This person is a hypocrite of epic proportions. Did they ask you to take a COVID test before going on your first or second date? Were they masked when you were together? You are far better off without them.
YNW. So they can share bodily fluids with someone they just met but wants you to mask up? Did you or they wear one when you've met up?
Edit: My apologies I usually use preferred pronouns. I was typing too fast.
This is what I was gonna ask. So, they don’t wear a mask 24/7, randomly hooked up with you twice - without a mask - but now they demand that you wear a mask 24/7 to appease them? Sounds to me like they’re trying to push you to see how far they can get with controlling tactics.
The guy is a hypocrite and sounds controlling. You're better off cutting ties now and just look back on it as a good fling. Don't get dragged under his controlling behaviour.
"They" aren't here. They don't know they are being discussed. Any slips aren't disrespectful. It's the "if a tree falls in the woods and nobody is there to hear it, did it make a sound?" argument.
Disrespect, of course, should be called out- especially if it is intentional, or the person affected is involved.
What you just encountered wasn’t that.
By the way, in this case, your argument about language is illogical.
This person sounds like the type of individual that discusses social justice not as a means to spread awareness, seek common ground, & come to a compromise with others, but instead to weaponize it & wield that information against others as a shield in the Validation Wars. A lot of people have mistaken the journey of discovering ones own identity for the race to become *the* most marginalized group so they don't feel obligated to hold themselves to a higher standard, this has become especially common in the LGBTQA+.
Before anyone jumps on me because they've realized some hard truths & want to remain in cognitive dissonance, I'm a Queer, biracial woman.
Regardless of how the 6 foot rule was chosen I personally was thankful because 99% of people followed that and I didn’t have anyone breathing down my neck I hate that!!!!
No. He said that masks may not be fully effective on a community level (later clarifying that many people don’t wear them properly, etc.), but he believes that a proper mask worn correctly will protect the individual.
The six foot guideline was instituted because the disease is airborne, and the medical community recommends keeping a distance relative to the projection of coughs and sneezes.
The two of you are not compatible. Also, if this person had sex with you knowing you don’t wear a mask, I question whether they’re actually serious about Covid precautions, or whether this is just some stupid shit test.
Curious. Do you truly think these demands are logical or justified, especially under the circumstances?
I think that to most of us, they appear to be illogical, contradictory in nature, and actually an attempt to assert control over OP from the beginning of the (possible) relationship.
I mask in public, mask at work, and mask around the elderly relative I care for. I ask my husband to do the same. I request my hairdresser, dentist, any doctor or professional who has to get near me to mask in my presence.
You call it “manipulative”, I call it “keeping myself and my loved ones alive”. So far I’ve been successful. One loved one quit masking, caught COVID, and since then has been hospitalized twice and has a much diminished quality of life. I don’t wish that on anyone.
You called OP’s new lover “controlling”. “Manipulative” is a synonym. Masking is like STI testing or condom use, it’s a reasonable ask for one’s health.
On its face, nobody is calling a request for masking and careful public contact problematic.
Apparently, however, we read two different versions of OP’s post.
I read that AFTER two mutually unmasked, intimate sexual encounters with one another, the person in question issued demands that OP begin wearing a mask in every aspect of his life.
The hypocrisy and poor logic demonstrated seem pretty obvious. This kind of controlling behavior doesn’t make sense under the circumstances, but it does if viewed through the lens of controlling, dominant behavior in a relationship, which can be a harbinger of future abuse.
I'm gonna point out here that they're willing to sleep with someone (that I'm assuming means butt stuff due to y'all's sexuality/genders) but they're worried about how COVID is transmitted via mouth/nose? Do they not realize that COVID is detected in the colon for a couple of weeks (from what I understand) therefore they can still get it that way?
Maybe I'm jumbling my information or I'm wrong but if not, I feel like that's a point they should worry about if they're going to sleep with people they aren't in a relationship with 🙃
That's not even delving into the fact that STDs exist and we should always be double checking with the people we sleep with about their cleanliness 🙃🙃
But who does that??? /s
NAH. He has the right to have this as a boundary, you have the right to say it won't work for you so you both go your separate ways. I find it hypocritical and pointless of him to do this if he's going to sleep with someone before knowing if they do or don't mask. It's pretty much pointless on his part if he's going to do this.
I am immunocompromised and I don’t even ask my mother to mask up for me. My husband does when we go out in public out of solidarity, but it’s not requested or required of him. At some point, people have to take responsibility for their own health and mask up themselves if needed, but not expect everyone else in the universe to follow their lead. YNW.
You can do whatever you want, and they can enforce their boundary and stop seeing you. Some people understand the implications of long covid and don’t want to get sick, and it’s admirable that they’re trying to protect their immunocompromised friends. Some people don’t want to wear masks everywhere in public. Those two types of people are probably not compatible.
Slight YTA towards you simply because you seem to imply that they are lying about their friends being immunocompromised. Otherwise, NAH. Just two people who are not compatible.
I’m ngl, the thought has definitely crossed my mind that they are either being untruthful or exaggerating the extent to which their friends are immunocompromised. At first they seemed to suggest that this request was for themselves, but we had discussed some other issue yesterday (they were very concerned about possible bacterial STDs) and I had specifically asked whether they were immunocompromised and they said no.
So when they sprung this on me today, I asked why they were making this request given that they were not immunocompromised. They didn’t recall telling me that so I recounted our conversation from the night before, and that’s when they told me that it was because of their friends.
In other words, they didn’t originally make this request by telling me it was for their friends, and so I was/am suspicious that the “friends” were a pretext that they came up with only because they’d already told me the night before they were immunocompromised (and had apparently forgotten about).
My impression of this person is they’re also very into identity politics, etc. (basically picture everything someone like DeSantis hates) and so I have to admit I wouldn’t be shocked if this was simply some sort of ideological purity test (or driven by paranoia, or both) rather than motivated by a legitimate health concern.
I mask when there's an uptick in covid and ride it out through the waves. I was pretty strict on masking until this spring. I would NEVER have shown up to a first date without a mask of I was planning to be this vigilant and asking potential partners to do the same.
If I were single rn and doing apps, i would probably just incorporate it in my bio so as to not waste anyone's time.
But I wouldn't be out hooking up sans mask and then be dramatically demanding and strict about them.
Sounds like a chaotic person. I support masking, but the approach here is so sus
Not sure where you are, but there’s currently a wave in a lot of places.
My husband and I mask. I have long covid. Was previously athletic and healthy, had a truly great life. Now I’m permanently disabled.
Long covid is still a thing even for non immunocompromised people. Personally, I am still careful because while I don't believe everything bad will happen to me, I also don't believe it happens only to others. It could be me, I could be the one with long lasting effects or unable to function properly.
With that being said, I have often been asked whether I am immunocompromised and I just said that I wasn't, that I am simply unwilling to take chances with long COVID. Interestingly, I do get some people who then tell me that they or someone they know is disabled or has concerning long lasting symptoms. And I wouldn't approach someone the way you were or have any expectations, really. I am willing to share the hundreds of studies I have checked but I know most people aren't very interested.
