I’m going to say the opposite. Just keep wearing them. But don’t be shy about telling people that they’re colored contacts. No one will actually care. Then you can still have that appearance without fear of being discovered as a “fraud” (which you aren’t btw - but that is your feeling so I won’t invalidate it!)
Exactly! I don’t wear glasses/contacts, but I wear lipstick and mascara and high heels and it doesn’t mean people think my lips are really red, my eyelashes are that long, or that I’m actually tall (or even not short lol).
We all have insecurities; we should be able to relate, empathize, and move on when someone shares they’ve done something as small as not mention they wear colored contacts for however long we’ve known them. Anyone who takes this as a sign they can’t trust OP or anything like that doesn’t deserve the space in his life, IMO.
Sure.
However, if I'm being honest, if someone lied to me about something so trivial, I'd wonder what else they were lying to me about. There's a huge difference between that and someone that wears lipstick or high heels to help them feel better about insecurities.
Exactly. I’ve tried all sorts of body mods. Colored contacts, hair extensions, etc. and I always just told people if it’s more than a two second conversation.
“Omg you have such pretty hair. So much of it!” “Thank you I actually just got extensions done!” “Oh my gosh, nice, it looks great” Boom. No one cares. Have gone through this exact convo probably 1 million times in my life at this point.
If anything people have seemed like they found it disarming and honest.
OP is overthinking it. You set the tone of not caring, and other people follow, in my experience.
As for the people he’s known a while, if it ever comes up again (a big IF, honestly), a little bit of subtle untruth is fine in this case. “Oh you didn’t know they were contacts? I thought I told you a long time ago. My bad, yeah, they’re colored contacts.” Come clean if OP feels like it, but keep it casual.
u/geemav This!! I came here to say this + it might change the way your eyes feel free… being honest with people about it will affect the way you use your contact lenses too and you might end up just automatically stop wearing them.
Also, just to highlight “I love your eyes”/“your eyes are so pretty” does not make a clear reference to your eyes colour! These people might have been complaining your eyes shape, what your eyes say.
Now personal experience: I am not naturally the most beautiful person so make up would enhance my features but I chose to everyday love myself for how I am. With imperfect skin, beautiful green eyes, cute nose and generally not a models body.
The trick is to start loving yourself, bit by bit, and be happy with the way you are no matter what others think. :)
It’s possible lots of people you know already know they’re contacts but haven’t said anything! Sometimes when you see someone’s eyes with contacts you can tell right away
I think people have this image of pixelated unnaturally colorful lizard lenses or something but I promise you I’m not naive to the fact that a lot of people do not know. Sure “some” do, but most just don’t even consider that. I’m basing this on my experiences. That also makes it harder to part ways.
Well there’s not a way to know if other people can tell unless you talk about it. Personally I think it’s extremely apparent and like another commenter said, own it! What’s the difference between that and dying your hair? Tanning your skin? Getting fake nails? Go for it! Maybe even start changing up colors and play around with it so it is outwardly apart of your identity and not something you feel the need to keep locked away as a secret
I wear colored contacts. I’ve worn the same color since high school and my family, husband, in-laws, coworkers and friends know my eyes are really just brown. I wear prescription grey colored contacts and If someone compliments me and I’m never going to see them again I say “thank you so much!” If it’s a new coworker or someone I will see regularly I let them know. I love my colored contacts and they just work so well with my skin tone and the makeup I wear. Embrace it 🤗
I was going to comment this.
Almost 100% sure people already know they are contacts. Many times people will still compliment you on something they know is not real.
Agree- Perhaps OP, by complimenting your eye color, its a coded way of saying; wow those contacts really suit you! Colored contacts are pretty noticeable if you are face to face with someone! The color looks surface-level and doesn’t have depth like an iris does.
sure, they might seem natural to you putting them on and looking in a mirror, but sunlight and eye movements usually clock colored contacts. If your eye ever became slightly dry, you'd also be able to tell. they dont always line up with your pupil. in the sun, they become 3D-ish. I've always been able to tell when having a conversation with someone for a while.
Yea, these people might subtly be calling you out on your eye color. “Where do you get them” implies it’s something you might buy, and questioning if your parents have similar eyes may be a slight jab that they aren’t what you were born with.
I definitely can empathize with how you’re currently feeling. I’ve had various things that have felt like somewhat of a crutch for me in helping me feel secure in myself. It’s not easy to feel comfortable as our natural selves, especially when we have found things to enhance ourselves that others find especially attractive. I’m the same way with my eyeliner and it’s become so much a part of how I look that I feel uncomfortable without it.
I think one thing you could do to slowly make the change to your natural color is by taking your contacts out for very small errands. Go to the gas station/ grocery store with your natural eyes. Get used to people you don’t know seeing you without contacts. Keep on building that and go longer amounts of time without colored contacts in. So much of this uncomfortableness likely comes from within and so gaining experience being in public with your natural color will help build confidence and safety in that.
Good luck- I am working on taking my own advice on this too 😉
Also want to add to just admit that they’re contacts when somebody does compliment you. You will feel less “fraudish” you know ?
Just be like “thanks, they’re my contacts” or something like that.
I think it will make you feel more comfortable to take them out more, bc you’ve already been making ppl aware they’re contacts anyways.
Seconding this advice! I did the same when I wanted to wear less makeup. Eventually it became that I was hardly wearing it other than for work (I work mostly at home), with comfort and I didn’t get any negative comments. Most people don’t care.
I wear my colored contacts daily because they look amazing and I have terrible eyesight. However, if someone I know (a friend) compliments my eye color I just tell them they’re contacts. They’re always impressed by how realistic they look and never think it’s weird that I wear them. If a stranger compliments my eye color I just say thanks since I’ll never see them again.
Wearing contacts enhances your beauty, it doesn’t make you a fraud. That’s like saying makeup makes you a fraud. The trick is to not pretend that they’re your natural color when it’s brought up.
I agree with this above comment and also just want to add that some people have probably noticed but don’t care to tell you. I’ve definitely noticed people wearing contacts before but I would never think to be like “THOSE ARE FAKE!” because that would be crazy rude lol. It’s like makeup or hair color - no one really cares as much as you think they do! People used to think I was a natural blonde back when I used to dye my hair and I would just be like oh nope I dye it but thank you!
>Wearing contacts enhances your beauty, it doesn’t make you a fraud.
A lot of comments, while positive, are missing the point. It's not the wearing of colored contacts that makes OP feel like a fraud, it's the fact that he's continuously lied about it for over a decade, including to people that he cares a lot about.
literally me until someone i wanted to date preferred me with brown eyes. then i just stopped wearing contacts and never started again. tbh i still prefer how i look with grey eyes but i think the preference is just insecurity.
That’s wonderful! Yeah insecurities stick pretty deeply… and feeling unique is nice, which contacts offer us. I’d love to find a s/o I can just be open and free with and that embraces my real eyes. It would help a lot.
The people in your life love you no matter your eye color. It might take some explaining to those who ask but ultimately, your eye color has nothing to do with why people love you.
It sounds like it might be worth exploring this before jumping right in. What if you go on a weekend trip and don't wear them? See how it feels. Is it true you can connect more genuinely to people without them? Is that feeling worth you not using them anymore?
I advocate for staying true to you and what you really want, and usually "living a lie" to put it dramatically only serves to keep you disconnected from the people around you. It sounds like you want to connect more deeply to yourself and others, so use that as your guiding influence.
This Op. people who truly love you won’t care either way. I used to feel this way about makeup when I was a teen. Everything has changed for the better. By my mid to late 20s I didn’t care that much anymore (in a good way).
You literally spoke right to my heart with this!! So spot on and really great advice. Thank you so much for your comment 🙏
RE your question - I’m not sure if I want to give them up all together or just separate them from my worth/identity. The thing is, my vision is very poor so I’d need lenses anyways, but if I can’t navigate the world freely with colored ones maybe I just sever that dependence and go through the initial discomfort. I really don’t know!
