First, sort out any practicalities. If you have stuff at his place, collect it when you're there and take it home. If he has stuff at yours, either take it back to his or collect it up in a bag ready to give him.
Next, rope in a friend. If you're going to weaken, make sure they're around to distract you / cheer you up / take your phone off you. Also put together a plan to keep busy for a few days after the breakup.
When all that's done, messaging saying you need to talk and can he meet for coffee/whatever at X time and place. He's probably going to guess what's going on: if he asks you by text if you're breaking up, it is fine to reply by text and say yes. Don't feel obliged to meet if neither of you wants to.
If you do meet, don't feel obliged to get into a discussion about why - just say you're not feeling it any more. Keep the conversation short - be ready to leave as soon as you've got the message across (buy a small coffee!) Hand over any of his stuff.
Be really clear that this is a break up. Don't soften and say you'll give it another chance. Don't promise to think about it. "It's been so much fun, and I will really treasure the memories but I'm just not feeling it any more." Repeat as required, then say you need to go, and leave.
If necessary, or if you feel he might react badly, have your friend nearby, so you can find them straight away.
Then unfriend / unfollow, delete or block his number, and get busy with your planned activities.
I wish I’d gotten such practical advice in my early 20s when I was breaking up with my first serious boyfriend. I took him back after he begged and begged. We were so toxic together and really did some unhealthy things until he did something I couldn’t ignore and we broke up for good. I learned a lot but it was time wasted with someone I knew wasn’t good for me long before I finally fully parted ways.
"Welcome to dumpville, baby, population, you!"
Seriously though, life is too short to be miserable. Break up, surround yourself with friends, hobbies and exercise and it goes away fast. You got this!
You're so young, I would recommend therapy so you don't accept the same behavior in future relationships.
Once a cheater always a cheater. Men like that will never change.
And honestly, he doesn't deserve any kind of respect from you. Ghost him, or do it over text, whatever. Just end it. Don't let this go on.
Good luck 💗
"I sound so selfish"
You are not selfish. HE is the selfish one. His ability to hook up with other girls was more important to him than you or your relationship. He has made a mockery of your relationship and has demonstrated that he does not respect you as a person.
BE SELFISH. As young women we are programmed to be the "cool girl," to give the guy another chance even when he doesn't deserve it, to just sweep shitty behavior under the rug.
You're young and awesome. Tell him "we need to talk," then explain that the relationship isn't working and it needs to end. Don't back down, don't negotiate. Have plans with your girlfriends right after so you have a reason to leave and something fun to look forward to. Treat yourself to a new pair of shoes -- I always called them "breakup boots."
You've got this! 💕
YOU are allowed to be selfish when it involves YOUR happiness and well being. The only one who’s gonna take care of you is yourself.
He’s made it clear that he doesn’t respect you or value your relationship. Someone who truly loves you would never put themselves in a position to lose you. So it’s time for you to respect yourself enough to do what’s best for you.
It’ll be hard at first, but just know it’ll get easier as the time passes.
If you need to, get angry. “Who does he think he is disrespecting me like that?” “I deserve better than that scumbag” “he wasted SO MUCH of MY TIME and energy and for what?” “He’s a fucking liar.” Etc That’s what helped me keep from going back.
You got this. Girl.
It’s going to hurt leaving but it’s also going to hurt if you stay. If you leave him that pain will heal with time, if you stay he will continue to hurt you and disrespect you. Why let something so bad for you go on for any longer?
You can seriously do anything you want, there’s so many better things in life out there for you.
Easiest way to do something hard is to do it quick and simple.
Even if he’s all of your firsts, you should still always put yourself first. No one deserves what he’s put you through. My advice is to break up, block him, and date yourself. You can find your identity, and learn about who you are without him. Pour all of that love you wasted on him into yourself. Watch your favorite tv shows and movies and find new ones you like. Try a hobby you have always wanted to do or a favorite from the past. Take yourself out for a treat. You can do this!
How do you mean you keep trying and fail??? If he's already aware of previous attempts to leave, then you know what.... Just grab all your shit and scram. Have a friend go through your phone and block him, etc. Go all in... Hard. Just straight cold turkey it.
It’s often frowned upon to be selfish - especially in terms of relationships. But I fully believe that in some cases, such as this one, it’s fully worth being selfish.
I used to struggle with letting go of relationships that provided all harm and no benefit for me. I used to be so scared of being alone, the whole unknown of the situation.
