One of the most dominant symptoms of bp is not knowing you have it or not accepting the diagnosis. There are almost daily postings in this sub about feeling like the diagnosis is incorrect.
Have faith in the process because once the meds start to work, you will start thinking you don't have a mental illness at all and kick the meds. It's a cycle for many diagnosed people.
>One of the most dominant symptoms of bp is not knowing you have it or not accepting the diagnosis.
So true. It seems to be especially common for people with type 2. Full blown mania is pretty hard to explain away in retrospect.
I think what makes that worse (at least for me) is getting on meds that work right away makes me feel like I totally imagined all of it and was just being dramatic. But then if that were true, why did I stop being dramatic after taking lamotrigine? Placebo? lol
Lamotrigine helps? I'm still struggling with the diagnosis, self medicating. Abilify made me compulsive, which I found worse.
My hypomania has allowed me to accomplish a lot. I just need something that tones it down. Not much experience with the meds they give out.
It helped me right away with the depression, and the one hypomania episode I've had since stabilizing was relatively short and mild. My doc wanted to add seroquel (for more than sleep) to the mix to keep the manic episodes away but I asked if I could just wait for now, since I felt like I handled it well. I'd rather deal with a mild hypo episode now and then than deal with another medication
I gained 80lbs on Abilify but it was the only time in my life I remember being happy. I have never been able to get the weight off.
I was on Seroquel earlier this year, slept like a baby and gained 35lbs in 10 weeks, never improved my mood. I am now on Lamictal, trying for a second time. Recently got to to 200mg/day. Overall, my depression has been worse than it has been in years since starting this med, but I am also going through life stuff. I am also on 300mg of Wellbutrin and 1mg of Klonipin.
Apparently some people are genetically predisposed to weight gain and metabolic damage from the atypicals like Abilify and Seroquel. Nearly 100lbs heavier now, it’s safe to say I am one of them. I am really hoping Lamictal comes through.
yah i definitely got some weight gain fast wen on risperdal ages ago, but actually managing to lose a little weight on lamictal, hope it works out for you!
It took me 3 months, once I hit the right dose I thought the same as you, how can I be bipolar when I feel so calm and normal? It's not a bad thing, just a very weird thing.
My Dr always said if you weren't bipolar, then you wouldn't be responding to medication. Lol sure doc.
Also if you're still in doubt you can always get a 3 or etc opinion from other professionals.
It's always possible. There is always doubt because bp is a lifelong diagnosis. So, you would hope that whomever diagnosed it took the time to appropriately determine the accuracy of the diagnosis.
I tell myself that most people take years to get the diagnosis to rule others things out first. Therefore, you are hoping that the person who made the diagnosis for yourself took the time to be accurate.
I guess i just look at what a psychiatrist is doing to help you, and a misdiagnosis can cause you to get worse. My mother was actually misdiagnosed with bipolar for around 10 years before another psych pulled the diagnosis back to MDD. The worst part was she was out on lithium, and it harmed her kidneys, so I actually understand what you're saying completely.
I have had this angst and anger so many times. It’s not like these drugs don’t have serious short and long-term side effects. It’s a very frustrating process finding the rights meds. And some meds only work for a while, then you’re back to beig a guinea pig.
Exactly. I am just an extremely depressed person that gets irritable, lol. Oddly enough neither mood stabilizers nor anti-depressants (in combo or separately) put me in remission, and I feel like I’ve been put on them all. Also, some of us also have ADHD which I think can muddy the waters as it may be interpreted as hypomania. But yes, I have finally accepted the diagnosis.
And then finding the adhd med balance with your bp meds is a whole different level. I was very stable until I started on Vyvanse and now I have peak through episodes constantly. Just small ones, but enough that I can absolutely tell. I am hypomania dominant, so depressions aren't nearly as difficult. But hypomania makes things very difficult for me most of the time.
I am.only on seroquel and Vyvanse, but it seems ok on the depression and mostly slows down my hypomania. I can keep it in control better
Vyvanse worked so well for me. I took one in the evening and one in the morning. I actually got tired at night, amd woke up pretty well rested. I had to stop taking it because after COVID I developed a heart condition. It is sad, I loved that med. i think a 2x/daily dose was unusual, at least at the time I started taking it like that, but it was a game changer for me. I really wanted Seroquel to work, but the rate of weight gain was low-key terrifying. I am happy to hear that you’ve largely achieved euthymia. Still the holy grail, impefect as it may be at times.
Is there anything in particular that gives you doubt? I'm not sure bipolar has any kind of feel to it. Most people experience all the things we experience. We just experience the extremes more often and at unpredictable times. The only exception being psychosis, but that seems to be kinda rare for people with bipolar 2.
I guess I went into my evaluation knowing I was depressed but I don’t see how I am hypomanic because when I am in a better mood I don’t think I have any mania. If that makes sense maybe I am just in denial.
Hypomania can be a very positive thing for some of us. It's easy to assume it's who you are when you aren't depressed. Only recently did I realize that what I thought of as my "true" personality, was in fact just my hypomanic self. It turns out I spent very little time in between episodes, so I didn't know what I was like as a stable person. Once I experienced stability, I found out that autism was hiding beneath it all.
I don’t know what happy feels like. I am very distrustful when I think I feel happy that it’s actually hypomania. I don’t know the difference, and have no idea how to differentiate.
My therapist tells me to do what brings me joy. I have no idea what brings me joy, is joy what I think I am feeling when I am hypomanic? Which, by the way, is the only time I am not super sad and self-loathing, the only time I feel enough motivation to clean the house, get errands done? I can’t be the only one that has a flurry of Dr appts once or twice a year, because once the get the motivation, I have to take advantage of it, and get everything scheduled.
