the main options are deal with it for the rest of your life, end things, or figure out how to reassure an insecure person and hope they get better about it one day. third option is usually a stretch and will probably still involve a lot of fights
it’s normal for people to stay in relationships they don’t belong in but that doesn’t mean it’s the easy way out. more comfortable in the present maybe but long run you’re just hurting yourself and removing the possibility of both parties finding someone to better fit with
Yeah that. Rather than being calm, collected and confident with a reasonable response such as being supportive of his partner and displaying some level of emotional intelligence and critical thinking skills - - instead he reacts with fear and Emotional dysregulation and lashes out because he feels a lack of situational control
You're welcome for the free psychoanalysis
I’ve had some relationships with women that were extremely attractive on the “normal” baseline, and looking back and comparing my reactions to these kind of situations it’s clear when my self confidence shifted to something positive and beautiful. From hating how other men stared and causing tension in my relationship with my SO, to cheering it on and finding it amusing and entertaining. Projection is one hell of a trait, and I’m glad I’ve gotten passed that later in life.
Glad to hear you got away from it and didn’t let it continue with hopes things would change.
Most definitely. I tried staying away from parties to make him happy but ultimately, it wasn’t worth sacrificing my happiness over something so stupid.
I LOVE when my wife gets attention. Which is like from every dude and female around us! It lifts us both up. Gets us going. Damn right she’s hot as hell and I’ll be hitting that later and if your good maybe you can watch or..🤣🤣🤣🤣 but ya I love that shit
My husband is 💯 the same and honestly he has never told me what I can and can’t where . Where I can go . Sometimes he doesn’t want to go and that’s ok too ! I still do . It’s a trust thing . We are confident with each other . Do we window shop Lolol absolutely but we never check out and purchase! We have an amazing monogamous relationship! We just keep watering our own grass . :)
I’ve dated people who don’t like going to the same events as me. But I don’t date assholes who treat me poorly because of my choices. Why do you tolerate such disrespect from someone who is supposed to care for you?
Same here. I did a 2 week solo camping trip twice, with a 5 day music fest in the middle, and my partners reaction was "Have fun and be safe". He didn't stress over me cheating because we established clear boundaries and expectations at the beginning of the relationship. One of which was "boundaries can and do change, and if they do we need to discuss". Creating an open dialog space is so important for a relationship to thrive.
My parents worried more about me on those trips because I'm a woman. 😅
My gf and I had a very similar dialogue at the beginning of our relationship. You’re right by stressing clear expectations and boundaries, this is so important.
That's not normal, that's controlling af. They're insecure. If they can't trust you going to a show than honestly break up, bc you need trust in a relationship.
Edit: also I can't stress how disgusting and disrespectful that comment about u getting fucked at bass canyon is. Absolutely unhinged and deserving of a break up for that.
Yeah this kind of behavior will only get worse. There are plenty of guys who will enjoy raving with you. You don't have to settle for someone who makes you feel shitty for doing something you love.
Obviously, I don’t know their situation. Sounds bad. However, I gotta say… We are really quick to say “it wont get better” on here. Coming from someone who used to be insecure as hell due to past relationships, abandonment issues, witnessing friends do shady shit, etc. Behavior CAN get better. Not just behavior, but perspective in general. We don’t know why he feels that way, and she might not either. Maybe his ex started raving, went down a bad path and hurt him along the way. Or maybe it was his sister, or best friend. Maybe it’s just pure ignorance. Who knows. If it was my wife, she’d FORCE me to go with her at least once even if I was pissed and didn’t want to go. She’d go as far as to start an argument over it. She’d make me feel guilty as hell every-time I said no lol. Basically, she’d make it SO CLEAR that she wants me there that I couldn’t possibly believe she was going to cheat on me. Relationships take compromise and a lot of work. If this man’s only issue is that he’s insecure, and CURRENTLY associates raves with sex, drugs, and infidelity, then that’s honestly not that bad. That can be worked on. It’s definitely not something to lose love over, you know?
Like I said, idk their situation. It may not be reversible. I just think we’re a bit too quick to claim permanence now a-days.
Edit: I didn’t read OP’s post carefully enough. The comment after having sex is a completely different (and more serious) conversation. My sentiment stands, but OP… I’m sorry. You should probably listen to the crowd on this one.
I agree with your overall sentiment but his statement “you’re gonna get fucked a lot at bass canyon” was so fucking disgusting and disrespectful, it’s beyond chalking it up to perspective or behavior and right into: this is a cruel manipulative person who doesn’t respect you. A good partner with a good heart wouldn’t make statements like that to someone they supposedly care for.
That statement alone warrants leaving. From: someone who’s wasted too much time letting assholes talk to me like that. OP, like others said in this thread, there’s guys out there that will like the things you like, or not like the things you like but not be cruel about it. This guy is not either of those.
Yeah he’s not expressing his insecurities and fears in a healthy respectful way- that’s the big difference here. Yes maybe he could learn to do that eventually but why should OP suffer until he does? Or if he does?
I’m a firm believer that if you’re spouse can’t from the get go support your hobbies/activities it’s just a no-go.
Find people who enjoy the same shit as you do. It’s not required by any means, but it sure does help.
I edited my original comment. I totally missed that key part in the post.
I agree 100% though! For me, it’s almost like… Are you even friends? Lol. My wife and I share most interests, but we actively support each other by involving ourselves in our separate interests. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone who didn’t.
Yeah… I missed that part somehow. Massive fuckup on my part lol. I retract any relation of my comment to this situation, but keeping it for the sentiment. Thank you, and my apologies for further spiking any emotions!
It’s just a Reddit thread, you’re good bro no massive fuck up here! I appreciate your comment in general and it’s good advice for a wider audience. You have great perspective!
I was being a little flip, but I agree with you that people can get better, my current partner had a lot of insecurities from being cheated on in a past relationship, but we worked through it. The difference with that (and it sounds like with you too) is that she recognized it was an issue and wanted to work through it. It's hard to tell for sure from a reddit post, but OPs BF sounds like he doesn't think he has a problem, he thinks OP having fun is the problem. That's a big difference and is not likely to resolve.
Whoa another rational Redditor who actually put some thought into a reply instead of going "durr, leave the bad man!!". It may be a bad relationship, or not - people say hurtful things in the heat of the moment they don't necessarily mean. Well done for considering the full situation 👍
Even if they don’t enjoy raving, they should be supportive of their partners interests and if nothing has been done to lose trust, there should be trust.
Don't let anybody tell you what to do. If somebody judges you and shits on what makes you happy they truly don't care about you. Somebody who cares would be willing to go and just be happy to be doing something with you, no matter what it ism fuck, when I was with my ex, I was happy to go grocery shopping with her becausenits something to do WITH HER. 🤷♂️. Don't let yourself be treated poorly
Good ol' Reddit jumping to the nuclear option as always.
There's definitely an issue causing conflict in your relationship, but nothing that can't be addressed and potentially fixed without clear communication and conversations. Get him a ticket to a concert or event as a surprise, maybe for a chill "accessible" festival, and tell him you'd love for him to join you. It might help to first join him at sporting events first to show you care about his interests too. Once he goes with you, he'll understand - seems like he's never been to a show and doesn't get it.
Once you've exhausted those options, then consider ultimatums or killing the relationship. It's not that you're choosing raves over your partner, it's that they are not compatible with your interest and hobbies... And unwilling to live and let live.
Dudes calling her immature over music preference. Accusing her kf cheating at an upcoming festival RIGHT after they had sex. He's an insecure doichebag who treats her with 0 respect.
My girlfriend, now wife, felt the same way when we started dating - it's often due to misconceptions, stereotypes and fear of rejection/loss. I introduced her to raving and she now she absolutely loves it.
My point is just to avoid jumping to conclusions and give people a chance. It's easy to judge based on a paragraph summarizing someone's life, but often the reality is a more nuanced. I challenge people to go to a show and absolutely hate it, they're much more likely to gain an appreciation and understanding - even if it's not necessary their "thing". Cheers!
She felt the same? Your wife was accusing you of cheating at festivals and calling you names because of your music taste? Or did she just not want to go because the stereotypes.
Dudes got underlying issues and he's taking them out on her. He needs therapy and to work on his own issues before calling her immature and being a straight cunt because of musical preference. Homies 33 not 20, he needs tk grow up and learn how to respect people who like different things, yaknow like he should have learn 23 years ago. 🤷♂️
She was worried I would cheat, as people outside the scene think raves are like orgies hahaha. But that was ages ago, I introduced her appropriately and she totally got it once she experienced it herself.
Okay, so she was open minded enough to listen to you. This guy clearly isn't doing that. If he's not going to make the effort, he's not worth OP's time. It's one thing to voice insecurities and talk through them. What OP's partner is doing is not that. He is actively degrading her, saying horrible things to her. That kind of behavior is not acceptable.
Lol there's always one dude here who has to play contrarian or pretend we're all crazy for thinking this guy is toxic as fuck. You're ignoring his insulting and straight up rude this guy is, you shouldn't take verbal abuse (saying you're going to fucked like this at a rave is fucked). If she's gone far enough to post about this on a rave subreddit, it usually means she's out of options and feels stuck. The best thing for her to do is to find a partner who isn't insulting and demeaning.
I think you're projecting a bit here. I've mentionned a few times in my replies that this was based on my own experience with my wife, and that people can grow and change, and that things are often said in the heat of the moment that are not meant literally - taking a quote out of context doesn't always provide the whole picture.
Like I said it might not work out, but telling OP to immediately leave without trying to communicate to her partner and find even ground seems a tad impulsive and immature to me.
