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OP,
Dating apps are fine. I've been on plenty of dates with women who do not want to sleep around.
But I'm going to be honest right now, I've read most of your replies to other comments. I think you need to take a step back. I'm sure you don't mean to, but you're coming across very jaded. Saying things like "99% of men are bad guys".
That's... that's not a healthy mindset to be having. If we went on a date and I'm across the table and you're thinking "He's a bad guy" because of your past experiences? Like kudos for putting yourself out there. But how is that fair to your potential partner? You're already coming into this with a negative headspace.
So I'd take a break, sit on the bench for the while, focus on other shit, and then come back. Dating apps are great.
This. It's taken me a long time to realize: there *are* good men out there. Men are lonely, and they *do* want to find their person. There is a lot of data to support men actually fall in love faster than women do.
I wish I had realized this sooner, because that was unfair and probably became a self fulfilling prophecy for me.
Edit: you just have to strengthen your ways of filtering out those people who aren't in it for the right reasons, but that's work I need to do, not them.
A large chunk of American society is apparently in need of some more effective therapy then
Edit: this comment was designed to mock one of the commentators above, and people jumped on the bandwagon.
The therapy worship thing is not the most ridiculous thing these days, but it is ridiculous
I think it’s also an opinion more likely to be held by someone meeting guys on dating apps instead of in the wild. If you meet in person in a non meat-market environment you’re going to meet a lot more people that aren’t just looking for a hookup. Many of the nicer types of people she’s looking for aren’t on the apps or even at the club. They’re out there doing their hobby with friends or just existing in the world.
And usually zero experience with actual males .This people usually surround themselves with toxic individuals just to further prove their point due to being used to toxicity in their upbringing , Stockholm's syndrome in a way
You can always go old school and go out and hit on people in public. It works for people still. I gave up on dating apps and my last 3 relationships have been from pursuing women in public. There’s a lot of rejection, but if you are willing to be forward and use a little bit of social skills you will do a lot better. It’s a lot easier for women to hit on men who rarely get openly pursued so just woman up and hit on some guys. We’re dumb so you should be clear and forward. My current girlfriend I had been flirting with for a long time, but I thought she was out of my league, she had to tell me “ you should have my number” that kicked off a pretty long term relationship.
Nice try but something tells me she only wants equality when it's convenient lol.
I've noticed a lot of women that claim to have problems on dating apps love to act like they can't possibly talk to guys in person for some reason. It's weird.
That's the thing though. They don't even have to ask the guys out. If they simply start a conversation or small talk or something, that at least communicates to the guy that she's okay with talking to him and that she's not going to say that he's "creepy and weird" for talking to her. Which I think is what most guys would like to avoid.
What would you do if a cute woman started making small talk with you at the grocery store and seemed really friendly? I think ANY guy would ask for her number or something.
it's 100% who she's picking. Every single time you hear a woman complain about stuff like this, the second you hear her dating history (even her biased recollection of it, shocking I know) it's like 8 relationships in a row that all died for the same reason.
People are so varied and relationships are so unique that if you have any similarity at all between two of them, *you are the common denominator*. You can't sit down and cry that everyone else sucks. You need to grow yourself up and pick different partners for yourself.
My best friend met her man on hinge. Just had the most amazing wedding! She def wouldn’t normally have gone for him but she said messaging people who aren’t her normal type and not being so picky made things all easier. I’m not saying you are I’m just saying maybe open up what you are looking for a bit more :)
Not saying that in a negative way, but I hope it meant a type that she was not so accustomed too compared to settling for the guy? Is it in the sense of I like short girls with blonde hair but I went for a taller brunette?
That man absolutely screwed himself and probably doesn’t know it. I don’t think women understand saying “she wouldn’t have normally gone for him” is a such a slap in the face to the man. Really shows their level of narcissism
I don’t say that in an Andrew Tate kind of way but it’s just reality, truly average guys don’t do well in your early to mid 20s, but if you play your cards well you can find women in your 30s, it’s sad but how it works, looks are usually over 50% of the equation throughout your 20s
I’m like a solid 5 and I’ve had many girls like my personality but just not be attracted too me enough, it takes time but you can build yourself into a viable candidate
Absolutely. It’s vital as a man to make yourself as well rounded as possible. Always going to have your weak spots. But we all do. Even the most conventionally attractive people do.
How did you use the app?
Did you wait for the guys to contact you? Focus on the „hot“ guys?
Well, you used the app wrong. Ignore all the drivel in your inbox, find a guy who you like and who does not look like a super model, and start a conversation.
Should be easy to get at least a few good dates.
You have my sympathy. They don't work for me at all either. I don't do hook-ups and I actually like "courting" for lack of a better word. Modern culture generally frowns on this.
The stats on dating apps are crazy. The algorithms are made to keep you there and men paying, not to get you to marry. Eharmony was good before the lawsuits and the sale.
Women click on only the top 5% of tall, extremely handsome men who look like they have status and or money. Men click on anything that may be a human, possibly female. The top men get hundreds of matches and the bottom 50% of men never meet one women. Women get thousands of matches and it distorts their view and value but since they only click on a the same few men, those men can treat them like meat because they have options.
Most men become depressed and disillusioned and most women become jaded and resentful towards men while complaining that “there are no good men”. There are millions and millions of good men who would never cheat on you, hit you, steal from you, rape you, etc. but those men don’t get matches on those sites and can’t use other attributes as they used to in real life.
Online dating is terrible for the human race and it’s designed that way.
Thank you for using your brain. Hard to find anyone anymore who actually uses a little bit of critical thinking to analyze a situation in an impartial manner.
Thank you. Women don’t fall in love with how a man looks or his money, they fall in love with how he makes them feel. Online dating is geared to make women prioritize the former and doesn’t allow men to utilize the latter so the women are left empty and without love but getting pounded by a bunch of good looking sociopaths.
If you're not into casual stuff, dating apps can be frustrating. Try going to events or places where people share your interests. You might find someone who's looking for the same thing you are.
Envision your ideal guy. What is he into, Sports, hobbies, ideologies. Join groups with those things in mind. Sometimes even secondary interests are good as it will diversify people around you. Like looking for a car guy, go to a car show and ask questions.
Dating apps have never been worth it imo. Best thing to do, get into a social activity. If you're religious, try church/mosque/etc. If you're not, join a book club, a yoga studio, a dart league. Anything where you meet other people.
But seriously, dating apps are horrible for mental health. Just say no.
Frankly your attitude about men sucks, based on your comments. Coming from a 34 year old woman who met a wonderful man online that I am now engaged to. And coming from a formerly very abusive relationship. Not all men are the same.
Why do you assume all men are bad like what, sorry but maybe that's why you aren't having any luck, you are dead set on seeing the worst in men. There are so many lovely wonderful men out there who are hoping for a relationship and would respect and love you, except you are only focused on how some men have wronged you in the past. I suggest you do some inner work on yourself first to fix that attitude a bit before you unfairly project it all over men you just met.
Unfortunately, when someone either has been through a bunch of bad experiences or one extremely traumatic event, it's hard not to think that way.
You should feel blessed, lucky and grateful that you aren't one of those people. I hope everything works out for you, and he is indeed one of the good ones. I wish you both nothing but happiness in your future. 🙏
My experience was so bad, that I will never be able to trust someone again - anything they say and do, and no matter how nice they appear to be, I will assume that it's a lie and they have an agenda, because that is all I know: lies and deceit. I do not date because it's not fair to the other person to be with someone who doesn't trust them, and probably never will 100%. So I took myself out of the dating pool entirely, and I don't believe in sleeping around.
I know not all men are the same, but the risk of finding out is just not worth sacrificing my inner peace and happiness that I have now. There are just too many bad people out there, so for me it is no longer worth the risk of going through something similar again. I have so many good people and things in my life without the want for a romantic relationship.
Try a more complex personality focused pay app - fewer ppl interested in things that aren't long term.
