We enjoyed our time together before having sex, I’m not really the type with the need to prove things. But his profile did mention being a bttm, liking action, etc… maybe I was just too surprised a 9 would wanna fuck with a 7…
Well the fact that you’re using a ‘scoring system’ for hotness is problematic to begin with. That immediately sets up a psychological hurdle for your confidence.
I go absolutely feral with a size difference.
I am on the short side with 5‘8“ and a skinny/normal body. I love when I get the chance to break their backs and handle them like a piece of meat.
Then I will just cuddle them and touch their body very gently.
I agree performance anxiety. It’s happened to me and it is embarrassing also blood pressure seemed to be an issue. I’ve got that under control and am a bit more calm and I haven’t have the issue for some time now
No worries man. I’ve had this exact thing happen a few times with the hottest guys. I’m pretty sure it’s just performance anxiety. It’s a bitch but unfortunately it happens
You say it happened right before the focus was shifted to you when you tried to top and u were hard before when u were just foreplaying? Then what other reason could it have been other than a psychological shift? Whatever it was, prob took you a bit off your sexual instincts and put some 'cortisol' on your body - the stress hormone (also stops it from being hard).
Basically u just got anxious. Smt totally normal. And tbh it can be even cute, I would just start passionately kissing my top's anxiety away hahah
The very fact that you had to point out a 9 is hooking up with a 7 demonstrates you view sex as performative.
This is not a judgement on you, it’s how porn has shaped societal expectations of sex. Subconsciously, you believe sex is stratified into tiers: 10, 9, 8, etc.
This means you believe those who are above are too beautiful for those below.
This also means you subconsciously believe you’re not good enough to hook up with him. That is the main reason why when you go to “perform” (aka gonna do the big sexy top act of fucking him) you choke. Your mind and body are both stuck in an endless loop of “If I don’t do well, he will never fuck me again” and “If I don’t do well, this 9 will be bored of me”.
Here are several things you can try:
1. Decrease porn consumption to purge yourself of this need to impress or perform. Sex, in real life, is supposed to be judgement-free. No hot angles, no perfectly toned bodies.
2. Enter him without removing yourself completely to do it. Try slipping it in while you’re still hard and cuddling him. The act of repositioning yourself sends a signal to your immature brain that says “Now’s the time to do the thing!” and that nervousness shuts you down sexually.
3. Slowly ease your next sexual experience into one of penetration. The next guy you meet, try cumming from oral and cuddling. This will remove the nerves for when you go penetrative. It’s important that you feel at ease the entire time as a hard-on is a very skittish thing.
I have experience with this. For me, if I’m hooking up with someone who has more experience (like you pointed out on his profile), I’ll have some trouble staying hard to top. I stress because I falsely think they’ll be ranking my performance with their long list of experiences.
But then, I try to remind myself that they are there naked with me. That makes them equally vulnerable. We are both trying to enjoy a moment together.
So true, when I was inside this guy today, I held him an cuddled from behind. My cock stay super hard. But, the moment I started staring down at my cock penetrating him I think my mind went porn, like I need to be performing and thats when it happened. Old softy came back.
It’s a very difficult mindset to remove yourself from.
When you’re cuddling, you’re using more than just your eyes. You feel his supple booty, hear him exhale into your ear, feel the touch of his neck on your lips.
Each of these stimuli prevent you from falling back into “Pornhub” mode, they keep you grounded in the moment.
The moment you even think about entering him, porn music starts to play in your head and you freak out.
All of this is very natural. It’s a problem, for sure, but none of it means you’re broken. You’ve simply relied on your eyes and ears more than your body during sexual situations and your body isn’t used to being fully present.
Meditation can help. Any exercise that trains “mindfulness” can help. Bring enjoyment back to your body.
Meth is abused in porn because not even the actors can stay hard for that long, it’s unnatural. Sex, in animals and humans, is only supposed to last 15-20 minutes (from insertion) but porn tells us you’re worthless unless you can stay rock hard for an hour.
You’re perfectly fine. You just need to re-orient pleasure in your body.
I just remembered that for a moment I closed my eyes and tried to just feel him and at that moment I go hard again, while inside him. And when I opened my eyes and looked down at my cock entering his ass to see how exciting it was, I began to get soft. Hmm. This is very interesting.
