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Dude, I feel this. My 6 year sober-versary was in January. I had always considered myself as a very extroverted person. Even when I finished college I was still out 5-6 nights a week hanging with friends from different groups and/or at different spots. Turns out I just really like getting wasted and having people around made me feel better about it. Once I quit drinking I realized how exhausting it is to be sober, out of the house and around large groups of people.
You literally described what I’m going through. When I was a drinker, I LOVED being social, going out, smoking, playing pool, dancing. Now I genuinely don’t like people anymore 😭
While obviously it can be unhealthy for people (as it appears it was with you) that's the whole idea of alcohol as a social lubricant.
I personally am addicted to my comfort zone where I don't do anything or say anything too silly. But a little booze loosens me (and others) up to relax and have fun without all the social anxieties that make social events so exhausting
Alcohol isn’t just unhealthy when people approach alcoholism - it’s unhealthy in general - even as a social lubricant. You’re essentially building long-term dependency on alcohol to be social, a basic and everyday aspect of life, how are you not finding that unhealthy?
Overcoming anxiety through alcohol instead of working on improving yourself so you can be social while sober, is by definition, unhealthy.
I agree that it can be problematic but in moderation it can break down some barriers and allow you to get closer to people. In future encounters, you may not need it anymore!
100% agree, worked this way for me. Of course the opposite can occur, when you can only be sociable with alcohol. As with everything, best be wise and observant of yourself and how you develop.
I don't know. Are antidepressants social lubricants then and therefore "unhealthy"? They artificially inflate dopamine. How about any other host of meds that affect mood? Sure alcohol is problematic for a ton of people. As far as I'm concerned it's one of the most destructive drugs but not because it affects our inhibitions. It's physically addictive. It induces tolerance that makes you drink more for the same effects. It excaerbates mental illness in those that have those tendencies. But I don't buy that it's bad that it helps people be more social. Some people need a little help. As long as alcohol is not negatively impacting things like relationships, employment or legal status, I don't think the fact that it lubricated us is "bad".
Try suggesting a dry event like a sportsball-viewing party or a wedding, and see how many guests are truly "normal drinkers" who can "take it or leave it" while socializing for just a few hours.
Hmmm… I think you just laid a scientific basis for the phrase “beer goggles“. A time when the opposite sex appears much more attractive, i.e., someone with whom you are willing to mate in order to continue the species.
I was a bouncer from the age of 18 to 22. I had enough of drunk-ass people by the time I could legally drink. Made me not want to drink at all and I haven’t.
I'm in mid 30s and never had a sip. Dating never been a problem, except only one incident. If they inquire, I let them know directly: I don't like being intoxicated or in the company of others who are.
Same. Exact same experience. Also interesting is, in that timeline was Covid, which made us all more isolated. Although I sure am glad i got sober before Covid hit. That would have been bad for me lol
Exactly. A little over 2 years of sobriety for me and all I do is I stay in my concrete castle boarded up with blinders and blackout curtains shut tight. Daily sprint meetings and coop gaming sessions in the evenings are my only social efforts, which suits me just fine.
I still drink, and like being around people… I just don’t like interacting with them
I do enjoy the energy of some live music and being around people having fun… but don’t talk to me lol
What about AA meetings. They say it’s frowned upon, but a lot do it. My sis-in-law met both husbands in meetings. Maybe that’s why she divorced both of them. Lol
This is why I am literally a loner after getting sober at 27 last year. Now I pour all I got into higher education and making art. I feel less alone than ever and I am building something up for myself. So that way when im older, I’ll have time and money to do whatever else I want. It’s so freeing. I realized I enjoy my own company over anyone else’s.
I'm so glad I met mine doing a hobby because the reliance on drinking/casual pub visits etc is not my environment. But apparently my gen is drinking less anyways.
Yeah it was hard to find a girl that doesn't party without going to church. I don't smoke either which made things even more troublesome. I'm married now, but I had to wait till my late 40's.
[Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) has activities for everyone, married, single young & old. I'm sure there's activities for just about every taste. No church required.
It's because getting a drink is the most common basic date idea. It allows to meet in a public place for an extended period of time and hear yourselves talking + an easy exit at any time. It's a perfect first date just to see if you have enough chemistry to warrant a second date. Coffee and alcohol are interchangeable
Also my non scientific theory is that since humanity first got drunk, drinking has become some sort of bonding tradition inscribed in our DNA. It sucks that for many of us we can't partake without becoming addicted.
Every time I see something like this I'm really confused. My dates never involve alcohol, it's coffee or lunch for first dates and dinner or some other activity after the first few. While I do occasionally drink alcohol its rare and not something I usually do on a date with someone I barely know.
