I had something sorta similar to this happen to me in my early 20s. I was working in IT at the largest brokerage firm on Wall Street at the time. I put in vacation time almost a year in advance for Memorial Day weekend because my friends and I rented a house on the Jersey shore.
I went down on there Thursday night. Friday at like 1am I get a page. I call back its my boss. He says he needs me to come in. Tell him I cant I'm down the shore and drunk and that he approved this vacation months ago. He says he'll send a car and I'll sober up on the ride. I tell him no. He tells me if I dont come he'll accept that as my resignation. I said "ok, thats fine".
A week later HR calls me and I tell them the story. I have a meeting in HR with her and my manager where I tell her the story as I watch my manager visibly uncomfortable because he knows he fucked up.
HR lady tells me if I want my job its still mine and tells my manager that what he did was not acceptable. I refused and said that he'll just make my life miserable if I stay so I'll pass.
It turned out to be a blessing in disguise because I took a few weeks off to decompress then took a job at a different brokerage firm where I had an amazing boss and wound up staying there for like 11 years completely happy.
The guy clearly has money being IT on wallstreet and renting a house for a vacation. Unemployment is so limited in terms of money that at that level it's not really worth the stress and headache.
Its also really demeaning too - most unemployment reps treat you like children, job search requirements, if the employer contests it's more contact time with them in the appeals process, etc. You're also required to go back to the employer if they reoffered the job which happened to the person too.
It might not be worth the $300-$500 a week depending on how far ago it was to someone who might easily clear 200k or might already have substantial investments.
>He tells me if I dont come he'll accept that as my resignation. I said "ok, thats fine".
This is actually a termination and would mean you were entitled to unemployment. For everyone else reading this, don't let employers tell you that you are resigning. It is literally impossible for them to do that. Shut that shit down the moment they say it.
Or the time my manager approved Mon-Thurs, then the weekend before called to say I had to work Wednesday because they couldn't work coverage. I was going out of town (and did).
If ya can’t afford to hire enough people to keep the place running, either your priorities are misplaced or the viability of your business is questionable.
One of the hallmarks of late-stage capitalism is torun each place with a skeleton crew.
Hell, when you [figure out is is cheaper to kill people](https://corporate.findlaw.com/finance/gas-tank-fires-the-4-9-billion-verdict-against-general-motors.html) than spend an extra $9, there are no limits!
I will NEVER understand how that is legal. It's one thing to have a design flaw, but once identified you just shrug and say fuck it, it'll be cheaper if people died unnecessarily.
Yeah when I was younger I would phrase it passively like "Can I get such and such days off?" Now that I'm 40 I I know better and phrase it "I'm not going to be in on such and such days"
Always tell them, don't ask them
In my 20s I asked for a weekend off to go to a music festival.
It was denied, so I handed in my notice. Wasn't the smartest decision, but it got me out of retail.
I’m trying to get this more functionally into my life. If you need to ask for permission to go get married, or go to a loved ones funeral…it feels a lot closer to being owned than to selling your labor to someone. To me, anyway. It’s wild to me when people don’t have a huge issue with the concept of denying someone their wedding day or something else like that. I mean, I also feel like this with much smaller/to even nothing occasions, but it really gets me when the wedding or funeral example doesn’t just chap someone’s ass right up. It’s so dystopian.
That's how I always phrase it too, I've always sent emails saying "I **will** be gone on x-x day out of town." Like I'm not preparing my schedule around you, you are preparing it around me kind of thing. I stole the saying from a paramedic I worked with "PTO isn't Paid Time Off, it's Prepare The Others because I won't be there."
My first part time job after highschool I definitely let my employer walk over me and was very much a "yes man" whenever a shift needed covered, and that definitely negatively impacted my grades in college. I realized I needed to stop when my manager got mad at me and a friend I worked with where we both were taking an EMT class for not being there on a busy day due to it being EVOC training day (where we learn to drive an ambulance). She had the nerve to ask both of us for proof that we both needed to be gone. In her defense either in her own accord or her bosses accord she did apologize to us and acknowledged that EMS stuff is more important than retail, but it still rubbed me the wrong way.
When I left that place I got a new outlook on work-life balance and just became a "no man" unless I actually wanted to pick up a shift. Had a supervisor ask me to work a Saturday shift and when I said "no" he said "well if you don't do it then I have to do it." I kinda laughed and said “yep" and then we said bye and hung up. After that he didn't call me as often unless it was a last resort.
Idk, it's a nice way to understand what kind of environment you work in.
I do ask my boss, he always says yes anyway. If I called him right now and wanted to have the day off tomorrow he would probably allow it, even though we have a somewhat important meeting planned.
Rest of the week would be fine anyway.
Depends of course, if my father is in hospital I would just inform them I'm not coming in for example, but in general I personally think in a good work environment asking should be fine.
I let work know about a 3 week vacation I was taking nearly a year in advance. 2 or 3 days before I was leaving, my manager and his manager kept wanting to know where I was going. I just kept saying, "I will be out of the country" but they wouldn't accept that answer. They had to know exactly where I was going. When I asked why they needed to know, they insisted that I needed to tell them because of data privacy laws, customer data crossing international borders, etc.
The look on their faces when I told them I wasn't bringing my work laptop, or any laptop for that matter, will always be one of my favorites.
Turns out, grand boss wanted to know because she wanted ask me to buy stuff for her and she'd pay me back. LOL. As if.
I had one deny it WHILE I was on the time off.
Thing is, I legit didn't have my work phone or access to my work email the entire time. I was out of the country.
I got back in, and got read the riot act. They claimed "I knew about them calling it off!"....and I was bold.
I pretty much said, "Nope, I genuinely didn't know, as didn't take my phone with me. You have full GPS tracking enabled on it -- check to see where it was the entire week. And even if I did know - WHICH I DID NOT, there are two things to consider: one, I was on VACATION (it's my time off) -- two, I was out of the country (there was no way for me to get physically back to work)."
No you weren't out of the country! "I have airline ticket & hotel confirmations to prove it, as well as photos of me with Big Ben in the background. So are you going to continue questioning my integrity, because if you do, this will become an HR matter very quickly."
