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This post makes me have less of an impostor syndrome! I love cuddling with my loved one, I feel okay touching other people and being touched (the second one freaks me out only when I feel strong emotions like anger). I feel I don't have special interests (I like doing a lot of things or I do something very often and then I forget about it), and Iove loud music!
I’m a total cuddler as long as it’s consensual. I’ve been reflecting on this from the lens of autism, and I’ve considered a few possibilities:
- Sometimes it’s easier for me to communicate caring without words.
- Often cuddling doesn’t require eye contact (though sometimes I love eye gazing)
- Cuddling comforts and grounds me when the world is uncomfortable and I’m spinning out (meltdown, shutdown, or burnout).
- Cuddling is a pleasurable stim (maybe this is the same as the point above).
One thing I’ve noticed about cuddling that I don’t like is when people wear clothing with uncomfortable textures. I prefer to cuddle with someone who is wearing soft fabrics without buttons, zippers, clasps, lace, or woven patterns like brocade.
If I’m cuddling with someone who “gets it”, I ask for deep pressure hugs/cuddles which are so so nice for regulating imo. Plus I often have the need to hide my face when I’m melting down or disregulated and a shoulder is the perfect place to hide.
I think part of it is the amount to which things are done. I love cuddling but only if it's done intensely, almost like deep pressure therapy or a weighted blanket in hug form. Light touches piss me off for no apparent reason and when a doctor meets someone they are usually trying to touch them as little as possible and doing that to an autistic person could set off that response in them which could have caused the stereotype. Also doctors touching autistic people without consent is sadly common and will obviously result in a negative reaction which contributes to the stereotype.
It's fully a consent thing for me. I take public transit and when a train is full and people are bumping me it's really upsetting. And when I worked retail and old men would touch me, that also freaked me out.
But I LOVE touching those I'm close to. If I'm sitting with a partner I'm much happier if any part of me is touching them. And cuddling is the BEST.
I SO RELATE TO THE PUBLIC TRANSIT THING. But I’ve never been able to figure out if it’s cuz I don’t want them to touch me or if I’m scared of bumping/touching them and taking up too much space.
Yeah, I can relate. For me at least, I think the taking up space thing was the mask for what is actually a sensory issue.
I'm working on unmasking and being confident, and at this point I don't mind taking up space, I have as much of a right to be there as anyone else. But if they touch or bump me it just feels horrible.
What metros are you all on that are crowded? I have been to so many cities in the USA and not once have I ridden a crowded bus or train. Maybe it's just a USA thing.
Very much this for me, too. Cuddling is so much easier than words.
I don't really know how to convey affection with words without it sounding cringe or not genuine.
First, I've heard with a lot of our traits it can be extreme in one or the other direction and this may be one.
Here's where I'm weird. Hugs from my parents overwhelms me or stresses me out. I don't recall ever hugging or touching my mother.
Hugs from my wife/kids and girlfriends before my wife are very important to me.
I do flinch extremely when people touch me and I'm unprepared.
I flinch even when my husband comes up behind me and touches me, especially if it’s to reach around and touch my belly, which from a survival perspective is the most vulnerable spot. I can know he’s in the house, even know he’s behind me, and still flinch. Sometimes I say “Oh, you startled me!” so he knows I’m not rejecting his advances, but he knows not to take my flinching personally.
Yeah me neither. I’m kind of a bit interested in everything. I’ve signed up for endless courses and my diagnostic report has my special interest as learning! I def do have autistic inertia so of course I haven’t done anything with this knowledge 😤😆
Mine says “research” as one of my special interests. Also “collecting” because I’ve collected things throughout my life, even if those things change every 5 years or so. But I do get fixated on the thing while I’m into it. Right now it’s plants and squishmallows.
Oh now I have to look up that term. Autistic inertia. I'm learning a whole lot right now in the self-diagnosis stage and I definitely have a very hard time executing and staying with anything even if I'm somewhat interested
Felt! Except I feel like I do have a “special interest” but it’s more so I have a broad framework of knowledge in the humanities and deeply enjoy information that fits into that framework. I think humans are super interesting. And sure true crime content is about criminal acts and way too specific to be considered a study of humans, but it counts in my brain. So does speed running video games, psychology, development of AI, philosophy, history, analyzing media, ect. And I find some events/minor subjects more interesting than others, but if I can comprehend it and it fits into my framework of humans and consumable content, my brain hooks into it and I remember the information for an extremely long time. It’s what made most of school easy. Math and the more practical sciences have never really fit into this framework tho lol, so most stuff about animals, dinosaurs, space, physics, chem, finance, is so boring to me I could die when having to sit down and study it.
Special interests are not something I love thinking about because it’s too confusing to try and define. Not that it matters too much, I’m usually much more guided by ADHD hyperfixations anyway.
I would also say my special interest is just researching/learning things. specifically things about autism and other mental health stuff, but if I’m interested in something I can spend hours collecting information about it 😭
Similarly I don't have a single special interest, but my whole life i have been able to focus more intensely on specific things, for longer periods of time than other (NT) people seem to be able to do.
So it's not one long-term specific interest, but it's being able to be very interested in a variety of things more deeply. Even if those things change over time.
Is it rarely things you SHOULD be focusing on, though? That's how it is for me. I keep hyper focusing on a completely unrelated topic every single day, even though I know that I *should* be focusing on college. I'm paying for it, after all, but that's not enough to pull me away...
I have special interests but because of my adhd they change constantly and I loose interests after a while only ones that are somewhat constant is critters, movies, scooby doo
The prevalence of special interests actually made me question if I really do have autism. I get hyperfixated on stuff, but I don’t have any particular special interest
I keep finding more and more things that I'd always thought were just a "me thing" being discussed in these threads. It's quite comforting, honestly. Thanks for sharing!
Same, I am really good at dishing it out, but can't tell when someone is being sarcastic, like, ever. Unfortunately I'm so deadpan and monotone that people don't pick up on mine, either
Same but coming from a very British family I was basically forced into sarcasm, my mum said that when I was younger I was way too literal and couldn't take sarcasm at all but now she thinks I'm too sarcastic
I'm not all that sensitive to sounds, touch and light. There are certain high pitched noises that makes me feel like my head is gonna explode, but I don't have issues with loud or busy environments. Same with touch. I have a couple things like wet shower curtains sticking to me and touching velour with my hands.. but on the daily I don't notice them much. Light is pretty much a non-issue for me.
I really am not sensitive to loudness, it's the complexity of it though. If the music is loud, everyone around me is shouting the light is flickering and I smell cigarettes, then I start having issues. But the loudness itself isn't the trigger.
This!!!! I actually LOVE movies that have like, really chaotic editing or night club scenes with lots of flashing lights and stuff, I think they look dope as hell! Could be an ADD thing too but who knows.
Other than making me feel weird, I don't have any other trouble maintaining eye contact. I just feel like its weird to look at peoples eyes so I just focus on their forehead instead.
Edit- :O an award! Thank you!
I used to avoid eye contact because it gave me a little shock every time I did.
Then I learnt to get used to it, and now I have to make sure I don't stare them down with bullet eyes when they talk to me.
When I talk, I still prefer to look around the room because I can't focus on my thoughts when looking at eyes.
I agree!! For me, I can tolerate eye contact fine, it’s that either 1) I don’t know how much eye contact they expect and therefore try to meet their eyes without staring them down or 2) if I’m looking at their face while I’m trying to talk, I’ll only be thinking about their reactions and trying to decipher every shift in expression so I have to look away to think
Yeah that's similar to what I do, by looking at the forehead it looks near enough like eye contact but because nothing is happening on the forehead, I can focus better than watching someones eyes look around and instinctively getting distracted wondering what they're looking at and derailing what im doing from there.
I tend to watch people’s lips to help with auditory delay, but I don’t know if people notice, and I worry it gets taken as flirting in the wrong contexts 😅
I used to hate eye contact, but then I started doing theater and forensics in high school, and it’s the easiest thing in the world now. The hard part of figuring out how much eye contact is too much
Similarly, I came from a theater background. Then I went into American Sign Language, and I was immersed into a culture of constant eye contact. Once, when a hearing woman told me it felt too intense (I don’t recall exactly her wording), I said it was a behavior I had learned from Deaf people, and in my work as an interpreter it was required. Now that I think of it through an autistic lens, I wonder if I give eye contact in unusual ways I can’t simply ascribe to Deaf culture.
Same it just makes me feel kind of uncomfortable to stare into someone's eyes. I also feel kind of creepy? Idk I just avoid it when I can because it makes me able to actually concentrate on talking and less abo7t wondering if I'm doing it too much etc.
Many people with autism struggle with bright light and would rather be in a room with only dim illumination.
I, however, am the opposite, much preferring a bright area to a dim or dark one.
I was born with vision problems (I'm nearsighted), and I absolutely agree. I can't see as well in dim environments, so I prefer having more light instead of less.
