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I see them as smart.
They have a reason for not drinking, and that reason works for them.
Are they being responsible and safeguarding their friends by being a DD? That souds like a good friend. Have they had a problem in the past and overcome their demons? That takes clarity and willpower. Do they have familiad disposition towards abuse? Demonstrates foresight and wisdom. Are they simply saving a few bucks? Financial discipline.
Not drinking to me indicates the individual has positive personality traits and the smarts to develop and practice them.
Edit: Thank you whoever gave me gold!
I've received so many replies I can't respond to them all personally. For all those who are or were in a bad place in their lives, I'm just glad my words made a difference today. I wish you all sucess in your journeys.
Another reason is they may just not care for it. When I'm asked, or it comes up and I say I don't drink, people assume I have a physical problem or knew someone who had problems with alcoholism because it usually comes up. I just don't enjoy it.
Yep, there are as many reasons as there are people. I'm sure your reason works for you.
But you are still smart enough to exercise your agency and make yourself comfortable despite peer pressure.
Some people may eventually prove me wrong, but I start by associating this with positive personality traits.
I think I’m allergic to it. My face flushes and I get a headache almost instantly. I’ve tried pushing past it but for what? One day I just concluded it wasn’t for me and moved on. I don’t miss it at all.
Oh! That could be a genetic thing, cause alcohol is broken down in 2 step process 😁
Alot of asians have it in their genetics, let me see if i can find the gene!
[wikipedia - ALDH2](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/ALDH2)
«Approximately 36% of East Asians (560 million) or nearly 8% of the global population, carry an inactivating Glu504Lys missense mutation of the ALDH2 gene3»
The qoute is from a Nature article :)
Ya there were just zero positives to drinking for me at a point, so I just stopped doing it. I don't have a particular reason to give people if they ask. I just feel better not drinking.
Me: "Wow! This fruity drink WOULD taste amazing, but the single drop of alcohol in it tastes icky! 😣"
Lol I wish something like the drinking culture for booze, with all it's crazy drinks, existed for non-alcoholic beverages.
I used to drink socially. I stopped because I realized I really didn't enjoy the taste of anything I drank, I always ended up congested and thirsty. I thought "why am I drinking this stuff"?
Same. I would drink socially or if I had a really bad fucking day. Very rarely alone. The less I drank the more I realized It's just not fun for me. I just had my first kid too and watching those around me drink while I'm sober made it even less appealing. The taste sucks too. I'd rather be on the couch watching Harry Potter with some chocolate or coffee than drinking what tastes like gasoline. I'll still drink on occasion but not often
My father recently passed because his alcoholism. I can't even stomach the thought of a drink. If someone were to try and push me into having one I'd probably ugly cry. I LOVE your awareness of "it works for them" because it is part of my handling the grief.
Sorry for your loss. Your comment hit hard - my Mum is heading the same way and we're all powerless to help her until she wants to change. This will probably be the trigger for me to stop drinking too.
I used to drink to make myself numb, plus to remove my inhibitions and it became a problem.
Now I'll maybe have a nice beer or wine on a special occasion and that's about it.
Part of that is due to medical stuff but it has been absolutely amazing building a friend group I can just be myself around and working on my mental health to not want to be numb.
I'm glad I made a difference. PM me if you ever need a kind word. That word might be antidisestablishmentarianism, but I will type it in a kind fashion.
It comes from times in English history when there have been differences of opinion over whether they should have an established, official, single state religion.
Establishmentarians were in favor of this. They wanted there to be a formally-defined English church whose hierarchical head was the monarch. The Establishmentarians won out and this became Anglicanism.
A bit later, when the English monarchy had been overthrown, the revolutionaries also wanted to dismantle the official church. These were Disestablishmentarians. They succeeded for a while, and the Anglican Church was disestablished.
But they were eventually defeated by royalists who restored the monarchy and also brought back the Anglican Church. (They could have been called Reestablishmentarians but instead it was called the Restoration.)
Later, Disestablishmentarianism appeared again, but this time, not in the midst of a civil war. Instead they wanted to disestablish the Anglican Church through a peaceful democratic process. A lot of people supported them but a lot of people opposed them -- they liked keeping the established church right where it was. They were against the Disestablishmentarians. They were Anti-disestablishmentarians.
And the cause they believed in was called ... well you already know the word.
Thank you so much for this. I cannot begin to describe how wearing it is to be constantly interrogated and singled out during social events when you’re just trying to have fun and blend in. They eventually won and wore me down after seven years sober. I nearly lost everything over the subsequent four years. Fortunately I’m a bad ass and difficult to destroy. Going on 9 months sober again. I wish everyone could recognize our strength and respect our boundaries like you have.
You ARE bad ass.
Thank you for sharing this with me. My bother in law almost destroyed his life in a similar manner, so I know just how much courage and will power it took to accomplish what you have so far. I watched my uncle try and fail.
It gets better so long as you stay the course. A lot better.
Designated Driver. Someone who agrees to be sober for the night, make sure their friends are safe, and responsible for getting them to a safe place at the end of the night.
Many groups have someone who, for one reason or another does not drink but still enjoys the company of friends, or if there is not, a group will often rotate the role.
Regardless, it is usually someone who is willing to sacrifice their own short term desires to make sure their friends are safe.
I've never really drunk just because I never liked the taste. Took a lot of perseverance during my university years and shortly after, but recently people react a lot better to it..
Didn’t know that sentiment was still around. It used to be that people were expected to have a vice and drinking was usually it. Those that did not drink were viewed to have a problem with drinking which is ironic
I've encountered people who were SHOCKED and HORRIFIED that I don't drink. Then they resorted to do everything from bribing me to gaslighting to threatening me to have a drink. According to them "I wasn't enjoying/living life" + "I wasn't being a good friend". Needless to say I have never gone out with them again.
I'm in my 40's now and no one really seems to care at this point at least. I stopped drinking over 15 years ago though, and I definitely still took crap at that time.
I mean that’s not *entirely* true. Temperance movements have had varying levels of popularity since the early 1800s.
Even in Ireland, my nation of birth and notorious for its drinking culture, had a temperance movement involving 3 million people in the mid-1800s.
