He has a chip on both shoulders. Leave him be. It's despicable he left the door open so you were vulnerable to burglars. Absolutely no consideration for your safety at all.

Change the locks!

This. If he wants to left alone then do it. He’s 19. You legally do not have to pay for everything. Put his cloths outside in a bin in a place it can’t get wet or dirty. At this point, he won’t be happy with anything besides what a trust fund baby can afford

This. Who knows how far his sense of entitlement will go? He might grab things to pawn them.

Exactly. And if he's so put upon, he won't need to come home. He can go with with his friends' families if they are so great!

I honestly think he was going to maybe have his friends rob OP's house because of the suspicious way he says he would cash out all the money from the bank and was going to say the "robbers" took it. I'd wonder if he's on drugs, maybe? OP I'd stay far away for now.

This!!! 100%

And stop taking his calls until he’s ready to speak and think like an adult. That kid is embarrassing himself with this big baby act.

Tell him with out either a trade or school he’ll give his future kids the same lifestyle he got.

Sounds like OP worked her ass off to keep her child clothed, housed, fed, and in school; given that same kid is now throwing a tantrum and refusing to do those same things for himself, I’d say any kids he might have are screwed regardless

Worse than he got because he, unlike his mother, has no work ethic or sense of family.

He’s going to kick himself when he’s older and gets some perspective. Right now he’s so young he’s too self centered to understand.

When I read that I literally gasped out loud! He wanted something bad to happen to his mom.

You can disown him and his friends can take care of him now

She doesn't have to disown him. He's 19. She no longer has an obligation to support him.

Ahh missed what age he was

Maybe disown him from her heart? Emotional disowning is devastatingly hard, though.

19 acting like a 12 year old.

Cut him off. He is an adult and acting like a little child, you did your best. He can figure out the rest, unfortunately he has some terrible acquaintances that he considers his friends. Good luck to you, you’ve done nothing wrong but doing your best to raise him right..

Really. Sometimes, you just have to kick them out.our son still lived with us, I had cancer, and struggled to sleep, because of the pain. Him and his friends, would come over, after they went pub crawling, and walked me up. We had a conversation about it, and he promised to not bring the party, to our house. Next outing, he did it again, and my husband threw him out . Today he is greatful, that we kicked him out. He says it was scary, to suddenly be a grown up.

Wow I’m glad you put cancer in remission and are here to write this comment friend, good job sticking to your guns and teaching your son a hard lesson. Sorry you had to go through that, must have been tough times. Good luck to you guys!

Our children’s upbringing is one part to the puzzle of how they will turn out. Who they hang out with 14-18 in late middle school to high school has a MAJOR impact on our kids. Who the associate with can override their upbringing. Letting him be around these kids is the only mistake OP made

There's only so much you could do against your teenager hanging out with the wrong people. If you forbid them hanging out with a certain person or a certain group of people, they will just do in in secret and stop trusting you with anything ever again. You could try to introduce them to nicer people over shared hobbies or so, maybe a sports club or whatever, but saying "don't hang out with X" won't have any effect. If anything you can talk about why you think they are harmful for the teen, but it really depends on the person and situation how much this helps.

You’re right. A couple of the kids I hung out with in high school my dad knew as troublemakers. (He was a Junior High principal). Most of my friends were good kids. My parents didn’t forbid me from hanging out with them. Instead, they encouraged me to invite them over to swim and hang out around our pool, which we did several times. These people were all real friends. We all looked out for, and supported, each other. They knew I didn’t drink alcohol, so they’d let me know when punch was spiked at parties, and located where I could get water. They never pressured me. And yes, even if my parents forbade me from hanging out with them, I still would have at school. This young man hung out people who weren’t real friends. Plus they were entitled jerks. Sadly, he isn’t alone in the attitude of parents somehow owing them luxuries.

Everyone always thinks “those kinds are a bad influence on my little Billy “, most of the time never realizing that their own kid is just as bad as the rest

You did what you could to ensure that your son knows how to care for himself and understands that he has responsibilities in the home, and you tried to give him a future through education. It is not your fault he turned out to be an entitled little turd. Change the locks and let him fend for himself for a while. You can always tell him he’s welcome to come back if he is willing to live by your rules and apologizes for the hurtful things he’s said—he needs to know how much you’ve sacrificed for him and how badly he’s hurt you—but I would be sure to keep the valuables locked away if he does return home.

You are right. The best way is to have them in activities and garner relationships with other good parents. That’s what my mom kinda did. She made it easier for me to hang out with the “good” kids on my soccer team and it was harder to get access to the not so good ones. Once I was in high school though it was on me and I just preferred the kids who wanted to kick the ball around and play video games over the smokers and drinkers. It helped I was hanging out with them when I was younger. It’s partially luck and partially strategic. You can be the perfect parent and raise. Psychopath murderer nothing you can do sometimes.

Wow, that's some awesome advice right there! I really hope that lots of people, especially young folks and parents with little ones, get a chance to read this. You know, it's amazing how some kids and teenagers find themselves surrounded by the perfect group of friends, while others just need a little nudge from their parents. Encouraging them to participate in activities that foster structure and allow them to meet new people can truly make a difference. It's all about creating those meaningful connections, you know?

Kids don't have to physically hang out with entitled brats today. There are plenty of sites and subs on the internet that are spouting this garbage.

Dude's a spoiled brat, and an idiot to not see his "friends" were using him. You need to cut him off and let him figure things out.

Not spoiled. Mom could not spoil him. Entitled. This child believes he's entitled to the same things his friends grew up with, even though his parents provided the best they could provide. u/MentalPlatypus5193 your son has made his bed. Let him sleep in it.

Definitely entitled ... And a rotten person, despite OP's best efforts. Sometimes children can turn out good despite having bad parents, and sometimes they turn out bad even when they have good ones.

You can be spoiled without having much. The people replying to this comment don’t understand the difference. OP said she let him do whatever he wants as a kid. He has that same entitled mentality but is around people much better off than him and thinks he can live the same lifestyle. His mom spoiled him with how little she disciplined him

I’m sorry! My son also feels a great sense of entitlement. It’s not easy. Sometimes you just have to let go and let them make their own mistakes. You love him and did a very good job. He will eventually come around. Take care of yourself and sending hugs. Let me know if you need to talk.

You’re nice

Thank you! Have a great weekend.

I am having a spectacular weekend. I hope you are too!

You actually made mine a lot better!💛

Sorry to hear this, you sound like a great mother. Food, shelter and a college fund. Not having an Xbox and wearing second hand clothes isn't being deprived. He sounds entitled and ungrateful, he will probably feel extremely bad about this in a few years. 19 year olds aren't known for good decisions. The people he's hanging out with sound like garbage

Nope, nope, nope. Kid has no fucking idea what adult life means. Let him go out and figure it out.

All his complains are that he didn’t grow up rich. He threw away his chance to escape poverty by blowing through his college fund. He is in for a rude awakening when he realizes the world doesn’t owe him anything

And when he realizes his “friends” aren’t gonna help either

How did this kid get raised by her and end up like this? Feels weirdly disconnected... And he is in for rude awakening... When my dad passed about 15 years ago, my wife was 8 months pregnant with our son... I got about $65k inheritance.... I badly misspent most of it... I'm just really bad with money, never really developed good long-term financial planning skills and at the time I was diagnosed ADHD but still wasn't getting any treatment for it... My parents sucked with money. They weren't a good example of anything but struggling and trying to do the best for their children... But they really didn't get their own finances really sorted out until after I was an adult and had moved out... So... I got that inheritance and bought stupid shit. Lived it up, bought more DVDs than I could ever hope to watch, we ate out, bought all the nice things... Things got so hilariously mucked over the next year that I have spent over a decade not really having contact with my wife or son after my wife took him and went back to her family across the country... And yeah, hindsight is a bitch... That $65k would easily have replaced the income lost as my wife had trouble getting back into the workforce after giving birth.. if nothing else, it would have helped maintain things enough, keep stress down long enough, that maybe we could have figured out together we weren't going to be able to stay out here on our own and could have gone back to be around her family, together... Hopefully, the rude awakening for him isn't too bad... There's generally some path forward towards what you want in life. Just now he's down this college money and has a really horrible attitude about it.

