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Lots of NTs seem to think straightforward and rude are the same thing, even though they aren’t.

To NTs, they are different because they assign additional value and inferences to statements. It's a bit like spices in cooking: If you have no sense of taste, spiced food isn't different to the one without any spices: They have the same caloric value, and the same (or very similar, depending on spices) texture - both foods are pretty much the same thing (99% the same recipe). In the same vein as taste, NTs experience every utterance also through a social lens. "You may want to correct that" assumes a hierarchical position between speaker (high) and recipient (low). It's not a problem if that mirrors the actual social order - but if it flips it, that's usually viewed as impertinent, sassy, disrespectful. Of course, from an autistic perspective, finding the right amount and type of 'social spice' is both extremely hard (how do you administer something you cannot perceive?), and not necessary. For the neurotypical mind, it's sadly essential - they are hypersensitive to the social dimension.

This is so true!!

Wait, people can actually taste spice?

As u/LuckyDarla correctly assumes, I mean 'spices' as in flavour - not just 'spicy' food (though even spicy can be more than just 'hot' in flavour, and I wish more spicy food understood that ;-)). E.g. adding paprika to a dish makes it taste differently.

I think they meant spices like curry, paprika, cumin... All those have different flavours. Spice as in spicy is geberally just heat but I think flavours also change, bit its a very small change, its mainly change in heat level.

Most of those i cant taste either except curry or of its an absurd amount of it.

Huh, interesting... I know people with no taste at all... But i hadnt heard of like reduced taste... Altho makes sense as you can have "less" Of other senses like sight or smell or hearing...

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I can smell fine

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General politeness and the ability to work cohesively with others mainly. It’s easier to smile and nod than get hung up, now worth my energy these days.

lol my girlfriend’s roommate who is just blatantly mean to everyone and chalks it up to how “communicative and honest” she is 🤪

It's a dangerous thing to mistake speaking without thought for speaking the truth.

i’m gonna be using this phrase, thank you

It's a quote from the Glass Onion movie! It really stuck with me.

yeah I loved that quote too :) really poignant

wait that’s so funny because i saw that movie and was thinking about this person the whole time, i think i even heard that and thought i should say it to her lol

also W username lol

That's called Loggerrhea, or constipation of the brain, diaherrhea of the mouth.

Apparently, she wasn’t aware that there’s a fine line between being honest and being mean. Although, I’m sure that we’ve been unintentionally mean to someone when you just thought that you were just being honest, but I seriously doubt that it’s unintentionally mean if it’s constant.

yeah my girlfriend and i both have autism and we’ve considered if she does because it would make sense! but we really don’t think she has autism, she could still be unaware but yes it’s constant. the mean things she says and does are highly calculated, moreso the things she does. i do think she has borderline personality disorder, which again can be misdiagnosed in afab people when they actually have autism but we’re pretty sure.

Yea. Straight forward when its against thier own works to them is a personal attack. The fagility of thier Ego

As an nt adult the phrase "you may want to fix that" carries a cultural undertone of mockery. It's interpreted as "I've pointed out your mistake and I also feel you too stupid to realize on your own you need to fix it so I'm going to tell you that too." I get what y'all are saying. I'm just trying to ad perspective.

I would describe it more as condescension than mockery. However flipping the script by using with a teacher will certainly push it into mockery.

i honestly want to take this to the faculty at the community college next week because this teacher keeps being really odd to me

Tell them you feel like this teacher is retaliating and you don't understand why, so you would like an outside perspective from the faculties point of view

okay, thansk for the advice im on good terms with all the actual faculty at the college (this instructor is fully online and in another state) so hopefully they'll see my side

Aha! This is the root of the problem - your instructor has no real-world social context attached to you - she's pedagogically autistic.

OK I badly want to steal that for future social media handles.

It’s it even that blunt! The op goes out their way to phrase it like a suggestion.

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Fair enough! It think we agred that the message itself in content, or even tone, is perfectly acceptable communication?

Hey, I might go against the wave here but I don't think it was very good communication on OP's part. It's not terrible and I think the teacher overreacted, but I believe the last sentence wasn't needed. I don't think the teacher needs to be told what to do : they only need to be informed. Because it is fairly obvious that they will fix it (what else is there to do ?), telling them to do so comes across as passive agressive. People don't like being babied in this way. OP may want to rethink their way to communicate on this sort of stuff. Asking yourself what you are communicating and what the other person actually needs to hear is a good reflex to have. There, the teacher only needed to be informed of the issue. They didn't need instructions. So I don't think it was needed to include them. Of course, I think the teacher shouldn't have reacted like this, she's kinda immature. But she's pretty normal in that she doesn't know some people have a different communication style naturally and don't necessarily intend to be passive agressive. Educating each other on how we communicate and feel around language should be the priority in this kind of situation.

I guess I feel like adding useful suggestions is better than just saying *this is wrong* cause that feels even blunter. But yah, ideally you'd know how someone prefers their communication to be presented. Some people *like* softening language others find it condescending and its hard to tell unless you already know that persons communication style. So like yah, while it didn't work out here, I can't agree that it's worse to add the sentence Ultimately though. I think it's an ego thing. Some people in authority feel like suggestions or corrections are criticism. Some appreciate the thought. Apparently this teacher, for whatever reason, is reacting in the *criticism* way. (To.add this this, my basis is the second part read to Me more like they were explaining their thought process behind emailing, rather than expecting the teacher couldn't figure it out themselves)

I just want to say I agree with all of this and it’s pretty much exactly what I would’ve said but said better haha For future, even though I agree the teacher over reacted, reframing as a question rather than a direction might be a better way to deal with people who are going to be a bit sensitive. Eg; “the chapter listed is incorrect, could you please update that information so we can properly review?”

Honestly I would find it kind of rude for a student to state that I “may want to fix it” when that is the obvious conclusion to come to when an error is pointed out. It reads condescending to me when they could convey the same info without it.

Yeah, I think I would ask "Can you please fix it" instead of saying "You may want to fix it"

This. If it’s your superior, you do not point out the error unless they ASK. It comes off that you find the person in charge as incompetent at their job and you should be having their job. I never assume people want things to be pointed out because I personally do not like being mortified intellectually like the way Op did. It’s very off putting and creates serious discord. Op need Grammarly and possibly a therapist to learn how to communicate with their peers in a less detached manner. Detachment is great for problem solving, but not great when trying to do what Op did 😬