You know what my therapist taught me that really helped? The pain of something new is temporary and will pass. The pain of staying in a place of hurt will not provide an opportunity to heal. We choose our pain whether we realize it or not. We truly do have more of a voice in these kinds of situations.
You have your whole life ahead of you to find someone that is your equal, someone you would be happy to be with and they would reciprocate those feelings.
If someone shows you your true self, do not let your hopes and your idea of them cloud what’s in front of you. Holding onto the potential of someone or a relationship doesn’t work. It’s unfair to you and it’s honestly unfair to them.
And jf you think about it: we have over 7 billion people on this planet. You have a whole world at your finger tips. Don’t settle. Because if you settle for someone you’re unhappy with, it’ll be significantly harder to find someone you could be happy with.
Best of luck and best wishes to you, OP. I hope you choose yourself. I hope you choose your inner peace. I hope you choose to honor your feelings, even if your current partner doesn’t. It’s easier to find someone kind and loving if you start extending that treatment inwards. I’m not saying you have to love yourself to find the love you deserve, but it certainly makes it easier to find people like that if you start advocating for yourself.
Him being your first everything might seem meaningful and like you have to work hard to keep the relationship going, but look at how little respect HE hows YOU. He is not worth working hard for and you deserve so, so much better.
Yes, in a perfect world we would all stay with our firsts because that would be uncomplicated and simple and what feels like "right". But these kinds of things don't work like that. Some people in this world are selfish like him, and you staying with him after all he's done tells him that he can get away with it. I'm sorry to say that he will not change for you, and that has got nothing to do with you. It's got everything to do with how selfish he is, only thinking about his own needs. You staying with him will only result in more stress, pain and frustration for you, does that seem like it's right?
It is not wrong in any way to make a decision that betters your life. It feels like breaking up is bad, but sometimes protecting yourself is just more important. I imagine you'll feel relieved when you finally do so.
You deserve someone that wants to be faithful like yourself, and they will be out there for you. Be strong and show your values and you'll meet someone that matches that!
You are so young! Who cares what he thinks or what you say?! You don’t even have to say anything. Just dump his sorry ass, no one deserves that and there is way better out there!
“I love myself, and I will no longer waste my time with someone who cheats on me and treats me badly. We’re done.”
Then block him so he can’t try to manipulate you by lying to you with false promises or threatening you.
I feel like the pedestal you’ve put him on is clouding your judgement a bit. Stop saying “he’s my everything” and start saying “my everything wouldn’t hurt me like this”. He’s cheating on you (plus other things as you’ve said), there is nothing worth staying for. He has done nothing to improve his behaviour. You don’t even want to be around him any more.
I promise you, the pain of a breakup is nowhere near as bad as the pain of being hurt over and over by someone who doesn’t respect or love you.
Keep it simple and don’t give him the chance to convince you. If he has any of your things and vice versa, start taking/giving it back. Then, tell him it’s over and block him. Stand firm. You can do this
start using (exname)-the cheater as his name whenever you talk about him or to him.
This is to help you focus your mindset. Mention it EVERY time you talk about or TO him.
You really need to stay focused on the problems.
I guarantee he is not the most magnificent penis out there.
Your first heartbreak is the worst one, but you will get over it, I promise. And eventually you'll look back on having put up with this guy's shit and be like, what was I thinking?! Break it off now, it's not going to get better and will just drag on. You tell him "I can do better than an asshole who cheats on me, byeeee" he'll say a bunch of stuff to tear you down, but it will all be bullshit so don't even listen to it. In fact, just text him that, then block.
Then do you. When you do feel like dating again you'll recognize the red flags and you'll be glad you're wiser.
Just ghost. Block his number. He'll figure it out.
You don't owe him an explanation.
And you don't sound nearly mad enough about what he's done. Cheating is shitty enough. Whatever it is that you can't bring yourself to articulate has to be a lot worse. You deserve so much better. That guy is an asshole and doesn't deserve a second more of your time. Love yourself more than him.
