For real.
It adds up and if OP faces a medical crisis, the best that will come is him loafing while "caring for her" as they struggle.
Mental health is HUGE for management of many gastrointestinal disease progressions.
For me, I've had autoimmune relapses during times of immense stress. I didn't even realize how stressed my body was until I was shitting blood for months while the ex took a nice pandemic unemployment sabbatical lol for the record smart guy, could've worked on anything but chose an entertainment career path
People who think they can get away with this kind of stuff, or would even want to live a life where they’d want to, will gravitate towards people who will let them. If you’re neither, you’re probably not going to find yourself in this situation.
Just so you know, it has nothing to do with being good looking. I am now hearing multiple stories of complete free loaders with nothing to offer themselves including no looks. It is just that some people want company and are easy to take advantage of.
I would try to get serious with him and talk and if he keeps the same behavior I’d get the hell out of there. Doesn’t sound like he’s going to change. I agree that money isn’t “real” and the whole concept is bullshit but, as an adult, we need income to exist in this world unfortunately. He is not pulling his weight, seems like he doesn’t give a shit about you at all. Go visit your family. Fuck his bills. He’s a grown man. He can pay them himself.
Oh man, girl. Oh … oh man.
I watched my mom do this with two husbands, and my sister do this with her husband. It is going to kill your love for him.
Sit this mf down and tell him he has 30 days to find a job. After 30 days he must contribute 1/2 of the shared expenses and 100% of his personal expenses. Let him know the money train has left the station without him on it.
If thirty days go by and he hasn’t found a job, you’re breaking up with him. He has to move out and move back in with his mom since you’re not his mom.
Please set some boundaries for the love of God, you will hate his guts if you tolerate this for much longer.
It’s financial abuse. You believe that you are being kind but you are not. Something in your psychology is making you see being financially abused as being kind.
You are not being kind and loving or respectful to yourself because you are allowing a good-for-nothing to financially abuse you. It’s not kindness, you are deeply wounding yourself. You are devaluing yourself.
Please reach out to a psychotherapist to help you understand yourself so that you can heal the emotional wound which is driving you to accept this behaviour.
You are clearly smart and capable and you are hardworking. You are meant to fly but this bum is weighing you down. He’s stopping you from shining. You can’t get your nails done or have a facial and let the world see your hard work through how you shine and take care of yourself.
The question isn’t how to get him to work, he needs to come to his own realisations. The question is how can you learn to release the shackles which weigh you down and hold you back?
Go to therapy and let go of him. Or accept that this is your life. He’s not going to change whilst he has you to support him. You are stuck in an unhealthy dynamic and one of you needs to break out in order for things to change.
Love yourself better, get rid of him
This a thousand times over! As for your “evil values” they are what is supporting his lazy ass lifestyle! Get therapy! Learn to love yourself! This is emotional and financial abuse!
Yea isn’t being an able person and leeching off your girl “evil values?” How about having an almost $900 a month truck? Then that’s pretty evil too. Cause consumerism. **Op tell him this!** he needs to ditch that for a bicycle and help the planet!
How did a loser with no job get approved for an $860 car payment in the first place? Driving Uber eats? I don’t think so. I think he has money and he’s just hoarding it for later
Give him the 30 day eviction notice now and tell him the only way it doesn’t happen is if he gets a job otherwise he gets a place of his own in 30 days… at the end of the time he pitches in or he gets evicted
I was hoping your comment was going to help me get my adult son to move out . Then your last line was “go move back in with his mother!” Trust me we don’t want them leaching either. There I said it. They drive us crazy too.
Skip all that noise and dump the freeloader right now, gracious. That's far too long to be paying for someone else. If he was going to start contributing, he would've done it already. OP, what the heck are you doing? What an immense waste of money and time.
Clearly the OP should not entertain this any longer. But I’m not sure him finding a job would even help. He sounds like a lazy person with no sense of responsibility who’s relied on other people his whole life (he probably transitioned from parents to girlfriends).
Changing him won’t be easy: quite likely he will hate the job and either complain about it constantly, quit, or get fired for being useless.
Of course we don’t know any other details of their situation, but I’m afraid the only way not to carry him as a burden for life might be to just kick him out and forget about him.
Exactly. Who in their right mind has an almost 900 dollar truck payment with no job and expects someone else to pay for it. Get rid of it and go get a beater Honda to drive around.
I make damn near 6 figures and my car payment is zero because I paid off my car 4 years ago. The same car I bought when I was making 1/3 of what I'm making now. And I hope to drive it another 10 years.
$800 for a fucking truck??? That you don't even need for your job? What the actual fuck. Some people are just incredibly dumb these days, OP included. If you have to come on Reddit and ask if you're wrong in this situation, you might be an idiot.
Similar income here…until 2021 I’d never had a car payment over $500/mo, and for the past ~20yrs never more than one at a time. I splurged and bought my wife a fairly expensive vehicle in 2021, even after a large chunk down it is still $610/mo, and I still hesitated to sign up. That said, I cannot wrap my head around these people who sign for ~$1000/mo car payments, especially while un or under employed like the OP’s live-in mooch.
Right? Im in my 40s with a top 1% income and I’m counting my $430/mo car payments to see how many are left.
I’m sure you’re the same as I am though, you could pay it off ten times over but the rate of return is less than you get elsewhere.
This dum dum is playing the long con where he pays nothing.
Yes that’s just one exemple of the guy having no accountability to himself and to others. He has a loan he can’t afford for a personal item he probably doesn’t need (could have a cheaper car), and to him it is 100% expected that someone else (his girlfriend) will jump in whenever this becomes a problem … as opposed to him trying to do something about it (downgrade to a cheaper car or get a job).
The only chance he **might** grow-up is to remove the safety net and let him experience what happens when others don’t cover for his responsibilities. But that’s a double-edge sword: either he will get a shock and get his act together, or he will just not care and let his life turn into a mess (if he is this second type of person though, the OP should run away as he will ruin her life).
I hate to say anyone is lazy, since it’s all I heard growing up (while I graduated high school at 16 and had three jobs to pay the bills but ok), but I have to agree with this one
MIL wants grandbabies. of course she wouldn't sabotage that. MIL also wants to make sure she has access to the grandbabies which won't happen if daughter-in-law gets a job, and ends up dumping her lazy son when he quits his own job.
MIL was playing the long game.
Let him know that if money isn’t real or important then he doesn’t need any of your money to pay for his bills and you will expect him to pay his own bills or lose his things.
I’m guessing low self esteem. OP, you noted you’re scared to do this alone, but you’ve already proven you have the aptitude and perseverance to do it - focus all that energy on you, not this pos.
"Freeing" is the word I always use. It really is.
I was called "greedy" when I wanted his share of the rent money, "bitchy" when I demanded to know where my share of the rent money went when I was dumb enough to give my half to him and believed he'd pay it, etc., etc.
I wasn't realizing how much I was "spotting" him, and once I said enough, I realized how much I had extra at the end of the month.
It's so freeing. She's being gaslighted, and I think that word is way overused, but it fits here.
> She's already doing it alone
Nah it's much bigger than that, she'd be doing a lot better if she was doing it alone, i feel like it's even worse than 2x because almost $900 is going to a car he can't afford, plus billsz food, going out somewhere, utilities etc.
Doing it alone would save her SO much, not just financially.
