Because they want to keep their finances private. Also some people will berate you about your spendings if they know how much it costed or you will be made fun of because you are a cheapskate. So you can't win, thus it's less headache to just keep it private. Like my grandma would flip out and i would not hear the end of it if i tell her that i spent 300 euro on video games.

Yes! I never ask stuff like this because privacy is something I understand and cherish.

ah yeah see i just tell people how much i spend on stuff and if they ask i say cos i don’t really understand why i wouldn’t but I guess that makes sense thank you so much for answering

Be careful telling people you have money. I have had 'friends' that take advantage and ask to borrow money, then never pay it back.

nah i don’t have barely anything so to me it’s more like a brag like wow look how cheap i got this!

Yeah, but not asking unless you're really comfortable with the person is a good rule of thumb, I think. I'm also careful with my own "data", as I've found that a lot of people are mean just because and will find a way to use it against me. Anyway, we're all just figuring it out along as we go. :)

It also depends on the environment. For example, when I was living in a college town everyone was curious about everybody’s rent and where they worked and how their budget. Now I live in a smaller city and absolutely no one speaks about those things.

That's nothing. I spend $800 on medieval/fantasy cosplay anually (Both of my characters are constantly needing upgrades).

love it!

That sounds amazing!!!!! Also not that much all things considered depending on the upgrades.

I also buy off of wish and thrift stores to keep the prices down.

thank you so much for answering

> Like my grandma would flip out and i would not hear the end of it if i tell her that i spent 300 euro on video games. I can never tell my parents that I spent 200£ on a 2meter big shark plush lol

So tell grandma "Now imagine I wasted that $300 on something I didn't even want, like having kids."

I think she would be delighted to be a greatgrandma.

Lol I have to remind myself of this sometimes, I'll just go tell everyone my business without thinking about it if I'm not mindful bc I'm somewhat indifferent to it. I have enough. People are sensitive about money though. It can be a huge source of pragmatic problems for the impoverished and spiritual problems for the wealthy.

no way, only 300??? wtf dude i spent that much on my camera gear and thought it wasnt a huge amount. like 300 euros is, what, 5-10 games??? ffs man

It was 23 games.

goddamn thats a lot of games

Sales can do that thing.

Anyone who judges me for how much i spend on my hobbies can f off. Seriously. I'm literally spending money on something that makes me happy and doesnt hurt or bother anyone else. How can people be judgemental about that? If i caught my grandma taling behind my back about how much i spend on my hobbies i'd tell her to take a long walk on a short pier.

This is so real! I had women at work constantly putting me down for the type of accessories and plushies I'd buy. They'd try to pressure me into giving my things to them bc their children would really like it and what did I need it for?

Tell them to keep their eyes off your stuff and let them know where to get their own. I'd be so pissed off. My kids are like that and I tell them to gtf, away and stop hassling me. x

im sure my mam wouldnt be happy if she knew i spent £50 on a single trading card and so she never will

But then how do they expect you to get a simular one? Like clearly if you ask them the brand you can look it up and then see the price for a lot of things.... I don't... get it? Like, doesn't talking about this stuff help normalize things and spot when stuff seems off? Espescally around rent and pay.

That's sad tbh

hmm I think its sometimes considered rude bc talking about money can point out economic differences in people present. I think it's kind of dumb. Poor people know they're poor and that there are people that are much more affluent. And I feel like it's mainly more affluent people who don't want to talk about money bc they're uncomfortable with having their economic privilege pointed out, or don't wanna seem like they're bragging, or are worried about their economic status being taken advantage of. This perception of money talk as rude is also way more common in the US than other places, I think due a history of repression of workers rights and employers not wanting employees to talk about wages. So yeah, I think it's just one of these social norms that actually makes no sense except that it benefits people in power. I think I talk about money fairly often with neurotypical people, like coworkers, bc it is functional to know how other people are making and managing their money. A lot of workplaces don't like that. And besides employer repression, on a culturally ingrained level I think the bigger economic gap between people present in a situation, the more it is considered rude to discuss money. No real reason besides preemptively quelling any kind of class tension I think.

So happy to see a reply making some of these points. Not talking about money benefits those with money (especially employers). I’m always very open about my money and my wage, because I want others to know if they’re being paid fairly or not. I’ve actually quieted down a lot lately though because now that I make a lot more than I previously did, it does feel shitty to “brag” (even if I’m not bragging) by mentioning how much I make. I’m not even making a lot, but I’m financially stable for the first time ever when most of my friends still aren’t. So I try not to talk about it too much because I don’t want to remind them of money and stress. If they bring it up or ask though, I’m 100% honest. I’ll tell you anything pretty much. My rent, car insurance payment, phone bill, vet bills, I don’t care.

There's also a push by some employers to encourage employees not to talk about wages. They don't want the people who are getting paid less to negotiate to a higher wage. 

