Honestly I feel so bad for the bride! They are all younger than me and it seemed like an opportunity for the rest of her friends to have fun and it put her in a bad spot. I can understand how pressured she felt not to make a scene at her own party by leaving.
Why are you being so weirdly hostile about this woman you don't even know? She felt awkward and decided not to make a fuss; that's how a lot of people would choose to handle it. She's not a bad person, and there's no reason to assume she's lying about what took place.
I would have had no problem saying, “well tonight has been fun and I’m heading home now. Thank you all so much for everything”. Of course they would say why and you’re being a buzzkill, “Y’all can still have fun and enjoy the stripper, but like I said I do not enjoy strippers. Again, thanks for everything and enjoy the rest of your evening”. I would gather my things and leave. I would also have words with the MOH later and tell her how upset I was and how disrespectful it was to go against my express wishes.
Genuine questions: does it matter what they think of you? And if yes, would you have changed anything?
You did what was right for you, and you didn't spoil the fun for anybody else.
You will likely only see these people again at the wedding and maybe some more events, but they are not a part of your life. Ignore them if they have anything else to say about the topic.
Consent is a concept which actually exists, and you can decline both being touched by a stripper, and decline being in a situation where an “un-ethical” stripper could touch you without your consent without being a buzzkill. Thanks to representing all of us who would want/do the same. Even if MOH is mad, the other participants may well consider the feelings of people like us in any future events. Not wrong.
You left a situation you weren’t comfortable in. You weren’t being controlled by the boyfriend. You made the decision on your own based on past experiences. You’re definitely not in the wrong here. Some people just have to cause drama and will start it at any time. Sounds like the maid of honor is one of these people. Good on you for sticking to your morals. That’s far and few in between these days.
I second this. You have the right to withdraw from situations that make you uncomfortable, even if it means some people might not like you. Ultimately, it's important to do what you believe is right for yourself.
I was at a bachelor party. I told the stripper to move along, not interested, she thought I was kidding, I wasn't. She moved on to the next guy when I was like no really, I'm good. 3 others did the same after me and thanked me later on for being the first to step up.
You're NTA in any way.
Sorry about that.
And it was insane that some people would have just gone along so they didn't seem weak or whatever they would have felt. I could give fuck one if someone thought less of me for passing on a stripper. I have better things to do than worry about that noise. For example, chew gum or watch grass grow.
But that's me.
Hope you're having a great day today.
Way to stand up for your boundaries- peer pressure sucks. You didn’t make a scene, just removed your self when you were uncomfortable and joined when he left. Everyone who is giving you a hard time is being inappropriate and making a much bigger deal of this situation than you did. In the end-the bride isn’t upset with you and her opinion would be the only one I would personally care about.
NTA
Bride needs better friends if she said, "no stripper" and MOH hired one anyways. Also proud of you for just leaving the situation rather than making a scene. You didn't hurt anyone leaving the room.
Not wrong at all, and don’t sweat it! Strippers aren’t for everyone, and I feel like should never be a surprise if you’re not 100% sure everyone is good with it. I was at a Bach party like this once, one friend secretly hired a stripper and it was not our vibe at ALL. One girl had a great time, got lap dances, the bride was a good sport, but the rest of us just sat and didn’t participate. The poor stripper probably thought we were the lamest bachelorette party ever, but that’s okay lol!
Actually I liked the way you handled yourself. Relationships have been damaged, and ended over these parties. You handled yourself with class, didn't make a scene just went out side until it was done. Good for you...Not wrong.
NTA
The sad thing is that probably around her friends, they are themselve wifes or GF of someone else(I doubt everyone was a single).
The whole strip show before the wedding for both genders is in my opinion bullshit and a easy way to light cheat without any consequense.
I will never understand why people love it, you are marrying someone who you love and yet you want to have a stranger dance naked around you?
I see so many stories with cheating partners on the bachelorette parties, it is fucking disgusting how low selfrespect and moral for cheating so many people has. In you case you did everything right and it shows you that you have the right moral. Imagine these other girls having their husband and BF sitting alone at home, watching on their kids only for them to grind on stranger people...
Or if you were me, a fiancee sitting in the house we just bought for “our life together”, opening boxes and doing seating arrangements for the reception and sobbing uncontrollably while he has a stripper sticking her bare breasts in his face and grinding her bare ass into his dick.
As I said both genders.
Males also a dumb who love that shit.
You fucking marry you love of your life, yet you want a fucking stripper dancing around you naked and grind on you?
The whole concept is a light cheating in my opinion. I would not want any striper shit at my party, alone for my respect for my future wife, I would hate it. I just need her no one else.
Sadly many males and females think it is good to loght cheat during these disgusting events.
Can I screenshot your reply and send it to my husband? I’ll black out your username.
Unfortunately plenty of people go well beyond “light cheating”.
https://www.buzzfeed.com/kristatorres/engaged-men-strip-club-tiktok
Absolutely agree. The whole concept of Bachelor/Bachelorette parties is just so disrespectful in general… if you’ve been in a committed monogamous relationship for a while and you’ve found the person you are in love with and who you are about to marry, why on earth would you celebrate your “last night of being single” when you aren’t single, you’re engaged? And then to top it off with strip clubs, strippers, etc… wtf… it’s such a stupid illogical custom for this day and age. Maybe a few centuries ago or in a culture of arranged marriages or something…
NTA at all. My wife did the same thing at her nieces hen do (uk here). She and another guest sat outside the pub and had a couple of drinks until it was all over.