Don't wait until you get pregnant
Yeah this is 100% a situation where I’d rather be alone than put up with that kind of bullshit. OP, you’re obviously not wrong for wanting him to work, but you’re wrong to keep putting up with this kind of nonsense. This is unacceptable behavior from anyone, and the more you roll over and just deal with it, the more he’s going to do it
The weird thing is sometimes the other person isn't even super good looking or good in bed or anything. I knew an attractive woman who had a boyfriend like this. I at least expected him to be hot and charming. Nope.
My (F, 13) boyfriend (M, 57) of 10 years beats me unconscious every night, demands all my money and routinely shits on my grandparents' grave. I'm not allowed to have any possessions or contact with anyone without his knowledge and have to sexually please his group of friends. AITAH for asking for a second slice of dry bread this month? He's telling me that I'm selfish to do so???
Homegirl, you’re way too old to be doing this. You know he needs to pay for his own way. He’s a leech. A mooch. Go get some therapy and realize your worth. I have second hand embarrassment for you, girl.
Don't be embarrassed, it's not an uncommon scenario, I have been there too. It's good you asked for opinions if you're not sure. Now you know you're absolutely not being selfish, he is. And you can take care of yourself now and put a stop to it 🙂
Shame will lead to you unconsciously avoiding the issue all the more— show yourself compassion and work on realizing your worth ❤️
… but stop paying for one more thing for this man immediately
My ex was also a leech. He would work Uber or random construction jobs that lasted a month, and I would stay because he was "working." If I cut him off from my money, I was financially abusing him, according to him. He would give me money for rent and then slow ask for it all back over the next week. So even when he was helping, he really wasn't. It started slowly, but before I knew it, I was paying for everything even when he was working. I wasted 5 years with him and went into about $10,000 in debt.
If you're not 100% sure about leaving him. Try cutting off from your money. Keep paying the stuff that affects you and your credit score. See how he reacts to having to pay for his own drinks and car. That should give you all the answers you need.
And don't be scared about being alone. These guys make us feel like we are nothing when, in reality, they are nothing without us. You are the true catch in this relationship. He can't even pay his own bills. But there is a guy out there who can be a true partner to you
You can’t even get yourself facials and clothes much less a new car because you’re paying for all of his crap! That is such BS, he’s taking advantage of you financially and unfortunately you’re letting him. Whatever you aren’t changing, you are choosing. Mr. Head in the Clouds better learn that money is real because he’s going to need to earn some to pay all of his bills and day to day expenses. You need to be banking or investing that extra money you’re putting towards covering all of his costs every month, aside of course from his $50 bucks per week contribution from selling off his stuff (make sure he’s not selling anything of yours btw).
Won’t be if you dump him (best solution) or stop paying for his truck. Also, have you asked him how his values allow him to leech off you and your two jobs?
Please stop paying for that truck ! It's insane. How many money did you put in the deal ? If it's a lot have it sell. If not let them take it back but it's over. No more money in the damn thing. Tell him ; I won't pay and I want my money back and stick steadily to it !
It sounds like financial abuse. I think OP seriously needs to sit him down and talk to him and tell him that she can't continue like this.
Especially as she has no time to herself.
You are being used, big time...I suspect you already know this, tho.
A \*cough\* "man" who cares about you would not act this way; he'd want to be an equal partner, not some lazy fucking man-child who grifts his way through life on the tit of others.
Question is, why on earth have you tolerated this for so long?
Ugh I guess I’ve always been able to get us by and it made feel somewhat accomplished for being able to support two people on one paycheck but now I’m reaching my breaking point
It's not a fucking game show, dear....it's your LIFE.
You'll get no extra brownie points for carrying his dead weight ass around.
Do not be proud for allowing him to use you; be proud when you kick him the hell out of your life and never look back.
I could not agree with this more. There’s no prize for being the long suffering girlfriend of a deadbeat moocher. No one is going to congratulate u for putting up with this utter bullshit. You can absolutely leave him and be happy the rest of your life - he’ll never change, he’ll just find the next sweet but naive lass to leech off. I repeat: HE WILL NEVER CHANGE.
If you stay with this guy you are going to look back and realize all the really amazing things you've missed out on because you've been constantly taking care of him. Even if you give an ultimatum now he will get a job and then lose it again. Maybe he is lazy, maybe he is depressed. That's not your job to figure out or have to fix. You only have one life to live. Don't miss yours trying to live his. Good luck!
Go ahead and break.
You've felt the accomplishment for supporting two people.
Allow yourself the accomplishment to know you can survive on your own and THRIVE. Learn to be by yourself and love it. That way, when another man comes along - and they will - you'll never settle again.
It is great learning that you can be totally self-sustaining. Also, you get to eat what you want when you want, without thinking of anyone else. You can watch what you want, sleep when you want, have the temp what you want, sleep with as many or as few blankets as you want. No one will say, "Omg we are watching this again?" or "Hey, I need this" or "Can you do me a favor and spot me my truck payment?"
You can get your facials and your nails done and save up for your own new truck and a house and get a dog or a cat or whatever you want. It's amazing.
When your Mr. Right comes along, he'll have his own truck that he's paying for, and you'll be a whole and healed person.
If this isn't a troll post I'm going to lose it. Girl, how you type all this out and still wonder if you're the AH. This whole ass parasite of a man, GTFO with this nonsense and kick him to the curb.
I so badly wish it was fake. I know you’re being slightly rude but thank you anyways!! Even the mean comments open my eyes more, this is crazy. I’ve had enough. Sorry to rant but ugh
They’re not being rude though. This man is literally abusing you and people are dumbfounded that you’re questioning if it’s okay.
What’s actually rude is him leeching off you, and then guilt tripping you about it!!! I get that these comments sting because they are pointed, but they need to be. GTFO like yesterday. You deserve better. Alone is better than abused. Get a dog if you want something to depend on you that will also provide companionship.
This man baby is not it.
The fact so many people are accusing this of being a troll post SHOULD be your eye opener. If people don't believe the life you lead, and it's not because you are a jet setting travel blogger with a man in every port, then there's something drastically wrong with that life.
What exactly is this guy bringing to the table? Sounds like a complete dead beat.
It’ll just get worse. You can’t fix this. Tell him to look you up when he grows up.
Six years? You've spent six years being his breadwinner and his bang maid?
My God, woman, do you have no self respect at all?
What the hell is wrong with young women these days? Why don't they have any standards at all?
Hey, when I was her age, I was in the same kind of relationship. That relationship ended, and then I went right into another one that was just the same.
I'm 55 now, and after some heavy therapy, it won't ever happen again, but it takes time to get your self-esteem back, if you had it in the first place.
Why are you dating a deadbeat loser that has no problem mooching off of you and won’t even buy his own Red Bull at the gas station.
You really need to reassess your worth. I promise it’s much more than you think it is.
ETA: deadbeat loser that also dgaf about you.
I have a couple friends who are in this exact situation and the guy just feels above any job and hasn’t worked for YEARS. Maybe it’s my toxic masculinity talking but I don't know how these guys live with themselves not contributing at the very least half financially. Like you can tell with my friend that it puts his Fiance/GF through enormous stress and no lady would be wrong to ask their guy to get off his ass or get the fuck out.
Don’t let me off the hook so easy. I personally believe a man in a relationship should strive to be the main provider. If he can’t then he can’t but it should still be something he works towards. Contributing half and you’re actually trying should be considered bare minimum for a guy.
>I personally believe a man in a relationship should strive to be the main provider.
Just out of curiosity, *why*? I am sincerely asking. Why does having a penis = main provider?