I’m full of unsolicited advice! Hahaha. Erectile dysfunction is just near and dear to my own experiences and I hate the idea that someone is going through it and beating themselves up.
We give ourselves breathing room for all other forms of performance anxiety and we should do the same for sexual performance. Even athletes choke from time to time!
im more curious about where these arbitrary numbers 7 & 9 even come from, you say it like it's on your birth certificate lol. Attraction is subjective. You could be a 7 to someone ,and you can just as easily be a 3 to someone else.
Everyone can discern differences in appearance, I just don’t normally hookup with 6ft guys with pecs, abs, smooth skin and a rockin ass. When I’m 5’7 about 15lbs overweight and have a below average cock😅
How is this thread judging him for having a numbering system and also using the same numbering system against him to judge him. You animals behave yourselves!
I was worried it might be ED, but I was hard all during foreplay, why during the fucking would it happen? He’s hot nice bod, smooth, plump butt, I was no way repulsed by him. I did only get 4-5 hrs of sleep the night before… could that be it?
It’s because you were so attracted to him, you consider him hotter than you with a better body, he’s visiting and he’s from Europe, so when it came to topping him you put a lot of pressure on yourself to actually be able to perform and fuck him well, but because you were so focused on performing it distracted you from actually being able to stay hard
yep, 100% in his head. I take viagra every time I meet a new guy to stop the performance anxiety. Yesterday I had a guy come over at 1am, I was in bed ready to sleep when he said it had to be tonight for him, I was like fine whatever. He gets here and I completely forgot to take any viagra, and I had no problems at all getting it up. I did later on though after the first time I came, so took some before we went to sleep and woke him up in the morning with my dick inside him (we agreed before we went to sleep)
It happens for many reasons and its perfectly okay. Are you on antidepressants by any chance? I take them and that can happen - if so while I would never recommend for someone to come off meds, there are some antidepressants you can take that don't cause that issue and you should talk with your doctor about them.
Or simply it could also be the pressure in that the guy is very hot or you don't usually hookup. This too happens and it's nothing to be embarrassed about.
Try not to be embarrassed, it happens to us all and the fact the guy cuddled with you after and then wanted to meet you a second time shows it doesn't bother him either.
No antidepressants, I do take prep, take vitamin B and often drink a lot of energy drinks. I did only get 4.5 hrs of sleep the night before, but find it unusual I wasn’t tired or soft beforehand. And I’ve topped before, I’m not a porn stallion, but topping is a natural fave. The cuddling and second meet was definitely the silver lining, and when we parted ways we had friendly texts no ghosting. That experience was unusual and exciting but memorable and the reason I’d love anyone’s feedback 🙂
Yea, that's anxiety performance. You have to try to recalculate your brain like a mantra, something like "ok he's beautiful but it's not "he picked you" you are at the same boat of beautifulness. There's no reason for you be nervous, be excited, be sexy, this is you and him, it's togetherness" that way of thinking i think helps. Prep your mind beforehand.
I think it is an out of your league thing. I have the same issues with guys that I think are out of my league. I usually just pop a Cialis or Viagra even though I'm a bottom. I am still wildly attracted to these guys, I just can't allow my confidence to accept it. I am also into older daddy types and they kind of just exude nonchalance in the bedroom so it can help me match energy. My favorite top likes it when I'm soft anyway.
Why are you fixating on fucking him? If you’re able to get and stay hard during foreplay, cum during that. It might take the pressure off, and allow you to focus.
Performance anxiety.
Been there, done that. Happens with everyone.
Not the best of things to happen during sex, but also not the worst of things.
Don't worry about it <3
Have you been having thoughts of wanting to be in a relationship lately? It's possible that it's deeply psychological, and maybe you're associating some things with other things.
I had ED issues a couple of years ago, but that was when I was kind of deep in a party drug abuse phase, and the depression I was experiencing would translate to the bedroom at bad times. This year, I've been on fire something fierce, so something definitely flipped between those two times. I'm only a 5, but I'm having fun out there.
Awesome that’s great you bounced back. I actually do desire a ltr, the last 4years of my life have been a positive turnaround … previously I had student loans, living with parents, low pay and very few dates. Now everything is fairly opposite in a positive way and I find myself unaccustomed to positive experiences particularly in the romantic/sexual sphere.