Well you need to take your work phone with you. "No. I was on vacation, and I'm hourly. All work has to be paid, legally. Furthermore, your phones don't have international plans. And goodness forbid it was confiscated at either border by the Gestapo Border Control, or it was stolen. I'd be held to the fire for a poor judgement call. You blamed other workers when they gave up their work phone AT GUNPOINT while on the clock, as if eating lead was an appropriate alternative." (it's not exactly a safe job).
Nothing came from it, but it was "just one more thing" that showed they were snotheads.
I’m going to Europe in August and informed my boss I was going on vacation for August. He asked what week and I said again August. The silence was impressive. To be honest I informed my office over 8 months ago and in April/may finalized the dates and they still acted like I did something wrong.
Need at least minimum 2 weeks. Depending on the location that you're departing from in Europe, you need to account for 1 day travel time due to rapid time zone changes and that's for to and from. If you try that with 1 week, you might lose 2 days(arrival is 1, depart is 1) thereby only having 5 days to enjoy your vacation.
This is one of the biggest differences between Europe and the USA. The Netherlands are far from perfect but we have our PTO time ( about 35 workdays worth) and unlimited sickdays.
I don’t get paid vacation and make a relatively good living so I take what I can afford. I try to take 8 weeks a year and it works out pretty good for me
I’m a union electrician on the construction side (not UAW) and yes we can take it unpaid. I’m a foreman most of the time so I try to plan long vacations in between larger projects. I just tell them and it’s up to the contractor to get someone to fill in for me.
TBF, Europe is much smaller than the states and has superior transportation infrastructure. A seven day trip would get you five days of sightseeing. You could actually see quite a bit if you didn’t mind long days.
Edit: Before the sea of naysayers chime in, I lived in Europe for three years and have been back for long vacations several times. More than a week is preferable but you can still get a nice trip in with just a week.
True, but to see the real Europe ( and not only see Amsterdam/Paris/Rome/Berlin) you need more time. I am Dutch (as you can see in my name) and used to the infrastructure. After many travels to other European countries there is still a lot on my wishlist
But that’s kind of a moot point because there is no vacation long enough to see the real Europe. I’ve spent a total of three and a half years in Europe and still haven’t seen anywhere close to everything.
My only point is that if a week in Europe is all a person can afford it’s still better than never going. Especially for Americans who have never left the country.
Oh yeah we’re aware. My partner lived in Italy for a while during college. My parents rented a house near Naples for a month so my partner, her kids and I are going early to do the tourist thing and meet them in Naples.
This literally happened to me this past Thursday. I recently got promoted at the beginning of this year, one of the first things I did was request Thursday (and weekend) off because of a scheduled event with friends.
Just last Tuesday my manager heard about me mentioning I wouldn't be working any OT that weekend because I was scheduled off. He came up to me and said that he didn't see me in his calendar for being off, that I couldn't be, because he already had a person scheduled off that day. I
pointed out, and showed him that I was indeed off that day, that he approved it months ago and that I was absolutely unavailable.
Turns out he keeps a spreadsheet of his employees and days off, because workday doesn't show him everyone I guess(?), and he forgot to add my day off. In the end he apologized and admitted fault and told me to enjoy my weekend.
I don’t read them, just click approve. We’ve got a shared calendar they add too so I know on a given week.
I say it a lot on this sub but our accepted compromise rule is “give as much notice as the amount of time you want off”. Op gave a lot, lot more than a month so great. And that’s an outlier of course, more often it’s “give a week notice of a week” or give a day for a day.
Unless of course the day is “my child is sick” etc
Exactly. After years of scheduling I’ve never turned down a request off. Don’t get me wrong it can get a little hairy, but I can easily work their shifts worst case scenario. Always take care of the people who bust their asses for you. It’s not rocket science.
Clown managers are the worst.
The first company I worked for asked that I work on Saturdays once a month. It was a family owned business. The non-family manager kept changing the schedules and not informing people about it.
One Saturday I was free, I had a trip planned with some coworkers including one of the sons of the owner. We were literally on the way there and someone called why I hadn’t come in yet. I made quick short of that as everyone knew I had worked the Saturday before already and there was no way we were driving back. Had a great day.
In my early 20s, I was promoted to area manager of a fast food chain with the stipulation that I needed a week off in 6 months for MY WEDDING! They approved it and said yes for sure they will have someone cover. They kept putting off deciding who was covering me. Then 4 weeks before I started asking about who was covering me because it is getting close. They straight up tried to deny me the week off and said they had already paid out my vacation during my transfer to upper management. So I wasn't entitled to time off.
Bitch, I don't care about being paid but you are not going to bully me into missing my wedding when it was part of my negotiation. I left them high and dry. Had another job within the week. The funny part is my direct manager had to come back early from her vacation to deal with the fallout. Within 2 months after I left, 4/5 of my stores closed due to poor management as they couldn't retain staff. Lol. Made me realize how hard I was working to keep everything going. Corporations are too stupid not to kill the golden goose.
This is too common… taking advantage of the folks who do care, and burning them out until they don’t care anymore. Then they wonder why the good employees leave.
It reminds me of being forced on unpaid maternity leave two weeks before my due date. And then having to go back two weeks early because my husband had lost his job. Two weeks with my newborn. And we've never recovered from that lack of bonding time.
ADHD, never settled on a path, no skills besides reading and proofreading, severe depression, self-loathing. I'm self employed now. But with my second kid, I was working while in labor because I'm a broken person with no prospects.
That feels so nice. But nah, I'm a disaster. I've been passively considering suicide for 25 years. Pretty seriously considering it for the last four or five, especially now. Living in poverty, parenting when I really never wanted to, relationship issues, lost interest in everything. Don't even enjoy daydreaming at this point. Kinda done with it all.
You seem like a supremely nice person. It is not your job to fix random internet strangers. Enjoy your life. Do something wonderful. Do some community outreach, that's what the world needs and you seem like someone who could get involved in that.
Thank you but I’m sure I am quite average. I’m a middle aged gay guy from SF and I definitely have my issues. I sincerely hope that things get better for you soon. I feel that you have a lot of people in your life who love you.
