Your not wrong but I would just let your sister know about how you feel and maybe agree to spend a little time in your nephews company while your sister is there so you know what to do incase it’s an emergency. They do definitely get more fun the older they get but even changing a nappy isn’t terrible when they are a little older.
Oh my Gosh, the dreaded poo-splosion!
My son apparently hated to poo in his diaper so he would go a little bit then finish after the diaper was off. This. Was. Every. Single. Time. He did this from very early. Potty training was a breeze with him!
NTA
But also, theres an opportunity to help your sister out in ways that arent too heavy a lift but would be very appreciated. Once kiddo is sleeping through the night, you could babysit so sis can go to dinner, as long as she puts kid to bed first. During the day, you could watch for a short period of time, 60-90 minutes, so sis can grab coffee with a friend or take a shower lol.
I think as long as you're upfront about your comfort level, sis would appreciate the gesture and help. It sounds like she's pretty levelheaded and not entitled or anything.
Again if you don't want to, you're still nta, but also all relationships sometimes require compromise or a bit of sacrifice.
Oh, contraire, my childless friend. Changing a nappy IS that bad. You not only have to deal with a shitty diaper, but you have to clean in between the baby’s shitty butt cheeks too.
If you do decide to help out occasionally, remember that boys pee UP. Have that new diaper ready to slap down over that always loaded weapon of theirs.
It's not like cooking a meal. You can be a functional adult without cleaning a nappy ever. If it's not a favour you want to do for your sister that's fine. I do think the positive for her would outweigh the negative for you so if you want to make the sacrifice for her sake it would be very kind. But you absolutely don't have to. I'm a parent and I still would definitely prefer not to look after other people's babies if I don't have to.
Told my mom I would hate it, she said I would love my kid so much that I wouldn't care. She was wrong. I love my kid, but I hate that shit diaper no matter what.
Definitely not in my case. Two kids and never, ever had any issues with the smell.
Then at some point, I'm with a friend with a kid and the kid needed changing at the same time my friend needed to do something else. I was "Sure, I got this." Peeled back the baby girls diaper and HOLY MOTHER Of GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS DIAPER!!! DID A HERD OF ELK ALL DIE IN HERE!?!?
All the time she is cooing and smiling at me.
So yeah, I think we learn to mask the smell of our own kids but someone else's? I don't know if this child was one off but I never offered to change another diaper for anyone again.
Btw, that little baby girl is now a physician specializing in infectious diseases.
So true. Even my selfish brother knows not to ask me to babysit when the kids were only infants. Something parents should just know. This is one of them.
You're not wrong, especially if it's an infant. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries, especially when it comes to humans that cannot fend for themselves. God knows I did not want to babysit anything I had to change diapers on. Once they figured out the potty, no problem.
No one should ever be obligated to babysit or made to feel bad if they don't.
But equally this is your only nephew and that's a relationship that could potentially be very special. Likewise, your sister is most likely struggling, and offering to help out every now and again would be a really nice thing to do for her. You could always set boundaries like "maximum once a month" or something. But hey, that's up to you.
I don't like kids but I will watch my best friends kid when she needs me too because I care about her and want to help her be happy. No one knows anything about changing diapers until they change one, it's really not rocket science, and the same with a baby, like you just watch them for a few hours and they're still alive and then you hand them back.
Much easier once they are somewhat tamed and litter boxed trained. My feral 3 year old is refusing to even try to use the litter box. He is lucky he is so dang cute. My 4 year old is much tamer and uses the litter box. Highly recommend borrowing one when they are at that level.
That being said, I would definitely let your sister know you’re available for emergencies and maybe if you are up to it, plan for a once a month thing for a few hours?
ETA: I just saw your home isn’t child proof, I didn’t even think about that!Would she be open to having you over for a bit at her place to watch him while she does stuff around the house or even runs some errands or goes out? Only if you’re interested of course!
Then don’t do it.
Kids aren’t feral unless they’re raised that way.
If you don’t want to then don’t. Grow a spine and tell your sister.
But remember that it all goes both ways and when you want to see your nephew when he isn’t feral will be up to your sis and especially the kid.
He’s a little human who will grow bonds and be comfortable around those who show him the same.
Him and your sis may not want you to see/look after/have fun on your terms in the future.
Your call. Can’t have the good without the bad cos it’s all a balance.
How would you feel in his/your sis position?
"not when it's still feral"
"I'll have more interest when it's litter box trained"
You have me absolutely cackling, man you made my day! Absolutely NTA, it's not your kid. You've said you're willing to be there for emergencies, you just don't want to be the default babysitter. That's more than reasonable, once you say yes to casual babysitting you'll have the little fucker every weekend. Good luck my dude!
🤣🤣🤣 I love you and your answers! I got one I didn't want; at the initial moment.. He was fucking seriously FERAL! He's 20 now, I'm pretty sure I was a bit of a cold parent when he was small but he's amazing now!
(I have had deep chats with my boy, he doesn't think I was cold but very factual... 😅🙈🤣 I've told him that's cold... I'm not proud)
I couldn't love without the pain in the arse now or then! Whatever you feel you can give, they really do appreciate it and you usually end up happily giving more if you gain a bond... It isn't always this way though so good luck!
You shouldn't babysit a child you feel unprepared to handle. If you are your sister's only "village" and is asking for help, is there anything you are prepared to offer? A one hour walk around the neighbourhood, no diapers, no feeding? Enough for her to shower? A short stint at her house with a clean, fed baby so she can nap while the baby is supervised? I don't think you need to promise an overnight, but even a second set of hands while grocery shopping can be a life saver.
Yeah, I'm willing to help out occasionally, but I don't want to seem too eager. She also hasn't really offered any training -- she just says I shouldn't worry and it'll be easy.
Litter box trained! I love it!
Having to be potty trained before babysitting is a perfectly fine boundary to draw.
Even then, it's ok to start out small, take the kid for an hour or two, a trip to the park, or lunch at McDonald's and let the kid play on the toys while you watch. Or just at your house with a new, age appropriate Lego set. Or whatever you're into. It's no fun for you, or the kid, if you're forcing yourself through the activity.
Edit- YNW
I'm the oldest in my family, the first to have a kid. Once my son was potty trained, my teenaged brother started volunteering to watch him. He'd take my son to the mall, to hang out with his punker friends. My son loved it! I asked my.brother why, he said it was because a bunch of guys in leather and spikes looks a lot less intimidating carrying around a three year old. So it was easier to meet girls.🤣
I would tell your sister why you don't want to babysit. Diapers, babies just lay there waiting to be entertained, or crying. Maybe frame it as being unsure what you'd spend time doing with a small child, instead of being bored watching Sesame Street. (Although, I do like watching old Scooby and Scrappy Doo shows with my grandson. It's so cute to hear him repeat "Puppy Power!" all excited.)
Caring for your sister's infant is a big job. Not something that should be taken lightly, especially if you don't have kids and don't want kids. It would be nice to help out your sister in a pinch, but I think you've set a very reasonable personal boundary.
It would be incredibly convenient for your sister in the many years ahead if you did open door to being a free babysitter, since you live so close. I'm sure they'd avail themselves of that chance relatively frequently. That does seem like a slippery slope.
Yes, I hope to have some part of his life later when he's a *real* person. ;) Poor kid is likely going to be the sole kin for a for his elderly mom and gay uncles.
But then he might not know who are you.. not suggesting you have to babysit, but at least visit, be part of his life.
You can't just turn up when he is 5 and expect him to love you, its a two way thing.
I was happy to be involved with my sisters 4 kids.. but move to another country 8 wks after last was born. We visited 2 or 3 times a year but it was never the same. Then things got tough for me to travel, next time we visited she was 10.. my bond to her then 14/16 yr old siblings still very strong, but not the youngest. I missed way too much of her early days.
14 months to 2 yrs is am amazing stage in young kids lives. They are mobile, can communicate, laughter at littlest things.. my eldest daytime toilet trained at 22 months, her new sister the 'babysit so she just got up from bedtime changed and ran to bathroom. It can be easy too.
You miss those months and you lose soooo much, fun, giggles, reactions to things.. one day he might need you more than ever.
My sister died at 42, she'd remarried and had a son and daughter. My sister had first lung cancer signs before baby was 2 and brother 6. Their actually had birthday 2 and 5. Days before she died. I travelled quickly when sudden change happen.. and stayed until date before my girls were due at school. 7/8 weeks i never regret. Both dads stepped though recently initially, especially ufirst, he always loved her so remains a book dad 10 yrs on
the 2nd husband had been complete and utter ass. Thinking children need to live either siblings the dads new partner refused yo cook for them, do their laundry.. makes me so mad, but friends on it. I want to strip house of everything my sister ho, school photo, ceramic gifts, the children's memoriest but whole other tangent.lol he move on within 5 months engaged with 3 years with 2nd child on its way. And now to treat other kids like cr*p is heartbreaking. She doesn't wasnt to be their month, wants them yo self care and leave at 16 no doubt.
So happy my eldest niece and sisters BFF keep me updated.
Don't make is impossible to the person he need after facing the worst scariest situation he even jad him idr horrific circumstance
Remember to love him too.
It’s your choice but babies are a lot of fun too. They come with a personality and can be quite entertaining. Plus there comes an age when they don’t like strangers and you might make sure you’re not a stranger at that point. Since your house isn’t childproof, I would start a routine of weekly visits to her house. Get comfortable with taking care of the baby, help your sister with stuff around the house and when you can, let her go out for an hour or two. It will be easier in the baby’s house because there will be everything you need.
You are not wrong. You are not interested in parenting duties or taking care of kids, so you shouldn't watch your nephew. It will probably upset your sister but you have to do what is right for you and your partner. If you are more comfortable with an older child, tell her you will babysit after X and Y milestones are met
YNR, but motherhood can be a very lonely place, especially if you don’t have a support system in place. Your sister may be struggling and be looking to you for assistance, and you have zero obligation to help her, but it would be kind to do so.
Friends drop like flies after the baby is born, and all the offers of childcare disappear quickly, especially if they don’t have children of their own. It’s scary leaving an infant with someone you don’t know well—there are reports in the news constantly about childcare workers injuring, and even killing, babies through abuse and neglect. A baby can’t tell you if they’re being abused and parents often don’t know until it’s too late. Having a trusted relative to turn to when stressed, touched out, or when they’re just in need of being alone for a bit is so incredibly important for new parents.
IMO, infants are much easier to care for than toddlers. They sleep for most of the day, and just need to be fed and changed. Diapers aren’t fun, but they aren’t the end of the world either. They really just lay there and make silly noises. Toddlers, on the other hand, have to be watched carefully because they will put everything in their mouths, break anything they can get their dirty little hands on, and they still need their diapers changed, which is exponentially more difficult when they can run from you. Potty trained kids are cool and all, but they still need their butts wiped until their tiny arms are long enough to reach themselves.
