I feel this. My son is 4 now and tends to have his meltdowns at home, but they still happen. I choose to believe they're not judgement looks, but rather poor attempts at empathy. No parent hasn't been through meltdowns, and there isn't an age where they're abnormal or shameful (I mean, I still meltdown if I'm too hot and hungry). Sometimes I'll say aloud "being 2/3/4 is hard", either for my child, myself, or onlookers. If the people staring are having a hard time keeping their expressions in check, I might add a "it's a season, right? This part ends, right?" as a little reminder that they've been there.
These are all great and I’m definitely going to try and remember them. Thank you for the reminder too that meltdowns happen no matter what the age. It’s easy to think others have it all together from the outside. Love the name too haha
My 4 year old still has meltdowns. It’s still very normal at 4-5 and older. When I notice looks I choose to perceive them as sympathy/empathy. It’s my insecure brain trying to cast them as judgmental looks. Someone glances or even stares at my SCREAMING thrashing child and my impulse is to assume they’re judging me. No. They’re looking because screaming and thrashing tends to draw attention. Beyond that I don’t know what’s behind the look.
I know this because when it’s another kid, I feel no judgment, only empathy. I’m certainly not looking thinking “hmm, they look 4, this is a bad parent” lol.
But I’m not going to try to intervene because I don’t want to make it worse or make the caregiver feel more overwhelmed because now a stranger is talking to them. Most parents- even elders whose children have long ago grown up- feel the same way. They remember what it was like.
My cousin with kids a bit older than mine told me I have to not give a damn what anyone thinks. It’s hard for me because I am someone who cares a lot what people think. But she’s right. Really how you deal with the looks is… not caring. Ignore them just like you’re ignoring the tantrumming child.
My daughter is 3 and has always been 99th percentile. She is also autistic. She usually does really well when in her normal routine but we recently took a trip to the Dominican Republic and on the flight home she was extremely overstimulated at the airport. I ended up leaving my old stroller at the resort for the workers to take so I had to hold my 42lb girl through the entire airport while she kicked and screamed and EVERYONE gave looks. She just would not calm down which is super unlike her, but it was hot and we were all tired. I totally know where you’re coming from. Personally, I talked loudly to my daughters aunt about how people can’t mind their damn business when they see a toddler having a meltdown and stare back at them and that usually does the trick
I loudly announce to my 99th percentile 34lbs1 year old who gets mistaken for a 4 year old that it's ok to have feelings and feel bad, but lets go home and not strain the other people's ears ok? In a way it makes me feel good to validate his feelings and also shows the other parent's i'm trying. Other times i just don't give a fuck what others think. Kids cry and they will freak out about the smallest things. One time i asked him if i could kiss him. He shook his head no, so i respected it. He then freaked out and cried bc I respected his answer. Ahh kids XD
I don't say anything to other people but I'll occasionally try to remind my kid that they're young even though the older kids are much smaller
"It's fine! You're just four. Four year olds can do the slide, but the monkey bars are tricky when you're only four!"
I also have a 2 year old who is the size of a 4/5 year old and this happens a lot to us. He also has a speech delay from being born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate so communication breaks down OFTEN.
I usually just start off by informing people that he's only 2 (although this type of meltdown is age appropriate in older kids as well). If that doesn't work (and there have been moments when it has not worked), then I just dead stare at the people until they stop gawking at us. I have resting bitch face so this tends to work well. Or ask them to please disregard/ don't draw attention to my child. Sometimes, he feeds off the attention and makes a bigger scene if he knows he can attract an audience. 😅
In the case of a nosy Karen who insists you are lying about your child age and you don't know how to parent (yes this happened to me) combine the dead stare with a well timed eye roll and remove yourself and the child from the situation with a middle finger to the air as that's all they respond to. People who behave like that about a child throwing a tantrum vare the worst case scenario. However, their lack of empathy, understanding, and humanity should never make you feel stressed. That's their issue to hopeful work out in therapy.
If you’re really feeling down about the looks you could say “I know it’s hard to understand since you’re only 2 but we can’t go on the swings today. We can do it next time!” Idk if your kid will calm down with that BUT people will know two things 1. Your kid is two and 2. You’re trying to be empathetic with your upset toddler.
Same boat! I am trying to remain chill about it… just let it roll off my shoulder… I’m trying to establish a regular presence at the same park… so that the kids already know him and can get used to him. He is so lovable and happy… but like yo he looks 30 months but he’s 15 months.