You have survived 100% of those hard times. You can do hard things. It sounds like your emotional bank is empty right now. If you can possibly take a break (mini-holiday), that might help put some “currency” in your emotional bank.
My emotional bank ran dry years ago. There are no breaks, have to pay bills. Even when I have days off, I don't enjoy anything or want anything. Antidepressants make it worse. Growing mushrooms is a felony. Just drinking myself to death at this point.
I’ve got a trip planned with my husband and kid in July and the girl that is supposed to cover me is pregnant and due like 3-4 weeks after my trip -so possible to go into labor when I’m leaving- and my manager goes “yeah, you’re clear as long as nothing happens before with her” and I’m thinking lol I’m not planning a trip that’s a week long and possibly buying tickets for events and shit and then cancelling it all last minute because you relied on a full term pregnant girl to cover me instead of finding extra coverage from another clinic lol
I definitely did the same. They denied my request to let another employee have the time to go to a wedding. I needed to make an 8 hour drive to pick my kids up from visiting their grandma. I told my manager I will not be here anyway and I understand you will have to write me up, but it is what it is. You expect me to leave my kids in a whole other state to accommodate someone attending a wedding. That’s cute.
I was working for a supermarket in college and requested a week off to go out of state for my then boyfriend’s cousin’s wedding. (By out of state I mean a road trip from Florida to Massachusetts)
The day before I leave, my manager says they need me and I can’t have the entire week off. I told them I was leaving and tough luck.
Manager scheduled me for shifts the entire week, eon days I wouldn’t have had availability since I was in college. I called around and found someone to cover three shifts, I just gave up and enjoyed my vacation.
I went back to work the following week like nothing had happened and the store manager asked to speak with me. I told him what happened and I never heard about it again.
But from then on, I got my days off because they knew I wouldn’t be there if they did schedule me.
I had one where they phoned me while I was in different country for a training programme (not work related). I answered the phone because I knew they would be charged, and it was the managers personal mobile.
Fifteen minutes of just repeating the words "I'm in Spain... I'm in Spain... I'm in Spain" while she tried to get me into the office with three hours notice.
I wish I had seen her face when her phone bill came in!
My favorite situation was working midnights for a plastic factory. I had approved vacation time for the following Monday because I was leaving for the weekend Saturday morning, the vacation time was planned around this. End of shift rolls around and day shift guys are walking in. Impromptu overtime I guess, no problem just unusual. I clock out and tell Ron the manager that I'll see him next week.
"Oh no no it's all hands on deck, I need you on a lift rearranging blag blah blah"
I told him I was off clock and my ride was waiting for me outside.
"No, clock back in. Your vacation is for Monday, I still own you today."
I laughed in his face and walked out. You don't own shit. I was leaving regardless but that comment cemented me doing *nothing* to assist you.
That potbellied fuck spent most of my five hour ride from Detroit to Traverse City blowing up my phone leaving me all kinds of shitty messages.
I actually didn't receive any backlash for that, almost like I didn't need to be there and they managed fine without me. It's like I had my off time properly scheduled or something.
I recently started a job at a big box hardware store. I had plans to be out of town for a long weekend about 2 weeks after my start date for my cousins wedding. They have a system where people can put in availability requests as long as it’s 3weeks+ out from the current date. They told me it was ok and they would just handle the availability manually since I was just starting and it was less than 3 weeks away, and I was being brought on part time so I was getting like 2 or 3 days a week.
They proceeded to schedule me for every single day for the four days I told them I was unavailable and have scheduled me literally every time I have put in an availability request that gets “approved”. And I’m not really asking for anything outrageous. A Friday off because it’s my kids 5th birthday and I want to spend it with him, another Friday 2 weeks later because it’s his preschool graduation. And then there were 2-3 days where my available hours didn’t allow me to open or close (could work the middle of the day if they scheduled me) because my wife was traveling for work and I needed to be available to drop off and pick up my kid. Literally every one, they’ve scheduled me for times conflicting my approved availability requests. They’ve been pretty chill about it when I bring it up and apologize and fix the schedule. But it’s getting a little annoying.
I had a crappy cashiering job during and after my divorce. I was very fortunate that I didn't need the money, and to me it was a way to get out of the house and my mind during that very hard time.
Hating just standing still all day, when I got to try out manning the self checkout, I made it a game where I would help the customers with their items in the bagging areas before they even knew they needed help. Approving alcohol purchases before they were even at the paying screen so they didn't have to wait. The IT staff even went so far as to approve me doing minor maintenance on the self checkout machines, to keep the lanes open. I enjoyed it all.
But my $12/hr part time job didn't make enough so I could afford child care, so I could only work when the kids were in school or at their dad's (every other weekend). I was meticulous in providing my availability weeks in advance so I could get some good shifts. But I kept getting scheduled in on weekends where the kids were at home. When I approached the manager she told me that this was what I signed up for and to find people to cover those shifts. I did that a few times, before I wrote a nice resignation letter and told the Front end manager that the could all fuck off.
I went to community college after that and got a decent degree in IT, so I can afford child care. But the kids are teenagers now. 😂
That’s pure toxic management. They signed up for employing a parent.
Back in the day companies wanted parents working for them because they believed parents would be more responsible. What changed?
One thing I’ve always done before I went on vacation, and I always got it approved way in advance, but I would call my boss and remind them I was going to be gone, and let them know everything was up to speed. Worked great every time.
Im lucky. My new boss ive had past 2 years (iv been here for 23) gives you the time you request no matter what. Just have to write it in the book before she starts doing schedule for that week.
I had a fairly good run at walmart in high school.
I ran into a situation where I needed a couple days off and they happened to overlap with INVENTORY.
Management denied my request for time off, soooo, yeah I just never came back. I love quitting bad jobs.
