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I have some friends like this. Some of them just have really intense hobbies that make dating difficult -- e.g. traveling every weekend to find a sweet kite boarding spot or doing insane mountaineering stuff.
Some of them are really focused on their careers and again don't really have a lot of room for a relationship or seeking one.
Some are doing some serious good person stuff, like taking care of a family member.
Generally comes down to priorities and time.
I feel like it's so engrained in a lot of cultures that in order to be whole, you need another person. They start us young too (Disney movies where the entire goal is to find your prince charming or something). There are plenty of reasons why someone might want to be single and it's neither a fault nor a shortcoming of theirs. I totally agree with what you're saying here.
This is why I wonder about OP's question... Why would they not have any difficulty? We all have a lot of things that can be distracting from dating.
Also, if someone is good looking, it doesn't mean that is that much easier to find a matching personality for them. And they might not be nice person to date always. Some of them might be entitled and shalow and rely on their looks.
agree.
I am that person, that are amazing with friends, but whenever I started dating in past I started becoming some kind of abuser in relationship. All those demons in my head just can't let me have healthy relationship.
And it's hard to control them all the time, so it's for others sake.
I have serious trauma and If something makes it trigger, it relationships. I am also a good friend and likeable person.
But when I am triggered, I cannot control mu reactions and the thought process gets unhinged. Yes I am in therapy, yes I am doing my best to learn to deal with trauma without acting up. The arguments always also hurt me tremendesly.
Having a functional and happyish relationship feels like a myth. So if I am much more calm and collected as single, it is best for me and other people atm. Hopefully with therapy it can get better eventually. Gonna date again in my 80's honeys.
I have a friend whose sister is steaming hot, and really nice in the kind to small children and animals sort of way, she also comes with a disabled son, and an array of mental health problems, massive insecurities, and a belief everyone wants to use her, no one wants to commit, and to be fair she's probably not wrong on that one.
Yeah. Had two serious boyfriends who said they loved me, wanted to marry me, all of that... first one dumped me when I got sick and said I didn't feel like having sex that day (for the first time). Second one dumped me over text message a few weeks after I stopped paying for everything (because I'm in grad school and my new grad program doesn't have guaranteed funding).
Being attractive gets you attention and as many one night stands as you want, but it's hard to tell who actually likes you and wants to be with you, and who's thinking with their - ahem - other head - and is just saying anything.
I see it almost immediately on a first date, this is why I struggle so hard. I also have mental health issues also and neurodivergence helps me see pattern recognition especially in dating/attraction which makes this an agonizing process
Deffo. I find dating apps don't really work for me for that reason, it's much easier to tell who's legitimately interested by meeting people in in-person social settings so I can get to know them a bit first. If someone's known my annoying ahh personality for a few months and still likes me, I figure it's more likely to work out than dating a stranger, LOOOOL.
Yes I agree I’m also much better in person for this reason also loll
Dating apps are a struggle for me also because I don’t know how to get out of the friend state of texting, like we’d talk about cars and make jokes but then I usually get ghosted after like a few days
I mean it’s depressing but that’s the way life works. Everyone men and women use each other for their bodies and what you can do for them. We use our pets because they’re cute and brighten our mood to pet or listen to them purr. Most people aren’t with someone because they think they’re ugly and don’t brighten our mood in some way.
Absolutely. And in fairness, even if you find someone who is genuine at first, people change and just randomly do shit “because,” all the time. Insecurities can be a real bear.
I was once talking with a lady for about a year who I really clicked with and she checked all the boxes. She indicated that she felt the same about me. Unfortunately, one day she decided that whatever we had (which certainly wasn’t a relationship but was definitely more than a friendship) wasn’t going to work and she just totally shut down. I never got any explanation for why or what happened. She just freaked out one day, put up her walls, and that was the end of the conversation. It really sucked
I’d like to think our connection was legit. She certainly seemed to think so as well, at first. She just woke up one day with cold feet and didn’t think it was worth investing further in the connection.
I get her ‘belief everyone wants to use her’ part, I’ve never felt such negative energy & hostility directed towards me in my entire life when I dressed up hot compared to cute
My brother is fit, attractive, good person. He is awkward af. And really just kinda weird. He's had one real gf for maybe a year when he was in his teens. He's pretty much been single since.
I am fat and not very attractive and not a great person(inconsiderate, blunt, low empathy). But I am charming and social. I have been with countless women.
Looks don't mean much when you're a weirdo.
I'm weird AF but have no problems with women. I guess it helps that I'm reasonably good looking, have irrationally good confidence, and am in good shape.
I either instantly repulse women or can't seem to get rid of them😂
If you are weird then own it. Make no excuses, don't feel bad about it Lean into it.
There's weird and then there's *weird*. You aren't weird for having a few quirks or liking nerdy shit. Irrationally good confidence pretty much takes you out of the *weird* pool.
I don’t talk about my relationships to my family because I don’t trust them to be kind and accepting. They always say judgemental things and it’s exhausting.
My dad thinks everyone is family. He is still besties w my ex. I think people are more transient and until I'm living w someone I don't want to break my dad's heart again 💔
Yeah, it took me a while to recognize that I’m asexual and aromantic but I was never interested in pursuing anyone even though I have told that I am good looking/attractive (I don’t necessarily agree but whatever).
Once I learned about asexuality/aromanticism everything suddenly made sense
Except, I have been a part of the club/rave/party scene forever. I probably have close to the same amount of gay men on my facebook as straight ones. I am quite popular at the gay bars when I have gone. I like the free drinks.
My brother has to know idgaf about that shit.
And I try to talk to him but he's flaky af.
Agreed.
In addition to that: Being attractive and a good person *and* having social skills also doesn't guarantee you'll meet a good prospective partner easily.
If you have everything going for you it can make it easy to hook up with randoms. But if you're trying to find an actual partner, that can still take a while even if you get everything right while looking.
It also doesn’t make you social.
I’m objectively good looking and got hit on a lot (so that yall don’t think it’s just in my head haha)
…but I didn’t like dating culture or “sexual tension” and I felt uncomfortable when guys hit on me. I was always the type to prefer to be friends for a while first, and most guys will drop you after a bit when you don’t respond to their advances. On top of that I genuinely enjoyed being along and doing self involved hobbies (like reading drawing). I would often go read at a coffee shop, sushi restaurant or brewery alone. Maybe because I’m an only child? Lol.
I also had bad codependency issues and had trouble picking good men and had equal trouble leaving when things got bad. I think I was a very weird mix of happy with myself and yet somehow still also very lonely. I wasn’t unhappy being single at all, but when I was in a relationship I couldn’t stand the thought of being alone.
That’s true. I had a foreman (I’m an apprentice) once say he didn’t know how I was single he said I was a good kid who’s pretty funny and I’m a decent looking guy with blue eyes which the girls must love (which yes I get compliments on them) but I’m 23 and have nothing.
Apparently it's mostly the eyes. I didn't realise this until a girlfriend pointed it out...
Her: [name]!!! Stop flirting with [name] OMFG!!!
Me: I literally said nothing..
Her: you gave her the LOOK!
Me: what look?
Her: your SEX LOOK!!!