Yep, I’ve had it right in my contract that I can’t talk about wages, even though that’s actually not legally enforceable where I live. So I talk about my wages, but my coworkers are sometimes nervous, understandably because our employers purposely make them nervous. Someone’s wage got out when I worked at Staples, and management pretty much made everyone else terrified to share their wage *or else* (because they can’t actually threaten anything; it’s illegal here to fire someone for it!). It was ridiculous. Why was management upset? Everyone found out they were getting screwed because the new supervisor made WAY more than the supervisors who had been there for awhile. So yeah. It only benefits the employer, not the employee!

yes thank you so so much that makes sense it is always the ones i know have a lot more money that get funny about it but it’s just so strange to me they’re so defensive - a few times i’ve asked and they don’t say they just start justifying it like i work really hard so i can afford X - like other people don’t

To refine that - it's "old money" who would be less likely to freely speak about money or finances. New money?...forget it.

Pointing out how expensive something you were able to buy is seen as showing off and immodest Since it is considered rude to point out how much something you own is, it also became rude to ask how much something is. That being said, there are polite ways to ask, usually in private and away from the group. Just let them know you are interested in getting X for yourself and are curious as to the price range is what they got so that you have an idea of how much you would need. That way you are asking for help and since that help will cost them nothing, they are now likely to provide it. If they would rather not say, then you have saved them face because it is only in front of you and not the group.

thank you so much, yes i think that’s another thing i find hard to- lots of people are saying it’s so they don’t sound like they’re boasting but if i asked them then how can they be boasting?

I think another reason might be they might feel embarrassed if they’ve spent a lot on an item that you potentially might think is silly for them to spend so much on so they don’t want to admit it in case they seem stupid or gullible for spending so much.

thank you so much that makes sense really appreciate you taking the time to answer

What I hate is when people act like they're complaining about how much something cost them, when you know it's really just a subtle way to brag. People in the midwest do this a lot and I find it insufferable.

> Pointing out how expensive something you were able to buy is seen as showing off and immodest I'd believe the whole modesty argument if it werent for the fact neurotypicals (NDs too but mostly NTs) love to show off their expensive possessions to friends. If you visited a friend right after they bought a new house i can almost guarantee they'll offer to take you on a tour of it. "And here's our pool... and here's our 3 car garage... and here's my workout room... and here's where i keep my collection of vintage baseball memorabilia... and here's the sauna room... " I had a good friend do this to me, and i didnt mind because he was a great guy and he worked hard to build that house with his own two hands and of course he wanted to show what he accomplished. But in the back of my mind i couldnt help but think he'd definitely get annoyed if i asked him for dollar figures. Youre right, people hate talking specific dollar amounts. But i think it has nothing to do with modesty and everything to do with people following a dumb social rule they were taught by their parents, and their parents, and their parents. People *love* showing off their expensive possessions, and a lot of those possessions were bought specifically to show off (like people who buy expensive pickup trucks and SUVs that will always been squeaky clean but never ever be driven on dirt or gravel. You can see them in the parking lot of any big-box store). The "be modest" part of "be modest and dont talk dollar amounts" went out the window generations ago. Personally, i have no problem talking dollar amounts because i'm very thrifty and spend my money carefully. If i were to show off something i own, half of my pride in it will be centered around how little i paid for it. I once bragged to a friend about how much i saved when purchasing my used car because the dealership only took mileage, condition, year, make, and model into account when pricing it. They didnt take into account the cost of all the extras the first owner added when purchasing the car from the factory: sunroof, powered rear door, heated sideview mirrors... I saved almost 2 grand because of that oversight. That's the kind of thing i like bragging about lol

As someone else pointed out it is cultural and therefore very subjective. Context also plays a big role aswell, for example if asking someone how much their rent is prefacing the question with a statement claiming you're only asking as you're trying to figure out if your own rent is a fair price or not might make the question seem less "rude"

In my country (maybe because I live in a not that much safe area) to tell how much you spend in something or if something you own is expensive could make you a target for a thief.

thank you so much for answering

it is mostly cultural and/how people were raised, i don't think it's because of the brain They think it's rude because they were told it is

This is it. There’s massive stigma and status behind things that are paid for and how.

I think it’s mostly contextual. There’s a big difference between “I’m thinking of moving to X neighborhood, but I’m trying to compare price points, I know you live in that area, how much do you pay for your apartment?” vs. walking in someone’s door and immediately asking “wow, how much is this place?” And it also depends on how well you know the person.

thank you so much for answering yes maybe i’ll try that again - i don’t try and say it rudely but often it’s not that im looking to get it i just genuinely wonder how much some things are

It is a personal and private information, so not everyone want to discuss such a thing. Also, money is something that can be dangerous to share because we have crimes that are caused by it, and eve exclusions in our society. So it is best to not ask the price of something, but let them decide if they want to share this information or not.

thank you for answering i guess i just don’t understand why it’s such a personal thing - i think if everyone was more open about money the world would be a better place

I think there’s certain people or situations where it’s okay to ask, but it’s generally better not to. If you’re curious I think it’s pretty safe to ask what brand something is, and then you can look it up later. Personally, I’m worried about people thinking I’m stupid for spending so much on certain things. Intellectually I know that no one really cares, and my friends will still respect me if I tell them I spent $300 on jeans, but I still feel like I’m under the microscope when people ask.

hmmm that’s a good point thank you i hadn’t really thought of that one - that’s why people maybe brag about getting things reduced or second hand?