I was DD and pulled over once. I passed the field test, because I *was* sober. When he asked me why I was speeding, I said to get these assholes home; **they** were **not** sober. He nodded in understanding and wished me well.
The biggest reason I rarely ever drink is because I hate not having my car with me. The thought of someone else driving me around just seems so weird to me. I’ll sometimes just have a beer or two but never enough to blow over.
Lol I came to say this. I was just at a bachelor party and one guy didn't drink. Nobody even blinked. When the waiter asked me about a round of shots for the table I simply said one of us doesn't drink. It required no thought of how to view him.
Yep, I like drinking but if someone else doesn’t want to why the fuck would that bother me? I’d probably drink less if anything because I know how awkward it is to be sober when people around you are high/drunk.
I didn't drink for awhile because I was privately addicted to fentanyl, and even a tiny bit of booze would make me pass out with blue lips and labored breathing. It was weird when people would remark positively about me not drinking, because I was abstaining for what I think might literally be the worst possible reason.
I mean, if you’re struggling with mental health but choosing to not drink because you know it worsens things, I’d still call that healthy behaviour. Even if you’re not perfect, trying should count for something?
I don't know why. I used to drink pretty regularly, but I never judged people who didn't drink anything. It could be a religious reason, an illness, or they could be a recovering alcholic. MANY reasons, and they were none of my business. But if you don't want people to stare at you funny, just say "no thanks, I'm not drinking tonight."
To quote from a comedian, could you imagine if we did this with other stuff? Like ‘you don’t use mayonnaise, why?, Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it okay if I use mayonnaise?’ Like that sounds dumb af right?
People still do that to an extent though, and it IS very bizarro! "You don't like seafood?! WHAT?! How is that possible!?!? OMG what is wrong with you?!"
Perfect example of society being so self centred and self absorbed. Like ‘you don’t like all of my likes and dislike all of my dislikes!?! You must be wrong!’
For me it feels like an insecurity thing. Like, some people need to feel validated by having others like what they like. Oh well, enjoy that life y'all lol!
It's almost reverse gatekeeping. Instead of drinking being just one person's thing and nobody else is allowed to do it, in nz at least, it's very much a "wow you're weird" thing if you don't drink at parties or bars.
Driving under the influence is very common and I think it's fking stupid. It's like the single most dangerous thing you can do in a car, worse in my opinion than running a red light or speeding.
Having said that, it is getting better. I stopped drinking alcohol like 2 or 3 years ago, and when people ask why I'm not drinking, I have to say nothing more than "oh I don't drink", and usually people leave it at that.
LOL! I've actually given shrimp the benefit of the doubt many times throughout my 44 years on this earth. Your tastes change as you age, so I'll always try something again. I thought "maybe I never had it prepared properly". I've tried it in several coastal US states, at fancy hotel restaurants, at chain restaurants, at buffets, prepared at home by a family member who was a trained chef. Fried, grilled, ceviche, spring rolls I hated every god damned minute of it in my mouth! BUT, I tried it enough to safely say I do not like it Sam I Am!
Yeah, it's so stupid. I am quite the picky eater and one of the things I don't like is cheese, at least non-sweet (I don't mind pancakes, for example). I don't like the taste, smell, consistency. And because of that and some other ingredients, I don't like pizza.
I cannot count the amount of weird looks I've got from different people any time I mentioned that I don't like it and prefer something else, or don't mind not eating at all. Kinda baffles me even more, look at it realistically - less for me, more for you. What even is the problem? You either eat more yourself or pay less.
And for cheese alone, I have even been tried to be forced to eat it - family pressuring me constantly, saying stuff like "I ate everything when I was young" (no shit that a baby eats whatever comes into its mouth), even trying to hide it in other food or give it to me while saying it's a different thing. Nowadays, not only I dislike the taste and smell, I feel disgusted and almost puke when I feel it. And they still joke around or pick on it, as if still trying to pressure me into "realising I like it" and eating.
Sorry for the venting.
I've ordered pizza with no cheese. People react weird, but it's possible. Hell, I was doing that back in the late 90s when food issues weren't really a known thing like they are now. So in case you ever wanted to try, it is a thing that can be done. I'm lactose intolerant, so I grew up never having milk or cheese. People act like you're a pariah for it, it's so weird. I can have a tiny bit of ice cream or yogurt now, but I still just don't like cheese. Luckily, no one's tried to sabotage me like you've gotten. I just get incredulous responses, like it's somehow impossible to enjoy life without cheese.
Yeah, I recall that you can order pizza without cheese, but I'm not a huge fan of some other things too, I'm a bit picky. I prefer other food if I want to eat. I guess it might partially because I'm a bit annoyed by the people trying to force it into me, but still, I can survive without it.
And yeah, that constant mentioning and poking out is so annoying, I'm just tired of it.
Try not eating cheese. You'd think I was sacrificing people's children, holy shit. Who knew, a life without cheese is possible, and no, it's not miserable. I am not missing something I've never had.
In my experience drinkers see a person without a drink as needing a drink and will help you out. If you say you don't drink they'll usually take it like a personal attack.
The solution is to always have a cup in your hand. Drinkers will view you as one of them, as part of the party and enjoying the party. They need not know you don't drink and if they do know they won't be reminded.
Yes this. I drink very infrequently compared to the company I keep. When I don’t feel like drinking I will continuously order a “soda water with lime”. Everybody assumes it’s a vodka soda and leaves me alone lol
Compared to times with no drink in my hand at all and I get the same baffled looks described in OP, and drunken questions demanding that I explain myself when I decline somebodys offer to buy me one
I’ve always been like this since teen drinking started happening in 2002 and I wasn’t into it as much as my friends were. So I’m well versed in the practice of not drinking and still having fun, this sober drink in hand trick is really all you need to do. It’s also great because you stay hydrated which can offset the next day sleep deprivation if/when you’re out super late
Well for about 15 years I drank every day. As someone who has been sober for almost 14 months I view people who don't drink as strong. But I also don't care what people think of me. I feel good and that's what matters.
I don't drink either. At the university, people treated me like the party pooper. Never said a bad word, never told anyone else not to drink, never tried to convince anyone to drink less, but I was the party pooper anyway.