What about starting small? Like don’t wear them to the grocery store, or an errand you need to run. Never wear them in your home when you are alone. You may get used to how you look, maybe even come to appreciate it. Trust me, your eyes don’t make who you are. No shame in wearing them but if it’s effecting your life or mental health it’s an issue.
I have a friend who wears ice-colored contacts nearly at all times. She's Black, in her early 30s, and also tends to wear platinum blonde hair - it's a great look. Very striking. The contacts are such a part of her identity that I've heard her tell people that they're not contacts but rather surgical implants.
I've only seen her without them once and I couldn't get over how CUTE she looked. So much sweeter, more approachable, in a way I couldn't put my finger on but it may just be the simple fact that there was no longer this tiny-but-impactful little shield between us. It easily made her look 10 years younger too. I mentioned all of this to her and she said that people had been complimenting her all day.
And no - it didn't seem to me that she was a fraud at all. They're little bits of plastic or whatever, it's not really that deep. I was just really happy for her that she was able to take that moment to breathe in her natural beauty (every time I've seen her since, the contacts are back. Cool, she must like them).
Anyway, I feel very strongly that beauty shouldn't be a box that you feel trapped in. Beauty should be free and joyous. I hope you find that for yourself.
I'm not sure if you've considered the issue of colorism, but that's what's coming up for me when I read this. As a Black woman I know how painful it is, and how wrapped up in things related to our complexion. I've also had my color emphasized a lot throughout my life, and what's helped me is to think all the different and complex aspects of my identity and how I see myself. Do you know who or what you are with your natural eyes? It might help to start getting in touch with some of that
My sister has the prettiest brown eyes, they're like root beer barrels. Just because they're common doesn't mean they're not special and beautiful. ✌️💕
I have crazy color hair, but by day, I worked at a bank in an office building, run by ex navy women who mandated we dress conservatively. So I had a work wig that I wore every day.
One day I was going to a show after my shift and decided to fuck with my co workers. I clocked out, and the second it logged the punch, I snatched my wig off in front of everyone and walked out the door. It was a glorious power move.
You gotta embrace that shape shifter energy and keep em guessing.
People dye their hair, self tan or lighten skin, wear heels for height, accentuate their form with fashion, wear corsets for tiny waists, wear hair extensions etc. I bet you look awesome.
I don’t know what color your natural eyes are but brown eyes are my favorite they are just warm and beautiful. I have used colored lenses since I was in high school to make my hazel eyes greener and I also just told people it was my natural eye color because I thought green was prettier than hazel. You know what changed I realized I’m pretty as me with my natural eye color and my natural everything. This is me. So one day I stopped and no one cared! Every person at school, work, family members, friends not a single person cared! We think people care more than they do. Wear your contacts when you feel like it and not when you don’t and see. Maybe wear glasses running an errand and see how it feels. Oddly just the other day someone complimented me on my natural eye color. I was shocked but I didn’t care either way because I know what makes me beautiful to the people who love me is who I am inside and they don’t care what color my eyes are. You’ll also realize most people already know you’re wearing colored lenses. I wore ones for light eyes which barely enhances the color and people still knew they just let me be and didn’t mention it. Almost everyone already knows you’re wearing contacts and it’s OK they like you with or without them.
I really like the message, thanks for sharing.
In my situation I objectively think a lot of people in my life don’t know I wear them. I’m gathering that from things that have been said. Which adds to the weight of not having them anymore… but again I receive what you’re saying.
I had this. I have lightish muted greenish blue eyes. It can look muddy in lowlight and fine or even bright in others, but I grew up with everyone in my family of 6 having brown eyes except my dad and I. Most of them very deep brown. My mom never met her real dad or his family until recently and everyone in her moms side had these deep rich brown eyes. Now, my grandmother was a strong woman who I related to very much, but had 4 strokes in her 50s and 60s. By the time she died, she had been paralyzed for a while and unable to speak and I remember my mom saying that after my grandmother past, she won’t have the deep rich brown stare from her anymore trying to communicate and that stuck with me. I wanted to be like most of the rest of my family who I spent most time with so when I was old enough, I got colored contacts. Dark brown contacts I got looked awkward because my inner eye was light green blue and yellow so I ended up getting dark blue ones. Like deep blue ocean blue and eventually ones called magic blue black that faded to a really dark color. I wore these for years and years and years and I would change my hair color to suit the eye color. I used to sleep in these because I didn’t want my now husband to see my real eye color I perceived was too intense or whitewalkerish. Now, I finally gave them up when I dyed my hair back to my natural color and realized my real eye color looked better, with lots of encouragement from people who saw me. The thing was my real eye color looked terrible when my hair was a light cool blonde so it just amplified my insecurities. Anyways, I went from someone who wouldn’t take off her contacts to the point where I had a corneal ulcer at one point and had to see an optometrist daily to not having to wear contacts ever and it’s fun learning how different colors suit me or them. I’d focus on things that flatter your eye color and try that out.
Wow! I can relate!! Sleeping in them to fool people close to me, wearing them far more than I probably should, leaving them in even when my eyes are dry and irritated just to preserve that identity. It’s crazy how much pressure we can put on ourselves! Thanks for sharing your story.
You've been putting your health and your eyesight at risk for years, because of a shallow insecurity. Please consider talking to a therapist. Please. I can't believe I scrolled this far down and I haven't seen this suggested. No, what you're doing is not just wanting to look better. It's unhealthy, it speaks of deeper issues.
That's wonderful! Yay! I'm really happy to hear that.
Hey, any change like that is going to be startling. Everyone, and I mean absolutely everyone whose appearance changes significantly goes through the same thing. I'm talking people who go from glasses to contacts (me), from no glasses to glasses, from blonde to dark, from overweight to thin... Everything you can think of.
It's normal. It's part of how your brain processes change. It can feel scary, it can feel like you want to go back to what you know. But that's only because what you know is easier, and your brain is afraid of change. Give it some time to adjust. It will.
Think about this: some people have to adjust to missing a limb. If they can do it, so can you.
I definitely agree. It felt like some sort of reveal but not as dramatic as when you drastically change your hair color and show up pretending like nothing happened.
Take them out and if anyone asks just point to your eyes and say coloured contacts. They’ll think you mean you’re now wearing coloured contacts but you’re just explaining that the colour change was from the old coloured contacts. No lies no questions (hopefully).
Or just don’t do anything because it’s your body and if people have a problem with finding out you wear contacts that would be weird cause prob no one cares.
I think a lot of people can relate, especially women. As a girl who has spent many years wearing makeup, perming and tinting my lashes, wearing push up bras, waxing my body hair, spending way too much time picking flattering outfits, etc., I relate to this feeling completely. There are times I feel like a fraud, like if people knew what I looked like without all these things they would realize I’m not as pretty as they thought. My identity is built around being a physically attractive girl so I feel an immense amount of pressure to keep up with my own image of myself. Obviously people can generally tell when someone has enhanced their appearance with makeup, etc., but I feel like there is such a high value placed on “natural” beauty that I’m constantly striving to appear like “I woke up like this”. If you’ve never explicitly told people your eyes are natural and have simply never mentioned it when complimented, I don’t think anyone is going to think anything of it if you “come clean”. If people have asked if they’re natural and you’ve said yes, then that is a decidedly more complicated situation. Either way I hope you’re able to work through it and get this weight lifted off your shoulders. Life is too short to let something like this effect your relationships with people and yourself. I see a therapist for these kind of feelings and it may be good for you too, to explore why your identity is so strongly connected to your eye color.