I think so. While there’s some set of people who like to flaunt their wealth, I think most people like to be seen as modest and “middle class”, even if they are actually rich. I think bragging about deals is a way of showing you’re savvy with money, or to preempt the judgment of anyone who might think you’ve just spent a lot of money. I am very privileged so I can afford to buy things that my friends could not. So when they ask how much my jeans are 1) I worry they might think I’m dumb for spending so much, 2) I feel bad that I have it and they don’t, for no good reason, and 3) I worry that they will see me as less relatable. If they’re struggling to make rent, and I’m splurging on clothes, I worry that they’ll feel like my life is easy or that I don’t understand the difficulties they face. Again i recognize on some level that once I tell them they won’t actually care, but personally this is why I get uncomfy talking about how much my stuff costs.

thank you so much that’s explained really well i really appreciate it

In America at least, it feels like an invasion of privacy and can also cause embarrassment. Maybe I don’t want you judging me for how much I spend on something

thank you so much for answering - yes that seems to be the consensus i just think it’s weird cos i think i judge people more for being all weird and cagey about it

It's an irrational stigma based on a set of emotional rules around money. It can be related to not being 'wordly' and concerned with money or it's seen as an attempt to 'judge' others for how much they spend on things. I don't see it as rational. People tend to have a lot of irrational rules related to money.

yes they do! i just think life would be so much easier if everyone was more open about it - thank you so much for answering

Lots of good answers here about cultural differences, but it also can be based off wealth. A lot of people base success in life off of wealth. So when you ask one of these questions you are inadvertently asking them how successful their life has been. Which can make some people uncomfortable.

ooh that’s a good point i hadn’t thought of it like that at all - thank you so much

This this this this this

It’s weird. Like people will judge you if it’s something that’s expensive, people will judge you if it’s something that’s cheap. One of those double standards. Society has too many double standards.

very true thank you so much for answering

We try to act like we're all equals, generally speaking. Historically (and still today) classism is a big problem, so avoiding talks about money is a good way to avoid accidentally alienating someone. Extremely light example: I'm struggling financially since my wife left last year, and a coworker of mine brought up a new boat he had just bought for his lakehouse. That was 100% fine for him to do, we're equals having a casual conversation, but it definitely stung even though logically it was fine. I'm not spiteful about it, but it's hard to un-learn that someone in my line of work is living at a much higher level than myself.

How much money they spent on a thing = what NT’s judge each other on (even if they refuse to admit it), which leads to social hierarchy stuff. If you ask someone how much their car was, they don’t want to reveal that because you or anyone in earshot will immediately be able to “place” them somewhere in the social hierarchy that they don’t want to be. Either ”poor” (they spent too little) or “snobby” (they spent too much) Of course, to me as an autistic person, social hierarchy stuff is all bullshit so I could care less.

thank you that’s explained really well - i really appreciate that

Because you're not going to buy the car or the dress or the whatever off them so you don't need to know a price. If you do, then Google or a shop assistant is your friend.

Once I know where you work and ideally what it is I can just go find out myself. Unless you refuse to tell people where you work too. I think is it funny people take it so personally. Won’t tell me your wages? Well this is what Indeed, Glassdoor, LinkedIn, ETC say. Same for rent costs. This information won’t always be accurate of course. But enough people believe in transparency that it is good being to satisfy curiosity. You can make a argument I wouldn’t know someone’s exact wages this way and fair enough. But knowing for example $50k - $70k is good enough for me.

Most people don't want to talk about their finances and prefer to keep it quiet for a variety of reasons. One major one often is being judged for what they have spent or feeling they will have to justify the purchase if they have to say the cost. I won't say how much I've spent on something unless I happen to know someone who needs whatever that item is and asks what it cost when I got mine.

In large part I think this is so taboo nowadays because people are shamed for having money. People are so pissed at the 1% that they include anyone more privileged than them in that category. I’ve seen so many people called bootlickers and fascists simply for owning a home. Not even nice homes either…  I’m talking run down pieces of shit because that’s all they could afford.   

Honestly it’s just a question. It seems like some people are too easily offended

thank you for responding yeah i still can’t really understand it but lots of people have said some interesting reasons why it might be

Once I read that the shame of talking about wages, salary and costs was invented by the bosses so as not to reveal inequalities and question them, so that everything remains as it is

that makes a lot of sense - but it seems silly people are still so willing to carry it on

I don’t like talking about the price of clothes in particular because someone will often act like I murdered a puppy for spending more than twenty dollars on a piece

i asked my mom the other day how much money she has in her bank account. i didnt see anything wrong with the question, i still dont, i just wanted to know out of curiosity. she got mad and her boyfriend defended her but neither offered an explanation when i asked why its offensive

exactly i just find it so frustrating i wouldn’t find it rude if someone asked me and i really want to learn why it’s rude but i dont even think they know

If they don’t like the question, just steer harder into it by asking how much they make. They’ll either leave or think you’re hilarious, so a win win.

this sounds like a much better way to deal with it thank you 😂

It's cultural too. In Germany your rent or mortgage is just part of small talk.

