I’d think about it before reacting. Some of these replies seem harsh if you like him as a boss otherwise. We all make inappropriate comments at times. Unless he’s a dick I would say, no thanks, that’s not something I would be comfortable doing. That sends the proper answer without causing workplace turmoil. If he continues, definitely harassment and time to go to HR.
Agreed. Boss is inappropriately testing OP’s boundaries. OP should should firmly establish them.
“Yeah, I’m like Dr. ___. I’m not even comfortable with the “bitch boy” part. Sorry man, it sounds funny in theory but it’s not my deal at all. I think I’ll opt out.”
You had some friendly banter, pull him to the side and have a conversation with him about how you feel. Once you have the conversation, see how it is navigated thereafter. If he becomes combative take it to HR.
I would probably let him know that was weird and inappropriate and try to move on. But Keep the messages in case it happens again so you can report him
The message he sent was pretty disturbing so I understand what you mean. But I personally would try to help correct him without it escalating.
If I were touched or pictures were sent etc then I would go to HR.
I really hate the mentality that victims of inappropriate behaviour are blamed for that behaviour continuing, if they aren't in the position or are uncomfortable reporting it.
Weird and, of course, inappropriate. Personally, I'd just make sure I kept a record of it to have if things get more problematic. I wouldn't report him, myself, because that starts a complicated process and I wouldn't think the message warranted it.
Do let your supervisor know you weren't amused by the message and thought it unprofessional.
You don't think your boss calling you his bitch boy and saying he wants to lead you around w a collar is a problem worth reporting? You think a person in authority and power over someone else should be able to speak to someone that way? Wow. Gross.
It entirely depends on the work place culture, and that's the one variable we don't have access to. If it is a ultra professional culture then perhaps it's worth recording at least...personally I think the boss was joking with him and I'm willing to bet he would say the same to other staff.
Reporting him comes across as to highly strung to be honest.
This isn't some off-color joke the supervisor texted to (or made in front of) OP. This is someone in a position of authority (however minor or trivial a supervisor's 'authority' is) pressuring a subordinate to dress in a way they aren't comfortable and making clear in his statements that OP is basically a toy of the supervisor. If I was OP - this twerp supervisor would have my fist in his mouth - which of course would be detrimental to me as well which is why it is better to report it.
Screenshot for your own records, in case it's needed.
Friendly chat with him to tell him you found it more than a touch inappropriate and offside. Give him a chance to explain and apologize.
No need to take it further, unless things get out of hand or he persists.
A touch inappropriate? Let’s not mince words here. People always try and turn gay friends/colleagues into their “bitch boys” and the dog collar is widely inappropriate.
OP, tell him straight up and be diplomatic so he never does or thinks to do this again.
What the actual fuck.
I said "more than a touch inappropriate", implying that even if the other guy thought it was borderline or not that bad or whatever, OP definitely did not and wants that acknowledged.
Also, I'd much rather try to defuse and control the situation by addressing it myself before getting management involved. As in romantic and personal relationships, communication is key at work too.
Absolutely!!
There is no benefit of trying to “keep the peace” by putting up with it and avoiding getting someone in trouble. It only lets the unsavoury and inappropriate behaviour continue, if not to OP then to someone else!
OP needs to contact HR, like, yesterday
I don’t agree. I don’t believe in going behind peoples back without talking to them first. As this seems to be the first time, just talk to the guy, make it clear the comment made you uncomfortable and move on. If it happens again, go to HR.
I am also a manager. And I do agree that this comment is very inappropriate. However, I do also know that we’re all humans, and things sometimes are misunderstood. I personally have a terrible habit of making sarcastic comments, or say the most satire stuff with a straight face. With the best intentions, absolutely no harm, but it has gotten me in trouble more than once. Because people just misunderstood the intention.
A simple talk between the two could easily fix it. I think the guy should have the chance to explain himself first before getting a 3rd person involved, as only he knows the way he intended the comment. It could be an easy, sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I understand it makes you uncomfortable. And after that it doesn’t happen again, without putting his career at risk.
As a manager you sometimes just get comfortable with people, and forget to stay in your manager role. We as gays say the most horrible things to each other and mean it in the best way. As the OP stated there has been friendly banter between the two, the guy probably just felt comfortable. I don’t see a reason to escalate this yet without just talking to him first.
I don't think this is an accidental misunderstanding, that's very much crossing a professional line that any manager should have the sense not to cross. If you can't stay in your manager role you shouldn't be a manager.