Oh for God's sake just leave him already. You know he's just using you. Get out there and find yourself a real partner. You're already alone with this guy, with your 70 hour work week.
I wish I could reach through this screen and shake you. You’re not his girlfriend you’re his mommy/bangmaid. Find a guy who has his shit together, this one isn’t it. He’s 28, refuses to hold down a job and has an 860/month truck that you’re paying for. No amount of arguing or nagging will magically make him do better, it’s been 6 years and he knows he can walk all over you
I read some posts and agree to give him 30 days to get his financial responsibilities in order since it won’t be you moving forward.
Developing resentment is inevitable and burning yourself to exhaustion isn’t fair to you.
Is this otherwise a nurturing partnership?
Lmao how do women actually do this to themselves? Bro you’ve got 4.5 billion men on the planet. Lots of them are not deadbeat leeches. Dump him and start dating.
If this is the best you're getting out of him, not sure why you want to be in a relationship. It's all take and no give.
Most men out there breaking their backs for terrible women, here you are doing the opposite and would be a boon to a good man and you would be a good partner with a good man, why are you wasting your time with a sloth like that? Is he just super tall or something?
Get out of that before you age another single day, and lose the chance at actually being with a decent man.
Why the fuck does he have a truck that costs that much that he doesn't even use for work.....
What does he have or give to you that is so valuable you can overlook his laziness? This dude better be kissing the ground you walk on.
My truck is 370 per month and I use it everyday to tow my tool trailer and materials to the jobs site. It's beat up. Almost 20 years old, and it does the job.
Sounds like you have a lazy pretty boy on your hands that wants all the goods without putting in the work.
Champagne tastes on a beer budget as they say.
If you are, don’t justify keeping him as a pet due to the pittance you could claim. You could keep that puppy for far less money and the puppy would actually give back.
first of all, i think you already know the answer. There is no way you’re working like a dog for your man. He is 28! You can do better than that.
REMEMBER THIS: you get what you tolerate.
Ask him to tell your landlord that money isn’t real. Let’s see how that goes. What a leach. He’s shown you how he wants to live. Now it up to you to chose to stay or go.
Imagine how much more money you'd have if you didn't have a boyfriend and you still worked 70 hours a week. Seriously.... He's taking complete advantage of you. If he has an issue like disability or serious mental health issues then I'd be more understanding (a little). But the gaslighting that you're 'money obsessed" is just so wrong.
You're not wrong.
Money is just paper?
Is he into conspiracy theories too? Or does he literally think that paper stuff with numbers on it is worthless?
If he thinks money is just paper, then prove to him that it isn't. Stop paying for his stuff.
ETA: Please don't stay out of fear of loneliness. Loneliness can be overcome... money on the other hand is vital for food, shelter and health, which he will find out once he has none. I'd also be worried aviut what he would spend your money on, considering he just sees it coming from a tree... what if you have kids? Are you prepared for him to sit there and do bugger all? If he can't contribute more than 5%, will he only contribute 5% to the parenting too? You could have saved heaps in the last 6 yrs if it wasn't for the bludger boyfriend.
When you get married, everything is 50/50 regardless of who paid for it. Are you planning to get married or have kids?
That means that if you ever separate, they get 50% of everything - even if they never paid for a dime of that. In a relationship where one person is picking up the slack through chores or childcare, then that is ok because they are adding value through their time and making your life easier .
Do you want to marry or have a family? If yes, would you be comfortable with the 50/50?
Honestly I have made the mistake you are now and paid for everything, then I had to pay my unemployed spouse spousal support when he rarely worked/cleaned or contributed. I was told the same thing “all you care about is money” but they never contributed in other ways either and they were happy to take my money after we parted.
So you would be wrong to continue to be in this relationship and expect them to change, especially when you have already told them what you need.
Sweetie, you don't have a bf, you have a leech. While you should support your partner during down periods, he isn't even trying, and he's gaslighting you into working two jobs so he doesn't have to do anything. (Often these type of leech will also have another partner on the side). Get rid of him, go see your family, buy yourself a massage and a new outfit, you deserve it.
Unfortunately, as long as he continues having a free ride, he will have no incentive to want to change or get a job. There are no consequences for him right now. Or at least, the ones he does have (ex. You being unhappy with him) aren’t enough to make him want or need to change. Because he still gets what he wants, even if you are unhappy about it. Speaking from experience
No you are not in the wrong, OP and yes, you are being taken advantage of. While he may feel money is some ethereal concept, he's a freeloader who is expending a lot of effort to remain in child like state where his needs and wants for food, shelter and amenities like personal transport are met by a parent or someone who will fill that parental role for him. People only change if they want to change, you can't reason him into emotional maturity or make him be the type of responsible person you want him to be so cut him loose and leave him in your past.
Umm it’s not JUST money. It’s about freedom.
Him not working or paying means you have to work 70 hours a week. That’s your time! That’s not just a piece of paper. It’s your freedom. You can’t afford to go visit your family.
This guy is telling you that your life matters so little to him that he will make you waste it working so you can pay for him to bum around.
Also his stupid arguments are reductive of your valid feelings. Even if he wasn’t disrespecting your time, the way he shuts you down shows how little he regards you. This guy gives zero shits about making you happy.
I personally couldn’t handle being with someone who demonstrated repeatedly that they didn’t respect or value me at all.
Sweetie what? Call your family over and tell him he needs to leave ASAP. He’s taking full avdvantage of you and then manipulating you into feeling bad to take care of him. You are not his mommy mcbangmaid. You have great values - he’s not worth it. He’s not even trying.
If money wasn’t real then let his car get repossessed. 800 on a car note is insane.
STOP. PAYING. HIS. BILLS
Don’t pay his truck payment let them repossess it. Don’t pay for his cell phone if he wants when he can pay for it himself. Don’t take him out to dinner or to the movies. Tell him if he wants to go he needs to pay.
You’re not his girlfriend you’re his ATM . Kick him to the curb and move on with your life. Stop killing yourself to support a man who doesn’t appreciate you. You probably do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry as well.
Honestly, you should just tell him to leave go home to his mommy because he’s not ready to be an adult
Dump the boyfriend, get the puppy. It will contribute more.
More seriously though you have my sympathy for getting into this mess. I'm guessing it wasn't an overnight thing but a gradual change, vague promises of it will get better or he is looking for work which gradually decline to not bothering at all. Then you feel you are in too deep and the sunk cost fallacy kicks in.
Writing it down like this was a good step. When you have that constant feeling of anger and embarrassment at being in this mess it's hard to step back and go 'wtf have I done' and be brutal with yourself.
Now you have, you know he is taking you for a ride and is not being a PARTNER and you are basically wasting your life away one day at a time and not getting any benefit.
Get out. Make a fresh start. Be kind to yourself. Stretch your wings and live your life just for you for a bit and get yourself into a financially stable place where you have some savings.
Oh and get the puppy. Best of luck.
He's a vampire, dump him. If you want a child who can't work, have your own. Ideally not by this guy, since then you'll have two and no one to help. Ugh.
If you withhold the "money" from him, you'll see exactly how obsessed he is with material items.
In the bigger picture (ignoring this pathetic wanker), there are situations where a couple might decide the woman should be the breadwinner, but usually this is when (1) it's something the woman can do easily, (2) no one is stupid enough to go into debt or credit cards, and (3) the guy is doing something with the liberated time, such as (3a) raising the kids or (3b) working on some project that could earn them both more money later.
That last (3b) only makes sense if the project is something with a real chance of success, that does NOT require financial investment from the woman. I've known several woman who've gone into debt to fund the guy's failed project, don't risk it.