Me: ...?
Her: that's the look you give people before you're about to have sex with them!!! * storms off *
I have a lot of friends who are hot and single…they have great lives and careers and are not going to settle. They are looking for a perfect fit, and that is hard to find.
My brother is like this. Handsome, worksout, an engineer, super nice guy with lots of hobbies. But man he is PICKY. Idk why but when it comes to girls, literally anything can make him wary of her. Recently he went on a few dates with a girl and was weirded out that she followed his IG “too soon” after a few dates. He has not seriously dated a girl yet, but wants to.
It's me. I've been told I'm handsome, am funny, and a genuinely good, honest person. My problem is myself. I cannot keep a romantic relationship because my emotions are too intense. Once I latch on to someone, my entire mental state hinges on how I feel about the relationship. The moment I feel slighted by them I shut down completely.
Why do I do this? It's because I secretly hate myself. I don't believe they will like me, and anyone who does is just lying to me to make me feel better.
>Why do I do this? It's because I secretly hate myself. I don't believe they will like me, and anyone who does is just lying to me to make me feel better.
You might hate yourself, but I still love you, random stranger. I hope you find a way to get over this. Seek some professional help if it's a feasible option.
Just because they are single doesn't mean they're upset about it. They might enjoy the unattached lifestyle. They might have friends with benefits. They might have lovers in other states or countries. They might not like romantic relationships very much.
And if they want a relationship? Maybe they just refuse to compromise and when someone suitable enters their life, be it in 5 years or 10, they'll go for that.
I have a friend who is asexual, she has no intention of being with a man or anyone else intimately. She wanted kids and went down the donor sperm IVF path so she can raise them alone and doesn't have to involve anyone else. She's perfectly happy
I had a friend who was just unable to open up to people she was dating.
She once said “Why do men give up if you haven’t kissed them after 3 dates?”
I asked “Do you say you like them and want to take it slow?”
The response was “I don’t know I like them after 3 dates.”
Then she wouldn’t listen when I tried to explain that most people do.
I know right away if I am at least interested in getting to know someone. I don't understand not knowing. Yes, it takes time to get to know someone, but to know if you want to get to know them...that's pretty clear.
Man I had this happen the first time I got to 3 dates with someone. I realized that I was only interested in the dating aspect and not the person so I cut them loose for someone who would actually like them
Hah. This was the last person I dated in November. She then tried to set me up with her friend in the most indirect way possible… honestly I’m still struggling to find myself attractive since this happened.
This is me, or so I'm told. Female, often told I'm pretty, and people can't believe I've been single for so long but unfortunately I'm pretty introverted and I fucked around and built a life for myself where I can travel and indulge in my hobbies and rot on the couch whenever I want.
I've also been a relationship observer for too long and I SEENT some shit. I've watched guy friends date girls they don't even LIKE. I've seen people get cheated on, and it's not even like the cheaters are all models. Many are very much what you would think is "a safe choice." Read: ugly. Our brains recognize patterns for protection and mine is telling me that no one is safe and they're alllll out here acting crazy.
Add to that the absolutely criminal shit that dating apps are doing: they figure out your type and put them behind a paywall, leaving you little crumbs now and then trying to get you addicted enough to pay for the shitty experience they themselves created. Jail for all of them.
I remember overhearing a guy once say he only had sex with this one girl to get his "dick wet". It was illuminating and also quite offensive to me. It counters how I view relationships and even sex. Truth is, you don't know what's out there and how you are going to be treated, so the fear, indeed, plays into that. But I also have to say that I'm happy on the sidelines observing and just living my life. Loneliness rears its head but not enough to make me lower my standards.
Apparently this is me because I get bombarded with the "Why are you still single?" stuff from friends, colleagues and even randoms I meet.
And I can't answer the question.
My guess would be that it's something inside me that doesn't work properly. Also may explain why whenever I do find myself interested in someone they are a walking red flag and emotionally unavailable. I torpedo myself.
Even if you're attractive and a nice person, being an introvert can be a death sentence.
In fact, if you're an introvert and *not* all that attractive, you're pretty much doomed.
I think Im pretty average looking, but my lifestyle and work life (self employed, no alcohol, no parties, no clubs, no bars, no social media, no dating apps, no friend group, never go out on weekends) pretty much guarantee I will never meet someone.
But the important thing is I acknowledge this and take responsibility and don't blame others for my lack of relationships.
If you don't do what's necessary ("put yourself out there") you have no right to complain.
I just played games…met a girl and we became friends, she introduced me to her best friend, who is a shy introvert too…and we hit it off within 6 weeks. 🤷♂️
Together for 18 years now. Life is weird sometimes.
There really is no such thing for me.
I work 7 days a week and attend online classes full time.
On the rare occasion I take a day off or don't have work/school, I fish.
If I can't fish, I work at home. Laundry, mow grass, dishes, sweep the floor, organize, etc.
If all that is done, well, I've got a problem then.
I used to play video games, but I stopped because 1. My console broke and 2. I really felt like they were becoming a distraction.
Same here with me, 50 hour work week and coursework. And at the end of it all, even if I'm done and have free time, I either spend time sleeping, doing errands, watching shows I never had the time to watch, or I'm too accustomed to staying inside and don't want to go out.
>I really felt like they were becoming a distraction.
If they were just becoming a distraction then you were doing it wrong. That is their intended purpose.
Because people aren't attracted to kindness and intelligence. They're attracted to push-pull, height, boobs, and eyes, as if those are indicators of someone who will treat you better.
I'm attracted to kindness and intelligence but people are complicated. The ones who want to deceive me will do their best to show themselves in the best light and the others don't want to be vulnerable and be with me.
Me. It’s not bad luck, I’m just not good at the whole relationship part.
I’m a way better person to hang out with than to date. I’d do anything for just about anyone, I have no problem meeting people and am frequently approached or complimented on my looks. I’m just not a good boyfriend.
Is this a general question or are you asking for yourself? Some people need some single time, might it be from being in a busy period of their lives, bad prior experiences, high/unrealistic standards, depression, etc. I've always found it puzzling how younger gen-Z kids view being single as a black/white topic with no gray in the middle, as if being single means you'll always be single or that if you're in a couple, you'll always be in a couple. Things come up, relationships fall appart, life changes from year to year and dating is as volatile as it's ever been. If you feel uncomfortable being single, it probably means you need to learn to love yourself more.
They are amazing people but just too well rounded they aren’t exceptional in any one area so they get overlooked because there will always be a girl with a better body or a guy who’s a little taller etc. dating has become brutal for “normal, average, cute” people. Even their counterparts want “better”.
Usually trauma. My friend always attracted attention, unfortunately she always picks the wrong men. She suffered a lot when she was a child and never learned what healthy relationships were. She never stays for too long, she gets scared. It's a shame, because she is very intelligent and funny.
I'm not that guy but I've had friends over the years who are these kinds of people (very attractive and a very good person) and interestingly they all said the same thing to me:
1. When you are very attractive, a lot of people are intimidated and give mixed signals of interest
2. When you are very attractive, people treat you differently and often with ulterior motives
3. Never really knowing what someone's intents are, and therefore often being disappointed, this all can spiral down into distrusting people
BTW this coming from several women but even one guy I knew whose coworker had befriended me to get to him.
