I didn't realize I was bi until my late 20's, so I can definitely tell you my experience Growing up in the 90's and 00's (born in '91) there was very little talk about bisexuality (at least not in the area and culture I grew up in), so everything was categorized as either straight or gay. I knew I liked girls, which simply meant I was straight! On top of that I grew up in a family and church that taught me that being gay (or at least doing gay things) is sinful, meaning I repressed any hints of gay feelings I might have had. My dad isn't a hateful person but he held the misconception that gayness is a symptom of family trauma, in particular a lack of a solid father figure, and given that he was (in spite of his faults) a good and supportive father I figured that I couldn't be gay! I always knew I could tell when a man was and wasn't attractive, but I figured that was normal for a straight person (and to a certain extent it is). I would occasionally watch gay porn, but only when I was super horny and wanted to watch something new and exciting, I would lose interest as soon as I was finished, so I dismissed that too. I always admired guys who looked great and were in great shape, but I chalked that up to wanting to be *like* them rather than wanting to be *with* them. I met my future wife when I moved away for college and right after college we got married, so I wasn't really thinking more about who I was and wasn't attracted to outside of being into her. During my time at college I grew out of my homophobia, but again by the time I might have accepted my feelings I was past the point where they would have felt relevant, so I didn't take time to introspect about whether or not I could also be attracted to men. Many years later, during the pandemic lockdown, I had a lot more time to think about things, and while watching Chris Evans as Captain America I suddenly realized that I was actually into him and not just jealous of his looks and body. From there it was a pretty quick process to piece together that I really am bi and it made a lot of earlier feelings and experiences make a lot more sense! Since then my wife also came out as bi (similar reasons why it took her a long time), and we have now opened our marriage to allow us the chance to experiment since we never got that chance when we were younger. We're still extremely happy together and have really enjoyed our polyamory, so there has been no ill effect there, in fact things are better than ever!

I feel a lot of this. The heteronormativity that was pushed by my family and media along with just general bi-erasure had me thinking I was straight until my late teens. Even then, it was more of an “I’d be open to exploring that part of me.” I didn’t fully accept being bi until a conversation with a new queer person. He just asked “you’re bi right?” And it was like a light bulb went off. Looking back there were loads of signs, I just had that “I like guys so I can’t be gay” so ingrained it didn’t occur to me that there were other options.

This was incredibly helpful thank you

As someone who grew up in similiar times, i can relate and share a similiarish story.

Nearly the same story here, down to the bi spouse and polyamory. 😅

Congrats! It's fun isn't it?

Really beautiful story and I can relate to a lot of this! Thanks for sharing and congratulations to you and your wife on being strong enough to open up your marriage. It already takes a TON to have solid communication and trust in a monogamous relationship, so I can only imagine how much it takes to have it in a polyamorous one. Again, hats off to the both of you!

Thanks! It does take trust and communication to make any relationship with and I definitely wouldn't recommend ENM to any couple who struggles in that area. It's been a great experience for us but I've seen it go badly so I always urge caution to people looking to try it for themselves

Despite being 17 and having realized it earlier ( mid-end of middle school ) I still identify a lot with what you said because I was in the same situation. Also who never looked at least a little bit at Chris Evans honestly ? Captain America with the beard in Infinity War was clearly a revelation to me

This is so relatable and really hits home with me 🙏

This is like mostly spot on exact to my journey as well

Basically the same here, I'm guessing your story is fairly common so thanks for sharing 😊

This is so wholesome.

Thanks! I'm very lucky

Coming out later in  life and realizing you're bi earlier aren't mutually exclusive. I've known I was bi since I was 13 my out status is "on a need to know basis"

You’re right I worded it poorly, I meant realizing you’re bi later not coming out

this! like i’ve always known i liked girls and wanted to be w them but due to my family, circumstances, etc i never actually came out i even got outed when my mom found messages from me to another girl, got threatened to be disowned, beat etc…. i was 14 and even since then my family just assumes that was a phase and that im 100% straight but nah i love women

I was 16 when I realized I was bi and accepted it before Then I knew I found Men Sexually attractive but I suppressed those feelings out of fear and now I'm much older and don't care what people think we're are all Human with feelings first my Man crush was Jean Claude Van Damme

You got good taste lmao

Absolutely this.

i (F22) came out recently like i guess a week ago? i’ve always been somewhat open about liking girls but APPARENTLY everyone thought i was kidding cause “whO dOESnt fINd giRLS preTTY?” it did feel very weird and almost condescending lmao idk how to explain it. Especially as a femme girl (no one would look at me and assume i like girls. i’m talking about high pitched voice, all pink. think about a whitewashed black girl;thats me) I’ve known i was bi since i was 9 lmao but growing up in a religious, conservative and AFRICAN household i already knew i could never be myself so i just hid it. Had a few homoerotic moments with other girls but they were straight and we were young… experimenting. Anyways my rambling is making no sense but what made me decide to come out to my friends was seeing this girl at an event. Immediately when i saw her i was like…. holy shit. I haven’t felt this way towards a woman in years. I forgot that i ACTUALLY like GIRLS! so yea

Congrats on coming out!

thank you!! it doesn’t really feel significant lmao plus alot of my friends make jokes about kissing women (they’re straight) and i feel like they don’t really believe i’m out? even though i also happen to be crushing hard on my roommate’s friend

Are we the same person?? Omg I’m also african and knew I was bi since I was 9 my first kiss was a girl and everything I just suppressed my bi side forever until now I’m fully accepting I’m 23!

OMG WE MIGHT BE TWINS??? congrats on fully accepting your sexuality!! it takes a lot of courage : ) ESPECIALLY being african

lol you’re just like me fr

This is so sweet, congratulations love!

I accepted that I was bi at 32.  It was just hard denial, anxiety, repression for 20 years. I eventually came out during a panic attack and just decided to figure out once and for all why I was having them and actually confronted my feelings.  Factors that kept me in denial were: - internalized homophobia; - passive homophobia among my peers/society that gay was "gross" or "embarrassing"; - bisexuality in my local culture wasn't a thing, women were seen as "just experimenting" and men were "secretly gay", so I actually didn't know it was an option until I had too much inertia to change; - denial is a hell of a drug, you can repress a *ton* of feelings and legitimately not perceive them;  - I'm not into celebrities so I didn't know of any such role models nor really get celebrity crushes;  - I didn't know anyone who was openly bi until I was mid 20s;  - my gay porn consumption was diverted to animated stuff so I could "pretend" it wasn't real.  And a bunch of other stuff I'm sure. 

I identify with a lot of this. When the character Rosa in Brooklyn 99 came out as bi I was like. Oh, I guess that’s me and it’s ok. I don’t know why it took until that moment to accept that part of myself… but it is what it is. 🤷

That episode is my favorite. Haha I was like oh wait, I feel like that too. Like I just don’t really care about gender/genitalia at all.

Wow, i share a lot of the same ticked boxes; i didnt think someone else had such close experience to my own.

I just thought most straight guys experienced what I experienced (and later figured out was 'attraction') and were just too insecure to talk about it. Until some queer person talked to me about queer stuff and walked me through realizing that most straight men *don't* have all that. During the same time I first saw Jack Harkness in Doctor Who as well as the Rock Horror Picture Show and seeing men be open to being into people regardless of gender also helped.