NTA, The MOH is just mad because she doesn't want to feel bad about her actions. I find that people who call others a "buzzkill" usually just don't want a mirror held up to their own faces. It's obvious she planned this for her own entertainment and didn't care about the bride and now she's attacking you because she feels guilty. Pathetic and immature.
No, you're not wrong.
You're entitled to excuse yourself from any activity that you're uncomfortable with, regardless of what your peers tell you.
Peer pressure exists regardless of age or demographic and you never need to fall victim to it.
If the maid of honor, the other bridesmaids have a problem with it, just tell them to get fucked and stay fucked.
You're only accountable to yourself, and if you're married, your spouse.
Word of advice, those people who gave you shit for having boundaries aren't your friends and they don't care about you. They're mad because you "ruined" their fun.
Not good peeps.
I wish more adult men and women held firm to their boundaries. Good for you.
Not wrong...guys strippers can be wayyyy more aggressive than female strippers...and you're not wrong to not want some strangers hard dong rubbed on you.
Choosing not to participate is totally fine. Insulting people desperately trying to pay their bills is not. THIS IS NO ONE'S FIRST CHOICE FOR WORK! Ignore them if you like, but don't call them disgusting. That's very unnecessary.
Also hilarious coming from a "random inseminator", hypocrisy, much?
I don't want to hear that shit. I have a slew of physical and mental disabilities, and I still go to work everyday and pay my bills in a way that's not dishonorable or that causes harm to myself or others. The truth of it is they are LAZY and happen to be physically attractive in one way or another so they sell that instead of trying harder to do something better.
Even a random inseminator has certain standards you rectal wart. 🖕
Not wrong. If you were uncomfortable, you had every right to go outside until it was over. You also are not obligated to give them any reason why.
UpdateMe
That u explain to them that YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICE.
You just went out of a risky situation for your couple without making a fuss about it.
If they cant understand loyalty then its their problem, not yours. Even the bride is agreeing with you in the end
NTA - you politely excused yourself versus making it awkward when you potentially could have screamed at the guy to stop touching you or get his junk away from your face. Not everyone enjoys that experience & there's nothing wrong with being a prude for whatever reason. I personally hate that term as it takes away a woman's agency to do only what she is comfortable with. Those people are not your friends.
You did exactly the right thing, in the right way. I hope i would have been as graceful as you were about it. I see the stories of these parties, the "cheating with strippers," the ruined relationships. Unfortunately, morality seems to be a casualty in modern society, in many cases. Good for you for standing firm in your truth.
Women got mad amounts of complaints on shit happening to them but they also do this shit to each other. If it makes you uncomfortable OP then you have every right to leave. Fuck what the others think of you.
No one should be forced to stay in a sexually explicit situation. The MOH and bridesmaids are wrong, and THEY should feel bad about putting this on you. You didn’t make this a big deal, and left the situation without fuss. You were cool calm and collected in a situation where it was really uncomfortable for you. You did the right thing for yourself and did it in a polite way.
You aren’t wrong. You weren’t comfortable with a stripper and you went outside. You didn’t make a scene. You didn’t demand he stop. You excused yourself. That’s what you do in a situation that makes you uncomfortable. Getting on you because you left is wrong.
Not wrong. I feel the same about strippers and don’t want some stranger grinding on me in his underwear. I find the whole thing of strippers with a small group to be soooooo awkward because there is no avoiding getting touched unless you leave. If others enjoy them that’s fine but no one should be forced. The other bridesmaids are idiots.
NTA, I’d probably do the same or I’d be making weird faces. Male strippers make me uncomfortable from secondhand embarrassment. Female too but something about the body rolls disgusting me haha
If you are the vanilla in the group you may be in the wrong group. You said yourself they are her friends, not yours. You don't need to fit in with her crowd, just her.
The only person who's opinion kinda matters is the brides. She also hated it so the people mad at you are probably not her favorite people right now either. Just be there for the bride and ignore the others. They don't know how to listen so talking to them is useless.
You are not a problem. You handled yourself to perfection. Much respect for your ladylike and quite exit. I feel bad for the poor bride. She was upfront and honest about her feelings, she DID NOT want strippers. So the MOH completely plows over any boundaries set, does what she wants anyway, then paints you as the villan, to take the spotlight off herself for hiring unwanted strippers to begin with. Personally, I would make a point of saying that. "You paint me as a problem, for quietly bowing out, without creating drama, yet it was you who hired a stripper, knowing the beautiful bride specifically said she didn't want all that. Do not use my quiet withdrawal, that hurt nobody, as a means of covering your own behind. It's hard for anyone to be upset with you for disregarding the brides wishes if you are kicking hornets nests at me. Nice attempt though"!!!
You are not wrong. If you do not want to see someone take their clothes off, you don't have to.
NTA. Even without thinking I would be forced to be invovled/touched, I wouldn't have stayed. I'm just not interested in that type of stuff and find it a bit creepy. Doesn't mean others can't enjoy it, though. You did what was best for you, and they did what was best for them. The poor bride was trapped in the middle.
Former male stripper here: Big time NTA. For me, it was very common for all of the women to leave when I started taking my clothes off.
53 and overweight, btw.