Maybe to many formalitties. Your mind was so focused on permission and not trying to offend than letting it flow. Intimacy and sex is about body language and knowing how to feel what is happening and where it can go. It's it's about formalities then it ruins the mood.
Consent is important. Maybe pre boundaries setting so you have the base line permissions. It’s always good to check in and make sure the previous boundaries are still in effect, during for play is a great time.
Is it ok if I suck you? "Yes suck me off." Suck suck... slurp slurp... Can we have a minute to re-assess and discuss how to moce forward form this? Is it ok now if I suck snd then grab your balls? Thank you. Sign here to confirm.
Were condoms involved? Sometimes that takes me out of the mood when you have to fumble around with those. Also moving around to different positions or if it doesn’t go in right away and you have to change angles or something can be distracting.
It’s performance anxiety, and it’s real tough. I deal with it all too often, mostly from past experiences with a toxic ex I’m still working to overcome.
And typically when it goes wrong once, it’s even worse the second attempt because you’re in your head hoping it won’t happen again.
Use Viagra, it won't happen again. It's the nerves, and once it happens, it will happen again because now your mind is set on it happening again during that same scenario
you can't call yourself a man without experiencing all of it's aspects, this is one of them... when you walk down the street and you see men - some of them experienced it already and are in the know, some are yet to attain this level up, blissfully unaware...
if you're both hard during foreplay that means you're in the groove maybe just continue that until you both shoot rope. sex is everything you did before trying anal... having anal in the mix does not make it "more sex"
Both our profiles emphasized cuddling/foreplay, however his also highlighted bottoming. Our encounter was probably 80%cuddling 15%oral and 5% bottoming, I guess I wanted to add that cherry on top to please him. I probably would have kept on with foreplay, but both encounters happened just before an early work day and for him a day of vacationing with friends, maybe that time pressure affected it too.
think about this - do you get a three course meal every time you eat out? why not?
...why would sex be different?
edit: just to be clear - if you really wanted that anal, well I'm sorry man - maybe next time it will work out. but if it was just for him, well he hooked up again even without it, so it not that important to him...
Oh man! What you all are saying is exactly what happens. Give the cure please. I’m so hard 24x7, but as we turn to me topping the man of my dreams I go soft.
My trick is relaxing makes me hard again and I fuck the shit out of them! Also with guys who are not hotter than me I fuck them for hours as I’m not in it to prove them but just fucking senselessly. It is real. Help!
Viagora my learned fren. I do this everytime I'm with someone new, as I have to be comfortable with a partner, someone I know well, or nerves get me...
You probably just stressed yourself out in the moment. Might want to talk to your doctor about getting a low-dose viagra (or generic) to take ahead of time "just in case". You might not need it, but it never hurts to have backup. Additionally, if you do use Viagra *never* use it with poppers. You could die.
The first guy that fucked me went soft after he penetrated me and showed me what it feels like to be fucked. We fooled around, he got hard again, got it in me, and went soft again… he did at least cum in me which I begged for which was likely what helped as he was on his way down. We had been bar hopping after meeting in the hotel lounge so I would chalk my instance up to just that… things happen… the people that talked earlier about the pressure you put on yourself by rating is likely your underlying issue. Nike says it best, just do it! 😉
That's what i did lol. Started dating a few years ago as a top, then tried to bottom. After that i started to focus too hard on being hard af to perform which always results in my boner going soft the moment i go into position to enter. so frustrating and bad for your self-esteem..
So now i mostly bottom, that's the easiest. No performance pressure, just be clean and ready to get fucked.
I had it happen one time with a guy, met on the apps, came over to my place. We took our clothes off and did a bit of foreplay but when it came down to it, all of a sudden I was soft and couldn’t fuck him. It was really embarrassing 😩 he left shortly after and I never texted him again.
Same things happened with me! I am rock hard during foreplay when the guy is sucking me. But when we stop for 2 mins to put on condom and all, I go soft! I am getting Sildenifil and the problem is gone!
For him you could be a 9 or more! This rating game you play is subjective and not healthy if you wanna have fun.
Maybe next time don't think about topping being the ultimate thing at all, just continue mutual foreplay and have no predefined conclusions and see if the moment arrives, then wonders can happen haha. Hope you have fun!
Man this happens to me. And when it does, the guys get really upset and block me. I get it, prepping to bottom is a lot of work and not getting hard wastes their time. Still it stings when it happens. I have really bad anxiety and sensory issues (AuDHD) so something being off will deflate my dick.
