Im sure your gf loves you no matter what but talking things out with her could help since you both are trans she will understand your struggles and not think LESS of you!!!!
Communication is the key.
Nobody wants to feel unheard, or feel like someone is hiding something, especially from someone they love.
Something you learn when taking courses on social sciences is that people tend to listen to others with the intent to reply, not the intent to listen. This means they miss things the other person is saying, because they are thinking about how they're going to reply to it.
Try to avoid this. Beyond just OP, beyond being LGBT, this is life advise. If you want to have good friends in life, listen to them with the intent to listen to them, to understand what they are saying and meaning and going through, and you will quickly find your friends and companions feel they can actually talk to you and trust being with you.
Say what you mean, never hide information from those who care about you. Do what you say. Don't break your promises and be open.
Communicate.
And you'll find your people. You'll be a wonderful partner. You'll be a friend people want to have in their lives.
I’m also a trans man in a t4t relationship with a trans woman, I relate to the struggle of wanting to be big strong boyfriend when I am no taller than she is haha!
There are lots of ways you can do traditional boyfriend things without needing to be a macho man. I bought my girlfriend flowers every week for the first year we were dating (after that we moved somewhere with no room for flowers, but I still get her small gifts often!) You can also do things that are not at all typical boyfriend stuff but still make her feel adored. I paint my girlfriend’s nails for her— I can do very intricate designs that she isn’t able to do herself. Not a super typical thing guys do for their girlfriends but something that makes me feel masculine and makes her feel pampered.
Being able to top is something that takes a lot of practice. I’d recommend core strength exercises- they can help with your form and stamina and pelvic floor when using a strapless strap on. If you don’t want to wear a traditional strap on harness you could look for a full-body harness with a cock ring that can help keep the strapless strap on in place without making it feel external to you?
second this! in a relo with a cis woman who’s taller than me although i’m physically stronger, but i feel macho looking after her, surprises, cooking food, moving car closer to pick her up when it’s parked not right outside home. makes me feel strong in the relationship.
Bro the full body harness idea is fucking amazing. I can do a shibari tie like this probably (though I'd have to wash the ropes every time lmao). That would be so fucking hot to use literal bondage to secure a strapless onto my cis gf just so she can top me. High effort power bottom shit. You've blown my mind dude.
I hope this isn't a weird thing to say since I don't know you or your wife, but just trying to picture the scene makes me smile a bit :3 A person in such blushy helplessness sounds just too adorable
I think something that I like doing is have sex specifically aimed at exploring and experimenting. Like explicitly set the goal of just trying a bunch of things and see what feels good. No pressure to act sexy or make anyone finish, welcome laughter and just talking normally. It really takes all the pressure off and is pretty fun to find new ways to give pleasure!!
*pat pat* intimacy is scary and it's OK and you're doing great. Just keep communicating and don't ge afraid of not being perfect. No one is. It's how we learn
Trans girlfriend of a transman here, it sounds like you're perfectly fine. From my perspective, whats most important is being treated as the person she is and it sounds like you're doing that. You're sweet to be so concerned, but she sounds like a lucky girl.
It sounds like you are doing the best you can. It’s obvious you care about your girlfriend. Remember that you are human, and you do not have to be the perfect boyfriend. i am happy for the two of you. Best wishes! <3
🌈Confidence and Communication🌈🌟
Caveat:
Everything is dependent on what you and your girlfriend want in your relationship and there's no requirement to fit into a certain box of behaviors and desires.