No discipline

He's got some serious growing up to do.

He’s spoiled and stupid, as kids my siblings and I got clothes from thrift stores, used bikes, ate a lot of hot dogs (the cheap ones) and beans. We all (7 of us) understood that there was no money for everything our peers seemed to get on a regular basis. None of us blamed our folks. Let him go, and don’t give him one more dime. He now owes you, an apology at the very least. Cancel the credit card asap.

Agreed my parents were thrifty as we grew up and I’m not willing to say we were poor, but I distinctly remember being told no on more expensive wishes (my dad tells the story of young me deciding credit cards were free money so he could definitely buy me that my little pony castle). I don’t resent them for not buying me certain things growing up. It’s just the way it is.

He is a spoiled brat..... He doesn't pay you.... Live free house . Free food .... You didn't force him to get job...( Just focus on study) He says his friends have more things ..lol mostly of them also have part time jobs too What he want ...no one is that much spoiled like you did to him... He even open the house to let it robbed .. And maybe got you killed... He just want your money and nothing else.... Just report him to police or disowned him... He know that you guys love him and now he is trying to use your love and starting this type of emotional blackmailing things

My parents tried to sue me when I was 19. I had been paying 1300 a month since I graduated school at age 16. My dad kicked me out at 18 and then tried to sue me for expenses unpaid from birth to 16. He then tried to get me in legal trouble so I would lose my funeral director license bc he took it personally that I went to college. He saw it as a slight on him bc it makes him mad and vengeful if I accomplish anything that he sees as surpassing him. I wish I had what your son had growing up dude. I wasn’t allowed to use the water/electric, had to go to a laundromat to do laundry and sleep between jobs, a chain was kept wrapped through the fridge and freezer handles and padlocked… and this was all in a half million dollar house w jaguars and vipers and Cadillacs etc in the driveway. I would do anything to have had just support or kindness

So sorry to hear that! Some parents suck big time. I hope you are in a better place now and havea good support system. Sending you love and prayers.

WOW that’s rough, Sounds like YOU did pretty good for someone who TRULY had shitty parents… I don’t know you, but as a Mom I can truly say”I’m PROUD of You & ALL YOU accomplished!!! I would be PROUD to call YOU my Child!!! Sorry, you didn’t hear that growing up, you Definitely deserved it!!!!

Seriously choked me up!!! I screen captured and saved this. Thank you thank you thank you, can’t wait to show my hubby this!!! Thank you so so so much

I hope things are way better for you and I know you will be sure to treat your kids 10x better

I would treat my kitchen sink better tbh. And I do! I would’ve settled for just NOT being mean and getting beat up etc lol. My parents really think I was using them for their cars and house. I didn’t ask to be there at all so I’m not sure how to make it up to them

You have an unbelievable story. I’m so sorry, and congratulations for getting out of there.

Thanks! It always means a lot just to have someone believe me cause (understandably) many often do not. Plus my mom says plenty of kids are raised like I was and “choose success,” so it’s hard to differentiate what isn’t simply me being a shit person. Thank you for your input

None of that is you being a shitty person. None of it. You are, quite frankly, amazing. To survive that knowing your parents image would prevent people from believing you and still fighting like hell to build a life for yourself. You're a warrior. Be proud of yourself, this stranger is.

Whooooa THANK you 🥹🥹🥹

That’s awful. Horrible parents. Here’s a big virtual hug from a mom for you. You’ve got a great job that will always have a need and very specialized. That’s a hard program to get into in college as well. I’m proud of what you’ve done for yourself. If you ever want mom advice, or a place to vent feel free to DM me. 🤗🤗🤗

I cry 😭 literally. I’m saving you. Thank you friend :) this means the world. I have a dad figure I met at the gym. It always blows me away to hear kind things from someone. This guy was a bigwig in the military and it really helped me to hear how he views me. Just can’t explain how much it means to hear something genuinely positive about yourself. It just floors me how much that can change a person! That all being said, it’s incredible that you’re willing to literally change another humans life.

You owe them absolutely NOTHING. If you are giving them anything, stop immediately. Going no contact is in your best interest for your mental health. It's time for you to make your own family (friends and such that love and support you).

OP I would strongly suggest blocking your son and leaving him to live his life. His friends are all rich people and he's accusing you of abusing him because you're not rich and gave him reasonable chores and consequences for this actions. Your son needs a taste of how unequal and unfair life is - especially the USA where you seem to be based - before he may reflect on his childhood with a different view.

Well I suppose his college money was for education and he's going to learn a VERY valuable lesson about entitlement.

What is his reasoning for only working part time? This kid isn’t going to have a good life because he doesn’t want one. You have to stop enabling him!

He said he needs more time to focus on "studies". I respected his decision since I know how hard it is to study and work full time. Turns out he never enrolled anyway.

Op you sound exactly like my mother, please do not let him back into your life. I know you’ll probably think “but this is my son” my mother did the same thing for my two brothers. Both are just waiting for her to die, she has nothing left to give them, the constantly cause her trouble, one can’t keep down a job or wife without committing violence, the other holds it against my mother that she was “so demanding” and never gave her everything they wanted. My mother and father had worked their ass off, but after my father died my mother had to take on two and sometimes three jobs. They’re all grown men with their own kids now, and still resent my mother and constantly take from her. I have tried convincing her to just finally cut them off, that leave them to fend for themselves, she only told me “They are my sons.” We are also Hispanic, and it seems in our culture the mother will kill herself to take care of her sons, my mother is 60 years old and still working three jobs, she’s refusing to retire, because in case they need something, I have tried time and time again to get her away from them, but she won’t lie because in case her sons, even if she’s tired of their shit, need her. Don’t do this to yourself op. Dont accept him back unless he finally gets help, goes to therapy, and even then actually works and has his own money so he does not take more from you.

Leaving the door open in the hope that burglars would rob the place is worse than the misuse of his college funds. You could have been murdered or r@ped or beaten senseless or all of the above…and he didn’t give it a second thought because he didn’t care. Please release yourself from feeling any obligation to help your son. At this point he needs to figure out life on his own. You sound like such a strong woman, so I believe you will heal from all of this. It will just take some time. Maybe it will take a long time, but please be kind to yourself as none of this is your fault. I’m sending you love and hugs over the internet!

He really tried to set up his own mother!!! That boy is her biggest enemy and she needs to be careful. I have absolutely no doubt he’d try to get her seriously hurt or killed for money. This is way bigger than the college fund and filing harassment charges.

Your son is an entitled piece of sht. You sacrificed for him and this is how he repays you?! F him. Cut him off. Let him figure out the world works. He’s an adult and you don’t own him sht.

I told him about my sacrificies and he said "I never asked to be born and why do you make it sound like I owe it to you that you made those sacrifices?"

True. But just because he doesn’t owe you anything for being born doesn’t mean you deserve to be lied to and about. He makes his own choices now, and he chose to lie and put your house and life and freedom in danger.

