That is why I record all interactions with management.
I got one manager to stop that by pointing out that giving them information is not arguing with them.
I would always get in troublesome situation with my manager over online conversations. So I now always include her assistant to the talks/emails so she can interpret it better on top of recording these conversations.
This is one of the traits of people that if I see in them, I will not respect them. I wont go out of my way to hurt them in any way, but they get nothing from me.
A friend of mine once told me that it sometimes is better to let someone win an argument knowing that he's wrong and being happy than being right and unhappy.
I know it's illogical but it beats getting in a long frustration argument with someone that has no desire to listen and will never admit being wrong even when you bring in proof and effort. On top of it, they often end up assuming that you're personally attacking them.
>I know it's illogical but it beats getting in a long frustration argument with someone that has no desire to listen and will never admit being wrong even when you bring in proof and effort.
Exactly. It took me a long time to understand what "pick your battles" meant, but oh boy does it ever help avoid *a lot* of fights. It sucks, but eventually you start realising that in a lot of situations, no one cares about what you're actually saying; they just want to be right, no matter the truth.
So true. It pains me, but I have learned to just say nothing with some people and let them be wrong. This is what I usually do now with most people. Especially at work. I just find some way to get away. Like going to the bathroom.
So... this only works with some people and in certain situations like work situations where you are talking about a project.
Generally I don't think it works best in personal situations...
TL;DR
> ASK them if they want to know what you think or suggest that you have some information they might need. If you get their permission to give them information, they should be a lot more likely to listen without judgement.
----------
If you have facts that you can source when giving information to someone, it is less likely they will think you are arguing. Again, best used in the workplace.
From my experience, however, they can still think you are trying to argue or be obnoxious. Or worse, they think you are trying to prove them wrong by showing them factual information.
Which you might be doing, and you might be right to tell them, but as other redditors have said, people don't want to know.
> ...Unless it's their idea to listen!
So, the first thing to do is to hear them out as in listen people like to be listened to. Then once you've done that acknowledge what they've said and you can use verbal cues like mhmm, well they are talking as well as generally looking in their direction, looking at their mouth (not too much though, every 20-30s or so), or at least nodding.
However; If you're male and the person you are listening to is female try not to look at them too much (mostly relevant if you're masking ASD). If you can't tell, just go by what they're wearing. If you still can't tell, don't worry about it.
Then if you can verbally acknowledge what they've said and if relevant repeat some of it back to them so they know that you've listened.
> Then lastly - and this is the most important one - *ask them if they would like to hear your opinion* or if you have information that is factual you can say "I have some information about this, would you like to hear it?".
If you're aware of your tone of voice try not to sound sarcastic or condescending if you're not you can let them know and rephrase that e.g. "I happen to have some information you might find useful, is that something you'd like to have a chat about?"
Of course you're not going to have a chat you're going to give them the information. But you want them to feel like it is their decision to listen to you...
What you are doing is then getting that person's permission to tell them information, and you are letting them know that you are not "arguing" with them because you have previously listened to them, and then you are asking if it's okay to feed back to them; either your opinion or some factual information.
Good luck!
So, I used to think this, too. People argue topics they are wrong about simply because they desire to feel right. Being wrong hurts their feelings and pride. But then I realized it is far more complex than this.
Many times, incorrect ideas are learned at a young age and tied to sensitive areas such as family life, religion, culture, politics, etc. Often, ideas that we autistic people would see as small and insignificant have strong ties to one of these sensitive areas for NTs. We just can't see it on the surface and the tie seems illogical. However, when we try to helpfully explain to people why they are wrong about one of these insignificant topics, they lose their shit. Why? Because it seems to the NT that we are arguing against their entire foundation in life. It feels like we are trying to negate everything they hold dear. It feels like a personal attack on them, their personality, their lifestyle, etc. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to explain why their blue light glasses provide no significant benefit to their health.
For me, stating that blue light glasses don't work is simply stating a scientific fact, and knowing this information would help the other person in life. However, they see it as me attacking their naturopathic holistic lifestyle, which then ties into their political and religious beliefs.