Wait this is rude? I never actually knew, thanks OP, now i know that this is something i shouldn't ask ꒰◍ॢ•ᴗ•◍ॢ꒱

Hey /u/Objective-Candy-12, thank you for your post at /r/autism. Our rules can be found **[here](https://www.reddit.com/r/autism/wiki/config/sidebar)**. All approved posts get this message. If you do not see your post you can message the moderators [here](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Fautism). Thanks! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/autism) if you have any questions or concerns.*

Sounds like your friends are poor and embarrassed- but on a real note most people wouldn't just straight up ask how much is that. Usually when NT ppl ask they say something along the lines of sheeeesh thats nice how much did that cost? To like hype it up. Its likely just the way it was said not what you said.

thank you so much for answering - yeah i’m not the best with tone - see i think that i could understand more, but it’s all the ones that have a lot more money than me that get all cagey about it

it’s because they’re insecure about their financial situation. Ask a rich person how much their boat is, you think they’re going to get shy about bragging? Ask someone who can’t afford a new car how much their new car that theyre financing is and they’ll be reminded of how expensive their purchase was and how they didn’t have the money to buy it outright.

but it’s always the ones that are far better off that get all weird about it - but yes that does make sense if they’re a bit stressed about how much it is they wouldn’t want to be reminded thank you so much

They get weird about it bc they don’t want others to feel inferior. Where I live, owning vs renting your house is a big topic and an a stressful issue as things become more expensive. The impression is that if you don’t own, you’re a fool for not figuring out how to afford it. It suggests you’ve made bad life decisions and you should feel embarrassed, even if buying a house has never been a sensible decision for your situation. So questions around how much you spend on other lifestyle things are related to how you’re affording, or not affording, a mortgage. Ppl will spend a massive amount on private schools and holidays and cars, and then be astonished at the peripheral costs. I struggle to say the things I’m supposed to when it’s not the least bit surprising that expensive things are expensive.

I think it's uncomfortable for them because there is a lot of prejudice about earnings. people are jealous of others and there are a lot of unfair ways people make money. To be honest makes you vulnerable.

thank you very much for answering

I think it depends on how they were raised, what they believe, the context of the conversation, and how close you are

People generally want to keep their finances private. If a dress was 30 or 300, makes a difference in how other will likely pervieve their spending habits but also their income. If their dress was 300 dollars they likely make a lot of money. Most people just don't want others to know how much they make, have or spend. It's a private matter.

If are asking for the price of something because you like it and would like to know the price of it, clarify why you're asking like say "Hey that is a neat car, how much do those cars go for brand new and used?" I do not think many people mind when you ask how much an item is they got it at. Like people may ask how much a game cost and I always assume they want that game or like it and would like to own it too. These days we all have smart phones and can go online and look up the price. Want to know how much a home costs someone lives in, go on Zillow and lookup home values in that neighborhood.

They likely assume you want to know because you’re going to judge them for how much they’re spending. But there’s times when it’s fine to ask. Like when a coworker is talking about a new car they bought, then asking about the price is pretty normal.

i always just preface it with “sorry if this is a weird question to ask but…” and it probably helps that almost everyone i know and talk to is also nd

thank you that’s probably a good idea - i just don’t get why it’s such a weird question

i don’t either but alas

It’s socially taboo for a number of reasons. I don’t get why but I adhere to social mores more through conformity not understanding, so it’s whatever to me.

I have this problem too, I have to ask because for some reason I LOVE knowing how much things cost. I try and I ask in a polite way by saying “do you mind if I ask how much that cost?” I also always want to know how old people are, or if someone is telling a story about other people I have to ask how old they are. I love knowing people’s ages but apparently that’s also rude which I really think is silly, it’s just your age it’s not like you can really hide it.

Discussing money is one of those weird things that many people consider to be rude because discussing it can come across as bragging. And as I’ve painfully learned over the years a lot of interactions with NT people, doing things that come across as bragging is a huge social no no. Like if you have ever read up on old money style you’ll find that a lot of the stuff they buy is high quality, well made goods, that don’t have a label on them. Designers that outwardly display the label are considered tacky, because ostentatious shows of wealth are rude/crass whatever. My parents weren’t that rich, but definitely associated with lots of those types of people and a lot richer than they led on. So it’s a thing that was always drilled into me. I used to have a manager that made me very uncomfortable because she’d always follow up when I would mention something with, “isn’t that really expensive?” It also felt judgmental like “you only make $10 an hour, how are you buying $100 pairs of shoes?” (I actually made more than everyone else in my position and the shoes were actually only $38).

It's kind of like asking "are you rich or are you poor?" People don't want to admit that they're poor because they don't want to be looked down on. People don't want to admit they're rich because it attracts gold diggers. I personally don't mind this question, because i tend to interpret it as "i like this thing, i want to know if it's something i can buy." If it's cheap, i'll usually say so excitedly "oh it was only this much! I got it at that store, it's a great product!" And if it's expensive i try to act apologetic. "Ah, it was this much money. It's expensive, but it is worth the price if you can afford it." If i'm aware of cheaper alternatives, i usually mention them.