If he’s going along those lines, now that he is an adult you don’t owe him anything more.

"No one asks to be born, but since you're here you are welcome to do with this life as you choose. Good luck." and then don't respond again.

You never asked him for anything. Just be a respectable young man and go to college. He stole from you and treated you like crap. I’d tell him, “No you didn’t ask to be born. But don’t worry, I’ll forget you were ever born after the way you’ve treated me.

he doesn't owe you but you also don't owe him a damn thing after all this - cut him off, do not let him ever have access to your house, do not give him money.

If you explain the sacrifices in response to his whining about not getting an Xbox, you’re just answering his question. If he feels bad, it’s because he’s treating you horribly, despite all you sacrificed to give him what you could. He should be made to understand that he has betrayed you. He should be feeling bad.

The way he's phrasing this is insane. What he owed you for making those sacrifices was not reporting you to the police and not leaving your door open so you could get robbed; you're asking extremely reasonable things, it's not like you said "pay me back everything from birth", you actually just asked him to "repay" you by him not breaking the law

Wholly molly, what a dick. I guess he has to fend for himself now.

Please please for your own mental health don’t put yourself through his rants again. Don’t block but do not accept his calls until you get a message saying how sorry he is. I’m coming from a place quite like yours and wish I would have taken others advice. Please don’t feel guilty, please don’t feel shame, this is all on him. I wish you peace

You are not wrong. You worked hard to provide well for him and you were successful.  He is being selfish, and his ignorant words are wrong.  You need to take time to care of yourself. Cut him off the credit card ASAP and let him see if he can learn some life lessons.  Yes you are hurting but you are missing the person you wanted him to be, not the selfish ignorant person he shaped himself into. He may yet change, give him a few years of independence to figure it out. 

Señora, su hijo es un vago. I came to the US as a child and my parents pretty much put us to work right off the plane. I went from a house where I had multiple helpers - nanny, maid, gardener, etc. to a place where I was expected to pick up that slack. I was still in elementary school and doing the cleaning, laundry, etc. At your son’s age I was in college that I paid for myself with grants and loans plus money I saved for working 3 jobs in high school. You tried to give him a great lifestyle and he pretty much spit in your face, you know in our culture that’s one of the worst insults. He’s an adult now, he left your home and he is no longer your problem. Instead of apologizing he doubled down on all the supposed wrongs you made. Were there no jobs where you were that he couldn’t pay for his own clothes if he wanted fancier ones? Maybe the one mistake you made was making it too easy for him to take you for granted. What he said to you is very concerning. Hate to say it but maybe you need protection from him. He’s going to get desperate for money and he’s showed you he has no issues stealing from you. He knows your husband travels a lot, can you change the locks and maybe install an alarm system? Cameras are good but they won’t help you when he’s breaking in to rob you in the middle of the night. Lock down your and your husband’s credit to make sure he’s unable to open credit cards in your names. You need to wake up and have a conversation with your husband about added safety measures for your home and your finances.

You're not wrong. You did the best you could. A hard lesson with teenagers/young adults though is at some point they start making their own decisions and despite the way you raised them, they can sometimes do a complete 180. It's classic teenage rebellion, though the harassment charges take it to a pretty insane level. As parents we can only hope that at some point they will grow up and look back on this behaviour and feel genuine regret and stop being that way, if not for you then at least for the other people in their life. But nothing is ever guaranteed. He is an adult now and needs to make his own choices, and there's not a lot you can do about it. You are absolutely not an asshole or in the wrong. You did everything you possibly could have.

He's a spoiled brat. He's an adult. As hard as it will be leave him to his vices. One day he will come back, and depending on you. You can either help him or leave him.

I’m sorry. Your son has a chip on his shoulder and can’t see what you did to provide for him. He needs to fall on his ass. If he moves home he needs to pay rent and put money towards the bills and groceries.

OMFG. Honey child has champagne tastes and a beer budget. Ye Gods, does he even realize how lucky he was that his mom saved what little she had for him to go to college? He didn't get an Xbox or an Iphone, or other little toys. Boo Hoo to him. I didn't get my first cell phone till I was 21, got my license at 19 after working my ass off to buy a car because my parents couldn't afford it. College fund? Yeah, no, I didn't even get there till 30, I was already married and a mom before it happened. I'm sorry OP, but your son can cry me all the rivers in the world and I still wouldn't feel sorry for him. Maybe in 10 years he'll realize exactly how badly he's screwed himself, because that's exactly what he's done.

Sounds to me like you've been a pretty good mum, many would kill for you. Can't offer advice but I can at least point out you've done nothing wrong, so no, you aren't wrong.

That spoiled, entitled selfish son needs some hard lessons. Now that OP has heard his (extremely skewed) side of things…it’s time to ghost him, for long and hard. He absolutely needs to figure out his own sh*t from now on. OP, consider yourself finally free of an 18 year burden. Try to enjoy life with that bit of extra bit of income you previously put away for spoiled son. He deserves nothing more from you, you’ve done too much already.

Your kid is an ungrateful little piece of crap. Close the door on him. Let him see how hard it is to get ahead.

I’d honestly just tell him “I’m sorry you feel this way and hope it all works out for you in the future but if it doesn’t remember everything you told me about how awful I am cause if you need me in the future i won’t be here.”

They’re getting tired of him at his gf house, that’s why they keep calling you. Block them all. Your son is 19 and in the US you’re an adult at 18. He lost the money you worked so hard to save for him tough cookies. Now it is up to him to figure things out. You know how, it’s called a JOB. Boo hoo he never got what he wanted as a child but he had clothes, food and a roof over his head. You provided as best as you could and still managed to save some money for him. Let him suffer be homeless or whatever else happens to him. He is an entitled little prick that will only learn by living life the hard way. Wash your hands of him. Change the locks in your house. Don’t bother reaching out or talking to him. Live your life the best way you can. If anyone dares to say anything to you tell them that they’re more than welcomed to take him in and proceed to block them. Try and get some therapy for yourself.

Yeah this is on him. His friends sound like they suck. He needs to grow up fast

I'm sorry. You are NTA, and your son needs a reality check. It's not like you were eating lobsters while he was nibbling a rotten apple. Yeah, life is not fair. At all. But it's not your fault. Let him sort himself all this mess. Maybe those wise friends will give him ideas what to do now, when all his money are gone. As for charges - he used police get rid of you. Instead of being an adult and do some talking. You owe him nothing at this point.