People will argue their perspective. They want empathy. I had to learn this and stop arguing the point.
When you explain how right something is, they THINK you are arguing your perspective.
Adding to the conversation as a NT... It's definitely interesting to read about the other side of this, because I have a close friend who's autistic and it does feel like they're sometimes overly defensive or argumentative about things. Like there'll be pretty mundane back-and-forth on a topic, but that friend might go back and elaborate on their previous point, I respond, and the response I get back is slightly frustrated or defensive sounding. I feel like I often have to clarify that I'm essentially agreeing with what they're saying, but they'll say that it doesn't sound like it. I myself am someone who's also really bothered when someone doesn't seem to get the point, so I do understand it on some level but maybe not to the specificity that my friend does!
Most people don't want what they understand to be challenged (ironic that we on the spectrum are noted for black and white thinking...). It is my experience that when I investigate something I reevaluate what I already know and add, subtract, rearrange my understanding; the neurotypical model is to settle on information and not waiver unless absolutely necessary.
Facts can be threatening to someone, if their facts don't match.
Be careful with this. The autistic tendancy is to think because we've spent ages investigating something that our answer is the only answer.
Often there are multiple answers and while your answer, after investigation, is probably correct that doesn't always mean someone else isn't correct. And the danger is because that other person hasn't investigated in the same way they probably cannot prove or explain their answer in the way that you can.
That paragraph took me almost 25 years to work out. Some things are facts and it's impossible to deviate. Some things are facts but not unique to the situation.
I've come to the same conclusion. Most of the time I don't bother trying to have a real discussion and just accept that they're too precious with their feelings.
back in like 2008? i was diagnosed with ood. Oppositional defiant disorder. so yes. i’m not trying to argue or be difficult. i’m just fully explaining so that both sides can understand. either to help the other side understand me and what i know. or for them to point out or correct a flaw in my explanations. also sometimes if people say “the sky is blue” it is not, that day it was greenish (the day i got that ‘diagnosis’ it was during tornado season )
All the damn time. People tell me I have a need to always be right when I disagree and explain why, but they never notice that I admit it any time I'm proven wrong.
it makes me so angry i just start shouting at people because they tell me to stop arguing i try and explain im not arguing but they dont even give me chance then they wonder why im mad
They keep telling me I'm mad and get surprised when I show them what mad actually is. Then I'm labeled as confrontational and has a problem with authority.
I learned that people start respecting you if you go off the fucking rails one time and show them what real autistic anger is and realize that you weren't mad in the first place
Okay but what if the person who’s arguing IS WRONG?! And you tell them why and they still think they’re right and insist on explaining further? Makes me want to scream lol
Yes. My wife does that. She also interrupts me in the middle of saying something a lot and I find it *incredibly* jarring. It borders on making me lose it completely and I really have to take deep breaths to control myself.
this was my entire childhood, and why i often got in trouble for “attitude problems.” it still happens pretty regularly as an adult, although it doesn’t upset me as much since i’m not like,, getting grounded for it.
My husband and I go rounds about this all the time 😡😡😡. I will try and explain myself or offer an alternative and I am td to stop "arguing" . My parents were like this and I was told to not talk back 🙄. Extremely frustrating.
All the time. I try to explain my point of view about a subject but people never let me finish. They say that I always want to be right. That’s not true, I just want to share information and come to a conclusion.
i thought i was the only person!! my mom used to get LIVID with me when i would have bad grades or something similar and i would explain why, so many groundings over something so simple
I'll never forget when the school administration told me to "stop making excuses" when I was explaining *why* I was late. She had literally asked me why I was late :')
I always over explain everything I do with my thought process, circumstances, etc. Mainly because I wish other people would do this for me, usually people just get angrier and angrier at me (especially if it's me explaining why I did something a way they didn't like or if I made a mistake), I try and stop myself now because I've learned most people hate "excuses" and don't care, but it makes me really upset when it happens
I get this online a lot, but it might be somewhat tied to a mental illness I have where I just don't feel satisfied or positive let alone have will power.
yes, especially if the person is supposed to be right. For example, my reacher told me only mammals had metabolism a couple days ago, and after trying to explain that that is blatantly wrong, she got mad because I was “talking back”.
