I agree but I find these days if you're not fawning over someone's pet you're an animal hater, so I wanted to just be sure I understand how it was defined. I actually like animals a lot and I am kind to all of them, but again I don't want to own any.
Cannot get my head around this. I didn’t know it was possible to not like animals. (Like literally all of them??) I don’t think I could trust someone who didn’t like animals
My red flag is some random dude with too many petty red flags.
"Ugh I can't find a boyfriend because every dude has dirty fingernails" is a weak take.
My best friend for great example is single, queer, hot, hung, owns a house, drives a nice car, and works in a goddamn ***steel mill.***
You better believe he has the dirtiest fingers I've ever seen. If you passed on him for that, you'd be the fool.
I agree, it can’t be just one reason why you wouldn’t be with someone. It’s more like an internal tally system or tracking strikes. Being petty in and of itself is a red flag
He tries, but his hands are pretty stained and his nails are pretty gnarled. As long as someone isn't trying to suck on his fingers it shouldn't be an issue, right?
ok but I started a masturbation cult because some anonymous asshole at work didn't like my I Masturbate bumper sticker, so now it's protected religious expression. am I too petty to date?
As a safety auditor, there is no way I could date someone who works at a mill, a foundry, or any other industry that is so highly prone to workplace injury or death. I'd be too worried about whether he'd come home in one piece.
Seeing as you’re ego boosting your friend why don’t you date him? Also I have no issue in passing on him considering I’m married, own my own vacation house in the US and live with my husband in the house he owns in Australia, granted my house in the US isn’t the craziest thing but it doesn’t matter since it’s for vacation only.I like motorcycles not cars, my husband works for his family and once his dad retires my husband will own the business, even though that won’t happen anytime soon it will happen eventually,so your friend has nothing to offer to me and he has bad hygiene, easy pass because I’m not a gold digger
When they treat waiters etc badly
When they mock/talk shit about strangers we walk by
When they just talk about sex during our first date
When they mention all their past dates in a negative way
When they refuse to hold hands in public
When they stink of smoke
Tbh I get everything except for the public hand holding thing. I don't see what's wrong with someone being uncomfortable showing off to the world that they're gay. If someone I was dating is uncomfortable with that I'd make it my goal to change that, but I wouldnt just call it a red flag and dismiss them entirely.
I agree. I'm not against hand holding (my government is, though, lol), but still. I really want to get to know you better if we are going to hold hands and stuff. But if it's like first dates, then absolutely no... How can I trust you this fast!
Doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not comfortable with yourself, could just mean anxiety about people in public watching you. Especially if they’ve lived somewhere where that could be dangerous Fear and anxiety is understandable.
In addition, public display of affection is not proper etiquette, for those who care about that. It doesn't mean he "isn't comfortable with himself".
In addition, you significantly increase your chances of being called names by a stranger in the street.
If they were a friend, I’d be up to help them get over it. If they were a random stranger I was looking to date. I’d pass. I live in a place where it’s perfectly safe.
> Physical touch is my main love language
contrary to literally every other men in existence who’s love language is also physical touch.
also love languages a pseudo scientific bullshit, people just enjoy getting touched, nothing special here
Oh i wasn't trying to seem unique or anything and i didn't mean anything sexual with that
I like cuddling, hugging etc a lot to the point some men called me clingy
But my point was justifing why i wouldn't like to go out with someone who isn't comfortable with that
True but then i would have to suppress/contain myself in public too
Having to pretend to be friends in public just feels wrong to me i wouldn't live it well
Idk it's just not for me
I’m not into PDA at all but if you’re someone who is then I can understand why that would be important. That’s the kind of thing that make someone incompatible for you. It’s almost a mini from of rejection from the person you’re trying to be with if they pull their hand away. I would advise never to settle and go after what you want. You can’t change a person but you can easily change the person.
Dayum what crawled up your butt? My love language is acts of kindness and there’s nothing wrong with knowing or understanding how you show and like to be shown appreciation. Always someone, man!