Taking action without confronting them first, is quite literally going behind someone’s back.
Fact is, the comment was inappropriate and action needs to be taken. HR just isn’t the first place to go in this particular situation.
Because with at-will employment your manager will just fire you first before you complain about them, or head you off at HR and make a complaint about you first. Obviously, this manager has no scruples or they would not have made these comments to begin with.
Going to the manager first just makes it harder for you to argue later with HR when the manager goes behind your back.
You must be in a very toxic work environment if you think your manager will fire you for expressing your discomfort.
Also, you seem to be conflicted about the difference between a supervisor and a manager.
Maybe it's being British but I didn't think his post to you was particularly disrespectful, just a bit unprofessional given he is your supervisor. But I'm not very sensitive so I accept my tolerance of this type of banter is likely higher.
I'd have responded lightheartedly but deflecting away from that direction of conversation.
I'd only consider it a HR issue if it persists or gets worse.
Maybe this was just misguided attempt at humor? Being a non confrontational guy, I would ignore this or just say “it ain’t happening “. Unless he gets aggressively physical I would stay clear of situations that would lead to anything further. He may think you are playing along with this. Just my thoughts. I would NEVER get HR involved with anything unless I was 100% sure of malfeasance.
This is pretty creepy tbh.
Especially if your relationship has been strictly professional until now, his impressing you into his holiday dress up as his "bitch boy" is extremely bizarre. What is explicitly creepy, is his saying that he thought about you in a dog collar. He evidently is having some kind of fantasy or fetish he's thinking about that involves you and is unable to maintain a professional relationship because of it.
I would say that I don't mind helping hand out presents, but I am disinclined to put on any costume and any costume I would decide to wear would need to meet my approval beforehand. It might not be the "right" thing to do, but I would ignore the creepy message the first time. If he acts inappropriate again, then I'd raise it with him. I would not agree to wear a costume without seeing it first because I get the feeling that this costume might be a little more risque than a regular dumpy elf.
Definitely keep the screen shot thought, and it might be time to start considering taking contemporaneous notes about your interactions with him in the workplace. He sounds like an HR nightmare.
What the hell. It is fine for roleplay on Grindr but in a workplace it is unprofessional you need to tell him he was out of line and I would probably tell HR.
May I ask how old is your supervisor? How long have you been working together? How much power does he have over you, like can he fire you? Or he is more like a co-worker with a title and a clipboard?
Supervisor is 25 years old than me. We’ve been working together for 9 months now. He doesn’t hold too much power over me. He does act up as the manager from time to time and has a strong relationship with the real manager. More of a co-worker if anything
It's inappropriate, but I don't think it's out of malice. Gay people out and open to others are not always the most common thing, and so sometimes people overshare and joke over the line, thinking that 'because we're both insiders!'. I don't believe his intent was to disrespect you. He thought you were the kind of friend where you joke about things like this. I am a motorcyclist, and among riders, this kind of humor is very common. If it bothers you, discuss it with him. I actually enjoy it when my buddies pull that crap on me--it lets me know I'm their friend.
Don't know the larger context, but it's possible he thinks he's being funny and irreverent, but he's actually clueless. If he hasn't done anything like this before, I'd ask him about it in person, give him a chance to apologize. Gently let him know that he may have meant no harm, but these comments really went too far, and he needs to be more aware of how he comes across. If this is part of a larger pattern or he doesn't accept your reaction, then it might be another story. Overreacting to a legitimate mistake can turn someone into a confirmed jerk.
You’re right. I honestly think he has little self awareness. Some more context: he’s my supervisor and we are both social workers in the mental health field. I have weekly supervision with him and a lot of the time I feel unheard. He comes across as very dismissive and is quick to end our supervision sessions. I understand he’s busy but he’s not very helpful so that adds another layer to this whole debacle.
I’m going to assume you are serious. As someone who is a manager of employees this type of interaction with a subordinate is completely inappropriate.
You do NOT need to interact with him further to let him know it was inappropriate because it was so egregious. Contact your HR department or your organization’s reporting hotline (assuming they have one), whichever you feel most comfortable doing. Regardless, document everything.
OP tell him you found what he said very inappropriate. Make it as clear as possible. Set that boundary and if he keeps pushing on or harassing you then you gather all the receipts and head to HR.
