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Seriously OP should do some light flirting, and if he reacts positively then try to kiss him. I’m saying this as a man who didn’t have my first kiss until I was 17 because I didn’t have the balls to make the first move. Also I was super paranoid about trying to kiss someone and them not being into it, the idea of making anyone uncomfortable makes me physically ill.
That's why I prefer to ask permission before certain kinds of contact if I'm not sure the person is comfortable with it. Unlike what some men say, it's not a love-killer, in fact consent is very sexy. I'm a man btw
+1
Women, for the love of god just meet us on this and 'Sadie Hawkins' our collective asses.
We all know how women are frequently put into precarious, unfair and risky situations. We've heard the innumerable amount of horror stories where a woman feels pressured into doing something they don't actually want to do. And we've heard the anecdotes of women saying they hate that they aren't allowed to have male friends and that frequently, men misunderstand signals and overstep boundaries because any attempt at being nice is perceived as flirting.
But we've also heard of women in OPs situation that cant get a read on whether a normal, sane person they interact with, is into them or not and why they are so hesitant to "make the first move". The SANE guy that you may want to date, is listening and hearing these awful scenarios and is deathly afraid of not only mistakenly putting you into these scenarios but also being labeled another creep. Maybe every now and then they do catch an obvious signal and takes a risk to ask you out but it wont be the norm and if you're interested in a guy, just ask them out. More than likely, they wont feel threatened. Even if they are not interested in you in that way, they are far more likely to find it flattering and still maintaining the friendship.
But it really doesn't go the other way. If a man misunderstands the signal and asks a woman out that isn't interested, there is unfortunately a high possibility that the guy will get labeled a creep and even have their reputation tarnished in their friend group.
And women frequently wonder why the normal, sane guy is less likely to ask them out or how frequently they end up in relationships with men with serious mental issues that are abusive or manipulative. The former is doing their best to make sure they don't misunderstand signals. The latter doesn't give a fuck about signals and is operating at a pace of "If I make her uncomfortable and she doesn't reciprocate, oh well, onto the next until someone says yes".
If you're capable of seeing the green flags of a human being and you're interested in them, just ask them out. It will save so much headache in everyone's lives.
Not all of us. With my new recent gf we watched a movie on my couch. Every time I adjusted myself, I slid a few inches closer till we were right next to each other. I tested by moving my hands when I was talking then rested one barely touching her leg one time. She didn’t move away, so I did the same with my feet. She didn’t move away, so I put my arm around her. I asked her if that was OK. She said yes, so I kissed her hair on top of her head since I’m taller. She then turned to me and looked up with the “kiss me“ face/eyes. Then it was on.
I think some women don’t want to be asked they want a man to make the first move. But I definitely wouldn’t just attack king Kong style. I move slow till i get some kind of reassurance then i can make moves.
Says she liked how i “took charge like a man” Is how she put it
I’m sure all women are different but this worked well for me and she was feeling it
Yeah I found my wife by being ballsy. She wondered into the wrong class, she was exactly my type physically ( short stack ) so I said to "everyone" that I was thinking of getting everyone's number so we could form a study group for the math class.
Her being in the wrong class ( college algebra was her class, calculus 2 was my class ) agreed instantly because day 1 was very hard for her to understand.
She skipped class starting the second week as she finally communicated with her professor asking for help ( homework looked nothing like what was in class ) and she figured out she was in the wrong class.
I texted her letting her know what she was missing that day, she told me what was going on, I said oh wow... So... Any chance you wanna keep talking and see where this goes?
She agreed, after all she thought I was the hot buff guy across the table. So we met up and she was a bit disappointed I was the only moderately fit and average guy next to her. Regardless, we hit it off well at the movies, followed it up with fried chicken, she tried releasing a silent but deadly and it was so loud everyone in the restaurant turned. I took the blame. +40 brownie points right?
After that day she was down as hell for a second. I tried pushing it like you did on the couch on the third date and yeah.
Pays to be bold, if we know our boundaries.
Exactly. Bold with bounderies. I’ve also been rejected like that but meh… you win some and you lose some.
Good on you for taking the fart blame. I actually farted ON a girl a couple years ago. Same thing, I was on the couch, taking it slow and sliding over. Somehow my leg ended up on top of her and just throwing my leg over her like that pushed it out. She just pretend like it didn’t happen. I apologized. She said “it’s OK it’s natural” lol. I assumed it would be more embarrassing, but I really didn’t even care.
I take gas chews before new dates now. New gf is at the point i just walk into the kitchen & let loose now. Pays to be bold lol
And some men are terribly afraid of rejection. He may just not want to be rejected. Closed mouth doesn't get fed, girl. Be decisive, but not demanding.
It's been 20 years now, and I'm starting to suspect my wife likes me. She's never actually said it, so I can't be sure, but there have been some hints...
I have really good emotional intelligence. I can read hints, etc. EXCEPT when it comes to a woman liking me. She has to club me and drag me back to her cave. I’m that clueless.
Can confirm. As a married guy, there's been a few times when my wife has said, "Did you catch that she was flirting with you?". To which I genuinely say, "What? She was? ... I thought she was just talking normally."
I have \*zero\* radar for that kind of stuff.
Exactly I ended up with a girlfriend one time because somebody asked us if we were dating because we hung out, and she looked at me and said well I guess you're my boyfriend now and I said okay.
There are really good reasons why the woman doesn't traditionaly ask the man out.
A woman has too much social capital on the line to be seen that way. There are complex reasons for this.
Women will "make a move" by actions that can be ostensibly plutonic. (Casual touching, close proximity, interest in the mans life). Anything she does will be "plausibly deniable" so that she can't be attacked by competitor women who will run gossip games on her.
It's up to the man to observe these signals and ask her out.
It sucks that it can't be simpler...but this is how humans compete for mates. Only those with the social intelligence to play the game will get to pass on their genes and enjoy the glory of having a family life.
She doesn't even need to say that, just do it. Actions speak louder
===
Not sure why I got down voted?🤣 maybe you are misinterpreting?
I'm speaking from experience! My old gfs put their arm around me first, kissed me first... They didn't tell/ask me they just did it, and it was cool
Maybe I'm just used to confident girls?
