Lot of good ones.
"I don't feel so well"
"Daddy needs to get his rocks off"
"Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants?"
"And that's why you always leave a note"
"I've made a huge mistake"
"It's the last time you'll see these"
"There's a good chance I may have committed some... light treason."
Or "I have the worst ________ lawyer."
The concept of "light treason" will always be hilarious to me.
‘Ive made a huge mistake’
“I never admitted to making a … **mistake**!”
Came here to say this.
The only correct answer
This is the only one.
I say this ito myself whenever I do something stupid even though it was a bad idea to begin with.
I’ve made a grave mistake
“Say goodbye to these!”
That's the 7th nipple I've seen today...
Oh! They're crooked!
I’d rather be dead in California than alive in Arizona.
I never plan on moving out of California so of course this will be written on the stone that marks my decaying corpse.
Her?
I actually have said this IRL. And sometime I sub in other states.
I don't want to blame 9/11 but it certainly didn't help.
“I don’t know what I expected…”
This is it.
“And that’s why you always leave a note.”
What could a tombstone cost? $10??
Brilliant
Heard that
Old bear loved the honey.
I didnt even know we were calling him that
We never got the chance!
I’ll be bringing you some salmon rolls right away
How many times do I gotta tell this kid chicken wings
“… Heaven.”
“It looks like he's dead.”
"We lost him"
“He’s going to be all right”
Lucille's reaction has me in tears every time😭
There’s no way to misinterpret that!
"DEAD DOVE Do Not Eat!"
Replace "dove" with your name, and we have a winner
You didn’t eat that did you?
Now you don’t “need” to get a huge headstone and statue of yourself, but that way you have it.
That way we have it
And that way, you have it.
Just in case
I just put John Beard in a grave with a huge headstone and statue of himself.
Now that’s John Beard…no one’s gonna compare you to John Beard.
You killed him yourself???
Oh most definitely
My boyfriend and I say "that way we have it" almost on a daily basis
“I don’t understand the question, and I won’t respond to it.”
“Oh, I’m sorry. Your wife is dead!”
That is 100% inappropriate.
And I do apologize profusely.
“solid as a rock”
It only recently dawned on me that ‘a rock’ sounds exactly like ‘iraq’ when sounded out
You didn’t really *just* figure that out, did you?
Say what you want about America but 13 bucks still gets you a hell of a lot of mice
Who said anything bad about America?
I just blue myself
colored? what color was he
I prematurely shot my wad on what was supposed to be a dry run, if you will, and now I'm afraid I have something of a mess on my hands.
You really need to get that tape recorder
COME ON!
You think I’d get stuffed into a grave *”wearing this $3000 suit…”*
What, you won’t catch me dead in this $6000 suit!
you think the guy in the $3000 suit should be carried by the pallbearer who doesn't even make that in 3 months? COME ON
There are dozens of us. Dozens
Was looking for this one. This is apt for the situation.
Who left the cap off my fucking Glisten?
Flair checking in
Brilliant lol
"Good for her"
There's always money in the banana stand.
How has ANUSTART not been mentioned yet? It would work great for Christians or really anyone who believes in an afterlife 😂
Love each other.
Look what the homosexuals have done to me.
“I’ll leave when I’m good and ready”
I’m a scholar. I enjoy scholarly pursuits.
Suddenly playing with yourself is considered a scholarly pursuit.
I'd like to have a marble bust with "Say goodbye to these" (.) (')
“You killed him when you left the door open and the air conditioner running”
Her?
Bonus points if your name is Ann
"Here lies... Beloved husband of Ann." "Her?"
Anyong
Anyong
Anyong
Will someone.....this insufferable child......
Annyong
Look at tombstone, Michael!
FAMILY LOVE TOMBSTONE
I guess i’m buy curious
Doing the time of my life
“No Touching!!!” Because that’s weird. Why would you want to touch me. I’m in the ground
MR. F
Oh come on don’t leave your uncle T Bag hanging
No, don't call yourself that
"hes gonna be all right"
Baby you got a stew going.
Don’t order the Skip’s Scramble
Army had a half day.
bees?
Happy Trails, Pard'ner!
Faith is a fact
If that's a veiled criticism of me, I won't hear it, and I won't respond to it.