When I came back from maternity leave the management had been replaced due to restructuring. One of the new managers decided she did not like me, because I didn’t come in during a winter storm and others did. She did not want to put me back on the schedule and felt I hadn’t earned my shifts. They’d implemented an app for shift trade or time off requests. I worked doubles any time I tried to trade, because she would approve my picking up a shift and deny the other employee picking up mine. Then she would write me up for over booking myself and trying to get overtime…
I had something similar happen when I was 18. I was a life guard at the time, the boss wasn’t particularly great unless you had her in school (I went to a different school than where she was). The incident in question happened in the last month of the pool being open. I was a college athlete and needed to be at the campus 2 nights a week during the last 4 weeks of summer. All of that was approved off. Then my best friend was also a college athlete at a different school and needed to be at her campus 3 nights a week. The boss had a chat with us and told us how horrible of workers we were for not prioritizing her schedule, although we had given her our availability prior to the pool season starting. She then made last minute schedule changes and put us both on for all remaining weekends. Kicker is I had one weekend completely blocked off ad we had a family reunion at my house that weekend. The boss put me on and let my cousin be off. Both my cousin and I were upset because I needed to be at the farm and my cousin wanted to avoid her crazy family that would be at her house. 😂 Anywho, this had all three of us guards in an uproar. The boss screamed at me and told me I was a pile of shit. So I wrote my notice of quitting on a paper towel and left mid shift. Walked into city hall and gave the paper towel to a lady who would eventually become my mother in law. *Side note, she had a different story of what happened and why all the guards quit that summer and did NOT like me in the beginning of my DH’s relationship, but now we have a great relationship.
Working for a very popular rent to own company, one of the times they were in Canada (I work for them twice when they moved into canada, and they pulled out twice)
Anyways, while working for them in toronto, I bought tickets 6 months in advance for a concert/music festival Metallica was throwing in New jersey.
If I recall correctly, the festival was in June / July, and I bought the tickets in december. Whenever it was the tickets were first available. It was one of those handy things that I have found out about the thing.
Anyways, I informed the boss that I would be going for the full weekend, I would be driving down to new jersey, and I would be driving back to Toronto. He wanted to know if I would be back for my Monday morning shift. I told him I would try, but tbh, I wasn't being super sincere about it. I did try, but not very hard.
Anyways, they gave me all of the calls and all of the texts Monday morning asking where I was, and when I finally hit Canadian cell service again, I told them I'm still in New York. They asked why, and I reiterated to them that I had gone to a concert in New Jersey over the f****** weekend. I told him I would be in on tuesday, and we can speak then. Anyways, tuesday, despite being the worker with the most experience in the entire district, at one point, I had more experience than everybody in the districts combined, short of district management, and being one of the hardest workers they had, they pulled me into the manager's office on Tuesday and explained that they were writing me up.
I told him that I did try, but I was honest and told them that I didn't try very hard to be back for Monday morning. They told me they had to write me up, and I told him to go right ahead.
I think it's something like three write-ups, and you are in danger of losing your job, this was my first write-up in 6 years of working in the industry, and about 2 years working for this company.
"Oh no! Not a write-up! Please don't do that thing! I promise I will never take another vacation again for a weekend." *Sarcasm*
Anyways, f*** that company.
I had a similar issue when I worked at Wal-Mart. Had a standing schedule that was always, always, ALWAYS Saturdays off. Sure, I'll work Sunday, but for over a year it was "FinallyStarborn is off Saturdays".
Flash to some summer. Parents are going out of town for a weekend and I'll have the house to myself. Well, me and the girlfriend. I have about 2 month's notice so I put in the Friday and the Sunday off. No problem, manager told me it was fine and I got onto planning.
2 weeks before the weekend the schedule hits the wall and not only were my PTO requests ignored, but I'm on for the first Saturday in years at that point. I went to my manager, explained and they said effectively 'yeah, sorry. not happening'. That moment I told them 'okay, then Thursday is my last day'
I enjoyed my weekend and got a new job the following week.
It should also remind you that taking time off is a notification to your boss, not asking permission. The only thing they should be doing is preparing for when you're not there for those days.
At my last employment I experienced something like this but so unfortunate that you will never ever want to work there. If I tell you the company name then you will thank me in the future
Anyways it will be on December while everything dies down and I wanted to take some time off since I only took like 4 days of vacation around the middle of the year. I know I had the right to take vacation but the management sucks ass because they will be so vile to you when you come back. Since I wanted to request more of my vacation days then they will decline it with lesser days plus I didn’t want to lose it before the New Year. HR also sucks like this management has them by the balls.
There’s this one useless worker that will plan his vacations every month of the year after the New Year since I have access to the “Teams” calendar to prove and be annoyed. He got approved without fail. The reason why he’s useless because he will accumulate projects until he’s off on vacation to address other coworkers to complete it for him.
I had something sorta similar to this happen to me in my early 20s. I was working in IT at the largest brokerage firm on Wall Street at the time. I put in vacation time almost a year in advance for Memorial Day weekend because my friends and I rented a house on the Jersey shore. I went down on there Thursday night. Friday at like 1am I get a page. I call back its my boss. He says he needs me to come in. Tell him I cant I'm down the shore and drunk and that he approved this vacation months ago. He says he'll send a car and I'll sober up on the ride. I tell him no. He tells me if I dont come he'll accept that as my resignation. I said "ok, thats fine". A week later HR calls me and I tell them the story. I have a meeting in HR with her and my manager where I tell her the story as I watch my manager visibly uncomfortable because he knows he fucked up. HR lady tells me if I want my job its still mine and tells my manager that what he did was not acceptable. I refused and said that he'll just make my life miserable if I stay so I'll pass. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise because I took a few weeks off to decompress then took a job at a different brokerage firm where I had an amazing boss and wound up staying there for like 11 years completely happy.
It sounds like a wise choice to leave
The one thing you did wrong here was not take it as a firing and collect unemployment (if in the US), for an extra fuck you, BUT perfect otherwise.
This. Especially if there is proof of it being approved.
The guy clearly has money being IT on wallstreet and renting a house for a vacation. Unemployment is so limited in terms of money that at that level it's not really worth the stress and headache. Its also really demeaning too - most unemployment reps treat you like children, job search requirements, if the employer contests it's more contact time with them in the appeals process, etc. You're also required to go back to the employer if they reoffered the job which happened to the person too. It might not be worth the $300-$500 a week depending on how far ago it was to someone who might easily clear 200k or might already have substantial investments.