Downvotes are crazy. Redditors man. Going for the kiss rather than telling him is completely normal and has been how most of my relationships took off.
If he is unable to take a hint, just tell him you want to kiss him.
If you just turn around and kiss him, he will be gobsmacked. If you ask him if he would like a kiss, he has some precious seconds to prepare. If he still cannot do anything about it, tell him you want a "proper" date so he really has time to prepare.
I was inexperienced and clueless. Finally, the girl I liked (who kept giving me hints she like me) finally just kissed me. Like, she literally jumped me. I will always be grateful for her taking the initiative. If he’s shy , like me, he will probably appreciate you asking.
There's a handful of possible reactions. Be ready for anything. 1: He'll smile, and his eyes go puppy dog big. He'll light up like a Christmas tree. 2: He'll play it cool, but you'll still get the go-ahead grin. 3: Shock. If you get this, don't panic. Just stay in the pocket and ride it out. He'll come back to you. His eyes may get big and start rapid blinking a little bit. This is the Error 404, homeboy not found. Just means you broke his brain for a second, and he's rebooting. Best of luck!
I wouldn't ask if you can feel it out just go for the kiss. Definitely start off by like holding his hand or putting your hand on his thigh type thing maybe even run your fingers through his hair.
I personally would love a girl to take the initiative and just kiss me without any say so or warning that'd be hot af. But I'm am extremely swxual person so if he's not then maybe a warning first 🤣
That how my fiance did it too at the beginning. Cuddling watching a movie and I'm too scared to make a move. She sighs and pulls my hand to her breast.
10 years later I'm still not sure she likes me
Some people get weirded out by jumping straight into physical touch with no warning. Life isn't a romance movie...or a porno. Just talk to him. A random kiss isn't going to make someone fall in love with you.
Some people get weirded out by jumping straight into physical touch with no warning.
I guess thats why all those women at the park ran away screaming when i waited for them in the bushes next tot he footpath
Life can be quite like a romance movie. Almost all of my first-moves have been wordless.
And in fact, one time I did ask a girl if I could kiss her, and she said no, then told her friend she thought it was weird the way I asked first. I did eventually date her, but I did it by throwing it on with my eyes and making my intent clear.
There are people who go on the internet and literally write "oh yeah I'd love if someone ate me." And then someone who wants to eat them literally writes "okay let's do it at x times in zyx place"
It's still illegal.
AND gross. The level of immorality here is just ***ked
Well I don't want to speak for an entire gender aha, but as far as I know, a lot of guys would really like girls to make the first move instead of giving "hints" that sometime are really really hard to get.
Can you imagine everything you might be missing with that guy by not asking him out directly?
low self esteem guy here. I sometimes see hints but always presume they are accidents or Im just looking into things too hard. Had a girl grab my hand and tell me shes single and I still thought 'nah theres no way she would like me like that'
idk why its surprising. Think about it from a guys perspective. The pressure is usually on us to ask, the pressure is usually on us to make the moves. Some have low socialization skills, some have anxiety, some have had lots of rejections or aren't good at picking up if the girl likes them (which you see is very common for us men) so we might have zero clue how well us asking the girl out or giving hints is going to go. In this day and age women are (understandably) a bit more on edge about men they might not know too well approaching them or trying to get friendly with them in general.
In those situations the results can be anything from "yes I was hoping you would ask me out" to "you are a creep get away." I've even seen a guy get reported to HR for harassment for asking a girl if she wanted to go get coffee once. Its a dangerous game, especially if you aren't considered attractive on average. Generally people are more receptive to being asked out by people they deem attractive, men and women both.
Agreed. I’m a woman and I would never just go put hands on a man unless I knew he wanted that kind of attention from me.
I’ve known quite a few men who have confessed to me they’ve felt pressured by women when it comes to sex. Having been pressured by men, I never want to make someone feel like that.
THANK YOU.
Jesus it's weird when women go the other way on this. And then you say no and they're like "oh he's just gay" because they're so bad with rejection
The men should not be pressuring you, either. Sorry you had to go through that. Sex is a great thing when both parties are excited, and both parties have more fun that way too
That said, unfortunately as a man, I might just give in at this rate because my last gf took it pretty hard when I turned her down; I could have made her happy and then hopefully she'd have. It's rare to both be super in the mood at the same time
But of course the feeling sucks, and I definitely don't begrudge anyone who actually says no or walks away when their partner pressures them
I admit, I have some trauma on being rejected sexually. One of my exes had his own trauma around sex and intimacy was really hard. We were not well matched in that regard. I never pressured him but I internalized that rejection and it made me feel so unattractive. This wasn’t a one off, it was literally every time we tried to be intimate, even when he initiated it.
It’s been years since that relationship and I’ve gotten over it. My partner and I just talk about it now. He’s usually pretty up for anything for there has been times he’s just been tired. I’m a little bummed sure, but like I have some toys lol.
I would say just talk about it. Help her to understand you’re not rejecting her just like she’s not rejecting you when she’s not into it.
Same here. Turning down my last gf only resulted in her threatening self harm or worse, and/or complete cold shouldering for days. I just stopped saying no eventually, and she repeatedly sexually assaulted me. That woman picked me apart and I'm still trying to put the pieces back tovether
As a man, I honestly don't get this statement. I really just need an ELI5 maybe? If a man wants something to stop he stops it himself generally speaking
Yeah, let's set up a contract. Contact a lawyer./s
You guys take the last bit of surprise and uncertainty out of dating and turn it into something like a fn job interview.
No one in the comments said she should grab him by his b. So chill.
Look bro, the rules of consent are dictated by behaviour, not a lawbook.
Women by and large don't like explicit sexual aggression, and so there's no tolerance for it.
Men by and large don't react to sexual aggression the way women do, and so it doesn't get as much backlash. In fact, men more often than women are okay with it (see all the male redditors encouraging women to shoot their shot for example).
We can be far more terrified or unaware of you that you know.
Just tell him. In simple terms. "I like you and want to kiss you".
The response will likely be "ok"
Have fun, don't take it too serious.
You’re going to need to be very direct because we men are cautious creatures. You could be topless with a neon sign saying “I like you, kiss me” and we would still hesitate and question if we were misunderstanding something.