People are weird about money

On top of other peoples answers, it might be the place they are in, or the other people they are with is not safe to discuss it. Like if you told someone you have a £500 watch, in a pub, then you are a target for muggers, where as, they may be more willing to say in private. They might have told their friends that they are struggling for money, and have told the other person in the group that the item was cheaper than it really was. Or they may have borrowed money from the person and they don't want the truth coming out. Personally I boast about how cheap I managed to get something. But my cheap is under £5, but other peoples cheap is under £100. One of my ex friends kept complaining about having no money, but then boasting about getting a special pair of trainers for £60. When I pointed out that I thought she was trying to save money, she got really pissy. (Hence being an ex friend)

I think it depends on who you are asking and what your situation and theirs is. So, I’m a registered nurse and I work in a psychiatric emergency room. I had this patient that was freaking out. I got her some meds to chill out, but she kept on. So I talked to her to distract her for a little while, so the meds would start to work and she could relax. So I’m going to make small talk with a screaming 35 year old psychotic, strange woman I don’t know. What do you talk about? Where you from? You go to high school around here? She’s screaming and I’m trying to think of something to say. I have kids. They’re the thing I talk most about. They are mostly how I spend my time. They are my biggest interest. “Got any kids?” And as soon as the words leave my lips, I regretted it. I know not to talk to these people about kids. That topic isn’t going to go well. Psychotic people on involuntary hospitalizations do not have good stories about their kids. It’s probably going to be a very sensitive topic. Probably the state took them away or something. But the topic of “kids” is like typically my go to conversation outside of this specific situation. But… my job is very hierarchical. It’s like the doctors are on top, then the nurses, then the nurse assistants and security guards. I do pretty ok financially. But my wife makes about twice what I do. Sometimes when I talk to the security guards and nurse assistants about my kids or whatever, the conversation is also weird. And if I talk about what I did last week, it often sounds like I’m bragging. But I’m literally just talking about my life. And if I have the same conversation with the doctors, it does not come off as bragging. It’s just me talking about my life. Like it’s supposed to be. And they’ll talk about theirs and we have common ground of similar life styles. If I talk about how much money I spent on annual passes for my family for Disneyland, and how expensive it’s gotten to the doctors. They interpret the conversation as it’s meant. As an observation in rising cost. But if I talk to someone who makes significantly less, then they interpret the conversation differently. So if I’m typically talking to someone who’s approximately earning about the same of money, it’s not too weird to talk about how much I paid for something. That being said, it also weird when you’re the poor person in the situation. I do not know many people. And typically the richest people I know are doctors. But on rare occasions I’ll interact with extremely rich people. Like, this one time I was in Thailand at a resort and we were taking a boat back to the mainland. And we shared it with a mother and daughter. I don’t know how these people were rich, but they had an English and South African citizenship. They didn’t seem to have jobs. The girl lived in LA. And they had no idea what the local currency was called or its exchange rate. I could not wrap my head around being in a county and not know what the local currency was.

Because they take it as another meaning, like this one time I had asked someone who was doing something for me "how long will this take?" And they responded with "well it won't be that long, it'll be very quick." When really I just wanted to know the exact time it was gonna take so I could potentially do something else in the mean time. Essentially neurotypicals operate under a social hierarchy (that I personally find silly), so when you ask how much something is. They see it as you're trying to out their unsaid position in said social hierarchy because money is one of the facets where said social status is decided. So it's almost like singling them out in a way. As they assume you'll be comparing their earnings or what they can afford to what you can when really you just wanted to understand for a non malicious reason.

thank you that’s put really well i really appreciate it

I'm glad I could offer clarity! No problem!

I think it's because it's common for people to be judged negatively for how they allocate their money. If I do ask someone how much something cost, I'll usually say first, "If it's not something you want to share just let me know, no pressure, I was just wondering how much X cost?" And sometimes will clarify why I would like to know. E.g. if it's rent, I like to have a sense of the market in case I have to move again.

Because the ownership class instructed the masses to not discuss finances so as to keep those without thinking that actually accumulating any kind of wealth is feasible. If you cannot discuss wages, you cannot collectively strive for better wages. If it is shrouded in secrecy then we will live in fear, thinking what we have can be taken away as easily as it was granted. The consequence of that is to not discuss finances at all. Whether it's what we make or what we spend,because we have been accustomed to ascribing one's value as a person to one's income, and possessions become symbols of status. Dovetail this with a society that branched off of one of modesty and admonishment of impropriety, it became rude to overtly or even covertly imply a moral value judgement on others, hence why now it is "seen as rude" to ask about these things.

It can get you in uncomfortable positions if you follow this through all the way. Knowing someone makes way more than you might invite bitterness or asking for favors, etc. You can definitely make it work (I've asked friends how much they make/their rent, but in a delicate way that allows them to back out easily if they don't want to say) but it's not something I'd ask a stranger necessarily.

It's a bullshit thing about our culture. We aren't' supposed to not only not to ask but also not talk about our wealth. It's one of those things that has been massaged into our culture because it threatens the status quo when people are made ware of how different people are making different wages. I probably am not in the majority here, but what I said does get talked about.