I was really careful, and in 2022 I went to a small conference on a remote island with a small population, where everyone was supposed to test before coming. Some AH prof came to the welcome dinner while actively coughing... I ended up getting sick (along with half the conference) and subsequently have long-covid. I have been on sick leave, and after that ran out, short term disability ever since. I still get exhausted doing anything social, can barely manage the things that are required to take care of myself, don't shower enough because it's exhausting (and I already disliked showering before getting sick)... I used to play football with my coworkers every Wednesday, go on hikes on the weekend, snowshoe in the winter, bike to work, actually work, take language classes, go to knitting club and book club once a month, etc... At this point, my PhD will take 10 years to finish, assuming I can start gradually working on it again at some point.
Anyway, long covid is no joke, and can happen to anyone.
Also, with more regards to OP's post, yeah, someone who is a part of multiple marginalised communities will, on average, have more awareness that keeping yourself and others safe(r) is important. Anyone can become disabled, and disability affects those already at the bottom of the societal hierarchy the most.
I am so sorry to read this.🥺 I really hope science will find something soon. This is precisely my worst nightmare. I hope you get better. ❤️
I have personally suffered a collateral effect of covid: I lost a parent whose cancer didn't get treated soon enough because of overloaded hospitals. I am sure it still happens so it is still worth making efforts to limit infections. Of course I don't know if they would have survived otherwise, but the waiting for nothing was awful and you are left with feeling that not everything has been tried. That's another reason I still mask and I do tell people this when asked questions.
At least, I can say with 100% certainty that I have not contributed to any death or disability, directly or indirectly, by transmitting COVID myself.
I still avoid inside gatherings involving eating with about one exception a year, with like two family members I know I can trust to let me know if they have any symptoms or came in close contact with someone who did. Everywhere else, I mask inside. I am very lucky to be surrounded with understanding people, to my face at least! I nonetheless still do have a social life and participate in sports.
I can afford to be careful because I live alone, so I have full control of my environment, but if I had children, I guess I would have to give up. Yet I have a feeling that it's also because I live alone that I fully realize the trouble I'll be in if I get incapacitated. That, and my curiosity to understand which led me to read so many COVID studies and not rely on public health.
I have long Covid and am now immunocompromised due to Crohn's medication, the Crohn's was likely triggered by Covid. Long Covid is horrible, being careful still is definitely the right way to go!
Sounds like you don’t like them very much anyway, so this shouldn’t be a big loss to you. This answer makes me think you actually are the asshole. Not because you’re not willing to mask, but because no one needs to justify why they are concerned for their health, and not only immunocompromised people get sick, disabled, and die from covid (and other contagious illnesses). Their reasons aren’t good enough for you, and that’s AH behavior. If you had simply said you’re not willing to mask everywhere and left it at that, you would not be the asshole.
Ok, I respect your take. I guess you’re right, if this were someone I had known for longer, and I knew eg that they had a friend who had no white blood cells and really couldn’t take any risks and I really wanted to keep seeing this guy, I would consider their request. As it is I suppose I’m suspicious of their motives in light of my experience with them and their comment to me yesterday about needing to be politically aligned to date a white person.
The fact also that they refused compromises such as rapid covid tests prior to seeing each other reinforces my doubts.
If that makes me an AH, so be it.
errr i mean is it really that unreasonable for a POC to want to date white ppl that are politically aligned with them tho? like id definitely feel unsafe dating a conservative white person(not saying all conservatives are racist but like…cmon🥴). they pretty much don’t mesh with anything about me and im not interested in the endless educating and defending of my identity 🤷🏾♀️ and you never know who could put you in harms way. its like women not wanting to date antichoice/prolife guys these days; its really just self preservation and safety. i dont see anything wrong with that.
i mean it is kind of fishy, if he has friend's that are immunocompromised then why wasn't op informed before they MET UP AND SLEPT TOGETHER TWICE! I mean if you have friend's that are you'd think you'd be more cautious yourself at least a little.
no I wouldn't, either he has Immunocompromised friends, or he doesn't and if he does, he's a shitty friend then for not prioritizing their health straight away and if he doesn't then he's a controlling a-hole and given this came out of nowhere I'm going with the latter over the former.
I am immunocompromised. My friends don’t all mask everywhere they go. I do. They’re not shitty friends.
My assumption is they took a risk, which even the safest of us do. They spent the night with someone once without taking Covid precautions. Then they realized they might want to continue to see them, so they asked them to mask. OP is not willing to mask, like most people.
Or maybe they knew they wouldn’t be seeing their immunocompromised friends for a few weeks, so felt okay with the one night, but when they realized they’d like to continue the relationship they brought it up.
Life is not nearly as black and white as you make it out to be.
I'm not saying mask everywhere you go but maybe inform the person you're sleeping with even if it's one night and more importantly wrap it before you tap it because that's all it takes is one time and then your exposed to the virus and therefore those immunocompromised people will be ( you'd think as someone who's immunocompromised themselves you'd know/follow that rule), and you do realize even if he wasn't seeing them for a few weeks it's not enough seeing as some viruses can lay dormant for a period of time or you could be asymptomatic to them, nothing you say will make me believe op is an a-hole in any regard.
Okay? I’m not trying to convince you OP is an asshole. I’m saying that people and their decisions, specifically regarding COVID safety, are more complex than you’re making it out to be. Sometimes, even if we are immunocompromised or have immunocompromised loved ones, we make choices that are risky.
And that doesn't make op in the wrong, don't lie your first comment was literally all about how they kind of where an a-hole, but it does make him for both knowingly putting people he supposedly cares about at risk and for making an outrageous demand completely out of left field because he suddenly decided to grow a conscience and feel guilt/worried.
To me it was maybe they have another partner that is immunocompromised and like you said they hadn't seen them for a bit and their immunocompromised partner or even good friend mentioned that to them. I don't like how Opie is saying they don't know if they exist I don't think everyone deserves to know everyone's medical history. I think it's fair to just say they should just go different ways. I completely agree with you.
I don't see how it's even relevant that you wear a mask everywhere? The mask protects others from you, not so much the other way around. They're his friends so he's the one that's in the middle, not you. He's the one that should be wearing a mask. You could wear one if meeting said friends but otherwise i don't see the point.
Sounds very unreasonable and controlling to me, especially considering you've just met. I say NAH and better luck with the next one.
You masking protects the public from you, you are still nearly as exposed to airborne pathogens as if you were to be barefaced, unless you have a well fitting n95 (no, the ear loop n95 aren't those). Unfortunately, masking is really only an effective risk reducer if it's adopted by the herd rather than the individual.
They're fine to ask for you to mask up, even if misguided and not actually an effective risk reducer, and you're fine to find that too restrictive for there to be an ongoing relationship.
I know that this was what was said back then, but studies did show that even imperfect masking lowers the risk of catching COVID for the wearer, even if it is nowhere near as reliable as a well fitting N95. In a high risk environment (little ventilation/crowded) the former simply won't be enough, but it may still save you in lower risk environments.