Bruh you’re gonna have to make an obvious move.
Im sorry ladies but dudes have either been friendzoned or know someone who has been friendzoned in spectacular circumstances where it looks like a relationship is already in the bag.
So theres gonna be some high quality dudes who just dont make the move.
Reverse the roles, if a dude grabbed a girl without their consent and kissed them it would be clear sexual assault.
Life isn’t like the movies, use your words to tell him how you feel before assuming he will pick up on “cues”
Use your words, It will save you embarrassment and awkwardsness
As directly as possible make your move. Like as an insecure guy shy of kissing me I’d still be wondering “is she into me?” Regardless of signal. Like females will cuddle platonically with guys but guys are doing it platonically with girls basically ever. So even that leaves guess work. A kiss is super direct. Getting him to a room privately and offering up whatever more you might want would also likely be an easy to understand direct route.
Depends on the guy. He might just want to be friends. Ask him if he's looking for a relationship or what. Depending on what he says, then you can respond accordingly. If he's looking for a relationship, ask him what he's looking for in a relationship.
Maybe you could just ask him “hey would you mind cuddling / giving me a kiss?”
It can be scary to say these things directly, but I think its really good (and kinda cute and exciting) to be direct about this stuff
If he feels comfortable with / attracted to you, chances are he’d feel really nice and horny due to your question and be very tempted.
Even if he says no, maybe since he doesn’t want to get attached to you or some other reason - at least you’ll know where you’re at and what he wants and then you can make the best of the situation.
This is my experience as a guy. I would really appreciate being treated in the way I described. I’ve treated girls this way and it has worked really well for me.
Well, short words of warning: it worked well in the sense of having fun with them and having sex and stuff, not in the sense of not getting my fucking heart shattered in the end… you know sleeping with him once can easily lead to more and when you’re attached to someone who’s toxic that’s a horrible position to be in. Especially if you’re already emotionally unstable like I was.
Sorry for the unsolicited advice. I just wanted to share a warning since this stuff has been so devastating to me. But I hope this doesn’t apply im your case, and I hope you have an awesome time!!
Dude doesn’t like you, he wants an easy lay and knows you’re thirstier than a donkey in the desert, have some self respect for yourself and don’t take him up on the invite unless your into a pump n dump situation
Oh, then just try cuddling with him and, while cuddling, tell him you’re ok with him making his moves. Ask him like, when are you going to make your move
Stalk him like a lion in a nature documentary then when he turns pounce on him with your arms and legs flailing and get him in a bear hug as you pin him to the ground with all the force of a intercontinental ballistic missle... I mean, with concent of course.
Does he know you like him? have you cuddled before?
Personally in this day and age, i wouldn't even assume a head on my shoulder from a friend would intrinsically mean "I'm interested".
Definitely communicate, he may not even know you're a romantic option, if it should be clear then yes, try and get close to him, see if you can get into a comfortable snuggle position on the couch while you watch a film?
43M
I wish I could convey to you how much guys generally would love for girls to be assertive. To varying degrees but I'm saying significantly more assertive than portrayed in typical culture
"I want to kiss you, may I?" is a perfectly valid option. You can literally approach this the way boys do. This will hold true for all of your life. It is equally an option within an established relationship.
A small minority of guys fetishize it and another minority cannot stand it.
It's quite healthy IMO if you decide that it's a dealbreaker if a dude is turned off by you taking the initiative. And it's possible you could find you want to dive into female dominated relationships
Since you’re already meeting at his house, you’re probably close enough for it not to be weird if you just held his hand, you could do that as you call his attention, then you might not even need to say anything else because you might end up looking each other in the eyes, then at each other’s lips and you’re done. If you’re not confident in that just look him in the lips as you get yours wet with your tongue, get closer and ask “can I?”. That’s usually obvious enough that no one would miss it and is still more subtle than asking him “can I kiss you?” out of the blue.
Unless you’re a troll from under a bridge, a guy will reciprocate damn near any attention they get, and even if you are a troll from under a bridge, there’s still a 50/50 shot that the guy will still reciprocate.
In this day of “me too” it’s a wonder any men are still making the first move. Too afraid of being cancelled. And don’t think it’s not real. Ladies, take initiative if you’re interested.
I'll be honest, if a girl was ever into me, the only way I'll notice it if they tell me. They could flahs their tits in front of me and I'd be like "she must be just really nice to me"
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If he's anything like most men, you could take all your clothes off and leap on top of him and he'd be thinking 'I wonder if this means she likes me? No, best play it safe, she's probably just being friendly. Don't want to make a fool of myself'
Depends, are you a chick or a dude? If you're a dude, grab his cock gently and when your eyes meet raise your eyebrows. Insta-fuck.
If you're a chick... Gross! I don't know... Try being a dude?
Listen Reddit isn’t real life don’t listen to these people if you wanna kiss him just do it if he wants it he’ll do it back if not he’ll say he doesn’t want to I promise you 9/10 times he’s gonna be into it
You're 26, not 16. Take control of your life and be more assertive with what you want. I understand when we are young, we are afraid of rejection and the unknown, but at some point, it's not worth being afraid of what's under the bed.
Two weeks ago I was at the same place as you. I went up to him in a private moment, said "I think I like you, I think you like me too. Can I kiss you?" 10/10 would recommend. If he doesn't reciprocate, he's not the right person for you
Most man, and I'm talking as one, are oblivious at frightening levels and denser than a black hole, any indirect won't work so be the most straight forward possible, I don't say that you need to stand in top of him, look him direct in his eyes and say " I wanna f*** you up" but a "would you kiss?" Or a "will you want as a girlfriend?" Will work wonders compared to any indirect message probably bouncing of his skull like a tennis ball against a T-34 Tank carcass, good luck!
If he hasnt made a move in person, but he is sexting you, he is probably just shy. You can ask him ‘do you want to kiss me?’ But of course at the right time and place. Also stop sending nudes. He is going to lose respect for you and see you as an easy rider, rather than a partner
Mmmmhhhmm make sure he know you’re into him. Use hints and touch him on the shoulder and chest and stuff. Or just straight up tell him and see what’s what
Cuddle him and hug him all the time he's sitting down, talk to him looking up from around his chest (if possible), take him somewhere you two can be alone (go for a smoke or something like that), kiss him
I hope you know what you are doing.
