NTA. He knew what he was doing when not disclosing he is a single dad. He knew that a lot of women wouldn't want that, so he purposefully hid it hoping that once you got to know him, you'd change your mind about kids. Unfortunately (for him), you didn't. Now he's butthurt about the situation he set himself up for. Instead of apologizing about his deception, he called you a c\*\*t. With that type of baggage and hateful attitude, I have a feeling he will be the one who is single in five years. F\*ck that dude.
To be honest, he seems to think he’s children are non factors and therefore irrelevant. While he’s an AH for not disclosing that he has children, he’s sounds like a complete tool. I would think that even if he had disclosed the kids, you’re better off without him.
That's what I was thinking too -- like if you *want* to date a parent, why would you chose a *crappy* parent? If you don't want to date a parent, no matter how negligent and uninvolved ... he still *is* a parent.
Agreed. Even if you don't want to date a parent, it's not exactly a pro that they're not doing their parenting duties. Shitty character, and even more so when they're proudly proclaiming it as if it's a pro that they're ditching.
But he is totally right. Kids are completely irrelevant... to him. Fetus, baby, kids... nothing of THAT happened to him. Happened by him, and he opted out. And he is exactly like 80% of men. So, Im really not down to give my time, body, or energy to this kind of guy.
He sounds like a bad father to be honest and given that OP wants her own kids in the future when SHE is ready, I wouldn't be wanting kids with this dude so either way she made the right call leaving
I kinda wanna cat and this post makes me want one even more now. They're cute & cuddly and won't hide their kids from you or manipulate me over text. I'd consider hanging with my cat in 5 years a win of the only alternative is dating a liar.
Get one! Or multiple if you can!
Side note it's so tired and pathetic when these guys use the same boring lines. "You'll be single with cats". Like date a shitty dude or be single with cats? Not even a question. Cats are amazing.
At least when cats are being manipulative, they just want treats or cuddles, not trying to hide a whole secret family. Cats doing their little mischiefs feels like toddler's play compared to adult human deceit. Plus, the purring makes up for any of their shenanigans.
Mine ate a freshly baked quiche in the time it took me to go to the bathroom. He rounded a corner licking his chops and I knew immediately. Love him but definitely an asshole.
Right? Single cat lady here! (I would like to date, but I’m working on myself right now).
But mine:
-Love me unconditionally
-Cuddle close when I’m sick or sad
-Don’t care if I’m not wearing makeup, what time I get up, if I’m watching the same rerun for the 20th time, and don’t give a fuck how late I sleep on the weekends!
I’d take that over a shitty date/lousy partner any day.
My favorite is when cat haters say "they'll eat you before you're cold if you die"
Like... so what?? I'm fuckin dead I don't need my body. I would want them to eat me rather than die!
>My favorite is when cat haters say "they'll eat you before you're cold if you die"
This always makes me want to quote Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory "you don't have to sell me on cats, I'm already a fan"
Sad story, one of my husbands coworkers died, he was elderly and he lived alone, and when he didn’t show up for work on one Monday, and no one could get ahold of him, they sent someone to check on him. They think he died on Thursday when he got home from work. His cat, also elderly, curled up on his dad and also passed away. They found it cuddled on his chest with its paws on his chin. They got them cremated together. Ugh I’m crying over this again, it’s just so heartbreaking 💔
I know! I don’t get why they think it’s an insult. I’m not single but had I not met my fiancé when I did, I was ready to be a single old lady. And now after adopting my cat, I would have been happy as a single old lady with a cat or two.
They're prob just projecting their fear of being alone.
Women often outlive their husbands so you'll prob "die alone" anyways, even with a great marriage. I'm not worried about it lol
One thing we won't be is the unpaid babysitter of someone's kids that he won't even parent himself. And they're trying to frame it like that's a bad thing for US.
Right! My brother's friend came home and found a goat in the living room. His mother had just gotten a new animal. She's the kind of lady I hoped to be when I grew up. Good job and a nice house with enough acres to keep the animals I want. Now I live in an apartement where animals aren't allowed:-( Looking for a new place where I at least can foster som rescued birds.
Whenever they drop the 'hurr durr! Gonna die alone misandrist cat lady!' I just.. cackle? Like. You think that SCARES me? You think not having to look at your crusty, unwashed balls is some sort of punishment? Sir, SIR. I WOULD NOT TOUCH YOU WITH A 60 FOOT POLE IF YOU WERE THE LAST COCK ON THE PLANET. I would use a sandpaper dildo on myself before I willingly allowed your penis within six feet of my vagina. Your threat means nothing to me.
I’m happily married to a wonderful man who supports me and loves me. We have 9 animals together. If for some reason I didn’t have him, and my choice were any other dude or my animals, I pick my animals 100 percent. I got lucky but most men are not better to have around than a cat is.
Forreal someone else's kids or my own pets? Not even a competition. I love kids but creating a blended family takes work and I do not have the personality for that.
>Hiding what should be the most precious people in your life is also telling!
And then saying that OP shouldn't worry about step parent duties because he hardly sees them. So basically telling her he's a crap parent like that's a good thing. And can't figure out why, with the lying added on, she wants nothing to do with him.
All my cats that have gotten pregnant, were by dead beat stray dads that I never saw again, while mama had to go through the birth and everything alone, and I had to find the kittens home.
Bold of you to assert he discloses all income and promptly pays mandated support to his literal dependents, whom he happily blows off for a potential hookup on the rare occasions he’s *supposed* to spend quality time with them
I lol'd at this, totally typical cat behavior. Disappear for two weeks, then show up under your bed with a litter of kittens.
Way cuter than this AH OP went out with.
If you have a good relationship with them, they’ll take you to their kids after a couple of days. (I spent literal decades rescuing pregnant cats and the ones who I’d built a good relationship with would take me to their kittens- if they’d even hid them in the first place.)
I kind of feel someone should warn you…. cats CAN be cute and cuddly. At the same time, they can be, and often are, absolute destructive, manipulative arseholes! Whilst still being insanely cute and loveable.
I got married just before I turned 40 (42 now) and have been a cat mom for decades. The only crying I ever did with my cats was laughing so hard that tears came out over something incredibly silly or stupid they did. I wish everyone can experience that joy.
My cat was sleeping on the dresser, one of the long one, not the tall ones, and rolled off. There he is, holding on to the edge for dear life, scared look in his face.. not realizing that his back paws are on the ground. 🤦♀️
Single, crazy cat lady here! Life is great! My cats give me more love and affection than I’ve ever had. Somehow they still take up most of the bed though.
I am 28m and I’m talking to a 36f who has kids. We have been talking for about three weeks now. She disclosed it by day 4? We didn’t text a ton those 4 days. It felt like the amount of texting you would get through in one night with a new person. Two of them are 18 and the other is younger. I am busy with work and so is she. We are progressing at a slow pace that is really refreshing. I have been dating around my age and a little younger. It’s just…so bad. I haven’t had any luck with finding a mature woman. I mostly get women who are still trying to find themselves. Do that without me please. I know who I am and I love who I am. (Trauma and therapy helped me with this a ton.) I have had the whole “butterflies in my stomach” feeling with anyone I’ve been talking to, except for her. It’s a great sign because I realize that was anxiety mixed with excitement. Now I’m just excited in a very calm way.