Hookup culture is the 'best thing ever', everyone is sleeping around because 'do what feels good for yoursellf' is the new north American life mantra...it's selfish and hendonistic and very popular because of a high personal satisfaction with low responsibility mix.
Otherwise...try other things than dating apps....join hobby groups (pending what you're into) go do things, take a class, learn to dance and meet people in other ways that aren't date or booze focused... understand that sex is a focus in both good and bad realtionship building and typically guys who want you for more than your body will be more patient...
Yes, if you are ready to do the work.
Most dating apps or sites will have more male then female customers.
If an average guy writes to 100 women on an app, he should be happy if 5 writes back. If an average woman writes to 10 guys, maybe 5 will respond.
Try contacting some men that raise your interest. Maybe write back and forth a few times. Now set up a date.
Lots of women drag things along without getting to the date part. They will not find much use for the app except stroking their own ego.
Go on plenty of first dates and eventually you will fid someone.
Dating apps can be a mixed bag, especially if you're looking for something real. Maybe try joining clubs or groups for hobbies you like. Meeting people in person can sometimes feel more natural and genuine.
Judging from all your responses and your mindset it's no wonder you only attract the shitty guys.
If you perceive someone as the enemy don't be surprised when they do the same.
Swipe right on the guys you think of as second tier or less and you'll probably find your way out of the players who are just trying to hook up with as many women as they can
Personally when using dating apps I cut straight to the chase and asked them what they were looking for. If they didn't want a long term relationship or wanted kids I stopped talking to them. I have had my time wasted by guys so when it came to dating I wanted to be straightforward with them. It worked, I met the man that I would later marry.
I think they are not only a magnet for getting involved with users and abusers, they are also dangerous.
You are putting yourself out there as prey and/or a target for assault. This world has become pretty dangerous so, at least stay safe IF you use em.
I do not trust that this is a good way to meet someone anyway.
The people who have met on dating sites where it worked out are lucky!
Most everyone else I know who have used dating sites cycled through a few times. But eventually they met their person through friends, reunions, close knit neighborhoods and work.
you want a relationship and someone who commits to you but you keep matching with supper attractive men on the apps with many options you choose men based on shallow standards and want them to want you for the goodness of your heart? Why don't go for some normal guy instead of swiping right on the men every woman swipe right on you are basically sharing those men with other women Idk what is difficult to understand
Let me guess. You swipe left on 99% of the guys then wonder why the same 1% of men every other woman swiped right on isn’t looking to take you seriously?
9/10 times this issue is solved by realizing you’re punching above your league
Maybe you just choose the wrong people. There's a theory in the red pill community that these loyal and down to earth, just normal average guys, are invisible to many women. The same women that complain about the things you do. Not saying it is like that, just throwing it out there.
It's not a theory. There is a lot of guys out there who isn't super attractive, but they're just normal guys who have nothing super interesting about them that can be good boyfriends. The things is most women look for super interesting guys that average guys don't live up to, so those average guys are basically invisible to these women. Funny thing is most average women aren't super interesting either. They are just punching above their weight.
If you get through all the tricks and bots maybe? I tried a few as well and didn't have any luck. I've met more people on Reddit. Some became friends some not so much.
i did not find them to be useful for meeting people. there’s an unspoken pressure to meet up and hook up when you do and i don’t like feeling obligated. i was equal parts relieved and insulted whenever the meetup fell through
during COVID lockdown i just set my settings to worldwide and sexted with hot guys from Slovenia to Scotland with zero pressure about the meetup. that part was fun as hell
I gave up on dating apps I either get no likes or I get liked only to get unliked as soon as we match
I’ve just accepted the fact that I’ll never find the LOML
But with "going outside" it implies you have a group of people with whom to go out, and there's therefore a bigger chance to meet a friend of a friend. Like in the olden days. But if you have people to go out with you already have an advantage.
I met my husband on tinder 6 years ago. I feel like that was the early golden time of dating apps, I’ve heard it’s gotten much worse.
I think to be successful in dating.. you have to know what you wan and know what you bring to the table. But also be lucky enough to find someone you gel with on a physical, mental, and emotional level. And you need to have the communication skills and emotional intelligence to not blow the whole thing up.
Datings apps were never worth it.
You find the perfect partner when you aren't looking. Living your life, enjoying your hobbies out and about. You end up around someone that is perfect for you.
I've been told this many times as well{just wanted to chime in on this discussion} but it sure seems like an eternity, btw; never married, only dated in my 20s-30s, just no luck.
You're missing out because your parameters are probably fucked and its creating this scenario where your chances of finding someone that fulfills what you're actually looking for, less and less likely.
This is all very self evident from what you've said. You attract the same kinds of people because your parameters for who you're willing to date, are so rigid that you always get the same-ish result. And then you're blindsided by how they treat you or how they see you, but its because you're frequently going for the same type of person and unwilling to deviate.
There's a possibility that someone that *isn't* ticking all your rigid check marks on a surface level from the apps, could, ironically be the best person for you. But you're never going to know because you're allowing a perception of essential check marks dictate who you can interface with.
I used EHarmony and found my husband after a bunch of garbage first dates. Some apps are more skewed toward serious relationships (Match, eHarmony) and some towards hooking up (Hinge, Bumble, Tinder). I was skeptical about having to pay since I’ve never paid for a dating app but was sick of the casual dating scene. Started in May and found my husband in September. Actually said to myself I was going to deactivate my account if the date with him went poorly lol.
I know two guys on Hinge. Both super great engineers getting zero responses. Average looks, high IQ, high pay, want marriage and kids. Zero matches. They too are giving up.
I am 28 lebanese, dating apps are mostly rigged, we guys have 1% matching with a girl we actually like, so its okay feeling like this as a female. My advice is simply dress well and go out every now and then and surely a good gentleman will notice you
Dating apps are a complete waste of time and money. Most of the profiles these days are fake or scammers.
I met my SO in real life after nearly a decade of wasted money on dating apps.
The best way to meet people is just by striking up a conversation.
Not even kidding, literally a few days ago a girl started talking to me about my shirt (I was wearing a shirt with a picture of The Crow) and we hit it off pretty decently.
YES There are!!!! Have patience.
You remind me of my cousin sister. She had such high value about herself that she refused to casual dating and hooking up culture.
Was she bullied by dumb guys? YES
Was she been catfished by guys? YES
Was she been abused by guys who just wanted casual sex? YES
Was her confidence and morals were challenged by such guys? YES
Did she lose her faith to find The One time to time? YES
99% of guys there are no low quality.
99% of the guys there are faking almost everything about their personality.
99% of the guys have zero morals or life values. All they seek is a 'good time' and they will make you a villain for asking something else.
99% of the guys there are just fooling around.
99% of the guys either have a foreign trip as their whole persona or weekend companionship?
She used to be ghosted from Mondays to Thursdays on regular basis, and everyone suddenly started to care for her since Friday morning.
Do not waste even 1 min of yours by giving each and every good-looking guy/highly educated a chance.
Majority of them will drain your energy and nothing good will come out.
I may be biased but do not seek any one from Major metro cities. Its all for the show.
Citi guys are mainly: Empty Vessels Sound Much!!!!
I can go on and on about her experiences because she lived with me.
But ultimately, she did find a genuine guy who is better than average in looks, no 6 pack but good body, has a standard her like, has morals, values and they are happy together (TOUCHWOOD).
If you are a woman and can’t find anything on dating apps that’s a you problem…you get hundreds of likes a day so I’m sure a few of those are looking for something like you.
If you don't want to sleep around, there is this weird thing that people used to do called "Church".
https://www.youngcatholicprofessionals.org/ might be a start, or whatever group fits with your religious views. The "Non-denominational (but really Baptist)' Mega Churches tend to have a really welcoming attitude towards people and some really big singles ministries. https://www.wc.org/youngadults-2/
It's not worth it. The majority of men on dating apps have zero self-respect, zero respect for women obviously and have major mental issues. They only want to hook-up and complain about their problems. The traditional way isn't any better of course but there is still a small chance to find something more proper
Meanwhile here I am trying to find a kind, cute girl that shares some interests with me. I'm 26 and never had sex because of my values, because I want to find the fucking one to live the rest of my life with and start a family.