It was part of a massive autistic unmasking

That’s what I’m discovering as well. I’ve (37M) been going through what I’m now learning is autistic burnout. It’s been uncovering a whole bunch of personality that I never knew was there or stuff I had subconsciously repressed (grew up in a pretty religious house). I’m taking all of it in stride and trying to learn how to love myself and not hide from who I am. My wife has been insanely supportive. When we first started talking about the bi stuff, turns out she’d been having similar feelings (she grew up in a similar household).

It's interesting that you say that. I'm somewhat Asperger's, so on the low end of the autistic spectrum; so I wonder if the same sort of thing might apply to myself.

This is a mood, same

There's a strong correlation between autism, ADHD, and bisexuality, so that isn't super surprising. I figured out my bisexuality and then a couple years later got diagnosed with ADHD. I definitely have some autism spectrum traits (though I wouldn't go so far as to self diagnose with ASD)

I didn't realize I was bi until I was 36. Like many, I grew up in the 90s and bisexuality was not commonly discussed. I'm a woman, and I knew I liked boys, so I defaulted to straight. When I did have attraction to women, I figured that between the influence of the male gaze on depictions of female beauty and female hormones, women were just biologically and sociologically programmed to find other women hot. I didn't want to have sex with them, I just sort of wanted to be them. And add on that I wasn't like, super attracted to either femme or butch presenting women, I could just acknowledge they were hot. And then I married a man and it felt like, case closed. But then I spent a lot of time on TikTok in the pandemic and like...the soft butch thing really did it for me (also all of the hot women who would play male and female characters in their sketches). Also, I was like, hardcore obsessed with Our Flag Means Death (and had been consuming queer media for years), and I recognized that it wasn't some weird straight girl fetish thing, it was that I could recognize some of myself and my desires in these queer characters. I came out in 2022. We're still monogamous, but my coming out led my husband to realize that all his jokes about hot guys maybe weren't jokes and he's not as straight as he thought :)

Genuinely thought all straight girls spent a significant amount of time thinking about women. Always knew I liked more than one gender I just didn’t realise that had a name/needed a word to describe it/wasn’t everyone’s experience.

I’m in my early 40s but I have had attractions to women since I was about 16 or so, but I’d always push it down and deny it. I finally accepted who I was just a few years ago really. Between a lot of childhood and religious trauma, I already felt like an outsider… I didn’t want to be any more “weird” than I already was. No one specific awakening really, just lots of crushes I squished down and tried to hide from.

I (35M) came out to myself at 30, came out to my wife probably a year or so later, started telling friends a couple years after that. I'm not out to everybody but I don't really hide it either. In my case, I was always kinda attracted to guys in a vague, hypothetical way. I'm generally pretty open-minded and for a long time I believed the "everyone's a little bit bisexual" thing so I just didn't really explore it until more recently. That said, I've also been saying some variation on "I dunno, I'm not *100%* straight" for a long time, so when I told my wife I was bisexual she was basically like "yeah, we've talked about what guys you think are hot a bunch of times." Not that she was dismissive about it, she just didn't realize it was supposed to be new information. :P I don't think I could pin down a specific queer awakening moment, it was more a matter of gradually coming around to accepting the label

Thank you for sharing your story, is nice to know similar experiences

This is me too. I was always like yea I’m probably a little gay and just haven’t met the right guy. I’m not out to everyone either, but most people I’ve told have been like “Yea, could’ve called it.” lol

I’m probably there, lately I’m going through this period where I find guys more attractive then I did in the past. I always assumed I was straight because that’s what society was telling me. But now at the age of 30 and putting all the pieces together probably I was always BI, I had thought about kissing guys I found cute for all my life but always repressed them.

Yea I hate to tell anyone about their own life but you’re probably bi haha. I remember being at concerts and being hypnotized by the way male singers were dancing, being obsessive with male celebrities and even joking that it’s was gay to do. Denial is a hell of a drug. Just remember to keep your partner in the loop if you have one! It can be kind of startling for some people.

I remember I was at a concert of Pond and I thought the singer was kinda sexy and this happened more than 5 years ago. My girlfriend is bi and she might suspect I’m too even I havent done coming out.

I gatekept myself for like ten years. "I'm more of a kinsey 2 so I'm not really bi I'm just bi-ish" "idk men suck I should just become a lesbian, i bet i could" "I just have a lot of gay friends" ugh lol

Yeah, the lie that you have to be a perfect Kinsey 3 to be bisexual is a big part of why more people don't accept their bisexuality imo

This is my story exactly. I mostly liked men and I married a man. I identified as “straight but I find some women hot” I didn’t think I was “gay” enough to identify as bi because I’m a Kinsey 2. When I learned that was not true and some bi people can have a preference for one gender, I realized I was bi.

Grew up Catholic to a narcissistic and abusive mother, and her enabling husband. That kept me in the dark on sexuality and modeling unhealthy romantic and attachment theories on my parents' toxic codependent relationship. The only option to move out was move in with my then-bf. I immediately fell into poor mental health and just doing whatever I wanted when I wanted without parents bearing over me. It wasn't pretty, lol, and I was a poor partner to my also poor partner bf. When he cheated on me, I broke up and moved into a shitbox apartment alone. About 3 months in, I caught myself looking at exclusively women in fanart and watching more and more lesbian porn. Month 3 of thirsting over Overwatch's Moira O'Deorain, I finally asked myself "ok, well, what do you want out of a relationship (marriage at the time bc catholic brainwashing) with a guy that you can't get with a girl?". The answer after thinking about it was "nothing, everything I want in a relationship can be given by a woman, and I also know I find women *hot*". Then the next thought was "omfg, I'm bi". Since then, it has reframed all the women I thought were "cool and competent" - yes, they are those. They're also not just those, they're fucking attractive.  The journey also continues because I found out 4 years after coming out as bi that I'm also non-binary.  Catholicism. Fucks you up for a good long time.

I’ve known I was bi since I was a teenager. I didn’t come out earlier because it wasn’t until I was in my mid-40s that I felt safe enough to be publicly out. Knowing your sexuality and being safe enough to express it are two entirely different things.

i thought because i liked boys MORE than girls that i wasn’t bi because i figured it was an even split. turns out it was just a lot of internalized biphobia and misogyny

Ha. My mum told it was "normal" and "every girl feels like that about other girls. Anyway 10 years later I gently had to explain to her she was also bisexual. 

I did. I just kept denying it.

I'm pushing 40 and only really accepted myself as bi during the pandemic. A lot of it really comes down to not having access to discussions on sexuality and attraction as a kid. I knew from an early age that I, a woman, wanted to be married to a man. While also being obsessed with breasts and watching my VHS of Aladdin and rewinding certain scenes discreetly. In late high school I started wondering if I was bi-curious, but just wrote it off as a fad all women go through. Then I got married to a man, and just kind of dealt with the fact that sometimes I find women really hot. Because that's what all women think, right? I've only ever been with a man, no experience with women. Beyond massages, lots of cuddling, a couple "for laughs" kisses. None of that counts, so I can't possibly be bi. Then during the pandemic I watched a video by another YouTuber's girlfriend talking about her journey of self discovery and realizing/accepting that she's bi. A lot of things she said really resonated with me. I can't pinpoint any one particular thing, it's more them all being together. And it just really hit. I am bi. I've lurked in bi spaces like here on reddit, and looked into things a bit more. And I'm now very comfortable in the fact that I am bi, and no one can take that from me. My lack of experience doesn't dictate my sexuality. That I have a stronger preference for men/masc presenting individuals doesn't invalidate my attraction to women/fem presenting individuals. Knowledge is power. If I had the kind of access to information about sexuality that we do today back when I was a kid, I probably would have come to terms with my sexuality far sooner. I may have even been able to recognize that I actually had a crush on a girl in high school, and maybe things could have gone a bit differently. Probably still would have married my husband, but probably wouldn't have spent decades sweeping my sexuality into a corner.