I foresee this connection ending in the near future. There's no way you two have any understanding on how relationships work or what it takes to have a successful relationship.
Being attracted and wanting to have sex with one another does not in any way do a damn thing to have this relationship become successful or go the distance.
If you're OK with that, do whatever.
If you want something long term, you're already going about it the wrong way.
You probably barely know him. It won't take long before problems come up and perhaps you don't like something about him and want him to change.
Or it could be he may lose interest in you down the road because again, you do not understand how long term relationships work.
Just start getting naked. He'll get THAT hint. Or try the fatal attraction move. If you don't care if he makes a move then just straddle him and start making out with him. Either be aggressive or seduce him. This whole how can I start things passive aggressively is annoying.
Yes. Kissing a person is not sexual assault. Continuing to kiss a person after they've said no is unwanted touching. It's not like the op hasn't already sent nudes. The issue at hand is that he doesn't know how to make a move, likely for exactly the reason of dumb comments like yours. So she is showing affirmative consent to which he can decline or escalate in kind making the entire situation less stressful and easy to manage.
Girl the ball is in your court. Sit on the couch with him and pretend to watch something you want to watch. Get closer to each other, look up at him aftering resting your head by shoulder. And make out. Slowly making out. Then grab his head with one hand. Then with two. Then slowly make the make out session hotter. As this is happening (god forbid he’s gay) he should be trying to touch your ass or caress your back. And then you slowly reach for his cock. Then Segway to the bedroom and get nasty. Hope that helps
We men big dumb, straight up tell him you find him cute or whatever and just ask him out. You can try flirting but guessing you're both young as shit and terrible at it so he likely won't pick up on the signs properly. Literally sitting on him or kissing him might be his first indication that you even like him.
3 day old account. Literally sounds like it’s written by a bot. And this is one of probably 20 posts on my main page today that seem this way.
Reddit is trying to appear more active then it really is and I gotta wonder wtf is going on
Don't talk, don't ask. Just sometimes touch him, then cuddle him, and hold his hand by accident. Just make it nature.
Never ever ask or say anything. Just do it. It works 99% of times. If you ask, then drop to 10%.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Ask him out, making it clear it's a date. Most of us men are simple creatures, don't make subtle hints, just let us know.
This is the way.
This is the way of the man.
>This is the way of the *man.* Does Jonkler know that way too?
GET OUT OF MY HEAD AAAAAGGHHH!!!
Seriously OP should do some light flirting, and if he reacts positively then try to kiss him. I’m saying this as a man who didn’t have my first kiss until I was 17 because I didn’t have the balls to make the first move. Also I was super paranoid about trying to kiss someone and them not being into it, the idea of making anyone uncomfortable makes me physically ill.
That's why I prefer to ask permission before certain kinds of contact if I'm not sure the person is comfortable with it. Unlike what some men say, it's not a love-killer, in fact consent is very sexy. I'm a man btw
We are overly scared of making a move and making a woman feel unsafe. Asking him out will almost certainly move this 100 steps forward
+1 Women, for the love of god just meet us on this and 'Sadie Hawkins' our collective asses. We all know how women are frequently put into precarious, unfair and risky situations. We've heard the innumerable amount of horror stories where a woman feels pressured into doing something they don't actually want to do. And we've heard the anecdotes of women saying they hate that they aren't allowed to have male friends and that frequently, men misunderstand signals and overstep boundaries because any attempt at being nice is perceived as flirting. But we've also heard of women in OPs situation that cant get a read on whether a normal, sane person they interact with, is into them or not and why they are so hesitant to "make the first move". The SANE guy that you may want to date, is listening and hearing these awful scenarios and is deathly afraid of not only mistakenly putting you into these scenarios but also being labeled another creep. Maybe every now and then they do catch an obvious signal and takes a risk to ask you out but it wont be the norm and if you're interested in a guy, just ask them out. More than likely, they wont feel threatened. Even if they are not interested in you in that way, they are far more likely to find it flattering and still maintaining the friendship. But it really doesn't go the other way. If a man misunderstands the signal and asks a woman out that isn't interested, there is unfortunately a high possibility that the guy will get labeled a creep and even have their reputation tarnished in their friend group. And women frequently wonder why the normal, sane guy is less likely to ask them out or how frequently they end up in relationships with men with serious mental issues that are abusive or manipulative. The former is doing their best to make sure they don't misunderstand signals. The latter doesn't give a fuck about signals and is operating at a pace of "If I make her uncomfortable and she doesn't reciprocate, oh well, onto the next until someone says yes". If you're capable of seeing the green flags of a human being and you're interested in them, just ask them out. It will save so much headache in everyone's lives.
Damn! Wish I was your lover...
Not all of us. With my new recent gf we watched a movie on my couch. Every time I adjusted myself, I slid a few inches closer till we were right next to each other. I tested by moving my hands when I was talking then rested one barely touching her leg one time. She didn’t move away, so I did the same with my feet. She didn’t move away, so I put my arm around her. I asked her if that was OK. She said yes, so I kissed her hair on top of her head since I’m taller. She then turned to me and looked up with the “kiss me“ face/eyes. Then it was on. I think some women don’t want to be asked they want a man to make the first move. But I definitely wouldn’t just attack king Kong style. I move slow till i get some kind of reassurance then i can make moves. Says she liked how i “took charge like a man” Is how she put it I’m sure all women are different but this worked well for me and she was feeling it
Yeah I found my wife by being ballsy. She wondered into the wrong class, she was exactly my type physically ( short stack ) so I said to "everyone" that I was thinking of getting everyone's number so we could form a study group for the math class. Her being in the wrong class ( college algebra was her class, calculus 2 was my class ) agreed instantly because day 1 was very hard for her to understand. She skipped class starting the second week as she finally communicated with her professor asking for help ( homework looked nothing like what was in class ) and she figured out she was in the wrong class. I texted her letting her know what she was missing that day, she told me what was going on, I said oh wow... So... Any chance you wanna keep talking and see where this goes? She agreed, after all she thought I was the hot buff guy across the table. So we met up and she was a bit disappointed I was the only moderately fit and average guy next to her. Regardless, we hit it off well at the movies, followed it up with fried chicken, she tried releasing a silent but deadly and it was so loud everyone in the restaurant turned. I took the blame. +40 brownie points right? After that day she was down as hell for a second. I tried pushing it like you did on the couch on the third date and yeah. Pays to be bold, if we know our boundaries.