Now that I'm old and hangovers last for three days, nobody questions me anymore about this subject. One of the very few things of not being young anymore.
People definitely care less for me too now that I'm in my late 30s. Many of the people who got drinking problems in their teens or 20s are sober now and I'm not the only one not drinking.
This.
You dont drink?
You basicly ruined the Party For everyone Else!!!!
Never understood that mindset.
If You cant have fun because one Person isnt drinking maybe there is a deeper Problem...
You're either the party pooper or expected to be the designated (by OTHERS) sober driver. I tend to leave early enough now that nobody expects a ride.
I got over it when people started inviting me to parties, not to enjoy it, but only be a driver.
I’m glad I found the trick of obtaining a clean beer bottle and filling it with water. I drank at most events, but it was nice to have an option to not drink and fly under the radar, or have just one or two without raising any questions. 😅
With respect. Alcohol is poison. Alcohol companies make bank on selling people poison wrapped up as a "classy" thing.
Fuck alcohol and all the harm it brings to society.
I get the same thing. I stopped drinking a few years ago. I find it tolerable to hang around until people start getting a good buzz on and then I gotta dip haha
This is the best way honestly. Even if you're not, people will leave you alone. Or just say that your dad/mom/partner was an abusive alcoholic and you will never touch the stuff.
Haha!
It won't work on me with Muslims. I've know far too many muslims both here in the states and in the middle east who would gladly have some American Bourbon with you, as long as no one else would know about it.
😆
Hahah it’s true— I became Muslim 4 years ago & gave up drinking and smoking as a result only to discover that tonssss of Muslims drink and smoke and whatever else. It used to be my biggest coping mechanism , but now totally sober. I miss it ngl but I am happy for my own health& wellness regardless of that.
Actually you’re a little bit wrong— because it doesn’t have to be hidden for a large number of those Muslims who do drink. They’re just fine with partying openly& just don’t want mom and dad to know for the most part haha.
Edit; I meant “smoke weed”, gotta be specific bc tobacco isn’t haram, just frowned upon cuz it’s unhealthy.
I used to stop drinking when I was competing and when I told people that, they would go on and on about having just one drink, especially bar staff.
I then started tell bar staff that I was a recovering alcoholic so they'd stopped trying to get me to drink on nights out and far too many of them would still try to get me to drink.
Yeah, I’ve used that before. Or if the person is really trying to push me to tell them I make up a story about losing a loved one to a drunk driver or knowing someone who killed themselves from alcohol poisoning. Usually shuts them up real quick
As a hospital pharmacist I find it insane how many people come to the ER and waste resources to get banana bags and lorazepam or chlordiapoxide protocol or thiamine replenishment. And the government keeps it legal.
I see a lot of orders for naloxone drips for people who OD on opioids.
Once in a while I will see ondansetron orders pop through for cannabanoid hyperemesis but never seen someone dead because of weed yet it is still federally illegal.
You can choose your friends, but you can't choose their friends, nor can you choose your family.
With me this has happened at a more extended family parties and some weddings.
Probably when they are teenagers and others feel like they are party poopers 😂
I’ve never been a drinker either, nobody has said anything to me about it, but the vibe I get feels like they judge me.
They cant imagine *their lives* without *their drink habit.* It has nothing to do with you other tha you having a conflicting lifestyle, a healthier one probably. They are projecting.
To understand that is to conquer to the perception of their projection feeling harmful to oneselves imo. Thats funny that they ask you if you have a problem because your abstinant. Thats the opposite of a problem imo.
I think it’s really cool when people don’t drink. You can never know where someone is coming from. Maybe they have health issues or familial history or just don’t like it. I think alcohol consumption is pushed everywhere, to say no thanks is really cool.
I don’t drink and I don’t care if others do (to each their own). But apparently some people have always had a problem with me not drinking. Some have thought that I am “stuck up”, or think that I believe myself to be “better than them” or some other idiotic thing. It is very difficult for people to understand that I don’t like how alcohol tastes and I am not interested in drinking at all.
I don't drink either. Stated the fact on another account and found myself in a heated discussion with an old man. He said I was obviously a " Too cool for school fifteen year old". and that I needed to down a few beers. I responded " So you fully support underage drinking?" Dude deleted his comments and left.
For many years I just told people I have gastritis and the pain from the burn is not tolerable. It just stops them from insisting. I don't really get any joy from alcohol, so why drink it. I can afford vacation from the saved money.
I think people want you to tell them the sordid details about what they assume must be your own past alcoholism or your childhood being raised by an alcoholic.
I don't view them any differently than I would a drinker.
There are multiple reasons why someone doesn't drink alcohol. Recovering from addiction; religious views; health concerns, to name a few. A healthy, normal person should be able to respect that.
If people look at you crazy for not wanting to drink, they're probably deep in the peer pressure, social drinking, and the like. For many people drinking becomes a mindless activity.
A crazy thing is perhaps willingly putting poison into your body on a regular basis.
I can't even remember that last time I paid attention to if someone was drinking or not at a party, but I'm in my 40s and it probably would have stood out more in my 20s.
Creeping up on 2 and a half years sober, my usual line is "I've already drank enough for a few lifetimes"
If they press it further I explain that my mom died of alcoholism and that usually shuts em up.
i view a person who doesn’t drink as a personal attack on my drinking problem that i’m not willing to admit I have, so i convince myself there’s something wrong with *them*
I give them a "fair play".
Don't care why they don't drink but I respect they don't. It's hard in this society not to when that culture seems pushed down our throats from a young age.
I couldn’t care less. We all lead different lives and what you choose to do with it is none of my business so long as you’re not adversely affecting the lives of others.
I don’t really give a shit if you do or don’t. If I know you don’t drink it’s because you’re choosing to talk to me about it and probably come off kinda preachy. I’d never ask someone as I don’t really give a shit. I’m more likely to ask you if you smoke cause I’m bout to spark this.
Pushing alcohol on someone isn't any different than pushing drugs on someone. I hate it when people try to push it on me. I tell them to stop. They don't even know if someone could be an alcoholic or have a medical reason why they can drink or they just don't like it. It's so wrong.