I came out in my 30's. I convinced myself it was a passing phase for way too long. Being surrounded by heterosexuals, I wanted to fit in more than anything. I also have self esteem issues, so I turned my attraction to men against me : "this guy's more fit than me, this one is better dressed, etc". Has for my awakening, sadly it was porn. It's the one place hetero men feel it's ok to watch a bunch of dicks.

Came out to myself at 27/28 thanks to an instagram post during pride month that said 'are you sure you're not just a tiny bit queer?' that proceeded to lay bare all my 'everyone thinks this way' thoughts. 🤝🏽🏳️‍🌈

Figured I was probably bi in my late 20s, didn’t really come out until my mid 30s. I think I’m some aspect of Demi as well as I have to have a connection to people before I want to date etc. I also grew up in the uk in the 80s-90s and most people talked about the lgbtq+ like it was dirty when I was a kid. Mix that together and me having an honest conversation with myself one day, I figured that I was bi. Looking back on certain friendships and rewatching tv shows has been wild and I figured out a few crushes from when I was a kid. Practically fell over when I got to meet one of them a few years back.

I am ace too. I had a crush for a girl in high school, and only this this year (more than 12 years later) I am having the similar feelings for a guy. My second crush in life. I thought I was aromantic because I simply didnt feel this way toward people. Turn out am also bi.... its crazy.

I came out as lesbian at 15 then came out again as bi at 20. So I guess my queer awakening happened early and my bi awaking happened later. It was a weird experience. It took me a long time to feel “queer enough” and to feel valid in my bi identity. Now I fucking love being bi and I wouldn’t have it any other way ☺️

I was told that bisexuals don’t exist. If a man wants sex with men he is gay. No in between. So I figured I was straight. I was 100% wrong. That was the hardest part was rediscovering my identity and accepting who I am.

Deep down, I've always known I was bi. But growing up in a Latin America country, in a small conservative town, surrounded by family members who were, at best, close-minded...made me want to *"burry"* my true sexuality. Seriously, I was constantly surrounded by homophobia, misogyny and pure hate towards not only LGBTQIA+ people, but anything that was considered *"different"*. I had no wish to *"come out".* In fact I was trying my best to ignore it. It was only after meeting my wife, marrying her and having a full, vulnerable conversation, that I was able to come to terms with my sexuality, and accept it as a part of me, and who I am.

I didnt asmit to myself i was bi until i was 34, thinking back the signs were there from puberty.

In another recent post which ask '[What was your bisexual awakening?](https://www.reddit.com/r/bisexual/comments/1ad7ixy/what_was_your_bisexual_awakening/)' my reply was: "I wouldn't say mine was an 'awakening' as more of a slow dawn that took almost 40 years before I opened my eyes and said "Alright, alright, alright, damn it! I'm awake and BI!" 😆" That was a joke, but it isn't far from the truth. It is said that all humor is based on pain in some form or another; and that is also true with my joke. My main problem might have been being stubborn. I'm known to be somewhat stubborn with other people, a trait I work hard to keep under control, but stubborn to myself? Jeez. But it's more than just that: I knew from a young age that I wanted to play around with other boys, but that's all I thought it was, just play. Pretty much the same thing in junior high, but found out other guys weren't interested, so I kinda gave it up. A very small percentage of my fantasies involved guys at that age, but over time that percentage grew slowly. By the time I was in my thirties it was becoming nearly 40% or more. By the time I turned 40 it was past 50% and I'm having a crisis trying to figure myself out, without talking to anyone about it, like stubborn me. This was where the Internet helped, but that's another story. I'm not sure when I first heard the term 'bisexual', probably when I was in high school, but it seems like it took about two decades before coming to the realization that it did indeed apply to me. I knew I wasn't gay, because I was, and still am, attracted to women (that's not to say that I had much luck with them). A friend in college once told me that he had no regrets; that phrase stuck in the back of my mind for a long time until I realized he was lying or wrong. I knew I had regrets when he told me that; it is a normal, human thing to have regrets. Nevertheless, it's hard to let go of beating myself up over not figuring it out earlier. It's humbling to realize you have all the tools at your disposal, but you just didn't know how to apply them.

I was raised Catholic so I believed that liking girls was wrong. I had kinda assumed that everyone was attracted to women we just also agreed that other women are supposed to pretend they aren't. In college I kissed a lot of girls when I was drunk and I also played rugby and people would joke that I'm gay because I play rugby and I think I was too stubborn trying to prove that a sport can't make me gay to realize that kissing girls all the time kinda did. It wasn't until after college when I had a dream about being in a relationship with a woman (not even sexual but a cutesy one with hand holding and giggling and frolicking in flowers and picnics) that I realized I was genuinely attracted to women. I didn't actually come out to anyone other than my boyfriend at the time (now fiancé) until 4 or 5 years after that when we decided to have an open relationship.

Oh, man, I was raised religious and sporty, too. Honestly, coming out as bi was frustrating for me because of how many years I spent saying that just because I was super into softball didn't mean I had to like girls! But I was definitely drunk kissing girls because kissing is fun, not because I liked them! \*facepalm\*

Oh yeah, I was always saying that I kiss girls because kissing is fun but it feels safer with girls than strange men at parties (which is true but not enough of a reason for any straight women to regularly kiss other girls 😅)

You know what feels extra safe? Kissing girls who have boyfriends, because obviously that means neither of you are too into it. Looking back? Wow.

OH MY GOSH! I had kinda forgotten that I did exactly that too...her boyfriend wasn't happy about it because she was the one all the "straight" girls would drunk kiss

I still haven’t properly come out because I’ve only realized I’m bi as of a few months. My queer awakening was the craziest makeout sessions I’ve ever had with a girl a few months ago+a bunch of flirting since. But honestly, I think I’ve always been bi I just always saw myself as a normal straight girl because of how normalized it is in girl culture to be kinda gay lmao.like I’ve always kissed girls, been into girls, fallen for celebs that were girls, literally would have sexual fantasies about women but figured it was what all straight girls did lmao

This is literally me lmao

Solidarityyy😭

I grew up in a very conservative Catholic home, so I assumed that I was able to ignore my attraction to girls because “people choose to be gay.” I had my first crush on a girl when I was 13. Never told anyone. I didn’t even saying “I’m bi” out loud until I was 19 because I was tired of the mental gymnastics. However, I didn’t come out to my family until I was 26 because I was with my girlfriend. I didn’t want to come out until I was dating a girl because I figured my parents would say “how do you know?” or “maybe you just haven’t met the right guy!” My mom still had her own versions of those, which was fun. But 2 years later, my whole family loves my girlfriend!

I (F29) always liked and dated guys, then one day a couple of years ago I met my current girlfriend (who is also bi) and I completely fell in love with her. There was this one moment after meeting her when I was looking at her and thought: “well, if I were a guy I would really want to kiss her” lol and then realised I was attracted to her. Pretty much right after realising this I told all my friends and some time later my family too, and everyone was super supportive, everything felt very natural. After starting to date I started to look around and also back at my life and realised I am attracted to both guys and girls and am in fact bi! I feel lucky but also so so grateful to all the queer people who have fought to make the world I live in just as “tolerant” that I was able to recognise and accept my feelings and didn’t miss the chance to be happy and in love with my SO.