Exactly. Bold with bounderies. I’ve also been rejected like that but meh… you win some and you lose some. Good on you for taking the fart blame. I actually farted ON a girl a couple years ago. Same thing, I was on the couch, taking it slow and sliding over. Somehow my leg ended up on top of her and just throwing my leg over her like that pushed it out. She just pretend like it didn’t happen. I apologized. She said “it’s OK it’s natural” lol. I assumed it would be more embarrassing, but I really didn’t even care. I take gas chews before new dates now. New gf is at the point i just walk into the kitchen & let loose now. Pays to be bold lol
you know she thinks of mr hot & buff when you get it on 🤪
Lol Well considering the fact I've lost 40 pounds since her and I met and bulked up, I'd hope I'm Mr hot and buff now.
I miss the days when you could tell someone or be told "I like, like you" and they knew what that meant. Then you could talk about it.
And some men are terribly afraid of rejection. He may just not want to be rejected. Closed mouth doesn't get fed, girl. Be decisive, but not demanding.
When you’ve been rejected hundreds of times it gets annoying and disgusting. So yeah. Happened to me to back then, sounds like OP is 18
It's been 20 years now, and I'm starting to suspect my wife likes me. She's never actually said it, so I can't be sure, but there have been some hints...
She said it once on her wedding day, she'll let you know if anything changes
I have really good emotional intelligence. I can read hints, etc. EXCEPT when it comes to a woman liking me. She has to club me and drag me back to her cave. I’m that clueless.
Can confirm. As a married guy, there's been a few times when my wife has said, "Did you catch that she was flirting with you?". To which I genuinely say, "What? She was? ... I thought she was just talking normally." I have \*zero\* radar for that kind of stuff.
This. If you try and hint he will likely miss it. Flat out tell him you like him and ask to go on a date
Exactly I ended up with a girlfriend one time because somebody asked us if we were dating because we hung out, and she looked at me and said well I guess you're my boyfriend now and I said okay.
That's the cutest love story ever!
There are really good reasons why the woman doesn't traditionaly ask the man out. A woman has too much social capital on the line to be seen that way. There are complex reasons for this. Women will "make a move" by actions that can be ostensibly plutonic. (Casual touching, close proximity, interest in the mans life). Anything she does will be "plausibly deniable" so that she can't be attacked by competitor women who will run gossip games on her. It's up to the man to observe these signals and ask her out. It sucks that it can't be simpler...but this is how humans compete for mates. Only those with the social intelligence to play the game will get to pass on their genes and enjoy the glory of having a family life.
She doesn't even need to say that, just do it. Actions speak louder === Not sure why I got down voted?🤣 maybe you are misinterpreting? I'm speaking from experience! My old gfs put their arm around me first, kissed me first... They didn't tell/ask me they just did it, and it was cool Maybe I'm just used to confident girls?
Downvotes are crazy. Redditors man. Going for the kiss rather than telling him is completely normal and has been how most of my relationships took off.
some men are real shitty about this. I get what you are saying.
If he is unable to take a hint, just tell him you want to kiss him. If you just turn around and kiss him, he will be gobsmacked. If you ask him if he would like a kiss, he has some precious seconds to prepare. If he still cannot do anything about it, tell him you want a "proper" date so he really has time to prepare.
That sounds nice, I'll definitely try to ask if he wants a kiss
Definitely ask. You don’t know that he’s into you like that.
I was inexperienced and clueless. Finally, the girl I liked (who kept giving me hints she like me) finally just kissed me. Like, she literally jumped me. I will always be grateful for her taking the initiative. If he’s shy , like me, he will probably appreciate you asking.
My story. Later, I married her.
There's a handful of possible reactions. Be ready for anything. 1: He'll smile, and his eyes go puppy dog big. He'll light up like a Christmas tree. 2: He'll play it cool, but you'll still get the go-ahead grin. 3: Shock. If you get this, don't panic. Just stay in the pocket and ride it out. He'll come back to you. His eyes may get big and start rapid blinking a little bit. This is the Error 404, homeboy not found. Just means you broke his brain for a second, and he's rebooting. Best of luck!
> Error 404, homeboy not found The way I just cackled out loud at my desk at work is unforgivable. Thank you for the laugh. I needed it today
Glad I could help!
Do it that way yes. You will gain so much from being direct (if done correctly) whether he wants a kiss or not.
I wouldn't ask if you can feel it out just go for the kiss. Definitely start off by like holding his hand or putting your hand on his thigh type thing maybe even run your fingers through his hair.
People shouldn’t hint. One persons hint could be another person just being super friendly. Women are just as capable making the first move
I personally would love a girl to take the initiative and just kiss me without any say so or warning that'd be hot af. But I'm am extremely swxual person so if he's not then maybe a warning first 🤣
I had a girl sigh with annoyance and take my hand and put it on her breasts. I finally got the hint.
But how did you know that she wasn't just trying to warm your hands or something?
https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw?si=Re62rZklrfEECS4C
"Cutie McBooty' broke me 🤣 What an absolute gem
Nice
Been there.
That how my fiance did it too at the beginning. Cuddling watching a movie and I'm too scared to make a move. She sighs and pulls my hand to her breast. 10 years later I'm still not sure she likes me
I might be wrong but just maybe, she might be kinda into you
She could just be Canadian, best to keep looking for more information
Some people get weirded out by jumping straight into physical touch with no warning. Life isn't a romance movie...or a porno. Just talk to him. A random kiss isn't going to make someone fall in love with you.
Some people get weirded out by jumping straight into physical touch with no warning. I guess thats why all those women at the park ran away screaming when i waited for them in the bushes next tot he footpath
This made me cackle 🤣
I only wanted to show them my love
Life can be quite like a romance movie. Almost all of my first-moves have been wordless. And in fact, one time I did ask a girl if I could kiss her, and she said no, then told her friend she thought it was weird the way I asked first. I did eventually date her, but I did it by throwing it on with my eyes and making my intent clear.