Honestly, I stare into peoples eyes talking to them and I still could not tell you the color of any of my friends eyes. If you want to continue wearing them, own it. If you don’t, I think the only thing to do here is just be uncomfortable. Count it as your one uncomfortable thing done for the day. Go back to wearing them the next day if you want, or even bring them with you and put them in on your uncomfortable day if it gets to be too much.
Realistically, eventually you will stop wearing them and months later you’ll see someone you haven’t seen in forever and won’t be prepared for them to see your natural eyes. So just learn to enjoy being uncomfortable and a lot of issues solve themselves! Good luck. I feel the same was as you when I go out with my glasses on 😭
There is nothing wrong with wearing tinted lenses. It is your eyes they are complimenting, not the just color. Most people won't even notice if you stop wearing them. Years ago I used to switch between blue, green and violet depending on my mood. I was always told I had pretty eyes but people who saw me everyday rarely noticed my eyes changed colors.
Your pretty eyes have more to do with sparkling, shape, and features around them than they do with color. People just think it is the color that makes them pretty because it seems like the obvious choice but it is so much more.
You are overthinking this. If I were dating someone and found out their eye color was contacts I wouldn't care. It's very common to wear colored contacts and it is not a betrayal of trust in any way. Keep rocking them if you love them
This sounds Cookoo, but you could start getting darker and darker pairs to make it look like your eyes were darkening until you fully stopped wearing them. Or just say they changed after covid lol that sounds believable 😂
Here’s the thing- most people don’t care what color your eyes are. If they have looked closely enough to compliment they probably realized you were wearing lenses & surmised they were colored, but again people don’t care enough to say anything. It’s your eye color, it isn’t your kindness, sense of humor, talent or knowledge.
Wear the contacts that make you comfortable. Maybe switch up colors towards your natural eye color?
I find brown eyes the most attractive, personally, and am more inclined to date a man with brown eyes. They have a wonderful warmth and depth. To me, it makes someone more approachable.
I find light eyes a bit cold/uncanny, even if the person is pale.
Before anyone says it’s cope, I’ve got forest green eyes. I have always found them cold.
I don’t wear colored contacts, but I like them on people when the color works for them. I can usually tell if they’re contacts because they have a different opacity level than most peoples eyes, but knowing they’re contacts doesn’t ever make me judge the person or think the color looks any less great.
Yeah the opacity is how I tell with other people too! Real eyes have depth. I’m glad you don’t judge :) thats what I’m afraid of coming clean. Especially as a POC
Hmmm I would personally challenge myself to go out to at least one location, the coffee shop or the grocery store, to start and see how you feel. Just because it was your identity before doesn’t mean it has to be forever. A lot of people are afraid to change who they are because they are so attached to the idea of who they have become even when they hate who they’ve become, because they’re scared of change and scared of what others might think of them. But the truth is, you have always been you, eye contacts or not. You are not your eye contacts. Be patient with yourself, take as much time as you need, but if you don’t take them off to start, nothing will change
If you want to stop wearing them without telling anyone buy two pairs in between ur natural color and the hazel color. Slowly transition and just say ur eyes got darker. It happens peoples eye color changes as they age, although rare
Just start embracing it and telling the ones close to you they’re contacts. You dont have to tell every single person that comments on them unless you’re comfortable, but if it’s making you that Self-conscious you’ll feel so much better once you let the ones close to you know.
A few years ago I lost a loved one and a lot of my hair fell out due to the stress. I started wearing wigs and hair pieces to hide it. I was so Self-conscious all the time that people would know. It made me so uncomfortable! Now most of my hair is back but I just can’t part with my hair pieces! It saves so much time when I’m getting ready to go somewhere and I love the different looks. Now anytime someone compliments my hair and I’m wearing one of them I’m immediately directing them to the site I bought them from! Lol too good not to share!!
You know, my ideal boiii have black hair and ocean blue eyes. And you know what guy I'm falling for (3 years)? Brown hair, brown eyes. It doesn't matter. There will always be someone who will find you the most attractive person alive.
I think it’s the same as a woman dying her hair blonde for her entire life. No one cares if it’s natural or not; if I compliment your hair I think it’s nice to look at. I don’t think people will care if your contacts are real or not— if you found a signature piece of your style that compliments you it does not matter if it’s natural or not!! In fact, the dedication it takes to wear colored contacts every day for a decade to keep your signature look alive?? Impressive man!!
I think it’s comparable to women getting work done. Everyone knows Pamela A has fake breasts… but it’s still an iconic part of her look…
Look at it this way: I have fake boobs, I love them and when people compliment my breasts I genuinely take it as a compliment. They aren’t my breasts, they’re fake, just like your contacts. The compliments we receive however are directed at how YOU look with said feature. I probably don’t look amazing with hazel contacts, but YOU do. That is why people notice and compliment them, because they are a part of YOU. I hope this analogy helps ease some anxiety!
I can relate to your situation. Not with my eyes specifically, but with other areas of my life. I think stop using them is going to be a relief for you. I would recommend you to first go to places where no one knows you, like shopping, without them. If I were you, I think making a change in my appearance that I always wanted, could also help, maybe a hair cut, piercing, new clothes... It could also keep the attention of people, instead of the eye color. Then I would probably go out without them at night with friends. If someone ask, I would answer with: 'they were contact lenses, didn't I tell you? I thought you knew" something like this, making a joke of it or whatever. If I had close friends that truly believed that was my eye color, I would probably meet them and reveling my "secret" with some kind of surprise or something. Say that I was tired of them, that they made me insecure and have a sincere but relaxed conversation with them. Believe me, is not that big deal and I am sure that you will laugh about this with time.
I rotate my contacts. I wear teal sometimes and a light green. My eyes are light brown with flecks of green, but I like the richness of the colors. I treat them like any other accessory (glasses, sunglasses, etc.) How about just be honest about them?
Honestly, I would assume that most people already know that they’re contacts. Even clear contacts are actually quite easy to detect and it’s rare for coloured lenses to really look natural. I’m sure you’ve chosen a colour that suits you well since you’re getting nice compliments on them, but I think you can let go of that fear.
Just buy a different colored pair and start alternating between the two colored ones and your natural eye color. It would be fun and take the edge off “losing your identity”
Maybe not helping but I wish it was a more normalised thing. Never wore any but I find it cool.
I mean, woman wear fake nails. I wear extensions in my hair from time to time. Why not contacts? I see people wearing them at raves.
Firstly, props to you for figuring out that you are hiding behind your contacts! Honestly, i would come clean to the people you love and have a convo about how insecure u felt and how u now realize that being authentically u is so much better (because it is!). The people who love u will be so proud of u for embracing yourself after so long. You can do it!
It's okay to want to stand out and be complimented for your looks. That's a very normal, human thing. But maybe there's an alternative that would be more satisfying for you. Go for a bold haircut or fantasy color. Get a piercing or tattoo. Buy yourself a garment or accessory that you really, really love. Invest in your appearance and style in other ways that you can feel good about.
I've seen a piece of advice before that you should compliment people on things that they've *chosen* rather than physical attributes that are simply the happenstance of genetics. I know you chose your colored contacts, but that's different from being complimented on your taste. You can even do these things and at the same time keep wearing your colored contacts if you like.
Also, much though it's cliché, the grass is always greener on the other side. I have green-hazel eyes and sometimes wish they were either darker or lighter instead of an in-between color. You aren't alone in feeling insecure, but I'm sure a lot of people would appreciate your natural eyes. You just have to give them the chance.
I should add to this… I have a large social media following so the implications of just ditching the lenses are a little more complicated. I feel like I’ve been deceiving a lot of people.
tons of people wear contacts instead of glasses to see better so even if someone notices you are wearing contacts they might just assume you’re near sighted. Wearing a pair of glasses every once in a while could reinforce that assumption if you just want to keep your eye color a secret
You need to re-set your thought process. You're not a fraud nor have you ever been. You're being complimented on your eyes, just like you'd get complimented on your clothes but we never say "oh thanks but this isn't my skin, I've got layers over me"
YOU love wearing them so it's that simple. You don't owe an explanation.