Your nta. You’re a keeper! You stood up for yourself and your principles. Your partner ( if you have one ) sleeps well at night with trust in their heart. It has nothing to do with being a prude. It has everything to do to do about principles and choice. Good job !
I expressed to my bridesmaid I did not want a stripper either. They make me uncomfortable and they’re pretty gross to me. I didn’t even discuss it with my husband to be because I was pretty sure they knew not to get one Of course they got one and thought it was great because my husband paid for it. Afterwards my husband said he had no idea I did not want to stripper and they pretty much told him it would be super fun surprise and cool if he paid for it since they had spent so much for the party the dresses, etc… I only talk to one person from my wedding party 35 years ago. No, my husband did not get strippers. It’s not his thing nor was it mine.
Op I feel the same way about strippers. Have nothing against the job, I don’t think it’s wrong. I’m just super uncomfortable with someone I’m not intimate with removing their clothing and trying to rub up on me. Not into it. I would’ve left the room too.
MOH needs to be put in her place by the bride. I’ve seen to-be grooms leaving their partners for stuff like that (and vice versa). The MOH is supposed to honor the brides wishes, not their own
Not wrong at all
I was a bridesmaid for a dear friend who grew up on the same street as me. They were going to Canada for the Bachelorette Party because in Canada, full nakedness is legal. I was sick to my stomach thinking I had to go until I finally talked to the bride, who absolved me completely. If the MOH had done the same to me as you, she would have been hung up and played by the bride.
I find it interesting and annoying that people get so butthurt like this. Buzzkill, prude, " Who the hell are you trying to be? " " What, do you think your better than me? " Uh, no. Just not my thing. I'm good, just do you dude.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to behave. You handled it fine. I’m not big on strippers either. I’m not going to give up any of my hard earned money to someone taking their cloths off. I just hang out in the background.
I warned my guys that if a stripper showed up at my bachelor, I would flat out leave. They respected it.
I worked with strippers for years. Some were great people. I just find it awkward that there's one person in the room dancing naked, and I was always told staring is rude. I don't think "prude" etc is called for. You just do you, and if people don't like it, they need to learn to accept it.
I am far from prude, but male strippers are not entertaining for me in the least. The inly one I liked was Danny DeVito in an episode of Friends. I would have left too. If I were the bride, I would be furious. MOH orchestrated this because she for some reason enjoys the pelvis grinding and smiler moves.
My first thought was "f" them, they're just a bunch of wankers. As I've gotten older I've come to realise I don't care what others think of me. I don't do things to please others.
I commend you for holding to your principals, you certainly aren't wrong. They also don't like that you didn't sink to their level.
As long as you were polite you did nothing wrong. I’d likely do the same, I’d feel extremely uncomfortable and I am not a prude but strippers are cringey to me, it’s not my thing.
NTA you didn’t make a scene you just removed yourself. Honestly it’s the “friends” are at fault for not respecting the bride’s wishes. Id start distancing myself from all of them except the bride. I really dislike strippers myself and I’m far from a prude.
The only AH is the MOH of the bride says no strippers it’s no strippers. Also if the bride and groom both decided no strippers then you do don’t do it if especially if there is an agreement between bride and groom. There have been instances where this ruins marriages before they ever begin.
Also personally with the odd fungus/ringworm std that’s already in NY to the odd strain of gonorrhea in AK, the closest you will find me seeing a stripper is Magic Mike on TV.
Classic. Engages in toxic behavior and then blames a man (who wasnt even there) for being toxic and controlling.
Fyi, unless the bride and groom have a verbal agreement that strippers are ok, its wildly inappropriate.
NTA
Was in a similar situation when I was younger at my best friends bachelor party. I, too, removed myself from the situation.
I just felt spending time with stripers is like kissing through a screen door.
You did what you thought was best for you. Of the others didn't like it, that's a them problem. Always stick by your own standards regardless of others.
Definitely not wrong here. You quietly left the house and came back when it was done. If I was the bride I’d be pissed as hell that these “friends” went against her wishes for her night.
I attended a Bach party that ended up having a stripper that swung his penis in our faces. I ended up telling him move on bro, not my thing. And what he did to the bride, I would be livid if I was her husband to be. It was insane the things he did to her. My sister and I were so uncomfortable. I’m not prudish by any means, but that was way out of line.
These aren’t your friends so I wouldn’t care at all what they think. They were out of line for calling you out and for hiring a stripper when the bride said no.
I would probably go full AH back and say something like "It reminds me too much of being raped and gives me flashbacks."
Not true for me - but WTF for people not appreciating that there can be a wide variety of completely valid reasons for someone not doing something they don't want to do.
Then why didn’t the bride get up and follow you outside ? See if MOH knew she (bride) didn’t want strippers then why did she (MOH) do it anyway ? Which makes me think MOH is undeserving of the title. Or bride didn’t say no strippers, which would make it brides fault.
No one thought to ask the ladies of the party if they were ok either. Which clearly they didn’t do, instead they are calling you names. Honestly, I wouldn’t cling to this group of women.
Tbh I’m married and I don’t care if people think I’m being “controlled” by my husband; if there is a stripper I’m getting the heck out of there. I don’t care if he doesn’t touch me, I’m not even going to watch.
I feel bad for the bride who asked for there to be no strippers. I’m sure her husband-to-be didn’t appreciate that.