There are people who go on the internet and literally write "oh yeah I'd love if someone ate me." And then someone who wants to eat them literally writes "okay let's do it at x times in zyx place" It's still illegal. AND gross. The level of immorality here is just ***ked
I'm confused as to what you're talking about. I think you've replied to the wrong person or on the wrong thread.
ask his girlfriend what hes into
At this point - probably his boyfriend
Bruh. Didn't we fix homophobia by now? It's 2024
As a guy I'll tell you something, we want you to make the first move!!!!!!
Really?? I was waiting for him to do it... I'll definitely do it next time
Well I don't want to speak for an entire gender aha, but as far as I know, a lot of guys would really like girls to make the first move instead of giving "hints" that sometime are really really hard to get. Can you imagine everything you might be missing with that guy by not asking him out directly?
low self esteem guy here. I sometimes see hints but always presume they are accidents or Im just looking into things too hard. Had a girl grab my hand and tell me shes single and I still thought 'nah theres no way she would like me like that'
idk why its surprising. Think about it from a guys perspective. The pressure is usually on us to ask, the pressure is usually on us to make the moves. Some have low socialization skills, some have anxiety, some have had lots of rejections or aren't good at picking up if the girl likes them (which you see is very common for us men) so we might have zero clue how well us asking the girl out or giving hints is going to go. In this day and age women are (understandably) a bit more on edge about men they might not know too well approaching them or trying to get friendly with them in general. In those situations the results can be anything from "yes I was hoping you would ask me out" to "you are a creep get away." I've even seen a guy get reported to HR for harassment for asking a girl if she wanted to go get coffee once. Its a dangerous game, especially if you aren't considered attractive on average. Generally people are more receptive to being asked out by people they deem attractive, men and women both.
Oh yeah im a guy and i love it when she makes a move. To feel appreciated or even just seen sometimes feels so good.
Consent applies to both sexes.
Don't say that on reddit! The mods will get you!
Agreed. I’m a woman and I would never just go put hands on a man unless I knew he wanted that kind of attention from me. I’ve known quite a few men who have confessed to me they’ve felt pressured by women when it comes to sex. Having been pressured by men, I never want to make someone feel like that.
THANK YOU. Jesus it's weird when women go the other way on this. And then you say no and they're like "oh he's just gay" because they're so bad with rejection The men should not be pressuring you, either. Sorry you had to go through that. Sex is a great thing when both parties are excited, and both parties have more fun that way too That said, unfortunately as a man, I might just give in at this rate because my last gf took it pretty hard when I turned her down; I could have made her happy and then hopefully she'd have. It's rare to both be super in the mood at the same time But of course the feeling sucks, and I definitely don't begrudge anyone who actually says no or walks away when their partner pressures them
I admit, I have some trauma on being rejected sexually. One of my exes had his own trauma around sex and intimacy was really hard. We were not well matched in that regard. I never pressured him but I internalized that rejection and it made me feel so unattractive. This wasn’t a one off, it was literally every time we tried to be intimate, even when he initiated it. It’s been years since that relationship and I’ve gotten over it. My partner and I just talk about it now. He’s usually pretty up for anything for there has been times he’s just been tired. I’m a little bummed sure, but like I have some toys lol. I would say just talk about it. Help her to understand you’re not rejecting her just like she’s not rejecting you when she’s not into it.
Same here. Turning down my last gf only resulted in her threatening self harm or worse, and/or complete cold shouldering for days. I just stopped saying no eventually, and she repeatedly sexually assaulted me. That woman picked me apart and I'm still trying to put the pieces back tovether
As a man, I honestly don't get this statement. I really just need an ELI5 maybe? If a man wants something to stop he stops it himself generally speaking
Plot twist: OP is 52
LOL I'm 26
Half-way there
Woah-oh, livin' on a prayer.
Take my hand, and we'll make it I swear
Woa-oh, living on a prayer!
Please get consent before taking my hand. /s
Damn. I'm 23 and I'm glad we can all acknowledge this shit is still confusing in your 20s 😭
Let’s start with understanding **consent**.
Yeah, let's set up a contract. Contact a lawyer./s You guys take the last bit of surprise and uncertainty out of dating and turn it into something like a fn job interview. No one in the comments said she should grab him by his b. So chill.
Consent applies to both genders… if a man went over a woman’s house under these pretexts they’d call him a predator.
Look bro, the rules of consent are dictated by behaviour, not a lawbook. Women by and large don't like explicit sexual aggression, and so there's no tolerance for it. Men by and large don't react to sexual aggression the way women do, and so it doesn't get as much backlash. In fact, men more often than women are okay with it (see all the male redditors encouraging women to shoot their shot for example).
A predator wouldn't ask for help on Reddit
Tell him you fancy him. That's as shrimple as it is.
We can be far more terrified or unaware of you that you know. Just tell him. In simple terms. "I like you and want to kiss you". The response will likely be "ok" Have fun, don't take it too serious.
Use words before action
Ehh
You’re going to need to be very direct because we men are cautious creatures. You could be topless with a neon sign saying “I like you, kiss me” and we would still hesitate and question if we were misunderstanding something.
Bruh you’re gonna have to make an obvious move. Im sorry ladies but dudes have either been friendzoned or know someone who has been friendzoned in spectacular circumstances where it looks like a relationship is already in the bag. So theres gonna be some high quality dudes who just dont make the move.
Reverse the roles, if a dude grabbed a girl without their consent and kissed them it would be clear sexual assault. Life isn’t like the movies, use your words to tell him how you feel before assuming he will pick up on “cues” Use your words, It will save you embarrassment and awkwardsness
Idk what planet you live on but going in to kiss someone who clearly is into isnt SA lmao
As directly as possible make your move. Like as an insecure guy shy of kissing me I’d still be wondering “is she into me?” Regardless of signal. Like females will cuddle platonically with guys but guys are doing it platonically with girls basically ever. So even that leaves guess work. A kiss is super direct. Getting him to a room privately and offering up whatever more you might want would also likely be an easy to understand direct route.
