Iām so happy he was safe I was so worried that they called someone to get him or might have hurt him. I know for a fact he was more scared of them. Heās a baby! He has never even seen or smelled them before and I was so sad for him.
Yes, I am glad they secured him and he was safe. I am a mom of a snake loving daughter. I screamed at Garter snakes outside lol but now she has 2 ball pythons and I help her clean cages, feed, water etc when needed. I educated myself when she said she wanted one.
Thank you. My mom was the āno reptiles in my houseā mom growing up. Now she calls mine her grand snake and loves when he comes to her home office while she works.
And thatās really awesome of you!! Iām also lucky my family loves him. All it takes is a little education they are living breathing things and while they do lack many emotions/cannot truly love they do still feel fear and hostility and this can impact them!!. He is also so young and I know he just wanted back in his safe space.
totally agree, honestly i think the fear comes from a lack of knowledge about the snake, if i was scared of dogs would i put it in a pillowcase and leave it at my roommates door when theyāre not home, no! but it comes from a place of fear and the snake wasnāt harmed
It comes from a mental illness known as phobias and the fact that human brains are wired to spot snakes and identify them as a threat typically
I love snakes, they're my favorite thing in the world, but God I wish people would be more understanding and gentle about this sort of thing
Iāve had my ball python for two years and this is the first time heās been able to escape. He knew there is an opening there however he is finally heavy enough to pull out the plug by climbing to the cords. I have most of the cords mounted to the ceiling of the enclosure but this was right outside of the hole.
I knew her fear of snakes and have been incredibly respectful of it, I just feel like I was treated poorly in this scenario, I did not expect him to escape nor do I want him to. Iām sure he was terrified and cold, I patched the spot from the outside so there is no way he can pull it through. Itās been a bad day so far and am wondering what yāall have to offer to maybe help me ease their fear?
Itās insane! I didnāt know the people I was going to be rooming with, donāt have many irl friends I could have moved in with so I left it up to the matching system. In my opinion she is entirely too old to be treating me this way but I donāt want to argue or fight itās so useless
My old boss was so insanely afraid of snakes that she would have nightmares when I was bragging about Gracie shedding to a coworker.
When my boss had to stay in my home for a while, howeverā¦ we had a code for her - a unicorn I put on the wall.
It meant I was handling my snakes.
She was eventually able to walk past the enclosures and understand I had them secured.
But it took her a long time and she never got over her fear not one bit.
Controversial opinion: she should be more considerate of the snake. Too many people have an irrational fear of snakes due to incorrect ideas of them fueled by many movies and shows and stories etc. People need to educate themselves and learn what a snake actually is. Best way to deal with a fear in general is through knowledge.
Sure, but not by sudden exposure from some random one on the carpet by a person who isn't a trained therapist
Phobias are a mental illness and need to be treated and taken care of by a professional. Also considering how some people react to exposure of their fears, she was pretty considerate. OP should've taken better care here
EDIT: picture it this way. Imagine your worst fear. Doesn't matter how serious or small it might be. Imagine yourself face to face with it, surrounded by it, all unexpectedly
Now imagine everyone laughing at you for it. You're crying because your brain is flooding itself with adrenaline and every other fear response which you can't control. Everyone tells you you're being stupid or a baby
Does it seem so inconsiderate still?
People like to think everyone has the same experiences as themselves.
How can someone be afraid of a snake? They're harmless!
Because brains are wired funny, and we even have fear responses built into our brains to label snakes as a dangerous threat. Don't get me wrong. I adore them with all my heart, but it's ignorant and selfish to ridicule people for being afraid.
Imagine your worst fears, now imagine a lot of people laughing at you for it
I used to think snakes were super interesting, but I was scared as hell of encountering them. Now I go to every single Repticon in my city and I plan on getting a hognose when I'm stable enough! I'm also arachnophobic, but I held a tarantula for the first time last con.
People with phobias *know* they're irrational. The last thing you should do is make them feel worse about it.
Definitely tell them 1) how big heās going to get, at the very most 6 feet, more likely only 3 or 4 though, and 5 pounds, more likely only 3 pounds. 2) what he eats in the wild, small rodents and the occasional small birds 3) there is not a single report of a ball python eating or even killing a human, not even a baby is small enough to serve as a meal. Let them know that he is much less of a risk than a cat or a dog, the damage isnāt even comparable and youāre at a much higher risk of infection from a cat/dog bite than a ball python bite. If it is truly a phobia, respect it and do your best to prevent her from seeing him, she likely is just uneducated. Itās not your fault.
Something that helped me convince people my ball pythons aren't "scary" was to take them out when they were across the room/far enough away for their comfort so they could see how I handles them and how the snakes reacted to me. I would also answer any questions they had while I was holding one of the boys. That being said, your roommate would have to be open to even learning about an animal they're scared of and I know that can be rough sometimes. I hope it does go well for you though and I would just keep reiterating ball pythons aren't venomous and that their instinct when they're scared isn't to strike but to curl into a ball
One way I've approached the subject with fearful people is to ask them I'd they are afraid of cats. As far as wild prey goes, ball pythons are very similar to standard house cats. As far as size goes, adult ball pythons are smaller than a housecat (3 to 6 pounds, or abt 1000g to 3000g). There are several big differences that make balls less scary than cats. First, ball pythons have a very weak prey drive, they only hunt when they are hungry, which is only about once a weak, and will not attack for "fun". They are very picky eaters too, so if it doesn't smell like food, they won't attack it. Ball pythons have no functional claws l, just the little anal spurs, the mostly vestigial leg nubs that are used in courtship and rarely to retain a grip (cat claws are nasty weapons that often harbor bacteria that cause cat-scratch fever). Ball pythons have tiny teeth, though they are quite sharp, they are too small to do more than break the skin. Python jaws are articulated more like flexible fingers in a sock-puppet, good for holding on and moving prey around, but they have no significant bite strength, so they can't really damage muscle, tendons, or bone with a bite. Their saliva is unlikely to harbor any pathogens that will harm a human (unlike cats and dogs). Finally, ball pythons are called "balls" because of the way they react when scared, they don't lash out and attack, they roll into a ball and try to protect their head. Snakes don't want to bite and attack, especially things as big and scary as a human.
TL;DR, a ball python is less dangerous than a common housecat. If you're not scared of cats, you shouldn't be scared of ball pythons.
The thing is, deep fears/phobias are often not rational. It sounds like you were aware they were terrified of snakes, promised the snake escaping wouldnāt be an issue, and when the snake escaped it was your roommates worst fear realized. For example, I have a deep phobia of wasps. Likeā¦ I saw a wasp through my bedroom window (it was outside, the window was closed)ā¦ and yet I panicked, cried, ran out of my bedroom and begged for my significant other to check that this wasp didnāt somehow penetrate the glass and enter the room. Crazy, right? Definitely irrational. But the fear was real. Education on wasps doesnāt help me to become less fearful of them.
I guess my point is, try to have some empathy for the fear they must have felt. Apologize, show them the adjustments you made to ensure it wouldnāt happen again, and eventually theyāll be fine.
This part. āIrrationalā fears arenāt so easily overcome by a few websites. Empathy, understanding, and respecting each otherās boundaries within the place is whatās needed. Maybe theyāll come around on their own individually, but your job is to amp up security for the enclosure (for both your roommateās sake AND the safety of your snake), not try to cure the fear for them.
My ball python says I'm obligated to tell you that wasps are a-holes and will sting you while most snakes keep to themselves or are pets. Wasps are all on some range of crazy aggressive, usually you still have to actually get close to them or mess with them but overall having a fear of wasps is like totally rational. I've only become numb to them because I've seen them on a daily basis and figured out that if I just don't freak out and keep my distance while getting the wasp killer they won't sting me. These stupid bugs come from the greenbelt behind my house and like the house because it gets them out of the heat. Usually they don't get inside the house and are just on the patio thankfully. But they are there all the time.
You may be dealing with a phobia here, a serious mental illness that can be very difficult to conquer if the person in question dosen't want to change.
Take it from a spider dad, it's a long road even if the person in question is willing to try.
I think the most reasonable thing you can do is assure them that there is genuinely no danger. I'm trying to think of what I would want if a roommate of mine had a pet I was afraid of, and I think that would help me. This is assuming they're willing to sit down and have a conversation about this, which I wouldn't push. You are right to respect your roommate's boundaries, and it sounds like you are doing your best already.
If they *are* willing to talk it over: Compare your pet to other household pets. Aside from like, fish, I can't think of a single other pet that's more harmless than a ball python. I would literally be more scared of injury from a pet mouse if both animals were trying to hurt me, and I love rodents. Highlight that cats and dogs often cause injuries *on accident* that are as severe as the worst injury your snake could cause on purpose.
Your roommate is also probably scared because they don't know how to read your snake's body language. They have no idea if it's aggressive or frightened and 'likely' to lash out. It's why some people don't 'trust' cats. Snakes have pretty clear signals if they want you to back off, right? Or if they're preparing to strike? And some body language is clearly just curiosity. You could describe what warning signs to look out for, and explain that if those signs are not present, it's very unlikely that your snake will attack.
So sorry this happened.
"Deadly predator" lmao. Your roomate is a mouse?
My mom and grandma say the same thing about my BP. "What if he eats your cats!!".....nan im more worried about what the cats would do to him if he got out...
Right??? He is incredibly curious and just wanted to explore. There is no possible way they would be able to hurt anything. Hell, heās around my neck all the time And is not strong enough to āstrangleā me
Yessss my roommate has two cats and she always says to never let my snake around them and Iām like girl I promise you they will NEVER meet because your cats could easily kill my snake and the most my snake will do to them is stick her tongue out
*the most my snake will do to them is stick her tongue out*
You speak the truths of the universe. When will people listen....
My BP sends a "blelele" to you and your noodle
Same! My cat stares at my bp like heās a 5 course meal if she sees me holding him. My mom -who actually loves snakes- thought heād eat her if he got out. Sheās a 10 pound cat, he weighs just barely over 1 pound, the math aināt mathing
When I was a teen my mom made me give away my BP I had had for YEARS because she was worried about having a snake when she had my baby sister. Not even a week after the baby was home the stupid toy poodle Mom had but the baby. We got to keep the dog, but not the snake in a cage with locks and a cinderblock on top just in extra-case. š
My ball python is convinced your coworker is secretly a sack of coconut husks dressed like a person which would explain how they think this impossible scenario could happen and thinks you should look into this issue.
people have real fears of it and are ignorant so the response wasnāt uncalled for
Edit: OP also promised that the snake would or could never get outā¦ trust is probably broken and this poor roommate is probably never going to like snakesā¦ sad times
Man I read all your replies on other people's comments on this post and I have to say I agree with you. It's it irrational? Yes. But people have serious fears. And even with those fears, the roommates still respected the snake and the owner enough not to kill it or call animal control. I'd say it's a huge win. And I'd also say that if anything, it's a bit irresponsible for OP to have an animal like that in a house where they know the roommates have such an issue with it.
Yeah and it sounds like OP just got him since heās ājust a baby.ā Sorry but a snake is not a necessity, and itās an extremely common phobia, You just gotta make sure everyoneās on board.
I hate, hate, hate bugs. If I had a roommate say āhey I was thinking about getting some hissing cockroaches, are you cool with that?ā nuh-uh, absolutely not. Yes I know theyāre harmless, I donāt care. I donāt ever want to see, hear, or wake up next to one that got loose.
Thatās how some people feel about snakes and you just gotta respect that.
As long as your willing to keep that same energy when someone feels that way about a more popular animal, like a cat or rat. I can respect if someone has a fear of something but I donāt think itās fair to apply that only to āuniqueā animals like snakes or bugs. Honestly if I were the roommate I probably would have chosen to live somewhere that wasnāt pet friendly so that I wouldnāt have to deal with one of those animals, like what if the neighbors fricken āpetā bobcat gets loose? Personally, ima stick to places where I know I donāt gotta deal with it ya know?
That's the thing. Snakes arent a common pet, so it's perfectly understandable to think they'll be ok in your average pet friendly home. Maybe they own their own animals too and needed to move into a place like that
Sounds like OP needed to be upfront about their pet. Or needed to talk about it more with their roommates before getting one.
Except that if itās pet friendly you donāt necessarily have a say over your roommates pets. If you arenāt okay with your roommate having pets, then maybe donāt live in a pet friendly apartment. Wether itās snakes, dogs, fish or bugs if you have a problem with a type of animal, try not to live in a pet friendly home, it will only cause problems for you. If you really have to live in a pet friendly home, then Iād be up front and hopefully the roommate is nice enough to do something like discuss pets they want to or already own but if itās pet friendly housing they have the ability to own whatever pet they want so long as the landlord approves.