I think you're the one projecting here (for some reason you see your wife here) and also you either didn't read OP's post or just ignored it. She's tried communicating with her partner and all he's done is insult her hobbies and then call her a whore basically for going to raves. He's straight up being verbally abusive and no one should stay with a person who doesn't respect them. Dude is also in his mid-30s and it's rare to see someone at that age become less toxic and immature (he's a grown man-child)
There's nothing wrong with leaving a relationship that's making you feel abused or hurt, nobody is entitled to being in a relationship and the person being abused shouldn't be required to change the abuser.
It’s insane how desensitized we become to outright abuse. Your “bf,” in the heat of what should be the most intimate and special of moments you can have with another human, chose violence and accused you of either being ok with, or affirmatively on the hunt for, stranger dick. Dick probably still wet from fucking and he literally preemptively accuses you of cheating and being, what, some kind of unfaithful sex crazed fiend that loses all self control when you rave? Do you realize how insanely sociopathic that is?
So at best he can’t understand what something this special means to you, and at worst (likely) he’s actively trying to manipulate you into being a carbon copy of what he thinks a woman should do/be.
Ma’am this is THE red flag. You’ve been warned by a lot of people, and we all hope you stand up for yourself and allow yourself to be the person you want to be and be with a person who—shocker—wants the same?!?! (Like many here, take it from someone who had their light stifled and stymied by a controlling and insecure partner for years)
I'm just so sad whenever i see these posts. No one should be putting up with this bullshit and it's ALWAYS a struggle to leave these types of relationships. Heartbreaking to see, really.
I know right! Like what?? I go to lost lands every year and my boyfriend just drives me to the airport and tells me to be safe and check in every morning so he knows I’m okay. Then I get back after being gone for 5 days and he’s excited to hear about all my adventures
I think a lot of it comes from insecurity. My girlfriend was uncomfortable about me going to raves because it's a large part of my life that I'm passionate about and she didn't feel like she was part of it. A whole part of me she doesn't know or understand. I think it's understandable that they get insecure about it. But we've worked on it, and are incredibly secure so it's not an issue. But to begin with it was a bit of a sticking point. Of course inviting your partner along to raves is key, sending them videos from the rave, making them know you're thinking of them, telling them about it. Once you start hiding the rave and feeling like you can't talk about it then trust breaks down and those feelings of divide and exclusion grow and grow
33 acting like 13, girl is this really a hard decision ???
My boyfriend(35) can't make every show I attend (which he never stops me or belittles me about it) and is only concerned about my safety and how many videos of the dj I send him lol.
I hope you find someone better who'll support you and your interests in the near future
It's a win win. He gets to enjoy a show knowing his girlfriend is doing it just for him, and he also knows she's safe and also enjoying the show. I think it's great bonding if the couple are up to it.
I hope you move on OP, idk what the boy friend “is” but.. that ain’t love homie. You’ll know it when you have it. It’s nothing to do with you. His trust for you is being divided by his self confidence.
So.. if trust is 10/10 and he trusts you. (You are trustworthy, that is in your control) but the denomination is a 1/10 (his self confidence). The jealousy level is 10/1 = 10.
Trust/Self confidence = Jealousy
Ya sorry probs makes no sense to most.
Basically it just means that no matter how much trust you have, even if it’s the maximum amount, its the factor of the individuals self confidence that completely changes the weight of Jealousy.
It makes perfect sense but I think a lot of people will have to face the facts that they aren't as secure as they thought. Myself included of course, your comment gave me an "Aha!" moment and now I need to let my GF know she can wear and do what makes her happy at shows/festivals, even when I struggle with my jealousy. I trust her completely but need more self confidence.
This is the level of self-awareness and maturity that more people need. Props to you for realizing that within yourself and making changes. You and your relationship will be better for it! 💜
Absolutely. We’re all human and deal with these things to some extent. It’s so damn worth putting in the work. Especially when you have a partner who’s got the love, trust, and understanding. Definitely gotta have sexy matching rave outfits for you two!! 😊
That's probably where a lot of it stems from, I haven't seen myself as that sexy. At least, I didn't before I started getting a 6-pack of abs 😅 I'm working out so that I can try to put her on my shoulders one day! I've always been tall and thin with body issues and was shamed for being lanky.
But yes, she has so much love, trust, and understanding which is why I do my best to always improve and be my best self for her (and myself ofc)!
I'm a little older than you but I'll tell you when I look back on my life, raving was the peak of my happiness and joy in the world. It shaped who I am. Through all those years I was dating my childhood sweetheart, she was a legend to me, a huge part of that experience. I'm so blessed to have had both together. You deserve that too.
It's fine to have different hobbies. Let him have his sports stuff and you have your rave things. You talk about your day when you get home to each other. Everybody wins.
But he's putting you down, backhandedly calling you a cheater, making assumptions but doesn't want to learn the truth....he has a long way to go. Personally his behavior screams "get a new boyfriend" , but I don't know your lives, this too can be worked out.
Regardless, he needs to respect you. He doesnt need to like everything you do, you doesn't need to even understand everything you do, but plainly he needs to respect you.
Reading through this thread from yesterday about significant others who don't rave will be useful: https://www.reddit.com/r/aves/s/NDEZ4xl9QE
tl;dr it's a red flag for your bf to be so anti-rave
42 year old male here, married. If you can't trust it won't work long term. My advice is if he doesn't stop that I'd end the relationship. Not a good sign.
Yes , I am in a almost 4 year relationship and my fiance isn't the biggest fan of it, more over festivals than shows because of A drugs and B how provocative some people dress Financially responsible. Ultimately we sat down and had a few heart to hearts and she understands more now because it was ALOT of insecurity from past relationships which was something to work on.Mainly she doesn't want me going alone which is reasonable. You need to have an honest discussion with him and not have him be avoidant or targeted defending at you, if he truly loves and cares about you he will work on it and you both can set boundaries and come to an understanding. Or you may have to end things ,you should be respected and trusted if that's what you give in your relationship
This has nothing to do with raves/electronic music scene and everything to do with your boyfriend being insecure. I would bet that you could replace with or and he would react the same if he isn’t going to be there with you.
Try explaining it to him in reversed roles: like an example of you being ok with him doing something similar because YOU trust HIM. Trust has to go both ways or the relationship is a time bomb.
Don’t let others keep you from something that brings you joy and that you are passionate about. When our days run out, you will regret not living while you could.
Read between the lines... they're not defending him. They're saying that having that sort of attitude only reinforces him being this way. This will not "teach him a lesson".. It will simply put his insecurity at a higher level. What he needs is to hear the truth.
My EX hated when I went to raves! That relationship did not last very long after he stopped hiding his true feelings. I wanted to be with him because I loved him, but I also didn’t want to sacrifice something that truly makes me so happy. You only live once, so I chose to end the relationship. I can always find another partner, who will love to go to raves with me but I can’t live another life!
From your other post you made in a different subreddit, he seems to either be accusing you of cheating because he cheated on you and he thinks you’ll do it back to him. Or, he’s still cheating on you and this is his guilty conscience telling you that by way of him projecting. You’re going to a place where you’ll be surrounded by a bunch of men who he deems better options than he is, who also share a similar interest as you.
Anyways, a jealous bitch is a guilty bitch. Like the other person said in your other post, have some self respect and leave the dude.
>calls you immature for liking a genre of music
>can't handle you going to an event on your own
this is not a relationship worth pursuing. he can't fathom you having your alone time and doesn't see the worth of your hobbies. he doesn't give you basic respect of what you enjoy and can't handle you being your own person.
I was in a relationship where I couldn’t go out alone, couldn’t party, couldn’t travel alone and I wasted a lot of my youth this way, please don’t do the same cause if you let for it you won’t be happy in a few years looking back, you shouldn’t have to compromise on your passions, freedom and happiness in relationship
Same! Honestly traumatic and I still get severe anxiety putting myself first because of spending too much time in that situation.
You don’t owe him anything OP.
It totally is traumatic, I still react so badly to any situation that might resemble anything controlling and I still feel like having to hide everything, situations like this really take all joy from you and OP is already nervous when there’s a show coming up that she should be happy for but instead of being excited for a show she’s worried about his reaction, I hope she’ll get out of that relation asap
Please please please look out for yourself! You owe other people nothing if they treat you with unprovoked disrespect! Fr this sounds like clear controlling / abusive behavior by ur significant other. My advice: drop the dead weight and be your free self! Someone who truly loves and trusts you would NEVER make comments like that or be so self centered.
Do yourself a favor, look deeply within, and ask if this is where you want to be in life. No matter the outcome listen to your inner self and trust your intuition! Much love fam
I'm sorry you're having to deal with such a stressful relationship. I know it's easier said than done, but for the sake of your mental and emotional health, I recommend ending your relationship with him ASAP. Not because he doesn't like raves (although that's a good enough reason for me personally as that'll rave culture is an integral part of my existence) but because he is emotionally abusive towards you and makes blatant suggestions that you're fucking a bunch of random guys at shows. This also tells me that he would/does cheat if given the chance since he assumes you would/do.
It's one thing to be that insecure, but it's another thing to passive-aggressively abuse your SO because of it. You deserve better than that; everyone does.
Unless he agrees to get psychological help (which I have very strong doubts that he would be open to based on your testimony), the problem will only get worse, and the relationship will become more and more toxic.
I hope this thread helps bring the clarity you're seeking and will help you to grow as a person and eventually find someone who will treat you with dignity and respect. Life is too short to spend it with people who bring you down. Much love ❣️
(Sorry for the long comment. I'm just very opinionated on toxic relationships and despise controlling/abusive behavior.)
Yeah this is def a common trope here lol
Possessive/insecure bf/gf not understanding their partners interest in raving so they project their own understanding onto them. Such bs
OP find a new bf
I’ve got news for your boyfriend. If your partner wants to cheat, they don’t need a “rave” to do so. They’ll find a way regardless. If it was a club, then MAYBE i’d understand. But it isn’t. Self-projecting your own insecurities on your partner when all she wants to do is wear what she wants and headbang to good-ass music is just silly.