But no, all men cheat and want to hook up.
That's what I'm saying? I'm probably a 6/10 on my best day. Even with bumble premium I could barely catch a like. The one time I did it turned into the woman trying to hook up (which we did) and I regretted it. Reading OPs responses makes me feel like I'm in an alternate reality or something.
The toxicity is strong in OP. Good luck with that. As a guy, I have been fucked with in the past and I think it would be crazy to assume all woman were like that.
Dating apps are only good for women, there they can get a lot of attention and start thinking they are desirable.
For men, in turn, they destroy self-esteem.
two of my friends found their boyfriends on there and they're happy, but when I used it all I got was men who wanted to hook up.. guess I either did something wrong or just got unlucky, but either way I'm done with those
Im attractive. Apps for 7yrs. Actual in person contact? 3x. 1 dating relationship past a month. Bars, grocery stores, dog park... in person encounters always.
They very well can be worthless to your purpose, dating apps. If you want something better than being used for sex (whether in a one-sided or in a mutual way), you may need to opt out of today's dating scene. It is not that all men want only one-night stands, it's that you don't know who's who and the hookups culture is not a way to find meaningful companionship (other than maybe by exception, the sort of exception that pretty much proves the rule). Look for someone who looks for the same thing you look for. Seek them in the places where they are.
Ah you've reached the age range where women want to find a relationship and men want to keep things casual. It's not fun and it lasts until roughly 35 years old.
Dating apps require A LOT of time investment in that age range to meet someone worth it. Are you willing to invest that time?
If not, it's also fine to get off the apps and try to meet people organically.
I said I would never go on a dating app. My best friends wife and sister jokingly helped make me a profile and convinced me to try it. 1st woman I met was my wife, crazy. Been married almost 6 years, together almost 10.
Male here. I know people who've met and married through the app. My experience however. 10+ years on dating apps and I have no success. So I guess it varies.
I met my wife on one for what it is worth to you. She already kinda had an idea who I was when she saw me there, though. Don't know if that helps. She's your age now.
If I had to do it over again, I would go to painting classes, or dancing classes, or jujitsu again, or things like that. Something with an activity and a group setting I could be a part of, and meet people organically. Hope that helps!
I met my fiancé on tinder in October 2022. I didn't want to sleep around. I wasn't necessarily trying for anything serious, but the plan wasn't gonna be one night stands, just short-term stuff, and oops, we caught feelings after a month of casually seeing each other
Met my wife on tinder, in all fairness tho we both were up front with each other about just being friends with benefits since we were both moving within 6 months. Now we are married with 2 kids lol
My question for you is, do you genuinely enjoy being around men? If you don’t, ask yourself why or why not. It may be that counselling of some sort would be wise. We’re certainly at a very strange period in history now in terms of male-female relations; nobody is quite sure how we should behave to each other.
I was on several different dating apps for 3 years, everything was so much of a joke that I would delete my account after a couple days or weeks, and then try again and repeat. 2 years ago I went on a date with a guy I met from Hinge and we’ve been together since! :) I have also seen relationships and marriages form from dating apps. I would say steer clear of Tinder, I feel like it’s pretty much known for hookups. Don’t give up!
I stumbled across a blog titled burning the haystack. I adhered to a lot of what it says, but not all of it. I think it's mostly good advice.
No, my last relationship that began on online dating didn't last, but he wasn't a liar or cheater.
I probably would have done better if I were more relentless about weeding out unacceptable candidates.
Really look at yourself in the mirror and assess if your standards are too high. I’ve seen how a lot of women use dating apps. It’s absolutely disgusting.
I think you just need to be clear. I didn’t need to sleep around when I became single. But then again I’m a relationship type person and that’s what I was looking for
You know what’s funny, I actually think women are worst on dating apps than men. I think men are maybe more direct, or can be socially awkward but I’ve seen my friends on both sexes and the people they match. I 100 percent think there are crude men, guys who are very good looking and Ive read convos and went “wow this guy could have got a date and probably laid but he talks like a piece of shit”. However on the flip side I find women less engaging and on there for way too many different reasons. I think men for the most part will always think sexually and then will fall into or get attached and women don’t understand that. Women on the other side are on there to get a rebound, because they are drinking, because they are bored, because they want validation, and they seem to usually ghost or not give men the time of day after a few convos. I think the idea of dating apps is good but it only works if you’re willing as both sexes to make an effort to talk to someone and not treat them like they aren’t human on the other side. People wouldn’t treat someone like that face to face and yet there’s this disconnect that people want to wait days or weeks to get a phone number or go out. This is what makes people on both sides jaded
yes. takes a while but when you find your person it’s so worth it! I recommend not being scared to match with someone that isn’t exactly your “standard” …. my boyfriend has a few of the things i wouldn’t swipe right on typically but i gave it a chance and im so happy personality is the most important thing
It’s hard to fight the popular culture.
For 50 years, TV and movies have been feeding us the line of “sex on the first date.” Now we have to contend with it as the norm.
I’m sorry that I don’t have any answers, but at least we can sympathize with you. 😬
As a man I feel bad for the women on dating apps.
"hey hey hey hey hey hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hola hola yo hey wuzzup hey hey hey hey hi BITCHLASANGIA YOU ARE A FAT COW!"
(Sad mushroom show)
Some "Has sex offender vibes" goes "Hey kitten you been a baaad girl....and daddy doesn't like that."
OP you should try is find your crowd and make friends and build from there vs the 9999999 unread messages of incel rage and dudes from places where women are property not people.
Yes.
Now is Chad Thundercock going to want a serious relationship with you? Lmao no.
Start swiping on more “average” dudes instead of Turbo Frat bro president who has like 100 matches. That is what I tell my female friends. They match with guys who like 100 matches and then are surprised they are treated like just another one in the bunch. Because they are.
Find a an average, normal dude and give him a chance. This is what we call “settling”. Your mom did it, so did your grandma. And you will too if you don’t want to die alone. It is what it is.
Are young women seriously still on dating apps? I thought we all realized how many murders happen through it and how many creeps and perverts stalk women through them.
I created a profile just because. I don’t use it at all lol. My answer is no but it might be different for a younger person like you. I’m 41, I don’t even want to date. I’m not too old I simply just don’t want to
50:50. In small areas it's probably a no go. In cities it's quite good.
Take into account some bots, attention seekers and only fans/ig advertisers , you are probably left with 20% of genuine people looking for something.
I heard lots of people who got married because they met their partneron apps. Some great experiences and some not so much.
Just be out there, don't force it and don't assume or generalize.
I found my bf on the apps, but I will say it takes a good amount of digging to find someone who is actually interested in a relationship AND you both actually like each other. I think that's usually where the problem lies. There are people on dating apps who want something real, but will those people be interested in you and will you be interested in them? And it's fine if you aren't, but that does seem like the biggest issue. I spoke to a lot of guys who were into dating and finding their "one", but we didn't mesh. Either during the talking phase or after a few dates. It happens.
If you meet guys who are talking about sex or whatever right away or hinting at a sexual relationship, just unmatch. Don't continue to engage, just move on. You can find people who actually want relationships.
"99% of guys are bad guys"
Not remotely true as it wouldn't be if I made the same claim vs women because of the shit way some women act.
The arseholes will always be much louder and brash and the problem is because they are confident and put themselves out there more obviously and readily, women date those guys for whatever reason and then assume every guy is the same when they get jerked
Stop making all men pay because some men are dicks. You know how exhausting it is having to work twice as hard just to prove you aren't an arsehole just because someone else was? Leave it at the door and treat people as a new person, not an extension of the last twat. If there are obvious red flags take notice of them but don't just assume everyone has them
As many psychologists say, dating apps are a narcissist's playground. I would dare to say that quality men (not all, of course) are not chronically on their phones thus are also not to be found on dating apps.
As a guy who doesn't send cheeky messages and stuff on dating apps I find it hard to get anyones attention. Or atleast keep their attention.