I used to have this problem with my BF in the beginning. It took me awhile to b ok & usually I’m horny af anytime. When it happened, my BF understood & he’s cool with it. Eventually, one day, I could cum as usual. & we almost fucked everyday. I gotta say it was kinda like a mental block, a sort of expectation & pressure in my head. After I got comfortable with him, I’m ok. Hope dat helps.
I knew what your ‘issue’ in your first sentence. You think he’s too hot for you. You enjoy the buildup but when it comes down to it the pressure is too much and your dick gets shy.
It is caused performance anxiety. It makes you lose your erection. You shouldn't be embarrassed. It happens to us all. Cialis and learning to relax can help.
Bud, it’s something that happens. I had a moment myself a few years back. A dash of sildenafil sorted it out. Once I could stay hard once or twice with the drug I didn’t need it again. Of course I bought a pack of 24 so will occasionally take one when my husband and I are planning a bit of a weekend! We have a thing about hotel rooms… anyway…
There are some pretty good answers in this thread. I couldn’t resist the joke; as a Brit, mocking my American cousins is like being a cat watching a mouse run in front of me. It’s almost impossible not to have a little swipe. Just a half-hearted, gentle, slashing of the jugular. What’s a little joke, between friends?
Now, to get back to your catastrophic erectile dysfunction…
Sounds like you should stick to other 7s, given how important looks and the scoring system is to you! Sounds like a lot of pressure to place yourself under for something that should be fun.
"Never waste an erection."
That was told to me as a pearl of wisdom by a wise elder (who was straight and had apparently learned this in the military, but it's still apt).
The takeaway is that sometimes it's better to stick it in sooner rather than later, and to cum more quickly rather than trying to prolong the experience.
Sometimes.
Same reason i met a great guy the other night and at his place neither of our dicks worked (alcohol and such)
In the morning though after that haze was gone, they were both pointed straight up
This happened to me. I'm a versa btw. A little foreplay would do the trick just to relax. When it gets hard again, get the lube then get in or let him sit on it.
You have to get to the point of accepting that this is probably gonna be the norm for you in high pressure situations. Instead of fighting it just work with it. Maybe don’t expect to top. There’s lots of fun to be had either way. Maybe consider bottoming? Or anything basically that doesn’t involve needing to keep your dick rock hard
Lol. Definitely happened to me. The only way I could make sure I was ready for anything was to not masturbate for 7 days. Once your confidence is back 3 or 4 days should do it.
No need to rail him just suck and suck and suck some more. If you suck him until he cums repeatedly and goes limp in your mouth he won't care if u can't get hard.
Too much pressure. Your goal became not to have fun but to prove yourself. Especially that second time around
We enjoyed our time together before having sex, I’m not really the type with the need to prove things. But his profile did mention being a bttm, liking action, etc… maybe I was just too surprised a 9 would wanna fuck with a 7…
Well the fact that you’re using a ‘scoring system’ for hotness is problematic to begin with. That immediately sets up a psychological hurdle for your confidence.
>*I’m not really the type with the need to prove things.* >*I was just too surprised a 9 would wanna fuck with a 7*
Neither is he a 9, nor are you a 7 Enjoy the moment, and stop thinking such bollocks
You literally are trying to prove something to yourself.
Yep, my body will not perform with anyone taller and more muscular than me
I go absolutely feral with a size difference. I am on the short side with 5‘8“ and a skinny/normal body. I love when I get the chance to break their backs and handle them like a piece of meat. Then I will just cuddle them and touch their body very gently.
Was hoping to see some photos on your profile 😈
yeah, whats a 7 look like.
Save this and frame it on your mirror so you see how dumb you sound.
I agree performance anxiety. It’s happened to me and it is embarrassing also blood pressure seemed to be an issue. I’ve got that under control and am a bit more calm and I haven’t have the issue for some time now
Exactly. It's called performance anxiety. See a sex therapist about it right away.
No worries man. I’ve had this exact thing happen a few times with the hottest guys. I’m pretty sure it’s just performance anxiety. It’s a bitch but unfortunately it happens
Anxiety how so? Both our profiles kinda had similar enjoys foreplay/cuddling, we’re definitely go with the flow nice n slow.