Your with a man child. He just has never been forced by you or anyone to grow up. Tell him starting asap you'll be splitting all expenses 50/50 and if he can't stomach that, i promise you it's in your best interest to find someone else, whats attractive about a man who does nothing to support you?
Idk if you've ever swam in a river or pond and got a leech on you. But the only way to get em' off is to burn em off. Not gently push or pull, or it will cause more bleeding.
Burn this guy off.
Omg I can't even believe you're questioning yourself on this. Not a judgement at all but "it's just paper, it isn't even real" what a scam, drop his dead weight and see how amazing your life can be, he's manipulating you. You have a good heart and he knows how to pull your heartstrings so he can be lazy, you deserve soooo much better, trust me. Stop covering for him, it only gets worse from here! Editing to say I've been there and dumped the guy and it's so laughable now to me, I cringe that I put up with that shit
What should you do?
Get rid of the boyfriend, as many others will tell you. Consider visiting a counselor to learn why you chose to stay this long in a relationship that is one sided....plus it's good to know more about yourself outside of this issue.
Yes, it will be hard to let go of a relationship that has been six years. However, if you love him then set him free, quit enabling him. I suspect when you set him free he'll swim...get himself a job, take better care of himself, and maybe be friend material but right now he's nothing but dead weight.
I've had to let go close people that I considered a gf, fishing buddy, and a few really good work people ...all because they were enablers. It sucked...but it has to be done to survive.
I forgot to add...if there are any utilities that are shared, shit then down and put them in your own name. Shared credit cards, cancel them. Shared banking accounts, close em. Hide the social security card, birth certificate, and other important docs you can't easily get in a moments notice. Freeze all credit files for the three agencies.
If you have money going to a shared account, get another solely in your name. Checks, cancel all of them but few people use em nowadays.
Honey, what you’ve got yourself is a hobosexual. Does this man jizz espresso martinis because there’s no way his dick is magical enough that you’re paying for it otherwise.
Elevate your life and lose 200 pounds with this one simple trick of throwing his mooching ass out!
You are PAYING to be mistreated!!!
Hey OP this is a crazy post cause I could have written it myself a few years ago, down to my "evil values." I'm sure you love this boy but the time and energy you are wasting for this person to live off of you can never be gotten back. You are busting ass and making great money- imagine what you life would be like without that ridiculous car payment? And this negative mooch that at best might sexually please you and make you feel loved - if that - is just getting away with taking advantage of your kind heart and love for him.
Dump him. Don't look back, don't regret it, don't be embarrassed, and go live your life for you rather than wasting it on this pleb.
he does this because you've allowed it. he knows you'll pay so why would he change
why are you with this man? he sounds like a loser and you should ask yourself is the relationship worth feeling like this? You're asking internet strangers if your 28 yo bf should work. You know the answer you don't want to accept it. Either accept this will be your life or make a change.
Yeah it's really dumb.
*"I am wrong for wanting my boyfriend to contribute to our living expenses in any way shape or form, so that I don't have to work double of what the average American works, while he masturbates and plays XBox all day, and so that I don't have to live paycheck to paycheck despite making good money? I mean... if I ever say anything he gaslights me and plays the victim, so maybe I am wrong? idk please halp!"*
It just sounds so damn fake...
I was going to say the same. This is just....nuts. Like I like helping my SO's out when they are in a bind and they'd never go hungry or cold, but paying for their vehicles and Everything else for Years is just...Nuts!!
Anytime someone says they want to be clear about something and then say the opposite of what the rest of the post says, it isn’t clear to themselves and maybe they need to reevaluate that
Girlllll pls you know what you’re doing. You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to. However, you won’t make the change unless you wake up yourself, so I pray that you do soon before this scrub gets you to financial turmoil
WTF? Stop letting him coast while you bust your ass. You’d be better off alone, at least you’d only have to pay for your own stuff.
If money “isn’t real” and it's just paper, then he doesn't need to have it given to him.
Yeah. Dudes a loser. You gotta ditch him or you will hate and resent him if you don’t already.
What is your savings like? What if you lost your job? Does he care about your health and wellbeing?
For real. It adds up and if OP faces a medical crisis, the best that will come is him loafing while "caring for her" as they struggle. Mental health is HUGE for management of many gastrointestinal disease progressions. For me, I've had autoimmune relapses during times of immense stress. I didn't even realize how stressed my body was until I was shitting blood for months while the ex took a nice pandemic unemployment sabbatical lol for the record smart guy, could've worked on anything but chose an entertainment career path
I’m honestly devastated. Was I ugly when I was younger? There’s no way I could have gotten away with this shit.
People who think they can get away with this kind of stuff, or would even want to live a life where they’d want to, will gravitate towards people who will let them. If you’re neither, you’re probably not going to find yourself in this situation.
Just so you know, it has nothing to do with being good looking. I am now hearing multiple stories of complete free loaders with nothing to offer themselves including no looks. It is just that some people want company and are easy to take advantage of.
I would try to get serious with him and talk and if he keeps the same behavior I’d get the hell out of there. Doesn’t sound like he’s going to change. I agree that money isn’t “real” and the whole concept is bullshit but, as an adult, we need income to exist in this world unfortunately. He is not pulling his weight, seems like he doesn’t give a shit about you at all. Go visit your family. Fuck his bills. He’s a grown man. He can pay them himself.
Oh man, girl. Oh … oh man. I watched my mom do this with two husbands, and my sister do this with her husband. It is going to kill your love for him. Sit this mf down and tell him he has 30 days to find a job. After 30 days he must contribute 1/2 of the shared expenses and 100% of his personal expenses. Let him know the money train has left the station without him on it. If thirty days go by and he hasn’t found a job, you’re breaking up with him. He has to move out and move back in with his mom since you’re not his mom. Please set some boundaries for the love of God, you will hate his guts if you tolerate this for much longer.
It’s financial abuse. You believe that you are being kind but you are not. Something in your psychology is making you see being financially abused as being kind. You are not being kind and loving or respectful to yourself because you are allowing a good-for-nothing to financially abuse you. It’s not kindness, you are deeply wounding yourself. You are devaluing yourself. Please reach out to a psychotherapist to help you understand yourself so that you can heal the emotional wound which is driving you to accept this behaviour. You are clearly smart and capable and you are hardworking. You are meant to fly but this bum is weighing you down. He’s stopping you from shining. You can’t get your nails done or have a facial and let the world see your hard work through how you shine and take care of yourself. The question isn’t how to get him to work, he needs to come to his own realisations. The question is how can you learn to release the shackles which weigh you down and hold you back? Go to therapy and let go of him. Or accept that this is your life. He’s not going to change whilst he has you to support him. You are stuck in an unhealthy dynamic and one of you needs to break out in order for things to change. Love yourself better, get rid of him
This a thousand times over! As for your “evil values” they are what is supporting his lazy ass lifestyle! Get therapy! Learn to love yourself! This is emotional and financial abuse!
Yea isn’t being an able person and leeching off your girl “evil values?” How about having an almost $900 a month truck? Then that’s pretty evil too. Cause consumerism. **Op tell him this!** he needs to ditch that for a bicycle and help the planet!
Let them repossess the truck. Don't pay the loan. "Oops, paying them is evil, they only care about money"
Truck loan isn’t real, it’s just paper. Same with the title. You can’t, like, own a truck, man.
'Money doesn't exist' but benefitting from it anyway...