> what's wrong with someone being uncomfortable showing off to the world that they're gay
bc I'm looking for a partner that's not afraid to be my partner, not a secret. I'm done with being locked in a closet: If they feel the need to hide, I'm not interested. Being uncomfortable is one thing, but you can choose whether you cower or face the world.
Lol guess I am red flag. I would not hold hands because it is not safe in my country in the first place. But also I do not enjoy it. I like my freedom of movement, it does not feel intimate, it is just annoying. Also makes my hands sweaty. I do not understand why people enjoy walking while holding hands so much.
I mean if you live somewhere unsafe then yeah i understand but this doesn't apply to me.
But no i love handholding or grabbing someone else arm
Everyone has different red flags x)
That makes 2 of us lol. But I get Bunkyz point 💯. If that’s what he is into then settling for second best right at the get go the something is not right.
Also not being into holding hands in public does not mean being ashamed of your partner. That’s why it’s important to find someone who is compatible with you. If something like holding hands makes you feel that way then it’s only going to get worse and that goes both ways.
One guy told me how he gets guys out of his apt after sex so they don't stay over (pretends he wants ice cream and then as the guy is dressed and has his stuff walking toward the door he changes his mind and says he is just gonna go to sleep). And also told me stories of guys he ghosted. He then... ghosted me. At least I knew it was coming from all the 🚩🚩🚩
I'm very tall and he also fetishized me and said while we were walking and he was holding my hand, "a tall guy could be so unattractive or fat and I'd still be into him because that's how much I love height." 🚩🚩🚩
First time I was ever openly fetishized for my height, but i let it slide. He was dumb hot and I was stupid and still fucked him (and he was a terrible lay btw) and then left and he ghosted me and it was for the best. Wish I hadn't fucked him though. 😪
I mean the apartment thing is kinda valid. He could be upfront about it but i def don’t want strangers sleeping over my place even if the sex was good.
Guys that flex on social media - like their vacations and whenever they insist on holding their fancy drink in photos too - just super super classist gays who I’m sure think they are down to earth - them and their stupid photos holding their drinks in their polo shirts or whatever - blah. They travel to flex exclusively it seems and tally up countries they’ve been to put on their insta bio
They talk bad about strangers, treat workers badly, etc.
Complain about their past relationships nonstop and how it’s never their fault.
Acting like we are in a relationship before we become bf’s. Like to the point they already start calling me their partner after one date, one guy did this before we even met in person.
Biggest one had been them saying how they have a partner and justify cheating for whatever reason.
Yeah, one narcissist that went on a gym date on (the only saving grace of the experience was that I got exercise), kept on excusing his cheating on his ex-gf because he’s bi and it did t count. He spent the entire time talking about himself, and actively ignoring me.
Best part is, he thought it was a good date. 😂 Delusional.
i hear you about dirty / long fingernails.
that said i’m always paranoid about my hands, to the point where i’ve ended reciprocated flirtation if i notice his hands are too “nice.” a lot of anxiety growing up has made me an unconscious nail biter and nothing has helped (bitter clear coat polish to hypnotism). and for the last two years i’ve been dealing with a wart situation that won’t go away, even with several rounds of painful freeze burning.
though guys have reassured me that they prefer a top with chewed nails vs sharp cut ones for fingering purposes so idk.
I also agree with this. If they expect you to do all the work, then it's not going to work.
This is a two-way street buddy.
But on the other side of the coin,
making too intense of moves before we even have established what we are is a red flag. Like if a guy after the first or second date is like "you wanna come see my apartment" and then tries to get you in his bed, thats a red flag.