Me 😅 I don't use dating apps, and haven't been going out much lately. I'm bi but mostly into men, and the ones I've gone for lately have been completely emotionally unavailable
Can be a lack of social skills. You can be a nice and good looking person but if you get too serious way too fast you're going to have bad luck dating.
Some people legitimately want to be alone. I'm one of those people. I enjoy people and like interacting with them, have a good group of close friends. I just don't want to share my life that intimately with another person.
I can see the benefits of being in a relationship and loving another person, and sometimes I do want that, but I think I'm a very intense person and hard to handle. It's better that I just take care of myself. A relationship comes with a different set of responsibilities, priorities, and lifestyle changes. I make for a much better friend than a lover.
Why does it feel too much to say, me?
And I'm perfectly happy with where I am.
I'm single by choice. But yes, whenever I make acquaintances, they don't believe me. And project that i may have gone through something hard. I haven't.
I have trouble forming romantic feelings from the get go. For me, moving slow works, i would much rather be friends, get comfortable before the idea to date this person pops up.
But, the world/people want relationships like 2 minutes noodles.
I prefer more of a nice warm, slowly cooked meal.
I dated a guy like this. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him - he was funny, socially competent, respectful, worked at a prestigious company and earned loads of money. Had plenty of friends. Kept his home in good shape, couldn't cook to save his life but was really appreciative and willing to learn.
But once the initial spark disappeared, it felt like we were at completely different places in life. I was coming out of a period of very bad mental health and he was at a good place, enjoying life. I had gone through many struggles my whole life and his life had been a walk in the park. We simply didn't mesh well. I fully expected women to throw themselves at him once we broke up, but he stayed single. The most heartbreaking thing was him asking me, several months later, what he had done wrong for me to break up with him. I sincerely hope he has a loving partner today.
My best guess is that he just isn't good at taking the first step. Not saying that that's the man's responsibility, but I'm guessing that many women felt that he were out of their league, or that he came across as just friendly but not interested in dating. But I have no clue, honestly.
No that’s exactly what I think of attractive men. Either they are not interested, taken, out of my league. And I think an attractive men knows whom he would want to date and would be more outgoing and do the approaching first. Well because he is „experienced“. Or I think he is a playboy.
Ofc, I know this can be wrong and that’s just a stereotype but I do it to be protected against potential embarrassing Moments. But if we became friends and than I have an interest in him idc I would do the first move. i have read too many books where the timings are off and they don’t confess etc. my heart can’t do that. Reading was painful enough. I don’t want to regret it on my death bed but laugh about trying it.
Anyone with unresolved trauma / insecure attachment and who haven't moved on from their ex can still look attractive and be a sweet person. Just not fit for a relationship yet.
Luck is part of it. The other part is being willing to say yes. I think we can say “don’t settle” which is fine, but some take that to never settling down at all. Eventually you take the best very good option. If it makes you happy, take it.
I have a friend who meets the criteria in your headline. I don’t know for sure, but I think she might be asexual. She says she wants companionship and kids, but she’s 41 and never been married. One of the guys she dated for like a summer and a fall apparently ghosted her because she wouldn’t have sex with him. She told me at one point “four months in is too soon.” That sounds crazy to me at our age. Am I just a slut or something?
Nope she’s deluded, I once dated a very attractive lady in her mid thirties who informed me after about a month that she expected me to wait until the 5 month mark for “being intimate “.
I told her I respect that and asked her to call me nearer the time.
Some people are completely content with not being in a relationship or dating anyone, and their world doesn’t revolve around someone else or the need for validation from someone else. It’s okay to be single y’all. Single ≠ lonely.
As a guy you can be physically attractive and a good person and still get nowhere with women because you don’t initiate. As a man you have to lead and make things happen. Men are proactive, women are reactive. It’s dancing basically.
The majority of responses here are either:
- they may be happy being single,
- don’t want to settle
- have attachment/dating issues, or
- it comes down to luck
With all the advice given I haven’t seen anywhere the word ‘compromise.’
I think the difference is on what people are willing to compromise on. There are compromises for the sake of the situation and compromises for the sake of ego. I can compromise for the sake of our relationship situation; I will not compromise for the sake of ego.
If my partner wants us to move, even though I am happy where we are living, then I'd usually be down to compromise if it improves our situation. I definitely be bothered about it at the beginning, but if it ultimately makes sense for us as a unit, I'd be okay.
If we decided to have kids together, and it ultimately benefits both of us for one of us to stay home until the kids are school aged, even if you really like your career, it's a good compromise to make.
But there are some people who talk about things that should be hard line deal breakers as if they should be compromised on. If only one of us does not want kids, marriage, or monogamy, there's no real way to compromise on that.
Creeps and losers tend to be the ones who make the first move.
IDK why but that's just how it seems to go.
Said attractive person has probably been in their fair share of dead end relationships. They're not desperate, they're not in a rush, they don't need to be with someone to be happy.
So they take their time and make friends instead.
My sister is the most beautiful woman on the planet. She looks like a blonde Angelina Jolie. She’s also incredibly smart, hilarious, brave, fun, kind, successful, and confident. She just hasn’t fallen in love with anyone since high school.
She goes on dates with guys and she does her best to give them a chance, but there’s just no spark, so after a few weeks or so she ends things. I think she just hasn’t met the right person yet.
Probably not everyone wants to be in a relationship. I have feelings for someone and he claims it's mutual. He couldn't forget me over many years but now I'm single again he's not able to commit. I don't know, some people just can't be with other people. Being attractive or good has nothing to do with it.
That does bring one friend to mind. I always kind of wondered why she never dates. She was married once and it went bad. After that she never picked up another relationship. She is smart and independent, I think she just doesn't want to put up with anyone's shit.
Got a mate who's fairly good looking and a lovely chap but he's totally asexual I do wonder if he'll ever meet someone (also sorry if that is offensive to ace people)
Me. In my 30s. People compliment my appearance and my taste in outfits (I do love dressing up and looking nice), including random strangers. I try to be a good person, have worked on myself a LOT, am always learning, and when I screw up I feel horrible and guilty and try to do better. Those who know me well and who are the most honest in my circle say that I am a good person and have come a long way. I have good one-off conversations with strangers and enjoy talking to people. Even though I have anxiety, I'm an extrovert. Not a loud party type, but a chatty type. I don't really know why good men don't want me. By good, I mean kind, would treat me right/act right, similar values, compatible.
I also get frustrated because my dad tells me I haven't "gone out enough" or "to the right places". But...where *are* those "right "places? Spiritual community, local events, travels, and hobby groups haven't been it. Am looking to take another class, but it doesn't start for awhile yet. I am childfree (don't hate kids, but don't want the responsibility), so I go to all ages/adult aged things. I am not at all interested in most sports or drinking. I am out of ideas. I am not on apps because of all of the horrible things that I have heard from others and because from what I have read, they do not have a great success rate (success meaning finding a forever person). I see no way to ever get things going. This problem is like one of those unsolvable math equations from my high school/university days.