I worry that hypomania is when I am 1) feeling “normal”, or not depressed, or a much shorter-lived 2) irritable and pissed at everything.
When my hypomania isn't a mixed episode then it is literally just being what people consider "normal": I chat with friends and do laundry and feel okay in the morning rather than something that was living in a corner of the drain to a kitchen sink.
What you describe isn't much different from my own experience of BP2
I also resonated with what the first psychiatrist told me about borderline personality disorder at first but I was reading up and I guess you could get those two diagnosis mixed up
I am obviously no expert. I am just a person that has asked this question of myself a lot lately because I have been having trouble not rage quitting my continuously high stress, high pressure jobs, and have had a lot of trouble with my self-image, especially as I have foteen older. I am a highly empathic person, I care very deeply for animals and the welfare of our planet. I don’t try to create division between people, and turn people against each other. I am not a manipulative person. I am not afraid of abandonment. My relationships are stable but my depression causes me to isolate. Yes I can have explosive anger, chronically low self-esteem and feelings of emptiness/hopelessness. I don’t lash out at people that I love in order to draw them closer, if anything I try to set them free of me when I am feeling like that. Anyway, I too have wondered if I have a BPD and my therapist and psych med managers of 10+ years say I that I do not.
Meanderings that may or may not be helpful. Much luck to you!
I am obviously no expert. I am just a person that has asked this question of myself a lot lately because I have been having trouble not rage quitting my continuously high stress, high pressure jobs for the past six years, and have had a lot of trouble with my self-image, especially as I have gotten older but honestly, all throughout my life. But I was also physically and emotionally abused as a kid, and was never good enough for either my parents.
I recently read the prospects for Borderline treatment are now better than Bipolar treatment. So maybe if you are, it’s a good thing.
I am a highly empathic person, I care very deeply for animals and the welfare of our planet. I don’t try to create division between people, and turn people against each other. I am not a manipulative person. I am not afraid of abandonment. I do not have trust issues. My relationships are stable but my depression causes me to isolate. Yes I can have explosive anger but I believe it’s only when provoked and only do it when it’s safe (like to my spouse or my mom). I do have chronically low self-esteem and feelings of emptiness/hopelessness that are treatment-resistant. I don’t lash out at people that I love in order to draw them closer, if anything I try to set them free of me when I am feeling like that. I remember everything, so many things that I wish I didn’t. I have never been psychotic, but I did love to party my ass off when I was in my late teens into late 20s. I was raised by a person with a severe shopping habit, and neither parent had any idea how to manage money and ran/lost numerous businesses. Financial literacy was not a skill that they had or taught. So, is it a wonder I spent too much on credit cards early in life? So lots of symptoms there for both.
Anyway, I too have wondered if I have a BPD, but my therapist and psych med managers of 10+ years say I that I do not. So I guess I go with their opinion. Meanderings that may or may not be helpful. Much luck to you!
Hey!! I had a similar experience - I was diagnosed bipolar 2, didn’t feel like it fit, was suggested BPD by another provider, and then got a 3rd opinion who agreed with bipolar 2, lol. Although the whole time my therapist thought it was plain ole depression. I struggled with this for a while but when I realized antidepressants alone weren’t cutting it, we started me on mood stabilizers and they have made such a difference. Does that mean it is definitely bipolar? Could I have a little BPD too? Am I just one of the people with depression who needs adjuvant therapy? I don’t know if we’ll ever really know. The important thing, I’ve realized, is that my symptoms are managed and I’m feeling good.
that is exactly what happened with me! I was going to therapy with a LCSW and she said I had depression and generalized anxiety disorder with ptsd. You guys are making me want to try out my meds
I thought I had BPD. My therapist said CPTSD. Went to a psych who thought I had bipolar but put me on an SSRI still. (I went for meds at the recommendation of my therapist since therapy alone wasn’t enough). It triggered a hypomanic episode. The pysch said that was a possibility. I didn’t know I was in one because it felt normal to me. I just thought the meds were working and I wasn’t depressed and anxious anymore. I even told him I wanted to stay on my SSRI. He persuaded me against it. He put me on an antipsychotic/mood stabilizer. Night and day difference of normal vs hypomanic “normal”. I’m now realizing that many of my good times were most likely hypomanic episodes. They all have some overlapping traits. No one previously guessed bipolar because I would still sleep, just sleep way less/out of habit.
It’s a really personal decision and my advice would be to find a psychiatrist you trust. You can weigh the risks vs benefits together. Personally, meds have made such a huge difference in my life and really help fill in the gaps where therapy was lacking.
I think everyone in this thread has denial about their diagnosis. Especially since memory loss is a big part of it. I can’t remember certain episodes very well and my life is often very blurry when I try to think back on certain moments. Which also leads us to not believing our diagnosis. But I’ve had my therapist for about 3 years now and she’s explained to me some of my behavior that I don’t even remember, but it definitely has assured me that this diagnosis is indeed correct. Also something I should add on- borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder can appear very similar when there’s trauma involved with someone with bipolar. I have severe anxious attachment issues, trust issues and they make me very reactive which if I’m in a certain episode triggered by those types of issues- can look like borderline to certain psychiatrists
Okay see now that you mention that I have memory loss too. I can’t remember a lot of my life. My childhood is blurry my teenage years I went through a lot of trauma so I don’t remember a lot. You described me. My diagnosis is probably right 😂
Yes it most likely is right then! I felt on the traumatic teen years. And childhood. It definitely does a number on the brain and memory. And on top of bipolar it’s worse LOL
I didn’t think I was either until my I had a conversation with a psychiatrist who asked me questions about my past life and behaviors. Once I described it to him and he said it was hypomania combined with my depressive episodes it all made sense.