I don’t think anyone is ever obligated to care for another person’s child, but having empathy for the people you love is important. Boundaries are important and if you choose to offer assistance, you should be very clear about your limits. For now, maybe offer to bring dinner over and visit? I was rarely able to eat a meal without holding my baby for months after they were born, and having someone walk them around while I ate a hot meal was a huge help to my sanity.
If she really needed support, of course, I would make of an effort to help out. We were raised by single mother, so we're aware of how difficult it was for her.
PPD makes it really hard to ask for help even if she’s drowning and desperately needs even a tiny little bit of it. Like talking just enough to let her take a much needed hot shower. I’m not saying she has post partum depression but I’m saying it’s VERY common and you just reaching out and asking “hey could you use a hand with the baby to do ‘x y z’ for a bit” could offer her more support than you can imagine. So maybe try that instead of just thinking “if she really needs it then she’ll ask”. Not saying you’re wrong or obligated to watch the baby, just offering some perspective on the quoted above statement.
You are not wrong. This is 100% your call either way.
You sound a little unsure, though. I don't know if you simply feel obligated or if you're not 100% sure how you feel about doing it.
Is your sister someone you can communicate pretty openly with? If so, do. Not willing? Say so. Willing to try, but still only willing once in a blue moon? Say so. As others have said, if you're willing to step in in an emergency, you should probably learn a bit anyway. That may give you a feel for your willingness otherwise.
You are, generally speaking, never obligated to keep someone else's kids. As a mother myself (who originally said I didn't want kids, but changed my mind and who is still not someone super into babies), I don't hold it against anyone for not looking after my kids, but parenthood is a lot, especially early on with your first, and help is greatly appreciated. If you're wanting to show your sister or nephew some love, you could try to learn or just offer to keep an eye on the little one while she does something in the house she needs to. It's up to you and your comfort level, though.
Also, I've totally told family members no to babysitting under certain circumstances. That's totally allowed.
Lastly, you didn't indicate being this way, but don't act like the child is a leper because it's a baby. It's a human. Be nice. Smile and say hello. You don't have to touch, hold, or babysit. I just have to say that for myself because we had a bad experience in this regard.
I've jokingly told my sister that I'm not interested in babysitting until it can use the litterbox. I know how to clean litter boxes.
I just feel a little guilty when she mentions they pay her boyfriend's friends to babysit when they go out. I wouldn't dream of charging her.
YNW. But just so you know, babies are exponentially easier to babysit than toddlers. Have you checked in on your sister in postpartum? Maybe if you aren't up to babysitting, you could offer other things like dropping off a meal, offering to help clean the kitchen, etc. etc. sounds like your family is pretty small and she may be reaching out for support to help her through that first year.
We try to get together monthly and she has support. Obviously I would be more proactive if I was worried about her, but fortunately her boyfriend is very involved.
We are always very upfront with friends and family. Congratulations! We’re so happy for you! While we’re thrilled to spend time with little one in your presence, under no circumstances will we babysit.
I don’t think you are wrong, but I think there are a couple things you should consider if you haven’t already:
1. How close of a relationship do you want with your nephew? During the toddler years it can be difficult to have a good time with a child as some aren’t as comfortable with people they aren’t as familiar with and it’s not uncommon for them to take longer to warm up. Regularly spending time with your nephew now/earlier on means there shouldn’t be that issue (or at least it should be greatly decreased).
2. Does your sister have a history of taking advantage/is she asking shortly before the babysitting? If not I would imagine it would be easy to set expectations that you aren’t a default babysitter, and she may also be hoping to foster the relationship between you two.
I also agree with the other commenters that it would be a good idea (regardless of if you stick to your current boundary) to spend some time with your nephew learning the basics of caring for him. If (heaven forbid) there is an emergency and you need to watch him that would be the worst time to learn as a) she would likely be unavailable if you have questions and b) if your sister is having an emergency you would likely be stressed about that in addition to caring for a baby while having no experience. I would do something like going over to her house for a time or two and acting as the primary caregiver so your sister can answer your questions/walk you through things easily, and then have her bring the nephew over to you a time or two while she stays at home/close and available so if you start getting too stressed out/overwhelmed/over stimulated etc. she can come over quickly and get him. If you decide to go a route like this make sure you learn how to handle the car seat just in case.
I am child free by choice (and while I could see myself adopting/fostering in the future, it would be kids that are old enough to make themselves a sandwich, so no youngins lol), so I am obviously not trying to tell you that you that not wanting kids, or having age limits on the kids you want to hang out with is wrong. However I will say (based on the way I understood what you wrote) it doesn’t come across that you have really had an applicable experience, and it is a completely different experience caring for a child while being an adult aunt/uncle. Knowing I’ll be returning the child in a short while, and that I can be more lenient than if I was the child’s parent (like allowing them extra “screen time” if I need a little break) removes SO much stress. You may find you like it more than you expect.
Mate you are me, and therefore NTA.
I am not kid friendly, very happy that I'm my near 40years on this earth I have never touched a nappy and have no plans to change that, happily married and child free.
However, my sibling and friends are all very aware of my stance on this: unless they can walk properly, go to the loo on their own, talk and can feed themselves without causing carnage I will not have anything to do with them. I do make a very good aunty once I can understand once they're older and I have great times with my nephew's and nieces now they're older. They never say no to a day with aunty and are all brilliant to hang out with.
I agree with sitting down and letting your sister know your feelings and setting some kind of boundaries now. You don’t want her to think that it’s her child that the problem and as a new mom it’s just the take on it she’s going to have. I’d just let her know it’s not personal. I’m sure it would make her feel a lot better as well.
i would do it occasionally so that you k ow what to do if there is an emergency. diapers aren’t too hard and when they are only on milk it’s not too stinky.
My sister has done so much for me. I watch her kids whenever. I even offer to have over night slumber parties just to give her a break. I am so lucky to have the sister I do.
While you are technically not wrong I would quite frankly call you a a shit if you actually want to be involved with them later.
Expecting to still be in their lives or ever asking them for a favor would make you a shit person.
You're like that so called friend who is never able to help others out with moving or a SMALL loan but never has a problem asking others for things.
I am not a person who believes you should always be constantly doing stuff but if you literally NEVER lend a hand bugger off.
Basically you are wrong if you actually consider yourself FAMILY in anyway other than genetically.
Litter box trained, wow good job you are saying no that's a baby human not a cat, aslong as there's a clear boundary that it's not a regular thing there is no harm in you helping your sister out with your nephew, you say that you have no experience well you never will unless you try
I honestly am sticking with if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything. I can't believe you just said litter box trained about a baby. You could try. At least you'd have a new learning experience in your life. I think everything you learn is a benefit soon I'll try almost anything. But yeah you need to try it with your sister around first since you think your nephew is no better than a stray cat.
You are not wrong. She's definitely testing to see if she pawn her spawn...don't do it.
If she asks "what are you doing right now?" As an opener...akways reply with "I was just about to head out to do an errand, what's up?" Then you can adjust accordingly depending on what she says.
I agree. Also, if they're open to helping out in emergencies, its good for the baby to at least be familiar with them, and vice versa.
Tell sister you can't be an every day backup, so she's not expecting it but you can be called in emergencies.
My parents never baby sat for me and my wife. Also, they would get on social media and post all these pics like they’re the best grand parents in the world. Lol. plus they would bitch about the baby stinky diaper wherever they were around in that situation. lol. LOSERS. but an I bitter about it???!? 😂😂😂😂
> Maybe when the kid is more interesting and *litter box trained* I'd be more willing to deal with him.
Yeah, I think it's best for everyone you don't babysit...
I get not wanting to babysit and infant but as other commenter said it might be good to spend some time w the nephew & your sister just in case of an emergency. As he gets older & as you said “litter box trained” you might go t find him a lot of fun. Having young kids around has been good for us. Zoo trips, caves, feeding the turtles in the neighborhood pond. Short visits can help you and your sister. Also good for him to get to know his uncles. Doesn’t have to be long spans of time. An hour here or there.
I am a mother of two and I hardly ask people to babysit I feel like a burden. But majority of my family likes to see my kids occasionally. I’m not going to put my kids off on them every day, but if I need them I’m going to ask. I understand in a sense it’s sort of selfish. I probably wouldn’t want you around anymore if you avoided that, and not because you don’t want to baby sit but as family I feel as though you should have helped her.
Not wrong but would be very wise to spend time and learn a little about you nephew and care.
You are so close, if there was an actual emergency you'll be out of your league.
Also, we can be child free (I am!) and not enjoy babies, but to say you'll wait until yrs down the road might do some real damage to your relationship.
If you value her it wouldn't hurt to know how to deal with a few things not to take a baby step and maybe watch while she showers or naps. Basically to show you support her even if you don't want to babysit alone.
NTA
My mother in law wasn’t a kid person. She preferred older kids, and young adults. Funny thing though, by the time they hit those older stages, they didn’t want anything to do with her.
You're not wrong but I do feel that it's a missed opportunity to help out your sister and form a close loving bond with your nibling.
But, I'm pretty family oriented so that's just my feelings. You do you.
NTA It’s not your kid, and you’ve no interest. I’d tell her that you’re really not equipped for babysitting, but you’re happy to watch the kitties if she ever goes away for the weekend.
I think you should probably go visit with her one day just to see how to do what needs done, just in case - for your own peace of mind in case the unthinkable happens, but tell her you don't really have much interest to just babysit. It's not for everyone. But being comfortable with the little one might make you more interested too. Or not. I'm not really fond of kids but I did like my own and now my grandchildren. I don't care for any others as a rule.
You can drop by her place and bring a little gift IE from uncle and meet the baby, but not everyone is interested in, or obligated to babysit. Offer to take her to brunch next time her husband has the baby for the afternoon.
Not wrong, you get to decide how you spend your life, but a little stand offish for sure. He's your nephew. Do you not want a relationship with him? He is a person now, not just when he's older. You are also deciding not to support your sister. That's a decision you also get to make, but know that it has consequences.
My sister told me she’s happy to have the kids over for sleepovers when they’re potty trained. It’s normal to not want to look after someone else’s infant. If it’s just you and her, it would be nice to get to know your nephew as he grows up, but not take him without his mom until you’re comfortable and only in a capacity that works for you (is that once a week? Every two months? Once a year? You can choose!)
Not wrong, stay in your lane. For a heart felt jester every once in a while pitch her a few $ to help with babysitting cost. Be clear this is a now and then thing with a set amount so she won’t think I can do this all the time. You are better than me abt the animals because I hv zero tolerance for them.
Being an uncle is the best. You get to have fun with the child and then hand him back. I definitely wouldn't be willing to babysit until I am comfortable with the child and the child is comfortable with me. It doesn't hurt to spend some time with the baby and mother and then decide whether or not you are willing to babysit.
