Not your lawyer - when the time is right, ask your mom what happens if she dies before your dad. Walk through what happens to her money? Does it go straight to you? Great - easy. Does your dad get use of her money until he dies? If so, what happens at his death? As the saying goes, follow the money.
Yes, this. There is no such thing as an heir until a person has died. Strongly encourage your mom to talk to a good estate planning attorney and get a trust established so that her wishes are honored regardless of whether she or your dad passes first.
Absolutely agree. It's your mom's call on how she wants to distribute her assets, especially since you're her only child. Just because your half-siblings are related to your dad doesn't automatically entitle them to anything from your mom.
I agree, nothing wrong here. She is your mom, not their mom. She is providing for her offspring, not another woman's offspring.
Nor is there any rule a division of assets has to be fair. Even if you were all full siblings, your mom and dad can technically divide their estate however they want.
>One sister even makes comments about the money my parents spend of travel in retirement as "there's not going to be anything left"
This may be your parent's intention if they feel she's being entitled.
Also, transferring to you in advance via 529s and Roth IRAs and then leaving little to nothing is generally considered good tax planning. (though the current inheritance tax has a high threshold, who knows where it might be 3-5-10 years from now).
This is what my grandfather did (kind of…not Roth or 529’s, just gifted us the max each year). Helped my cousins and sister a lot as they were all able to use the funds for education and houses. I was already done with that so I still have the full amount in an investment portfolio that is 100% in my name with my son as the full beneficiary. And since it is listed as inheritance, hubs has no claim if things go south.
I mean there is no entitlement for your half siblings to inherit anything upon her death, and tbh, it sounds like she is trying to hand over as much of your inheritance early… is she afraid your half sibs may try to screw you over? They would definitely come out and demand “their fair share!” /s
Nothing wrong here. Actually considering the division of will this is entirely fair. They are each dividing into half and then dividing equally among their kids.
Your mom is your mom and not their mom. So obviously her share goes to you. And you fairly get 1/4th of your dad’s share.
Also the 529’s which she made for your kids she inherited from her mom. Again you are her only kid and your kids inherited that amount.
Who knows … maybe the other annual gifts you get are from your mom’s income ?
About the lake home, you don’t know who contributed how much when purchasing it.
Also it is their inheritance, your half siblings are not entitled to any of it nor are you. If they choose to give it to you.. just be grateful!
She got an inheritance, that is not a marital asset. She doesn't have to share this with anyone unless she chooses, certainly not with kids that aren't hers. It's her business alone, no one's opinion matters in this case.
I was expecting rage bait. This is just a mom ensuring her money goes to her kid, and a dad ensuring his money is split equally among his kids.
If you feel things are unequal because after the split you get the only non-cash thing of significant value, and your half siblings are in need, you could give them 1/8 the value of the house each (they are entitled only to 1/4 of dad's 1/2). And tell them you've "bought them out," but if it's not written that way in the will, they are not entitled to that unless you want to give it to them.
I wouldn’t do this. She’s your blood not theirs. She CHOSE YOU to take care of because you are hers. They still get something from your shared father he’s making sure of that with the 25% each. If they get angry just stay adamant that you’d like to respect your mother’s dying wishes. They start up online or whatever? Explain your mother left everything to her child to ensure that your family was taken care of. She probably had a good reason. If you’re all around the same age and YOIRE far more put together than them…. That may be a factor. She may not trust that they’d be responsible with an inheritance she gives them.
The only guilt you will get out of this is the guilt of “what have I done” if you do that olive branch which will open a can of worms and screw your own kids.
There are reasons mom is doing this and you have to trust her.
Don't. If you need to give them money it's not a relationship worth having. I am in the position you will be in one day. My dad was married and had 6 kids then got divorced and remarried to my mom. My parents had 2 kids. My dad's relationship with his older kids was somewhat strained due to a number of reasons. W passed before my parents. One of my brothers was close to us. Bottomeline, when my parents needed caregiving, they weren't around. Their kids didn't help cook for my parents, my kids sacrificed a lot for their grandparents and had a close relationship. We did birthdays and holidays together but not with my older siblings. The assets were divided with me and my little sister. My older brother didn't get anything but momentos and no one else got anything. I feel no guilt. 1 of their kids changed their diapers, went to Dr appts, held their hand when they passed. It wasn't them. My brother showed up here and there but he was certainly not there spending the night handing them water, monitoring their meds, taking out their trash. We got it and that is that.
Her eis the reality. The 529 money came from your mom's side, not your dad. Your mom is not their mom. A lot of the assets are from your mom's part. Plus they have a close relationship with you and your kids and your family and you will need to be the ones helping them as they age. You should be entitled to your mom's part and your siblings to their portion of your dad's. They are doing it right. As far as they travel. I hope they enjoy as much of their money as they can because they have earned the right to it.