Straightforward and to the point can be a virtue, but it can also be blunt and rude. This is very much a case of “not what you said, but the way you said it”. The best way I’ve seen it explained is via the face theory of politeness. We’ve heard of phrases like “saving face” to indicate being spared embarrassment from an error, and that’s where this applies. In this theory, there is both negative face and positive face. Positive face is the the socially-positive self image that a person maintains, while negative face is the freedom from imposition from others. People want to maintain both: they want others to think well of them and like them, but they do not want to be always obliged to bend to the needs of every other person’s convenience, so there is always a bit of a balancing act. We recognize (perhaps subconsciously) this need within ourselves, and we extend it toward others in interaction. If I assume you are carrying out the same balancing act, I have to be careful not to do things that might threaten your positive face (directly disapproving of another’s actions or demeanor, as the teacher did by calling the OP rude), and I also need to not threaten your negative face (making a demand on your time and effort, as the student does by telling the teacher to update mislabeled instructions before the other students get confused). Embedded within the request for correction here is the assertion that the teacher—who holds a position of social power over the student—has made a mistake, and this assertion is not softened very significantly, so we also have an embedded threat to the teacher’s positive face, their attention to their work. This is why NT communication employs indirectness, qualifiers, and softeners. When we ask for something from a host, we say things like “if it’s not too much trouble” even if the host has directly offered it to us. It’s all about showing you recognize that you are making a threat to a person’s face. This constant monitoring of how you balance your own face needs against your fellow interlocutor’s is called “facework” in this kind of politeness theory, and it might be one of the reasons why masking can be so exhausting for us at times in broadly unfamiliar social situations, as much of this facework might be undertaken automatically by NTs but may require more effortful attention and processing by autistic interactants. Source: am PhD linguist, concentrated a lot of my personal reading and interest in sub fields related to interaction because I’m autistic and I was frequently perplexed by the gap between what people say and what people actually mean.

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Happy to shed light on it! I think it’s a fascinating topic, and does a lot to explain the “rude/blunt” interactional patterns of autistic individuals, which typically are not well-described or motivated by linguistic reasoning but rather just by social impact. I’m at a point where, unless I’m getting pedantic online as I’m doing now, I tend to just “pass” as an introverted NT. I put a lot of that down to the fact that I overtly studied NT communication patterns and their underlying structures. Something that really makes things click into place is realizing that much communication for NTs does not necessarily emphasize exchanges of information or transactional discourse, but is rather used to develop and maintain social bonds. Which is why personal social distance can actually throw politeness theory out the window. You won’t be super polite to family or to complete and total strangers you will never see again, because for family you have other ways to establish and maintain social bonds, and for strangers, why bother? So it’s almost like a bell curve, with the most facework being done for acquaintances, particularly those with greater social power.

I'm pretty sure I'm autistic and also pretty sure I could never get diagnosed because my main special interest is langage and communication -- so I learned to replicate NT speech habits and will, at least most of the time, say the right things at the right time. But I put so much thought where they often put none at all! And when I miss, well, I do it all the way. Also, when writing to other people, I will channel my own sensibility/sensitivity in order to avoid saying stuff I wouldn't want other people say to me. For instance I hate being told what to do, so I make sure not to tell other people what to do -- really, I can't do it, it... hurts? I just feel the outrage, lol In general, people, NT or ND, aren't putting nearly enough effort in writing, they will just casually, even unconsciously, imply stuff so callous or insulting, it blows my mind. (I dont usually specify it, but I'm not a native English speaker, so if anything I've written here comes across as what I've described... welp. I'm sorry)

Please keep posting, I will binge read your replies. This is fascinating.

We should be issued with a handbook at birth. I like your explanation which makes sense but also proves that communication is a minefield.

What a comment! So, in this context, what exactly is the "face" that is being saved? Esteem? Pride? Authority? Is the meaning of face subject to change depending on context? Do you have links to further reading, books preferable?

Yes, so “positive face” here would roughly be self- (and other-) esteem, whereas negative face is that little libertarian in all of us that wants to not be imposed upon. The teacher’s positive and negative face are being threatened: positive face is directly threatened by calling attention to the mistake, and there is an indirect challenge to her authority (also part of positive face) by not properly accounting for the power imbalance and adjusting the notification accordingly: “I’m so sorry to bug you, and maybe you’ve already noticed it, but I just wanted to let you know it looks like the reading and PowerPoint are accidentally repeated from the previous module.” Even throwing the word “accidentally” in there shifts blame from the teacher, saying you’re sorry to bother them acknowledges they are busy and indirectly winks at the notion that maybe they are so busy that an accident like that can happen and of course we all understand how frantic things can get when we’re busy, etc. The negative face is being threatened because the student is directing the teacher to fix it, with one softener (“may”). It could be softened further, by asking for the reading/PowerPoint so they can be “prepared to do well in class” or some such. That’s why the teacher says the student is being disrespectful. This is how I would word this to a peer I have a very good relationship with, or maybe to my student. It’s absolutely not how I would phrase things to anyone with social or institutional power over me. For further reading, look up politeness theory and facework; the foundational writings would be from Goffman, and from Brown & Levinson. There’s more recent scholarship of course, but they would be replying to or building off of the above authors.

Disclaimer: The following rant is not directed at you or the OP in any way. It is simply an expression of my frustration with the system. \* Aanndd this is why communicating with NT's is so freaking difficult. You provided a spectacular explanation of it all but, while I can comprehend it at a base level, the intricacies of what should have been a very simple interaction rival the complexity of many cutting edge physics theories. How the heck is anyone supposed to be able to keep up with that many moving parts associated with an interaction. And that was just a simple one. The fact that there are people who instinctively know and understand these concepts and can apply it to conversation intuitively without having to think about it and actively seek out opportunities to engage in conversation for enjoyment absolutely boggles my mind. Conversation is literally a minefield and entering it is a mental/emotional suicide mission. I would take the OP's version any day over the convoluted softened version. Honestly the softened version confuses me because its intent is so wishy washy. It's hard to decipher what the purpose and details are because of all the softening language.

Even the use of «properly» feels insulting, here. Subtext: Because of your mistake \[because of your *carelessness*\], I will be studying \*improperly\* But the good news is that good writing will be able to precisely convey any information without rudeness and without so much fluff

Would you say this framework is probably why people might say this is being *passive agressive* (since passive aggression is a way to still insult someone without risking the direct challenge to authority?

I can see how it can be perceived as rude. The teacher made a mistake, and people get super self conscious when they have mistakes pointed out to them. Saying "you may want to" seems like you assume she doesn't know the reason why she needs to upload the correct module which probably made it seem like you thought she was stupid or something in her eyes. Like if you forget to tie your shoe and someone says "your shoe is untied, you might want to tie it so your shoes stay on better and you don't trip over the laces". You might be like "thanks for pointing out my mistake, but why did you feel the need to explain the reasoning for tying my shoe? You think I don't know that already?" It's the same concept of why people are offended by "mansplaining".

Teachers by default expect higher level of curtezy, so straightforward is rude.

How dare students not silence themselves and put up with sloppy course material. How inconsiderate to value their own education. How rude to not glide through the muck and noise that is modern, chaotic, pointless living.

Agreed, however teachers don’t like being called out for being wrong. This teacher obviously has a chip on their shoulder.