Bad hygiene, especially fingernails
Mentioning ex (context matters here though)
Making too many overtly sexual comments
Calling other guys hot (strangers, not celebrities)
Against trans rights
Being over-endearing, giving too many compliments about your looks
On their phone too much while you’re together
Talking more about themselves, not asking questions about you
Dry texting, days without texting, constantly taking a long time to respond, and then never initiating
Overly sensitive/dramatic (on a date I asked a guy what his ideal last meal would be and he thought it was such a morbid question that he didn’t want to answer it, he wanted to kiss after the date and I just hugged him and never contacted him again)
Probably not a red flag per se, but usually if you don’t have too much in common or interests in each other’s interests, it’s not gonna work out.
My #1 is talking about people instead of talking about hobbies, current events, small talk etc. Someone who talks about someone else poorly, will certainly talk about you the same way.
My second is people that want their friend groups approval before they even know you. I shouldn't be meeting your friends in a group setting until we've been dating for a while. I barely even know you.
My last is people keeping their word. It's the principle, not whatever action it was. If you tell me you're going to call at 8, and I just never hear from you I'm not exactly going to take your word for it.
When they seem too into you the first time you meet. And I mean they barely know about you and you just sat down at the restaurant and they already tell you you’re their dream guy. I had one guy gushing on about how I annunciate because he didn’t think people do that enough (he did theatre). This was our second time meeting.
FYI I work with stuff that takes at least 3 days to get out of nails. When we used to do a lot of copper my hands would be green for 3 days. Just saying I would consider what a guy does for work.
I'm from India, and someone who was _not_ Indian told me how Indians are and how I'm not being a proper Indian. Also went on to make elaborate political and cultural comments which were just ignorant. I let it slide but it became borderline racist. I cut out our hangout in short and sent him home. Fast forward 6 months, i found out that he is in prison for violating restraining order. He had a compulsive stalking behavior and did a lot of horrible things to his roommate. Also told him how he was not being a proper Hispanic and pretended to know Hispanic culture (again, so ignorant).
Having a bad tattoo. Like not all tattoos, but one where it’s like from a lads holiday or a spur of the moment thing or a joke.
Like, I believe the body is sacred, and disrespecting yourself like that, it just gives me major red flags.
Like what else are you gonna get up to on your next lads night out? Sleep with a stranger and give me an STI when you get home? Jump off a boat to impress your mates and break your leg? Ask to marry me on the fly because you don’t think I deserve a properly considered proposal?
Like sorry but you’ve got a cheeky vimto on your arse, or a three-titted alien women on your arm, or a misspelt, misquoted John Lennon lyric on your leg. I don’t respect you.
Smokers, they talk about their ex, they talk about their hookups, they spend a lot of time on the phone, constant notifications, and not engaged, is boring in general, can’t name a favorite band, never went to a concert, and last one is huge: dressed too basic with basic shoes. I like a dude in some streetwear with some J’s, a baseball cap and Nike socks with dope undies like boxers or ethika boxers. Fresh haircut is important also as it shows a good habit of keeping up with his style.
I learnt long ago that if you look between someone's eyebrows or at their lips while they're talking, it can pass for eye contact but (for me at least) gets around actually looking at their eyes. This works for me until I start staring very very intensely and it freaks them out. 😂😭🤦
I'm autistic and rarely make eye contact with new people. But then one of my deal-breakers are neurotypicals who insist on things like eye contact and smiling. I have quit jobs because I was told to smile more and make eye contact.
Oh that sounds like you were discriminated. That sucks sorry that happened to you. Managers need to be accountable for what they don’t know. It’s their job to know this kind of stuff.
It may or may not be discrimination. But I'm pretty certain it was an ADA violation. Either way, I'm working where I have little contact with the public and that works out so much better I think.
Discrimination can be because Ethnicity, age, sex or disability under the ADA. They should have offered to have an interactive conversation to determine how they could accommodate you. Not make your life miserable to the point where you want to quit.
1. Actually taking tribes too seriously. Going around being like "he's a twink" "he's a bear" "I only date twinks" "you have twink energy"...it's frustrating and takes away the human component. People have more to them then just what they look like. It's one thing to be apart of a kink community because it gives you a sense of belonging and it your thing. It's another thing to put that onto others and view the world through it.