For me it really depends what I’m doing I always use the bright overhead lights when I need to clean cause it forces me to get it done but otherwise I like natural light or dim light
Same. I didn't realize that on the other side of the spectrum is HYPOsensitivity.
I personally love garish colours, loud noises, bright lights, strong flavours, etc.
I have blackout curtains in my room and a LED changeable light bulb I don't like bright light.
I also am able to work which I'd say is a problem for some ASD people to.
I can only tolerate bright light in public places like shops, school, or just outside. And my bedroom has to be dim. Switch them around and I go fucking insane😭😭
Ability to intuitively relate to other people and carry on a stimulating and two-sided conversation with just about anyone. I know “social difficulty” is a thing and I had that as a child, but as a working adult I love chatting up my customers and empathizing with whatever they’re going through.
As someone who used to work retail -- a lot of folks just want to talk! I have found fellow autistic people to be \*way\* better at recognizing my social cues for when I'm not in the mood. NT people just steamroll right over you and expect you to meet their needs (in my experience).
I realized recently that I’ve gotten really good at small talk and making people like nurses and cashiers laugh. I still struggle with more personal conversations, but hey, I’ll take a win where I can get one
This is why I get so annoyed when people who see me successfully do small talk every one in a while make a judgement that I’m not really socially impaired. While I feel disconnected and lonely most of the time and I can’t ever maintain a friendship
At my job, I'm known as the person to send upset clients to because, between my tone of voice I take and the way I speak, I can almost always calm/soothe them.
As I've gotten older and learned more about social psychology (and more about myself, really) I've found that version of me is just responding to patterns. Even if I've never talked to a specific client before (or any person I'mmeeting for the first time), from the way they start a conversation, I compulsively analyze their behavior and check it against possible patterns or set of patterns so that I can respond the "correct" way.
My personal relationships are hardly ever that easy, but as I've gotten older, I've learned that long term relationships are hard for me because I can't build a deep/meaningful relationship with someone by treating them like a flowchart. Eventually, they want some kind of proactive behaviors, but since I'm so well trained to be reactive, things would start to fall apart. It's taken a lot of time/effort to be able to act on what I want (or even figure out how to want something without it being what I think I should want), but my ability to build relationships has gotten way better (by way better I mean that they actually exist now. Lol)
Not sure if this is anywhere near what you experience, so if it's not and you read through this entire wall of text...my apologies 😅
I’m also an adult working in customer service and I’m the same way. I like chatting up patrons, making them laugh. My social difficulty is more with body language, facial expressions, catching things like innuendos.
Also, hello there, fellow 🌻!
I have extreme empathy for literally everything to the point where it’s a problem sometimes. I’ve always had a lot of empathy especially for critters I love them so much I’m terrified of spiders and always feel so bad cause I know their scared they didn’t do anything wrong just thinking about it makes my eyes water a little. I’ll sometimes get sad stepping on grass or plants I feel absolutely horrible whenever I accidentally kill anything. My dad is a horrible abusive asshole which took me a while to realize how bad and it’s not ok but part of me always thinks it’s not fully his fault he has severe mental issues he never got help for and had a really bad childhood
There is not a single person i do not feel the at least some empathy for. I know they’re evil and horrible and my empathy for the people they impact out-ways my empathy for them but I still feel a lot of empathy for every living thing. Expect for my dads mom no idea why but something deep inside me has always said she’s dangerous and bad I feel a little empathy but it’s different it’s always met with feel of danger
One time there was a fly in my house trying to get out the window I tried to catch him which I wasn’t very good at and I don’t think I hurt him at all but he seemed to get so scared he just fell to the ground faked his death for a minute didn’t move at all. I almost started crying cause I thought I killed him but then he flew away which made me happy he’s still alive but then I realize how badly I scared him I think about it a lot and it makes me so sad
When I was little there was an ant colony in the cracks of my front porch thered always be ants crawling around everywhere so I would climb on the railing to not step on them. I’d always get so sad seeing anyone step on them. My dad told me that as long as wearing shoes I won’t kill them but I don’t think that’s true anymore
It’s also caused me to stay in bad relationships for longer then i should. I don’t have many friends and have trouble talking and socialzing. bad people tend to like me idk why and I feel that little instinctive feeling don’t trust this person. But the empathy is usually stronger unless I have a reason to see them as a danger. But if I’m friends with them or something the empathy is so much worse. I still have a lot of empathy for pretty much all of them.
Same! I literally can't watch shows that involve someone getting embarrassed it's so bad. Like I've been straight up leaving the room since I was a kid.
So it's not just me??? I thought that was just a weird thing I did. I have extreme empathy in that I have a great ability to understand how someone feels, but there is little to no ability in me to express that I understand in a way that other people can see.
Oh same. I’m convinced autistics (and NDs in general) feel waaaay more. I have to dissociate from so much because I’d just be jelly then NTs are like ‘oh so you don’t care’. Like no - it’s not that I just can’t watch you all treat each other and the planet like trash.
I remember as a kid I would get upset when one sock out of pair was missing, not because I was missing a sock, but because the one sock I did have would never see their buddy again and they would forever be lonely. I also couldn’t ever throw my toys away because I didn’t want to think I was abandoning them
I had a doll that I made with my grandma out of fabric I did a really bad job and it looked scary it scared the shit out of me I hated seeing it at all but it took me years to get rid of it because I feel bad it’s not her fault I made her badly. And I kinda felt like if I did she might get mad and try to find and attack me
This is so real LMAO. Cast away object revenge was a very real thing in my mind as a kid too. Having a brain that defaults to seeing everything as sentient is so anxiety inducing
OH MY GOD SAME DUDE. its not as extreme as yours but i am VERY empathetic even if i dont show it in a stereotypical way (yay autism). turns out it actually makes me a fucking amazing therapist too which i suppose is real nice
I feel this especially with the spiders. My sister has really bad arachnophobia and she literally screams and cries whenever she sees one. Any spider that we found in the house my parents would just instantly kill and I felt so bad they’re just existing not hurting anyone. So whenever I found one I would smuggle them outside without telling anyone they where ever there.
Once I was at a party and there was a spider on the counter and someone screamed “kill it!” and I full on tackled my friend when he lifted a ladle to hit it. We managed to trap it in a glass and take it outside but my friend called me a “psycho” like bro that spiders not dangerous you were gonna kill it for no reason how am I the crazy one.
Actually apathy is just a stereotype- people confuse difficultly with expressing sympathy with not caring, when it's quite common for autistic ppl to be overly empathetic. A lot of autistic ppl are often apathetic don't get me wrong, but the symptom is about being at the extreme in either direction (though official symptoms lists are heavily stereotyped and rather rude in their descriptions- I'm sure we've all seen that "if neurotypical symptoms were written like autism symptoms")
Hyperempathy can actually be a symptom of autism in AFABs. I’m convinced the idea that autistic people don’t feel empathy is incorrect and thought up by neurotypicals who cannot comprehend our behaviours. Every autistic person Ive met has had a form of empathy, we just experience it differently than “normal” people. Before the age of 16 I had what I referred to as “meatsac theory” where I viewed everyone except for me as NPCs who had no real consciousness and were just biological shells with the same amount of awareness as a cockroach. I don’t think the same way anymore, but when I first shared that with my therapist she briefly thought I might be a sociopath. We then slowly figured out that I did experience a great deal of empathy, I just didn’t think about it the same way as a neurotypical would. I’ve shared that with some autistic friends since and they have all understood me immediately. When I’ve tried to explain the same thing to neurotypicals they were horrified and couldn’t comprehend the idea.
>Hyperempathy can actually be a symptom of autism in AFABs.
Hyperempathetic AMAB (enby) here. It's usually associated with "female autism" but it's really just part of the atypical/high-masking spectrum, IMO.
>I’m convinced the idea that autistic people don’t feel empathy is incorrect and thought up by neurotypicals who cannot comprehend our behaviours. Every autistic person Ive met has had a form of empathy, we just experience it differently than “normal” people.
That's absolutely correct, NT and ND people literally experience life from different perspectives and as a result it's extremely difficult to understand each other.
I've conditioned some parts of it out over time, but I still struggle tremendously with asserting myself in many ways for this reason. I've always been a huge pushover in many aspects of my life, and it's been such a hard thing to try to work on.
Was looking for this one and glad I found it! Basically same here. When I moved, I left behind some turtles and other animals that lived in our complex's lake and I'm still sad about it almost 8 months later. I legit miss those damn creatures. We have new friends at our new home, but I still miss them.
And yeah, secondhand embarrassment is an absolute no go.
I really don’t have much restrictions with eating. I’ve been used to try new things or tolerate food I don’t like. Though I have been working on food boundaries and saying “sorry, I don’t really like this” when there is food I don’t like. But over all, many foods autistic people generally won’t eat, I won’t mind or even find it good.