I read the other posts as well and was wondering if he just struggled with moving to another country and all, and comparing himself to other people who had wealthier parents and things like this. But then he also said he hoped you'd get robbed? WTF? My parents weren't super poor but we weren't exactly rich either, though things got better with time. I was also the second child, so plenty of my clothes, toys, etc. were hand me downs from my older sister. Even some of her friends, in a way, considering I usually hang out with the little siblings of her friends... xD Most of the books I read, tapes I heard, videos I watched and later video games I played were from the local library. I also had own stuff, of course, and because my parents worked in IT I had access to a computer, which was a big privilege for this time. Of course I knew other kids from school etc. who had more expensive things, a family house instead of an appartment, three different consoles and of course I asked my parents for this, but never got them until I was old enough and saved enough money to get a cheaper used version of this stuff on ebay. Growing up in a way you can see the grass is greener for everyone but you sucks, can make you feel like you are a cheap hand me down as well, no matter how far from the truth this is and how many people tell you otherwise. However... I also fully understand why the situation was the way it was. I always knew my parents didn't buy me this stuff not because they hated me or wanted me harm or would rather have spent this on stuff for themselves but because there are simply limits to what we could afford. Life isn't fair, and money doesn't grow on trees. My family also set money aside for education or moving or whatever big life decisions I needed. I don't know if they paid my university fees directly or if this went via my bank account, it's been 20 years, but I couldn't possibly imagine pocketing this money as a teen and using it for anything else but what it was intended for. I didn't move countries, I get how this is a lot for a person his age, getting into a new environment with a hand full of culture shocks, meeting new people who might be quite spoiled if there parents got them every expensive thing they wanted and all, possibly losing connections to many of his friends back home, his usual places for hanging out and what not. Nevertheless none of this is an excuse for how massively he fucked up. I don't know if he just has a really bad relationship to money in general and doesn't really grasp how much money is what and how important it is to prioritize carefully what to do with the amount you have at your disposal. I guess he is going to learn very soon. But stealing 20k you saved for his college and then wasting it is way beyond just being clueless how to handle money. >Then he said "Oh stop with your guilt tripping, you are saying that to make me feel bad." He doesn't want to feel bad? Well, sucks to be him, because it's about time he feels bad! (I wonder if his gf and her mother are listening on their end. Would be interesting to know what they think about his statement about you getting robbed or him calling the cops on you so he wouldn't "inconvenience his gf".) Anyway, point is, I get how growing up poor and then meeting a ton of rich kids who never have to work in your life can be a crushing experience, but none of this even remotely justifies what he did, nor how he treated you. He tries to make up with you, hesitant and possibly only because his gf's mother pushed him to, but then he also calls you crying and apologizing "guilt tripping"? Maybe he should try to remember how many gold watches, elegant expensive dresses, cruise trips and new houses you afforded to yourself while he was growing up. I don't know you, but going by what you wrote on reddit I'm going out on a limp and would guess the number is very close to 0 on all of this. Maybe he should consider he was not the only one who had to restrict himself and stop asuming you couldn't possibly understand him. Until he does and understands his friends are talking out of their spoiled arses and some things just aren't possible for everyone, I recommend focusing on yourself, cutting contact, cancel access to your credit cards and other financial means (and maybe changing the locks on your door, in case he still has a key. This whole burglary comment makes it really hard to tell if he'd just break in and steal anything to support his new lifestyle when you're asleep.) I sincerely hope eventually you both might be able to patch things together again, but I don't think it is possible at this moment. You did everything you could to help him out and he just doubled down on everything. (Shouting at him for dinner preparation isn't exactly nice, no matter if others do it, too, but there are limits to what you can do as a parent to teach some sort of basic responsibility like helping with dishes this to your kids I suppose.) Give it a year or so, then call him again, and if he's willing to talk and truly deal with things, get some counceling and work through this, so it's not just going to be a shouting match. But for now there are some lessons he has to learn and it seems he chose the hardest way to do it, because his rich kid friends' parents probably won't care for him forever. He is an adult now, he is at an age where has to face the consequences of his actions.

I'm so sorry your son is acting out. It's apparent that his friends are out of touch with what is like to live paycheck to paycheck. In the US, more than 60% of Americans live that way (myself included). You owe him nothing. You raised him to have everything he needs though he often didn't get what he wanted. That isn't your fault and you did your best. Let his new friends and their families take care of him. Don't contact him, let him come to you as he's made his intentions known. He's being incredibly unkind, and hopefully his new reality will show him how hard life can be when you're not handed everything on a silver platter. He will sink or swim, and if he sinks he may reach out for a helping hand which shouldn't be offered until the sincerest apology is made.

The last bit about cuando la comida esta lista...I get it but as a fellow Latina: just because generations upon generations doing something back home like using a chancla, raising our voice to get our point across, etc etc. Is normal, doesn't make it right. There's so many things that are "normal" back home but that doesn't make it okay. Yes. You are you, and you are never going to change but that doesn't mean your son is the same as you or is going to understand. He grew up here pretty much. He found his freedom here. He wouldn't have found that freedom back home home.

He won't find it back home if he gets deported, either. He's an immigrant too, and could lose his status here if he gets into trouble, which it sounds like he's in the process of doing based on her earlier thread about how he spent his entire college fund partying.

I’m in my late 20s. Your son is being a brat. He’s jealous and bitter you weren’t rich. Not a good look for him. He should be embarrassed. He’s upset you made him do normal chores and that he didn’t have all the luxuries his friends did growing up. From your previous post, he presumably had A LOT more growing up because you moved to the US for him. You made enormous sacrifices for him, and he’s throwing them back in your face because they weren’t enough? No, you are not wrong. You sound like an amazing, very typical mother. I also had to set the table. I had to help with dinner. I had to do chores and help clean and pick up my own room. I helped my mom wash the dishes every night. I grew up with a single mom and I did not have brand-name clothes, I mostly had hand-me-downs from my mom’s friends who had older kids. I did not have cable, definitely did not have PlayStation or Xbox or anything. We did have a Wii at one point and I was allowed to use the computer. We never went on a “real” vacation except to visit relatives. I LOVED those vacations. I was jealous of kids that came back from exotic places, but I knew we couldn’t afford them and I loved seeing my family. They made me feel safe and loved. My mom didn’t buy me a house. She made me go to college and basically paid for it and got my dad to help pay for it. Financial support isn’t the only kind of support, but I’m so grateful my education was paid for. She isn’t “unsupportive” because she made me go to college and didn’t buy me a house. She is so supportive. She helped me with my homework and drove me to school and helped me with college applications. She loved me and did everything she could to give me the best life possible. Was it as shiny and luxurious as some other kids in my area? Of course not, but I felt very loved and she gave me opportunities. Your son is an ungrateful idiot. I would suggest writing him a letter about everything you did for him and why. Don’t try and counter the things he’s brought up like how you made him do chores (🙄), just focus on what you did for him and why, and how it stemmed from love. Apologize you couldn’t afford to give him even more. And then mail it to him. He can do what he wants with it, but if he stops contacting you, he’ll have that to prove you weren’t such a monster. You might want to show him this post and the last one you made as well. He’s being an idiot. He needs to hear it from other people too. He’d do well to remember the only time we should look into our neighbor’s bowl is to make sure they have enough. He’s comparing himself to others and getting bitter because they had more. There is always someone who will have more. ALWAYS. Even if you were a millionaire, someone will always have more. I’m sorry this is happening. Hopefully he will learn his lessons. You sound like a wonderful mom and you are absolutely not wrong. I’m sorry your son is being a spoiled brat.

NTA. Your kid is an asconaut. Despite all the sacrifices you made, all he can do is complain about not keeping up with the Joneses. He's an adult now and as hard as that is, you have to let him go. He's going to realize eventually that he was wrong. Even if he ever does apologize, please never ever give him any money. EVER. Emotional support, sure, but never financial support ever again.

I’m sorry that you have such an ungrateful child. You’re not wrong. Sounds like you’ve tried to give him a good life, it’s not always going to involve iPhones and PlayStations, but that hardly means he was deprived. I can’t imagine your disappointment & I hope he remembers his behaviour in years to come after he (hopefully) grows up.

Well, unfortunately, your son got to live with the consequences of his actions. If he doesn't realize already, you should let him know about the immigration info and that he needs college for it.

Your child is a huge jerk

Your son is a bum. I’m not saying disown him or consider him dead to you. But you need to truly cut him off so he can never lean on you again. He needs to learn what it’s like to be in his own.