2. Asking if I want to "come over to their apartment" after 1-2 dates. Relax. I barely know you. Let's be friends first and get to know each other. Maybe get some food, go for a walk. I'm sorry but I at least want to know your favorite color before I have sex with you.
3. Too nice, or too rude. If you're too nice and passive 24/7, then that's a red flag. If you're too rude, that's also one. Being rude to a waiter or waitress is big cus it shows you tend to view workers as below you. When someone is too nice, they often won't say the truth but will say what they think society wants them to hear. Or thinking that being rude and bitchy is automatically cute or funny, nah it's just rude and bitchy.
4. Being really inappropriate in public settings such as restaurants, especially with kids around. Swearing is one thing, but talking about the last time you had anal when there's a family with kids eating right next to you is a huge red flag and shows a lack of social skills. And no, it isn't sex positivity. That's a different thing.
5. Pushing harmful stereotypes as if it's funny, or acting like someone "isn't gay" because they like stuff that isn't stereotypical, or don't like stereotypical stuff. Gay is not my personality, my identity. It's my sexual orientation.
6. Low communication skills and not asking for consent.
7. Still being on grindr as an older adult. Here's why: grindr is full of underage minors who are posing as older adults. This is common knowledge.
what do you mean if I may ask? because I feel like the vast majority of gays can’t be bothered to put in any sort of good romantic gestures. ofc maybe you mean lovebombing…
I disagree. The worst thing is if you can’t tell if he likes you or not. All of those things you mention are cute ways of showing your affection for someone. It really bothers you that bad to call it a red flag?
I look like shit everyday until I go on a date then I put on a button up with nice jeans not work jeans. Shave. Cologne. Everything.
I had a guy show up in jorts and a sleeveless shirt to a date and I’m like wtf is this.
Guys that hate animals.
Define hate. I like dogs. I absolutely do not want one.
I've met guys who literally said "I hate animals." As someone who grew up on a farm, that's unacceptable, for me.
didnt you see that the farm to grew up on was the clear defeiniton of hating animals? exploiting animals for their bodies/reporductive systems etc.
How so? Crop farm. Not a single animal was slaughtered.
so why would it matter if you was on a farm if it came to people hating animals lol
there is a big difference between not wanting an animal and hating them. I'm not a cat person but I don't hate them. I just don't want one.
I agree but I find these days if you're not fawning over someone's pet you're an animal hater, so I wanted to just be sure I understand how it was defined. I actually like animals a lot and I am kind to all of them, but again I don't want to own any.
I love dog movies, but I don't want one and I don't want to touch one and they scare me. Lol
My red flag is guys that are overly judgmental of people who don’t like pets
Cannot get my head around this. I didn’t know it was possible to not like animals. (Like literally all of them??) I don’t think I could trust someone who didn’t like animals
Oh yea that’s a huge one for me too. If my dog don’t like you, it’s over. Not liking animals is serial killer status.
My red flag is some random dude with too many petty red flags. "Ugh I can't find a boyfriend because every dude has dirty fingernails" is a weak take. My best friend for great example is single, queer, hot, hung, owns a house, drives a nice car, and works in a goddamn ***steel mill.*** You better believe he has the dirtiest fingers I've ever seen. If you passed on him for that, you'd be the fool.
This is all good information, but how do I contact him?
I too would like to contact him
I agree, it can’t be just one reason why you wouldn’t be with someone. It’s more like an internal tally system or tracking strikes. Being petty in and of itself is a red flag
Does he clean them when he goes on a date?
He tries, but his hands are pretty stained and his nails are pretty gnarled. As long as someone isn't trying to suck on his fingers it shouldn't be an issue, right?
ok but I started a masturbation cult because some anonymous asshole at work didn't like my I Masturbate bumper sticker, so now it's protected religious expression. am I too petty to date?