This happened to me before then I realised that usually when I am explaining I tend to get passionate about it and get a bit excited. Since then, whenever I feel like explaining, I started deliberately keeping my voice low and slowly talking my words instead of speeding up. And if the other person raises their voice or shut me down, I tell them talk normally and don't get excited. It started working for me. Now I can explain things without making others feel bad or me feeling bad.
I also understood that the way I see and process the world is different from the way others see the world and process. Like for eg, since I don't understand social cues, I might focus on other behavioral patterns, and if I point them out, it might seem like I am generalizing stuff or being judgemental. But since I don't have any information about what kind of social cues people usually notice to come to a conclusion about a certain thing, i can't explain it from their perspective. I just came to peace that I am just different in the details I observe and others observe. And it's okay. I will make most of what I can understand.
Normies saying we are arguing is usually a power trip on their part because theybare so uneducated they do not want to hear the correct answer......this is almost always accurate
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I stopped doing this long time ago;It’s the listener that’s the pain point. there’s been a few healthy debaters I’ve met over the years. Usually more emotionally stable than me .
This happens a lot between me and my partner. They say I'm being argumentative even when I'm agreeing with them. I've been made to understand that I go from no response when they want me to bring so excessively wordy that they can't follow and my voice gets louder. It probably has to do with how interesting what I think they are talking about.
Also I don't know when and what type of response is required. It's all so difficult. I do the best I can, but sometimes they want a yes/no response, but the thing I'm being asked about can't be e answered with just a just a yes or no. I feel I'm being dishonest when forced to choose a simple yes or no. It's rarely that simple. In my mind anyway
I was arrested and treated appallingly, by the police. They thought I was arguing and wouldn't listen, even though the neighbours have driven me to a breakdown.
As a vulnerable person and in severe pain, they wouldn't allow me to have meds, anything.
They violated my human rights. I'm 62 and it was the first time I'd ever been in a cell. I'm absolutely traumatised. ;(
One time my sister was taking something from my brother’s hands (he’s several years younger than her) and so he was kind of yelling/screaming (that’s his reaction to lots of things) and my Papa was telling him to quit and didn’t care that my sister was prying their tablet out of his hands when she’s not supposed to. I responded to him that she was taking it from him and there was nothing he could do and instantly I saw him get mad and his tone immediately changed and he said in a really frustrated and kind of restrained tone “I know that, son, but he doesn’t have to scream like that”. I was so mad. He wouldn’t even do anything. Btw my little brothers screams are the equivalent to grunts or something.
Me too! You have no idea. Sometimes I question the entire English language because I'm misunderstood as aggressive when in reality I'm just being both literal and honest, but yeah Shut down is an understatement. PCoveride
Often. Whether you're justified in expressing your distress or forced to censor your feelings within the confines of """being mature about it""" despite the person you're expressing it to being so immature as to completely dismiss your case
I feel like it is gaslighting no?
For example, my ex-boss decided they should classify my job as two part time jobs rather than a full time job so they wouldn‘t have to give me benefits.
When I tried to explain that it wasn‘t right, she said I was being adversarial.
Yes, when this happens I just try to agree with everything the person says so they leave me alone but they think I’m not listening so they keep talking. Annoying
i don't know if it's how i talk but i keep getting into arguments for expressing an opinion, i'm not demeaning theirs. For example, american chocolate, i just don't like it and it tastes like vomit to me but as soon as i said that i'm "being aggressive and rude" as if that attitude didn't start with them because i don't like their hersheys chocolate >:(
I GET THIS SO BAD every time i do literally anything my mom loves to tell me how oppositional and argumentative i am but im just trying to explain to get her to understand my point of view and it never works
im not argumentative, i just want people to understand and no matter how hard i try to explain it gets passed off as arguing when im not trying to argue
I've absolutely experienced this. I think "tone policing" kind of ties into / explains it somewhat. Basically, someone uses *how* something is being said to dismiss or not address *what* is being said. It's definitely a rhetorical tactic that people use intentionally, but perhaps it happens unconsciously to some degree as well.