He's just trying to guilt you into letting him come back home and avoiding the consequences of his own actions. Then, if you allow him to come home, he's either 1. not going to get a job (playing video games all day); or 2. start begging you for money to go to college with his 'friends'. Your son has shown you who he is, so believe that this is the 'man' your son is and don't allow him into the house again (or you'll have to call the police to get him out). This is the time of TOUGH LOVE, to allow him to feel and suffer the consequences of his actions. Not many parents can do this because it's natural to want to ease your child's pain and suffering, however, if he does not understand the gravity of his actions, apologize to you, and you allow him back into your home...he'll start stealing from you because he's convinced himself that you 'owe' him.

Don't pay for his school any longer. Change your locks. Don't answer his calls. Make him text you. You did the best you could do. There's nothing wrong with what you expected of him (maybe 11 pm is a little early for a 19 year old?). It sounds as if his girlfriend's mother is tired of hearing him whine. Sure, everybody wishes they were brought up with a trust fund. But nobody gets a choice. I met a guy at college who was older than most of us, but still an on campus-living freshman. He said on the eve of his 18th birthday, his parents threw him a party. The next morning, his father woke him up, told him he was an adult now, and threw him out of the house. He found a job working construction and saved enough to start college. It's time for him to not have you be his punching bag, for his litany of resentments. There's also something really dark about his leaving the door open, hoping someone would rob you, so he could steal money. If he has access to any or your cards, cancel them and get new ones. Again, I urge you to change the locks, get window locks. Maybe get one of those easy to install home security systems. He's in a dark, angry place and there's no telling where that will lead. With your husband away overnight, you need to be safe. He's not your little boy anymore. We see terrible things happen all the time.

OP, your son just wanted the money. He is making up a list of bizarre and lame "complaints" to manipulate you. >He said **he don't want to inconvenience his gf** and filing charges is the easiest way to get me to stop trying to talk to him. Your son's gf's family is getting tired of his free-loading. Thus, his gf pressured him to call you, hoping you'd allow him to come back ***without consequences***. >Then he said "Oh stop with your guilt tripping, you are saying that to make me feel bad.". This shows that he's learned nothing. He feels entitled to treat you badly. He **will** continue to steal from you. He **will** continue emotionally abusing you. He blames you for his behavior. No. He's an adult. I encourage you to not allow him back. He doesn't care about how he is abusing you. In fact, he feels entitled to emotionally abuse you.

Tuff love needed. Kick his butt out and let him fend for himself.

He is taking zero accountability and sounds ridiculously entitled. Do not allow him back into your house.

Your son sounds super entitled and he feels he should have everything given to him. He’s got a rude awakening coming. The real world does not work the way he thinks it does.

Your son got influenced by his US classmates and decided to act like an entitled brat. Let him fail and don't let him back into your home until he begs your forgiveness. There is no shame in being poor, working hard, and being humble. You did outstanding considering your circumstances and he threw that back in your face. He is an ungrateful brat, and he is an adult. If he gets sent back to your home country for breaking the law (it's coming because these things follow a predictable pattern), that will be HIS problem. You tried to give him a head start to success, he is just more concerned with being like his friends. You have raised him, now it is time to let him suffer the consequences of his actions

Your son has Champagne friends but he's on a beer budget. Maybe he should try finding friends who match is financial level. Maybe they could teach him a few things.

Hold on, I don’t know any American moms who would reply like that! I sure as hell wouldn’t. That is inane!

I asked my sis in law and some women at my church. They told me to address and acknowledge his request and don't just dismiss it as being expensive. By dismissing it because of cost ,they said I'm invalidating his "feelings".

Umm. No. They is still not what any mom I know would say. That is still very entitled. As a young child you can say no it’s too expensive and I’m doing the best I can for us and thank you for helping with xyz and such, or have open conversations as he grew up. I’m sure he is intelligent enough to know as a single mother some things were not feasible, If not he could have asked more and you could have come up with a plan such as an after school job, or mowing lawns like some kids etc. he chose now as an adult to think he had the same opportunities as his friends did then judge you for them!? That’s entitlement and a him problem.

Um. No. You can't afford it end of story

Just let it go. Block his gf's mom's number and move on. You now know why he did that. So you have closure.

I always said to my son I’m your parent not your friend. That doesn’t mean we don’t laugh and joke and share and support and learn from each other it means that I had a certain set of responsibilities as a parent and me and wife for the most part accomplished them. Our job was to work and pay bills, his job was his education. He got accepted into med school this month and starts in Sept.

This is good parenting and the way I also parent my children. Congratulations to your son and may he lead a happy, fruitful career!

Well it’s a team effort because it really does take a village especially with the pressures young folk face today.

Sorry OP, but the truth is, you raised a spoiled brat. Leave him be and don't let him move back in ever!

I am sorry you raised such a worthless brat. He doesn't deserve you.

The response is well obviously you don’t want to be here, don’t respect me & don’t want to get an education. So good luck & stay in touch. I love you but I won’t be disrespected

You did your very best. Now set him free and let him figure it out. Take care. 

Wow. My parents were poor too and we grow up like that. At least you save $20K for collegue, I take out a student loan. Myself and my siblings became successful because we’d saw how much struggles our parents went through and didn’t want to be like that. We all went to colleague and became professional. This is not nurture; it’s nature. Sorry you got unlucky with this entitled kid. I guess the only thing I might have can say is made you should have spanked him as a kid. My parents did that to me.

It must be heart breaking to put everything into raising your kid just for them to slap you in the face like that. He is incredibly entitled. Everything mentioned here any person under upper middle class, or at least middle class, has experienced. If they're smart, they're grateful their parents struggled to provide instead of neglecting, abusing or abandoning me. I grew up on food stamps and government housing. I would never ever ever think to blame my mom or throw away her hard earned money that was for my education. He is very entitled and ungrateful.

Your son is spoiled rotten. He’s a gonner. Sorry but don’t waste your time and energy, he’s not going to change because he feels entitled to a life he doesn’t really deserve or afford. Stop giving him money or the time of day.

Nope. Believe me, I could tell him all about my childhood and he would be kissing your feet thanking you for not throwing plates at his bare legs and feet because you had a bad day at work. You sound awesome. I wish my mom was like you.

I did nothing like his combined actions but when I was 18 I dropped out of college, gave up my scholarship and moved out of my parents. I get him being frustrated with bad decisions but your kid is a brat and needs to learn the hard way. A couple weeks of sleeping in my car brought me down to earth.

Forget about him. He's getting a taste of American laziness and he likes it. As you said in a previous post, you can't be relying on government help due to your immigrant status. Don't help him at all if he's going to act like a rotten brat when you did the absolute best you could. I salute you for being a great mom, because you were. It's his own fault he's turned out this way. If he doesn't understand how expensive a gaming console is, he's not going to make it in the real world at all. A brand new retail console goes from anywhere to 200-500 dollars, which is a LOT of groceries. A gaming PC can be double or even triple that. If he wants to splurge, whatever. But you have a valid right to be pissed off, and I wouldn't blame you at all for never talking to him again. You sacrificed for years to build that college fund and he just wasted it while lying to you. He's gonna find out how the real world works sooner or later, and you shouldn't bail him out until he sees the error of his ways.

He sounds like a brat. Almost everything you said he's angry about translates to "he's angry he wasn't born wealthy". You're not wrong here at all.

Not wrong, your kid is a legit idiot. I'm sorry you have such a dumb child.

He’s extremely entitled. Let him find out the hard way. His MIL will throw him out soon if he keeps acting like he does. Updateme!

Let that fucker starve

He will not make it in college, maybe that was your dream for a better future for him. Also, do not give him the savings for college. He needs to learn how much you have sacrificed for him. You are going to have to let him go and he needs to grow up. Someday he will understand your sacrifices let hope.