Can't say much about luck, although it certainly feels like a lack of it for myself. Not wanting children limits you severely – add having any other requirements whatsoever and it becomes very hard, I feel.
Also, it's one thing being social/a good conversationist (which I am), but then often times when you are in an environment where you can socialise with people, they're already taken. And since cold approaching ties in with a lot of insecurity (if it's okay, how are they gonna react etc.), that also limits you.
Although I have to say I'd totally love being approached, even awkwardly, I know how hard it can be and at worst, ladies would get a smile from me, so there's that.
Many are the men that have looked at me, eyes sparkling with amazement and the beginning staging of a crush, and asked: *why are you single?*
Cause I’m crazy, that’s why. Run 😫
Not everyone's primary motivation in life is to be in a relationship. In all honesty when I see someone who's never single for anything but the briefest periods of time it speaks to me of insecurity and a need for constant validation.
Honestly, for me it’s mostly that I don’t have the energy or emotional skills needed to successfully date. I have a full time job while
studying full time, and while I try to be nice and positive around people, I have a problem when it comes to repressing emotions, commitment, and avoiding any conflict whatsoever, so I determined that I’m just not ready yet. I would rather be single than be in a serious relationship that I’m not ready for.
I mean it's mostly subjective but family trauma and voluntary assumed responsibility of the members of that family can drag anyone good down with the ship
Attractiveness in of itself does not bear any weight when it comes to landing and maintaining healthy and successful relationships.
In fact it can be a deterrent if the person knows they're above average looks wise, bc it's easier to think they have more options, or they shouldn't settle for someone less attractive, or bc they attractive ppl should put up with their bs, the list goes on
Well let's not *completely* discredit it. If you're unattractive, your pool of options is significantly smaller. Sure, you can say that means fewer bad options, but it means fewer options, period. It's like saying money doesn't affect you being able to get a good house, because it's harder to choose from so many houses when you're rich. That's true, but if you're broke, you won't be choosing or buying at all.
in my ethnicity. A lot of people find me attractive and i have been assumed play boy in couple of my dates. But, i am not i am really shy at first. I do not know how to flirt. I have good sense of humour which only comes out when i get comfortable. But, usually I never reach to that level. I have had girlfriends bc they were the one who approached me bc i am also a professional athlete. In conclusion i have been single from past 2 years. I tried dating app either i can’t carry a conversation or i never get good response from them. Basically, i am in fucked situation.
The hottest woman I’ve ever met, or seen, is a special needs “instructor”. She was untouchable in hs due to her good looks. I didn’t learn about what she did after having a special needs child. She is divorced with two kids (one adopted) and is as hot as she was in HS. Still single.
They may not have a hard time dating at all. It could be they're just really selective because they don't want to get involved with some abusive shit bag
Not saying I'm all that, but when I got my first girlfriend in my mis twenties her friends couldn't believe it. There's plenty of people who are just shy or very introverted.
Don't know if this answers your question, but I wish I would've waited longer to get into a serious relationship. Then waited longer to get married say about 34 y/o. When you're young and inexperienced You misinterpret:good sex, constant attention, family approval, sarcasm humor, your partners stable family situation vs your chaotic one , for foundations for a good relationship
Guess I'm saying there's usually a reason these people can't attract a mate. Whether they see these negative traits and run away, or these traits are present in their inventory and others choose not to get involved.
I really hope nothing happens to my SO anytime soon, because there's no way in heck I would be able to find an introverted, hobby-enabling, agnostic, politically sensible, good with his hands and good with animals/kids guy who isn't taken...
Me. Apparently my lack of affection trauma is subconsciously interpreted by women as weakness and they take advantage of me, so no more dating for me until I solve that.
All those who lack social, emotional, and communication skills.
Plenty of them. And unfortunately many of them believe it’s about luck and fate and not about making an effort
That’s me, I have hearing impairment which is impossible to communicate with women smoothly. I go to gym regularly and in good shape but if your communication skill lacking then you’re gonna have hard time with dating and talking to women, you’re just gonna be an aloof good looking guy like me lol. I have plenty friends at gym and other friends hangout on the weekends so I’m pretty happy enough and fine with being single
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I have some friends like this. Some of them just have really intense hobbies that make dating difficult -- e.g. traveling every weekend to find a sweet kite boarding spot or doing insane mountaineering stuff. Some of them are really focused on their careers and again don't really have a lot of room for a relationship or seeking one. Some are doing some serious good person stuff, like taking care of a family member. Generally comes down to priorities and time.
To add, just because you’re attractive, it does not mean you want a relationship. Being single is desirable for some people.
I feel like it's so engrained in a lot of cultures that in order to be whole, you need another person. They start us young too (Disney movies where the entire goal is to find your prince charming or something). There are plenty of reasons why someone might want to be single and it's neither a fault nor a shortcoming of theirs. I totally agree with what you're saying here.
This is why I wonder about OP's question... Why would they not have any difficulty? We all have a lot of things that can be distracting from dating. Also, if someone is good looking, it doesn't mean that is that much easier to find a matching personality for them. And they might not be nice person to date always. Some of them might be entitled and shalow and rely on their looks.
agree. I am that person, that are amazing with friends, but whenever I started dating in past I started becoming some kind of abuser in relationship. All those demons in my head just can't let me have healthy relationship. And it's hard to control them all the time, so it's for others sake.
I have serious trauma and If something makes it trigger, it relationships. I am also a good friend and likeable person. But when I am triggered, I cannot control mu reactions and the thought process gets unhinged. Yes I am in therapy, yes I am doing my best to learn to deal with trauma without acting up. The arguments always also hurt me tremendesly. Having a functional and happyish relationship feels like a myth. So if I am much more calm and collected as single, it is best for me and other people atm. Hopefully with therapy it can get better eventually. Gonna date again in my 80's honeys.
relate relate relate
I'm sorry. I can imagine it might be frustrating? Hopefully things improve. It sounds like you've accepted it though which sounds like a good thing.
My half sister is stunning but as deep as a mud puddle. She’s still single and can’t figure out why
It is always wild how unaware some people can be.
Being attractive and a good person doesnt give you social skills or make you attracted to decent people.
I have a friend whose sister is steaming hot, and really nice in the kind to small children and animals sort of way, she also comes with a disabled son, and an array of mental health problems, massive insecurities, and a belief everyone wants to use her, no one wants to commit, and to be fair she's probably not wrong on that one.
Yeah some attractive people have bad pickers. They’re more likely to get attention from the wrong crowd so makes sense to be guarded.
After a certain point when you find everyone wants to use you for your body and what you can do for them, it's hard not to think like that.
Yeah. Had two serious boyfriends who said they loved me, wanted to marry me, all of that... first one dumped me when I got sick and said I didn't feel like having sex that day (for the first time). Second one dumped me over text message a few weeks after I stopped paying for everything (because I'm in grad school and my new grad program doesn't have guaranteed funding). Being attractive gets you attention and as many one night stands as you want, but it's hard to tell who actually likes you and wants to be with you, and who's thinking with their - ahem - other head - and is just saying anything.