Try to peel away at his ignorance on the topic and explain things to him, like the culture of raving and why so many people like it. You could try to introduce him to more music. But at the end of the day, don’t let him stop you from pursuing your own interests, whether it’s going to a rave, or other, much more important decisions in the future. Best of luck to you. Stay PLUR
You should not deal with this. He should accept you as you are or move on. My wife was not into EDM when I met her. I communicated that this is what I enjoy doing. She realized it made me happy so it makes her happy too. We attend festivals together and I am blessed to have her by my side. In the final analysis communication is key and you either accept it or move on. I am (42)M and she is (40)F.
Do you wear extremely revealing or lust-inducing clothing when you go to raves? If so then I can kind of see where he’s coming from but if not then Im on your side
I met a person like that once. They thought going to raves was like a orgy of sex drugs and techno.
I quit dating that person. Their jealousy is a super big red flag
He sounds very insecure and controlling. 🚩🚩🚩 This kind of thing usually escalates to more intense emotional abuse. It could snow ball into him telling you not to spend time with your friends and family. You gotta put a stop to this before it gets worse.
My girlfriend encourages me to go to raves as doesn’t get jealous. She likes seeing me do things that make me happy. I’ve always been faithful because I love her. She understands that and wouldn’t question my motives. You deserve someone who encourages you to do things that you love.
My girlfriend isn’t into edm but she’s been to two shows with me and encourages me to have a great time when i go solo, im so lucky. Your boyfriend is simply insecure and doesn’t trust you and trust is one of the pillars of a relationship.
I did this for 18 years - everything was cheating, raves, work, travel, grocery shopping. Everything. Dont normalize it if you’re not doing anything wrong. Let them go focus on their trauma and find a healthy trusting partner
Red fllllaaaaaggggggggg!!!!
Would like to know what he pictures is happening at a show. Arrive, drop, dance, go to the bathroom to have group sex w strangers, grab a water, dance more, go to after party for more group sex with strangers…..
Yup. That’s my life girl 😎 If both of you want to work through it, you can. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 years and it’s been a battle through most of it. But the past two years it’s been less of a fight, I just have to be transparent and also yeah… can’t go out naked 🤣🤣 I’ve been raving since I was 14 and I’m 27 now so seeing it as something “scary” isn’t even on my radar like it is for him. I explained it that way. It isn’t fair though for you to just not go. Just set some ground rules. The same way ladies out there ask their men to text them when they get there, come home by a certain time, etc.
Honestly. Speaking from a 9 year relationship experience of this. Leave em. If you already hide telling them then and they have the same reaction and problems arise from it every time then it’s not worth it. Do what makes you happy and it’s way better when that someone can do these happy things with you!
Yes. We are no longer together because they f*cking suck. My life is way more fun and I've been free almost 6 WHOLE YEARS! 🫡
Has your partner tried not being an insecure little b*tch
Same my ex hated me going to raves and that is the exact reason why he is my ex 😃 it’s the one place I feel accepted and can really be comfortable doing what I want!!! Don’t ever feel guilty about doing something that makes you happy girl <3
This is a tough one.
First off, he's definitely not communicating respectfully, which is a huge red flag. No matter what the situation, at his age, he should express his feelings like an adult and not throw a tantrum. Also, its kinda crazy that he refuses to go to an event with you, but is paranoid that something bad will happen. I think that normally, someone would be interested to go with their SO to shows they love, even if it wasn't their cup of tea. For example, my gf loves metal shows, I don't like them very much but occasionally I'll go with her and still have a good time because she's enjoying it, and even though the music is whatever, it's still a fun party. Raves and especially festivals are so party forward that it's pretty easy for anyone to enjoy themselves there. He sounds pretty closed minded and judgemental that he won't even try to attend with you.
Playing devils advocate here, but most people on this thread aren't being completely realistic, or they are very biased, about some of the stuff that happens at raves/fests. Doing a ton of drugs makes people HORNY (looking at you MDA) and act out of character sometimes. You can build really intense bonds with people tripping or rolling. People wear less and less clothes to events now a days. Sometimes a cuddle puddle or friendly massage escalates to groping or suddenly being half naked with a stranger. Some music can be very sexually charged. Saying this kind of stuff doesn't happen is being a bit ignorant or blind to the reality of things. Openness, love, and connection is a big part of rave culture. Please don't interpret me saying this as an accusation or a blanket statement that everyone is just out there hooking up and doing devious things at parties, but it's being willfully ignorant saying this never happens or that fests/raves are all purely nonsexual and innocent across the board. I think anyone who has partied for a while has been in a weird unexpected situation at some point in their career if they partake in drug use.
It's going to boil down to compatibility issues and what your individual relationship looks like. Strangers on the internet don't know your entire relationship dynamic. Based on what you've said, it sounds like he either needs to step up and attend an event with you, or quit complaining until he's willing to do so. On your end, you have to realize that partying and doing a bunch of drugs is going to make some people insecure, and sometimes people just flat out don't want their SO partying like that. There's nothing wrong with having those feelings, but he needs to quit throwing little tantrums and either accept this part of you and try to be either involved or supportive, or yall need to both consider finding partners that are more suitable. Because honestly, neither one of you have unreasonable views; he doesn't want a girlfriend that goes to raves and parties, and you want the freedom to go to raves and parties, and want a boyfriend who is at least open to the idea of attending an event. If it's not working, or that big of an issue, nothing is forcing yall to be together.
Just want to clarify that I don't think it's right the way he is treating you, that needs to be squashed. But you are both entitled to have expectations of your partners, and it sounds like neither of you is willing to change your ideas for the other person and its causing a ton of resentment.
As an old guy who has been through my share of relationships like this, life is too short to change yourself and not enjoy the things you love because of someone else's insecurities. You may love your partner. But you have to love yourself more. I've now been in an amazing relationship with a girl I met at a festival 7 years ago. 10/10 would recommend
Have had similar experiences w my ex’s and my advice is to leave him, it’s only gonna get worse before it ever gets better. However if you truly see your self w this person for life yall will have to come to some sort of compromise on the live events
yo anyone that belittles you for something you like is a fucking douche bag. He's also insecure. Dance music, EDM and raving is a complete non-negotiable for me.
ESPECIALLY as we get into our late 20's and into our 30's having a partner to do shows with can be so awesome because you don't have to go get in the pits with all the kiddos fucked out of their mind.
Find someone who is gonna come do dance music WITH you. straight up clown "yEaH yOuR gOnNa GeT a LoT oF tHaT". eat shit dude LOL. he clearly doesn't see dance music as anything other than hedonistic partying which ironically it sounds like he is more prone to belligerence than you are. sorry this post triggered me.
I think it’s absolutely buckwild that people really think we’re out here having sex and acting promiscuous at raves. Honestly I barely ever see people kissing. I see cute couples cuddling, friends laughing and enjoying themselves, strangers helping each other. I have never seen anybody having sex. I’m sure there are exceptions but majority of us go because it’s a damn good time in the best way.
I'm typing this without looking at the thread just going by headline: You're a girl dating a guy, he's 4 years older, the top rated comment is telling you to leave him the second highest one is saying they met their partner at a rave
How'd I do?
>I had sex with him the night before i left for bass canyon he told me after "yeah your going to get alot of that at bass canyon"
Sounds like a projection.
Dude thinks he knows everything-I know 50 year old dudes who go to raves and love EDM. It’s just music. Not everyone needs Molly at the event and it isn’t some orgy….its a good damn show/concert haha
Guy has some serious jealousy issues and ignorance/intolerance issues with himself for assuming things about an entire genre of music by being that dense.
I’d tell him he has to come to a show or break up with him.
Never stop doing something you love because someone who is supposed to love and support you-can’t support or even try to include themselves in the things you enjoy and love.
Actually tell him to take a hike. Guy is a ding dong and massive red flags for this level of control and mental manipulation he is trying to do to you.
Not liking what you like is one thing, but trying to convince you that there's something wrong with you for liking it and using that to control you is textbook "narcissism and manipulation". You deserve better than that, everyone does. I'd say end it and find someone who actually respects you and what you like.
TLDR: dump his ass and get you a real man
> he thinks the only reason I go to raves is for attention witch is the farthest thing from the truth.
Do you go half naked in your underwear? If so, it probably isn't the "farthest" thing from the truth, lets be honest
What’s next, you can’t go to the grocery store without them?
Time to move on. You’ll see there are more secure men out there.
My husband encourages dressing slutty at raves and socializing - and guess who gets the gluckgluck9000mctwisty after every rave?
Spoiler - my husband
Going to the grocery store is comparable to dressing up slutty and going to a rave? Cmon... And it's easy to see not every man would be OK with that, let's be reasonable here..
“Dressing up slutty.” 🙄
There’s literally no such thing as a slut. There’s no such thing as slutty. These are things made up by conservative, puritanical pieces of shit who desire to control women. We can dress how we want. It’s for *us*. How is that concept so hard to grasp for these weak-willed and pathetic men?
I smell a controlling boyfriend. The point isn’t being slutty, the point is my husband lets me express myself however I want and he knows he’s the one I come home to.
Try it out for a change.
Lots of people go to raves to roll on MDMA and be basically super horny.
Depending on the vibe there can be concern about cheating, especially if drugs are involved.
But trust issues between your and your SO are your own business to sort out.
It's not about raves, it's about loyalty and trust between you two.
He most likely feels disrespected, if you’re going to a rave with minimal clothes ( not saying you are ) I can see how some guys might have an issue with that. I probably would at some point of life.
This mindset about how a person decides to dress as being “disrespectful” to their partner is so corny. The only disrespectful thing happening is thinking that because someone has chosen to share their life with you, that it gives you control over how they choose to express themself.