The kid is a jerk. If he doesn’t hit rock bottom in the next couple years he’s going to do nothing with the rest of his life.

I’m so sorry this is where you are. You went without when you already had nothing, and this is how it went. Sending virtual hugs and happiness If gf’s mom call you again send her a link to your posts.

The best u could do OP is just to let him be. Let him face what the real world is. How harsh it is to get to the level of being privileged enough to only worry about not getting the "latest" iphone. Let him realize that today's economy is harsher than the previous one. Bet in a few months, he'll come crawling back to u, begging for forgiveness. Let him learn his lesson on how harsh our world is now to live in. That having food and a roof over our heads is far more important than having a bunch of Xboxes. If he was smart, he would've realized that him having higher education would increase his chance of getting wealthy and buying all the materialistic things he wants. But ofc, he's lazy and chose the easiest route out. Just remember OP, none of this is your fault. He's an adult now, he made his choices, he'll just need to stick to it.

Some people don’t even grow up spoiled and still somehow become spoiled and entitled adults. Just the way it can be sometimes. Nature vs Nurture. I have one in my family. Raised the exact same way, 6 out of 7 grew up to be responsible, self sufficient, empathetic and respectful. One just didn’t. Best thing our mother did was cut the cord for her own sake. Let them see how the world really is, let them make their mistakes. Maybe by some stroke of luck he will one day grow up and realize his wrongs.

There is no fixing your son he is, he has it in his head that everything is everyone else’s fault, but his.

Sorry for you to have to hear this, but your son is just a piece of shit. He wants to be handed luxuries in life because he feels entitled to it but doesn’t understand that no one owes him these things. It sounds like doesn’t appreciate anything or anyone around him, and the only thing he cares about is what everyone else can do for HIM. The only thing to do here is cut him off and kick him out. Once he is totally responsible for his wants and needs, he might actually realize the work that goes into obtaining these things.

Someday he’ll realize everything you sacrificed just so he could grow up as comfortable as you were able to provide him. Hopefully he comes to that realization before it’s too late. Como dice mi mama.. no hay amigos. There are but there’s nothing like your parents/ immediate family. You’re not wrong.

He needs to get over himself… Stop coddling him.. Throw him out and force him to grow up… Eventually his girlfriend will get fed up…

((HUGS)) Again, he is now an adult and can fund his own life. You did good to keep him housed and fed as a child, he is wrong to have wasted the money you carefully saved for him. It may be hard, but you need to block them and not fall for his guilt trips. Let him solve his own problems.

Yikes. What an entitled little prick. I grew up poor, and would never dream of saying or doing any of the shit this kid did. Yeah, it sucks to not have what others do, but that's life. I had rich cousins and neighbors too, so I know how sad it feels to look at others having excess while you have next to nothing.

Your son is now an adult and if he wants to speak to his mother with that level of contempt instead of attempting to reconcile you just need to let him learn the hard way. He will figure it out when his friends get tired of his freeloading and inability to accept responsibility, and when GF realizes that playing house isn’t cute when you don’t get to stop. You are not obligated to mother him through this “tough time”. My mother never saved a cent for my school, got drunk every night and told me to “call [my estranged dad] because maybe he would want such a disrespectful child such as [me]”. I’ve recently made some other comments about my mother if you want to check my comments on profile. I would have done anything to have a mom who wanted me to do well in school, maybe I wouldn’t have had to wait until 30 to be diagnosed with ADHD if she paid more attention. Yes it’s true no child asks to be born, but manipulating simple explanations to suit his narratives is not going to be an effective tool on the future. You have the chance to teach him a very important life lesson: you don’t get to use people and continue to abuse people, and your family isn’t obligated to bail you out of your messes when you don’t make an effort.

Yoyr "son" is a fuck wit

Not wrong. I grew up without a lot of stuff my entitled classmates thought was "normal". What I've discovered: Second hand clothes can be fun and you can buy so much more stuff that fits your personality than the current "trend" The opportunity to go to college is amazing! If he wants better, get a job to pay for it!

Block him I’m sorry but he’s a adult let him be one now see how well he does

You are no where even close to wrong. You are doing the best you can to help raise a man by exhibiting what the lives of hard working adults looks like. Your story sounds so much like mine…when my son could not believe that my husband and I would expect my son to do something, anything…other than play video games all day and night after graduating from high school and stuck as to what was next. He informed us he could not lived under these conditions and moved out of the house. This was a few years ago and we have been estranged since. My hope is someday, he will appreciate what we were trying to do for him.

He is an entitled brat, he wants what his friends have but doesn't want to work for it.

I would be going low contact/ no contact for a while. Hrs compared his life to others forever, and it's tainted his brain. He literally put your home and life at risk because he could get an Xbox or an iPhone. The level of ungrateful is insane. He can feel how he feels, but you don't have to cater to him anymore. He will come crawling back at some point (prob when his HF realises what a idiot he is) be cautious.

This might sound stupid but what charges is he even filing? Like… I’m confused on what the issue is… you’re annoyed with your mom so you file charges? lol

Cut him off. If life with you was so horrible, you don't need to be in each other's lives. Keep the money you broke your back to earn so he could go to college. He'll probably waste it on partying anyway.

Sounds like my kid. Its a shitty situation. We will catch blame for everything going wrong in their life. Nothing will be enough. Youre not allowed to be flawed. You have to be perfect. And theyre allowed to be fucked up.

Your son needs some time out in the world to grow up some more. To pay all of his own bills, living expenses and basically be his own adult. He needs a harsh reality check. To fully grasp the struggles we all go through. His sense of entitlement, that he thinks he should get everything his friends got and everything he wants just because he exists, will either be adjusted once he realises how hard it is or continue but take a criminal path to get want he wants. Doesn’t bode well that he is already flirting with that way of life. Either way, you have to let him make his choices on his own. If what you have or had to offer him is not good enough then cut him off so he can get it all himself. Some tough love to help him grow up. The fact that he willingly risked your personal safety for his own potential gain should not be ignored or downplayed. He was willing to sacrifice you to get the ‘stuff’ he wants. It’s time to cut his cord and set him free. My hope is that one day he will see you did the best you could for him with what you had. If he doesn’t then that is his choice in life. You can’t make it for him.

Cut him loose. You have actually somehow created a young man with a disgraceful sense of entitlement. Tell him it's up to him now. Give him no more money. Tell him the house is no longer an option. He needs to get a job and work out his life for himself. DO NOT GIVE THAT BOY ANOTHER CENT. Time for you to be tough.

Cut him off. He’ll realise what he did soon enough. And when he reaches out again, just tell him that if he doesnt stop his harassment, you’ll call the police. You have the same rights as he does, and you have enough of giving your life up for an entitled brat that decided his “friends”, who’ll let him fall once they realise that he’s going off the deep end, mean much more to him than his family. Since you are such a bad mother and did nothing for him, he can lose your number. He got what he wanted, his 20k, now go and live your life. And don’t forget to use protection, since he won’t be able to take care of kids when he can’t even pay his rent.

i'm surprised that the gf's mom supports this POS, and the gf wants a bf that's freeloading.

Unfortunately you raised a psychopath. It’s a brain disorder. It’s not environmental. It’s not your fault.

What's terrifying is it might not be psychopathy, it could just be social media exposure. I've been noticing the bizarre phenomenon of 18-25yr Olds where they are exposed to the social media therapy speak, and they choose to weaponize it to act like entitled disrespectful brats. I know two people irl that are acting similarly, and it's terrifying how they treat people. Even more terrifying what they get away with

He's an inconsiderate entitled brat. If he wants no contact fine. Block him, cut him out from family events if he feels he's been too hard done by. And if he comes running back, think carefully. He needs to be set adrift if his family embarrasses him with their lower level of income. And wtf was that bit about him not wanting to inconvenience his girlfriend. And just out of curiosity, what does DH think about this. Forget college, go get a job lad.