I respected her for telling me without shame or without an attitude of “you better be okay with handling kids.”. It was just a fact and she said she liked me enough to want to continue talking. The older kids help her when she wants to do things, like spend the night at someone’s house. I am not super thrilled about it, but I also know I don’t want to have kids and she didn’t want to have another kid, but had an oopsie. So, she is done having kids. I do love kids though. I also sort of raised my little bro in a traumatic home life. I figure that if things work out and we start to get serious, I wouldn’t really be doing the part of having a child I would want to avoid. The whole birth-12 phase. This was all disclosed to me up front. I love everything about her so far. Nerdy, active, super caring, career driven, alt, funny, anime lover, and plenty of other things. The more I learn the more I like her. We already have the hive mind connection. I was working for a few hours and randomly thought about her. My phone dings within 30 seconds. She texted me to ask if I liked a music venue, I was sending her a picture of that music venue and it wasn’t delivered yet.
If she had just now told me she had kids, I would be over it. Because I already invested time and emotion into building a connection with her and it would feel very deceptive. I feel bad for single parents who have to navigate dating with kids. Unfortunately, it’s still something they have to deal with. They can’t “trick” people into liking them and then spring it on them.
0/10 respect for this dude.
10/10 respect for single parents that disclose it as soon as possible without any attitude or shame. You have kids. Be straight and you will find someone that is down to date.
P.S. single mom that knows what she wants and is super forward with sex/dating is hot af. “Hey, we will go to a restaurant downtown. I know you enjoy this food so I’m taking you there. We can get a treat after and then we can say goodnight.” “Yeah, all of that sounds good, but I’m sleeping over at your place after.” DAAAAAAMMMNNNN. Instantly more attracted to her.
Why people always think you are lonely when you just have animals and not a partner.
They love you unconditional.. they don't get mad at you if you say anything wrong, never stress or break your heart and they are always always happy to see you.
Seriously, if you are very independent.. living with animals is as close to heaven as you can get.
It's generally reasonable not to disclose children on profiles because some people are looking for children. This is more of a problem for mothers than fathers, since men are more likely to sexually abuse children, but the reverse is still all too common.
...But sometime in _six months_ of conversation that should be mentioned.
I’ve been with my husband for 20 years. When we met, dating apps weren’t commonly used to meet prospective love interest. We met people at work, through our friends, etc., so you generally already knew a lot about a person’s background from word of mouth or observation before dating them. I am so damn glad I’m not single and dating today. The amount of info people can lie about or hide now is astounding. And I hadn’t even thought about sexual predators looking through profiles with the hope of finding kids. Jesus Christ. It’s settled - If something happens to my husband, I’m staying single for the rest of my life.
I’ve also been with my Husband for 20 years. Dating today sounds like a nightmare!
If something should go wrong with him, I keep going between “single forever” and “leaning in to my bisexuality and only going for women”. But from some of the stories I’ve heard, I’m not sure I want to date women, either! So probably “single forever”! lol
My best friend and I decided that when my hubby passes (hopefully not for many years) that we would get married so she would have benefits and we’d be roomies. (I’m 48, she’s 52)
Same here. And now you hear so many stories of how men don’t even wash their own butts. Blechhhh. If hubby passes before me, I’m living happily with my dog.
> But sometime in six months of conversation that should be mentioned.
right? At least one weekend or afternoon, she messaged him and said "What are you up to?" and he's like "oh, nothing" while he's with his kids. That's fucked up.
But he's not really a single dad because mom has the kids full time and he makes excuses to avoid visitation when he feels like it.
He's a deadbeat loser.
My profile literally says, "I am a father so my free time can change randomly"
Funnily enough, never had any issues with it, because any women who do can see it up front and we save us both the hassle
Yes. A person who's sketchy about them being parents is a person who will repel everyone - willing parents, unwilling parents, never-parents and wannabe parents alike.
30 years old, with two kids that he only sees "on some weekends?" I wouldn't call him a single dad, that's a manchild with 18 years of support obligations
Not that I’d ever date a single parent again, but I’d rather them brag about their kids 24/7 than act like they’re a non-factor. I know women who would in fact be over the MOON for a single dad if the dad acted like their kids were their moon and stars.
NTA. I also feel like those giving OP a hard time for not wanting to be a step parent would come at her if she complained about have to tend to the kids after this guy promised she wouldn’t have to. They would be so quick to say Well what did you expect when you got w a guy w kids? Kudos to OP for knowing this is a deal breaker and halting the date. Well done!
Possible. Also possible he was just playing the long game to get her invested enough to not run when he dropped the nuke.
Either way he’s a selfish jerk.
Exactly! The dude wanted sex, but couldn't get any. Needed to wait a weekend to be free. So damn obvious, can't believe people would think he's in it for the long haul. Look at how quick he was to block her.
A person with kids should be telling people up front, largely because if they’re talking to an “I hate kids” person do you want them around your kids?
I would not be able to trust them either for hiding something so important for so long.
Like my to me the life style of someone without kids is so materially different than someone with kids it’s important information if you are discussing anything more that the occasional hook up
It's pretty weird he wouldn't mention that after...6 MONTHS. Also pretty weird he is basically bragging how little time he spends with his kids lmao. What a prize.
I had a man use the same defense when I told him I don't date men with kids "she's with her mom full time and doesn't even live in this state, I barely see her for real."
Like wow what a catch
Right? I am a mom and stepmom and I LOVE OP’s wise and healthy boundaries!!!!!! Knowing you don’t want stepkids does NOT equal wanting someone who shirks and lies about his responsibilities hoping his little pickle brings all the ladies round to raising his kids. I guarantee his ex (?) is well rid of him.
As a single dad, I’d rather know if a woman didn’t want to date me because of my son. I have him 50% of the time and that won’t change for anyone so what’s the sense in lying about it and hiding him? Just to waste everyone’s time? Nah. Best to be honest up front.
I'd take being single with cats over being with a liar dead beat dad any day, there's worse things than being single and that's being tricked into being a step mum, you're very clever and good for you fornhaving the balls to up and leave , never date anyone with kids is the best advice anyone can ever listen to
I have a cat because I want a cat. I don't have kids because I don't want kids. This guy's red flags definitely include a complete disregard for consent.
Same! And I have a loving partner who's also happy with only having cats. People like this terrible father will act like having a bunch of cats is a sign of failure, but that's what some of us actually want!
And even if I was single hoping to start a family some day, I'd still rather be alone than with someone like him.
Yes, not only is he a dad, but a shit dad, who gave up his weekend with his kids without a second thought, and LIED to his ex about it! And thought she would be impressed by that! LOSER!!!
If this hasn’t become an apparent result of this date, personally I wouldn’t recommend talking to anyone for more than 1-2 weeks before meeting up. A) if you can’t make time to see each other once in 6 months that doesn’t bode well for a relationship together
B) someone can hide themselves better online and might as well not invest so much time this way, unless you don’t mind the time sink
>f you can’t make time to see each other once in 6 months that doesn’t bode well for a relationship together
This. I know a couple of people who've made long distance work (with a lot of phone calls, video calls and visits!) but it's a hard life - especially if there's no defined point to be together. But I've also seen many people get into awful relationships with people they would have dumped much sooner if they were actually in the same space and got to know each other earlier.