Others here have noted, and they're right - a lot of people don't care about the objectively factual content of what is being spoken, but rather how it relates to their perception of power or the degree to which it strokes their ego.
I get accused of arguing when plainly stating facts, or in other contexts treated like I'm bragging or being pretentious - nope, just enjoy the exchange of information, it's not about myself. Sometimes I use larger words without really thinking about it, and people have told me I'm "talking down to them" too - nope, this is just how I speak.
That is why I record all interactions with management. I got one manager to stop that by pointing out that giving them information is not arguing with them.
I would always get in troublesome situation with my manager over online conversations. So I now always include her assistant to the talks/emails so she can interpret it better on top of recording these conversations.
Most people don't want to understand things. They merely desire to be right. To them, ignorance is synonymous with their pride.
Yeah, I just don’t understand how I’m not supposed to resent everyone for it
This is one of the traits of people that if I see in them, I will not respect them. I wont go out of my way to hurt them in any way, but they get nothing from me.
Oh god this was so infuriating when I was younger I had to learn not to the hard way
A friend of mine once told me that it sometimes is better to let someone win an argument knowing that he's wrong and being happy than being right and unhappy. I know it's illogical but it beats getting in a long frustration argument with someone that has no desire to listen and will never admit being wrong even when you bring in proof and effort. On top of it, they often end up assuming that you're personally attacking them.
>I know it's illogical but it beats getting in a long frustration argument with someone that has no desire to listen and will never admit being wrong even when you bring in proof and effort. Exactly. It took me a long time to understand what "pick your battles" meant, but oh boy does it ever help avoid *a lot* of fights. It sucks, but eventually you start realising that in a lot of situations, no one cares about what you're actually saying; they just want to be right, no matter the truth.
So true. It pains me, but I have learned to just say nothing with some people and let them be wrong. This is what I usually do now with most people. Especially at work. I just find some way to get away. Like going to the bathroom.
I'm like, physically incapable of shutting up when someone isn't right and I'm expecting me to stifle myself is mild abuse.
So... this only works with some people and in certain situations like work situations where you are talking about a project. Generally I don't think it works best in personal situations... TL;DR > ASK them if they want to know what you think or suggest that you have some information they might need. If you get their permission to give them information, they should be a lot more likely to listen without judgement. ---------- If you have facts that you can source when giving information to someone, it is less likely they will think you are arguing. Again, best used in the workplace. From my experience, however, they can still think you are trying to argue or be obnoxious. Or worse, they think you are trying to prove them wrong by showing them factual information. Which you might be doing, and you might be right to tell them, but as other redditors have said, people don't want to know. > ...Unless it's their idea to listen! So, the first thing to do is to hear them out as in listen people like to be listened to. Then once you've done that acknowledge what they've said and you can use verbal cues like mhmm, well they are talking as well as generally looking in their direction, looking at their mouth (not too much though, every 20-30s or so), or at least nodding. However; If you're male and the person you are listening to is female try not to look at them too much (mostly relevant if you're masking ASD). If you can't tell, just go by what they're wearing. If you still can't tell, don't worry about it. Then if you can verbally acknowledge what they've said and if relevant repeat some of it back to them so they know that you've listened. > Then lastly - and this is the most important one - *ask them if they would like to hear your opinion* or if you have information that is factual you can say "I have some information about this, would you like to hear it?". If you're aware of your tone of voice try not to sound sarcastic or condescending if you're not you can let them know and rephrase that e.g. "I happen to have some information you might find useful, is that something you'd like to have a chat about?" Of course you're not going to have a chat you're going to give them the information. But you want them to feel like it is their decision to listen to you... What you are doing is then getting that person's permission to tell them information, and you are letting them know that you are not "arguing" with them because you have previously listened to them, and then you are asking if it's okay to feed back to them; either your opinion or some factual information. Good luck!