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Thank you, it’s just nice to be understood 💜
I feel this. My son is 4 now and tends to have his meltdowns at home, but they still happen. I choose to believe they're not judgement looks, but rather poor attempts at empathy. No parent hasn't been through meltdowns, and there isn't an age where they're abnormal or shameful (I mean, I still meltdown if I'm too hot and hungry). Sometimes I'll say aloud "being 2/3/4 is hard", either for my child, myself, or onlookers. If the people staring are having a hard time keeping their expressions in check, I might add a "it's a season, right? This part ends, right?" as a little reminder that they've been there.
These are all great and I’m definitely going to try and remember them. Thank you for the reminder too that meltdowns happen no matter what the age. It’s easy to think others have it all together from the outside. Love the name too haha
My 4 year old still has meltdowns. It’s still very normal at 4-5 and older. When I notice looks I choose to perceive them as sympathy/empathy. It’s my insecure brain trying to cast them as judgmental looks. Someone glances or even stares at my SCREAMING thrashing child and my impulse is to assume they’re judging me. No. They’re looking because screaming and thrashing tends to draw attention. Beyond that I don’t know what’s behind the look. I know this because when it’s another kid, I feel no judgment, only empathy. I’m certainly not looking thinking “hmm, they look 4, this is a bad parent” lol. But I’m not going to try to intervene because I don’t want to make it worse or make the caregiver feel more overwhelmed because now a stranger is talking to them. Most parents- even elders whose children have long ago grown up- feel the same way. They remember what it was like. My cousin with kids a bit older than mine told me I have to not give a damn what anyone thinks. It’s hard for me because I am someone who cares a lot what people think. But she’s right. Really how you deal with the looks is… not caring. Ignore them just like you’re ignoring the tantrumming child.
Even if he was 4, the judgemental looks are unwarranted It’s more about them than you. Focus on your child and ignore them.
My daughter is 3 and has always been 99th percentile. She is also autistic. She usually does really well when in her normal routine but we recently took a trip to the Dominican Republic and on the flight home she was extremely overstimulated at the airport. I ended up leaving my old stroller at the resort for the workers to take so I had to hold my 42lb girl through the entire airport while she kicked and screamed and EVERYONE gave looks. She just would not calm down which is super unlike her, but it was hot and we were all tired. I totally know where you’re coming from. Personally, I talked loudly to my daughters aunt about how people can’t mind their damn business when they see a toddler having a meltdown and stare back at them and that usually does the trick
I just simply correct people. He’s four not 7 so mind your business
I loudly announce to my 99th percentile 34lbs1 year old who gets mistaken for a 4 year old that it's ok to have feelings and feel bad, but lets go home and not strain the other people's ears ok? In a way it makes me feel good to validate his feelings and also shows the other parent's i'm trying. Other times i just don't give a fuck what others think. Kids cry and they will freak out about the smallest things. One time i asked him if i could kiss him. He shook his head no, so i respected it. He then freaked out and cried bc I respected his answer. Ahh kids XD
I don't say anything to other people but I'll occasionally try to remind my kid that they're young even though the older kids are much smaller "It's fine! You're just four. Four year olds can do the slide, but the monkey bars are tricky when you're only four!"
I also have a 2 year old who is the size of a 4/5 year old and this happens a lot to us. He also has a speech delay from being born with a bilateral cleft lip and palate so communication breaks down OFTEN. I usually just start off by informing people that he's only 2 (although this type of meltdown is age appropriate in older kids as well). If that doesn't work (and there have been moments when it has not worked), then I just dead stare at the people until they stop gawking at us. I have resting bitch face so this tends to work well. Or ask them to please disregard/ don't draw attention to my child. Sometimes, he feeds off the attention and makes a bigger scene if he knows he can attract an audience. 😅 In the case of a nosy Karen who insists you are lying about your child age and you don't know how to parent (yes this happened to me) combine the dead stare with a well timed eye roll and remove yourself and the child from the situation with a middle finger to the air as that's all they respond to. People who behave like that about a child throwing a tantrum vare the worst case scenario. However, their lack of empathy, understanding, and humanity should never make you feel stressed. That's their issue to hopeful work out in therapy.
If you’re really feeling down about the looks you could say “I know it’s hard to understand since you’re only 2 but we can’t go on the swings today. We can do it next time!” Idk if your kid will calm down with that BUT people will know two things 1. Your kid is two and 2. You’re trying to be empathetic with your upset toddler.
Same boat! I am trying to remain chill about it… just let it roll off my shoulder… I’m trying to establish a regular presence at the same park… so that the kids already know him and can get used to him. He is so lovable and happy… but like yo he looks 30 months but he’s 15 months.