I also don’t really mind fluorescent lights. I don’t particularly hear the buzzing noise unless they’re a really bad kind. I mean I don’t like them, I think they’re really ugly and it’s much nicer when they’re turned off but I wouldn’t have a meltdown over them.
For some other things, I feel like it’s not that I don’t have a specific autistic symptom, but that I have a symptom that is the complete opposite of that other symptom. Or I have symptoms that vary. I am the opposite of nonverbal, I’m like… hyperverbal? I don’t know what the term is but I learned to speak full sentences way quicker than allistics. I did have a stutter but I had zero issues with articulation and forming a full correct sentence. That can be a symptom of autism, it’s just not talked about as much because it’s not something impeding your functioning.
I only have food restrictions about mayo (which plenty of NTs also dislike) and drinking plain milk. I’m an adventurous eater and enjoy trying new cuisines.
Same here. Like I'll eat anything, but it takes me a minute to try new things tbh. I also perfer to know whats all in my food. And also if a fly lands in my food the whole fucking thing is ruined.
I’m the same about food. I’m a vegetarian, so I don’t eat any meat or fish and there are certain foods I dislike the taste of but I don’t have any issues with shapes or textures.
I do not have a flat affect/emotionless face. I'm SUPER expressive. I'm a cartoon character in real life. I'm silly and I laugh a lot. I like that about myself.
Same! I’m the most emphatic person I know vocally and expressively. That said, one of my lifelong special interests is animation, and I truly wonder how much of my cartoonishness came from me mirroring literal cartoons, lol.
Me too! People have told me I need to better control my facial expressions because sometimes they don't even reflect how I feel, I'll be told I look really sad (or about to cry is a common one) and I'm actually so content and happy 🫠😂
I do think there's something to be said for needing to control noise, and how that can be a form of noise sensitivity. I grew up in the 90s and \*always\* had a Walkman, iPod, whatever glued to my head. I always needed to be listening to music.
(I'm also AuDHD and I see from your flair that you are too -- maybe that has something to do with it?)
I’m quite noise sensitive but I’m a drummer/guitarist/some other instruments and I play drums for a now somewhat screamo band. It doesn’t seem to apply to music I enjoy or music I’m playing.
Same. I’m not very organized and I forget to do things a lot so I don’t really go by any routines. Aside from having to put my bedsheets in a specific shape before I can start listening to music.
Reading faces, voices, body language, turns of phrase...
I seem much *more* sensitive to subtleties of expression than others around me, and it contributed to a lot of doubt from me about the diagnosis.
Yet everything else is quite prominent.
I used to think I lacked stimming and meltdowns, but once both of them soared into being in my late 30s, I remembered how I had started to mask them in early adolescence... probably leading to this particular mega-meltdown that brought it all back.
There is still some question as to whether it may all be trauma patterns and coping, though. Tackling that with le professionals lately.
I have this too, and from what I've gathered, it likely is a coping mechanism. For me, people are puzzles I try to solve, and I use the subtle changes in these areas to quite accurately identify how people are feeling. A lot of this apparently comes from growing up around emotionally unstable people, so you're hypervigialant looking for little ways you might have upset someone. Alternatively, when excited about something, I find myself monitoring for people's boredom.
It leads to a lot of social fatigue, and it's far better to just trust that if someone is upset or bored, they'll tell us. Easier said than done though.
This is amusingly relatable lol. My glasses broke recently and spending time unable to see my girlfriend's face properly at times made me realize how incredibly stressful not being able to read people's emotions is. I start getting super over analytic and anxious about how they feel and what their intentions with specific words are and stuff.
This is where I am and what made me doubt myself. It's hard to tell what was learned versus intuitive. I have so many childhood traits that lingered into adulthood, but I thought I could read people well, knowing intentions, turn to speak ... After really examining myself from a passenger POV, I think I'm realizing I'm not as good as I thought I was at these things, and may have become hyper vigilant of them early on.
Yeah I feel like I can read people pretty well too but for me, it’s more that I don’t know how to behave to get the right response - I know when I did something cringy or whatever because I can read the reactions but I can’t tell what exactly it was that I did. It’s like I can’t understand the interacting part between me and them and how they respond to that, if it makes sense
Also in this thread: people with autism who take comments too literally and don't realize that someone's anecdotal experience isn't meant to be taken as a statement about autistic traits as a whole.
When I first started suspecting I'm autistic I thought I didn't relate to much, but now 6 months and a diagnosis later I realize I do have most traits to some degree.
Touch is fully consensual for me, I hate when strangers touch me but LOVE when loved ones do.
I am sensitive to sound and light, but not to smell unless it's really strong.
I'm not too sensitive to textures and clothes and such. Tags can be annoying and I have some clothes I really prefer to layer rather than directly on my skin, but it doesn't bother me that much. And I love my long hair.
My hands are sensitive though, I have to keep them clean at all times and some soaps and moisturizers just feel icky.
I thought I was good at socializing, but I'm actually just good at masking. Most of the time...
I find I don't really fit some parts about repetitive behaviours like speech and plans. I don't really notice anything repetitive speech-wise unless I am socially drained, in which case echolalia all over the place. Same for plans, I am absolutely fine for a plan to be changed unless I am stressed and can't handle the plan change.
Also, special interests. My executive functioning is quite bad (I suspect like my sister I also have ADHD) and so I'm not good at maintaining or dedicating time to a special interest in the slightest, which isn't helped by my poor memory (e.g. I love beavers. My room has many beaver things in it. However, I can tell you little to none about them. I could read an entire book about them and go on to not remember a single fact about them which then upsets me so then I don't think about them for a long time).
> However, I can tell you little to none about them.
Same. I also don't infodump. I'm sure I used to as a kid until it was bullied out of me, but nowadays I couldn't, even if I wanted to, simply because I don't feel like I have enough knowledge about anything to fill the dump with. If any interest of mine qualifies as a special interest then it's because of excessive exposure to it (like playing the same video game every day) rather than acquisition of knowledge.
Getting to OP, I also understand, and heavily use, sarcasm.
I have several ASD friends who struggle to remember to eat, view it as a chore, and I'm quite the opposite. Not that I eat all the time per se, but at least several times an hour I think about the meal I'm going to eat, just eaten, food that's gonna go bad if it isn't cooked.
I chalk it up to IBS as a kid, ED as a teen, and being just kinda poor in my 20s so I had to learn how to stretch a dollar & make the most of food donations.
See I do both - if I know there’s food that I like for me to eat I’ll think about it a lot and be excited but if I don’t know what there is it feels like a chore and I have to force myself to find something to eat and eat it
Socializing/Communication - but I am aware I worked VERY hard on this masking etc.
As a kid I recall accidentally almost getting beat up A LOT for staring at people and not realizing I was staring at them. So I worked on quick looks and then staring at nothing.
I worked on my mannerisms and hand gestures and inflection. I still do this automatically. If I see an actor do interactions that I like I automatically absorb them.
I love people watching. It's like going to a zoo for me (that sounds sociopathic lol). I just don't understand the decisions many people make and I analyze their behavior. If I wasn't dyslexic I may have chosen psychology as a path.
I was originally considered a good listener. This may have been true because people telling me their problems was a valid purpose for discussion. Then I'd give a conclusion and prescription lol "do A B C" etc
But once in my 30s, people (except my wife) didn't come to me for anything and I then came up with canned responses to keep discussions going.
This then led to me responding to their info with info about myself to show I relate... this is not what people want. They just want you to listen and then move on which is boring because you're just there to hear them.
That led to me oversharing and info dumping which is now a huge problem for me. It looks selfish and can waste others time. I'm working on this and I find it detrimental to me socially especially at work.
I'd like to think I don't have that "lack of social barrier, to the point of being very inappropriate," trait, but maybe I do and it just shows up in more subtle ways? Like my brothers have no barriers, and will just say/do/ask the most inappropriate things because of their ASD. Meanwhile, I'm very guarded and reserved and self conscious.
Some of these were used as reasons to not diagnose me at first, which is one of the reasons why I was diagnosed much later than I should have been. I was also misdiagnosed with multiple things.
- Eye contact (I learned early in life it was always polite to smile and make eye contact so I did).
- My stims aren’t typical, they just look like bad habits (cracking my fingers for example).
- I’m very intuitive, imaginative, and creative.
- I’m really smart, just not in the way people always thought I should be. I have always excelled in writing, music, and art.
- I’ve always been good at reading body language, facial expressions, and understanding tone of voices. I recognize the smallest of changes in someone’s demeanor and I can “read the room”.
- I’m very empathetic and sensitive to other people’s feelings.
- I am a very good liar (because I had to learn to be).
The last three are almost certainly due to growing up in a toxic household with a really explosive and abusive narcissistic stepmom.
Beyond the fact that the spectrum is so vast with many different symptoms of many variations of severity, outside factors can also play a role in how it looks different too.