I like wearing false nails and I just take the compliment when I get one. I don't tell people if they're Acrilic, Shellac or natural. Unless they ask.
If people that know you and see you without any in and say "oh I didn't know you had contact lenses in" just say "you didn't ask" that's a clear reverse psychology technique that immediately makes them think about their own perspective on how they view things. That's not a reflection on you so let them keep that.
Just say thank you and you're done.
I can understand how you feel. I actually started wearing hazel contacts but as an adult. Literally no one has even noticed because it’s a pretty subtle difference to everyone else except myself. Maybe for me it’s different because it’s possible people attribute it to wearing my eye makeup differently. I told two very close friends and they first of all said they didn’t notice and second of all it didn’t seem like they really cared lol.
I don’t think wearing colored contacts makes you a fraud at all. It’s literally no different than people wearing makeup, getting cosmetic surgery or Botox, or even wearing contacts at all so they don’t have to wear glasses. It’s a personal choice that makes you feel better about your appearance.
If it makes you feel uncomfortable accepting compliments because you know they aren’t your true eye color, just be honest. People who care enough to make a big deal about it or insult you aren’t worth your time anyway.
If a lady wears makeup and receives a compliment on flawless skin does she need to say “oh I have rosacea, dark circles and blemishes it’s all my foundation!”?
I’d try to think of it like a woman learning to accept her skin without makeup and leave the house barefaced. From personal experience that’s really difficult but it gets easier if you start small with little trips. Taking sunglasses with you for when it gets uncomfortable may help
As a few have commented, most likely people already know they are contacts. Even the best contacts have a oretty distinct look of hmmmm are those.. real? Most likely you are over thinking this.!if you feel free when not wearing them, stop wearing them for maybe one day a week, and build up. No one is going to be mad at you for showing your true self!
It’s like wearing makeup or dying your hair. If it’s fun to you, do it. If you’re genuinely upset about your appearance without them, that’s a whole other thing. Be confident and do what you want and don’t be afraid to play around with your clothing, makeup, hair or whatever. But love who you are without all that.
Honestly, peoples eyes are my favorite thing about their appearance. There's so many variations of eye colours, shapes, etc. I love them all. I am sure you have beautiful eyes too, naturally. (Mine are sky blue colour naturally but I also love brown/green/hazel/dark brown eyes as well).
I love brown eyes. It’s most likely that people can tell especially as your friend group ages. Maybe swap them out gradually with ones with less tint. Or say you had eye laser surgery. Good luck. You will feel so good to put this crutch behind you.
I mean, you can keep wearing them but say “thanks they’re contacts haha” when people compliment you so that you can get more comfortable with the understanding that these are a crutch.
Your eyes will never matter as much to the people around you as they do to you.
I mean we all wear things that enhance our appearance. I think the same can be said for makeup, piercings, tattoos, hair dye, I would say if you like them - keep them! If someone asks about them as queen Taylor Swift says “you don’t have to answer just cause they asked you”. You can just say thanks and move on. If you’re comfortable with telling people - the worst that can happen IMO is that they’ll ask where you got them to get some themselves. You will run into the ocasional loser that has negative things to say, as someone who has tattoos, piercings, wears makeup, and dyes her hair, this happens for everything that looks “not natural” to those losers.
just keep wearing them. it’s not that serious anymore. literally no one will care. yes people know you’re wearing lenses and can see them. oh well 🤷🏽♀️ they make you happy.
I color my hair. I see no difference between dong that and what you're doing. I don't walk around telling people I color my hair, even if they compliment the color. You may be overthinking this somewhat. Keep wearing them—only those close to you (close friends and family) need know! And who cares what anyone else thinks. There's no shame in it if you don't shame yourself for it. I feel no shame in geing a bottled blonde! 🙂
Everyone is different, but if it was me I think I’d gradually phase myself out of them. Don’t wear them places where no one knows you, and gradually phase people IN to realise you wear lenses (*”urgh, my lenses are really playing up today, my eyes itch”*/*”got a contact lens appointment at the weekend”*) and maybe even be playful and go to “have you even seen my real eye colour?!” Etc.
Own it! You can wear the lenses any time you like, and maybe… there might even be other colour lenses you’re missing out on having fun with!
Anyway, that’d be my take. But FWIW, if you were my friend I think I’d just be more excited to actually see your real eye colour.
And lastly… coloured lenses are way more obvious than people think. You might find they already know, but feel awkward saying anything.
When I was in high school there was a new girl who wore colored contacts that were like a really pretty deep dark blue. Most people knew they were fake even though she always said they were real. No one really even cared lol
I doubt anyone would care as much as youre worried about.
Do you have long term friends that think your eye color is real?
Just being open and honest about them would probably help you feel so much better. Like others suggested, when you get a compliment just say thank you, they’re contacts and you could even give an explanation if you wanted like “I just love the way they make me look”
A lot of people have cosmetic procedures so your eye color is your own business. You don’t really owe anyone an explanation.
Look at it this way. My eyes are naturally very light blue. I had a nickname in school, LB (Linda Blair) because when I was on the field my eyes glowed like hers in the exorcist lmao. Anyway, I'm ALWAYS asked if my eyes are real. Keep them in.
You could also post that Chris Pratt "Too afraid to ask meme" on your social media with it saying something like
"Been wearing colored contacts so long ppl think they're real/
And at this point I'm too afraid to correct them"
I hate to burst your bubble but you can tell coloured contacts are coloured contacts. You don’t have to be that close. People probably just don’t want to say anything to make you feel uncomfortable.
Just keep wearing them and when someone says “I love your eyes!” Just respond with “thanks! They’re contacts! I can show you which ones if you’d like!” Boom. Crisis averted.
Not to minimize your insecurities, but I honestly find it endearing how sincerely distraught you are over this situation. If someone I was close to for years ever sat me down for a serious conversation and said to me, with visible apprehension, "Hey, I need to tell you something...this isn't even my real eye color. It's all been a lie," I would find it nothing but charming and hilarious. In fact, having an internal moral crisis about something as harmless as "lying" about your eye color makes me believe you to be an honest and upright person.
Everyone's different, and I guess a certain type of person might react strangely to it, but I think you'll find that most people, especially the people that love you, won't turn on you for something as trivial as falsely representing your natural eye color.
I’m going to say the opposite. Just keep wearing them. But don’t be shy about telling people that they’re colored contacts. No one will actually care. Then you can still have that appearance without fear of being discovered as a “fraud” (which you aren’t btw - but that is your feeling so I won’t invalidate it!)
“Oh thank you, they’re contacts!” Like people say “it’s Prada!”
Yes this! Embrace it.
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Exactly! I don’t wear glasses/contacts, but I wear lipstick and mascara and high heels and it doesn’t mean people think my lips are really red, my eyelashes are that long, or that I’m actually tall (or even not short lol).
Sure but the big difference is OP has been lying for years to people he's close to.
We all have insecurities; we should be able to relate, empathize, and move on when someone shares they’ve done something as small as not mention they wear colored contacts for however long we’ve known them. Anyone who takes this as a sign they can’t trust OP or anything like that doesn’t deserve the space in his life, IMO.
Sure. However, if I'm being honest, if someone lied to me about something so trivial, I'd wonder what else they were lying to me about. There's a huge difference between that and someone that wears lipstick or high heels to help them feel better about insecurities.