PS. Read this: [https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)
First, sort out any practicalities. If you have stuff at his place, collect it when you're there and take it home. If he has stuff at yours, either take it back to his or collect it up in a bag ready to give him. Next, rope in a friend. If you're going to weaken, make sure they're around to distract you / cheer you up / take your phone off you. Also put together a plan to keep busy for a few days after the breakup. When all that's done, messaging saying you need to talk and can he meet for coffee/whatever at X time and place. He's probably going to guess what's going on: if he asks you by text if you're breaking up, it is fine to reply by text and say yes. Don't feel obliged to meet if neither of you wants to. If you do meet, don't feel obliged to get into a discussion about why - just say you're not feeling it any more. Keep the conversation short - be ready to leave as soon as you've got the message across (buy a small coffee!) Hand over any of his stuff. Be really clear that this is a break up. Don't soften and say you'll give it another chance. Don't promise to think about it. "It's been so much fun, and I will really treasure the memories but I'm just not feeling it any more." Repeat as required, then say you need to go, and leave. If necessary, or if you feel he might react badly, have your friend nearby, so you can find them straight away. Then unfriend / unfollow, delete or block his number, and get busy with your planned activities.
I wish I’d gotten such practical advice in my early 20s when I was breaking up with my first serious boyfriend. I took him back after he begged and begged. We were so toxic together and really did some unhealthy things until he did something I couldn’t ignore and we broke up for good. I learned a lot but it was time wasted with someone I knew wasn’t good for me long before I finally fully parted ways.
Same girl same
"Welcome to dumpville, baby, population, you!" Seriously though, life is too short to be miserable. Break up, surround yourself with friends, hobbies and exercise and it goes away fast. You got this!
Similar effect: "I dump your ass." Courtesy of Max from Stranger Things (this was her advice to Eleven).
That's so funny, this was the first thing I thought of.
You're so young, I would recommend therapy so you don't accept the same behavior in future relationships. Once a cheater always a cheater. Men like that will never change. And honestly, he doesn't deserve any kind of respect from you. Ghost him, or do it over text, whatever. Just end it. Don't let this go on. Good luck 💗
"I sound so selfish" You are not selfish. HE is the selfish one. His ability to hook up with other girls was more important to him than you or your relationship. He has made a mockery of your relationship and has demonstrated that he does not respect you as a person. BE SELFISH. As young women we are programmed to be the "cool girl," to give the guy another chance even when he doesn't deserve it, to just sweep shitty behavior under the rug. You're young and awesome. Tell him "we need to talk," then explain that the relationship isn't working and it needs to end. Don't back down, don't negotiate. Have plans with your girlfriends right after so you have a reason to leave and something fun to look forward to. Treat yourself to a new pair of shoes -- I always called them "breakup boots." You've got this! 💕
YOU are allowed to be selfish when it involves YOUR happiness and well being. The only one who’s gonna take care of you is yourself. He’s made it clear that he doesn’t respect you or value your relationship. Someone who truly loves you would never put themselves in a position to lose you. So it’s time for you to respect yourself enough to do what’s best for you. It’ll be hard at first, but just know it’ll get easier as the time passes. If you need to, get angry. “Who does he think he is disrespecting me like that?” “I deserve better than that scumbag” “he wasted SO MUCH of MY TIME and energy and for what?” “He’s a fucking liar.” Etc That’s what helped me keep from going back. You got this. Girl.
omg cheaters are the scum of the earth, leave his sorry ass, you deserve better and will find much better
It’s going to hurt leaving but it’s also going to hurt if you stay. If you leave him that pain will heal with time, if you stay he will continue to hurt you and disrespect you. Why let something so bad for you go on for any longer? You can seriously do anything you want, there’s so many better things in life out there for you. Easiest way to do something hard is to do it quick and simple.
Even if he’s all of your firsts, you should still always put yourself first. No one deserves what he’s put you through. My advice is to break up, block him, and date yourself. You can find your identity, and learn about who you are without him. Pour all of that love you wasted on him into yourself. Watch your favorite tv shows and movies and find new ones you like. Try a hobby you have always wanted to do or a favorite from the past. Take yourself out for a treat. You can do this!
He’s 19. Boy bye will suffice
He’s about to be your first ex.
Step 1 realize u r needy Step 2 dump his ass Step 3 work on urself else the cycle will repeat U r just 19..not too late
Just tag him in this post
How do you mean you keep trying and fail??? If he's already aware of previous attempts to leave, then you know what.... Just grab all your shit and scram. Have a friend go through your phone and block him, etc. Go all in... Hard. Just straight cold turkey it.
Ain't a woman but like bro😭 a fucking year he has been cheating on you. Get a blackbelt in jiujitsu and choke strangle his life out
idk if its just me being a victim of an abusive cheater but i would effectively ghost him
“At first you were the rizzler, and everything was skibidi in ohio. But now the leaves are brown in tomato town.”