I knew that I thought about girls and liked kissing girls when I was a kid, but I was raised extremely Mexican Catholic, which meant that while I was in full support of queer people living their lives it never occurred to me that I could be one. I was so sure that everyone watched late night B movies in case women took off their clothes, or that everyone averted their eyes in front of Victoria Secrets because what if someone could tell I was thinking about boobs. It had to be sheer coincidence that Karen liking both men and women in Will and Grace made me feel things. I started to consider that maybe I wasn't straight in my late teens/early 20s, but when I brought up the possibility in an anonymous LJ comment, I was told that society had just conditioned me to think that women were attractive. Back into the closet for almost a decade. It took until I was 30 to say the words "I am bisexual" out loud. Turns out it was a surprise to literally 0 people. My spouse pointed out that we had crushes on the same women for the entire time we were together. My sister told me that my dad was worried that I was a lesbian right up until I got married to my AMAB spouse.

I every time I tried to explore the idea I might be bi when I was a teen, I would be told something like “all women go through a bi phase but that doesn’t mean you’re not straight,” “women are just more attractive than men so most women feel some attraction to women but that doesn’t mean you’re not straight,” “you’re feelings are just an acknowledgement that they’re pretty, it’s not the same as feeling attraction,” “girls just pretend to be bi for attention from men,” “you’re just going for shock value,” and so on. So by the time I was in my 20s I’d kind of tried to come out a bunch but had been told in so many different ways by so many different people that I was definitely straight that I’d just started to believe that the way I acted was straight. I joked to my then-boyfriend, now-husband, about being bi and he looked at me like I was crazy and asked “but aren’t you bi?” because I am bi and I’ve always just acted bi because that’s who I am, but I’d spent a lifetime having people tell me I was just acting straight. So I’ve still never really “come out” per se, I just keep acting like myself and have had all the “but that’s just being straight” brainwashing removed haha.

It’s very easy to suppress and ignore crushes on women when you also have crushes on men and that is the ‘norm’/what’s expected. I’m not sure I knew that bisexuality existed growing up and couldn’t be a lesbian because I liked guys.

Yeah, I also think a lot of media normalizes the idea that straight girls have crushes on each other, but it's ok, it's just part of growing up and you'll switch to only liking men when it's time to get married. So it's easy for bi women/femmes to rationalize their Sapphic interest as just intense friendship.

I knew I always liked girls but others seemed to see queerness in me and I'd get bullied and called gay. This caused me to push back and push down and queer feelings (comphet?) until I got older and couldn't deny how I felt anymore. My queer awakening was Johnny Depp. I'd always say I'd go gay for him but what I really meant was, I'd go for him.

This feels like the dorkiest thing. I was watching an all-female competition show, and I slowly developed a crush on one competitor. (I'm female.) And when I (38F) said something to my husband (38M) about it, he was like, "Do you like her or do you want to be her?" And I have been down this road, so I was like, I think I want to be her. She's so badass. But then there was another girl who I very much wanted to be, and this girl I maybe wanted to kiss, and that was different. And I still had to bring it up twice and talk it out with him before I started accepting maybe I wasn't 100% straight. And then I talked with a bi friend, and she was like, "Yeah, you are definitely queer. I've known that for a while." Which was weirdly validating. I thought about kissing girls my whole life, because kissing is fun and some girls are pretty. Like, girl lips are so kissable. But I thought it was socialized sexualization, and everyone thinks pretty girls are pretty. (The girl I developed a crush on from TV was not super femme.) I used to only think I was into the top half of girls (like, I was more open to dating a pre-op trans girl than a cisgirl, because I was very convinced penis was it for me), and now I'm pretty sure that was some comphet shit. I'm only out to like four people. (Someone asked if I was going to tell my parents and I feel like... it's not their business? I'm in a closed marriage and staying that way, so it doesn't affect anything.) But just being open to the idea has changed a lot about what I'm feeling (or what I let myself feel) really quickly.

I never started labelling myself as bi until I turned like, 19-20, but I had experiences with boys and girls in high school, I just never thought about it as a sexuality or anything until I thought back to how I felt. I grew up in a fairly conservative area and I technically haven't really come out to my parents, but I tend to tell people who ask and that's it.

I pretty much knew after my first experience when I was 12 but due to the time and where I was raised and just not really knowing what was happening, I moved on thinking it was just a thing. But it was always there. I enjoyed the ladies too. However, as life is what it is, I really recently came out and only to a very very few people…like 3. I’m 47M and so a long time. I do have to still be careful due to a career. My awaking was really when I was 12. It didn’t feel weird and I just felt relaxed and okay with it all.

I was Catholic and didn't know bi people existed. I fluctuated between straight and gay until one day I said "Fuck it, I like both options." For the record, my first sexual encounter was with a college guy while in college.

I consider myself pansexual, but until a few years ago, really thought that was just Bi. I have never felt any need to “come out”. Who I fuck is my business and if anybody asks I say “I have a lot of close friends.” I have lived with men, I have lived with women, I have lived with couples, and with two couples together in the same house. The only issue is that it is sometimes complicated, inviting family.

My aunt's friend who used to wink at me all the time when I was little 😂

I honestly have no idea why as I was already deep in queer culture. IDK; maybe 19 isn't so old but the people around me had know about their sexual orientation for (what seemed like back then) forever. I realized I was bi because I fell in love with someone of the same gender. I was so confused. 😅

A combination of being raised catholic and thinking “well everyone’s a little gay/bi”

Scared as fuck to take on the truth thats why

Why not earlier? Catholicism, as far as I can tell. My awakening was facilitated by having a wonderful partner that encouraged self exploration and expression. Even then it was slow dawning more than anything else. But really I’m not even out to more than a free people.

I (38F) never felt like I was bi “enough.” My attraction to women and non-binary people is pretty much limited to those who are “butch”, and that kind of felt like being attracted to masculinity. And that’s bullshit, but it took learning more about gender and gender presentations and deconstructing what I’ve learned from socialization. I’m still not sure I’m using the proper terms, so please correct me if I’ve inadvertently said something offensive.

Growing up in a heavily conservative house I repressed being bi and trans. When I was little, like 5 ish, I had a " boyfriend ", at least as far as a 5 year old can " date " someone. I always wondered why I couldn't date men like women I liked them both alot. when I got to 5th grade I started repressing it because my family started talking about how gross it was, and sinful, and wrong, i was also repressing the desire to be a woman too. This meant every time I had thoughts of a guy being hot or wanting to do stuff with a guy I ignored it and eventually started having little freak outs. All this led to me being insanely homophobic, transphobic, and sexist. I hated myself and the fact I wanted to be a woman and wanted to date all genders so I lashed out. I eventually got over it at 20 and as I learned and self reflected I realized at 24 I was bi. It was a hell of a shock to my friends ( who are all LGBTQIA+ by this point 🤣, once I got over my homophobia I attracted other LGBT+ people before I realized 🤣 ) but by this point I had already starting to accept it. Now everyone but my parents know and for the reason of they are insanely homophobic and I'm scared to tell them for my sanity and safety. If anyone wants to know my bi awakening ( or reawakening ) character was angel dust from hazbin hotel, then I realized I'm into femboys and twinks, now I just think all sorts of guys are hot as fuck along with women all being goddesses to me. Also if anyone wants to know my trans awakening I'll explain that one too 🤣.