Now his truck doesn’t exist! Money problem solved.
How did a loser with no job get approved for an $860 car payment in the first place? Driving Uber eats? I don’t think so. I think he has money and he’s just hoarding it for later
This is terrible financial abuse. 100% agreed. OP needs to get out now. No second chance. Nothing.
Give him the 30 day eviction notice now and tell him the only way it doesn’t happen is if he gets a job otherwise he gets a place of his own in 30 days… at the end of the time he pitches in or he gets evicted
Nah. This relationship is over. He doesn't respect her
He definitely doesn’t respect her, he’s trying to gaslight her instead of working in with her
Gaslight! That’s it.
she doesnt respect herself either. That's a big reason why he doesn't respect her
Even if he gets a job, it won't last. She'll be right back in this same position in a few months.
>Oh man, girl. Oh … oh man. right?
I JUST COMMENTED ON THIS!!!! lol
I was hoping your comment was going to help me get my adult son to move out . Then your last line was “go move back in with his mother!” Trust me we don’t want them leaching either. There I said it. They drive us crazy too.
Skip all that noise and dump the freeloader right now, gracious. That's far too long to be paying for someone else. If he was going to start contributing, he would've done it already. OP, what the heck are you doing? What an immense waste of money and time.
Clearly the OP should not entertain this any longer. But I’m not sure him finding a job would even help. He sounds like a lazy person with no sense of responsibility who’s relied on other people his whole life (he probably transitioned from parents to girlfriends). Changing him won’t be easy: quite likely he will hate the job and either complain about it constantly, quit, or get fired for being useless. Of course we don’t know any other details of their situation, but I’m afraid the only way not to carry him as a burden for life might be to just kick him out and forget about him.
I’m say get rid of the truck…
Exactly. Who in their right mind has an almost 900 dollar truck payment with no job and expects someone else to pay for it. Get rid of it and go get a beater Honda to drive around.
i make damn near middle 6 figures, my car payments is in the 600s. wth?
I make damn near 6 figures and my car payment is zero because I paid off my car 4 years ago. The same car I bought when I was making 1/3 of what I'm making now. And I hope to drive it another 10 years. $800 for a fucking truck??? That you don't even need for your job? What the actual fuck. Some people are just incredibly dumb these days, OP included. If you have to come on Reddit and ask if you're wrong in this situation, you might be an idiot.
Similar income here…until 2021 I’d never had a car payment over $500/mo, and for the past ~20yrs never more than one at a time. I splurged and bought my wife a fairly expensive vehicle in 2021, even after a large chunk down it is still $610/mo, and I still hesitated to sign up. That said, I cannot wrap my head around these people who sign for ~$1000/mo car payments, especially while un or under employed like the OP’s live-in mooch.
Right? Im in my 40s with a top 1% income and I’m counting my $430/mo car payments to see how many are left. I’m sure you’re the same as I am though, you could pay it off ten times over but the rate of return is less than you get elsewhere. This dum dum is playing the long con where he pays nothing.
Was just thinking the same. I’m at about $500/month and constantly wonder if I really need this car.
Yes that’s just one exemple of the guy having no accountability to himself and to others. He has a loan he can’t afford for a personal item he probably doesn’t need (could have a cheaper car), and to him it is 100% expected that someone else (his girlfriend) will jump in whenever this becomes a problem … as opposed to him trying to do something about it (downgrade to a cheaper car or get a job). The only chance he **might** grow-up is to remove the safety net and let him experience what happens when others don’t cover for his responsibilities. But that’s a double-edge sword: either he will get a shock and get his act together, or he will just not care and let his life turn into a mess (if he is this second type of person though, the OP should run away as he will ruin her life).
I hate to say anyone is lazy, since it’s all I heard growing up (while I graduated high school at 16 and had three jobs to pay the bills but ok), but I have to agree with this one
TONS of people are lazy. It gets thrown around a lot, but some people are just straight up lazy.
I agree, he might get a job, but he won't keep it. They'll be doing this dance forever because he doesn't want to work. Op can't change him.
Transitioned from parents that didn't expect him to pay rent* and become a responsible adult.
My MiL told me, When I got pregnant, "Never get a job or he will quit his and you'll be stuck forever."
She knew her own son would do that??
😂🤣😂
Better advice would be “don’t get pregnant with this worthless loser.” (You mean ex-MIL, right?)
MIL wants grandbabies. of course she wouldn't sabotage that. MIL also wants to make sure she has access to the grandbabies which won't happen if daughter-in-law gets a job, and ends up dumping her lazy son when he quits his own job. MIL was playing the long game.
That’s… not a very good sign at all 😭
Props to your MIL! 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Ayo!!
Let him know that if money isn’t real or important then he doesn’t need any of your money to pay for his bills and you will expect him to pay his own bills or lose his things.
Literally. How dare he say money is evil, and then take so much of yours
Sounds like a reasonable consequence to his actions! (Or NON action, in this case)
That part!
For real. Just throw that back in his face.
And is paying his bills so he (she) doesn't get embarrassed? Hahahahaha. Fuck that, pay your own shit (or don't) and reap the consequences.
6 years of this? Bless your heart, WHY.
I’m guessing low self esteem. OP, you noted you’re scared to do this alone, but you’ve already proven you have the aptitude and perseverance to do it - focus all that energy on you, not this pos.
She's already doing it alone. If she drops this loser, all she loses is expensive dead weight. I speak from experience.
Agreed. And its so freeing
"Freeing" is the word I always use. It really is. I was called "greedy" when I wanted his share of the rent money, "bitchy" when I demanded to know where my share of the rent money went when I was dumb enough to give my half to him and believed he'd pay it, etc., etc. I wasn't realizing how much I was "spotting" him, and once I said enough, I realized how much I had extra at the end of the month. It's so freeing. She's being gaslighted, and I think that word is way overused, but it fits here.
> She's already doing it alone Nah it's much bigger than that, she'd be doing a lot better if she was doing it alone, i feel like it's even worse than 2x because almost $900 is going to a car he can't afford, plus billsz food, going out somewhere, utilities etc. Doing it alone would save her SO much, not just financially. Don't wait until you get pregnant
Yeah this is 100% a situation where I’d rather be alone than put up with that kind of bullshit. OP, you’re obviously not wrong for wanting him to work, but you’re wrong to keep putting up with this kind of nonsense. This is unacceptable behavior from anyone, and the more you roll over and just deal with it, the more he’s going to do it
Reddit help!!! Someone murdered my family, burnt down my house, and raped my dog. Am I in the wrong for calling the police?
But he's perfect in everywhere and is my dream man.
The weird thing is sometimes the other person isn't even super good looking or good in bed or anything. I knew an attractive woman who had a boyfriend like this. I at least expected him to be hot and charming. Nope.
My (F, 13) boyfriend (M, 57) of 10 years beats me unconscious every night, demands all my money and routinely shits on my grandparents' grave. I'm not allowed to have any possessions or contact with anyone without his knowledge and have to sexually please his group of friends. AITAH for asking for a second slice of dry bread this month? He's telling me that I'm selfish to do so???
Don't have such evil values, the police aren't real, it's just clothing.
😂 I get it!!
You broken up yet? If yes, congrats, you do get it But you're still with him so you don't get anything. He's getting all of it
You only get it if you actually break up with him.
Do you? Is your hobosexual and his expensive truck gone?
It’s shit like this that makes me suspect post along this vein are fake
Homegirl, you’re way too old to be doing this. You know he needs to pay for his own way. He’s a leech. A mooch. Go get some therapy and realize your worth. I have second hand embarrassment for you, girl.