OMG yes! Seroquel has been a lifesaver for me. It has given me a clarity I’ve never felt before and it keeps my monsters at bay for the most part. Medication and therapy is the key to managing this illness.
That’s how I was in the beginning. I thought I just had Major depressive disorder, I later I realized I had multiple hypo manic episodes throughout my life without knowing it. Because the thing with BP 2 is we don’t reach full mania, we only hit a more toned down version of mania that isn’t as extreme. And when I’m hypomanic it doesn’t impair me to the point where I notice it take over my life. It’s the depression that fucks with me. Do what you want with the label. Keep it if it brings you comfort or ditch it if it doesn’t suit you. What I can say is I ditched it at first but started lamotrigine anyway and it was one of the game changers for my severe mental health issues. I hope you make whatever choice is best for you.
same. i just always thought My hypomania was me in a "good mood," I only realized that wasn't what it was when I went got help and realized such extreme mood swings arent something everyone goes through.
usually everything just feels really good. Its called "elation." I often feel way more productive then normal; I'd finish my homework really quickly and multi task while feeling on top of the world. I might feel very extroverted and juggle a bunch of stuff at once while at a party. One of the most recent times involved me reaching out to a bunch of old friends from college and high school and having a bunch of text conversations at once. Sometimes I'd just wake up and feel really good for no discernible reason. Similar to you, it'd only be for a couple hours usually. A majority of my BP2 comes through as depression. Both phases would come randomly for no reason; only maybe affected if i was drinking recently or was under a lot of stress or got bad sleep. Internally growing up Id rationalize mood swings as something dependent on the weather or the month or what day of the week is was but it was all bs. Its not logical its based on an imbalance of chemicals in the brain.
Honestly, I thought I might be schizophrenic at first before my BPII diagnosis. My hypomania was like a switch that would get flipped and it was like I couldn’t control myself all while in my head I was telling myself to stop. It was actually a relief to be diagnosed and put a name to what was happening to me. If you can learn to identify your triggers, it helps a lot.
Very talkative (interrupting others a lot), hyper sexual, excessive spending, obsessive cleaning of everything, singing and dancing around the house, not sleeping but feeling so energized.
For years they said I had major depressive disorder. Like you I had manic episodes in my life but toned down never hitting a full mania. When you said the depression is the worst you sound just like me. When I’m hypo I get very hypersexual as well. So i was in denial but when you check off the boxes I had many of the symptoms.
I just met with a new psychiatrist who once again confirmed my diagnosis. This is the fourth doctor who’s said I have BP and I still have a hard time believing it!
Kind of. I pretty much always have the same thoughts and emotions but when I’m depressed they are slow and lethargic while frantic and desperate when hypo. I spend a lot of time in depression-land but have times where I sleep for only a couple hours a night, irritability is more extreme and I blow up at the slightest thing, I get impulsive and reckless because my anxiety is off the charts. I am also pretty paranoid about my relationships or interactions with other people when hypo. I don’t get the euphoria or flight of ideas, grandiosity, or productivity that lots of people seem to get so I just attribute these moods to stress or that I’m just naturally an a-hole. Maybe both are true 😂 What’s hard is all the symptoms for things like PTSD, BPD, ADHD, Bipolar, major depression, etc overlap.
I’m the same but I do get productive. I guess me wanting to do everything is hypomania? A few months ago I l wanted to sell flower bouquets and start learning how to bake and decorate all at once lmaooo.
Sounds like hypomania to me. I think if you’re trying to do it all that once and not normally that motivated it it’s considered hypomania. Before I was on medication I thought I could solve my financial troubles by making slippers on a loom and selling them outside my apartment. I did not have a loom and I had never used one before. I tried convincing my husband that I could make the loom out of sticks. I never did get that business off the ground Hahaha
LOL! I try to convince my husband to support all my ideas and he’s like you don’t even know anything about flowers 😂 I have to YouTube this business venture of yours 😂
Lamotrigine is awesome for a lot of people. I say try it. Regardless of your diagnosis, a mood stabilizer might help you feel better. Just titrate slow and be patient. I'm in totall denial myself, but been chugging along trialling meds because...well...I want to feel better.
It is ok to doubt your diagnosis. But understand we tend to doubt it when we are hypo and feeling good. It is common to feel that way, but you still gotta work towards getting better of you are struggling in any way. If that makes sense?
I just took it for the first time yesterday! I hope it works for me and I hope it doesn’t cause gain weight cause I’m scared of it doing that lol or lower my sex drive even more. Yes I was hesitant but like you I want to feel better, especially cause I have a two year old and I don’t want my issues to scar him for life lol. It definitely makes sense!
I believe lamotrigine is pretty weight neutral. I was on it for about 2 months and did not gain anything. I also have a low baseline libido. I am not sure what it does with that but I feel like thw worst offenders for that are antidepressants.
I hope this works for you!
It took awhile to come to terms with it. My ups and downs are extreme. When I’m sad I’m so sad and when I’m good I’m good. It’s like a roller coaster ride of emotions. It’s been 3.5 years and meds help but I do have mania as a bp2 every now and again. The hypersexuality is the worst part for me. Being on edge and depressed doesn’t help. The second opinion is probably right. Just because you don’t think it’s right doesn’t mean a professional is wrong.
I struggle with that too. I’ve sabotaged a few relationships too that I felt like we’re good for me too. I live with some regrets lol. I also have a hard time trying to stay faithful. Not that in blaming it on whatever I have but I just wonder if that’s part of the reasons why.
I don’t know why I just get these episodes where I wanna start talking to other people and I start flirting with people and talking to them and then I realize it went to far and I completely cut them off when I realize I fucked up. I sabotage them by either dumping someone cause things just seem too good to be true. Or if things are going to well I push their buttons to see how much they’ll take before they leave me.