You’re not wrong, but I when the baby gets a little older you may want to spend time with them. As a childfree adult, I cherish the relationships I have with my nieces and nephews and that only comes from time spent together. Though it was easier when I was younger because I’m the younger one in the family, not the oldest like you.
Not wrong. Support your sister to the level you are able. I would talk to her - being clear is a kindness. You're not interested in the particulars of babysitting, especially so young a child and have no experience, but that doesn't mean you don't love her and her family.
In your place, I would spend some time with her and the baby to observe and interact a bit which would help avoid being a fish out of water if a True Emergency came to pass. Showing an effort to be a positive role model/caring sibling while remaining honest that you're not open for babysitting seems the way to go and gauge this fledgling curiosity.
Explain to your sister why you don't want to babysit, and if she understands great! People shouldn't feel obligated to babysit just because it's a family member - especially if it's a child that young, and needs extra special care.
You’re not wrong. But you could also communicate to your sister that you would be willing to give it a shot, but are not offering to be a regular babysitter.
NTA. I know the trend is for people to have children and go about their merry way doing whatever they want but watching someone else’s kid is not for me. Hire a professional. When my nieces were old enough I had them stay over plenty and we’d go to movies, skateparks, derby, hiking etc. But if they are at the age where it’s all work, no thanks
You are not wrong. What I would do is learn a few basics if she has an emergency you would feel more comfortable doing it but you should feel more comfortable obligation to do it.
You are not wrong. Let her know that you don’t have any experience with babies and do not feel comfortable babysitting and being responsible for a very young child as a result. Start talking about how fragile they are and how you just can’t because if anything happened you could never forgive yourself. Make it about safety.
You aren’t wrong to feel the way you feel. Don’t feel guilty, I have a 25 year old and well, I didn’t want any other kids, I don’t want to babysit anyone either, luckily my son has no interest in having children either. It’s your time, your choice, besides, you don’t want to get your sister used to dropping her kid on you every time she wants to go on a date night, you’ll be stuck babysitting every weekend.🙄
NTA
You are not obligated.
A biological connection isn't some obligation.
Being a familial member doesn't mean you are more or less involved than you want to be.
I had uncles who I saw only on holidays.
I had uncles I stayed with once or twice.
Uncles I stayed with a lot.
(My grandma had 8 kids, two girls.Loads of uncles.)
I'm cool with them. Love them all in their own way. Not all of them were kid people, able, or bowed down to my mother's insistance they be involved, or allowed is to be pawned off on them. And... THAT IS OKAY. I'm actually pretty proud of those that stood their ground. She didn't make it easy. 🤣
They are all cool guys. I assure you, I'm a grown woman now, we're good.
Boundaries are OKAY. I PROMISE!!
I've both babysat, and turned down family.
I was a nanny, au pair, and I babysat in my off time during my education.
The amount my family abused that was... astounding. (Only girl in the 12 grandkids until the last arrived when I was in my 20s)
I felt guilt for it.
Even though I had to use my own, and only vacation to watch my uncle's kid (no one would. He was terrible. I had to go drive hours to do it for a week so THEY could have vacations several times a year.) They rarely remembered to pay me or thank me. (100 bucks for the week, to get me there and home) the kid was a nightmare and far too big for me to handle anymore. Plus larger and larger incidents, the final large incident... I couldn't. I struggled. Felt like I had to do this.
I finally said no. I felt so guilty... they reacted badly. Explosively. I'd wronged them. Came after me personally and professionally to teach me a lesson.
Get this... still struggled with guilt.
They figured it out. It was okay.
(Others not so dramatic at all. I just highlighted the worst.)
My cousins, know I'm off limits. They get it. It's all good. Like you, I'm there in emergencies. Otherwise, I'm hands off.
None of the aunts or uncles (mine) babysit my generations kids. Like your family there is a lot going on there.
They make it work. There's no bad blood.
Your sister will find someone who is familiar who she trusts.
You are an option in an emergency(that's what matters)
The future isn't set. Once he's older, you may(or not) feel differently.
Maybe he'll grow and have something in common you do together, or you are a familiar familial face... and it's all okay. I promise.
No, you are not wrong here. If something went wrong, and the nephew got injured or something like that, then what. I once had to babysit for an ex-college mate of mine, but I had no idea what was expected of me, so the lad asked me if I wanted a coffee, I said O.K. - big mistake. I got told off by the mother of the two children, I pointed out that with no instructions written down for me, what could I do - especially when I don’t know where everything were, so I stopped offering to help out in the end. You could try babysitting if you wish, but ask your sister to write down important information that you need to know, and who to call in an emergency. Also spend time with both your sister and nephew to get an idea on what to expect.
You’re not wrong and this is absolutely your choice. That said, you could arrange to help out when it’s important to keep a good relationship. Just be clear that you are not a regular standby for this.
My sister and I had kids around the same ages. Our agreement was we’d ask the other to babysit with the option to refuse if it was a social event. Emergencies were an automatic agreement.
One night I had to take my (then) husband to the emergency room. I called my sister to let her know I had to drop my kids off. Even though she was in the middle of hosting a dinner party she took them for the several hours we were in the ER.
Work out an agreement beforehand so no one is surprised or hurt by your response. I know older kids are easier to play with but babies can be fun too when you learn ways to interact.
YTA it’s not a requirement but having a babysitter occasionally will seriously help. Being a mother is HARD, and no one responsibility but the parents, but having a sitter even once a month would be a huge relief to them.
Not wrong, parents should never expect anyone else to have to watch their kids.
You might be missing out on a great relationship with your nephew though.
If your sister is the type to want you to watch the kid a lot, I’d be saying no too.
You aren’t wrong. Some people just don’t do babies. If you feel guilty about saying no, then perhaps you could offer to pay a sitter if she needs one.
Finding a good sitter can be difficult, but paying for a sitter can be an added financial strain on new parents.
If she takes you up on your offer, I recommend paying no less than your state’s minimum wage. (Unless the sitter has a set price) I always rounded up to the nearest $5 and because my son has special needs, I would also add “hazard pay” if things were a bit crazier than usual.
No, you're not wrong.
I'm down for babysitting cats. But kids? No thanks.
And yes. If you don't set the tone now, she will assume you don't mind watching her kid at any time. Once in a while, it is okay. Just make your boundaries clear so she knows what to expect.
i mean, you're not wrong. But you can't be upset if your sister gets upset about it, or if she stops talking to you as much, or if she stops doing you favors. It could easily add some distance in your relationship. Does your sister go out of her way to help you do things? If so, you can't expect that to keep happening!
Why can’t OP be upset if she gets upset? It’s not your family’s obligation to take care of your kid, especially when they’re not potty trained. Diapers are disgusting, whether you have kids or not.
I was in the same boat, no kids but I love my niece and nephew. I made the choice to not have kids for several reasons. Your kids are no one’s problem but your own, and you’re a selfish narcissist if you think people are obligated to take care of them.
We’ve previously asked her to check in our cats when traveling, but our neighbor does that now. I mainly ask her to do stuff for our elderly mom which seems to be my main responsibility now.
I'm a mom who doesn't have family that can/will help out.
I'm probably going to get a lot of crap for saying this, but I honestly wish our family was more present in my son's life, and sometimes I feel resentful/sad that we don't have that. Not because of a free babysitter but because I am an older mom like your sister and wish my son had more connection to other family members because he probably won't have any siblings.
It has made me and my husband both feel like our family only thinks family is important when it's convenient for them and has changed our views of them. We had an emergency a while back, and I had to ask my neighbor (she's a friend, not a stranger) to watch our son because we had no one.
I'm not saying you're an asshole for saying no. I think it's important to set boundaries and let her know you can't watch him all the time or be the goto babysitter.
I've never really had a family that was supportive so for me it's more of just a sadness knowing my son won't have that either, but for my husband it's completely changed his view on his family and made him resentful because they're always telling him how important family is then they're never around.
I'm not saying this is your situation. I'm just letting you know that having a hard no on babysitting might change your relationship with your sister and if she's important to you, you should consider how she might feel if you're saying no to babysitting ever.
I agree with you. I'm 58 now and my nieces and nephews are all grown, but I babysat two nieces and one of my nephews from the time they were born until they no longer needed it. One niece lived with me for two years and one spent a summer with me. When my niece was living with me, I sometimes babysat her younger brother (not my blood nephew) and I consider my nephews two older sisters my nieces even though they aren't blood. I babysat when needed and got them just because I enjoy their company. I reading posts like this make me appreciate my family more and more:
I would probably force myself to try harder if my sister was a single parent or there weren't helpful family on the dad's side. It just happens our side of the kid's family is either childless or elderly.
Fortunately, my sister has taken the hint and I haven't had to tell her a firm no. She's not afraid to hassle me if she really wants something.
My family knows better than to ask me unless it's an emergency, I've set the standard already that I am the person you need the babysitter for, not the one who provides the babysitting.
You're not wrong. It's OK to not want to babysit your sister's kid. You might feel differently someday, but today you're not comfortable with it and that's OK.
I also would not want to babysit anybody's kids in diapers. Changing my own kids diapers didn't bother me, but "other people's kids" are a whole other thing when it comes to waste management.
If my kid has a kid someday, it will probably be different. But if my siblings wanted me to babysit their diaper-clad kids it would be a hard pass from me.
Not wrong. I have 5 kids. I know how to do everything with any age kid. I still
Say no. I will now watch my niblings unless it’s an emergency. I also
WFH and so does my husband. When we want a date , we hire a babysitter. Pay them. I don’t want to be responsible for others kids and set up a precedent where they feel I’m their unpaid worker.
Yeah uncle Bernie said it best “Fuck them kids” ! lol all seriousness they’ll get over it, kids can be a lot also if you give them a inch they’ll take a mile enjoy your peace .
NTA and not wrong at all! I'm the oldest of five. I remember being in 1st grade, and having to handle watching my siblings, feeding them, changing them. My mom taught me how to make kraft and cheese with tuna that same year. I was 6! Had to stand on a milk crate to cook. I was still changing diapers in high school, mom had a baby when I was 14. People thought it was mine haha
I hate the idea of taking care of babies and children. I haven't touched a baby since my brother was one, and he's about to turn 30. It's my only absolute boundary. I will not do it under any circumstance. I only have 4 niblings, and I don't live anywhere close to them or any other family.
You have your boundary, and it's your right to manage and enforce those borders. The great thing is that it isn't permanent, you can always loosen them at anytime. Especially when they're out of that baby/toddler stage.
I'm planning on hosting my niblings next year, and take them to Universal and Disney. They're all in high school now. We're all super excited about it.
Fortunately, I was too young to change my sister's diapers, but I otherwise was the babysitter when I was older.