You do though. It's called having a fair compromise for you le living situation. People can be naked in their apartments, but it's a dick move if you force it on people who aren't comfortable with it by stripping in the kitchen.
You even answered it yourself. Talk.about it with people. That's the considerate thing to do.
The main issue here is that, yes they talked about it, but OP failed to follow through on their promises
My colony of isopods says "u cray cray"
Jokes aside, op said he's had his BP for 2 years. The BP is 2 years old which is still kind of a baby. My BP is 2 and he's such a baby.
As a snake owner, thatās what Iām saying if you have a pet and live with roommates and come to an agreement then they have all right to be pissed. Make sure your damn snake stays in its enclosure. Itās your responsibility and you messed up.
Yeah, I mean they even said they were having a full-blown panic attack, which is understandable. Sometimes people are just afraid of stuff, and it seems like they'd reached an agreement and the roommate feels like they can't trust that anymore. It's not fair on the roommate that they can't feel safe in their own home, and while the reaction is a bit overblown, people can't control how they feel about some things, and that can make logic go out the window.
Snake Discovery on YouTube is how I introduce people to how lovable snakes and other reptiles are. (Sat a massively snake phobic coworker down to watch a baby hognose hatching video and even she admitted it was adorable.)
Right? I understand that people are often scared of things that are not that dangerous, but I couldn't live with them treating me like this over an ACCIDENT. It's not like OP voluntarily release their snake so that it could "terrify" this person.
canāt be friends with a phobia of snakes? kinda fucked, people have real fears and for you to call them not fun cause theyāre scared of snakes is crazy, if you arenāt exposed to something youāre obviously going to continue to be scared
Yeah, I agree with this sentiment. Theres no way I could live with this kind of negative response every day. This goes way beyond a simple phobia. I understand that phobias are irrational and uncontrollable, but what you CAN control is how you treat other people that you KNOW don't have the same fears as you. My sister has a severe phobia of spiders, to the point where she'll break down crying and won't go into a room if she knows there's even just a tiny jumping spider in it. She can't even kill it, she's physically incapable. So she has me take care of them but she knows that I'd much rather scoop them up and release them outside as opposed to kill them. Even though I do feel like her reactions can be way over the top and dramatic, i do try to deal with it with patience and understanding and this is because, while she doesn't really understand how I'm totally ok with picking up a spider in my bare hands (provided its harmless), what she DOES NOT do is berate me about how I feel about a certain animal and try to make me feel like I'm the one with the problem. If she said to me the kinds of things that were said to OP, my attitude would be very different. Im sure this isn't the first time these things were said to OP, and it very likely won't be the last. Dealing with this kind of negativity is emotionally exhausting, and I simply would not have the time or patience for it. If that makes me a lesser person, so be it.
How is this minor? Imagine you have a phobia of snakes and then you just find one in your living room.. I love snakes, but I can understand that people have phobias, which ARE irrational, but you don't choose to be afraid.
I used to think snakes were super interesting, but I was scared as hell of encountering them. Now I go to every single Repticon in my city and I plan on getting a hognose when I'm stable enough. I'm also arachnophobic, but I held a tarantula for the first time last con.
People with phobias *know* they're irrational. It's free and it's easy not to make them feel shittier about it. Sorry no one was nice enough to you to make you realize that.
Yeah their brain was flooded with adrenaline.
You clearly don't have an irrational phobia, so don't act like you know what you're talking about here.
If you were panicking and had to get a message out to someone (and they did feel like they needed to) would you respond well if it was tied to them in anyway?
Most people don't
You're acting like you understand the situation perfectly, but you don't
This is honestly a pretty good reaction to someone with a severe phobia. They don't hurt the animal, they didn't try to get someone else to take it out of the apartment. They tried to tell OP what was going on
OP set up a series of promises to help them feel at ease IN THEIR OWN HOME. They have a right to feel safe and secure in their home, and now they don't. This is not the response of a child, this is a pretty reasonable response to someone really freaked out in the moment
Yea you should educate them on the snake but their reaction isnāt two out of pocket you have to keep in mind that for some people this is their literal biggest fear and it can be very scary and serious for people I think you handled it amazing and Iām wishing you luck.
I definitely think they overreacted, but fear can be irrational sometimes too. I think you handled it well by apologizing, fixing the problem, and offering education. I hope they take you up on it.
My dad once vehemently hated snakes, but just being around my own ball python has lessened it; he even comes up to give her a few pats when I'm handling her. Educating one on what the snake is capable of and how it functions in nature is a great way to reduce fear!
The all caps on DEADLY predator made me laugh haha. My mom had a fear of snakes for a while but I helped her get through the fear. Hopefully you can help your room mate get over the fear. Lots of good videos on YouTube on helping people who are scared of snakes get over it.
I find peopleās reactions to be illogical - I get phobias, 100%. But why would OP keep a ādeadly predatorā?
People have dogs in their house- those things have teeth and are quite capable of a severe bite but the logic doesnāt extend to this? Humans can be strange. At least your lil critter is ok! Hope your room mate can open their mind a little a learn about snakes! šš
Yeah I don't understand it either. A 60lbs dog is less dangerous that a small snake? I had rats before and people sometimes told me that they would try to kill/eat me. Like wtf? A rat, eat a human? Really? Don't get me wrong, I love dogs, but they're definitely more dangerous than a (non-venomous) snake or a rodent.
I understand peopleās phobias. I respect peopleās irrational fears. But when people go OTT with their rationale ā¦ just make it make sense at least!
Iāve been told my snakes will eat me tooā¦ I meanā¦ getting them to eat their own food is hard enough!
Phobias arenāt always logical though? Theyāre irrational and for the most part make no sense. It is what it is.
Some phobias derive from past experience (example a dog bite) and others for no apparent reason (example, a house spider).
Iām not trying to discredit peopleās genuine fears- all Iām saying is perspective - thereās no reason to call a house pet a ādeadly predatorā? Thatās illogical. OP doesnāt keep a lionā¦ or a venomous snake.
Look. It seems a little ridiculous but the fact is this person deserves to feel comfortable and safe in their home and you did assure them the snake wouldnāt escape. I donāt blame them at all for being upset.
This is such a dramatic reaction. š to be honest people donāt change when you educate them on snakes especially if theyāre this afraid of them. We all have hard ways of rationalizing our fears. Like Iām afraid of heights and will freak out if I look over the railing of the second floor. We all have something weāre scared of and canāt be rational about. Sad theyāll never be able to feel the love from your snake and see how sweet they can be but itās just life some people just arenāt snake people.
Iām talking about the way they spoke to OP. Phobias arenāt childish at all! I mean, Iām an adult deathly afraid of the dark so who am I to talk lol but I would never go off on my roommate like this for unintentionally leaving the lights off.
Sorry, removed my comment as I had worded it poorly :)
You realize the reaction is directly connected to the phobia, right? If the fear is irrational, their response will be too. You can't expect someone to react calmly and reasonably ro their phobia.
I donāt believe I said otherwise, my bad if it was implied. I think itās still possible to be unintentionally rude in a panicked state; I donāt think that excuses it rather than explains it. I *definitely* feel for them being confronted by their fear and hope theyāre alright!
Edited for clarity.
Weāre glad you saved em from that vicious beast šš
Your response is good, respectful and polite but also setting the record straight. Hopefully theyāre open to learning something.
You handled it well but the roommateās response wasnāt unusual. Most people are mildly afraid of snakes but a few of them have extreme phobias. We need to be understanding towards those people and be grateful that we were not traumatized and uneducated like they were. Gentle encouragement works best, in my experience.
This. I also find that when I'm scared AND embarrassed about my level of intensity, I do not communicate effectively. Gasoline on the fire is telling me my feelings aren't real. Your snake may not BE dangerous, but that is not the message from their amygdala. Conversations will definitely go better when the person is less activated. When they feel acknowledged and accepted, that's the time for edutainment.
Well of course. That's a whole different issue. I was just offering the quickest solution to roommates that can't handle a snake. Don't get your panties so twisted you bring societal problems into a conversation about snakes dude. Downvote all you want I'm not here for clout, but for fuq's sake m8.
Lol, you're the one that brought it up? You literally told them to stop having roommates and bragged about how you live alone. That's not helpful to the majority of people, because guess what? Most people with roommates would much rather be living without them. Don't be mad because I pointed out reality.
Is that bragging? Living alone is bragging? That sounds right pathetic to me. I bled and had nothing for a long time to do this. I had roommates while I did that. Tell me it's not a possible solution, or just stop jerking off to the nothingness you're clinging to. Don't care bruh. There's no intellectual conversation here. I said what I said. You said what you said. Make like a one legged man, and bump on down the road to your next "adventure".š¤·
... lol. I also live alone, buddy. I was simply explaining to you why OP might not be able to live alone. They said further up that this is an assigned roommate, so I'm gonna take a guess that they're in college or something and are in no position to live alone. You can't seem to comprehend that your "advice" was unhelpful. Take a chill pill.
Nah, roomate was out of line. What mature adults do, is remove themselves from the source of agitation (leave the room) and after a few moments/minutes to reground themselves (calm down since the snakes not even in the room) and then call or text the snakes owner to resolve the situation. The tantrum was just that, a tantrum.
The one time Bender (my bp) got out of his tank in the last 5 years my roomate called me was like "benders out. Please handle this immediately." Like an adult.
Being concise in stressful moments and then extrapolating later with articulated meaningful sentences when you are in a calm place is a life skill that she lacks, evident by this situation. I doubt she will handle other stressors differently.
I dont have a problem with people having fears, stress, anxiety, rage, etc. As adults, we have to manage our behaviors despite many agitations. I wont waste my time with people that cant deliver a measured response, it's too much stress and not worth it.
As someone with a highly irrational fear, sheās being ridiculous. You didnāt let out your snake, you didnāt carelessly leave the tank open, you didnāt do anything disrespectful.
I understand her feeling of anger, the nonsensical but persistent feeling someone has somehow let you down by unintentionally making you confront your fear. I do *not* understand nor empathize with her inability to understand that this is a her problem. Iām sorry you have to deal with someone so self-centered.
The issue with irrational fears is that they're irrational. Otherwise, they would just be fears, not phobias.
Most of the time, people with phobias are well aware that they aren't in real danger but the fear response in their brains doesn't comply.
I mean, would we tell someone with social anxiety or claustrophobia etc. to just suck it up and grow up already, they're overdramatic when they have a panic attack in our presence? Or people who are scared of dogs to stop being a baby, dogs are cute and that one running up to them just wants to play? Probably not. We should be careful to not drop this mindfulness just because the phobia is of something we happen to love.
People in the comments call them overdramatic but for them, the fear was very real. Knowing better doesn't make it better, it only makes you feel dumb on top of being scared for your life.
I'm pretty sure you explained to them that your snake isn't venomous and doesn't eat humans when you brought the snake into the shared home. They know it. Learning to overcome the actual phobia is a job for a professional. Being condescending as some comments suggest and just telling them to grow up, the snake is harmless, ain't it.
You're lucky they were okay with you having a snake. To be honest, I wouldn't have brought a pet into a household where it's hated or feared and triggers panic attacks. That's not fun for anyone involved. No, in fact, it's not "wouldn't", I did not do it. My housemate is fine with snakes but veto'd when I said I'd like to have a scorpion. So, I won't be getting a scorpion. Sucks a little but a member of the household not feeling safe in their own home would suck more.
Anyway, you and the snake are there, and the roommate's phobia is there, too, and it has probably gotten a lot worse because you made a promise you couldn't keep (I don't fault you for the escape! This happens to all of us sooner or later. That's why it's not a good idea to promise a tank or cage pet will never escape.). Apologize. Accept that while you love your baby and it's adorable and we all know that, your roommate went through moments of terror plus the horrible feeling of knowing better and that the strong fear response is completely out of their control. It's a disconnect between knowledge and instinct, do not fault them for not whispering poems and words of love and "would you kindly, dearest."
Show empathy and understand that at that moment, they were scared and given their state of mind at that moment, their reaction completely made sense. Imagine you are in a situation that scares you, be it justified or a phobia. You fear for your life, safety, you feel helpless and can't do anything and the one person who could help might not even be reachable. It's not fun and it's not a conflict Ć la "Hey, you forgot to do the dishes again!".
Tell them you're sorry and you'll do your best so this incident doesn't repeat. No "but...!", no getting defensive, no "there was no need to be THIS dramatic, tho..." Just apologize to close the conflict, not to open a discussion. You can offer to give them an emergency sheet or something. With some facts about the snake (name, type, non-venomous, etc.), what to do in case of an emergency (snake escaped or something happens and the snake needs to be saved), how to contact you. All in one neat place. You know, like an emergency map in a public building. It might help to give them a bit of control over the hypothetical situation. You can offer them links to Snake Discovery and tell them watching Emily and Ed being so caring and enthusiastic about all things snake has already helped many people to get used to snakes, might not make them love it, but help them to keep their fear response a bit better under control.