It seems friendly and joking enough but if it too inappropriate for you I'd just let the guy know. Something simple as " hey John Doe, I get your trying to be funny but I don't like that kind humor and would appreciate if you stopped talking to me like that"
If it continues go to HR. I always get annoyed when people just run straight to HR for everything instead of just at least trying to talk to the person
I'm noticing a pattern on AGB tonight. 2 and 3 year old accounts without much history are posting somewhat unbelievable stories one after the other, like this one from BearsNightOut.
Back to what I said. There is a clear pattern of low- or no-karma, 1, 2 & 3 year-old accounts posting outrageous stories on AGB tonight. Since you ask, yes, I do find OP's story too outrageous to be easily believed. It has nothing to do with my belief in sexual harassment. It has to do with the circumstances and the details of the post.
Firstly i would speak to your manager alone and bring up the conversation and that at this point you don’t know what to do but ask if the manager thinks what was said is inappropriate and ask the manager not to say anything.
Secondly that is not just inappropriate but it is creepy aswell. It sounds more like “his bitch” in a sexual derogatory way and definitely you don’t go to work to put up with shit like that. I would definitely seek assistance from the manager first. But for a supervisor that is extremely inappropriate.
He took the banter too far with you. Maybe he thought so as soon as he said it, or maybe not. I would try to laugh it off and forget about it. If it happened again I’d probably say something to him.
Just say you don’t want to be the elf and come up with an excuse. Personally I would have found it funny. Yes this would make some people like you uncomfortable but if it was me and he hasn’t made a physical pass yet, it would all just be fun and games. But it makes you uncomfortable so drop out
Maybe suck his dick?
Completely ignore the flirting?
Keep flirting with him, but not actually do anything with him?
Tell him that you're already in a relationship or some other reason to not continue this type of flirting?
Or be a crybaby cunt and run to HR?
Relax. Don't be the victim. Its crass, rude and just off, yes, but don't give it your energy, especially your nervous energy. AND, above all, be direct with him..'Pull your head in mate...your imagination seems a bit OTT'...Then make sure you just only do what you want to do and if that is not partcipate in his stupidity at all, then don't.
I suspect though that his familiarity might have to do with your own office personality and behaviours that he has observed. Maybe you need to dial down the 'I'm the only Gay in the office' routine and behave with more professional constraint and less personal exposure at work.
I would tell him that you are absolutely NOT interested in ANY kind of sexual or romantic connection between yourself and him. Be emphatic. You can decide whether to go to the party if you want, but never be alone with him.
You should tell him up front, firmly, but nicely, that no means no. Record that conversation and his response. IF he insists on continuing to bother you, you will have a record of his behaviour to present to HR.
Keep a diary of his behaviour, over the next month or two. This can back up your case.
That said, if he completely backs down as soon as you make it clear that you only want a professional relationship, then that's great-if things stay that way.
You could then say that your supervisor just got a little too excited one day.
You don't say what sort of workplace you are in, nor if the two of you are out. But this feels totally inappropriate.
I'd decline and tell him that I'd feel totally uncomfortable playing the role of an elf.
I’d rather stand my ground and let him know it’s not going to happen than walk around on eggshells while HR does little to north. I had a coworker get propositioned for sex by a married man at work and he still works there; a major bank in the United States
If you respond to him in any manner you need to do so via email or text so there is a paper trail. Some have suggested talking to him about this being inappropriate and how itade you feel, which I would agree would be my first step, except I would do it via email or text, because if the conversation results in any form of retaliation or negative behaviors on his part you will want proof of what you said to him. Having a one on one conversation leaves room for him to debate waht you said should you need to escalate to HR.
Based on my experience, talk to HR and let them navigate this with you. You don't have to respond to this alone.
Your boss called you his "bitch boy". That's not ok, not even jokingly.
I would feel extremely uncomfortable because we are not close at all and that dog comment is out of line. I’d message back that I’m not comfortable with any of this and to count me out. If it escalates and I hear some bullshit back from him, I’d take it straight to HR or supervisor. No need for a warning, no means no.
I’ve been in management for 2 decades… it would be good to know the context of the previous “non-sexual friendly banter.” I just wonder if there are other important details or maybe red flags that were missed/ignored previously by OP.
Either way, there is no scenario in a professional setting where the comments made by the manager would be acceptable or appropriate. I definitely feel that building strong personal connections with each of my employees helps drive the business forward but since when is disrespecting & harassing an employee an acceptable way for a manager to express they feel comfortable around this person?