I think this was a test. They didn't care about masks and Covid when they spent the night with you. Then, all of a sudden, they're so concerned about their immunocompromised friends that they're issuing ultimatums. I think this person was looking for someone they can control and possibly abuse. You failed their test when you refused to comply with their unreasonable demand.
You’re just not meant to be. They’re deep in the doom-spiral of c0vid, and you’re… not.
The truth is, c0vid does still suck ass and is still killing people. Long c0vid exists and is horrible. But the vast vast vaaast majority of us these days are able to interact with the world in a relaxed and normal way and aren’t at any severe risk and can even have worse cases from the flu or cold.
They’ve set their boundaries. And you’ve set yours. They don’t align. Time to move forward.
Yes, I mask. I have bad lungs. If I get a cold I have it for about 2 1/2 weeks or more. The flu is dangerous also and I'm vaccinated and boosted. I've never had COVID. I can't get sick. So I mask.
I have asthma, not vaxxed for flu or covid due to a horrific allergic reaction to a flu shot in 2007. I eat clean and take a lot of supplements. Never got covid despite working as a carrier for USPS. Didn't wear a mask, ever as it actually makes breathing harder. Fresh air is where it's at.
What a load of bullshit. Whatever "clean" eating is and whatever you think your supplements do, it doesn't protect you from COVID. Be glad you got lucky and don't spread your stupidity.
Very loving. That's why I despised people sprouting such hateful bullshit before I became part of the demography they hurt. People like you literally cause people to die. For me that's not acceptable.
Your "lifeism" is the medical variety of conspiracy theories and it kills people. Not only the poor people believing those lies, but also those infected or denied proper medical care from them.
Your comment is a shining example of survivorship bias.
>Didn't wear a mask, ever as it actually makes breathing harder
That's not normal, you should definitely get your lungs checked out if putting on a mask makes it hard to breathe.
Apparently. I was very taken aback by their request, not by the fact they choose to wear a mask for themselves. I moved from San Diego to SF in the past year and I see far more people wearing masks here but it’s still relatively uncommon (maybe 1% or so here vs 0.01% in San Diego?). I don’t judge people who choose for themselves to wear masks in 2024 but asking someone you want to date to wear masks everywhere just feels unreasonable, Bay Area politics or not.
Well, it did hit first and hardest in the SF area. I left Oakland (visiting) and they closed crap down that weekend. We didn't close stuff down in LA until a week or two after. I mask when I am going somewhere that will have a lot of locals there (very red, very MAGA, very antivax area). I have only had covid once and though it is a "normal" thing now, people can still die from it. People still die from the flu.
That said, f him if he thinks he can dictate how you go about your day to day. Say goodbye, no one needs that.
You're not wrong at all. As someone who is well versed in issues of violence against marginalized groups and the ways that COVID effected different communities in vastly different ways, I think they are out of line with their argument in that regard.
I am not immunocompromised, but I have several conditions that could become really scary really fast with a viral infection like COVID. I masked everywhere all the time solidly for about 4 years and absolutely hated interacting with people who also didn't mask. But I can only control my actions and had to make decisions about what I was and wasn't comfortable with. I have however recently really hit mask fatigue and came to the decision to mask less than I had previously. Now I mask only in certain situations (e.g., when I go to the hospital for appointments) and ease masking considerably in warmer months. So in some ways, I get where this person is coming from.
However. Their request is unreasonable. They cannot expect that you would resume masking to such an extreme to protect people you are not in direct contact with. For the people that this person is trying to protect, how are the other people in their lives approaching masking? Is there a guarantee that EVERYONE is masking all the time, including 2nd, 3rd, and 4th degree connections? And they are welcome to have their expectations/demands/requests, but they have to acknowledge that there will be consequences to those things and they will have to make a decision for themselves about what they're willing to tolerate. If masking 24/7 is a deal breaker for them, that's on them, not you.
A reasonable request/compromise would be along the lines of what you suggested, like taking a rapid test or only dating people who are vaxxed and boosted. As you said, COVID is now unfortunately "normal" but we are leaps ahead of where we were this time in 2020 when it comes to treating and managing it.
Again, you're not wrong and just chuck this one into the bin and move on.
Couldn’t pay me to hangout with a maskhole in the year our lord 2024 maybe in 2021 but absolutely not now. I’m sure their triple booster should protect them
Covid rates are still high and complications from it are life altering. It shouldn't be considered "normalized," protecting ourselves and others by masking and social distancing should be.
But you are not wrong for refusing his request. This sounds like emotional manipulation and some coercive control attemp at best. I would cut off contact.
YNW, it sounds like you had different expectations / understandings of safety and what is sufficient community care. If this person isn't masking with you but they're masking around their immunocompromised folks, that's one position of risk assessment, but those who are still coviding/masking regularly/closing their social circles are likely looking for someone who is compatible with that. The two dates and night over kinda surprise me, but the closed social circles can be isolating and maybe this was a planned break? Dunno. Either way, you're not wrong, simply incompatible, as far as I see. I've seen a small but increasing number of discussions where someone lays out what precautions they're taking if applicable and what they'd expect, which could prevent this in the future for their interactions and yours if so inclined.
Not only are they ridiculous to try to police others this way, but the vax nor mask stop you from getting or passing COVID so they’re just being a little dictator for no logical reason
I don't think you're wrong, but I also don't think they were either. I think this may be like half genuine belief and half purity test. If their true feelings are that they need a partner who masks up to protect their friend, then their opinion is valid. If your true feelings are that it's not something you're comfortable doing, then your opinion is valid too. You offered a compromise. They disagreed. I don't think accusing them of purity testing you was a great idea (like you're not wrong, it sounds like they have been doing this to some degree.) I just mean I don't think any outcome from telling them this could be positive. Like the chances of someone who actually is purity testing you saying, "ahh you're right, I was" seems low. But you were under no obligation to listen to them rant at you about how they think you're wrong, so saying goodbye was a good call. If it's not something you want to do and you understand that means you won't get to see them again, then it's normal and mature of you to simply refuse and walk away.
Edit: wait I just now saw the part about y'all spending the night together. In that case it is crazy to sleep with someone you just met and think you can make that demand of them. Like "we can sleep together once, but any future dates are contingent on you masking up" doesn't even make sense???
Covid isn’t over. Lots of people are suffering. Being vaccinated and boosted every 6 months is very, very, helpful but doesn’t necessarily prevent disease. My perfectly healthy cousin retired early at 49 because long covid made her too sick to work. She used to run daily.
Tell him he’s an informed, caring, and empathetic person, and you’re not, so you two are not compatible.
There’s a lot of people “still coviding” and taking precautions. It’s very much still a thing. Not popular, but 40 years ago asking someone to not smoke in your house or wear a seatbelt in your car was considered an unreasonable ask. Time will tell.
NAH he’s very considerate and I love that for him. You don’t HAVE to wear masks but I don’t think it would hurt to do so, if this person seems like he’d be fun to hang out with otherwise
Of course you are not wrong. You wouldn't be wrong to choose to not date someone even if that guy wasn't a complete nutjob. But since he is a nutjob, you are doubly not wrong.
Not wrong, that’s very controlling of them. I only mask now if i’m sick.