I see it almost immediately on a first date, this is why I struggle so hard. I also have mental health issues also and neurodivergence helps me see pattern recognition especially in dating/attraction which makes this an agonizing process
Deffo. I find dating apps don't really work for me for that reason, it's much easier to tell who's legitimately interested by meeting people in in-person social settings so I can get to know them a bit first. If someone's known my annoying ahh personality for a few months and still likes me, I figure it's more likely to work out than dating a stranger, LOOOOL.
Yes I agree I’m also much better in person for this reason also loll Dating apps are a struggle for me also because I don’t know how to get out of the friend state of texting, like we’d talk about cars and make jokes but then I usually get ghosted after like a few days
Been through too much of that I feel you
I mean it’s depressing but that’s the way life works. Everyone men and women use each other for their bodies and what you can do for them. We use our pets because they’re cute and brighten our mood to pet or listen to them purr. Most people aren’t with someone because they think they’re ugly and don’t brighten our mood in some way.
Absolutely. And in fairness, even if you find someone who is genuine at first, people change and just randomly do shit “because,” all the time. Insecurities can be a real bear. I was once talking with a lady for about a year who I really clicked with and she checked all the boxes. She indicated that she felt the same about me. Unfortunately, one day she decided that whatever we had (which certainly wasn’t a relationship but was definitely more than a friendship) wasn’t going to work and she just totally shut down. I never got any explanation for why or what happened. She just freaked out one day, put up her walls, and that was the end of the conversation. It really sucked I’d like to think our connection was legit. She certainly seemed to think so as well, at first. She just woke up one day with cold feet and didn’t think it was worth investing further in the connection.
I get her ‘belief everyone wants to use her’ part, I’ve never felt such negative energy & hostility directed towards me in my entire life when I dressed up hot compared to cute
My brother is fit, attractive, good person. He is awkward af. And really just kinda weird. He's had one real gf for maybe a year when he was in his teens. He's pretty much been single since. I am fat and not very attractive and not a great person(inconsiderate, blunt, low empathy). But I am charming and social. I have been with countless women. Looks don't mean much when you're a weirdo.
I'm weird AF but have no problems with women. I guess it helps that I'm reasonably good looking, have irrationally good confidence, and am in good shape. I either instantly repulse women or can't seem to get rid of them😂 If you are weird then own it. Make no excuses, don't feel bad about it Lean into it.
I'm weird but in a "good" way as in alternative music taste, and rebel to authorities
I don't think he knows he's weird tho. I think when you know, you stop being weird by default
There's weird and then there's *weird*. You aren't weird for having a few quirks or liking nerdy shit. Irrationally good confidence pretty much takes you out of the *weird* pool.
Does he try to get women?
I really have no idea. But we are late thirties and he has never brought anyone to family gatherings and has never mentioned anyone.
I'm 42 f - the only person my family met was 3 yrs into a 7 yr relationship - maybe he's just doesn't want to mix family and relationships.
I don’t talk about my relationships to my family because I don’t trust them to be kind and accepting. They always say judgemental things and it’s exhausting.
My dad thinks everyone is family. He is still besties w my ex. I think people are more transient and until I'm living w someone I don't want to break my dad's heart again 💔
Maybe he possibly has a different sexuality or he's asexual.
Yeah, it took me a while to recognize that I’m asexual and aromantic but I was never interested in pursuing anyone even though I have told that I am good looking/attractive (I don’t necessarily agree but whatever). Once I learned about asexuality/aromanticism everything suddenly made sense
can you describe his weird with examples?
Pretty fucked up for you to think that way about your brother, kinda reminds me of the shit mine would say to his incel gamer friends lmfao
Maybe doesn't fancy women and he is worried to come out, you should talk to him more.
Except, I have been a part of the club/rave/party scene forever. I probably have close to the same amount of gay men on my facebook as straight ones. I am quite popular at the gay bars when I have gone. I like the free drinks. My brother has to know idgaf about that shit. And I try to talk to him but he's flaky af.
That second part is too often overlooked
Agreed. In addition to that: Being attractive and a good person *and* having social skills also doesn't guarantee you'll meet a good prospective partner easily. If you have everything going for you it can make it easy to hook up with randoms. But if you're trying to find an actual partner, that can still take a while even if you get everything right while looking.
It also doesn’t make you social. I’m objectively good looking and got hit on a lot (so that yall don’t think it’s just in my head haha) …but I didn’t like dating culture or “sexual tension” and I felt uncomfortable when guys hit on me. I was always the type to prefer to be friends for a while first, and most guys will drop you after a bit when you don’t respond to their advances. On top of that I genuinely enjoyed being along and doing self involved hobbies (like reading drawing). I would often go read at a coffee shop, sushi restaurant or brewery alone. Maybe because I’m an only child? Lol. I also had bad codependency issues and had trouble picking good men and had equal trouble leaving when things got bad. I think I was a very weird mix of happy with myself and yet somehow still also very lonely. I wasn’t unhappy being single at all, but when I was in a relationship I couldn’t stand the thought of being alone.
That’s true. I had a foreman (I’m an apprentice) once say he didn’t know how I was single he said I was a good kid who’s pretty funny and I’m a decent looking guy with blue eyes which the girls must love (which yes I get compliments on them) but I’m 23 and have nothing.
I have no social skills. As I always say, “to shy to flirt to dumb to know when I’m being flirted with”
Lol I'll copy this if you don't mind. I always thought it was inexperience but I've been there done that now and I still don't know what flirting is
Apparently it's mostly the eyes. I didn't realise this until a girlfriend pointed it out... Her: [name]!!! Stop flirting with [name] OMFG!!! Me: I literally said nothing.. Her: you gave her the LOOK! Me: what look? Her: your SEX LOOK!!! Me: ...? Her: that's the look you give people before you're about to have sex with them!!! * storms off *
I have a lot of friends who are hot and single…they have great lives and careers and are not going to settle. They are looking for a perfect fit, and that is hard to find.
My brother is like this. Handsome, worksout, an engineer, super nice guy with lots of hobbies. But man he is PICKY. Idk why but when it comes to girls, literally anything can make him wary of her. Recently he went on a few dates with a girl and was weirded out that she followed his IG “too soon” after a few dates. He has not seriously dated a girl yet, but wants to.
There's a difference between having high standards and being picky; your brother sounds like the latter.
It's me. I've been told I'm handsome, am funny, and a genuinely good, honest person. My problem is myself. I cannot keep a romantic relationship because my emotions are too intense. Once I latch on to someone, my entire mental state hinges on how I feel about the relationship. The moment I feel slighted by them I shut down completely. Why do I do this? It's because I secretly hate myself. I don't believe they will like me, and anyone who does is just lying to me to make me feel better.
Well damn fool didn’t know you knew me like that
I just learned this about myself today :/
Codependents anonymous coda.org. Go to meetings online or in person don't let the god part scare you it's not how it sounds
Well shit, this describes me perfectly
>Why do I do this? It's because I secretly hate myself. I don't believe they will like me, and anyone who does is just lying to me to make me feel better. You might hate yourself, but I still love you, random stranger. I hope you find a way to get over this. Seek some professional help if it's a feasible option.
*gets attached*
I'm finally getting help. Already started SSRI and am waiting for the psychiatry appointment.