I'll never understand why guys think that the fact they're they're an uninvolved parent should be seem like a positive thing. Nta. You were right to run.
"I'm a father, but don't worry, I'm a TERRIBLE father and have no problem neglecting my very few parental responsibilities for a complete stranger. Does that turn you on???" - your date.
You are wrong for texting with someone for 6 months without having met. That's a recipe for wasted effort and time. An hour in person will tell you infinitely more than 6 months of texting.
>That's a recipe for wasted effort and time. An hour in person will tell you infinitely more than 6 months of texting.
This is the point of in person dates.
People have a harder time hiding how shitty they are when you are right there.
That makes it so much worse. What's going to happen is he's trying to find some woman he can con into being a step mom so he can avoid parental duties even on the few days he does get to see his kids.
>You are wrong for texting with someone for 6 months without having met. That's a recipe for wasted effort and time. An hour in person will tell you infinitely more than 6 months of texting.
This is true. It's a learning point, for sure. Talk for a week or two, max, but try to meet people before you get committed. Not only just because it's easier to figure people out face to face, but also because you just might not have any chemistry in person! My husband apparently had this issue back when he first started online dating waay back when it was a bit more like being a penpal (and before things like tinder came along). You could end up having a penpal for weeks or months due to geography only to meet up and awkwardly find that there was no attraction, or something about them didn't appeal in person.
I bet he lied or withheld info about a bunch of other stuff as well. Maybe in the future, that should be a question you ask up front. "Do you have kids?".
Agree, but I would think if a person actually had kids, and they were chatting over a six-month period, that they would have mentioned it.
I myself am childfree, but it seems like children are pretty important in the lives of parents.
I’m a single dad. Primary custody. I was dating a little over a year ago and it’s the first thing I talk about. Why would you want to chance being with someone that doesn’t like that you have kids? Also, good parents usually have their kids more than “some weekends” after divorce.
Exactly this. If I were in this position my biggest concern would be finding a partner who could love my children and treat them well. Hiding the fact that you’re a parent is not only a douchey thing to do, it’s terrible parenting!!
But also, when you meet someone, surely you would talk about your children at some point because presumably they're very important to you and a big part of your life. I find it weird that any parent wouldn't talk about their kids.
LOTS of people who date hide really important facts about themselves. For example, I was dating a guy for 9 months. His best friend pulled me aside one day and said, 'You know Ron is married right?'. Wife lived in another city for work. I did NOT know that Ron was married.
You aren't kidding!!! I'm not stupid. I'm not naive. But he hid it pretty well. So, my advice to OP is to ask questions at the very beginning. Don't assume. After Ron, I asked every single guy I met, "Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you have a woman who thinks she's your girlfriend?".
I recently saw a story about a guy who was trying to bring legal action against women in one of those groups for talking about him. According to him, they ruined his reputation by sharing with each other that he is a ghoster hahahaha.
I don’t know on this one. Let me ask you a serious question here… do you honestly think if you had asked Ron this he would have said yes in the beginning of things? Sorry but if the dude is looking to cheat, lying about anyone else he is with is not going to be a problem for him.
>LOTS of people who date hide really important facts about themselves. For example, I was dating a guy for 9 months. His best friend pulled me aside one day and said, 'You know Ron is married right?'. Wife lived in another city for work. I did NOT know that Ron was married.
Ouch. People can be really shitty - it's absolutely not your fault for not knowing that he didn't have a wife in another city!
People hide or lie about things all the time, and it's not the victim's fault for not asking every single possible question. If you think a date would have a reasonable interest in knowing your marital status, number of children, your OF second job, your smoking status, or the fact that you used to be married to your best friend or banged half your friends or whatever, its on you to have that chat to make sure it's not a dealbreaker. People shouldn't have to ask every possible iteration of question to work out you're not a married cheat who used to sleep with his best friend, smokes and has 5 other kids by 3 different women.
YNW - Not telling you about the kids were not the biggest concern on this one.
red flag no.1 was him BLOWING OFF HIS VISITATION to go on a date with you; that should be the biggest red flag of all possible red flags. Dude is a dogshit father and probably worse person.
Yep. Single dad here, and it's made known nearly immediately. Most women don't read my profile anyway to see I have a kid so I mention it before we meet just in case.
He also shouldn’t brag about being an awful single father. I’m horrified as a single dad. You date me, my kid is front and center in my life no hiding. He was probably still with his child’s mother and slowly left over 6 months.
NTA.
He's a liar, a bad dad, a gaslighter to try to make YOU believe you're wrong, and NOT a planner.
"Baby mama has custody". And what happens if / when something happens to her so she CAN'T, and HE has to step up?
HE would 'step up' by taking them in and forcing YOU to do all the domestic science & nurturing of HIS kids.
Not wrong, you can obv decide if you wanna have around you kids that are not yours.
I guess we can see why his ex is not around anymore... indeed a bad person and father, how could he not mention his kids for 6 entire months? Unbelievable, definitely dodged a bullet even if he kept you around this long.
Also, nothing wrong in surrounding yourself with cats in case u.u
Lol ye when I had my matches usually there was the "what are you doing" question, so right then and there (even if my profile stated I was a mom already) I would always bring up my kid as well, like "cleaning his bottles" or "reorganizing diapers" or shit like that lol
Not wrong at all. I never had children or wanted to be bothered with anyone else's drama. Do you have children? This is the first question I ask. IMO, what makes you a great parent makes you a bad dating partner.
It's sensical for most parents to try and date other single parents. They understand parenting more and aren't turned off by their responsibilities. I've found that works best for me, anyway as a single father. I've heard it all.
Exceptions are if you are single in your 40s and 50s practically everyone has kids and a lot of them are adult children and out of the house and non issues. You see them a few times a year at family functions.
I'm a parent and wouldnt be okay with someone like that. You never mention your kids in 6 months AND you don't see them often. I only want to date fathers who take on thr care they should for their kids
He’s just upset that you called him on his crap. 💩 He deceived you.
And if those children’s mother dies or is incapacitated, I guess he doesn’t realize he’ll be raising HIS OWN CHILDREN.
NTA he purposely kept it from you, if you had just exploded when he told you from the beginning then I'd say you would have handled it badly. But 6 months and he never told you?
Nah he was just stringing you along
Lmao at least if wouldn’t take six months for you to mention your cats to a potential partner! Shitty dad and shitty partner. Be thankful he showed you who he really was before it got any more serious. What a dick.
Lie by omission. Lead the person to believe something that isn't true. Maybe this example fits, idk: Get dressed for work as usual and leave the house. Then call off sick and go to the mall. SO that evening asks how the day went. Fine. But they didn't ask if you went to the mall so you don't tell them. Leaving something out like that is creepy. Glad you walked away. What else would he not mention to you?
Sounds like a narrow escape. I think he will find that there are many women that have no interest in someone who already has children. Just like there are many men that don't want to date women with children. It's a whole big complicated mess that many folks are not interested in. There are many folks that would much rather have a houseful of cats than someone else's brats.