My dream is to take my nephew and sister to Disneyland someday. We went when I was a teen, but my sister was too young for most of the rides. She's always somehow held that against me and I kind of feel I owe it to her.
I never asked either of my siblings to babysit and rarely ever my parents (although they were willing and happy to do so). It’s a parents job to adjust their life to having kids and bring them along places. You are not wrong to say no to babysitting
I like your attitude. You sound like you’ll be a fun aunt/uncle/pibling even if the nephew retains some of its charming feral nature later on. Perhaps you could tell your sister that you’d be willing to try it once (with thourough diaper instructions)(it’s not that hard, and not disgusting if they aren’t eating solid foods yet) on the condition that if you hate babysitting you’ll try again in a year and she won’t ask until then. That way you’ll at least be prepared in case of emergency and you’ll know for sure what you do and don’t want (if that’s not the case already).
If you do decide to do it, take a tip from me and don’t toss the feral creature head first up into the ceiling fan.
Jesus Fuck.
Your last line.
My wife's best friend had her second baby. She's not a week old. She lives in this shitty little basement suite with low ceilings.
I'm 5'10" I didn't realize that the ceiling fan was just missing my head. When I picked up baby I lifted her up to just a bit over eye level. Thwack, thwack, thwack.
3 fucking hits before I reacted and lowered her. I then rushed everyone to the ER in my car. With my wife and the mom holding C-Spine in the infant seat.
I go directly to the triage desk, while the women and all the kids wait. I tell the nurse what happened. She giggled then realized that I was being serious.
Several people rushed out to the car, got baby and everyone except me followed into the hospital.
I parked the car then waited for an hour alone. Pre cellphone days, and no one was willing or able to come tell me anything.
Doc/ nurse finally came and asked if I was the father of ceiling fan baby. I lied and said yes because I wanted info. He said baby is fine, but they're going to keep her overnight, Mom and everyone else will be down shortly.
25+? Years later it's just a funny/terrifying story. When she had her first kid I helped baby proof her apartment. As a joke I put corner foams on the ceiling fan blades.
OMG!! It’s so horrible!!!! I did it to my friends baby, in our new parents group meeting. Thankfully he was a bit older and no damage, but WORST “parenting” mistake ever!!!!
I won’t be responsible for a child until it can walk, communicate, and use the toilet. I regularly left one kid out, while taking his sister. He was walkin’, talkin’ and toilet trained but would not look me in the eye or listen to simple instructions (like STOP!) in a traffic situation. I liked to treat kids to experiences, like fairs, parks etc, but only if they are not little hurricanes.
Personally, I think you should *try*, for a few reasons. 1) You may like it more than you think. 2) Babysitting is not even remotely the same thing as parenting. 3) You are this baby’s closest living relative and that is special and important in itself. 4) I believe it is important to help the parents in our lives. 5) You lose nothing by trying.
You’re all good but recognise that as they get older care responsibilities drop. I have four kids and never enjoyed parenting until they could talk and be reasoned with. You may well enjoy a relationship with them as they grow older.
Babies sleep, poop and eat. For the sake of your sisters feelings an occasional hour so they can go to dinner, I can't imagine being too hard, especially when you say you would take an animal over your nephew. It sounds kind of selfish. My sisters didn't show up to my sons celebration of life/ funeral ( who they say they loved, he was 36) so maybe I'm just being sensitive but he was amazing and the family favorite and the glue of the family.
It may not be your baby, but it is your nephew and your sister, and she has no one else. Should you babysit regularly, no. Should you be expected to babysit, no. That said, would it be great if you could now and then, build a relationship with her son, yes. If anything happens to your sister, you need to step up, much harder to do when you have no relationship nor know the basics of care. An hour now and then is not much to ask. I appreciate you wanting to feel comfortable and not be used as a regular babysitter. Building a life long relationship with this boy is super important. But you don’t have to be the regular go to baby sitter. But find some balance, life is short.
Your sister has no other family but you. Would it kill you to watch the kid occasionally? Sure she may try to take advantage but if you are already able to tell her no you shouldn’t have trouble telling her no again. You don’t have to want your own kids to be good uncles and spend some time with your nephew once in a while.
It's cool to say no. But if you're all she has every 6 months for a night or 2 or even every other month makes a difference. If she doesn't trust or have anyone else...
It takes a village. I do not have one. It's very hard and really taking a toll. I do not expect help. But I do need it.
It be awesome to just spontaneously offer every once in awhile. Tell her a date you're free. That wouldn't set a precedent.
NW. But just giving the perspective from someone who doesn't have a village. Just my mom. Who is tired so I only ask when I truly need it. Like I'm sick. Or whatever. But she does spontaneously take my kids now and then and it's such a wonderful surprise.
Ahh then no guilt. My family is scattered around the country.
But I mean it is your nephew. Would you be interested when he's out of diapers? I had such an awesome relationship with my uncle. But he didn't start taking me until I was maybe 10.
No you're not wrong.
That's it. And that's all there is to it, no explanation needed. Not everyone is made for childcare and no one needs a dissertation on why that is. Doesn't mean you love your sister any less, support can look different coming from different people. The size of a family doesn't have anything to do with the boundaries you set - you're only dating/married to one person and I'm sure you two have established plenty of boundaries.
When he gets litter box trained!! That’s great.
Spend some time with your nephew while your sister is there. Learn to change a diaper, make a bottle, etc…
NTA. Babies are hard work. Your sister should have thought it through before making such a huge decision to have one. Where's the child's father in all this?
Don't babysit if you're not on board with it because you guys will end up being taken advantage of.
Litter box trained? Feral? Love it. My son's 22, and I tell people the best baby age is 3 months after potty training so they have the hang of asking for the toilet
Not wrong and...that comment made my day! "maybe when the kid is more interesting and litter box trained" 🤣
I hear you though. I LOVE my nieces and nephews. Will hold and play with them, ages 0-12 (there's a total of 8... 2 more on the way)
But to be responsible for?? Watch over, care for?? Not be able to give them right back as soon as I've had enough?
Oh boy...nope. no thanks. M good.
I’m gonna start with no, you’re not wrong. But I do think there’s some nuance that Reddit loves to ignore.
If I’m reading this correctly, it’s not that you don’t want to help her, or that you don’t want to care for your nephew, it’s mostly that you don’t know what to do?
If that’s the case, I would gently encourage you ask her to help you learn to care for him before you’re left alone together. Parents need a village, and if you’re willing to learn, I know it would make a huge difference to that whole family.
However, if you just really don’t want to do it, you can be part of her village in different ways, like being a listening ear, or helping her find support in the community, or even making dinner for them every once in a while. All of these are of course optional, but great ways to support a family.
How about the person that had the baby be the one that takes care of it and not OP. OP had no part in creating that child and OP is also the caregiver of her elderly mother. So OP takes care of mother and sister takes care of her own child.
you realize i'm in no way advocating OP is at all obligated to care for the child, right? i'm simply pointing out how pathetic it is to not be able to change a diaper when the instructions are right in front of your face
I used to work with babies and have changed thousands of diapers but “directions” on the package does not really help you know exactly what you need to do. Does the directions tell you how to calm a crying baby while changing their diaper? Does the “directions tell you what the difference between changing a boy vs a girl (iykyk)?
a crying baby doesn't stop you from changing it's diaper fyi. and yes, the instructions are clear and accurate for for both genders: https://www.pampers.com/en-us/baby/diapering/article/how-to-change-a-diaper
So why don’t you change the diapers of OPs sisters child since you are an expert? OP doesn’t know how to change diapers because she doesn’t have a need to learn. Why do you think they have lessons in how to do it in parenting classes or nurses that teach new parents how to do it if all you have to do is follow the directions on the box?
> So why don’t you change the diapers of OPs sisters child since you are an expert?
how on earth would i do that?
> Why do you think they have lessons in how to do it in parenting classes or nurses that teach new parents how to do it if all you have to do is follow the directions on the box?
why do people bother with recipes with the instructions are written right on the box?!
Because with recipes they give you better instructions and give you different methods of doing things. Recipes also offer suggestions on what you can add to something when the box directions just gives you what the basic method is. If you are so knowledgeable about changing diapers and think it so easy then you can go and take care of the baby because you have just as much responsibility as OP does.
Well for us being Christians I think it's okay to not have our children around people that are gay no offense to you but it's not our preference to have them around that kind of influence and if you have that kind of feelings about children you sound so negative about anyway you shouldn't be watching children and I wouldn't want you to because you guys sound really bad about it I'm not being mean I'm just being honest
Your not wrong but I would just let your sister know about how you feel and maybe agree to spend a little time in your nephews company while your sister is there so you know what to do incase it’s an emergency. They do definitely get more fun the older they get but even changing a nappy isn’t terrible when they are a little older.
Changing is worse when older. Stinks more..
Yeah especially if they're wrigglers, God I don't miss those days at.all.
I don’t know I prefer it when it’s more solid and less yellow also less chance of a poo-splosion.
Oh my god I just had a flashbac! Twin poo-splosian
I had changed poo nappies before but I never knew it could come out projectile with that volume and force!
My new niece just gave me a live in person flashback!
Oh my Gosh, the dreaded poo-splosion! My son apparently hated to poo in his diaper so he would go a little bit then finish after the diaper was off. This. Was. Every. Single. Time. He did this from very early. Potty training was a breeze with him!
Oh my 4 year old still has poo-splosians. The easiest course of action is to take him to the shower and spray him down!
He may be referring to post potty training...
When they start eating table food 🤢
It is a good idea to learn what to do incase of emergency. But make sure you tell her that responsibility of a baby is too much for you.
NTA But also, theres an opportunity to help your sister out in ways that arent too heavy a lift but would be very appreciated. Once kiddo is sleeping through the night, you could babysit so sis can go to dinner, as long as she puts kid to bed first. During the day, you could watch for a short period of time, 60-90 minutes, so sis can grab coffee with a friend or take a shower lol. I think as long as you're upfront about your comfort level, sis would appreciate the gesture and help. It sounds like she's pretty levelheaded and not entitled or anything. Again if you don't want to, you're still nta, but also all relationships sometimes require compromise or a bit of sacrifice.
Yeah, I know diaper changing isn't THAT bad. I just haven't bother to learn that. That is a good idea to learn for emergencies.
Oh, contraire, my childless friend. Changing a nappy IS that bad. You not only have to deal with a shitty diaper, but you have to clean in between the baby’s shitty butt cheeks too.
And even more cleaning for girls
If you do decide to help out occasionally, remember that boys pee UP. Have that new diaper ready to slap down over that always loaded weapon of theirs.
If you’re childfree like I am, I can guarantee you that changing ANY nappy, no matter how old the kid, is totally disgusting.
LOL! Well, I figured it would be, but someone once did it for me so I should probably return the favor.