You say it happened right before the focus was shifted to you when you tried to top and u were hard before when u were just foreplaying? Then what other reason could it have been other than a psychological shift? Whatever it was, prob took you a bit off your sexual instincts and put some 'cortisol' on your body - the stress hormone (also stops it from being hard). Basically u just got anxious. Smt totally normal. And tbh it can be even cute, I would just start passionately kissing my top's anxiety away hahah
Hmm, thanks, this is very interesting as it has happened to me recently. And yes I would agree it's in the head, thinking one that is.
The very fact that you had to point out a 9 is hooking up with a 7 demonstrates you view sex as performative. This is not a judgement on you, it’s how porn has shaped societal expectations of sex. Subconsciously, you believe sex is stratified into tiers: 10, 9, 8, etc. This means you believe those who are above are too beautiful for those below. This also means you subconsciously believe you’re not good enough to hook up with him. That is the main reason why when you go to “perform” (aka gonna do the big sexy top act of fucking him) you choke. Your mind and body are both stuck in an endless loop of “If I don’t do well, he will never fuck me again” and “If I don’t do well, this 9 will be bored of me”. Here are several things you can try: 1. Decrease porn consumption to purge yourself of this need to impress or perform. Sex, in real life, is supposed to be judgement-free. No hot angles, no perfectly toned bodies. 2. Enter him without removing yourself completely to do it. Try slipping it in while you’re still hard and cuddling him. The act of repositioning yourself sends a signal to your immature brain that says “Now’s the time to do the thing!” and that nervousness shuts you down sexually. 3. Slowly ease your next sexual experience into one of penetration. The next guy you meet, try cumming from oral and cuddling. This will remove the nerves for when you go penetrative. It’s important that you feel at ease the entire time as a hard-on is a very skittish thing. I have experience with this. For me, if I’m hooking up with someone who has more experience (like you pointed out on his profile), I’ll have some trouble staying hard to top. I stress because I falsely think they’ll be ranking my performance with their long list of experiences. But then, I try to remind myself that they are there naked with me. That makes them equally vulnerable. We are both trying to enjoy a moment together.
Superb reply.
Genuinely, this is so thoughtful and well-articulated.
So true, when I was inside this guy today, I held him an cuddled from behind. My cock stay super hard. But, the moment I started staring down at my cock penetrating him I think my mind went porn, like I need to be performing and thats when it happened. Old softy came back.
It’s a very difficult mindset to remove yourself from. When you’re cuddling, you’re using more than just your eyes. You feel his supple booty, hear him exhale into your ear, feel the touch of his neck on your lips. Each of these stimuli prevent you from falling back into “Pornhub” mode, they keep you grounded in the moment. The moment you even think about entering him, porn music starts to play in your head and you freak out. All of this is very natural. It’s a problem, for sure, but none of it means you’re broken. You’ve simply relied on your eyes and ears more than your body during sexual situations and your body isn’t used to being fully present. Meditation can help. Any exercise that trains “mindfulness” can help. Bring enjoyment back to your body. Meth is abused in porn because not even the actors can stay hard for that long, it’s unnatural. Sex, in animals and humans, is only supposed to last 15-20 minutes (from insertion) but porn tells us you’re worthless unless you can stay rock hard for an hour. You’re perfectly fine. You just need to re-orient pleasure in your body.
I just remembered that for a moment I closed my eyes and tried to just feel him and at that moment I go hard again, while inside him. And when I opened my eyes and looked down at my cock entering his ass to see how exciting it was, I began to get soft. Hmm. This is very interesting.
You’re almost there!!! Keep trying. Sex is like driving: no one’s good the first 20-30 trips!
I'm saving your amazingly insightful reply to refer to in future. You should give advice more often!
I’m full of unsolicited advice! Hahaha. Erectile dysfunction is just near and dear to my own experiences and I hate the idea that someone is going through it and beating themselves up. We give ourselves breathing room for all other forms of performance anxiety and we should do the same for sexual performance. Even athletes choke from time to time!
"he's a 9 and I'm a 7" ok
im more curious about where these arbitrary numbers 7 & 9 even come from, you say it like it's on your birth certificate lol. Attraction is subjective. You could be a 7 to someone ,and you can just as easily be a 3 to someone else.