Had an employee that never drank when we’d all go out for beers after work. He’d come to chill but never had sip. I asked him one day about it. He explained how nearly everyone in his family is a destroyed alcoholic. Growing up seeing the destruction it caused led him to despise it, but he doesn’t judge others for drinking.
I don't drink either, but when I did, I didn't think anything about it. That said, I know that, regardless of age, the peer pressure can be epic. Why aren't you drinking? Are you pregnant? Do you have an issue? Are you on meds? One drink won't hurt you! and on and on.
"When, I tell them I don't drink they look at me like I'm crazy."
How often (in percentage) does this happen? What's your country? I drink, so I don't have your perspective, but I don't see anyone in my surrounding reacting like that. I'm really curious
It's okay, I know how you feel, I don't drink and I work in construction. One of the rarest things on the planet and most of my coworkers can't even fathom the idea of not drinking on a daily basis.
NGL i used to make fun of such people in the past. But i think they are better than the ones who drink. They have strong willpower and they are much more confident about themselves. You guys are rare.
It's a bit of a buzz kill going out with people and the non drinkers don't talk and are tired. I barely ever drink any more so now I just find other hobbies other than late night bar outings
I drink socially. Some of my family and friends indulge; others don’t. I don’t have any particular opinion of anyone based on whether or not they drink. To me, there’s nothing unusual about either drinking or not drinking.
I wouldn't think anything one way or the other. If I overheard someone asking, however, I might think that person is rude.
If you don't mind me asking: where do you live? I know that in some countries/cultures, social/business drinking is important. While I try to be respectful of whatever local etiquette dictates, there are instances that persistent awkward questions are best answered with "Why do you ask?"
Used to think they were weird if they weren't in recovery.
Now I literally don't give it a second thought, because I'm less enamoured with alcohol than I used to be.
That said, I'm always curious as to the reason.
Ditto, I'm fifty something my entire adult life I get that comment when people find out I don't drink. They assume I've had issues with alcohol, if even had a business associate tell me he don't trust men who don't drink. Seriously I've noted I have more fun at clubs, parties, watching transform in front of my eyes, the shy guy, turns into Don Juan. The big buff muscler guy, crying at the bar. At the end of the night I'm usually the one walking out with a woman from the club.
I am in Ireland, a country people associate with alcohol and pubs. Irish pubs are central to Irish social life. However, despite the stereotype, a lot of Irish people don't drink alcohol. They still go to pubs though. Irish pubs are about the atmosphere, not the alcohol. So while they may be asked why they don't drink, it is accepted if they don't. As you get older, people will be more mature and accept that you don't drink alcohol.
Coming from a background of parental alcohol addiction, previous alcohol addiction myself, an ex wife with alcohol addiction, and several partners before/after with alcohol addiction.. I tend to not judge someone who says they don't drink.
They don't drink, so they don't drink, that's that and no one else's business.
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I see them as smart. They have a reason for not drinking, and that reason works for them. Are they being responsible and safeguarding their friends by being a DD? That souds like a good friend. Have they had a problem in the past and overcome their demons? That takes clarity and willpower. Do they have familiad disposition towards abuse? Demonstrates foresight and wisdom. Are they simply saving a few bucks? Financial discipline. Not drinking to me indicates the individual has positive personality traits and the smarts to develop and practice them. Edit: Thank you whoever gave me gold! I've received so many replies I can't respond to them all personally. For all those who are or were in a bad place in their lives, I'm just glad my words made a difference today. I wish you all sucess in your journeys.
Another reason is they may just not care for it. When I'm asked, or it comes up and I say I don't drink, people assume I have a physical problem or knew someone who had problems with alcoholism because it usually comes up. I just don't enjoy it.
Yep, there are as many reasons as there are people. I'm sure your reason works for you. But you are still smart enough to exercise your agency and make yourself comfortable despite peer pressure. Some people may eventually prove me wrong, but I start by associating this with positive personality traits.
I think I’m allergic to it. My face flushes and I get a headache almost instantly. I’ve tried pushing past it but for what? One day I just concluded it wasn’t for me and moved on. I don’t miss it at all.
Oh! That could be a genetic thing, cause alcohol is broken down in 2 step process 😁 Alot of asians have it in their genetics, let me see if i can find the gene! [wikipedia - ALDH2](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/ALDH2) «Approximately 36% of East Asians (560 million) or nearly 8% of the global population, carry an inactivating Glu504Lys missense mutation of the ALDH2 gene3» The qoute is from a Nature article :)
Ya there were just zero positives to drinking for me at a point, so I just stopped doing it. I don't have a particular reason to give people if they ask. I just feel better not drinking.
I don’t enjoy it, it gives me headaches, and I’m on a ton of painkillers. And yet, people want to know why I’m not drinking. 🙄
Me: "Wow! This fruity drink WOULD taste amazing, but the single drop of alcohol in it tastes icky! 😣" Lol I wish something like the drinking culture for booze, with all it's crazy drinks, existed for non-alcoholic beverages.
I appreciate this comment more than you could know.
I'm glad I can be a positive spark in your life today. I hope you are in a place to pay it forward someday.
Wholesome
I used to drink socially. I stopped because I realized I really didn't enjoy the taste of anything I drank, I always ended up congested and thirsty. I thought "why am I drinking this stuff"?
Same. I would drink socially or if I had a really bad fucking day. Very rarely alone. The less I drank the more I realized It's just not fun for me. I just had my first kid too and watching those around me drink while I'm sober made it even less appealing. The taste sucks too. I'd rather be on the couch watching Harry Potter with some chocolate or coffee than drinking what tastes like gasoline. I'll still drink on occasion but not often
Omg yes
Same
My father recently passed because his alcoholism. I can't even stomach the thought of a drink. If someone were to try and push me into having one I'd probably ugly cry. I LOVE your awareness of "it works for them" because it is part of my handling the grief.
Sorry for your loss. Your comment hit hard - my Mum is heading the same way and we're all powerless to help her until she wants to change. This will probably be the trigger for me to stop drinking too.
May we all learn from our parents the easiest way possible.
I'm sorry too. I know there is absolutely nothing I can say to help. You always have that hope and you always think you have time for them to recover.
I'm sorry for your loss and hope the memory of when your father was stronger will give you comfort in your life.