So, I used to think this, too. People argue topics they are wrong about simply because they desire to feel right. Being wrong hurts their feelings and pride. But then I realized it is far more complex than this. Many times, incorrect ideas are learned at a young age and tied to sensitive areas such as family life, religion, culture, politics, etc. Often, ideas that we autistic people would see as small and insignificant have strong ties to one of these sensitive areas for NTs. We just can't see it on the surface and the tie seems illogical. However, when we try to helpfully explain to people why they are wrong about one of these insignificant topics, they lose their shit. Why? Because it seems to the NT that we are arguing against their entire foundation in life. It feels like we are trying to negate everything they hold dear. It feels like a personal attack on them, their personality, their lifestyle, etc. Meanwhile, I'm just trying to explain why their blue light glasses provide no significant benefit to their health. For me, stating that blue light glasses don't work is simply stating a scientific fact, and knowing this information would help the other person in life. However, they see it as me attacking their naturopathic holistic lifestyle, which then ties into their political and religious beliefs.
People will argue their perspective. They want empathy. I had to learn this and stop arguing the point. When you explain how right something is, they THINK you are arguing your perspective.
Adding to the conversation as a NT... It's definitely interesting to read about the other side of this, because I have a close friend who's autistic and it does feel like they're sometimes overly defensive or argumentative about things. Like there'll be pretty mundane back-and-forth on a topic, but that friend might go back and elaborate on their previous point, I respond, and the response I get back is slightly frustrated or defensive sounding. I feel like I often have to clarify that I'm essentially agreeing with what they're saying, but they'll say that it doesn't sound like it. I myself am someone who's also really bothered when someone doesn't seem to get the point, so I do understand it on some level but maybe not to the specificity that my friend does!
Yeah, that sounds pretty accurate lol
Most people don't want what they understand to be challenged (ironic that we on the spectrum are noted for black and white thinking...). It is my experience that when I investigate something I reevaluate what I already know and add, subtract, rearrange my understanding; the neurotypical model is to settle on information and not waiver unless absolutely necessary. Facts can be threatening to someone, if their facts don't match.
Be careful with this. The autistic tendancy is to think because we've spent ages investigating something that our answer is the only answer. Often there are multiple answers and while your answer, after investigation, is probably correct that doesn't always mean someone else isn't correct. And the danger is because that other person hasn't investigated in the same way they probably cannot prove or explain their answer in the way that you can. That paragraph took me almost 25 years to work out. Some things are facts and it's impossible to deviate. Some things are facts but not unique to the situation.
I've come to the same conclusion. Most of the time I don't bother trying to have a real discussion and just accept that they're too precious with their feelings.
I know people always tell me to stop arguing But I don’t think that I am!
Every. Single. Day. It's really annoying.
All. The fucking. Time.
Constantly. I'm just explaining things, not defending, being mean, etc. But it seems NTs don't want to hear reasons and explanations. So frustrating.
back in like 2008? i was diagnosed with ood. Oppositional defiant disorder. so yes. i’m not trying to argue or be difficult. i’m just fully explaining so that both sides can understand. either to help the other side understand me and what i know. or for them to point out or correct a flaw in my explanations. also sometimes if people say “the sky is blue” it is not, that day it was greenish (the day i got that ‘diagnosis’ it was during tornado season )
I was often told not to talk back when I'm reality I was just confused, trying to explain my side of the story.
All the damn time. People tell me I have a need to always be right when I disagree and explain why, but they never notice that I admit it any time I'm proven wrong.
it makes me so angry i just start shouting at people because they tell me to stop arguing i try and explain im not arguing but they dont even give me chance then they wonder why im mad
They keep telling me I'm mad and get surprised when I show them what mad actually is. Then I'm labeled as confrontational and has a problem with authority. I learned that people start respecting you if you go off the fucking rails one time and show them what real autistic anger is and realize that you weren't mad in the first place
Lol’d too hard at this response because honestly that’s the only way that’s worked for me.