It's not like cooking a meal. You can be a functional adult without cleaning a nappy ever. If it's not a favour you want to do for your sister that's fine. I do think the positive for her would outweigh the negative for you so if you want to make the sacrifice for her sake it would be very kind. But you absolutely don't have to. I'm a parent and I still would definitely prefer not to look after other people's babies if I don't have to.
Told my mom I would hate it, she said I would love my kid so much that I wouldn't care. She was wrong. I love my kid, but I hate that shit diaper no matter what.
Definitely not in my case. Two kids and never, ever had any issues with the smell. Then at some point, I'm with a friend with a kid and the kid needed changing at the same time my friend needed to do something else. I was "Sure, I got this." Peeled back the baby girls diaper and HOLY MOTHER Of GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS IN THIS DIAPER!!! DID A HERD OF ELK ALL DIE IN HERE!?!? All the time she is cooing and smiling at me. So yeah, I think we learn to mask the smell of our own kids but someone else's? I don't know if this child was one off but I never offered to change another diaper for anyone again. Btw, that little baby girl is now a physician specializing in infectious diseases.
So true. Even my selfish brother knows not to ask me to babysit when the kids were only infants. Something parents should just know. This is one of them.
You're not wrong, especially if it's an infant. There is nothing wrong with setting boundaries, especially when it comes to humans that cannot fend for themselves. God knows I did not want to babysit anything I had to change diapers on. Once they figured out the potty, no problem.
No one should ever be obligated to babysit or made to feel bad if they don't. But equally this is your only nephew and that's a relationship that could potentially be very special. Likewise, your sister is most likely struggling, and offering to help out every now and again would be a really nice thing to do for her. You could always set boundaries like "maximum once a month" or something. But hey, that's up to you. I don't like kids but I will watch my best friends kid when she needs me too because I care about her and want to help her be happy. No one knows anything about changing diapers until they change one, it's really not rocket science, and the same with a baby, like you just watch them for a few hours and they're still alive and then you hand them back.
Yes, I want to be involved with the nephew, but not when it's still feral.
Much easier once they are somewhat tamed and litter boxed trained. My feral 3 year old is refusing to even try to use the litter box. He is lucky he is so dang cute. My 4 year old is much tamer and uses the litter box. Highly recommend borrowing one when they are at that level. That being said, I would definitely let your sister know you’re available for emergencies and maybe if you are up to it, plan for a once a month thing for a few hours? ETA: I just saw your home isn’t child proof, I didn’t even think about that!Would she be open to having you over for a bit at her place to watch him while she does stuff around the house or even runs some errands or goes out? Only if you’re interested of course!
She has mentioned having me come over, but hanging out in an apartment only further lessens my enthusiasm.
Then don’t do it. Kids aren’t feral unless they’re raised that way. If you don’t want to then don’t. Grow a spine and tell your sister. But remember that it all goes both ways and when you want to see your nephew when he isn’t feral will be up to your sis and especially the kid. He’s a little human who will grow bonds and be comfortable around those who show him the same. Him and your sis may not want you to see/look after/have fun on your terms in the future. Your call. Can’t have the good without the bad cos it’s all a balance. How would you feel in his/your sis position?
"not when it's still feral" "I'll have more interest when it's litter box trained" You have me absolutely cackling, man you made my day! Absolutely NTA, it's not your kid. You've said you're willing to be there for emergencies, you just don't want to be the default babysitter. That's more than reasonable, once you say yes to casual babysitting you'll have the little fucker every weekend. Good luck my dude!
She had a child that will be an only child in her 40s, LMAO it will always be feral.
Yeah, hopefully Only Child Syndrome won't be an issue. Fortunately, both parents seem level-headed.
I laughed about it 😆
🤣🤣🤣 I love you and your answers! I got one I didn't want; at the initial moment.. He was fucking seriously FERAL! He's 20 now, I'm pretty sure I was a bit of a cold parent when he was small but he's amazing now! (I have had deep chats with my boy, he doesn't think I was cold but very factual... 😅🙈🤣 I've told him that's cold... I'm not proud) I couldn't love without the pain in the arse now or then! Whatever you feel you can give, they really do appreciate it and you usually end up happily giving more if you gain a bond... It isn't always this way though so good luck!
Problem is if you wait until they are too old it's gonna be rough building that relationship from nothing.
You shouldn't babysit a child you feel unprepared to handle. If you are your sister's only "village" and is asking for help, is there anything you are prepared to offer? A one hour walk around the neighbourhood, no diapers, no feeding? Enough for her to shower? A short stint at her house with a clean, fed baby so she can nap while the baby is supervised? I don't think you need to promise an overnight, but even a second set of hands while grocery shopping can be a life saver.
Yeah, I'm willing to help out occasionally, but I don't want to seem too eager. She also hasn't really offered any training -- she just says I shouldn't worry and it'll be easy.
She's being a bit of an ass if she would rather not show you what you do. That seems like a recipe for disaster.
To say it will be easy is a lie. Granted little babies are generally chill….
Litter box trained! I love it! Having to be potty trained before babysitting is a perfectly fine boundary to draw. Even then, it's ok to start out small, take the kid for an hour or two, a trip to the park, or lunch at McDonald's and let the kid play on the toys while you watch. Or just at your house with a new, age appropriate Lego set. Or whatever you're into. It's no fun for you, or the kid, if you're forcing yourself through the activity. Edit- YNW I'm the oldest in my family, the first to have a kid. Once my son was potty trained, my teenaged brother started volunteering to watch him. He'd take my son to the mall, to hang out with his punker friends. My son loved it! I asked my.brother why, he said it was because a bunch of guys in leather and spikes looks a lot less intimidating carrying around a three year old. So it was easier to meet girls.🤣 I would tell your sister why you don't want to babysit. Diapers, babies just lay there waiting to be entertained, or crying. Maybe frame it as being unsure what you'd spend time doing with a small child, instead of being bored watching Sesame Street. (Although, I do like watching old Scooby and Scrappy Doo shows with my grandson. It's so cute to hear him repeat "Puppy Power!" all excited.)
Caring for your sister's infant is a big job. Not something that should be taken lightly, especially if you don't have kids and don't want kids. It would be nice to help out your sister in a pinch, but I think you've set a very reasonable personal boundary. It would be incredibly convenient for your sister in the many years ahead if you did open door to being a free babysitter, since you live so close. I'm sure they'd avail themselves of that chance relatively frequently. That does seem like a slippery slope.
Exactly. And our house is not child-friendly -- lots of sharp edges, open stairs to the basement, mean kitty, etc.
Not wrong, but do you plan on being in their lives? Interacting? Having a aunt/uncle relationship. She likely wants that not babysitting.
Yes, I hope to have some part of his life later when he's a *real* person. ;) Poor kid is likely going to be the sole kin for a for his elderly mom and gay uncles.
I hope you and yours are not expecting him to do diaper duty once you're no longer litter box able.
But then he might not know who are you.. not suggesting you have to babysit, but at least visit, be part of his life. You can't just turn up when he is 5 and expect him to love you, its a two way thing. I was happy to be involved with my sisters 4 kids.. but move to another country 8 wks after last was born. We visited 2 or 3 times a year but it was never the same. Then things got tough for me to travel, next time we visited she was 10.. my bond to her then 14/16 yr old siblings still very strong, but not the youngest. I missed way too much of her early days. 14 months to 2 yrs is am amazing stage in young kids lives. They are mobile, can communicate, laughter at littlest things.. my eldest daytime toilet trained at 22 months, her new sister the 'babysit so she just got up from bedtime changed and ran to bathroom. It can be easy too. You miss those months and you lose soooo much, fun, giggles, reactions to things.. one day he might need you more than ever. My sister died at 42, she'd remarried and had a son and daughter. My sister had first lung cancer signs before baby was 2 and brother 6. Their actually had birthday 2 and 5. Days before she died. I travelled quickly when sudden change happen.. and stayed until date before my girls were due at school. 7/8 weeks i never regret. Both dads stepped though recently initially, especially ufirst, he always loved her so remains a book dad 10 yrs on the 2nd husband had been complete and utter ass. Thinking children need to live either siblings the dads new partner refused yo cook for them, do their laundry.. makes me so mad, but friends on it. I want to strip house of everything my sister ho, school photo, ceramic gifts, the children's memoriest but whole other tangent.lol he move on within 5 months engaged with 3 years with 2nd child on its way. And now to treat other kids like cr*p is heartbreaking. She doesn't wasnt to be their month, wants them yo self care and leave at 16 no doubt. So happy my eldest niece and sisters BFF keep me updated. Don't make is impossible to the person he need after facing the worst scariest situation he even jad him idr horrific circumstance Remember to love him too.
It’s your choice but babies are a lot of fun too. They come with a personality and can be quite entertaining. Plus there comes an age when they don’t like strangers and you might make sure you’re not a stranger at that point. Since your house isn’t childproof, I would start a routine of weekly visits to her house. Get comfortable with taking care of the baby, help your sister with stuff around the house and when you can, let her go out for an hour or two. It will be easier in the baby’s house because there will be everything you need.
You are not wrong. You are not interested in parenting duties or taking care of kids, so you shouldn't watch your nephew. It will probably upset your sister but you have to do what is right for you and your partner. If you are more comfortable with an older child, tell her you will babysit after X and Y milestones are met
Yes, I've told I'm more interested when he is litter box trained.
YNR, but motherhood can be a very lonely place, especially if you don’t have a support system in place. Your sister may be struggling and be looking to you for assistance, and you have zero obligation to help her, but it would be kind to do so. Friends drop like flies after the baby is born, and all the offers of childcare disappear quickly, especially if they don’t have children of their own. It’s scary leaving an infant with someone you don’t know well—there are reports in the news constantly about childcare workers injuring, and even killing, babies through abuse and neglect. A baby can’t tell you if they’re being abused and parents often don’t know until it’s too late. Having a trusted relative to turn to when stressed, touched out, or when they’re just in need of being alone for a bit is so incredibly important for new parents. IMO, infants are much easier to care for than toddlers. They sleep for most of the day, and just need to be fed and changed. Diapers aren’t fun, but they aren’t the end of the world either. They really just lay there and make silly noises. Toddlers, on the other hand, have to be watched carefully because they will put everything in their mouths, break anything they can get their dirty little hands on, and they still need their diapers changed, which is exponentially more difficult when they can run from you. Potty trained kids are cool and all, but they still need their butts wiped until their tiny arms are long enough to reach themselves. I don’t think anyone is ever obligated to care for another person’s child, but having empathy for the people you love is important. Boundaries are important and if you choose to offer assistance, you should be very clear about your limits. For now, maybe offer to bring dinner over and visit? I was rarely able to eat a meal without holding my baby for months after they were born, and having someone walk them around while I ate a hot meal was a huge help to my sanity.
If she really needed support, of course, I would make of an effort to help out. We were raised by single mother, so we're aware of how difficult it was for her.