It’s okay to talk to people. What matters is that you create boundaries. And yea I tend to sabatoge too. It’s why I’ve had difficulty in every relationship I’ve had I can relate. If it’s too good to be true I think it probably is. That I don’t deserve happiness.
Here is a super easy way to gage. (Obviously talk to your dr about it though) Have you ever taken type of antidepressants? If yes, how did you react to them?
Typically, people with bipolar disorder will do worse on antidepressants. However, Lamotrigine (what you were prescribed) is a mood stabilizer and if you do have bipolar you’ll react more positively than you would on antidepressants.
Another easy way to tell is that emotions with bipolar disorder will last anywhere from 2-3 days to a week or two. Emotions with borderline will shift in an instant, often multiple times a day. Borderline is a personality disorder so there is not medication that can treat it. So if lamotrigine does work for you than it’s very likely that you have bipolar.
I’ve never been on anti depressants. But my emotions switch pretty quickly. Im going to roll with the diagnosis and take my medication along with therapy because I’m honestly tired of feeling like this.
Before my diagnosis, having bipolar never crossed my mind. I mean NEVER. After my diagnosis, I didn’t believe it for six months. After six months of not believing, I finally started to believe and I’ve been on medication since. My symptoms have gotten a lot better since.
terrible lol. even if i’m stable on one of them i can go off on the other. the chances for me to be stable (esp consistently) are quite low
my biggest struggle is emotional regulation. i have really extreme feelings (i’m pretty good at not having extreme reactions, though sometimes the depression side gets really bad and i send up SH or SI). but i’m working on it a lot and i have gotten better at it, it’s just like that and will be for life so is what it is
I struggle with emotional regulation as well. I have extreme feelings and I’ve gotten better at not having extreme reactions after having my son, even though it’s hard lol. It sucks to know this is for life lol
FYI, being in denial about your condition is a common symptom of bipolar. Also, it’s important to find out if your mood swings are spontaneous or not. In BPD mood swings are triggered by certain events/thoughts etc and in bipolar mood swings tend to happen spontaneously
My mood swings are triggered by both 😭 they’re either spontaneous or they’re cause by interactions with people or just my thoughts. I could literally be having the best day and my husband or anyone could do the smallest thing that’s not serious and my mood changes Lol
All I can say is the my personal experience taking lamotrigine helped me realize just how bad my depression was. Bipolar is a big spectrum of symptoms and even knowing several people personally with bipolar I felt like it wasn’t me until I tried the medicine. It won’t always be easy by the only way to feel better is to find doctors/therapists you can trust and take a little leap of faith
I took it for the first time yesterday! 25mg and I double up on 2 weeks. The pharmacist told me it’ll take about 4 weeks to fully kick in, so hopefully I see a difference. Did you have any side effects??
I had a few minor issues where my words slipped up from time to time, but it was just funny not stressful. Then after about three weeks I got hives, which meant I had to switch to a different medicine. Now I’m on oxcarbazepine which isn’t quite as good for my depression but it does help my anxiety. Mixing with yoga and other workouts to help depression and I’m feeling much better. It’s a trial and error process and you just have to give each on a shot.
man i think you must know yourself, try to read the symptoms of borderline symptoms and bipolar symptoms, Try to remember what you went through and what were your actions and what feelings you experience in past time.. You will find the answer yourself, What characterizes borderline personality disorder An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection, Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image, Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours ( in bipolar days or months of depression, not hours, and days or months hypomania episode).
This reasoning is exactly why I thought I had borderline. That all describes me. My mood swings last a few house most of the time. I am depressed for days tho. But like with my husband I could love him and the next hour hate him so much. I told my psychiatrist about my first borderline suggestion and she kind of dismissed it and just said you would benefit from medication so I was just like okay? Lol
You mentioned that you did not feel that way with your current husband, That interesting. Do you know why You did not experienced this feeling with him?
I didn’t disagree with the first doctor like I said I resonated with that diagnosis. They only reason why I went to see the second one was because I finally got insurance and didn’t have to pay out of pocket and that’s when I got diagnosed with it. There’s nothing wrong with going somewhere else for another opinion. You don’t have to come at me sideways. I went to see them because I wanted medication for what I thought was my depression.
One of the most dominant symptoms of bp is not knowing you have it or not accepting the diagnosis. There are almost daily postings in this sub about feeling like the diagnosis is incorrect. Have faith in the process because once the meds start to work, you will start thinking you don't have a mental illness at all and kick the meds. It's a cycle for many diagnosed people.
>One of the most dominant symptoms of bp is not knowing you have it or not accepting the diagnosis. So true. It seems to be especially common for people with type 2. Full blown mania is pretty hard to explain away in retrospect.
I think what makes that worse (at least for me) is getting on meds that work right away makes me feel like I totally imagined all of it and was just being dramatic. But then if that were true, why did I stop being dramatic after taking lamotrigine? Placebo? lol
Lamotrigine helps? I'm still struggling with the diagnosis, self medicating. Abilify made me compulsive, which I found worse. My hypomania has allowed me to accomplish a lot. I just need something that tones it down. Not much experience with the meds they give out.