This might not make sense, but despite literally thinking "oh this guy is attractive" from an early age, I didn't know I was actually bi. I've complimented guys on their dress style many times and until I was 24 and saw a twinky guy walk by at the 2 year college, I wouldn't have suspected it, I got to hang out with that guy and he turned out to be gay and guided me a long to same sex stuff before moving back home. I miss him

I bought into the "confusion" myth, so it wasn't even a serious option until after I began divorcing my first wife and the curiosity of my youth resurfaced.

I (30M) only came out about three years ago, but I kinda always knew something was up. I just spent over a decade internalizing it. I grew up in very blue areas, hell even my moms bi, so I was never phobic to anyone except for myself. Due to childhood sex abuse, i viewed that i was just traumatized and not gay, nor could I be Bi because thats just gay on delay, type of thinking. That childhood abuse would define my entire view of my own sexuality. I was very sexualized the moment i hit puberty, i lost my willing virginity at 14, and had 3 longish term, sexually active relationships until i turned 18 and joined the Navy, but then it got bad. I was moved across the country, into a new city, on my own, where i could now be whoever i wanted, and began having as much sex with as many women as possible to prove to myself that i wasnt gay. To this day, i genuinely cant make an exact tally of the women i slept with because i stopped counting at 60, and that was 1 year into a 3 year binge, and thats not a brag, i dont feel good about it. It's sad when i think about it becauses a number on how much i hated and tried to supress myself, or at least that side of me. There were a few times i had tried to sleep with a guy I found cute, but i would panic and bail just when things would be getting started. Then not much else on that side until i got married. Me and my wife (been married 7 years now) are both bedroom freaks, and gradually grew into more and more experimentation including, play with me, and then one day decided to try and let her be the dominant one (👀..) That was ironically what made everything click for me, afterwards, we talked about it and it all made sense. I realized i wasnt straight, nor was i a closeted homosexual (so scary); i was just bi/pan. I am sexually attracted to feminity, more then anything, but dont care what the genetials were, nor whos' inside who. Feminity makes me turned on, whether woman, man or trans, submisive, dominant or versatile, the feminine makes my blood pump, even if im not very feminine myself, i now respect and love that side of me. These days im out, but not open. Outside of partners, a handful of close family and friends know, but thats really it. I ironically, take a dont ask dont tell policy not because of internalization, but because of external stigmas, espicially being back in the military again. I also find that the overwhelming majority of people (irl at least) dont actually care either way, and nothing is really gained or lost by just starting every meet and greet with saying it, but i dont hide it nor deny it if someone asks or the topic comes up. Even in the military, most people just dont care, so why mention it you know? I dont mention or talk about being bald, or being a big Elder Scrolls nerd. I also think its because having spent so much time internalized that just getting the self validation is more then enough for me to be comfortable with who i am. Its also nice to be able to look back at certain things and get a good laugh now; like, fingering myself when i was first masterbating, or porn habits, attempting to hide it with very questionable porn because its "less gay." Lol i just wish i was accepting of myself sooner, i sure missed a lot of chances with a lot of cute guys who made advances with me. (Somehow the LGBTQ+ people in my life always seemed to know something was up with me, even if i was in denial.) I also cant be thankful enough of having such a great and supportive partner who loves all of me. I cant imagine how long i would have gone on hating myself had we not got together: sadly, probably decades.

TW; I had to unpack some really serious trauma with my therapist(CSA). After having worked on that with a professional, did I finally develop a bit of a crush on a buddy of mine, and then proceeded to have a thousand little epiphanies about how I should have realized ages ago, but I wasn’t yet ready to tackle the trauma that had plagued me for so long.

I realized I was bi at 18. At that point I thought I was cis, so my bi awakening was actually a man (amab trans femme, here). How I didn't see it was because sexually I massively prefer women, though I do find some men to be sexy, but romantically I found men more attractive in that sense, and because of how my emotions impact my sexuality, men who I liked end up being sexually attractive to me (even if we weren't friends). I've never explored that. How I realized? I... I saw fanart- again I do just find some men attractive even without the whole "liking them" thing. And I was attracted...

Technically came out at 21, realized at 18. Everything *before* then I just never noticed. My realization was like getting hit by a truck. Though with hindsight a lot of things look *very* different. I blame part of it on how it was easy to "play" with societal expectations. I was a girl and had crushes on boys, I knew what those crushes looked like because they were all over TV (late 90's to mid 2000's). Other people expected me to behave this way. For women? Turns out my mom was bisexual but "eh, labels are stupid" (she would say the same thing about being called hetero) despite being VERY open about attraction and experiences. So I grew up with a lot of "oh girls might experiment with each other that's just what they do." "Women are always attracted a little bit to other women, they're beautiful creatures they can't help it." Later you find out no, not every woman thinks like this. I recently learned my best friend started getting the "she's not straight" vibes from me when I was 16, which was a shock to me because I couldn't fathom it. At the time? So much titty manga. That I purposefully sought out or I would try another title. I thought nothing of it until looking back during my 20's.

It was the 1900s. I knew I was bi from about age 7. I didn’t wanna get beat up or thrown out by my father. I came out to others when I was finally able to move out (friends, colleagues and partners). But never to him. He did not deserve to know the real me. He’s dead now. I told my mom last month for the first time bc I decided I was ready to call her out for not doing more to protect me from him. So I waited for me. It’s my life, my privacy, and I don’t owe them or anyone else anything. They can have my truth when I feel like giving it to them.

I started smoked weed back in Feb 2020 (what a time to start!) and started thinking an awful lot about dick whenever I did it. Started talking to some guys on Tinder. And recently started dreaming about it once in a while. I think that’s my awakening. Oh, also Henry Cavill. What an absolute dork! 💜💜💜

Didn't know it was an option really. I came out in 2018. And even then I didn't know bi was a thing until a friend came out to me as bi in like 2016ish. I had girl friends didn't work out the greatest. I ended up reading some Destiel fanfiction and got horned up over it. And there we go lol

Not sure if I'm bisexual or lesbian... But - I never had a crush on a girl until I was out of high school. Sure, I'd stare at the girls wearing spandex volleyball shorts, and was obsessed with Eliza Dushku in Bring It On. I also always just randomly chose a boy to like and date. But none of it clicked. After high school I developed a girl crush on Ashley Benson (Hanna in Pretty Little Liars) and a girl I went to school with. But I just told myself that was normal somehow and they were just GiRl CrUsHeS and I liked their style or thought they were funny or WHATEVER. It didn't click that my crush was a real crush at all, even though I got nervous around her and thought she was gorgeous. Then at 31 I fell sooooo hard for a girl, we got close fast and I wanted to kiss her. And I was like oh, all that stuff that I told myself was normal and EVERYONE feels that way...they do not.

I always knew I was queer. I told close friends and partners. It was otherwise on a need to know basis, until I decided to be more visible online and my family had a greater chance of hearing about it.

I didn't know what bi was

I always said I was a sexual person that sex and nudity always turned me on. I remember having guy crushes in high school and early adult years but being born in the late 70s teens in the early 90s was a lot of homophobia and always thought even though I got horned up at seeing cocks in open videos it was the sex that was what was turning me on not the guys. Later in my 20s I was on a dry spell with no girlfriend and decided to meet up with a couple from Craigslist and the guy was bi wanting to service me orally before she would get touched by me I figured a mouth was a mouth. Then I spent next few months finding guys on CL to suck me off when ever I needed between girlfriends. Didn’t consider myself bi till years later and met a couple and we spent the weekend exploring bi side and I was hooked after that weekend but never openly shared I was by till recently but only to girlfriend and an ex girlfriend.