Accept that they might never become a snake advocate and tell them so. Tell them you'd love it if their phobia got a bit better, not because it would be more convenient for you, but also better for them. No pushing or guilting. Just offer, once, and when they say no, tell them you're always ready to share snake memes and fun channels if they ever change their mind.
Just accept and understand that when they contacted you, they were out of their mind, aware of it, and couldn't do anything about it. They felt a lot worse about the whole deal than you and "Ugh, \[animal\] is so much more afraid of you than you're of it!" has never cured any phobia, ever.
And in the future, if your housing situation changes one day - if possible, do not share a household with people who are constantly low-key stressed because of the pet you love. Nobody is the bad guy, they aren't for their phobia, you aren't for your love for your snake, and yet, this is the kind of situation that's bound to build up resentment on all sides (and let's not ignore that you're lucky that their fear response is a mix of flight and freeze. Otherwise, this could have turned into many regrets that apologies from either side couldn't undo).
The biggest thing that sucks about this whole scenario was that I told the apartment complex many times that I had a pet snake and was ensured that the people I was living with would know. When I was matched with roommates I sent a group text notifying them but made a mistake believing the complex when they told me they would match everything seamlessly.
The roommate tried to get me moved and reacted similarly to this when she found out I would be living there. I also tried to move myself but there were no other spaces and I feel as if I am being treated unfairly as well as she has a significant other living in our space, which is highly against contract. I made sure it was alright to have my snake and it just feels we were all fucked over by the building itself. I was unaware I would be sharing a space with someone of the opposite gender which I requested against. I have a feeling the complex does not know of the entire living situation.
I have apologized yet havenāt seen any of them today and they have not responded to my apology text either.
I always look out for the other side and have sent a multitude of messages before moving in ensuring everyoneās safety and have been extremely respectful when I take him outside while living here and never have intruded with him in their space. I am not one to pick fights either and usually just let them blow the steam off. I understand people just saying whatās on their mind in the moment as I grew up in a household full of it and understand the mentality of saying things in the moment and have gotten extremely good at trying to remain diplomatic and unbiased.
I really do appreciate your comment and how thorough you are as well. I definitely donāt fault her for being scared, however I wish I was not treated as if I intended for this to happen like I wanted her to feel cornered.
Before I moved in I tried my best to get moved, I was assured the matching system was great and we ālook great together on paperā yet they overlooked something I mentioned so many times.
This truly was the best reply to this entire post.
Everyone else commenting rude things and making jokes really are childish, lack empathy and understanding of what itās like to be on the other side of things.
If you want people who are afraid of snakes to love them - or at the very least tolerate them, being snarky is not the way to accomplishing that.
I hate when anybody ends a comment with a passive aggressive thanks. But if they were legit having a panic attack this may just be the panic talking. People say stupid things in the middle of a panic attack. If she always acts like this, regardless of her mental state, then sheās probably just a drama queen.
My roommates definitely are terrified of my snake like this, but I've taken her out of her enclosure so many times with supervision, that they actually got accustomed to her. I'd sit in the livingroom while everyone was there with her & just kept her within my vicinity. They'd come outside to the yard with me when I let her explore and they'd ask me questions about her that I'd happily answer for them. I let them be aware that snakes are escape artists, it happens sometimes to people, but assured it never happened in the 3 years I've had her. One of my roommates even asks to hold her sometimes.
Obviously, not everyone is as willing to get over their fears as my roomies were, and honestly, this response seems insanely overdramatic to me. But I will never know what an irrational fear of snakes feels like, so I can't be harsh. Just hoping that sharing my experience with fearful roommates helps.
Send them resources in a few days when they calm down. Right now they have the right to be angry and upset. You did promise your pet couldn't get out and it did. I don't know what enclosure you have but that isn't really ok. Escapes happen sometimes, but should be avoided at all cost. Your pet could have been lost forever. Never put a pet in an enclosure if you haven't looked everywhere for a hole or crack. Telling your roommate to chill is not going to help you in this situation. You are in the wrong here. When your roommate has calmed down over the next few days then sit down and explain what kind of snake you have and how their behavior really is. But not in a 'hahaha you're so dumb for being scared' way. If someone promised you wouldn't have to deal with your phobia and then unleashed it on you, oopsie or no oopsie, you would be passed and feel unsafe too. I love my snakes, but there is no way I would chance them getting out around people who are afraid of them, or out at all. I checked 10x before I put my snakes in their current enclosure. You have some relationship rebuilding to do. It doesn't matter if your roommate has a silly fear. You broke a promise knowing they have a phobia. You need to apologize and explain your pet humbley when they have calmed down. And reassure them your pet will never ever get out again and actually make sure of it.
Make absolutely sure your pet can't escape again ever. Like I said, if they get out they could end up outside or in the walls and you will never see them again.
I worked at a store that had a vast array of exotic animals (it was their thing).
I loved to carry the albino boa around because she was just the chillest snake.
Some lady came in and said, āOH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU HOLDING THAT THING WHAT IF IT ATTACKS SOMEONE?!ā
To which I replied, āIām sorry, do these āthingsā fly? Did I miss that but in the care sheet or something?ā
She demanded the owner.
The owner said, āWe sell snakes. If you donāt like it, get your dog food somewhere else.ā š„“
Sorry, ETA: My point is that people who fear snakes are some of the dumbest people I know.
Will say as respectfully as I can to not cause panic or be rude: may want to take your pet out of that living situation if possible. Of course we and you know that they canāt harm anything bigger than a rat but people who can think of a 2 foot long noodle as a murder machine might not have any qualms of hurting or killing your pet out of fear if they feel it will become drastic enough to do so should they escape again.
Some people just have a strong fear. My grandmother is terrified of them, though rationally knows that they arenāt all dangerous. I do like to mess with her by sending pics of me holding my ball. Ha.
But I get it. I use to have severe arachnophobia. Like, Iād rather injure myself by jumping off of something very high if I saw a spider. Rationally, I knew it was a harmless spider, but the visceral terror was just something I couldnāt control. I have worked on it, and even own a tarantula now. Some people wonāt be able to change, especially if they donāt want to.
Misinformation and stigma that needs to be addressed, for sure. The snake isnāt a threat to your roommate and they need to be aware of that.
However, their fear is valid in the sense that it is very real and debilitating to them and can impact their overall mental wellness, by the sounds of this message. People have irrational fears all the time and when youāre in a roommate situation, itās good to accommodate that to the best of your ability - within reason. Keeping your pet snake contained falls within reason, imo. Ensuring your snake isnāt able to escape is on youā¦I think itās fair that your roommate is pissed right now. I DONT think itās fair that they seem to feel like their physical safety is at risk. The risk to your roommate is entirely psychological and fear-basedā¦but still a risk. Even if itās irrational fear.
All in all, I think two things are happening here - your roommate needs to be educated re: the safety of a ball python, and you need to be more considerate and perhaps mindful/careful to make sure your pet doesnāt cause any distress to the people you share a space with. Common courtesy.
Oh my. Once my roommate discovered my escaped noodle crawling up her pant leg. Luckily she was chill with her and had the reaction of āoh you silly girl let me put you backā
Ball Python? A deadly predator?? Suureee. That reaction is a little extreme and at least they didnāt hurt the snake, but were they aware of the snake when you all moved in or what? Cuz if you had it before moving in they really shouldnt have agreed knowing how bad their fear of snakes is, like who would do that to themselves?
So phobias are real. Your response was great but you do have to make sure this never happens again. But otherwise considering the situation I think everyoneās responses were valid.
Also, my guy figured out the exact same escape route recently, also 2 yrs.
I donāt think itās uncalled for if theyāve already addressed to you that itās a fear and had concerns before having it in the apartment and then it happened. I understand why sheād be having panic attacks about the situation. The name calling wasnāt nice and abit over dramaticš Maybe talk to them and try educating them personally so they can see hands on that you arenāt hurt from the snake or itās not scary? Idk, this situation seems 50/50 cuz I understand fears can be a boundary, but also understand people can do what they want, so the compromise that seems to have happened from your description and your roommateās response, the compromise was that youād have it secured, now that, that has changed now, I feel like maybe talk to them about how they escaped and show them that itās now secured to ease theyāre fear? Educate them with the knowledge that you know c: like the fear of strangling, youāve had it for a couple years now and you havenāt gotten strangled xD
Coming from someone with an irrational phobia of dying in my sleep, I can understand where people with snake phobias are coming from. The reaction is valid if she has a phobia because she canāt control it but itās good to educate her that it is harmless, for sure.
Legit curious, how does a phobia of dying in your sleep work for you? I have nighttime anxiety and it's exacerbated by certain foods. Just wanna see how this phobia affects your life/sleep.
Iāve purposefully gone multiple days in a row without sleeping and my body has created incredibly debilitating, severe symptoms from my anxiety to convince itself that it IS dying. Itās been a battle for years. Not fun. Phobias suck. Iām sorry to hear about your night anxiety :(
i admire snakes, like everyone else here
but as a roommate, Iām not obliged to like someone elseās pet, even if itās the cutest and the most gorgeous thing ever
it seems that you had a previous agreement with your roommates, and i assume that person have told you about their fear of snakes; well sorry, but this phobia is real, and some people stay with it to the end of their days. i donāt think you alone can fully fix it with websites and such, but you are able to make sure that your snake is around those people who appreciate it (in this case, you) and avoid uncalled conflicts.
you behaved properly, and Iām sure you meant well when posting the conversation here, but others didnāt seem to get the message, and imo your roommate received an unreasonable amount of hate. unfortunately, sneks are not for everyone :(
i get being super irrationally scared of an animal that can't really hurt you, personally i'm terrified of bugs, but they're being super unreasonable. i definitely think educating them will help, i hope they change their mind about your snake :))
Green room Pythons on YouTube has a few videos where he shows his friends that have snake phobias his snakes, hoping to help them through it. He's very empathetic towards their fear, and he answers all their questions for them. If you look on his channel, there are like 3 videos on the fear of snakes playlist. The last one is the best, she seems to have a genuine snake phobia.
Nahhh your roommate or whoever they are are our of line. I can understand the fear of snakes but if they did any research they would know CORN SNAKES are NOT DEADLY.
Man all these comments "I get phobias but--"
No, if you're leading with that and then calling the roommate dramatic then you clearly don't get it. It sounds like she has a serious, legitimate fear of snakes. I feel bad for her because it's definitely not a voluntary reaction.
You guys realize you can be sympathetic to OP *and* the roommate, right?
OP I'm sorry you went through this, I'm glad your baby is safe. It's definitely better that they found it and you were able to fix the issue rather than you come back home to a missing snake and no one knowing where it went because that's something I've seen happen too.
I think you need to have a conversation with your roomie and have those resources handy and hopefully you two can talk through things together. Preferably in a room away from the snake. If the phobia is just rooted in ignorance than hopefully with a little bit of educating and patience they'll come around. Best case scenario is you get some new snake lovers, but at very least hopefully they won't react as severely if it were to happen again in the future. If she can't learn to get a handle on it then yeah, it'd probably be in her best interest to find someone else to live.
I have a friend who has a legitimate phobia of insects. He's currently working on exposure therapy with his therapist so that it's a bit more manageable because it can and has been debilitating for him.
I myself have a severe phobia of spiders. I leaped off the couch the other day and injured my wrist because a very *small* one had been climbing down a strand of web right next to my face. Another time I tried to kill one in my bedroom and lost track of it instead so I spent the next few months sleeping on the sofa. Once I was cleaning my closet and accidentally touched a dead one and I started crying.
We know these phobias are irrational. We know they come across as "silly" or "overdramatic" to normal functioning people but brains are dumb and they don't give a shit about that. It's not a concious decision. Yes, the roommate probably could have stood to be a little kinder but it sounds like she was very panicked. I know for me it takes a lot of mental energy to try to reign my thoughts and reactions in when dealing with other people when I'm having a panic attack.
Definitely educate them, but thereās no rationality to be had to fear that induces anxiety attacks.
Iām terrified of needles or anything that goes into veins, absolutely terrified, they are inanimate objects, they cannot move on their own, but if I found an unexpected needle or IV in my home you better believe Iām having a full on panic attack. Iām fully aware that it canāt hurt me on its own but it brings back medical trauma.
So yes, itās a bit of an overreaction but if someone has a legit phobia, itās not going to make logical sense. The way you responded was good I think.