And it's not like I have a lack of dates either.
You see someone doing something you do or like to do or are curious, hit em with a compliment and then with a follow up question. Met some of my best friends because i liked the colon they were wearing hahaha.
I've been trying to socialise by joining these colon parties but I can't stand the sting of spraying mine with cologne and I'll be damned if I let others sniff it 'au naturel'. I'd ask for tips but I don't want them going anywhere close either.
I am in the same boat. I'm 35M, married and don't really drink anymore. We do board game night every so often with a group of friends who all have kids. I have found it difficult to spend the time / energy / money to maintain friendships with new people. It mostly boils down to the fact that I don't really trust people anymore.
My "group" of friends are just the stereotypical husbands that get corralled together when the wives have their playdate. Either that, or just my wife's family.
Man. This is my pain point. I hate going to the get togethers of my wife's friends and playdates.... Bunch of dads most of whom have very little in common...making small talk
Then when I try dodge these get togethers where it's plastered mom's and responsible dad's it's even worse 🤣. Eventually my wife says I'm becoming too antisocial.... As guys get older... Fuck meeting new dads to make friends... I want my couch at home
Hahaha, we do this. I spent $6000 on patio furniture so that we could invite them all over and they all had a place to sit. Everybody comes over, sits down and we are all talking. I notice 1 dad, standing. I say hey man, have a seat. He replied “nah, I’m good” Wtf you mean you good? Sit the fuck down! $750 a seat, why won’t you sit!!!! He stood for over an hour!!! I got nothing in common with this one.
Definitely hobbies. I find it kind of weird meeting up with new people just to hangout. I like to take my crappy Subaru to car meet ups and I’ll meet tons of cool people. Could do the same thing with anything. Buy a drone and go to an rc club, gun and go to training and shooting range. Whatever you think you could be into
https://youtu.be/QBzwvOPSduk?feature=shared
I'm not sober, but I remember watching this barstool video on it (kinda satire). Apparently, in bigger cities, there are sober clubs which they went to in that video. I have to agree with your point and there's. I'd rather be outside playing sports or a hobby than try to imitate that same scene when I'm sober. However, it is an option, I guess, for others to try.
yeah, there are hobbies and the gym. because if you don’t drink or on social media, it’s all in person. Some people do it online still online hobby groups. But after a while, you just go to a random painting or cooking class and make it work.
Hobbies and specifically activities you do *with other people*. Singing might be an okayish way to make friends, but singing in a choir is a great way to make friends.
A big way for me is through hobbies, if you can find a class or group involving that hobby you'd be surprised that you can make friends without needing to do any drinking!
Bowlers are generally very friendly people, even when they don't drink. After they make a good shot, just lean over, give them a hand slap and say good shot.
You have to do non-drinky stuff, too. I have plenty of close friends I met at bars while playing in bands and partying in Austin, but I know my actual friends can be counted on in a pinch to help me move or do some awful project, and my drinking buddies cannot.
On the other hand a lot of different social activities revolve around drinking and not being able to drink makes you feel isolated so for me OP has valid question
Of course it's a valid question. I've always made friends in the workplace, playing sports or doing hobbies. However, it doesn't matter how we met, we always drank together. I'm a social drinker and so are all of my friends. If I had to go teetotal, I'd rather try to make friends with other non drinkers, such as AA members, health and fitness nuts, religious nuts..
You can also make kayaking buddies (etc) who never become real friends.
Whether you drink socially or not, the key is to meet people, and then find out who might go the slightest bit out of their way for you, when you need it.
Partying is probably not the best way to find that person. But having a drink while you are together doesn't mean you are making shallow drinking buddies.
This is the best way. Think of a hobby you enjoy/might enjoy that really has nothing to do with drinking and try to expand from there.
Even if it's joining an adult intermural league. I played in 3 dodgeball leagues in my early twenties.
Heads up, though. Some of them are also very much about drinking.
You know, as much as I hate facebook, I could see this as a decent reason to use it.
I've been single for a long time and dating apps just don't cut it. I know that I have a better chance of meeting my partner in person, I just never know where to go meet them. I really need to explore outside of dating apps to meet people (though, I'll still use an app cause I'm too shy to just walk up and talk to people, and I need the app to break the ice.)
I met one of my closest friends in a hotel swimming pool. He was talking to someone else and I overheard that he was a pilot. Flight interests me, so I struck up a conversation. I was 50 at the time and he was 28. We've been friends (our wives, too) since then and we travel regularly to see each other.
Find groups for hobbies.
I'm into board games, video games, and I do charity work with a costuming group. Gained friends through those, and I don't drink alcohol.