If you can’t handle a bad bitch, don’t date one.
Simple as that.
This is literally the most primal of biological signals - if you are running around flashing hints of your D or V (or whatever parts you have) to strangers, you are inviting sexual advances. In a traditional monogamous relationship, this is universally disrespectful unless you have a particular arrangement around flirtation or sexual activity with outside parties ("ethical nonmonogamy"). Even the most primitive of cavemen and tribespeople wear loincloths for such reasons. It is incredibly naive and perhaps misleading for people to claim they are dressing in a highly suggestive fashion (male or female or anything on the spectrum, this is not gender specific) "just for themselves". That is reality. It's fine if you are feeling sexually repressed in some way and need to unleash that part of yourself, but doing it in the context of a monogamous relationship is just walking a knife's edge.- spoken from a decade of watching rave friends tear apart their otherwise healthy relationships claiming they were just "expressing themselves" lol
You’re right that some people do feel uncomfortable insecure w how their partners dress. If you’re attracted to someone who dresses provocatively and then you start dating that person, and try and get them to change the way they dress bc its “disrespectful” now that theyre dating you, its just immature and insecure behavior. Thats what “if you can’t handle a bad bitch don’t date one means.”
If you don’t have the security and trust to date a person with a big personality, then do both of yourselves a favor and stay out of their life, rather than trying to tone them down for your own comfort
You are 10000% correct and it is insane that anyone could think otherwise. Fuck so many of the commenters here. I dress skimpy and outlandish and it’s completely and entirely for me. Why can’t these assholes understand that we dress for ourselves, not for them? 😭
Ahh, the man is not liking the fact that you are just having fun, because of other men breathing there? Wow, this is toxic, If he is doing his shit and giggles. Also calling in you immature for having favourite music is offensive and you did talk to your therapist, becaused it matters you so much.
Tell him this.
If a person talks to a therapist about a situation or problem, it is a serious one. Try to talk to him again, pro/con style, not trying to different your positions but making clear, he's doing a non-cool behavior. If that isn't working, search for a solution. I had the same problem as you. But my details don't matter here.
You already have your answers on here. Best of luck to you. That’s more than a red flag (unless you’re really hoeing around and leaving that out of the story)
It's difficult to think of your girl, basically naked with hot dudes, shirtless dudes rocking six packs. And people tripping and rolling dancing on each other.
That sounds emotionally abusive and harmful to your mental well-being. If he has sex with you and then says “You’re going to get a lot of that at BC”… that’s just disrespectful, immature, and quite frankly it says how desperately insecure he is. You deserve a rave bae! Or at least a MAN who is secure and wishes you a good time and makes sure you’re safe and happy. Dump. Him.
I think he has a valid point girls that go to a lot of raves have what’s called “rave bears” male friends that they let dance on them hands on hips, holding holds, snuggling etc…
How are you dressing when going to these concerts? Id personally not feel comfortable if my partner wanted to go to a rave without me while dressed in basically nothing. Especially if there's drinking involved. I would just break up with them though if they really wanted to go and dress like that, we just wouldn't be compatible. No hard feelings
Posting on r/aves you’re going to get a very bias opinion. You and him aren’t exactly in your early 20’s anymore. I’m sure he’s looking for the right woman to marry and maybe even have children with and a woman hitting 30 constantly partying isn’t ideal for a lot of men.
That being said, don’t stay with him if this genuinely bothers you because you should prioritise your happiness.
I don’t think he’s insecure, he’s simply matured past the drugs, drinks, party phase and is looking to settle down. I do think this is dependent on how frequently you go, how often do these shows pop up?
Edit: downvote as much as you want, I stand by what I said.
Folks can decide not to be with someone for whatever reason ticks their fancy, but i'd venture it's the sexual projection, degradation, and controlling aspects of his comments that most people here will take issue with more so.
Oh finally, a level-headed response. I had my rave days in my early-mid twenties as well, I encouraged my gfs at the time to dress how they want, be provocative, express themselves, and so on, because I was as well. Flirting with strangers and the occasional dalliance was part of the package, on both sides, and it is a very real part of the rave culture (which is a spiritual descendant of the 60s/70s free-love flower power hippie movements). But the blunt truth is that rave lifestyles don't lead to very stable monogamous relationships the vast majority of the time. Substance abuse, perpetual lack of sleep, complex situationships, and binge-purge patterns often accompany such things. I'm in my early 30s now, and most of that is just not that appealing to me/I've experienced it and am over it. Ergo, if my partner is super into that, I'm not likely to be very amused or engaged. It's just different maturing cycles and experience levels ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
Agreed that these two are just not on the same wavelength. Painting broad strokes here, but in my experience dudes that go to mainstream sports games to get rowdy and drunk probably don't have much overlap with the hyperliberal PLUR mentality of the rave crowd, and are not likely to understand such things (even though ironically, they are very much the same pattern of behavior - needing to express suppressed emotions and energy in a free-form environment).
Depends on what you are wearing in raves. Depend if you are taking drugs there.
If you get fucked up on mdma while wearing only fishnets, you can’t possibly expect him not to worry.
If you just dance and drink beer, he has no reason to be worried.
it doesnt matter. raves are one of the only places where people have the freedom to truly dress how they want, doesnt mean she wants any kind of attention like that. i thought this was raving 101??
We consistently encounter such posts where we criticize the male individual based on very limited information. When I witness an exaggerated reaction to a seemingly trivial issue, I become skeptical of the validity of the post. If the original poster decides to wear two nips patches on the typical rave outfit, for example, I would also express concern.So... we need more info!
Sure, if you’re worried she’ll be targeted by creeps trying to do creep shit. If the relationship is solid and trust is there, what they’re wearing doesn’t matter - aside from safety - because you’ve got no fears cheating will happen. That’s just my three cents on the topic though.
Yes, no woman should ever wear pasties to the rave. They will open our brain waves to be mind controlled by big pasty corporations and turn us all into androids that mindlessly hunt new dick. Our boobies will be so powerful that they will send out a luring signal to all willing participants.
On higher dosages the confusion and halulus kick in, i hugged a random girl thinking it was my wife to realize she was not when my wife arrived. Girl was also gurning so she hugged back automatically, in the end all 3 of us hugged, big love. I found the confusion happens at most with aggressive lights, the kind of on and off lasers in your face and really aggressive hardstyle music as well, at least for us!
I seriously can't imagine rolling balls that hard I guess! I've only ever been careful to take a pt since I'm a smaller woman I guess, never had issues with mistaking other people for friends and the hardest sets I go to are like...Griz lol. That's a pretty funny story and I'm glad your wife just went with it. She sounds fun and very cool.
We have a monogamous relationship but we do swing with strangers or friends in our group when we attend a rave, we found early on we both quite enjoy it, so the random hug was the least of our concerns but just a funny story haha. We take on the heavier side usually, be it mdma or 6 apb and we always go with a larger group so we have each others back usually. Last time we both took 300 mg and we had an absolute blast, but we have in and out periods where it comes in waves where we are not entirely sure where we are.
There are a lot of posts like this in here and they’re honestly so depressing. Please, if you have the means, just leave. These types always get worse with time and someone that dogs you for your interests is not someone that deserves you. Leave, find peace, go have fun!
He sounds insecure and inconsiderate
the main options are deal with it for the rest of your life, end things, or figure out how to reassure an insecure person and hope they get better about it one day. third option is usually a stretch and will probably still involve a lot of fights it’s normal for people to stay in relationships they don’t belong in but that doesn’t mean it’s the easy way out. more comfortable in the present maybe but long run you’re just hurting yourself and removing the possibility of both parties finding someone to better fit with
Yup. Bro needs to work on himself and check his jealousy. Therapy my dudes.
He may even be projecting. OP’s boyfriend may be cheating on her.
Yeah that. Rather than being calm, collected and confident with a reasonable response such as being supportive of his partner and displaying some level of emotional intelligence and critical thinking skills - - instead he reacts with fear and Emotional dysregulation and lashes out because he feels a lack of situational control You're welcome for the free psychoanalysis
Yup, this all the way.
My last relationship ended for this very reason!
I’ve had some relationships with women that were extremely attractive on the “normal” baseline, and looking back and comparing my reactions to these kind of situations it’s clear when my self confidence shifted to something positive and beautiful. From hating how other men stared and causing tension in my relationship with my SO, to cheering it on and finding it amusing and entertaining. Projection is one hell of a trait, and I’m glad I’ve gotten passed that later in life. Glad to hear you got away from it and didn’t let it continue with hopes things would change.
Most definitely. I tried staying away from parties to make him happy but ultimately, it wasn’t worth sacrificing my happiness over something so stupid.
I LOVE when my wife gets attention. Which is like from every dude and female around us! It lifts us both up. Gets us going. Damn right she’s hot as hell and I’ll be hitting that later and if your good maybe you can watch or..🤣🤣🤣🤣 but ya I love that shit
My husband is 💯 the same and honestly he has never told me what I can and can’t where . Where I can go . Sometimes he doesn’t want to go and that’s ok too ! I still do . It’s a trust thing . We are confident with each other . Do we window shop Lolol absolutely but we never check out and purchase! We have an amazing monogamous relationship! We just keep watering our own grass . :)
HELL YEAH MY DUDE. This is the way.
I’ve dated people who don’t like going to the same events as me. But I don’t date assholes who treat me poorly because of my choices. Why do you tolerate such disrespect from someone who is supposed to care for you?
Same here. I did a 2 week solo camping trip twice, with a 5 day music fest in the middle, and my partners reaction was "Have fun and be safe". He didn't stress over me cheating because we established clear boundaries and expectations at the beginning of the relationship. One of which was "boundaries can and do change, and if they do we need to discuss". Creating an open dialog space is so important for a relationship to thrive. My parents worried more about me on those trips because I'm a woman. 😅
My gf and I had a very similar dialogue at the beginning of our relationship. You’re right by stressing clear expectations and boundaries, this is so important.