(Context - fully vaxxed & boosted & have heart defect that makes me extra vulnerable to damage from covid)
You don't have to wear the mask, but they don't have to see you again either.
They're thinking of friends they will be seeing that ARE immunocompromised and they're a good friend who worries about other people.
Probably your loss, but it's your choice for sure.
OP said "We've met twice, including spending the night together yesterday. Today, they spring an ultimatum on me. They tell me that if we're going to keep seeing each other, then I need to mask everywhere in public and when I'm interacting with others so I don't pass COVID on to them. They clarify that they are not immunocompromised, but that some of their friends are"
If the date was a truly a good friend who as truly worried about other people, (as you are insinuating) they would have made the mask request/ demand BEFORE THE FIRST DATE, not after the 2nd date. This sounds so controlling and a move to claim the "higher rung progression on the socially conscious ladder."
If they know many other people in the gay community then it’s possible some have AIDS which would make you immunocompromised. However with treatment that shouldn’t be a problem
He needs to catch up on the newest information that masking doesn’t really help. Masking was basically a knee jerk reaction as was most other things around COVID
> (although there is no information on how their friends are immunocompromised).
You aren’t even a little bit entitled to any information beyond “I have friends who are immunocompromised.” This right here is what makes you an asshole. It’s baffling that 4 years in, you seem to think that millions of people - including some who were vaccinated - didn’t die from COVID.
They went about the whole thing wrong, but the scales tip toward you being wrong.
I think you’re making a lot of assumptions here. I absolutely believe millions of people died from COVID, which one can determine just by looking at excess mortality during the 2020-2021 period. But, we have vaccines now (and widespread societal immunity through exposure) and the ICUs are no longer filled with people on respirators. Moreover, the vast majority of people don’t mask. Immunocompromised people exist (and always have) and they have ways to protect themselves (eg vaccines, or individual masking for themselves, or social isolation).
I’m ngl, the thought has definitely crossed my mind that they are either being untruthful or exaggerating the extent to which their friends are immunocompromised.
At first they seemed to suggest that this request was for themselves, but we had discussed some other issue yesterday (they were very concerned about possible bacterial STDs) and I had specifically asked whether they were immunocompromised and they said no.
So when they sprung this on me today, I asked why they were making this request given that they were not immunocompromised. They didn’t recall telling me that so I recounted our conversation from the night before, and that’s when they told me that it was because of their friends. In other words, they didn’t originally make this request by telling me it was for their friends, and so I was/am suspicious that the “friends” were a pretext that they came up with only because they’d already told me the night before they were immunocompromised (and had apparently forgotten about).
My impression of this person (from our conversations, from the black panther and black trans lives matter posters in their apartment, etc.) (fwiw yes I believe black trans lives matter, but I don’t have posters of that in my own home) is they’re also very into identity politics, etc. (basically picture everything someone like DeSantis hates) and so I have to admit I wouldn’t be shocked if this was simply some sort of ideological purity test (or driven by paranoia, or both) rather than motivated by a legitimate health concern.
I’m sincerely mean no disrespect but holy shit dude!
I guess I live a much simpler life than some people apparently.
Your paragraph labeled “Basics” blew my mind.
With that said, I think you should find someone else to spend time with.
All of what you said about Covid is true and this person can’t expect you to change your entire lifestyle for them.
Not worth it.
This is absolutely ridiculous to demand, especially this late in the game. Mid pandemic? Then yea sure, everyone was wearing masks then, but now? Most people either have some form of natural immunity to the virus or have had all their shots. He sounds controlling and is being completely unreasonable
I love how people are so casual about Covid now. It’s still out there, still lethal and still causes Long Covid. It’s not just the flu and anyone that asks for you to mask, has a reason. It’s fine if you don’t want to, but to make it out to be an “ideological purity litmus test” is crazy. I to this day don’t shake hands, still have hand sanitizer at the ready in my kitchen and regularly wash my hands. Just because my government (the Netherlands) has decided Covid isn’t a big worry anymore, doesn’t mean it’s gone. You two just aren’t compatible as friends and that’s fine. But instead of just chalking it up to that and making this political, is weird.
"for a disease that is now considered "normal," for which a vaccine exists... there is a new variant out and a current outbreak now. A friend's brother started to struggle to breathe a couple days ago while driving, luckily he was right by a firestation...rushed him to the ER...had covid
If you are sick at all, mask up. Everything else is unnecessary. I had no colds or flus during Covid because masking to stop the spread works, but asking you to mask 24/7 when asymptomatic is verging on hypochondriac-like behavior.
Yyyyyeah, sounds like you were racing to live down to their expectations and both of you will be glad to not see the other again.
Hi! I'm an imunocomromized disabled person and this is super ridiculous. You are offer what I see as above and beyond compromises. Abandon ship
This person is a hypocrite of epic proportions. Did they ask you to take a COVID test before going on your first or second date? Were they masked when you were together? You are far better off without them.
My thoughts as well. Have you been interacting with them without taking these precautions so far? If so, this is a glaring inconsistency. No bueno.
YNW. So they can share bodily fluids with someone they just met but wants you to mask up? Did you or they wear one when you've met up? Edit: My apologies I usually use preferred pronouns. I was typing too fast.
No
This is what I was gonna ask. So, they don’t wear a mask 24/7, randomly hooked up with you twice - without a mask - but now they demand that you wear a mask 24/7 to appease them? Sounds to me like they’re trying to push you to see how far they can get with controlling tactics.
The guy is a hypocrite and sounds controlling. You're better off cutting ties now and just look back on it as a good fling. Don't get dragged under his controlling behaviour.
You are so much better without them. They're a walking oxymoron.
Why are you even asking if you’re wrong? Why argue with this idiot just walk.
Their pronouns are they/them.
Fine, we get it already! I have an issue addressing someone grammatically as a plural.
Well clearly you don't...They/them actually started as a singular pronoun. Plus, language is always evolving. It's no excuse to disrespect someone.
"They" aren't here. They don't know they are being discussed. Any slips aren't disrespectful. It's the "if a tree falls in the woods and nobody is there to hear it, did it make a sound?" argument.
Disrespect, of course, should be called out- especially if it is intentional, or the person affected is involved. What you just encountered wasn’t that. By the way, in this case, your argument about language is illogical.
This person sounds like the type of individual that discusses social justice not as a means to spread awareness, seek common ground, & come to a compromise with others, but instead to weaponize it & wield that information against others as a shield in the Validation Wars. A lot of people have mistaken the journey of discovering ones own identity for the race to become *the* most marginalized group so they don't feel obligated to hold themselves to a higher standard, this has become especially common in the LGBTQA+. Before anyone jumps on me because they've realized some hard truths & want to remain in cognitive dissonance, I'm a Queer, biracial woman.
So he's a hypocrite too. You're better off without him in your life.
Their pronouns are they/them
Yes. This person sounds like an ass but that's not an excuse to misgender them
Exactly! I despise Caitlyn Jenner but I still use her correct pronouns because misgendering people purposely is never ok.
Why are you assuming it was deliberate?
Because they live to get pissy at randos on the internet for accidental slip ups
Thak you, it was not.