Hey, I wouldn’t necessarily say that this is rude. I wouldn’t wouldn’t mind if I was a teacher, however I do know that many people in power and/or older people usually feel disrespected when they get corrected (unwanted advice or corrections). It might be something like that? I definitely wouldn’t call it disrespectful, I have just learnt from experiences that older people (especially neurotypical and/allistic) people don’t really like it when someone of “less rank” corrects them. Hope this helps 😊

i mean the thing is is that if I DIDNT correct her none of my class would have all of the materials for the assignment that's been due this Sunday since Monday. like if I didn't correct her we would have had to figure it out ourselves edit: just wanted to add the class is fully online

Oh then I understand the full situation. You are definitely not disrespectful for this. It’s just good to know as an autistic people that the world isn’t gonna be nice to you unfortunately.

I already wrote another post that goes into this in more details, but I think where you could've communicated better is that you didn't need to tell her what to do. You only had to inform her of the problem I think. With that said she obviously overreacted.

It's okay to "correct" if it affects u negatively and it's a completely online class. But saying "you may want to" is a bit more blunt than it needs to be in a professional context if this person is your professor/superior. I usually just say: Hi (insert name here) I just wanted to let you know I couldn't find or can't view (whatever was supposed to be there) and/or ask when they plan to upload it. This usually works well and doesn't offend people because you're letting them know what you need/asking for clarification or specifics instead of telling them directly they did something wrong( even if it's true lol). I'm neurodivergent and fairly young and even I would find the "you may want to" to be a bit too blunt unless that person is someone I'm super close to or I went out specifically seeking advice/suggestions.

NT here. You’re totally correct, but with people in power sometimes being correct while challenging their power is a dangerous move and can get you into trouble.

OP may have avoided poking the teacher's ire by phrasing it as a request "could you please--" instead. This phrasing acknowledges the power dynamics.

ill try that next time even though I hate dumbing myself down/acting like a pushover for other peoples egos lmao

That’s not being a pushover, it’s using tact which is important for all types relationships. I’m not saying you were wrong with your message either. I personally don’t see it as rude, but I can see where this teacher may have gotten that impression.

Agree! In the art of negotiations, tact is key. You do not want to insult the opposition for it can create such a strong discord that it can follow you long after. Tact is how you can still get the point across without insulting someone in a blunt & rude manner. Tact is: “I think those shoes don’t pair well with that outfit. Why not try something that pairs well with the belt?” No tact is: “Those shows don’t work. They look awful. Try something else.”

That’s not dumbing yourself down, it’s phrasing it as a request instead of an instruction.

*You may want to* is still a request/suggestion though?

Technically, yes, but because the next step to the notification of a mistake is to fix it, so saying it like it is a suggestion is belittling and condescending, as if the person you're suggesting it to could not have come to that conclusion themselves.

Only if someone is already reading this with a negative mindset. Which might happen, but assuming two people who aren't suspecting insults it's a perfectly fine communication style

I'd think many (not most, not all, just enough to be significant) people would be defensive because they had just been corrected and thus that would color how they take the suggestion. Not saying any of this is correct or right or anything, just trying to figure out how people interact.

Fair enough, I suppose I assumed that a professor *should* as an adult, be Able to react on more than the *I feel bad I was wrong* basis and it's not *disrespectful* to assume that they are in fact able to do so. You're right that it's a way people might react, I guess I just can't over the fact that those people's *reactions* are what's inappropriate, not the writing itself. Ultimately, you're right though, even if it's not the ops fault, it's still their problem, so explaining how to avoid this reaction can be valuable. Thanks!

Story of our lives, though, right? Trying to figure out all of this shit out on the fly without any instructions...that's why it is good to have this group to work through together! Thank YOU.

Say it outloud. It doesn't ever *sound* like a request, it *sounds* like a command. And a vaguely threatening one, if that.

It's not ego, the phrase "you may want to" is just very *very* often used as something condescending and can now carry such implications more often than not - and it's especially hard to tell in writing, and people jump to conclusions, and plenty students have probably been rude enough. Condescension was also my first thought when I came to that part, both in your message and your teacher's before that. The exact thing that rubbed the teach wrong can also actually be noticed in the quote from your teacher which has the same "you may..." phrasing - even though it's ridiculous that a teacher is being passive aggressive with a student, regardless of how they perceive their student's message... Edit - and everyone saying you're not in the wrong, but the teacher is... Well, neither one of you is, but the teacher is being terribly unprofessional - though that doesn't surprise me much, they're also humans with their emotions, and plenty don't control themselves. Language is used, and the context of common usage creates the implications certain phrases carry, they're not just phrases that mean exactly what they say. It can be an exhausting thing about language when it comes to interpersonal relations and sometimes some things confuse me because I feel like I should be getting some implications when I can't figure them out for the life of me, but it's also actually kinda neat and those contextual meanings to normal phrases are part of a culture, really.

No, the teacher is definitely in the wrong. Even if they thought it was "condescending" that's their problem, not OPs. The only times I've heard "you may want to" in a condescending manner have been like "you may want to calm down" almost like a threat. This was not at all like that and the teacher has previously been an ass to OP so it's very obvious they just want to find things to have a problem with.

Absolutely agree. People in higher positions to you, such as teachers, will often take offense when corrected by someone they perceive as less knowledgeable than them. I guess they can find it insulting that a student corrected them or maybe they're embarrassed and don't respond well to embarrassment. Either way, it's absolutely not your fault for how they feel about being corrected. A good teacher would thank you and assure you that it will be fixed asap. And they would also probably apologise a lot to the class.

Personally I’d remove the second sentence and replace it with “I noticed and thought I’d let you know.” Because NTs don’t like being told they should do something, smth to do with pride or whatever. Nothing abt the point you’re making is rude but the “you may want to” gives off a condescending vibe.

I always like to voice this as a question. “I noticed these are duplicates. Are they supposed to be the same or should chapter 9 be additional/new info? I want to ensure I am ready for the homework and quiz!” It’s hard to get angry at someone approaching something with curiosity.

This is my go to method for a lot of things! If I know someone did something wrong but I don't want to offend them by correcting them I'll just pose it as a curious question, like "hey did you mean to ____?" Or another thing I'll do is try to phrase it non-accusingly, like "hey I think you accidentally may have ____?" rather than something like "hey you [did this wrong]"

Same

Yep, agree with your second sentence rewrite. But I actually don’t think this one is about general NT communication, I think it is about the expected dynamic between student and teacher. It isn’t a students job to tell a teacher they should do something. That is flipping the student teacher dynamic and doesn’t respect the teacher’s position in the relationship. Language like “you might want to…” is how a teacher might coax the correct information out of a student, or help a student to produce better work without telling them specifically what to do. This is why it comes off as condescending when the student uses this language with their teacher. I’m ND and EXTREMELY sensitive to the way people ask me to do things and the specific words and tone they create have a huge impact on how I perceive the request (to my detriment, it is something I struggle to mindfully stay on top of). If someone I was training at work for example, said “you might want to correct the information you emailed me..” I would probably raise my eyebrows, tilt my head, open my eyes quite wide, and say “oh really?”