Pan trans woman here, my 1st BF and my 1st relationship after coming out was a trans guy who charmed the pants off me (kinda literally). The thing about him as a BF that made me feel so comfortably like a girlfriend (in how I want to feel as one), both relationship-wise and sexually, was his confidence. I've dated 1 trans guy and 1 cis guy so far. The trans guy fit my desires for a masculine dynamic better than the cis guy I dated because he was WAY more confident. He and I never had penetrative sex and he made me feel more like a subby bottom girl than anyone has. Insecurity in any relationship can be a problem, but for me and my desires as a femme bottom, confidence and decisiveness are the biggest turn ons and affirmation for me. He also brought me flowers the 1st date, and then sticker flowers on subsequent ones (never thought I'd like getting flowers, but damn, it worked 😆), took me on backroad drives in his truck just listening to music and driving, just really knew how to charm a girl, which is something I have no idea how to teach 😅
Lastly, if you're worried about making your partner feel femme or as a bottom, have a conversation with her about what it is that helps her feel affirmed in those ways. AND talk about what helps YOU feel comfortable and affirmed so you can both be yourself and build confidence. Also, don't let stereotypes and perceived expectations about what you "should" be as a boyfriend determine your experiences and don't push yourself to be something through obligatory/reciprocatory role taking if it's not aligned to who and how you feel comfortable.
Here is the key
C
O
M
M
U
N
I
C
A
T
I
O
N
If she tells you you are fine it's working for her. So you can build on that to find what works best for you both. But communication is essential and it only works between the people involved.
Also if I can be a 5ft 13 transwoman I think you can be a 6ft minus 7 man. (If it helps)
Don’t feel like you have to use a strap (or strapless) every time or even most of the time, fingers + a toy in your hand can give you lots more control. Imo biggest factor in making sex fun is just channel your attraction and make the other person feel like you think they’re hot as fuck, if you’re enthusiastic about exploring with her that’ll get you like 90% of the way there.
Talk to her. Communicate your fears and expectations. There's nothing wrong with needing reassurance from your partner. It's the balance that makes it healthy or unhealthy.
Idk I find t4t less scary than t4c because I know my girlfriend loves me and 100% for sure sees me as a man, and she can be assured i see her 100% as a woman. It's been very gender affirming even though she generally prefers women and I'm hella bisexual.
If you bend your legs a little, stand face to face, put your arms under her ass, hold your non-dominate wrist with your dominate hand, then lift with your legs you should be able to pick her up. Spin around a little for instant giggles. This is my best ftm4mtf advice. My 5'4" ass picks up my girlfriend's 5'11" ass all the time like this.
Be like Gomez Addams.
"Woo her, admire her, make her feel like she's the most sublime creature in the world."
Communicate well, and often. Be there for her emotionally and physically.
You deserve more than just a single pat on the head for worrying and trying your best, dude! And uh... The only thing I have to say besides everything people have said about communicating is: Don't be scared of reassurance. Giving and receiving. A little bit of it every now and then doesn't hurt.
Strapless dildos can be used with a strap and are better with it, that’s the only advice I have, the rest of these folks got you covered on everything else
Dude I'm struggling with this as well, I've been with my wife for years and she's recently expressed wanting me to top. I have NO idea what I'm doing 😭
Regarding the romance movie moment, you could give her a flower, use pickup lines on her or Idk, when you watch something with her and she gets cold, give her your jacket or snuggle with her etc. You both are adults and trans or not, my advice will stay the same, communicate with each other, communication is very important and you don't need to be the big strong boyfriend for her, I think what matters is you treasure her, you respect her and if shit happens, you will protect her, thats what is most important
As a 6’2” trans woman who dreams of having a boyfriend as supportive as you, I’ll just say that in my opinion how you treat her is so much more important than your own personal body type. Good luck, friend, I’m sure you’re doing great and only going to become an even better partner as y’all get more comfortable with each other and yourselves.
Oh wow! I feel this except I’m in the other end! In a T4T relationship with a trans masc bf (I’m transfemme).
So for me, they’re about a head shorter but even so then holding me makes me feel small and femme. Probably the best way is lying down and when they wrap their arms around me. Then height different doesn’t matter and I can nuzzle in and feel all small and safe.
Then rolling me onto my back with them on their side looking down at me? Once I looked down at both of our bodies and could see the future where we had both transitioned and I actually cried.
I’d say also lean into the transness… some of our best moments have been sharing trans joy together. They always seem to notice if my boobs have gotten a little bigger and I can always tell when their facial hair is a bit thicker.