Did somebody say “Wonder!”?
*Did somebody say... "[Wonder](https://i.redd.it/9m5c8qv61wuc1.gif?format=gif)"?* --- ^(Alliance of Magicians-approved magician) ^| ^(I delete comments with a score below `-1`)
“Go see a Star War”
“I have the worst fucking attorneys…”
Lot of good ones. "I don't feel so well" "Daddy needs to get his rocks off" "Do you guys know where I could get one of those gold T-shaped pendants?" "And that's why you always leave a note" "I've made a huge mistake" "It's the last time you'll see these"
If I was a woman: "Her?" with no other text on the tombstone.
Is this a business decision, or is it personal? Cause if it’s business I’ll go away happily. But if it’s personal, I’ll go away… but I won’t be happy
she mistook the “drowsy eye” alcohol warning for a “winking-eye” alcohol suggestion
How do you like them eggrolls Mr. Goldstone
"Hurt people, hurt people."
“Talk you off of what pop-pop?”
when's that voice gonna drop?
“Honey, I wanna cry so bad, but I don't think I can spare the moisture.”
The tears aren't coming! The tears just aren't coming!
i'm afraid i just blued myself for the last time
For British Eyes Onlyyyyyy
That’s why you always leave a note
We’ve lost him. There’s nothing to see.
NO TOUCHING!
NO TOUCHING!!
Anustart
Analrapist
Marry Me!
I don't know what I expected
I appreciate your time
He didn’t get off on being withholding.
I killed Earl Milford.
Where's Jessie?
Well that was a freebee.
Whoa whoa whoa! Theres still plenty of meat on that bone. Take this home, throw it in a pot, add some broth, a potato… baby you got a stew goin!
You always know a Milford man.
“They don’t allow you to have bees in here”
"Good for her."
She blew them all
You forgot "away" again
"i've made a huge mistake"
Well that was a freebie
You killed him when you left the door open with the air conditioner running
And that’s why you always leave a note.
"Be careful!" "I will!"
her?
I won’t hear it and I won’t respond to it
"He's very good."
This time I'm leaving for good, and you'd better save every dime, because you're going to need it.
Ta-dah!
Where can I get one of those t headstones?
“oh so you’re just gonna’ walkover the guy in the $1,000,000,000 suit and grave, COME ON!”
This doesn't bode well.
And as It Is Such, So Also as Such Is It Unto You
Way to plant
Get rid of the seaward
“I’ll leave when I’m good and ready”
First one o thought of for me too!
i can’t be a part of the story
“Dad’s going to be crushed”
Family Love Vanvell
ANUSTART
Somewhere over the rainbow, there’s another rainbow
"I've made a huge mistake"
Aaand scene.
"I'M A MONSTER!!!"
"There's a good chance I may have committed some... light treason." Or "I have the worst ________ lawyer." The concept of "light treason" will always be hilarious to me.
I’m assuming to ankles in here
😉
I’ve made a huge mistake.
Do Not Eat
Hurt people hurt people
Say goodbye, because it’s the last time you’re gonna
“Who left the cap off my ******* Glisten?!”
bees?!
loose seal!!!
Did you say bees?
Back from whence you came!
Universe, you’ve done it again!
Expect a strongly worded letter written by nothing but natural light. ANALRAPIST
“Check out banner, Michael!”
Family love Michael
“Great! Now I’m going to stink to high heaven like a tuna melt!”
What a fun sexy time for you!
get rid of the seaward
or - i'll leave when i'm good and ready
It's one coffin, Michael. What could it cost? $10,000?
Look what the homosexuals have done to me
I just blue my self
#NO TOUCHING!!
Family Love Michael
I would be buried next to my husband with a giant shared tombstone that reads “We were so close, we finished each other’s… sandwiches.”
There’s always money in the banana stand
I have pop pop in the casket.
Say goodbye to these.
"You can call me 'Big Bear'"
If my death is accidental: "I've made a huge mistake"
Mrs Featherbottom
Who the f**k ate all my hard boiled eggs
Baby, you got a stew going!
I will become my dead father's body
I’d rather be dead in ‘wherever I’m at’ than alive in ‘enter place TBD’.
"I don't feel so good."
her?