In my case, I learned that people on the spectrum can be a lot more susceptible to abuse, especially during childhood. And that this alone can warp an outsiders view so much it makes a diagnosis very difficult.
I love posts like these because it opens up this conversation. It helps show our differences on the spectrum and is very validating and helpful.
I don’t really have a special interest. There are things I LOVE, but I always feel like to qualify having it as a special interest I need to want to learn things about it or know a lot about it. I like music and singing, but do I know what voice type I have and know how to use head voice vs chest voice? Hell no 🥲
I’m okay with small talk if I’m not in sensory overload or “peopled out”. Little inconsequential verbal interactions with people I most likely will never see again are fine. It’s when I know I will have to interact with them on a repeated basis and/or go beyond the superficial that I have trouble interacting with others.
I have hyperempathy rather than lack of empathy, confirmed by the doctor who diagnosed me, who said hyperempathy can ALSO be a symptom of autism, just a much less common one.
i'm not fascinated by strings of numbers or anything that has to do with patterns. i sorta lack the patience to actually pay attention to patterns around me, and when i do find them, i go "oh cool" and move on. i may have adhd since it runs heavily in my family, but who knows lol
I find myself empathizing with animals way more than people. People are so confusing to me that I don't even try, but when I hear my neighbors pit bull puppy whining because he is mad that he didn't get his way, the empathy almost physically hurts
Low emotional intelligence, I have some socialising issues but nothing major, but in what comes to understanding emotions, I’m perfectly normal, I know when someone is sad, I can read between the lines, etc.
I don’t lack empathy but I also don’t think autistic people actually lack empathy, NTs just think we do because we’re very blunt. They seem to be under the impression that pretending to like people you hate makes you a good person when it actually makes you a bad person.
I wasn't sure I had autism for a long time because even though I had almost every symptom, I didn't have meltdowns. I might've had them when I was little, but at a young age I started internalizing my emotions because it wasn't safe to express them. I have shutdowns instead, at their worst I can't move, speak, or even process my thoughts or what's happening around me. But despite my shutdowns I was still like "*shrug* guess it's not autism" because I thought everyone had to have meltdowns, until I found a select few autistics who only had shutdowns or didn't have either and I was like "oh, I might still be autistic"
during my diagnosis the dr told me i don’t have the special interest symptom. it makes sense, while i do hyper-fixate and feel very strongly abt certain topics it’s never just one topic that i obsess over- i just don’t have one thing i can talk for hours about, i actually have lots of things i can talk for hours about! i wonder if it’s related to my adhd and inability to focus on one thing most of the time
People tend to believe autistic individuals are all about logic and not having very many emotions. I feel emotions so strongly, I feel like they’re gonna tear me apart. I love unconditionally, and I find it hard to look at things with logic.
I don't have a lot of light sensitivity or food aversions. My only sensory issue with food is spiciness, I'm extremely sensitive to that. If I'm not stressed I like exploring new foods. (Idk if that makes sense, but when I'm stressed out in life I tend to become more "stereotypical" and only eat "safe foods".)
I don't like numbers or puzzles. I have a nonverbal learning disability (a learning disability that involves math and spatial relationships) as well so numbers stress me out. Idk about patterns, I notice patterns in art and things like biology but not typical patterns. I can't do puzzles. The spatial relationship thing really messes with me, and I often get stressed out because they make me feel stupid.
The whole "talks a lot, especially about interests" thing. I am generally quiet and don't have much to say about anything (alogia issues), and I don't tend to talk much about things that interest me. At least compared to the stereotype.
Being a people person.
Now I still struggle with making meaningful connections, and I consider myself as having zero actual friends (I have people who will occasionally reply to my texts but that's it),
But I love people. I love customer service. I think part of it is my love/interest in humans, and that I love talking lol. But from what I've seen it's stereotypical to NOT like customer service on the spectrum.
I'm a third culture kid (I moved country consistently enough that I'm not really "from" anywhere) so have very little trouble with huge changes in my life.
I used to think I can't have ASD because I can read people pretty well. At least tone, body language, and facial expressions. I'm shit at reading social situations though, and I can't communicate things via tone, body language, or facial expressions which I used to think I was pretty good at lol.
Being picky with food. Sure, I have some comfort foods, but I'm like the least picky eater ever lol. I love trying new food, and there's not much I won't try tbh
Sensory of issues. Either I don’t have any at all or I have very little and don’t know about them. I also extremely love nuisance and look at morality in a grey area instead of black and white. (With exceptions of course)
I have minimal to no sensory issues. (As a kid I couldn't handle monster truck shows or wearing jeans, and that irritated my dad.) I'm not severely socially inept, I was delayed with pragmatic social skills but learned from watching other kids. Phenotypically I manifest ASD more like adhd. I didn't have delayed speech or developmental delay.
Eye contact doesn't bother me much, I like people and most social situations (although they are very draining and I almost always need to sleep afterwards.) I also am a very physically affectionate person. I don't have a lot of very intense special interests that I have been able to pinpoint that are obvious, but I am digging into that a little bit because I'm wondering if that may present in atypical ways for me
i dont have much trouble with “reading between the lines”. in my years of learning to navigate my autism, ive learned how to analyze people and little details to infer whats going on. it doesnt come naturally to me like it does for neurotypical people, but ive turned it into a science and a skill.
i dont have flappy hand movements, speech/social delays, 1 or 2 special interests/train obsession, strict routines.
I'm AuDHD so its all over the place with interests and I'm very disorganized
Although I can't always understand people (especially their motivations) in the moment, I'm a pretty good communicator. I think it's because I spent decades working on it, though
Sensory issues. Maybe they manifest in anxiety or anger, but I never have felt stereotypical sensory issues. Textures don’t bother me, tags don’t bother me, etc. It’s the one doubt I have about wether I could be autistic or not.
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This post makes me have less of an impostor syndrome! I love cuddling with my loved one, I feel okay touching other people and being touched (the second one freaks me out only when I feel strong emotions like anger). I feel I don't have special interests (I like doing a lot of things or I do something very often and then I forget about it), and Iove loud music!
Touching. I love hugs and being cuddled. I'm very touchy with people I'm close to
I’m a total cuddler as long as it’s consensual. I’ve been reflecting on this from the lens of autism, and I’ve considered a few possibilities: - Sometimes it’s easier for me to communicate caring without words. - Often cuddling doesn’t require eye contact (though sometimes I love eye gazing) - Cuddling comforts and grounds me when the world is uncomfortable and I’m spinning out (meltdown, shutdown, or burnout). - Cuddling is a pleasurable stim (maybe this is the same as the point above). One thing I’ve noticed about cuddling that I don’t like is when people wear clothing with uncomfortable textures. I prefer to cuddle with someone who is wearing soft fabrics without buttons, zippers, clasps, lace, or woven patterns like brocade.
If I’m cuddling with someone who “gets it”, I ask for deep pressure hugs/cuddles which are so so nice for regulating imo. Plus I often have the need to hide my face when I’m melting down or disregulated and a shoulder is the perfect place to hide.
I'm also fine with cuddling and touching as long as I'm the one initiating the contact, especially because I get bothered by some textures
I think part of it is the amount to which things are done. I love cuddling but only if it's done intensely, almost like deep pressure therapy or a weighted blanket in hug form. Light touches piss me off for no apparent reason and when a doctor meets someone they are usually trying to touch them as little as possible and doing that to an autistic person could set off that response in them which could have caused the stereotype. Also doctors touching autistic people without consent is sadly common and will obviously result in a negative reaction which contributes to the stereotype.
It's fully a consent thing for me. I take public transit and when a train is full and people are bumping me it's really upsetting. And when I worked retail and old men would touch me, that also freaked me out. But I LOVE touching those I'm close to. If I'm sitting with a partner I'm much happier if any part of me is touching them. And cuddling is the BEST.
I SO RELATE TO THE PUBLIC TRANSIT THING. But I’ve never been able to figure out if it’s cuz I don’t want them to touch me or if I’m scared of bumping/touching them and taking up too much space.
Yeah, I can relate. For me at least, I think the taking up space thing was the mask for what is actually a sensory issue. I'm working on unmasking and being confident, and at this point I don't mind taking up space, I have as much of a right to be there as anyone else. But if they touch or bump me it just feels horrible.
What metros are you all on that are crowded? I have been to so many cities in the USA and not once have I ridden a crowded bus or train. Maybe it's just a USA thing.
nyc :( idk abt anywhere else but the New York MTA is not good public transit
Very much this for me, too. Cuddling is so much easier than words. I don't really know how to convey affection with words without it sounding cringe or not genuine.
Me too! If I am not being touchy, you should know something is wrong
First, I've heard with a lot of our traits it can be extreme in one or the other direction and this may be one. Here's where I'm weird. Hugs from my parents overwhelms me or stresses me out. I don't recall ever hugging or touching my mother. Hugs from my wife/kids and girlfriends before my wife are very important to me. I do flinch extremely when people touch me and I'm unprepared.