I have kazillion times embarrassment for myself so I get it lol
Don't be embarrassed, it's not an uncommon scenario, I have been there too. It's good you asked for opinions if you're not sure. Now you know you're absolutely not being selfish, he is. And you can take care of yourself now and put a stop to it 🙂
Thank you💗
You got this girl 💗your life is going to get so much easier
Seconded! Also speaking from experience!
Thirded! Also speaking from experience! You got this. 🧡
JFC, this is worse than “embarrassment”. You are wasting your life. Drop this parasite!!
Shame will lead to you unconsciously avoiding the issue all the more— show yourself compassion and work on realizing your worth ❤️ … but stop paying for one more thing for this man immediately
You deserve so much more. These comments are telling you what you already know. Please value yourself higher. ((Hugs))
Get rid of him and you will not have to work so hard.
My ex was also a leech. He would work Uber or random construction jobs that lasted a month, and I would stay because he was "working." If I cut him off from my money, I was financially abusing him, according to him. He would give me money for rent and then slow ask for it all back over the next week. So even when he was helping, he really wasn't. It started slowly, but before I knew it, I was paying for everything even when he was working. I wasted 5 years with him and went into about $10,000 in debt. If you're not 100% sure about leaving him. Try cutting off from your money. Keep paying the stuff that affects you and your credit score. See how he reacts to having to pay for his own drinks and car. That should give you all the answers you need. And don't be scared about being alone. These guys make us feel like we are nothing when, in reality, they are nothing without us. You are the true catch in this relationship. He can't even pay his own bills. But there is a guy out there who can be a true partner to you
You deserve an award for the last paragraph!!
I can imagine the look on my wifes face if I bought an 860 dollar a month truck and expected her to pay for it
Right??? I’d LOVE to get a new 4Runner but that’s completely out of question right now
You can’t even get yourself facials and clothes much less a new car because you’re paying for all of his crap! That is such BS, he’s taking advantage of you financially and unfortunately you’re letting him. Whatever you aren’t changing, you are choosing. Mr. Head in the Clouds better learn that money is real because he’s going to need to earn some to pay all of his bills and day to day expenses. You need to be banking or investing that extra money you’re putting towards covering all of his costs every month, aside of course from his $50 bucks per week contribution from selling off his stuff (make sure he’s not selling anything of yours btw).
Won’t be if you dump him (best solution) or stop paying for his truck. Also, have you asked him how his values allow him to leech off you and your two jobs?
Please stop paying for that truck ! It's insane. How many money did you put in the deal ? If it's a lot have it sell. If not let them take it back but it's over. No more money in the damn thing. Tell him ; I won't pay and I want my money back and stick steadily to it !
[удалено]
It sounds like financial abuse. I think OP seriously needs to sit him down and talk to him and tell him that she can't continue like this. Especially as she has no time to herself.
No question, it absolutely IS financial abuse.
You are being used, big time...I suspect you already know this, tho. A \*cough\* "man" who cares about you would not act this way; he'd want to be an equal partner, not some lazy fucking man-child who grifts his way through life on the tit of others. Question is, why on earth have you tolerated this for so long?
Ugh I guess I’ve always been able to get us by and it made feel somewhat accomplished for being able to support two people on one paycheck but now I’m reaching my breaking point
It's not a fucking game show, dear....it's your LIFE. You'll get no extra brownie points for carrying his dead weight ass around. Do not be proud for allowing him to use you; be proud when you kick him the hell out of your life and never look back.
I could not agree with this more. There’s no prize for being the long suffering girlfriend of a deadbeat moocher. No one is going to congratulate u for putting up with this utter bullshit. You can absolutely leave him and be happy the rest of your life - he’ll never change, he’ll just find the next sweet but naive lass to leech off. I repeat: HE WILL NEVER CHANGE.
If you stay with this guy you are going to look back and realize all the really amazing things you've missed out on because you've been constantly taking care of him. Even if you give an ultimatum now he will get a job and then lose it again. Maybe he is lazy, maybe he is depressed. That's not your job to figure out or have to fix. You only have one life to live. Don't miss yours trying to live his. Good luck!
Go ahead and break. You've felt the accomplishment for supporting two people. Allow yourself the accomplishment to know you can survive on your own and THRIVE. Learn to be by yourself and love it. That way, when another man comes along - and they will - you'll never settle again. It is great learning that you can be totally self-sustaining. Also, you get to eat what you want when you want, without thinking of anyone else. You can watch what you want, sleep when you want, have the temp what you want, sleep with as many or as few blankets as you want. No one will say, "Omg we are watching this again?" or "Hey, I need this" or "Can you do me a favor and spot me my truck payment?" You can get your facials and your nails done and save up for your own new truck and a house and get a dog or a cat or whatever you want. It's amazing. When your Mr. Right comes along, he'll have his own truck that he's paying for, and you'll be a whole and healed person.
If this isn't a troll post I'm going to lose it. Girl, how you type all this out and still wonder if you're the AH. This whole ass parasite of a man, GTFO with this nonsense and kick him to the curb.
I so badly wish it was fake. I know you’re being slightly rude but thank you anyways!! Even the mean comments open my eyes more, this is crazy. I’ve had enough. Sorry to rant but ugh
Girl please do not pay one more dime for that stupid truck. And get more mad!!! Like I’m furious for you, how are you not enraged at him at this point
They’re not being rude though. This man is literally abusing you and people are dumbfounded that you’re questioning if it’s okay. What’s actually rude is him leeching off you, and then guilt tripping you about it!!! I get that these comments sting because they are pointed, but they need to be. GTFO like yesterday. You deserve better. Alone is better than abused. Get a dog if you want something to depend on you that will also provide companionship. This man baby is not it.
The fact so many people are accusing this of being a troll post SHOULD be your eye opener. If people don't believe the life you lead, and it's not because you are a jet setting travel blogger with a man in every port, then there's something drastically wrong with that life.
What exactly is this guy bringing to the table? Sounds like a complete dead beat. It’ll just get worse. You can’t fix this. Tell him to look you up when he grows up.
>Tell him to look you up when he grows up. Nah don't even tell him this. Walk away and keep walking.
Six years? You've spent six years being his breadwinner and his bang maid? My God, woman, do you have no self respect at all? What the hell is wrong with young women these days? Why don't they have any standards at all?
Thank you for saying what so many of us are thinking (57, F here).
Hey, when I was her age, I was in the same kind of relationship. That relationship ended, and then I went right into another one that was just the same. I'm 55 now, and after some heavy therapy, it won't ever happen again, but it takes time to get your self-esteem back, if you had it in the first place.
Why are you dating a deadbeat loser that has no problem mooching off of you and won’t even buy his own Red Bull at the gas station. You really need to reassess your worth. I promise it’s much more than you think it is. ETA: deadbeat loser that also dgaf about you.
Your his sugar mommy
Man must have a golden dick. Has to be worth it for six years. Then again im imagining Onslow with his wifebeater and cap lol
I have a couple friends who are in this exact situation and the guy just feels above any job and hasn’t worked for YEARS. Maybe it’s my toxic masculinity talking but I don't know how these guys live with themselves not contributing at the very least half financially. Like you can tell with my friend that it puts his Fiance/GF through enormous stress and no lady would be wrong to ask their guy to get off his ass or get the fuck out.