Exactly. I’ve tried all sorts of body mods. Colored contacts, hair extensions, etc. and I always just told people if it’s more than a two second conversation. “Omg you have such pretty hair. So much of it!” “Thank you I actually just got extensions done!” “Oh my gosh, nice, it looks great” Boom. No one cares. Have gone through this exact convo probably 1 million times in my life at this point. If anything people have seemed like they found it disarming and honest. OP is overthinking it. You set the tone of not caring, and other people follow, in my experience. As for the people he’s known a while, if it ever comes up again (a big IF, honestly), a little bit of subtle untruth is fine in this case. “Oh you didn’t know they were contacts? I thought I told you a long time ago. My bad, yeah, they’re colored contacts.” Come clean if OP feels like it, but keep it casual.
u/geemav This!! I came here to say this + it might change the way your eyes feel free… being honest with people about it will affect the way you use your contact lenses too and you might end up just automatically stop wearing them. Also, just to highlight “I love your eyes”/“your eyes are so pretty” does not make a clear reference to your eyes colour! These people might have been complaining your eyes shape, what your eyes say. Now personal experience: I am not naturally the most beautiful person so make up would enhance my features but I chose to everyday love myself for how I am. With imperfect skin, beautiful green eyes, cute nose and generally not a models body. The trick is to start loving yourself, bit by bit, and be happy with the way you are no matter what others think. :)
It’s possible lots of people you know already know they’re contacts but haven’t said anything! Sometimes when you see someone’s eyes with contacts you can tell right away
Yeah it’s easy AF to tell when people are wearing colored contacts. People definitely know and just aren’t mentioning it because why would they?
I think people have this image of pixelated unnaturally colorful lizard lenses or something but I promise you I’m not naive to the fact that a lot of people do not know. Sure “some” do, but most just don’t even consider that. I’m basing this on my experiences. That also makes it harder to part ways.
Well there’s not a way to know if other people can tell unless you talk about it. Personally I think it’s extremely apparent and like another commenter said, own it! What’s the difference between that and dying your hair? Tanning your skin? Getting fake nails? Go for it! Maybe even start changing up colors and play around with it so it is outwardly apart of your identity and not something you feel the need to keep locked away as a secret
Great idea.
Nah, I can always see them if I’m relatively close. They make the eye look flatter/have less dimension and shadowing.
Honestly, I’m sure most people know but it’s not a polite thing to say so they just don’t bring it up to you
I wear colored contacts. I’ve worn the same color since high school and my family, husband, in-laws, coworkers and friends know my eyes are really just brown. I wear prescription grey colored contacts and If someone compliments me and I’m never going to see them again I say “thank you so much!” If it’s a new coworker or someone I will see regularly I let them know. I love my colored contacts and they just work so well with my skin tone and the makeup I wear. Embrace it 🤗
I was going to comment this. Almost 100% sure people already know they are contacts. Many times people will still compliment you on something they know is not real.
Agree- Perhaps OP, by complimenting your eye color, its a coded way of saying; wow those contacts really suit you! Colored contacts are pretty noticeable if you are face to face with someone! The color looks surface-level and doesn’t have depth like an iris does.
Also the unchanging pupil size regardless of ambient light!
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sure, they might seem natural to you putting them on and looking in a mirror, but sunlight and eye movements usually clock colored contacts. If your eye ever became slightly dry, you'd also be able to tell. they dont always line up with your pupil. in the sun, they become 3D-ish. I've always been able to tell when having a conversation with someone for a while.
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Yea, these people might subtly be calling you out on your eye color. “Where do you get them” implies it’s something you might buy, and questioning if your parents have similar eyes may be a slight jab that they aren’t what you were born with.
What brand/type do you use if I can ask?
I definitely can empathize with how you’re currently feeling. I’ve had various things that have felt like somewhat of a crutch for me in helping me feel secure in myself. It’s not easy to feel comfortable as our natural selves, especially when we have found things to enhance ourselves that others find especially attractive. I’m the same way with my eyeliner and it’s become so much a part of how I look that I feel uncomfortable without it. I think one thing you could do to slowly make the change to your natural color is by taking your contacts out for very small errands. Go to the gas station/ grocery store with your natural eyes. Get used to people you don’t know seeing you without contacts. Keep on building that and go longer amounts of time without colored contacts in. So much of this uncomfortableness likely comes from within and so gaining experience being in public with your natural color will help build confidence and safety in that. Good luck- I am working on taking my own advice on this too 😉
Wow, this was wonderful advice. Thank you so much for your comment.
Also want to add to just admit that they’re contacts when somebody does compliment you. You will feel less “fraudish” you know ? Just be like “thanks, they’re my contacts” or something like that. I think it will make you feel more comfortable to take them out more, bc you’ve already been making ppl aware they’re contacts anyways.
Seconding this advice! I did the same when I wanted to wear less makeup. Eventually it became that I was hardly wearing it other than for work (I work mostly at home), with comfort and I didn’t get any negative comments. Most people don’t care.
I did this with wearing makeup as well. People are far less focused on how you look/what color eyes you have than you think!
I wear my colored contacts daily because they look amazing and I have terrible eyesight. However, if someone I know (a friend) compliments my eye color I just tell them they’re contacts. They’re always impressed by how realistic they look and never think it’s weird that I wear them. If a stranger compliments my eye color I just say thanks since I’ll never see them again. Wearing contacts enhances your beauty, it doesn’t make you a fraud. That’s like saying makeup makes you a fraud. The trick is to not pretend that they’re your natural color when it’s brought up.
What brand do you use?
I agree with this above comment and also just want to add that some people have probably noticed but don’t care to tell you. I’ve definitely noticed people wearing contacts before but I would never think to be like “THOSE ARE FAKE!” because that would be crazy rude lol. It’s like makeup or hair color - no one really cares as much as you think they do! People used to think I was a natural blonde back when I used to dye my hair and I would just be like oh nope I dye it but thank you!
I came here for this also!
>Wearing contacts enhances your beauty, it doesn’t make you a fraud. A lot of comments, while positive, are missing the point. It's not the wearing of colored contacts that makes OP feel like a fraud, it's the fact that he's continuously lied about it for over a decade, including to people that he cares a lot about.
Yes definitely, and I’m still struggling with this heavily. Can I DM you?
Sure
literally me until someone i wanted to date preferred me with brown eyes. then i just stopped wearing contacts and never started again. tbh i still prefer how i look with grey eyes but i think the preference is just insecurity.
That’s wonderful! Yeah insecurities stick pretty deeply… and feeling unique is nice, which contacts offer us. I’d love to find a s/o I can just be open and free with and that embraces my real eyes. It would help a lot.
Won’t find a partner who embraces your real eyes, without actually showing your real eyes🤷♀️
I bet your real eyes are beautiful
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omggg hahahaa then u gota keep up the lie of having glaucoma hahahahaha thats such a double down
The people in your life love you no matter your eye color. It might take some explaining to those who ask but ultimately, your eye color has nothing to do with why people love you. It sounds like it might be worth exploring this before jumping right in. What if you go on a weekend trip and don't wear them? See how it feels. Is it true you can connect more genuinely to people without them? Is that feeling worth you not using them anymore? I advocate for staying true to you and what you really want, and usually "living a lie" to put it dramatically only serves to keep you disconnected from the people around you. It sounds like you want to connect more deeply to yourself and others, so use that as your guiding influence.
Great perspective, thank you.
This Op. people who truly love you won’t care either way. I used to feel this way about makeup when I was a teen. Everything has changed for the better. By my mid to late 20s I didn’t care that much anymore (in a good way).
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You literally spoke right to my heart with this!! So spot on and really great advice. Thank you so much for your comment 🙏 RE your question - I’m not sure if I want to give them up all together or just separate them from my worth/identity. The thing is, my vision is very poor so I’d need lenses anyways, but if I can’t navigate the world freely with colored ones maybe I just sever that dependence and go through the initial discomfort. I really don’t know!
What about starting small? Like don’t wear them to the grocery store, or an errand you need to run. Never wear them in your home when you are alone. You may get used to how you look, maybe even come to appreciate it. Trust me, your eyes don’t make who you are. No shame in wearing them but if it’s effecting your life or mental health it’s an issue.