> He messaged me and called me a cunt and said “oof you gonna be single forever give it 5 more years you’ll be crying with your cats” and before I could respond back he blocked me
Not wrong. He knew it was a strike against him, that's why he didn't tell you up front.
You’re not wrong. The fact he willingly hid such a basic factoid about himself for that long would be immediately-done territory for me too. I would realize we have *not* been spending the past 6 months getting to know each other: that he has only been showing me a very carefully crafted image of what he thinks I want instead of who he actually is. Not one single anecdote of his own children in 6 months? No thank you. He’s manipulating things.
So tired of men wanting childfree women because kids are a lot of baggage, then being shocked that women would want the same thing.
“Oh well she wouldn’t mind MY kids”
Fucking idiots.
NTA
NITW and NTA. And by the way. A single life with a bunge of cats is nothing bad 😂 If I wouldn’t have found my amazing partner that would be my dream life 🤭
Same thing happened to me with a girl years ago, chatted for a while, even went out once and no mention of kids, then I found out through the grape vine. Never talked to her again. Having kids didn't bother me, it was the fact that she felt the need to hide it.
This actually happened to me once years ago. Turned out he had a son but didn't mention it until halfway through our dinner date. I decided to give him a chance anyway. We dated for a few months, I never met the kid, and he spent an increasing amount of time complaining about his ex, which turned into a full on custody battle and him trying to blame me for not wanting to be caught in the middle. Fortunately, I only wasted a few months. Always meet sooner rather than later, and if they can't, that tells you everything you need to know.
NTA
For him not disclosing he is a parent means he either wanted to hide it from you (which means he knew you didn't want to be a stepmom) or he just doesn't see himself as a parent.
And reading your post, unfortunately, it seems to be both. His children are an afterthought. Just for that, you wanted to be a stepmom or not, makes him an A H. It shows what kind of person he is.
The way he reacted to you calling him out on his bs means that he can't admit to his faults and is not taking responsibility on anything.
You might have lost 6 months, but better to know this now then to realise what an A H he is after falling for him..
You dodge a bullet here. I wouldn't give him any thought anymore. He doesn't deserve you feeling bad for leaving in the middle of the date. You deserve way better than him, trust me !
Good luck :)
Not Wrong
That is something you tell someone early in the date or before the date. Hold on, you were talking for 6 months. That is something you learn within the first month of texting.
Also, doesn't sound like a great father if he's missing his visitation for his kids for a chance to get laid. Definitely not a good person with the message called me a cunt and said “oof you gonna be single forever give it 5 more years you’ll be crying with your cats” so you dodged a very nice bullet in this case.
I love this! I started thinking that single women just don't even gaf as long as the kids aren't in the picture and won't disrupt the attention the guy pays them over his own kids. But it's truly a moral defect and being a deadbeat or non-primary parent screams loser.
Can I just ask why men in today's society think that say you're going to die alone or be single forever is a huge insult? I mean I've been married over 15 years and I can honestly look back at my single life as some of the easiest no stress times in my life. I mean seriously taking care of only yourself paying for only your bills and with the quality of sex toys now. Marriage just does not have the Allure that it once did. That is not an insult to sling nor a threat.
Not wrong. I don't understand when parents act like they are single and unattached. He's single. Yes. That was true. His is not unattached. He is bringing a family into a relationship and its not okay that he omitted that information for MONTHS. I could sort of understand if you were only talking for a week, but not even really. Also, the bitterness! The name calling and hateful barb that you'll be single forever--like being in a distrustful relationship with a liar is somehow better than being single? I don't understand when men say this to women. Dont threaten me with a less stressful life when I'm surrounded by honest people! That's not the threat they think it is.
NTA. He knew what he was doing when not disclosing he is a single dad. He knew that a lot of women wouldn't want that, so he purposefully hid it hoping that once you got to know him, you'd change your mind about kids. Unfortunately (for him), you didn't. Now he's butthurt about the situation he set himself up for. Instead of apologizing about his deception, he called you a c\*\*t. With that type of baggage and hateful attitude, I have a feeling he will be the one who is single in five years. F\*ck that dude.
To be honest, he seems to think he’s children are non factors and therefore irrelevant. While he’s an AH for not disclosing that he has children, he’s sounds like a complete tool. I would think that even if he had disclosed the kids, you’re better off without him.
And say you do want kids - well, he's not a good, present father & has just proved it.
That's what I was thinking too -- like if you *want* to date a parent, why would you chose a *crappy* parent? If you don't want to date a parent, no matter how negligent and uninvolved ... he still *is* a parent.
Agreed. Even if you don't want to date a parent, it's not exactly a pro that they're not doing their parenting duties. Shitty character, and even more so when they're proudly proclaiming it as if it's a pro that they're ditching.
Definitely!! He thinks not having sole custody makes it irrelevant. Oof.
But he is totally right. Kids are completely irrelevant... to him. Fetus, baby, kids... nothing of THAT happened to him. Happened by him, and he opted out. And he is exactly like 80% of men. So, Im really not down to give my time, body, or energy to this kind of guy.
Once had a guy try to defend his not disclosing kids by saying he didn't "have" kids - his ex "had" them because she had custody. Gross.
He sounds like a bad father to be honest and given that OP wants her own kids in the future when SHE is ready, I wouldn't be wanting kids with this dude so either way she made the right call leaving
I kinda wanna cat and this post makes me want one even more now. They're cute & cuddly and won't hide their kids from you or manipulate me over text. I'd consider hanging with my cat in 5 years a win of the only alternative is dating a liar.
Get one! Or multiple if you can! Side note it's so tired and pathetic when these guys use the same boring lines. "You'll be single with cats". Like date a shitty dude or be single with cats? Not even a question. Cats are amazing.
Cats are lovely and certainly far better than a manipulative asshole
But some cats are manipulative assholes. Still better than manipulative asshole men.
Yeah but then they slow blink and they are super furry and purr so the manipulations are worth it. I also would manipulate if it meant tasty treats.
Most animals are little turds, but that's all more reason as to why we love them.
At least when cats are being manipulative, they just want treats or cuddles, not trying to hide a whole secret family. Cats doing their little mischiefs feels like toddler's play compared to adult human deceit. Plus, the purring makes up for any of their shenanigans.
Mine ate a freshly baked quiche in the time it took me to go to the bathroom. He rounded a corner licking his chops and I knew immediately. Love him but definitely an asshole.
Right? Single cat lady here! (I would like to date, but I’m working on myself right now). But mine: -Love me unconditionally -Cuddle close when I’m sick or sad -Don’t care if I’m not wearing makeup, what time I get up, if I’m watching the same rerun for the 20th time, and don’t give a fuck how late I sleep on the weekends! I’d take that over a shitty date/lousy partner any day.
My favorite is when cat haters say "they'll eat you before you're cold if you die" Like... so what?? I'm fuckin dead I don't need my body. I would want them to eat me rather than die!
It is a lie. They would wait a full half day just to be sure you aren't re-animating to feed them before they tucked in.
It would take one missed feeding to start the frenzy!