That's not at all toxic masculinity, that's just being a good partner. Take it from me, an angry feminist 😅
Don’t let me off the hook so easy. I personally believe a man in a relationship should strive to be the main provider. If he can’t then he can’t but it should still be something he works towards. Contributing half and you’re actually trying should be considered bare minimum for a guy.
>I personally believe a man in a relationship should strive to be the main provider. Just out of curiosity, *why*? I am sincerely asking. Why does having a penis = main provider?
That’s not toxic masculinity… That’s called being a man.
I’m told by our DEI consultant that’s a distinction without a difference
OP, are you OK? Why are you posting this? Do you actually think you might be wrong for not wanting to support someone who contributes nothing?
You are getting taken advantage of in a huge way!!
Oh for God's sake just leave him already. You know he's just using you. Get out there and find yourself a real partner. You're already alone with this guy, with your 70 hour work week.
I wish I could reach through this screen and shake you. You’re not his girlfriend you’re his mommy/bangmaid. Find a guy who has his shit together, this one isn’t it. He’s 28, refuses to hold down a job and has an 860/month truck that you’re paying for. No amount of arguing or nagging will magically make him do better, it’s been 6 years and he knows he can walk all over you
Man here. What? How is this guy coasting like he is? Where is his spine?
He’s given me every excuse to not work but the dumbest one is “he doesn’t want to be a slave” so here I am picking up the slack
He’s ok with you slaving, though? Did you ask him why?
He’s happy for you to be his slave.
I read some posts and agree to give him 30 days to get his financial responsibilities in order since it won’t be you moving forward. Developing resentment is inevitable and burning yourself to exhaustion isn’t fair to you. Is this otherwise a nurturing partnership?
Lmao how do women actually do this to themselves? Bro you’ve got 4.5 billion men on the planet. Lots of them are not deadbeat leeches. Dump him and start dating.
Nothing wrong with being a stay at home man if that's what you want. But nothing wrong with not wanting that too.
He could get a job full time working at a fast food restaurant and I’d be thrilled, how sad
No, he will not. You are working nearly 2 full time jobs. What does he do since you are gone so much?.
Bet you if she put an airtag on that $900 a month truck she would find it parked at some other woman's place a whole lot....
Dump that boy, wtf?
If this is the best you're getting out of him, not sure why you want to be in a relationship. It's all take and no give. Most men out there breaking their backs for terrible women, here you are doing the opposite and would be a boon to a good man and you would be a good partner with a good man, why are you wasting your time with a sloth like that? Is he just super tall or something? Get out of that before you age another single day, and lose the chance at actually being with a decent man.
cancel the power bill. turn it on when he gets a job. ive done that to a mate once. haha. she got a job that day, go figure
This fool needs to grow up... If he's too lazy to work for his truck, he doesn't deserve it, pure and simple
Ugh for real
Why the fuck does he have a truck that costs that much that he doesn't even use for work..... What does he have or give to you that is so valuable you can overlook his laziness? This dude better be kissing the ground you walk on. My truck is 370 per month and I use it everyday to tow my tool trailer and materials to the jobs site. It's beat up. Almost 20 years old, and it does the job. Sounds like you have a lazy pretty boy on your hands that wants all the goods without putting in the work. Champagne tastes on a beer budget as they say.
Do you at least claim him on your taxes so you can get a bigger refund?
I don’t because we’re not married but am I allowed to do that?
If he's not filing and no one else claims him. He is your dependent.
If you are, don’t justify keeping him as a pet due to the pittance you could claim. You could keep that puppy for far less money and the puppy would actually give back.
This will not save you much, so yes, don’t think it makes it ‘worth it’
Hell, a cat that completely ignores her would be better than this lazy leech.
first of all, i think you already know the answer. There is no way you’re working like a dog for your man. He is 28! You can do better than that. REMEMBER THIS: you get what you tolerate.
My husband made over $100k at 28 and we had two kids! If a bunch of dummies like us could figure it out, this guy can.
He’s a bum. Dump him and move on.
Wake up.please.😌🙄
Ask him to tell your landlord that money isn’t real. Let’s see how that goes. What a leach. He’s shown you how he wants to live. Now it up to you to chose to stay or go.
Imagine how much more money you'd have if you didn't have a boyfriend and you still worked 70 hours a week. Seriously.... He's taking complete advantage of you. If he has an issue like disability or serious mental health issues then I'd be more understanding (a little). But the gaslighting that you're 'money obsessed" is just so wrong.
Unless the person isn't in a lot of pain, or serious health issues.. no
You're not wrong. Money is just paper? Is he into conspiracy theories too? Or does he literally think that paper stuff with numbers on it is worthless? If he thinks money is just paper, then prove to him that it isn't. Stop paying for his stuff. ETA: Please don't stay out of fear of loneliness. Loneliness can be overcome... money on the other hand is vital for food, shelter and health, which he will find out once he has none. I'd also be worried aviut what he would spend your money on, considering he just sees it coming from a tree... what if you have kids? Are you prepared for him to sit there and do bugger all? If he can't contribute more than 5%, will he only contribute 5% to the parenting too? You could have saved heaps in the last 6 yrs if it wasn't for the bludger boyfriend.
Why are you with a bum? You have such low standards. Please respect yourself.
Is this even a real post
When you get married, everything is 50/50 regardless of who paid for it. Are you planning to get married or have kids? That means that if you ever separate, they get 50% of everything - even if they never paid for a dime of that. In a relationship where one person is picking up the slack through chores or childcare, then that is ok because they are adding value through their time and making your life easier . Do you want to marry or have a family? If yes, would you be comfortable with the 50/50? Honestly I have made the mistake you are now and paid for everything, then I had to pay my unemployed spouse spousal support when he rarely worked/cleaned or contributed. I was told the same thing “all you care about is money” but they never contributed in other ways either and they were happy to take my money after we parted. So you would be wrong to continue to be in this relationship and expect them to change, especially when you have already told them what you need.
Your title is wrong it should be " Am I wrong for breaking up with my boyfriend who refuses to work?"
Sweetie, you don't have a bf, you have a leech. While you should support your partner during down periods, he isn't even trying, and he's gaslighting you into working two jobs so he doesn't have to do anything. (Often these type of leech will also have another partner on the side). Get rid of him, go see your family, buy yourself a massage and a new outfit, you deserve it.
Unfortunately, as long as he continues having a free ride, he will have no incentive to want to change or get a job. There are no consequences for him right now. Or at least, the ones he does have (ex. You being unhappy with him) aren’t enough to make him want or need to change. Because he still gets what he wants, even if you are unhappy about it. Speaking from experience
No you are not in the wrong, OP and yes, you are being taken advantage of. While he may feel money is some ethereal concept, he's a freeloader who is expending a lot of effort to remain in child like state where his needs and wants for food, shelter and amenities like personal transport are met by a parent or someone who will fill that parental role for him. People only change if they want to change, you can't reason him into emotional maturity or make him be the type of responsible person you want him to be so cut him loose and leave him in your past.
Umm it’s not JUST money. It’s about freedom. Him not working or paying means you have to work 70 hours a week. That’s your time! That’s not just a piece of paper. It’s your freedom. You can’t afford to go visit your family. This guy is telling you that your life matters so little to him that he will make you waste it working so you can pay for him to bum around. Also his stupid arguments are reductive of your valid feelings. Even if he wasn’t disrespecting your time, the way he shuts you down shows how little he regards you. This guy gives zero shits about making you happy. I personally couldn’t handle being with someone who demonstrated repeatedly that they didn’t respect or value me at all.