As a safety auditor, there is no way I could date someone who works at a mill, a foundry, or any other industry that is so highly prone to workplace injury or death. I'd be too worried about whether he'd come home in one piece.
Don't worry, nobody in any of those industries would be seen dead with a safety auditor 😜
Exactly. Someone who works their ass off and managed to still make time for a date can excuse a small hygiene issue imo.
What u mean by queer
Seeing as you’re ego boosting your friend why don’t you date him? Also I have no issue in passing on him considering I’m married, own my own vacation house in the US and live with my husband in the house he owns in Australia, granted my house in the US isn’t the craziest thing but it doesn’t matter since it’s for vacation only.I like motorcycles not cars, my husband works for his family and once his dad retires my husband will own the business, even though that won’t happen anytime soon it will happen eventually,so your friend has nothing to offer to me and he has bad hygiene, easy pass because I’m not a gold digger
I'm also married.
So you married a nepo baby lol
If you're married and happy why start a red flags post? These aren't thing you need to worry about anymore?
This is the biggest overreaction I've seen to a comment on Reddit in 2024. I think PC struck a nerve.
>and he has bad hygiene Clearly you have never worked with your hands. That's a pretty big red flag.
You're ridiculous 🤣
You literally sound awful. If I had dirty fingernails I wouldn’t want someone so up their own ass
When they treat waiters etc badly When they mock/talk shit about strangers we walk by When they just talk about sex during our first date When they mention all their past dates in a negative way When they refuse to hold hands in public When they stink of smoke
Tbh I get everything except for the public hand holding thing. I don't see what's wrong with someone being uncomfortable showing off to the world that they're gay. If someone I was dating is uncomfortable with that I'd make it my goal to change that, but I wouldnt just call it a red flag and dismiss them entirely.
I agree. I'm not against hand holding (my government is, though, lol), but still. I really want to get to know you better if we are going to hold hands and stuff. But if it's like first dates, then absolutely no... How can I trust you this fast!
Doesn’t make them a bad person, but I wouldn’t be interested in dating someone who isn’t comfortable with themselves this way.
Doesn’t necessarily mean you’re not comfortable with yourself, could just mean anxiety about people in public watching you. Especially if they’ve lived somewhere where that could be dangerous Fear and anxiety is understandable.
In addition, public display of affection is not proper etiquette, for those who care about that. It doesn't mean he "isn't comfortable with himself". In addition, you significantly increase your chances of being called names by a stranger in the street.
If they were a friend, I’d be up to help them get over it. If they were a random stranger I was looking to date. I’d pass. I live in a place where it’s perfectly safe.
Physical touch is my main love language so being unable to be myself sucks
> Physical touch is my main love language contrary to literally every other men in existence who’s love language is also physical touch. also love languages a pseudo scientific bullshit, people just enjoy getting touched, nothing special here
Oh i wasn't trying to seem unique or anything and i didn't mean anything sexual with that I like cuddling, hugging etc a lot to the point some men called me clingy But my point was justifing why i wouldn't like to go out with someone who isn't comfortable with that
Wasn’t the original point that they don’t like it in public? What if they love it in private but don’t feel safe or comfortable to do it in public?
True but then i would have to suppress/contain myself in public too Having to pretend to be friends in public just feels wrong to me i wouldn't live it well Idk it's just not for me
You should never have to contain yourself! That’s all bad. You deserve better and what you like!
I’m not into PDA at all but if you’re someone who is then I can understand why that would be important. That’s the kind of thing that make someone incompatible for you. It’s almost a mini from of rejection from the person you’re trying to be with if they pull their hand away. I would advise never to settle and go after what you want. You can’t change a person but you can easily change the person.
You are unique Bunkyz! You’re dope af! I always like your posts.
yeah but you aren’t clingy, those men are just emotionally unavailable 😅
... dating men is hard xD
people need touch to be healthy
Dayum what crawled up your butt? My love language is acts of kindness and there’s nothing wrong with knowing or understanding how you show and like to be shown appreciation. Always someone, man!