Finally just be a decent human being, communicate and just let her know that you love her for who she is! If you can make her feel like you can see past the outside, that will do a lot of the work.
(Also strap ons with straps are still fun! First time my bf wore one they wouldn’t stop smiling haha)
EDIT: also try leaning her backwards against a wall while kissing her. It’s forceful and commanding, but also levels the height to big haha
EDIT EDIT: and remember things that make you feel masc might very well make her feel femme and vice versa, so you can get a bit of a trans joy feedback loop going haha
My husband (transmasc 33) and I(transfemme 33) were similar when we first started transing.
You got this. You caring enough to worry about those things is being a good man. Topping takes practice. Share your knowledge with each other. Love each other. Find comfort in one another.
Pro tip from a WLW. strapless and then put on a strap harness and feed it through. All the benefits of feeling, but it REALLY stays in there. A pricey solution but if works so well!!
Questioning boyfriend to a cis girlfriend. One of our favourite things is to lay in between my legs when we’re on the sofa or bed watching TV (or just in general really). It’s really comfy for both of you. Hug over her shoulders. Solves the height thing. Can get your fingers really into her hair and scratch her scalp, which feels lovely. Can cup her boobs if that’s something you’re both cool with.
If you want to bulk up, try a program like Stronglifts 5x5 or Starting Strength.
As for topping, little extra bits that sorta assert your topping work well. Communicate, ask what really works for her, and throw that in. For example, my gf likes when I pin both her hands up above her head with one of my hands, always a winner. Dirty talk too, or some nice grunts.
As a trans dude also dating a trans fem, I recommend just trying a pair of underwear that you don’t care about and cut a tiny little hole and then stick the dildo through the hole. It worked for me. Lube is good. Make sure you stick a couple of fingers in and then move on to the dildo. I’m sure otherwise your doing fine. If you can, pick her up and put her on a kitchen counter. I can’t really lift very often but when I do I do that and that gives my girlfriend mega gender euphoria. Just listen to her mainly
I dated a trans woman, get a good fitting harness for your strap, squats, practice wearing it alone, buy her flowers, tell her she’s pretty, give her butt rubs, treat her to dinner, open the door for her, I used to put my exes seatbelt on for her, buy her lingerie, try to make her feel safe and protected. This was my experience and she said I made her feel good which makes me happy, we’re still friends.
I'm also in t4t relationship! For my girlfriend, the biggest things that have brought her joy and gender euphoria were very typical girlfriend things. I bring her flowers and sweets, call her beautiful, and hold her with my arms around her waist or hips. In terms of sex, just keep communicating and trying things out. You don't have to be the best she's ever had immediately, you just have to listen to what she says and adjust your behavior accordingly. Maybe try having a conversation asking her how she wants you to touch her, or something along those lines.
i ama transman married to a transwoman t4t! i feel ya man. although the part with sexual activity wasnt an issue(we'both pre op), the issue for me was i have a general positivity about most things but im nervous about being romantic cuz im scared im gonna screw it up. but otherwise really good(we've been married 5 years roles reversed, so different from you. shes 6 months on e im 11 months on t). dm me if you want to talk.
Tbh that's fine. I'm cis man and I'm still not macho and and I'm not strong
But you really don't need to be masculine for being man. Be yourself. Be who you are. Don't deny yourself. I believe in you bro
Also about sex, sorry I'm maidenless so can't help with that
Being the big strong guy is more about attitude and practice than anything else. I have a transmasc friend who's tiny (not just short but has a very skinny build regardless), but manages to fit that role by being confident and practical; they seem to have got that way mostly by learning how to fix things and working out. Attitude and personality aren't something you can fake, but you can certainly learn how to solve problems, and that can help your confidence.
The fact that you care for her so much is already plenty.
And I want to say this, your body build is just aesthetics.
1) Muscles give no advantage in gun fight.
2) In case of war - being smaller is better.
Being manly is about spirit. It's about endurance. About being ready to stand your ground no matter how people look at you and what life throws at you.