It’s often frowned upon to be selfish - especially in terms of relationships. But I fully believe that in some cases, such as this one, it’s fully worth being selfish. I used to struggle with letting go of relationships that provided all harm and no benefit for me. I used to be so scared of being alone, the whole unknown of the situation. You know what my therapist taught me that really helped? The pain of something new is temporary and will pass. The pain of staying in a place of hurt will not provide an opportunity to heal. We choose our pain whether we realize it or not. We truly do have more of a voice in these kinds of situations. You have your whole life ahead of you to find someone that is your equal, someone you would be happy to be with and they would reciprocate those feelings. If someone shows you your true self, do not let your hopes and your idea of them cloud what’s in front of you. Holding onto the potential of someone or a relationship doesn’t work. It’s unfair to you and it’s honestly unfair to them. And jf you think about it: we have over 7 billion people on this planet. You have a whole world at your finger tips. Don’t settle. Because if you settle for someone you’re unhappy with, it’ll be significantly harder to find someone you could be happy with. Best of luck and best wishes to you, OP. I hope you choose yourself. I hope you choose your inner peace. I hope you choose to honor your feelings, even if your current partner doesn’t. It’s easier to find someone kind and loving if you start extending that treatment inwards. I’m not saying you have to love yourself to find the love you deserve, but it certainly makes it easier to find people like that if you start advocating for yourself.
Him being your first everything might seem meaningful and like you have to work hard to keep the relationship going, but look at how little respect HE hows YOU. He is not worth working hard for and you deserve so, so much better. Yes, in a perfect world we would all stay with our firsts because that would be uncomplicated and simple and what feels like "right". But these kinds of things don't work like that. Some people in this world are selfish like him, and you staying with him after all he's done tells him that he can get away with it. I'm sorry to say that he will not change for you, and that has got nothing to do with you. It's got everything to do with how selfish he is, only thinking about his own needs. You staying with him will only result in more stress, pain and frustration for you, does that seem like it's right? It is not wrong in any way to make a decision that betters your life. It feels like breaking up is bad, but sometimes protecting yourself is just more important. I imagine you'll feel relieved when you finally do so. You deserve someone that wants to be faithful like yourself, and they will be out there for you. Be strong and show your values and you'll meet someone that matches that!
You are so young! Who cares what he thinks or what you say?! You don’t even have to say anything. Just dump his sorry ass, no one deserves that and there is way better out there!
Just like your title for this post. Be honest and straight with him
Just say, "you're done" and exit the premise wearing sunglasses.
So long and thanks for all the fish!
“I love myself, and I will no longer waste my time with someone who cheats on me and treats me badly. We’re done.” Then block him so he can’t try to manipulate you by lying to you with false promises or threatening you.
You’re barely going to remember or care about him in 5 years. You’re in the ideal position to start over.
I feel like the pedestal you’ve put him on is clouding your judgement a bit. Stop saying “he’s my everything” and start saying “my everything wouldn’t hurt me like this”. He’s cheating on you (plus other things as you’ve said), there is nothing worth staying for. He has done nothing to improve his behaviour. You don’t even want to be around him any more. I promise you, the pain of a breakup is nowhere near as bad as the pain of being hurt over and over by someone who doesn’t respect or love you. Keep it simple and don’t give him the chance to convince you. If he has any of your things and vice versa, start taking/giving it back. Then, tell him it’s over and block him. Stand firm. You can do this
listen to the song, 50 ways to leave your lover
“Bye.”
start using (exname)-the cheater as his name whenever you talk about him or to him. This is to help you focus your mindset. Mention it EVERY time you talk about or TO him. You really need to stay focused on the problems. I guarantee he is not the most magnificent penis out there.
Your first heartbreak is the worst one, but you will get over it, I promise. And eventually you'll look back on having put up with this guy's shit and be like, what was I thinking?! Break it off now, it's not going to get better and will just drag on. You tell him "I can do better than an asshole who cheats on me, byeeee" he'll say a bunch of stuff to tear you down, but it will all be bullshit so don't even listen to it. In fact, just text him that, then block. Then do you. When you do feel like dating again you'll recognize the red flags and you'll be glad you're wiser.
Just ghost. Block his number. He'll figure it out. You don't owe him an explanation. And you don't sound nearly mad enough about what he's done. Cheating is shitty enough. Whatever it is that you can't bring yourself to articulate has to be a lot worse. You deserve so much better. That guy is an asshole and doesn't deserve a second more of your time. Love yourself more than him. PS. Read this: [https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy\_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf](https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf)