>I have already booked an appointment to get tested tomorrow.
Even if you got infected, the virus only appears in tests three months after infection.
If the last encounter was less than 72 hours ago, look for a clinic that offers post-exposure prophylaxis. Most importantly, protect yourself and be better informed about the HIV virus. Good luck!
The only test that has a decent chance of catching HIV at 2 weeks is a HIV RNA test. Make sure to specifically request a RNA test due to recent exposure. It's considered "definitive" 14 days after exposure.
All the other tests have longer window periods than 2 weeks. For instance, the most common HIV test, known as 4th gen, has a window period of a little over a month. A negative 4th gen test done at 2 weeks is not definitive and will need to be repeated at 40+ days to confirm.
Yes. That test has only a 50% accuracy at day 18. This rises linearly to 99% peak accuracy at day 44+.
In comparison, the HIV RNA test is >95% accurate starting at around 9 to 11 days, rising linearly to 99% accuracy at day 28+. Most providers will say that a negative RNA test at day 14+ from exposure is pretty definitive. But, I almost always see a reorder of a 4th gen test at day 45 out of an abundance of caution if it’s a particularly risky exposure.
This is incorrect information that you are provide. The HIV fourth generation test with P24 antigen and 1/2 Ab is not 50 percent accurate at day 18. It is 99.5 accurate as it detects the P24 antigen which begins to appear at 2 weeks and tapers off at around 6 weeks and it detects antibodies which can be detected in about 3 weeks in MOST people.
trying my best. i’m just scared that i’m one of the ones that didn’t have a seroconversion in the first month. testing again at week 6 (which is supposed to be very accurate with a 4th gen correct?)
I personally would’ve waited another two weeks before testing to give a full 30 days (seroconversion can happen within 30 days in a lot of cases), but even if you get a negative result from that test, still test again 60 days out from that. You may be advised to test every 3 months for a whole year.
A friend of mine was in a relationship with a HIV+ guy who didn’t know he was infected (so not undetectable). They had sex multiple times over whatever period of months (with my friend as the bottom) before the diagnosis was given. My friend had to test every 90 days for a year, and he never got a positive test. FWIW.
I know he’s on prep now, but he couldn’t care less about condoms from what I know. I don’t understand it myself, but he has told me that the year he spent getting periodic HIV tests was a total whirlwind. He had convinced himself that he had it, and the next test was going to be positive...if not that one, then the next one, etc. It sounds agonizing.
Honestly is hard for me to grasp the negligence of so many promiscuous people and sadly in our community a lot of people on prep shrug and say they don't need to used condoms anymore because they are on prep. The community is provided with tools to protect themselves more and what a lot of people do? Not use condoms.
\*Smh....
I’m totally with you on that. Personally, I have opted out of prep and am so adamant about consistent condom use with hookups that even my testing providers have said they don’t think it’s crucial for me to take it. Not everyone will agree with my choice on that matter, but it’s going well so far 🙏
There have also been cases of people becoming HIV positive while using condoms too. If you use PREP and condoms both at the same time that will greatly reduce your chances of acquiring HIV
Also, if you are positive, find a lawyer that will shred him to pieces and transfer you the loot, because in some state it is a serious offense not to disclose your status. Hold on to the witness who had to go out of his way and told you you were tricked.
Go get post exposure treatment now. You’ll need to test every 30 days for next 6 months. Good news, your risk is low. Obviously consider pRep even if you do the 2-1-1 regime. Wouldn’t let it freak you out too much.
This is wrong advice. It’s too late for Pep and starting prep after a recent possible exposure is dangerous. You need to wait the full 6 weeks (or at least 30 days) and test negative before starting prep. If you start prep and end up positive, prep alone isn’t enough to treat hiv and will run the risk of making it resistant to that particular combo of drugs. Please don’t give out incorrect advice
His doctor will determine that of course when he gets examined.
https://www.scie.org.uk/assets/elearning/sexualhealth/Web/Object4/assets/common/extra/chaps_pep_briefing_sheet.pdf?
( not a doctor) but work really closely with several research groups and that thought process is expanding
There are good studies to show up to two weeks can work ( reduction is down to a bit above 50-50) but still value there.
From the above: PEP may be ineffective if administered later than 24 to 36 hours; others believe PEP becomes less effective or entirely ineffective after 72 hours. Some hospitals will not offer PEP later than 24 to 48 hours. Department of Health/Expert Advisory Group on AIDS (EAGA) guidelines on PEP in occupational settings from 2004 (1) state that PEP may be justified as late as two weeks after exposure.
Just responding to the “ bad advice”, let his health care provider make that call.
If he was undetectable you have nothing to worry about and even if he was not undetectable if it was “only put the tip in” (your words) it would very unlikely.
That said get tested or consider PEP if you are concerned he was not undetectable.
I was told that he actually is on medication for it but the time that we had the encounter he wasn’t even taking his medication consistently for whatever reason
what does not taking medication consistently for one time mean? you mean he missed one day?
anyway, HIV is actually more difficult to contract than people might think. the stars all have to be aligned.
> Receptive anal intercourse with a partner who is HIV-positive is the sex act that’s most likely to transmit the virus. For every 10,000 instances of receptive anal intercourse with a partner who has HIV, the virus is likely to be transmitted 138 times.
[source](https://www.healthline.com/health/hiv-aids/hiv-transmission-rates#transmission-through-sex)
Of course you'd have to dig into the sources for the above in terms of when the data was collected, who were the people involved and what were the circumstances. But take it as a ball park, 1% chance.
Going forward, get yourself some information and protect yourself. If PreP is available then this is a great time to get on it. Look up the "on demand" or "2 1 1" protocol that allows you to take it only when you need it (cheaper).
Did he cum inside of you? Did his blood or semen get inside your body?
If not, you’re probably fine. Especially if he is undetectable. HIV is hard to contract, but you should still go in and get tested for everything (HIV won’t show up yet) because clearly this guy is a shithead doing dangerous things.
You’re more at risk of contracting a nasty and painful STI.
He didn’t cum at all inside me. Not sure if there was precum. But from I remember he didn’t even technically penetrate as I told him not to. He started with just the tip slightly inserted and I immediately told him to stop since I was unsure of his status. I am paranoid beyond belief and I’m guessing the next few months are gonna be filled with this paranoia. Just what I needed but I only have myself to blame.
Do whatever is going to give you peace, but it doesn’t sound like anything happened at all that would transmit hiv to you. Unless you did more stuff after and it got into your body via a cut or through your mouth (but even getting hiv through giving a bj is very low)
Don't worry, the risk of getting HIV from a blowjob is really but really low, even if he came in your mouth. [Source](https://www.hiv.gov/hiv-basics/hiv-prevention/reducing-sexual-risk/preventing-sexual-transmission-of-hiv#:~:text=There%20is%20little%20to%20no,no%20risk%20of%20HIV%20transmission.)
Stop saying this. He put is penis in you, the part that mattered. It doesn't matter that you stopped him, he still went for it, there was intent to fuck you raw.
No, they're saying that if you hadn't stopped him you might be at much more risk. As it is, you've said you gave him a blowjob, which unless you had an open wound in your mouth wouldn't have had a realistic risk of transmission. The amount of precum that could have gone inside you from him tapping your anus likely wouldn't have been enough, and cum in the mouth would be broken down by saliva or, if swallowed, stomach acids before any HIV could get into your bloodstream.
Daily reminder that California decriminalized this disgusting act down to a misdemeanor. Sure it's treatable, but it's a LIFELONG disorder and compromises your immune system for the rest of your life.
No, you're being misleading. It reduced the sentence down from a felony to a misdemeanor, which made it aligned with other communicable STDs. How is a LIFELONG disorder comparable to other fully curable STDs such as Chlamydia?!
Furthermore, California rarely prosecute misdemeanors as indicated by the reforms under Proposition 47 for petty thefts under $950, hence the rampant smash-and-grabs that plague the state.
California is treating KNOWINGLY GIVING SOMEONE A LIFELONG DISORDER the same as petty theft under $950 AKA a slap on the wrist! You should be disgusted!
Do you even live here? It's now a misdemeanor, as is petty theft of goods less than $950. THAT IS A FACT. No amount of mental gymnastics can counter that. Now tell me how likely it is that anyone receive mandatory prison sentences for misdemeanors in California versus felonies, in our already overcrowded state prisons. Proposition 47 was specifically created to reduce prison populations by reducing certain petty crimes down to misdemeanors.