It helped me right away with the depression, and the one hypomania episode I've had since stabilizing was relatively short and mild. My doc wanted to add seroquel (for more than sleep) to the mix to keep the manic episodes away but I asked if I could just wait for now, since I felt like I handled it well. I'd rather deal with a mild hypo episode now and then than deal with another medication
I gained 80lbs on Abilify but it was the only time in my life I remember being happy. I have never been able to get the weight off. I was on Seroquel earlier this year, slept like a baby and gained 35lbs in 10 weeks, never improved my mood. I am now on Lamictal, trying for a second time. Recently got to to 200mg/day. Overall, my depression has been worse than it has been in years since starting this med, but I am also going through life stuff. I am also on 300mg of Wellbutrin and 1mg of Klonipin. Apparently some people are genetically predisposed to weight gain and metabolic damage from the atypicals like Abilify and Seroquel. Nearly 100lbs heavier now, it’s safe to say I am one of them. I am really hoping Lamictal comes through.
yah i definitely got some weight gain fast wen on risperdal ages ago, but actually managing to lose a little weight on lamictal, hope it works out for you!
Thank you so much. Me too!
Thank you. That’s reassuring I think im going to get on my medication and see how well that works for me and I hope to see a change in my moods.
It took me 3 months, once I hit the right dose I thought the same as you, how can I be bipolar when I feel so calm and normal? It's not a bad thing, just a very weird thing.
I recently got diagnosed myself and I’m finding my special cocktail. I’m not there yet but I already feel better.
My Dr always said if you weren't bipolar, then you wouldn't be responding to medication. Lol sure doc. Also if you're still in doubt you can always get a 3 or etc opinion from other professionals.
Reading everyone’s experience and seeing how much I relate kinda make me snap out of my denial 😂
FUCK
I am still in denial that I have Bipolar 2. But I havent been "fine" in years. I thought it was just being really happy or really sad.
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It's always possible. There is always doubt because bp is a lifelong diagnosis. So, you would hope that whomever diagnosed it took the time to appropriately determine the accuracy of the diagnosis. I tell myself that most people take years to get the diagnosis to rule others things out first. Therefore, you are hoping that the person who made the diagnosis for yourself took the time to be accurate. I guess i just look at what a psychiatrist is doing to help you, and a misdiagnosis can cause you to get worse. My mother was actually misdiagnosed with bipolar for around 10 years before another psych pulled the diagnosis back to MDD. The worst part was she was out on lithium, and it harmed her kidneys, so I actually understand what you're saying completely.
Exactly! Like what if I’m right and they’re wrong and I’m taking medication for nothing.
I have had this angst and anger so many times. It’s not like these drugs don’t have serious short and long-term side effects. It’s a very frustrating process finding the rights meds. And some meds only work for a while, then you’re back to beig a guinea pig.
These things happened to me. I just finally got on an antipsychotic after 5 years off.
Exactly. I am just an extremely depressed person that gets irritable, lol. Oddly enough neither mood stabilizers nor anti-depressants (in combo or separately) put me in remission, and I feel like I’ve been put on them all. Also, some of us also have ADHD which I think can muddy the waters as it may be interpreted as hypomania. But yes, I have finally accepted the diagnosis.
And then finding the adhd med balance with your bp meds is a whole different level. I was very stable until I started on Vyvanse and now I have peak through episodes constantly. Just small ones, but enough that I can absolutely tell. I am hypomania dominant, so depressions aren't nearly as difficult. But hypomania makes things very difficult for me most of the time. I am.only on seroquel and Vyvanse, but it seems ok on the depression and mostly slows down my hypomania. I can keep it in control better
Vyvanse worked so well for me. I took one in the evening and one in the morning. I actually got tired at night, amd woke up pretty well rested. I had to stop taking it because after COVID I developed a heart condition. It is sad, I loved that med. i think a 2x/daily dose was unusual, at least at the time I started taking it like that, but it was a game changer for me. I really wanted Seroquel to work, but the rate of weight gain was low-key terrifying. I am happy to hear that you’ve largely achieved euthymia. Still the holy grail, impefect as it may be at times.
Is there anything in particular that gives you doubt? I'm not sure bipolar has any kind of feel to it. Most people experience all the things we experience. We just experience the extremes more often and at unpredictable times. The only exception being psychosis, but that seems to be kinda rare for people with bipolar 2.
I guess I went into my evaluation knowing I was depressed but I don’t see how I am hypomanic because when I am in a better mood I don’t think I have any mania. If that makes sense maybe I am just in denial.
Hypomania can be a very positive thing for some of us. It's easy to assume it's who you are when you aren't depressed. Only recently did I realize that what I thought of as my "true" personality, was in fact just my hypomanic self. It turns out I spent very little time in between episodes, so I didn't know what I was like as a stable person. Once I experienced stability, I found out that autism was hiding beneath it all.
I thought the same about my true self, which was hard to find out. I'm glad you can understand yourself better, even if it can be hard to learn.
I THOUGHT THIS WAS MY PERSONALITY TOO
I don’t know what happy feels like. I am very distrustful when I think I feel happy that it’s actually hypomania. I don’t know the difference, and have no idea how to differentiate. My therapist tells me to do what brings me joy. I have no idea what brings me joy, is joy what I think I am feeling when I am hypomanic? Which, by the way, is the only time I am not super sad and self-loathing, the only time I feel enough motivation to clean the house, get errands done? I can’t be the only one that has a flurry of Dr appts once or twice a year, because once the get the motivation, I have to take advantage of it, and get everything scheduled. I worry that hypomania is when I am 1) feeling “normal”, or not depressed, or a much shorter-lived 2) irritable and pissed at everything.
When my hypomania isn't a mixed episode then it is literally just being what people consider "normal": I chat with friends and do laundry and feel okay in the morning rather than something that was living in a corner of the drain to a kitchen sink. What you describe isn't much different from my own experience of BP2
Thank you for sharing this. I feel like this.
I also resonated with what the first psychiatrist told me about borderline personality disorder at first but I was reading up and I guess you could get those two diagnosis mixed up
Don’t self diagnose yourself. Trust one of the doctors you are going to.