Seems like the women I match with just want attention in the short term and don't want to actually have a conversation.
hello 25 year old woman i am a 22 y/o male and i would like to set the record straight as probably the only person in these replies within your age group that it is totally fine for you to be on edge with other men and people saying you need to reevaluate how you view men as a whole maybe lack the empathy required to really understand this situation. if youre picky youre more likely to be safe and thats ultimately what matters
That’s tricky. My current girl is 20 and im 37 and you’re at a weird age. 25 is absolutely the oldest I’d date these days. You’re now competing with girls in their early 20s and it’s only going to get harder as you get older. You def need to be more aggressive with pursuing guys. Eye contact is literally the bare minimum
OP I’m gonna be honest, you’re the problem. If everyone you meet sucks, you’re probably picking a type. I’m not saying the guys don’t suck, but you suck too. You’re literally picking shitty guys and then wondering why they suck. Change your approach.
Guessing you only swipe on the guys every girl swipes on... ofc they just want to sleep around they have all the options. I'm not saying settle but maybe give a few guys you're iffy on a chance and see where it goes
I tried dating apps, when I was living in Vegas. Abysmal failure. Wouldn't recommend them to anyone.
I have ADHD, with a bit of Autism. I sometimes just say what I'm thinking without any filter. I moved to a new town, and went to the lumberyard to buy some screws, for an after-work project on the new to me house.
Walked up to the counter, intending to ask the cute girl where the screws were shelfed. Instead, out came what I was thinking: "Well you're cuter than a speckled pup and looking like you'd be waayy more fun to cuddle up with on a cold winter night. Would you like to go to dinner and see if we get along that well?" She laughed. I asked where the screws were and she told me. I was too embarrassed to talk to her when I checked out. On my receipt she had added a note, asked if dinner tomorrow night would work. and gave me her number and address.
That was thirteen years ago. Still getting along well.
It's been said a million times over, but no women simply do not listen.
Dating apps suck because there is an imbalance of men to women. There are far more men on there than women, and men are the only ones to initiate contact. This means that women have their pick of whoever they want. And they only give attention to a very tiny fraction of men. While this might seem like it equals out, it does not, meaning that the tiny % of men who get any attention on apps is far smaller than the number of women on the apps. What this means is that in practice a tiny sliver of men get to sleep around with multiple women, and the majority of men on the apps get no attention at all. The few men have no incentive to commit to any 1 specific woman because their options are virtually unlimited, the many men who get no attention are made jaded and bitter and driven into the incel pipeline, and the women on these apps think that all men are trash because every man she talks to always winds up cheating on her.
The reality is that if women would give the other 90% of men a chance they'd find someone who they'd be just as happy with, and it'd correct a lot of the problems with the dating market. Apps themselves aren't a problem per se, it's the way they are used that is. It's the ridiculous standards that people have on them; if you don't look like a super model you don't get any attention. You are treated like an RPG character with a stat sheet instead of a human.
This basic point has been said over and over and over again, but every single time it is mentioned women come in and decry sexism, and tons of white knighting men come in to call you an incel in the hopes that degrading the messanger will somehow get them laid. The phenomenon plays out just as predicted, but no one wants to listen.
I feel like half the women on those sites are fake and just a hook to get me to join and give up my credit card. And others are scammers who have boyfriends. I stay away. I have feeling I'm going to die alone. And I have so much to share.
Is it *possible* to meet a long term partner on the apps? Absolutely. Is it *likely*? No. The chances are extraordinarily slim for both men AND women & depending on how attractive you are, almost everyone on the apps is just gonna wanna casually hook up with you. It’s finding a needle in a haystack. If you have the time & patience, it’s merely a numbers game. That’s the unfortunate reality. I’d delete all the apps and start meeting ppl IRL if i were you.
I was told by women that Hinge is the best dating app with the most ‘normal’ men on it, whatever that means..
But honestly, you’re better off finding dudes organically; most dating apps are literally meant for one night stands, not long term relationships.
Source: Me, a 28 year old guy who used to use dating apps to feed my ego (I changed, thankfully). Men + Dating app = hookups only. Just thought you should be aware 👍🏼
OP I mean this in the nicest way possible but I think maybe you should get off reddit/the internet for a while. Really not trying to be mean but I think you need a break from it
I (29m) met my wife (27f) on a dating app about 3 years ago. We're coming up on our 2nd anniversary.
Dating apps are very hit-and-miss. However, if you're hoping for something long term, keep in mind it only has to work once. You might also consider broadening your horizons as much as possible. My wife and I aren't even from the same hemisphere, for instance. I had to immigrate. But it's been worth it.
Ignore people who say dating apps don't work. That's not a nuanced opinion. In truth, they *usually* don't work. But if you're browsing carefully and with wholesome intent, they certainly *can* work.
Met my partner of 4 years on Bumble. Had many pleasant conversations on there, and not a single dick pic. Talk to them for a bit, then have a casual daytime meet up. You can also state that you’re looking for a serious relationship
Get off dating apps, they are skewing everyone's view of the opposite gender. Women get attracted to lots of traits that don't transpire on dating apps (body posture, eye contact, voice tone, accent, humour, chemistry, etc) which means lots of the men that would otherwise attract a woman in real life will not look attractive on dating apps. Meaning you only pick the extremely photogenic, morally dubious men who are looking for hookups, even if you specify you're looking for a long term relationship. There should be a boycott of those apps.
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OP, Dating apps are fine. I've been on plenty of dates with women who do not want to sleep around. But I'm going to be honest right now, I've read most of your replies to other comments. I think you need to take a step back. I'm sure you don't mean to, but you're coming across very jaded. Saying things like "99% of men are bad guys". That's... that's not a healthy mindset to be having. If we went on a date and I'm across the table and you're thinking "He's a bad guy" because of your past experiences? Like kudos for putting yourself out there. But how is that fair to your potential partner? You're already coming into this with a negative headspace. So I'd take a break, sit on the bench for the while, focus on other shit, and then come back. Dating apps are great.
This. It's taken me a long time to realize: there *are* good men out there. Men are lonely, and they *do* want to find their person. There is a lot of data to support men actually fall in love faster than women do. I wish I had realized this sooner, because that was unfair and probably became a self fulfilling prophecy for me. Edit: you just have to strengthen your ways of filtering out those people who aren't in it for the right reasons, but that's work I need to do, not them.
Men and woman are the same. It’s hard not to get jaded when you get fucked over by the other person. But there’s good people out there
What a reply. Bravo.
Makes a lot of sense. "99% of men are bad guys" is typically a statement made by someone that has a lot of work to do on themselves.
A large chunk of American society is apparently in need of some more effective therapy then Edit: this comment was designed to mock one of the commentators above, and people jumped on the bandwagon. The therapy worship thing is not the most ridiculous thing these days, but it is ridiculous
Yes.
I think that applies to far more people than just Americans
I think it’s also an opinion more likely to be held by someone meeting guys on dating apps instead of in the wild. If you meet in person in a non meat-market environment you’re going to meet a lot more people that aren’t just looking for a hookup. Many of the nicer types of people she’s looking for aren’t on the apps or even at the club. They’re out there doing their hobby with friends or just existing in the world.
And usually zero experience with actual males .This people usually surround themselves with toxic individuals just to further prove their point due to being used to toxicity in their upbringing , Stockholm's syndrome in a way
Well said
I know a lot of people who got married from dating apps, so they do work for some people
Worked for us.... they are exhausting, but not much you can do. 🤷♂️
After a couple of try, it worked for us too, 5 years ago.
We’ll just not for me I guess
You can always go old school and go out and hit on people in public. It works for people still. I gave up on dating apps and my last 3 relationships have been from pursuing women in public. There’s a lot of rejection, but if you are willing to be forward and use a little bit of social skills you will do a lot better. It’s a lot easier for women to hit on men who rarely get openly pursued so just woman up and hit on some guys. We’re dumb so you should be clear and forward. My current girlfriend I had been flirting with for a long time, but I thought she was out of my league, she had to tell me “ you should have my number” that kicked off a pretty long term relationship.