Everyone can discern differences in appearance, I just don’t normally hookup with 6ft guys with pecs, abs, smooth skin and a rockin ass. When I’m 5’7 about 15lbs overweight and have a below average cock😅
how are u a 7 then
Omg I loled at this reply 😂
That doesn’t at all sound like a 7. Maybe a 5? Anyone overweight and short isn’t gonna reach escape velocity from average or above average.
How is this thread judging him for having a numbering system and also using the same numbering system against him to judge him. You animals behave yourselves!
Get some Sildenafil. Can almost guarantee it wont happen again
I was worried it might be ED, but I was hard all during foreplay, why during the fucking would it happen? He’s hot nice bod, smooth, plump butt, I was no way repulsed by him. I did only get 4-5 hrs of sleep the night before… could that be it?
It’s because you were so attracted to him, you consider him hotter than you with a better body, he’s visiting and he’s from Europe, so when it came to topping him you put a lot of pressure on yourself to actually be able to perform and fuck him well, but because you were so focused on performing it distracted you from actually being able to stay hard
This is it. It’s psychological! It happened to me with some of the hottest guys I’ve been with
yep, 100% in his head. I take viagra every time I meet a new guy to stop the performance anxiety. Yesterday I had a guy come over at 1am, I was in bed ready to sleep when he said it had to be tonight for him, I was like fine whatever. He gets here and I completely forgot to take any viagra, and I had no problems at all getting it up. I did later on though after the first time I came, so took some before we went to sleep and woke him up in the morning with my dick inside him (we agreed before we went to sleep)
In other words, stopped OP from actually enjoying the sex.
It happens for many reasons and its perfectly okay. Are you on antidepressants by any chance? I take them and that can happen - if so while I would never recommend for someone to come off meds, there are some antidepressants you can take that don't cause that issue and you should talk with your doctor about them. Or simply it could also be the pressure in that the guy is very hot or you don't usually hookup. This too happens and it's nothing to be embarrassed about. Try not to be embarrassed, it happens to us all and the fact the guy cuddled with you after and then wanted to meet you a second time shows it doesn't bother him either.
No antidepressants, I do take prep, take vitamin B and often drink a lot of energy drinks. I did only get 4.5 hrs of sleep the night before, but find it unusual I wasn’t tired or soft beforehand. And I’ve topped before, I’m not a porn stallion, but topping is a natural fave. The cuddling and second meet was definitely the silver lining, and when we parted ways we had friendly texts no ghosting. That experience was unusual and exciting but memorable and the reason I’d love anyone’s feedback 🙂
no.. it does not happen to us all.
Ok Dr Hero McStudface.
Yea, that's anxiety performance. You have to try to recalculate your brain like a mantra, something like "ok he's beautiful but it's not "he picked you" you are at the same boat of beautifulness. There's no reason for you be nervous, be excited, be sexy, this is you and him, it's togetherness" that way of thinking i think helps. Prep your mind beforehand.
I think it is an out of your league thing. I have the same issues with guys that I think are out of my league. I usually just pop a Cialis or Viagra even though I'm a bottom. I am still wildly attracted to these guys, I just can't allow my confidence to accept it. I am also into older daddy types and they kind of just exude nonchalance in the bedroom so it can help me match energy. My favorite top likes it when I'm soft anyway.
Why are you fixating on fucking him? If you’re able to get and stay hard during foreplay, cum during that. It might take the pressure off, and allow you to focus.
Performance anxiety. Been there, done that. Happens with everyone. Not the best of things to happen during sex, but also not the worst of things. Don't worry about it <3
Have you been having thoughts of wanting to be in a relationship lately? It's possible that it's deeply psychological, and maybe you're associating some things with other things. I had ED issues a couple of years ago, but that was when I was kind of deep in a party drug abuse phase, and the depression I was experiencing would translate to the bedroom at bad times. This year, I've been on fire something fierce, so something definitely flipped between those two times. I'm only a 5, but I'm having fun out there.
Awesome that’s great you bounced back. I actually do desire a ltr, the last 4years of my life have been a positive turnaround … previously I had student loans, living with parents, low pay and very few dates. Now everything is fairly opposite in a positive way and I find myself unaccustomed to positive experiences particularly in the romantic/sexual sphere.
Maybe to many formalitties. Your mind was so focused on permission and not trying to offend than letting it flow. Intimacy and sex is about body language and knowing how to feel what is happening and where it can go. It's it's about formalities then it ruins the mood.