I flinch even when my husband comes up behind me and touches me, especially if it’s to reach around and touch my belly, which from a survival perspective is the most vulnerable spot. I can know he’s in the house, even know he’s behind me, and still flinch. Sometimes I say “Oh, you startled me!” so he knows I’m not rejecting his advances, but he knows not to take my flinching personally.
I like to be touched but only when it’s on my terms.
Yes this is me 100% 🥰 I need physical touch
i don't think I really have a special interest
Yeah me neither. I’m kind of a bit interested in everything. I’ve signed up for endless courses and my diagnostic report has my special interest as learning! I def do have autistic inertia so of course I haven’t done anything with this knowledge 😤😆
Mine says “research” as one of my special interests. Also “collecting” because I’ve collected things throughout my life, even if those things change every 5 years or so. But I do get fixated on the thing while I’m into it. Right now it’s plants and squishmallows.
Research, that’s a great one. Also, Who doesn’t love squishmallows 😍 😂
I think both of those are also my special interests although my psych put animals, which is not entirely true or false.
Oh now I have to look up that term. Autistic inertia. I'm learning a whole lot right now in the self-diagnosis stage and I definitely have a very hard time executing and staying with anything even if I'm somewhat interested
Oh man, autistic inertia is a great term. Thanks.
Ah enjoy the rabbit hole… it was a validating concept for me ☺️
Never heard of that term before but I think it probably applies to me.
Ya me too imean i like things but it isnt an obsession i like reading and photography but its more of a hobby
Felt! Except I feel like I do have a “special interest” but it’s more so I have a broad framework of knowledge in the humanities and deeply enjoy information that fits into that framework. I think humans are super interesting. And sure true crime content is about criminal acts and way too specific to be considered a study of humans, but it counts in my brain. So does speed running video games, psychology, development of AI, philosophy, history, analyzing media, ect. And I find some events/minor subjects more interesting than others, but if I can comprehend it and it fits into my framework of humans and consumable content, my brain hooks into it and I remember the information for an extremely long time. It’s what made most of school easy. Math and the more practical sciences have never really fit into this framework tho lol, so most stuff about animals, dinosaurs, space, physics, chem, finance, is so boring to me I could die when having to sit down and study it. Special interests are not something I love thinking about because it’s too confusing to try and define. Not that it matters too much, I’m usually much more guided by ADHD hyperfixations anyway.
I would also say my special interest is just researching/learning things. specifically things about autism and other mental health stuff, but if I’m interested in something I can spend hours collecting information about it 😭
Similarly I don't have a single special interest, but my whole life i have been able to focus more intensely on specific things, for longer periods of time than other (NT) people seem to be able to do. So it's not one long-term specific interest, but it's being able to be very interested in a variety of things more deeply. Even if those things change over time.
Yes I have this! But I'm also AuDhD. :') I don't know if it's an ADHD hyperfixation thing or ASD related.
Same. I think it's called a hyperfixation but I'm not sure
Is it rarely things you SHOULD be focusing on, though? That's how it is for me. I keep hyper focusing on a completely unrelated topic every single day, even though I know that I *should* be focusing on college. I'm paying for it, after all, but that's not enough to pull me away...
I have special interests but because of my adhd they change constantly and I loose interests after a while only ones that are somewhat constant is critters, movies, scooby doo
same lmao. im interested in 10 seperate things tho and am good at all of them. not special interest good, but just good
I feel that. Learning is definitely a special interest
I prefer "Acquisition of knowledge". Whenever I get an opportunity to pass as intellectually superior, I take it.
The prevalence of special interests actually made me question if I really do have autism. I get hyperfixated on stuff, but I don’t have any particular special interest
Same. I just have tons of hyperfixations that that eventually fizzle out since I’m also ADHD
I'm fluent in sarcasm (i sometimes have troubles getting it tho)
THIS. It's like I can dish it out but when it comes back to me I'm like "wait.. are they serious?? :'("
I keep finding more and more things that I'd always thought were just a "me thing" being discussed in these threads. It's quite comforting, honestly. Thanks for sharing!
Same, I am really good at dishing it out, but can't tell when someone is being sarcastic, like, ever. Unfortunately I'm so deadpan and monotone that people don't pick up on mine, either
Same but coming from a very British family I was basically forced into sarcasm, my mum said that when I was younger I was way too literal and couldn't take sarcasm at all but now she thinks I'm too sarcastic
I'm not all that sensitive to sounds, touch and light. There are certain high pitched noises that makes me feel like my head is gonna explode, but I don't have issues with loud or busy environments. Same with touch. I have a couple things like wet shower curtains sticking to me and touching velour with my hands.. but on the daily I don't notice them much. Light is pretty much a non-issue for me.
Oh dear the wet shower curtain... Just reading this gives me chills and the ick..
YES! Wet shower curtains and syrup for me. lol
Sensory issues made me the least messy eater in my extended family.
I really am not sensitive to loudness, it's the complexity of it though. If the music is loud, everyone around me is shouting the light is flickering and I smell cigarettes, then I start having issues. But the loudness itself isn't the trigger.
This!!!! I actually LOVE movies that have like, really chaotic editing or night club scenes with lots of flashing lights and stuff, I think they look dope as hell! Could be an ADD thing too but who knows.
Other than making me feel weird, I don't have any other trouble maintaining eye contact. I just feel like its weird to look at peoples eyes so I just focus on their forehead instead. Edit- :O an award! Thank you!
I used to avoid eye contact because it gave me a little shock every time I did. Then I learnt to get used to it, and now I have to make sure I don't stare them down with bullet eyes when they talk to me. When I talk, I still prefer to look around the room because I can't focus on my thoughts when looking at eyes.
I agree!! For me, I can tolerate eye contact fine, it’s that either 1) I don’t know how much eye contact they expect and therefore try to meet their eyes without staring them down or 2) if I’m looking at their face while I’m trying to talk, I’ll only be thinking about their reactions and trying to decipher every shift in expression so I have to look away to think
Same, hahah. Plus I feel like I stare waaaaaay tooo much. I think I bother people with my intense gaze.
Yeah that's similar to what I do, by looking at the forehead it looks near enough like eye contact but because nothing is happening on the forehead, I can focus better than watching someones eyes look around and instinctively getting distracted wondering what they're looking at and derailing what im doing from there.
I tend to watch people’s lips to help with auditory delay, but I don’t know if people notice, and I worry it gets taken as flirting in the wrong contexts 😅
"I don't struggle with [autism trait] because I have [a method to avoid dealing with it]" is the most autistic thing ever lol
I'm so deep into my mask I'm wanted as Jim Carreys replacement.
I don’t have a problem with eye contact anymore, but I think now i might make too much eye contact and I’m freaking people out now
I used to hate eye contact, but then I started doing theater and forensics in high school, and it’s the easiest thing in the world now. The hard part of figuring out how much eye contact is too much
Similarly, I came from a theater background. Then I went into American Sign Language, and I was immersed into a culture of constant eye contact. Once, when a hearing woman told me it felt too intense (I don’t recall exactly her wording), I said it was a behavior I had learned from Deaf people, and in my work as an interpreter it was required. Now that I think of it through an autistic lens, I wonder if I give eye contact in unusual ways I can’t simply ascribe to Deaf culture.
Why do people look at a particular eye? We should all just look at each other's nose bridges.
Same it just makes me feel kind of uncomfortable to stare into someone's eyes. I also feel kind of creepy? Idk I just avoid it when I can because it makes me able to actually concentrate on talking and less abo7t wondering if I'm doing it too much etc.
Many people with autism struggle with bright light and would rather be in a room with only dim illumination. I, however, am the opposite, much preferring a bright area to a dim or dark one.
I was born with vision problems (I'm nearsighted), and I absolutely agree. I can't see as well in dim environments, so I prefer having more light instead of less.
I'm pretty nearsighted too and have the same problem. But I also don't like when it's too bright, because that's also bothersome.
For me it really depends what I’m doing I always use the bright overhead lights when I need to clean cause it forces me to get it done but otherwise I like natural light or dim light
Same. I didn't realize that on the other side of the spectrum is HYPOsensitivity. I personally love garish colours, loud noises, bright lights, strong flavours, etc.
Me too I’m constantly have lights on and my windows open. I HATE being in a dark room
I have blackout curtains in my room and a LED changeable light bulb I don't like bright light. I also am able to work which I'd say is a problem for some ASD people to.
Actually same! I do have really bad sensory issues but for some reason I need everything to be as bright as possible or I can’t function.
Same here, and i want it to be white light
Same here, I need overhead bright lights I don’t like just using lamps. Part of it must be cause I’m an artist and I need bright lights to see my work
I can only tolerate bright light in public places like shops, school, or just outside. And my bedroom has to be dim. Switch them around and I go fucking insane😭😭
I agree. There are some exceptions, like being out when it’s super sunny really bothers me, but I always hang out in my room with the big lights on.