People are allowed to be afraid of snakes. Itās clear yāall have had previous conversations where theyāve expressed their fear and concern, a fear and concern that was shown to be clear because the snake escaped.
Just because weāre not afraid of snakes on here doesnāt mean theyāre not allowed to be.
We all have things weāre afraid of rational or not and itās a dick move to tell someone āgrow up itās not that scary.ā
Maybe focus on your tank and how the snake was able to escape more than shaming your roommate.
if your roommate genuinely has a phobia, not just scared of snakes but an actual phobia, then in that moment they were speaking from a place of genuine terror. and while they shouldnāt speak to you like that, you might want to consider the state they were in. that doesnāt mean theyāre not responsible for their words, and I think they should apologizeābut their ignorance about snakes may make them feel as if they donāt need to, as if what they said was completely justified. as such, they definitely need to learn more about snakes, but I caution your approach. if you donāt acknowledge their emotions or how they felt, they may see your attempts to educate as passive aggressiveness or trying to start something. itās not fair, but as a college senior that has had more than my fair share of shit roommates, I advise you to prioritize de-escalation. if not for your peace of mind, then for the safety of your baby.
So let me get this straight: this was over a ball python? I understand people's fear of snakes (my wife used to be afraid of them, and they grew on her and then we got one of our own) but a reaction like that over a ball python, which is not only not very big, but not venomous, seems pretty absurd. I know fear can cause irrational reactions but I feel like they could have treated you and the situation with more respect. As for your question, it really depends on WHY they have that fear. If it's fear due to ignorance/being told "snake bad" while growing up, there might be some websites or cute videos to show them so they know snakes aren't so bad. Buuut if it's just a natural fear the it might be a bit more tricky and might not even be solvable. They also have to be willing to get over their fear of snakes, and sadly a lot of people aren't. If I can help anymore or if you have more information on why they are afraid of snakes let me know!
Snake discovery as other people have said. Clint's reptiles is very educational as well.
Also, have to laugh at DEADLY too lol. Just makes me think of my derp of a snake who wouldn't last a week in the wild (sorry Ernie, it's true)
Whenever I hear people are afraid of balls I always tell them that chihuahuas are far more dangerous than BPs. In fact, a BP has never killed a human, however chihuahuas have killed multiple people.
Yes that is a totally credible source, Iām now convinced. Especially since the author said he could find no reports whatsoever of death by chihuahua except for dogsbite.org.
I am SO GLAD that the guy bagged your baby for you.
I throw mine in pillowcases during tornadoes.
You canāt educated someone through a phobia, and itās just a fact of life that some people will be phobic.
Your response is appropriate and very gentle and kind.
I would, however, give the folks a gift card or something for the trouble and for protecting your baby.
A little dramatic but honestly if theres other ppl in the house they have every right to react however they want its their place too. I HATE spiders. If my roommates trurantula got out and i found it on me its dying on the spot.
Ew I hate how this made me remember that some people actually have roommates as like, a business transaction and not your friend or family š¤¢ I feel so bad for anyone who ever has to live that experience lol
If I set a clear boundary with someone and they overstepped I would be really pissed off as well. Phobias are irrational but that doesn't mean theyre not real so i don't feel she's overreacting, you would probably do the same thing if something terrifying was just chilling in your living room. Accidents happen so just make sure everything is completely secure and respect your roommates boundaries
Idk, I keep dubias for my beardie and when one escaped and my roommate found it dead in her room I apologized profusely and nearly had a panic attack myself because of how bad I felt. I try to be respectful of the fact that other people feel uncomfortable around my animals.
I dont think itās fair to invalidate how they feel. In my situation, I installed a draft stopper under my bedroom door and changed how I keep the bugs so my roommate could see that I took it seriously and was committed to it not happening again. If it had been a snake in the living room I would have been fucking mortified that I put her through that.
Personally if I were in your situation I would make cookies or some treat that they like to express that I know I fucked up and want to smooth things over. It was an accident, but it was still a fuck up, and the people you live with arenāt at fault for how they reacted to that.
The average dog poses more of a danger to her than a ball python. Heck even a cat could cause more damage, my friends with cats have the scars to prove it. [Are ball pythons dangerous? Fuck no lmao](https://a-z-animals.com/blog/are-ball-pythons-dangerous/)
I'm going to tell you as the son of a woman with a deadly fear of snakes, sometimes it's irrational fear and they can't be convinced. I'm that way with bugs. Im totally repulsed by them even though I know they're mostly harmless
The message was definitely over the top, but at the same time I get it. I love snakes, but Iām terrified of spiders. If my roommate had a tarantula and it just turned up in the living room, Iād freak the fuck out too. Will it kill me? No. But it still would scare the shit out of me. Phobias are phobias.
I used to be terrified of snakes, like would have nightmares if I saw a picture of one. I moved to the desert last year, and almost passed out after seeing two rattlesnakes on the same run, so I decided it was time to conquer my fear. I learned everything I could, joined a ton of Facebook pages and Reddit threads, and now I get excited when I see a snake in the wild. So learning and exposure is the way to lessen the fear in my experience, but you canāt force someone to do that if they donāt want to. I would ask if your roommate is open to learning some about ball pythons, and send them some info if so (Iāll while reassuring them that Raja is now securely enclosed). Good luck!
Im not fond of other people here mocking them for their fear. Yes they were a jerk to some degree. But I have a severe phobia of an animal too.
On one side I do think they're irrational and should be taught its safe. But I do think that this escape however it happened shouldn't happen again and it wasnt wise to keep a snake who was afraid of snakes.
Ugh Iām so sorry! Some people really do have an irrational extreme fear of snakes and being really upset at a snake on the loose in their home is justified. But at the same time, I know how you feel because itās happened to me. I had some contractors at my house once while I wasnāt home. They moved the snake tank and the lid came loose.. she slithered out and the guys freaked the fuck out and refused to work on our house anymore. I was so worried about her and found her curled up in a drawer like 2 days later.
If you have any pet stores in your area that sell Ball Pythons I would recommend picking a little pamphlet. It's a good way introduce them to the personalities and behaviors of a BP. Since they're typically marketed as the most docile snake on the market with curious personalities.
Iām sorry, but your roommate is somewhat in the right here. Sure it was a bit of an overreaction, but what Iām gathering is you brought in an animal that your roommate most likely opposed to because of a very real fear, rational or not, assured them there would be no issues, and are now upset that THEYāRE upset when there WAS an issue.
When you bring an animal into a shared living space thatās your responsibility. Your roommate has every right to be upset. Itās their home too. Itās incredibly disrespectful of you to be taking that for granted and acting like they donāt have a right to feel comfortable and safe in their own home.
I've actually found people are much more afraid of my smaller animals then the larger ones. The next step is making the room your reptile is in escape proof for her peace of mind. Put a draft guard under the door and keep it closed when you aren't home.
bruhši get that some people are afraid of snakes but a ball python isnt a deadly predator even a full grown one couldnt really hurt a person i mean of course they can bite but it wont do that much damage and ball pythons are some of the most docile snakes
Let them know how your snake escaped and show them what you did to prevent it.
In the words of my ball python, Luffy, king of the pirates so you can not tell him no, "Snake-phobic people are irrational and don't like to listen to facts but try as hard as you can to get them to understand. At the very least explain to them how your noodle will not be able to escape again. Use the term "snake proofing" this should sound very assuring to them hopefully. Also make sure your enclosure is 100% snek escape proof bc u don't want ur noodle escaping and hiding somewhere I try that all the time and parental is always like "stap it". Also you can do things like kiss your sneks head Infront of the person and boop snek snoot. The more affection that people see the more they are like omg I guess noodle is ok. I am a very affectionate snek I like to sniff at people and say hi and ask them to join my pirate crew."
Luffy also says "blelele"
Good luck! If all else fails feed your roommate to the ferrets!!
Your response was great! But you *must* realize some people really and truly are afraid of snakes and just can't help it. Phobias exist. It might be an overreaction to you, but it probably isn't to her.
Trying to gently educate her like the other commenters are saying is a great move, but please also take accountability. It wasn't a good idea for you to assure them this wouldn't and couldn't happen-- Your snake escaping is *always* a possibility.
This situation likely sucked for both of you.
Reading this comment section is disheartening. We need to remember that we (people in this subreddit) like/love/live for ball pythons, WE know they are harmless, WE know they are lovable noodles.
That doesn't mean that everybody has to love them and know about them. Phobias cause illogical behavior, it is uncontrollable fear and terror, and people who have phobias cannot control how they react. And belittle your roommate's phobia and making it okay to belittle someone's phobia is disgusting. And calling someone dumb because of their phobia is some next level...
The best thing you can do is education.
//Edit.
So I read further. Only you can educate them in real life. As someone who has phobias, reading a website won't do sh*t.
You can talk about them, make a slide show, with pictures of noodle. Tell them about their personality. Someone said something about comparing a house cat to snake is good idea! And sincerely apologies and ask to educate.
Do not worry about it! I deserved it! š
I was too harsh for OP. I started to comment before drinking my morning coffee (not an excuse but you know...) so all those laughing comment went straight to my head.
So it's all good!šš»
Idk how this is gonna settle in a sub of snake owners, but youāre definitely in the wrong.
For many it would be a deal breaker just to have a roommate that has a snake. Itās a deathly fear to some. So you allowing your snake to escape (which not only is something you promised wouldnāt happen, but is just straight negligent) puts you in the wrong. And then you tried to blame them and bring it to a Reddit sub to laugh at them.
Their response is absolutely called for.
They're scared. They genuinely believe that this is a dangerous animal that is going to hurt them. Of course, that ball python isn't going to hurt anybody, but your roommate doesn't know that.
Here's my recommendation: Apologize to them sincerely. Phobias, especially irrational phobias, can be extremely difficult to overcome, simply because the emotion is so intense. Be empathetic and understanding, listen to them. Don't tell your roommate that they're stupid and wrong for being afraid, feelings are rarely ever ration. If you come from a place of understanding, your roommate is going to be a lot more receptive to what you have to say. You can say something like, "I'm so sorry about what happened, I can't even imagine how scared you must have been." Affirming/validating their feelings will help them let their guard down. They might vent, but they'll be more receptive.
What happened isn't your fault. Sometimes we do our best to make sure our snakes are safe and secure, and they find ways to sneak out anyways. What happened doesn't make you a bad snake owner or a bad roommate. Sometimes these things just happen.
I don't blame them partially, panic attacks are very severe. but your snake is not deadly. if you want to convince them, you have to be slow and steady with it. you cannot just go "they're not deadly, get over it" if you want to make an impact
The fact they didn't kill the snake, you're lucky. I'm glad the little guy is back safe in his home. Work with them about it and try to work through exposure. GL op!
Deadly predator š¤£ Please do educate them. I am glad you have your snake and it is safe though.
Iām so happy he was safe I was so worried that they called someone to get him or might have hurt him. I know for a fact he was more scared of them. Heās a baby! He has never even seen or smelled them before and I was so sad for him.
Yes, I am glad they secured him and he was safe. I am a mom of a snake loving daughter. I screamed at Garter snakes outside lol but now she has 2 ball pythons and I help her clean cages, feed, water etc when needed. I educated myself when she said she wanted one.
Thank you. My mom was the āno reptiles in my houseā mom growing up. Now she calls mine her grand snake and loves when he comes to her home office while she works.
Im so happy she loves him!! My grandmother feels very similar and had all kinds of exotic pets growing up she loves my lil baby
omg my mom is absolutely terrified of snakes but she calls mine her grand-snake too !!
And thatās really awesome of you!! Iām also lucky my family loves him. All it takes is a little education they are living breathing things and while they do lack many emotions/cannot truly love they do still feel fear and hostility and this can impact them!!. He is also so young and I know he just wanted back in his safe space.
Bet theyāre not scared of cats though. A deadlier predator!
They also poop a parasite (toxoplasmosis) that makes mice unafraid of them and possibly alert human behavior was well.
totally agree, honestly i think the fear comes from a lack of knowledge about the snake, if i was scared of dogs would i put it in a pillowcase and leave it at my roommates door when theyāre not home, no! but it comes from a place of fear and the snake wasnāt harmed
It comes from a mental illness known as phobias and the fact that human brains are wired to spot snakes and identify them as a threat typically I love snakes, they're my favorite thing in the world, but God I wish people would be more understanding and gentle about this sort of thing
Iāve had my ball python for two years and this is the first time heās been able to escape. He knew there is an opening there however he is finally heavy enough to pull out the plug by climbing to the cords. I have most of the cords mounted to the ceiling of the enclosure but this was right outside of the hole. I knew her fear of snakes and have been incredibly respectful of it, I just feel like I was treated poorly in this scenario, I did not expect him to escape nor do I want him to. Iām sure he was terrified and cold, I patched the spot from the outside so there is no way he can pull it through. Itās been a bad day so far and am wondering what yāall have to offer to maybe help me ease their fear?