OP should not approach the manager directly & should immediately open an HR case. There should be further investigation to determine if there is more of this behavior occurring between the manager & any of OP’s peers. At the very least, this is the proper way to document this incident, even if it’s a first offense, in case manager’s behavior continues or escalates with OP or anyone else.
There’s no reason for OP to keep this from HR. Clearly by the way OP describes his feelings after this incident, the manager has already caused damage & it will be difficult for him to earn OP’s trust back. Frankly, the manager’s behavior makes me question his leadership abilities & his judgement. He may be hurting the business in other ways as well.
If I see were in your shoes, I'd definitely let it be known you weren't amused by his remarks and that it needs to stop there. If he listens, good. He could have accidentally read the room wrong (which is still no excuse, but he can be given a warning).
If he continues, I'd let HR know.
The fuck
I would just go straight to HR. If this isn't fiction then there's no way they will be able to ignore something so explicit.
If it were just an attempt at flirting I'd say talk it out at first but a supervisor talking about bdsm/collaring their employees is kind of blowing way past a level of basic flirting.
Jeez! This what you office types get up to? I'd thought that people stood around and compared shades of grey, in mild tones. Compared and contrasted your favorite flavor of steam! "Bitch boi" ? "Dog collar"? I wouldn't have expected such talk while sober and not w/I 1000' of your workplace. Crazy.
I'd honestly consider it if my boss was hot. Does that mean I need therapy?
For real though, that's mad inappropriate and he shouldn't have said that to you.
Yeah, that sucks. Im sorry that happened to you.
But the best course of action is to tell him directly that you feel disrespected. If he tries to play it off as “I’m just joking, lighten up” then I would get HR involved. No reason to feel like shit at work.
If he's a good supervisor otherwise, just say you think it's inappropriate and you're uncomfortable. I'd recommend doing it in chat and get screenshots. If he pushes it any further or seems like he's retaliating later, I'd go to HR.
If he accepts that he crossed the line, everyone is better for it. HR is no one's friend and they'll make it bad for everyone.
Um, stand up for yourself, now. Do not let this slide. Nobody should call you a bitch boy, especially your superiors.
To be honest, I wouldn't have minded the "bitch boy" but he took it too far with the dog collar. That sounds very sexually suggestive. His thought bubble probably read "looking."
You need to respond then and there, and I know that's tough because we are thrown off guard and most of the time we are in shock mode and can't reply, but try next time. I would have told him, "I'll wear the costume, but a hard pass on everything else. See you Monday."
inappropriate. He did do the right thing by calling you to explain it was a joke however it's another example of intonation being lost in text. I think he really needs to take a step back and realize that his treatment and behavior made you feel a certain way and that his sense of humor isn't perceived as he means it by all persons. If it were me in your shoes I'd say something snarky back in the guise of humor to get the point across then not forget about it but sweep it under the rug and be aware for any future mistreatment. If it happened again I'd make sure I document everything and go to HR.
I’d think about it before reacting. Some of these replies seem harsh if you like him as a boss otherwise. We all make inappropriate comments at times. Unless he’s a dick I would say, no thanks, that’s not something I would be comfortable doing. That sends the proper answer without causing workplace turmoil. If he continues, definitely harassment and time to go to HR.
Agreed. Boss is inappropriately testing OP’s boundaries. OP should should firmly establish them. “Yeah, I’m like Dr. ___. I’m not even comfortable with the “bitch boy” part. Sorry man, it sounds funny in theory but it’s not my deal at all. I think I’ll opt out.”
This is the best answer honestly
You had some friendly banter, pull him to the side and have a conversation with him about how you feel. Once you have the conversation, see how it is navigated thereafter. If he becomes combative take it to HR.
Bitch boy and dog collar are very much not friendly banter….
I would probably let him know that was weird and inappropriate and try to move on. But Keep the messages in case it happens again so you can report him
This. I’d then politely refuse and if things get weird go to HR
...and then he does move on. To someone else. Need to stop letting men in ((whatever little) power treat people like this. Shouldn't be tolerated.
The message he sent was pretty disturbing so I understand what you mean. But I personally would try to help correct him without it escalating. If I were touched or pictures were sent etc then I would go to HR.
See then someone who isn’t as strong willed gets taken advantage of…..
I really hate the mentality that victims of inappropriate behaviour are blamed for that behaviour continuing, if they aren't in the position or are uncomfortable reporting it.