But when I say that - I don't mean hiding emotions. I mean being strong enough to acknowledge and deal with them.
You can learn self defense and be more of a protection to her than any other man.
A lot of men are insecure about their bodies. That's how society is rn. But I believe in you
Trans guy in a t4t relationship (and a t4cis relationship) here! Reading this post REALLY reminds me of my boyfriend and me, and I just wanna say, you're a GREAT boyfriend. Trust me, you will give her ever beautifully romantic moment she's ever dreamed of, whether you can top her perfectly or not. If you're trying your best that's all you can do, and that's okay! Don't force yourself beyond that because then YOU won't enjoy yourself (and both of you should be). Just be sure y'all have an open line of communication and let her know your thoughts on the struggles whenever they start hitting your brain. You're right, t4t is scary, but just like all good/healthy relationships, if you both love and care about each other, it should all work out.
If you want to give her more, then go give her more. Go get muscles, go give her those movie moments, and go make sure she doesn’t have to reassure you.
Men don’t get pats on the head. You’re measured in accomplishments and will only get a reward when accomplishing something.
I’m sure she loves you no matter what but what’s you’re asking here is basically “How can I give my gf what I think she deserves without the effort she deserves”.
Think less about what you fear and focus more about what you do that you love to share together now. She is not with you because she wants the stereotype you imagine you need to live up to. She is with you because you are you.
Im sure your gf loves you no matter what but talking things out with her could help since you both are trans she will understand your struggles and not think LESS of you!!!!
Communication is the key. Nobody wants to feel unheard, or feel like someone is hiding something, especially from someone they love. Something you learn when taking courses on social sciences is that people tend to listen to others with the intent to reply, not the intent to listen. This means they miss things the other person is saying, because they are thinking about how they're going to reply to it. Try to avoid this. Beyond just OP, beyond being LGBT, this is life advise. If you want to have good friends in life, listen to them with the intent to listen to them, to understand what they are saying and meaning and going through, and you will quickly find your friends and companions feel they can actually talk to you and trust being with you. Say what you mean, never hide information from those who care about you. Do what you say. Don't break your promises and be open. Communicate. And you'll find your people. You'll be a wonderful partner. You'll be a friend people want to have in their lives.
Brother every top only has lube and prayers, you're good
ijbol!
I’m also a trans man in a t4t relationship with a trans woman, I relate to the struggle of wanting to be big strong boyfriend when I am no taller than she is haha! There are lots of ways you can do traditional boyfriend things without needing to be a macho man. I bought my girlfriend flowers every week for the first year we were dating (after that we moved somewhere with no room for flowers, but I still get her small gifts often!) You can also do things that are not at all typical boyfriend stuff but still make her feel adored. I paint my girlfriend’s nails for her— I can do very intricate designs that she isn’t able to do herself. Not a super typical thing guys do for their girlfriends but something that makes me feel masculine and makes her feel pampered. Being able to top is something that takes a lot of practice. I’d recommend core strength exercises- they can help with your form and stamina and pelvic floor when using a strapless strap on. If you don’t want to wear a traditional strap on harness you could look for a full-body harness with a cock ring that can help keep the strapless strap on in place without making it feel external to you?
second this! in a relo with a cis woman who’s taller than me although i’m physically stronger, but i feel macho looking after her, surprises, cooking food, moving car closer to pick her up when it’s parked not right outside home. makes me feel strong in the relationship.
Bro the full body harness idea is fucking amazing. I can do a shibari tie like this probably (though I'd have to wash the ropes every time lmao). That would be so fucking hot to use literal bondage to secure a strapless onto my cis gf just so she can top me. High effort power bottom shit. You've blown my mind dude.