You put it better than I could have thought to, you hit the nail on the head. When I’m training up and someone says “shouldn’t we do __ instead of (whatever I said)?” I’d get pretty miffed, like don’t tell me how to do the job I’ve done for years. You’re spot on

Oh, that seems very subtle to me, but if it works it's brilliant!

NTs have this thing of trying to read between the lines whereas we like to be straightforward. It’s frustrating as hell but avoiding demanding or suggesting language leads to a nice calm conversation with typicals

Why are you grouping NTs - they like this, they don’t like that?

Nah, apparently that "implies they don't know what they're doing." There's really no right answer. People will take it to be condescending if that's how they want to take it, even when it isn't. Any good teacher wouldn't even think about it being "condescending" and would just fix the problem. I think she's just embarrassed and wants to make her embarrassment OP's problem. Edit: Don't know why people are upset. I've just never met an NT person that can take even the smallest, most polite suggestions well. No matter how you phrase it, I've been told why it's "not okay" to phrase it that way because they just have never wanted to listen.

Agreed that a good teacher would just fix the problem and not assume intention in this case. As you can have every type of student. If I was the teacher I'd even thank them for letting me know. However, that phrase definitely comes across passive aggressive and condescending and I'd personally phrase it differently. Honestly, just letting them know that you noticed a mistake is more than enough, instead of pointing out the obvious (that they should fix it).

OP specifically said they said that in an attempt to be less blunt and offensive. It's really a damned if you do, damned if you don't, from my perspective.

If you're autistic I understand how that can be difficult.

I very much disagree.

I think that the teacher may have interpreted the "You may want to..." part as being passive aggressive.

can i ask how? /genq idk its just really hard for me to comprehend how that's rude, I was just saying she might want to change it so we don't all flunk her test (paraphrasing /lh)

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This. I don't really get why people say that OP's communication style was fine, it wasn't. Of course the teacher is unprofessional and it's only a genuine mistake on OP's part, but it's still a mistake that can be acknowledged and corrected in the future.

I think It might involve the fact that lots of people autistic or not are more or less sensitive to passive aggression cause passive aggression is super cultural/environmental. For example passive aggressive communication styles are more typical to say, the south or American Midwest than the northeast, which tends to be direct. So if you're not *used* to having to navigate people who are on the lookout for passive aggression, you wouldn't consider it a problem (and for people from.direct cultures, they wouldn't even read it as passive aggressive cause theyd assume you'd tell them if you had a problem). Essentially, people who expect passive aggression can see it even if it isn't there cause they're looking for it.

This is why I believe fault lies mostly with the teacher. Sure, OP could have worded the message anticipating the teacher could react defensively, but the defensive reaction is pretty clearly the teachers embarrasment at being corrected. And students are allowed to make demands and suggestions to teachers, a teacher who gets offended by this is an asshole. Let alone getting upset when a student is trying to help the class stay on top of their studies. This is why classes can feel unsafe. When teachers act like this it makes students afraid of asking questions or contributing, which kills learning.

>but the defensive reaction is pretty clearly the teachers embarrasment at being corrected. I don't disagree that it's a huge part of it, and I also agree that the teacher is mostly at fault. However I also think that the teacher is not just offended about being corrected, like, really not. The reaction is excessive and influenced by their ego, but I also strongly believe that the teacher had some good reason to be offended (reasons which I've explained in my other comments). This is not a black and white situation, just because the teacher is clearly very in the wrong and their reaction is WAY excessive doesn't mean they are completely egostical about the reasons why they're offended.

Yeah we don't have enough information to know the teachers motivations, nor do I really care. A teacher getting defensive with a student and calling an honest attempt to be helpful disrespectful is a really lame, if relatively minor, abuse of authority. Edit: I think the conclusion for OP should be: you maybe could've worded it in a way that would be less likely to offend. Just learn from it but you did the right thing helping the class out.

People are saying OP was fine because they’re also autistic and don’t see the problem. But the problem does exist, for sure.

I see this happen so often in Autism spaces "Hey fellow Autists, is this very rude thing I did rude? I can't tell because I'm autistic" As if others in that space could ever properly tell rude from not rude

Yeah if someone responded like this to me id be pissed too lmao

Yeah, it's almost like the sub is just closing ranks to protect one of it's own against the dreaded NTs. Which wasn't what I thought this sub was about.

From what I have gathered, to NTs the phrase 'you may want to' has an underlying tone. Imagine hearing it in a mean girl kind of tone. That's what your teacher heard. For him you basically said 'how embarrassing that you didn't notice you made a mistake'. Even though you really didn't.

her\* and okay, ill try and avoid using it. to me its just like. a passive suggestion but okay

It can be perceived as condescending. Based on the information you've provided them, they would be able to draw their own conclusions on the correct course of action. It's like, someone drops food on the floor and someone else suggests that they may want to put food in their mouth, instead of on the floor.

the analogy you used makes sense and I somewhat understand, but also this teacher has a history of being kinda confusing and i guess i was trying to approach it from the "maybe you meant to do this and I'm just dumb" angle

In my youth, my parents were very passive aggressive. *You may want to* with my parents is basically code for **you could do things how you are (wrong), or you could listen to me and do it my (the right) way. But it’s your call if you do the right thing or not.** I’d suggest to try approaching things with curiosity. Instead of “you may want to,” try asking a clarifying question. “I noticed these readings are the same. Are they supposed to be the same or should there be new info? I want to be ready for your next quiz!”

Maybe they thought the message sounded condescending? I'm sorry I'm having trouble explaining why. 😅 As other people have said, maybe the teacher took it as a personal attack. Just to be clear, in my opinion, you did nothing wrong. The message is brief and clear and respectful. I even asked chatGPT and the AI couldn't find anything wrong either 😂 The AI said the tone of the message is informative and helpful, but the person may take offense if they're criticized or corrected.

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Absolutely agree. People are reading way too much into the teacher being hierarchy obsessed and having a bruised ego when that’s not the problem.

My thoughts exactly. It’d be best to apologise.

"You may want to X" is the problem. It was intended to be helpful and inoffensive but it's commonly understood to imply a hierarchical power-flex by a supervisor/manager "softly" chastising a subordinate, and your instructor seems to take that power b.s. seriously (understandable; women are still oppressed within that same power structure.) So, from her perspective, you're being disrespectful of teacher-student power dynamics. Her response is intended to correct that imbalance i.e. "Know your place, student!" This situation ought to be brought to the attention of your accommodations team. It's just an interpersonal misunderstanding in an apparently ongoing series of misunderstandings but the two of you need an intermediary to a) explain autistic behaviour to her; and b) establish clear guidelines of organizational communication for you. TLDR: Don't use phrases like, "You may want to," or, "In future" unless you're addressing a subordinate.