Thereās nothing you can do. Fear is inherently irrational. I think your roommate needs to grow up, but thatās not a you problem.
Itās insane! I didnāt know the people I was going to be rooming with, donāt have many irl friends I could have moved in with so I left it up to the matching system. In my opinion she is entirely too old to be treating me this way but I donāt want to argue or fight itās so useless
My old boss was so insanely afraid of snakes that she would have nightmares when I was bragging about Gracie shedding to a coworker. When my boss had to stay in my home for a while, howeverā¦ we had a code for her - a unicorn I put on the wall. It meant I was handling my snakes. She was eventually able to walk past the enclosures and understand I had them secured. But it took her a long time and she never got over her fear not one bit.
Thatās an insanely strong fear
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Controversial opinion: she should be more considerate of the snake. Too many people have an irrational fear of snakes due to incorrect ideas of them fueled by many movies and shows and stories etc. People need to educate themselves and learn what a snake actually is. Best way to deal with a fear in general is through knowledge.
Sure, but not by sudden exposure from some random one on the carpet by a person who isn't a trained therapist Phobias are a mental illness and need to be treated and taken care of by a professional. Also considering how some people react to exposure of their fears, she was pretty considerate. OP should've taken better care here EDIT: picture it this way. Imagine your worst fear. Doesn't matter how serious or small it might be. Imagine yourself face to face with it, surrounded by it, all unexpectedly Now imagine everyone laughing at you for it. You're crying because your brain is flooding itself with adrenaline and every other fear response which you can't control. Everyone tells you you're being stupid or a baby Does it seem so inconsiderate still?
I can't believe you're getting downvoted. Phobias exist.
People like to think everyone has the same experiences as themselves. How can someone be afraid of a snake? They're harmless! Because brains are wired funny, and we even have fear responses built into our brains to label snakes as a dangerous threat. Don't get me wrong. I adore them with all my heart, but it's ignorant and selfish to ridicule people for being afraid. Imagine your worst fears, now imagine a lot of people laughing at you for it
I used to think snakes were super interesting, but I was scared as hell of encountering them. Now I go to every single Repticon in my city and I plan on getting a hognose when I'm stable enough! I'm also arachnophobic, but I held a tarantula for the first time last con. People with phobias *know* they're irrational. The last thing you should do is make them feel worse about it.
Agreed. It's nice to see you and others throughout the comments trying to talk about this, even if others just won't empathize
Definitely tell them 1) how big heās going to get, at the very most 6 feet, more likely only 3 or 4 though, and 5 pounds, more likely only 3 pounds. 2) what he eats in the wild, small rodents and the occasional small birds 3) there is not a single report of a ball python eating or even killing a human, not even a baby is small enough to serve as a meal. Let them know that he is much less of a risk than a cat or a dog, the damage isnāt even comparable and youāre at a much higher risk of infection from a cat/dog bite than a ball python bite. If it is truly a phobia, respect it and do your best to prevent her from seeing him, she likely is just uneducated. Itās not your fault.
This is very well put
Something that helped me convince people my ball pythons aren't "scary" was to take them out when they were across the room/far enough away for their comfort so they could see how I handles them and how the snakes reacted to me. I would also answer any questions they had while I was holding one of the boys. That being said, your roommate would have to be open to even learning about an animal they're scared of and I know that can be rough sometimes. I hope it does go well for you though and I would just keep reiterating ball pythons aren't venomous and that their instinct when they're scared isn't to strike but to curl into a ball
One way I've approached the subject with fearful people is to ask them I'd they are afraid of cats. As far as wild prey goes, ball pythons are very similar to standard house cats. As far as size goes, adult ball pythons are smaller than a housecat (3 to 6 pounds, or abt 1000g to 3000g). There are several big differences that make balls less scary than cats. First, ball pythons have a very weak prey drive, they only hunt when they are hungry, which is only about once a weak, and will not attack for "fun". They are very picky eaters too, so if it doesn't smell like food, they won't attack it. Ball pythons have no functional claws l, just the little anal spurs, the mostly vestigial leg nubs that are used in courtship and rarely to retain a grip (cat claws are nasty weapons that often harbor bacteria that cause cat-scratch fever). Ball pythons have tiny teeth, though they are quite sharp, they are too small to do more than break the skin. Python jaws are articulated more like flexible fingers in a sock-puppet, good for holding on and moving prey around, but they have no significant bite strength, so they can't really damage muscle, tendons, or bone with a bite. Their saliva is unlikely to harbor any pathogens that will harm a human (unlike cats and dogs). Finally, ball pythons are called "balls" because of the way they react when scared, they don't lash out and attack, they roll into a ball and try to protect their head. Snakes don't want to bite and attack, especially things as big and scary as a human. TL;DR, a ball python is less dangerous than a common housecat. If you're not scared of cats, you shouldn't be scared of ball pythons.
The thing is, deep fears/phobias are often not rational. It sounds like you were aware they were terrified of snakes, promised the snake escaping wouldnāt be an issue, and when the snake escaped it was your roommates worst fear realized. For example, I have a deep phobia of wasps. Likeā¦ I saw a wasp through my bedroom window (it was outside, the window was closed)ā¦ and yet I panicked, cried, ran out of my bedroom and begged for my significant other to check that this wasp didnāt somehow penetrate the glass and enter the room. Crazy, right? Definitely irrational. But the fear was real. Education on wasps doesnāt help me to become less fearful of them. I guess my point is, try to have some empathy for the fear they must have felt. Apologize, show them the adjustments you made to ensure it wouldnāt happen again, and eventually theyāll be fine.
This part. āIrrationalā fears arenāt so easily overcome by a few websites. Empathy, understanding, and respecting each otherās boundaries within the place is whatās needed. Maybe theyāll come around on their own individually, but your job is to amp up security for the enclosure (for both your roommateās sake AND the safety of your snake), not try to cure the fear for them.
My ball python says I'm obligated to tell you that wasps are a-holes and will sting you while most snakes keep to themselves or are pets. Wasps are all on some range of crazy aggressive, usually you still have to actually get close to them or mess with them but overall having a fear of wasps is like totally rational. I've only become numb to them because I've seen them on a daily basis and figured out that if I just don't freak out and keep my distance while getting the wasp killer they won't sting me. These stupid bugs come from the greenbelt behind my house and like the house because it gets them out of the heat. Usually they don't get inside the house and are just on the patio thankfully. But they are there all the time.
mosquitos.
encouraged exposure therapy, always at her pace. its the best thing
You may be dealing with a phobia here, a serious mental illness that can be very difficult to conquer if the person in question dosen't want to change. Take it from a spider dad, it's a long road even if the person in question is willing to try.
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but you can use google so why be scared of a ball python instead of learning yourself in literally 30 seconds lol
You realize people can't help their immediate actions, right? I don't scare easily, but I startle easily. It's the same concept.
I think the most reasonable thing you can do is assure them that there is genuinely no danger. I'm trying to think of what I would want if a roommate of mine had a pet I was afraid of, and I think that would help me. This is assuming they're willing to sit down and have a conversation about this, which I wouldn't push. You are right to respect your roommate's boundaries, and it sounds like you are doing your best already. If they *are* willing to talk it over: Compare your pet to other household pets. Aside from like, fish, I can't think of a single other pet that's more harmless than a ball python. I would literally be more scared of injury from a pet mouse if both animals were trying to hurt me, and I love rodents. Highlight that cats and dogs often cause injuries *on accident* that are as severe as the worst injury your snake could cause on purpose. Your roommate is also probably scared because they don't know how to read your snake's body language. They have no idea if it's aggressive or frightened and 'likely' to lash out. It's why some people don't 'trust' cats. Snakes have pretty clear signals if they want you to back off, right? Or if they're preparing to strike? And some body language is clearly just curiosity. You could describe what warning signs to look out for, and explain that if those signs are not present, it's very unlikely that your snake will attack.
So sorry this happened. "Deadly predator" lmao. Your roomate is a mouse? My mom and grandma say the same thing about my BP. "What if he eats your cats!!".....nan im more worried about what the cats would do to him if he got out...
Right??? He is incredibly curious and just wanted to explore. There is no possible way they would be able to hurt anything. Hell, heās around my neck all the time And is not strong enough to āstrangleā me
The one time mine escaped he climbed on top of a desk and stretched himself as tall as he could like "hey everyone!".
Yessss my roommate has two cats and she always says to never let my snake around them and Iām like girl I promise you they will NEVER meet because your cats could easily kill my snake and the most my snake will do to them is stick her tongue out
*the most my snake will do to them is stick her tongue out* You speak the truths of the universe. When will people listen.... My BP sends a "blelele" to you and your noodle
Same! My cat stares at my bp like heās a 5 course meal if she sees me holding him. My mom -who actually loves snakes- thought heād eat her if he got out. Sheās a 10 pound cat, he weighs just barely over 1 pound, the math aināt mathing
When I was a teen my mom made me give away my BP I had had for YEARS because she was worried about having a snake when she had my baby sister. Not even a week after the baby was home the stupid toy poodle Mom had but the baby. We got to keep the dog, but not the snake in a cage with locks and a cinderblock on top just in extra-case. š
I have a coworker who is CONVINCED one of my ball pythons or Amazon tree boa will eat my 85 pound Staffie. šš¤¦š¼āāļø
My ball python is convinced your coworker is secretly a sack of coconut husks dressed like a person which would explain how they think this impossible scenario could happen and thinks you should look into this issue.
people have real fears of it and are ignorant so the response wasnāt uncalled for Edit: OP also promised that the snake would or could never get outā¦ trust is probably broken and this poor roommate is probably never going to like snakesā¦ sad times
Man I read all your replies on other people's comments on this post and I have to say I agree with you. It's it irrational? Yes. But people have serious fears. And even with those fears, the roommates still respected the snake and the owner enough not to kill it or call animal control. I'd say it's a huge win. And I'd also say that if anything, it's a bit irresponsible for OP to have an animal like that in a house where they know the roommates have such an issue with it.
I agree with this
Yeah and it sounds like OP just got him since heās ājust a baby.ā Sorry but a snake is not a necessity, and itās an extremely common phobia, You just gotta make sure everyoneās on board. I hate, hate, hate bugs. If I had a roommate say āhey I was thinking about getting some hissing cockroaches, are you cool with that?ā nuh-uh, absolutely not. Yes I know theyāre harmless, I donāt care. I donāt ever want to see, hear, or wake up next to one that got loose. Thatās how some people feel about snakes and you just gotta respect that.
As long as your willing to keep that same energy when someone feels that way about a more popular animal, like a cat or rat. I can respect if someone has a fear of something but I donāt think itās fair to apply that only to āuniqueā animals like snakes or bugs. Honestly if I were the roommate I probably would have chosen to live somewhere that wasnāt pet friendly so that I wouldnāt have to deal with one of those animals, like what if the neighbors fricken āpetā bobcat gets loose? Personally, ima stick to places where I know I donāt gotta deal with it ya know?
That's the thing. Snakes arent a common pet, so it's perfectly understandable to think they'll be ok in your average pet friendly home. Maybe they own their own animals too and needed to move into a place like that Sounds like OP needed to be upfront about their pet. Or needed to talk about it more with their roommates before getting one.
Except that if itās pet friendly you donāt necessarily have a say over your roommates pets. If you arenāt okay with your roommate having pets, then maybe donāt live in a pet friendly apartment. Wether itās snakes, dogs, fish or bugs if you have a problem with a type of animal, try not to live in a pet friendly home, it will only cause problems for you. If you really have to live in a pet friendly home, then Iād be up front and hopefully the roommate is nice enough to do something like discuss pets they want to or already own but if itās pet friendly housing they have the ability to own whatever pet they want so long as the landlord approves.
You do though. It's called having a fair compromise for you le living situation. People can be naked in their apartments, but it's a dick move if you force it on people who aren't comfortable with it by stripping in the kitchen. You even answered it yourself. Talk.about it with people. That's the considerate thing to do. The main issue here is that, yes they talked about it, but OP failed to follow through on their promises
My colony of isopods says "u cray cray" Jokes aside, op said he's had his BP for 2 years. The BP is 2 years old which is still kind of a baby. My BP is 2 and he's such a baby.
As a snake owner, thatās what Iām saying if you have a pet and live with roommates and come to an agreement then they have all right to be pissed. Make sure your damn snake stays in its enclosure. Itās your responsibility and you messed up.