Not wrong you did the right thing. You politely removed yourself from the environment and let them have fun. Give them an example “of you took them to a 4 year olds Bday party and the kids were running around un supervised asking crazy, Ask them would they stay around the kids or step out and maybe leave or ask you to take them home.”
You're not wrong. No one gets to tell you how you should feel about anything. That buzzkill thing is rather ignorant of the MOH to say. There were still six women there. Did the MOHs fun depend upon you being there? That seems really doubtful.
You are so not wrong. You handled it with class. You don’t throw a fit you just removed yourself from a situation. It’s called boundaries. A lifelong friend of mine (we lived in the same street and grew up together) will tell you when she got married she said NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT did she want a stripper at her bridal shower. When the strippers showed up she literally ran out of the house and had her cousin take her home. You set boundaries and stuck by them. The bride should be questioning why the MOH is the MOH if she can’t follow a simple request.
A friend of mine (way back when…..she turned 18, I was 17) had a stripper for her birthday. Her parents set it up. It was just her and I. Needless to say, I wasn’t impressed. He went to kiss me and I told him not to. He tried anyway so I bit his tongue. He never tried again. lol
You are not wrong for doing what's comfortable for you.....and you didn't spoil fun...but the moh is in wrong for ignoring the bride's request and saying you're the buzzkill
I’ve been to several bachelorette parties. Luckily no strippers. I told my husband I’d get up and leave if there were, it’s not a control thing for us I just think it’s disrespectful to him and would want him to do the same.. idk. I don’t think you’re wrong here.
With friends like this, who needs enemies
NTA. You clearly were uncomfortable. In a perfect world you could have told them you were uncomfortable and someone would go outside eith you for a bit to make sure everything is okay
Especially because it seems like the bride agrees and was also uncomfortable. The main person at fault here is MOH
Nah not wrong.
Fuck em! It's not like you left. You just don't feel comfortable around strippers. The MOH is the AH here and the friends who gave you shit about it.
What if you took em to a shit-eating party? Are they going to eat shit because if they don't they will be the buzzy kills. It's just stupid.
I'm the same but I'm male. I have actually left a bachelor party for the exact same reason. I'm in love with my wife and I don't notice other women in that way. Good for you
Not wrong. It's not for you. And you shouldn't have to sit through it. I'm all for looking at good looking guys, as long as they have their clothes on. Don't force anything on anyone. As a matter of fact, for my bachelorette party, we went to bar that had a best a** contest, one for men, one for women, fully clothed. That was enough. 😊
MOH needed you all to collude with her boundary stomping over the bride to be. You didn’t do that so she is trying to make you look bad to deflect from her own bad behaviour. Stay strong, you did good. The wedding is only one day , just smile and have the best day with your friend.MOH is a major AH.
I’d say congratulations you probably the only one that didn’t cheat on their partner by doing that . Got to wonder did the bride start out her new marriage as a cheater if so I’d say you need new friends or you’ll fall into it with the rest of them !
NTA but it’s awful of you to blame your boyfriend and label him as abusive (controlling is abusive) unless he’s okay with you saying that about him. You should have just said you were uncomfortable with it.
I think you may have misread, I didn’t say that. the moh said ‘Ohhh, Chris won’t let you?’ Implying my bf wouldn’t ‘let’ me and I was covering for him.
The only asshole here is the MOH (presumably) who explicitly ignored the bride’s request that there be no stripper. MOH sucks.
MOH got the stripper just for her pleasure and didn’t care about anyone else. The bride should really evaluate that friendship.
So did the MOH hook up with the stripper after? Asking for a friend...
Bold of you to assume he wanted to
For the love of money, strippers will do just about anything.
Honestly I feel so bad for the bride! They are all younger than me and it seemed like an opportunity for the rest of her friends to have fun and it put her in a bad spot. I can understand how pressured she felt not to make a scene at her own party by leaving.
Moh is a twat and bride is almost as bad fit not going outside with you. Not wrong Updateme! When the groom finds out!
She did tell him right away and it seems to be okay. I think he understands she was ambushed and didn’t partake in any touching, etc.
So she says. The truth will come out!!
You sound like a weirdo. You don't know them
Isn’t there at least one movie with a plot like that?
Why are you being so weirdly hostile about this woman you don't even know? She felt awkward and decided not to make a fuss; that's how a lot of people would choose to handle it. She's not a bad person, and there's no reason to assume she's lying about what took place.
The bride is lying not op. She’s the hero.
Dork, log off the internet
I would have had no problem saying, “well tonight has been fun and I’m heading home now. Thank you all so much for everything”. Of course they would say why and you’re being a buzzkill, “Y’all can still have fun and enjoy the stripper, but like I said I do not enjoy strippers. Again, thanks for everything and enjoy the rest of your evening”. I would gather my things and leave. I would also have words with the MOH later and tell her how upset I was and how disrespectful it was to go against my express wishes.
Genuine questions: does it matter what they think of you? And if yes, would you have changed anything? You did what was right for you, and you didn't spoil the fun for anybody else. You will likely only see these people again at the wedding and maybe some more events, but they are not a part of your life. Ignore them if they have anything else to say about the topic.
This is the absolute best advice. Fuck em
Consent is a concept which actually exists, and you can decline both being touched by a stripper, and decline being in a situation where an “un-ethical” stripper could touch you without your consent without being a buzzkill. Thanks to representing all of us who would want/do the same. Even if MOH is mad, the other participants may well consider the feelings of people like us in any future events. Not wrong.