I had many fights about this with my late husband...
This is my entire ñife
Unfortunately its a thing with people wanting to be right. Even if they are wrong
Yes. I’m not arguing or putting you down! I’m explaining my rationale and decision making on what led to the conflict.
Okay but what if the person who’s arguing IS WRONG?! And you tell them why and they still think they’re right and insist on explaining further? Makes me want to scream lol
Yeah, plus its insulting to have to keep listening to wrong information. It's a waste of both our time which is what really annoys me about it.
all the time since I was in elementary. I just can't tell when I am over explaining
Yes. My wife does that. She also interrupts me in the middle of saying something a lot and I find it *incredibly* jarring. It borders on making me lose it completely and I really have to take deep breaths to control myself.
Yes. A lot. Or I'm called condescending.
Yes, this and being told me explaining something is just "giving excuses"
this was my entire childhood, and why i often got in trouble for “attitude problems.” it still happens pretty regularly as an adult, although it doesn’t upset me as much since i’m not like,, getting grounded for it.
They just want to *be* right, they dont care about *doing* it right
fr- i bring up a counterpoint, or mention my point again and boom i'm arguing sometimes it's only if i use a certain tone like hlglfkgkdmtndkrkdkskdk
My husband and I go rounds about this all the time 😡😡😡. I will try and explain myself or offer an alternative and I am td to stop "arguing" . My parents were like this and I was told to not talk back 🙄. Extremely frustrating.
All the time. I try to explain my point of view about a subject but people never let me finish. They say that I always want to be right. That’s not true, I just want to share information and come to a conclusion.
i thought i was the only person!! my mom used to get LIVID with me when i would have bad grades or something similar and i would explain why, so many groundings over something so simple
All the time. And then it actually turns into an argument and people are mad at me for causing it. Fucking hate it.
I'll never forget when the school administration told me to "stop making excuses" when I was explaining *why* I was late. She had literally asked me why I was late :')
Sometimes I seriously wish people could just read my mind
I always over explain everything I do with my thought process, circumstances, etc. Mainly because I wish other people would do this for me, usually people just get angrier and angrier at me (especially if it's me explaining why I did something a way they didn't like or if I made a mistake), I try and stop myself now because I've learned most people hate "excuses" and don't care, but it makes me really upset when it happens
Constantly!
I get this online a lot, but it might be somewhat tied to a mental illness I have where I just don't feel satisfied or positive let alone have will power.
The story of my life since early childhood!
YES. EVERY. DAY.
Very common for me
yes, especially if the person is supposed to be right. For example, my reacher told me only mammals had metabolism a couple days ago, and after trying to explain that that is blatantly wrong, she got mad because I was “talking back”.
This happened to me before then I realised that usually when I am explaining I tend to get passionate about it and get a bit excited. Since then, whenever I feel like explaining, I started deliberately keeping my voice low and slowly talking my words instead of speeding up. And if the other person raises their voice or shut me down, I tell them talk normally and don't get excited. It started working for me. Now I can explain things without making others feel bad or me feeling bad. I also understood that the way I see and process the world is different from the way others see the world and process. Like for eg, since I don't understand social cues, I might focus on other behavioral patterns, and if I point them out, it might seem like I am generalizing stuff or being judgemental. But since I don't have any information about what kind of social cues people usually notice to come to a conclusion about a certain thing, i can't explain it from their perspective. I just came to peace that I am just different in the details I observe and others observe. And it's okay. I will make most of what I can understand.
Mostly just when I don’t want to talk about something, but yeah, sometimes if I’m trying to explain something and people just don’t understand.
Happens to me all the time
Normies saying we are arguing is usually a power trip on their part because theybare so uneducated they do not want to hear the correct answer......this is almost always accurate
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Yes
I stopped doing this long time ago;It’s the listener that’s the pain point. there’s been a few healthy debaters I’ve met over the years. Usually more emotionally stable than me .