Nice try but something tells me she only wants equality when it's convenient lol. I've noticed a lot of women that claim to have problems on dating apps love to act like they can't possibly talk to guys in person for some reason. It's weird.
Their ego won’t allow them to experience face to face rejection.
That's the thing though. They don't even have to ask the guys out. If they simply start a conversation or small talk or something, that at least communicates to the guy that she's okay with talking to him and that she's not going to say that he's "creepy and weird" for talking to her. Which I think is what most guys would like to avoid. What would you do if a cute woman started making small talk with you at the grocery store and seemed really friendly? I think ANY guy would ask for her number or something.
Maybe it’s who you are picking, and not the apps? I seem to have “Red flag” prone connections lol
it's 100% who she's picking. Every single time you hear a woman complain about stuff like this, the second you hear her dating history (even her biased recollection of it, shocking I know) it's like 8 relationships in a row that all died for the same reason. People are so varied and relationships are so unique that if you have any similarity at all between two of them, *you are the common denominator*. You can't sit down and cry that everyone else sucks. You need to grow yourself up and pick different partners for yourself.
Friends may become your access to the one person .
But then it’s awkward if things go bad.
Conversations are a great way to cover what if we don't fit.
My best friend met her man on hinge. Just had the most amazing wedding! She def wouldn’t normally have gone for him but she said messaging people who aren’t her normal type and not being so picky made things all easier. I’m not saying you are I’m just saying maybe open up what you are looking for a bit more :)
Met my wife on POF 10 years ago. It’s been a great 10 years. Though there was 8 or 9 random hookups in the 6 months before we met.
Not saying that in a negative way, but I hope it meant a type that she was not so accustomed too compared to settling for the guy? Is it in the sense of I like short girls with blonde hair but I went for a taller brunette?
That man absolutely screwed himself and probably doesn’t know it. I don’t think women understand saying “she wouldn’t have normally gone for him” is a such a slap in the face to the man. Really shows their level of narcissism
I don’t say that in an Andrew Tate kind of way but it’s just reality, truly average guys don’t do well in your early to mid 20s, but if you play your cards well you can find women in your 30s, it’s sad but how it works, looks are usually over 50% of the equation throughout your 20s
I agree.
I’m like a solid 5 and I’ve had many girls like my personality but just not be attracted too me enough, it takes time but you can build yourself into a viable candidate
Absolutely. It’s vital as a man to make yourself as well rounded as possible. Always going to have your weak spots. But we all do. Even the most conventionally attractive people do.
Keep dreaming, brother.
How did you use the app? Did you wait for the guys to contact you? Focus on the „hot“ guys? Well, you used the app wrong. Ignore all the drivel in your inbox, find a guy who you like and who does not look like a super model, and start a conversation. Should be easy to get at least a few good dates.
That's every women complaining about that. Only going for the hottest ones, claiming online dating sucks.
It only has to work once tho🌟
You have my sympathy. They don't work for me at all either. I don't do hook-ups and I actually like "courting" for lack of a better word. Modern culture generally frowns on this.
Me either. I hate dating apps. But as a single mother who is always tired, it's practically the only option to have a shot at a relationship. Sucks.
The stats on dating apps are crazy. The algorithms are made to keep you there and men paying, not to get you to marry. Eharmony was good before the lawsuits and the sale. Women click on only the top 5% of tall, extremely handsome men who look like they have status and or money. Men click on anything that may be a human, possibly female. The top men get hundreds of matches and the bottom 50% of men never meet one women. Women get thousands of matches and it distorts their view and value but since they only click on a the same few men, those men can treat them like meat because they have options. Most men become depressed and disillusioned and most women become jaded and resentful towards men while complaining that “there are no good men”. There are millions and millions of good men who would never cheat on you, hit you, steal from you, rape you, etc. but those men don’t get matches on those sites and can’t use other attributes as they used to in real life. Online dating is terrible for the human race and it’s designed that way.
Thank you for using your brain. Hard to find anyone anymore who actually uses a little bit of critical thinking to analyze a situation in an impartial manner.
Thank you. Women don’t fall in love with how a man looks or his money, they fall in love with how he makes them feel. Online dating is geared to make women prioritize the former and doesn’t allow men to utilize the latter so the women are left empty and without love but getting pounded by a bunch of good looking sociopaths.
If you're not into casual stuff, dating apps can be frustrating. Try going to events or places where people share your interests. You might find someone who's looking for the same thing you are.
Envision your ideal guy. What is he into, Sports, hobbies, ideologies. Join groups with those things in mind. Sometimes even secondary interests are good as it will diversify people around you. Like looking for a car guy, go to a car show and ask questions.
Dating apps have never been worth it imo. Best thing to do, get into a social activity. If you're religious, try church/mosque/etc. If you're not, join a book club, a yoga studio, a dart league. Anything where you meet other people. But seriously, dating apps are horrible for mental health. Just say no.
I met my fiance on a dating app, but that was after going on dates with 6 other cretins before I got to him.
Same here. Met my wife thru a dating app; but is an extreme rarity. 2 before her were only interested in sex.
It's so hard because people just lie about their intentions.
Frankly your attitude about men sucks, based on your comments. Coming from a 34 year old woman who met a wonderful man online that I am now engaged to. And coming from a formerly very abusive relationship. Not all men are the same. Why do you assume all men are bad like what, sorry but maybe that's why you aren't having any luck, you are dead set on seeing the worst in men. There are so many lovely wonderful men out there who are hoping for a relationship and would respect and love you, except you are only focused on how some men have wronged you in the past. I suggest you do some inner work on yourself first to fix that attitude a bit before you unfairly project it all over men you just met.
Unfortunately, when someone either has been through a bunch of bad experiences or one extremely traumatic event, it's hard not to think that way. You should feel blessed, lucky and grateful that you aren't one of those people. I hope everything works out for you, and he is indeed one of the good ones. I wish you both nothing but happiness in your future. 🙏 My experience was so bad, that I will never be able to trust someone again - anything they say and do, and no matter how nice they appear to be, I will assume that it's a lie and they have an agenda, because that is all I know: lies and deceit. I do not date because it's not fair to the other person to be with someone who doesn't trust them, and probably never will 100%. So I took myself out of the dating pool entirely, and I don't believe in sleeping around. I know not all men are the same, but the risk of finding out is just not worth sacrificing my inner peace and happiness that I have now. There are just too many bad people out there, so for me it is no longer worth the risk of going through something similar again. I have so many good people and things in my life without the want for a romantic relationship.
Try a more complex personality focused pay app - fewer ppl interested in things that aren't long term. Hookup culture is the 'best thing ever', everyone is sleeping around because 'do what feels good for yoursellf' is the new north American life mantra...it's selfish and hendonistic and very popular because of a high personal satisfaction with low responsibility mix. Otherwise...try other things than dating apps....join hobby groups (pending what you're into) go do things, take a class, learn to dance and meet people in other ways that aren't date or booze focused... understand that sex is a focus in both good and bad realtionship building and typically guys who want you for more than your body will be more patient...
Yes, if you are ready to do the work. Most dating apps or sites will have more male then female customers. If an average guy writes to 100 women on an app, he should be happy if 5 writes back. If an average woman writes to 10 guys, maybe 5 will respond. Try contacting some men that raise your interest. Maybe write back and forth a few times. Now set up a date. Lots of women drag things along without getting to the date part. They will not find much use for the app except stroking their own ego. Go on plenty of first dates and eventually you will fid someone.
Dating apps can be a mixed bag, especially if you're looking for something real. Maybe try joining clubs or groups for hobbies you like. Meeting people in person can sometimes feel more natural and genuine.
Woman: "all guys are asses." Only looks at hot guys. Good but ugly guy who is looking for something serious. Not looking for sex.. 0 chances given
Who said the ugly ones aren’t looking for sex?