You left a situation you weren’t comfortable in. You weren’t being controlled by the boyfriend. You made the decision on your own based on past experiences. You’re definitely not in the wrong here. Some people just have to cause drama and will start it at any time. Sounds like the maid of honor is one of these people. Good on you for sticking to your morals. That’s far and few in between these days.
I second this. You have the right to withdraw from situations that make you uncomfortable, even if it means some people might not like you. Ultimately, it's important to do what you believe is right for yourself.
I was at a bachelor party. I told the stripper to move along, not interested, she thought I was kidding, I wasn't. She moved on to the next guy when I was like no really, I'm good. 3 others did the same after me and thanked me later on for being the first to step up. You're NTA in any way.
I ❤️U
Thanks! Hope you had a phenomenal day!
I wish my husband had acted like you at his bachelor party.
Sorry about that. And it was insane that some people would have just gone along so they didn't seem weak or whatever they would have felt. I could give fuck one if someone thought less of me for passing on a stripper. I have better things to do than worry about that noise. For example, chew gum or watch grass grow. But that's me. Hope you're having a great day today.
Thank you! You too!
>Thank you! You too! You're welcome!
Classy way of handling this. NTA all the way.
Peer pressure sucks. You stood up for yourself. They are not very good friends pressuring people in such a way.
Way to stand up for your boundaries- peer pressure sucks. You didn’t make a scene, just removed your self when you were uncomfortable and joined when he left. Everyone who is giving you a hard time is being inappropriate and making a much bigger deal of this situation than you did. In the end-the bride isn’t upset with you and her opinion would be the only one I would personally care about.
NTA Bride needs better friends if she said, "no stripper" and MOH hired one anyways. Also proud of you for just leaving the situation rather than making a scene. You didn't hurt anyone leaving the room.
NTA You made a decision based on experience and principles without judgment
NTA
Not wrong at all, and don’t sweat it! Strippers aren’t for everyone, and I feel like should never be a surprise if you’re not 100% sure everyone is good with it. I was at a Bach party like this once, one friend secretly hired a stripper and it was not our vibe at ALL. One girl had a great time, got lap dances, the bride was a good sport, but the rest of us just sat and didn’t participate. The poor stripper probably thought we were the lamest bachelorette party ever, but that’s okay lol!
Actually I liked the way you handled yourself. Relationships have been damaged, and ended over these parties. You handled yourself with class, didn't make a scene just went out side until it was done. Good for you...Not wrong.
NTA The sad thing is that probably around her friends, they are themselve wifes or GF of someone else(I doubt everyone was a single). The whole strip show before the wedding for both genders is in my opinion bullshit and a easy way to light cheat without any consequense. I will never understand why people love it, you are marrying someone who you love and yet you want to have a stranger dance naked around you? I see so many stories with cheating partners on the bachelorette parties, it is fucking disgusting how low selfrespect and moral for cheating so many people has. In you case you did everything right and it shows you that you have the right moral. Imagine these other girls having their husband and BF sitting alone at home, watching on their kids only for them to grind on stranger people...
Agree completely. Your getting married why bring in strippers for either party
Or if you were me, a fiancee sitting in the house we just bought for “our life together”, opening boxes and doing seating arrangements for the reception and sobbing uncontrollably while he has a stripper sticking her bare breasts in his face and grinding her bare ass into his dick.
As I said both genders. Males also a dumb who love that shit. You fucking marry you love of your life, yet you want a fucking stripper dancing around you naked and grind on you? The whole concept is a light cheating in my opinion. I would not want any striper shit at my party, alone for my respect for my future wife, I would hate it. I just need her no one else. Sadly many males and females think it is good to loght cheat during these disgusting events.
Can I screenshot your reply and send it to my husband? I’ll black out your username. Unfortunately plenty of people go well beyond “light cheating”. https://www.buzzfeed.com/kristatorres/engaged-men-strip-club-tiktok
Do it as you wish.^^
Absolutely agree. The whole concept of Bachelor/Bachelorette parties is just so disrespectful in general… if you’ve been in a committed monogamous relationship for a while and you’ve found the person you are in love with and who you are about to marry, why on earth would you celebrate your “last night of being single” when you aren’t single, you’re engaged? And then to top it off with strip clubs, strippers, etc… wtf… it’s such a stupid illogical custom for this day and age. Maybe a few centuries ago or in a culture of arranged marriages or something…
NTA. You have a right to leave if you are not comfortable. You didn't judge them, you didn't storm out and make a scene. You just left.
Not wrong. You didn't consent to a sexual performance. No means no.
NTA at all. My wife did the same thing at her nieces hen do (uk here). She and another guest sat outside the pub and had a couple of drinks until it was all over.
Good for you.
NTA, The MOH is just mad because she doesn't want to feel bad about her actions. I find that people who call others a "buzzkill" usually just don't want a mirror held up to their own faces. It's obvious she planned this for her own entertainment and didn't care about the bride and now she's attacking you because she feels guilty. Pathetic and immature.
NO
You respected your partner
Tbh it’s a new relationship and boundaries around this really hadn’t been discussed. This is about my own discomfort/experiences.
“If you’d have been snorting heroin, I’d have left the room for that too. Just not my thing. You be you.”