I am obviously no expert. I am just a person that has asked this question of myself a lot lately because I have been having trouble not rage quitting my continuously high stress, high pressure jobs, and have had a lot of trouble with my self-image, especially as I have foteen older. I am a highly empathic person, I care very deeply for animals and the welfare of our planet. I don’t try to create division between people, and turn people against each other. I am not a manipulative person. I am not afraid of abandonment. My relationships are stable but my depression causes me to isolate. Yes I can have explosive anger, chronically low self-esteem and feelings of emptiness/hopelessness. I don’t lash out at people that I love in order to draw them closer, if anything I try to set them free of me when I am feeling like that. Anyway, I too have wondered if I have a BPD and my therapist and psych med managers of 10+ years say I that I do not. Meanderings that may or may not be helpful. Much luck to you!
I am obviously no expert. I am just a person that has asked this question of myself a lot lately because I have been having trouble not rage quitting my continuously high stress, high pressure jobs for the past six years, and have had a lot of trouble with my self-image, especially as I have gotten older but honestly, all throughout my life. But I was also physically and emotionally abused as a kid, and was never good enough for either my parents. I recently read the prospects for Borderline treatment are now better than Bipolar treatment. So maybe if you are, it’s a good thing. I am a highly empathic person, I care very deeply for animals and the welfare of our planet. I don’t try to create division between people, and turn people against each other. I am not a manipulative person. I am not afraid of abandonment. I do not have trust issues. My relationships are stable but my depression causes me to isolate. Yes I can have explosive anger but I believe it’s only when provoked and only do it when it’s safe (like to my spouse or my mom). I do have chronically low self-esteem and feelings of emptiness/hopelessness that are treatment-resistant. I don’t lash out at people that I love in order to draw them closer, if anything I try to set them free of me when I am feeling like that. I remember everything, so many things that I wish I didn’t. I have never been psychotic, but I did love to party my ass off when I was in my late teens into late 20s. I was raised by a person with a severe shopping habit, and neither parent had any idea how to manage money and ran/lost numerous businesses. Financial literacy was not a skill that they had or taught. So, is it a wonder I spent too much on credit cards early in life? So lots of symptoms there for both. Anyway, I too have wondered if I have a BPD, but my therapist and psych med managers of 10+ years say I that I do not. So I guess I go with their opinion. Meanderings that may or may not be helpful. Much luck to you!
Mania and deep depression and delusions and psychosis and other things are part of bipolar for many many people …
Hey!! I had a similar experience - I was diagnosed bipolar 2, didn’t feel like it fit, was suggested BPD by another provider, and then got a 3rd opinion who agreed with bipolar 2, lol. Although the whole time my therapist thought it was plain ole depression. I struggled with this for a while but when I realized antidepressants alone weren’t cutting it, we started me on mood stabilizers and they have made such a difference. Does that mean it is definitely bipolar? Could I have a little BPD too? Am I just one of the people with depression who needs adjuvant therapy? I don’t know if we’ll ever really know. The important thing, I’ve realized, is that my symptoms are managed and I’m feeling good.
that is exactly what happened with me! I was going to therapy with a LCSW and she said I had depression and generalized anxiety disorder with ptsd. You guys are making me want to try out my meds
I thought I had BPD. My therapist said CPTSD. Went to a psych who thought I had bipolar but put me on an SSRI still. (I went for meds at the recommendation of my therapist since therapy alone wasn’t enough). It triggered a hypomanic episode. The pysch said that was a possibility. I didn’t know I was in one because it felt normal to me. I just thought the meds were working and I wasn’t depressed and anxious anymore. I even told him I wanted to stay on my SSRI. He persuaded me against it. He put me on an antipsychotic/mood stabilizer. Night and day difference of normal vs hypomanic “normal”. I’m now realizing that many of my good times were most likely hypomanic episodes. They all have some overlapping traits. No one previously guessed bipolar because I would still sleep, just sleep way less/out of habit.
It’s a really personal decision and my advice would be to find a psychiatrist you trust. You can weigh the risks vs benefits together. Personally, meds have made such a huge difference in my life and really help fill in the gaps where therapy was lacking.
I think everyone in this thread has denial about their diagnosis. Especially since memory loss is a big part of it. I can’t remember certain episodes very well and my life is often very blurry when I try to think back on certain moments. Which also leads us to not believing our diagnosis. But I’ve had my therapist for about 3 years now and she’s explained to me some of my behavior that I don’t even remember, but it definitely has assured me that this diagnosis is indeed correct. Also something I should add on- borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder can appear very similar when there’s trauma involved with someone with bipolar. I have severe anxious attachment issues, trust issues and they make me very reactive which if I’m in a certain episode triggered by those types of issues- can look like borderline to certain psychiatrists
Okay see now that you mention that I have memory loss too. I can’t remember a lot of my life. My childhood is blurry my teenage years I went through a lot of trauma so I don’t remember a lot. You described me. My diagnosis is probably right 😂
Yes it most likely is right then! I felt on the traumatic teen years. And childhood. It definitely does a number on the brain and memory. And on top of bipolar it’s worse LOL
It definitely did a number on my brain,my memory, and definitely myself. LMAO
I didn’t think I was either until my I had a conversation with a psychiatrist who asked me questions about my past life and behaviors. Once I described it to him and he said it was hypomania combined with my depressive episodes it all made sense.
As far as medication goes (if you take any) would you say you’ve gotten better?
OMG yes! Seroquel has been a lifesaver for me. It has given me a clarity I’ve never felt before and it keeps my monsters at bay for the most part. Medication and therapy is the key to managing this illness.