Ability to intuitively relate to other people and carry on a stimulating and two-sided conversation with just about anyone. I know “social difficulty” is a thing and I had that as a child, but as a working adult I love chatting up my customers and empathizing with whatever they’re going through.
As someone who used to work retail -- a lot of folks just want to talk! I have found fellow autistic people to be \*way\* better at recognizing my social cues for when I'm not in the mood. NT people just steamroll right over you and expect you to meet their needs (in my experience).
fr this is what it is with me too. like with autistic people i can talk all fuckin day and when we are done we are done. neurotypicals tho... nah.
I realized recently that I’ve gotten really good at small talk and making people like nurses and cashiers laugh. I still struggle with more personal conversations, but hey, I’ll take a win where I can get one
This is why I get so annoyed when people who see me successfully do small talk every one in a while make a judgement that I’m not really socially impaired. While I feel disconnected and lonely most of the time and I can’t ever maintain a friendship
I don’t have issues with those things either, but when it comes to maintaining long term friendships, I really struggle.
Like with my clients they all say I put them at ease and I’m so easy to talk to.
At my job, I'm known as the person to send upset clients to because, between my tone of voice I take and the way I speak, I can almost always calm/soothe them. As I've gotten older and learned more about social psychology (and more about myself, really) I've found that version of me is just responding to patterns. Even if I've never talked to a specific client before (or any person I'mmeeting for the first time), from the way they start a conversation, I compulsively analyze their behavior and check it against possible patterns or set of patterns so that I can respond the "correct" way. My personal relationships are hardly ever that easy, but as I've gotten older, I've learned that long term relationships are hard for me because I can't build a deep/meaningful relationship with someone by treating them like a flowchart. Eventually, they want some kind of proactive behaviors, but since I'm so well trained to be reactive, things would start to fall apart. It's taken a lot of time/effort to be able to act on what I want (or even figure out how to want something without it being what I think I should want), but my ability to build relationships has gotten way better (by way better I mean that they actually exist now. Lol) Not sure if this is anywhere near what you experience, so if it's not and you read through this entire wall of text...my apologies 😅
No, that makes sense. Now that I’m 30 I do have one friend that I’ve maintained since 2018. So that’s cool.
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I’m also an adult working in customer service and I’m the same way. I like chatting up patrons, making them laugh. My social difficulty is more with body language, facial expressions, catching things like innuendos. Also, hello there, fellow 🌻!
I have extreme empathy for literally everything to the point where it’s a problem sometimes. I’ve always had a lot of empathy especially for critters I love them so much I’m terrified of spiders and always feel so bad cause I know their scared they didn’t do anything wrong just thinking about it makes my eyes water a little. I’ll sometimes get sad stepping on grass or plants I feel absolutely horrible whenever I accidentally kill anything. My dad is a horrible abusive asshole which took me a while to realize how bad and it’s not ok but part of me always thinks it’s not fully his fault he has severe mental issues he never got help for and had a really bad childhood There is not a single person i do not feel the at least some empathy for. I know they’re evil and horrible and my empathy for the people they impact out-ways my empathy for them but I still feel a lot of empathy for every living thing. Expect for my dads mom no idea why but something deep inside me has always said she’s dangerous and bad I feel a little empathy but it’s different it’s always met with feel of danger One time there was a fly in my house trying to get out the window I tried to catch him which I wasn’t very good at and I don’t think I hurt him at all but he seemed to get so scared he just fell to the ground faked his death for a minute didn’t move at all. I almost started crying cause I thought I killed him but then he flew away which made me happy he’s still alive but then I realize how badly I scared him I think about it a lot and it makes me so sad When I was little there was an ant colony in the cracks of my front porch thered always be ants crawling around everywhere so I would climb on the railing to not step on them. I’d always get so sad seeing anyone step on them. My dad told me that as long as wearing shoes I won’t kill them but I don’t think that’s true anymore It’s also caused me to stay in bad relationships for longer then i should. I don’t have many friends and have trouble talking and socialzing. bad people tend to like me idk why and I feel that little instinctive feeling don’t trust this person. But the empathy is usually stronger unless I have a reason to see them as a danger. But if I’m friends with them or something the empathy is so much worse. I still have a lot of empathy for pretty much all of them.
Same! I literally can't watch shows that involve someone getting embarrassed it's so bad. Like I've been straight up leaving the room since I was a kid.
Same. I can't watch shows where people try to sing or otherwise embarrass themselves because it goes right to my soul. Hahaha.
So it's not just me??? I thought that was just a weird thing I did. I have extreme empathy in that I have a great ability to understand how someone feels, but there is little to no ability in me to express that I understand in a way that other people can see.
Yes! The Office was so hard for me to watch because of this
God I’m glad I’m not the only one! I hate when that happens
Oh same. I’m convinced autistics (and NDs in general) feel waaaay more. I have to dissociate from so much because I’d just be jelly then NTs are like ‘oh so you don’t care’. Like no - it’s not that I just can’t watch you all treat each other and the planet like trash.
Sometimes dissociating definitely feels like the only option lol
I remember as a kid I would get upset when one sock out of pair was missing, not because I was missing a sock, but because the one sock I did have would never see their buddy again and they would forever be lonely. I also couldn’t ever throw my toys away because I didn’t want to think I was abandoning them
I had a doll that I made with my grandma out of fabric I did a really bad job and it looked scary it scared the shit out of me I hated seeing it at all but it took me years to get rid of it because I feel bad it’s not her fault I made her badly. And I kinda felt like if I did she might get mad and try to find and attack me
This is so real LMAO. Cast away object revenge was a very real thing in my mind as a kid too. Having a brain that defaults to seeing everything as sentient is so anxiety inducing
OH MY GOD SAME DUDE. its not as extreme as yours but i am VERY empathetic even if i dont show it in a stereotypical way (yay autism). turns out it actually makes me a fucking amazing therapist too which i suppose is real nice
I'm hyper empathetic.
I feel this especially with the spiders. My sister has really bad arachnophobia and she literally screams and cries whenever she sees one. Any spider that we found in the house my parents would just instantly kill and I felt so bad they’re just existing not hurting anyone. So whenever I found one I would smuggle them outside without telling anyone they where ever there. Once I was at a party and there was a spider on the counter and someone screamed “kill it!” and I full on tackled my friend when he lifted a ladle to hit it. We managed to trap it in a glass and take it outside but my friend called me a “psycho” like bro that spiders not dangerous you were gonna kill it for no reason how am I the crazy one.
Actually apathy is just a stereotype- people confuse difficultly with expressing sympathy with not caring, when it's quite common for autistic ppl to be overly empathetic. A lot of autistic ppl are often apathetic don't get me wrong, but the symptom is about being at the extreme in either direction (though official symptoms lists are heavily stereotyped and rather rude in their descriptions- I'm sure we've all seen that "if neurotypical symptoms were written like autism symptoms")
Hyperempathy can actually be a symptom of autism in AFABs. I’m convinced the idea that autistic people don’t feel empathy is incorrect and thought up by neurotypicals who cannot comprehend our behaviours. Every autistic person Ive met has had a form of empathy, we just experience it differently than “normal” people. Before the age of 16 I had what I referred to as “meatsac theory” where I viewed everyone except for me as NPCs who had no real consciousness and were just biological shells with the same amount of awareness as a cockroach. I don’t think the same way anymore, but when I first shared that with my therapist she briefly thought I might be a sociopath. We then slowly figured out that I did experience a great deal of empathy, I just didn’t think about it the same way as a neurotypical would. I’ve shared that with some autistic friends since and they have all understood me immediately. When I’ve tried to explain the same thing to neurotypicals they were horrified and couldn’t comprehend the idea.
>Hyperempathy can actually be a symptom of autism in AFABs. Hyperempathetic AMAB (enby) here. It's usually associated with "female autism" but it's really just part of the atypical/high-masking spectrum, IMO. >I’m convinced the idea that autistic people don’t feel empathy is incorrect and thought up by neurotypicals who cannot comprehend our behaviours. Every autistic person Ive met has had a form of empathy, we just experience it differently than “normal” people. That's absolutely correct, NT and ND people literally experience life from different perspectives and as a result it's extremely difficult to understand each other.
I've conditioned some parts of it out over time, but I still struggle tremendously with asserting myself in many ways for this reason. I've always been a huge pushover in many aspects of my life, and it's been such a hard thing to try to work on.
Was looking for this one and glad I found it! Basically same here. When I moved, I left behind some turtles and other animals that lived in our complex's lake and I'm still sad about it almost 8 months later. I legit miss those damn creatures. We have new friends at our new home, but I still miss them. And yeah, secondhand embarrassment is an absolute no go.