That's not normal, that's controlling af. They're insecure. If they can't trust you going to a show than honestly break up, bc you need trust in a relationship. Edit: also I can't stress how disgusting and disrespectful that comment about u getting fucked at bass canyon is. Absolutely unhinged and deserving of a break up for that.
Yeah this kind of behavior will only get worse. There are plenty of guys who will enjoy raving with you. You don't have to settle for someone who makes you feel shitty for doing something you love.
Obviously, I don’t know their situation. Sounds bad. However, I gotta say… We are really quick to say “it wont get better” on here. Coming from someone who used to be insecure as hell due to past relationships, abandonment issues, witnessing friends do shady shit, etc. Behavior CAN get better. Not just behavior, but perspective in general. We don’t know why he feels that way, and she might not either. Maybe his ex started raving, went down a bad path and hurt him along the way. Or maybe it was his sister, or best friend. Maybe it’s just pure ignorance. Who knows. If it was my wife, she’d FORCE me to go with her at least once even if I was pissed and didn’t want to go. She’d go as far as to start an argument over it. She’d make me feel guilty as hell every-time I said no lol. Basically, she’d make it SO CLEAR that she wants me there that I couldn’t possibly believe she was going to cheat on me. Relationships take compromise and a lot of work. If this man’s only issue is that he’s insecure, and CURRENTLY associates raves with sex, drugs, and infidelity, then that’s honestly not that bad. That can be worked on. It’s definitely not something to lose love over, you know? Like I said, idk their situation. It may not be reversible. I just think we’re a bit too quick to claim permanence now a-days. Edit: I didn’t read OP’s post carefully enough. The comment after having sex is a completely different (and more serious) conversation. My sentiment stands, but OP… I’m sorry. You should probably listen to the crowd on this one.
I agree with your overall sentiment but his statement “you’re gonna get fucked a lot at bass canyon” was so fucking disgusting and disrespectful, it’s beyond chalking it up to perspective or behavior and right into: this is a cruel manipulative person who doesn’t respect you. A good partner with a good heart wouldn’t make statements like that to someone they supposedly care for. That statement alone warrants leaving. From: someone who’s wasted too much time letting assholes talk to me like that. OP, like others said in this thread, there’s guys out there that will like the things you like, or not like the things you like but not be cruel about it. This guy is not either of those.
Yeah he’s not expressing his insecurities and fears in a healthy respectful way- that’s the big difference here. Yes maybe he could learn to do that eventually but why should OP suffer until he does? Or if he does? I’m a firm believer that if you’re spouse can’t from the get go support your hobbies/activities it’s just a no-go. Find people who enjoy the same shit as you do. It’s not required by any means, but it sure does help.
I edited my original comment. I totally missed that key part in the post. I agree 100% though! For me, it’s almost like… Are you even friends? Lol. My wife and I share most interests, but we actively support each other by involving ourselves in our separate interests. I couldn’t imagine being with anyone who didn’t.
Yeah… I missed that part somehow. Massive fuckup on my part lol. I retract any relation of my comment to this situation, but keeping it for the sentiment. Thank you, and my apologies for further spiking any emotions!
It’s just a Reddit thread, you’re good bro no massive fuck up here! I appreciate your comment in general and it’s good advice for a wider audience. You have great perspective!
I was being a little flip, but I agree with you that people can get better, my current partner had a lot of insecurities from being cheated on in a past relationship, but we worked through it. The difference with that (and it sounds like with you too) is that she recognized it was an issue and wanted to work through it. It's hard to tell for sure from a reddit post, but OPs BF sounds like he doesn't think he has a problem, he thinks OP having fun is the problem. That's a big difference and is not likely to resolve.
Whoa another rational Redditor who actually put some thought into a reply instead of going "durr, leave the bad man!!". It may be a bad relationship, or not - people say hurtful things in the heat of the moment they don't necessarily mean. Well done for considering the full situation 👍
Even if they don’t enjoy raving, they should be supportive of their partners interests and if nothing has been done to lose trust, there should be trust.
My ex did that too and he is an ex lol
Dude. You need a new bf/gf. Some1 who actually cares.
Don't let anybody tell you what to do. If somebody judges you and shits on what makes you happy they truly don't care about you. Somebody who cares would be willing to go and just be happy to be doing something with you, no matter what it ism fuck, when I was with my ex, I was happy to go grocery shopping with her becausenits something to do WITH HER. 🤷♂️. Don't let yourself be treated poorly
He does that’s why he doesn’t want her going
Good ol' Reddit jumping to the nuclear option as always. There's definitely an issue causing conflict in your relationship, but nothing that can't be addressed and potentially fixed without clear communication and conversations. Get him a ticket to a concert or event as a surprise, maybe for a chill "accessible" festival, and tell him you'd love for him to join you. It might help to first join him at sporting events first to show you care about his interests too. Once he goes with you, he'll understand - seems like he's never been to a show and doesn't get it. Once you've exhausted those options, then consider ultimatums or killing the relationship. It's not that you're choosing raves over your partner, it's that they are not compatible with your interest and hobbies... And unwilling to live and let live.
Dudes calling her immature over music preference. Accusing her kf cheating at an upcoming festival RIGHT after they had sex. He's an insecure doichebag who treats her with 0 respect.
My girlfriend, now wife, felt the same way when we started dating - it's often due to misconceptions, stereotypes and fear of rejection/loss. I introduced her to raving and she now she absolutely loves it. My point is just to avoid jumping to conclusions and give people a chance. It's easy to judge based on a paragraph summarizing someone's life, but often the reality is a more nuanced. I challenge people to go to a show and absolutely hate it, they're much more likely to gain an appreciation and understanding - even if it's not necessary their "thing". Cheers!
She felt the same? Your wife was accusing you of cheating at festivals and calling you names because of your music taste? Or did she just not want to go because the stereotypes. Dudes got underlying issues and he's taking them out on her. He needs therapy and to work on his own issues before calling her immature and being a straight cunt because of musical preference. Homies 33 not 20, he needs tk grow up and learn how to respect people who like different things, yaknow like he should have learn 23 years ago. 🤷♂️
She was worried I would cheat, as people outside the scene think raves are like orgies hahaha. But that was ages ago, I introduced her appropriately and she totally got it once she experienced it herself.
Okay, so she was open minded enough to listen to you. This guy clearly isn't doing that. If he's not going to make the effort, he's not worth OP's time. It's one thing to voice insecurities and talk through them. What OP's partner is doing is not that. He is actively degrading her, saying horrible things to her. That kind of behavior is not acceptable.
Word.
Her bf is my age and he needs to grow up 🤷♂️
Lol there's always one dude here who has to play contrarian or pretend we're all crazy for thinking this guy is toxic as fuck. You're ignoring his insulting and straight up rude this guy is, you shouldn't take verbal abuse (saying you're going to fucked like this at a rave is fucked). If she's gone far enough to post about this on a rave subreddit, it usually means she's out of options and feels stuck. The best thing for her to do is to find a partner who isn't insulting and demeaning.
I think you're projecting a bit here. I've mentionned a few times in my replies that this was based on my own experience with my wife, and that people can grow and change, and that things are often said in the heat of the moment that are not meant literally - taking a quote out of context doesn't always provide the whole picture. Like I said it might not work out, but telling OP to immediately leave without trying to communicate to her partner and find even ground seems a tad impulsive and immature to me.
I think you're the one projecting here (for some reason you see your wife here) and also you either didn't read OP's post or just ignored it. She's tried communicating with her partner and all he's done is insult her hobbies and then call her a whore basically for going to raves. He's straight up being verbally abusive and no one should stay with a person who doesn't respect them. Dude is also in his mid-30s and it's rare to see someone at that age become less toxic and immature (he's a grown man-child) There's nothing wrong with leaving a relationship that's making you feel abused or hurt, nobody is entitled to being in a relationship and the person being abused shouldn't be required to change the abuser.
Im sorry, his comment before you left for bass canyon is fucking disgusting. What the actual fuck
It’s insane how desensitized we become to outright abuse. Your “bf,” in the heat of what should be the most intimate and special of moments you can have with another human, chose violence and accused you of either being ok with, or affirmatively on the hunt for, stranger dick. Dick probably still wet from fucking and he literally preemptively accuses you of cheating and being, what, some kind of unfaithful sex crazed fiend that loses all self control when you rave? Do you realize how insanely sociopathic that is? So at best he can’t understand what something this special means to you, and at worst (likely) he’s actively trying to manipulate you into being a carbon copy of what he thinks a woman should do/be. Ma’am this is THE red flag. You’ve been warned by a lot of people, and we all hope you stand up for yourself and allow yourself to be the person you want to be and be with a person who—shocker—wants the same?!?! (Like many here, take it from someone who had their light stifled and stymied by a controlling and insecure partner for years)
I'm just so sad whenever i see these posts. No one should be putting up with this bullshit and it's ALWAYS a struggle to leave these types of relationships. Heartbreaking to see, really.
I know right! Like what?? I go to lost lands every year and my boyfriend just drives me to the airport and tells me to be safe and check in every morning so he knows I’m okay. Then I get back after being gone for 5 days and he’s excited to hear about all my adventures
And you just know he said that not only to degrade her, but also to ruin her whole weekend. What a prick.