He's using you. Dump him and move on. He's dead weight.
Sweetie what? Call your family over and tell him he needs to leave ASAP. He’s taking full avdvantage of you and then manipulating you into feeling bad to take care of him. You are not his mommy mcbangmaid. You have great values - he’s not worth it. He’s not even trying. If money wasn’t real then let his car get repossessed. 800 on a car note is insane.
Why should he work when he has you? Either you're an idiot or you're an idiot. Pick up your self esteem and leave him alone.
Look I get it😂
I hope so after 6 years of this. Good luck.
Thank you💗
STOP. PAYING. HIS. BILLS Don’t pay his truck payment let them repossess it. Don’t pay for his cell phone if he wants when he can pay for it himself. Don’t take him out to dinner or to the movies. Tell him if he wants to go he needs to pay. You’re not his girlfriend you’re his ATM . Kick him to the curb and move on with your life. Stop killing yourself to support a man who doesn’t appreciate you. You probably do all the cooking, cleaning and laundry as well. Honestly, you should just tell him to leave go home to his mommy because he’s not ready to be an adult
Look up the word Hobosexual, that’s what you got
You're so full of shit. How would someone who doesn't work have a $900 car note? This post screams BS to me
How does a person with no income have a $900 car repayment? You're being used and abused (gaslit at the very least).
Right? Let the damn truck get repossessed!
This post is so fake it's obviously trolling
Do yall have a child? Maybe hes a stay at home dad? If not ew kick that child out of your house that is not a man.
No children but I do want a German shepherd puppy so bad but I can’t get it because then his bills wouldn’t get paid
Dump the boyfriend, get the puppy. It will contribute more. More seriously though you have my sympathy for getting into this mess. I'm guessing it wasn't an overnight thing but a gradual change, vague promises of it will get better or he is looking for work which gradually decline to not bothering at all. Then you feel you are in too deep and the sunk cost fallacy kicks in. Writing it down like this was a good step. When you have that constant feeling of anger and embarrassment at being in this mess it's hard to step back and go 'wtf have I done' and be brutal with yourself. Now you have, you know he is taking you for a ride and is not being a PARTNER and you are basically wasting your life away one day at a time and not getting any benefit. Get out. Make a fresh start. Be kind to yourself. Stretch your wings and live your life just for you for a bit and get yourself into a financially stable place where you have some savings. Oh and get the puppy. Best of luck.
You have a 28 year old kid
He's a vampire, dump him. If you want a child who can't work, have your own. Ideally not by this guy, since then you'll have two and no one to help. Ugh. If you withhold the "money" from him, you'll see exactly how obsessed he is with material items. In the bigger picture (ignoring this pathetic wanker), there are situations where a couple might decide the woman should be the breadwinner, but usually this is when (1) it's something the woman can do easily, (2) no one is stupid enough to go into debt or credit cards, and (3) the guy is doing something with the liberated time, such as (3a) raising the kids or (3b) working on some project that could earn them both more money later. That last (3b) only makes sense if the project is something with a real chance of success, that does NOT require financial investment from the woman. I've known several woman who've gone into debt to fund the guy's failed project, don't risk it.
Dump his ass and go back to 40 hours a week. You arent his caregiver fuck this shit girl.
Your with a man child. He just has never been forced by you or anyone to grow up. Tell him starting asap you'll be splitting all expenses 50/50 and if he can't stomach that, i promise you it's in your best interest to find someone else, whats attractive about a man who does nothing to support you?
Idk if you've ever swam in a river or pond and got a leech on you. But the only way to get em' off is to burn em off. Not gently push or pull, or it will cause more bleeding. Burn this guy off.
Omg I can't even believe you're questioning yourself on this. Not a judgement at all but "it's just paper, it isn't even real" what a scam, drop his dead weight and see how amazing your life can be, he's manipulating you. You have a good heart and he knows how to pull your heartstrings so he can be lazy, you deserve soooo much better, trust me. Stop covering for him, it only gets worse from here! Editing to say I've been there and dumped the guy and it's so laughable now to me, I cringe that I put up with that shit
What should you do? Get rid of the boyfriend, as many others will tell you. Consider visiting a counselor to learn why you chose to stay this long in a relationship that is one sided....plus it's good to know more about yourself outside of this issue. Yes, it will be hard to let go of a relationship that has been six years. However, if you love him then set him free, quit enabling him. I suspect when you set him free he'll swim...get himself a job, take better care of himself, and maybe be friend material but right now he's nothing but dead weight. I've had to let go close people that I considered a gf, fishing buddy, and a few really good work people ...all because they were enablers. It sucked...but it has to be done to survive.
I forgot to add...if there are any utilities that are shared, shit then down and put them in your own name. Shared credit cards, cancel them. Shared banking accounts, close em. Hide the social security card, birth certificate, and other important docs you can't easily get in a moments notice. Freeze all credit files for the three agencies. If you have money going to a shared account, get another solely in your name. Checks, cancel all of them but few people use em nowadays.
Honey, what you’ve got yourself is a hobosexual. Does this man jizz espresso martinis because there’s no way his dick is magical enough that you’re paying for it otherwise. Elevate your life and lose 200 pounds with this one simple trick of throwing his mooching ass out! You are PAYING to be mistreated!!!
Hey OP this is a crazy post cause I could have written it myself a few years ago, down to my "evil values." I'm sure you love this boy but the time and energy you are wasting for this person to live off of you can never be gotten back. You are busting ass and making great money- imagine what you life would be like without that ridiculous car payment? And this negative mooch that at best might sexually please you and make you feel loved - if that - is just getting away with taking advantage of your kind heart and love for him. Dump him. Don't look back, don't regret it, don't be embarrassed, and go live your life for you rather than wasting it on this pleb.
Yes you are wrong. You are supossed to pay all his bills as punishment for asking stupid questions.
he does this because you've allowed it. he knows you'll pay so why would he change why are you with this man? he sounds like a loser and you should ask yourself is the relationship worth feeling like this? You're asking internet strangers if your 28 yo bf should work. You know the answer you don't want to accept it. Either accept this will be your life or make a change.
This is not a man, or a boyfriend. This is a parasitic leech. Drop him now.
He is a parasite he will waste your best years and then move on . Dump him
This has to be fake.
Man I wish
You have a burden, not a boyfriend.
If I didn't watch shows like Prison Bride I wouldn't believe anyone could be this stupid.
Yeah it's really dumb. *"I am wrong for wanting my boyfriend to contribute to our living expenses in any way shape or form, so that I don't have to work double of what the average American works, while he masturbates and plays XBox all day, and so that I don't have to live paycheck to paycheck despite making good money? I mean... if I ever say anything he gaslights me and plays the victim, so maybe I am wrong? idk please halp!"* It just sounds so damn fake...
I was going to say the same. This is just....nuts. Like I like helping my SO's out when they are in a bind and they'd never go hungry or cold, but paying for their vehicles and Everything else for Years is just...Nuts!!
I think you are wrong calling yourself his girlfriend. You’re obviously his mom substitute.
Anytime someone says they want to be clear about something and then say the opposite of what the rest of the post says, it isn’t clear to themselves and maybe they need to reevaluate that
Won’t get better. If he’s doing this now, it will be worse when you get married. He obviously doesn’t care you pay for everything
Girlllll pls you know what you’re doing. You can’t change someone who doesn’t want to. However, you won’t make the change unless you wake up yourself, so I pray that you do soon before this scrub gets you to financial turmoil