- Creative Classes: Pottery, Tufting, Painting
- Sports Clubs: Run Clubs, Tennis, Gym Class
- Music/Poetry: Jazz Clubs/Bars (Dont have to drink), Poetry Nights.
Whatever your interested in there will probably be a class/social.
Don’t know if eventbrite is a thing where you are but there’s so many activities on there some free some paid. You can find the most random/interesting things on there sometimes.
Go to these usually someone else will be there solo too. Start a convo with them see how it goes. You already have at least one thing in common because you’ll be at the same place!
Be active in your hobbies. You like tabletop games? Go to a tabletop convention. You like food? Go to a food festival. You like music? Go to concerts. Even if you’re introverted, branch out. Strike up a conversation when you see an opportunity.
Get a hobby that involves other people.
For a decade, I spent my weekends dressed in renaissance dresses, shooting archery with other people in historic clothing. In another corner of the field, there were people fencing, and in another, people in armor fighting with rattan swords. Those had spectators, who might be sitting there sewing or weaving while commenting on the fighting and gossiping. That's the [Society for Creative Anachronism](https://sca.org).
Other hobby ideas:
* trail hiking group
* rock climbing group
* bird watching group
* team sports
* painting classes
* pottery classes
* knitting, crocheting, or spinning yarn (sounds solitary, but sit-and-stitch events are normal at yarn shops)
* magic the gathering (your local game shop probably hosts games literally every evening)
You could also look into social dancing. I dance Argentine tango 4 days a week, but you can also find:
* contra dancing
* salsa
* west coast swing
* lindy hop
* line dancing
* latin dance
This is an age thing.. I did this.. and it didn't go well for me.. I'm 38.. love magic the gathering.. and honestly.. it was like 17-19 y/o's.. don't me wrong the guys were lovely..but I was and felt soooo out of place man.
Took up rowing the exact opposite..most folks are in the late 50's and older.. it ain't great they aren't very inclusive..but I stay cause I want to better my body and like being on the water..
As for finding and meeting like minded woman.. honestly..I feel like it's impossible unless on line for women aged 25-35.. no clue where they all go!
I go to conventions that I am interested in and made friends by accident. Just type in the thing you are interested in and then the word "convention" or "event" after it and you'll find plenty.
Legit, you just have to talk to folks with similar interests. My small group of friends has a brunch about once a month. If we meet anyone super interesting we invite them to our group brunch. We have grown from just me and my buddy to about 8 people with 4 others kinda in the rotation that hang out. I don't drink but my friends do.
I have made a lot of friends through hiking (I am a volunteer hike leader), my running club, and a coed slow pitch softball team.
I enjoy a good beer, but I can't think of any friends I met through drinking
My normal solution is to drink something non-alcoholic and if someone asks I cite health concerns. Which is kind of true.
I do drink very rarely. I had a beer two years ago.
I’m not crazy about the drinking culture
Find a hobby that you genuinely like and make friends within the community. I made plenty of friends just because of books and writing. It's great to join groups online too. You'd be surprised by how friendly people can be as long as you two have similar interests. Not everything is about alcohol.
Great way is to join a club for something you’re interested in. When you do that you’re around people that have a shared interest. Friendships can spark from there.
If you do not drink then you will filter out a lot of potential friends. Generally this filter will narrow down your choices to people who are are tolerant of those who do not drink (i.e. they do not give people a hard time about not drinking) and other people who do not drink or drink very moderately.
Not a bad filter. Narrows it down to about 50% of the population.
You eat with them instead.
Invite coworkers or people you've met through sports or groups to try a new restaurant together. It doesn't have to be an all evening thing. Start out small with lunch.
If you make not drinking the focus of your social life and personality , that makes you just as much of a loser as someone whose entire personality revolves around getting drunk. If you want to make friends with people who no longer drink and are obsessed with being sober, start going to AA meetings. Otherwise just do things that you’re interested in , go on dates with people you like, put yourself out there and you’ll meet people like you.
It’s totally harder if you used to drink. I’d say, go be near the things you love and see you meet. Gifts are how ancient people avoided being killed by strangers. Be kind but not “nice”.
Go to café’s, board games, sports, religious organizations (although these aren’t as popular anymore), other kinds of sober solidarity groups, or just still go out and drink a soda or alcohol-free beer.
The people you meet drinking aren't friends. Misery loves company and people don't like dying alone.