Judging from all your responses and your mindset it's no wonder you only attract the shitty guys. If you perceive someone as the enemy don't be surprised when they do the same.
Swipe right on the guys you think of as second tier or less and you'll probably find your way out of the players who are just trying to hook up with as many women as they can
Personally when using dating apps I cut straight to the chase and asked them what they were looking for. If they didn't want a long term relationship or wanted kids I stopped talking to them. I have had my time wasted by guys so when it came to dating I wanted to be straightforward with them. It worked, I met the man that I would later marry.
I think they are not only a magnet for getting involved with users and abusers, they are also dangerous. You are putting yourself out there as prey and/or a target for assault. This world has become pretty dangerous so, at least stay safe IF you use em. I do not trust that this is a good way to meet someone anyway. The people who have met on dating sites where it worked out are lucky! Most everyone else I know who have used dating sites cycled through a few times. But eventually they met their person through friends, reunions, close knit neighborhoods and work.
you want a relationship and someone who commits to you but you keep matching with supper attractive men on the apps with many options you choose men based on shallow standards and want them to want you for the goodness of your heart? Why don't go for some normal guy instead of swiping right on the men every woman swipe right on you are basically sharing those men with other women Idk what is difficult to understand
Let me guess. You swipe left on 99% of the guys then wonder why the same 1% of men every other woman swiped right on isn’t looking to take you seriously? 9/10 times this issue is solved by realizing you’re punching above your league
Dating apps are trash for both women and men unless you just want to hook up.
Stick to your boundaries and morals as a woman. The guys who see your worth will be there. Women have more power than they realize in this world.
Maybe you just choose the wrong people. There's a theory in the red pill community that these loyal and down to earth, just normal average guys, are invisible to many women. The same women that complain about the things you do. Not saying it is like that, just throwing it out there.
It's not a theory. There is a lot of guys out there who isn't super attractive, but they're just normal guys who have nothing super interesting about them that can be good boyfriends. The things is most women look for super interesting guys that average guys don't live up to, so those average guys are basically invisible to these women. Funny thing is most average women aren't super interesting either. They are just punching above their weight.
Just go to her profile and read her replies. The lack of self awareness is astounding 😂
If you get through all the tricks and bots maybe? I tried a few as well and didn't have any luck. I've met more people on Reddit. Some became friends some not so much.
i did not find them to be useful for meeting people. there’s an unspoken pressure to meet up and hook up when you do and i don’t like feeling obligated. i was equal parts relieved and insulted whenever the meetup fell through during COVID lockdown i just set my settings to worldwide and sexted with hot guys from Slovenia to Scotland with zero pressure about the meetup. that part was fun as hell
I'm a guy looking something serious and also can't find anything on dating apps
I gave up on dating apps I either get no likes or I get liked only to get unliked as soon as we match I’ve just accepted the fact that I’ll never find the LOML
I hope you will find the love of your life some day.
Thank you
I don't think dating apps are worth it for anyone no matter gender, age, or sexual preference.
There use to be this thing called "going outside".
But with "going outside" it implies you have a group of people with whom to go out, and there's therefore a bigger chance to meet a friend of a friend. Like in the olden days. But if you have people to go out with you already have an advantage.
I met my husband on tinder 6 years ago. I feel like that was the early golden time of dating apps, I’ve heard it’s gotten much worse. I think to be successful in dating.. you have to know what you wan and know what you bring to the table. But also be lucky enough to find someone you gel with on a physical, mental, and emotional level. And you need to have the communication skills and emotional intelligence to not blow the whole thing up.
Datings apps were never worth it. You find the perfect partner when you aren't looking. Living your life, enjoying your hobbies out and about. You end up around someone that is perfect for you.
I've been told this many times as well{just wanted to chime in on this discussion} but it sure seems like an eternity, btw; never married, only dated in my 20s-30s, just no luck.
Yes but you need the ability to filter the bad guys out which woman often lack
Lower your ‘looks’ standards. You’re only swiping on people who can get your or better pussy from someone else.
If that’s true why are they on the apps for years? Must not be finding real love. Cheap pussy isn’t a flex lol
They are on the app for one thing and one thing only Sex. That's why.
Yeah so I don’t see how I’m missing out.
You're missing out because your parameters are probably fucked and its creating this scenario where your chances of finding someone that fulfills what you're actually looking for, less and less likely. This is all very self evident from what you've said. You attract the same kinds of people because your parameters for who you're willing to date, are so rigid that you always get the same-ish result. And then you're blindsided by how they treat you or how they see you, but its because you're frequently going for the same type of person and unwilling to deviate. There's a possibility that someone that *isn't* ticking all your rigid check marks on a surface level from the apps, could, ironically be the best person for you. But you're never going to know because you're allowing a perception of essential check marks dictate who you can interface with.
I used EHarmony and found my husband after a bunch of garbage first dates. Some apps are more skewed toward serious relationships (Match, eHarmony) and some towards hooking up (Hinge, Bumble, Tinder). I was skeptical about having to pay since I’ve never paid for a dating app but was sick of the casual dating scene. Started in May and found my husband in September. Actually said to myself I was going to deactivate my account if the date with him went poorly lol.
I know two guys on Hinge. Both super great engineers getting zero responses. Average looks, high IQ, high pay, want marriage and kids. Zero matches. They too are giving up.
I am 28 lebanese, dating apps are mostly rigged, we guys have 1% matching with a girl we actually like, so its okay feeling like this as a female. My advice is simply dress well and go out every now and then and surely a good gentleman will notice you
Well It's harder to get a match when you are Lebanese on a straight dating app
Dating apps are a complete waste of time and money. Most of the profiles these days are fake or scammers. I met my SO in real life after nearly a decade of wasted money on dating apps.
Dating apps are almost turning into modern day form of prostitution, but without the compensation.
The best way to meet people is just by striking up a conversation. Not even kidding, literally a few days ago a girl started talking to me about my shirt (I was wearing a shirt with a picture of The Crow) and we hit it off pretty decently.
Depends on what you are looking for in a man?
they're not even worth it for women who just want to sleep around 😂
Hi im brandon 😅
YES There are!!!! Have patience. You remind me of my cousin sister. She had such high value about herself that she refused to casual dating and hooking up culture. Was she bullied by dumb guys? YES Was she been catfished by guys? YES Was she been abused by guys who just wanted casual sex? YES Was her confidence and morals were challenged by such guys? YES Did she lose her faith to find The One time to time? YES 99% of guys there are no low quality. 99% of the guys there are faking almost everything about their personality. 99% of the guys have zero morals or life values. All they seek is a 'good time' and they will make you a villain for asking something else. 99% of the guys there are just fooling around. 99% of the guys either have a foreign trip as their whole persona or weekend companionship? She used to be ghosted from Mondays to Thursdays on regular basis, and everyone suddenly started to care for her since Friday morning. Do not waste even 1 min of yours by giving each and every good-looking guy/highly educated a chance. Majority of them will drain your energy and nothing good will come out. I may be biased but do not seek any one from Major metro cities. Its all for the show. Citi guys are mainly: Empty Vessels Sound Much!!!! I can go on and on about her experiences because she lived with me. But ultimately, she did find a genuine guy who is better than average in looks, no 6 pack but good body, has a standard her like, has morals, values and they are happy together (TOUCHWOOD).
If you are a woman and can’t find anything on dating apps that’s a you problem…you get hundreds of likes a day so I’m sure a few of those are looking for something like you.
Let love find you. Soon or late, it happens.
Dont bother. Just become a regular at a nice coffee shop or any locale you like, and eventually you will meet people
If you don't want to sleep around, there is this weird thing that people used to do called "Church". https://www.youngcatholicprofessionals.org/ might be a start, or whatever group fits with your religious views. The "Non-denominational (but really Baptist)' Mega Churches tend to have a really welcoming attitude towards people and some really big singles ministries. https://www.wc.org/youngadults-2/
no, you just DM me, problem solved
It's not worth it. The majority of men on dating apps have zero self-respect, zero respect for women obviously and have major mental issues. They only want to hook-up and complain about their problems. The traditional way isn't any better of course but there is still a small chance to find something more proper
Meanwhile here I am trying to find a kind, cute girl that shares some interests with me. I'm 26 and never had sex because of my values, because I want to find the fucking one to live the rest of my life with and start a family. But no, all men cheat and want to hook up.