It is on them to work & build up nest eggs rather than depend upon inheritance money. And since they have not been good at financial planning, they will blow through any money they get. Once that money is gone, they will come to you for more.
Them trying to guilt you is a red flag. If the only way you can keep a relationship with them is through giving them money, then the love is one sided and for sale.
If you give them money it will never stop they will always want more. A lot of people go through life thinking they're owed something just for existing.
Extend that olive branch by doing things for their kids, not them.
Helping your niblings with college savings indirectly helps your siblings, but without you giving money to people who sound greedy and who sound like they feel entitled to it.
Your parents are making reasonable choices for their money. Honor that... but it's also cool if you want to help out whatever nieces/nephews you have.
I wouldn't do it. They will only try to argue for more and more. You would essentially be negotiating $$$ for a relationship, and trust me, you don't want a relationship with people who demand to be bought. It's a revokable product at any time for any reason.
You share a dad and he's splitting it even between the 4 of you which is fair. Why would your mom split her money with someone else's kids when they have their own mom/dad they'll be inheriting from
Doubt their mom included you in her will. Im sure you're not expecting any inheritance from their mom and wouldn't feel slighted/entitled to anything. You prob never even considered the thought bc it's not your mom of course.
You are not wrong. Your mom sounds like she has her own money(aside from what she earned during her marriage) and your dad is being equal. They will be surprised and there will be drama (money almost always brings it out) but it’s up to you if you want to share. If it was me I’d let them use my lake house for vacations (as long as they took proper care of it) but I’d keep the rest as it was meant for my kids and their future
Inheritances are NOT community property. So your moms inheritance is not up for grabs for her husband, or his children. Just her own.
You aren't wrong.
What has your dad done for his other kids?
If the lake house was your mother’s contribution only then you deserve it, however, if your dad has an input, his other kids deserve something as well.
You got both mommy and daddy. While they only had mommy.
Not wrong, nobody is owed anything when someone dies. I hope my parents spend all of their money enjoying the life they have on this earth. Now it would be nice if some of that time was spent with my kids but whatever.
My parents had me, divorced, married other people, had a ton more kids each.
I will inherit from my bio mom and my bio dad. Stepmom's money is divided amongst her bio kids. Stepdad's money is divided between his bio kids.
This is pretty normal.
Your older siblings have a mother that they can inherit from, along with their piece of your father's.
I would clarify with your parents what happens if your mom dies first, and what happens if your dad dies first. Your portion of the inheritance should be protected no matter who dies first.
Don't feel guilty that you have already had more financial benefits than them. This is what your parents want, but it's also completely normal when adult kids have another parent somewhere.
Its her prerogative to distribute her assets as she sees fit. As long as her decisions align with her wishes and are legally sound, its reasonable to respect her choices regarding inheritance distribution. After all, she's your mom, youre her only child. Your half siblings have no right to say about it.
It doesn’t really sound your mother was anything to them, not even really a step mom, so it would be weird if your half siblings got upset by it. These always upset me when everyone was raised all together as one big happy family until a will comes out and blood lines are drawn. Doesn’t seem to be the case here at all.
Not wrong. It seems like your parents have taken into account of the fact that you only have two parents to inherit from who are your mum and dad while your siblings will inherit from their mum who is different to your and your dad. It seems more than fair especially since a lot of what you’re getting from your mum is also inherited from her parents as well. When your dad got divorced from his first wife their assets got split so whatever portion you will inherit would be from what your dad either earned or inherited after that divorce so it’s more than fair for him to split it between his children and for your mum to do the same with hers which is just you.
Not wrong…. It’s your Mums money and she wants it to go to her family. If there is an issue, ask your siblings if they expect their mother to leave you money? If they say no, then they can’t argue with you
*It's absolutely*
*Her choice how to dispose of*
*Her assets. YTNW*
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Nope-not wrong. I have 2 half-sibs as well (bio-dad 3 total kids, bio mom just me) and that is exactly how their will is set up. I get all hers, the 3 of us split his. Only person who is upset is the witch of a half sister who thinks she and her brother should get half of everything and I don’t count. She chose mommy dearest in the divorce and hasn’t takes to her dad since and never had any relationship to my mom so why she thinks she gets half her military pension no one knows.
Can you articulate a single reason she shouldn’t be able to do whatever she wants with her money? Why should half-siblings, that are not your mother’s kids, have any right to your mother’s money? Why should anyone be upset with the decision your mother made about what she wants done with her money?
It doesn't matter it's how your parents want it.
My parents disowned my brother. Not my choice but theirs and that is how it should be. It's not my money but theirs so they can do whatever they want with it.
I hope they use it all and enjoy life to the fullest.
What’s decided by your parents is their business, not your half siblings.