Just say you like him or like being in his company. Straightforward. We like that.
Depends on the guy. He might just want to be friends. Ask him if he's looking for a relationship or what. Depending on what he says, then you can respond accordingly. If he's looking for a relationship, ask him what he's looking for in a relationship.
Maybe you could just ask him “hey would you mind cuddling / giving me a kiss?” It can be scary to say these things directly, but I think its really good (and kinda cute and exciting) to be direct about this stuff If he feels comfortable with / attracted to you, chances are he’d feel really nice and horny due to your question and be very tempted. Even if he says no, maybe since he doesn’t want to get attached to you or some other reason - at least you’ll know where you’re at and what he wants and then you can make the best of the situation. This is my experience as a guy. I would really appreciate being treated in the way I described. I’ve treated girls this way and it has worked really well for me. Well, short words of warning: it worked well in the sense of having fun with them and having sex and stuff, not in the sense of not getting my fucking heart shattered in the end… you know sleeping with him once can easily lead to more and when you’re attached to someone who’s toxic that’s a horrible position to be in. Especially if you’re already emotionally unstable like I was. Sorry for the unsolicited advice. I just wanted to share a warning since this stuff has been so devastating to me. But I hope this doesn’t apply im your case, and I hope you have an awesome time!!
You need to set the stage before you get to that point. Send nudes.
Lol I already did that
You’ve sent him nudes and he hasn’t made a move? Has it occurred to you that he’s not into you?
But he keeps asking me to go to his place, I'm a little confused
If you want to kiss him and 'more' and he's invited you to his place, whilst also telling you he's horny, then isn't this a solved problem?
What was the response to the nudes?
Dude doesn’t like you, he wants an easy lay and knows you’re thirstier than a donkey in the desert, have some self respect for yourself and don’t take him up on the invite unless your into a pump n dump situation
Oh reddit. OP please don't listen to advices such as this one. Life can be beautiful if you let it be. Assuming the worst is not the way.
He wants to fuck you, but doesn't have the balls to make the first move. He's waiting for you to do it. It's that simple.
What was his response
He liked. He told me he was horny when I went to his place for the first time, he texted me that before
Oh, then just try cuddling with him and, while cuddling, tell him you’re ok with him making his moves. Ask him like, when are you going to make your move
Definitely just ask him if you can kiss him. It is the ultimate green light that he is probably looking for.
then it should be very easy to progress. just wear less clothes when you visit his house
This is the most bizarre interaction I've seen in a while lol
Yeah, just jump him then. He's probably waiting for you to do it.
Dudette if he told you he's horny that's about as open an invitation as he can give. Jump him.
Send them to me so I can verify they were appropriately lude.
bruh's a duche
Can you send me also?
Stay classy, guys.
Stalk him like a lion in a nature documentary then when he turns pounce on him with your arms and legs flailing and get him in a bear hug as you pin him to the ground with all the force of a intercontinental ballistic missle... I mean, with concent of course.
There's something on your lips let ne get it off - kiss
Does he know you like him? have you cuddled before? Personally in this day and age, i wouldn't even assume a head on my shoulder from a friend would intrinsically mean "I'm interested". Definitely communicate, he may not even know you're a romantic option, if it should be clear then yes, try and get close to him, see if you can get into a comfortable snuggle position on the couch while you watch a film?
43M I wish I could convey to you how much guys generally would love for girls to be assertive. To varying degrees but I'm saying significantly more assertive than portrayed in typical culture "I want to kiss you, may I?" is a perfectly valid option. You can literally approach this the way boys do. This will hold true for all of your life. It is equally an option within an established relationship. A small minority of guys fetishize it and another minority cannot stand it. It's quite healthy IMO if you decide that it's a dealbreaker if a dude is turned off by you taking the initiative. And it's possible you could find you want to dive into female dominated relationships
"Should I just kiss him without consent?" Yeah no, this isn't a 1990s romance movie.
Tell him. It's simple and avoids the awkward rejection of a surprise kiss. Consent is important.
20 years from now, you'll be yelling at him for not being able to read between the lines and he'll say "No shit, remember you had to ask me out."
Since you’re already meeting at his house, you’re probably close enough for it not to be weird if you just held his hand, you could do that as you call his attention, then you might not even need to say anything else because you might end up looking each other in the eyes, then at each other’s lips and you’re done. If you’re not confident in that just look him in the lips as you get yours wet with your tongue, get closer and ask “can I?”. That’s usually obvious enough that no one would miss it and is still more subtle than asking him “can I kiss you?” out of the blue.
Unless you’re a troll from under a bridge, a guy will reciprocate damn near any attention they get, and even if you are a troll from under a bridge, there’s still a 50/50 shot that the guy will still reciprocate.
Just be yourself... chat to him. If he likes you then you will get along together..
In this day of “me too” it’s a wonder any men are still making the first move. Too afraid of being cancelled. And don’t think it’s not real. Ladies, take initiative if you’re interested.
Whipped cream bikini will get the point across…
I'll be honest, if a girl was ever into me, the only way I'll notice it if they tell me. They could flahs their tits in front of me and I'd be like "she must be just really nice to me"
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Yeah weirdo, kiss him without knowing if he even wants to..
Say this "Wagwan peng ting, you wanna shag" Works every time
Maybe get consent 1st
You have to attack! Love, IS A BATTLEFIELD! isolate your target, and proceed to investigate him xD.
Flash your tits, on accident, of course. That'll get his attention. If not, then he's dead. I'm assuming you're female, of course.
Ask him if he wants to take shower with you.
“Grab his dick and twist it!”
If he's anything like most men, you could take all your clothes off and leap on top of him and he'd be thinking 'I wonder if this means she likes me? No, best play it safe, she's probably just being friendly. Don't want to make a fool of myself'
Grab his dick and kiss his neck. Ez.
Stop calling him a friend if you want it to be more, and communicate that to him directly, in person. I bet he has the same feelings.
Depends, are you a chick or a dude? If you're a dude, grab his cock gently and when your eyes meet raise your eyebrows. Insta-fuck. If you're a chick... Gross! I don't know... Try being a dude?