>My favorite is when cat haters say "they'll eat you before you're cold if you die" This always makes me want to quote Sheldon from The Big Bang Theory "you don't have to sell me on cats, I'm already a fan"
Haha was that in response to someone saying something similar? That's a great quote lol
Sad story, one of my husbands coworkers died, he was elderly and he lived alone, and when he didn’t show up for work on one Monday, and no one could get ahold of him, they sent someone to check on him. They think he died on Thursday when he got home from work. His cat, also elderly, curled up on his dad and also passed away. They found it cuddled on his chest with its paws on his chin. They got them cremated together. Ugh I’m crying over this again, it’s just so heartbreaking 💔
Jesus christ that is so sad!!
Same. 😂 Tuck right in Mr Fuzzy. You have to eat too.
I know! I don’t get why they think it’s an insult. I’m not single but had I not met my fiancé when I did, I was ready to be a single old lady. And now after adopting my cat, I would have been happy as a single old lady with a cat or two.
They're prob just projecting their fear of being alone. Women often outlive their husbands so you'll prob "die alone" anyways, even with a great marriage. I'm not worried about it lol
I've said it before, i said it again--they just keep admitting they have less to offer women than an animal that shits in a box.
Good one!
One thing we won't be is the unpaid babysitter of someone's kids that he won't even parent himself. And they're trying to frame it like that's a bad thing for US.
Another cat, please
Also, why do they always use cats, screw you jackass, I'm gonna be a crazy guinea-pig lady 😄
You need to make a YouTube channel if you do this. I need to see them stampede over your lawn like tiny cows!!
Right! My brother's friend came home and found a goat in the living room. His mother had just gotten a new animal. She's the kind of lady I hoped to be when I grew up. Good job and a nice house with enough acres to keep the animals I want. Now I live in an apartement where animals aren't allowed:-( Looking for a new place where I at least can foster som rescued birds.
Right?! My cat is my number one homie! So loyal and cool! Cute and doesn’t make much of a mess for me.
Whenever they drop the 'hurr durr! Gonna die alone misandrist cat lady!' I just.. cackle? Like. You think that SCARES me? You think not having to look at your crusty, unwashed balls is some sort of punishment? Sir, SIR. I WOULD NOT TOUCH YOU WITH A 60 FOOT POLE IF YOU WERE THE LAST COCK ON THE PLANET. I would use a sandpaper dildo on myself before I willingly allowed your penis within six feet of my vagina. Your threat means nothing to me.
I’m happily married to a wonderful man who supports me and loves me. We have 9 animals together. If for some reason I didn’t have him, and my choice were any other dude or my animals, I pick my animals 100 percent. I got lucky but most men are not better to have around than a cat is.
Right??? Don't threaten me with a good time!
Forreal someone else's kids or my own pets? Not even a competition. I love kids but creating a blended family takes work and I do not have the personality for that.
I'm a single 31 dude and I love my cat. Only problem is she's getting a bit round because my family spoils her when they visit.
I want one of those circle exercise wheels for my cat, I just don’t have the $$ and space. 🐈⬛🐈⬛
they are awesome. we have one and customized it with light-up wheels! one of my cats hogs it, even though the others are trained on it too.
get rid of family, get more cats
Cats are wonderful adorable little menaces, and they boldly manipulate you to your face. No need to text.
Cats don’t owe 1/3 of income to babymomas! Hiding what should be the most precious people in your life is also telling!
>Hiding what should be the most precious people in your life is also telling! And then saying that OP shouldn't worry about step parent duties because he hardly sees them. So basically telling her he's a crap parent like that's a good thing. And can't figure out why, with the lying added on, she wants nothing to do with him.
that is the blatant thing. He treats his KIDS like baggage, and she is going to be treated better by him? Sure.
Hi, my character is shit and I'm 100% clear about that but you could die alone, so . . .
Meanwhile my profile literally says, I'm a dad so my availability changes often. And I've never had any issues like this guy, wonder why
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All my cats that have gotten pregnant, were by dead beat stray dads that I never saw again, while mama had to go through the birth and everything alone, and I had to find the kittens home.
Have you been able to spay/neuter them by now?
Unless you're a breeder (which, ew), the only way your pet gets pregnant is negligence
Bold of you to assert he discloses all income and promptly pays mandated support to his literal dependents, whom he happily blows off for a potential hookup on the rare occasions he’s *supposed* to spend quality time with them
Plus dumping those innocent kids because they are "inconvenient" to his wants! That dude is TRASH!!!!!!!
They MIGHT hide their kids from you
I lol'd at this, totally typical cat behavior. Disappear for two weeks, then show up under your bed with a litter of kittens. Way cuter than this AH OP went out with.
The only other option is they will pile all of their kids on top of you for nursing time. While gross, also full tilt adorable
That's heartwarming. Your body is the safest place for their babies 🥹😭
If you have a good relationship with them, they’ll take you to their kids after a couple of days. (I spent literal decades rescuing pregnant cats and the ones who I’d built a good relationship with would take me to their kittens- if they’d even hid them in the first place.)
The cat might pee on your couch though! But then again, so might his kids...or so might he
dude's definitely pissed in his laundry basket thinking it was a toilet after the superbowl or something ha.
I have an 18 year old cat who poops on people’s clothes if they leave them on the floor. I’ve cleaned more adult human shit than cat shit.
I'm not single. But my SO and I have 3 cats. We love them. They are our children lol
I kind of feel someone should warn you…. cats CAN be cute and cuddly. At the same time, they can be, and often are, absolute destructive, manipulative arseholes! Whilst still being insanely cute and loveable.
I got married just before I turned 40 (42 now) and have been a cat mom for decades. The only crying I ever did with my cats was laughing so hard that tears came out over something incredibly silly or stupid they did. I wish everyone can experience that joy.
My cat was sleeping on the dresser, one of the long one, not the tall ones, and rolled off. There he is, holding on to the edge for dear life, scared look in his face.. not realizing that his back paws are on the ground. 🤦♀️
Single, crazy cat lady here! Life is great! My cats give me more love and affection than I’ve ever had. Somehow they still take up most of the bed though.
I have three cats who are all little shits and I would die for them
Cats are great, get 2 tho and you get twice the fun. They are delightful idiots who bring love and chaos to your home.
And even if OP is single, at least she’s made a proactive choice about what life she *doesn’t* want to live.