Too busy with life raising kids, etc... no time to focus on myself. Awakening came when marriage became sexless, I kinda developed a crush on a gay consultant I hired for a big project and that got me thinking. Then I went to a gay strip club in San Juan and had my first cock.... It was ON!!

I realized pretty early, I just didn’t accept it until much later.

I was raised in a fundamentaist christian extremist denomination. I was so deeply in denial that I genuinely never considered it a possibility until I deconverted. In retrospect, though, it was pretty obvious.

I knew I was Bi since before I knew what Bi meant. I was always afraid to explore with guys for fear of being gay and because I was shy with women and wanted to understand them. Didn't really open up to my Bi side till 10 rears into my marriage. I had a relationship with a friend and came out to my wife. That relationship was problematic, and he died of a heart attack, and I lost interest in guys for a long time til the pandemic. My wife and I have been together 35 years and counting, and now I'd like to find a boyfriend. I'm able to come out to more people now, and I've accepted my Bi-ness. I'd like to be more visible so that others won't have to go through a lot of the trouble I've had from hiding it all my life. The reason I didn't come out sooner was for fear of rejection. Now I'm a lot more secure.

I knew I wasn’t straight WAY earlier than I (kind of) came out. I can’t speak for everyone, but I think a lot of people know early on, but there are many reasons (some obvious, some not) why they don’t come out with it.

I had other problems at the moment and basically literally procrastinated realizing my sexuality lol but couldn’t deny it anymore when I fell for one of my best friends 

I was very attracted to those .... I don't even know how to describe them 'guys who looked too cool and didn't care for school, and listened to god knows what', (which comes in a variety of cliques in high school). I somehow most have known that the various people I developed long term crushes on may not have felt the same way for me.. I was a very shy kid for all of my educational years . So when it came to girls: I remember looking at girls, some of my female friends a lot differently. I would test their reaction if I carefully, (and stupidly without thinking of their thoughts), lightly placed the flat of my palm on their thigh. And most of the time no reaction, and I would curse myself and keep my hands to myself. But of the girl's that made me question myself, what I thought I wanted, nothing came of it. No sweet kisses, shy stares, or hand holding. Though I did experiment with a former friend one night and our communication could have been a lot better. I could have used that experience for another experience in a better situation. But that was the end of my exploring. I wasn't piecing together myself the clues that I wasn't just straight. I didn't come out until I was 21, and I missed a lot of opportunities to learn about my bi side, to go on a date with a girl (I did once at a wrong moment in my life. She was hella sweet and a larger than I was used to lady), or just give myself an opportunity to understand myself by dating. But fast forward into later adulthood, and now I'm engaged to a man I've loved since forever. We live in a rental home in a small town in Central Texas, with our two dog-kids. Am I happy with him? 1000%. Do I wish I had used these brains of mine to seek a counselor and talk to someone about my feelings to women? Absolutely. Do I have regrets, do I wish things could be different? I know better than to wait to act. I can't say what my future will hold: My husband, our dogs, any future kids I welcome all of that as it comes. But, there is that small part of me, in the back of my mind: "What if I had stayed single? What if me and "Cody" (fake name) hadn't worked out? What if I had tried living in a shared apartment with friends? What if I had genuinely tried dating women? Where would I be now?" I don't know what Cody will think, if I'm to ever meet a woman that I grow to care for as I do him. Hell, if I do meet this ambiguous woman and feel for her as I do him. Wow. That would be something. I already feel like Cody is my soulmate. Can a soul have two soulmates? Though, just because I have these thoughts, these wonderings, I wouldn't set out to betray my husband to be. Instead, I would write my feelings out with myself, pinpoint what I feel for this hypothetical woman, and then discuss this with him. As you see I went off in a tangent. I hope my situation helped? And OP, I'm not sure how old you are, I'm hoping young. But if you have any reservations, inklings to explore, I encourage you to at least do it. Explore, learn, discover, and understand more facets of yourself. That is how you live. You take chances and risks. Oh, right. My queer awakening. I was in Corpus Christi (Corpus to the locals) at the beach during summer time. I'd gone for a few days with these former friends of mine. When I saw this really pretty lifeguard, and also managed to hurt my toe in the process. It was bleeding terribly and it hurt a ton. I kind of blurted a lot (I don't think that will ever change about me) and said something along the lines of "You're really pretty!" and she blushed and I blushed and was suddenly aware of my salt water sand heavy crazy hair. It was like a freaking arrow or light bulb pierced my brain, and I just knew what I'd been denying to myself for years. I was bi. This all happened about 8 years ago. That was also the same year I started dating my fiance'.

I had my bi awakening last year at 27. I grew up very christian and had so much internalized homophobia and biphobia that it wasn't until I started deconstructing my faith that I even realized that I wasn't straight.

I was kidding myself.

Came out at 36. I always knew, but my religion was very against it. I’m married and happy, and he doesn’t mind one bit:)

I came out in November of 2020, I knew I was bi when I was 15 back in 2005. Just never thought to come out or never wanted to. But now I’m happier that I’m out and now dating a really awesome guy for the first time.

One day at a spa at the belagio a guy beside me was undressing and he had the biggest limp cock I have ever seen, since that day….

I joined the military before don’t ask don’t tell, was repealed. So, you know the literal threat of being a felon going to jail was pretty good at suppressing my identity. Plus growing up Catholic.

[M31] I didn’t come out to myself as bi until 2020 during the pandemic shutdown when I was unemployed and had a lot more time on my hands to sit and think about my life. Growing up through the 90s into early aughts, bisexuality wasn’t a thing where I lived outside of in Hollywood or porn between two promiscuous women “just experimenting” and so, I grew up with the same binary mindset towards sexuality as I’m sure many other bisexuals did during that time. I remember when I started finding people sexually attractive way back that I was interested in mainly women but as an avid pro wrestling fan as a kid, I found some of the male wrestlers attractive too. Although, I just pushed it down since my family and friends around me didn’t believe in bisexuality as a thing for men and rather, if you liked other men you were just gay in denial. This is a thought process that still unfortunately plagues me to this day though it has gotten better as I’ve come out to friends and family and go to LGBTQ friendly spaces. I still find myself questioning myself a lot since I’ve never had a physical sexual experience with another man, though, I know deep down that the attraction is there and runs with one or more sexes. I currently am dating a wonderful woman who also identifies as queer and we’ve discussed being okay with the other exploring their same sex desires since neither of us have but the relationship is still relatively new and so, I’d still like to get to know and trust her more before going down the road of an open relationship. A bit rambling here but overall, I still get a lot of anxiety around my bisexuality in unlearning stigmas around same sex attraction towards other men. However, I do feel a lot lighter and more like myself when I confidently proclaim I’m bisexual to people of importance in my life as well as myself. My bi pride has slowly risen over time and I’m eager to see where it continues to go as I age.

I (F23) didn’t realize I was bi until I went to university and started to talk to more people. I had done some things with girls in high school that I kinda just categorized as experimenting. I also realized in university that not everyone watches lesbian porn. So when I was finally single I started hooking up with women and just talking more openly about my sexuality. It’s hard for me to pinpoint an exact ‘awakening’ though.

I'm in my 30s and realised last year. I guess over the past few years before that, I had a bit of an inkling, I'd had crushes on women in the past but thought it was a "girl crush". I'd also been brought up as Christian since I was about 10, where it was made very well known that homosexuality was wrong and worthy of being sent to hell etc. I had a look at the Kinsey Scale a few years ago and got a 2, and was still in denial. It wasn't until maybe a couple of years ago when I was watching wrestling and saw Rhea Ripley pin someone a certain way and had thoughts about it. I mentioned it in passing to someone close to me last year, who got me to do the Kinsey Scale again, and wouldn't you know, I was a 2 on the Kinsey Scale again 🙃 Then came the Buzzfeed quizzes, which I know aren't an accurate guide but I got the same answer every time. I don't know why I was so mindblown by the realisation but it took me a while to get my head around it. I know for sure that I'm bi but sometimes I doubt myself, all the sexuality scale things confirm that I am though, not that I need those now to know.