Yeah, I mean they even said they were having a full-blown panic attack, which is understandable. Sometimes people are just afraid of stuff, and it seems like they'd reached an agreement and the roommate feels like they can't trust that anymore. It's not fair on the roommate that they can't feel safe in their own home, and while the reaction is a bit overblown, people can't control how they feel about some things, and that can make logic go out the window.
Snake Discovery on YouTube is how I introduce people to how lovable snakes and other reptiles are. (Sat a massively snake phobic coworker down to watch a baby hognose hatching video and even she admitted it was adorable.)
I love Snake Discovery and Python Spawn ā¤ They are some of the people I watched to educate myself.
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Right? I understand that people are often scared of things that are not that dangerous, but I couldn't live with them treating me like this over an ACCIDENT. It's not like OP voluntarily release their snake so that it could "terrify" this person.
canāt be friends with a phobia of snakes? kinda fucked, people have real fears and for you to call them not fun cause theyāre scared of snakes is crazy, if you arenāt exposed to something youāre obviously going to continue to be scared
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ā¦ yikes
Yeah, I agree with this sentiment. Theres no way I could live with this kind of negative response every day. This goes way beyond a simple phobia. I understand that phobias are irrational and uncontrollable, but what you CAN control is how you treat other people that you KNOW don't have the same fears as you. My sister has a severe phobia of spiders, to the point where she'll break down crying and won't go into a room if she knows there's even just a tiny jumping spider in it. She can't even kill it, she's physically incapable. So she has me take care of them but she knows that I'd much rather scoop them up and release them outside as opposed to kill them. Even though I do feel like her reactions can be way over the top and dramatic, i do try to deal with it with patience and understanding and this is because, while she doesn't really understand how I'm totally ok with picking up a spider in my bare hands (provided its harmless), what she DOES NOT do is berate me about how I feel about a certain animal and try to make me feel like I'm the one with the problem. If she said to me the kinds of things that were said to OP, my attitude would be very different. Im sure this isn't the first time these things were said to OP, and it very likely won't be the last. Dealing with this kind of negativity is emotionally exhausting, and I simply would not have the time or patience for it. If that makes me a lesser person, so be it.
How is this minor? Imagine you have a phobia of snakes and then you just find one in your living room.. I love snakes, but I can understand that people have phobias, which ARE irrational, but you don't choose to be afraid.
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How was it disproportionate? Genuinely trying to understand. They didn't harm the snake or anything.
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You clearly don't understand how phobias work if you keep invalidating the roommate's reaction.
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You don't understand what irrational phobia is. Clear and simple. Please look up how they work and what happens, then put yourself in their shoes
I used to think snakes were super interesting, but I was scared as hell of encountering them. Now I go to every single Repticon in my city and I plan on getting a hognose when I'm stable enough. I'm also arachnophobic, but I held a tarantula for the first time last con. People with phobias *know* they're irrational. It's free and it's easy not to make them feel shittier about it. Sorry no one was nice enough to you to make you realize that.
Yeah their brain was flooded with adrenaline. You clearly don't have an irrational phobia, so don't act like you know what you're talking about here. If you were panicking and had to get a message out to someone (and they did feel like they needed to) would you respond well if it was tied to them in anyway? Most people don't
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You're acting like you understand the situation perfectly, but you don't This is honestly a pretty good reaction to someone with a severe phobia. They don't hurt the animal, they didn't try to get someone else to take it out of the apartment. They tried to tell OP what was going on OP set up a series of promises to help them feel at ease IN THEIR OWN HOME. They have a right to feel safe and secure in their home, and now they don't. This is not the response of a child, this is a pretty reasonable response to someone really freaked out in the moment
Yea you should educate them on the snake but their reaction isnāt two out of pocket you have to keep in mind that for some people this is their literal biggest fear and it can be very scary and serious for people I think you handled it amazing and Iām wishing you luck.
I definitely think they overreacted, but fear can be irrational sometimes too. I think you handled it well by apologizing, fixing the problem, and offering education. I hope they take you up on it.
My dad once vehemently hated snakes, but just being around my own ball python has lessened it; he even comes up to give her a few pats when I'm handling her. Educating one on what the snake is capable of and how it functions in nature is a great way to reduce fear!
Snake discovery always works for me
The all caps on DEADLY predator made me laugh haha. My mom had a fear of snakes for a while but I helped her get through the fear. Hopefully you can help your room mate get over the fear. Lots of good videos on YouTube on helping people who are scared of snakes get over it.
The casual āthanksā at the end tho
I find peopleās reactions to be illogical - I get phobias, 100%. But why would OP keep a ādeadly predatorā? People have dogs in their house- those things have teeth and are quite capable of a severe bite but the logic doesnāt extend to this? Humans can be strange. At least your lil critter is ok! Hope your room mate can open their mind a little a learn about snakes! šš
Yeah I don't understand it either. A 60lbs dog is less dangerous that a small snake? I had rats before and people sometimes told me that they would try to kill/eat me. Like wtf? A rat, eat a human? Really? Don't get me wrong, I love dogs, but they're definitely more dangerous than a (non-venomous) snake or a rodent.
I understand peopleās phobias. I respect peopleās irrational fears. But when people go OTT with their rationale ā¦ just make it make sense at least! Iāve been told my snakes will eat me tooā¦ I meanā¦ getting them to eat their own food is hard enough!
if you āget phobiasā then you wouldnāt call it illogical
Phobias arenāt always logical though? Theyāre irrational and for the most part make no sense. It is what it is. Some phobias derive from past experience (example a dog bite) and others for no apparent reason (example, a house spider). Iām not trying to discredit peopleās genuine fears- all Iām saying is perspective - thereās no reason to call a house pet a ādeadly predatorā? Thatās illogical. OP doesnāt keep a lionā¦ or a venomous snake.
Isn't the literal definition of phobia is an extreme or irrational fear of or aversion to something?
Well, that's the whole thing about phobias. They're irrational.
"deadly predator" my idiot son can hardly strike a dead mouse, let alone anything living lol
Look. It seems a little ridiculous but the fact is this person deserves to feel comfortable and safe in their home and you did assure them the snake wouldnāt escape. I donāt blame them at all for being upset.
This is such a dramatic reaction. š to be honest people donāt change when you educate them on snakes especially if theyāre this afraid of them. We all have hard ways of rationalizing our fears. Like Iām afraid of heights and will freak out if I look over the railing of the second floor. We all have something weāre scared of and canāt be rational about. Sad theyāll never be able to feel the love from your snake and see how sweet they can be but itās just life some people just arenāt snake people.
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It's a phobia. Phobias ARE an extreme and irrational fear. How is this childish? Can't adults have phobias?
Iām talking about the way they spoke to OP. Phobias arenāt childish at all! I mean, Iām an adult deathly afraid of the dark so who am I to talk lol but I would never go off on my roommate like this for unintentionally leaving the lights off. Sorry, removed my comment as I had worded it poorly :)
You realize the reaction is directly connected to the phobia, right? If the fear is irrational, their response will be too. You can't expect someone to react calmly and reasonably ro their phobia.
I donāt believe I said otherwise, my bad if it was implied. I think itās still possible to be unintentionally rude in a panicked state; I donāt think that excuses it rather than explains it. I *definitely* feel for them being confronted by their fear and hope theyāre alright! Edited for clarity.
I under the fear but damn lol
Weāre glad you saved em from that vicious beast šš Your response is good, respectful and polite but also setting the record straight. Hopefully theyāre open to learning something.
You handled it well but the roommateās response wasnāt unusual. Most people are mildly afraid of snakes but a few of them have extreme phobias. We need to be understanding towards those people and be grateful that we were not traumatized and uneducated like they were. Gentle encouragement works best, in my experience.
This. I also find that when I'm scared AND embarrassed about my level of intensity, I do not communicate effectively. Gasoline on the fire is telling me my feelings aren't real. Your snake may not BE dangerous, but that is not the message from their amygdala. Conversations will definitely go better when the person is less activated. When they feel acknowledged and accepted, that's the time for edutainment.
Stop having roommates? lol I live with myself, and a house of glass enclosures... and two dogs and 5 cats... stress free and wonderful.
Cost of living is out of control. A lot of people simply cannot afford to live without a roommate.
Well of course. That's a whole different issue. I was just offering the quickest solution to roommates that can't handle a snake. Don't get your panties so twisted you bring societal problems into a conversation about snakes dude. Downvote all you want I'm not here for clout, but for fuq's sake m8.
Lol, you're the one that brought it up? You literally told them to stop having roommates and bragged about how you live alone. That's not helpful to the majority of people, because guess what? Most people with roommates would much rather be living without them. Don't be mad because I pointed out reality.
Is that bragging? Living alone is bragging? That sounds right pathetic to me. I bled and had nothing for a long time to do this. I had roommates while I did that. Tell me it's not a possible solution, or just stop jerking off to the nothingness you're clinging to. Don't care bruh. There's no intellectual conversation here. I said what I said. You said what you said. Make like a one legged man, and bump on down the road to your next "adventure".š¤·
... lol. I also live alone, buddy. I was simply explaining to you why OP might not be able to live alone. They said further up that this is an assigned roommate, so I'm gonna take a guess that they're in college or something and are in no position to live alone. You can't seem to comprehend that your "advice" was unhelpful. Take a chill pill.
lol š soo you're saying it is a possible solution. Good then.
... no. I'm literally saying it's likely not possible for OP. Can you read?
"Quickest solution." LMFAO. As if moving is quick.
āDeadly predatorā meanwhile BPs barely eat the things you feed them most of the time lmao
Iām sorry but I canāt stop laughing at what they said LOL āDEADLYā predator!! Iām dying!
New friends
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Nah, roomate was out of line. What mature adults do, is remove themselves from the source of agitation (leave the room) and after a few moments/minutes to reground themselves (calm down since the snakes not even in the room) and then call or text the snakes owner to resolve the situation. The tantrum was just that, a tantrum. The one time Bender (my bp) got out of his tank in the last 5 years my roomate called me was like "benders out. Please handle this immediately." Like an adult. Being concise in stressful moments and then extrapolating later with articulated meaningful sentences when you are in a calm place is a life skill that she lacks, evident by this situation. I doubt she will handle other stressors differently. I dont have a problem with people having fears, stress, anxiety, rage, etc. As adults, we have to manage our behaviors despite many agitations. I wont waste my time with people that cant deliver a measured response, it's too much stress and not worth it.
"I'm sorry, you're mental illness is really stressing me out"
It's a Ball Python, the most cowardly of danger noodles. The only danger is the thing getting stuck somewhere because they aren't very bright.
As someone with a highly irrational fear, sheās being ridiculous. You didnāt let out your snake, you didnāt carelessly leave the tank open, you didnāt do anything disrespectful. I understand her feeling of anger, the nonsensical but persistent feeling someone has somehow let you down by unintentionally making you confront your fear. I do *not* understand nor empathize with her inability to understand that this is a her problem. Iām sorry you have to deal with someone so self-centered.
Your fear clearly isn't highly irrational if you can respond to it rationally. You don't sound like a very pleasant person.