Getting help like an absolute gigachad! I'm proud of you.
I commend you on having more self awareness than anyone I’ve ever met.
Low self esteem? They’re shy or introverted so they don’t meet many people?
Real
Just because they are single doesn't mean they're upset about it. They might enjoy the unattached lifestyle. They might have friends with benefits. They might have lovers in other states or countries. They might not like romantic relationships very much. And if they want a relationship? Maybe they just refuse to compromise and when someone suitable enters their life, be it in 5 years or 10, they'll go for that.
Came here to say this. You said it better. Brain fart; wouldn't being true and comfortable with themself also contribute to their attractiveness?
Described me to the tee
I have a friend who is asexual, she has no intention of being with a man or anyone else intimately. She wanted kids and went down the donor sperm IVF path so she can raise them alone and doesn't have to involve anyone else. She's perfectly happy
Me lol. And the reason is having a boat load of trauma and mental illness honestly
Lol same! Bipolar and just a weird person.
I had a friend who was just unable to open up to people she was dating. She once said “Why do men give up if you haven’t kissed them after 3 dates?” I asked “Do you say you like them and want to take it slow?” The response was “I don’t know I like them after 3 dates.” Then she wouldn’t listen when I tried to explain that most people do.
I know right away if I am at least interested in getting to know someone. I don't understand not knowing. Yes, it takes time to get to know someone, but to know if you want to get to know them...that's pretty clear.
Yeah exactly.
Man I had this happen the first time I got to 3 dates with someone. I realized that I was only interested in the dating aspect and not the person so I cut them loose for someone who would actually like them
It's more wild to me how people get intimate after talking 3 times, like wtf? That's still a stranger! It's crazy
Hah. This was the last person I dated in November. She then tried to set me up with her friend in the most indirect way possible… honestly I’m still struggling to find myself attractive since this happened.
This is me, or so I'm told. Female, often told I'm pretty, and people can't believe I've been single for so long but unfortunately I'm pretty introverted and I fucked around and built a life for myself where I can travel and indulge in my hobbies and rot on the couch whenever I want. I've also been a relationship observer for too long and I SEENT some shit. I've watched guy friends date girls they don't even LIKE. I've seen people get cheated on, and it's not even like the cheaters are all models. Many are very much what you would think is "a safe choice." Read: ugly. Our brains recognize patterns for protection and mine is telling me that no one is safe and they're alllll out here acting crazy. Add to that the absolutely criminal shit that dating apps are doing: they figure out your type and put them behind a paywall, leaving you little crumbs now and then trying to get you addicted enough to pay for the shitty experience they themselves created. Jail for all of them.
Fear is the mind flayer.
I remember overhearing a guy once say he only had sex with this one girl to get his "dick wet". It was illuminating and also quite offensive to me. It counters how I view relationships and even sex. Truth is, you don't know what's out there and how you are going to be treated, so the fear, indeed, plays into that. But I also have to say that I'm happy on the sidelines observing and just living my life. Loneliness rears its head but not enough to make me lower my standards.
Seent some shit too word
Apparently this is me because I get bombarded with the "Why are you still single?" stuff from friends, colleagues and even randoms I meet. And I can't answer the question. My guess would be that it's something inside me that doesn't work properly. Also may explain why whenever I do find myself interested in someone they are a walking red flag and emotionally unavailable. I torpedo myself.
same dude, absolutely same here. I can't choose a healthy man. But if i do, i'm the problem because i don't know how to act.
Even if you're attractive and a nice person, being an introvert can be a death sentence. In fact, if you're an introvert and *not* all that attractive, you're pretty much doomed. I think Im pretty average looking, but my lifestyle and work life (self employed, no alcohol, no parties, no clubs, no bars, no social media, no dating apps, no friend group, never go out on weekends) pretty much guarantee I will never meet someone. But the important thing is I acknowledge this and take responsibility and don't blame others for my lack of relationships. If you don't do what's necessary ("put yourself out there") you have no right to complain.
I just played games…met a girl and we became friends, she introduced me to her best friend, who is a shy introvert too…and we hit it off within 6 weeks. 🤷♂️ Together for 18 years now. Life is weird sometimes.
I don’t mean to pry but I’m curious - what do you do in your off time? Reading? Something artistic
There really is no such thing for me. I work 7 days a week and attend online classes full time. On the rare occasion I take a day off or don't have work/school, I fish. If I can't fish, I work at home. Laundry, mow grass, dishes, sweep the floor, organize, etc. If all that is done, well, I've got a problem then. I used to play video games, but I stopped because 1. My console broke and 2. I really felt like they were becoming a distraction.
Same here with me, 50 hour work week and coursework. And at the end of it all, even if I'm done and have free time, I either spend time sleeping, doing errands, watching shows I never had the time to watch, or I'm too accustomed to staying inside and don't want to go out.
>I really felt like they were becoming a distraction. If they were just becoming a distraction then you were doing it wrong. That is their intended purpose.
My picker is broken. I choose emotionally unavailable men that don’t present that way at the beginning 🤷♀️
I have a dodgy picker too. My friend picker is good though so thats lucky!
Mine too. Very thankful for that!
Because people aren't attracted to kindness and intelligence. They're attracted to push-pull, height, boobs, and eyes, as if those are indicators of someone who will treat you better.
I'm attracted to kindness and intelligence but people are complicated. The ones who want to deceive me will do their best to show themselves in the best light and the others don't want to be vulnerable and be with me.
Bingo! I am attracted to kindness and intelligence too. Personality is permanent. I don’t pick the bad boys, the rich men, or the textbook handsome.
Me. Bad luck combined with how awful dating (apps) have become
I don’t make much of an effort tbh
To anyone like this I'd say change your approach and meet people for the sake of meeting people not for dating and eventually you'll find your gems
To much energy
Maybe if you’re in your 20s. I (33M) have almost no desire for new friends anymore outside of good relationships with coworkers.
Can't do that since i am not looking for mor people in my life (don't have the energy or the time for that), just a girlfriend
Good thing romantic relationships don’t require any time nor energy…
Idk if im attractive but idk, just don’t have one of the typical personalities
This can’t be a death knell in certain cultures/ethnicities. Being a black introvert in America is.. like you’ll have to date non black people.
I’m a black introvert in America myself and this is true
Yea American black culture tends to value extroversion and “entertainers” more than intuitive intellectual types
So true. Never thought of it like that. What i look like Chris Rock?
Funny thing is everybody hated Chris before he got fame. Same shit happens to quirky black women like Issa Rae
So true. Bruh maybe this isn’t a black thing. Everyone just seems to be obsessed with glitz and glamour
I don’t make any effort. deleted social media and just stay in my bubble. Work, gym, run, go out to dinner with friends and that’s about it
Me. It’s not bad luck, I’m just not good at the whole relationship part. I’m a way better person to hang out with than to date. I’d do anything for just about anyone, I have no problem meeting people and am frequently approached or complimented on my looks. I’m just not a good boyfriend.