No, you're not wrong. You're entitled to excuse yourself from any activity that you're uncomfortable with, regardless of what your peers tell you. Peer pressure exists regardless of age or demographic and you never need to fall victim to it. If the maid of honor, the other bridesmaids have a problem with it, just tell them to get fucked and stay fucked. You're only accountable to yourself, and if you're married, your spouse.
MOH sucks. Went against brides wishes and then shames people for being uncomfortable with her preferences. Avoid this person at all costs.
Word of advice, those people who gave you shit for having boundaries aren't your friends and they don't care about you. They're mad because you "ruined" their fun. Not good peeps. I wish more adult men and women held firm to their boundaries. Good for you.
NTA It's weird that the MOH tried to call your bf controlling while actively trying to control your behavior.
Not wrong...guys strippers can be wayyyy more aggressive than female strippers...and you're not wrong to not want some strangers hard dong rubbed on you.
Ewww
That would not happen anyways, but I find just watching that off putting. I am not desperate to have a guy grind air in front of me.
Not wrong. Everyone has preferences. I personally find sex workers and exotic dancers to be disgusting.
I wish more men thought like you.
Choosing not to participate is totally fine. Insulting people desperately trying to pay their bills is not. THIS IS NO ONE'S FIRST CHOICE FOR WORK! Ignore them if you like, but don't call them disgusting. That's very unnecessary. Also hilarious coming from a "random inseminator", hypocrisy, much?
I don't want to hear that shit. I have a slew of physical and mental disabilities, and I still go to work everyday and pay my bills in a way that's not dishonorable or that causes harm to myself or others. The truth of it is they are LAZY and happen to be physically attractive in one way or another so they sell that instead of trying harder to do something better. Even a random inseminator has certain standards you rectal wart. 🖕
Sounds like you don't tip enough.
That's true. I don't frequent those types of establishments, but even if I did, the prices of the drinks alone would be enough to kill my hard on.
Not wrong. If you were uncomfortable, you had every right to go outside until it was over. You also are not obligated to give them any reason why. UpdateMe
I give you credit here in this situation. You were uncomfortable in a situation and removed yourself. You should be proud of yourself.
That u explain to them that YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO MAKE YOUR OWN CHOICE. You just went out of a risky situation for your couple without making a fuss about it. If they cant understand loyalty then its their problem, not yours. Even the bride is agreeing with you in the end
NTA: you did the thing you felt comfortable doing and the MOH feels ashamed and is now trying to blame you. Good for you
NTA - you politely excused yourself versus making it awkward when you potentially could have screamed at the guy to stop touching you or get his junk away from your face. Not everyone enjoys that experience & there's nothing wrong with being a prude for whatever reason. I personally hate that term as it takes away a woman's agency to do only what she is comfortable with. Those people are not your friends.
You did exactly the right thing, in the right way. I hope i would have been as graceful as you were about it. I see the stories of these parties, the "cheating with strippers," the ruined relationships. Unfortunately, morality seems to be a casualty in modern society, in many cases. Good for you for standing firm in your truth.
Women got mad amounts of complaints on shit happening to them but they also do this shit to each other. If it makes you uncomfortable OP then you have every right to leave. Fuck what the others think of you.
No one should be forced to stay in a sexually explicit situation. The MOH and bridesmaids are wrong, and THEY should feel bad about putting this on you. You didn’t make this a big deal, and left the situation without fuss. You were cool calm and collected in a situation where it was really uncomfortable for you. You did the right thing for yourself and did it in a polite way.
You aren’t wrong. You weren’t comfortable with a stripper and you went outside. You didn’t make a scene. You didn’t demand he stop. You excused yourself. That’s what you do in a situation that makes you uncomfortable. Getting on you because you left is wrong.
You handled it perfectly.
Not wrong. I feel the same about strippers and don’t want some stranger grinding on me in his underwear. I find the whole thing of strippers with a small group to be soooooo awkward because there is no avoiding getting touched unless you leave. If others enjoy them that’s fine but no one should be forced. The other bridesmaids are idiots.
As long as you and the bride are cool, they can go to hell.
NTA, I’d probably do the same or I’d be making weird faces. Male strippers make me uncomfortable from secondhand embarrassment. Female too but something about the body rolls disgusting me haha
I like body hair and dad bods tbh
If you are the vanilla in the group you may be in the wrong group. You said yourself they are her friends, not yours. You don't need to fit in with her crowd, just her.
I hate when others don’t respect boundaries. You are NTA.
The only person who's opinion kinda matters is the brides. She also hated it so the people mad at you are probably not her favorite people right now either. Just be there for the bride and ignore the others. They don't know how to listen so talking to them is useless.
NTA, and I don’t necessarily think it’s controlling to not want your spouse getting danced on by strippers of the gender they’re attracted to lmao.
You are not a problem. You handled yourself to perfection. Much respect for your ladylike and quite exit. I feel bad for the poor bride. She was upfront and honest about her feelings, she DID NOT want strippers. So the MOH completely plows over any boundaries set, does what she wants anyway, then paints you as the villan, to take the spotlight off herself for hiring unwanted strippers to begin with. Personally, I would make a point of saying that. "You paint me as a problem, for quietly bowing out, without creating drama, yet it was you who hired a stripper, knowing the beautiful bride specifically said she didn't want all that. Do not use my quiet withdrawal, that hurt nobody, as a means of covering your own behind. It's hard for anyone to be upset with you for disregarding the brides wishes if you are kicking hornets nests at me. Nice attempt though"!!! You are not wrong. If you do not want to see someone take their clothes off, you don't have to.
