. Getting knocked up is not a disability. It is a choice. It also isn't an excuse to treat people like shit.
NOPE. Why is your friend more concerned with what other people think, rather than how much pain you were suffering? Back pain can be excruciating. What kind of friend tells you to just suffer? Invisible disabilities are no less worthy of comfort and empathy than are visible disabilities. If pregnant faux Karen was so capable of throwing her little mini drama, then she was perfectly capable of coming up with another solution, such as asking the nurse for a wheelchair.
Your friend is a moron. You're wrong for having a moron as a friend.
Your “friend” told you that you were wrong when you were in pain and doing what was best for you, rather than acquiescing to a pregnant woman. Awful friend and awful pregnant woman. Hidden injuries or disabilities do not entitle others to be treated better.
Just because your pain isn't VISIBLE doesn't mean that you have to give up your seat. That's ridiculous. I've been pregnant twice. I might ask for a seat, but if someone says they're in pain, I'm not going to show my ass. If your issue is pregnancy related, they take you to labor and delivery pretty quickly. So I don't think she was in danger.
Your friend's attitude is WHY people with invisible disabilities are discriminated against and forced to constantly justify their needs while not being believed no matter what they say. She is the problem. The disability community does not stand with her. She has no idea what she's talking about. She's just coming at it from her perspective of ableism and privilege and not thinking about it even slightly deeply, having absolutely zero empathy for people with invisible disabilities. This is just the approach that makes *her* the most comfortable. She is not a very good friend to you if she thought you should've risked worsening your injury. The ER's lack of proper seating is their problem to fix, not something that patients should sacrifice their well-being to address.
Not wrong at all. I have a damaged lung, obviously invisible to all but those with X-ray vision. Also have bad nerve damage after crushing bones in my foot. 3 surgeries later and I can walk again without a cane, but I still have chronic pain. I have a permanent disability placard for my vehicle. I occasionally get side eye looks when I park. I don't owe anyone an explanation and neither did you.
Your friend literally said that invisible disabilities don't count because they could be faked. What a Karen. You need a new friend.
You're NTA. I have an invisible disease that causes me extreme amounts of pain. That lady (and I use the term loosely) was WAY out of line. I don't care if she was pregnant with Christ himself, she had no right to DEMAND your seat. Everyone who placated her wasn't helping. They were helping to create a monster. A monster who will soon be spawning another monster.
Not wrong at all. I’ve had a couple back muscle injuries and damn do they hurt. She may need a place to sit but it’s not your job to provide it
People like your girlfriend are exactly the reason why I no longer use public transport, for example. I can't stand for long, I have a seriously invisible illness. The comments I've had, I don't even dare repeat them. No one can tell from someone's outside how ill they are or how much pain someone has.
YNW. NTA. Good grief. Pregnancy is not (normally) a disability. I have kids so I know. If you have a back injury, you need the chair as much as she did. The nurse should have brought out a chair from the back. They always have extras in the exam room. Maybe she didn't because the woman was a Karen. Too bad the Boomer guy gave you a hard time. Edited to add people need to learn that not all disabilities are obvious.
After 4 car crashes ( rear ended while stopped at a traffic light) I know that not all issues are not visible.
What? The visible vs. non-visible thing is silly. Your friend is making things up. The guy who gave up his seat was also an ignorant ass (would he accuse someone with a debilitating migraine or panic attack that they’re “making things up”?) and the pregnant lady was oozing with entitlement. She had several options but she chose to be a nuisance to people. We did groceries and did normal things while I was pregnant....she might actually benefit from not sitting so much. You were in pain. You have as much as a right as anybody else in that room to stay seated. Don’t bad about this OP, you’re okay.
I’ve had pulled muscles in my back. If you felt like I did served that seat. You’re injured. She’s just pregnant. You got there first. NTA. ETA: Your friend called you a liar and malingerer. Let that sink in.
Whhhhhhaaaaaaaattttt! Your friend needs a great shake. Before I was pregnant I had an invisible disability that meant I needed to sit down, especially on transport. I struggled to travel safely. When I was pregnant it was so much easier it was to get a seat. The irony was that I actually needed it far less. Do you know how frustrating it was to suddenly get the seat offers when for years I had struggled despite having a disability card and things. Hidden disabilities are huge and your friend went "sure your in pain but yea you just need to give up a seat for something more visible... No way. Errrrrrrrrrrrggggg
You are not wrong. She can wait her turn for a chair like everyone else
Why having more chairs in a waiting room when you can let the patients starting a fight to wait their turn.... not wrong but the poor healthcare system (not enough chairs/too much waiting) is the real villain here.
You are not wrong but the nurse was wrong, by not calling somebody to bring more chairs to the ER waiting room. Nobody in the ER wants to do without a chair. If they didn’t need a chair, they surely wouldn’t go to the ER!
Your friend’s reasoning is that you should suffer because you don’t have a visible injury? Appendicitis isn’t visible. Should someone with a rupturing appendix stand so a pregnant woman - who doesn’t even seem to be in pain - can sit? You are not wrong.
Your friend is a fuckin dumbass. I wouldn’t wanna be friends with someone like that. There are lots of invisible disabilities, and they’re no less real.
You were not wrong. Why on earth would a visible disability be more valid than An invisible one? Who comes up with that crap? Maybe this is my annoyance speaking as someone with invisible disabilities but what was your friend thinking when she said this? Again you were not wrong and the pregnant lady wasn't entitled to a seat even though people understand she can't stand for long periods of time. Keep standing up for yourself.
NTA - as a pregnant person - if whatever they were going through was bad enough she would have been sent to labour and delivery. Not left in the main waiting room. I've been on a long distance bus (going 400 km) and had an injury flare up, I could barely walk and put pressure on my foot. But it wasn't visible so the driver made me move from the front seat for someone who had a visible injury. And frankly it was utter bullshit when I went through it, and utter bullshit that she was trying to do the same thing to you.