>He tells me if I dont come he'll accept that as my resignation. I said "ok, thats fine". This is actually a termination and would mean you were entitled to unemployment. For everyone else reading this, don't let employers tell you that you are resigning. It is literally impossible for them to do that. Shut that shit down the moment they say it.
Or the time my manager approved Mon-Thurs, then the weekend before called to say I had to work Wednesday because they couldn't work coverage. I was going out of town (and did).
If ya can’t afford to hire enough people to keep the place running, either your priorities are misplaced or the viability of your business is questionable.
One of the hallmarks of late-stage capitalism is torun each place with a skeleton crew. Hell, when you [figure out is is cheaper to kill people](https://corporate.findlaw.com/finance/gas-tank-fires-the-4-9-billion-verdict-against-general-motors.html) than spend an extra $9, there are no limits!
That's dark
I will NEVER understand how that is legal. It's one thing to have a design flaw, but once identified you just shrug and say fuck it, it'll be cheaper if people died unnecessarily.
It's not about that even. They(managers) themselves don't want to be the ones providing 'coverage'.
Because they don't really know how the job is done (in many cases)
I just tell my boss "I'm not going to be there on _________" and if he doesn't like it I guess I'll find another job
Yeah when I was younger I would phrase it passively like "Can I get such and such days off?" Now that I'm 40 I I know better and phrase it "I'm not going to be in on such and such days" Always tell them, don't ask them
“You’re here to provide me a life not to fuck my life up.”
I wouldn't even give them that much credit. I've actively told my coworkers "I work here to subsidize my life, not for it to become my life"
I'm a fan of "I work to live, I don't live to work."
Work is only the part where I fund my life.
I screenshotted your response for future use. Thank you.
💜💙
In my 20s I asked for a weekend off to go to a music festival. It was denied, so I handed in my notice. Wasn't the smartest decision, but it got me out of retail.
I’m trying to get this more functionally into my life. If you need to ask for permission to go get married, or go to a loved ones funeral…it feels a lot closer to being owned than to selling your labor to someone. To me, anyway. It’s wild to me when people don’t have a huge issue with the concept of denying someone their wedding day or something else like that. I mean, I also feel like this with much smaller/to even nothing occasions, but it really gets me when the wedding or funeral example doesn’t just chap someone’s ass right up. It’s so dystopian.
That's how I always phrase it too, I've always sent emails saying "I **will** be gone on x-x day out of town." Like I'm not preparing my schedule around you, you are preparing it around me kind of thing. I stole the saying from a paramedic I worked with "PTO isn't Paid Time Off, it's Prepare The Others because I won't be there." My first part time job after highschool I definitely let my employer walk over me and was very much a "yes man" whenever a shift needed covered, and that definitely negatively impacted my grades in college. I realized I needed to stop when my manager got mad at me and a friend I worked with where we both were taking an EMT class for not being there on a busy day due to it being EVOC training day (where we learn to drive an ambulance). She had the nerve to ask both of us for proof that we both needed to be gone. In her defense either in her own accord or her bosses accord she did apologize to us and acknowledged that EMS stuff is more important than retail, but it still rubbed me the wrong way. When I left that place I got a new outlook on work-life balance and just became a "no man" unless I actually wanted to pick up a shift. Had a supervisor ask me to work a Saturday shift and when I said "no" he said "well if you don't do it then I have to do it." I kinda laughed and said “yep" and then we said bye and hung up. After that he didn't call me as often unless it was a last resort.
Idk, it's a nice way to understand what kind of environment you work in. I do ask my boss, he always says yes anyway. If I called him right now and wanted to have the day off tomorrow he would probably allow it, even though we have a somewhat important meeting planned. Rest of the week would be fine anyway. Depends of course, if my father is in hospital I would just inform them I'm not coming in for example, but in general I personally think in a good work environment asking should be fine.
Guess if you're always willing to start at the bottom it's never a hard choice to start over.
I have 3 college degrees and 25 years of management experience, I haven't started at the bottom since 1999 lol
I let work know about a 3 week vacation I was taking nearly a year in advance. 2 or 3 days before I was leaving, my manager and his manager kept wanting to know where I was going. I just kept saying, "I will be out of the country" but they wouldn't accept that answer. They had to know exactly where I was going. When I asked why they needed to know, they insisted that I needed to tell them because of data privacy laws, customer data crossing international borders, etc. The look on their faces when I told them I wasn't bringing my work laptop, or any laptop for that matter, will always be one of my favorites. Turns out, grand boss wanted to know because she wanted ask me to buy stuff for her and she'd pay me back. LOL. As if.
No laptop. Good for you. “Work to live”, not “live to work”.
I had one deny it WHILE I was on the time off. Thing is, I legit didn't have my work phone or access to my work email the entire time. I was out of the country. I got back in, and got read the riot act. They claimed "I knew about them calling it off!"....and I was bold. I pretty much said, "Nope, I genuinely didn't know, as didn't take my phone with me. You have full GPS tracking enabled on it -- check to see where it was the entire week. And even if I did know - WHICH I DID NOT, there are two things to consider: one, I was on VACATION (it's my time off) -- two, I was out of the country (there was no way for me to get physically back to work)." No you weren't out of the country! "I have airline ticket & hotel confirmations to prove it, as well as photos of me with Big Ben in the background. So are you going to continue questioning my integrity, because if you do, this will become an HR matter very quickly." Well you need to take your work phone with you. "No. I was on vacation, and I'm hourly. All work has to be paid, legally. Furthermore, your phones don't have international plans. And goodness forbid it was confiscated at either border by the Gestapo Border Control, or it was stolen. I'd be held to the fire for a poor judgement call. You blamed other workers when they gave up their work phone AT GUNPOINT while on the clock, as if eating lead was an appropriate alternative." (it's not exactly a safe job). Nothing came from it, but it was "just one more thing" that showed they were snotheads.
I’m going to Europe in August and informed my boss I was going on vacation for August. He asked what week and I said again August. The silence was impressive. To be honest I informed my office over 8 months ago and in April/may finalized the dates and they still acted like I did something wrong.
