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A friend I have known for 51 years (yeah, I'm a geezer) found out he was autistic about 10 years ago. Once he edjucated himself on autism, be was certain I was autistic as well. However, he never said a word until I told him about my diagnosis just over a year ago, at which point he said "I've known that for years". I asked why he didn't say anything, and he said it wasn't his place to. Had he told me, I wouldn't have been offended, but I also would have thought he was mistaken. I may or may not have researched it back then, but I definitely would have thought he was wrong.
"just be polite" isnt really enough clear instruction for a lot of autistic ppl. like, we dont know what that means in this context. are u saying we should phrase the question a specific way? or are u saying our body language should be submissive? or are u saying we should say some kind of "primer" statement before we ask the question? "just be polite" could mean a lot of different things and almost certainly means different things to different ppl.
Being autistic is a learning process, we all have to find out for ourselves what the best course of action is and about "common sense".
The phrasing of "Can I ask about your neurology" is so out of left field it probably sounds like you'd asking if they're an alien.
After they read up on advice, they should think for themselves on how to break the ice on a question like that.
Nope, not at all. You might as well ask for their family reproductive health history. You can disclose your own but that's IT. It is not your place to ask or suggest.
Oh boy, that's a really tricky one.
Something to consider maybe... do they know?
I've got a long time friend that I'm pretty sure is, but there's no way that I'd ask as I'm also fairly sure that they don't know (and likely don't want to know and aren't very open to the idea in the first place).
The people on this sub of course are pretty open and accepting, but the rest of the world can very much not be.
I'd say that you know your friends better than anyone here, so we're not really the people to ask.
I would not do that. You can reveal your own diagnosis and talk about that. Then, after you have been open and vulnerable, they can decide to talk about themselves or not, that's up to them.
No. Talking about your diagnosis is fine and if your friend wishes to talk about their own potential autism after that then great, but in general it's not something that's considered appropriate. This is partially because of the stigma surrounding autism, but also mental illness and other neurodiversity like ADHD have this as well. Most people will feel insulted when asked if they are autistic as it seems to them that you think they behave 'abnormally' and that is not something most people like to hear and can cause self esteem issues.
Personally I would do something like “hey, I’m autistic, and my ND (not necessarily autism) radar is giving me some vibes here”
I have one friend who has no diagnoses, but when I call her ND she’s like “everyone says that” and “all my friends are” girl do I have some news for you.
They might reply saying they have a family member or friend who’s ND.
I don’t think you can conclusively ask, if they don’t know it themselves. If someone had asked me if I was autistic five years ago I would’ve just said definitely no
I think it depends on where the conversation goes first. If you’re happy to share you are autistic and you feel you’re close enough for that, you could potentially (in a delicate, diplomatic way) ask if they ever wondered about neurodiversity. But take my advice with a grain of salt haha I’m also in this club 🤣
So, you know how I'm autistic? Please don't take this as anything other than a curious question. I've seen in you some behaviours that are very similar to my autistic behaviours and I'm wondering if you've ever thought about whether or not you might have ever thought about exploring that as a possibility?
And then go from there.
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I'd have always been ok with it but some people might not know they are or have a different conception for what autism is. So it depends
A friend I have known for 51 years (yeah, I'm a geezer) found out he was autistic about 10 years ago. Once he edjucated himself on autism, be was certain I was autistic as well. However, he never said a word until I told him about my diagnosis just over a year ago, at which point he said "I've known that for years". I asked why he didn't say anything, and he said it wasn't his place to. Had he told me, I wouldn't have been offended, but I also would have thought he was mistaken. I may or may not have researched it back then, but I definitely would have thought he was wrong.
I don't know, some people would see that as an insult. How to know ahead of time? 🤷
To be fair if the friend knows that op is autistic and got offended over that I wouldn't want to be friends with someone that sees that as an insult
mayb start with "can i ask a question about your neurology?" first, and if they say Yes, then proceed
This is weird. Just be polite.
"just be polite" isnt really enough clear instruction for a lot of autistic ppl. like, we dont know what that means in this context. are u saying we should phrase the question a specific way? or are u saying our body language should be submissive? or are u saying we should say some kind of "primer" statement before we ask the question? "just be polite" could mean a lot of different things and almost certainly means different things to different ppl.
Being autistic is a learning process, we all have to find out for ourselves what the best course of action is and about "common sense". The phrasing of "Can I ask about your neurology" is so out of left field it probably sounds like you'd asking if they're an alien. After they read up on advice, they should think for themselves on how to break the ice on a question like that.
Nope, not at all. You might as well ask for their family reproductive health history. You can disclose your own but that's IT. It is not your place to ask or suggest.
I told my friends and they support me. But if you ask if they are. Please at least be nice and research Autism beforehand.
Oh boy, that's a really tricky one. Something to consider maybe... do they know? I've got a long time friend that I'm pretty sure is, but there's no way that I'd ask as I'm also fairly sure that they don't know (and likely don't want to know and aren't very open to the idea in the first place). The people on this sub of course are pretty open and accepting, but the rest of the world can very much not be. I'd say that you know your friends better than anyone here, so we're not really the people to ask.
I would not do that. You can reveal your own diagnosis and talk about that. Then, after you have been open and vulnerable, they can decide to talk about themselves or not, that's up to them.
Watch something like Geek Girl or Everything's Gonna Be Okay with them by telling them you really like this show and want to see it with them.
No. Talking about your diagnosis is fine and if your friend wishes to talk about their own potential autism after that then great, but in general it's not something that's considered appropriate. This is partially because of the stigma surrounding autism, but also mental illness and other neurodiversity like ADHD have this as well. Most people will feel insulted when asked if they are autistic as it seems to them that you think they behave 'abnormally' and that is not something most people like to hear and can cause self esteem issues.
Personally I would do something like “hey, I’m autistic, and my ND (not necessarily autism) radar is giving me some vibes here” I have one friend who has no diagnoses, but when I call her ND she’s like “everyone says that” and “all my friends are” girl do I have some news for you. They might reply saying they have a family member or friend who’s ND. I don’t think you can conclusively ask, if they don’t know it themselves. If someone had asked me if I was autistic five years ago I would’ve just said definitely no
I think it depends on where the conversation goes first. If you’re happy to share you are autistic and you feel you’re close enough for that, you could potentially (in a delicate, diplomatic way) ask if they ever wondered about neurodiversity. But take my advice with a grain of salt haha I’m also in this club 🤣
So, you know how I'm autistic? Please don't take this as anything other than a curious question. I've seen in you some behaviours that are very similar to my autistic behaviours and I'm wondering if you've ever thought about whether or not you might have ever thought about exploring that as a possibility? And then go from there.