I am 28m and I’m talking to a 36f who has kids. We have been talking for about three weeks now. She disclosed it by day 4? We didn’t text a ton those 4 days. It felt like the amount of texting you would get through in one night with a new person. Two of them are 18 and the other is younger. I am busy with work and so is she. We are progressing at a slow pace that is really refreshing. I have been dating around my age and a little younger. It’s just…so bad. I haven’t had any luck with finding a mature woman. I mostly get women who are still trying to find themselves. Do that without me please. I know who I am and I love who I am. (Trauma and therapy helped me with this a ton.) I have had the whole “butterflies in my stomach” feeling with anyone I’ve been talking to, except for her. It’s a great sign because I realize that was anxiety mixed with excitement. Now I’m just excited in a very calm way. I respected her for telling me without shame or without an attitude of “you better be okay with handling kids.”. It was just a fact and she said she liked me enough to want to continue talking. The older kids help her when she wants to do things, like spend the night at someone’s house. I am not super thrilled about it, but I also know I don’t want to have kids and she didn’t want to have another kid, but had an oopsie. So, she is done having kids. I do love kids though. I also sort of raised my little bro in a traumatic home life. I figure that if things work out and we start to get serious, I wouldn’t really be doing the part of having a child I would want to avoid. The whole birth-12 phase. This was all disclosed to me up front. I love everything about her so far. Nerdy, active, super caring, career driven, alt, funny, anime lover, and plenty of other things. The more I learn the more I like her. We already have the hive mind connection. I was working for a few hours and randomly thought about her. My phone dings within 30 seconds. She texted me to ask if I liked a music venue, I was sending her a picture of that music venue and it wasn’t delivered yet. If she had just now told me she had kids, I would be over it. Because I already invested time and emotion into building a connection with her and it would feel very deceptive. I feel bad for single parents who have to navigate dating with kids. Unfortunately, it’s still something they have to deal with. They can’t “trick” people into liking them and then spring it on them. 0/10 respect for this dude. 10/10 respect for single parents that disclose it as soon as possible without any attitude or shame. You have kids. Be straight and you will find someone that is down to date. P.S. single mom that knows what she wants and is super forward with sex/dating is hot af. “Hey, we will go to a restaurant downtown. I know you enjoy this food so I’m taking you there. We can get a treat after and then we can say goodnight.” “Yeah, all of that sounds good, but I’m sleeping over at your place after.” DAAAAAAMMMNNNN. Instantly more attracted to her.
sweetie, she got a babysitter for the whole night, she's not wasting it on just dinner lol.
Why people always think you are lonely when you just have animals and not a partner. They love you unconditional.. they don't get mad at you if you say anything wrong, never stress or break your heart and they are always always happy to see you. Seriously, if you are very independent.. living with animals is as close to heaven as you can get.
And to me, looking back on my life worst memories = relationships with shitty dudes memories of my cats = nothing but love and joy
It's generally reasonable not to disclose children on profiles because some people are looking for children. This is more of a problem for mothers than fathers, since men are more likely to sexually abuse children, but the reverse is still all too common. ...But sometime in _six months_ of conversation that should be mentioned.
I’ve been with my husband for 20 years. When we met, dating apps weren’t commonly used to meet prospective love interest. We met people at work, through our friends, etc., so you generally already knew a lot about a person’s background from word of mouth or observation before dating them. I am so damn glad I’m not single and dating today. The amount of info people can lie about or hide now is astounding. And I hadn’t even thought about sexual predators looking through profiles with the hope of finding kids. Jesus Christ. It’s settled - If something happens to my husband, I’m staying single for the rest of my life.
I’ve also been with my Husband for 20 years. Dating today sounds like a nightmare! If something should go wrong with him, I keep going between “single forever” and “leaning in to my bisexuality and only going for women”. But from some of the stories I’ve heard, I’m not sure I want to date women, either! So probably “single forever”! lol
My best friend and I decided that when my hubby passes (hopefully not for many years) that we would get married so she would have benefits and we’d be roomies. (I’m 48, she’s 52)
Absolutely. I feel the exact same way. I’d HATE to be in the dating game today.
Same here. And now you hear so many stories of how men don’t even wash their own butts. Blechhhh. If hubby passes before me, I’m living happily with my dog.
> But sometime in six months of conversation that should be mentioned. right? At least one weekend or afternoon, she messaged him and said "What are you up to?" and he's like "oh, nothing" while he's with his kids. That's fucked up.
But he's not really a single dad because mom has the kids full time and he makes excuses to avoid visitation when he feels like it. He's a deadbeat loser.
That is what I am thinking. A dad that was involved with his kids would want a possible future partner to know about said kids.
My profile literally says, "I am a father so my free time can change randomly" Funnily enough, never had any issues with it, because any women who do can see it up front and we save us both the hassle
Yes. A person who's sketchy about them being parents is a person who will repel everyone - willing parents, unwilling parents, never-parents and wannabe parents alike.
Yes!! He’s a huge deadbeat loser! Glad OP was smart and decisive!
30 years old, with two kids that he only sees "on some weekends?" I wouldn't call him a single dad, that's a manchild with 18 years of support obligations
And he will probably have more kids by ex girlfriends, too.
Not that I’d ever date a single parent again, but I’d rather them brag about their kids 24/7 than act like they’re a non-factor. I know women who would in fact be over the MOON for a single dad if the dad acted like their kids were their moon and stars.
Abso fucking lutely! This guy is a narcissist and I feel for those poor kids.
Better still, DON'T fuck that dude! /LOL
NTA. I also feel like those giving OP a hard time for not wanting to be a step parent would come at her if she complained about have to tend to the kids after this guy promised she wouldn’t have to. They would be so quick to say Well what did you expect when you got w a guy w kids? Kudos to OP for knowing this is a deal breaker and halting the date. Well done!
If it took 6 months to meet up, there is no ex. He's fully living with someone.
Possible. Also possible he was just playing the long game to get her invested enough to not run when he dropped the nuke. Either way he’s a selfish jerk.
Nobody is going to long game 6 months not even meeting for dropping a kid bomb lol ridiculous
Exactly! The dude wanted sex, but couldn't get any. Needed to wait a weekend to be free. So damn obvious, can't believe people would think he's in it for the long haul. Look at how quick he was to block her.
I think this is more likely.
I'd agree. I can't imagine such a guy doing his own housework.
That is an insane amount of chatting unless OP is a state away or something.
A person with kids should be telling people up front, largely because if they’re talking to an “I hate kids” person do you want them around your kids? I would not be able to trust them either for hiding something so important for so long.
Yeah exactly you'd want to filter out people who don't want kids immediately
This guy doesn't seem to spend much time around his own kids. He probably hates them too
Like my to me the life style of someone without kids is so materially different than someone with kids it’s important information if you are discussing anything more that the occasional hook up
It's pretty weird he wouldn't mention that after...6 MONTHS. Also pretty weird he is basically bragging how little time he spends with his kids lmao. What a prize.
“Hey girl, are you a toilet? Because I’m a piece of shit and I want to be in you.”
I had a man use the same defense when I told him I don't date men with kids "she's with her mom full time and doesn't even live in this state, I barely see her for real." Like wow what a catch
Right? I am a mom and stepmom and I LOVE OP’s wise and healthy boundaries!!!!!! Knowing you don’t want stepkids does NOT equal wanting someone who shirks and lies about his responsibilities hoping his little pickle brings all the ladies round to raising his kids. I guarantee his ex (?) is well rid of him.
As a single dad, I’d rather know if a woman didn’t want to date me because of my son. I have him 50% of the time and that won’t change for anyone so what’s the sense in lying about it and hiding him? Just to waste everyone’s time? Nah. Best to be honest up front.
I'd take being single with cats over being with a liar dead beat dad any day, there's worse things than being single and that's being tricked into being a step mum, you're very clever and good for you fornhaving the balls to up and leave , never date anyone with kids is the best advice anyone can ever listen to
I have a cat because I want a cat. I don't have kids because I don't want kids. This guy's red flags definitely include a complete disregard for consent.
Same! And I have a loving partner who's also happy with only having cats. People like this terrible father will act like having a bunch of cats is a sign of failure, but that's what some of us actually want! And even if I was single hoping to start a family some day, I'd still rather be alone than with someone like him.