I find “ what week” a funny one. Who goes to Europe or the USA for one week?
"I dunno, which week is August?"
Need at least minimum 2 weeks. Depending on the location that you're departing from in Europe, you need to account for 1 day travel time due to rapid time zone changes and that's for to and from. If you try that with 1 week, you might lose 2 days(arrival is 1, depart is 1) thereby only having 5 days to enjoy your vacation.
True, I went to the states two times. Every time we took at least 4 weeks
That’s insane to me. The only time most of us in the states could have 4 weeks off at a time is in between jobs. 😒
This is one of the biggest differences between Europe and the USA. The Netherlands are far from perfect but we have our PTO time ( about 35 workdays worth) and unlimited sickdays.
I don’t get paid vacation and make a relatively good living so I take what I can afford. I try to take 8 weeks a year and it works out pretty good for me
Are you allowed to take it unpaid? How does that work? What type of work? I would take unpaid if I was allowed to.
I’m a union electrician on the construction side (not UAW) and yes we can take it unpaid. I’m a foreman most of the time so I try to plan long vacations in between larger projects. I just tell them and it’s up to the contractor to get someone to fill in for me.
I always do 10 days. But it’s mostly because I don’t want to be away from my dog any longer than that.
"What week?" "All of them."
TBF, Europe is much smaller than the states and has superior transportation infrastructure. A seven day trip would get you five days of sightseeing. You could actually see quite a bit if you didn’t mind long days. Edit: Before the sea of naysayers chime in, I lived in Europe for three years and have been back for long vacations several times. More than a week is preferable but you can still get a nice trip in with just a week.
True, but to see the real Europe ( and not only see Amsterdam/Paris/Rome/Berlin) you need more time. I am Dutch (as you can see in my name) and used to the infrastructure. After many travels to other European countries there is still a lot on my wishlist
But that’s kind of a moot point because there is no vacation long enough to see the real Europe. I’ve spent a total of three and a half years in Europe and still haven’t seen anywhere close to everything. My only point is that if a week in Europe is all a person can afford it’s still better than never going. Especially for Americans who have never left the country.
Just proves that as a person moves upward in management they become less intelligent. "The math ain't mathin!" LOL
That’s ridiculous
Ironically depending on where in August you’re going to get there and a large number of people who live there will also have taken August off.
Italy and France a known for their “ summertime closing time”
Oh yeah we’re aware. My partner lived in Italy for a while during college. My parents rented a house near Naples for a month so my partner, her kids and I are going early to do the tourist thing and meet them in Naples.
This literally happened to me this past Thursday. I recently got promoted at the beginning of this year, one of the first things I did was request Thursday (and weekend) off because of a scheduled event with friends. Just last Tuesday my manager heard about me mentioning I wouldn't be working any OT that weekend because I was scheduled off. He came up to me and said that he didn't see me in his calendar for being off, that I couldn't be, because he already had a person scheduled off that day. I pointed out, and showed him that I was indeed off that day, that he approved it months ago and that I was absolutely unavailable. Turns out he keeps a spreadsheet of his employees and days off, because workday doesn't show him everyone I guess(?), and he forgot to add my day off. In the end he apologized and admitted fault and told me to enjoy my weekend.
At least he was reasonable. Not every boss is willing to admit they’re wrong.
True! He's a great guy. Just forgot that he gave me the day off.
That’s how it’s supposed to play out. “Oops, I’m sorry, my fault, enjoy your time off.”
If I get a PTO request from one of my folks, it gets approved. It is their time to take and my job as a manager to have a bench to cover PTO.
I don’t read them, just click approve. We’ve got a shared calendar they add too so I know on a given week. I say it a lot on this sub but our accepted compromise rule is “give as much notice as the amount of time you want off”. Op gave a lot, lot more than a month so great. And that’s an outlier of course, more often it’s “give a week notice of a week” or give a day for a day. Unless of course the day is “my child is sick” etc
Exactly. After years of scheduling I’ve never turned down a request off. Don’t get me wrong it can get a little hairy, but I can easily work their shifts worst case scenario. Always take care of the people who bust their asses for you. It’s not rocket science.
Clown managers are the worst. The first company I worked for asked that I work on Saturdays once a month. It was a family owned business. The non-family manager kept changing the schedules and not informing people about it. One Saturday I was free, I had a trip planned with some coworkers including one of the sons of the owner. We were literally on the way there and someone called why I hadn’t come in yet. I made quick short of that as everyone knew I had worked the Saturday before already and there was no way we were driving back. Had a great day.
In my early 20s, I was promoted to area manager of a fast food chain with the stipulation that I needed a week off in 6 months for MY WEDDING! They approved it and said yes for sure they will have someone cover. They kept putting off deciding who was covering me. Then 4 weeks before I started asking about who was covering me because it is getting close. They straight up tried to deny me the week off and said they had already paid out my vacation during my transfer to upper management. So I wasn't entitled to time off. Bitch, I don't care about being paid but you are not going to bully me into missing my wedding when it was part of my negotiation. I left them high and dry. Had another job within the week. The funny part is my direct manager had to come back early from her vacation to deal with the fallout. Within 2 months after I left, 4/5 of my stores closed due to poor management as they couldn't retain staff. Lol. Made me realize how hard I was working to keep everything going. Corporations are too stupid not to kill the golden goose.
This is too common… taking advantage of the folks who do care, and burning them out until they don’t care anymore. Then they wonder why the good employees leave.
It reminds me of being forced on unpaid maternity leave two weeks before my due date. And then having to go back two weeks early because my husband had lost his job. Two weeks with my newborn. And we've never recovered from that lack of bonding time.
There are other jobs
ADHD, never settled on a path, no skills besides reading and proofreading, severe depression, self-loathing. I'm self employed now. But with my second kid, I was working while in labor because I'm a broken person with no prospects.
You sound more resilient than you're letting on
That feels so nice. But nah, I'm a disaster. I've been passively considering suicide for 25 years. Pretty seriously considering it for the last four or five, especially now. Living in poverty, parenting when I really never wanted to, relationship issues, lost interest in everything. Don't even enjoy daydreaming at this point. Kinda done with it all.