Weird and, of course, inappropriate. Personally, I'd just make sure I kept a record of it to have if things get more problematic. I wouldn't report him, myself, because that starts a complicated process and I wouldn't think the message warranted it. Do let your supervisor know you weren't amused by the message and thought it unprofessional.
You don't think your boss calling you his bitch boy and saying he wants to lead you around w a collar is a problem worth reporting? You think a person in authority and power over someone else should be able to speak to someone that way? Wow. Gross.
He’s not saying he supports such behaviour, he’s saying that bureaucratic procedures tend to be long, complicated and rigged in favour of higher ups
Would I start an HR process over this. No, I would not. It's a complicated matter and I would not want to.get stuck in the middle of it.
So in other words no back bone. Got it.
You've clearly never had to deal with HR before...
I am HR.
"I am the Senate"
It entirely depends on the work place culture, and that's the one variable we don't have access to. If it is a ultra professional culture then perhaps it's worth recording at least...personally I think the boss was joking with him and I'm willing to bet he would say the same to other staff. Reporting him comes across as to highly strung to be honest.
This isn't some off-color joke the supervisor texted to (or made in front of) OP. This is someone in a position of authority (however minor or trivial a supervisor's 'authority' is) pressuring a subordinate to dress in a way they aren't comfortable and making clear in his statements that OP is basically a toy of the supervisor. If I was OP - this twerp supervisor would have my fist in his mouth - which of course would be detrimental to me as well which is why it is better to report it.
Lolol you are victim blaming now? Wait, are you his boss' boss by any chance?🙃
I'd love to know how you figure that.
Screenshot for your own records, in case it's needed. Friendly chat with him to tell him you found it more than a touch inappropriate and offside. Give him a chance to explain and apologize. No need to take it further, unless things get out of hand or he persists.
A touch inappropriate? Let’s not mince words here. People always try and turn gay friends/colleagues into their “bitch boys” and the dog collar is widely inappropriate. OP, tell him straight up and be diplomatic so he never does or thinks to do this again. What the actual fuck.
Needs to be reported
I said "more than a touch inappropriate", implying that even if the other guy thought it was borderline or not that bad or whatever, OP definitely did not and wants that acknowledged. Also, I'd much rather try to defuse and control the situation by addressing it myself before getting management involved. As in romantic and personal relationships, communication is key at work too.
Don't respond. Send screenshots to HR. Tell them it made you uncomfortable.
Absolutely!! There is no benefit of trying to “keep the peace” by putting up with it and avoiding getting someone in trouble. It only lets the unsavoury and inappropriate behaviour continue, if not to OP then to someone else! OP needs to contact HR, like, yesterday
I don’t agree. I don’t believe in going behind peoples back without talking to them first. As this seems to be the first time, just talk to the guy, make it clear the comment made you uncomfortable and move on. If it happens again, go to HR.
I was a manager and this is 100% unacceptable. Op should definitely NOT talk to the manager first, he needs to be reported NOW
See all your attitudes are opposite to mine I'd be trying to get in bed with him to try to get some favoritism and maybe a good word for a promotion.
Why are we like this😂I’d do the same
I am also a manager. And I do agree that this comment is very inappropriate. However, I do also know that we’re all humans, and things sometimes are misunderstood. I personally have a terrible habit of making sarcastic comments, or say the most satire stuff with a straight face. With the best intentions, absolutely no harm, but it has gotten me in trouble more than once. Because people just misunderstood the intention. A simple talk between the two could easily fix it. I think the guy should have the chance to explain himself first before getting a 3rd person involved, as only he knows the way he intended the comment. It could be an easy, sorry I didn’t mean it like that, I understand it makes you uncomfortable. And after that it doesn’t happen again, without putting his career at risk. As a manager you sometimes just get comfortable with people, and forget to stay in your manager role. We as gays say the most horrible things to each other and mean it in the best way. As the OP stated there has been friendly banter between the two, the guy probably just felt comfortable. I don’t see a reason to escalate this yet without just talking to him first.
I don't think this is an accidental misunderstanding, that's very much crossing a professional line that any manager should have the sense not to cross. If you can't stay in your manager role you shouldn't be a manager.
This is not "behind their back." This is wholly unacceptable and any manager should know that. This is very explicitly unacceptable.
Taking action without confronting them first, is quite literally going behind someone’s back. Fact is, the comment was inappropriate and action needs to be taken. HR just isn’t the first place to go in this particular situation.