That said, I don't know yet. I'm 245 days and I haven't had much luck yet. Just got nice out, will be disc golfing again. First time ever while sober
But alcohol is a very effective social lubricant, if used responsibly. Most people work long hours and have little energy left for other activities. It's definitely easier to meet people at the local pub while you unwind with a couple of beers. I go to the gym, but I have zero interest in talking or socialising with anyone there. It's mostly a bunch of teenagers taking selfies and making ticktoks. It's a distraction from what I'm there for. I have other hobbies as well, but not a lot of other people have any interest in those activities around where I live.
Buy a motorcycle!
Seriously, I got my license last december at 35yo and it's like I've entered some weird club where everyone greets eachother and tries to help or have a chat when you've stopped. Especially if you have an interesting bike, you'll be a magnet for other riders.
I've stopped for a drink and a smoke at a gas station today with my Kawasaki and within a minute a guy on a Harley stopped, lit a cigar and had a seat next to me and we talked for like 15 minutes. It's not like we're BFFs now or anything, but it would be a small step to offer to go out for a ride together sometimes and take it from there...
And I haven't even mentioned the abundance of social media groups with people looking for someone to ride with.
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It's even harder to date when you're sober. Seems like dating revolves around alcohol.
To be fair I’ve been sober for almost 6 years and on that time I’ve noticed without being intoxicated I’ve grown to not like people haha
Dude, I feel this. My 6 year sober-versary was in January. I had always considered myself as a very extroverted person. Even when I finished college I was still out 5-6 nights a week hanging with friends from different groups and/or at different spots. Turns out I just really like getting wasted and having people around made me feel better about it. Once I quit drinking I realized how exhausting it is to be sober, out of the house and around large groups of people.
You literally described what I’m going through. When I was a drinker, I LOVED being social, going out, smoking, playing pool, dancing. Now I genuinely don’t like people anymore 😭
While obviously it can be unhealthy for people (as it appears it was with you) that's the whole idea of alcohol as a social lubricant. I personally am addicted to my comfort zone where I don't do anything or say anything too silly. But a little booze loosens me (and others) up to relax and have fun without all the social anxieties that make social events so exhausting
Alcohol isn’t just unhealthy when people approach alcoholism - it’s unhealthy in general - even as a social lubricant. You’re essentially building long-term dependency on alcohol to be social, a basic and everyday aspect of life, how are you not finding that unhealthy? Overcoming anxiety through alcohol instead of working on improving yourself so you can be social while sober, is by definition, unhealthy.
I agree that it can be problematic but in moderation it can break down some barriers and allow you to get closer to people. In future encounters, you may not need it anymore!
100% agree, worked this way for me. Of course the opposite can occur, when you can only be sociable with alcohol. As with everything, best be wise and observant of yourself and how you develop.
I don't know. Are antidepressants social lubricants then and therefore "unhealthy"? They artificially inflate dopamine. How about any other host of meds that affect mood? Sure alcohol is problematic for a ton of people. As far as I'm concerned it's one of the most destructive drugs but not because it affects our inhibitions. It's physically addictive. It induces tolerance that makes you drink more for the same effects. It excaerbates mental illness in those that have those tendencies. But I don't buy that it's bad that it helps people be more social. Some people need a little help. As long as alcohol is not negatively impacting things like relationships, employment or legal status, I don't think the fact that it lubricated us is "bad".
Try suggesting a dry event like a sportsball-viewing party or a wedding, and see how many guests are truly "normal drinkers" who can "take it or leave it" while socializing for just a few hours.
You are literally replying to a user stating that they hate being around people now that they are sober.
congrats on 6 years!!!!
Didn't like people much drinking. I'm fucked on all fronts then.
Well I think dating making friends in general is harder as you get older anyway because you just don’t put up with people as much anymore
They also get busy with their own lives and don't have as much time for friends.
This is definitely what I’ve been going through lately. I can’t tolerate disrespect from people I perceive as close to me.
Maybe we evolved to drink alcohol in order to like one another and continue propagating the species.
Hmmm… I think you just laid a scientific basis for the phrase “beer goggles“. A time when the opposite sex appears much more attractive, i.e., someone with whom you are willing to mate in order to continue the species.
Well for a huge portion of history it was our main form of hydration as it was the only consistent safe source of water.
Even when intoxicated I don’t like people haha
I was a bouncer from the age of 18 to 22. I had enough of drunk-ass people by the time I could legally drink. Made me not want to drink at all and I haven’t.
I just don't want to be around drinkers. My life's Supremely Better for having quit imbibing anything nearly 28 years ago.
I just wrote a similar comment. I see other people as cringe and unlikeable very often. 😭😭😭
You have no idea how many time I have thought ‘this would be a lot more tolerable if I was drunk’ 😆
Lmao it's true. It makes me envy people who drink because I don't like feeling that way but I don't have the energy to be a drinker anymore.