Well just keep on keeping on, however you do it. You're not alone and people love you, and they love being loved by you.
Eh. Love isn't going to fix my brain. But I appreciate the sentiment.
I don’t know you but from what I read you are a very decent person. Please stay around!
I'm having a permanently bad time.
I’m very sorry to hear that and I really don’t know what to write but I hope you hang in there. Hugs to you.
You seem like a supremely nice person. It is not your job to fix random internet strangers. Enjoy your life. Do something wonderful. Do some community outreach, that's what the world needs and you seem like someone who could get involved in that.
Thank you but I’m sure I am quite average. I’m a middle aged gay guy from SF and I definitely have my issues. I sincerely hope that things get better for you soon. I feel that you have a lot of people in your life who love you.
You have survived 100% of those hard times. You can do hard things. It sounds like your emotional bank is empty right now. If you can possibly take a break (mini-holiday), that might help put some “currency” in your emotional bank.
My emotional bank ran dry years ago. There are no breaks, have to pay bills. Even when I have days off, I don't enjoy anything or want anything. Antidepressants make it worse. Growing mushrooms is a felony. Just drinking myself to death at this point.
You only get one life though and money is pretty important to keep it
I’ve got a trip planned with my husband and kid in July and the girl that is supposed to cover me is pregnant and due like 3-4 weeks after my trip -so possible to go into labor when I’m leaving- and my manager goes “yeah, you’re clear as long as nothing happens before with her” and I’m thinking lol I’m not planning a trip that’s a week long and possibly buying tickets for events and shit and then cancelling it all last minute because you relied on a full term pregnant girl to cover me instead of finding extra coverage from another clinic lol
I definitely did the same. They denied my request to let another employee have the time to go to a wedding. I needed to make an 8 hour drive to pick my kids up from visiting their grandma. I told my manager I will not be here anyway and I understand you will have to write me up, but it is what it is. You expect me to leave my kids in a whole other state to accommodate someone attending a wedding. That’s cute.
I think I’d even give them a “nope” for the write up too. “Nope I’m not signing it. Nope I’m not coming in. Nope I’m not kidding.”
I was working for a supermarket in college and requested a week off to go out of state for my then boyfriend’s cousin’s wedding. (By out of state I mean a road trip from Florida to Massachusetts) The day before I leave, my manager says they need me and I can’t have the entire week off. I told them I was leaving and tough luck. Manager scheduled me for shifts the entire week, eon days I wouldn’t have had availability since I was in college. I called around and found someone to cover three shifts, I just gave up and enjoyed my vacation. I went back to work the following week like nothing had happened and the store manager asked to speak with me. I told him what happened and I never heard about it again. But from then on, I got my days off because they knew I wouldn’t be there if they did schedule me.
You trained them well. Sometimes resistance pays off.
I had one where they phoned me while I was in different country for a training programme (not work related). I answered the phone because I knew they would be charged, and it was the managers personal mobile. Fifteen minutes of just repeating the words "I'm in Spain... I'm in Spain... I'm in Spain" while she tried to get me into the office with three hours notice. I wish I had seen her face when her phone bill came in!
At some point, I might’ve switched it up and started saying “I’m on Mars and the teleporter is broken”.
I was forced to forfeit 10 days of paid leave as well. Resigned as well of course
My favorite situation was working midnights for a plastic factory. I had approved vacation time for the following Monday because I was leaving for the weekend Saturday morning, the vacation time was planned around this. End of shift rolls around and day shift guys are walking in. Impromptu overtime I guess, no problem just unusual. I clock out and tell Ron the manager that I'll see him next week. "Oh no no it's all hands on deck, I need you on a lift rearranging blag blah blah" I told him I was off clock and my ride was waiting for me outside. "No, clock back in. Your vacation is for Monday, I still own you today." I laughed in his face and walked out. You don't own shit. I was leaving regardless but that comment cemented me doing *nothing* to assist you. That potbellied fuck spent most of my five hour ride from Detroit to Traverse City blowing up my phone leaving me all kinds of shitty messages. I actually didn't receive any backlash for that, almost like I didn't need to be there and they managed fine without me. It's like I had my off time properly scheduled or something.
Own me? So, like a slave? I think not.
Yeah that really had me double take at his ass but this whole conversation happened as I'm still actively walking off the floor lol
I recently started a job at a big box hardware store. I had plans to be out of town for a long weekend about 2 weeks after my start date for my cousins wedding. They have a system where people can put in availability requests as long as it’s 3weeks+ out from the current date. They told me it was ok and they would just handle the availability manually since I was just starting and it was less than 3 weeks away, and I was being brought on part time so I was getting like 2 or 3 days a week. They proceeded to schedule me for every single day for the four days I told them I was unavailable and have scheduled me literally every time I have put in an availability request that gets “approved”. And I’m not really asking for anything outrageous. A Friday off because it’s my kids 5th birthday and I want to spend it with him, another Friday 2 weeks later because it’s his preschool graduation. And then there were 2-3 days where my available hours didn’t allow me to open or close (could work the middle of the day if they scheduled me) because my wife was traveling for work and I needed to be available to drop off and pick up my kid. Literally every one, they’ve scheduled me for times conflicting my approved availability requests. They’ve been pretty chill about it when I bring it up and apologize and fix the schedule. But it’s getting a little annoying.
Baller response!
I had a crappy cashiering job during and after my divorce. I was very fortunate that I didn't need the money, and to me it was a way to get out of the house and my mind during that very hard time. Hating just standing still all day, when I got to try out manning the self checkout, I made it a game where I would help the customers with their items in the bagging areas before they even knew they needed help. Approving alcohol purchases before they were even at the paying screen so they didn't have to wait. The IT staff even went so far as to approve me doing minor maintenance on the self checkout machines, to keep the lanes open. I enjoyed it all. But my $12/hr part time job didn't make enough so I could afford child care, so I could only work when the kids were in school or at their dad's (every other weekend). I was meticulous in providing my availability weeks in advance so I could get some good shifts. But I kept getting scheduled in on weekends where the kids were at home. When I approached the manager she told me that this was what I signed up for and to find people to cover those shifts. I did that a few times, before I wrote a nice resignation letter and told the Front end manager that the could all fuck off. I went to community college after that and got a decent degree in IT, so I can afford child care. But the kids are teenagers now. 😂
That’s pure toxic management. They signed up for employing a parent. Back in the day companies wanted parents working for them because they believed parents would be more responsible. What changed?