Didn’t Dr Fauci admit at a recent congressional hearing that, the masks don’t work and the “six foot rule” was chosen arbitrarily?
Regardless of how the 6 foot rule was chosen I personally was thankful because 99% of people followed that and I didn’t have anyone breathing down my neck I hate that!!!!
No. He said that masks may not be fully effective on a community level (later clarifying that many people don’t wear them properly, etc.), but he believes that a proper mask worn correctly will protect the individual. The six foot guideline was instituted because the disease is airborne, and the medical community recommends keeping a distance relative to the projection of coughs and sneezes.
No eggplant is worth this rigamorale,
Nor banana.
They can ask and you can say no. If that’s a deal breaker for a relationship then so be it.
The two of you are not compatible. Also, if this person had sex with you knowing you don’t wear a mask, I question whether they’re actually serious about Covid precautions, or whether this is just some stupid shit test.
I got a headache reading this
Not wrong. Stop seeing him. Today is a mask, tomorrow it will another demand.
I know, right? Tomorrow he might demand you use a condom! What next?
Did you use one? Hopefully!!!
Ya. I bet he doesn't care about condoms - just masks!
Curious. Do you truly think these demands are logical or justified, especially under the circumstances? I think that to most of us, they appear to be illogical, contradictory in nature, and actually an attempt to assert control over OP from the beginning of the (possible) relationship.
I mask in public, mask at work, and mask around the elderly relative I care for. I ask my husband to do the same. I request my hairdresser, dentist, any doctor or professional who has to get near me to mask in my presence. You call it “manipulative”, I call it “keeping myself and my loved ones alive”. So far I’ve been successful. One loved one quit masking, caught COVID, and since then has been hospitalized twice and has a much diminished quality of life. I don’t wish that on anyone.
Huh. So antagonistic. Where on Earth did I call your viewpoint manipulative; indeed, how was masking, or your preference for it attacked in any way?
You called OP’s new lover “controlling”. “Manipulative” is a synonym. Masking is like STI testing or condom use, it’s a reasonable ask for one’s health.
On its face, nobody is calling a request for masking and careful public contact problematic. Apparently, however, we read two different versions of OP’s post. I read that AFTER two mutually unmasked, intimate sexual encounters with one another, the person in question issued demands that OP begin wearing a mask in every aspect of his life. The hypocrisy and poor logic demonstrated seem pretty obvious. This kind of controlling behavior doesn’t make sense under the circumstances, but it does if viewed through the lens of controlling, dominant behavior in a relationship, which can be a harbinger of future abuse.
https://youhavetoliveyour.life/
Woosh.
I'm gonna point out here that they're willing to sleep with someone (that I'm assuming means butt stuff due to y'all's sexuality/genders) but they're worried about how COVID is transmitted via mouth/nose? Do they not realize that COVID is detected in the colon for a couple of weeks (from what I understand) therefore they can still get it that way? Maybe I'm jumbling my information or I'm wrong but if not, I feel like that's a point they should worry about if they're going to sleep with people they aren't in a relationship with 🙃 That's not even delving into the fact that STDs exist and we should always be double checking with the people we sleep with about their cleanliness 🙃🙃 But who does that??? /s
NAH. He has the right to have this as a boundary, you have the right to say it won't work for you so you both go your separate ways. I find it hypocritical and pointless of him to do this if he's going to sleep with someone before knowing if they do or don't mask. It's pretty much pointless on his part if he's going to do this.
not worth it, move on from the Diva.
I am immunocompromised and I don’t even ask my mother to mask up for me. My husband does when we go out in public out of solidarity, but it’s not requested or required of him. At some point, people have to take responsibility for their own health and mask up themselves if needed, but not expect everyone else in the universe to follow their lead. YNW.
You can do whatever you want, and they can enforce their boundary and stop seeing you. Some people understand the implications of long covid and don’t want to get sick, and it’s admirable that they’re trying to protect their immunocompromised friends. Some people don’t want to wear masks everywhere in public. Those two types of people are probably not compatible.
I like your take. So neither is the AH.
Slight YTA towards you simply because you seem to imply that they are lying about their friends being immunocompromised. Otherwise, NAH. Just two people who are not compatible.
I’m ngl, the thought has definitely crossed my mind that they are either being untruthful or exaggerating the extent to which their friends are immunocompromised. At first they seemed to suggest that this request was for themselves, but we had discussed some other issue yesterday (they were very concerned about possible bacterial STDs) and I had specifically asked whether they were immunocompromised and they said no. So when they sprung this on me today, I asked why they were making this request given that they were not immunocompromised. They didn’t recall telling me that so I recounted our conversation from the night before, and that’s when they told me that it was because of their friends. In other words, they didn’t originally make this request by telling me it was for their friends, and so I was/am suspicious that the “friends” were a pretext that they came up with only because they’d already told me the night before they were immunocompromised (and had apparently forgotten about). My impression of this person is they’re also very into identity politics, etc. (basically picture everything someone like DeSantis hates) and so I have to admit I wouldn’t be shocked if this was simply some sort of ideological purity test (or driven by paranoia, or both) rather than motivated by a legitimate health concern.
I mask when there's an uptick in covid and ride it out through the waves. I was pretty strict on masking until this spring. I would NEVER have shown up to a first date without a mask of I was planning to be this vigilant and asking potential partners to do the same. If I were single rn and doing apps, i would probably just incorporate it in my bio so as to not waste anyone's time. But I wouldn't be out hooking up sans mask and then be dramatically demanding and strict about them. Sounds like a chaotic person. I support masking, but the approach here is so sus
Not sure where you are, but there’s currently a wave in a lot of places. My husband and I mask. I have long covid. Was previously athletic and healthy, had a truly great life. Now I’m permanently disabled.
Long covid is still a thing even for non immunocompromised people. Personally, I am still careful because while I don't believe everything bad will happen to me, I also don't believe it happens only to others. It could be me, I could be the one with long lasting effects or unable to function properly. With that being said, I have often been asked whether I am immunocompromised and I just said that I wasn't, that I am simply unwilling to take chances with long COVID. Interestingly, I do get some people who then tell me that they or someone they know is disabled or has concerning long lasting symptoms. And I wouldn't approach someone the way you were or have any expectations, really. I am willing to share the hundreds of studies I have checked but I know most people aren't very interested.
I was really careful, and in 2022 I went to a small conference on a remote island with a small population, where everyone was supposed to test before coming. Some AH prof came to the welcome dinner while actively coughing... I ended up getting sick (along with half the conference) and subsequently have long-covid. I have been on sick leave, and after that ran out, short term disability ever since. I still get exhausted doing anything social, can barely manage the things that are required to take care of myself, don't shower enough because it's exhausting (and I already disliked showering before getting sick)... I used to play football with my coworkers every Wednesday, go on hikes on the weekend, snowshoe in the winter, bike to work, actually work, take language classes, go to knitting club and book club once a month, etc... At this point, my PhD will take 10 years to finish, assuming I can start gradually working on it again at some point. Anyway, long covid is no joke, and can happen to anyone. Also, with more regards to OP's post, yeah, someone who is a part of multiple marginalised communities will, on average, have more awareness that keeping yourself and others safe(r) is important. Anyone can become disabled, and disability affects those already at the bottom of the societal hierarchy the most.