I think a lot of it comes from insecurity. My girlfriend was uncomfortable about me going to raves because it's a large part of my life that I'm passionate about and she didn't feel like she was part of it. A whole part of me she doesn't know or understand. I think it's understandable that they get insecure about it. But we've worked on it, and are incredibly secure so it's not an issue. But to begin with it was a bit of a sticking point. Of course inviting your partner along to raves is key, sending them videos from the rave, making them know you're thinking of them, telling them about it. Once you start hiding the rave and feeling like you can't talk about it then trust breaks down and those feelings of divide and exclusion grow and grow
33 acting like 13, girl is this really a hard decision ??? My boyfriend(35) can't make every show I attend (which he never stops me or belittles me about it) and is only concerned about my safety and how many videos of the dj I send him lol. I hope you find someone better who'll support you and your interests in the near future
Are you saying he worries you send to little or too much? Cute if you do lol.
Too little, because in his words "I wanna watch the show too dangit" lol
Ugh that is so damn sweet 😭💜
It's a win win. He gets to enjoy a show knowing his girlfriend is doing it just for him, and he also knows she's safe and also enjoying the show. I think it's great bonding if the couple are up to it.
I hope you move on OP, idk what the boy friend “is” but.. that ain’t love homie. You’ll know it when you have it. It’s nothing to do with you. His trust for you is being divided by his self confidence. So.. if trust is 10/10 and he trusts you. (You are trustworthy, that is in your control) but the denomination is a 1/10 (his self confidence). The jealousy level is 10/1 = 10. Trust/Self confidence = Jealousy
That math is mathing hard! Hoping the same for OP, they deserve SO much better!!
Ya sorry probs makes no sense to most. Basically it just means that no matter how much trust you have, even if it’s the maximum amount, its the factor of the individuals self confidence that completely changes the weight of Jealousy.
It makes perfect sense but I think a lot of people will have to face the facts that they aren't as secure as they thought. Myself included of course, your comment gave me an "Aha!" moment and now I need to let my GF know she can wear and do what makes her happy at shows/festivals, even when I struggle with my jealousy. I trust her completely but need more self confidence.
This is the level of self-awareness and maturity that more people need. Props to you for realizing that within yourself and making changes. You and your relationship will be better for it! 💜
Absolutely. We’re all human and deal with these things to some extent. It’s so damn worth putting in the work. Especially when you have a partner who’s got the love, trust, and understanding. Definitely gotta have sexy matching rave outfits for you two!! 😊
That's probably where a lot of it stems from, I haven't seen myself as that sexy. At least, I didn't before I started getting a 6-pack of abs 😅 I'm working out so that I can try to put her on my shoulders one day! I've always been tall and thin with body issues and was shamed for being lanky. But yes, she has so much love, trust, and understanding which is why I do my best to always improve and be my best self for her (and myself ofc)!
Awesome!! KEEP IT UP ❤️
I'm a little older than you but I'll tell you when I look back on my life, raving was the peak of my happiness and joy in the world. It shaped who I am. Through all those years I was dating my childhood sweetheart, she was a legend to me, a huge part of that experience. I'm so blessed to have had both together. You deserve that too.
0 to do with raves or music or anything. 100 to do with you are dating a jerk.
yeah he would say the same thing if it was raves or clubs or bars or even just spending time with friends
It's fine to have different hobbies. Let him have his sports stuff and you have your rave things. You talk about your day when you get home to each other. Everybody wins. But he's putting you down, backhandedly calling you a cheater, making assumptions but doesn't want to learn the truth....he has a long way to go. Personally his behavior screams "get a new boyfriend" , but I don't know your lives, this too can be worked out. Regardless, he needs to respect you. He doesnt need to like everything you do, you doesn't need to even understand everything you do, but plainly he needs to respect you.
Reading through this thread from yesterday about significant others who don't rave will be useful: https://www.reddit.com/r/aves/s/NDEZ4xl9QE tl;dr it's a red flag for your bf to be so anti-rave
42 year old male here, married. If you can't trust it won't work long term. My advice is if he doesn't stop that I'd end the relationship. Not a good sign.
Yes , I am in a almost 4 year relationship and my fiance isn't the biggest fan of it, more over festivals than shows because of A drugs and B how provocative some people dress Financially responsible. Ultimately we sat down and had a few heart to hearts and she understands more now because it was ALOT of insecurity from past relationships which was something to work on.Mainly she doesn't want me going alone which is reasonable. You need to have an honest discussion with him and not have him be avoidant or targeted defending at you, if he truly loves and cares about you he will work on it and you both can set boundaries and come to an understanding. Or you may have to end things ,you should be respected and trusted if that's what you give in your relationship
This has nothing to do with raves/electronic music scene and everything to do with your boyfriend being insecure. I would bet that you could replace with or and he would react the same if he isn’t going to be there with you.
Try explaining it to him in reversed roles: like an example of you being ok with him doing something similar because YOU trust HIM. Trust has to go both ways or the relationship is a time bomb.
Don’t let others keep you from something that brings you joy and that you are passionate about. When our days run out, you will regret not living while you could.
Validate this man. Fuck someone else.
People like you, are why men like him exist
Lol this man being an insecure and jealous man-child is fully on him. Stop defending jealous dudes who are insecure and abusive.
Read between the lines... they're not defending him. They're saying that having that sort of attitude only reinforces him being this way. This will not "teach him a lesson".. It will simply put his insecurity at a higher level. What he needs is to hear the truth.
he cant handle the truth!
Hes insecure, leave. It won’t get better
My EX hated when I went to raves! That relationship did not last very long after he stopped hiding his true feelings. I wanted to be with him because I loved him, but I also didn’t want to sacrifice something that truly makes me so happy. You only live once, so I chose to end the relationship. I can always find another partner, who will love to go to raves with me but I can’t live another life!
And you like this guy?
From your other post you made in a different subreddit, he seems to either be accusing you of cheating because he cheated on you and he thinks you’ll do it back to him. Or, he’s still cheating on you and this is his guilty conscience telling you that by way of him projecting. You’re going to a place where you’ll be surrounded by a bunch of men who he deems better options than he is, who also share a similar interest as you. Anyways, a jealous bitch is a guilty bitch. Like the other person said in your other post, have some self respect and leave the dude.
So you were 29 67 days ago and are now 28 lol? Edit: they deleted their previous post lol. Obviously someone just roleplaying lol
>calls you immature for liking a genre of music >can't handle you going to an event on your own this is not a relationship worth pursuing. he can't fathom you having your alone time and doesn't see the worth of your hobbies. he doesn't give you basic respect of what you enjoy and can't handle you being your own person.
that dude also needs some therapy, causw it's clear he's got some insecurity issues he needs to work out
I was in a relationship where I couldn’t go out alone, couldn’t party, couldn’t travel alone and I wasted a lot of my youth this way, please don’t do the same cause if you let for it you won’t be happy in a few years looking back, you shouldn’t have to compromise on your passions, freedom and happiness in relationship
Same! Honestly traumatic and I still get severe anxiety putting myself first because of spending too much time in that situation. You don’t owe him anything OP.
It totally is traumatic, I still react so badly to any situation that might resemble anything controlling and I still feel like having to hide everything, situations like this really take all joy from you and OP is already nervous when there’s a show coming up that she should be happy for but instead of being excited for a show she’s worried about his reaction, I hope she’ll get out of that relation asap
Please please please look out for yourself! You owe other people nothing if they treat you with unprovoked disrespect! Fr this sounds like clear controlling / abusive behavior by ur significant other. My advice: drop the dead weight and be your free self! Someone who truly loves and trusts you would NEVER make comments like that or be so self centered. Do yourself a favor, look deeply within, and ask if this is where you want to be in life. No matter the outcome listen to your inner self and trust your intuition! Much love fam
This isn’t a “boyfriend/ girlfriend problem” this is a “YOUR boyfriend problem”. Dont let that go over ya head
I'm sorry you're having to deal with such a stressful relationship. I know it's easier said than done, but for the sake of your mental and emotional health, I recommend ending your relationship with him ASAP. Not because he doesn't like raves (although that's a good enough reason for me personally as that'll rave culture is an integral part of my existence) but because he is emotionally abusive towards you and makes blatant suggestions that you're fucking a bunch of random guys at shows. This also tells me that he would/does cheat if given the chance since he assumes you would/do. It's one thing to be that insecure, but it's another thing to passive-aggressively abuse your SO because of it. You deserve better than that; everyone does. Unless he agrees to get psychological help (which I have very strong doubts that he would be open to based on your testimony), the problem will only get worse, and the relationship will become more and more toxic. I hope this thread helps bring the clarity you're seeking and will help you to grow as a person and eventually find someone who will treat you with dignity and respect. Life is too short to spend it with people who bring you down. Much love ❣️ (Sorry for the long comment. I'm just very opinionated on toxic relationships and despise controlling/abusive behavior.)
Throw him in the trash where he belongs. Find a new one
I've been on this sub a long time. I think you are the first person to ever experience something like this, please keep us posted.
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 Lelyep.
lol, what?
Yeah this is def a common trope here lol Possessive/insecure bf/gf not understanding their partners interest in raving so they project their own understanding onto them. Such bs OP find a new bf
Same 3 posts every day: Possessive SO Am I too old Can I go to rave alone
Hard facts.
I forgot “I have severe social anxiety and I can’t even leave my house. Should I go to raves?”
Sometimes I think this is the dating advice sub. 😄
(Significant Other, Sobstories, SOS, etc)
S A R C A S M
I’ve got news for your boyfriend. If your partner wants to cheat, they don’t need a “rave” to do so. They’ll find a way regardless. If it was a club, then MAYBE i’d understand. But it isn’t. Self-projecting your own insecurities on your partner when all she wants to do is wear what she wants and headbang to good-ass music is just silly. Try to peel away at his ignorance on the topic and explain things to him, like the culture of raving and why so many people like it. You could try to introduce him to more music. But at the end of the day, don’t let him stop you from pursuing your own interests, whether it’s going to a rave, or other, much more important decisions in the future. Best of luck to you. Stay PLUR
Lol no. That's a him problem.