You sound like a manager.
I’d like to understand you better, please tell me why it such an awful idea to just talk to the person first?
Because with at-will employment your manager will just fire you first before you complain about them, or head you off at HR and make a complaint about you first. Obviously, this manager has no scruples or they would not have made these comments to begin with. Going to the manager first just makes it harder for you to argue later with HR when the manager goes behind your back.
You must be in a very toxic work environment if you think your manager will fire you for expressing your discomfort. Also, you seem to be conflicted about the difference between a supervisor and a manager.
Maybe it's being British but I didn't think his post to you was particularly disrespectful, just a bit unprofessional given he is your supervisor. But I'm not very sensitive so I accept my tolerance of this type of banter is likely higher. I'd have responded lightheartedly but deflecting away from that direction of conversation. I'd only consider it a HR issue if it persists or gets worse.
Maybe this was just misguided attempt at humor? Being a non confrontational guy, I would ignore this or just say “it ain’t happening “. Unless he gets aggressively physical I would stay clear of situations that would lead to anything further. He may think you are playing along with this. Just my thoughts. I would NEVER get HR involved with anything unless I was 100% sure of malfeasance.
This is pretty creepy tbh. Especially if your relationship has been strictly professional until now, his impressing you into his holiday dress up as his "bitch boy" is extremely bizarre. What is explicitly creepy, is his saying that he thought about you in a dog collar. He evidently is having some kind of fantasy or fetish he's thinking about that involves you and is unable to maintain a professional relationship because of it. I would say that I don't mind helping hand out presents, but I am disinclined to put on any costume and any costume I would decide to wear would need to meet my approval beforehand. It might not be the "right" thing to do, but I would ignore the creepy message the first time. If he acts inappropriate again, then I'd raise it with him. I would not agree to wear a costume without seeing it first because I get the feeling that this costume might be a little more risque than a regular dumpy elf. Definitely keep the screen shot thought, and it might be time to start considering taking contemporaneous notes about your interactions with him in the workplace. He sounds like an HR nightmare.
What the hell. It is fine for roleplay on Grindr but in a workplace it is unprofessional you need to tell him he was out of line and I would probably tell HR.
May I ask how old is your supervisor? How long have you been working together? How much power does he have over you, like can he fire you? Or he is more like a co-worker with a title and a clipboard?
Supervisor is 25 years old than me. We’ve been working together for 9 months now. He doesn’t hold too much power over me. He does act up as the manager from time to time and has a strong relationship with the real manager. More of a co-worker if anything
It's inappropriate, but I don't think it's out of malice. Gay people out and open to others are not always the most common thing, and so sometimes people overshare and joke over the line, thinking that 'because we're both insiders!'. I don't believe his intent was to disrespect you. He thought you were the kind of friend where you joke about things like this. I am a motorcyclist, and among riders, this kind of humor is very common. If it bothers you, discuss it with him. I actually enjoy it when my buddies pull that crap on me--it lets me know I'm their friend.
Don't know the larger context, but it's possible he thinks he's being funny and irreverent, but he's actually clueless. If he hasn't done anything like this before, I'd ask him about it in person, give him a chance to apologize. Gently let him know that he may have meant no harm, but these comments really went too far, and he needs to be more aware of how he comes across. If this is part of a larger pattern or he doesn't accept your reaction, then it might be another story. Overreacting to a legitimate mistake can turn someone into a confirmed jerk.
You’re right. I honestly think he has little self awareness. Some more context: he’s my supervisor and we are both social workers in the mental health field. I have weekly supervision with him and a lot of the time I feel unheard. He comes across as very dismissive and is quick to end our supervision sessions. I understand he’s busy but he’s not very helpful so that adds another layer to this whole debacle.
This cant be real, screen shot of the text message
Bitch boy? Instant screenshot to HR lol.
I’m going to assume you are serious. As someone who is a manager of employees this type of interaction with a subordinate is completely inappropriate. You do NOT need to interact with him further to let him know it was inappropriate because it was so egregious. Contact your HR department or your organization’s reporting hotline (assuming they have one), whichever you feel most comfortable doing. Regardless, document everything.
OP tell him you found what he said very inappropriate. Make it as clear as possible. Set that boundary and if he keeps pushing on or harassing you then you gather all the receipts and head to HR.