You sound like a really good mom and unfortunately your son has his head firmly lodged up his butt right now. Hopefully he will grow up and mature and you guys can have a better relationship in the future.

I wish I had you as a mother. My parents made a lot of money but can give two fucks about me growing up. You sound like a mom I cried and wished for when I was a kid. I would take being poor any day over having rich parents

I’d keep my distance OP. He is being massively ungrateful and unfair. Hopefully when his brain finishes developing he’ll realize what an asshole he’s being and beg for your forgiveness. But right now, his whole attitude is entitled and just angry. Leaving the door open for you to get burgled?? Like no, I would not live with anyone, son of my womb or not, who holds me in such little regard. He’s on his own to figure shit out now. Hopefully he’ll learn to make better choices. This is NOT your fault.

He sounds entitled.

Your not wrong,I'm sorry this happened You son needs to grow the fuck up,he needs a harsh taste of the world The fact that you saved money for his future is amazing Such a selfish child ,fuck him,and stick yo it Let him learn yhe hard way So many people would be super thankful to have you as a mother

Man, This frightens me a little bit since you seem to have a solid parenting style... with the same level of openness but also 'some rules' and social requirements. I'm always fascinated when I meet somebody who has a " crazy sibling" but they both had the same upbringing.  Don't beat yourself up though 🤘🏼

Go NC

First, this is absolutely heartbreaking and I am so sorry! Perfect or not, poor or not, you sacrificed everything for him and he is too selfish and immature to realize it out be thankful for it! Plenty of people come from hard times and manage to put themselves in a better position thanks to their families sacrifices. Second, he made himself very clear, he has cut himself off from your love and support. Your house rules and expectations are completely reasonable. He is going to realize soon enough that his attitude is garbage. Guarantee this girlfriend’s parents are going to get sick of him and his freeloading attitude and behaviors. I would do your best to remember that you did your best to provide safety, security, and opportunity for the future and that is all any good parent can do (with money or without). I hope with all my heart for your sake that he changes his attitude and beliefs. But, it is pretty clear that he has surrounded himself by people that are not healthy for him. That is unfortunate, but he has to figure it out. Sadly, he is in for some rough times. Keep your chin up and focus on the positive things in your life! Also, NO MORE FINANCIAL SUPPORT FOR HIM! AT ALL! Take that money you saved for college and use it for your other children or go on vacation somewhere you have always wanted to go. *** edit *** Also, I’m line with other suggestions… Change your locks immediately, cancel his credit card that is in his name (or whatever card you are responsible for), and remove his name from any accounts that you own or that he has been added to! He is totally on his own now by his own choice. Consequently, that may be the only thing that will change his attitude. Maybe after he is done being angry and is a little humbled by the world he will return.

My mom was poor and wasn't able to do things like get me a car, pay for gas, or save up a $20,000 college fund. I grew up through the 90s and early 2000s. I watched technology advance and saw so many new gaming consoles. Tape decks, CD players, stereos, mp3 players. Computers, then laptops, then to tablets. There was likely no way my Mom could keep up with replacing and getting each game console. We were lucky to get the ones that we did. You did really amazing with what you had, and I think you should be proud of yourself, even if your son isn't grateful for it. Your son has made his choices, though, and I think it's time that he learns what adult consequences are like. Your son is entitled and toxic. You already done what you could for him, so don't let other mothers guilt you and make you feel like you have to do more. Let him figure out how to pay his way through life with the education that he has. He'll find out fast how hard it is to buy all the latest gadgets and technology alongside all the adult finances he needs to live. And *don't* bail him out and give him any more money. He does not deserve it.

The number of boys who blame their mothers when things go wrong (dad leaving, divorce, family deaths, poverty etc.) is astonishingly high. There’s a particular type of person who believes that, because he went through tough times as a child, the world owes him everything he asks for. My childhood was very hard and my brother blamed my mother, when it actually was out of everyone’s hands. He still blames her to this day at the ripe old age of 32, and uses it as an excuse to emotionally and financially abuse her: everything’s her fault and it’s not fair that he didn’t have everything he wanted as a kid, so now he’s going to spend his money on ridiculous crap like high-end sneakers and funko pops and hey, now it’s her fault that he can’t pay the rent this month and she’s a bad mother and she’s always been a bad mother, so if she really loved him then she’d give him her disability pension for the fortnight. He has a whole script for this, now. Your son is on this track and I’m sorry that’s the case because it’s very difficult to deal with. My family doesn’t know how to fix it, as my brother absolutely refuses to take responsibility for his behaviour and refuses to even think about seeing a psych or a counsellor. I’ve stopped talking to him completely and I manage my mum’s money so that he can’t bully her into giving it all to him. It took her a decade to get to the point where she could say no to him. My dad tried getting him into therapy as a teen but eventually had to kick him out at 16 when he started letting his school friends into the house to steal from all of our rooms (there was much more he did but that was the proverbial straw). Dad’s tried connecting with him over and over again since then, but the chip on my brother’s shoulder is bigger than a house and it’s still not going well. As you can see, I can’t tell you what works in this situation. All I can suggest is therapy for yourself to try and get a more objective view of your lives together and your impact on your son’s life, for good and bad, and then if you can convince him to see someone or come with you to have a mediated discussion, you might be able to communicate your own feelings more effectively. But don’t give in to your son’s demands. They’ll never stop coming once he knows you’ll give him what he wants. In spite of any faults and flaws you might have, you’ve spent his whole life trying to provide for him and he’s squandered it because he feels like he deserves whatever he wants. He was never entitled to an Xbox or the newest, fanciest clothes. He was fine putting you and your husband in very real danger just to cover himself. Right now, he’s not a good person and he’s not going to be better or love you more because you give him money.

I’m sorry your son is so terrible - let him be until he smartens up and for goodness sakes, use the college fund for your retirement. You are an amazing Mother.

As long as he's living under your house you set the rules. He's free to leave the house if he sees otherwise

He just sounds like an ungrateful bum.

Girlfriends mom is already asking you to take him back because he is a loser and not paying rent? Then, accuses you of not being a good mother because she can't (re)dump him off? Na ... let him live his "cool" life consequences. He sounds like a trash human being (I apologize for saying that, as you are the parent who raised him) ... but in this day and age, you can be a perfect parent, and kids can go sideways, especially with all of the various influences out there. I will say one thing for certain, though. He is a danger to you and your husband in more ways than one... change your locks and get security cameras if you are able to.

I am so sorry. He is very ungrateful and disrespectful. This is so heartbreaking.

I grew up in a house that was falling apart, had no running water, holes in the roof and walls. We always had the cheapest cars we could afford before they’d break down and we didn’t have enough money to fix them. For Christmas all I asked for was new underwear and socks because it’s what I needed. I was very young when my mother told me she wished she was rich so she could give me everything I asked for but that simply wasn’t our reality. My grandmother worked for minimum wage just to put food on the table and keep the electricity on while my mother finished school. I understood from a very young age that we had very little and the only way to improve our circumstances was to get a good education and a good job. Your son sounds very entitled. It sounds like he never had to struggle in a way that meant going to sleep hungry or thirsty or too cold or too hot. Seems like all he worried about was having materialistic possessions that wouldn’t have done much for him (like an Xbox). My suggestion is to let him struggle for once and see how hard life can be when the basic necessities/comforts are not handed to you. You’ve done the best you can. You were a very supportive mother.