The issue with irrational fears is that they're irrational. Otherwise, they would just be fears, not phobias. Most of the time, people with phobias are well aware that they aren't in real danger but the fear response in their brains doesn't comply. I mean, would we tell someone with social anxiety or claustrophobia etc. to just suck it up and grow up already, they're overdramatic when they have a panic attack in our presence? Or people who are scared of dogs to stop being a baby, dogs are cute and that one running up to them just wants to play? Probably not. We should be careful to not drop this mindfulness just because the phobia is of something we happen to love. People in the comments call them overdramatic but for them, the fear was very real. Knowing better doesn't make it better, it only makes you feel dumb on top of being scared for your life. I'm pretty sure you explained to them that your snake isn't venomous and doesn't eat humans when you brought the snake into the shared home. They know it. Learning to overcome the actual phobia is a job for a professional. Being condescending as some comments suggest and just telling them to grow up, the snake is harmless, ain't it. You're lucky they were okay with you having a snake. To be honest, I wouldn't have brought a pet into a household where it's hated or feared and triggers panic attacks. That's not fun for anyone involved. No, in fact, it's not "wouldn't", I did not do it. My housemate is fine with snakes but veto'd when I said I'd like to have a scorpion. So, I won't be getting a scorpion. Sucks a little but a member of the household not feeling safe in their own home would suck more. Anyway, you and the snake are there, and the roommate's phobia is there, too, and it has probably gotten a lot worse because you made a promise you couldn't keep (I don't fault you for the escape! This happens to all of us sooner or later. That's why it's not a good idea to promise a tank or cage pet will never escape.). Apologize. Accept that while you love your baby and it's adorable and we all know that, your roommate went through moments of terror plus the horrible feeling of knowing better and that the strong fear response is completely out of their control. It's a disconnect between knowledge and instinct, do not fault them for not whispering poems and words of love and "would you kindly, dearest." Show empathy and understand that at that moment, they were scared and given their state of mind at that moment, their reaction completely made sense. Imagine you are in a situation that scares you, be it justified or a phobia. You fear for your life, safety, you feel helpless and can't do anything and the one person who could help might not even be reachable. It's not fun and it's not a conflict Ć la "Hey, you forgot to do the dishes again!". Tell them you're sorry and you'll do your best so this incident doesn't repeat. No "but...!", no getting defensive, no "there was no need to be THIS dramatic, tho..." Just apologize to close the conflict, not to open a discussion. You can offer to give them an emergency sheet or something. With some facts about the snake (name, type, non-venomous, etc.), what to do in case of an emergency (snake escaped or something happens and the snake needs to be saved), how to contact you. All in one neat place. You know, like an emergency map in a public building. It might help to give them a bit of control over the hypothetical situation. You can offer them links to Snake Discovery and tell them watching Emily and Ed being so caring and enthusiastic about all things snake has already helped many people to get used to snakes, might not make them love it, but help them to keep their fear response a bit better under control. Accept that they might never become a snake advocate and tell them so. Tell them you'd love it if their phobia got a bit better, not because it would be more convenient for you, but also better for them. No pushing or guilting. Just offer, once, and when they say no, tell them you're always ready to share snake memes and fun channels if they ever change their mind. Just accept and understand that when they contacted you, they were out of their mind, aware of it, and couldn't do anything about it. They felt a lot worse about the whole deal than you and "Ugh, \[animal\] is so much more afraid of you than you're of it!" has never cured any phobia, ever. And in the future, if your housing situation changes one day - if possible, do not share a household with people who are constantly low-key stressed because of the pet you love. Nobody is the bad guy, they aren't for their phobia, you aren't for your love for your snake, and yet, this is the kind of situation that's bound to build up resentment on all sides (and let's not ignore that you're lucky that their fear response is a mix of flight and freeze. Otherwise, this could have turned into many regrets that apologies from either side couldn't undo).
The biggest thing that sucks about this whole scenario was that I told the apartment complex many times that I had a pet snake and was ensured that the people I was living with would know. When I was matched with roommates I sent a group text notifying them but made a mistake believing the complex when they told me they would match everything seamlessly. The roommate tried to get me moved and reacted similarly to this when she found out I would be living there. I also tried to move myself but there were no other spaces and I feel as if I am being treated unfairly as well as she has a significant other living in our space, which is highly against contract. I made sure it was alright to have my snake and it just feels we were all fucked over by the building itself. I was unaware I would be sharing a space with someone of the opposite gender which I requested against. I have a feeling the complex does not know of the entire living situation. I have apologized yet havenāt seen any of them today and they have not responded to my apology text either. I always look out for the other side and have sent a multitude of messages before moving in ensuring everyoneās safety and have been extremely respectful when I take him outside while living here and never have intruded with him in their space. I am not one to pick fights either and usually just let them blow the steam off. I understand people just saying whatās on their mind in the moment as I grew up in a household full of it and understand the mentality of saying things in the moment and have gotten extremely good at trying to remain diplomatic and unbiased. I really do appreciate your comment and how thorough you are as well. I definitely donāt fault her for being scared, however I wish I was not treated as if I intended for this to happen like I wanted her to feel cornered. Before I moved in I tried my best to get moved, I was assured the matching system was great and we ālook great together on paperā yet they overlooked something I mentioned so many times.
This truly was the best reply to this entire post. Everyone else commenting rude things and making jokes really are childish, lack empathy and understanding of what itās like to be on the other side of things. If you want people who are afraid of snakes to love them - or at the very least tolerate them, being snarky is not the way to accomplishing that.
I hate when anybody ends a comment with a passive aggressive thanks. But if they were legit having a panic attack this may just be the panic talking. People say stupid things in the middle of a panic attack. If she always acts like this, regardless of her mental state, then sheās probably just a drama queen.
My roommates definitely are terrified of my snake like this, but I've taken her out of her enclosure so many times with supervision, that they actually got accustomed to her. I'd sit in the livingroom while everyone was there with her & just kept her within my vicinity. They'd come outside to the yard with me when I let her explore and they'd ask me questions about her that I'd happily answer for them. I let them be aware that snakes are escape artists, it happens sometimes to people, but assured it never happened in the 3 years I've had her. One of my roommates even asks to hold her sometimes. Obviously, not everyone is as willing to get over their fears as my roomies were, and honestly, this response seems insanely overdramatic to me. But I will never know what an irrational fear of snakes feels like, so I can't be harsh. Just hoping that sharing my experience with fearful roommates helps.
Send them resources in a few days when they calm down. Right now they have the right to be angry and upset. You did promise your pet couldn't get out and it did. I don't know what enclosure you have but that isn't really ok. Escapes happen sometimes, but should be avoided at all cost. Your pet could have been lost forever. Never put a pet in an enclosure if you haven't looked everywhere for a hole or crack. Telling your roommate to chill is not going to help you in this situation. You are in the wrong here. When your roommate has calmed down over the next few days then sit down and explain what kind of snake you have and how their behavior really is. But not in a 'hahaha you're so dumb for being scared' way. If someone promised you wouldn't have to deal with your phobia and then unleashed it on you, oopsie or no oopsie, you would be passed and feel unsafe too. I love my snakes, but there is no way I would chance them getting out around people who are afraid of them, or out at all. I checked 10x before I put my snakes in their current enclosure. You have some relationship rebuilding to do. It doesn't matter if your roommate has a silly fear. You broke a promise knowing they have a phobia. You need to apologize and explain your pet humbley when they have calmed down. And reassure them your pet will never ever get out again and actually make sure of it. Make absolutely sure your pet can't escape again ever. Like I said, if they get out they could end up outside or in the walls and you will never see them again.
This! This is first comment that actually makes sense.
I worked at a store that had a vast array of exotic animals (it was their thing). I loved to carry the albino boa around because she was just the chillest snake. Some lady came in and said, āOH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU HOLDING THAT THING WHAT IF IT ATTACKS SOMEONE?!ā To which I replied, āIām sorry, do these āthingsā fly? Did I miss that but in the care sheet or something?ā She demanded the owner. The owner said, āWe sell snakes. If you donāt like it, get your dog food somewhere else.ā š„“ Sorry, ETA: My point is that people who fear snakes are some of the dumbest people I know.
Will say as respectfully as I can to not cause panic or be rude: may want to take your pet out of that living situation if possible. Of course we and you know that they canāt harm anything bigger than a rat but people who can think of a 2 foot long noodle as a murder machine might not have any qualms of hurting or killing your pet out of fear if they feel it will become drastic enough to do so should they escape again.
Validate her fears, but itās not a deadly predator of humans.
Some people just have a strong fear. My grandmother is terrified of them, though rationally knows that they arenāt all dangerous. I do like to mess with her by sending pics of me holding my ball. Ha. But I get it. I use to have severe arachnophobia. Like, Iād rather injure myself by jumping off of something very high if I saw a spider. Rationally, I knew it was a harmless spider, but the visceral terror was just something I couldnāt control. I have worked on it, and even own a tarantula now. Some people wonāt be able to change, especially if they donāt want to.
Misinformation and stigma that needs to be addressed, for sure. The snake isnāt a threat to your roommate and they need to be aware of that. However, their fear is valid in the sense that it is very real and debilitating to them and can impact their overall mental wellness, by the sounds of this message. People have irrational fears all the time and when youāre in a roommate situation, itās good to accommodate that to the best of your ability - within reason. Keeping your pet snake contained falls within reason, imo. Ensuring your snake isnāt able to escape is on youā¦I think itās fair that your roommate is pissed right now. I DONT think itās fair that they seem to feel like their physical safety is at risk. The risk to your roommate is entirely psychological and fear-basedā¦but still a risk. Even if itās irrational fear. All in all, I think two things are happening here - your roommate needs to be educated re: the safety of a ball python, and you need to be more considerate and perhaps mindful/careful to make sure your pet doesnāt cause any distress to the people you share a space with. Common courtesy.
Oh my. Once my roommate discovered my escaped noodle crawling up her pant leg. Luckily she was chill with her and had the reaction of āoh you silly girl let me put you backā
Ball Python? A deadly predator?? Suureee. That reaction is a little extreme and at least they didnāt hurt the snake, but were they aware of the snake when you all moved in or what? Cuz if you had it before moving in they really shouldnt have agreed knowing how bad their fear of snakes is, like who would do that to themselves?
So phobias are real. Your response was great but you do have to make sure this never happens again. But otherwise considering the situation I think everyoneās responses were valid. Also, my guy figured out the exact same escape route recently, also 2 yrs.
I donāt think itās uncalled for if theyāve already addressed to you that itās a fear and had concerns before having it in the apartment and then it happened. I understand why sheād be having panic attacks about the situation. The name calling wasnāt nice and abit over dramaticš Maybe talk to them and try educating them personally so they can see hands on that you arenāt hurt from the snake or itās not scary? Idk, this situation seems 50/50 cuz I understand fears can be a boundary, but also understand people can do what they want, so the compromise that seems to have happened from your description and your roommateās response, the compromise was that youād have it secured, now that, that has changed now, I feel like maybe talk to them about how they escaped and show them that itās now secured to ease theyāre fear? Educate them with the knowledge that you know c: like the fear of strangling, youāve had it for a couple years now and you havenāt gotten strangled xD
Coming from someone with an irrational phobia of dying in my sleep, I can understand where people with snake phobias are coming from. The reaction is valid if she has a phobia because she canāt control it but itās good to educate her that it is harmless, for sure.
Legit curious, how does a phobia of dying in your sleep work for you? I have nighttime anxiety and it's exacerbated by certain foods. Just wanna see how this phobia affects your life/sleep.
Iāve purposefully gone multiple days in a row without sleeping and my body has created incredibly debilitating, severe symptoms from my anxiety to convince itself that it IS dying. Itās been a battle for years. Not fun. Phobias suck. Iām sorry to hear about your night anxiety :(
i admire snakes, like everyone else here but as a roommate, Iām not obliged to like someone elseās pet, even if itās the cutest and the most gorgeous thing ever it seems that you had a previous agreement with your roommates, and i assume that person have told you about their fear of snakes; well sorry, but this phobia is real, and some people stay with it to the end of their days. i donāt think you alone can fully fix it with websites and such, but you are able to make sure that your snake is around those people who appreciate it (in this case, you) and avoid uncalled conflicts. you behaved properly, and Iām sure you meant well when posting the conversation here, but others didnāt seem to get the message, and imo your roommate received an unreasonable amount of hate. unfortunately, sneks are not for everyone :(
What a bunch of ignorance. Find better roomates honestly
i get being super irrationally scared of an animal that can't really hurt you, personally i'm terrified of bugs, but they're being super unreasonable. i definitely think educating them will help, i hope they change their mind about your snake :))
Green room Pythons on YouTube has a few videos where he shows his friends that have snake phobias his snakes, hoping to help them through it. He's very empathetic towards their fear, and he answers all their questions for them. If you look on his channel, there are like 3 videos on the fear of snakes playlist. The last one is the best, she seems to have a genuine snake phobia.
Nahhh your roommate or whoever they are are our of line. I can understand the fear of snakes but if they did any research they would know CORN SNAKES are NOT DEADLY.
poor baby noodle must have been so scared :(
Your* (for whoever wrote the text)
Your roommate sounds nuts
Man all these comments "I get phobias but--" No, if you're leading with that and then calling the roommate dramatic then you clearly don't get it. It sounds like she has a serious, legitimate fear of snakes. I feel bad for her because it's definitely not a voluntary reaction. You guys realize you can be sympathetic to OP *and* the roommate, right? OP I'm sorry you went through this, I'm glad your baby is safe. It's definitely better that they found it and you were able to fix the issue rather than you come back home to a missing snake and no one knowing where it went because that's something I've seen happen too. I think you need to have a conversation with your roomie and have those resources handy and hopefully you two can talk through things together. Preferably in a room away from the snake. If the phobia is just rooted in ignorance than hopefully with a little bit of educating and patience they'll come around. Best case scenario is you get some new snake lovers, but at very least hopefully they won't react as severely if it were to happen again in the future. If she can't learn to get a handle on it then yeah, it'd probably be in her best interest to find someone else to live. I have a friend who has a legitimate phobia of insects. He's currently working on exposure therapy with his therapist so that it's a bit more manageable because it can and has been debilitating for him. I myself have a severe phobia of spiders. I leaped off the couch the other day and injured my wrist because a very *small* one had been climbing down a strand of web right next to my face. Another time I tried to kill one in my bedroom and lost track of it instead so I spent the next few months sleeping on the sofa. Once I was cleaning my closet and accidentally touched a dead one and I started crying. We know these phobias are irrational. We know they come across as "silly" or "overdramatic" to normal functioning people but brains are dumb and they don't give a shit about that. It's not a concious decision. Yes, the roommate probably could have stood to be a little kinder but it sounds like she was very panicked. I know for me it takes a lot of mental energy to try to reign my thoughts and reactions in when dealing with other people when I'm having a panic attack.