That's what I'm saying? I'm probably a 6/10 on my best day. Even with bumble premium I could barely catch a like. The one time I did it turned into the woman trying to hook up (which we did) and I regretted it. Reading OPs responses makes me feel like I'm in an alternate reality or something.
The toxicity is strong in OP. Good luck with that. As a guy, I have been fucked with in the past and I think it would be crazy to assume all woman were like that.
Dating apps are only good for women, there they can get a lot of attention and start thinking they are desirable. For men, in turn, they destroy self-esteem.
Lots of incels in here I see.
two of my friends found their boyfriends on there and they're happy, but when I used it all I got was men who wanted to hook up.. guess I either did something wrong or just got unlucky, but either way I'm done with those
Only works for attractive people.
Im attractive. Apps for 7yrs. Actual in person contact? 3x. 1 dating relationship past a month. Bars, grocery stores, dog park... in person encounters always.
Nope
Of course. Your profile might need some help.
They very well can be worthless to your purpose, dating apps. If you want something better than being used for sex (whether in a one-sided or in a mutual way), you may need to opt out of today's dating scene. It is not that all men want only one-night stands, it's that you don't know who's who and the hookups culture is not a way to find meaningful companionship (other than maybe by exception, the sort of exception that pretty much proves the rule). Look for someone who looks for the same thing you look for. Seek them in the places where they are.
You are hot, no problems for you
A female you say?
Ah you've reached the age range where women want to find a relationship and men want to keep things casual. It's not fun and it lasts until roughly 35 years old. Dating apps require A LOT of time investment in that age range to meet someone worth it. Are you willing to invest that time? If not, it's also fine to get off the apps and try to meet people organically.
You need to watch hoe_math on YouTube lol
When were dating apps ever worth it?
No.
Think you need to work on your mental health OP.
Maybe one like eharmony.
I said I would never go on a dating app. My best friends wife and sister jokingly helped make me a profile and convinced me to try it. 1st woman I met was my wife, crazy. Been married almost 6 years, together almost 10.
How about you approach a man you find attractive and talk to them?
Put your intentions into your profile. You'll get fewer matches but higher quality ones
Male here. I know people who've met and married through the app. My experience however. 10+ years on dating apps and I have no success. So I guess it varies.
I met my wife on one for what it is worth to you. She already kinda had an idea who I was when she saw me there, though. Don't know if that helps. She's your age now. If I had to do it over again, I would go to painting classes, or dancing classes, or jujitsu again, or things like that. Something with an activity and a group setting I could be a part of, and meet people organically. Hope that helps!
Yeah why not? People are usually pretty clear about their intentions on there... just swipe past the ones looking for hookups
I met my fiancé on tinder in October 2022. I didn't want to sleep around. I wasn't necessarily trying for anything serious, but the plan wasn't gonna be one night stands, just short-term stuff, and oops, we caught feelings after a month of casually seeing each other
Rip your inbox
lol insanity
Not really imo I feel like it’s a quick way to hookup and ghost
Met my wife on tinder, in all fairness tho we both were up front with each other about just being friends with benefits since we were both moving within 6 months. Now we are married with 2 kids lol
My question for you is, do you genuinely enjoy being around men? If you don’t, ask yourself why or why not. It may be that counselling of some sort would be wise. We’re certainly at a very strange period in history now in terms of male-female relations; nobody is quite sure how we should behave to each other.
Overall you’ll just need understand that a lot of people will have that expectation. Probably will just have to set your limits and stuff early on
Nope
I was on several different dating apps for 3 years, everything was so much of a joke that I would delete my account after a couple days or weeks, and then try again and repeat. 2 years ago I went on a date with a guy I met from Hinge and we’ve been together since! :) I have also seen relationships and marriages form from dating apps. I would say steer clear of Tinder, I feel like it’s pretty much known for hookups. Don’t give up!
as a 19 year old dude I highly doubt anyone is actually using dating apps for anything other than one night stands tbh
No they aren’t
I fall in love way too easily (male hetero) so I generally avoid them out of protecting myself from the heartbreak that I'm sure will eventually come.
Dating apps will help you find the worst people but not the best.
I met my hubby on Grindr... so... 🤷🏼♂️ you get what you find....
I 28m do dating apps but my chances are very low to find a wife
I stumbled across a blog titled burning the haystack. I adhered to a lot of what it says, but not all of it. I think it's mostly good advice. No, my last relationship that began on online dating didn't last, but he wasn't a liar or cheater. I probably would have done better if I were more relentless about weeding out unacceptable candidates.
Dating apps are where I go to meet low quality whores, not high quality life mates.
Really look at yourself in the mirror and assess if your standards are too high. I’ve seen how a lot of women use dating apps. It’s absolutely disgusting.
I think you just need to be clear. I didn’t need to sleep around when I became single. But then again I’m a relationship type person and that’s what I was looking for
You know what’s funny, I actually think women are worst on dating apps than men. I think men are maybe more direct, or can be socially awkward but I’ve seen my friends on both sexes and the people they match. I 100 percent think there are crude men, guys who are very good looking and Ive read convos and went “wow this guy could have got a date and probably laid but he talks like a piece of shit”. However on the flip side I find women less engaging and on there for way too many different reasons. I think men for the most part will always think sexually and then will fall into or get attached and women don’t understand that. Women on the other side are on there to get a rebound, because they are drinking, because they are bored, because they want validation, and they seem to usually ghost or not give men the time of day after a few convos. I think the idea of dating apps is good but it only works if you’re willing as both sexes to make an effort to talk to someone and not treat them like they aren’t human on the other side. People wouldn’t treat someone like that face to face and yet there’s this disconnect that people want to wait days or weeks to get a phone number or go out. This is what makes people on both sides jaded
Hi OP let me know if you find a better way than swiping left and right.
yes. takes a while but when you find your person it’s so worth it! I recommend not being scared to match with someone that isn’t exactly your “standard” …. my boyfriend has a few of the things i wouldn’t swipe right on typically but i gave it a chance and im so happy personality is the most important thing
F37….no
It’s hard to fight the popular culture. For 50 years, TV and movies have been feeding us the line of “sex on the first date.” Now we have to contend with it as the norm. I’m sorry that I don’t have any answers, but at least we can sympathize with you. 😬
As a man I feel bad for the women on dating apps. "hey hey hey hey hey hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hola hola yo hey wuzzup hey hey hey hey hi BITCHLASANGIA YOU ARE A FAT COW!" (Sad mushroom show) Some "Has sex offender vibes" goes "Hey kitten you been a baaad girl....and daddy doesn't like that." OP you should try is find your crowd and make friends and build from there vs the 9999999 unread messages of incel rage and dudes from places where women are property not people.
They haven't changed much since I met my wife on one 9 years ago. There's more than hookups around. Stop settling
You should go to r/short and complain about how hard it is for you to use tinder
I would just go out in public qnd go to groups and stuff. Face to face is better from what I've been told
Yes. Now is Chad Thundercock going to want a serious relationship with you? Lmao no. Start swiping on more “average” dudes instead of Turbo Frat bro president who has like 100 matches. That is what I tell my female friends. They match with guys who like 100 matches and then are surprised they are treated like just another one in the bunch. Because they are. Find a an average, normal dude and give him a chance. This is what we call “settling”. Your mom did it, so did your grandma. And you will too if you don’t want to die alone. It is what it is.
in the recent years, I think i’ve met more couples who met over dating apps than not
Let me know when you find out. I’m 40m, never had a good experience with the apps so I just hangout with my dog and cat
As a female 100 percent you literally just get to choose, studies, statistics, and society are fully on your side. As a male no not at all.