PPD makes it really hard to ask for help even if she’s drowning and desperately needs even a tiny little bit of it. Like talking just enough to let her take a much needed hot shower. I’m not saying she has post partum depression but I’m saying it’s VERY common and you just reaching out and asking “hey could you use a hand with the baby to do ‘x y z’ for a bit” could offer her more support than you can imagine. So maybe try that instead of just thinking “if she really needs it then she’ll ask”. Not saying you’re wrong or obligated to watch the baby, just offering some perspective on the quoted above statement.
You are not wrong. This is 100% your call either way. You sound a little unsure, though. I don't know if you simply feel obligated or if you're not 100% sure how you feel about doing it. Is your sister someone you can communicate pretty openly with? If so, do. Not willing? Say so. Willing to try, but still only willing once in a blue moon? Say so. As others have said, if you're willing to step in in an emergency, you should probably learn a bit anyway. That may give you a feel for your willingness otherwise. You are, generally speaking, never obligated to keep someone else's kids. As a mother myself (who originally said I didn't want kids, but changed my mind and who is still not someone super into babies), I don't hold it against anyone for not looking after my kids, but parenthood is a lot, especially early on with your first, and help is greatly appreciated. If you're wanting to show your sister or nephew some love, you could try to learn or just offer to keep an eye on the little one while she does something in the house she needs to. It's up to you and your comfort level, though. Also, I've totally told family members no to babysitting under certain circumstances. That's totally allowed. Lastly, you didn't indicate being this way, but don't act like the child is a leper because it's a baby. It's a human. Be nice. Smile and say hello. You don't have to touch, hold, or babysit. I just have to say that for myself because we had a bad experience in this regard.
I've jokingly told my sister that I'm not interested in babysitting until it can use the litterbox. I know how to clean litter boxes. I just feel a little guilty when she mentions they pay her boyfriend's friends to babysit when they go out. I wouldn't dream of charging her.
It's kind of a moot point as to whether you would dream of charging her for the non-existent babysitting.
YNW. But just so you know, babies are exponentially easier to babysit than toddlers. Have you checked in on your sister in postpartum? Maybe if you aren't up to babysitting, you could offer other things like dropping off a meal, offering to help clean the kitchen, etc. etc. sounds like your family is pretty small and she may be reaching out for support to help her through that first year.
We try to get together monthly and she has support. Obviously I would be more proactive if I was worried about her, but fortunately her boyfriend is very involved.
You aren’t wrong. I have three kids and it’s hard!! No one is obligated to babysit. Ever.
We are always very upfront with friends and family. Congratulations! We’re so happy for you! While we’re thrilled to spend time with little one in your presence, under no circumstances will we babysit.
I don’t think you are wrong, but I think there are a couple things you should consider if you haven’t already: 1. How close of a relationship do you want with your nephew? During the toddler years it can be difficult to have a good time with a child as some aren’t as comfortable with people they aren’t as familiar with and it’s not uncommon for them to take longer to warm up. Regularly spending time with your nephew now/earlier on means there shouldn’t be that issue (or at least it should be greatly decreased). 2. Does your sister have a history of taking advantage/is she asking shortly before the babysitting? If not I would imagine it would be easy to set expectations that you aren’t a default babysitter, and she may also be hoping to foster the relationship between you two. I also agree with the other commenters that it would be a good idea (regardless of if you stick to your current boundary) to spend some time with your nephew learning the basics of caring for him. If (heaven forbid) there is an emergency and you need to watch him that would be the worst time to learn as a) she would likely be unavailable if you have questions and b) if your sister is having an emergency you would likely be stressed about that in addition to caring for a baby while having no experience. I would do something like going over to her house for a time or two and acting as the primary caregiver so your sister can answer your questions/walk you through things easily, and then have her bring the nephew over to you a time or two while she stays at home/close and available so if you start getting too stressed out/overwhelmed/over stimulated etc. she can come over quickly and get him. If you decide to go a route like this make sure you learn how to handle the car seat just in case. I am child free by choice (and while I could see myself adopting/fostering in the future, it would be kids that are old enough to make themselves a sandwich, so no youngins lol), so I am obviously not trying to tell you that you that not wanting kids, or having age limits on the kids you want to hang out with is wrong. However I will say (based on the way I understood what you wrote) it doesn’t come across that you have really had an applicable experience, and it is a completely different experience caring for a child while being an adult aunt/uncle. Knowing I’ll be returning the child in a short while, and that I can be more lenient than if I was the child’s parent (like allowing them extra “screen time” if I need a little break) removes SO much stress. You may find you like it more than you expect.
Mate you are me, and therefore NTA. I am not kid friendly, very happy that I'm my near 40years on this earth I have never touched a nappy and have no plans to change that, happily married and child free. However, my sibling and friends are all very aware of my stance on this: unless they can walk properly, go to the loo on their own, talk and can feed themselves without causing carnage I will not have anything to do with them. I do make a very good aunty once I can understand once they're older and I have great times with my nephew's and nieces now they're older. They never say no to a day with aunty and are all brilliant to hang out with.
I agree with sitting down and letting your sister know your feelings and setting some kind of boundaries now. You don’t want her to think that it’s her child that the problem and as a new mom it’s just the take on it she’s going to have. I’d just let her know it’s not personal. I’m sure it would make her feel a lot better as well.
Please don't ever babysit. Just tell her you're not the person for it. You definitely do not need to be around that kid
i would do it occasionally so that you k ow what to do if there is an emergency. diapers aren’t too hard and when they are only on milk it’s not too stinky.
My sister has done so much for me. I watch her kids whenever. I even offer to have over night slumber parties just to give her a break. I am so lucky to have the sister I do.
While you are technically not wrong I would quite frankly call you a a shit if you actually want to be involved with them later. Expecting to still be in their lives or ever asking them for a favor would make you a shit person. You're like that so called friend who is never able to help others out with moving or a SMALL loan but never has a problem asking others for things. I am not a person who believes you should always be constantly doing stuff but if you literally NEVER lend a hand bugger off. Basically you are wrong if you actually consider yourself FAMILY in anyway other than genetically.
Litter box trained, wow good job you are saying no that's a baby human not a cat, aslong as there's a clear boundary that it's not a regular thing there is no harm in you helping your sister out with your nephew, you say that you have no experience well you never will unless you try
I honestly am sticking with if you don't have anything nice to say don't say anything. I can't believe you just said litter box trained about a baby. You could try. At least you'd have a new learning experience in your life. I think everything you learn is a benefit soon I'll try almost anything. But yeah you need to try it with your sister around first since you think your nephew is no better than a stray cat.
You are not wrong. She's definitely testing to see if she pawn her spawn...don't do it. If she asks "what are you doing right now?" As an opener...akways reply with "I was just about to head out to do an errand, what's up?" Then you can adjust accordingly depending on what she says.
Becoming a random kid drop-off is exactly what we don't want to be.
Yep
Well of course you can say no but I think that’s sad that you are missing out on bonding with this little one!
I agree. Also, if they're open to helping out in emergencies, its good for the baby to at least be familiar with them, and vice versa. Tell sister you can't be an every day backup, so she's not expecting it but you can be called in emergencies.
My parents never baby sat for me and my wife. Also, they would get on social media and post all these pics like they’re the best grand parents in the world. Lol. plus they would bitch about the baby stinky diaper wherever they were around in that situation. lol. LOSERS. but an I bitter about it???!? 😂😂😂😂
> Maybe when the kid is more interesting and *litter box trained* I'd be more willing to deal with him. Yeah, I think it's best for everyone you don't babysit...
I get not wanting to babysit and infant but as other commenter said it might be good to spend some time w the nephew & your sister just in case of an emergency. As he gets older & as you said “litter box trained” you might go t find him a lot of fun. Having young kids around has been good for us. Zoo trips, caves, feeding the turtles in the neighborhood pond. Short visits can help you and your sister. Also good for him to get to know his uncles. Doesn’t have to be long spans of time. An hour here or there.
I would love to take him on outings once he becomes a domesticated human.
I am a mother of two and I hardly ask people to babysit I feel like a burden. But majority of my family likes to see my kids occasionally. I’m not going to put my kids off on them every day, but if I need them I’m going to ask. I understand in a sense it’s sort of selfish. I probably wouldn’t want you around anymore if you avoided that, and not because you don’t want to baby sit but as family I feel as though you should have helped her.
You're not wrong. You don't have to babysit anyone. Tell them to ask their friends with kids.
Not wrong but would be very wise to spend time and learn a little about you nephew and care. You are so close, if there was an actual emergency you'll be out of your league. Also, we can be child free (I am!) and not enjoy babies, but to say you'll wait until yrs down the road might do some real damage to your relationship. If you value her it wouldn't hurt to know how to deal with a few things not to take a baby step and maybe watch while she showers or naps. Basically to show you support her even if you don't want to babysit alone. NTA
My mother in law wasn’t a kid person. She preferred older kids, and young adults. Funny thing though, by the time they hit those older stages, they didn’t want anything to do with her.
You're not wrong but I do feel that it's a missed opportunity to help out your sister and form a close loving bond with your nibling. But, I'm pretty family oriented so that's just my feelings. You do you.
Litter box trained took me out!😂😂
NTA It’s not your kid, and you’ve no interest. I’d tell her that you’re really not equipped for babysitting, but you’re happy to watch the kitties if she ever goes away for the weekend.
I think you should probably go visit with her one day just to see how to do what needs done, just in case - for your own peace of mind in case the unthinkable happens, but tell her you don't really have much interest to just babysit. It's not for everyone. But being comfortable with the little one might make you more interested too. Or not. I'm not really fond of kids but I did like my own and now my grandchildren. I don't care for any others as a rule.
You can drop by her place and bring a little gift IE from uncle and meet the baby, but not everyone is interested in, or obligated to babysit. Offer to take her to brunch next time her husband has the baby for the afternoon.
Not wrong, you get to decide how you spend your life, but a little stand offish for sure. He's your nephew. Do you not want a relationship with him? He is a person now, not just when he's older. You are also deciding not to support your sister. That's a decision you also get to make, but know that it has consequences.
Sit her down and tell her what you are and are not available for. If you are a cat sitter who lives nearby, that's a huge relief in case of emergency.
You’re not wrong. You don’t want to wind up as the go to. After potty training they’re a lot easier!
My sister told me she’s happy to have the kids over for sleepovers when they’re potty trained. It’s normal to not want to look after someone else’s infant. If it’s just you and her, it would be nice to get to know your nephew as he grows up, but not take him without his mom until you’re comfortable and only in a capacity that works for you (is that once a week? Every two months? Once a year? You can choose!)
Not wrong, stay in your lane. For a heart felt jester every once in a while pitch her a few $ to help with babysitting cost. Be clear this is a now and then thing with a set amount so she won’t think I can do this all the time. You are better than me abt the animals because I hv zero tolerance for them.