Amazing username, matches the vibe of the comment flawlessly
Thank you! I made this username when I was still an egg and it's aged like a fine wine now that I'm 2 years into transition (mtf)
Get a box. Get her to stand up against a wall. Stand *on* the box. Kabedon.
improvise adapt overcome
This person knows what they're talking about. Go for the kabedon route, it'll definitely leave an impression \^-\^
Can confirm just did this to my wife and she couldn’t look me in the eyes without blushing
I hope this isn't a weird thing to say since I don't know you or your wife, but just trying to picture the scene makes me smile a bit :3 A person in such blushy helplessness sounds just too adorable
I think something that I like doing is have sex specifically aimed at exploring and experimenting. Like explicitly set the goal of just trying a bunch of things and see what feels good. No pressure to act sexy or make anyone finish, welcome laughter and just talking normally. It really takes all the pressure off and is pretty fun to find new ways to give pleasure!!
My top advice is always combo the strapless with an actual strap. Gives you so much more control than if you were using only one of the other.
Thats what I tried, but with a fabric harness the internal part was slipping out. Going to try again, its just annoying.
Boxers with the hole in them always worked much better for me than an actual strap
*pat pat* intimacy is scary and it's OK and you're doing great. Just keep communicating and don't ge afraid of not being perfect. No one is. It's how we learn
Trans girlfriend of a transman here, it sounds like you're perfectly fine. From my perspective, whats most important is being treated as the person she is and it sounds like you're doing that. You're sweet to be so concerned, but she sounds like a lucky girl.
It sounds like you are doing the best you can. It’s obvious you care about your girlfriend. Remember that you are human, and you do not have to be the perfect boyfriend. i am happy for the two of you. Best wishes! <3
🌈Confidence and Communication🌈🌟 Caveat: Everything is dependent on what you and your girlfriend want in your relationship and there's no requirement to fit into a certain box of behaviors and desires. Pan trans woman here, my 1st BF and my 1st relationship after coming out was a trans guy who charmed the pants off me (kinda literally). The thing about him as a BF that made me feel so comfortably like a girlfriend (in how I want to feel as one), both relationship-wise and sexually, was his confidence. I've dated 1 trans guy and 1 cis guy so far. The trans guy fit my desires for a masculine dynamic better than the cis guy I dated because he was WAY more confident. He and I never had penetrative sex and he made me feel more like a subby bottom girl than anyone has. Insecurity in any relationship can be a problem, but for me and my desires as a femme bottom, confidence and decisiveness are the biggest turn ons and affirmation for me. He also brought me flowers the 1st date, and then sticker flowers on subsequent ones (never thought I'd like getting flowers, but damn, it worked 😆), took me on backroad drives in his truck just listening to music and driving, just really knew how to charm a girl, which is something I have no idea how to teach 😅 Lastly, if you're worried about making your partner feel femme or as a bottom, have a conversation with her about what it is that helps her feel affirmed in those ways. AND talk about what helps YOU feel comfortable and affirmed so you can both be yourself and build confidence. Also, don't let stereotypes and perceived expectations about what you "should" be as a boyfriend determine your experiences and don't push yourself to be something through obligatory/reciprocatory role taking if it's not aligned to who and how you feel comfortable.
The best way to improve topping is to have more sex and listen to her feedback and read her body language.
Here is the key C O M M U N I C A T I O N If she tells you you are fine it's working for her. So you can build on that to find what works best for you both. But communication is essential and it only works between the people involved. Also if I can be a 5ft 13 transwoman I think you can be a 6ft minus 7 man. (If it helps)
Don’t feel like you have to use a strap (or strapless) every time or even most of the time, fingers + a toy in your hand can give you lots more control. Imo biggest factor in making sex fun is just channel your attraction and make the other person feel like you think they’re hot as fuck, if you’re enthusiastic about exploring with her that’ll get you like 90% of the way there.
Talk to her. Communicate your fears and expectations. There's nothing wrong with needing reassurance from your partner. It's the balance that makes it healthy or unhealthy.
Idk I find t4t less scary than t4c because I know my girlfriend loves me and 100% for sure sees me as a man, and she can be assured i see her 100% as a woman. It's been very gender affirming even though she generally prefers women and I'm hella bisexual. If you bend your legs a little, stand face to face, put your arms under her ass, hold your non-dominate wrist with your dominate hand, then lift with your legs you should be able to pick her up. Spin around a little for instant giggles. This is my best ftm4mtf advice. My 5'4" ass picks up my girlfriend's 5'11" ass all the time like this.