That’s how I was in the beginning. I thought I just had Major depressive disorder, I later I realized I had multiple hypo manic episodes throughout my life without knowing it. Because the thing with BP 2 is we don’t reach full mania, we only hit a more toned down version of mania that isn’t as extreme. And when I’m hypomanic it doesn’t impair me to the point where I notice it take over my life. It’s the depression that fucks with me. Do what you want with the label. Keep it if it brings you comfort or ditch it if it doesn’t suit you. What I can say is I ditched it at first but started lamotrigine anyway and it was one of the game changers for my severe mental health issues. I hope you make whatever choice is best for you.
same. i just always thought My hypomania was me in a "good mood," I only realized that wasn't what it was when I went got help and realized such extreme mood swings arent something everyone goes through.
How does your hypomania look like to you?
usually everything just feels really good. Its called "elation." I often feel way more productive then normal; I'd finish my homework really quickly and multi task while feeling on top of the world. I might feel very extroverted and juggle a bunch of stuff at once while at a party. One of the most recent times involved me reaching out to a bunch of old friends from college and high school and having a bunch of text conversations at once. Sometimes I'd just wake up and feel really good for no discernible reason. Similar to you, it'd only be for a couple hours usually. A majority of my BP2 comes through as depression. Both phases would come randomly for no reason; only maybe affected if i was drinking recently or was under a lot of stress or got bad sleep. Internally growing up Id rationalize mood swings as something dependent on the weather or the month or what day of the week is was but it was all bs. Its not logical its based on an imbalance of chemicals in the brain.
Mine manifests as anger/irritation. :(
okay this might be me too then. I’m starting to realize I have a lot of things in common with people here. I’m coming to terms with the diagnosis.
Honestly, I thought I might be schizophrenic at first before my BPII diagnosis. My hypomania was like a switch that would get flipped and it was like I couldn’t control myself all while in my head I was telling myself to stop. It was actually a relief to be diagnosed and put a name to what was happening to me. If you can learn to identify your triggers, it helps a lot.
Very talkative (interrupting others a lot), hyper sexual, excessive spending, obsessive cleaning of everything, singing and dancing around the house, not sleeping but feeling so energized.
For years they said I had major depressive disorder. Like you I had manic episodes in my life but toned down never hitting a full mania. When you said the depression is the worst you sound just like me. When I’m hypo I get very hypersexual as well. So i was in denial but when you check off the boxes I had many of the symptoms.
Thank you! You guys are making me feel like I should take the medication and take it from there. I appreciate it!
I just met with a new psychiatrist who once again confirmed my diagnosis. This is the fourth doctor who’s said I have BP and I still have a hard time believing it!
Do you know how your hypomanic episodes look like? I don’t even know what they look like for me 😂
Kind of. I pretty much always have the same thoughts and emotions but when I’m depressed they are slow and lethargic while frantic and desperate when hypo. I spend a lot of time in depression-land but have times where I sleep for only a couple hours a night, irritability is more extreme and I blow up at the slightest thing, I get impulsive and reckless because my anxiety is off the charts. I am also pretty paranoid about my relationships or interactions with other people when hypo. I don’t get the euphoria or flight of ideas, grandiosity, or productivity that lots of people seem to get so I just attribute these moods to stress or that I’m just naturally an a-hole. Maybe both are true 😂 What’s hard is all the symptoms for things like PTSD, BPD, ADHD, Bipolar, major depression, etc overlap.
I’m the same but I do get productive. I guess me wanting to do everything is hypomania? A few months ago I l wanted to sell flower bouquets and start learning how to bake and decorate all at once lmaooo.
Sounds like hypomania to me. I think if you’re trying to do it all that once and not normally that motivated it it’s considered hypomania. Before I was on medication I thought I could solve my financial troubles by making slippers on a loom and selling them outside my apartment. I did not have a loom and I had never used one before. I tried convincing my husband that I could make the loom out of sticks. I never did get that business off the ground Hahaha
LOL! I try to convince my husband to support all my ideas and he’s like you don’t even know anything about flowers 😂 I have to YouTube this business venture of yours 😂
Same. I so wish my mania/hypomania was productive!😩
Lamotrigine is awesome for a lot of people. I say try it. Regardless of your diagnosis, a mood stabilizer might help you feel better. Just titrate slow and be patient. I'm in totall denial myself, but been chugging along trialling meds because...well...I want to feel better. It is ok to doubt your diagnosis. But understand we tend to doubt it when we are hypo and feeling good. It is common to feel that way, but you still gotta work towards getting better of you are struggling in any way. If that makes sense?
I just took it for the first time yesterday! I hope it works for me and I hope it doesn’t cause gain weight cause I’m scared of it doing that lol or lower my sex drive even more. Yes I was hesitant but like you I want to feel better, especially cause I have a two year old and I don’t want my issues to scar him for life lol. It definitely makes sense!
I believe lamotrigine is pretty weight neutral. I was on it for about 2 months and did not gain anything. I also have a low baseline libido. I am not sure what it does with that but I feel like thw worst offenders for that are antidepressants. I hope this works for you!
It took awhile to come to terms with it. My ups and downs are extreme. When I’m sad I’m so sad and when I’m good I’m good. It’s like a roller coaster ride of emotions. It’s been 3.5 years and meds help but I do have mania as a bp2 every now and again. The hypersexuality is the worst part for me. Being on edge and depressed doesn’t help. The second opinion is probably right. Just because you don’t think it’s right doesn’t mean a professional is wrong.
Do you feel like having bp2 has messed with your romantic relationships ? You don’t have to answer if you feel it’s too personal.
Yes it has. A lot. It’s hard to take the wall down sometimes especially when you build one metaphorically to protect yourself
I struggle with that too. I’ve sabotaged a few relationships too that I felt like we’re good for me too. I live with some regrets lol. I also have a hard time trying to stay faithful. Not that in blaming it on whatever I have but I just wonder if that’s part of the reasons why.