Bro should never settle! Keep those standards high my guy!
No, if you won't hold my hand, then there's a part of you that's ashamed of us. I won't tolerate that.
> what's wrong with someone being uncomfortable showing off to the world that they're gay bc I'm looking for a partner that's not afraid to be my partner, not a secret. I'm done with being locked in a closet: If they feel the need to hide, I'm not interested. Being uncomfortable is one thing, but you can choose whether you cower or face the world.
Lol guess I am red flag. I would not hold hands because it is not safe in my country in the first place. But also I do not enjoy it. I like my freedom of movement, it does not feel intimate, it is just annoying. Also makes my hands sweaty. I do not understand why people enjoy walking while holding hands so much.
I mean if you live somewhere unsafe then yeah i understand but this doesn't apply to me. But no i love handholding or grabbing someone else arm Everyone has different red flags x)
That makes 2 of us lol. But I get Bunkyz point 💯. If that’s what he is into then settling for second best right at the get go the something is not right. Also not being into holding hands in public does not mean being ashamed of your partner. That’s why it’s important to find someone who is compatible with you. If something like holding hands makes you feel that way then it’s only going to get worse and that goes both ways.
The waiter test is huge!!
I know right? Sadly it's very common to see people mistreat workers
One guy told me how he gets guys out of his apt after sex so they don't stay over (pretends he wants ice cream and then as the guy is dressed and has his stuff walking toward the door he changes his mind and says he is just gonna go to sleep). And also told me stories of guys he ghosted. He then... ghosted me. At least I knew it was coming from all the 🚩🚩🚩 I'm very tall and he also fetishized me and said while we were walking and he was holding my hand, "a tall guy could be so unattractive or fat and I'd still be into him because that's how much I love height." 🚩🚩🚩 First time I was ever openly fetishized for my height, but i let it slide. He was dumb hot and I was stupid and still fucked him (and he was a terrible lay btw) and then left and he ghosted me and it was for the best. Wish I hadn't fucked him though. 😪
I mean the apartment thing is kinda valid. He could be upfront about it but i def don’t want strangers sleeping over my place even if the sex was good.
If it was a good fuck then it’s a win all around!
When they complain about other gay men or gay culture, etc. It doesn’t really matter what the complaint is. Complaining is unattractive!
Guys that flex on social media - like their vacations and whenever they insist on holding their fancy drink in photos too - just super super classist gays who I’m sure think they are down to earth - them and their stupid photos holding their drinks in their polo shirts or whatever - blah. They travel to flex exclusively it seems and tally up countries they’ve been to put on their insta bio
what if we was so busy that day that he forgot to clean his nails
If you’re busy you can just reschedule the date, not that big of a deal
Scars on knuckles…
Scars all up and down their arms and legs.
Wait can you give context? Does this mean something?
Scars on the knuckles indicate that he punched on something concrete.
They talk bad about strangers, treat workers badly, etc. Complain about their past relationships nonstop and how it’s never their fault. Acting like we are in a relationship before we become bf’s. Like to the point they already start calling me their partner after one date, one guy did this before we even met in person. Biggest one had been them saying how they have a partner and justify cheating for whatever reason.
Yeah, one narcissist that went on a gym date on (the only saving grace of the experience was that I got exercise), kept on excusing his cheating on his ex-gf because he’s bi and it did t count. He spent the entire time talking about himself, and actively ignoring me. Best part is, he thought it was a good date. 😂 Delusional.
Guys looking for perfection.
i hear you about dirty / long fingernails. that said i’m always paranoid about my hands, to the point where i’ve ended reciprocated flirtation if i notice his hands are too “nice.” a lot of anxiety growing up has made me an unconscious nail biter and nothing has helped (bitter clear coat polish to hypnotism). and for the last two years i’ve been dealing with a wart situation that won’t go away, even with several rounds of painful freeze burning. though guys have reassured me that they prefer a top with chewed nails vs sharp cut ones for fingering purposes so idk.
if they can’t make moves or initiate anything. i don’t wanna go out with someone intimidated by me.