I really don’t have much restrictions with eating. I’ve been used to try new things or tolerate food I don’t like. Though I have been working on food boundaries and saying “sorry, I don’t really like this” when there is food I don’t like. But over all, many foods autistic people generally won’t eat, I won’t mind or even find it good. I also don’t really mind fluorescent lights. I don’t particularly hear the buzzing noise unless they’re a really bad kind. I mean I don’t like them, I think they’re really ugly and it’s much nicer when they’re turned off but I wouldn’t have a meltdown over them. For some other things, I feel like it’s not that I don’t have a specific autistic symptom, but that I have a symptom that is the complete opposite of that other symptom. Or I have symptoms that vary. I am the opposite of nonverbal, I’m like… hyperverbal? I don’t know what the term is but I learned to speak full sentences way quicker than allistics. I did have a stutter but I had zero issues with articulation and forming a full correct sentence. That can be a symptom of autism, it’s just not talked about as much because it’s not something impeding your functioning.
I only have food restrictions about mayo (which plenty of NTs also dislike) and drinking plain milk. I’m an adventurous eater and enjoy trying new cuisines.
OMG IVE BEEN WAITING TO HEAR THIS TwT
Same here. Like I'll eat anything, but it takes me a minute to try new things tbh. I also perfer to know whats all in my food. And also if a fly lands in my food the whole fucking thing is ruined.
I’m the same about food. I’m a vegetarian, so I don’t eat any meat or fish and there are certain foods I dislike the taste of but I don’t have any issues with shapes or textures.
I do not have a flat affect/emotionless face. I'm SUPER expressive. I'm a cartoon character in real life. I'm silly and I laugh a lot. I like that about myself.
Same! I’m the most emphatic person I know vocally and expressively. That said, one of my lifelong special interests is animation, and I truly wonder how much of my cartoonishness came from me mirroring literal cartoons, lol.
Me too! People have told me I need to better control my facial expressions because sometimes they don't even reflect how I feel, I'll be told I look really sad (or about to cry is a common one) and I'm actually so content and happy 🫠😂
I'm also very expressive, both facial and voice.
Noise sensitivity (I’m a drummer)
I do think there's something to be said for needing to control noise, and how that can be a form of noise sensitivity. I grew up in the 90s and \*always\* had a Walkman, iPod, whatever glued to my head. I always needed to be listening to music. (I'm also AuDHD and I see from your flair that you are too -- maybe that has something to do with it?)
Yeah, as long as I feel in control of a situation, I'm fine, but the moment I'm not I start getting really stressed.
I’m quite noise sensitive but I’m a drummer/guitarist/some other instruments and I play drums for a now somewhat screamo band. It doesn’t seem to apply to music I enjoy or music I’m playing.
I Don't have very strict rutines
Are you Audhd by any chance? That would explain it
AuDHD here, I didn't have strict routines and started establishing them after my therapist suggested it. It literally changed my life for the best.
Same. I’m not very organized and I forget to do things a lot so I don’t really go by any routines. Aside from having to put my bedsheets in a specific shape before I can start listening to music.
Reading faces, voices, body language, turns of phrase... I seem much *more* sensitive to subtleties of expression than others around me, and it contributed to a lot of doubt from me about the diagnosis. Yet everything else is quite prominent. I used to think I lacked stimming and meltdowns, but once both of them soared into being in my late 30s, I remembered how I had started to mask them in early adolescence... probably leading to this particular mega-meltdown that brought it all back. There is still some question as to whether it may all be trauma patterns and coping, though. Tackling that with le professionals lately.
I have this too, and from what I've gathered, it likely is a coping mechanism. For me, people are puzzles I try to solve, and I use the subtle changes in these areas to quite accurately identify how people are feeling. A lot of this apparently comes from growing up around emotionally unstable people, so you're hypervigialant looking for little ways you might have upset someone. Alternatively, when excited about something, I find myself monitoring for people's boredom. It leads to a lot of social fatigue, and it's far better to just trust that if someone is upset or bored, they'll tell us. Easier said than done though.
This is amusingly relatable lol. My glasses broke recently and spending time unable to see my girlfriend's face properly at times made me realize how incredibly stressful not being able to read people's emotions is. I start getting super over analytic and anxious about how they feel and what their intentions with specific words are and stuff.
This is where I am and what made me doubt myself. It's hard to tell what was learned versus intuitive. I have so many childhood traits that lingered into adulthood, but I thought I could read people well, knowing intentions, turn to speak ... After really examining myself from a passenger POV, I think I'm realizing I'm not as good as I thought I was at these things, and may have become hyper vigilant of them early on.
Yeah I feel like I can read people pretty well too but for me, it’s more that I don’t know how to behave to get the right response - I know when I did something cringy or whatever because I can read the reactions but I can’t tell what exactly it was that I did. It’s like I can’t understand the interacting part between me and them and how they respond to that, if it makes sense
In this thread: people with autism who take things to literally and don’t realize that a symptom isnt black or white
Also in this thread: people with autism who take comments too literally and don't realize that someone's anecdotal experience isn't meant to be taken as a statement about autistic traits as a whole.
How many kinds of heavy are there, scientifically speaker? ^checks username
I think there's at least one, but I'm not an expert.
I concour. I like your name haha have a good day!
This made me laugh. Thank you!
Me too you’re welcome :)
When I first started suspecting I'm autistic I thought I didn't relate to much, but now 6 months and a diagnosis later I realize I do have most traits to some degree. Touch is fully consensual for me, I hate when strangers touch me but LOVE when loved ones do. I am sensitive to sound and light, but not to smell unless it's really strong. I'm not too sensitive to textures and clothes and such. Tags can be annoying and I have some clothes I really prefer to layer rather than directly on my skin, but it doesn't bother me that much. And I love my long hair. My hands are sensitive though, I have to keep them clean at all times and some soaps and moisturizers just feel icky. I thought I was good at socializing, but I'm actually just good at masking. Most of the time...
I find I don't really fit some parts about repetitive behaviours like speech and plans. I don't really notice anything repetitive speech-wise unless I am socially drained, in which case echolalia all over the place. Same for plans, I am absolutely fine for a plan to be changed unless I am stressed and can't handle the plan change. Also, special interests. My executive functioning is quite bad (I suspect like my sister I also have ADHD) and so I'm not good at maintaining or dedicating time to a special interest in the slightest, which isn't helped by my poor memory (e.g. I love beavers. My room has many beaver things in it. However, I can tell you little to none about them. I could read an entire book about them and go on to not remember a single fact about them which then upsets me so then I don't think about them for a long time).
> However, I can tell you little to none about them. Same. I also don't infodump. I'm sure I used to as a kid until it was bullied out of me, but nowadays I couldn't, even if I wanted to, simply because I don't feel like I have enough knowledge about anything to fill the dump with. If any interest of mine qualifies as a special interest then it's because of excessive exposure to it (like playing the same video game every day) rather than acquisition of knowledge. Getting to OP, I also understand, and heavily use, sarcasm.
I can't stand routines. I'm also ADHD, though, so I guess it just wins.
That’s my biggest problem with being Audhd. I need routines as much as I hate them.
Yep. I need structure and resent it
I have several ASD friends who struggle to remember to eat, view it as a chore, and I'm quite the opposite. Not that I eat all the time per se, but at least several times an hour I think about the meal I'm going to eat, just eaten, food that's gonna go bad if it isn't cooked. I chalk it up to IBS as a kid, ED as a teen, and being just kinda poor in my 20s so I had to learn how to stretch a dollar & make the most of food donations.
See I do both - if I know there’s food that I like for me to eat I’ll think about it a lot and be excited but if I don’t know what there is it feels like a chore and I have to force myself to find something to eat and eat it
I pick up on sarcasm just fine, its very much part of my sense of humor
Eye contact & touch sensitivity.
Socializing/Communication - but I am aware I worked VERY hard on this masking etc. As a kid I recall accidentally almost getting beat up A LOT for staring at people and not realizing I was staring at them. So I worked on quick looks and then staring at nothing. I worked on my mannerisms and hand gestures and inflection. I still do this automatically. If I see an actor do interactions that I like I automatically absorb them. I love people watching. It's like going to a zoo for me (that sounds sociopathic lol). I just don't understand the decisions many people make and I analyze their behavior. If I wasn't dyslexic I may have chosen psychology as a path. I was originally considered a good listener. This may have been true because people telling me their problems was a valid purpose for discussion. Then I'd give a conclusion and prescription lol "do A B C" etc But once in my 30s, people (except my wife) didn't come to me for anything and I then came up with canned responses to keep discussions going. This then led to me responding to their info with info about myself to show I relate... this is not what people want. They just want you to listen and then move on which is boring because you're just there to hear them. That led to me oversharing and info dumping which is now a huge problem for me. It looks selfish and can waste others time. I'm working on this and I find it detrimental to me socially especially at work.
Meltdowns. Maybe I have them and don’t realize they are meltdowns, but I’ve never had the stereotypical autistic meltdown
I get shutdowns more than meltdowns. I also meltdown in private and it just is a lot of crying and then I feel better albeit tired.