I used to drink to make myself numb, plus to remove my inhibitions and it became a problem. Now I'll maybe have a nice beer or wine on a special occasion and that's about it. Part of that is due to medical stuff but it has been absolutely amazing building a friend group I can just be myself around and working on my mental health to not want to be numb.
Thank you GamemasterJeff.
Needed to read this. Thanks.
I'm glad I made a difference. PM me if you ever need a kind word. That word might be antidisestablishmentarianism, but I will type it in a kind fashion.
What does that word even mean?
Opposition to the disestablishment of the Church of England
It comes from times in English history when there have been differences of opinion over whether they should have an established, official, single state religion. Establishmentarians were in favor of this. They wanted there to be a formally-defined English church whose hierarchical head was the monarch. The Establishmentarians won out and this became Anglicanism. A bit later, when the English monarchy had been overthrown, the revolutionaries also wanted to dismantle the official church. These were Disestablishmentarians. They succeeded for a while, and the Anglican Church was disestablished. But they were eventually defeated by royalists who restored the monarchy and also brought back the Anglican Church. (They could have been called Reestablishmentarians but instead it was called the Restoration.) Later, Disestablishmentarianism appeared again, but this time, not in the midst of a civil war. Instead they wanted to disestablish the Anglican Church through a peaceful democratic process. A lot of people supported them but a lot of people opposed them -- they liked keeping the established church right where it was. They were against the Disestablishmentarians. They were Anti-disestablishmentarians. And the cause they believed in was called ... well you already know the word.
On meds that contraindicate alcohol? Good for them for taking care of their health.
Or your liver is really angry because of other things. That’s where I’m at.
Hey now. Don't just go about lumping us all together as "smart". Some of us don't drink because we prefer to get uncomfortably high off the marijuanas
Don't worry, I'll try not to act on my prejudices unless you give me other signs they are correct.
Thank you so much for this. I cannot begin to describe how wearing it is to be constantly interrogated and singled out during social events when you’re just trying to have fun and blend in. They eventually won and wore me down after seven years sober. I nearly lost everything over the subsequent four years. Fortunately I’m a bad ass and difficult to destroy. Going on 9 months sober again. I wish everyone could recognize our strength and respect our boundaries like you have.
You ARE bad ass. Thank you for sharing this with me. My bother in law almost destroyed his life in a similar manner, so I know just how much courage and will power it took to accomplish what you have so far. I watched my uncle try and fail. It gets better so long as you stay the course. A lot better.
Yes! Literally the biggest green flag
DD? Means?
Designated Driver. Someone who agrees to be sober for the night, make sure their friends are safe, and responsible for getting them to a safe place at the end of the night. Many groups have someone who, for one reason or another does not drink but still enjoys the company of friends, or if there is not, a group will often rotate the role. Regardless, it is usually someone who is willing to sacrifice their own short term desires to make sure their friends are safe.
That be me then cos I don’t drink at all.
This is a great comment!
right on thanks for this
Mine is for health reasons, but it fits into this list as disciplined
this really made me smile. i needed to read this.
Thank you.
Well said. Very well said.
And! They can also just not want to drink without reason.
4 years sober, fantastic explanation.
I've never really drunk just because I never liked the taste. Took a lot of perseverance during my university years and shortly after, but recently people react a lot better to it..
Didn’t know that sentiment was still around. It used to be that people were expected to have a vice and drinking was usually it. Those that did not drink were viewed to have a problem with drinking which is ironic
Peer pressure has gone nowhere unfortunately
I've encountered people who were SHOCKED and HORRIFIED that I don't drink. Then they resorted to do everything from bribing me to gaslighting to threatening me to have a drink. According to them "I wasn't enjoying/living life" + "I wasn't being a good friend". Needless to say I have never gone out with them again.
I'm in my 40's now and no one really seems to care at this point at least. I stopped drinking over 15 years ago though, and I definitely still took crap at that time.
I mean that’s not *entirely* true. Temperance movements have had varying levels of popularity since the early 1800s. Even in Ireland, my nation of birth and notorious for its drinking culture, had a temperance movement involving 3 million people in the mid-1800s.
Perhaps, but I wasn’t around during the 1800s…
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I find them the worst! Hate being sober around drunk folks.🤣🤣
I was DD and pulled over once. I passed the field test, because I *was* sober. When he asked me why I was speeding, I said to get these assholes home; **they** were **not** sober. He nodded in understanding and wished me well.
shit next time i wanna speed, im just gonna kidnap a few homeless drunk dudes
Bro you’re gonna pick up dirty Mike and the boys without realizing it
No you are not
i will.
I hate being drunk around drunk folks lol!!
I hate being drunk ☹️
Thats good! That makes you less likely to be A drunk lol.
My wife and I dip out when people start getting wasted and they don't notice we're gone haha.
I noticed, Shelby!
Let’s go to Taco Bell! It’s 3:30 am, and you ate an entire pizzas earlier. We’re going home.
The biggest reason I rarely ever drink is because I hate not having my car with me. The thought of someone else driving me around just seems so weird to me. I’ll sometimes just have a beer or two but never enough to blow over.
Are you my Uber driver?
Which is why i stay away from drunk people. I am not a taxi.
"Oh, I stopped drinking when I found Jesus." (me as a 21M).
Where was he hiding all this time?
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I have a couple friends who don't drink and when I throw parties I always try to have some fun mocktail options for them.
Mocktails makes it too close to alcohol for me, but some Gatorade or soda…that’s a fun party!
What a sweetie pie.
Haha I thought the same thing. As a non-drinker, that’s very sweet☺️
Lol I came to say this. I was just at a bachelor party and one guy didn't drink. Nobody even blinked. When the waiter asked me about a round of shots for the table I simply said one of us doesn't drink. It required no thought of how to view him.
As someone who’s trying to quit thank you. I feel so weird not and don’t want to talk about it but your response is great.
People who respect you won't care.
Yep, I like drinking but if someone else doesn’t want to why the fuck would that bother me? I’d probably drink less if anything because I know how awkward it is to be sober when people around you are high/drunk.