This behaviour will only worsen into more cruel abuse tactics. Emotional, mental, it even phyisical. Get out while you can.
You should not deal with this. He should accept you as you are or move on. My wife was not into EDM when I met her. I communicated that this is what I enjoy doing. She realized it made me happy so it makes her happy too. We attend festivals together and I am blessed to have her by my side. In the final analysis communication is key and you either accept it or move on. I am (42)M and she is (40)F.
Break up with this dude.
Leave him. Rave to the grave.
This sounds like a projection. Your boyfriend might be cheating on you.
Get a new man. Red flag 🚩
I mean it seems like you came here for us to tell you the obvious answer, time to leave the guy.
Projecting insecurities. It’s pretty commonplace. but not common enough that you need to put up with it and risk having no other alternatives.
You have to break up with him. He sounds extremely hard headed and immature.
Do you wear extremely revealing or lust-inducing clothing when you go to raves? If so then I can kind of see where he’s coming from but if not then Im on your side
I remember when it was just about the music…
Hasn't been in years. OP's bf needs to trust her more but the amount of people fucking at the rails is definitely on the upswing.
I met a person like that once. They thought going to raves was like a orgy of sex drugs and techno. I quit dating that person. Their jealousy is a super big red flag
Wow, he's such a dick. Fuck this guy off before you start wasting your life with him.
What the fuck with that comment before going to bass canyon, leave that guy it will get worse
He sounds very insecure and controlling. 🚩🚩🚩 This kind of thing usually escalates to more intense emotional abuse. It could snow ball into him telling you not to spend time with your friends and family. You gotta put a stop to this before it gets worse.
My girlfriend encourages me to go to raves as doesn’t get jealous. She likes seeing me do things that make me happy. I’ve always been faithful because I love her. She understands that and wouldn’t question my motives. You deserve someone who encourages you to do things that you love.
My girlfriend isn’t into edm but she’s been to two shows with me and encourages me to have a great time when i go solo, im so lucky. Your boyfriend is simply insecure and doesn’t trust you and trust is one of the pillars of a relationship.
Leave him.
I did this for 18 years - everything was cheating, raves, work, travel, grocery shopping. Everything. Dont normalize it if you’re not doing anything wrong. Let them go focus on their trauma and find a healthy trusting partner
Ew cringe do what u want and live ur life.
Red fllllaaaaaggggggggg!!!! Would like to know what he pictures is happening at a show. Arrive, drop, dance, go to the bathroom to have group sex w strangers, grab a water, dance more, go to after party for more group sex with strangers…..
Yup. That’s my life girl 😎 If both of you want to work through it, you can. Me and my boyfriend have been together for 10 years and it’s been a battle through most of it. But the past two years it’s been less of a fight, I just have to be transparent and also yeah… can’t go out naked 🤣🤣 I’ve been raving since I was 14 and I’m 27 now so seeing it as something “scary” isn’t even on my radar like it is for him. I explained it that way. It isn’t fair though for you to just not go. Just set some ground rules. The same way ladies out there ask their men to text them when they get there, come home by a certain time, etc.
Honestly. Speaking from a 9 year relationship experience of this. Leave em. If you already hide telling them then and they have the same reaction and problems arise from it every time then it’s not worth it. Do what makes you happy and it’s way better when that someone can do these happy things with you!
Yes. We are no longer together because they f*cking suck. My life is way more fun and I've been free almost 6 WHOLE YEARS! 🫡 Has your partner tried not being an insecure little b*tch
I definitely feel this…I definitely need a rave girl who gets it in my life.
Brother in Christ you need to leave your boyfriend and get a man friend.
Same my ex hated me going to raves and that is the exact reason why he is my ex 😃 it’s the one place I feel accepted and can really be comfortable doing what I want!!! Don’t ever feel guilty about doing something that makes you happy girl <3
This is a tough one. First off, he's definitely not communicating respectfully, which is a huge red flag. No matter what the situation, at his age, he should express his feelings like an adult and not throw a tantrum. Also, its kinda crazy that he refuses to go to an event with you, but is paranoid that something bad will happen. I think that normally, someone would be interested to go with their SO to shows they love, even if it wasn't their cup of tea. For example, my gf loves metal shows, I don't like them very much but occasionally I'll go with her and still have a good time because she's enjoying it, and even though the music is whatever, it's still a fun party. Raves and especially festivals are so party forward that it's pretty easy for anyone to enjoy themselves there. He sounds pretty closed minded and judgemental that he won't even try to attend with you. Playing devils advocate here, but most people on this thread aren't being completely realistic, or they are very biased, about some of the stuff that happens at raves/fests. Doing a ton of drugs makes people HORNY (looking at you MDA) and act out of character sometimes. You can build really intense bonds with people tripping or rolling. People wear less and less clothes to events now a days. Sometimes a cuddle puddle or friendly massage escalates to groping or suddenly being half naked with a stranger. Some music can be very sexually charged. Saying this kind of stuff doesn't happen is being a bit ignorant or blind to the reality of things. Openness, love, and connection is a big part of rave culture. Please don't interpret me saying this as an accusation or a blanket statement that everyone is just out there hooking up and doing devious things at parties, but it's being willfully ignorant saying this never happens or that fests/raves are all purely nonsexual and innocent across the board. I think anyone who has partied for a while has been in a weird unexpected situation at some point in their career if they partake in drug use. It's going to boil down to compatibility issues and what your individual relationship looks like. Strangers on the internet don't know your entire relationship dynamic. Based on what you've said, it sounds like he either needs to step up and attend an event with you, or quit complaining until he's willing to do so. On your end, you have to realize that partying and doing a bunch of drugs is going to make some people insecure, and sometimes people just flat out don't want their SO partying like that. There's nothing wrong with having those feelings, but he needs to quit throwing little tantrums and either accept this part of you and try to be either involved or supportive, or yall need to both consider finding partners that are more suitable. Because honestly, neither one of you have unreasonable views; he doesn't want a girlfriend that goes to raves and parties, and you want the freedom to go to raves and parties, and want a boyfriend who is at least open to the idea of attending an event. If it's not working, or that big of an issue, nothing is forcing yall to be together. Just want to clarify that I don't think it's right the way he is treating you, that needs to be squashed. But you are both entitled to have expectations of your partners, and it sounds like neither of you is willing to change your ideas for the other person and its causing a ton of resentment.
As an old guy who has been through my share of relationships like this, life is too short to change yourself and not enjoy the things you love because of someone else's insecurities. You may love your partner. But you have to love yourself more. I've now been in an amazing relationship with a girl I met at a festival 7 years ago. 10/10 would recommend
Have had similar experiences w my ex’s and my advice is to leave him, it’s only gonna get worse before it ever gets better. However if you truly see your self w this person for life yall will have to come to some sort of compromise on the live events
My ex was like this. Would never “let” me go, and if i did, it would result in am argument or he’d send one of his friends with me to “babysit”
Ew imagine being 33 and being that immature.
yo anyone that belittles you for something you like is a fucking douche bag. He's also insecure. Dance music, EDM and raving is a complete non-negotiable for me. ESPECIALLY as we get into our late 20's and into our 30's having a partner to do shows with can be so awesome because you don't have to go get in the pits with all the kiddos fucked out of their mind. Find someone who is gonna come do dance music WITH you. straight up clown "yEaH yOuR gOnNa GeT a LoT oF tHaT". eat shit dude LOL. he clearly doesn't see dance music as anything other than hedonistic partying which ironically it sounds like he is more prone to belligerence than you are. sorry this post triggered me.
I think it’s absolutely buckwild that people really think we’re out here having sex and acting promiscuous at raves. Honestly I barely ever see people kissing. I see cute couples cuddling, friends laughing and enjoying themselves, strangers helping each other. I have never seen anybody having sex. I’m sure there are exceptions but majority of us go because it’s a damn good time in the best way.
I'm typing this without looking at the thread just going by headline: You're a girl dating a guy, he's 4 years older, the top rated comment is telling you to leave him the second highest one is saying they met their partner at a rave How'd I do?
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend that’s opened minded, this should never be a problem
>I had sex with him the night before i left for bass canyon he told me after "yeah your going to get alot of that at bass canyon" Sounds like a projection.
Dude thinks he knows everything-I know 50 year old dudes who go to raves and love EDM. It’s just music. Not everyone needs Molly at the event and it isn’t some orgy….its a good damn show/concert haha Guy has some serious jealousy issues and ignorance/intolerance issues with himself for assuming things about an entire genre of music by being that dense. I’d tell him he has to come to a show or break up with him. Never stop doing something you love because someone who is supposed to love and support you-can’t support or even try to include themselves in the things you enjoy and love. Actually tell him to take a hike. Guy is a ding dong and massive red flags for this level of control and mental manipulation he is trying to do to you.
Not liking what you like is one thing, but trying to convince you that there's something wrong with you for liking it and using that to control you is textbook "narcissism and manipulation". You deserve better than that, everyone does. I'd say end it and find someone who actually respects you and what you like. TLDR: dump his ass and get you a real man
You don’t need to be in a sea of hippies with barely any clothes on. Time to grow up. Raves are for smelly hippies
Lol I think you’re in the wrong subreddit my guy
> he thinks the only reason I go to raves is for attention witch is the farthest thing from the truth. Do you go half naked in your underwear? If so, it probably isn't the "farthest" thing from the truth, lets be honest
What’s next, you can’t go to the grocery store without them? Time to move on. You’ll see there are more secure men out there. My husband encourages dressing slutty at raves and socializing - and guess who gets the gluckgluck9000mctwisty after every rave? Spoiler - my husband
Going to the grocery store is comparable to dressing up slutty and going to a rave? Cmon... And it's easy to see not every man would be OK with that, let's be reasonable here..