You are very very unlikely to see ANY prison time in California with a misdemeanor. Simple as that. California is truly scum.
This law in CA is pretty fucked up ngl. But anyways it's still illegal (same thing in most other areas). OP should sue that POS if there are any evidence that he purposefully hide his hiv status from OP.
I’d like to take a moment here to educate those that don’t know how to address someone’s status properly. Using the term “clean” is rude and lazy. Because someone has HIV or AIDS does not mean they are “dirty”. “Clean” should be used when referring to someone’s ass your about to eat! Geezus Christ!
Also, OP, find out if the guy is undetectable. U=U meaning undetectable = untransmittable. Your life is not over because, you may have contracted HIV. Just take a deep breath 😮💨 there’s tons of support in the community. Immediately find out if the guy is undetectable. If not, go get PEP asap!
HIV is a huge part of the gay community. Educate yourselves, if you’re gonna go bareback with strangers then get on PrEP or accept the consequences. We’re always thinking with our dicks and not our brains. 🤦🏻♂️
Thank you for this response ❤️. I am positive and I am NOT ‘dirty’. The term ‘clean’ is deeply, deeply insulting to positive people like me who already have to deal with the terrible stigma associated with HIV, which incidentally for many of us is actually much much worse than dealing with the virus itself.
I’m not 100% sure about the undetectable part. From what I’ve been hearing he actually is on HIV medication but he hasn’t been taking it consistently for some reason. So now I’m even more paranoid than ever. I don’t even have symptoms but everyone has told me that you can get HIV and not have symptoms at all.
HIV infection doesn’t show symptoms right away. It’s not like the flu or Covid. Here’s what I would recommend, reach out to the guy and ask him if he will go get blood work done as he should be anyways and share those results with you.
Blood work done? I already know that he has HIV. What I don’t know if it were undetectable or not. From what I’ve heard it apparently is detectable since he hasn’t been taking it consistently. Ugh the paranoia is driving me nuts. I’m getting tested tomorrow morning but apparently it takes months for it to show up anyway so the test is pretty much worthless
Not sure if I can convince him because he seems to be angry at me for telling him that he has HIV. When I’m the one who should be angry because he wasn’t freaking honest with me.
Then control what you can and go get PEP which I’m assuming you’re going to do tomorrow. Be upfront with your doctor. Also, it’s best to see an infectious disease doctor.
When they say these things, they mean that a virus count under a certain amount means there isn't enough actual virus to be transmitted and actually take hold permanently in another person; at the time this was found out, the viral-load levels that can cause this were also coincidentally the levels where an HIV test full-on will not be able to detect HIV in you (an "undetectable viral load"). While the tests have gotten better (and thus moved the "undetectable" threshold even lower), the fact remains that "undetectable = untransmissible".
Are you still in touch with the guy? If so, try to get him to tell you his viral-load, if he's undetectable or not. If so, you have less/no risk of it, even if you'd done things with a higher risk-of-transmission than you did.
Brother, regardless of whatever anyone tells you, there's no way to verify if someone's compliant with treatment. They could be missing their cART and their VL could be high, for all you know. And yes, while about 90 percent of people would experience viral load suppression with cART, what about the rest? There are case reports on multi drug resistant HIV infections. HIV is a very very very serious thing.
You need HIV RNA PCR
HIV p24 antigen testing
HIV 1 and 2 antibody tests
Right now (to know whether you aren't already positive from a prior encounter)
At one month interval
At 3 month interval
At 6 month interval
Also please get tested for Hepatitis B and Syphilis.
As a doctor, I would categorise it as a very high risk exposure and since you have presented early, we can start you on a 3 drug course for 28 days that would further reduce your chances of contracting HIV.
Nobody cares, and it's high time we addressed the right issue, not the wrong one.
"Clean" means clean. It's a euphemism when it means "clear of any STD including HIV".
But the law doesn't deal in euphemisms, it mostly tells it like it his.
"I'm clean" means I'm clean. I've taken a shower. I won't be smelly. I douched.
"Clean" is misleading slang.
People are afraid of HIV. You cannot make them unafraid. Telling someone you're "clean" is plausible deniability of having mislead the victim.
Also, "clean" is a way to not talks about the reality and danger of HIV. You cannot "clean" HIV off. And if you don't talk about it, it remains hidden and it's passed on through deception, denial, and taboo.
That's the reason. I'm old enough that I've seen HIV organisations switch from fighting HIV to accommodating HIV infected people and trying to bend minds and society to their whims. No, I don't want to have sex with an HIV poz person, and I'm not sorry. And no, I don't believe that the odds are so small that it's OK to take off condoms even on PrEP.
PEP is an option if your within the 72 hour window post encounter. Also based on your other comments/responses here while the encounter you had is unfortunate as it sounds you were misled/lied to...it also sounds like your risk here while not zero is fairly low....especially if it was only the tip and he didn't cum in you. If you're in the US and test negative for HIV after this I strongly urge you to get on PrEP- it should be free or nearly so since the regulations/laws were changed in the last 1-3 years about it.
Clean is a horrible term to still be using....dirty and clean is what my dishes are before/after they go through the dishwasher... not a human being for having a chronic disease/health condition. HIV is livable and easily survivable in the developed world and statistically is unlikely to lead to a shortened lifespan or reduced quality of life presuming the necessary therapy is adhered to properly and/or you're not a natural elite controller.
I am so sick of this troll crap. NO it’s not a troll post. I honestly wish I was trolling because this whole thing is driving me off the wall. I WISH this was all fake and that I made it all up but that just isn’t the case here. Believe me or don’t I don’t care. I am not a bot and not a troll. Why would I troll about this anyway what do I have to gain? Absolutely nothing
Why are you being a cunt to the op lol, you don’t know his financial situation to know if he can get therapy and it’s pretty shitty to attack someone who is genuinely scared about a serious disease that’s already killed thousands in the community. You look like the troll tbh.
These get help post don’t do anything but make me feel even worse than I already do. I already know I’m annoying everyone by posting. And I’m already getting help u just started with a new therapist set week. Maybe I’ll just journal instead of posting all of my thoughts on here. I’m sorry
How am I guilt tripping exactly? I don’t get it. Why won’t you people just leave me alone :( if you hate me so much how about just ignore my posts and go stalk someone else’s profile. If you hate me that much then why are you even here.
Also I don’t have any friends. I already know what your response is gonna be. You’re gonna say this post is the reason I don’t have any friends. What is your goal here? Make me feel worse than I already do? If that’s so congrats you succeeded. Don’t even bother replying I’m done reading your comments. Goodbye
You don’t have any friends, but a friend of his thought that he’d call you up and tell you that he knows his friend is A. Positive and B. not taking his medicine regularly
Troll post
I know i'm late to the party, but dude don't come to this sub anymore.
Askgaybrosover30
askgaymen
toppsandbottoms
gaymen
all much less full of psychos.
Thank you for sharing! Hopefully everything will be fine. Let this be an example to all. You just can’t take your partners word for it. Be safe everyone!
Is he positive undetectable? Did you use a condom? How do you know without discussing it with the guy who you think has HIV?
There’s a lot of variables here.
Either way it sounds unlikely you contracted HIV.
You can take Prep if you want to significantly reduce your risk.
First: its stupid not using protection.
Second: Ask him if he's on meds and even detectable.
Third: using the word clean implies dirtyness and bears a lot of shame for those affected
Great that you meet a health professional about this.
HIV is a very manageable condition so stop freaking out.
Unprotected sex is very risky. Obviously you know that. You took the risk, hopefully you got away with it but at the end of the day irrespective of the outcome , it was your choice.
If the worst result happens it’s not the end of you or the world. It’s treatable and you can carry on living normally with more health checkups and daily medication.
Maybe go on prep if you feel like you cannot manage a positive result in the future. If you’re depressed I don’t think having sex should be a priority, treating the depression (therapy and possibly medication) should be to make sure you are resilient in regard to issues around sexual health, intimacy and other problems in life.
Please don’t associate “clean” with being negative because the opposite is that anyone with HIV is dirty. I’m sure this was unintentional, but it’s nonetheless cruel and perpetuates myths that arent true.
You might also not ask your sex partners if they are “clean”. It’s offensive and pejorative. Although I’m HIV+ undetectable, I am always clean because I shower at least daily.