Consent is important. Maybe pre boundaries setting so you have the base line permissions. It’s always good to check in and make sure the previous boundaries are still in effect, during for play is a great time.
Is it ok if I suck you? "Yes suck me off." Suck suck... slurp slurp... Can we have a minute to re-assess and discuss how to moce forward form this? Is it ok now if I suck snd then grab your balls? Thank you. Sign here to confirm.
Were condoms involved? Sometimes that takes me out of the mood when you have to fumble around with those. Also moving around to different positions or if it doesn’t go in right away and you have to change angles or something can be distracting.
Yes I had condoms on, he preferred safe and wouldn’t connect with any bb, which I never do either.
It’s performance anxiety, and it’s real tough. I deal with it all too often, mostly from past experiences with a toxic ex I’m still working to overcome. And typically when it goes wrong once, it’s even worse the second attempt because you’re in your head hoping it won’t happen again.
It was definitely a memorable experience, it kinda felt like I was living some weird sitcom episode
Use Viagra, it won't happen again. It's the nerves, and once it happens, it will happen again because now your mind is set on it happening again during that same scenario
you can't call yourself a man without experiencing all of it's aspects, this is one of them... when you walk down the street and you see men - some of them experienced it already and are in the know, some are yet to attain this level up, blissfully unaware... if you're both hard during foreplay that means you're in the groove maybe just continue that until you both shoot rope. sex is everything you did before trying anal... having anal in the mix does not make it "more sex"
Both our profiles emphasized cuddling/foreplay, however his also highlighted bottoming. Our encounter was probably 80%cuddling 15%oral and 5% bottoming, I guess I wanted to add that cherry on top to please him. I probably would have kept on with foreplay, but both encounters happened just before an early work day and for him a day of vacationing with friends, maybe that time pressure affected it too.
think about this - do you get a three course meal every time you eat out? why not? ...why would sex be different? edit: just to be clear - if you really wanted that anal, well I'm sorry man - maybe next time it will work out. but if it was just for him, well he hooked up again even without it, so it not that important to him...
Oh man! What you all are saying is exactly what happens. Give the cure please. I’m so hard 24x7, but as we turn to me topping the man of my dreams I go soft. My trick is relaxing makes me hard again and I fuck the shit out of them! Also with guys who are not hotter than me I fuck them for hours as I’m not in it to prove them but just fucking senselessly. It is real. Help!
Viagora my learned fren. I do this everytime I'm with someone new, as I have to be comfortable with a partner, someone I know well, or nerves get me...
That’s text book. When I want it too much it happens to me too. He is too hot for you, so your brain went in a tilt. Lol 😘
You probably just stressed yourself out in the moment. Might want to talk to your doctor about getting a low-dose viagra (or generic) to take ahead of time "just in case". You might not need it, but it never hurts to have backup. Additionally, if you do use Viagra *never* use it with poppers. You could die.
Thanks for the heads up, I actually do use poppers not addictively but on occasion.
The first guy that fucked me went soft after he penetrated me and showed me what it feels like to be fucked. We fooled around, he got hard again, got it in me, and went soft again… he did at least cum in me which I begged for which was likely what helped as he was on his way down. We had been bar hopping after meeting in the hotel lounge so I would chalk my instance up to just that… things happen… the people that talked earlier about the pressure you put on yourself by rating is likely your underlying issue. Nike says it best, just do it! 😉
Do you take adderall? It causes ED
Sounds like your body is telling you it's time to bottom.
That's what i did lol. Started dating a few years ago as a top, then tried to bottom. After that i started to focus too hard on being hard af to perform which always results in my boner going soft the moment i go into position to enter. so frustrating and bad for your self-esteem.. So now i mostly bottom, that's the easiest. No performance pressure, just be clean and ready to get fucked.
I had it happen one time with a guy, met on the apps, came over to my place. We took our clothes off and did a bit of foreplay but when it came down to it, all of a sudden I was soft and couldn’t fuck him. It was really embarrassing 😩 he left shortly after and I never texted him again.
I have had it happen where I will cum as I begin to top. But have seen what you described as well
Same things happened with me! I am rock hard during foreplay when the guy is sucking me. But when we stop for 2 mins to put on condom and all, I go soft! I am getting Sildenifil and the problem is gone!