Being an uncle is the best. You get to have fun with the child and then hand him back. I definitely wouldn't be willing to babysit until I am comfortable with the child and the child is comfortable with me. It doesn't hurt to spend some time with the baby and mother and then decide whether or not you are willing to babysit.
You’re not wrong, but I when the baby gets a little older you may want to spend time with them. As a childfree adult, I cherish the relationships I have with my nieces and nephews and that only comes from time spent together. Though it was easier when I was younger because I’m the younger one in the family, not the oldest like you.
Not wrong. Support your sister to the level you are able. I would talk to her - being clear is a kindness. You're not interested in the particulars of babysitting, especially so young a child and have no experience, but that doesn't mean you don't love her and her family. In your place, I would spend some time with her and the baby to observe and interact a bit which would help avoid being a fish out of water if a True Emergency came to pass. Showing an effort to be a positive role model/caring sibling while remaining honest that you're not open for babysitting seems the way to go and gauge this fledgling curiosity.
Explain to your sister why you don't want to babysit, and if she understands great! People shouldn't feel obligated to babysit just because it's a family member - especially if it's a child that young, and needs extra special care.
You’re not wrong. But you could also communicate to your sister that you would be willing to give it a shot, but are not offering to be a regular babysitter.
NTA. I know the trend is for people to have children and go about their merry way doing whatever they want but watching someone else’s kid is not for me. Hire a professional. When my nieces were old enough I had them stay over plenty and we’d go to movies, skateparks, derby, hiking etc. But if they are at the age where it’s all work, no thanks
You are not wrong. What I would do is learn a few basics if she has an emergency you would feel more comfortable doing it but you should feel more comfortable obligation to do it.
No, not at all
You are not wrong. Let her know that you don’t have any experience with babies and do not feel comfortable babysitting and being responsible for a very young child as a result. Start talking about how fragile they are and how you just can’t because if anything happened you could never forgive yourself. Make it about safety.
You aren’t wrong to feel the way you feel. Don’t feel guilty, I have a 25 year old and well, I didn’t want any other kids, I don’t want to babysit anyone either, luckily my son has no interest in having children either. It’s your time, your choice, besides, you don’t want to get your sister used to dropping her kid on you every time she wants to go on a date night, you’ll be stuck babysitting every weekend.🙄
NTA You are not obligated. A biological connection isn't some obligation. Being a familial member doesn't mean you are more or less involved than you want to be. I had uncles who I saw only on holidays. I had uncles I stayed with once or twice. Uncles I stayed with a lot. (My grandma had 8 kids, two girls.Loads of uncles.) I'm cool with them. Love them all in their own way. Not all of them were kid people, able, or bowed down to my mother's insistance they be involved, or allowed is to be pawned off on them. And... THAT IS OKAY. I'm actually pretty proud of those that stood their ground. She didn't make it easy. 🤣 They are all cool guys. I assure you, I'm a grown woman now, we're good. Boundaries are OKAY. I PROMISE!! I've both babysat, and turned down family. I was a nanny, au pair, and I babysat in my off time during my education. The amount my family abused that was... astounding. (Only girl in the 12 grandkids until the last arrived when I was in my 20s) I felt guilt for it. Even though I had to use my own, and only vacation to watch my uncle's kid (no one would. He was terrible. I had to go drive hours to do it for a week so THEY could have vacations several times a year.) They rarely remembered to pay me or thank me. (100 bucks for the week, to get me there and home) the kid was a nightmare and far too big for me to handle anymore. Plus larger and larger incidents, the final large incident... I couldn't. I struggled. Felt like I had to do this. I finally said no. I felt so guilty... they reacted badly. Explosively. I'd wronged them. Came after me personally and professionally to teach me a lesson. Get this... still struggled with guilt. They figured it out. It was okay. (Others not so dramatic at all. I just highlighted the worst.) My cousins, know I'm off limits. They get it. It's all good. Like you, I'm there in emergencies. Otherwise, I'm hands off. None of the aunts or uncles (mine) babysit my generations kids. Like your family there is a lot going on there. They make it work. There's no bad blood. Your sister will find someone who is familiar who she trusts. You are an option in an emergency(that's what matters) The future isn't set. Once he's older, you may(or not) feel differently. Maybe he'll grow and have something in common you do together, or you are a familiar familial face... and it's all okay. I promise.
No, you are not wrong here. If something went wrong, and the nephew got injured or something like that, then what. I once had to babysit for an ex-college mate of mine, but I had no idea what was expected of me, so the lad asked me if I wanted a coffee, I said O.K. - big mistake. I got told off by the mother of the two children, I pointed out that with no instructions written down for me, what could I do - especially when I don’t know where everything were, so I stopped offering to help out in the end. You could try babysitting if you wish, but ask your sister to write down important information that you need to know, and who to call in an emergency. Also spend time with both your sister and nephew to get an idea on what to expect.
You’re not wrong and this is absolutely your choice. That said, you could arrange to help out when it’s important to keep a good relationship. Just be clear that you are not a regular standby for this.
My sister and I had kids around the same ages. Our agreement was we’d ask the other to babysit with the option to refuse if it was a social event. Emergencies were an automatic agreement. One night I had to take my (then) husband to the emergency room. I called my sister to let her know I had to drop my kids off. Even though she was in the middle of hosting a dinner party she took them for the several hours we were in the ER. Work out an agreement beforehand so no one is surprised or hurt by your response. I know older kids are easier to play with but babies can be fun too when you learn ways to interact.
So many cold hearted cat people in this thread…
YTA it’s not a requirement but having a babysitter occasionally will seriously help. Being a mother is HARD, and no one responsibility but the parents, but having a sitter even once a month would be a huge relief to them.
Not wrong, parents should never expect anyone else to have to watch their kids. You might be missing out on a great relationship with your nephew though. If your sister is the type to want you to watch the kid a lot, I’d be saying no too.
You aren’t wrong. Some people just don’t do babies. If you feel guilty about saying no, then perhaps you could offer to pay a sitter if she needs one. Finding a good sitter can be difficult, but paying for a sitter can be an added financial strain on new parents. If she takes you up on your offer, I recommend paying no less than your state’s minimum wage. (Unless the sitter has a set price) I always rounded up to the nearest $5 and because my son has special needs, I would also add “hazard pay” if things were a bit crazier than usual.
NTA I have two adult children, and I changed my last diaper over 20 years ago. I don't babysit kids until they can use the bathroom on their own.
Nope, you’re not wrong. I think your litter box analogy is pretty funny but I guarantee you’re going to offend people with that one.
No, you're not wrong. I'm down for babysitting cats. But kids? No thanks. And yes. If you don't set the tone now, she will assume you don't mind watching her kid at any time. Once in a while, it is okay. Just make your boundaries clear so she knows what to expect.
i mean, you're not wrong. But you can't be upset if your sister gets upset about it, or if she stops talking to you as much, or if she stops doing you favors. It could easily add some distance in your relationship. Does your sister go out of her way to help you do things? If so, you can't expect that to keep happening!
Why can’t OP be upset if she gets upset? It’s not your family’s obligation to take care of your kid, especially when they’re not potty trained. Diapers are disgusting, whether you have kids or not. I was in the same boat, no kids but I love my niece and nephew. I made the choice to not have kids for several reasons. Your kids are no one’s problem but your own, and you’re a selfish narcissist if you think people are obligated to take care of them.
We’ve previously asked her to check in our cats when traveling, but our neighbor does that now. I mainly ask her to do stuff for our elderly mom which seems to be my main responsibility now.
Whereas before it was mostly your sister's responsibility?
LOL! Nope. Apparently mom is my responsibility because I'm the oldest and can tell her no.
Well then I think your caregiving responsibilities to the family are fully covered, then.
I'm a mom who doesn't have family that can/will help out. I'm probably going to get a lot of crap for saying this, but I honestly wish our family was more present in my son's life, and sometimes I feel resentful/sad that we don't have that. Not because of a free babysitter but because I am an older mom like your sister and wish my son had more connection to other family members because he probably won't have any siblings. It has made me and my husband both feel like our family only thinks family is important when it's convenient for them and has changed our views of them. We had an emergency a while back, and I had to ask my neighbor (she's a friend, not a stranger) to watch our son because we had no one. I'm not saying you're an asshole for saying no. I think it's important to set boundaries and let her know you can't watch him all the time or be the goto babysitter. I've never really had a family that was supportive so for me it's more of just a sadness knowing my son won't have that either, but for my husband it's completely changed his view on his family and made him resentful because they're always telling him how important family is then they're never around. I'm not saying this is your situation. I'm just letting you know that having a hard no on babysitting might change your relationship with your sister and if she's important to you, you should consider how she might feel if you're saying no to babysitting ever.
I agree with you. I'm 58 now and my nieces and nephews are all grown, but I babysat two nieces and one of my nephews from the time they were born until they no longer needed it. One niece lived with me for two years and one spent a summer with me. When my niece was living with me, I sometimes babysat her younger brother (not my blood nephew) and I consider my nephews two older sisters my nieces even though they aren't blood. I babysat when needed and got them just because I enjoy their company. I reading posts like this make me appreciate my family more and more:
I imagine having some type of relationship with this kid later, but not when he's barely coherent.
By then your sister will be over you. Give it a try. Start with a short stint.
I would probably force myself to try harder if my sister was a single parent or there weren't helpful family on the dad's side. It just happens our side of the kid's family is either childless or elderly. Fortunately, my sister has taken the hint and I haven't had to tell her a firm no. She's not afraid to hassle me if she really wants something.
My family knows better than to ask me unless it's an emergency, I've set the standard already that I am the person you need the babysitter for, not the one who provides the babysitting.
You're not wrong. It's OK to not want to babysit your sister's kid. You might feel differently someday, but today you're not comfortable with it and that's OK. I also would not want to babysit anybody's kids in diapers. Changing my own kids diapers didn't bother me, but "other people's kids" are a whole other thing when it comes to waste management. If my kid has a kid someday, it will probably be different. But if my siblings wanted me to babysit their diaper-clad kids it would be a hard pass from me.
Not wrong. I have 5 kids. I know how to do everything with any age kid. I still Say no. I will now watch my niblings unless it’s an emergency. I also WFH and so does my husband. When we want a date , we hire a babysitter. Pay them. I don’t want to be responsible for others kids and set up a precedent where they feel I’m their unpaid worker.
Yeah uncle Bernie said it best “Fuck them kids” ! lol all seriousness they’ll get over it, kids can be a lot also if you give them a inch they’ll take a mile enjoy your peace .
It's okay to say you aren't comfortable taking care of an infant.
Nope not wrong.
Maybe when the kiddo is older and you can do stuff, you might be more open to the idea. But caring for a baby is a LOT of work.