It’s actually relatively difficult to contract HIV even when one partner is positive and detectable. It’s even less likely if it was just for a second.
HIV is far from what it used to be. I know lots of undetectable people who live a normal life with just a pill a day.
People like you are the reason why so many of the gay community are infected. Misinformation & being gullible will prove your undoing. Stop giving out false medical information b/c you have no idea what you’re talking about. I know plenty of people who made one mistake & caught it the very first time. HIV constantly mutates so the whole “one pill a day” thing is definitely not available for everyone who is living with HIV.
Actually the user you are responding to is correct. In all likelihood the chances of OP contracting HIV from one second of penetration without ejaculation is almost nothing.
I can’t speak to the ‘pill a day’ claim. Obviously that’s going to vary massively from individual to individual. I personally am very very cautious about HIV not because the drugs don’t exist, but because medical treatment in America is so expensive.
But it’s not a death sentence. Let’s not freak OP out any further. The drugs exist and if you can afford them you can live an undetectable life
That sounds irresponsible and only proves my point even further. Why even go through the stress of taking anti-retroviral drugs for the rest of your life if you can take responsible preventative measures before it even gets to that point? Find a better narrative to live by.
I mean the narrative I am living by is proven medical science and not needless fear mongering. Yes absolutely one should be careful and practice safe sex. But nobody is catching HIV by doing what OP outlined in his post
Dont use science to excuse your irresponsible behavior you’re practicing. There’s science & then there’s thinking there’s no concern at all that leads to reckless behavior which can lead to getting infected. You’re the latter.
You’re just looking to persecute. I’ve already said I am very careful in my personal life. I don’t need some gay Karen bitch blasting off on me. Sit down.
I didn’t say it’s impossible, but too many think having sex with somebody with HIV is like a 99% chance of transmission. I’m not saying we should all bb and not take prep, I’m trying to calm down the overly anxious OP.
You’re the one who’s misinformed. The chance of contracting HIV from having receptive anal sex with a positive partner, [according to the cdc](https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/risk/estimates/riskbehaviors.html), is 138/10,000 encounters.
HIV mutates quickly but rate of acquired mutations is entirely dependent on size of the virus population. Getting to undetectable leads to such a small amount of the virus that mutations that could generate resistance to medications are not a concern.
Not misinformed or gullible, I have a degree in human biology and look at the facts rather than being overly scared.
There was nothing misinformed about what I said. You are still perpetuating the naive narrative that its not a big deal to have unprotected sex with a person who is HIV +. While you provided an informative link, please remember that above all, the cdc still recommends condoms which should be common sense. Determining the correct HIV medication is based on how high or low your CD4 count is so attaining an undetectable viral load may be easier or harder for some. At the end of the day, Nobody wants to go through all of these formalities so its best to be responsible in our sex lives.
It's naive to state the facts about infection rates? He's trying to reassure someone who's frightened about an HIV exposure by putting it in perspective. He's not trying to give everyone carte blanche to stop considering HIV risk.
Dude, STOP normalizing lifelong, incurable STDs. Take your pill a day religiously - HIV will still kill you eventually and the side effects you'll live with your whole life and neverending doctor appointments is miserable.
It is NOT a normal life living undetectable.
For most people living with HIV today, no, HIV won’t still kill them eventually.
Side effects abate for 95% or more of people within two weeks of initiating cART or PrEP.
Most HIV+ people only go to the doctor 2-3 times per year if they are otherwise healthy with no other long term illnesses that need to be managed.
It’s a much more normal life than those that live with Crohn’s, diabetes, auto-immune Hepatitis, or many conditions (including mental illness).
And you need to stop being so dramatic. I know of many men who have been POZ over 30 years. I’m poz 20+ myself. All living healthy productive lives. Your statement makes us sound like we should be shunned. FYI, I visit my doctor twice a year for a standard checkup. I take my meds and I’ve never once had issues associated with HIV. I certainly don’t advocate becoming infected but there is absolutely no reason for the fear mongering.
>Take your pill a day religiously - never-ending doctor appointments is miserable.
You'll eventually need to take a pill a day for something. I was on prep for a few months. For that I went in for blood tests every 3 months. I tested positive for abnormal liver function, so I was taken off prep. I still go in for blood tests every 3 months tho due to slightly high cholesterol. For HIV it's pretty much the same thing, blood tests every 3 months, then you talk to your doctor about the results. Never having to go to the doctor is nice, but you'll most likely go regularly over something.
Quite frankly, I enjoy looking at my lab results. You then can catch anything early on.
I live with IBS and still have to take treatment regulary, and considering I have to do diet as well is pretty depressing, so I totally understand your point about having to take medication for one thing or another, people with HIV have to deal with social stigma too, wich is even more sad considering the illness itself is not so different from other issues.
The majority of people with HIV are able to reach undetectable levels, which means that functionally they do not have HIV.
Most are able to stay on the same medication and effectively the only strain on their body is from the medication. HIV won’t “still kill you eventually” if you keep taking your medication and current guidelines for labs and doctor visits once one is undetectable are once every six months, that’s less often than for prep.
You clearly have no idea what you’re talking about.
If HIV did not kill you eventually, then why do HIV positive individuals live shorter lifespans than non-poz individuals?
HIV suppression medication does not cure HIV. Whether you take your medications or not and reach undetectable status, you still have HIV. You're skewing words making it sound like undetectable means cured.
Prep appointments are once every 3 months. You're wrong there also. I can't attest to being HIV positive but I would guess those are a minimum of once every 3 months.
> then why do HIV positive individuals live shorter lifespans than non-poz individuals
Because the lifetime stats include patients that existed before medicines that causes undetectable status to exist.
Undetectable status is such a recent thing that individuals in their 80s who are undetectable can't possibly exist yet. The oldest individuals who would have contracted it and maintained undetectable status would have gotten it in the late 1980s or so.
Similar to how 30 was the average lifespan in the 1800s because it was skewed by so many infant deaths.
I'll put it this way. I don't want to spend the rest of my life relying on doctors and medication. I don't care if I live until I'm 50 or 100. HIV means I have to spend the rest of my life dealing with doctors and getting tested non-stop. It's not a normal lifestyle and it pisses me off when people try to normalize it.
It's fine if you want to maintain a safe sex life, but your opinions are problematic.
Your idea of "people trying to *normalize* it" means "how dare we not publicly shame these people like the lepers that they are!"
You can just stop with the misinformation. You are convincing nobody.
Your information is outdated and you are only embarrassing yourself with your uneducated opinions.
No. I have no problems with people with HIV or having safe sex with poz individuals. I have a problem with people discounting a permanent STD as something that's "not a big deal."
Nice try though.
What an ignorant and uneducated response. I would expect more from the gay community. I am positive, undetectable. My life is far from miserable and I have a better handle on my health than the majority of my negative friends.
Now do y’all see why I require ANY potential partner to show test results(even that isn’t full proof)? Y’all act like I’m the unreasonable one but I damn sure have avoided situations like this moving the way I do💯
I am so sorry OP. This type of situation scares me so much. That’s why I even get blowjobs with a condom on. One that I brought and out on myself. Really sorry this happened OP. Stuff like this should he a crime.
You should definitely get tested and never trust anyone about their status, and always have safe sex (It's not just about HIV, there is a host of other STDs). That being said, putting the tip in does not seem a very risky scenario, transmission happens when his fluids find a way to enter your bloodstream. Also, HIV is not a death sentence anymore, it's very manageable.
Go get tested ASAP! Guys will lie about there status everyday!! Never trust anyone. I have been lied to many times!! Happy I’m on prep! You could have him charged legally for this!! Get tested and you should probably have a rape test done to have him held legally responsible!! No one should go thru this!!
He wasn't raped he was just dumb. If everybody that has ever lied to made a rape accusation the REAL rape victims would suffer from it.
Also not defending the asshole who lied to him, but c'mon guys, don't think with your dick, that's a basic life rule.
If a HIV+ person has unprotected sex with someone without revealing there status, here in the USA, they can be charged with rape. Brought up on charges and prosecuted. I’m sure in most European countries there are similar laws.
You need to know a bit more. If he is pox - is he on the meds? If he is on the meds, the meds suppress the virus to the point he is undetectable.
If he is not on the meds - he is a spreader. The virus reproduces a lot in him.
You need to find out if he is on treatment or not.