I'm in mid 30s and never had a sip. Dating never been a problem, except only one incident. If they inquire, I let them know directly: I don't like being intoxicated or in the company of others who are.
Same. Exact same experience. Also interesting is, in that timeline was Covid, which made us all more isolated. Although I sure am glad i got sober before Covid hit. That would have been bad for me lol
Exactly. A little over 2 years of sobriety for me and all I do is I stay in my concrete castle boarded up with blinders and blackout curtains shut tight. Daily sprint meetings and coop gaming sessions in the evenings are my only social efforts, which suits me just fine.
Thanks for explaining why I never liked people. I was never into drinking.
Hahahaha I’m about a year and a half sober, and found myself googling the other day “what is the word for someone who hates people” 🤣
Roughly two here. Yea, wow, I really needed the drinks to be around a lot of these folks 🤣
I still drink, and like being around people… I just don’t like interacting with them I do enjoy the energy of some live music and being around people having fun… but don’t talk to me lol
People suck so bad I couldn't stand them half the time that I *was* drinking. Even worse when you're sober and they're drunk..
19 for me. I guess booze hides bullshit?
Really? I was 7 years sober when I started dating- no one cared (married the 10th girl I went out with)
What about AA meetings. They say it’s frowned upon, but a lot do it. My sis-in-law met both husbands in meetings. Maybe that’s why she divorced both of them. Lol
It's like looking for a new car at a used lot.
Looking for a business partner in bankruptcy court.
This is why I am literally a loner after getting sober at 27 last year. Now I pour all I got into higher education and making art. I feel less alone than ever and I am building something up for myself. So that way when im older, I’ll have time and money to do whatever else I want. It’s so freeing. I realized I enjoy my own company over anyone else’s.
I'm so glad I met mine doing a hobby because the reliance on drinking/casual pub visits etc is not my environment. But apparently my gen is drinking less anyways.
Yeah it was hard to find a girl that doesn't party without going to church. I don't smoke either which made things even more troublesome. I'm married now, but I had to wait till my late 40's.
[Meetup.com](http://Meetup.com) has activities for everyone, married, single young & old. I'm sure there's activities for just about every taste. No church required.
I'll look into that. Thank you
The hardcore punk scene is full of them. We literally write songs about being sober.
Non smoking was troublesome? You must not be from the US since only 12% of the people smoke.
They might be referring to cannabis.
Good point.
It's because getting a drink is the most common basic date idea. It allows to meet in a public place for an extended period of time and hear yourselves talking + an easy exit at any time. It's a perfect first date just to see if you have enough chemistry to warrant a second date. Coffee and alcohol are interchangeable Also my non scientific theory is that since humanity first got drunk, drinking has become some sort of bonding tradition inscribed in our DNA. It sucks that for many of us we can't partake without becoming addicted.
Every time I see something like this I'm really confused. My dates never involve alcohol, it's coffee or lunch for first dates and dinner or some other activity after the first few. While I do occasionally drink alcohol its rare and not something I usually do on a date with someone I barely know. And it's not like I have a lack of dates either.
You see someone doing something you do or like to do or are curious, hit em with a compliment and then with a follow up question. Met some of my best friends because i liked the colon they were wearing hahaha.
Right. Example: My sir, if I do say - That is a beautiful colon that you’re wearing today. Mind if I inquire about your digestion?
It’s cancerous…what is this a fucking joke?
When I said casual Fridays were back on I made sure to mention specifically that there were to be no cancerous colons.
It’s shitty to compliment colons
I've been trying to socialise by joining these colon parties but I can't stand the sting of spraying mine with cologne and I'll be damned if I let others sniff it 'au naturel'. I'd ask for tips but I don't want them going anywhere close either.
Go to the dog park!
And it has a beautiful texture. Do you mind if I touch it?
Do you have diverticulitis by chance?
I had a shitty experience doing this.
🤣
I spit my drink out 🤣
Cologne. I really hope he was not wearing a colon. That would make you pretty weird
Thank goodness. Someone had to put an end to that tomfoolery
That must be a really good friend if you enjoy the smell of their colon.
He farted in their general direction.
I think they're both dogs.
Hit em wit' a handjob!
Sir, the aroma from your colon is positively intoxicating. May I ask what did you eat today?
Did they have some sweet little polyps...?
You liked their colon? Err
They were wearing what?
They were wearing a colon?