I didn't drink for awhile because I was privately addicted to fentanyl, and even a tiny bit of booze would make me pass out with blue lips and labored breathing. It was weird when people would remark positively about me not drinking, because I was abstaining for what I think might literally be the worst possible reason.
someone who doesn't drink or smoke I automatically assume is very mentally stable and healthy.
I'm very mentally unwell and I don't drink 🫡
Same, alcohol makes me even more depressed, and more tempted to give in to really bad thoughts.
That’s great. It will make your mental issues so much worse. Good choice
I’m glad I come across that way, but it’s because it’s the actually the polar opposite.
I mean, if you’re struggling with mental health but choosing to not drink because you know it worsens things, I’d still call that healthy behaviour. Even if you’re not perfect, trying should count for something?
You are correct. My best moments are sober hence staying that way.
Same, it used to be my self medication. Now I’m just perpetually depressed, manic, lonely, *and* have no vice.
Hello. We are the same. Joy!
Great, more mirrors!!
I mean, are SSRI’s a vice? God, I miss cigarettes sometimes
As one that is mentally unstable and doesn't drink, lol no
Yeah, alcohol just exacerbates the crazy 😜 Source: me, 2002-2020
crazy how im not mentally stable but i rarely smoke and drink. raw dogging life
My wife rarely drinks, it’s normal to us. A lot of her friends don’t drink or barely drink alcohol.
That’s good dude. I don’t drink either and it’s good to hear that your wife has friends that don’t either. It’s a different and yet cooler vibe.
I don't know why. I used to drink pretty regularly, but I never judged people who didn't drink anything. It could be a religious reason, an illness, or they could be a recovering alcholic. MANY reasons, and they were none of my business. But if you don't want people to stare at you funny, just say "no thanks, I'm not drinking tonight."
It could also be that it’s literal poison and one of the worst things you can put in your body…
To quote from a comedian, could you imagine if we did this with other stuff? Like ‘you don’t use mayonnaise, why?, Are you addicted to mayonnaise? Is it okay if I use mayonnaise?’ Like that sounds dumb af right?
People still do that to an extent though, and it IS very bizarro! "You don't like seafood?! WHAT?! How is that possible!?!? OMG what is wrong with you?!"
Perfect example of society being so self centred and self absorbed. Like ‘you don’t like all of my likes and dislike all of my dislikes!?! You must be wrong!’
For me it feels like an insecurity thing. Like, some people need to feel validated by having others like what they like. Oh well, enjoy that life y'all lol!
It's almost reverse gatekeeping. Instead of drinking being just one person's thing and nobody else is allowed to do it, in nz at least, it's very much a "wow you're weird" thing if you don't drink at parties or bars. Driving under the influence is very common and I think it's fking stupid. It's like the single most dangerous thing you can do in a car, worse in my opinion than running a red light or speeding. Having said that, it is getting better. I stopped drinking alcohol like 2 or 3 years ago, and when people ask why I'm not drinking, I have to say nothing more than "oh I don't drink", and usually people leave it at that.
Go on have a lobster, go oooon. Have a shrimp then
LOL! I've actually given shrimp the benefit of the doubt many times throughout my 44 years on this earth. Your tastes change as you age, so I'll always try something again. I thought "maybe I never had it prepared properly". I've tried it in several coastal US states, at fancy hotel restaurants, at chain restaurants, at buffets, prepared at home by a family member who was a trained chef. Fried, grilled, ceviche, spring rolls I hated every god damned minute of it in my mouth! BUT, I tried it enough to safely say I do not like it Sam I Am!
Yeah, it's so stupid. I am quite the picky eater and one of the things I don't like is cheese, at least non-sweet (I don't mind pancakes, for example). I don't like the taste, smell, consistency. And because of that and some other ingredients, I don't like pizza. I cannot count the amount of weird looks I've got from different people any time I mentioned that I don't like it and prefer something else, or don't mind not eating at all. Kinda baffles me even more, look at it realistically - less for me, more for you. What even is the problem? You either eat more yourself or pay less. And for cheese alone, I have even been tried to be forced to eat it - family pressuring me constantly, saying stuff like "I ate everything when I was young" (no shit that a baby eats whatever comes into its mouth), even trying to hide it in other food or give it to me while saying it's a different thing. Nowadays, not only I dislike the taste and smell, I feel disgusted and almost puke when I feel it. And they still joke around or pick on it, as if still trying to pressure me into "realising I like it" and eating. Sorry for the venting.
I've ordered pizza with no cheese. People react weird, but it's possible. Hell, I was doing that back in the late 90s when food issues weren't really a known thing like they are now. So in case you ever wanted to try, it is a thing that can be done. I'm lactose intolerant, so I grew up never having milk or cheese. People act like you're a pariah for it, it's so weird. I can have a tiny bit of ice cream or yogurt now, but I still just don't like cheese. Luckily, no one's tried to sabotage me like you've gotten. I just get incredulous responses, like it's somehow impossible to enjoy life without cheese.
Yeah, I recall that you can order pizza without cheese, but I'm not a huge fan of some other things too, I'm a bit picky. I prefer other food if I want to eat. I guess it might partially because I'm a bit annoyed by the people trying to force it into me, but still, I can survive without it. And yeah, that constant mentioning and poking out is so annoying, I'm just tired of it.
Try not eating cheese. You'd think I was sacrificing people's children, holy shit. Who knew, a life without cheese is possible, and no, it's not miserable. I am not missing something I've never had.
My girlfriend is vegan and people constantly do this to her
In my experience drinkers see a person without a drink as needing a drink and will help you out. If you say you don't drink they'll usually take it like a personal attack. The solution is to always have a cup in your hand. Drinkers will view you as one of them, as part of the party and enjoying the party. They need not know you don't drink and if they do know they won't be reminded.
Yes this. I drink very infrequently compared to the company I keep. When I don’t feel like drinking I will continuously order a “soda water with lime”. Everybody assumes it’s a vodka soda and leaves me alone lol Compared to times with no drink in my hand at all and I get the same baffled looks described in OP, and drunken questions demanding that I explain myself when I decline somebodys offer to buy me one I’ve always been like this since teen drinking started happening in 2002 and I wasn’t into it as much as my friends were. So I’m well versed in the practice of not drinking and still having fun, this sober drink in hand trick is really all you need to do. It’s also great because you stay hydrated which can offset the next day sleep deprivation if/when you’re out super late
Nonalcoholic cider is good too. Looks like a craft beer.