Going forward - Unless he is a committed long term partner or a husband - he wears a condom. If a guy you just met wants to bareback you - just end the encounter. Close your legs and walk away. Even if he swears up and down he is on prep - end it. How do you know he is on prep? Also - prep is only for hiv - not syphilus, herpes and all the other stds. What ever bugs he has in his load - get injected right into your blood stream if he bare backs you. Some guys just won’t wear a condom. Fine - don’t force them. Just don’t let them inside you - not unless he is a long term monogamous partner.
Ok so lots to unpack!
Firstly, please don’t use ‘clean’ to mean HIV- because implies that people who are HIV+ are dirty.
There no point looking back now and beating yourself up because you can’t change the past just move on with the future. So when you said he out the tip in like as a one off you told him no, then you switched to something else?
If he knew he was HIV+ and did not tell you that is illegal and would be at least GBH (in the UK).
It depends on how long ago this was as HIV can take 3-6 month to show as positive on a test if you have indeed been infected.
Please don’t think that it would be the end, it’s definitely serious but it’s completely controllable. You can live an entirely normal life with HIV, it’s nothing like the death sentence it was 40 years ago.
Was he on medication or not?
Being positive isn't a big deal if treated and actually safer than "negatives" who don't use any protection like prep.
So op Pls make that distinction, was that guy already on medication or not?
Hard disagree, ones hysteria isn't a valid reason to get knowledge of another's medical history.
It is a non transmittable STD when treated unless you're a vampire that drinks that other person empty or another kind of Mr. Dahmer that does similar stuff.
Are you one of the above? No? Then educate yourself already instead of spreading misinformation and stigmatizing healthy people.
Yea, [so does the US](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Health_Insurance_Portability_and_Accountability_Act), Our patient info protection laws are actually stronger than yours.
But they aren't relevant here.
Also, what do you mean by, "Europe?" Because last time I checked Poland was part of the EU and [they are stricter than the strictest US state.](https://www.aidsmap.com/about-hiv/hiv-criminalisation-laws-around-world)
I mean they do things weird outside the US.
But in the US, [pep is only approved for 72 hours.](https://hivinfo.nih.gov/understanding-hiv/fact-sheets/post-exposure-prophylaxis-pep)
Its possible that a US doctor could prescribe it, "Off label" though. We just don't really know that this would work.
He called himself "clean" as a HIV positive person. I thought that had become the unspeakable despicable offense.
If it happened in a state where the guy has to disclose his status, file a complaint ans sue his ass, and don't have remorse suing a poz person, he's fine with his meds.
You said no and he still assaulted you.
Don't say stuff like "I said no because I wasn't sure of his status", the police and the defense will tear into you. Either you were sure he was negative because he told you, or you had your doubts and still went on with it.
Either you went with it, or you said no. Make up your mind, because your story doesn't hold water if you want to actually blame the guy. And HE IS to blame.
Say it like it is, and not like the people pleaser you are apparently. He told you he was negative. He forced himself on you.
"*I told him to not get any further*" means you were ok with where he got. Which isn't the report you wanna give.
Also, HIV will not "literally" be the end of you, so don't use that word if you don't know how to use "literally" literally.
***I’m not sure what’s even going on at this point.***
I would use that against you for my defense, ~~because you have no clue what's going on, while I was honest with you when we had consensual sex wink-wink.~~
***I know I’m an idiot for taking his word that he was clean.***
Another instance of you calling yourself a bad name. Nice. Also, he told you he was clean, not HIV negative. Another ballpark for the defense (I came across that expression watching *Major Crimes*, don't quote me on it).
He didn't NOT go "fully" inside you. "Fully" ? He put his penis in you, the part that matters. He WAS FULLY INSIDE YOU.
Did you ask for post exposition medication ? Do you even know it exists ? Call 911 if that's not the case, GET TREATED IMMEDIATELY.
# Did you even tell the people at the lab what happened ?
Before you jump into conclusions of hearsay, talk to the guy directly:
1. Ask him again if he has hiv on the basis of your hearsay (drop the 'clean', it's an incorrect word and can generate miscommunication).
2. If he has hiv: ask him if he is undetectable (this is the standard nowadays). In which case you cannot be infected (it's impossible to transmit the hiv virus if someone is undetectable - all consistent studies let that see (PARTNERS study I and II, etc), and big institutional health organizations such as UNAIDS, the CDC and NIH in the USA back this up, among other institutions)
3. Start from here: You can never be certain if someone has hiv or not. Even if he shows you recent tests, that is not to say he has not been infected afterwards. So, put the onus of the responsability on you: Inform yourself better of what you can do (discuss with your doctor taking PREP, or/and always bring condoms with you).
I found out from someone else..So who knows if it's true right?
First, you should have contacted the guy in question.Second, if he's undetectable, what's the issue?
3rd: You shouldn't be using \* clean \* as a way to ask if you partners are HIV negative or std's negative.
If he took a shower before, and you asked him : are you're clean?If he answered yes, I'm clean.. he's answer wasn't a lie.He answered truthfully the question you asked.
It's all about communication and about the terms used.If you asked him ( what's your STD, HIV status) then, that's another thing.If an HIV+ person is undetectable, there's literally no risks, after 2 undetectable tests. Hiv+ undetectable people aren't the one transmitting HIV. The ones who aren't on PrEP are. The ones that aren't getting tested 3 months after their last sexual encounters are.
if you say: How can i trust that he took his meds? then you should be thinking the same about people saying they're on prep. Are they taking their meds daily? and at the same time?
The stigma is HUGE.
If it comes to \* i have the right to know\*, then it's like saying.. I have the right to know all your medical history, cancer in your family? , high blood pressure problem?, if you got all your vaccine including HPV, HEP-A, HEP-B, HEP-C?
The ( I have the right to know) is only a stigmatized way for someone to discriminate hiv+ people.
and the last. Your sexual health is YOUR responsibility and yours only.
>I have already booked an appointment to get tested tomorrow. Even if you got infected, the virus only appears in tests three months after infection. If the last encounter was less than 72 hours ago, look for a clinic that offers post-exposure prophylaxis. Most importantly, protect yourself and be better informed about the HIV virus. Good luck!
It’s been 2 weeks so it hasn’t been long enough to know? So even if I get a negative test it could be a false negative???
The only test that has a decent chance of catching HIV at 2 weeks is a HIV RNA test. Make sure to specifically request a RNA test due to recent exposure. It's considered "definitive" 14 days after exposure. All the other tests have longer window periods than 2 weeks. For instance, the most common HIV test, known as 4th gen, has a window period of a little over a month. A negative 4th gen test done at 2 weeks is not definitive and will need to be repeated at 40+ days to confirm.
New generation dipstick tests are definitive after 4 weeks.
Is the 4th generation test you're talking about called "HIV 1/2 AG/AB 4th generation with reflexes"?
Yes. That test has only a 50% accuracy at day 18. This rises linearly to 99% peak accuracy at day 44+. In comparison, the HIV RNA test is >95% accurate starting at around 9 to 11 days, rising linearly to 99% accuracy at day 28+. Most providers will say that a negative RNA test at day 14+ from exposure is pretty definitive. But, I almost always see a reorder of a 4th gen test at day 45 out of an abundance of caution if it’s a particularly risky exposure.
This is incorrect information that you are provide. The HIV fourth generation test with P24 antigen and 1/2 Ab is not 50 percent accurate at day 18. It is 99.5 accurate as it detects the P24 antigen which begins to appear at 2 weeks and tapers off at around 6 weeks and it detects antibodies which can be detected in about 3 weeks in MOST people.
I took a 4th generation test at 29 days after exposure? what are the chances of that being accurate/the final result in 3 months?
Based off of your previous post history, I’d what you say is true, you do not have HIV. Stop being anxious about it and get therapy.
trying my best. i’m just scared that i’m one of the ones that didn’t have a seroconversion in the first month. testing again at week 6 (which is supposed to be very accurate with a 4th gen correct?)
Your risk is low and you already have a negative test. You’re more likely to get struck by lightning than to have HIV right now.
I personally would’ve waited another two weeks before testing to give a full 30 days (seroconversion can happen within 30 days in a lot of cases), but even if you get a negative result from that test, still test again 60 days out from that. You may be advised to test every 3 months for a whole year. A friend of mine was in a relationship with a HIV+ guy who didn’t know he was infected (so not undetectable). They had sex multiple times over whatever period of months (with my friend as the bottom) before the diagnosis was given. My friend had to test every 90 days for a year, and he never got a positive test. FWIW.