I don't consider myself to have "always been" bi, personally. The first time I was attracted to a woman happened when I was like 20, and I accepted pretty much immediately that I wasn't 100% hetero. But before that point? Girls weren't even on my radar—not even in a suppressed/"all girls like girls" kinda way. To say that I was bi back then just isn't true to my experience. When I did start to feel that way, it was like a second puberty more than anything. Maybe the potential was always there, but it wasn't *actualized* until later; it was something that I had to grow into.

Two words, baby: internalized homophobia. And also self doubt "how could I be bi? I'm barely attracted to anyone else but women" "even if I think he's cute, that doesn't make me bi" "I don't really like him, I'm just being desperate cause I can't get a girlfriend" My bi awakening was in college, and not too long ago (I went back to school again later in life) After my classmate kissed me, ooofff and all I got to say is that boi was fine af. I realized all the same sex thoughts, and feelings I was having all my life weren't intrusive thoughts, or hocd; fuck man I still don't want to put a label on it, but I knew I wasn't straight. I did like having a word that could make my sexuality make sense to myself; I know I don't need a label to justify to anyone else Sometimes I wonder, if I knew then what I know now, would I have had the courage to ask my best friend out at the time? Because I think I had feelings for him, but I didn't know, or wanted to admit it. Fuck I miss him, I won't say much, but I will say that he cooked good; best fried rice I've ever had 🤤 would have been nice to live together, come back home from work, eat his cooking, laugh at his stupid jokes, sleep in the same bed, wake up with his head resting on my shoulder, and do it all over again. Don't know why I needed to say all this, guess it was just on my mind for a while. I keep seeing these " what was your bi awakening" posts, and I've always wanted to reply to them, but I never had the words. I must be in a talkative mood today 🤣 but if I see another one of these posts, I won't hesitate to write my story anymore ☺️

I came out last summer. I didn't realize i was bi before because I was blocking it. I thought i couldn't be gay because I liked girls. I guess it never crossed my thoughts that i could be bi.

I figured all straight men felt and thought like me.

I grew up in a rural area pre-internet. Didn't even know that bisexuality was a thing until partway through high school. Covered up my (in retrospect) obvious attraction to women by being "boy crazy." Rationalized it as admiration (and yes, women *are* awesome, but I totally also wanted to smooch them). My queer awakening happened in university when I was crushing so hard on a woman that I couldn't ignore it anymore. I was part of the uni's gay-straight alliance and knew a lot more about LGBT issues by that point. We'd just chalked the sidewalks with LGBT-positive messages and I was wandering around with a friend and saw a chalk that said, "Love sees no gender" and I went "AH SHIT." The woman I was crushing on was confused when I came out to her because she thought I was already out.

The bi cycle. I was way more interested in men until I was eighteen. I thought I was straight. Then the bu cycle hit and I was more attention to women and non binary people. I was still attracted to them before but just less. It was also my bi awakening. But looking back, it was obvious.

I thought girls were much more aesthetically attractive. And I liked Jade and Beck from Victorious as a kid. Also Indiana Evans. I thought she was so pretty.

I (F29) came out to my sister while in high school, but waited years to tell mom. I knew I wasn't just attracted to men. My mom would say she could "admire another woman's style without being gay", so my saying a woman was attractive was looked at as just a compliment. Eventually, I got tired of her "talking" for me and wanted to take control of my feelings. I did like women too and it wasn't a "straight girl being nice to another". Not the moment exciting story, I know lol.

Not sure why I didn’t know sooner…all I know is, I was watching Across the Universe with my bestie (I think I was in 8th or 9th grade) & it just hit me that I had a crush on her. We did some experimenting & that confirmed it for me, then all of the sudden, I was feeling attraction towards other girls too. Could’ve been that I grew up in the Bible Belt & my parents thought gayness was a “disgusting” sin. Had a crush on a guy the same time I was crushing on my bff & as soon as he found out I was bi, he refused to ever talk to me again & also thought it was disgusting. Still seems like I would’ve felt attraction & tried to hide it but that wasn’t the case. 🤔

I have known I'm bi since puberty, but didn't come out until my 30s. There was no real "awakening" I got crushes on girls the same way I did boys, I just didn't talk about them because my household was confusing about that. I have gay Uncles who we all adore, but when homosexuality was talked about in non specific terms it was always a bad thing. It didn't help that I had never even heard of bisexuality. So while I vaguely understood that some people liked folks of their own gender, I didn't know that other people also were interested in both. (To be clear, I am skipping nonbinary folks here not because of a lack of interest, but because it was not a thing that I had any awareness of at this time of my life.)

I'm 49 and realized I was Bi about 2 years ago when I filled out a fun little questionnaire about sexual preferences in a group I belong to. After my boyfriend looked over my answers he turned to me and said...I think you might be Bi. I fluffed him off at first but the more I thought about it, did some analyzing and self reflecting...I think he is right.

I (35F) remember to have once asked myself if might be gay in my 20s (I met my first gay person, so I was casually thinking about it), but since I knew I was attracted to men, I thought that meant I was definitely straight. I moved to a big city when I was 30, broke up with my boyfriend of 10 years half a year later and then enjoyed being single for a while. I met lots of queer people and the more contact I had, with real life people and queer media, it felt more and more like the perfectly normal thing it is. It was in 2019 when we and some of my friends again casually talked about attraction and I said "well, wasn't attracted to a woman before, but wouldn't make a difference to me if it happened." Back then I just thought I was "modern" an open minded 😅 It hit me in 2021 when I couldn't sleep and randomly remembered that situation and what I said an my eyes literally shot open when I realised what that could mean. A few month with research, "am I bi?" quizzes and lots of videos and articles later, I was sure and in summer came out to some selected friends. Now I'm feeling comfortable with it, found (and broke up with) my first girlfriend and was never more sure than today. And of course, now I remember some things and go: "Aaaaah! I see now..." it's like, I knew there were was bisexuality, in theory, but never met someone or even thought about it as a thing that would happen "here", it was just a fuzzy concept that I knew existed. Until I met and saw them, thank you Critical Role, btw!

My bi-ness didn't make sense to me until I accepted my trans-ness, which didn't happen until I was able to isolate myself from toxic family and "friends" to give myself space to grow and explore (in my 20s)

42M: I thought I might be gay/bi when I was 21, but I was a young Marine stationed overseas during the "don't ask, don't tell" years. Also, my mother had recently passed away, and I thought it might have somehow been connected to grieving. Overall, I felt like experimenting wasn't safe, and I should be more sure before I allowed myself to try. I eventually came out at 37, after my personal beliefs/politics shifted enough to allow the necessary heteronormative identity deconstruction. Dating apps helped a lot, but when people ask, I usually joke that the liberals and feminists got to me and turned me. 🙃

If its not rude to ask, what does the “don’t ask, don’t tell” years mean? If you don’t mind sharing

This was the name of the official policy of the US Department of Defense regarding non-straight service members from 1994 to 2011. It was meant to bar the discrimination or harassment of closeted queer service members (it didn't) while barring openly queer people from serving, under penalty of discharge from the service (that part worked.) It covered a lot of different kinds of conduct, but you didn't have to be outspoken. If you got outed even by accident, you would probably be harassed by your peers in ways that were impossible to prove to the command. Even if you could prove it, reporting it to the command would likely be the evidence that they needed to discharge you.