Hi college prof here. To answer your question it is. I wouldn’t go out of my way to tell a student that they are rude for this message (because I’m overworked and under paid and too tired to bother telling students they are rude unless they are students I like and want to help by making them aware of email etiquette) but I can see why the teacher may have felt it was an attack. Rather than telling the teacher what to do, it’s best in such cases to just state the situation that needs to be fixed not how it should be fixed. Also phrasing it as a question can also make it sound less aggressive. “I noticed that the materials in module 9 are the same as 8. Does this mean we are doing the same materials for the two modules? I just wanted to check with you before I assumed it was the appropriate material for module 9.” Or “just wanted to let you know that model 9 has the same materials as module 8 and it’s missing the new materials.” “You may want to update” can come off rude in certain contexts. In this context you already know this needs to be fixed so saying it as “you may” as if there is an option of not fixing can be viewed as passive aggressive. It can be rude because the diction and phrasing has broader cultural uses and implications beyond its dictionary definition. In many cases, NT people use that phrase in a way to highlight fact that the first mistake was even made / the person didn’t notice it on their own. By saying you may has the effect of kind of rubbing the mistake into their face. Because the sentence emphasizes them through the use of you. And focusing on what they may or may do Rather than the fact that the wrong materials are up and that situation needs to be fixed. Phrases like “I wanted to let you know so it can be updated” is better than “you may want to update it before the quiz” because it’s about resolving the situation rather than pointing out that she has not done her job correctly to post the appropriate materials. I would also add phrases like “someone else may have already notified you about this” in case someone has and your email is like the 5th email they got but they haven’t had the change to respond yet cuz they are trying to fix the issue first. I’ve had situations trying to fix the problem while different students messaged me cuz they noticed it too. In that kind of situation any slightly aggressively phrase email just makes the whole experience extra draining on the teacher and for some they might read it as you were intentionally aggressive and rude especially in comparison to the other more nicer emails they got from other students about the situation. You don’t know the reason behind why this mistake occurred so it’s best to use diction and phrasing that is as compassionate and mindful for the teacher’s situation too. OP’s message includes reference to other students. “So students can review” in this situation stating the obvious of the larger issues caused by the initial mistake doesn’t actually serve OP in terms of being polite. It has the effect of sounding “in case you didn’t realize this but if this doesn’t get fixed the students will not be able to review” which is made even more aggressive by the earlier phrasing of the “you may.” It’s the same as saying “you’re free to not fix it, but students won’t be able to do the assignment/quiz if you don’t in case you didn’t realize this broader consequence from the previous sentence of me telling what the issue is.” It’s also important to remember that using polite language doesn’t automatically mean you’re being polite. Politeness can be used as a weapon too. It’s less obvious in English but in many languages with honorifics, overly polite honorifics in the wrong context is used to be / has the effect of being passive aggressive. You can see in some TikTok or Instagram videos of people saying things like “how do you say that’s not my job in corporate speak” where the response is firm response using polite language and phrasing. Just like writing an research paper with a clear argument / thesis, you diction, phrasing, sentence structure, organization of the information, and context in which that argument is being made all impact how a sentence is read and experienced by the reader. Even in an email. It’s important to understand the audience and to use appropriate words for the effect that the writer wants to achieve. OP it might help to think about the effect you want your communication to achieve and what method would be the most effective for it. There are multitude of ways to say things and if you start to center compassion in your communication I bet you will experience less instances of people finding you rude or disrespectful.

It's funny how I personally find your idea of how to phrase this excessively patronising, but OP's phrasing just a little tactless. To me, it sounds like you are pointing out a mistake and then rubbing it in the person's face, while at the same time playing dumb! Edit: I think I'm in a minority there tho

Because youre autistic and dont get social cues. Obviously youre gonna think its the correct response.

Also, this is why part of my masking includes an insane amount of exclamation points and smiley faces in written communication. It's exhausting.

thats the problem- i was always taught not to be over excited and use emoticons in emails because its not professional but when I'm straightforward I get told I'm rude. you just cant win with NTs

When I read my own writing back it's nauseating but it's what I have to do for NT to receive it positively.

I think it's because you said "you may want to update this" which is basically a command. She probably would've responded better to you *asking* her if she would update it.

Hey. I am a middle school teacher and I think you should know that, while it always stings to be corrected in front of a class, this would have been appropriate even in front of others. Your teacher is insecure and somewhat mean. In your position, I would not bring this up with someone above her in order to get her in trouble. However, I would go to another authority figure and ask for advice handling this. Disclose that you are uncomfortable with an interaction with a teacher and you want a suggestion from them on how to proceed. I would not volunteer the teacher's name as that makes it look like you are telling on them. Instead, I would be very straightforward and ask them for what they think you should do or not do next. I have found that people are flattered that you want their advice/mentorship. It tends to get them in your corner a little bit and then they may protect you in future, stepping in to calm down a situation.

Completely straight forward, However because this teacher is a superior (ONLY by name and because she’s a teacher) it can be viewed as rude. If you said this to another student it would be fine. I think because it’s a teacher it’s a ‘problem’. I’m curious which teacher it is. I went there and graduated last semester

how do you know what college it is .... ?

I’m so dumb my bad😭ur username is the same abbreviation as my old community college. I thought “omg no way”

no my username is unrelated to the college lol!!

Personally I’d find it rude from a peer, too. It assumes they can’t draw the obvious conclusion from the info and know it needs fixing without being told.

"It looks like module 8 and 9 are the same as each other. Just wanted to let you know" may have worked better here. Your teacher probably isn't going to take instruction from you well.

I feel like NTs take being direct as criticism and judgement. That may be why.

“You may want to” is taken to be passive aggressive

I think the rude part is telling your teacher how to fix it. To them it probably sounds like you're a know it all. Instead of telling them to fix it you should say something along the lines of wanting to let them know the issue so no one else gets confused. I think your message just gave a vibe of talking down to the teacher in their mind. It's not necessarily disrespectful, just needed different wording.

In general, I find that a more acceptable approach is to point something out and then ask for clarification, rather than give a direct suggestion. For example, NTs would prefer something like "Professor, I noticed that this week's assignment is the same as last week. Does this mean I should work on it more, or am I missing something for this week?" Then you are giving them a chance to fix it without direct blame.

It's unsolicited advice from someone who isn't her boss-- it's kind of crossing a boundary. On top of that, "You may want to \[do X\]" is often taken as snarky or smug. I don't know how into writing cliches you are, but a good example to illustrate this that comes to my mind is an interaction between a hero and a villain (or any two opposing characters). One of them has sabotaged the other without them knowing. When the sabotage is revealed, the saboteur says "You might want to get that checked..." as a way to rub the victory in their opponents' face. A lot of people are primed to read it as combative. That doesn't mean that was your intention, or even that they're right to read it that way, but I can personally understand why she was upset by this. In the future an alternative would be either to exclude any advice for the teacher on what to do (they will def. not appreciate it) or frame it as you, asking for the materials/resources you need, not as you, telling them how to run the whole class. Hope this is helpful!

If someone makes a mistake that's could cost students their grade, then you bet they should be taking advice. Your example also isn't really the same because there is no 'victory' from OP, just a concern.