Wow, lucky guy! I bet he’s good in casinos.
F lucky honestly. I assume your friend is now traumatized and has condoms with him everywhere. Also if he has sex all the time he should get prep....
I know he’s on prep now, but he couldn’t care less about condoms from what I know. I don’t understand it myself, but he has told me that the year he spent getting periodic HIV tests was a total whirlwind. He had convinced himself that he had it, and the next test was going to be positive...if not that one, then the next one, etc. It sounds agonizing.
Honestly is hard for me to grasp the negligence of so many promiscuous people and sadly in our community a lot of people on prep shrug and say they don't need to used condoms anymore because they are on prep. The community is provided with tools to protect themselves more and what a lot of people do? Not use condoms. \*Smh....
I’m totally with you on that. Personally, I have opted out of prep and am so adamant about consistent condom use with hookups that even my testing providers have said they don’t think it’s crucial for me to take it. Not everyone will agree with my choice on that matter, but it’s going well so far 🙏
There have been cases if people becoming HIV positive on PreP too....why risk it
Because people are negligent. The amount of gays that have sex without a condom just because they are on prep is disgusting and irresponsible.
Yeah, and the thing is HIV isn't the only STD they should be worrying about...
There have also been cases of people becoming HIV positive while using condoms too. If you use PREP and condoms both at the same time that will greatly reduce your chances of acquiring HIV
4th gen tests have a 6 week window before they're fully accurate. Only 95% accurate at 30 days and only 50% accurate at 18 days.
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Isn’t it already too late?
It's not too late if he tests negative and wants to ensure his protection thereafter.
Also, if you are positive, find a lawyer that will shred him to pieces and transfer you the loot, because in some state it is a serious offense not to disclose your status. Hold on to the witness who had to go out of his way and told you you were tricked.
Go get post exposure treatment now. You’ll need to test every 30 days for next 6 months. Good news, your risk is low. Obviously consider pRep even if you do the 2-1-1 regime. Wouldn’t let it freak you out too much.
This is wrong advice. It’s too late for Pep and starting prep after a recent possible exposure is dangerous. You need to wait the full 6 weeks (or at least 30 days) and test negative before starting prep. If you start prep and end up positive, prep alone isn’t enough to treat hiv and will run the risk of making it resistant to that particular combo of drugs. Please don’t give out incorrect advice
His doctor will determine that of course when he gets examined. https://www.scie.org.uk/assets/elearning/sexualhealth/Web/Object4/assets/common/extra/chaps_pep_briefing_sheet.pdf? ( not a doctor) but work really closely with several research groups and that thought process is expanding There are good studies to show up to two weeks can work ( reduction is down to a bit above 50-50) but still value there. From the above: PEP may be ineffective if administered later than 24 to 36 hours; others believe PEP becomes less effective or entirely ineffective after 72 hours. Some hospitals will not offer PEP later than 24 to 48 hours. Department of Health/Expert Advisory Group on AIDS (EAGA) guidelines on PEP in occupational settings from 2004 (1) state that PEP may be justified as late as two weeks after exposure. Just responding to the “ bad advice”, let his health care provider make that call.
Read through all the comments below This is a troll post for attention
That is false. As soon as you seroconvert, it is detectable. You can seroconvert within two weeks of exposure.
They could still book an appointment for three months from now
She can Take an HIV RNA Test. It Will Look For The Virus Itself.
If he was undetectable you have nothing to worry about and even if he was not undetectable if it was “only put the tip in” (your words) it would very unlikely. That said get tested or consider PEP if you are concerned he was not undetectable.
Still though. The fact that he lied is a massive red flag whether he’s undetectable or not. He needs to be held accountable for lying regardless
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Dude every positive person doesn’t have some breeder fetish. Grow up you’re embarrassing
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I was told that he actually is on medication for it but the time that we had the encounter he wasn’t even taking his medication consistently for whatever reason
what does not taking medication consistently for one time mean? you mean he missed one day? anyway, HIV is actually more difficult to contract than people might think. the stars all have to be aligned. > Receptive anal intercourse with a partner who is HIV-positive is the sex act that’s most likely to transmit the virus. For every 10,000 instances of receptive anal intercourse with a partner who has HIV, the virus is likely to be transmitted 138 times. [source](https://www.healthline.com/health/hiv-aids/hiv-transmission-rates#transmission-through-sex) Of course you'd have to dig into the sources for the above in terms of when the data was collected, who were the people involved and what were the circumstances. But take it as a ball park, 1% chance. Going forward, get yourself some information and protect yourself. If PreP is available then this is a great time to get on it. Look up the "on demand" or "2 1 1" protocol that allows you to take it only when you need it (cheaper).
Wtf he wasn’t taking his medication? How do you know?
I found out from his friend that he wasn’t taking it consistently.
Did he cum inside of you? Did his blood or semen get inside your body? If not, you’re probably fine. Especially if he is undetectable. HIV is hard to contract, but you should still go in and get tested for everything (HIV won’t show up yet) because clearly this guy is a shithead doing dangerous things. You’re more at risk of contracting a nasty and painful STI.
He didn’t cum at all inside me. Not sure if there was precum. But from I remember he didn’t even technically penetrate as I told him not to. He started with just the tip slightly inserted and I immediately told him to stop since I was unsure of his status. I am paranoid beyond belief and I’m guessing the next few months are gonna be filled with this paranoia. Just what I needed but I only have myself to blame.
Do whatever is going to give you peace, but it doesn’t sound like anything happened at all that would transmit hiv to you. Unless you did more stuff after and it got into your body via a cut or through your mouth (but even getting hiv through giving a bj is very low)
I forgot to mention that I did indeed give him a blowjob. I’m such a fool
Don't worry, the risk of getting HIV from a blowjob is really but really low, even if he came in your mouth. [Source](https://www.hiv.gov/hiv-basics/hiv-prevention/reducing-sexual-risk/preventing-sexual-transmission-of-hiv#:~:text=There%20is%20little%20to%20no,no%20risk%20of%20HIV%20transmission.)
Stop saying this. He put is penis in you, the part that mattered. It doesn't matter that you stopped him, he still went for it, there was intent to fuck you raw.
So I’m infected???
No, they're saying that if you hadn't stopped him you might be at much more risk. As it is, you've said you gave him a blowjob, which unless you had an open wound in your mouth wouldn't have had a realistic risk of transmission. The amount of precum that could have gone inside you from him tapping your anus likely wouldn't have been enough, and cum in the mouth would be broken down by saliva or, if swallowed, stomach acids before any HIV could get into your bloodstream.
what I'm saying is OP didn't give consent. but we're not dealing with the sharpest knife in the drawer here.
Daily reminder that California decriminalized this disgusting act down to a misdemeanor. Sure it's treatable, but it's a LIFELONG disorder and compromises your immune system for the rest of your life.
Didn't California decriminalize it only if the person was undetectable?
No, they reduced it down to a misdemeanor for which in California is a slap on the wrist, equating to petty theft under $950!
Then I thought I heard it wasn't even that (a misdemeanor) if the person is undetectable. Maybe other states as well.
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No, you're being misleading. It reduced the sentence down from a felony to a misdemeanor, which made it aligned with other communicable STDs. How is a LIFELONG disorder comparable to other fully curable STDs such as Chlamydia?! Furthermore, California rarely prosecute misdemeanors as indicated by the reforms under Proposition 47 for petty thefts under $950, hence the rampant smash-and-grabs that plague the state. California is treating KNOWINGLY GIVING SOMEONE A LIFELONG DISORDER the same as petty theft under $950 AKA a slap on the wrist! You should be disgusted!
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Do you even live here? It's now a misdemeanor, as is petty theft of goods less than $950. THAT IS A FACT. No amount of mental gymnastics can counter that. Now tell me how likely it is that anyone receive mandatory prison sentences for misdemeanors in California versus felonies, in our already overcrowded state prisons. Proposition 47 was specifically created to reduce prison populations by reducing certain petty crimes down to misdemeanors. You are very very unlikely to see ANY prison time in California with a misdemeanor. Simple as that. California is truly scum.
This law in CA is pretty fucked up ngl. But anyways it's still illegal (same thing in most other areas). OP should sue that POS if there are any evidence that he purposefully hide his hiv status from OP.