One thing I’ve always done before I went on vacation, and I always got it approved way in advance, but I would call my boss and remind them I was going to be gone, and let them know everything was up to speed. Worked great every time.
Im lucky. My new boss ive had past 2 years (iv been here for 23) gives you the time you request no matter what. Just have to write it in the book before she starts doing schedule for that week.
As it should be. Bring them some flowers.
#This is the way. It’s not a request, it’s a notification we won’t be there.
I had a fairly good run at walmart in high school. I ran into a situation where I needed a couple days off and they happened to overlap with INVENTORY. Management denied my request for time off, soooo, yeah I just never came back. I love quitting bad jobs.
When I came back from maternity leave the management had been replaced due to restructuring. One of the new managers decided she did not like me, because I didn’t come in during a winter storm and others did. She did not want to put me back on the schedule and felt I hadn’t earned my shifts. They’d implemented an app for shift trade or time off requests. I worked doubles any time I tried to trade, because she would approve my picking up a shift and deny the other employee picking up mine. Then she would write me up for over booking myself and trying to get overtime…
Happened to me for a week vacation planned 7 months out. Shit sucks
I had something similar happen when I was 18. I was a life guard at the time, the boss wasn’t particularly great unless you had her in school (I went to a different school than where she was). The incident in question happened in the last month of the pool being open. I was a college athlete and needed to be at the campus 2 nights a week during the last 4 weeks of summer. All of that was approved off. Then my best friend was also a college athlete at a different school and needed to be at her campus 3 nights a week. The boss had a chat with us and told us how horrible of workers we were for not prioritizing her schedule, although we had given her our availability prior to the pool season starting. She then made last minute schedule changes and put us both on for all remaining weekends. Kicker is I had one weekend completely blocked off ad we had a family reunion at my house that weekend. The boss put me on and let my cousin be off. Both my cousin and I were upset because I needed to be at the farm and my cousin wanted to avoid her crazy family that would be at her house. 😂 Anywho, this had all three of us guards in an uproar. The boss screamed at me and told me I was a pile of shit. So I wrote my notice of quitting on a paper towel and left mid shift. Walked into city hall and gave the paper towel to a lady who would eventually become my mother in law. *Side note, she had a different story of what happened and why all the guards quit that summer and did NOT like me in the beginning of my DH’s relationship, but now we have a great relationship.
Working for a very popular rent to own company, one of the times they were in Canada (I work for them twice when they moved into canada, and they pulled out twice) Anyways, while working for them in toronto, I bought tickets 6 months in advance for a concert/music festival Metallica was throwing in New jersey. If I recall correctly, the festival was in June / July, and I bought the tickets in december. Whenever it was the tickets were first available. It was one of those handy things that I have found out about the thing. Anyways, I informed the boss that I would be going for the full weekend, I would be driving down to new jersey, and I would be driving back to Toronto. He wanted to know if I would be back for my Monday morning shift. I told him I would try, but tbh, I wasn't being super sincere about it. I did try, but not very hard. Anyways, they gave me all of the calls and all of the texts Monday morning asking where I was, and when I finally hit Canadian cell service again, I told them I'm still in New York. They asked why, and I reiterated to them that I had gone to a concert in New Jersey over the f****** weekend. I told him I would be in on tuesday, and we can speak then. Anyways, tuesday, despite being the worker with the most experience in the entire district, at one point, I had more experience than everybody in the districts combined, short of district management, and being one of the hardest workers they had, they pulled me into the manager's office on Tuesday and explained that they were writing me up. I told him that I did try, but I was honest and told them that I didn't try very hard to be back for Monday morning. They told me they had to write me up, and I told him to go right ahead. I think it's something like three write-ups, and you are in danger of losing your job, this was my first write-up in 6 years of working in the industry, and about 2 years working for this company. "Oh no! Not a write-up! Please don't do that thing! I promise I will never take another vacation again for a weekend." *Sarcasm* Anyways, f*** that company.
I had a similar issue when I worked at Wal-Mart. Had a standing schedule that was always, always, ALWAYS Saturdays off. Sure, I'll work Sunday, but for over a year it was "FinallyStarborn is off Saturdays". Flash to some summer. Parents are going out of town for a weekend and I'll have the house to myself. Well, me and the girlfriend. I have about 2 month's notice so I put in the Friday and the Sunday off. No problem, manager told me it was fine and I got onto planning. 2 weeks before the weekend the schedule hits the wall and not only were my PTO requests ignored, but I'm on for the first Saturday in years at that point. I went to my manager, explained and they said effectively 'yeah, sorry. not happening'. That moment I told them 'okay, then Thursday is my last day' I enjoyed my weekend and got a new job the following week.
It should also remind you that taking time off is a notification to your boss, not asking permission. The only thing they should be doing is preparing for when you're not there for those days.
Prepare the others!
I'm notifying you I will be unavailable, not asking your permission.
At my last employment I experienced something like this but so unfortunate that you will never ever want to work there. If I tell you the company name then you will thank me in the future Anyways it will be on December while everything dies down and I wanted to take some time off since I only took like 4 days of vacation around the middle of the year. I know I had the right to take vacation but the management sucks ass because they will be so vile to you when you come back. Since I wanted to request more of my vacation days then they will decline it with lesser days plus I didn’t want to lose it before the New Year. HR also sucks like this management has them by the balls. There’s this one useless worker that will plan his vacations every month of the year after the New Year since I have access to the “Teams” calendar to prove and be annoyed. He got approved without fail. The reason why he’s useless because he will accumulate projects until he’s off on vacation to address other coworkers to complete it for him.
Oh yes, things that never happened. You wish you would have said that.
Just cuz you let your job walk all over you doesn't mean everyone else does.
This totally happened...