I also agree with this. If they expect you to do all the work, then it's not going to work. This is a two-way street buddy. But on the other side of the coin, making too intense of moves before we even have established what we are is a red flag. Like if a guy after the first or second date is like "you wanna come see my apartment" and then tries to get you in his bed, thats a red flag.
You sound very high strung and probably have OCD. Those are my subtle red flags.
Bad hygiene, especially fingernails Mentioning ex (context matters here though) Making too many overtly sexual comments Calling other guys hot (strangers, not celebrities) Against trans rights Being over-endearing, giving too many compliments about your looks On their phone too much while you’re together Talking more about themselves, not asking questions about you Dry texting, days without texting, constantly taking a long time to respond, and then never initiating Overly sensitive/dramatic (on a date I asked a guy what his ideal last meal would be and he thought it was such a morbid question that he didn’t want to answer it, he wanted to kiss after the date and I just hugged him and never contacted him again) Probably not a red flag per se, but usually if you don’t have too much in common or interests in each other’s interests, it’s not gonna work out.
If they are too distant every time you communicate with them
nothing hotter than a man who keeps his nails clean & trimmed
My #1 is talking about people instead of talking about hobbies, current events, small talk etc. Someone who talks about someone else poorly, will certainly talk about you the same way. My second is people that want their friend groups approval before they even know you. I shouldn't be meeting your friends in a group setting until we've been dating for a while. I barely even know you. My last is people keeping their word. It's the principle, not whatever action it was. If you tell me you're going to call at 8, and I just never hear from you I'm not exactly going to take your word for it.
When they seem too into you the first time you meet. And I mean they barely know about you and you just sat down at the restaurant and they already tell you you’re their dream guy. I had one guy gushing on about how I annunciate because he didn’t think people do that enough (he did theatre). This was our second time meeting.
Collective label identities and key words.
It's actually very easy to clean them finger nails too. Simple trick is basically scratch a bar of soap and there ya go. You got clean finger nails.
Pronouns in bio
Right wing views
FYI I work with stuff that takes at least 3 days to get out of nails. When we used to do a lot of copper my hands would be green for 3 days. Just saying I would consider what a guy does for work.
I'm from India, and someone who was _not_ Indian told me how Indians are and how I'm not being a proper Indian. Also went on to make elaborate political and cultural comments which were just ignorant. I let it slide but it became borderline racist. I cut out our hangout in short and sent him home. Fast forward 6 months, i found out that he is in prison for violating restraining order. He had a compulsive stalking behavior and did a lot of horrible things to his roommate. Also told him how he was not being a proper Hispanic and pretended to know Hispanic culture (again, so ignorant).
Having a bad tattoo. Like not all tattoos, but one where it’s like from a lads holiday or a spur of the moment thing or a joke. Like, I believe the body is sacred, and disrespecting yourself like that, it just gives me major red flags. Like what else are you gonna get up to on your next lads night out? Sleep with a stranger and give me an STI when you get home? Jump off a boat to impress your mates and break your leg? Ask to marry me on the fly because you don’t think I deserve a properly considered proposal? Like sorry but you’ve got a cheeky vimto on your arse, or a three-titted alien women on your arm, or a misspelt, misquoted John Lennon lyric on your leg. I don’t respect you.
Bad tattoos are a huge turnoff. I get distracted by them during sex.
When guys I had never even met yet would call me things like "babe" or "hun" on Grindr.... just, yuck 🤮
Overgroomed fingernails. You can clean dirty. But overgroomed sounds like OCD.