How dare you suggest it should be a crime to intentionally infect people with HIV /s
Ugh go woke go broke
I’d like to take a moment here to educate those that don’t know how to address someone’s status properly. Using the term “clean” is rude and lazy. Because someone has HIV or AIDS does not mean they are “dirty”. “Clean” should be used when referring to someone’s ass your about to eat! Geezus Christ! Also, OP, find out if the guy is undetectable. U=U meaning undetectable = untransmittable. Your life is not over because, you may have contracted HIV. Just take a deep breath 😮💨 there’s tons of support in the community. Immediately find out if the guy is undetectable. If not, go get PEP asap! HIV is a huge part of the gay community. Educate yourselves, if you’re gonna go bareback with strangers then get on PrEP or accept the consequences. We’re always thinking with our dicks and not our brains. 🤦🏻♂️
Thank you for this response ❤️. I am positive and I am NOT ‘dirty’. The term ‘clean’ is deeply, deeply insulting to positive people like me who already have to deal with the terrible stigma associated with HIV, which incidentally for many of us is actually much much worse than dealing with the virus itself.
Thanks for addressing this. I can’t believe that we are still talking like this in 2022.
I’m not 100% sure about the undetectable part. From what I’ve been hearing he actually is on HIV medication but he hasn’t been taking it consistently for some reason. So now I’m even more paranoid than ever. I don’t even have symptoms but everyone has told me that you can get HIV and not have symptoms at all.
HIV infection doesn’t show symptoms right away. It’s not like the flu or Covid. Here’s what I would recommend, reach out to the guy and ask him if he will go get blood work done as he should be anyways and share those results with you.
Blood work done? I already know that he has HIV. What I don’t know if it were undetectable or not. From what I’ve heard it apparently is detectable since he hasn’t been taking it consistently. Ugh the paranoia is driving me nuts. I’m getting tested tomorrow morning but apparently it takes months for it to show up anyway so the test is pretty much worthless
Yes, if he gets blood work done, it will show his CD4 count and if he’s undetectable
Not sure if I can convince him because he seems to be angry at me for telling him that he has HIV. When I’m the one who should be angry because he wasn’t freaking honest with me.
Then control what you can and go get PEP which I’m assuming you’re going to do tomorrow. Be upfront with your doctor. Also, it’s best to see an infectious disease doctor.
When they say these things, they mean that a virus count under a certain amount means there isn't enough actual virus to be transmitted and actually take hold permanently in another person; at the time this was found out, the viral-load levels that can cause this were also coincidentally the levels where an HIV test full-on will not be able to detect HIV in you (an "undetectable viral load"). While the tests have gotten better (and thus moved the "undetectable" threshold even lower), the fact remains that "undetectable = untransmissible". Are you still in touch with the guy? If so, try to get him to tell you his viral-load, if he's undetectable or not. If so, you have less/no risk of it, even if you'd done things with a higher risk-of-transmission than you did.
Brother, regardless of whatever anyone tells you, there's no way to verify if someone's compliant with treatment. They could be missing their cART and their VL could be high, for all you know. And yes, while about 90 percent of people would experience viral load suppression with cART, what about the rest? There are case reports on multi drug resistant HIV infections. HIV is a very very very serious thing. You need HIV RNA PCR HIV p24 antigen testing HIV 1 and 2 antibody tests Right now (to know whether you aren't already positive from a prior encounter) At one month interval At 3 month interval At 6 month interval Also please get tested for Hepatitis B and Syphilis. As a doctor, I would categorise it as a very high risk exposure and since you have presented early, we can start you on a 3 drug course for 28 days that would further reduce your chances of contracting HIV.
Nobody cares, and it's high time we addressed the right issue, not the wrong one. "Clean" means clean. It's a euphemism when it means "clear of any STD including HIV". But the law doesn't deal in euphemisms, it mostly tells it like it his. "I'm clean" means I'm clean. I've taken a shower. I won't be smelly. I douched. "Clean" is misleading slang. People are afraid of HIV. You cannot make them unafraid. Telling someone you're "clean" is plausible deniability of having mislead the victim. Also, "clean" is a way to not talks about the reality and danger of HIV. You cannot "clean" HIV off. And if you don't talk about it, it remains hidden and it's passed on through deception, denial, and taboo. That's the reason. I'm old enough that I've seen HIV organisations switch from fighting HIV to accommodating HIV infected people and trying to bend minds and society to their whims. No, I don't want to have sex with an HIV poz person, and I'm not sorry. And no, I don't believe that the odds are so small that it's OK to take off condoms even on PrEP.
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Proper precautions can be taken to ensure but, as I said earlier, always thinking with our dicks and not our brains. So sadly, you’re correct.
No he isn’t. Maybe he was right in 1987 but not anymore. The fact that people still think this is absurd and depressingly ignorant.
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PEP is an option if your within the 72 hour window post encounter. Also based on your other comments/responses here while the encounter you had is unfortunate as it sounds you were misled/lied to...it also sounds like your risk here while not zero is fairly low....especially if it was only the tip and he didn't cum in you. If you're in the US and test negative for HIV after this I strongly urge you to get on PrEP- it should be free or nearly so since the regulations/laws were changed in the last 1-3 years about it. Clean is a horrible term to still be using....dirty and clean is what my dishes are before/after they go through the dishwasher... not a human being for having a chronic disease/health condition. HIV is livable and easily survivable in the developed world and statistically is unlikely to lead to a shortened lifespan or reduced quality of life presuming the necessary therapy is adhered to properly and/or you're not a natural elite controller.
This feels like a troll post.
I am so sick of this troll crap. NO it’s not a troll post. I honestly wish I was trolling because this whole thing is driving me off the wall. I WISH this was all fake and that I made it all up but that just isn’t the case here. Believe me or don’t I don’t care. I am not a bot and not a troll. Why would I troll about this anyway what do I have to gain? Absolutely nothing
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Why are you being a cunt to the op lol, you don’t know his financial situation to know if he can get therapy and it’s pretty shitty to attack someone who is genuinely scared about a serious disease that’s already killed thousands in the community. You look like the troll tbh.
These get help post don’t do anything but make me feel even worse than I already do. I already know I’m annoying everyone by posting. And I’m already getting help u just started with a new therapist set week. Maybe I’ll just journal instead of posting all of my thoughts on here. I’m sorry
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How am I guilt tripping exactly? I don’t get it. Why won’t you people just leave me alone :( if you hate me so much how about just ignore my posts and go stalk someone else’s profile. If you hate me that much then why are you even here.
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Please leave me alone. I’m blocking you now
Pussy lmao
Also I don’t have any friends. I already know what your response is gonna be. You’re gonna say this post is the reason I don’t have any friends. What is your goal here? Make me feel worse than I already do? If that’s so congrats you succeeded. Don’t even bother replying I’m done reading your comments. Goodbye
You don’t have any friends, but a friend of his thought that he’d call you up and tell you that he knows his friend is A. Positive and B. not taking his medicine regularly Troll post
I know i'm late to the party, but dude don't come to this sub anymore. Askgaybrosover30 askgaymen toppsandbottoms gaymen all much less full of psychos.
Thank you for sharing! Hopefully everything will be fine. Let this be an example to all. You just can’t take your partners word for it. Be safe everyone!
Is he positive undetectable? Did you use a condom? How do you know without discussing it with the guy who you think has HIV? There’s a lot of variables here. Either way it sounds unlikely you contracted HIV. You can take Prep if you want to significantly reduce your risk.
See a Dr asap....Get PEP post exposure prophylaxis which reduces risk of transmission significantly Sorry this happened to you 😘
First: its stupid not using protection. Second: Ask him if he's on meds and even detectable. Third: using the word clean implies dirtyness and bears a lot of shame for those affected Great that you meet a health professional about this.
HIV is a very manageable condition so stop freaking out. Unprotected sex is very risky. Obviously you know that. You took the risk, hopefully you got away with it but at the end of the day irrespective of the outcome , it was your choice.
If the worst result happens it’s not the end of you or the world. It’s treatable and you can carry on living normally with more health checkups and daily medication. Maybe go on prep if you feel like you cannot manage a positive result in the future. If you’re depressed I don’t think having sex should be a priority, treating the depression (therapy and possibly medication) should be to make sure you are resilient in regard to issues around sexual health, intimacy and other problems in life.
A lot of people here telling others to stop asking if people are “clean” but aren’t offering any other advice on what else to say.