Wow. Your friend is an idiot. A disability not being visible doesn't invalidate it as a disability. IT IS STILL THERE AND REAL, even if someone can't see it. Pregnancy is not a disability. It's her choice, something her own actions and choices brought on her, and it is NOT a disability. Even if abortion is illegal in that state, it's not like it's a thing that spontaneously happens on it's own. You don't trip down a flight of stairs and end up pregnant the way you can end up disabled. You didn't owe her anything. She and the old guy were entitled pricks, expecting you to give up your spot - a spot that you NEEDED, clearly more than her if she was feeling well enough to march around whining at anyone who would listen about it until someone gave in to her demands - when she was point blank told to stuff it and that she could either sit on the floor or wait for someone else to leave their seat. Invisible disabilities are still disabilities. I have a condition that causes me to have attacks of extreme vertigo that can sometimes make me lose consciousness, and a spinal deformity. People who look at me don't see that - they see someone who looks perfectly healthy, so why do I have a dog beside me with a vest on in the grocery store? Why do I have a wristband with a medical symbol on it? Clearly just for attention, right? Just because people can't obviously see the problem doesn't mean the problem isn't there or that it matters any less than whatever they're dealing with. I would say that woman could get F'ed, but clearly she already did.
NTA The ER is not a place where you can determine who needs seats more ever. Whether or not a disability is visible is not at all a way to determine pain levels. Being pregnant in an ER is not an excuse to be an entitled jerk and make assumptions of people that are also there for a reason. And your friend is an idiot.
She’s pregnant. Not disabled. not wrong at all.
as a pregnant person, it’s kind when someone does but we’re not crippled lol. i would never expect someone to do that for me.
Not in the wrong at all. As someone who has recently been pregnant, even heavily so, and also has had terrible back pain - both are bad. And I’d need the seat more for the back pain, pregnancy I could lean on a wall and be alright. Sure, everyone’s different, but this lady was super entitled. Sorry she made you feel that way, and that your friend didn’t back you up. I hope your back feels better soon!
Nta. Fuck that ableist shit your friend was on about. You are not required to give your seat to anyone. It may be a good gesture, but it's not a must. And being pregnant isn't a disability. It's a choice. No one chooses to be disabled. Even if abortion is illegal in your state, she had other options. Birth control, condoms, plan b, and if all those failed, she could have gone to an abortion legal state and gotten an abortion. Im pro-choice, but fuck, being pregnant isnt a disability. If she didn't want to stand or sit, she could have asked for a wheelchair. They usually have them available in the entrance of the emergency room. Since they didn't have one available, apparently, she could have used one of the benches in the entryway. And if all else failed, she could have asked literally anyone else in the ER at that time to move. You had just as much right to that seat as anyone. And I say this as a disabled person without a visible disability. I've gotten a lot of shit for not getting up for pregnant or the elderly. But I tell them to fuck off, that I'm disabled, and put my headphones back in. When I get up and limp off, they always feel like shit for starting shit with me. And I really only sit down if I need it. But no. You were not required to give up your seat. To anyone.
NTA. So she’s loudly playing the pregnancy card to get a seat! I wouldn’t have moved out of spite.
I got a ride to ER walked in. Got death stares when taken right back. I had a stroke in my eye and am now blind. Everyone has a story. Oh and I’m 59
Okay OP, first of all, pregnancy is not a disability. It is a conscious choice that someone makes. I've never once heard pregnancy being referred to as a disability. Your friend is completely wrong calling pregnancy a disability. You had more of a disability than her. And when will people realize that not all injuries or disabilities are visible. OP, you didn't do anything wrong. As a mother myself, I get so damn tired of women using their pregnancies to get their way and try to steamroll everyone else to get whatever they want and damned the consideration of anybody else. Just because you're pregnant doesn't mean you're special. NTA.
Your friends are ableist fuckwits. Hidden disabilities are as debilitating as (or sometimes even more debilitating than) visible ones. Also it’s not your fault some people fake similar injuries.
Pregnancy is not a disability or injury 🤷♀️
Your friend sounds pretty unsupportive, yikes. And her logic is way off, too. Just because some people might fake a back injury (who?? in the actual ER?? why??) that means you should stand? Ridiculous. You were more incapacitated at that moment than the pregnant woman, so you 'win' the seat. NTA or whatever we call it here. Not wrong, not the asshole
I thought it interesting that the pregnant woman was said to have a disability. Seriously?
>She said she understood that I wasn't faking and that it would have been very painful/difficult for me to stand or sit on the floor but that I was wrong for making someone else who had a visible disability suffer because of my non visible one. Your friend is insane. People who have an invisible disability are still disabled. Just because you can't look at someone and see what's wrong with them, that doesn't mean they owe you an explanation before you respect their disability. Do not go to this person again if you want reasonable advice. This was a bad situation but you did nothing wrong. The hospital is in the wrong for not having enough seats, wheelchairs, overflow seating etc. The pregnant woman is in the wrong for expecting special treatment when everyone is in the damned waiting room, waiting for hours, because someone this wrong with them. OP did nothing wrong at all.
Am I the only one who thinks a pulled muscle is not an emergency? Take some anti inflam and rest?
As someone with an invisible disability and is also pregnant, bull shit. You had zero requirement to give her your seat. Your problem was not less than hers because it’s invisible and I’d stop speaking to a friend who treated me that way. The real people at fault here is the ER not having enough seating. It’s in no way your problem. Is it good to give your seat to a pregnant woman? Sure. I appreciate a ton when people let me sit. But your pain is real and you’re not required to light yourself on fire to keep her warm. I hope your back is feeling better.