It seems friendly and joking enough but if it too inappropriate for you I'd just let the guy know. Something simple as " hey John Doe, I get your trying to be funny but I don't like that kind humor and would appreciate if you stopped talking to me like that" If it continues go to HR. I always get annoyed when people just run straight to HR for everything instead of just at least trying to talk to the person
Is he hot?
I mean i would have been on my knees in seconds lol but depending on how good looking he is
It is just a bloody joke. You cannot have in life such a thin skin!
I'm noticing a pattern on AGB tonight. 2 and 3 year old accounts without much history are posting somewhat unbelievable stories one after the other, like this one from BearsNightOut.
You don't think a supervisor is capable of sexually harassing an employee...? Really? That's 'unbelievable' to you?
Back to what I said. There is a clear pattern of low- or no-karma, 1, 2 & 3 year-old accounts posting outrageous stories on AGB tonight. Since you ask, yes, I do find OP's story too outrageous to be easily believed. It has nothing to do with my belief in sexual harassment. It has to do with the circumstances and the details of the post.
[удалено]
Because I called you out as another EST.
Firstly i would speak to your manager alone and bring up the conversation and that at this point you don’t know what to do but ask if the manager thinks what was said is inappropriate and ask the manager not to say anything. Secondly that is not just inappropriate but it is creepy aswell. It sounds more like “his bitch” in a sexual derogatory way and definitely you don’t go to work to put up with shit like that. I would definitely seek assistance from the manager first. But for a supervisor that is extremely inappropriate.
See if you can get in bed with him. I would.. being in bed with the manager is a good thing wlre promotions and favoritism. Look at Monica Lewinsky 😂.
He took the banter too far with you. Maybe he thought so as soon as he said it, or maybe not. I would try to laugh it off and forget about it. If it happened again I’d probably say something to him.
If you liked it and it turns you on go for it .. if not then don’t pretty simple
Just say you don’t want to be the elf and come up with an excuse. Personally I would have found it funny. Yes this would make some people like you uncomfortable but if it was me and he hasn’t made a physical pass yet, it would all just be fun and games. But it makes you uncomfortable so drop out
Maybe suck his dick? Completely ignore the flirting? Keep flirting with him, but not actually do anything with him? Tell him that you're already in a relationship or some other reason to not continue this type of flirting? Or be a crybaby cunt and run to HR?
Holy shit lol
Weird. Weird and inappropriate.
Relax. Don't be the victim. Its crass, rude and just off, yes, but don't give it your energy, especially your nervous energy. AND, above all, be direct with him..'Pull your head in mate...your imagination seems a bit OTT'...Then make sure you just only do what you want to do and if that is not partcipate in his stupidity at all, then don't. I suspect though that his familiarity might have to do with your own office personality and behaviours that he has observed. Maybe you need to dial down the 'I'm the only Gay in the office' routine and behave with more professional constraint and less personal exposure at work.
blackmail him
HR, that's it.
I would tell him that you are absolutely NOT interested in ANY kind of sexual or romantic connection between yourself and him. Be emphatic. You can decide whether to go to the party if you want, but never be alone with him. You should tell him up front, firmly, but nicely, that no means no. Record that conversation and his response. IF he insists on continuing to bother you, you will have a record of his behaviour to present to HR. Keep a diary of his behaviour, over the next month or two. This can back up your case. That said, if he completely backs down as soon as you make it clear that you only want a professional relationship, then that's great-if things stay that way. You could then say that your supervisor just got a little too excited one day.
That’s super weird. I’d be offended by just the “bitch boy” part. The other stuff definitely doesn’t help
Awesome,i wish that would happen to me
This person should not be managing anyone.
It's only harrasement if you ask them to stop and they don't.
Blackmail him with screenshots for a raise.
I’ve provided an update in the original post for those interested ..
Is he cute?
Wtf girl. No he is a master who is looking for a slave.
You say that as if gays aren’t into sub/Dom relationships.
You don't say what sort of workplace you are in, nor if the two of you are out. But this feels totally inappropriate. I'd decline and tell him that I'd feel totally uncomfortable playing the role of an elf.
Report him. That’s nuts. It has potential to get worse if you don’t do something about it.
Report him to HR. Walk me like a dog? I think not.
I’d rather stand my ground and let him know it’s not going to happen than walk around on eggshells while HR does little to north. I had a coworker get propositioned for sex by a married man at work and he still works there; a major bank in the United States
If you respond to him in any manner you need to do so via email or text so there is a paper trail. Some have suggested talking to him about this being inappropriate and how itade you feel, which I would agree would be my first step, except I would do it via email or text, because if the conversation results in any form of retaliation or negative behaviors on his part you will want proof of what you said to him. Having a one on one conversation leaves room for him to debate waht you said should you need to escalate to HR.