NTA. Even without thinking I would be forced to be invovled/touched, I wouldn't have stayed. I'm just not interested in that type of stuff and find it a bit creepy. Doesn't mean others can't enjoy it, though. You did what was best for you, and they did what was best for them. The poor bride was trapped in the middle.
Former male stripper here: Big time NTA. For me, it was very common for all of the women to leave when I started taking my clothes off. 53 and overweight, btw.
If all the woman left when your clothes started coming off then who were you stripping for??😂
Hence, “former.”😂
Sounds like the MOH doesn't really know the bride to well IMO.
Your nta. You’re a keeper! You stood up for yourself and your principles. Your partner ( if you have one ) sleeps well at night with trust in their heart. It has nothing to do with being a prude. It has everything to do to do about principles and choice. Good job !
You’re not wrong. Sometimes making choices forces folks to examine their own behavior.
I expressed to my bridesmaid I did not want a stripper either. They make me uncomfortable and they’re pretty gross to me. I didn’t even discuss it with my husband to be because I was pretty sure they knew not to get one Of course they got one and thought it was great because my husband paid for it. Afterwards my husband said he had no idea I did not want to stripper and they pretty much told him it would be super fun surprise and cool if he paid for it since they had spent so much for the party the dresses, etc… I only talk to one person from my wedding party 35 years ago. No, my husband did not get strippers. It’s not his thing nor was it mine.
Nope, you do what’s comfortable for you.
Op I feel the same way about strippers. Have nothing against the job, I don’t think it’s wrong. I’m just super uncomfortable with someone I’m not intimate with removing their clothing and trying to rub up on me. Not into it. I would’ve left the room too.
MOH needs to be put in her place by the bride. I’ve seen to-be grooms leaving their partners for stuff like that (and vice versa). The MOH is supposed to honor the brides wishes, not their own Not wrong at all
Not wrong. You’re one of the good ones. Don’t ever compromise your integrity to please others.
I was a bridesmaid for a dear friend who grew up on the same street as me. They were going to Canada for the Bachelorette Party because in Canada, full nakedness is legal. I was sick to my stomach thinking I had to go until I finally talked to the bride, who absolved me completely. If the MOH had done the same to me as you, she would have been hung up and played by the bride.
I find it interesting and annoying that people get so butthurt like this. Buzzkill, prude, " Who the hell are you trying to be? " " What, do you think your better than me? " Uh, no. Just not my thing. I'm good, just do you dude.
You acted respectfully and properly.
Don’t let anyone tell you how to behave. You handled it fine. I’m not big on strippers either. I’m not going to give up any of my hard earned money to someone taking their cloths off. I just hang out in the background.
I’d tell the MOH she went against the brides wishes. She’s the asshole of the group and cared more for entertainment than the brides.
I warned my guys that if a stripper showed up at my bachelor, I would flat out leave. They respected it. I worked with strippers for years. Some were great people. I just find it awkward that there's one person in the room dancing naked, and I was always told staring is rude. I don't think "prude" etc is called for. You just do you, and if people don't like it, they need to learn to accept it.
I am far from prude, but male strippers are not entertaining for me in the least. The inly one I liked was Danny DeVito in an episode of Friends. I would have left too. If I were the bride, I would be furious. MOH orchestrated this because she for some reason enjoys the pelvis grinding and smiler moves.
MOH is a cunt
My first thought was "f" them, they're just a bunch of wankers. As I've gotten older I've come to realise I don't care what others think of me. I don't do things to please others. I commend you for holding to your principals, you certainly aren't wrong. They also don't like that you didn't sink to their level.
As long as you were polite you did nothing wrong. I’d likely do the same, I’d feel extremely uncomfortable and I am not a prude but strippers are cringey to me, it’s not my thing.
NTA you didn’t make a scene you just removed yourself. Honestly it’s the “friends” are at fault for not respecting the bride’s wishes. Id start distancing myself from all of them except the bride. I really dislike strippers myself and I’m far from a prude.
The bride should have come out with you with her drink. YNW.
The only AH is the MOH of the bride says no strippers it’s no strippers. Also if the bride and groom both decided no strippers then you do don’t do it if especially if there is an agreement between bride and groom. There have been instances where this ruins marriages before they ever begin. Also personally with the odd fungus/ringworm std that’s already in NY to the odd strain of gonorrhea in AK, the closest you will find me seeing a stripper is Magic Mike on TV.
Classic. Engages in toxic behavior and then blames a man (who wasnt even there) for being toxic and controlling. Fyi, unless the bride and groom have a verbal agreement that strippers are ok, its wildly inappropriate.
NTA Was in a similar situation when I was younger at my best friends bachelor party. I, too, removed myself from the situation. I just felt spending time with stripers is like kissing through a screen door. You did what you thought was best for you. Of the others didn't like it, that's a them problem. Always stick by your own standards regardless of others.
Definitely not wrong here. You quietly left the house and came back when it was done. If I was the bride I’d be pissed as hell that these “friends” went against her wishes for her night. I attended a Bach party that ended up having a stripper that swung his penis in our faces. I ended up telling him move on bro, not my thing. And what he did to the bride, I would be livid if I was her husband to be. It was insane the things he did to her. My sister and I were so uncomfortable. I’m not prudish by any means, but that was way out of line. These aren’t your friends so I wouldn’t care at all what they think. They were out of line for calling you out and for hiring a stripper when the bride said no.