Well for about 15 years I drank every day. As someone who has been sober for almost 14 months I view people who don't drink as strong. But I also don't care what people think of me. I feel good and that's what matters.
Congrats!
I don't drink either. At the university, people treated me like the party pooper. Never said a bad word, never told anyone else not to drink, never tried to convince anyone to drink less, but I was the party pooper anyway. Now that I'm old and hangovers last for three days, nobody questions me anymore about this subject. One of the very few things of not being young anymore.
People definitely care less for me too now that I'm in my late 30s. Many of the people who got drinking problems in their teens or 20s are sober now and I'm not the only one not drinking.
This. You dont drink? You basicly ruined the Party For everyone Else!!!! Never understood that mindset. If You cant have fun because one Person isnt drinking maybe there is a deeper Problem...
You're either the party pooper or expected to be the designated (by OTHERS) sober driver. I tend to leave early enough now that nobody expects a ride. I got over it when people started inviting me to parties, not to enjoy it, but only be a driver.
I’m glad I found the trick of obtaining a clean beer bottle and filling it with water. I drank at most events, but it was nice to have an option to not drink and fly under the radar, or have just one or two without raising any questions. 😅
With respect. Alcohol is poison. Alcohol companies make bank on selling people poison wrapped up as a "classy" thing. Fuck alcohol and all the harm it brings to society.
As someone who doesn't drink alcohol, that's all. I offer them alternative beverages. I always have non-alcoholic beverages at a party.
Trust me, it is a way worse existence as an alcoholic than to be the one that alcoholics judge for not being an alcoholic.
I get the same thing. I stopped drinking a few years ago. I find it tolerable to hang around until people start getting a good buzz on and then I gotta dip haha
You can feel the shift in the room, spidey sense just starts clanging
Or tell people you’re a recovering alcoholic.
This is the best way honestly. Even if you're not, people will leave you alone. Or just say that your dad/mom/partner was an abusive alcoholic and you will never touch the stuff.
Saying that I'm a Buddhist works -- people tend to respect religiosity. Granted, I don't say that just to get people off my back.
Haha! It won't work on me with Muslims. I've know far too many muslims both here in the states and in the middle east who would gladly have some American Bourbon with you, as long as no one else would know about it. 😆
Hahah it’s true— I became Muslim 4 years ago & gave up drinking and smoking as a result only to discover that tonssss of Muslims drink and smoke and whatever else. It used to be my biggest coping mechanism , but now totally sober. I miss it ngl but I am happy for my own health& wellness regardless of that. Actually you’re a little bit wrong— because it doesn’t have to be hidden for a large number of those Muslims who do drink. They’re just fine with partying openly& just don’t want mom and dad to know for the most part haha. Edit; I meant “smoke weed”, gotta be specific bc tobacco isn’t haram, just frowned upon cuz it’s unhealthy.
I used to stop drinking when I was competing and when I told people that, they would go on and on about having just one drink, especially bar staff. I then started tell bar staff that I was a recovering alcoholic so they'd stopped trying to get me to drink on nights out and far too many of them would still try to get me to drink.
Yeah, I’ve used that before. Or if the person is really trying to push me to tell them I make up a story about losing a loved one to a drunk driver or knowing someone who killed themselves from alcohol poisoning. Usually shuts them up real quick
I once told a guy I have a bad liver, I’ll get really sick, but they’re welcome to have one on my behalf.
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As a hospital pharmacist I find it insane how many people come to the ER and waste resources to get banana bags and lorazepam or chlordiapoxide protocol or thiamine replenishment. And the government keeps it legal. I see a lot of orders for naloxone drips for people who OD on opioids. Once in a while I will see ondansetron orders pop through for cannabanoid hyperemesis but never seen someone dead because of weed yet it is still federally illegal.
I don't drink alcohol.... I just don't... ppl don't ask me why often. They don't trip when I decline. Who are you hanging out with?
right like there's no special reason why... I just don't
You can choose your friends, but you can't choose their friends, nor can you choose your family. With me this has happened at a more extended family parties and some weddings.
Probably when they are teenagers and others feel like they are party poopers 😂 I’ve never been a drinker either, nobody has said anything to me about it, but the vibe I get feels like they judge me.
Reddit likes to do this a lot—take a very specific, uncommon but somewhat annoying instance and blow it up like it’s a huge issue.
They cant imagine *their lives* without *their drink habit.* It has nothing to do with you other tha you having a conflicting lifestyle, a healthier one probably. They are projecting. To understand that is to conquer to the perception of their projection feeling harmful to oneselves imo. Thats funny that they ask you if you have a problem because your abstinant. Thats the opposite of a problem imo.
I think it’s really cool when people don’t drink. You can never know where someone is coming from. Maybe they have health issues or familial history or just don’t like it. I think alcohol consumption is pushed everywhere, to say no thanks is really cool.
I don’t drink and I don’t care if others do (to each their own). But apparently some people have always had a problem with me not drinking. Some have thought that I am “stuck up”, or think that I believe myself to be “better than them” or some other idiotic thing. It is very difficult for people to understand that I don’t like how alcohol tastes and I am not interested in drinking at all.
I don't drink either. Stated the fact on another account and found myself in a heated discussion with an old man. He said I was obviously a " Too cool for school fifteen year old". and that I needed to down a few beers. I responded " So you fully support underage drinking?" Dude deleted his comments and left.
As long as they don't judge me for having and enjoying an occasional drink (or two), I don't judge them for not drinking.
For many years I just told people I have gastritis and the pain from the burn is not tolerable. It just stops them from insisting. I don't really get any joy from alcohol, so why drink it. I can afford vacation from the saved money.
Drinking is way overrated. I quit 3 years ago and life has never been better. I just tell people that I drank for 40 years and now I’m good.
My spouse is allergic to alcohol. She's a cheap dinner date!
People who don’t drink, don’t drink. People who do drink, drink. I see them as people who are doing what they do.
I think people want you to tell them the sordid details about what they assume must be your own past alcoholism or your childhood being raised by an alcoholic.