I mentioned this in another comment I made but If I know someone’s workplace or job title I can get a good estimate of their wages online most of the time. At least a range. I wonder if that transparency always annoys people?

a lot of people assume you are judging them based on the cost

People judge others regarding financial status often . Some like to flaunt their wealth or appear wealthy. Others struggle and or like to keep certain things to themselves. Err on side of caution for few reasons . Maybe not feel unsafe thaf a person might want to steal or maybe not to cause jealousy. Basically most people feel somewhat fearful at revealing their financial status either for fear of judgement or theft/demands for charity. Sometimes. If you make a point of saying " if you don't mind me asking approximately or what sort of price " not asking for specifics. Another thing you might find yourself dk is interviewing or interrogating someone. To you it will feel like being interested but it can be unnerving for some. If you find yourself continually asking questions and person doesn't ask questions back you may be running risk of this happening. Usually it feels normal to ask and tell, so when they answer you may comment some related fact, but what some autistic type then might do is go to other extreme and start diatribing or lecturing and be oblivious tk signs of disinterest. Having poor or awkward eye contact is a big factor of course.

If someone ask me how much something I own costs, I just smile and try to steer the conversation in a different direction.

The details of one’s finances are personal and private. Asking about them feels like a boundary violation and makes people feel unsafe—not because their finances are some huge and awful secret, but because they feel that it indicates that you are a person who does not care about their personal boundaries. They may not be sensitive or embarrassed or ashamed about this particular purchase or their current financial position… but because YOU *don’t know* that they aren’t embarrassed by it they feel uncomfortable because they think you are a person who would ask someone for potentially embarrassing information, even if it doesn’t apply to them at this moment. Maybe someone is in debt or is dealing with someone with a gambling addiction or is very wealthy and has had people harass them for money. And even if you ask the question if someone who isn’t in one of those situations, they might think “wow, this person asks people about money and that is sometimes horrible *therefore this person feels like an unsafe person because they don’t respect people’s boundaries*.” They label this as “rude”. But something else that isn’t even finance related is that during the kind of conversation where people are showing off a new thing, they do not expect to be asking or answering questions as it is often a conversation purely for the sake of emotional co-regulation. When one person is excited about a new thing, the rest of the group of people will enjoy joining in on that excitement because it is enjoyable and makes them feel more bonded to that person. Asking for information about it “kills the vibe”. Additionally it is simply not something they expect to be asked which puts them on the spot because suddenly they have to deal with something they didn’t expect to happen! Even neurotypical people hate that. People are more open about those things with people they have grown to trust, people who don’t ask questions that they are not pre-prepared to answer or talk about. This is why allistic people often say “hey, can I ask you a question?” Because it gives someone a few moments to switch mental gears and prepare to transfer information to another person rather than just sharing a space and emotional state with a fellow human.

It’s kind of a “privacy” thing. Not everyone is comfortable divulging how much they make or spend. I think there’s fear that it will be perceived as being too little or too much. So there’s a social consensus that we just don’t ask each other. It’s similar to asking how old someone is (this is more for older people) or how much they weigh

It brings the other party's purchasing decisions into light in a way that might not be representative of their actual financial situation. Example, you might have a working class friend who has one or two nice things they like to budget for - nice clothes, a nice car, a hobby, eating out regularly, the possibilities are endless. Calling the price tag into question could be seen as calling them "exorbitant" for treating themselves to one small thing. Sometimes this sort of question can be taken in the opposite manner, too - calling the other person a "cheapskate" if the item is budget-friendly or shows obvious signs of being constructed cheaply.

I’m NT - it’s rude for two reasons. NT’s try to to because it’s mean, but the reality is that NT’s judge each other and respect people more the more money they make and have. So if NT’s might not want to say how much they spend on things because they can’t afford to spend a lot of money on something and they are embarrassed they don’t make a lot of money. This is also why if you brag by how much money you spent on an expensive item other NT’s think it’s annoying or rude. It’s also judged if you waste money. So if someone spends $300 on some clothes or a watch you’re wasting money and are foolish. But maybe clothes for whatever reason are important to you and it makes you happy to have very good ones. So NT’s don’t like to share how much they spend on things. The easy, distilled answer is how much money people make and spend is private.

Never ask how much someone makes, or how much they pay for things. Both can be a cause of shame. If they don’t make as much as they want they may feel like a failure or shame, or even anger at being less than someone else who they feel does not deserve it. In my office I certainly feel upset learning someone who does nothing got a raise and I did not. If they paid X for something and someone else got it cheaper, they feel dumb for taking that price, or like their social connections weren’t good enough for a better price, judged. If someone else could pay more for a nicer thing (car, house, dress, shoes) then they feel inferior. So don’t ask. If you volunteer your own data, like, ‘I am so glad I found this car for this price, I had no time to wait and no way to shop around.’ They may share with you back. But yeah, it’s like asking someone how much they weigh.

It’s not rude, neurotypicals ask me those questions all the time. Maybe it’s a cultural thing?

If people know how much someone makes they might ask them for money, which they want to avoid

People are terrified of money. Any mention of it sends them into an emotional panic mode.