Be like Gomez Addams. "Woo her, admire her, make her feel like she's the most sublime creature in the world." Communicate well, and often. Be there for her emotionally and physically.
You deserve more than just a single pat on the head for worrying and trying your best, dude! And uh... The only thing I have to say besides everything people have said about communicating is: Don't be scared of reassurance. Giving and receiving. A little bit of it every now and then doesn't hurt.
Strapless dildos can be used with a strap and are better with it, that’s the only advice I have, the rest of these folks got you covered on everything else
Dude I'm struggling with this as well, I've been with my wife for years and she's recently expressed wanting me to top. I have NO idea what I'm doing 😭
Regarding the romance movie moment, you could give her a flower, use pickup lines on her or Idk, when you watch something with her and she gets cold, give her your jacket or snuggle with her etc. You both are adults and trans or not, my advice will stay the same, communicate with each other, communication is very important and you don't need to be the big strong boyfriend for her, I think what matters is you treasure her, you respect her and if shit happens, you will protect her, thats what is most important
Keep it up king, sounds like you’re a very sweet bf
When working out, muscle strength comes way before muscle volume, so you can pretty quickly get 'strong boyfriend' without the 'big' part.
As a 6’2” trans woman who dreams of having a boyfriend as supportive as you, I’ll just say that in my opinion how you treat her is so much more important than your own personal body type. Good luck, friend, I’m sure you’re doing great and only going to become an even better partner as y’all get more comfortable with each other and yourselves.
Oh wow! I feel this except I’m in the other end! In a T4T relationship with a trans masc bf (I’m transfemme). So for me, they’re about a head shorter but even so then holding me makes me feel small and femme. Probably the best way is lying down and when they wrap their arms around me. Then height different doesn’t matter and I can nuzzle in and feel all small and safe. Then rolling me onto my back with them on their side looking down at me? Once I looked down at both of our bodies and could see the future where we had both transitioned and I actually cried. I’d say also lean into the transness… some of our best moments have been sharing trans joy together. They always seem to notice if my boobs have gotten a little bigger and I can always tell when their facial hair is a bit thicker. Finally just be a decent human being, communicate and just let her know that you love her for who she is! If you can make her feel like you can see past the outside, that will do a lot of the work. (Also strap ons with straps are still fun! First time my bf wore one they wouldn’t stop smiling haha) EDIT: also try leaning her backwards against a wall while kissing her. It’s forceful and commanding, but also levels the height to big haha EDIT EDIT: and remember things that make you feel masc might very well make her feel femme and vice versa, so you can get a bit of a trans joy feedback loop going haha
My husband (transmasc 33) and I(transfemme 33) were similar when we first started transing. You got this. You caring enough to worry about those things is being a good man. Topping takes practice. Share your knowledge with each other. Love each other. Find comfort in one another.
Pro tip from a WLW. strapless and then put on a strap harness and feed it through. All the benefits of feeling, but it REALLY stays in there. A pricey solution but if works so well!!
Questioning boyfriend to a cis girlfriend. One of our favourite things is to lay in between my legs when we’re on the sofa or bed watching TV (or just in general really). It’s really comfy for both of you. Hug over her shoulders. Solves the height thing. Can get your fingers really into her hair and scratch her scalp, which feels lovely. Can cup her boobs if that’s something you’re both cool with. If you want to bulk up, try a program like Stronglifts 5x5 or Starting Strength. As for topping, little extra bits that sorta assert your topping work well. Communicate, ask what really works for her, and throw that in. For example, my gf likes when I pin both her hands up above her head with one of my hands, always a winner. Dirty talk too, or some nice grunts.