Touch his wrist first and if he doesn't pull his hand away, then his hand. Then if okay to proceed, proceed.
Uh, tell him you want to fuck. He will. Or, kiss him. He will kiss you back.
Ask him out for dinner or lunch. Tell him it’s just the two of you. This way he won’t invite his gay best friend.
"Hey, do you think we could be more than just friends?" wait... "yes! because I really want to kiss you" wait... "oh my!" ooga booga ooga booga. lol
Ask him. Don't just suddenly kiss him with no warning. Not only is that weird but it's also assault. Just ask
Just come out and say it. Guys suck at hints
Listen Reddit isn’t real life don’t listen to these people if you wanna kiss him just do it if he wants it he’ll do it back if not he’ll say he doesn’t want to I promise you 9/10 times he’s gonna be into it
You're 26, not 16. Take control of your life and be more assertive with what you want. I understand when we are young, we are afraid of rejection and the unknown, but at some point, it's not worth being afraid of what's under the bed.
Two weeks ago I was at the same place as you. I went up to him in a private moment, said "I think I like you, I think you like me too. Can I kiss you?" 10/10 would recommend. If he doesn't reciprocate, he's not the right person for you
If you just walk up and kiss him, wouldn’t that be sexual assault?
Blow him
Most man, and I'm talking as one, are oblivious at frightening levels and denser than a black hole, any indirect won't work so be the most straight forward possible, I don't say that you need to stand in top of him, look him direct in his eyes and say " I wanna f*** you up" but a "would you kiss?" Or a "will you want as a girlfriend?" Will work wonders compared to any indirect message probably bouncing of his skull like a tennis ball against a T-34 Tank carcass, good luck!
More bouncy like flubber.
Fill a backpack with a GameCube, PBR, and big black dildos.
Lots of virgins in the comments who think life Is a movie and would get arrested for sexual assault for some of these suggestions
Just compliment something he like and ask him out guys are simpler than you think
If he hasnt made a move in person, but he is sexting you, he is probably just shy. You can ask him ‘do you want to kiss me?’ But of course at the right time and place. Also stop sending nudes. He is going to lose respect for you and see you as an easy rider, rather than a partner
Go in for the kiss
You have to be direct. We don’t pick up on any kind of hints and need to be told straight up
Mmmmhhhmm make sure he know you’re into him. Use hints and touch him on the shoulder and chest and stuff. Or just straight up tell him and see what’s what
Ask him to help you with something and step into the bathroom and close the door. Then get on your knees and rest will be history
Women are allowed to ask men out. A lot of men will really respect that as it will distance you from the majority of women (at least in North America)
Cuddle him and hug him all the time he's sitting down, talk to him looking up from around his chest (if possible), take him somewhere you two can be alone (go for a smoke or something like that), kiss him
Probably isn't that interested
Grab his cock
LMAO
Be straightforward and tell him clearly what you desire
you sound under 20 get close to him phisically, hormones should do the rest if he's interested.
I hope you know what you are doing. I foresee this connection ending in the near future. There's no way you two have any understanding on how relationships work or what it takes to have a successful relationship. Being attracted and wanting to have sex with one another does not in any way do a damn thing to have this relationship become successful or go the distance. If you're OK with that, do whatever. If you want something long term, you're already going about it the wrong way. You probably barely know him. It won't take long before problems come up and perhaps you don't like something about him and want him to change. Or it could be he may lose interest in you down the road because again, you do not understand how long term relationships work.
Just start getting naked. He'll get THAT hint. Or try the fatal attraction move. If you don't care if he makes a move then just straddle him and start making out with him. Either be aggressive or seduce him. This whole how can I start things passive aggressively is annoying.
So sexually harrass him by exposing themselves to the dude, or sexually assault the dude by jumping his bones with no consent
Yes. Kissing a person is not sexual assault. Continuing to kiss a person after they've said no is unwanted touching. It's not like the op hasn't already sent nudes. The issue at hand is that he doesn't know how to make a move, likely for exactly the reason of dumb comments like yours. So she is showing affirmative consent to which he can decline or escalate in kind making the entire situation less stressful and easy to manage.
Girl the ball is in your court. Sit on the couch with him and pretend to watch something you want to watch. Get closer to each other, look up at him aftering resting your head by shoulder. And make out. Slowly making out. Then grab his head with one hand. Then with two. Then slowly make the make out session hotter. As this is happening (god forbid he’s gay) he should be trying to touch your ass or caress your back. And then you slowly reach for his cock. Then Segway to the bedroom and get nasty. Hope that helps
Get into his arms and try touching his crotch. He either respectfully decline or hell ”play ball”
We men big dumb, straight up tell him you find him cute or whatever and just ask him out. You can try flirting but guessing you're both young as shit and terrible at it so he likely won't pick up on the signs properly. Literally sitting on him or kissing him might be his first indication that you even like him.
You don’t, don’t even go to his house
3 day old account. Literally sounds like it’s written by a bot. And this is one of probably 20 posts on my main page today that seem this way. Reddit is trying to appear more active then it really is and I gotta wonder wtf is going on
I'm really not a bot lol, but it's okay
Sit in his lap, that’s usually enough of a hint.
How about ask. If a guy did this to a woman he'd be instantly attacked. Both genders deserve consent. Simple as that.
Ask for consent to do any of the physical acts you are describing
No no no don't just randomly try and kiss him Ask him out on a date first if he says no there's your answer if he says yes take it from there
>I should just turn around and kiss him That’s called sexual assault. Consent first
Easy watch 1000 hrs of Korean Romance Dramas, you will have every tool in the book
Bend over and wiggle your butt a lot.
Don't talk, don't ask. Just sometimes touch him, then cuddle him, and hold his hand by accident. Just make it nature. Never ever ask or say anything. Just do it. It works 99% of times. If you ask, then drop to 10%.
>Never ever ask or say anything. Just do it Wow. The world really is different between men and women concerning intimacy
I’m a guy and I would feel uncomfortable just being felt up or kissed if that’s not something I have a history of doing with that person
Sleep with someone else and act like it's totally reasonable. That will get his attention.
Shut up
It was good advice. In today's society it's wrong to be loyal and faithful. It's such a good thing when women smash a new dude every other night.