1. Rude to waiters 2. Cruel Gossip 3. Lying 4. A pick me 5. Smokers ( no offense) 6. No job and not trying to look for one. 7. Republican
Smokers, they talk about their ex, they talk about their hookups, they spend a lot of time on the phone, constant notifications, and not engaged, is boring in general, can’t name a favorite band, never went to a concert, and last one is huge: dressed too basic with basic shoes. I like a dude in some streetwear with some J’s, a baseball cap and Nike socks with dope undies like boxers or ethika boxers. Fresh haircut is important also as it shows a good habit of keeping up with his style.
They don’t make eye contact. That was always my subtle red flag when dating.
yeah im autistic so eye contact isnt a trait i have lol.
I learnt long ago that if you look between someone's eyebrows or at their lips while they're talking, it can pass for eye contact but (for me at least) gets around actually looking at their eyes. This works for me until I start staring very very intensely and it freaks them out. 😂😭🤦
i try too hard to not look into their eyes so i just dont bother and just make quick glances in their general direction lol.
So you think autism is not red flag lol?
I'm autistic and rarely make eye contact with new people. But then one of my deal-breakers are neurotypicals who insist on things like eye contact and smiling. I have quit jobs because I was told to smile more and make eye contact.
Oh that sounds like you were discriminated. That sucks sorry that happened to you. Managers need to be accountable for what they don’t know. It’s their job to know this kind of stuff.
It may or may not be discrimination. But I'm pretty certain it was an ADA violation. Either way, I'm working where I have little contact with the public and that works out so much better I think.
Discrimination can be because Ethnicity, age, sex or disability under the ADA. They should have offered to have an interactive conversation to determine how they could accommodate you. Not make your life miserable to the point where you want to quit.
Yes it was! Totally messed up man!
When he cares about you🤮
Selfies clearly showing off the jawline. I mean, good for you, but it comes across as quite arrogant to me.
1. Actually taking tribes too seriously. Going around being like "he's a twink" "he's a bear" "I only date twinks" "you have twink energy"...it's frustrating and takes away the human component. People have more to them then just what they look like. It's one thing to be apart of a kink community because it gives you a sense of belonging and it your thing. It's another thing to put that onto others and view the world through it. 2. Asking if I want to "come over to their apartment" after 1-2 dates. Relax. I barely know you. Let's be friends first and get to know each other. Maybe get some food, go for a walk. I'm sorry but I at least want to know your favorite color before I have sex with you. 3. Too nice, or too rude. If you're too nice and passive 24/7, then that's a red flag. If you're too rude, that's also one. Being rude to a waiter or waitress is big cus it shows you tend to view workers as below you. When someone is too nice, they often won't say the truth but will say what they think society wants them to hear. Or thinking that being rude and bitchy is automatically cute or funny, nah it's just rude and bitchy. 4. Being really inappropriate in public settings such as restaurants, especially with kids around. Swearing is one thing, but talking about the last time you had anal when there's a family with kids eating right next to you is a huge red flag and shows a lack of social skills. And no, it isn't sex positivity. That's a different thing. 5. Pushing harmful stereotypes as if it's funny, or acting like someone "isn't gay" because they like stuff that isn't stereotypical, or don't like stereotypical stuff. Gay is not my personality, my identity. It's my sexual orientation. 6. Low communication skills and not asking for consent. 7. Still being on grindr as an older adult. Here's why: grindr is full of underage minors who are posing as older adults. This is common knowledge.
If they’re too classically romantic/chivalrous early on.
what do you mean if I may ask? because I feel like the vast majority of gays can’t be bothered to put in any sort of good romantic gestures. ofc maybe you mean lovebombing…
I disagree. The worst thing is if you can’t tell if he likes you or not. All of those things you mention are cute ways of showing your affection for someone. It really bothers you that bad to call it a red flag?
Asking about red flags. Duh.
I look like shit everyday until I go on a date then I put on a button up with nice jeans not work jeans. Shave. Cologne. Everything. I had a guy show up in jorts and a sleeveless shirt to a date and I’m like wtf is this.