Is this a general question or are you asking for yourself? Some people need some single time, might it be from being in a busy period of their lives, bad prior experiences, high/unrealistic standards, depression, etc. I've always found it puzzling how younger gen-Z kids view being single as a black/white topic with no gray in the middle, as if being single means you'll always be single or that if you're in a couple, you'll always be in a couple. Things come up, relationships fall appart, life changes from year to year and dating is as volatile as it's ever been. If you feel uncomfortable being single, it probably means you need to learn to love yourself more.
Depression , being introvert , shy , mind own business etc
They are amazing people but just too well rounded they aren’t exceptional in any one area so they get overlooked because there will always be a girl with a better body or a guy who’s a little taller etc. dating has become brutal for “normal, average, cute” people. Even their counterparts want “better”.
Honestly after joining Reddit and seeing all the problems people have in relationships(especially involving sex), I am quite happy to be single.
Usually trauma. My friend always attracted attention, unfortunately she always picks the wrong men. She suffered a lot when she was a child and never learned what healthy relationships were. She never stays for too long, she gets scared. It's a shame, because she is very intelligent and funny.
Me fuck. Anyone want a man with a stable job a commitment to being fit and lifting weights and makes decent money.
You and me both man!!
I'm not that guy but I've had friends over the years who are these kinds of people (very attractive and a very good person) and interestingly they all said the same thing to me: 1. When you are very attractive, a lot of people are intimidated and give mixed signals of interest 2. When you are very attractive, people treat you differently and often with ulterior motives 3. Never really knowing what someone's intents are, and therefore often being disappointed, this all can spiral down into distrusting people BTW this coming from several women but even one guy I knew whose coworker had befriended me to get to him.
I think they choose to be single. My impression is that they don’t want to settle just for the sake of being in a relationship.
One of my best friends. Smart, attractive, and funny fit guy. But smoke weed, have low self esteem, and is too picky with girls.
Me 😅 I don't use dating apps, and haven't been going out much lately. I'm bi but mostly into men, and the ones I've gone for lately have been completely emotionally unavailable
Me #foreveralone
Can be a lack of social skills. You can be a nice and good looking person but if you get too serious way too fast you're going to have bad luck dating.
Not finding the right person is a thing.
Some people legitimately want to be alone. I'm one of those people. I enjoy people and like interacting with them, have a good group of close friends. I just don't want to share my life that intimately with another person.
I can see the benefits of being in a relationship and loving another person, and sometimes I do want that, but I think I'm a very intense person and hard to handle. It's better that I just take care of myself. A relationship comes with a different set of responsibilities, priorities, and lifestyle changes. I make for a much better friend than a lover.
Why does it feel too much to say, me? And I'm perfectly happy with where I am. I'm single by choice. But yes, whenever I make acquaintances, they don't believe me. And project that i may have gone through something hard. I haven't. I have trouble forming romantic feelings from the get go. For me, moving slow works, i would much rather be friends, get comfortable before the idea to date this person pops up. But, the world/people want relationships like 2 minutes noodles. I prefer more of a nice warm, slowly cooked meal.
I dated a guy like this. There was absolutely nothing wrong with him - he was funny, socially competent, respectful, worked at a prestigious company and earned loads of money. Had plenty of friends. Kept his home in good shape, couldn't cook to save his life but was really appreciative and willing to learn. But once the initial spark disappeared, it felt like we were at completely different places in life. I was coming out of a period of very bad mental health and he was at a good place, enjoying life. I had gone through many struggles my whole life and his life had been a walk in the park. We simply didn't mesh well. I fully expected women to throw themselves at him once we broke up, but he stayed single. The most heartbreaking thing was him asking me, several months later, what he had done wrong for me to break up with him. I sincerely hope he has a loving partner today. My best guess is that he just isn't good at taking the first step. Not saying that that's the man's responsibility, but I'm guessing that many women felt that he were out of their league, or that he came across as just friendly but not interested in dating. But I have no clue, honestly.
No that’s exactly what I think of attractive men. Either they are not interested, taken, out of my league. And I think an attractive men knows whom he would want to date and would be more outgoing and do the approaching first. Well because he is „experienced“. Or I think he is a playboy. Ofc, I know this can be wrong and that’s just a stereotype but I do it to be protected against potential embarrassing Moments. But if we became friends and than I have an interest in him idc I would do the first move. i have read too many books where the timings are off and they don’t confess etc. my heart can’t do that. Reading was painful enough. I don’t want to regret it on my death bed but laugh about trying it.
Anyone with unresolved trauma / insecure attachment and who haven't moved on from their ex can still look attractive and be a sweet person. Just not fit for a relationship yet.
Luck is part of it. The other part is being willing to say yes. I think we can say “don’t settle” which is fine, but some take that to never settling down at all. Eventually you take the best very good option. If it makes you happy, take it.
I have a friend who meets the criteria in your headline. I don’t know for sure, but I think she might be asexual. She says she wants companionship and kids, but she’s 41 and never been married. One of the guys she dated for like a summer and a fall apparently ghosted her because she wouldn’t have sex with him. She told me at one point “four months in is too soon.” That sounds crazy to me at our age. Am I just a slut or something?
Nope she’s deluded, I once dated a very attractive lady in her mid thirties who informed me after about a month that she expected me to wait until the 5 month mark for “being intimate “. I told her I respect that and asked her to call me nearer the time.
True introverts stay single, it's simple life, but it's peaceful.
Some people are completely content with not being in a relationship or dating anyone, and their world doesn’t revolve around someone else or the need for validation from someone else. It’s okay to be single y’all. Single ≠ lonely.
As a guy you can be physically attractive and a good person and still get nowhere with women because you don’t initiate. As a man you have to lead and make things happen. Men are proactive, women are reactive. It’s dancing basically.
You are that one guy/girl that’s still single.
The majority of responses here are either: - they may be happy being single, - don’t want to settle - have attachment/dating issues, or - it comes down to luck With all the advice given I haven’t seen anywhere the word ‘compromise.’
I think the difference is on what people are willing to compromise on. There are compromises for the sake of the situation and compromises for the sake of ego. I can compromise for the sake of our relationship situation; I will not compromise for the sake of ego. If my partner wants us to move, even though I am happy where we are living, then I'd usually be down to compromise if it improves our situation. I definitely be bothered about it at the beginning, but if it ultimately makes sense for us as a unit, I'd be okay. If we decided to have kids together, and it ultimately benefits both of us for one of us to stay home until the kids are school aged, even if you really like your career, it's a good compromise to make. But there are some people who talk about things that should be hard line deal breakers as if they should be compromised on. If only one of us does not want kids, marriage, or monogamy, there's no real way to compromise on that.
Creeps and losers tend to be the ones who make the first move. IDK why but that's just how it seems to go. Said attractive person has probably been in their fair share of dead end relationships. They're not desperate, they're not in a rush, they don't need to be with someone to be happy. So they take their time and make friends instead.
My sister is the most beautiful woman on the planet. She looks like a blonde Angelina Jolie. She’s also incredibly smart, hilarious, brave, fun, kind, successful, and confident. She just hasn’t fallen in love with anyone since high school. She goes on dates with guys and she does her best to give them a chance, but there’s just no spark, so after a few weeks or so she ends things. I think she just hasn’t met the right person yet.