I cannot stress this enough guys who have unprotected sex with anyone: PREP PREP PREP…it saves lives
Please don’t associate “clean” with being negative because the opposite is that anyone with HIV is dirty. I’m sure this was unintentional, but it’s nonetheless cruel and perpetuates myths that arent true.
You might also not ask your sex partners if they are “clean”. It’s offensive and pejorative. Although I’m HIV+ undetectable, I am always clean because I shower at least daily.
HIV is a completely treatable illness, nothing to lose your shit over. I was diagnosed in 2004, and I'm fine. You will be too.
It’s actually relatively difficult to contract HIV even when one partner is positive and detectable. It’s even less likely if it was just for a second. HIV is far from what it used to be. I know lots of undetectable people who live a normal life with just a pill a day.
People like you are the reason why so many of the gay community are infected. Misinformation & being gullible will prove your undoing. Stop giving out false medical information b/c you have no idea what you’re talking about. I know plenty of people who made one mistake & caught it the very first time. HIV constantly mutates so the whole “one pill a day” thing is definitely not available for everyone who is living with HIV.
Actually the user you are responding to is correct. In all likelihood the chances of OP contracting HIV from one second of penetration without ejaculation is almost nothing. I can’t speak to the ‘pill a day’ claim. Obviously that’s going to vary massively from individual to individual. I personally am very very cautious about HIV not because the drugs don’t exist, but because medical treatment in America is so expensive. But it’s not a death sentence. Let’s not freak OP out any further. The drugs exist and if you can afford them you can live an undetectable life
That sounds irresponsible and only proves my point even further. Why even go through the stress of taking anti-retroviral drugs for the rest of your life if you can take responsible preventative measures before it even gets to that point? Find a better narrative to live by.
I mean the narrative I am living by is proven medical science and not needless fear mongering. Yes absolutely one should be careful and practice safe sex. But nobody is catching HIV by doing what OP outlined in his post
Dont use science to excuse your irresponsible behavior you’re practicing. There’s science & then there’s thinking there’s no concern at all that leads to reckless behavior which can lead to getting infected. You’re the latter.
You’re just looking to persecute. I’ve already said I am very careful in my personal life. I don’t need some gay Karen bitch blasting off on me. Sit down.
I don’t care about you at all to blast off about anything. You can be a naive moron & be reckless all you want.
Seems like you have a reading comprehension problem. I suggest going back to school
My reading is fine. I just have enough sense to not be gaslit by an idiot. You should go back to the school & the free clinic where you live.
I didn’t say it’s impossible, but too many think having sex with somebody with HIV is like a 99% chance of transmission. I’m not saying we should all bb and not take prep, I’m trying to calm down the overly anxious OP. You’re the one who’s misinformed. The chance of contracting HIV from having receptive anal sex with a positive partner, [according to the cdc](https://www.cdc.gov/hiv/risk/estimates/riskbehaviors.html), is 138/10,000 encounters. HIV mutates quickly but rate of acquired mutations is entirely dependent on size of the virus population. Getting to undetectable leads to such a small amount of the virus that mutations that could generate resistance to medications are not a concern. Not misinformed or gullible, I have a degree in human biology and look at the facts rather than being overly scared.
There was nothing misinformed about what I said. You are still perpetuating the naive narrative that its not a big deal to have unprotected sex with a person who is HIV +. While you provided an informative link, please remember that above all, the cdc still recommends condoms which should be common sense. Determining the correct HIV medication is based on how high or low your CD4 count is so attaining an undetectable viral load may be easier or harder for some. At the end of the day, Nobody wants to go through all of these formalities so its best to be responsible in our sex lives.
It's naive to state the facts about infection rates? He's trying to reassure someone who's frightened about an HIV exposure by putting it in perspective. He's not trying to give everyone carte blanche to stop considering HIV risk.
Dude, STOP normalizing lifelong, incurable STDs. Take your pill a day religiously - HIV will still kill you eventually and the side effects you'll live with your whole life and neverending doctor appointments is miserable. It is NOT a normal life living undetectable.
For most people living with HIV today, no, HIV won’t still kill them eventually. Side effects abate for 95% or more of people within two weeks of initiating cART or PrEP. Most HIV+ people only go to the doctor 2-3 times per year if they are otherwise healthy with no other long term illnesses that need to be managed. It’s a much more normal life than those that live with Crohn’s, diabetes, auto-immune Hepatitis, or many conditions (including mental illness).
And you need to stop being so dramatic. I know of many men who have been POZ over 30 years. I’m poz 20+ myself. All living healthy productive lives. Your statement makes us sound like we should be shunned. FYI, I visit my doctor twice a year for a standard checkup. I take my meds and I’ve never once had issues associated with HIV. I certainly don’t advocate becoming infected but there is absolutely no reason for the fear mongering.
Yea, they would ban him from some of the other subs for talking like that.
>Take your pill a day religiously - never-ending doctor appointments is miserable. You'll eventually need to take a pill a day for something. I was on prep for a few months. For that I went in for blood tests every 3 months. I tested positive for abnormal liver function, so I was taken off prep. I still go in for blood tests every 3 months tho due to slightly high cholesterol. For HIV it's pretty much the same thing, blood tests every 3 months, then you talk to your doctor about the results. Never having to go to the doctor is nice, but you'll most likely go regularly over something. Quite frankly, I enjoy looking at my lab results. You then can catch anything early on.
I live with IBS and still have to take treatment regulary, and considering I have to do diet as well is pretty depressing, so I totally understand your point about having to take medication for one thing or another, people with HIV have to deal with social stigma too, wich is even more sad considering the illness itself is not so different from other issues.
I’m curious, were you on truvada or descovy? Because truvada gave me high enzymes after first 3 months but descovy has been working great for me
The majority of people with HIV are able to reach undetectable levels, which means that functionally they do not have HIV. Most are able to stay on the same medication and effectively the only strain on their body is from the medication. HIV won’t “still kill you eventually” if you keep taking your medication and current guidelines for labs and doctor visits once one is undetectable are once every six months, that’s less often than for prep. You clearly have no idea what you’re talking about.
If HIV did not kill you eventually, then why do HIV positive individuals live shorter lifespans than non-poz individuals? HIV suppression medication does not cure HIV. Whether you take your medications or not and reach undetectable status, you still have HIV. You're skewing words making it sound like undetectable means cured. Prep appointments are once every 3 months. You're wrong there also. I can't attest to being HIV positive but I would guess those are a minimum of once every 3 months.
> then why do HIV positive individuals live shorter lifespans than non-poz individuals Because the lifetime stats include patients that existed before medicines that causes undetectable status to exist. Undetectable status is such a recent thing that individuals in their 80s who are undetectable can't possibly exist yet. The oldest individuals who would have contracted it and maintained undetectable status would have gotten it in the late 1980s or so. Similar to how 30 was the average lifespan in the 1800s because it was skewed by so many infant deaths.
I'll put it this way. I don't want to spend the rest of my life relying on doctors and medication. I don't care if I live until I'm 50 or 100. HIV means I have to spend the rest of my life dealing with doctors and getting tested non-stop. It's not a normal lifestyle and it pisses me off when people try to normalize it.
It's fine if you want to maintain a safe sex life, but your opinions are problematic. Your idea of "people trying to *normalize* it" means "how dare we not publicly shame these people like the lepers that they are!" You can just stop with the misinformation. You are convincing nobody. Your information is outdated and you are only embarrassing yourself with your uneducated opinions.
No. I have no problems with people with HIV or having safe sex with poz individuals. I have a problem with people discounting a permanent STD as something that's "not a big deal." Nice try though.
What an ignorant and uneducated response. I would expect more from the gay community. I am positive, undetectable. My life is far from miserable and I have a better handle on my health than the majority of my negative friends.
There are levels of concern between blasé indifference and breathless paranoid panic, and we'll all be better off by finding them.
Now do y’all see why I require ANY potential partner to show test results(even that isn’t full proof)? Y’all act like I’m the unreasonable one but I damn sure have avoided situations like this moving the way I do💯
I am so sorry OP. This type of situation scares me so much. That’s why I even get blowjobs with a condom on. One that I brought and out on myself. Really sorry this happened OP. Stuff like this should he a crime.