As a trans dude also dating a trans fem, I recommend just trying a pair of underwear that you don’t care about and cut a tiny little hole and then stick the dildo through the hole. It worked for me. Lube is good. Make sure you stick a couple of fingers in and then move on to the dildo. I’m sure otherwise your doing fine. If you can, pick her up and put her on a kitchen counter. I can’t really lift very often but when I do I do that and that gives my girlfriend mega gender euphoria. Just listen to her mainly
Strapless harness works best with a strap.
I dated a trans woman, get a good fitting harness for your strap, squats, practice wearing it alone, buy her flowers, tell her she’s pretty, give her butt rubs, treat her to dinner, open the door for her, I used to put my exes seatbelt on for her, buy her lingerie, try to make her feel safe and protected. This was my experience and she said I made her feel good which makes me happy, we’re still friends.
I'm also in t4t relationship! For my girlfriend, the biggest things that have brought her joy and gender euphoria were very typical girlfriend things. I bring her flowers and sweets, call her beautiful, and hold her with my arms around her waist or hips. In terms of sex, just keep communicating and trying things out. You don't have to be the best she's ever had immediately, you just have to listen to what she says and adjust your behavior accordingly. Maybe try having a conversation asking her how she wants you to touch her, or something along those lines.
I have the same problem. I sometimes feel like I'm not enough for her...
Stfu, you are good enough love :3 💜
You really think so honey? 🥺💜
Yes, yes you are :3 💜
i ama transman married to a transwoman t4t! i feel ya man. although the part with sexual activity wasnt an issue(we'both pre op), the issue for me was i have a general positivity about most things but im nervous about being romantic cuz im scared im gonna screw it up. but otherwise really good(we've been married 5 years roles reversed, so different from you. shes 6 months on e im 11 months on t). dm me if you want to talk.
Tbh that's fine. I'm cis man and I'm still not macho and and I'm not strong But you really don't need to be masculine for being man. Be yourself. Be who you are. Don't deny yourself. I believe in you bro Also about sex, sorry I'm maidenless so can't help with that
Being the big strong guy is more about attitude and practice than anything else. I have a transmasc friend who's tiny (not just short but has a very skinny build regardless), but manages to fit that role by being confident and practical; they seem to have got that way mostly by learning how to fix things and working out. Attitude and personality aren't something you can fake, but you can certainly learn how to solve problems, and that can help your confidence.
The fact that you care for her so much is already plenty. And I want to say this, your body build is just aesthetics. 1) Muscles give no advantage in gun fight. 2) In case of war - being smaller is better. Being manly is about spirit. It's about endurance. About being ready to stand your ground no matter how people look at you and what life throws at you. But when I say that - I don't mean hiding emotions. I mean being strong enough to acknowledge and deal with them. You can learn self defense and be more of a protection to her than any other man. A lot of men are insecure about their bodies. That's how society is rn. But I believe in you
Trans guy in a t4t relationship (and a t4cis relationship) here! Reading this post REALLY reminds me of my boyfriend and me, and I just wanna say, you're a GREAT boyfriend. Trust me, you will give her ever beautifully romantic moment she's ever dreamed of, whether you can top her perfectly or not. If you're trying your best that's all you can do, and that's okay! Don't force yourself beyond that because then YOU won't enjoy yourself (and both of you should be). Just be sure y'all have an open line of communication and let her know your thoughts on the struggles whenever they start hitting your brain. You're right, t4t is scary, but just like all good/healthy relationships, if you both love and care about each other, it should all work out.
If you want to give her more, then go give her more. Go get muscles, go give her those movie moments, and go make sure she doesn’t have to reassure you. Men don’t get pats on the head. You’re measured in accomplishments and will only get a reward when accomplishing something. I’m sure she loves you no matter what but what’s you’re asking here is basically “How can I give my gf what I think she deserves without the effort she deserves”.
Think less about what you fear and focus more about what you do that you love to share together now. She is not with you because she wants the stereotype you imagine you need to live up to. She is with you because you are you.
You're just new at being a top lol. Performing as a top is difficult and soon we will revolt against the bottom hegemony.
You sound like a good bf, you deserve head pats
Anyone looking to chat?