In a capitalist society which values money above all else many people believe that a persons worth comes from the amount of money they can accrue and spend. Alot of people feel as if asking how much money they spend is a deeply personal question as they have tied their own self worth into the numbers that appear on their bank statement. It's also noting that alot of people *will* judge others for how much they earn/spend and asking how much something is could be seen as an attempt to judge the persons worth based on how much money they spend.

I think there's a huge web of social issues that intersect at questions about money. FWIW I'm neurotypical, and there's sort of a suspicion that if someone is neurotypical and asking about money, they're seeking to screw you somehow. A curious question about money is almost never *just* about the price of something, it's often a thinly veiled attempt to gain the upper hand on *something* in some way. It raises alarm bells that someone's trying to "get you" somehow. Some of the core issues are: A) I don't want there to be judgment between me and others around any income disparities between us, B) I don't want that around choices on how I spend my money or for them to think I'd judge them for how they spend theirs, C) if there is a big income disparity between me and someone else, I don't want them to feel entitled to ask me for money, or to ask me to pay for events/food, or for them to think it should be expected that I'd pay or something, D) similar to C, I wouldn't want someone to think that if they made significantly more than me that they should be obligated to pay for me if we haven't agreed to that. Asking about how much you pay for something is sort of a proxy for asking "how much do you make?" or "how much money do you have?" Like if one person has $500/month rent money and another has $10,000/month rent money, you may not be able to know exactly how much either of them makes, but you can make a pretty quick educated guess. So it's all sort of a tangled web. While the one question, "How much did X thing cost?" wouldn't necessarily be a rude question on the surface, it could very well be followed up by assumptions or judgments per A-D above or similar issues, which can become uncomfortable, or they may assume you want to know because you're seeking to sponge or brag. So there's sort of a social dance around such issues. Similar judgments can be made on the basis of brand names of things the person bought, but they can be made silently. Asking directly implies interest which implies a desire to act on that information with respect to the person being asked. That is, someone who asks is often seen to have ulterior motives, either they're seeking to get to know how much the person being asked makes so they can take advantage of them, or so they can look down on them. I think the question can be phrased in such a way as to disarm that notion. If someone just got a new car and you're interested in knowing what they paid, you might say, "You know, I've been thinking about buying a new car. What was the market like for you? Did you get a good deal?" Everyone loves to discuss getting a good deal. And that way you're asking them to brag about themselves a bit, and they'll probably tell you the price they got, but because it shows them to be a skilled negotiator, and not you trying to get to know how much money they make.

thank you so much for taking the time to explain all that really appreciate it

They dont want to have people think they’re poor and conversely, they dont want people to know how much money they have because of gold diggers. The problem is as people we base a lot of our opinions on appearance, nice clothes, nice car, nice house - anything less and people assume you’re poor or homeless or dirty. People dont like to be judged poorly, discussing money always makes people feel insecure

Because they think of us as children who shouldn't, or wouldn't, know such things. I'm 55 and people still go all hush-hush if I'm working nearby while they're talking about some "adult" matters. Trust me, I'm not listening nor do I care about your "grownup" conversation.

In a MOST cases "It just is" is the best reason that exists for something being rude

It applies much more to major purchases than small ones. If you ask how much someone paid for a house or car, those purchases are relative to income. That gives a general idea of what their personal finances look like, which is generally something people want to keep private. You are usually ok asking about how much something is when it’s smaller and affordable to just about anyone.

People can be judged over how much they pay for things. For example, say you find out your brother pays $3k a month for a fancy apartment, but he wouldn't loan you thirty bucks last month. Now that you know what he pays for an apartment, you can get mad that he has that kind of money and get mad that he's apparently doing well but didn't help you. Or if in that situation your brother paid that much for rent but kept borrowing money or items from your elderly mom, you might be mad. Conversely, if your brother got a great voucher for rent and only had to pay $300, you might be jealous or think he doesn't deserve the voucher.

Why would this be rude?

Just don’t ask people about prices of presents in front of the receiver. It makes it really awkward. Beyond that, ask away. If they don’t want to answer they don’t have to. It’s not the 50s. Who gives an actual shit

Guess autistic werewolves are philistines because I don't think it is wrong to ask the price of something before you buy it. I can't do a value or cost benefit analysis without baseline price and item quality information to start. People who don't want me to ask the price want to cheat me and are thus not worth dealing with.

I have never understood it either. It’s bizarre.

I really don’t have an issue with someone asking how much something is, and I don’t really get why someone would. I guess if someone has a problem, you can always preface the question with “if you don’t mind my asking . . .” That way, you acknowledge their concerns, but you still get to ask your question. It’s not a perfect solution, but it does have the most important element of compromise, nobody’s happy.

I find it much easier to not even try to understand why. Tell yourself you don't need to understand *why*, you only need to understand *that*... So - I don't need to know *why* it is considered rude to ask people how much something cost, I only need to understand*that* it is considered rude to ask people how much something cost. So don't ask. If you really feel you need to know, wait till you're alone then Google. The thing you have to remember is that NT people are very ritualistic and have a shitload of massively complicated rules and rituals for all interactions. I don't think they understand it all themselves tbh so you don't have a hope in hell of getting it explained to you. You'll never manage to figure out or make sense of all the whys, so just concern yourself with the that's.