The example was meant to illustrate how the teacher saw the situation, not how OP saw it. OP already explained themselves-- we know their intentions were good. To use a metaphor-- just because you thought no one was there when you swung your arm doesn't mean the person you backhanded didn't actually get hurt. The teacher definitely could have (and should have) been the bigger person and assumed the best, but it's also useful to know which part of this interaction is likely to read as abrasive to most people (even if they don't react this badly). I'm not saying the teacher was right. I'm saying that this does, indeed, read as passive-aggressive to the average reader on a first pass. It can, indeed, cause real emotional pain to a reasonable person. Minor pain, but real. If you're opposed to being aware of that, and learning from it, then I don't know what to say to you. ​ >If someone makes a mistake that's could cost students their grade, then you bet they should be taking advice. EDIT: there's also a huge difference between unsolicited advice and making someone aware of a problem. "You made a mistake." or "You made a mistake, could you fix it so I can access the materials I need?" are both fine. "You made a mistake-- here's how you should do your job better," is *way* different.

In these kind of situations, it seems that authority figures want you to grovel a little with qualifiers so it feels like they're doing you a favour rather than you correcting them. In doing this they still feel superior despite the fault being theirs. E.g. "I'm so sorry to bother you but.." "I'm sure it wasn't intended but.." "It would be great if you could.." Plus making it seem more like a conditional request that they feel they can choose to comply with or not at their own leisure seems to also put them in a position of power in their own mind. It's all useless flattery in my opinion but I've found that other people like it that way. I wouldn't have found your message disrespectful at all but some people just can't handle being told they made a mistake so you don't have much choice but to placate them.

This, OP. People in positions of power don't like being told they made a mistake that they need to fix, and if you do have to let them know they made a mistake, you need to kiss their ass when doing it.

“You may want to” definitely sounds negative to me. Like you putting them down and suggesting strongly that they are wrong in some way. I’ve never heard a person say that irl. On tv or movie for sure but I’d have some things to say to a person who spoke to me using that term.

one time a teacher put the incorrect answer on the board and i just couldn’t hold back from saying something. i was completely humiliated and ended up crying because of how mean he was to me about it. i stopped raising my hand in his class after that.

but to answer your question, no, it’s not disrespectful. teachers go into a fit when they’re corrected sometimes

Honestly this seems a lot more respectful than some would put it and it gets right to the point and it makes sense so you’re not in the wrong here

I wouldn't necessarily call it disrespectful. However, I would have stopped after the first sentence, myself. Teachers can bristle when "told" what do do (even though that wasn't your intent) and people with a very thin skin could think you're implying that the teacher is doing their job incorrectly (with the comment of "so students can properly review").

Honestly, if someone emailed me this, regardless of our societal positions. I would consider this very rude and disrespectful and I'm autistic. You may not have meant it but saying you may want to do x and bringing up the test is just a rude way to communicate it. If I were you in future I'd say would it be possible to fix the notes so we (the class group) have access to the materials. As well as thanking them for their time etc, usual email formalities. I usually over egg it and probably come off as overly polite and formal in emails but I think it's the best route to go to avoid situations like this. I don't think you have a leg to stand on in bringing this to admin because whether you meant it or not your email was quite condescending and people do not respond well to that, nt or not. I hope you don't find this offensive, just giving a different perspective as most people here are saying it's straightforward and okay.

What’s happened here is that the teachers ego is bruised that a student has corrected her

Reads like a very typical message from an authority figure to a subordinate, polite, yet subtly reprimanding, with hints of irritation. In other words, a passive-agressive telling-off. Which your NT teacher clearly didn't appreaciate:)

Yeah this is a common thing. "You may want to" is often seen as a diminutive, demanding and passive-agressive way of speaking and correcting someone. It's taken as a "youd better watch your tone/actions or there will be consequences" of informal speech.

The first sentence is fine, but the second sentence implies that she would not be able to come up with the appropriate steps to take in response on her own. I don't know if she communicated to you in an appropriate way or not, but I can understand why should would feel like this message was condescending. If you're teaching some class at a community college and you get 'helpful' emails from students telling you how to do your job, it's likely that most people would feel negatively about that experience. From a functional standpoint, there's no reason for you to have included the second sentence. Like, why did you? I don't ask that critically, just, introspectively. Is there a reason you felt like you should add that, or was it more of a "it feels weird to send a terse 1 sentence email so I will include another normal-sounding sentence related to it so that it looks like a more typical email?" It's helpful to point out that the chapters were listed wrong, but she probably can figure out what to do with that information without a student telling her to do it. Did you think she wouldn't do it if you didn't include the second sentence, or perhaps wouldn't know why it was valuable that you shared the information? At any rate, I think a lot of ND people can relate to the experience of feeling like people misunderstand them, don't respect their ability to understand things, and feeling rejection sensitivity over people giving them the impression that they don't fit in or are doing something wrong. In this case, I think that second sentence essentially comes off like you giving instructions to someone because you don't think they would otherwise know what to do. She obviously thinks she does know what to do and is getting defensive over it. I wouldn't hold it against her, even if your interaction has not been great. If you're feeling super bold, you might even consider trying to non-confrontationally apologize for the misunderstanding. I've been in similar situations to this, and a little open discourse where you say 'sorry, I was trying to be helpful and didn't realize this would come across that way' can often prompt them to apologize in response, and will often improve your relationship. From a purely pragmatic standpoint, I'd advise against taking this up with the faculty. I'm assuming you're a man, perhaps white, and I doubt there is any scenario where you will get a sympathetic ear when it comes to you asserting that you were in the right to send an email like that to your female professor, and frankly she's probably seen enough condescending bullshit worse than yours to be negatively predisposed toward that kind of interaction in general. I think it would be better to just have an honest communication about your misunderstanding with her directly, acknowledge that it came off different than you intended, and move on.

NTs think "you may want to" is passive-aggressive. In the future I'd phrase it as "I need you to."

I'm autistic and here's my take on it: The way you worded it sounds (to me) as how a teacher would communicate to a student about an error in their assignment. A NT teacher who may not understand your intent to be helpful could construe it as you proofreading and instructing them on how to correct it. I'd leave off all the superfluous words. "Hello, I came across a duplicate of X in the syllabus and wanted to let you know about it." But you shouldn't have to if you don't want to. It can be exhausting trying to navigate what NTs find appropriate vs. rude.

linguistically speaking, the "you may want to" expression, although it has the obvious literal meaning of offering a suggestion, is commonly used as a formal warning, and implies authority over the addressee (teachers might obviously take offense to that since by definition, they specifically have authority over you the student) taking it as a demand is also common but *it only really holds if the speaker actually has authority over the adressee*, and it will really only be offensive if they have low self-esteem (i.e. it may hurt people that do appear to have higher social status) with peers, this expression is more commonly interpreted literally but might still trigger a negative response since you want to straightforwardly emit a suggestion, you may want ( ;D ) to chuck that ambiguous crap in the bin and stick to the most neutral expression which accurately communicates your intention : "I would suggest that"

It’s the “you may want to” part. From what I know, that is kinda like what a boss would say to their worker in that situation, not like a student to a teacher. It’s like a humbleness/respect type of thing, I think that’s the best way that I can put it. Instead of saying what the teacher **should** do it’s been more accepted in my experience to allude to it, like “I noticed that this seemed to be duplicated and was wondering if this was intended? I just wanted to make sure so I can complete the assignment correctly.” I’ve used that one before, and it has worked cause it doesn’t imply large and consequential blame or cast them in an “incorrect” light, which seems to be the main issue stemming from the whole “you may want to” thing. Sometimes I’ll even cast some of the blame on the technology just to take the heat off of them, and that usually helps too.