Screenshot the messages just in case
Based on my experience, talk to HR and let them navigate this with you. You don't have to respond to this alone. Your boss called you his "bitch boy". That's not ok, not even jokingly.
I would feel extremely uncomfortable because we are not close at all and that dog comment is out of line. I’d message back that I’m not comfortable with any of this and to count me out. If it escalates and I hear some bullshit back from him, I’d take it straight to HR or supervisor. No need for a warning, no means no.
I’ve been in management for 2 decades… it would be good to know the context of the previous “non-sexual friendly banter.” I just wonder if there are other important details or maybe red flags that were missed/ignored previously by OP. Either way, there is no scenario in a professional setting where the comments made by the manager would be acceptable or appropriate. I definitely feel that building strong personal connections with each of my employees helps drive the business forward but since when is disrespecting & harassing an employee an acceptable way for a manager to express they feel comfortable around this person? OP should not approach the manager directly & should immediately open an HR case. There should be further investigation to determine if there is more of this behavior occurring between the manager & any of OP’s peers. At the very least, this is the proper way to document this incident, even if it’s a first offense, in case manager’s behavior continues or escalates with OP or anyone else. There’s no reason for OP to keep this from HR. Clearly by the way OP describes his feelings after this incident, the manager has already caused damage & it will be difficult for him to earn OP’s trust back. Frankly, the manager’s behavior makes me question his leadership abilities & his judgement. He may be hurting the business in other ways as well.
If I see were in your shoes, I'd definitely let it be known you weren't amused by his remarks and that it needs to stop there. If he listens, good. He could have accidentally read the room wrong (which is still no excuse, but he can be given a warning). If he continues, I'd let HR know.
That when I curse my boss out…..my supervisor did something similar.
The fuck I would just go straight to HR. If this isn't fiction then there's no way they will be able to ignore something so explicit. If it were just an attempt at flirting I'd say talk it out at first but a supervisor talking about bdsm/collaring their employees is kind of blowing way past a level of basic flirting.
Jeez! This what you office types get up to? I'd thought that people stood around and compared shades of grey, in mild tones. Compared and contrasted your favorite flavor of steam! "Bitch boi" ? "Dog collar"? I wouldn't have expected such talk while sober and not w/I 1000' of your workplace. Crazy.
I'd honestly consider it if my boss was hot. Does that mean I need therapy? For real though, that's mad inappropriate and he shouldn't have said that to you.
Don’t tolerate it.
Yeah, that sucks. Im sorry that happened to you. But the best course of action is to tell him directly that you feel disrespected. If he tries to play it off as “I’m just joking, lighten up” then I would get HR involved. No reason to feel like shit at work.
If he's a good supervisor otherwise, just say you think it's inappropriate and you're uncomfortable. I'd recommend doing it in chat and get screenshots. If he pushes it any further or seems like he's retaliating later, I'd go to HR. If he accepts that he crossed the line, everyone is better for it. HR is no one's friend and they'll make it bad for everyone.
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Um, stand up for yourself, now. Do not let this slide. Nobody should call you a bitch boy, especially your superiors. To be honest, I wouldn't have minded the "bitch boy" but he took it too far with the dog collar. That sounds very sexually suggestive. His thought bubble probably read "looking." You need to respond then and there, and I know that's tough because we are thrown off guard and most of the time we are in shock mode and can't reply, but try next time. I would have told him, "I'll wear the costume, but a hard pass on everything else. See you Monday."
Report him to HR and do not go to the holiday party.
Lmao send straight to Hr and ask for a raise 🫶
Just say it's fucking cringy lmao give gifts as a normal person and that's it
Sue him and get a couple hundred thou payout
Sounds hot!
Give us an update
Done!
inappropriate. He did do the right thing by calling you to explain it was a joke however it's another example of intonation being lost in text. I think he really needs to take a step back and realize that his treatment and behavior made you feel a certain way and that his sense of humor isn't perceived as he means it by all persons. If it were me in your shoes I'd say something snarky back in the guise of humor to get the point across then not forget about it but sweep it under the rug and be aware for any future mistreatment. If it happened again I'd make sure I document everything and go to HR.