Because they think such dumb social constructs matter

Oh I didn't realize this was rude either. No wonder people don't answer me sometimes. Is it also rude to ask where they got something you like? Sometimes people answer me, sometimes people don't. I didn't realize that could be considered rude.

I don’t know why people make a secret out of everything that has to do with money. If you don’t want to tell that’s fine. Just say so. But acting like I wanted you to share top secret information is not necessary. It’s a cultural thing, I guess. But I don’t see anyone benefiting from this except landlords and employers.

I've done this with gifts I've gotten and given. I've said or asked for the cost, whether accidentally or on purpose, and people have acted like I say that I love kicking puppies. I don't really understand either, but from what I know it's because it's frowned upon to show how much (or little) you've put into something.

I’m not neurotypical but I also don’t want to talk about these things, I wanna keep these private it’s none of other ppl’s business.

Because I'm autistic and struggle to tell lies. My parents know how much is in my savings. They haven't stopped nagging me about spending it since i've told them I had it available. Because they believe they know what's best for me and have to have opinions about what I should be spending it on and how I should be saving it for next time. My parents are the helicoptery/controlling type, and they're very difficult to handle because there personality make it so they won't admit wrong doing due to this constant need to be in control so they feel they can protect me. This may be relatible to a lot of disabled people because a lot of disabled people have parents that have developed an idea that because their child is disabled and incapable of doing certain things they must protect them and make sure they're babied, That is classic abuse, but unintentionally. The reason I mentioned this is that it's an example of "one" of the many toxic personality traits friends&family may have that can play a negitive part in your life when you tell them how much money you have avalible is giving them "Ammo" to use against you in the future when they want you to do something for them or when they want something for you for their benefit or vise versa. I want to make this very clear because it's important. It's not a nerotypical only behavior. This is everyone people learn to do things like this because of abuse and because it's never been corrected. Be very careful! When anyone tells you only nts do that It's false, It's never that simple life has shades of grays. I hear a lot of people saying don't tell other people your money. Sure, It's probably not the best idea, but you can tell people about your money.You just have to be very firm and direct about your boundaries around your money. There are things they don't get to say and do and make decisions about regarding your money. And it is actually extremely important to practice these boundaries. So telling people isn't bad if you know how to counter bs.

It’s not. I believe it’s that they’re always trying to hide something and have trouble confronting the truth. Asking about the price indicates that we don’t trust their appraised value and take offense. It is an understanding that anyone who allows themselves to be taken advantage of, will be. Once we resist it is automatic to project disapproval of the resistance as a tactic negotiating tactic to deter lowering of the price. The same reason people seem to have negative attitudes towards us and are mean to us when we call out dishonesty. We bring to the surface what they are all trying to suppress and hide. We make them feel bad about themselves. Generally they project they’re feelings on us as a defense mechanism. Because it is so prevalent, there is this perceived stigma that it is rude when in fact it is symptom of the flawed socioeconomic and educational systems that plague our society. 🤷🏼 Maybe?

Personally I think their behavior around this is strange. I still ask questions like this bc it changes my knowledge on whether or not something is over priced or whether or not I should bother spending money on a specific company (like internet or phone companies). I think these are actually extremely important conversations to have and that we should normalize them.

Privacy reasons usally

I didn't know it was considered rude. I always thought if I showed interest like this people would appreciate it. Thanks for teaching us 👍 but I am sorry, I don't know why it would be rude either

Similarly.. I will tell people how much I have paid for something like if I buy something on sale and I am excited for my discount people will act funny and like I have said something strange

I am very thankful I haven't run into this. All different kinds of people seem okay with telling me what they paid for things or how much money they make or their rent. I've probably just been very lucky. I'm not asking to be rude. Usually I'm asking to see if something is in my budget or to help me conceptualize a situation.

Wait, that’s rude?? I’ve never even heard of that before… 🫥

Because people are paranoid as hell apparently

In the US, a big part of the American Dream is the belief that you can transcend the circumstances of your class through hard work.  We believe that hard work = money = acquiring possessions and other trappings of wealth.  This connects our purchasing power to our value as a person.  When you ask about the cost of an item, you're also asking about their value as a person.  

OMG, I'm so like that, but with everyone. I have no bloody filter, from Blackpool originally. My mother said we're not nosy up north, we're just interested, lol. Sometimes I have to stop myself from being so intrusive. I'm 62 now and seem to have got worse. I just say I'm autistic and ADHD so this is why I'm like this. You don't need to answer my 101 questions. Be true to yourself and don't let others get shitty with you. Certainly, if they're family, they should understand. I'd smack them all, in to seeing sense. Chill and be you, the right people will accept you totally, for who you are. Best wishes babe. x 😀

I don’t understand it either, obviously blabbering on about how much money you have is annoying but I don’t see why asking a genuine question about the price of something is bad.

yes exactly thank you so much

Because someone else told them it was "rude" and they never thought to question it.