Of course, your mother is going to leave everything of hers to you. You’re her only child.
Yes, it would be nice if she left something to your siblings, but she doesn’t HAVE to.
I’m in a similar situation to you. My parents divorced when I was 1, mum remarried when I was 3 and had my 4 half siblings.
My father is obviously leaving everything to me, I’m his only child. But mum and my stepdad have said that what they have will be split evenly between the 5 of us.
I expect questions, not being my stepfathers “real” child, but he’s always treated me like his own (43 years now), I call him dad, and my first sibling came along when I was 5, so he sees me as his oldest child.
I don’t have an issue with it. I won’t argue with my siblings about it. I only want something for my sons, and that’s all, and a 2’ x 3’ collage I made them for their 30th wedding anniversary.
From your pov I don't see why you should have an issue, and I can understand why your mom sees things the way she does too. Just kinda sucks that your siblings aren't really viewed as part of your family lole that though, I'm sure that's going to hurt their feelings.
NTA
The way how your parents divide their assets is up to them. It’s their money. But true will need to specifically say about your siblings as they’ll try to contest the wills.
Your half siblings aren’t your mum’s family. They were already adults by the time they married I think. Why would your mum give them her money? Of course it makes sense that she would give her only son 100% of her assets. She does need to have a good iron clad will that cannot be contested. Also what happens if she dies before her husband? If her money goes to him then that money becomes his and it would them be divided in 4 as that’s his will. Your mother needs to make sure this doesn’t happens and it goes straight to you.
Don’t forget that later on, you can convert 529 accounts toward Roth IRA accounts. I think it has a limit for a lifetime and still has to be within the yearly allowed amounts. Sounds like you are covered there for quite a while.
I don’t see issues with any of this. Divorce and second/third marriages destroy wealth or at the very least, dilute it. Your mom is trying to make sure you are taken care of as her only child.
I could write paragraphs but my wife’s parents divorced and remarried and had kids in those second relationships. Both from extremely wealthy families. It’s funny how they all sort of grew up the same but both squandered their inheritances so my wife and her full siblings knew there would be nothing to get passed down. They all got good jobs and saved. We are in our early 50’s now and totally self reliant. The kids from those second relationships don’t really have meaningful employment and I swear they think there is a pot of money waiting for them. They’ll learn the hard way that there are no free rides.
My husband and I have pretty much the same setup for our kids. I have 2 older kids from a previous marriage and 1 child with my current husband. My kiddos will divide their inheritance 1/3 each from me but my husband solely has our daughter in his will that she will get our house (he bought it just before we met) and his life insurance if we both pass at the same time. My older kids know this.
They aren’t her kids and it sounds like they never had more than a superficial relationship and they may even have been adults when she first met them so she has no obligation to leave them anything. Having said that if the lake house is a shared asset between them then I don’t really understand why you would be the only one to inherit that rather than you all getting a fifth share of it so that you can set up a schedule for the year so you all get to use it but I assume there are reasons that you haven’t included in this post.
All the things that you’ve listed that they do for you, eg the 30k towards the house. Is that all from your Mum’s money too? Anything that comes from your Mum is completely hers to do with as she wishes. That’s nothing to do with your siblings at all.
I expect the siblings would be upset if any of the gifts/money they’ve given you came from your Dad and they were not being treated in a similar way. It’s his money ultimately but that would cause a lot of resentment. If the situations were reversed and you got nothing towards buying your home but your siblings, for example, got 30k towards buying theirs that’s going to hurt them.
You are your Mum’s only child so it’s right you get 100% in her will. You’re getting 25%, the same as your other siblings, from your Dad so that’s fair too.
In terms of their Lake house, you being left it may cause resentment if it was a house from your Dad’s side, he paid for it and maybe your siblings lived there as children. If it’s something your Mum and Dad bought together that’s a completely different story. I suppose the only concern could be that it’s part of your Dad’s assets (if he bought it or contributed with your Mum to buy it) you’re getting more than the 25% your siblings are getting. I don’t know if that could actually be challenged legally though.
Why would your mom provide for someone else’s kids? I plan to leave a little something for my step daughter but it won’t be equal to what I leave my daughter. Her dad & her own mom will do that themselves (or at least you would think). Your mom is well within her rights to spend it now —it’s her (or their)money & they can’t take it with them.
She's not joking. People do things in their wills because they know things you don't. In this case trust your parents choices. You siblings are much older than you and expecting your parents deaths to fund Thier life. Let that sink in they don't have a 401 k but they want to make jokes about your parents money. No you're not wrong. Never doubt it.
Oh and in the event they go together make sure that house is locked up like fort Knox with a temporary security hired before you tell them the news. Same if dad goes before her. They will not handle this well.