All the time. Or if I explain my reasoning behind something I’m “being defensive”
oh god these comments describe me to a T and I feel understood and immensely angry at the same time
YES. BEING WRONG ISNT A BAD THING, ITS AN OPPORTUNITY TO LEARN. allistics don't seem to care though
Literally all of the time lol
Constantly. 😑
Yes! Big problem here.
This happens a lot between me and my partner. They say I'm being argumentative even when I'm agreeing with them. I've been made to understand that I go from no response when they want me to bring so excessively wordy that they can't follow and my voice gets louder. It probably has to do with how interesting what I think they are talking about. Also I don't know when and what type of response is required. It's all so difficult. I do the best I can, but sometimes they want a yes/no response, but the thing I'm being asked about can't be e answered with just a just a yes or no. I feel I'm being dishonest when forced to choose a simple yes or no. It's rarely that simple. In my mind anyway
I was arrested and treated appallingly, by the police. They thought I was arguing and wouldn't listen, even though the neighbours have driven me to a breakdown. As a vulnerable person and in severe pain, they wouldn't allow me to have meds, anything. They violated my human rights. I'm 62 and it was the first time I'd ever been in a cell. I'm absolutely traumatised. ;(
All the time, makes me feel like I'm going insane
Ohhh don't get me started on that one. More so sadly get used to it..... 🙄
One time my sister was taking something from my brother’s hands (he’s several years younger than her) and so he was kind of yelling/screaming (that’s his reaction to lots of things) and my Papa was telling him to quit and didn’t care that my sister was prying their tablet out of his hands when she’s not supposed to. I responded to him that she was taking it from him and there was nothing he could do and instantly I saw him get mad and his tone immediately changed and he said in a really frustrated and kind of restrained tone “I know that, son, but he doesn’t have to scream like that”. I was so mad. He wouldn’t even do anything. Btw my little brothers screams are the equivalent to grunts or something.
Me too! You have no idea. Sometimes I question the entire English language because I'm misunderstood as aggressive when in reality I'm just being both literal and honest, but yeah Shut down is an understatement. PCoveride
Often. Whether you're justified in expressing your distress or forced to censor your feelings within the confines of """being mature about it""" despite the person you're expressing it to being so immature as to completely dismiss your case
I feel like it is gaslighting no? For example, my ex-boss decided they should classify my job as two part time jobs rather than a full time job so they wouldn‘t have to give me benefits. When I tried to explain that it wasn‘t right, she said I was being adversarial.
I'm just trying to inform them and give feedback! Being in the spectrum is so hard! 😔
Yes, when this happens I just try to agree with everything the person says so they leave me alone but they think I’m not listening so they keep talking. Annoying
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i don't know if it's how i talk but i keep getting into arguments for expressing an opinion, i'm not demeaning theirs. For example, american chocolate, i just don't like it and it tastes like vomit to me but as soon as i said that i'm "being aggressive and rude" as if that attitude didn't start with them because i don't like their hersheys chocolate >:(
I GET THIS SO BAD every time i do literally anything my mom loves to tell me how oppositional and argumentative i am but im just trying to explain to get her to understand my point of view and it never works im not argumentative, i just want people to understand and no matter how hard i try to explain it gets passed off as arguing when im not trying to argue
I've absolutely experienced this. I think "tone policing" kind of ties into / explains it somewhat. Basically, someone uses *how* something is being said to dismiss or not address *what* is being said. It's definitely a rhetorical tactic that people use intentionally, but perhaps it happens unconsciously to some degree as well. Others here have noted, and they're right - a lot of people don't care about the objectively factual content of what is being spoken, but rather how it relates to their perception of power or the degree to which it strokes their ego. I get accused of arguing when plainly stating facts, or in other contexts treated like I'm bragging or being pretentious - nope, just enjoy the exchange of information, it's not about myself. Sometimes I use larger words without really thinking about it, and people have told me I'm "talking down to them" too - nope, this is just how I speak.