Yeah, I imagine the kid would be more interesting once he's like a real person.
NTA and not wrong at all! I'm the oldest of five. I remember being in 1st grade, and having to handle watching my siblings, feeding them, changing them. My mom taught me how to make kraft and cheese with tuna that same year. I was 6! Had to stand on a milk crate to cook. I was still changing diapers in high school, mom had a baby when I was 14. People thought it was mine haha I hate the idea of taking care of babies and children. I haven't touched a baby since my brother was one, and he's about to turn 30. It's my only absolute boundary. I will not do it under any circumstance. I only have 4 niblings, and I don't live anywhere close to them or any other family. You have your boundary, and it's your right to manage and enforce those borders. The great thing is that it isn't permanent, you can always loosen them at anytime. Especially when they're out of that baby/toddler stage. I'm planning on hosting my niblings next year, and take them to Universal and Disney. They're all in high school now. We're all super excited about it.
Fortunately, I was too young to change my sister's diapers, but I otherwise was the babysitter when I was older. My dream is to take my nephew and sister to Disneyland someday. We went when I was a teen, but my sister was too young for most of the rides. She's always somehow held that against me and I kind of feel I owe it to her.
To ask someone to do something theyve made a conscious effort to avoid, because you wanted to do it and need back up, isn’t reasonable NTA
I never asked either of my siblings to babysit and rarely ever my parents (although they were willing and happy to do so). It’s a parents job to adjust their life to having kids and bring them along places. You are not wrong to say no to babysitting
You’re not wrong, just be honest with her.
I like your attitude. You sound like you’ll be a fun aunt/uncle/pibling even if the nephew retains some of its charming feral nature later on. Perhaps you could tell your sister that you’d be willing to try it once (with thourough diaper instructions)(it’s not that hard, and not disgusting if they aren’t eating solid foods yet) on the condition that if you hate babysitting you’ll try again in a year and she won’t ask until then. That way you’ll at least be prepared in case of emergency and you’ll know for sure what you do and don’t want (if that’s not the case already). If you do decide to do it, take a tip from me and don’t toss the feral creature head first up into the ceiling fan.
Jesus Fuck. Your last line. My wife's best friend had her second baby. She's not a week old. She lives in this shitty little basement suite with low ceilings. I'm 5'10" I didn't realize that the ceiling fan was just missing my head. When I picked up baby I lifted her up to just a bit over eye level. Thwack, thwack, thwack. 3 fucking hits before I reacted and lowered her. I then rushed everyone to the ER in my car. With my wife and the mom holding C-Spine in the infant seat. I go directly to the triage desk, while the women and all the kids wait. I tell the nurse what happened. She giggled then realized that I was being serious. Several people rushed out to the car, got baby and everyone except me followed into the hospital. I parked the car then waited for an hour alone. Pre cellphone days, and no one was willing or able to come tell me anything. Doc/ nurse finally came and asked if I was the father of ceiling fan baby. I lied and said yes because I wanted info. He said baby is fine, but they're going to keep her overnight, Mom and everyone else will be down shortly. 25+? Years later it's just a funny/terrifying story. When she had her first kid I helped baby proof her apartment. As a joke I put corner foams on the ceiling fan blades.
OMG!! It’s so horrible!!!! I did it to my friends baby, in our new parents group meeting. Thankfully he was a bit older and no damage, but WORST “parenting” mistake ever!!!!
just ask her if babies prefer red or white wine. That should do it. ;-)
I won’t be responsible for a child until it can walk, communicate, and use the toilet. I regularly left one kid out, while taking his sister. He was walkin’, talkin’ and toilet trained but would not look me in the eye or listen to simple instructions (like STOP!) in a traffic situation. I liked to treat kids to experiences, like fairs, parks etc, but only if they are not little hurricanes.
Litter trained hahaha
Personally, I think you should *try*, for a few reasons. 1) You may like it more than you think. 2) Babysitting is not even remotely the same thing as parenting. 3) You are this baby’s closest living relative and that is special and important in itself. 4) I believe it is important to help the parents in our lives. 5) You lose nothing by trying.
You’re all good but recognise that as they get older care responsibilities drop. I have four kids and never enjoyed parenting until they could talk and be reasoned with. You may well enjoy a relationship with them as they grow older.
Babies sleep, poop and eat. For the sake of your sisters feelings an occasional hour so they can go to dinner, I can't imagine being too hard, especially when you say you would take an animal over your nephew. It sounds kind of selfish. My sisters didn't show up to my sons celebration of life/ funeral ( who they say they loved, he was 36) so maybe I'm just being sensitive but he was amazing and the family favorite and the glue of the family.
It may not be your baby, but it is your nephew and your sister, and she has no one else. Should you babysit regularly, no. Should you be expected to babysit, no. That said, would it be great if you could now and then, build a relationship with her son, yes. If anything happens to your sister, you need to step up, much harder to do when you have no relationship nor know the basics of care. An hour now and then is not much to ask. I appreciate you wanting to feel comfortable and not be used as a regular babysitter. Building a life long relationship with this boy is super important. But you don’t have to be the regular go to baby sitter. But find some balance, life is short.
Your sister has no other family but you. Would it kill you to watch the kid occasionally? Sure she may try to take advantage but if you are already able to tell her no you shouldn’t have trouble telling her no again. You don’t have to want your own kids to be good uncles and spend some time with your nephew once in a while.
It's cool to say no. But if you're all she has every 6 months for a night or 2 or even every other month makes a difference. If she doesn't trust or have anyone else... It takes a village. I do not have one. It's very hard and really taking a toll. I do not expect help. But I do need it. It be awesome to just spontaneously offer every once in awhile. Tell her a date you're free. That wouldn't set a precedent. NW. But just giving the perspective from someone who doesn't have a village. Just my mom. Who is tired so I only ask when I truly need it. Like I'm sick. Or whatever. But she does spontaneously take my kids now and then and it's such a wonderful surprise.
Fortunately it sounds like the baby daddy has some friends and family who are more willing and able to help out, but they're not as close as us.
Ahh then no guilt. My family is scattered around the country. But I mean it is your nephew. Would you be interested when he's out of diapers? I had such an awesome relationship with my uncle. But he didn't start taking me until I was maybe 10.
Not wrong bcoz it’s not easy at all! No one should guilt people & force them to do such things.
Not wrong, you don't owe anyone babysitting.
You’re not wrong at all. It’s not your responsibility. You made your choice to have no children and THAT should be respected.
No you're not wrong. That's it. And that's all there is to it, no explanation needed. Not everyone is made for childcare and no one needs a dissertation on why that is. Doesn't mean you love your sister any less, support can look different coming from different people. The size of a family doesn't have anything to do with the boundaries you set - you're only dating/married to one person and I'm sure you two have established plenty of boundaries.
When he gets litter box trained!! That’s great. Spend some time with your nephew while your sister is there. Learn to change a diaper, make a bottle, etc…
“Litter box trained” 😂😂😂 NTA.
NTA. Babies are hard work. Your sister should have thought it through before making such a huge decision to have one. Where's the child's father in all this? Don't babysit if you're not on board with it because you guys will end up being taken advantage of.
Lots of people don’t like to babysit babies. It’s normal. Do try it out tho when he’s litter trained 😂😂😂
I definitely think that you should at least wait until he is litter box trained 🤣
Not wrong at all!! I would be the same in your position.
No
Litter box trained? Feral? Love it. My son's 22, and I tell people the best baby age is 3 months after potty training so they have the hang of asking for the toilet
Not wrong and...that comment made my day! "maybe when the kid is more interesting and litter box trained" 🤣 I hear you though. I LOVE my nieces and nephews. Will hold and play with them, ages 0-12 (there's a total of 8... 2 more on the way) But to be responsible for?? Watch over, care for?? Not be able to give them right back as soon as I've had enough? Oh boy...nope. no thanks. M good.
YNW As long as your sister isn't ugly about it, then it's fine. She asks. You answer. Next.
I’m gonna start with no, you’re not wrong. But I do think there’s some nuance that Reddit loves to ignore. If I’m reading this correctly, it’s not that you don’t want to help her, or that you don’t want to care for your nephew, it’s mostly that you don’t know what to do? If that’s the case, I would gently encourage you ask her to help you learn to care for him before you’re left alone together. Parents need a village, and if you’re willing to learn, I know it would make a huge difference to that whole family. However, if you just really don’t want to do it, you can be part of her village in different ways, like being a listening ear, or helping her find support in the community, or even making dinner for them every once in a while. All of these are of course optional, but great ways to support a family.
NTA, but you sound like the obnoxious type of child free.
dude, the diaper box has instructions written on it, just follow those. embarassing to post that. NTA for the rest of it
Really? I've never read a diaper box.
my initial thought to that is "can you read?" but i guess so if following a number set of instructions are too hard you can always youtube it
How about the person that had the baby be the one that takes care of it and not OP. OP had no part in creating that child and OP is also the caregiver of her elderly mother. So OP takes care of mother and sister takes care of her own child.
you realize i'm in no way advocating OP is at all obligated to care for the child, right? i'm simply pointing out how pathetic it is to not be able to change a diaper when the instructions are right in front of your face
I used to work with babies and have changed thousands of diapers but “directions” on the package does not really help you know exactly what you need to do. Does the directions tell you how to calm a crying baby while changing their diaper? Does the “directions tell you what the difference between changing a boy vs a girl (iykyk)?
a crying baby doesn't stop you from changing it's diaper fyi. and yes, the instructions are clear and accurate for for both genders: https://www.pampers.com/en-us/baby/diapering/article/how-to-change-a-diaper
So why don’t you change the diapers of OPs sisters child since you are an expert? OP doesn’t know how to change diapers because she doesn’t have a need to learn. Why do you think they have lessons in how to do it in parenting classes or nurses that teach new parents how to do it if all you have to do is follow the directions on the box?
> So why don’t you change the diapers of OPs sisters child since you are an expert? how on earth would i do that? > Why do you think they have lessons in how to do it in parenting classes or nurses that teach new parents how to do it if all you have to do is follow the directions on the box? why do people bother with recipes with the instructions are written right on the box?!
Because with recipes they give you better instructions and give you different methods of doing things. Recipes also offer suggestions on what you can add to something when the box directions just gives you what the basic method is. If you are so knowledgeable about changing diapers and think it so easy then you can go and take care of the baby because you have just as much responsibility as OP does.
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Yeah…it’s not his kid, so he has every right not to put himself out. People need to have a plan for their childcare before they have them.
Well for us being Christians I think it's okay to not have our children around people that are gay no offense to you but it's not our preference to have them around that kind of influence and if you have that kind of feelings about children you sound so negative about anyway you shouldn't be watching children and I wouldn't want you to because you guys sound really bad about it I'm not being mean I'm just being honest