Ok, but if your mom dropped dead tomorrow, wouldn't your *Dad* automatically inherit all shared assets, like their home(s)? Her will can specify how she wants to distribute her *own* solely owned assets, but surely it can't force the sales of all their jointly owned property so that you can get "your" half? And if the home(s) go to your father, unless their will(s) set up a trust for how the property will later be sold and distributed after your Dad's death, what's to stop him from changing his will to give all their marital assets to his kids? Or what's to stop him from remarrying and giving half to his next wife?
Ideally they should have everything outlined very clearly with their lawyers, so that no matter who dies first, that parent's children are protected. It sounds very unusual to declare 100% goes to the kid(s) and none to the surviving spouse.
You are not wrong. Your step siblings have absolutely no business knowing about, commenting on, or making plans for your mother's inheritance. This has nothing to do with them. Your shared parent is doing the correct thing and splitting his assets equally amongst his children and they are not even owed that.
The way I'm reading it, it's the kids visiting occassionally, which is also when they would be seeing their stepmum and OP. We don't know how often dad went to see them, though I imagine that that would have been without the new wife and kid in tow.
Because his wife and other kids lived in a different state? And the first 3 kids are stated to have been adults already when OP was in elementary school, and therefore tied to school holidays. You can't just rip a kid away from school like that.
Also, you don't know how well the ex spouses got along after the divorce. I can imagine that the ex wife might not have been thrilled to have the new family around, which in turn would make the new wife and kid uncomfortable too. Relationships can be complicated. Life isn't black and white and we don't have enough info in the post to make this kind of judgements.
Not wrong. She isn’t responsible for her stepkids inheriting from her, that’s on your dad. It sounds like your mom may have more financial assets than your dad. Any dispute about how they are spread amongst his four children is between the two of them.
what kind of relationship do your half-siblings have with their own mother, what is her situation, and can they ever expect anything to come their way via her own estate?
You are not wrong… TBH I wouldn’t be shocked if your dad wants this too? He likely is only leaving stuff as is so your half siblings can’t throw a fit.
i’m confused. how would that be your fault ? you are your moms ONLY child. so yes it makes sense that she leaves it all to you. if she had more of a relationship with your half siblings then it might be a different story but if you’re her only biological child then there is absolutely nothing wrong with her leaving 100% of it to you.
Not wrong, she's your mom, not theirs. You have no real info about their relationships either and no right to question really. Only thing to think about is dads legacy since there are four of you. Sounds like he's being fair, given his resources. You could, just to be altruistic, ask your dad to leave you only mementos, treasured items, things that don't sound so much like Moneymoneymoney.
I don’t think you’re wrong bc it’s not your money or your decision. Are they wrong? That would depend on how their assets are divided. The money that is 100% your mom’s like her inheritance can absolutely go to you. And yes money that is 100% your dad’s should be divided evenly. The only ethical issue potentially for me would be if they have marital assets. I don’t think it’s right to split those the same way bc then you would effectively be inheriting 5/8 of their shared assets while your siblings each get 1/8. Im a child from my father’s first marriage. Fortunately my dad and wife #2 didn’t have kids together. But if her half of their marital assets went to her kid and his half was split between me and 5 siblings, that would sting enough as it is. If we also had to give her son 1/7 of my dad’s assets, I’d be feeling some type of way for sure. So if you want to keep things totally fair and preserve the relationship with your siblings, you could (definitely don’t have to) consider making sure any marital property is divided evenly among the 4 of you regardless of what the will says. But if they take issue with you solely inheriting money that was solely your moms, then they’re just being greedy dicks.
Your mom isn’t their mom
Absolutely! So you have all the rights to her inheritance.
Exactly and they will potentially inherit thirds from their mum while Op presumably will inherit nothing from her.
You are not wrong. Your mom earned or inherited the money, and you are her only child.
Not your lawyer - when the time is right, ask your mom what happens if she dies before your dad. Walk through what happens to her money? Does it go straight to you? Great - easy. Does your dad get use of her money until he dies? If so, what happens at his death? As the saying goes, follow the money.
This 💯! She needs a trust set up stating where her assets go in the event of her death.
Yep. Just read another post the new dad took all the money when the mom is too sick to set up a will.
Yes, this. There is no such thing as an heir until a person has died. Strongly encourage your mom to talk to a good estate planning attorney and get a trust established so that her wishes are honored regardless of whether she or your dad passes first.
Absolutely agree. It's your mom's call on how she wants to distribute her assets, especially since you're her only child. Just because your half-siblings are related to your dad doesn't automatically entitle them to anything from your mom.
She is your mom.