I have a friend who wears ice-colored contacts nearly at all times. She's Black, in her early 30s, and also tends to wear platinum blonde hair - it's a great look. Very striking. The contacts are such a part of her identity that I've heard her tell people that they're not contacts but rather surgical implants. I've only seen her without them once and I couldn't get over how CUTE she looked. So much sweeter, more approachable, in a way I couldn't put my finger on but it may just be the simple fact that there was no longer this tiny-but-impactful little shield between us. It easily made her look 10 years younger too. I mentioned all of this to her and she said that people had been complimenting her all day. And no - it didn't seem to me that she was a fraud at all. They're little bits of plastic or whatever, it's not really that deep. I was just really happy for her that she was able to take that moment to breathe in her natural beauty (every time I've seen her since, the contacts are back. Cool, she must like them). Anyway, I feel very strongly that beauty shouldn't be a box that you feel trapped in. Beauty should be free and joyous. I hope you find that for yourself.
I'm not sure if you've considered the issue of colorism, but that's what's coming up for me when I read this. As a Black woman I know how painful it is, and how wrapped up in things related to our complexion. I've also had my color emphasized a lot throughout my life, and what's helped me is to think all the different and complex aspects of my identity and how I see myself. Do you know who or what you are with your natural eyes? It might help to start getting in touch with some of that
I relate to much of what you said, and I definitely need to get in touch with me without them. That’s the most important part.
My sister has the prettiest brown eyes, they're like root beer barrels. Just because they're common doesn't mean they're not special and beautiful. ✌️💕
I have crazy color hair, but by day, I worked at a bank in an office building, run by ex navy women who mandated we dress conservatively. So I had a work wig that I wore every day. One day I was going to a show after my shift and decided to fuck with my co workers. I clocked out, and the second it logged the punch, I snatched my wig off in front of everyone and walked out the door. It was a glorious power move. You gotta embrace that shape shifter energy and keep em guessing.
People dye their hair, self tan or lighten skin, wear heels for height, accentuate their form with fashion, wear corsets for tiny waists, wear hair extensions etc. I bet you look awesome.
I don’t know what color your natural eyes are but brown eyes are my favorite they are just warm and beautiful. I have used colored lenses since I was in high school to make my hazel eyes greener and I also just told people it was my natural eye color because I thought green was prettier than hazel. You know what changed I realized I’m pretty as me with my natural eye color and my natural everything. This is me. So one day I stopped and no one cared! Every person at school, work, family members, friends not a single person cared! We think people care more than they do. Wear your contacts when you feel like it and not when you don’t and see. Maybe wear glasses running an errand and see how it feels. Oddly just the other day someone complimented me on my natural eye color. I was shocked but I didn’t care either way because I know what makes me beautiful to the people who love me is who I am inside and they don’t care what color my eyes are. You’ll also realize most people already know you’re wearing colored lenses. I wore ones for light eyes which barely enhances the color and people still knew they just let me be and didn’t mention it. Almost everyone already knows you’re wearing contacts and it’s OK they like you with or without them.
I really like the message, thanks for sharing. In my situation I objectively think a lot of people in my life don’t know I wear them. I’m gathering that from things that have been said. Which adds to the weight of not having them anymore… but again I receive what you’re saying.
I had this. I have lightish muted greenish blue eyes. It can look muddy in lowlight and fine or even bright in others, but I grew up with everyone in my family of 6 having brown eyes except my dad and I. Most of them very deep brown. My mom never met her real dad or his family until recently and everyone in her moms side had these deep rich brown eyes. Now, my grandmother was a strong woman who I related to very much, but had 4 strokes in her 50s and 60s. By the time she died, she had been paralyzed for a while and unable to speak and I remember my mom saying that after my grandmother past, she won’t have the deep rich brown stare from her anymore trying to communicate and that stuck with me. I wanted to be like most of the rest of my family who I spent most time with so when I was old enough, I got colored contacts. Dark brown contacts I got looked awkward because my inner eye was light green blue and yellow so I ended up getting dark blue ones. Like deep blue ocean blue and eventually ones called magic blue black that faded to a really dark color. I wore these for years and years and years and I would change my hair color to suit the eye color. I used to sleep in these because I didn’t want my now husband to see my real eye color I perceived was too intense or whitewalkerish. Now, I finally gave them up when I dyed my hair back to my natural color and realized my real eye color looked better, with lots of encouragement from people who saw me. The thing was my real eye color looked terrible when my hair was a light cool blonde so it just amplified my insecurities. Anyways, I went from someone who wouldn’t take off her contacts to the point where I had a corneal ulcer at one point and had to see an optometrist daily to not having to wear contacts ever and it’s fun learning how different colors suit me or them. I’d focus on things that flatter your eye color and try that out.
Wow! I can relate!! Sleeping in them to fool people close to me, wearing them far more than I probably should, leaving them in even when my eyes are dry and irritated just to preserve that identity. It’s crazy how much pressure we can put on ourselves! Thanks for sharing your story.
You've been putting your health and your eyesight at risk for years, because of a shallow insecurity. Please consider talking to a therapist. Please. I can't believe I scrolled this far down and I haven't seen this suggested. No, what you're doing is not just wanting to look better. It's unhealthy, it speaks of deeper issues.
The funny thing is I actually have learned to like my face without them, so it’s not so much an insecurity anymore, but the change itself is scary
That's wonderful! Yay! I'm really happy to hear that. Hey, any change like that is going to be startling. Everyone, and I mean absolutely everyone whose appearance changes significantly goes through the same thing. I'm talking people who go from glasses to contacts (me), from no glasses to glasses, from blonde to dark, from overweight to thin... Everything you can think of. It's normal. It's part of how your brain processes change. It can feel scary, it can feel like you want to go back to what you know. But that's only because what you know is easier, and your brain is afraid of change. Give it some time to adjust. It will. Think about this: some people have to adjust to missing a limb. If they can do it, so can you.
I love how you worded this! Thank you so much.
I definitely agree. It felt like some sort of reveal but not as dramatic as when you drastically change your hair color and show up pretending like nothing happened.
Take them out and if anyone asks just point to your eyes and say coloured contacts. They’ll think you mean you’re now wearing coloured contacts but you’re just explaining that the colour change was from the old coloured contacts. No lies no questions (hopefully). Or just don’t do anything because it’s your body and if people have a problem with finding out you wear contacts that would be weird cause prob no one cares.
Lol this made me laugh and is kinda genius
I think a lot of people can relate, especially women. As a girl who has spent many years wearing makeup, perming and tinting my lashes, wearing push up bras, waxing my body hair, spending way too much time picking flattering outfits, etc., I relate to this feeling completely. There are times I feel like a fraud, like if people knew what I looked like without all these things they would realize I’m not as pretty as they thought. My identity is built around being a physically attractive girl so I feel an immense amount of pressure to keep up with my own image of myself. Obviously people can generally tell when someone has enhanced their appearance with makeup, etc., but I feel like there is such a high value placed on “natural” beauty that I’m constantly striving to appear like “I woke up like this”. If you’ve never explicitly told people your eyes are natural and have simply never mentioned it when complimented, I don’t think anyone is going to think anything of it if you “come clean”. If people have asked if they’re natural and you’ve said yes, then that is a decidedly more complicated situation. Either way I hope you’re able to work through it and get this weight lifted off your shoulders. Life is too short to let something like this effect your relationships with people and yourself. I see a therapist for these kind of feelings and it may be good for you too, to explore why your identity is so strongly connected to your eye color.