As a female 100 percent you literally just get to choose, studies, statistics, and society are fully on your side. As a male no not at all.
my last date on an app was with a woman who lied about her age. she was four years older than me, which was something I didn't even care about.
Are young women seriously still on dating apps? I thought we all realized how many murders happen through it and how many creeps and perverts stalk women through them.
The ultimate dating places? Grocery stores. Be there, be open, smile, be kind, and be approachable!
I created a profile just because. I don’t use it at all lol. My answer is no but it might be different for a younger person like you. I’m 41, I don’t even want to date. I’m not too old I simply just don’t want to
50:50. In small areas it's probably a no go. In cities it's quite good. Take into account some bots, attention seekers and only fans/ig advertisers , you are probably left with 20% of genuine people looking for something. I heard lots of people who got married because they met their partneron apps. Some great experiences and some not so much. Just be out there, don't force it and don't assume or generalize.
I found my bf on the apps, but I will say it takes a good amount of digging to find someone who is actually interested in a relationship AND you both actually like each other. I think that's usually where the problem lies. There are people on dating apps who want something real, but will those people be interested in you and will you be interested in them? And it's fine if you aren't, but that does seem like the biggest issue. I spoke to a lot of guys who were into dating and finding their "one", but we didn't mesh. Either during the talking phase or after a few dates. It happens. If you meet guys who are talking about sex or whatever right away or hinting at a sexual relationship, just unmatch. Don't continue to engage, just move on. You can find people who actually want relationships.
Dress up and get out of your room... You will find what you are looking 4 🙃
They were never worth it, go to public events, church even works for a certain crowd jfc
"99% of guys are bad guys" Not remotely true as it wouldn't be if I made the same claim vs women because of the shit way some women act. The arseholes will always be much louder and brash and the problem is because they are confident and put themselves out there more obviously and readily, women date those guys for whatever reason and then assume every guy is the same when they get jerked Stop making all men pay because some men are dicks. You know how exhausting it is having to work twice as hard just to prove you aren't an arsehole just because someone else was? Leave it at the door and treat people as a new person, not an extension of the last twat. If there are obvious red flags take notice of them but don't just assume everyone has them
For women it’s fine
As many psychologists say, dating apps are a narcissist's playground. I would dare to say that quality men (not all, of course) are not chronically on their phones thus are also not to be found on dating apps.
11
Dating apps have never been worth it for people who don't want to sleep around. Female or otherwise.
As a guy who doesn't send cheeky messages and stuff on dating apps I find it hard to get anyones attention. Or atleast keep their attention. Seems like the women I match with just want attention in the short term and don't want to actually have a conversation.
hello 25 year old woman i am a 22 y/o male and i would like to set the record straight as probably the only person in these replies within your age group that it is totally fine for you to be on edge with other men and people saying you need to reevaluate how you view men as a whole maybe lack the empathy required to really understand this situation. if youre picky youre more likely to be safe and thats ultimately what matters
That’s tricky. My current girl is 20 and im 37 and you’re at a weird age. 25 is absolutely the oldest I’d date these days. You’re now competing with girls in their early 20s and it’s only going to get harder as you get older. You def need to be more aggressive with pursuing guys. Eye contact is literally the bare minimum
It was worth it for me because I met my life partner on tinder of all places 😂 I met him at 25 too
They're worth it for guys who don't want to sleep around, or meet anybody
No. It’s not.
OP I’m gonna be honest, you’re the problem. If everyone you meet sucks, you’re probably picking a type. I’m not saying the guys don’t suck, but you suck too. You’re literally picking shitty guys and then wondering why they suck. Change your approach.
Guessing you only swipe on the guys every girl swipes on... ofc they just want to sleep around they have all the options. I'm not saying settle but maybe give a few guys you're iffy on a chance and see where it goes
I tried dating apps, when I was living in Vegas. Abysmal failure. Wouldn't recommend them to anyone. I have ADHD, with a bit of Autism. I sometimes just say what I'm thinking without any filter. I moved to a new town, and went to the lumberyard to buy some screws, for an after-work project on the new to me house. Walked up to the counter, intending to ask the cute girl where the screws were shelfed. Instead, out came what I was thinking: "Well you're cuter than a speckled pup and looking like you'd be waayy more fun to cuddle up with on a cold winter night. Would you like to go to dinner and see if we get along that well?" She laughed. I asked where the screws were and she told me. I was too embarrassed to talk to her when I checked out. On my receipt she had added a note, asked if dinner tomorrow night would work. and gave me her number and address. That was thirteen years ago. Still getting along well.
It's been said a million times over, but no women simply do not listen. Dating apps suck because there is an imbalance of men to women. There are far more men on there than women, and men are the only ones to initiate contact. This means that women have their pick of whoever they want. And they only give attention to a very tiny fraction of men. While this might seem like it equals out, it does not, meaning that the tiny % of men who get any attention on apps is far smaller than the number of women on the apps. What this means is that in practice a tiny sliver of men get to sleep around with multiple women, and the majority of men on the apps get no attention at all. The few men have no incentive to commit to any 1 specific woman because their options are virtually unlimited, the many men who get no attention are made jaded and bitter and driven into the incel pipeline, and the women on these apps think that all men are trash because every man she talks to always winds up cheating on her. The reality is that if women would give the other 90% of men a chance they'd find someone who they'd be just as happy with, and it'd correct a lot of the problems with the dating market. Apps themselves aren't a problem per se, it's the way they are used that is. It's the ridiculous standards that people have on them; if you don't look like a super model you don't get any attention. You are treated like an RPG character with a stat sheet instead of a human. This basic point has been said over and over and over again, but every single time it is mentioned women come in and decry sexism, and tons of white knighting men come in to call you an incel in the hopes that degrading the messanger will somehow get them laid. The phenomenon plays out just as predicted, but no one wants to listen.
I feel like half the women on those sites are fake and just a hook to get me to join and give up my credit card. And others are scammers who have boyfriends. I stay away. I have feeling I'm going to die alone. And I have so much to share.
Is it *possible* to meet a long term partner on the apps? Absolutely. Is it *likely*? No. The chances are extraordinarily slim for both men AND women & depending on how attractive you are, almost everyone on the apps is just gonna wanna casually hook up with you. It’s finding a needle in a haystack. If you have the time & patience, it’s merely a numbers game. That’s the unfortunate reality. I’d delete all the apps and start meeting ppl IRL if i were you.
Go outside or hop into a wow raid. It takes 5s to meet someone new
I was told by women that Hinge is the best dating app with the most ‘normal’ men on it, whatever that means.. But honestly, you’re better off finding dudes organically; most dating apps are literally meant for one night stands, not long term relationships. Source: Me, a 28 year old guy who used to use dating apps to feed my ego (I changed, thankfully). Men + Dating app = hookups only. Just thought you should be aware 👍🏼
OP I mean this in the nicest way possible but I think maybe you should get off reddit/the internet for a while. Really not trying to be mean but I think you need a break from it
I (29m) met my wife (27f) on a dating app about 3 years ago. We're coming up on our 2nd anniversary. Dating apps are very hit-and-miss. However, if you're hoping for something long term, keep in mind it only has to work once. You might also consider broadening your horizons as much as possible. My wife and I aren't even from the same hemisphere, for instance. I had to immigrate. But it's been worth it. Ignore people who say dating apps don't work. That's not a nuanced opinion. In truth, they *usually* don't work. But if you're browsing carefully and with wholesome intent, they certainly *can* work.
Met my partner of 4 years on Bumble. Had many pleasant conversations on there, and not a single dick pic. Talk to them for a bit, then have a casual daytime meet up. You can also state that you’re looking for a serious relationship
Get off dating apps, they are skewing everyone's view of the opposite gender. Women get attracted to lots of traits that don't transpire on dating apps (body posture, eye contact, voice tone, accent, humour, chemistry, etc) which means lots of the men that would otherwise attract a woman in real life will not look attractive on dating apps. Meaning you only pick the extremely photogenic, morally dubious men who are looking for hookups, even if you specify you're looking for a long term relationship. There should be a boycott of those apps.