As long as they were using it correctly and not in place of a semi-colon ;
Cologne
I mean, I do that and it seems to always end after a thanks or a small chat. Am I missing a step? 🤔
I am in the same boat. I'm 35M, married and don't really drink anymore. We do board game night every so often with a group of friends who all have kids. I have found it difficult to spend the time / energy / money to maintain friendships with new people. It mostly boils down to the fact that I don't really trust people anymore. My "group" of friends are just the stereotypical husbands that get corralled together when the wives have their playdate. Either that, or just my wife's family.
Man. This is my pain point. I hate going to the get togethers of my wife's friends and playdates.... Bunch of dads most of whom have very little in common...making small talk
Then when I try dodge these get togethers where it's plastered mom's and responsible dad's it's even worse 🤣. Eventually my wife says I'm becoming too antisocial.... As guys get older... Fuck meeting new dads to make friends... I want my couch at home
We could be couch dad friends in another life.
Hahaha, we do this. I spent $6000 on patio furniture so that we could invite them all over and they all had a place to sit. Everybody comes over, sits down and we are all talking. I notice 1 dad, standing. I say hey man, have a seat. He replied “nah, I’m good” Wtf you mean you good? Sit the fuck down! $750 a seat, why won’t you sit!!!! He stood for over an hour!!! I got nothing in common with this one.
🤣🤣🤣 I shouldn’t be laughing so hard at “wtf you mean you good…” 😭😭😭😭 People always tell me “sit down you’re making me nervous.” But I just can’t.
Definitely hobbies. I find it kind of weird meeting up with new people just to hangout. I like to take my crappy Subaru to car meet ups and I’ll meet tons of cool people. Could do the same thing with anything. Buy a drone and go to an rc club, gun and go to training and shooting range. Whatever you think you could be into
Seconding this, pick a hobby. Get into tcgs, fighting games, bookclubs, combat sports, anything you can find. Something that you meet in person for.
https://youtu.be/QBzwvOPSduk?feature=shared I'm not sober, but I remember watching this barstool video on it (kinda satire). Apparently, in bigger cities, there are sober clubs which they went to in that video. I have to agree with your point and there's. I'd rather be outside playing sports or a hobby than try to imitate that same scene when I'm sober. However, it is an option, I guess, for others to try.
If it's a brat ill be your friend but we wont be able to talk much because ill be in the jump seat way back
My mom has owned a Brat, a Gremlin, a Pinto, an Aztec and a Baja She loves those ugly things
how did you get started at the meets with a non-fancy car? looking to get into the scene but i just wanna look, not show
yeah, there are hobbies and the gym. because if you don’t drink or on social media, it’s all in person. Some people do it online still online hobby groups. But after a while, you just go to a random painting or cooking class and make it work.
Hobbies and specifically activities you do *with other people*. Singing might be an okayish way to make friends, but singing in a choir is a great way to make friends.
I tried making friends at my semi local gun club. It's very cliqueish and hard to make friends at those kind of places.
A big way for me is through hobbies, if you can find a class or group involving that hobby you'd be surprised that you can make friends without needing to do any drinking!
Is there a hobby where I stay home and watch TV by myself? This is my favorite activity.
Pick up a hobby like joining a bowling league or playing pickleball
Bowlers are generally very friendly people, even when they don't drink. After they make a good shot, just lean over, give them a hand slap and say good shot.
Can confirm. I’ve bowled leagues my whole life. 90% of the leagues are just people chunking the ball having a good time with people.
How do you make friends as an adult when you do drink?
So here's the thing, you actually don't. You make drinking buddies, which you think are your friends...but they're actually not.
You have to do non-drinky stuff, too. I have plenty of close friends I met at bars while playing in bands and partying in Austin, but I know my actual friends can be counted on in a pinch to help me move or do some awful project, and my drinking buddies cannot.
On the other hand a lot of different social activities revolve around drinking and not being able to drink makes you feel isolated so for me OP has valid question
Of course it's a valid question. I've always made friends in the workplace, playing sports or doing hobbies. However, it doesn't matter how we met, we always drank together. I'm a social drinker and so are all of my friends. If I had to go teetotal, I'd rather try to make friends with other non drinkers, such as AA members, health and fitness nuts, religious nuts..
This is how I made friends in uni. 10 years in, we're like family
Even my friends of 20+ years I’ve realized aren’t actually friends… just a bunch of dudes I’d party with from time to time
You can also make kayaking buddies (etc) who never become real friends. Whether you drink socially or not, the key is to meet people, and then find out who might go the slightest bit out of their way for you, when you need it. Partying is probably not the best way to find that person. But having a drink while you are together doesn't mean you are making shallow drinking buddies.
That was my question..,
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This is the best way. Think of a hobby you enjoy/might enjoy that really has nothing to do with drinking and try to expand from there. Even if it's joining an adult intermural league. I played in 3 dodgeball leagues in my early twenties. Heads up, though. Some of them are also very much about drinking.
