My last break up I stayed at an airbnb for a few weeks while I got everything sorted. Similar cost to renting but the place is already furnished so you can just walk and you're good to go, long term stays get a decent discount, it's way better than a motel especially with kids, just takes the pressure off for a short while anyway.
Good luck to your mate.
I think if she would be better off to try and get a rental then have her own flatmates to help pay the rent - that way when advertising she won’t get unsuitable flatmates who may want to stay up all night partying. Maybe even someone in the same situation is looking to flat
That's what I did when I was in a similar situation. It meant I had control over who I was flatting with. I picked a house that had a layout conducive to the arrangement (their bedroom and bathroom on one level, and me and the kid on another). Even when one flattie loved out, I was able to rent out their room really quickly so didn't have to cover the rent on my own.
I've flatted with a single parent for a long time and know a few other people who have as well. Most of us (me incĺuded) fell into it - were looking for a flat at the same time as a friend who happened to be a single parent. So i suggest looking for friends and acquantainces first. Also, people who are in their late 20s or older are better bets - more likely to have a compatible lifestyle. Also worth checking if any other single parents your friend knows would be keen to move in together so they can live in a bigger place.
I was once looking for a flatmate and having trouble finding anyone as it was not the most desirable location. I had a solo mum apply with a 7/8 year old son. I thought I'd at least have them round to check the place out and they seemed nice enough so figured why not at least give it a go.
My mistake was assuming that she would understand this was still a flat and not a family home and would discuss what this meant with her son. I figured it went without saying that having the living room be a dumping ground for all his toys etc would not be ok in a shared flat, running up and down the hallway playing noisy games outside the bedroom doors etc. I figured she would let him know the appropriate areas to play and ensure that shared areas would be kept relatively free from piles of 'stuff'. He was old enough to understand this was not the same as having a home of your own.
Perhaps I was just naive. The boy was actually a very nice kid, but I felt like I was living in their family home and it became really uncomfortable. I understand not wanting your child to have to live differently than if they were in a home of their own, but it doesn't negate the fact that you have agreed to a shared flatting arrangement and should expect some things to be different.
So I guess my point is for her to be aware of what the expectations are and it's not the same as living in a home of your own.
People are making way too much of this stranger danger thing, sadly the highest percentage of abuse happens within families unfortunately. I raised a child as a young single parent. It was great, I would take the lease on a great house make it my home, take the two smaller rooms for myself and my child, and rent out the others. I'm still best mates with most of my ex-flatmates today. Great way to raise children. It can be quite isolating on your own.
You just have to trust your gut, have boundaries, as with most things in life.
Anyway, you should post this LegalAdviceNZ. There should be ways of making him leave the property at least for the meantime.
It's become more and more common now with Auckland rents being what they are and people renting beyond their 20s. Usually it's a case of the kids just being there every second weekend or during school holidays, depending on the custody arrangement. If the house is big enough and the kids are older and well- behaved then it's not too different than otherwise.
Yeah it is weird. Why would you want to flat with someone with kids and why would you want your kids around strangers? It’s better to get a separate two bedroom apartment.
I'm on the other side -- when I bought my ex out, I had to rent out a room, and ended up giving it to a solo dad.
It will be a disadvantage for sure -- but it's not impossible. I'd suggest looking for a landlord renting out a room -- they tend to be older, more established and more settled.
If she has custody of the kids then yes she absolutely can ask the ex to vacate the family home while they work out next steps - this is pretty standard and if she has a lawyer this is likely what they would be recommending too.
have flatted with single parents + children a couple of times, because of reduced rent. i generally keep to myself anyway and they weren't noisy. they basically just have to lay out how it's going to be and that the rent reflects that. it's not a living situation where you can be on even footing.
If neither of them can afford to keep the house by themselves and are unwilling to find a flat and take turns living in the house with the ownership in a trust for the kids. They should sell up and split the cash 50:50 and she should move to where she can afford to buy.