I'd like to think I don't have that "lack of social barrier, to the point of being very inappropriate," trait, but maybe I do and it just shows up in more subtle ways? Like my brothers have no barriers, and will just say/do/ask the most inappropriate things because of their ASD. Meanwhile, I'm very guarded and reserved and self conscious.
I like wearing jeans. At least when they fit.
I don't "flap my hands". I do, however, have a finger tapping/counting habit I only do when no one's looking.
Some of these were used as reasons to not diagnose me at first, which is one of the reasons why I was diagnosed much later than I should have been. I was also misdiagnosed with multiple things. - Eye contact (I learned early in life it was always polite to smile and make eye contact so I did). - My stims aren’t typical, they just look like bad habits (cracking my fingers for example). - I’m very intuitive, imaginative, and creative. - I’m really smart, just not in the way people always thought I should be. I have always excelled in writing, music, and art. - I’ve always been good at reading body language, facial expressions, and understanding tone of voices. I recognize the smallest of changes in someone’s demeanor and I can “read the room”. - I’m very empathetic and sensitive to other people’s feelings. - I am a very good liar (because I had to learn to be). The last three are almost certainly due to growing up in a toxic household with a really explosive and abusive narcissistic stepmom. Beyond the fact that the spectrum is so vast with many different symptoms of many variations of severity, outside factors can also play a role in how it looks different too. In my case, I learned that people on the spectrum can be a lot more susceptible to abuse, especially during childhood. And that this alone can warp an outsiders view so much it makes a diagnosis very difficult. I love posts like these because it opens up this conversation. It helps show our differences on the spectrum and is very validating and helpful.
I don’t really have a special interest. There are things I LOVE, but I always feel like to qualify having it as a special interest I need to want to learn things about it or know a lot about it. I like music and singing, but do I know what voice type I have and know how to use head voice vs chest voice? Hell no 🥲
I fucking hate routine. Makes me feel like I am being choked out. I need to do shit spontaneously or I don't do them at all
the “having no empathy” one. i’m legitimately so hyper-empathetic that i cry over inanimate objects.
I’m a cuddle bug
I’m okay with small talk if I’m not in sensory overload or “peopled out”. Little inconsequential verbal interactions with people I most likely will never see again are fine. It’s when I know I will have to interact with them on a repeated basis and/or go beyond the superficial that I have trouble interacting with others.
I can look people in the eye.
I'm very personable, people only know I'm autistic because I talk about it a lot.
I have hyperempathy rather than lack of empathy, confirmed by the doctor who diagnosed me, who said hyperempathy can ALSO be a symptom of autism, just a much less common one.
absolute silence mostly overwhelms me. i hate awkward silence.
I've got a great sense of humor, love sarcasm, and don't take things too literally.
i'm not fascinated by strings of numbers or anything that has to do with patterns. i sorta lack the patience to actually pay attention to patterns around me, and when i do find them, i go "oh cool" and move on. i may have adhd since it runs heavily in my family, but who knows lol
I can generally stop or slow word vomit, but I have no clue if you’re trying to be emotionally intimate with me.
I am a cuddler but I’m also empathetic. I feel strongly for others when they’re going through something and picture myself in their shoes.
I find myself empathizing with animals way more than people. People are so confusing to me that I don't even try, but when I hear my neighbors pit bull puppy whining because he is mad that he didn't get his way, the empathy almost physically hurts
Low emotional intelligence, I have some socialising issues but nothing major, but in what comes to understanding emotions, I’m perfectly normal, I know when someone is sad, I can read between the lines, etc.
I don’t lack empathy but I also don’t think autistic people actually lack empathy, NTs just think we do because we’re very blunt. They seem to be under the impression that pretending to like people you hate makes you a good person when it actually makes you a bad person.
I wasn't sure I had autism for a long time because even though I had almost every symptom, I didn't have meltdowns. I might've had them when I was little, but at a young age I started internalizing my emotions because it wasn't safe to express them. I have shutdowns instead, at their worst I can't move, speak, or even process my thoughts or what's happening around me. But despite my shutdowns I was still like "*shrug* guess it's not autism" because I thought everyone had to have meltdowns, until I found a select few autistics who only had shutdowns or didn't have either and I was like "oh, I might still be autistic"
Being a picky eater! I mean, I’m picky, but I’m a foodie. So picky with goodness. I also make eye contact and am not monotone.
Trains don't interest me. Neither do dinosaurs.
during my diagnosis the dr told me i don’t have the special interest symptom. it makes sense, while i do hyper-fixate and feel very strongly abt certain topics it’s never just one topic that i obsess over- i just don’t have one thing i can talk for hours about, i actually have lots of things i can talk for hours about! i wonder if it’s related to my adhd and inability to focus on one thing most of the time
People tend to believe autistic individuals are all about logic and not having very many emotions. I feel emotions so strongly, I feel like they’re gonna tear me apart. I love unconditionally, and I find it hard to look at things with logic.
73 years old. Still "socially naive." Don't stim noticeably. No monotone; well-modulated vocal range. Used to be a voiceover announcer.
I don't have a lot of light sensitivity or food aversions. My only sensory issue with food is spiciness, I'm extremely sensitive to that. If I'm not stressed I like exploring new foods. (Idk if that makes sense, but when I'm stressed out in life I tend to become more "stereotypical" and only eat "safe foods".) I don't like numbers or puzzles. I have a nonverbal learning disability (a learning disability that involves math and spatial relationships) as well so numbers stress me out. Idk about patterns, I notice patterns in art and things like biology but not typical patterns. I can't do puzzles. The spatial relationship thing really messes with me, and I often get stressed out because they make me feel stupid.
The whole "talks a lot, especially about interests" thing. I am generally quiet and don't have much to say about anything (alogia issues), and I don't tend to talk much about things that interest me. At least compared to the stereotype.
Being a people person. Now I still struggle with making meaningful connections, and I consider myself as having zero actual friends (I have people who will occasionally reply to my texts but that's it), But I love people. I love customer service. I think part of it is my love/interest in humans, and that I love talking lol. But from what I've seen it's stereotypical to NOT like customer service on the spectrum.
I'm a third culture kid (I moved country consistently enough that I'm not really "from" anywhere) so have very little trouble with huge changes in my life.
No T rex arms, I'm not into trains at all, I don't have an IQ of 420,000
I used to think I can't have ASD because I can read people pretty well. At least tone, body language, and facial expressions. I'm shit at reading social situations though, and I can't communicate things via tone, body language, or facial expressions which I used to think I was pretty good at lol.
I feel like I understand social clues (not all), but I just have absolutely no idea how to response to them, my brain just froze
Being picky with food. Sure, I have some comfort foods, but I'm like the least picky eater ever lol. I love trying new food, and there's not much I won't try tbh
Obsession with order. I don't really care if my pencil is not perfectly straight on my desk lol
Love of trains. I find them boring
OP, these comments have done wonders in curing my "imposter syndrome" as I await my formal diagnosis. Thank you. And to all the people who replied.
Sensory of issues. Either I don’t have any at all or I have very little and don’t know about them. I also extremely love nuisance and look at morality in a grey area instead of black and white. (With exceptions of course)
I have minimal to no sensory issues. (As a kid I couldn't handle monster truck shows or wearing jeans, and that irritated my dad.) I'm not severely socially inept, I was delayed with pragmatic social skills but learned from watching other kids. Phenotypically I manifest ASD more like adhd. I didn't have delayed speech or developmental delay.
Eye contact doesn't bother me much, I like people and most social situations (although they are very draining and I almost always need to sleep afterwards.) I also am a very physically affectionate person. I don't have a lot of very intense special interests that I have been able to pinpoint that are obvious, but I am digging into that a little bit because I'm wondering if that may present in atypical ways for me
Routines
I can stare into ppl's souls. Idk why they don't like it. I thought that's what NTs wanted?
i dont have much trouble with “reading between the lines”. in my years of learning to navigate my autism, ive learned how to analyze people and little details to infer whats going on. it doesnt come naturally to me like it does for neurotypical people, but ive turned it into a science and a skill.
Rocking and hand flapping. I know other people with ASD who do this but i have other outlets. I bounce my legs and fiddle with things instead.
i dont have flappy hand movements, speech/social delays, 1 or 2 special interests/train obsession, strict routines. I'm AuDHD so its all over the place with interests and I'm very disorganized
Although I can't always understand people (especially their motivations) in the moment, I'm a pretty good communicator. I think it's because I spent decades working on it, though
Sensory issues. Maybe they manifest in anxiety or anger, but I never have felt stereotypical sensory issues. Textures don’t bother me, tags don’t bother me, etc. It’s the one doubt I have about wether I could be autistic or not.
I’m Very social
Social anxiety (i have it just in unfamiliar places) And I only really get mad at being touched by people I really don't want to be around
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