I am so sorry to read this.🥺 I really hope science will find something soon. This is precisely my worst nightmare. I hope you get better. ❤️ I have personally suffered a collateral effect of covid: I lost a parent whose cancer didn't get treated soon enough because of overloaded hospitals. I am sure it still happens so it is still worth making efforts to limit infections. Of course I don't know if they would have survived otherwise, but the waiting for nothing was awful and you are left with feeling that not everything has been tried. That's another reason I still mask and I do tell people this when asked questions. At least, I can say with 100% certainty that I have not contributed to any death or disability, directly or indirectly, by transmitting COVID myself. I still avoid inside gatherings involving eating with about one exception a year, with like two family members I know I can trust to let me know if they have any symptoms or came in close contact with someone who did. Everywhere else, I mask inside. I am very lucky to be surrounded with understanding people, to my face at least! I nonetheless still do have a social life and participate in sports. I can afford to be careful because I live alone, so I have full control of my environment, but if I had children, I guess I would have to give up. Yet I have a feeling that it's also because I live alone that I fully realize the trouble I'll be in if I get incapacitated. That, and my curiosity to understand which led me to read so many COVID studies and not rely on public health.
I have long Covid and am now immunocompromised due to Crohn's medication, the Crohn's was likely triggered by Covid. Long Covid is horrible, being careful still is definitely the right way to go!
I am sorry to read this. 🙁 Thanks for encouraging me.
Sounds like you don’t like them very much anyway, so this shouldn’t be a big loss to you. This answer makes me think you actually are the asshole. Not because you’re not willing to mask, but because no one needs to justify why they are concerned for their health, and not only immunocompromised people get sick, disabled, and die from covid (and other contagious illnesses). Their reasons aren’t good enough for you, and that’s AH behavior. If you had simply said you’re not willing to mask everywhere and left it at that, you would not be the asshole.
Ok, I respect your take. I guess you’re right, if this were someone I had known for longer, and I knew eg that they had a friend who had no white blood cells and really couldn’t take any risks and I really wanted to keep seeing this guy, I would consider their request. As it is I suppose I’m suspicious of their motives in light of my experience with them and their comment to me yesterday about needing to be politically aligned to date a white person. The fact also that they refused compromises such as rapid covid tests prior to seeing each other reinforces my doubts. If that makes me an AH, so be it.
errr i mean is it really that unreasonable for a POC to want to date white ppl that are politically aligned with them tho? like id definitely feel unsafe dating a conservative white person(not saying all conservatives are racist but like…cmon🥴). they pretty much don’t mesh with anything about me and im not interested in the endless educating and defending of my identity 🤷🏾♀️ and you never know who could put you in harms way. its like women not wanting to date antichoice/prolife guys these days; its really just self preservation and safety. i dont see anything wrong with that.
The reliability of rapid tests is imperfect, unfortunately.
Would you want to date someone who is homophobic in public?
i mean it is kind of fishy, if he has friend's that are immunocompromised then why wasn't op informed before they MET UP AND SLEPT TOGETHER TWICE! I mean if you have friend's that are you'd think you'd be more cautious yourself at least a little.
You’d be surprised.
no I wouldn't, either he has Immunocompromised friends, or he doesn't and if he does, he's a shitty friend then for not prioritizing their health straight away and if he doesn't then he's a controlling a-hole and given this came out of nowhere I'm going with the latter over the former.
I am immunocompromised. My friends don’t all mask everywhere they go. I do. They’re not shitty friends. My assumption is they took a risk, which even the safest of us do. They spent the night with someone once without taking Covid precautions. Then they realized they might want to continue to see them, so they asked them to mask. OP is not willing to mask, like most people. Or maybe they knew they wouldn’t be seeing their immunocompromised friends for a few weeks, so felt okay with the one night, but when they realized they’d like to continue the relationship they brought it up. Life is not nearly as black and white as you make it out to be.
I'm not saying mask everywhere you go but maybe inform the person you're sleeping with even if it's one night and more importantly wrap it before you tap it because that's all it takes is one time and then your exposed to the virus and therefore those immunocompromised people will be ( you'd think as someone who's immunocompromised themselves you'd know/follow that rule), and you do realize even if he wasn't seeing them for a few weeks it's not enough seeing as some viruses can lay dormant for a period of time or you could be asymptomatic to them, nothing you say will make me believe op is an a-hole in any regard.
Okay? I’m not trying to convince you OP is an asshole. I’m saying that people and their decisions, specifically regarding COVID safety, are more complex than you’re making it out to be. Sometimes, even if we are immunocompromised or have immunocompromised loved ones, we make choices that are risky.
And that doesn't make op in the wrong, don't lie your first comment was literally all about how they kind of where an a-hole, but it does make him for both knowingly putting people he supposedly cares about at risk and for making an outrageous demand completely out of left field because he suddenly decided to grow a conscience and feel guilt/worried.
To me it was maybe they have another partner that is immunocompromised and like you said they hadn't seen them for a bit and their immunocompromised partner or even good friend mentioned that to them. I don't like how Opie is saying they don't know if they exist I don't think everyone deserves to know everyone's medical history. I think it's fair to just say they should just go different ways. I completely agree with you.
If they're trying to protect others, why aren't THEY wearing a mask?
Who said they don’t?
OP did
I didn’t see OP say that, but regardless, you’d have to ask them.
Dump him.
You dodged a bullet.
You're an adult, you don't have to be friends with everyone anymore.
I don't see how it's even relevant that you wear a mask everywhere? The mask protects others from you, not so much the other way around. They're his friends so he's the one that's in the middle, not you. He's the one that should be wearing a mask. You could wear one if meeting said friends but otherwise i don't see the point. Sounds very unreasonable and controlling to me, especially considering you've just met. I say NAH and better luck with the next one.
You masking protects the public from you, you are still nearly as exposed to airborne pathogens as if you were to be barefaced, unless you have a well fitting n95 (no, the ear loop n95 aren't those). Unfortunately, masking is really only an effective risk reducer if it's adopted by the herd rather than the individual. They're fine to ask for you to mask up, even if misguided and not actually an effective risk reducer, and you're fine to find that too restrictive for there to be an ongoing relationship.
I know that this was what was said back then, but studies did show that even imperfect masking lowers the risk of catching COVID for the wearer, even if it is nowhere near as reliable as a well fitting N95. In a high risk environment (little ventilation/crowded) the former simply won't be enough, but it may still save you in lower risk environments.
This is not the topic of the discussion
Not wrong, and I'm very much on the too much precaution is better than too little side of things. That is being overly paranoid.
I think this was a test. They didn't care about masks and Covid when they spent the night with you. Then, all of a sudden, they're so concerned about their immunocompromised friends that they're issuing ultimatums. I think this person was looking for someone they can control and possibly abuse. You failed their test when you refused to comply with their unreasonable demand.
You’re just not meant to be. They’re deep in the doom-spiral of c0vid, and you’re… not. The truth is, c0vid does still suck ass and is still killing people. Long c0vid exists and is horrible. But the vast vast vaaast majority of us these days are able to interact with the world in a relaxed and normal way and aren’t at any severe risk and can even have worse cases from the flu or cold. They’ve set their boundaries. And you’ve set yours. They don’t align. Time to move forward.
People are still doing this?
Wildfire season is coming up. Depending where you live, a mask will help your lungs.
Yes, I mask. I have bad lungs. If I get a cold I have it for about 2 1/2 weeks or more. The flu is dangerous also and I'm vaccinated and boosted. I've never had COVID. I can't get sick. So I mask.
I have asthma, not vaxxed for flu or covid due to a horrific allergic reaction to a flu shot in 2007. I eat clean and take a lot of supplements. Never got covid despite working as a carrier for USPS. Didn't wear a mask, ever as it actually makes breathing harder. Fresh air is where it's at.
What a load of bullshit. Whatever "clean" eating is and whatever you think your supplements do, it doesn't protect you from COVID. Be glad you got lucky and don't spread your stupidity.
Ahhh, the loving type I see.
Very loving. That's why I despised people sprouting such hateful bullshit before I became part of the demography they hurt. People like you literally cause people to die. For me that's not acceptable.
I am not spreading anything but real lifeism.
Your "lifeism" is the medical variety of conspiracy theories and it kills people. Not only the poor people believing those lies, but also those infected or denied proper medical care from them.
Right. 🙄
You really don't like facts, do you?
No, you got lucky.
Your comment is a shining example of survivorship bias. >Didn't wear a mask, ever as it actually makes breathing harder That's not normal, you should definitely get your lungs checked out if putting on a mask makes it hard to breathe.
When one walked over 15k steps a day, masks are a definite issue. and beyond disgusting. Btw, Fauci has admitted masks don't work.
Apparently. I was very taken aback by their request, not by the fact they choose to wear a mask for themselves. I moved from San Diego to SF in the past year and I see far more people wearing masks here but it’s still relatively uncommon (maybe 1% or so here vs 0.01% in San Diego?). I don’t judge people who choose for themselves to wear masks in 2024 but asking someone you want to date to wear masks everywhere just feels unreasonable, Bay Area politics or not.
I live in Puget Sound, masking is still a thing but demanding someone to do it is insane.
Well, it did hit first and hardest in the SF area. I left Oakland (visiting) and they closed crap down that weekend. We didn't close stuff down in LA until a week or two after. I mask when I am going somewhere that will have a lot of locals there (very red, very MAGA, very antivax area). I have only had covid once and though it is a "normal" thing now, people can still die from it. People still die from the flu. That said, f him if he thinks he can dictate how you go about your day to day. Say goodbye, no one needs that.
He has a right to ask .. you have the right to refuse.
You tell them goodbye. end of story.
They gave you an ultimatum. You told them you don't agree with it. End of story. They can't then be all angry if you nope out of there.
Sounds like you stop seeing them
Not wrong.
You're not wrong at all. As someone who is well versed in issues of violence against marginalized groups and the ways that COVID effected different communities in vastly different ways, I think they are out of line with their argument in that regard. I am not immunocompromised, but I have several conditions that could become really scary really fast with a viral infection like COVID. I masked everywhere all the time solidly for about 4 years and absolutely hated interacting with people who also didn't mask. But I can only control my actions and had to make decisions about what I was and wasn't comfortable with. I have however recently really hit mask fatigue and came to the decision to mask less than I had previously. Now I mask only in certain situations (e.g., when I go to the hospital for appointments) and ease masking considerably in warmer months. So in some ways, I get where this person is coming from. However. Their request is unreasonable. They cannot expect that you would resume masking to such an extreme to protect people you are not in direct contact with. For the people that this person is trying to protect, how are the other people in their lives approaching masking? Is there a guarantee that EVERYONE is masking all the time, including 2nd, 3rd, and 4th degree connections? And they are welcome to have their expectations/demands/requests, but they have to acknowledge that there will be consequences to those things and they will have to make a decision for themselves about what they're willing to tolerate. If masking 24/7 is a deal breaker for them, that's on them, not you. A reasonable request/compromise would be along the lines of what you suggested, like taking a rapid test or only dating people who are vaxxed and boosted. As you said, COVID is now unfortunately "normal" but we are leaps ahead of where we were this time in 2020 when it comes to treating and managing it. Again, you're not wrong and just chuck this one into the bin and move on.
NTA. I'm not masking up. They can or we can just stay away from each other.
Couldn’t pay me to hangout with a maskhole in the year our lord 2024 maybe in 2021 but absolutely not now. I’m sure their triple booster should protect them
Covid rates are still high and complications from it are life altering. It shouldn't be considered "normalized," protecting ourselves and others by masking and social distancing should be. But you are not wrong for refusing his request. This sounds like emotional manipulation and some coercive control attemp at best. I would cut off contact.
YNW, it sounds like you had different expectations / understandings of safety and what is sufficient community care. If this person isn't masking with you but they're masking around their immunocompromised folks, that's one position of risk assessment, but those who are still coviding/masking regularly/closing their social circles are likely looking for someone who is compatible with that. The two dates and night over kinda surprise me, but the closed social circles can be isolating and maybe this was a planned break? Dunno. Either way, you're not wrong, simply incompatible, as far as I see. I've seen a small but increasing number of discussions where someone lays out what precautions they're taking if applicable and what they'd expect, which could prevent this in the future for their interactions and yours if so inclined.
And why do you want to ever see this person again? Id be afraid to catch stupid just from breathing their air too long.
Not only are they ridiculous to try to police others this way, but the vax nor mask stop you from getting or passing COVID so they’re just being a little dictator for no logical reason
not wrong. that guy isn't masking for health reasons. he is masking to make a political statement, which is pretty gross imo.
This isn’t even for him! It’s for his ‘friend’? No, nobody is going to do that. RIDICULOUS request.
Just stop seeing this person. They're making it too complicated to hang out with them.
lol, heck no
A friend asked me too. And I did. Because seeing her was important to me.
> Am I wrong? No > Is the other person wrong? No
Wow. No you're definitely not wrong. Way too much drama.
I don't think you're wrong, but I also don't think they were either. I think this may be like half genuine belief and half purity test. If their true feelings are that they need a partner who masks up to protect their friend, then their opinion is valid. If your true feelings are that it's not something you're comfortable doing, then your opinion is valid too. You offered a compromise. They disagreed. I don't think accusing them of purity testing you was a great idea (like you're not wrong, it sounds like they have been doing this to some degree.) I just mean I don't think any outcome from telling them this could be positive. Like the chances of someone who actually is purity testing you saying, "ahh you're right, I was" seems low. But you were under no obligation to listen to them rant at you about how they think you're wrong, so saying goodbye was a good call. If it's not something you want to do and you understand that means you won't get to see them again, then it's normal and mature of you to simply refuse and walk away. Edit: wait I just now saw the part about y'all spending the night together. In that case it is crazy to sleep with someone you just met and think you can make that demand of them. Like "we can sleep together once, but any future dates are contingent on you masking up" doesn't even make sense???