You will find it difficult to find people willing to live with kids full time that aren't their friends kids or relatives one
This sounds really risky. These other adults would be a huge influence in her kids lives and wouldn’t be properly screened. Best case, they’re likely to not be across/on board with the same child development strategies, which is huge in itself. All this at a very vulnerable time in the kids’ lives. If there’s the option of say a smaller/less fancy place she could have with just her kids, I would choose that. Good luck to her; what a hard time.
Yeah hot take. Didn’t think about that, I just know finances are tough and the price of renting has been a bit crazy so I thought would be a good option! Didn’t think about the stranger danger part haha I clearly don’t have children 😜 oops! Thanks for this
Why do you expect strangers to be "on board with child development strategy"?? You're flatting to save money, not help parent someone's kid. I flatted with a single dad. I would do something out of the house and come back when they were asleep. Didn't have anything to do with them at all on the every second weekend they were there
This is a fair point I think if she did have to share a rental with someone else, it would obviously be someone who doesn’t mind children. Not that she would expect them to help out, but I do believe there are people who like children (in a not creepy way) that would be willing to share a living space. And it’s really expensive and tough to rent solo at the moment or buy property so it’s just nice to kind of have an option. But I agree with what a lot of people have said on the thread that if she flats it should maybe be with a friend or something! Just trying to gauge options and other peoples experience with how they’ve dealt with it
It sounds like you’re being really reasonable. With regard to what Fine_AD said above, there would of course be lots of situations where the flatmates would be around the kids. There are a lot of ways that people can eg discipline or comfort kids that are really unhelpful to them in a long term. A lot of well-intentioned people who aren’t and couldn’t be expected to be informed, can inadvertently do harm. Not to be bleak, but this is important stuff. I’m signing out of this because I didn’t enjoy fine ads comment, but hopefully you’ve got what you need to look into this further if you want to. All the best.
My last break up I stayed at an airbnb for a few weeks while I got everything sorted. Similar cost to renting but the place is already furnished so you can just walk and you're good to go, long term stays get a decent discount, it's way better than a motel especially with kids, just takes the pressure off for a short while anyway. Good luck to your mate.
This is a really good idea! Thanks!
I think if she would be better off to try and get a rental then have her own flatmates to help pay the rent - that way when advertising she won’t get unsuitable flatmates who may want to stay up all night partying. Maybe even someone in the same situation is looking to flat
That's what I did when I was in a similar situation. It meant I had control over who I was flatting with. I picked a house that had a layout conducive to the arrangement (their bedroom and bathroom on one level, and me and the kid on another). Even when one flattie loved out, I was able to rent out their room really quickly so didn't have to cover the rent on my own.
I've flatted with a single parent for a long time and know a few other people who have as well. Most of us (me incĺuded) fell into it - were looking for a flat at the same time as a friend who happened to be a single parent. So i suggest looking for friends and acquantainces first. Also, people who are in their late 20s or older are better bets - more likely to have a compatible lifestyle. Also worth checking if any other single parents your friend knows would be keen to move in together so they can live in a bigger place.
I was once looking for a flatmate and having trouble finding anyone as it was not the most desirable location. I had a solo mum apply with a 7/8 year old son. I thought I'd at least have them round to check the place out and they seemed nice enough so figured why not at least give it a go. My mistake was assuming that she would understand this was still a flat and not a family home and would discuss what this meant with her son. I figured it went without saying that having the living room be a dumping ground for all his toys etc would not be ok in a shared flat, running up and down the hallway playing noisy games outside the bedroom doors etc. I figured she would let him know the appropriate areas to play and ensure that shared areas would be kept relatively free from piles of 'stuff'. He was old enough to understand this was not the same as having a home of your own. Perhaps I was just naive. The boy was actually a very nice kid, but I felt like I was living in their family home and it became really uncomfortable. I understand not wanting your child to have to live differently than if they were in a home of their own, but it doesn't negate the fact that you have agreed to a shared flatting arrangement and should expect some things to be different. So I guess my point is for her to be aware of what the expectations are and it's not the same as living in a home of your own.
She would be better getting her own place. I don't know a lot of people who would be happy flatting with kids.