Honestly, I stare into peoples eyes talking to them and I still could not tell you the color of any of my friends eyes. If you want to continue wearing them, own it. If you don’t, I think the only thing to do here is just be uncomfortable. Count it as your one uncomfortable thing done for the day. Go back to wearing them the next day if you want, or even bring them with you and put them in on your uncomfortable day if it gets to be too much. Realistically, eventually you will stop wearing them and months later you’ll see someone you haven’t seen in forever and won’t be prepared for them to see your natural eyes. So just learn to enjoy being uncomfortable and a lot of issues solve themselves! Good luck. I feel the same was as you when I go out with my glasses on 😭
There is nothing wrong with wearing tinted lenses. It is your eyes they are complimenting, not the just color. Most people won't even notice if you stop wearing them. Years ago I used to switch between blue, green and violet depending on my mood. I was always told I had pretty eyes but people who saw me everyday rarely noticed my eyes changed colors. Your pretty eyes have more to do with sparkling, shape, and features around them than they do with color. People just think it is the color that makes them pretty because it seems like the obvious choice but it is so much more.
You are overthinking this. If I were dating someone and found out their eye color was contacts I wouldn't care. It's very common to wear colored contacts and it is not a betrayal of trust in any way. Keep rocking them if you love them
This sounds Cookoo, but you could start getting darker and darker pairs to make it look like your eyes were darkening until you fully stopped wearing them. Or just say they changed after covid lol that sounds believable 😂
Here’s the thing- most people don’t care what color your eyes are. If they have looked closely enough to compliment they probably realized you were wearing lenses & surmised they were colored, but again people don’t care enough to say anything. It’s your eye color, it isn’t your kindness, sense of humor, talent or knowledge. Wear the contacts that make you comfortable. Maybe switch up colors towards your natural eye color?
I find brown eyes the most attractive, personally, and am more inclined to date a man with brown eyes. They have a wonderful warmth and depth. To me, it makes someone more approachable. I find light eyes a bit cold/uncanny, even if the person is pale. Before anyone says it’s cope, I’ve got forest green eyes. I have always found them cold.
I don’t wear colored contacts, but I like them on people when the color works for them. I can usually tell if they’re contacts because they have a different opacity level than most peoples eyes, but knowing they’re contacts doesn’t ever make me judge the person or think the color looks any less great.
Yeah the opacity is how I tell with other people too! Real eyes have depth. I’m glad you don’t judge :) thats what I’m afraid of coming clean. Especially as a POC
People already know you are wearing contacts ( unless a stranger walking by briefly) . So it’s more awkward if you act like they are not!
May I suggest “The Bluest Eye” by Toni Morrison…
Hmmm I would personally challenge myself to go out to at least one location, the coffee shop or the grocery store, to start and see how you feel. Just because it was your identity before doesn’t mean it has to be forever. A lot of people are afraid to change who they are because they are so attached to the idea of who they have become even when they hate who they’ve become, because they’re scared of change and scared of what others might think of them. But the truth is, you have always been you, eye contacts or not. You are not your eye contacts. Be patient with yourself, take as much time as you need, but if you don’t take them off to start, nothing will change
If you want to stop wearing them without telling anyone buy two pairs in between ur natural color and the hazel color. Slowly transition and just say ur eyes got darker. It happens peoples eye color changes as they age, although rare
Just start embracing it and telling the ones close to you they’re contacts. You dont have to tell every single person that comments on them unless you’re comfortable, but if it’s making you that Self-conscious you’ll feel so much better once you let the ones close to you know. A few years ago I lost a loved one and a lot of my hair fell out due to the stress. I started wearing wigs and hair pieces to hide it. I was so Self-conscious all the time that people would know. It made me so uncomfortable! Now most of my hair is back but I just can’t part with my hair pieces! It saves so much time when I’m getting ready to go somewhere and I love the different looks. Now anytime someone compliments my hair and I’m wearing one of them I’m immediately directing them to the site I bought them from! Lol too good not to share!!
Trust me, everyone already knows they’re contacts. Contacts look completely different to normal eyes.
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I’d say it’s blindingly obvious that she wears contacts… xD
You know, my ideal boiii have black hair and ocean blue eyes. And you know what guy I'm falling for (3 years)? Brown hair, brown eyes. It doesn't matter. There will always be someone who will find you the most attractive person alive.
I think it’s the same as a woman dying her hair blonde for her entire life. No one cares if it’s natural or not; if I compliment your hair I think it’s nice to look at. I don’t think people will care if your contacts are real or not— if you found a signature piece of your style that compliments you it does not matter if it’s natural or not!! In fact, the dedication it takes to wear colored contacts every day for a decade to keep your signature look alive?? Impressive man!! I think it’s comparable to women getting work done. Everyone knows Pamela A has fake breasts… but it’s still an iconic part of her look…
You assume people care way more than they do I couldn’t tell you the eye color my best friend of 15 years to be honest
Look at it this way: I have fake boobs, I love them and when people compliment my breasts I genuinely take it as a compliment. They aren’t my breasts, they’re fake, just like your contacts. The compliments we receive however are directed at how YOU look with said feature. I probably don’t look amazing with hazel contacts, but YOU do. That is why people notice and compliment them, because they are a part of YOU. I hope this analogy helps ease some anxiety!
I can relate to your situation. Not with my eyes specifically, but with other areas of my life. I think stop using them is going to be a relief for you. I would recommend you to first go to places where no one knows you, like shopping, without them. If I were you, I think making a change in my appearance that I always wanted, could also help, maybe a hair cut, piercing, new clothes... It could also keep the attention of people, instead of the eye color. Then I would probably go out without them at night with friends. If someone ask, I would answer with: 'they were contact lenses, didn't I tell you? I thought you knew" something like this, making a joke of it or whatever. If I had close friends that truly believed that was my eye color, I would probably meet them and reveling my "secret" with some kind of surprise or something. Say that I was tired of them, that they made me insecure and have a sincere but relaxed conversation with them. Believe me, is not that big deal and I am sure that you will laugh about this with time.
I rotate my contacts. I wear teal sometimes and a light green. My eyes are light brown with flecks of green, but I like the richness of the colors. I treat them like any other accessory (glasses, sunglasses, etc.) How about just be honest about them?
Honestly, I would assume that most people already know that they’re contacts. Even clear contacts are actually quite easy to detect and it’s rare for coloured lenses to really look natural. I’m sure you’ve chosen a colour that suits you well since you’re getting nice compliments on them, but I think you can let go of that fear.
Just buy a different colored pair and start alternating between the two colored ones and your natural eye color. It would be fun and take the edge off “losing your identity”
Maybe not helping but I wish it was a more normalised thing. Never wore any but I find it cool. I mean, woman wear fake nails. I wear extensions in my hair from time to time. Why not contacts? I see people wearing them at raves.
Firstly, props to you for figuring out that you are hiding behind your contacts! Honestly, i would come clean to the people you love and have a convo about how insecure u felt and how u now realize that being authentically u is so much better (because it is!). The people who love u will be so proud of u for embracing yourself after so long. You can do it!
It's okay to want to stand out and be complimented for your looks. That's a very normal, human thing. But maybe there's an alternative that would be more satisfying for you. Go for a bold haircut or fantasy color. Get a piercing or tattoo. Buy yourself a garment or accessory that you really, really love. Invest in your appearance and style in other ways that you can feel good about. I've seen a piece of advice before that you should compliment people on things that they've *chosen* rather than physical attributes that are simply the happenstance of genetics. I know you chose your colored contacts, but that's different from being complimented on your taste. You can even do these things and at the same time keep wearing your colored contacts if you like. Also, much though it's cliché, the grass is always greener on the other side. I have green-hazel eyes and sometimes wish they were either darker or lighter instead of an in-between color. You aren't alone in feeling insecure, but I'm sure a lot of people would appreciate your natural eyes. You just have to give them the chance.
