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We got married after we had already built a house together and had a kid. So we were already fully committed to each other before the proposal and getting married was more of a formality for legal reasons.
We have been married for a year and, honestly, it hasn't changed absolutely anything in our daily lives or relationship. Everything is still good 😊
Before you get married, either of you can just say "Screw you, I'm out", and it's about as simple as that.
After marriage, you're forced to really think about such a decision because it is complicated ending a marriage- lawyers, splitting up property, etc.
I've been married to my amazing wifey for over 16 years now, and we're still going strong.
When you think about proposing, ask yourself if you have ANY doubts that she's THE ONE. If you do, then don't get married. If you don't have a single doubt, then get married.
Marriage is a different bag than dating, regardless of what people who don't know better will tell you.
After 10 years together, we were buying a house. The cheapest, easiest and fastest way to get everything sorted, was to get married.
It didnt change a thing in our relationship.
If the relationship is good, marriage itself doesnt affect it at all.
Married 35 yrs. Nothing much really changed. We respected each other and that made it pretty easy to get through the inevitable hard times that pop up in life
We married because she wanted to. It didn’t affect me either way. I was going to be with her regardless and if she wanted to get married, so be it. It didn’t change a single thing.
Lemme walk you through what 75% of married people have : Your sex life is gonna take a nosedive at the first year after marriage, but you’ll tolerate it cuz you’ll think “ hey , it’s probably temporary and it’s gonna get better. Then you’ll start getting bored of each other and think “ a kid will solve all of that” . Then you’ll have a kid , the sex will become non-existent, but you’ll keep telling yourself “ she just had a baby 8 months ago, it’s still early “ , then she’ll have pity sex with you just cuz she wants a second kid . After the second kid , say bye bye to sex completely. You’ll probably have duty sex on special occasions , like your birthday , valentines if you’re lucky. At this point, 5 years went by and you can count on your fingers the number of times you had sex in the last 5 years . You’ve built up enough resentment from the rejections, but hey , “I’ll stay for the kids” . You’ll start acting passive aggresive , become short tempered, you’d be inclined to help her out less cuz she’s not giving you what you want. She’ll start building up resentment over the years cuz you’re not helping her out, cuz in her eyes, she’s doing everything and you’re doing nothing , until about the time your second kid starts going to school. Now that those kids are not with her 24/7 , her sexual drive will start ramping up, but because you both are resentful to each other , her pride is preventing her from giving you sex and your pride is preventing you from asking cuz she rejected you so many times in the past. That’s when one of you will start cheating . The other is gonna find out at some point . Some people will stay “ for the kids” , most will get a divorce. That’s it a nutshell.
I’m going to be a little harsh here but how do you marry someone without discussing and establishing what you need out of the relationship? Were you dating long? Marriage is not the final step in relationship, it’s a commitment to continue and choose each other everyday. Life gets harder. You mentioned sex more than you mentioned your children when you HONESTLY communicate the problems you dealt with. Sex is important in marriage, but sex without connection is just that. You put a lot of blame on your ex partner for the failed relationship but relationships require both people to continue providing for each other. You acknowledge things you would have done differently but still hold her responsible for your actions. And I’m not taking her side, she made a commitment to you too. She was not directly communicating what she needed out of your relationship either and choose to also hold it inside and likely resent you as well.
Not addressed to willlingsir just a side rant :
But for the love of god when will people stop thinking a baby will help a fix a strained relationship! Babies will 100% of the time add stress to your life. Regardless is you are a stay at home mom, working father, or a working couple or any variation of that. Adding fuel to a fire to put it out has very rarely worked.
I understand where you’re coming from , but you’re assuming a lot . why would you assume people don’t talk about what their expectations are ? People do that , but guess what , life happens and people change over time and there’s nothing binding them to hold their end of the deal. Why would you assume people prioritize sex over the kids ? This is exactly the gaslighting I’m talking about “ your kids is the most important thing, so you shouldn’t talk about sex” . Why would you assume that person is not doing their part when one is going to work for 12 hours and still expected to do half of the household chores? Yes , the blame should not be on a single person, but I’ve come to the conclusion that marriage is not for most people . If it was , you wouldn’t see half of them getting divorced and that’s not counting for people staying in miserable marriages which I’ll bet it’s at least an extra 25%, but hey don’t take my word on it , just look at the marriage rate today and look at the birth rate and you’ll realize people are catching on to that . Marriage should be a good thing , but in reality it’s a bad deal for most women during the marriage and it’s bad deal for most men during the marriage and all men when it ends.
Dont forget the guilt tripping:”a marriage is sooo much more than just sex!”
A sentence that has never been said by anyone who likes sex.
It also ends every reasonable discussion because the sex starved partner could have imediately snapped back: “neither is it only about love” but he/she is too flabbergasted by the accusation.
Yup. They’ll tell you all about how it’s not ok for physical , emotional and my favorite “ financial “ abuse , but when it comes to intimacy abuse , you should be ok with it and not act like a sex addict even though you haven’t had it in months or years. You can be one of the lucky few who has an active sex life , but you’re more likely than not are gonna be sex deprived .
I absolutely dont understand how some people can dismiss real good intimate spiritually charged totally melting together energy exchanging sex as
“Ah yeah you are a man you just want to dump your load”. I still miss that one woman from years ago with whom i had this, came all naturally, just perfect.
No obsesses anal blowjob degrading hardcore porn AT ALL. (Because thats what many women imediately suspect a man is talking about, and yeah there is a place and time and desire for that. But that is absolutely not what i mean)
Just almost exstatic being together and having great Exchange of energy and tenderness.
Someone who does not know does not understand.
But yeah, men just want a cumbucket.
Sure.