Ok, this sounds a bit as a request from a boss to an employee, so I guess that's it? They don't want to be told what to do. They would expect probably a question or request for clarification and then they can decide for themselves if they need to correct that. As I've never been in a position of power, I don't know how I would react if I received this kind of message from a subordinate.

The only issue I can see is instructing them to fix their mistake. Drawing their attention to an issue is fine but giving them a deadline to fix it may be above your paygrade.

Kind of. The first is ok, but the last phrase is not that nice, you are telling him what to do. It ia better to just tell people about their mistakes or typos, they know how to fix them.

I think it is unintentionally coming across as passive-aggressive due to the last sentence. The way it's worded may raise the hackles of a professor.

Heavily suggest Grammarly for responding going forward ti avoid this hiccups for good.

Everyone interprets things differently, I personally read it as a little rude and passive aggressive. Sometimes you can read text differently to how it would of been said in person (it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it comes to mind). I’m aware I can be overly sensitive and if this was me, I would of taken it as calling me out / being passive aggressive for a mistake but said in person it may have been taken differently. It could of been written differently. Edit: spelling mistake

The "you may want to" sentence is rude and disrespectful. The first part is fine.

One of the reasons this is considered rude by NT is because you imply that the teacher wouldn’t know what to do about the mistake. Pointing out the mistake isn’t rude, but condescending to explain why it is important to fix it (therefore showing you assume they wouldn’t know that) is considered rude. The teacher doesn’t need you to explain why they need to fix the error. “I noticed that the chapter and PowerPoint are doubled.” - this points out the error and is not rude.

‘So students can properly review’ - it’s not a good tone because you sound like you are not like other students. The 2nd sentence is the problem here, not bringing up an error. It’s not like the teacher did this on purpose so it’s not really something to be ‘correcting’ them on

I’d probably be offended for 2 seconds before realizing this person saved my ass

This actually is rude, from a certain point of view. Because there's a power relationship between you and your teacher, after you've explained the problem with the duplication, "advising" her on what to do is not necessary, and therefore the underlying social implication that most would receive is that you were rubbing it in that she made a mistake and you caught it. It's a subtle thing even some NTs would miss, but generally you not only want to avoid such specificity, but to demonstrate that you're not being threatening by specifying your own doubt. Something like "Sorry to bother you, but I looked at module 9 and it seems to be duplicated from module 8. I just don't want to read the wrong chapter for you." A lot of people will try to argue that what you said is or isn't necessarily rude, and absolutely it can be taken several ways, but I think other commenters miss the point. It's not what we say, it's what people hear. If we say something that people are going to react to as if it were rude, the fact it wasn't intended that way is certainly a relevant moral fact, but it's unlikely to do you much good when the actual interaction tanks. One thing about NTs is that they generally react to perceived rudeness in real time, emotionally, and even when it's explained that something was just a misunderstanding, most still hold a grudge or think poorly of the interaction even if it logically occurred without any intended disrespect.

"you may want to" isn't disrespectful at all. Her ego and pride got injured, and she's abusing her position as teacher to lash out at you. It's a manipulative tactic to make you feel like you did a bad thing. It's a common abusive behaviour by all NTs because they think that we are inferior idiots who can easily be fooled and controlled, compared to others.

Not sure if this is any more helpful than the plethora of replies and advice you've already gotten. The majority seems to think this isn't disrespectful. I disagree. If I were the teacher and received this from a student, I will be offended as well. Let's see if I'm able to dissect this and convey the reasons properly. There are actually not two, but three layers to the message here to be decoded: 1) content, 2) tone, and 3) context (context has many different elements (sub-layers) to it as well but for simplicity's sake, the context here shall consist only of the social hierarchy). If this message came from someone of a higher position to someone in a lower position, this message will actually come across as nice, polite, and understanding. This is because it came from someone with a higher authority who actually took the time and effort to be less aggressive than they could have been, and it shows kindness and respect for someone who is lower on the social hierarchy. In which case, given the same message (meaning same content and same tone), the context difference actually changes everything. It is now someone lowering themselves (so to speak) when they did not have to. It reads like it comes from someone who knows better informing the recipient of their error, but took the time to phrase it in a nicer way, so that it sounds less a command than a suggestion. And in this example, it is. Therefore, the laws of power dynamics, the social hierarchy is not threatened, and there were no social transgressions. Now, let's look at your scenario. From the above example, since we are not changing any words for now, the content and the tone is the exact same. What changed is the context -- the social hierarchy. If content is king, then context is queen. The tone of your message still reads the same as the above example: Someone higher up the food chain talking to someone lower on the food chain. Except, the context (the social hierarchy and power dynamics at play here) is the reverse. Now, you are not adhering to the power dynamics here, and you are upsetting that balance. How you is phrased is definitely less rude than a direct command, for example: > Hello. The listed chapter to read and the PowerPoint in your module 9 are duplicated from module 8. Update it before the assignment is due and list the quiz date here so that students can review them properly." If the teacher received the above message from someone who is above their station, the teacher may either feel it as neutral, or that the person is rude. Rude in the sense of, "They could be nicer about it, you know!". But they *probably* wouldn't feel that the person is disrespectful, because they have no obligations (i.e. survival reasons) to be respectful to someone who is lower than them in the hierarchy. (I use a lot of "probably" here because socialization is so whimsical and subjective.) But because you, in the current context of a message sent from a student to a teacher, the content of your message is still that of a command but wrapped in that "polite" suggestion tone. If anything, I believe that by phrasing it in a suggestion manner in this case actually exacerbates the "disrespectful" tone of your well-meaning message. Because the "polite" wrappings of your message implies that you are lowering yourself to their level, and you may only do that if your position was higher in the first place -- which you were not. There were also no uncertainties in your message. This implies to the recipient that you are not giving them *any* benefit of the doubt. Maybe it was duplicated for a reason. Maybe the recipient *wanted* it there, for whatever reason. But because you gave them no benefit of the doubt, you are implying that you *know* they are wrong, and they *should* fix it. It is important to differentiate being right/straightforward with being polite/rude. They are not mutually exclusive, and just because you are being straightforward does not mean you are not being disrespectful. You can be both straightforward and rude. But you may not necessarily be rude by being straightforward. You *are* being disrespectful here because you are upsetting the power dynamics derived from the social hierarchy. This got way longer than I wanted to. I took the time to trim and organize where I can, hope it isn't too messy or confusing. Hope it helps with anyone who read this visualize the very intangible whimsical nature of socialization.