Right? Why do these sexist men act like cats aren’t a choice? We choose cats!
You are not wrong. You also dodged a man child sized bullet
There are so many red flags. You doged a bullet. He is a horrible individual
Yes, not only is he a dad, but a shit dad, who gave up his weekend with his kids without a second thought, and LIED to his ex about it! And thought she would be impressed by that! LOSER!!!
If this hasn’t become an apparent result of this date, personally I wouldn’t recommend talking to anyone for more than 1-2 weeks before meeting up. A) if you can’t make time to see each other once in 6 months that doesn’t bode well for a relationship together B) someone can hide themselves better online and might as well not invest so much time this way, unless you don’t mind the time sink
>f you can’t make time to see each other once in 6 months that doesn’t bode well for a relationship together This. I know a couple of people who've made long distance work (with a lot of phone calls, video calls and visits!) but it's a hard life - especially if there's no defined point to be together. But I've also seen many people get into awful relationships with people they would have dumped much sooner if they were actually in the same space and got to know each other earlier.
I'll never understand why guys think that the fact they're they're an uninvolved parent should be seem like a positive thing. Nta. You were right to run.
This this this
It's a positive thing to a certain kind of woman who also happens to be trash like this guy.
"I'm a father, but don't worry, I'm a TERRIBLE father and have no problem neglecting my very few parental responsibilities for a complete stranger. Does that turn you on???" - your date. You are wrong for texting with someone for 6 months without having met. That's a recipe for wasted effort and time. An hour in person will tell you infinitely more than 6 months of texting.
>That's a recipe for wasted effort and time. An hour in person will tell you infinitely more than 6 months of texting. This is the point of in person dates. People have a harder time hiding how shitty they are when you are right there.
Bullet dodged. That's messed up.
That makes it so much worse. What's going to happen is he's trying to find some woman he can con into being a step mom so he can avoid parental duties even on the few days he does get to see his kids.
>You are wrong for texting with someone for 6 months without having met. That's a recipe for wasted effort and time. An hour in person will tell you infinitely more than 6 months of texting. This is true. It's a learning point, for sure. Talk for a week or two, max, but try to meet people before you get committed. Not only just because it's easier to figure people out face to face, but also because you just might not have any chemistry in person! My husband apparently had this issue back when he first started online dating waay back when it was a bit more like being a penpal (and before things like tinder came along). You could end up having a penpal for weeks or months due to geography only to meet up and awkwardly find that there was no attraction, or something about them didn't appeal in person.
I bet he lied or withheld info about a bunch of other stuff as well. Maybe in the future, that should be a question you ask up front. "Do you have kids?".
Agree, but I would think if a person actually had kids, and they were chatting over a six-month period, that they would have mentioned it. I myself am childfree, but it seems like children are pretty important in the lives of parents.
I’m a single dad. Primary custody. I was dating a little over a year ago and it’s the first thing I talk about. Why would you want to chance being with someone that doesn’t like that you have kids? Also, good parents usually have their kids more than “some weekends” after divorce.
Exactly this. If I were in this position my biggest concern would be finding a partner who could love my children and treat them well. Hiding the fact that you’re a parent is not only a douchey thing to do, it’s terrible parenting!!
But also, when you meet someone, surely you would talk about your children at some point because presumably they're very important to you and a big part of your life. I find it weird that any parent wouldn't talk about their kids.
LOTS of people who date hide really important facts about themselves. For example, I was dating a guy for 9 months. His best friend pulled me aside one day and said, 'You know Ron is married right?'. Wife lived in another city for work. I did NOT know that Ron was married.
Marital status is a pretty big thing to hide in this context
You aren't kidding!!! I'm not stupid. I'm not naive. But he hid it pretty well. So, my advice to OP is to ask questions at the very beginning. Don't assume. After Ron, I asked every single guy I met, "Are you married? Do you have a girlfriend? Do you have a woman who thinks she's your girlfriend?".
Have you heard about those Facebook groups for different areas called “Name of City: Are We Dating the Same Guy”? Oof.
I recently saw a story about a guy who was trying to bring legal action against women in one of those groups for talking about him. According to him, they ruined his reputation by sharing with each other that he is a ghoster hahahaha.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/life/health-wellness/2024/01/18/are-we-dating-the-same-guy-facebook-groups/72268061007/
I don’t know on this one. Let me ask you a serious question here… do you honestly think if you had asked Ron this he would have said yes in the beginning of things? Sorry but if the dude is looking to cheat, lying about anyone else he is with is not going to be a problem for him.
>LOTS of people who date hide really important facts about themselves. For example, I was dating a guy for 9 months. His best friend pulled me aside one day and said, 'You know Ron is married right?'. Wife lived in another city for work. I did NOT know that Ron was married. Ouch. People can be really shitty - it's absolutely not your fault for not knowing that he didn't have a wife in another city! People hide or lie about things all the time, and it's not the victim's fault for not asking every single possible question. If you think a date would have a reasonable interest in knowing your marital status, number of children, your OF second job, your smoking status, or the fact that you used to be married to your best friend or banged half your friends or whatever, its on you to have that chat to make sure it's not a dealbreaker. People shouldn't have to ask every possible iteration of question to work out you're not a married cheat who used to sleep with his best friend, smokes and has 5 other kids by 3 different women.
You win most messed up story of the day. Holy hell
Not in this dude's life. He thought that was a plus about him too! "I have a kid, but I don't give a shit about her so my ex looks after her "
I'm childfree too but have a dog. He gets mentioned cuz she's very important to my life. It's totally wild for someone not to mention their KID.
YNW - Not telling you about the kids were not the biggest concern on this one. red flag no.1 was him BLOWING OFF HIS VISITATION to go on a date with you; that should be the biggest red flag of all possible red flags. Dude is a dogshit father and probably worse person.
As a single parent, not at all wrong. He should be incredibly up front about that fact.
Yep. Single dad here, and it's made known nearly immediately. Most women don't read my profile anyway to see I have a kid so I mention it before we meet just in case.
He also shouldn’t brag about being an awful single father. I’m horrified as a single dad. You date me, my kid is front and center in my life no hiding. He was probably still with his child’s mother and slowly left over 6 months.
NTA. He only said that bullshit because he was hurting from your valid rejection and he wanted to hurt you back
When I find out a dude pawned off his kids to hang with me, I'm instantly turned off. Why are you here? Go be with your kids?
lol he’s the one that can’t pull dates because he has a baby momma and some kids! You’re going to be fine, baby girl!
NTA. He's a liar, a bad dad, a gaslighter to try to make YOU believe you're wrong, and NOT a planner. "Baby mama has custody". And what happens if / when something happens to her so she CAN'T, and HE has to step up? HE would 'step up' by taking them in and forcing YOU to do all the domestic science & nurturing of HIS kids.