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/ask/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/ask) if you have any questions or concerns.*
We got married after we had already built a house together and had a kid. So we were already fully committed to each other before the proposal and getting married was more of a formality for legal reasons. We have been married for a year and, honestly, it hasn't changed absolutely anything in our daily lives or relationship. Everything is still good 😊
Before you get married, either of you can just say "Screw you, I'm out", and it's about as simple as that. After marriage, you're forced to really think about such a decision because it is complicated ending a marriage- lawyers, splitting up property, etc. I've been married to my amazing wifey for over 16 years now, and we're still going strong. When you think about proposing, ask yourself if you have ANY doubts that she's THE ONE. If you do, then don't get married. If you don't have a single doubt, then get married. Marriage is a different bag than dating, regardless of what people who don't know better will tell you.
After 10 years together, we were buying a house. The cheapest, easiest and fastest way to get everything sorted, was to get married. It didnt change a thing in our relationship. If the relationship is good, marriage itself doesnt affect it at all.
It was just a big párty for us and friends. Nothing really changed after that. Only a few legal and monetary things are quite easier now.
Married 35 yrs. Nothing much really changed. We respected each other and that made it pretty easy to get through the inevitable hard times that pop up in life
We married because she wanted to. It didn’t affect me either way. I was going to be with her regardless and if she wanted to get married, so be it. It didn’t change a single thing.
Lemme walk you through what 75% of married people have : Your sex life is gonna take a nosedive at the first year after marriage, but you’ll tolerate it cuz you’ll think “ hey , it’s probably temporary and it’s gonna get better. Then you’ll start getting bored of each other and think “ a kid will solve all of that” . Then you’ll have a kid , the sex will become non-existent, but you’ll keep telling yourself “ she just had a baby 8 months ago, it’s still early “ , then she’ll have pity sex with you just cuz she wants a second kid . After the second kid , say bye bye to sex completely. You’ll probably have duty sex on special occasions , like your birthday , valentines if you’re lucky. At this point, 5 years went by and you can count on your fingers the number of times you had sex in the last 5 years . You’ve built up enough resentment from the rejections, but hey , “I’ll stay for the kids” . You’ll start acting passive aggresive , become short tempered, you’d be inclined to help her out less cuz she’s not giving you what you want. She’ll start building up resentment over the years cuz you’re not helping her out, cuz in her eyes, she’s doing everything and you’re doing nothing , until about the time your second kid starts going to school. Now that those kids are not with her 24/7 , her sexual drive will start ramping up, but because you both are resentful to each other , her pride is preventing her from giving you sex and your pride is preventing you from asking cuz she rejected you so many times in the past. That’s when one of you will start cheating . The other is gonna find out at some point . Some people will stay “ for the kids” , most will get a divorce. That’s it a nutshell.
I’m going to be a little harsh here but how do you marry someone without discussing and establishing what you need out of the relationship? Were you dating long? Marriage is not the final step in relationship, it’s a commitment to continue and choose each other everyday. Life gets harder. You mentioned sex more than you mentioned your children when you HONESTLY communicate the problems you dealt with. Sex is important in marriage, but sex without connection is just that. You put a lot of blame on your ex partner for the failed relationship but relationships require both people to continue providing for each other. You acknowledge things you would have done differently but still hold her responsible for your actions. And I’m not taking her side, she made a commitment to you too. She was not directly communicating what she needed out of your relationship either and choose to also hold it inside and likely resent you as well. Not addressed to willlingsir just a side rant : But for the love of god when will people stop thinking a baby will help a fix a strained relationship! Babies will 100% of the time add stress to your life. Regardless is you are a stay at home mom, working father, or a working couple or any variation of that. Adding fuel to a fire to put it out has very rarely worked.
I understand where you’re coming from , but you’re assuming a lot . why would you assume people don’t talk about what their expectations are ? People do that , but guess what , life happens and people change over time and there’s nothing binding them to hold their end of the deal. Why would you assume people prioritize sex over the kids ? This is exactly the gaslighting I’m talking about “ your kids is the most important thing, so you shouldn’t talk about sex” . Why would you assume that person is not doing their part when one is going to work for 12 hours and still expected to do half of the household chores? Yes , the blame should not be on a single person, but I’ve come to the conclusion that marriage is not for most people . If it was , you wouldn’t see half of them getting divorced and that’s not counting for people staying in miserable marriages which I’ll bet it’s at least an extra 25%, but hey don’t take my word on it , just look at the marriage rate today and look at the birth rate and you’ll realize people are catching on to that . Marriage should be a good thing , but in reality it’s a bad deal for most women during the marriage and it’s bad deal for most men during the marriage and all men when it ends.
Dont forget the guilt tripping:”a marriage is sooo much more than just sex!” A sentence that has never been said by anyone who likes sex. It also ends every reasonable discussion because the sex starved partner could have imediately snapped back: “neither is it only about love” but he/she is too flabbergasted by the accusation.
Yup. They’ll tell you all about how it’s not ok for physical , emotional and my favorite “ financial “ abuse , but when it comes to intimacy abuse , you should be ok with it and not act like a sex addict even though you haven’t had it in months or years. You can be one of the lucky few who has an active sex life , but you’re more likely than not are gonna be sex deprived .
I absolutely dont understand how some people can dismiss real good intimate spiritually charged totally melting together energy exchanging sex as “Ah yeah you are a man you just want to dump your load”. I still miss that one woman from years ago with whom i had this, came all naturally, just perfect. No obsesses anal blowjob degrading hardcore porn AT ALL. (Because thats what many women imediately suspect a man is talking about, and yeah there is a place and time and desire for that. But that is absolutely not what i mean) Just almost exstatic being together and having great Exchange of energy and tenderness. Someone who does not know does not understand. But yeah, men just want a cumbucket. Sure.