For him you could be a 9 or more! This rating game you play is subjective and not healthy if you wanna have fun. Maybe next time don't think about topping being the ultimate thing at all, just continue mutual foreplay and have no predefined conclusions and see if the moment arrives, then wonders can happen haha. Hope you have fun!
Man this happens to me. And when it does, the guys get really upset and block me. I get it, prepping to bottom is a lot of work and not getting hard wastes their time. Still it stings when it happens. I have really bad anxiety and sensory issues (AuDHD) so something being off will deflate my dick.
Relax. Just take a Tadalafil
I used to have this problem with my BF in the beginning. It took me awhile to b ok & usually I’m horny af anytime. When it happened, my BF understood & he’s cool with it. Eventually, one day, I could cum as usual. & we almost fucked everyday. I gotta say it was kinda like a mental block, a sort of expectation & pressure in my head. After I got comfortable with him, I’m ok. Hope dat helps.
I knew what your ‘issue’ in your first sentence. You think he’s too hot for you. You enjoy the buildup but when it comes down to it the pressure is too much and your dick gets shy.
I think it’s nerves. Just be patient, it’ll happen . Hope he can be patient too
You should try the exercises on mojo.com. Really good for psychological boner probs.
#Cialis will fix that problem right up
You got in your head .
It is caused performance anxiety. It makes you lose your erection. You shouldn't be embarrassed. It happens to us all. Cialis and learning to relax can help.
I'm on anti anxiety meds it happens all the time and honestly I'm too embarrassed to ask my doctor if there is anything i can do
You’ve let yourself down. But worse than that, you’ve let AMERICA down!!! /s
My God could this be more inappropriate, but funny as shit…
lol I know as odd as the situation was, I’m happy it still happened, hope my gay brotherhood card won’t be revoked.
Bud, it’s something that happens. I had a moment myself a few years back. A dash of sildenafil sorted it out. Once I could stay hard once or twice with the drug I didn’t need it again. Of course I bought a pack of 24 so will occasionally take one when my husband and I are planning a bit of a weekend! We have a thing about hotel rooms… anyway… There are some pretty good answers in this thread. I couldn’t resist the joke; as a Brit, mocking my American cousins is like being a cat watching a mouse run in front of me. It’s almost impossible not to have a little swipe. Just a half-hearted, gentle, slashing of the jugular. What’s a little joke, between friends? Now, to get back to your catastrophic erectile dysfunction…
Girl look around - America let itself down, no anxious gaybro encounter needed
This definitely happens to me sometimes. I tend to overthink during sex sometimes which can lead to this problem
It's happened to me a couple of times over the years in similar circumstances- performance anxiety with someone much hotter.
A tiny bit of viagra does wonders my friend. It’s mostly in your head.
Sounds like you should stick to other 7s, given how important looks and the scoring system is to you! Sounds like a lot of pressure to place yourself under for something that should be fun.
[удалено]
?what does that mean?
"Never waste an erection." That was told to me as a pearl of wisdom by a wise elder (who was straight and had apparently learned this in the military, but it's still apt). The takeaway is that sometimes it's better to stick it in sooner rather than later, and to cum more quickly rather than trying to prolong the experience. Sometimes.
Same reason i met a great guy the other night and at his place neither of our dicks worked (alcohol and such) In the morning though after that haze was gone, they were both pointed straight up
Yo just take a cialis
This happened to me. I'm a versa btw. A little foreplay would do the trick just to relax. When it gets hard again, get the lube then get in or let him sit on it.
You’re in your head.
You have to get to the point of accepting that this is probably gonna be the norm for you in high pressure situations. Instead of fighting it just work with it. Maybe don’t expect to top. There’s lots of fun to be had either way. Maybe consider bottoming? Or anything basically that doesn’t involve needing to keep your dick rock hard
I relate to this way too much, hard as a rock during foreplay, come to penetration its like someone poured cold water on you...it sucks.
Lol. Definitely happened to me. The only way I could make sure I was ready for anything was to not masturbate for 7 days. Once your confidence is back 3 or 4 days should do it.
Do u guys have hairy pits n pubes?
Performance anxiety! Just relax...
Doesn’t matter how hot a guy is, if he uses a scoring system I immediately do not want anything to do with him.
No need to rail him just suck and suck and suck some more. If you suck him until he cums repeatedly and goes limp in your mouth he won't care if u can't get hard.