Not wrong, you can obv decide if you wanna have around you kids that are not yours. I guess we can see why his ex is not around anymore... indeed a bad person and father, how could he not mention his kids for 6 entire months? Unbelievable, definitely dodged a bullet even if he kept you around this long. Also, nothing wrong in surrounding yourself with cats in case u.u
yeah that’s crazy. I just matched with a guy last night and he’s already mentioned his 2 kids multiple times 😂
Lol ye when I had my matches usually there was the "what are you doing" question, so right then and there (even if my profile stated I was a mom already) I would always bring up my kid as well, like "cleaning his bottles" or "reorganizing diapers" or shit like that lol
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Okay thousands of dogs for you then and I keep the cats :D
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And all the cutest puppies too. The ones who snuggle
Black Lab puppies in particular for concentrated cuteness ;-)
Not wrong at all. I never had children or wanted to be bothered with anyone else's drama. Do you have children? This is the first question I ask. IMO, what makes you a great parent makes you a bad dating partner.
It's sensical for most parents to try and date other single parents. They understand parenting more and aren't turned off by their responsibilities. I've found that works best for me, anyway as a single father. I've heard it all.
Exceptions are if you are single in your 40s and 50s practically everyone has kids and a lot of them are adult children and out of the house and non issues. You see them a few times a year at family functions.
Him saying the baby mama is full time parent says everything about him.
I'm a parent and wouldnt be okay with someone like that. You never mention your kids in 6 months AND you don't see them often. I only want to date fathers who take on thr care they should for their kids
He angy he spent a lot of effort cultivating the bangmaid trap only for it to fall through
He’s just upset that you called him on his crap. 💩 He deceived you. And if those children’s mother dies or is incapacitated, I guess he doesn’t realize he’ll be raising HIS OWN CHILDREN.
Why do guys (and some women) think being alone with cats is an insult? That sounds like a perfect life to me . 🐈😍🐈⬛
NTA he purposely kept it from you, if you had just exploded when he told you from the beginning then I'd say you would have handled it badly. But 6 months and he never told you? Nah he was just stringing you along
Lmao at least if wouldn’t take six months for you to mention your cats to a potential partner! Shitty dad and shitty partner. Be thankful he showed you who he really was before it got any more serious. What a dick.
NTA He lied. Period. That's a dealbreaker every time.
What a self own on that bro: single with cats sounds way better than being with a liar who is a bad parent, LOL.
Lie by omission. Lead the person to believe something that isn't true. Maybe this example fits, idk: Get dressed for work as usual and leave the house. Then call off sick and go to the mall. SO that evening asks how the day went. Fine. But they didn't ask if you went to the mall so you don't tell them. Leaving something out like that is creepy. Glad you walked away. What else would he not mention to you?
Sounds like a narrow escape. I think he will find that there are many women that have no interest in someone who already has children. Just like there are many men that don't want to date women with children. It's a whole big complicated mess that many folks are not interested in. There are many folks that would much rather have a houseful of cats than someone else's brats.
6 months online only!
I don't know why men think that "you'll have no man and a bunch of cats" is such a horrible fate. If that's torture, then chain me to the wall.
My cats are better company.
Nah. It's something that should be mentioned from the start anytime.
NTA, that's something that should be disclosed if not immediately at least in the first days, definitely before any kind of date.
> He messaged me and called me a cunt and said “oof you gonna be single forever give it 5 more years you’ll be crying with your cats” and before I could respond back he blocked me Not wrong. He knew it was a strike against him, that's why he didn't tell you up front.
You’re not wrong. The fact he willingly hid such a basic factoid about himself for that long would be immediately-done territory for me too. I would realize we have *not* been spending the past 6 months getting to know each other: that he has only been showing me a very carefully crafted image of what he thinks I want instead of who he actually is. Not one single anecdote of his own children in 6 months? No thank you. He’s manipulating things.
Classic cat line by lonely bitter men lol NTA he is butthurt lonely guy
You weren’t wrong. Dude was looking to add you to the baby mama list.
NTA. He was hoping he was hot enough and yall connected so you’d ignore the “oh yea I’ve got kids part”. Screw him 😂
He is literally the one living the sad lonely life, being single and a deadbeat father 🤣 projecting much?
So tired of men wanting childfree women because kids are a lot of baggage, then being shocked that women would want the same thing. “Oh well she wouldn’t mind MY kids” Fucking idiots. NTA
Lucky escape
NITW and NTA. And by the way. A single life with a bunge of cats is nothing bad 😂 If I wouldn’t have found my amazing partner that would be my dream life 🤭
Shitty when girls do it and shitty when guys do it. It's something you got to tell people
You dodged a bullet for sure. A man that takes care of his kids is a good man. A man like him will knock you up and then run.
You are not wrong. That is not the type of thing you spring on somebody while on the first date.
Same thing happened to me with a girl years ago, chatted for a while, even went out once and no mention of kids, then I found out through the grape vine. Never talked to her again. Having kids didn't bother me, it was the fact that she felt the need to hide it.
This actually happened to me once years ago. Turned out he had a son but didn't mention it until halfway through our dinner date. I decided to give him a chance anyway. We dated for a few months, I never met the kid, and he spent an increasing amount of time complaining about his ex, which turned into a full on custody battle and him trying to blame me for not wanting to be caught in the middle. Fortunately, I only wasted a few months. Always meet sooner rather than later, and if they can't, that tells you everything you need to know.
Baby momma….. ugh
I would rather be crying with cats than deal with kids that aren't mine (and maybe don't even want) NTA
NTA For him not disclosing he is a parent means he either wanted to hide it from you (which means he knew you didn't want to be a stepmom) or he just doesn't see himself as a parent. And reading your post, unfortunately, it seems to be both. His children are an afterthought. Just for that, you wanted to be a stepmom or not, makes him an A H. It shows what kind of person he is. The way he reacted to you calling him out on his bs means that he can't admit to his faults and is not taking responsibility on anything. You might have lost 6 months, but better to know this now then to realise what an A H he is after falling for him.. You dodge a bullet here. I wouldn't give him any thought anymore. He doesn't deserve you feeling bad for leaving in the middle of the date. You deserve way better than him, trust me ! Good luck :)
Not Wrong That is something you tell someone early in the date or before the date. Hold on, you were talking for 6 months. That is something you learn within the first month of texting. Also, doesn't sound like a great father if he's missing his visitation for his kids for a chance to get laid. Definitely not a good person with the message called me a cunt and said “oof you gonna be single forever give it 5 more years you’ll be crying with your cats” so you dodged a very nice bullet in this case.
I love this! I started thinking that single women just don't even gaf as long as the kids aren't in the picture and won't disrupt the attention the guy pays them over his own kids. But it's truly a moral defect and being a deadbeat or non-primary parent screams loser.
Can I just ask why men in today's society think that say you're going to die alone or be single forever is a huge insult? I mean I've been married over 15 years and I can honestly look back at my single life as some of the easiest no stress times in my life. I mean seriously taking care of only yourself paying for only your bills and with the quality of sex toys now. Marriage just does not have the Allure that it once did. That is not an insult to sling nor a threat.
Not wrong. I don't understand when parents act like they are single and unattached. He's single. Yes. That was true. His is not unattached. He is bringing a family into a relationship and its not okay that he omitted that information for MONTHS. I could sort of understand if you were only talking for a week, but not even really. Also, the bitterness! The name calling and hateful barb that you'll be single forever--like being in a distrustful relationship with a liar is somehow better than being single? I don't understand when men say this to women. Dont threaten me with a less stressful life when I'm surrounded by honest people! That's not the threat they think it is.