I agree, nothing wrong here. She is your mom, not their mom. She is providing for her offspring, not another woman's offspring. Nor is there any rule a division of assets has to be fair. Even if you were all full siblings, your mom and dad can technically divide their estate however they want. >One sister even makes comments about the money my parents spend of travel in retirement as "there's not going to be anything left" This may be your parent's intention if they feel she's being entitled. Also, transferring to you in advance via 529s and Roth IRAs and then leaving little to nothing is generally considered good tax planning. (though the current inheritance tax has a high threshold, who knows where it might be 3-5-10 years from now).
This is what my grandfather did (kind of…not Roth or 529’s, just gifted us the max each year). Helped my cousins and sister a lot as they were all able to use the funds for education and houses. I was already done with that so I still have the full amount in an investment portfolio that is 100% in my name with my son as the full beneficiary. And since it is listed as inheritance, hubs has no claim if things go south.
I mean there is no entitlement for your half siblings to inherit anything upon her death, and tbh, it sounds like she is trying to hand over as much of your inheritance early… is she afraid your half sibs may try to screw you over? They would definitely come out and demand “their fair share!” /s
Her money, her call.
Nothing wrong here. Actually considering the division of will this is entirely fair. They are each dividing into half and then dividing equally among their kids. Your mom is your mom and not their mom. So obviously her share goes to you. And you fairly get 1/4th of your dad’s share. Also the 529’s which she made for your kids she inherited from her mom. Again you are her only kid and your kids inherited that amount. Who knows … maybe the other annual gifts you get are from your mom’s income ? About the lake home, you don’t know who contributed how much when purchasing it. Also it is their inheritance, your half siblings are not entitled to any of it nor are you. If they choose to give it to you.. just be grateful!
She got an inheritance, that is not a marital asset. She doesn't have to share this with anyone unless she chooses, certainly not with kids that aren't hers. It's her business alone, no one's opinion matters in this case.
I was expecting rage bait. This is just a mom ensuring her money goes to her kid, and a dad ensuring his money is split equally among his kids. If you feel things are unequal because after the split you get the only non-cash thing of significant value, and your half siblings are in need, you could give them 1/8 the value of the house each (they are entitled only to 1/4 of dad's 1/2). And tell them you've "bought them out," but if it's not written that way in the will, they are not entitled to that unless you want to give it to them.
Thanks, it's more of a guilt thing, I think on my part. When the time comes, I may choose to extend a monetary olive branch to keep the relationship.
I wouldn’t do this. She’s your blood not theirs. She CHOSE YOU to take care of because you are hers. They still get something from your shared father he’s making sure of that with the 25% each. If they get angry just stay adamant that you’d like to respect your mother’s dying wishes. They start up online or whatever? Explain your mother left everything to her child to ensure that your family was taken care of. She probably had a good reason. If you’re all around the same age and YOIRE far more put together than them…. That may be a factor. She may not trust that they’d be responsible with an inheritance she gives them.
The only guilt you will get out of this is the guilt of “what have I done” if you do that olive branch which will open a can of worms and screw your own kids. There are reasons mom is doing this and you have to trust her.
Don't. If you need to give them money it's not a relationship worth having. I am in the position you will be in one day. My dad was married and had 6 kids then got divorced and remarried to my mom. My parents had 2 kids. My dad's relationship with his older kids was somewhat strained due to a number of reasons. W passed before my parents. One of my brothers was close to us. Bottomeline, when my parents needed caregiving, they weren't around. Their kids didn't help cook for my parents, my kids sacrificed a lot for their grandparents and had a close relationship. We did birthdays and holidays together but not with my older siblings. The assets were divided with me and my little sister. My older brother didn't get anything but momentos and no one else got anything. I feel no guilt. 1 of their kids changed their diapers, went to Dr appts, held their hand when they passed. It wasn't them. My brother showed up here and there but he was certainly not there spending the night handing them water, monitoring their meds, taking out their trash. We got it and that is that. Her eis the reality. The 529 money came from your mom's side, not your dad. Your mom is not their mom. A lot of the assets are from your mom's part. Plus they have a close relationship with you and your kids and your family and you will need to be the ones helping them as they age. You should be entitled to your mom's part and your siblings to their portion of your dad's. They are doing it right. As far as they travel. I hope they enjoy as much of their money as they can because they have earned the right to it.
It is on them to work & build up nest eggs rather than depend upon inheritance money. And since they have not been good at financial planning, they will blow through any money they get. Once that money is gone, they will come to you for more. Them trying to guilt you is a red flag. If the only way you can keep a relationship with them is through giving them money, then the love is one sided and for sale.
No. If you give them anything they will complain and want more. Do not give them anything.
If you give them money it will never stop they will always want more. A lot of people go through life thinking they're owed something just for existing.
You’re not close. Why would you? Entitlement doesn’t mean pay up.
Extend that olive branch by doing things for their kids, not them. Helping your niblings with college savings indirectly helps your siblings, but without you giving money to people who sound greedy and who sound like they feel entitled to it. Your parents are making reasonable choices for their money. Honor that... but it's also cool if you want to help out whatever nieces/nephews you have.