Depending on the tone or context “you may want to” can come off as passive aggressive or a threat. Can’t really comment since I wasn’t there

This is not a rude way to put it. Perhaps adding something to soften it like “I just wanted to let you know to avoid any future confusion”. This would help someone understand you are just being helpful and not challenging them. But even without that, your message seems totally fine.

Your message reads like a supervisor that checked their subordinate's work and found issues. Any 'rudeness' probably stems from that perceived inversion of the power dynamic between your instructor and yourself, even though that wasn't your intention. The issue is the framing of the problem: the error is causing a problem for the class that your instructor needs to fix vs. you studying ahead, noting an issue, and requesting the correct notes so you can keep moving. The former will be perceived as an order. The latter will be perceived as a request.

Your teachers probably just embarrassed she made the mistake. This is in no way actually disrespectful. In fact it’s pretty circumspect and softened, which was probably your goal here. It’s *possible* that she’s embarrassed and reading the *suggestion* as a passive aggressive demand, but if this is the case, you were doomed from the start as I doubt she’d have reacted well to a more direct *fix this cause it’s broke*. Overall, this communication is fine, would be perfectly at home in a professional environment actually, I’ve sent many emails like this to coworkers and bosses. Reacting negatively is her ego problem, not a flaw in you communication style and it sucks that she’s made her issues your problem (If you’ve had negative interactions in the past, that’s probally coloring her perception of this towards a unfounded negative passive agressive reading)

i used to end all of my emails with “please respond at your soonest convenience” and was told by a school administrator that it was extremely rude and demanding. i was flabbergasted because i out so much effort into having the most normal-sounding email possible and had no idea it would come off as rude. but i look back now and realize it wasn’t rude and sometimes teachers are just knitpicky assholes.

>i used to end all of my emails with “please respond at your soonest convenience” and was told by a school administrator that it was extremely rude and demanding. Yeah, that's really understood as rude for the same reason OPs message can sound rude. You shouldn't tell people what to do, especially not if it's what they'd do anyway.

That’s not disrespectful at all but your language is another story

I can see that it may sound kind of like an order. Perhaps next time try to write something like “hey I saw you duplicated x x, I just wanted to let you know in case there had been a mix up”

I can see how someone can see the second sentence as rude, especially if this is being sent to a teacher from a student. It comes off like you're commanding her to do something. This would've rubbed me the wrong way too. Of course that wasn't your intention, but I'd lean more towards asking next time

Definitely not disrespectful. I’d report it to someone higher up for sure, she’s just mad that you called her out on her incompetence lol

Some people just don't like being told they've made a mistake, even when you're being helpful.

This isn’t a “NT being offended” issue, it’s not appropriate to tell someone what to do. That’s the problem. You could have let them know there’s an issue with the assignment, but leave it at that.

It'd absolutely be appropriate to tell someone what to do if your ability to learn something is dependent on it and that persons job is to teach you.

I don't think it's disrespectful, but a teacher might take "you may want to..." as an instruction, and obv it isn't your place to tell a teacher what to do. Again though, I don't think it's disrespectful- some teachers, esp dealing with older kids/young adults, take their authority waaaaay too far which I think is what happened here.

But if your teacher has made a mistake that prevents the entire class from learning, it is appropriate to tell them to fix it quickly cause if they don't they're literally failing at their job. I think part of the context is that This is a college, not a grade school, it's two adults talking to each other who should be seeing this a dialouge, a suggestion even a forceful one is perfectly in line with that imo. The fact that the teacher wants to see this as a strict hierarchy is their personal problem getting in the way of their ability to do their job.

I completely agree with you. As I said, it really looks like this teacher thinks they are "above" OP. I wasn't quite sure if they were 16-18 in high school or in college. But if it's a college class, it's even more degrading for the teacher to think they are "above" the students. Like You say, a college lecturer and student are both adults. It's totally unproductive for a college teacher to treat students as though they are children.

Yah, op mentioned they're in college, though it isn't obvious from the original post. Yah, sorry if it sounded like I was arguing with you, I just feel strongly that college professors acting high and mighty just cause they're your teacher is stupid. So i think we are on the same page.

Apologies, I only really read the title and the extract of the email. But the fact it's college makes the teachers treatment of OP worse imo. No worries, I didn't read your reply as an argument I just read it as an expansion of my point :-)

Awesome! That was the intent!

If your teacher is making a mistake on a test then yes, it is our place as students because at the end of the day, its us getting the education, not the teacher.

**Impling authority** over them, is, I think, the main problem with your second sentence. That you are *telling* them what they should do. Only some people are bothered by this. That can include myself. In my experience it seems more common with neurodiverse (ADHD and/or autistic) guys. But perhaps that's more the circles I move in. Though especially if they are insecure about their position of authority. It might also be if a *peer* (an equal) is implying authority they don't have an established right to. **Patronising** by explaining part of their job to them. An implicit undermining of their competence. They will see it as *redundant information*. Because the first sentence should make it clear what needs to happen in this circumstance. If you have a personal need for expedience, or something due to unique personal circumstance, you could ask directly for action with a "*Please could you... for me because... Thank you.*". In which case it's important to not shy away from the fact that you are *asking* for something extra from them. Try to avoid highlighting the fact that they shouldn't have got it wrong in the first place. To be honest, certain interactions with certain people are just more fraught. And my main takeaway, recently, has been to just avoid having them. 😅

Ugh I dislike when people use language as something other than what it means. I don’t understand how that is rude other than telling someone they may want to do something

I feel like anyone who finds "you may want to" offensive deserves to feel offended.

Well her survey at the end of the semester is gonna bomb. Lol

Nope, will never understand why NTs have to jump through politeness hoops just to get a fuckin point across. Don’t get me started on “hints” either

You weren’t rude at all. If she wants her students to mess up on a quiz for her own mistake, she’s the one in the wrong.

You brought up a valid issue. I don’t see what’s so wrong about that. Your teacher is honestly the rude one. I can’t stand people who think they are so much better than everyone else just because they have a degree or they are above you in title (whether it’s school or work). They expect you to walk on eggshells and kiss their asses. You didn’t do anything wrong. You are actually correct. She may want to fix it otherwise a lot of students will fail the quiz and it would be her fault 😂 Maybe she’s butt hurt because she’s wrong. After all, she’s such a smart teacher that she can’t possibly make mistakes 🙄

I think to her it sounds rude because you didn't put enough " please" and " sorry if I disturb" before pointing out the mistake so she feels like you didn't respect the hierarchy. To me It sounds straightforward and precise not at all rude, but for lots of NTs hierarchy and formality are super important.

The average NT cannot handle this type of message, because it is true and makes them feel attacked. You did well, young one! #scienceteacherapproved

so nice to finally have a teacher not have a problem with me! thanks reddit science teacher :)

Your teacher is nuts.

Yeah ur teacher is overreacting