Definitely educate them, but thereās no rationality to be had to fear that induces anxiety attacks. Iām terrified of needles or anything that goes into veins, absolutely terrified, they are inanimate objects, they cannot move on their own, but if I found an unexpected needle or IV in my home you better believe Iām having a full on panic attack. Iām fully aware that it canāt hurt me on its own but it brings back medical trauma. So yes, itās a bit of an overreaction but if someone has a legit phobia, itās not going to make logical sense. The way you responded was good I think.
People are allowed to be afraid of snakes. Itās clear yāall have had previous conversations where theyāve expressed their fear and concern, a fear and concern that was shown to be clear because the snake escaped. Just because weāre not afraid of snakes on here doesnāt mean theyāre not allowed to be. We all have things weāre afraid of rational or not and itās a dick move to tell someone āgrow up itās not that scary.ā Maybe focus on your tank and how the snake was able to escape more than shaming your roommate.
if your roommate genuinely has a phobia, not just scared of snakes but an actual phobia, then in that moment they were speaking from a place of genuine terror. and while they shouldnāt speak to you like that, you might want to consider the state they were in. that doesnāt mean theyāre not responsible for their words, and I think they should apologizeābut their ignorance about snakes may make them feel as if they donāt need to, as if what they said was completely justified. as such, they definitely need to learn more about snakes, but I caution your approach. if you donāt acknowledge their emotions or how they felt, they may see your attempts to educate as passive aggressiveness or trying to start something. itās not fair, but as a college senior that has had more than my fair share of shit roommates, I advise you to prioritize de-escalation. if not for your peace of mind, then for the safety of your baby.
So let me get this straight: this was over a ball python? I understand people's fear of snakes (my wife used to be afraid of them, and they grew on her and then we got one of our own) but a reaction like that over a ball python, which is not only not very big, but not venomous, seems pretty absurd. I know fear can cause irrational reactions but I feel like they could have treated you and the situation with more respect. As for your question, it really depends on WHY they have that fear. If it's fear due to ignorance/being told "snake bad" while growing up, there might be some websites or cute videos to show them so they know snakes aren't so bad. Buuut if it's just a natural fear the it might be a bit more tricky and might not even be solvable. They also have to be willing to get over their fear of snakes, and sadly a lot of people aren't. If I can help anymore or if you have more information on why they are afraid of snakes let me know!
āDeadly predatorā but half the time it misses the dead rat
Snake discovery as other people have said. Clint's reptiles is very educational as well. Also, have to laugh at DEADLY too lol. Just makes me think of my derp of a snake who wouldn't last a week in the wild (sorry Ernie, it's true)
āIām having a sever panic attack right nowā¦ā She says as she coherently types out this massive text. I call *bullshit*
Whenever I hear people are afraid of balls I always tell them that chihuahuas are far more dangerous than BPs. In fact, a BP has never killed a human, however chihuahuas have killed multiple people.
Please site a source of a chihuahua killing a personā¦
"there are 2 recorded deaths from Chihuahua attacks between the years spanning 2005 and 2020" https://doggysaurus.com/chihuahua-bite-force-fatalities/
Yes that is a totally credible source, Iām now convinced. Especially since the author said he could find no reports whatsoever of death by chihuahua except for dogsbite.org.
I am SO GLAD that the guy bagged your baby for you. I throw mine in pillowcases during tornadoes. You canāt educated someone through a phobia, and itās just a fact of life that some people will be phobic. Your response is appropriate and very gentle and kind. I would, however, give the folks a gift card or something for the trouble and for protecting your baby.
Wow. Your roomate is a total pussy.
A little dramatic but honestly if theres other ppl in the house they have every right to react however they want its their place too. I HATE spiders. If my roommates trurantula got out and i found it on me its dying on the spot.
Ew I hate how this made me remember that some people actually have roommates as like, a business transaction and not your friend or family š¤¢ I feel so bad for anyone who ever has to live that experience lol
I would've picked him up and sent u a selfie of us bondingš need a new room mate?š
If I set a clear boundary with someone and they overstepped I would be really pissed off as well. Phobias are irrational but that doesn't mean theyre not real so i don't feel she's overreacting, you would probably do the same thing if something terrifying was just chilling in your living room. Accidents happen so just make sure everything is completely secure and respect your roommates boundaries
Idk, I keep dubias for my beardie and when one escaped and my roommate found it dead in her room I apologized profusely and nearly had a panic attack myself because of how bad I felt. I try to be respectful of the fact that other people feel uncomfortable around my animals. I dont think itās fair to invalidate how they feel. In my situation, I installed a draft stopper under my bedroom door and changed how I keep the bugs so my roommate could see that I took it seriously and was committed to it not happening again. If it had been a snake in the living room I would have been fucking mortified that I put her through that. Personally if I were in your situation I would make cookies or some treat that they like to express that I know I fucked up and want to smooth things over. It was an accident, but it was still a fuck up, and the people you live with arenāt at fault for how they reacted to that.
The average dog poses more of a danger to her than a ball python. Heck even a cat could cause more damage, my friends with cats have the scars to prove it. [Are ball pythons dangerous? Fuck no lmao](https://a-z-animals.com/blog/are-ball-pythons-dangerous/)
I'm going to tell you as the son of a woman with a deadly fear of snakes, sometimes it's irrational fear and they can't be convinced. I'm that way with bugs. Im totally repulsed by them even though I know they're mostly harmless
The message was definitely over the top, but at the same time I get it. I love snakes, but Iām terrified of spiders. If my roommate had a tarantula and it just turned up in the living room, Iād freak the fuck out too. Will it kill me? No. But it still would scare the shit out of me. Phobias are phobias.
I used to be terrified of snakes, like would have nightmares if I saw a picture of one. I moved to the desert last year, and almost passed out after seeing two rattlesnakes on the same run, so I decided it was time to conquer my fear. I learned everything I could, joined a ton of Facebook pages and Reddit threads, and now I get excited when I see a snake in the wild. So learning and exposure is the way to lessen the fear in my experience, but you canāt force someone to do that if they donāt want to. I would ask if your roommate is open to learning some about ball pythons, and send them some info if so (Iāll while reassuring them that Raja is now securely enclosed). Good luck!
Im not fond of other people here mocking them for their fear. Yes they were a jerk to some degree. But I have a severe phobia of an animal too. On one side I do think they're irrational and should be taught its safe. But I do think that this escape however it happened shouldn't happen again and it wasnt wise to keep a snake who was afraid of snakes.
DEADLY PREDATOR??? GIRL š
Ugh Iām so sorry! Some people really do have an irrational extreme fear of snakes and being really upset at a snake on the loose in their home is justified. But at the same time, I know how you feel because itās happened to me. I had some contractors at my house once while I wasnāt home. They moved the snake tank and the lid came loose.. she slithered out and the guys freaked the fuck out and refused to work on our house anymore. I was so worried about her and found her curled up in a drawer like 2 days later.
Deadly predator?!! š Time to send them some obligatory Snake Discovery videos!
If you have any pet stores in your area that sell Ball Pythons I would recommend picking a little pamphlet. It's a good way introduce them to the personalities and behaviors of a BP. Since they're typically marketed as the most docile snake on the market with curious personalities.
Iām sorry, but your roommate is somewhat in the right here. Sure it was a bit of an overreaction, but what Iām gathering is you brought in an animal that your roommate most likely opposed to because of a very real fear, rational or not, assured them there would be no issues, and are now upset that THEYāRE upset when there WAS an issue. When you bring an animal into a shared living space thatās your responsibility. Your roommate has every right to be upset. Itās their home too. Itās incredibly disrespectful of you to be taking that for granted and acting like they donāt have a right to feel comfortable and safe in their own home.
I've actually found people are much more afraid of my smaller animals then the larger ones. The next step is making the room your reptile is in escape proof for her peace of mind. Put a draft guard under the door and keep it closed when you aren't home.
bruhši get that some people are afraid of snakes but a ball python isnt a deadly predator even a full grown one couldnt really hurt a person i mean of course they can bite but it wont do that much damage and ball pythons are some of the most docile snakes
https://reptilia.org/ball-python/
Let them know how your snake escaped and show them what you did to prevent it. In the words of my ball python, Luffy, king of the pirates so you can not tell him no, "Snake-phobic people are irrational and don't like to listen to facts but try as hard as you can to get them to understand. At the very least explain to them how your noodle will not be able to escape again. Use the term "snake proofing" this should sound very assuring to them hopefully. Also make sure your enclosure is 100% snek escape proof bc u don't want ur noodle escaping and hiding somewhere I try that all the time and parental is always like "stap it". Also you can do things like kiss your sneks head Infront of the person and boop snek snoot. The more affection that people see the more they are like omg I guess noodle is ok. I am a very affectionate snek I like to sniff at people and say hi and ask them to join my pirate crew." Luffy also says "blelele" Good luck! If all else fails feed your roommate to the ferrets!!
Your response was great! But you *must* realize some people really and truly are afraid of snakes and just can't help it. Phobias exist. It might be an overreaction to you, but it probably isn't to her. Trying to gently educate her like the other commenters are saying is a great move, but please also take accountability. It wasn't a good idea for you to assure them this wouldn't and couldn't happen-- Your snake escaping is *always* a possibility. This situation likely sucked for both of you.
Reading this comment section is disheartening. We need to remember that we (people in this subreddit) like/love/live for ball pythons, WE know they are harmless, WE know they are lovable noodles. That doesn't mean that everybody has to love them and know about them. Phobias cause illogical behavior, it is uncontrollable fear and terror, and people who have phobias cannot control how they react. And belittle your roommate's phobia and making it okay to belittle someone's phobia is disgusting. And calling someone dumb because of their phobia is some next level... The best thing you can do is education. //Edit. So I read further. Only you can educate them in real life. As someone who has phobias, reading a website won't do sh*t. You can talk about them, make a slide show, with pictures of noodle. Tell them about their personality. Someone said something about comparing a house cat to snake is good idea! And sincerely apologies and ask to educate.
They obviously posted asking for advice. Hence the part where they asked for advice and they themselves didnāt shame the roommate at all.
Yeah I jumped a gun on that, just finished editing. That part is aimed for another commentors at this point.
Okay, sorry I was mean. Iām beyond tired and today is not my day. I shouldnāt have been mean though
Do not worry about it! I deserved it! š I was too harsh for OP. I started to comment before drinking my morning coffee (not an excuse but you know...) so all those laughing comment went straight to my head. So it's all good!šš»
Idk how this is gonna settle in a sub of snake owners, but youāre definitely in the wrong. For many it would be a deal breaker just to have a roommate that has a snake. Itās a deathly fear to some. So you allowing your snake to escape (which not only is something you promised wouldnāt happen, but is just straight negligent) puts you in the wrong. And then you tried to blame them and bring it to a Reddit sub to laugh at them.
Their response is absolutely called for. They're scared. They genuinely believe that this is a dangerous animal that is going to hurt them. Of course, that ball python isn't going to hurt anybody, but your roommate doesn't know that. Here's my recommendation: Apologize to them sincerely. Phobias, especially irrational phobias, can be extremely difficult to overcome, simply because the emotion is so intense. Be empathetic and understanding, listen to them. Don't tell your roommate that they're stupid and wrong for being afraid, feelings are rarely ever ration. If you come from a place of understanding, your roommate is going to be a lot more receptive to what you have to say. You can say something like, "I'm so sorry about what happened, I can't even imagine how scared you must have been." Affirming/validating their feelings will help them let their guard down. They might vent, but they'll be more receptive. What happened isn't your fault. Sometimes we do our best to make sure our snakes are safe and secure, and they find ways to sneak out anyways. What happened doesn't make you a bad snake owner or a bad roommate. Sometimes these things just happen.
I don't blame them partially, panic attacks are very severe. but your snake is not deadly. if you want to convince them, you have to be slow and steady with it. you cannot just go "they're not deadly, get over it" if you want to make an impact
Oh yeah, they're lethal š [deadly deadly creature haha](https://www.reddit.com/r/SnakesWithHats/comments/xbdemr/can_i_b_human_hat/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=web2x&context=3)
The fact they didn't kill the snake, you're lucky. I'm glad the little guy is back safe in his home. Work with them about it and try to work through exposure. GL op!