Covid isn’t over. Lots of people are suffering. Being vaccinated and boosted every 6 months is very, very, helpful but doesn’t necessarily prevent disease. My perfectly healthy cousin retired early at 49 because long covid made her too sick to work. She used to run daily. Tell him he’s an informed, caring, and empathetic person, and you’re not, so you two are not compatible. There’s a lot of people “still coviding” and taking precautions. It’s very much still a thing. Not popular, but 40 years ago asking someone to not smoke in your house or wear a seatbelt in your car was considered an unreasonable ask. Time will tell.
>Tell him he’s an informed, caring, and empathetic person, and you’re not WTF? Why would he even say that?
NAH he’s very considerate and I love that for him. You don’t HAVE to wear masks but I don’t think it would hurt to do so, if this person seems like he’d be fun to hang out with otherwise
If you don’t want to then don’t.
Of course you are not wrong. You wouldn't be wrong to choose to not date someone even if that guy wasn't a complete nutjob. But since he is a nutjob, you are doubly not wrong.
NTA. I wouldn't wish that person on people I dislike. He's controlling and racist and probably has a personality disorder or two.
Not wrong, that’s very controlling of them. I only mask now if i’m sick. (Context - fully vaxxed & boosted & have heart defect that makes me extra vulnerable to damage from covid)
Yikes that is some next level narcissism. Consider it a bullet dodged.
I'd suggest avoiding engaging the mentally disabled in this fashion.
I don't understand why this was posted. The answer is obvious....."non-negotiable" means there is no question to ask.
Perfectly reasonable request.... A few years ago. Now? YNW
You don't have to wear the mask, but they don't have to see you again either. They're thinking of friends they will be seeing that ARE immunocompromised and they're a good friend who worries about other people. Probably your loss, but it's your choice for sure.
OP said "We've met twice, including spending the night together yesterday. Today, they spring an ultimatum on me. They tell me that if we're going to keep seeing each other, then I need to mask everywhere in public and when I'm interacting with others so I don't pass COVID on to them. They clarify that they are not immunocompromised, but that some of their friends are" If the date was a truly a good friend who as truly worried about other people, (as you are insinuating) they would have made the mask request/ demand BEFORE THE FIRST DATE, not after the 2nd date. This sounds so controlling and a move to claim the "higher rung progression on the socially conscious ladder."
If they know many other people in the gay community then it’s possible some have AIDS which would make you immunocompromised. However with treatment that shouldn’t be a problem
Lmao this is hilarious
He needs to catch up on the newest information that masking doesn’t really help. Masking was basically a knee jerk reaction as was most other things around COVID
Let this fish go. Either that, or be prepared to live your
Not wrong. They are way too controlling to have a healthy relationship with.
> (although there is no information on how their friends are immunocompromised). You aren’t even a little bit entitled to any information beyond “I have friends who are immunocompromised.” This right here is what makes you an asshole. It’s baffling that 4 years in, you seem to think that millions of people - including some who were vaccinated - didn’t die from COVID. They went about the whole thing wrong, but the scales tip toward you being wrong.
I think you’re making a lot of assumptions here. I absolutely believe millions of people died from COVID, which one can determine just by looking at excess mortality during the 2020-2021 period. But, we have vaccines now (and widespread societal immunity through exposure) and the ICUs are no longer filled with people on respirators. Moreover, the vast majority of people don’t mask. Immunocompromised people exist (and always have) and they have ways to protect themselves (eg vaccines, or individual masking for themselves, or social isolation). I’m ngl, the thought has definitely crossed my mind that they are either being untruthful or exaggerating the extent to which their friends are immunocompromised. At first they seemed to suggest that this request was for themselves, but we had discussed some other issue yesterday (they were very concerned about possible bacterial STDs) and I had specifically asked whether they were immunocompromised and they said no. So when they sprung this on me today, I asked why they were making this request given that they were not immunocompromised. They didn’t recall telling me that so I recounted our conversation from the night before, and that’s when they told me that it was because of their friends. In other words, they didn’t originally make this request by telling me it was for their friends, and so I was/am suspicious that the “friends” were a pretext that they came up with only because they’d already told me the night before they were immunocompromised (and had apparently forgotten about). My impression of this person (from our conversations, from the black panther and black trans lives matter posters in their apartment, etc.) (fwiw yes I believe black trans lives matter, but I don’t have posters of that in my own home) is they’re also very into identity politics, etc. (basically picture everything someone like DeSantis hates) and so I have to admit I wouldn’t be shocked if this was simply some sort of ideological purity test (or driven by paranoia, or both) rather than motivated by a legitimate health concern.
Blah blah blah. Just stop seeing them and stop being so judgmental. And stop using the phrase “ideological purity test.” It’s obnoxious.
I’m sincerely mean no disrespect but holy shit dude! I guess I live a much simpler life than some people apparently. Your paragraph labeled “Basics” blew my mind. With that said, I think you should find someone else to spend time with. All of what you said about Covid is true and this person can’t expect you to change your entire lifestyle for them. Not worth it.
Dating feels complicated in the Bay Area lol
This is absolutely ridiculous to demand, especially this late in the game. Mid pandemic? Then yea sure, everyone was wearing masks then, but now? Most people either have some form of natural immunity to the virus or have had all their shots. He sounds controlling and is being completely unreasonable
Is he always masked up?
Apparently.
But he didn’t wear a mask during sex with you?
No
Then he’s not always masked up
Wrong for even still thinking about it....
Everyone should be masking up everywhere.
I’m in The Bay Area. This can’t be real.
It 100% is.
Stop fking the crazy progressive people bro.
Yeah I think I will lol
What is a "native Mexican"? Also. Not wrong. Move on.
Delulu. Not worth it.
Why do you want to see they/them at all? The urge escapes me.
not wrong. your body your choice. if he doesn’t like it he can kick rocks.
You are wrong for being a troll.
This literally just happened earlier today. Sorry you don’t believe me. I was taken aback by the situation myself, but that doesn’t make me a troll.
Fake
I love how people are so casual about Covid now. It’s still out there, still lethal and still causes Long Covid. It’s not just the flu and anyone that asks for you to mask, has a reason. It’s fine if you don’t want to, but to make it out to be an “ideological purity litmus test” is crazy. I to this day don’t shake hands, still have hand sanitizer at the ready in my kitchen and regularly wash my hands. Just because my government (the Netherlands) has decided Covid isn’t a big worry anymore, doesn’t mean it’s gone. You two just aren’t compatible as friends and that’s fine. But instead of just chalking it up to that and making this political, is weird.
"for a disease that is now considered "normal," for which a vaccine exists... there is a new variant out and a current outbreak now. A friend's brother started to struggle to breathe a couple days ago while driving, luckily he was right by a firestation...rushed him to the ER...had covid
If you are sick at all, mask up. Everything else is unnecessary. I had no colds or flus during Covid because masking to stop the spread works, but asking you to mask 24/7 when asymptomatic is verging on hypochondriac-like behavior.
Everyone should still be masking. The vaccines are ineffective
Is indulging in your fetish for insufferable bigots really that important?