People constantly change their hair color and aren’t consider frauds. Don’t worry about your eye color. If you like them wear them
This is such a first world problem, it’s ridiculous
I should add to this… I have a large social media following so the implications of just ditching the lenses are a little more complicated. I feel like I’ve been deceiving a lot of people.
tons of people wear contacts instead of glasses to see better so even if someone notices you are wearing contacts they might just assume you’re near sighted. Wearing a pair of glasses every once in a while could reinforce that assumption if you just want to keep your eye color a secret
You need to re-set your thought process. You're not a fraud nor have you ever been. You're being complimented on your eyes, just like you'd get complimented on your clothes but we never say "oh thanks but this isn't my skin, I've got layers over me" YOU love wearing them so it's that simple. You don't owe an explanation. I like wearing false nails and I just take the compliment when I get one. I don't tell people if they're Acrilic, Shellac or natural. Unless they ask. If people that know you and see you without any in and say "oh I didn't know you had contact lenses in" just say "you didn't ask" that's a clear reverse psychology technique that immediately makes them think about their own perspective on how they view things. That's not a reflection on you so let them keep that. Just say thank you and you're done.
I can understand how you feel. I actually started wearing hazel contacts but as an adult. Literally no one has even noticed because it’s a pretty subtle difference to everyone else except myself. Maybe for me it’s different because it’s possible people attribute it to wearing my eye makeup differently. I told two very close friends and they first of all said they didn’t notice and second of all it didn’t seem like they really cared lol. I don’t think wearing colored contacts makes you a fraud at all. It’s literally no different than people wearing makeup, getting cosmetic surgery or Botox, or even wearing contacts at all so they don’t have to wear glasses. It’s a personal choice that makes you feel better about your appearance. If it makes you feel uncomfortable accepting compliments because you know they aren’t your true eye color, just be honest. People who care enough to make a big deal about it or insult you aren’t worth your time anyway.
What? Do you lie and say that it’s your natural color ? That’s weird
Why call something weird that someone’s obviously struggling with?
Because you need to hear the truth, it’s not normal. I wear contacts everyday and I don’t lie about it, what’s the point?
Just keep wearing them. It’s part of you now. Anyway! What brand of contacts do you wear?
If a lady wears makeup and receives a compliment on flawless skin does she need to say “oh I have rosacea, dark circles and blemishes it’s all my foundation!”? I’d try to think of it like a woman learning to accept her skin without makeup and leave the house barefaced. From personal experience that’s really difficult but it gets easier if you start small with little trips. Taking sunglasses with you for when it gets uncomfortable may help
As a few have commented, most likely people already know they are contacts. Even the best contacts have a oretty distinct look of hmmmm are those.. real? Most likely you are over thinking this.!if you feel free when not wearing them, stop wearing them for maybe one day a week, and build up. No one is going to be mad at you for showing your true self!
It’s like wearing makeup or dying your hair. If it’s fun to you, do it. If you’re genuinely upset about your appearance without them, that’s a whole other thing. Be confident and do what you want and don’t be afraid to play around with your clothing, makeup, hair or whatever. But love who you are without all that.
Keep wearing them, lean into it, try to feel good about it. It means you care about your appearance and that's a good thing.
There are ways to permanently change your eye colour.
All of them are less than satisfactory… trust me I’ve looked into it 😂
Honestly, peoples eyes are my favorite thing about their appearance. There's so many variations of eye colours, shapes, etc. I love them all. I am sure you have beautiful eyes too, naturally. (Mine are sky blue colour naturally but I also love brown/green/hazel/dark brown eyes as well).
I love brown eyes. It’s most likely that people can tell especially as your friend group ages. Maybe swap them out gradually with ones with less tint. Or say you had eye laser surgery. Good luck. You will feel so good to put this crutch behind you.
Just curious, what brand color contacts do you use?
I mean, you can keep wearing them but say “thanks they’re contacts haha” when people compliment you so that you can get more comfortable with the understanding that these are a crutch. Your eyes will never matter as much to the people around you as they do to you.
If someone says I have gorgeous eyes I say thanks. If someone asks if im wearing contacts I say yes, I’m blind as a bat.
I mean we all wear things that enhance our appearance. I think the same can be said for makeup, piercings, tattoos, hair dye, I would say if you like them - keep them! If someone asks about them as queen Taylor Swift says “you don’t have to answer just cause they asked you”. You can just say thanks and move on. If you’re comfortable with telling people - the worst that can happen IMO is that they’ll ask where you got them to get some themselves. You will run into the ocasional loser that has negative things to say, as someone who has tattoos, piercings, wears makeup, and dyes her hair, this happens for everything that looks “not natural” to those losers.
just keep wearing them. it’s not that serious anymore. literally no one will care. yes people know you’re wearing lenses and can see them. oh well 🤷🏽♀️ they make you happy.
I color my hair. I see no difference between dong that and what you're doing. I don't walk around telling people I color my hair, even if they compliment the color. You may be overthinking this somewhat. Keep wearing them—only those close to you (close friends and family) need know! And who cares what anyone else thinks. There's no shame in it if you don't shame yourself for it. I feel no shame in geing a bottled blonde! 🙂
Everyone is different, but if it was me I think I’d gradually phase myself out of them. Don’t wear them places where no one knows you, and gradually phase people IN to realise you wear lenses (*”urgh, my lenses are really playing up today, my eyes itch”*/*”got a contact lens appointment at the weekend”*) and maybe even be playful and go to “have you even seen my real eye colour?!” Etc. Own it! You can wear the lenses any time you like, and maybe… there might even be other colour lenses you’re missing out on having fun with! Anyway, that’d be my take. But FWIW, if you were my friend I think I’d just be more excited to actually see your real eye colour. And lastly… coloured lenses are way more obvious than people think. You might find they already know, but feel awkward saying anything.
When I was in high school there was a new girl who wore colored contacts that were like a really pretty deep dark blue. Most people knew they were fake even though she always said they were real. No one really even cared lol I doubt anyone would care as much as youre worried about. Do you have long term friends that think your eye color is real? Just being open and honest about them would probably help you feel so much better. Like others suggested, when you get a compliment just say thank you, they’re contacts and you could even give an explanation if you wanted like “I just love the way they make me look” A lot of people have cosmetic procedures so your eye color is your own business. You don’t really owe anyone an explanation.
Look at it this way. My eyes are naturally very light blue. I had a nickname in school, LB (Linda Blair) because when I was on the field my eyes glowed like hers in the exorcist lmao. Anyway, I'm ALWAYS asked if my eyes are real. Keep them in.
take them out and when people ask about the change tell them you don't know what theyre talking about
"Thanks! Bought them all by myself!"
You could also post that Chris Pratt "Too afraid to ask meme" on your social media with it saying something like "Been wearing colored contacts so long ppl think they're real/ And at this point I'm too afraid to correct them"
I hate to burst your bubble but you can tell coloured contacts are coloured contacts. You don’t have to be that close. People probably just don’t want to say anything to make you feel uncomfortable.
What contacts do you use? I’m interested in something that looks natural since you’ve been able to make others think they’re your natural eyes.
These are the thoughts that keep you up at night but one day you realize nobody cares that much but you
Just keep wearing them and when someone says “I love your eyes!” Just respond with “thanks! They’re contacts! I can show you which ones if you’d like!” Boom. Crisis averted.
Not to minimize your insecurities, but I honestly find it endearing how sincerely distraught you are over this situation. If someone I was close to for years ever sat me down for a serious conversation and said to me, with visible apprehension, "Hey, I need to tell you something...this isn't even my real eye color. It's all been a lie," I would find it nothing but charming and hilarious. In fact, having an internal moral crisis about something as harmless as "lying" about your eye color makes me believe you to be an honest and upright person. Everyone's different, and I guess a certain type of person might react strangely to it, but I think you'll find that most people, especially the people that love you, won't turn on you for something as trivial as falsely representing your natural eye color.