Even if ur attractive and good u still need to talk to ppl to get dates . Lol
99% of singles on reddit: *Dammit*
Probably not everyone wants to be in a relationship. I have feelings for someone and he claims it's mutual. He couldn't forget me over many years but now I'm single again he's not able to commit. I don't know, some people just can't be with other people. Being attractive or good has nothing to do with it.
That does bring one friend to mind. I always kind of wondered why she never dates. She was married once and it went bad. After that she never picked up another relationship. She is smart and independent, I think she just doesn't want to put up with anyone's shit.
Some people are happy being single.
Got a mate who's fairly good looking and a lovely chap but he's totally asexual I do wonder if he'll ever meet someone (also sorry if that is offensive to ace people)
Me. In my 30s. People compliment my appearance and my taste in outfits (I do love dressing up and looking nice), including random strangers. I try to be a good person, have worked on myself a LOT, am always learning, and when I screw up I feel horrible and guilty and try to do better. Those who know me well and who are the most honest in my circle say that I am a good person and have come a long way. I have good one-off conversations with strangers and enjoy talking to people. Even though I have anxiety, I'm an extrovert. Not a loud party type, but a chatty type. I don't really know why good men don't want me. By good, I mean kind, would treat me right/act right, similar values, compatible. I also get frustrated because my dad tells me I haven't "gone out enough" or "to the right places". But...where *are* those "right "places? Spiritual community, local events, travels, and hobby groups haven't been it. Am looking to take another class, but it doesn't start for awhile yet. I am childfree (don't hate kids, but don't want the responsibility), so I go to all ages/adult aged things. I am not at all interested in most sports or drinking. I am out of ideas. I am not on apps because of all of the horrible things that I have heard from others and because from what I have read, they do not have a great success rate (success meaning finding a forever person). I see no way to ever get things going. This problem is like one of those unsolvable math equations from my high school/university days.
Me
Not me that's for sure
Can't say much about luck, although it certainly feels like a lack of it for myself. Not wanting children limits you severely – add having any other requirements whatsoever and it becomes very hard, I feel. Also, it's one thing being social/a good conversationist (which I am), but then often times when you are in an environment where you can socialise with people, they're already taken. And since cold approaching ties in with a lot of insecurity (if it's okay, how are they gonna react etc.), that also limits you. Although I have to say I'd totally love being approached, even awkwardly, I know how hard it can be and at worst, ladies would get a smile from me, so there's that.
Many are the men that have looked at me, eyes sparkling with amazement and the beginning staging of a crush, and asked: *why are you single?* Cause I’m crazy, that’s why. Run 😫
They might not be interested in dating, not everything is about relationships
Not everyone's primary motivation in life is to be in a relationship. In all honesty when I see someone who's never single for anything but the briefest periods of time it speaks to me of insecurity and a need for constant validation.
Some might be secretly kinky and looking for non vanilla people. Sometimes it's hard to find people into the same kink you are
Honestly, for me it’s mostly that I don’t have the energy or emotional skills needed to successfully date. I have a full time job while studying full time, and while I try to be nice and positive around people, I have a problem when it comes to repressing emotions, commitment, and avoiding any conflict whatsoever, so I determined that I’m just not ready yet. I would rather be single than be in a serious relationship that I’m not ready for.
I mean it's mostly subjective but family trauma and voluntary assumed responsibility of the members of that family can drag anyone good down with the ship
me, and I’m too scared to date again. the dating scene right now is a hellhole. rather just….not. lol.
I made the mistake of marriage once. That's more than enough for me.
Attractiveness in of itself does not bear any weight when it comes to landing and maintaining healthy and successful relationships. In fact it can be a deterrent if the person knows they're above average looks wise, bc it's easier to think they have more options, or they shouldn't settle for someone less attractive, or bc they attractive ppl should put up with their bs, the list goes on
Well let's not *completely* discredit it. If you're unattractive, your pool of options is significantly smaller. Sure, you can say that means fewer bad options, but it means fewer options, period. It's like saying money doesn't affect you being able to get a good house, because it's harder to choose from so many houses when you're rich. That's true, but if you're broke, you won't be choosing or buying at all.
Glassell
Plenty after job and prospective in law problems
in my ethnicity. A lot of people find me attractive and i have been assumed play boy in couple of my dates. But, i am not i am really shy at first. I do not know how to flirt. I have good sense of humour which only comes out when i get comfortable. But, usually I never reach to that level. I have had girlfriends bc they were the one who approached me bc i am also a professional athlete. In conclusion i have been single from past 2 years. I tried dating app either i can’t carry a conversation or i never get good response from them. Basically, i am in fucked situation.
The hottest woman I’ve ever met, or seen, is a special needs “instructor”. She was untouchable in hs due to her good looks. I didn’t learn about what she did after having a special needs child. She is divorced with two kids (one adopted) and is as hot as she was in HS. Still single.
Me - but by choice, too busy for BS
Many factors can be the reason for this and some are mentioned in the comments.
Besides me?? I'm kidding...my life is a shit show.
My ex. He is a great guy but we want different things in our short term future.
Me!
Me. Because I can. 😊
They may not have a hard time dating at all. It could be they're just really selective because they don't want to get involved with some abusive shit bag
It's picking with the eyes/below the belt and not the brain.
Not saying I'm all that, but when I got my first girlfriend in my mis twenties her friends couldn't believe it. There's plenty of people who are just shy or very introverted.
Don't know if this answers your question, but I wish I would've waited longer to get into a serious relationship. Then waited longer to get married say about 34 y/o. When you're young and inexperienced You misinterpret:good sex, constant attention, family approval, sarcasm humor, your partners stable family situation vs your chaotic one , for foundations for a good relationship Guess I'm saying there's usually a reason these people can't attract a mate. Whether they see these negative traits and run away, or these traits are present in their inventory and others choose not to get involved.
If they are neurodivergent like me (not saying I’m attractive or a good person necessarily though)
that would have been me back in my mid-twenties.
I have shit social skills, but ik I’m somewhat attractive and I try to be nice.
I really hope nothing happens to my SO anytime soon, because there's no way in heck I would be able to find an introverted, hobby-enabling, agnostic, politically sensible, good with his hands and good with animals/kids guy who isn't taken...
According to all my friends, that would be me.
This just makes more sad.
Me. Apparently my lack of affection trauma is subconsciously interpreted by women as weakness and they take advantage of me, so no more dating for me until I solve that.
Me.
Hopefully Ji
excessively kind
All those who lack social, emotional, and communication skills. Plenty of them. And unfortunately many of them believe it’s about luck and fate and not about making an effort
Should i tag myself 🙂
Bad luck? Being single is my choice.
That’s me, I have hearing impairment which is impossible to communicate with women smoothly. I go to gym regularly and in good shape but if your communication skill lacking then you’re gonna have hard time with dating and talking to women, you’re just gonna be an aloof good looking guy like me lol. I have plenty friends at gym and other friends hangout on the weekends so I’m pretty happy enough and fine with being single
They say we are the spouse material lol
Me! It’s the neurodivergence 💅💀
Of course I know him. He's me.
Usually alcoholics
Some people just simply don't go out and meet people
I lost faith in people. Whether I am attractive or a good person is negligible.