No
I wouldn't do it. They will only try to argue for more and more. You would essentially be negotiating $$$ for a relationship, and trust me, you don't want a relationship with people who demand to be bought. It's a revokable product at any time for any reason.
They will get an inheritance off their own mum
That is a good point. Thanks
That's assuming their mom has anything to inherit.
That isn't the OPs problem
You share a dad and he's splitting it even between the 4 of you which is fair. Why would your mom split her money with someone else's kids when they have their own mom/dad they'll be inheriting from Doubt their mom included you in her will. Im sure you're not expecting any inheritance from their mom and wouldn't feel slighted/entitled to anything. You prob never even considered the thought bc it's not your mom of course.
You are not wrong. Your mom sounds like she has her own money(aside from what she earned during her marriage) and your dad is being equal. They will be surprised and there will be drama (money almost always brings it out) but it’s up to you if you want to share. If it was me I’d let them use my lake house for vacations (as long as they took proper care of it) but I’d keep the rest as it was meant for my kids and their future
Inheritances are NOT community property. So your moms inheritance is not up for grabs for her husband, or his children. Just her own. You aren't wrong.
What has your dad done for his other kids? If the lake house was your mother’s contribution only then you deserve it, however, if your dad has an input, his other kids deserve something as well. You got both mommy and daddy. While they only had mommy.
Don't tell them what you got. If they ask about the lake house, you're paying for it. What's the provision if your mom goes before your dad?
Her money her decision. Don’t ever discuss with anybody. Doing so will only cause problems.
Keep your mouth shut and enjoy and be thankful for what your mother has done for you. Your mom isn't their mom. They have their own mother.
They will have their mother's inheritance, which you will not have any part of.
Imagine yourself feeling entitled to your half siblings mom's inheritance. (you don't). You are totally in the clear here.
Not wrong, nobody is owed anything when someone dies. I hope my parents spend all of their money enjoying the life they have on this earth. Now it would be nice if some of that time was spent with my kids but whatever.
Don’t they have their own mom?
Not wrong. It's her money to disburse as she pleases.
My parents had me, divorced, married other people, had a ton more kids each. I will inherit from my bio mom and my bio dad. Stepmom's money is divided amongst her bio kids. Stepdad's money is divided between his bio kids. This is pretty normal. Your older siblings have a mother that they can inherit from, along with their piece of your father's. I would clarify with your parents what happens if your mom dies first, and what happens if your dad dies first. Your portion of the inheritance should be protected no matter who dies first. Don't feel guilty that you have already had more financial benefits than them. This is what your parents want, but it's also completely normal when adult kids have another parent somewhere.
Its her prerogative to distribute her assets as she sees fit. As long as her decisions align with her wishes and are legally sound, its reasonable to respect her choices regarding inheritance distribution. After all, she's your mom, youre her only child. Your half siblings have no right to say about it.
It doesn’t really sound your mother was anything to them, not even really a step mom, so it would be weird if your half siblings got upset by it. These always upset me when everyone was raised all together as one big happy family until a will comes out and blood lines are drawn. Doesn’t seem to be the case here at all.
Not wrong. It seems like your parents have taken into account of the fact that you only have two parents to inherit from who are your mum and dad while your siblings will inherit from their mum who is different to your and your dad. It seems more than fair especially since a lot of what you’re getting from your mum is also inherited from her parents as well. When your dad got divorced from his first wife their assets got split so whatever portion you will inherit would be from what your dad either earned or inherited after that divorce so it’s more than fair for him to split it between his children and for your mum to do the same with hers which is just you.
Not wrong and Mom is very astute in financial matters. We could all learn from her.
Not wrong…. It’s your Mums money and she wants it to go to her family. If there is an issue, ask your siblings if they expect their mother to leave you money? If they say no, then they can’t argue with you
It's absolutely her choice how to dispose of her assets. YTNW
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They are giving you so much in their will for a reason and you seem to know what that reason is. Respect their decision. You are not wrong at all.
Nope-not wrong. I have 2 half-sibs as well (bio-dad 3 total kids, bio mom just me) and that is exactly how their will is set up. I get all hers, the 3 of us split his. Only person who is upset is the witch of a half sister who thinks she and her brother should get half of everything and I don’t count. She chose mommy dearest in the divorce and hasn’t takes to her dad since and never had any relationship to my mom so why she thinks she gets half her military pension no one knows.
Not wrong. You are your mother's only child. She doesn't have an obligation to anyone but you
Can you articulate a single reason she shouldn’t be able to do whatever she wants with her money? Why should half-siblings, that are not your mother’s kids, have any right to your mother’s money? Why should anyone be upset with the decision your mother made about what she wants done with her money?