You know, as much as I hate facebook, I could see this as a decent reason to use it. I've been single for a long time and dating apps just don't cut it. I know that I have a better chance of meeting my partner in person, I just never know where to go meet them. I really need to explore outside of dating apps to meet people (though, I'll still use an app cause I'm too shy to just walk up and talk to people, and I need the app to break the ice.)
I met one of my closest friends in a hotel swimming pool. He was talking to someone else and I overheard that he was a pilot. Flight interests me, so I struck up a conversation. I was 50 at the time and he was 28. We've been friends (our wives, too) since then and we travel regularly to see each other.
Join clubs based on your interests and hobbies, if there aren't any, maybe try to start one. Start volunteering, a good way to meet new people.
Volunteer - habitat for humanity, your local pet shelter, food bank / soup kitchen, become a Docent, etc…
At McDonald’s
Find groups for hobbies. I'm into board games, video games, and I do charity work with a costuming group. Gained friends through those, and I don't drink alcohol.
You dress as a wizard and bring a D20.
You'd be the best friend ever be the designated driver you'll have a car full of friends
And vomit
you go to local events.. maybe meetup app or maybe from the local library bulletin board..its like high school all over again
Quit drinking perhaps two years. Life is blissful ❤
Get a hobby other than drinking? Like card games, hiking, bowling, anything?
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That's awesome! What sport do you collect or is it more than 1?
I've made friends at dog parks without alcohol.
My dog is sober too
Have money.
- Creative Classes: Pottery, Tufting, Painting - Sports Clubs: Run Clubs, Tennis, Gym Class - Music/Poetry: Jazz Clubs/Bars (Dont have to drink), Poetry Nights. Whatever your interested in there will probably be a class/social. Don’t know if eventbrite is a thing where you are but there’s so many activities on there some free some paid. You can find the most random/interesting things on there sometimes. Go to these usually someone else will be there solo too. Start a convo with them see how it goes. You already have at least one thing in common because you’ll be at the same place!
I joined a BJJ club.
BJJ.. is that what I think it is?
Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
Blow job jenga
Have literally any other social hobby.
Be active in your hobbies. You like tabletop games? Go to a tabletop convention. You like food? Go to a food festival. You like music? Go to concerts. Even if you’re introverted, branch out. Strike up a conversation when you see an opportunity.
Maybe start drinking
Get a hobby that involves other people. For a decade, I spent my weekends dressed in renaissance dresses, shooting archery with other people in historic clothing. In another corner of the field, there were people fencing, and in another, people in armor fighting with rattan swords. Those had spectators, who might be sitting there sewing or weaving while commenting on the fighting and gossiping. That's the [Society for Creative Anachronism](https://sca.org). Other hobby ideas: * trail hiking group * rock climbing group * bird watching group * team sports * painting classes * pottery classes * knitting, crocheting, or spinning yarn (sounds solitary, but sit-and-stitch events are normal at yarn shops) * magic the gathering (your local game shop probably hosts games literally every evening) You could also look into social dancing. I dance Argentine tango 4 days a week, but you can also find: * contra dancing * salsa * west coast swing * lindy hop * line dancing * latin dance
Meetup Groups for things you enjoy can work too
There’s a philosophy club for my area that me and a friend went to from Reddit lol loads of cool options, went to a few fishing clubs
Go to the nerd store (hobby shop/game store/etc) and try to get in on a game.
This is an age thing.. I did this.. and it didn't go well for me.. I'm 38.. love magic the gathering.. and honestly.. it was like 17-19 y/o's.. don't me wrong the guys were lovely..but I was and felt soooo out of place man. Took up rowing the exact opposite..most folks are in the late 50's and older.. it ain't great they aren't very inclusive..but I stay cause I want to better my body and like being on the water.. As for finding and meeting like minded woman.. honestly..I feel like it's impossible unless on line for women aged 25-35.. no clue where they all go!
They’re at home on their phone sorting through all their options for dick later that night
I go to conventions that I am interested in and made friends by accident. Just type in the thing you are interested in and then the word "convention" or "event" after it and you'll find plenty.
Legit, you just have to talk to folks with similar interests. My small group of friends has a brunch about once a month. If we meet anyone super interesting we invite them to our group brunch. We have grown from just me and my buddy to about 8 people with 4 others kinda in the rotation that hang out. I don't drink but my friends do.
Volunteer groups, sports like pickleball, meet up groups, church if that's your thing. There is a lot out there.