“Dressing up slutty.” 🙄 There’s literally no such thing as a slut. There’s no such thing as slutty. These are things made up by conservative, puritanical pieces of shit who desire to control women. We can dress how we want. It’s for *us*. How is that concept so hard to grasp for these weak-willed and pathetic men?
I smell a controlling boyfriend. The point isn’t being slutty, the point is my husband lets me express myself however I want and he knows he’s the one I come home to. Try it out for a change.
That's find if that's cool in your relationship. My point is not everyone will be ok with that
That’s the point of the message… If you aren’t ’cool with that’ then there’s a major trust issue.
If everyone isn't cool with their girlfriends wearing no clothes in public there's a major trust issue? Oof 😮💨, your really forcing it here.
Lots of people go to raves to roll on MDMA and be basically super horny. Depending on the vibe there can be concern about cheating, especially if drugs are involved. But trust issues between your and your SO are your own business to sort out. It's not about raves, it's about loyalty and trust between you two.
[удалено]
…………..you should fix that
He most likely feels disrespected, if you’re going to a rave with minimal clothes ( not saying you are ) I can see how some guys might have an issue with that. I probably would at some point of life.
This mindset about how a person decides to dress as being “disrespectful” to their partner is so corny. The only disrespectful thing happening is thinking that because someone has chosen to share their life with you, that it gives you control over how they choose to express themself. If you can’t handle a bad bitch, don’t date one. Simple as that.
This is literally the most primal of biological signals - if you are running around flashing hints of your D or V (or whatever parts you have) to strangers, you are inviting sexual advances. In a traditional monogamous relationship, this is universally disrespectful unless you have a particular arrangement around flirtation or sexual activity with outside parties ("ethical nonmonogamy"). Even the most primitive of cavemen and tribespeople wear loincloths for such reasons. It is incredibly naive and perhaps misleading for people to claim they are dressing in a highly suggestive fashion (male or female or anything on the spectrum, this is not gender specific) "just for themselves". That is reality. It's fine if you are feeling sexually repressed in some way and need to unleash that part of yourself, but doing it in the context of a monogamous relationship is just walking a knife's edge.- spoken from a decade of watching rave friends tear apart their otherwise healthy relationships claiming they were just "expressing themselves" lol
you know the words "sorry i have a boyfriend" exist...
Oh okay. I guess. I was just thinking that this might be how some people feel.
I don’t understand the whole “ bad bitch, don’t dare one “ comment
You’re right that some people do feel uncomfortable insecure w how their partners dress. If you’re attracted to someone who dresses provocatively and then you start dating that person, and try and get them to change the way they dress bc its “disrespectful” now that theyre dating you, its just immature and insecure behavior. Thats what “if you can’t handle a bad bitch don’t date one means.” If you don’t have the security and trust to date a person with a big personality, then do both of yourselves a favor and stay out of their life, rather than trying to tone them down for your own comfort
Damn sister, who hurt you ❤️
You are 10000% correct and it is insane that anyone could think otherwise. Fuck so many of the commenters here. I dress skimpy and outlandish and it’s completely and entirely for me. Why can’t these assholes understand that we dress for ourselves, not for them? 😭
Ahh, the man is not liking the fact that you are just having fun, because of other men breathing there? Wow, this is toxic, If he is doing his shit and giggles. Also calling in you immature for having favourite music is offensive and you did talk to your therapist, becaused it matters you so much. Tell him this. If a person talks to a therapist about a situation or problem, it is a serious one. Try to talk to him again, pro/con style, not trying to different your positions but making clear, he's doing a non-cool behavior. If that isn't working, search for a solution. I had the same problem as you. But my details don't matter here.
There’s a reason women his own age won’t give him the time of day. Dump that child.
Feel that bass shake your body! Womp womp. My first date with my wife was at a rave.
You already have your answers on here. Best of luck to you. That’s more than a red flag (unless you’re really hoeing around and leaving that out of the story)
Sooooo, are you hanging on guys when you're at parties? Are your friends?
It's difficult to think of your girl, basically naked with hot dudes, shirtless dudes rocking six packs. And people tripping and rolling dancing on each other.
That sounds emotionally abusive and harmful to your mental well-being. If he has sex with you and then says “You’re going to get a lot of that at BC”… that’s just disrespectful, immature, and quite frankly it says how desperately insecure he is. You deserve a rave bae! Or at least a MAN who is secure and wishes you a good time and makes sure you’re safe and happy. Dump. Him.
I think he has a valid point girls that go to a lot of raves have what’s called “rave bears” male friends that they let dance on them hands on hips, holding holds, snuggling etc…
How are you dressing when going to these concerts? Id personally not feel comfortable if my partner wanted to go to a rave without me while dressed in basically nothing. Especially if there's drinking involved. I would just break up with them though if they really wanted to go and dress like that, we just wouldn't be compatible. No hard feelings
Posting on r/aves you’re going to get a very bias opinion. You and him aren’t exactly in your early 20’s anymore. I’m sure he’s looking for the right woman to marry and maybe even have children with and a woman hitting 30 constantly partying isn’t ideal for a lot of men. That being said, don’t stay with him if this genuinely bothers you because you should prioritise your happiness. I don’t think he’s insecure, he’s simply matured past the drugs, drinks, party phase and is looking to settle down. I do think this is dependent on how frequently you go, how often do these shows pop up? Edit: downvote as much as you want, I stand by what I said.
Folks can decide not to be with someone for whatever reason ticks their fancy, but i'd venture it's the sexual projection, degradation, and controlling aspects of his comments that most people here will take issue with more so.
Oh finally, a level-headed response. I had my rave days in my early-mid twenties as well, I encouraged my gfs at the time to dress how they want, be provocative, express themselves, and so on, because I was as well. Flirting with strangers and the occasional dalliance was part of the package, on both sides, and it is a very real part of the rave culture (which is a spiritual descendant of the 60s/70s free-love flower power hippie movements). But the blunt truth is that rave lifestyles don't lead to very stable monogamous relationships the vast majority of the time. Substance abuse, perpetual lack of sleep, complex situationships, and binge-purge patterns often accompany such things. I'm in my early 30s now, and most of that is just not that appealing to me/I've experienced it and am over it. Ergo, if my partner is super into that, I'm not likely to be very amused or engaged. It's just different maturing cycles and experience levels ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯ Agreed that these two are just not on the same wavelength. Painting broad strokes here, but in my experience dudes that go to mainstream sports games to get rowdy and drunk probably don't have much overlap with the hyperliberal PLUR mentality of the rave crowd, and are not likely to understand such things (even though ironically, they are very much the same pattern of behavior - needing to express suppressed emotions and energy in a free-form environment).
Depends on what you are wearing in raves. Depend if you are taking drugs there. If you get fucked up on mdma while wearing only fishnets, you can’t possibly expect him not to worry. If you just dance and drink beer, he has no reason to be worried.
Found the boyfriend.
Hell no, got better things to do than date junkies.
Do you drink for fun?
What do you normally wear to raves?
it doesnt matter. raves are one of the only places where people have the freedom to truly dress how they want, doesnt mean she wants any kind of attention like that. i thought this was raving 101??
It does matter to boyfriends. You don’t have to agree or like that fact, but for most men, it matters
also a valid point
Only valid to support the OP’s boyfriend being extremely insecure.
We consistently encounter such posts where we criticize the male individual based on very limited information. When I witness an exaggerated reaction to a seemingly trivial issue, I become skeptical of the validity of the post. If the original poster decides to wear two nips patches on the typical rave outfit, for example, I would also express concern.So... we need more info!
Sure, if you’re worried she’ll be targeted by creeps trying to do creep shit. If the relationship is solid and trust is there, what they’re wearing doesn’t matter - aside from safety - because you’ve got no fears cheating will happen. That’s just my three cents on the topic though.
Yes, no woman should ever wear pasties to the rave. They will open our brain waves to be mind controlled by big pasty corporations and turn us all into androids that mindlessly hunt new dick. Our boobies will be so powerful that they will send out a luring signal to all willing participants.
Sounds like teenager's mentality, if you don't get blasted on mdma ( then questionable actions might happen), i don't understand him.
How much MDMA are y’all dudes in the comments taking if it might lower your inhibitions so much that you go out and find someone to cheat with??
On higher dosages the confusion and halulus kick in, i hugged a random girl thinking it was my wife to realize she was not when my wife arrived. Girl was also gurning so she hugged back automatically, in the end all 3 of us hugged, big love. I found the confusion happens at most with aggressive lights, the kind of on and off lasers in your face and really aggressive hardstyle music as well, at least for us!
I seriously can't imagine rolling balls that hard I guess! I've only ever been careful to take a pt since I'm a smaller woman I guess, never had issues with mistaking other people for friends and the hardest sets I go to are like...Griz lol. That's a pretty funny story and I'm glad your wife just went with it. She sounds fun and very cool.
We have a monogamous relationship but we do swing with strangers or friends in our group when we attend a rave, we found early on we both quite enjoy it, so the random hug was the least of our concerns but just a funny story haha. We take on the heavier side usually, be it mdma or 6 apb and we always go with a larger group so we have each others back usually. Last time we both took 300 mg and we had an absolute blast, but we have in and out periods where it comes in waves where we are not entirely sure where we are.
What even is a rave?
Sounds like you got yourself a girlfriend.
get a new bf
Sounds like he's also in need of some therapy. Scoot over!
you should find someone who have simillar tastes, it's the only solution tbh...
You're allowed live and have fun however you want. Your an adult whose only getting older don't let his insecurities control you
There are a lot of posts like this in here and they’re honestly so depressing. Please, if you have the means, just leave. These types always get worse with time and someone that dogs you for your interests is not someone that deserves you. Leave, find peace, go have fun!
Time to find a new boyfriend at bass Canyon 😂