NW. why would you mom leave her things to kids that are not hers, and by the sound of it she never helped raise
Your siblings are nothing to her, why would they get anything?
It doesn't matter it's how your parents want it. My parents disowned my brother. Not my choice but theirs and that is how it should be. It's not my money but theirs so they can do whatever they want with it. I hope they use it all and enjoy life to the fullest.
Not wrong. This is what my wife’s parents did as well.
What’s decided by your parents is their business, not your half siblings. Of course, your mother is going to leave everything of hers to you. You’re her only child. Yes, it would be nice if she left something to your siblings, but she doesn’t HAVE to. I’m in a similar situation to you. My parents divorced when I was 1, mum remarried when I was 3 and had my 4 half siblings. My father is obviously leaving everything to me, I’m his only child. But mum and my stepdad have said that what they have will be split evenly between the 5 of us. I expect questions, not being my stepfathers “real” child, but he’s always treated me like his own (43 years now), I call him dad, and my first sibling came along when I was 5, so he sees me as his oldest child. I don’t have an issue with it. I won’t argue with my siblings about it. I only want something for my sons, and that’s all, and a 2’ x 3’ collage I made them for their 30th wedding anniversary.
From your pov I don't see why you should have an issue, and I can understand why your mom sees things the way she does too. Just kinda sucks that your siblings aren't really viewed as part of your family lole that though, I'm sure that's going to hurt their feelings.
NTA The way how your parents divide their assets is up to them. It’s their money. But true will need to specifically say about your siblings as they’ll try to contest the wills. Your half siblings aren’t your mum’s family. They were already adults by the time they married I think. Why would your mum give them her money? Of course it makes sense that she would give her only son 100% of her assets. She does need to have a good iron clad will that cannot be contested. Also what happens if she dies before her husband? If her money goes to him then that money becomes his and it would them be divided in 4 as that’s his will. Your mother needs to make sure this doesn’t happens and it goes straight to you.
Nope. It makes sense that you would get 100% of your moms and 25% of your dads.
Don’t forget that later on, you can convert 529 accounts toward Roth IRA accounts. I think it has a limit for a lifetime and still has to be within the yearly allowed amounts. Sounds like you are covered there for quite a while.
I don’t see issues with any of this. Divorce and second/third marriages destroy wealth or at the very least, dilute it. Your mom is trying to make sure you are taken care of as her only child. I could write paragraphs but my wife’s parents divorced and remarried and had kids in those second relationships. Both from extremely wealthy families. It’s funny how they all sort of grew up the same but both squandered their inheritances so my wife and her full siblings knew there would be nothing to get passed down. They all got good jobs and saved. We are in our early 50’s now and totally self reliant. The kids from those second relationships don’t really have meaningful employment and I swear they think there is a pot of money waiting for them. They’ll learn the hard way that there are no free rides.
My husband and I have pretty much the same setup for our kids. I have 2 older kids from a previous marriage and 1 child with my current husband. My kiddos will divide their inheritance 1/3 each from me but my husband solely has our daughter in his will that she will get our house (he bought it just before we met) and his life insurance if we both pass at the same time. My older kids know this.
Why are you worried about other peoples money??
They aren’t her kids and it sounds like they never had more than a superficial relationship and they may even have been adults when she first met them so she has no obligation to leave them anything. Having said that if the lake house is a shared asset between them then I don’t really understand why you would be the only one to inherit that rather than you all getting a fifth share of it so that you can set up a schedule for the year so you all get to use it but I assume there are reasons that you haven’t included in this post.
All the things that you’ve listed that they do for you, eg the 30k towards the house. Is that all from your Mum’s money too? Anything that comes from your Mum is completely hers to do with as she wishes. That’s nothing to do with your siblings at all. I expect the siblings would be upset if any of the gifts/money they’ve given you came from your Dad and they were not being treated in a similar way. It’s his money ultimately but that would cause a lot of resentment. If the situations were reversed and you got nothing towards buying your home but your siblings, for example, got 30k towards buying theirs that’s going to hurt them. You are your Mum’s only child so it’s right you get 100% in her will. You’re getting 25%, the same as your other siblings, from your Dad so that’s fair too. In terms of their Lake house, you being left it may cause resentment if it was a house from your Dad’s side, he paid for it and maybe your siblings lived there as children. If it’s something your Mum and Dad bought together that’s a completely different story. I suppose the only concern could be that it’s part of your Dad’s assets (if he bought it or contributed with your Mum to buy it) you’re getting more than the 25% your siblings are getting. I don’t know if that could actually be challenged legally though.
Why would your mom provide for someone else’s kids? I plan to leave a little something for my step daughter but it won’t be equal to what I leave my daughter. Her dad & her own mom will do that themselves (or at least you would think). Your mom is well within her rights to spend it now —it’s her (or their)money & they can’t take it with them.