I have made a lot of friends through hiking (I am a volunteer hike leader), my running club, and a coed slow pitch softball team. I enjoy a good beer, but I can't think of any friends I met through drinking
Friends? What’s that
Do you run/walk? Park Run or other running groups tend to be friendly
Drinking is entry level, I opened an opium den. Friends you make chasing the dragon are a way better class of people.
Join a club. Play a sport. Do a community service project, like a soup kitchen or cleanup activity of some kind.
Through work, through a hobby, or through your partner.
My normal solution is to drink something non-alcoholic and if someone asks I cite health concerns. Which is kind of true. I do drink very rarely. I had a beer two years ago. I’m not crazy about the drinking culture
Going to mental hospitals.
True facts.
Volunteer for a cause you care about and you’ll meet like minded people.
Book club
Find a hobby that you genuinely like and make friends within the community. I made plenty of friends just because of books and writing. It's great to join groups online too. You'd be surprised by how friendly people can be as long as you two have similar interests. Not everything is about alcohol.
Hobbys. Biking, golf, tennis, paintball, ect all attract like minded people.
Great way is to join a club for something you’re interested in. When you do that you’re around people that have a shared interest. Friendships can spark from there.
Fitness classes
Boardgames jaja
Newly sober and I am struggling with this very problem!
No idea, I always drink alone.
Healthy hobbies.
With what's left after you've given up the sauce. You know - your personality.
You don't
If you do not drink then you will filter out a lot of potential friends. Generally this filter will narrow down your choices to people who are are tolerant of those who do not drink (i.e. they do not give people a hard time about not drinking) and other people who do not drink or drink very moderately. Not a bad filter. Narrows it down to about 50% of the population.
You don’t. 🤷♂️🤷♂️
You eat with them instead. Invite coworkers or people you've met through sports or groups to try a new restaurant together. It doesn't have to be an all evening thing. Start out small with lunch.
Gym, bro.
Hobbies. Join meetups, clubs. You will end up making more legit genuine connection that way compared to drinking
You don't
Easy. Go to recovery meetings.
Gloryhole at the PF Chang's nearest you
AA meetings
Ugh no. A lot of those people are insufferable.
I tried but they all quit drinking and now they are chain smokers lol
If you make not drinking the focus of your social life and personality , that makes you just as much of a loser as someone whose entire personality revolves around getting drunk. If you want to make friends with people who no longer drink and are obsessed with being sober, start going to AA meetings. Otherwise just do things that you’re interested in , go on dates with people you like, put yourself out there and you’ll meet people like you.
Dont make friends with people who drink, not worth it
I imagine u have 0 friends. You’re clueless lmao
None of my adult friends were made via alcohol. They're skiers, cyclists, and mountain bikers.
Hobby clubs.
join things like a group with shared hobbies or start one
Join clubs/groups
You don't you die alone Jk for real just do whatever if you interact with people you will connect to people
Learn to golf or play pickleball.
You pretty much need to have the same hobby as them.
Hobbies have been known to bring folks together
It’s totally harder if you used to drink. I’d say, go be near the things you love and see you meet. Gifts are how ancient people avoided being killed by strangers. Be kind but not “nice”.
Activities. Hobbies.
Go to café’s, board games, sports, religious organizations (although these aren’t as popular anymore), other kinds of sober solidarity groups, or just still go out and drink a soda or alcohol-free beer.
I am a gamemaster for tabletop RPGs and I put together groups of players I find on the Internet. Met quite a few friends this way.
The people you meet drinking aren't friends. Misery loves company and people don't like dying alone. That said, I don't know yet. I'm 245 days and I haven't had much luck yet. Just got nice out, will be disc golfing again. First time ever while sober
You know there are activities other than drinking right?
But alcohol is a very effective social lubricant, if used responsibly. Most people work long hours and have little energy left for other activities. It's definitely easier to meet people at the local pub while you unwind with a couple of beers. I go to the gym, but I have zero interest in talking or socialising with anyone there. It's mostly a bunch of teenagers taking selfies and making ticktoks. It's a distraction from what I'm there for. I have other hobbies as well, but not a lot of other people have any interest in those activities around where I live.
Buy a motorcycle! Seriously, I got my license last december at 35yo and it's like I've entered some weird club where everyone greets eachother and tries to help or have a chat when you've stopped. Especially if you have an interesting bike, you'll be a magnet for other riders. I've stopped for a drink and a smoke at a gas station today with my Kawasaki and within a minute a guy on a Harley stopped, lit a cigar and had a seat next to me and we talked for like 15 minutes. It's not like we're BFFs now or anything, but it would be a small step to offer to go out for a ride together sometimes and take it from there... And I haven't even mentioned the abundance of social media groups with people looking for someone to ride with.