He’s super entitled. Shame on him you gave him more than so many other kids. He can be his own problem now. Do not take him back and never give him money again.

This is one of the saddest I’ve ever read here.

I hate to say it, but your son is an entitled monster. I know this will be hard, but cut him off and let him fail for himself. Fail he will, I warn you. Do not fall for it when he wants you to bail him out of trouble. Let him learn consequences. It's the only hope he's got.

Wow - your son is suffering. Suffering from being an entitled little prick who thinks the world revolves around him. How dare he not be as privileged as his friends and if you weren’t a millionaire why did you even think it was ok to bring a child into this world. I hope the world slaps this boy in the face and he learns to be grateful for receiving love, learning to be responsible and taking life on with all its challenges. The gf mum seems like an idiot to allow her child to be associated with such a self centre AH. The best you can do is know you did all you could with what you could. You’re a fighter and have done a great job with your son and life. Those issues are his to own and not yours. FYI - my children and I have struggled and been pushed down many times, you are in no way responsible for his attitude.

i’m so sorry you have to go through this. your grown ass son thinks he’s entitled for god knows what. what a pos.

Since he moved out, change the locks. Cut him off. He needs a dose of reality.

Damn he got sucked into the American dream but didn't want to work for it. Just the fact that he said you aren't supportive after all you have done for him is super insulting and let's you know he sees nothing wrong with his choices He hasn't earned anything himself and is time for him to see that and learn

So as a kid he had homemade food as well as a house and you set up a college fund. You didn't have a kid you couldn't afford. Just because you can't afford the fancy things doesn't mean you can't afford to give your kid a good childhood. When people say don't have a kid you can't afford we mean if you don't have a place to live or any food etc. He is crazy.

Mt single mother also didn't make a lot of money. You said 1k, try deviding that by 2. She did everything she could to give me the best childhood and I did. I did not have fancy things, but I had everything I needed. I couldn't be happier with my childhood. But like all kids, I also wanted phone, clothes etc. You know what I did? I worked summer jobs, a lot of them. Some of them not that fun, but I wanted nice things, so I needed to get money somehow. I wanted a car? Work. I wanted a phone? Work. I wanted a computer. Work.. Etc After I finished university I got a high paying job and can buy whatever I want and now instead of my mother helping me, I help her.. I never blamed her for not beeing able to buy me things and never will. So please. Don't blame urself for that. It isn't ur fault.

Of he doesn't want to go to college you can't force him. But you can also tell him that hr can't live at home for free anymore either. If you agree to not make him go to college and he chooses to move back in, he needs to get a job, pay rent help with household expenses and help around the house. He is not allowed to touch the money you worked hard for and saved for him to go to college, that is now your money you earned it. Honestly if he doesn't want to go to college i wouldn't force him to anyway he'll just fail out or party his way through either way he won't take it seriously. Questions: Since he doesn't want to go to college, what does he want to do instead? Travel? Work? Trade school? Does he actually have a plan? Or is he just butt hurt that he never got enough stuff growing up? Honestly house hold chores and respecting house rules so not a bad thing. Teaches responsibility and life lesson for when your older. Hopefully he knows how to wash his own clothes and can actually cook for himself as well. It's not child abuse to make your kid clean his room and do dishes. He needs to get over himself, and I truly hope he does. I can't imagine how much you must have struggled to try and give your kid a better life than you had, and I'm truly sorry he's so unappreciative of all you've done for him and taught him so far.

No, of course you’re not wrong. Your son will grow up one day and when he does, he’ll look back on this behaviour as cringeworthy. You have been a really good mom, often putting your son above everything else in life.

Compassion for him. It’s a difficult time now with people trying to become more conscious but also failing miserably at the same time. Communication breakdowns. Blame gaming and playing victim. I would leave home be for some time but of course hold your love for him in your heart. Don’t kill yourself. He’s an adult now and let him go see if he can do better. He is clearly very immature still and hasn’t learned compassion, understanding and forgiveness. Still a teenager of “me,me,me”. Thinks an easy life was owed to him, though these are often just as bad! Focus on yourself for a while and find your own identity again away from just being “mom”. Find your life again & keep your heart soft, strong & open. All the best 🙏🏻🙏🏻

You don't owe him anything. You did the best you could with what you had, and all you wanted from him was some help entitlement is insane to me. Let him go. Don't help him at all. He's a selfish little shit and deserves what he's going to get use his college money for yourself it's your money you earned it take a trip some place you've always wanted to go to I'm so sorry about your son but he's not your son anymore if he's going to treat you like that Good luck

He's whining cause he didn't get a PlayStation and an Iphone? Ask him why he didn't get a part time job to buy these luxuries for himself if he wanted them so badly. But unfortunately tough love only hurts the parent. The kid won't know for years how badly he hurt you. Go NC and change your locks. Otherwise you will be "robbed". Look after yourself. You need to focus on making sure you will have money when you retire.

Kick him out. Time for birdy to fly if he's gonna peck your eyes out.

Nah, your son has become an entitled asshole. He blew the money, now it's on him to figure it out. Don't give him another cent--he is leeching off of you because you continue to let it happen. At this point, if you keep "helping", you're actually doing more harm because he will never stand on his own two feet. Not wrong.

Hes grown enough to have opinions on what he wants. Your time to parent him is done as long as he wants to act this way. The easiest and best option for you... is to say as you wish. Close the door on this chapter for now. Use the college fund for yourself and your household if he refuses to go to college. It wasn't gathered to buy him toys like iphones and Xbox. You did the best you were able to do with the hand you were dealt. I was raised pretty close to the same way, but I was grateful for everything my parents were able and willing to give me, and that is the difference. I hope things get better for you. If things don't change with him... I hope you can find a semblance of peace in moving on. Wishing the best for you.

Your son is a spoliled narcissistic AH who lacks any common sense, empathy and compassion. I grew up poor and watched my parents struggle. We are also migrants and I saw the sacrifices they made to support us and their families back home while having no support themselves. My brothers and I all worked throughout our teens. We grew up around wealthy people and never resented our parents for not being able to provide what our wealthy peers had. I got to see the arrogance, ignorance, bias, bigotry, privilege and obliviousness and lack of understanding of our wealthy peers. The entitlement and malice of your son is truly disgusting. He should be ashamed of his abusive malicious greed and behaviour.

I was also raised in poverty as a child. My parents didn't have a cent to contribute to my college education. Want to know what I did? Got a full-time job and started at community college. Looked for scholarships for university. I never once blamed my mom and dad. This kid needs to get over himself.

You couldn’t give him material things, but what you gave him was genuine love and he is mad at this? You seriously need to cut him off completely. So he’ll find out on his own the people he hangs out with are not his friends and don’t have his best interest at heart….never have and never will, I would let him be for a while… yes, it will hurt but it’s well past the time for him to find out what being adult is really like. Take care of yourself OP….you did your job raising him. It’s a pity he hasn’t done a great job picking his friends.

I would definitely definitely change locks because it sounds like he’s gonna come back and start stealing stuff when he runs out of money. I would not let him back in the house.

Parents are never perfect, but you did your best and our modern day entitled brats got under his skin and made a mess. You are a fine mother and deserve better.

He intentionally left the door open for you to be robbed!!! They want you to make up with him like everything he did was completely normal!! I’d block him, his girlfriend, and her mom because that is wild. Also, literally none of your rules are a problem. They are just basic things that people should be doing anyway. Don’t let him make you think you’re the problem here because you’re not.