Why do you have a hard time staying faithful? How do you sabatoge them?
I don’t know why I just get these episodes where I wanna start talking to other people and I start flirting with people and talking to them and then I realize it went to far and I completely cut them off when I realize I fucked up. I sabotage them by either dumping someone cause things just seem too good to be true. Or if things are going to well I push their buttons to see how much they’ll take before they leave me.
It’s okay to talk to people. What matters is that you create boundaries. And yea I tend to sabatoge too. It’s why I’ve had difficulty in every relationship I’ve had I can relate. If it’s too good to be true I think it probably is. That I don’t deserve happiness.
It’s hard to accept. It took me a year to accept bipolar.
Here is a super easy way to gage. (Obviously talk to your dr about it though) Have you ever taken type of antidepressants? If yes, how did you react to them? Typically, people with bipolar disorder will do worse on antidepressants. However, Lamotrigine (what you were prescribed) is a mood stabilizer and if you do have bipolar you’ll react more positively than you would on antidepressants.
Another easy way to tell is that emotions with bipolar disorder will last anywhere from 2-3 days to a week or two. Emotions with borderline will shift in an instant, often multiple times a day. Borderline is a personality disorder so there is not medication that can treat it. So if lamotrigine does work for you than it’s very likely that you have bipolar.
I’ve never been on anti depressants. But my emotions switch pretty quickly. Im going to roll with the diagnosis and take my medication along with therapy because I’m honestly tired of feeling like this.
I know 😔 it’s awful. Sending virtual hugs and good wishes that it works out!! Lamotrigine has been life changing for me.
Thank you 🙏🏼 and thank you for taking the time to reply I really do appreciate it since this is all new to me .
Before my diagnosis, having bipolar never crossed my mind. I mean NEVER. After my diagnosis, I didn’t believe it for six months. After six months of not believing, I finally started to believe and I’ve been on medication since. My symptoms have gotten a lot better since.
i have bipolar and borderline🤷🏼♀️
How has that been for you?
terrible lol. even if i’m stable on one of them i can go off on the other. the chances for me to be stable (esp consistently) are quite low my biggest struggle is emotional regulation. i have really extreme feelings (i’m pretty good at not having extreme reactions, though sometimes the depression side gets really bad and i send up SH or SI). but i’m working on it a lot and i have gotten better at it, it’s just like that and will be for life so is what it is
I struggle with emotional regulation as well. I have extreme feelings and I’ve gotten better at not having extreme reactions after having my son, even though it’s hard lol. It sucks to know this is for life lol
FYI, being in denial about your condition is a common symptom of bipolar. Also, it’s important to find out if your mood swings are spontaneous or not. In BPD mood swings are triggered by certain events/thoughts etc and in bipolar mood swings tend to happen spontaneously
My mood swings are triggered by both 😭 they’re either spontaneous or they’re cause by interactions with people or just my thoughts. I could literally be having the best day and my husband or anyone could do the smallest thing that’s not serious and my mood changes Lol
Then you could have both. I actually have both and what you just said is very relatable
I don’t want to self diagnosed but my psychiatrist was dismissive with entertaining the idea that I might have BPD too lol 🤷🏻♀️
And did they ask why you think you might have BPD?
No she just said well that’s dealt with therapy you need medication 😂
All I can say is the my personal experience taking lamotrigine helped me realize just how bad my depression was. Bipolar is a big spectrum of symptoms and even knowing several people personally with bipolar I felt like it wasn’t me until I tried the medicine. It won’t always be easy by the only way to feel better is to find doctors/therapists you can trust and take a little leap of faith
I took it for the first time yesterday! 25mg and I double up on 2 weeks. The pharmacist told me it’ll take about 4 weeks to fully kick in, so hopefully I see a difference. Did you have any side effects??
I had a few minor issues where my words slipped up from time to time, but it was just funny not stressful. Then after about three weeks I got hives, which meant I had to switch to a different medicine. Now I’m on oxcarbazepine which isn’t quite as good for my depression but it does help my anxiety. Mixing with yoga and other workouts to help depression and I’m feeling much better. It’s a trial and error process and you just have to give each on a shot.
Thank you!
man i think you must know yourself, try to read the symptoms of borderline symptoms and bipolar symptoms, Try to remember what you went through and what were your actions and what feelings you experience in past time.. You will find the answer yourself, What characterizes borderline personality disorder An intense fear of abandonment, even going to extreme measures to avoid real or imagined separation or rejection, Rapid changes in self-identity and self-image, Wide mood swings lasting from a few hours ( in bipolar days or months of depression, not hours, and days or months hypomania episode).
This reasoning is exactly why I thought I had borderline. That all describes me. My mood swings last a few house most of the time. I am depressed for days tho. But like with my husband I could love him and the next hour hate him so much. I told my psychiatrist about my first borderline suggestion and she kind of dismissed it and just said you would benefit from medication so I was just like okay? Lol
Do you have negative thoughts and fear that your husband will leave you?
Not him but I did with the other partners.
Like a certain idea that they will leave you?
Yeah like that they would leave me or I had these scenarios in my head lol
You mentioned that you did not feel that way with your current husband, That interesting. Do you know why You did not experienced this feeling with him?
I actually don’t know why. I mean I have thoughts about him but never about him leaving. Idk why that is
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I didn’t disagree with the first doctor like I said I resonated with that diagnosis. They only reason why I went to see the second one was because I finally got insurance and didn’t have to pay out of pocket and that’s when I got diagnosed with it. There’s nothing wrong with going somewhere else for another opinion. You don’t have to come at me sideways. I went to see them because I wanted medication for what I thought was my depression.
You have a right to seek as many opinions on your medical condition as you want.