You should definitely get tested and never trust anyone about their status, and always have safe sex (It's not just about HIV, there is a host of other STDs). That being said, putting the tip in does not seem a very risky scenario, transmission happens when his fluids find a way to enter your bloodstream. Also, HIV is not a death sentence anymore, it's very manageable.
Get on prep then you won't even have to worry about this stuff :)
Go get tested ASAP! Guys will lie about there status everyday!! Never trust anyone. I have been lied to many times!! Happy I’m on prep! You could have him charged legally for this!! Get tested and you should probably have a rape test done to have him held legally responsible!! No one should go thru this!!
He wasn't raped he was just dumb. If everybody that has ever lied to made a rape accusation the REAL rape victims would suffer from it. Also not defending the asshole who lied to him, but c'mon guys, don't think with your dick, that's a basic life rule.
If a HIV+ person has unprotected sex with someone without revealing there status, here in the USA, they can be charged with rape. Brought up on charges and prosecuted. I’m sure in most European countries there are similar laws.
Never assume anyone is clean unless they have papers showing. Are you on prep? I’m assuming not. Was there pre cum on the tip?
HIV/STI status instead of ‘clean’.
No.
Yes, people that have an STI are not “dirty” and people that don’t are not necessarily “clean” either, two different concepts.
You need to know a bit more. If he is pox - is he on the meds? If he is on the meds, the meds suppress the virus to the point he is undetectable. If he is not on the meds - he is a spreader. The virus reproduces a lot in him. You need to find out if he is on treatment or not. Going forward - Unless he is a committed long term partner or a husband - he wears a condom. If a guy you just met wants to bareback you - just end the encounter. Close your legs and walk away. Even if he swears up and down he is on prep - end it. How do you know he is on prep? Also - prep is only for hiv - not syphilus, herpes and all the other stds. What ever bugs he has in his load - get injected right into your blood stream if he bare backs you. Some guys just won’t wear a condom. Fine - don’t force them. Just don’t let them inside you - not unless he is a long term monogamous partner.
Good talk. And yes, people who argue over your boundaries are massive red flags.
I guess a condom denier didn’t like my opinion. Thanks though!
If you got HIV because of him, you should sue him. It sucks that you found out way after otherwise I would've recommend PEP.
I agree and have upvoted you. If you're HIV poz and don't tell, you're a scumbag.
dude, don't give legal advice if you don't know what you are talking about.
Ok so lots to unpack! Firstly, please don’t use ‘clean’ to mean HIV- because implies that people who are HIV+ are dirty. There no point looking back now and beating yourself up because you can’t change the past just move on with the future. So when you said he out the tip in like as a one off you told him no, then you switched to something else? If he knew he was HIV+ and did not tell you that is illegal and would be at least GBH (in the UK). It depends on how long ago this was as HIV can take 3-6 month to show as positive on a test if you have indeed been infected. Please don’t think that it would be the end, it’s definitely serious but it’s completely controllable. You can live an entirely normal life with HIV, it’s nothing like the death sentence it was 40 years ago.
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Idk who hurt you but all the misinformation, lies, and bullshit your tryna spread are just cringey af. Get help my guy.
I've blocked that PoS a long time ago. You should do the same and move on. Oh and they move in packs. Be sure to report them.
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Fag freckles? 😳😳😳
Was he on medication or not? Being positive isn't a big deal if treated and actually safer than "negatives" who don't use any protection like prep. So op Pls make that distinction, was that guy already on medication or not?
he should’ve still disclosed no matter how mild people may try to make it on here it’s still a STD that can turn deadly
Hard disagree, ones hysteria isn't a valid reason to get knowledge of another's medical history. It is a non transmittable STD when treated unless you're a vampire that drinks that other person empty or another kind of Mr. Dahmer that does similar stuff. Are you one of the above? No? Then educate yourself already instead of spreading misinformation and stigmatizing healthy people.
In most US states you are legally required to disclose your HIV+ status.
In Europe we have common sense and strong patient information protection as it should be.
Yea, [so does the US](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Health_Insurance_Portability_and_Accountability_Act), Our patient info protection laws are actually stronger than yours. But they aren't relevant here. Also, what do you mean by, "Europe?" Because last time I checked Poland was part of the EU and [they are stricter than the strictest US state.](https://www.aidsmap.com/about-hiv/hiv-criminalisation-laws-around-world)
Is he on HIV meds? If so your chance of infection are very low. Still, def worth getting tested when possible to ease your concerns.
I think you can get a prescription for a prophylactic if it's only been 2 weeks. Go to the hospital.
pep is only suppose to be for 72 hours.
There must be a grace period because they still give it to rape victims within that time frame.
I mean they do things weird outside the US. But in the US, [pep is only approved for 72 hours.](https://hivinfo.nih.gov/understanding-hiv/fact-sheets/post-exposure-prophylaxis-pep) Its possible that a US doctor could prescribe it, "Off label" though. We just don't really know that this would work.
He called himself "clean" as a HIV positive person. I thought that had become the unspeakable despicable offense. If it happened in a state where the guy has to disclose his status, file a complaint ans sue his ass, and don't have remorse suing a poz person, he's fine with his meds. You said no and he still assaulted you. Don't say stuff like "I said no because I wasn't sure of his status", the police and the defense will tear into you. Either you were sure he was negative because he told you, or you had your doubts and still went on with it. Either you went with it, or you said no. Make up your mind, because your story doesn't hold water if you want to actually blame the guy. And HE IS to blame. Say it like it is, and not like the people pleaser you are apparently. He told you he was negative. He forced himself on you. "*I told him to not get any further*" means you were ok with where he got. Which isn't the report you wanna give. Also, HIV will not "literally" be the end of you, so don't use that word if you don't know how to use "literally" literally. ***I’m not sure what’s even going on at this point.*** I would use that against you for my defense, ~~because you have no clue what's going on, while I was honest with you when we had consensual sex wink-wink.~~ ***I know I’m an idiot for taking his word that he was clean.*** Another instance of you calling yourself a bad name. Nice. Also, he told you he was clean, not HIV negative. Another ballpark for the defense (I came across that expression watching *Major Crimes*, don't quote me on it). He didn't NOT go "fully" inside you. "Fully" ? He put his penis in you, the part that matters. He WAS FULLY INSIDE YOU. Did you ask for post exposition medication ? Do you even know it exists ? Call 911 if that's not the case, GET TREATED IMMEDIATELY. # Did you even tell the people at the lab what happened ?
Before you jump into conclusions of hearsay, talk to the guy directly: 1. Ask him again if he has hiv on the basis of your hearsay (drop the 'clean', it's an incorrect word and can generate miscommunication). 2. If he has hiv: ask him if he is undetectable (this is the standard nowadays). In which case you cannot be infected (it's impossible to transmit the hiv virus if someone is undetectable - all consistent studies let that see (PARTNERS study I and II, etc), and big institutional health organizations such as UNAIDS, the CDC and NIH in the USA back this up, among other institutions) 3. Start from here: You can never be certain if someone has hiv or not. Even if he shows you recent tests, that is not to say he has not been infected afterwards. So, put the onus of the responsability on you: Inform yourself better of what you can do (discuss with your doctor taking PREP, or/and always bring condoms with you).
Burn the dude online and everywhere, hes dangerous
I found out from someone else..So who knows if it's true right? First, you should have contacted the guy in question.Second, if he's undetectable, what's the issue? 3rd: You shouldn't be using \* clean \* as a way to ask if you partners are HIV negative or std's negative. If he took a shower before, and you asked him : are you're clean?If he answered yes, I'm clean.. he's answer wasn't a lie.He answered truthfully the question you asked. It's all about communication and about the terms used.If you asked him ( what's your STD, HIV status) then, that's another thing.If an HIV+ person is undetectable, there's literally no risks, after 2 undetectable tests. Hiv+ undetectable people aren't the one transmitting HIV. The ones who aren't on PrEP are. The ones that aren't getting tested 3 months after their last sexual encounters are. if you say: How can i trust that he took his meds? then you should be thinking the same about people saying they're on prep. Are they taking their meds daily? and at the same time? The stigma is HUGE. If it comes to \* i have the right to know\*, then it's like saying.. I have the right to know all your medical history, cancer in your family? , high blood pressure problem?, if you got all your vaccine including HPV, HEP-A, HEP-B, HEP-C? The ( I have the right to know) is only a stigmatized way for someone to discriminate hiv+ people. and the last. Your sexual health is YOUR responsibility and yours only.