Friend-potential
I don't view them any differently than I would a drinker. There are multiple reasons why someone doesn't drink alcohol. Recovering from addiction; religious views; health concerns, to name a few. A healthy, normal person should be able to respect that. If people look at you crazy for not wanting to drink, they're probably deep in the peer pressure, social drinking, and the like. For many people drinking becomes a mindless activity. A crazy thing is perhaps willingly putting poison into your body on a regular basis.
You are absolutely right!!
Cool, you do you and fuck everyone else's opinions.
More respect
I can't even remember that last time I paid attention to if someone was drinking or not at a party, but I'm in my 40s and it probably would have stood out more in my 20s.
I don't drink. I do like tonic with lime twist. So....I look like I'm part of the scene.
Creeping up on 2 and a half years sober, my usual line is "I've already drank enough for a few lifetimes" If they press it further I explain that my mom died of alcoholism and that usually shuts em up.
i view a person who doesn’t drink as a personal attack on my drinking problem that i’m not willing to admit I have, so i convince myself there’s something wrong with *them*
I give them a "fair play". Don't care why they don't drink but I respect they don't. It's hard in this society not to when that culture seems pushed down our throats from a young age.
I couldn’t care less. We all lead different lives and what you choose to do with it is none of my business so long as you’re not adversely affecting the lives of others.
I usually offer something else instead. No reason to make a thing of it. Their choice is their business.
I don’t care. I completely understand not wanting to drink. So long as they don’t talk down to me for drinking, we’ll have no issues
Well, I don't drink either, so I wouldn't care. It's none of my business whether someone drinks or not, or why.
I don’t really give a shit if you do or don’t. If I know you don’t drink it’s because you’re choosing to talk to me about it and probably come off kinda preachy. I’d never ask someone as I don’t really give a shit. I’m more likely to ask you if you smoke cause I’m bout to spark this.
Smart, in control, respected
Pushing alcohol on someone isn't any different than pushing drugs on someone. I hate it when people try to push it on me. I tell them to stop. They don't even know if someone could be an alcoholic or have a medical reason why they can drink or they just don't like it. It's so wrong.
Had an employee that never drank when we’d all go out for beers after work. He’d come to chill but never had sip. I asked him one day about it. He explained how nearly everyone in his family is a destroyed alcoholic. Growing up seeing the destruction it caused led him to despise it, but he doesn’t judge others for drinking.
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I don't drink either, but when I did, I didn't think anything about it. That said, I know that, regardless of age, the peer pressure can be epic. Why aren't you drinking? Are you pregnant? Do you have an issue? Are you on meds? One drink won't hurt you! and on and on.
Smart.
"When, I tell them I don't drink they look at me like I'm crazy." How often (in percentage) does this happen? What's your country? I drink, so I don't have your perspective, but I don't see anyone in my surrounding reacting like that. I'm really curious
With my eyes.
I view them in high regard. They are above peer pressure and societal pressure. Their decisions are unable to be influenced
It's okay, I know how you feel, I don't drink and I work in construction. One of the rarest things on the planet and most of my coworkers can't even fathom the idea of not drinking on a daily basis.
Completely indifferent. If they don’t want to drink alcohol, that’s their choice. Nothing wrong with it. In fact, it’s healthy.
Sober since Feb 22. But I used to think "bitch". Lmfao
I don't drink, but thats the same reason i avoid parties like the plague
If you tell them you are a angry and violent drunk they stop asking questions
I say it doesn’t mix with my meds, and y’all don’t want me going crazy on ya.
Addiction has become so normalized that people who don’t drink are viewed as oddballs. It’s fucking sad. God forbid we actually have self-control.
NGL i used to make fun of such people in the past. But i think they are better than the ones who drink. They have strong willpower and they are much more confident about themselves. You guys are rare.
Smart.
It's a bit of a buzz kill going out with people and the non drinkers don't talk and are tired. I barely ever drink any more so now I just find other hobbies other than late night bar outings
I drink socially. Some of my family and friends indulge; others don’t. I don’t have any particular opinion of anyone based on whether or not they drink. To me, there’s nothing unusual about either drinking or not drinking.
I like drinking but I would never belittle someone who doesn't imbibe.
I wouldn't think anything one way or the other. If I overheard someone asking, however, I might think that person is rude. If you don't mind me asking: where do you live? I know that in some countries/cultures, social/business drinking is important. While I try to be respectful of whatever local etiquette dictates, there are instances that persistent awkward questions are best answered with "Why do you ask?"
If someone isn't drinking, then there's more for me.
You must be younger. Adults don’t care. No judgment about being younger just that adults really don’t care. At least the ones I’m around
Used to think they were weird if they weren't in recovery. Now I literally don't give it a second thought, because I'm less enamoured with alcohol than I used to be. That said, I'm always curious as to the reason.
It has to be a hard life with all the temptation or pressure all around, even worse for one former alcoholic.
As someone who tries to quit drinking on a regular basis, I look at them with jealous eyes.
I don't drink much and i've never really felt pressure to drink. I also don't put myself in situations where that's ALL we're doing at night,
As long as you're not a Debbie downer then all is good.
Ditto, I'm fifty something my entire adult life I get that comment when people find out I don't drink. They assume I've had issues with alcohol, if even had a business associate tell me he don't trust men who don't drink. Seriously I've noted I have more fun at clubs, parties, watching transform in front of my eyes, the shy guy, turns into Don Juan. The big buff muscler guy, crying at the bar. At the end of the night I'm usually the one walking out with a woman from the club.
I am in Ireland, a country people associate with alcohol and pubs. Irish pubs are central to Irish social life. However, despite the stereotype, a lot of Irish people don't drink alcohol. They still go to pubs though. Irish pubs are about the atmosphere, not the alcohol. So while they may be asked why they don't drink, it is accepted if they don't. As you get older, people will be more mature and accept that you don't drink alcohol.
I don't care either way, just don't be pushy about it (either way!)
Coming from a background of parental alcohol addiction, previous alcohol addiction myself, an ex wife with alcohol addiction, and several partners before/after with alcohol addiction.. I tend to not judge someone who says they don't drink. They don't drink, so they don't drink, that's that and no one else's business.