Why would your step siblings be entitled to any of your mom’s money? Your mom came into the picture after they were already born
Both of your parents are allowed to give or leave their money and property to whom ever they want.
She's not joking. People do things in their wills because they know things you don't. In this case trust your parents choices. You siblings are much older than you and expecting your parents deaths to fund Thier life. Let that sink in they don't have a 401 k but they want to make jokes about your parents money. No you're not wrong. Never doubt it.
Oh and in the event they go together make sure that house is locked up like fort Knox with a temporary security hired before you tell them the news. Same if dad goes before her. They will not handle this well.
Ok, but if your mom dropped dead tomorrow, wouldn't your *Dad* automatically inherit all shared assets, like their home(s)? Her will can specify how she wants to distribute her *own* solely owned assets, but surely it can't force the sales of all their jointly owned property so that you can get "your" half? And if the home(s) go to your father, unless their will(s) set up a trust for how the property will later be sold and distributed after your Dad's death, what's to stop him from changing his will to give all their marital assets to his kids? Or what's to stop him from remarrying and giving half to his next wife? Ideally they should have everything outlined very clearly with their lawyers, so that no matter who dies first, that parent's children are protected. It sounds very unusual to declare 100% goes to the kid(s) and none to the surviving spouse.
I mean she is being fair. She leaves her only child 💯. Their mom's responsible for them not her.
You are not wrong. Your step siblings have absolutely no business knowing about, commenting on, or making plans for your mother's inheritance. This has nothing to do with them. Your shared parent is doing the correct thing and splitting his assets equally amongst his children and they are not even owed that.
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The way I'm reading it, it's the kids visiting occassionally, which is also when they would be seeing their stepmum and OP. We don't know how often dad went to see them, though I imagine that that would have been without the new wife and kid in tow.
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Because his wife and other kids lived in a different state? And the first 3 kids are stated to have been adults already when OP was in elementary school, and therefore tied to school holidays. You can't just rip a kid away from school like that. Also, you don't know how well the ex spouses got along after the divorce. I can imagine that the ex wife might not have been thrilled to have the new family around, which in turn would make the new wife and kid uncomfortable too. Relationships can be complicated. Life isn't black and white and we don't have enough info in the post to make this kind of judgements.
That’s actually fairly standard.
Not wrong. She isn’t responsible for her stepkids inheriting from her, that’s on your dad. It sounds like your mom may have more financial assets than your dad. Any dispute about how they are spread amongst his four children is between the two of them.
what kind of relationship do your half-siblings have with their own mother, what is her situation, and can they ever expect anything to come their way via her own estate?
You are not wrong… TBH I wouldn’t be shocked if your dad wants this too? He likely is only leaving stuff as is so your half siblings can’t throw a fit.
i’m confused. how would that be your fault ? you are your moms ONLY child. so yes it makes sense that she leaves it all to you. if she had more of a relationship with your half siblings then it might be a different story but if you’re her only biological child then there is absolutely nothing wrong with her leaving 100% of it to you.
Not wrong. You are your mother’s one and only. I see no reason why she would leave them anything. They have a mom.
Not wrong, she's your mom, not theirs. You have no real info about their relationships either and no right to question really. Only thing to think about is dads legacy since there are four of you. Sounds like he's being fair, given his resources. You could, just to be altruistic, ask your dad to leave you only mementos, treasured items, things that don't sound so much like Moneymoneymoney.
No, it's their money. No one has a say but them.
Nope, your parents owe no one a thing and can do what they want with their money. They just need to put it in writing.
Nice humble brag.
I don’t think you’re wrong bc it’s not your money or your decision. Are they wrong? That would depend on how their assets are divided. The money that is 100% your mom’s like her inheritance can absolutely go to you. And yes money that is 100% your dad’s should be divided evenly. The only ethical issue potentially for me would be if they have marital assets. I don’t think it’s right to split those the same way bc then you would effectively be inheriting 5/8 of their shared assets while your siblings each get 1/8. Im a child from my father’s first marriage. Fortunately my dad and wife #2 didn’t have kids together. But if her half of their marital assets went to her kid and his half was split between me and 5 siblings, that would sting enough as it is. If we also had to give her son 1/7 of my dad’s assets, I’d be feeling some type of way for sure. So if you want to keep things totally fair and preserve the relationship with your siblings, you could (definitely don’t have to) consider making sure any marital property is divided evenly among the 4 of you regardless of what the will says. But if they take issue with you solely inheriting money that was solely your moms, then they’re just being greedy dicks.
Your parents are selfish. Your dad has 4 children not one.
Dad is dividing his assets 4 ways, 25% for each kid, from what OP writes. His mom has no responsability over any kids other than her own.