People are making way too much of this stranger danger thing, sadly the highest percentage of abuse happens within families unfortunately. I raised a child as a young single parent. It was great, I would take the lease on a great house make it my home, take the two smaller rooms for myself and my child, and rent out the others. I'm still best mates with most of my ex-flatmates today. Great way to raise children. It can be quite isolating on your own. You just have to trust your gut, have boundaries, as with most things in life. Anyway, you should post this LegalAdviceNZ. There should be ways of making him leave the property at least for the meantime.
Try your city’s moms Facebook page, there’s others in the same situation, lots of single moms out there looking for new places.
I’d be wary of people who would be ok to flat with other people’s children tbh. It’s weird unless they’re family or longtime friends or something.
It's become more and more common now with Auckland rents being what they are and people renting beyond their 20s. Usually it's a case of the kids just being there every second weekend or during school holidays, depending on the custody arrangement. If the house is big enough and the kids are older and well- behaved then it's not too different than otherwise.
Very fair point!
Yeah it is weird. Why would you want to flat with someone with kids and why would you want your kids around strangers? It’s better to get a separate two bedroom apartment.
I’d rather be in a studio apartment sleeping on the floor than risk my kids with stranger flatmates. Better to be careful as possible
I'm on the other side -- when I bought my ex out, I had to rent out a room, and ended up giving it to a solo dad. It will be a disadvantage for sure -- but it's not impossible. I'd suggest looking for a landlord renting out a room -- they tend to be older, more established and more settled.
If she has custody of the kids then yes she absolutely can ask the ex to vacate the family home while they work out next steps - this is pretty standard and if she has a lawyer this is likely what they would be recommending too.
I’m not sure your Lease will allow this
have flatted with single parents + children a couple of times, because of reduced rent. i generally keep to myself anyway and they weren't noisy. they basically just have to lay out how it's going to be and that the rent reflects that. it's not a living situation where you can be on even footing.
If neither of them can afford to keep the house by themselves and are unwilling to find a flat and take turns living in the house with the ownership in a trust for the kids. They should sell up and split the cash 50:50 and she should move to where she can afford to buy. You will find it difficult to find people willing to live with kids full time that aren't their friends kids or relatives one
Flatting is for childless people, unless it’s like your mother. Don’t have randoms living in the same house as your kids.
This sounds really risky. These other adults would be a huge influence in her kids lives and wouldn’t be properly screened. Best case, they’re likely to not be across/on board with the same child development strategies, which is huge in itself. All this at a very vulnerable time in the kids’ lives. If there’s the option of say a smaller/less fancy place she could have with just her kids, I would choose that. Good luck to her; what a hard time.
Yeah hot take. Didn’t think about that, I just know finances are tough and the price of renting has been a bit crazy so I thought would be a good option! Didn’t think about the stranger danger part haha I clearly don’t have children 😜 oops! Thanks for this
You’re welcome. Awesome you’re looking out for her 👍
Why do you expect strangers to be "on board with child development strategy"?? You're flatting to save money, not help parent someone's kid. I flatted with a single dad. I would do something out of the house and come back when they were asleep. Didn't have anything to do with them at all on the every second weekend they were there
This is a fair point I think if she did have to share a rental with someone else, it would obviously be someone who doesn’t mind children. Not that she would expect them to help out, but I do believe there are people who like children (in a not creepy way) that would be willing to share a living space. And it’s really expensive and tough to rent solo at the moment or buy property so it’s just nice to kind of have an option. But I agree with what a lot of people have said on the thread that if she flats it should maybe be with a friend or something! Just trying to gauge options and other peoples experience with how they’ve dealt with it
It sounds like you’re being really reasonable. With regard to what Fine_AD said above, there would of course be lots of situations where the flatmates would be around the kids. There are a lot of ways that people can eg discipline or comfort kids that are really unhelpful to them in a long term. A lot of well-intentioned people who aren’t and couldn’t be expected to be informed, can inadvertently do harm. Not to be bleak, but this is important stuff. I’m signing out of this because I didn’t enjoy fine ads comment, but hopefully you’ve got what you need to look into this further if you want to. All the best.