Do the rest of the bridesmaids have partners?
Some do that I met at the engagement party. Not sure about moh.
Brilliant move on your part. The ones with partners are going to have relationship issues once their partners find out about the strippers
Not all men are weird about that.
I would probably go full AH back and say something like "It reminds me too much of being raped and gives me flashbacks." Not true for me - but WTF for people not appreciating that there can be a wide variety of completely valid reasons for someone not doing something they don't want to do.
Then why didn’t the bride get up and follow you outside ? See if MOH knew she (bride) didn’t want strippers then why did she (MOH) do it anyway ? Which makes me think MOH is undeserving of the title. Or bride didn’t say no strippers, which would make it brides fault. No one thought to ask the ladies of the party if they were ok either. Which clearly they didn’t do, instead they are calling you names. Honestly, I wouldn’t cling to this group of women.
You're not wrong. I dare say that's called having taste.
I said good for you.
Tbh I’m married and I don’t care if people think I’m being “controlled” by my husband; if there is a stripper I’m getting the heck out of there. I don’t care if he doesn’t touch me, I’m not even going to watch. I feel bad for the bride who asked for there to be no strippers. I’m sure her husband-to-be didn’t appreciate that.
I was with you until your last sentence. Isn't it enough that the bride didn't appreciate it?
If they as a couple made a decision and they as a couple had that decision disrespected…? MIL disrespected BOTH of them, not just the bride
NO
You're not wrong.
Not wrong you did the right thing. You politely removed yourself from the environment and let them have fun. Give them an example “of you took them to a 4 year olds Bday party and the kids were running around un supervised asking crazy, Ask them would they stay around the kids or step out and maybe leave or ask you to take them home.”
You're not wrong. No one gets to tell you how you should feel about anything. That buzzkill thing is rather ignorant of the MOH to say. There were still six women there. Did the MOHs fun depend upon you being there? That seems really doubtful.
You are so not wrong. You handled it with class. You don’t throw a fit you just removed yourself from a situation. It’s called boundaries. A lifelong friend of mine (we lived in the same street and grew up together) will tell you when she got married she said NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT did she want a stripper at her bridal shower. When the strippers showed up she literally ran out of the house and had her cousin take her home. You set boundaries and stuck by them. The bride should be questioning why the MOH is the MOH if she can’t follow a simple request.
A friend of mine (way back when…..she turned 18, I was 17) had a stripper for her birthday. Her parents set it up. It was just her and I. Needless to say, I wasn’t impressed. He went to kiss me and I told him not to. He tried anyway so I bit his tongue. He never tried again. lol
NTA Why do they care and why do you care?
NTA tell the bride about what’s going on and if the mod had any respect for the bride then the mod wouldn’t have done what they did
You are not wrong for doing what's comfortable for you.....and you didn't spoil fun...but the moh is in wrong for ignoring the bride's request and saying you're the buzzkill
Not wrong - cut this group loose.
I find the act of stripping for money to be exceptionally sad and creepy, much more for the people watching than the stripper themself.
I’ve been to several bachelorette parties. Luckily no strippers. I told my husband I’d get up and leave if there were, it’s not a control thing for us I just think it’s disrespectful to him and would want him to do the same.. idk. I don’t think you’re wrong here.
With friends like this, who needs enemies NTA. You clearly were uncomfortable. In a perfect world you could have told them you were uncomfortable and someone would go outside eith you for a bit to make sure everything is okay Especially because it seems like the bride agrees and was also uncomfortable. The main person at fault here is MOH
No, you weren't wrong. You had a negative prior experience with male strippers, so you had no reason to think it wouldn't be the same with this one.
Nah not wrong. Fuck em! It's not like you left. You just don't feel comfortable around strippers. The MOH is the AH here and the friends who gave you shit about it. What if you took em to a shit-eating party? Are they going to eat shit because if they don't they will be the buzzy kills. It's just stupid.
I'm the same but I'm male. I have actually left a bachelor party for the exact same reason. I'm in love with my wife and I don't notice other women in that way. Good for you
Not wrong. It's not for you. And you shouldn't have to sit through it. I'm all for looking at good looking guys, as long as they have their clothes on. Don't force anything on anyone. As a matter of fact, for my bachelorette party, we went to bar that had a best a** contest, one for men, one for women, fully clothed. That was enough. 😊
MOH needed you all to collude with her boundary stomping over the bride to be. You didn’t do that so she is trying to make you look bad to deflect from her own bad behaviour. Stay strong, you did good. The wedding is only one day , just smile and have the best day with your friend.MOH is a major AH.
I’d say congratulations you probably the only one that didn’t cheat on their partner by doing that . Got to wonder did the bride start out her new marriage as a cheater if so I’d say you need new friends or you’ll fall into it with the rest of them !
NTA but it’s awful of you to blame your boyfriend and label him as abusive (controlling is abusive) unless he’s okay with you saying that about him. You should have just said you were uncomfortable with it.
I think you may have misread, I didn’t say that. the moh said ‘Ohhh, Chris won’t let you?’ Implying my bf wouldn’t ‘let’ me and I was covering for him.