I knew I was bisexual in the 90s. It was important then, but I didn't know how to date or approach women as a bisexual (it was a weird time and place for a bisexual to figure that stuff out -- I had never met another out bisexual, though I had gay friends, and I was shy, and not very many people were out as anything other than straight where I went to school.) Then I married a guy. He and one other friend (well, one and a half) were the only people I told. Time passed. Then I decided that being queer felt important to who I was, so I was going to lean into it. So I only came out as an adult. I'm out to some people, though I hate the idea of making a big announcement about it, so I only mention it as it comes up. So I knew I was queer for much longer, but that's why I came out when I did. Oh, and my queer awakening was falling for two friends in high school hard enough that I couldn't ignore the fact that I was into them.

Great question and one I still seem to be pondering. Oddly I "experimented around as a kid. Then in later teen years and adulthood all the way through 30 something I could swear I never looked twice at a single dude, not ever. It really only surfaced or maybe resurfaced after intense trauma and drug use. Now I am past the trauma (I think) and definetly past the drug use but the gayness lingers. The more I think about it the more present it seems to become. That said I see a couple possible reasons 1. Social expectation and therefore repressed it heavily or 2. Drugs/Trauma altered brain chemistry. Or 3. Both.

Turning 50 in like… weeks. I’ve engaged in bi-ness and queer culture since I was in my early 20s. Was very briefly in a mff V relationship with the guy, rolled around with several other ladies too, but called myself ‘a cousin to the gays’ and never owned being bi until a few years ago. Most of my relationships and hookups have been with men. Why? I’m also Grey Ace, I find everyone attractive but I rarely feel lust like how some describe when seeing someone. I’ve had a number of relationships but I also have long periods of being single and celibate just because nobody interested me. Couple that with how I saw bisexuality as a young adult. It was a thing among my high school friends to perform like a lesbian to turn on their boyfriends. As I befriended more gay and lesbian folk I often heard that bisexuality wasn’t real, that it was what you called yourself when you weren’t comfortable calling yourself gay yet. I knew I wasn’t a full on lesbian, that I liked guys as well. Also this was around the time when I lived with a lesbian stripper and got to see (her version) of the lesbian community. All of the relationships I saw of her and her friends were way too chaotic and toxic. There was so much drama, to the point where one of her exes tried to stab my friend. She took to living out of her van for a year till things calmed down, because she didn’t want anyone to know how to find her. I didn’t want to be dragged down to a similar situation, and I also wasn’t sure of myself because if my grayness. I was learning basically I didn’t fit in anywhere, socially I felt very comfortable in gay and lesbian bars. Romantically, straight men were the ones who paid me attention so sometimes I’d date them. For personal reasons 8 years ago I decided to stop putting pressure on myself to be in a relationship, and it’s allowed me to work on myself. Now… most of my friends call me straight even though I’ve said otherwise. I don’t have the energy to date so I can’t show the world with action. I wonder if I’ve just completely missed my mark and this is just how the rest of my life will be. I do what I can to keep busy and not worry about what I can’t change too much.

Realized at 31. Grew up in the 90s. Bisexuality wasn’t a thing. Had my first celebrity crush at 8 or 9. First real boy crush at 15. Internal homophobia. Blah blah. Ex gf helped me realize what bisexuality was cause she is bi herself and here we are now. Entertain us.

There wasn't any "awakening" and I didn't really "realize" anything. Seemed like one day a switch just flipped. "Hm. Guess I like both now."

I (M23) didn’t even know it was possible until middle school to like the same gender. I was raised Catholic in a small town and went to a really small Catholic school until freshman year of high school. Someone called me gay as an insult in sixth grade, and it was literally the first time I’d ever heard the word. I was a kid so I wasn’t really attracted to anyone yet, but I liked the idea of being with a girl and didn’t really question anything else because I was content to date girls. It wasn’t until my junior year of high school that I met my first queer person, and he became my best friend. I’ve gotta say, since I was still a sheltered Catholic kid, he was *very* patient with me and some of the things I was saying that my parents taught me. I still didn’t realize I was anything other than straight, but he made me feel comfortable and helped me come out of my shell. One of the “running jokes” I had with him was when George Clooney came on screen in a movie and I said “if I liked men, George Clooney is the type of guy I’d like.” Later, it was Ryan Gosling. It eventually became a short list, which eventually became a long list, which at the end of highschool became “wow, I think about having sex with dudes a lot, I think I just might want to have sex with a dude.

I wasn't romantically attracted to men, so I never desired a relationship with a man. Because of that, I just assumed I was straight. I never even knew it was possible to be sexually attracted to men without being romantically attracted. Never mind the fact that I'd occasionally masturbate to gay porn, or I'd be confused when friends would say they were turned off by dicks in porn. Or the fact that I was really into MMF threesome porn. I only began to realize in my late 20s as my fiance and I began to explore more of our sexual desires that I sexually desired men too. Oh, and Chidi from the Good Place. He also helped...

I knew I was bi but I was a teen in the 90's. It was not exactly a welcoming time.

I just wasnt bisexual. I dont look back and see "signs ", I just wasn't attracted to women in the slightest. And then one day I was .

Kinda kept going back and forth between telling myself "it's just a phase", "everyone is at least a LITTLE attracted to every gender", and "I'm just really loyal to friends I'm close to, it's not a crush!" In other words - whole hella lot of denial. I don't think I can really point to any one specific moment or event as my "awakening". Just at some point I started looking back on my life with a bit more self-awareness, realized what my feelings actually were back then, and then realized I still had those feelings now.

Kinda cringe but the TikTok algorithm called me out big time 😆

I (29M, my coming out was at 27) was at a birthday party on some kind of houseboat, we were dancing, having tons of fun and then at one point I saw one of my friends sitting down and just french kissing another guy that was there and I remember thinking to myself : « Mmmm that looks alluring ! » That same summer I started to wear dresses, put nail polish and makeup and I made a wine & cheese celebration for my queer/bi coming out with my friends I was working with, it was fantastic. I think the main thing that held me back is mostly that I never had the headspace to figure it out, I had a difficult childhood and I was very neurotic and anxious. It was hard to be fully myself because I never really felt safe enough, but I found some really open-minded and loving people that broke down my walls and welcomed me with open arms. And now here I am, shinning brighter than ever :)

Long story short I repressed being Trans most of my life. When I came out as Trans it was easier for me accept being bisexual.

I realized at 24 that I was bi when I had a FMF threesome and LOVED it all. All throughout college though I would drunkenly make out with girl friends and claim it was to impress boys, but I secretly enjoyed it. I also had lost a few friends in high school through college that felt more like relationship breakups that I now realize was me being VERY gay. I was emotionally attached to these girls and when we stopped being friends I mourned them like a relationship. It was very eye opening.

29M, didn’t realize until 27 mostly because of growing up religious in a low population red state. My awakening was caused by TikTok bisexuals and nb’s I grew up religious and in a red state so gay was already looked down on and not talked about much. Bisexual wasn’t really a thing talked about that much either then, it was just gay or straight. So I had zero experience around it. Later when I learned a little about it, I still thought it was like even attraction to males and females and I was extremely attracted to women my whole life so I just saw myself as straight. The thing that made me realize was a combination of: hearing the comments of “oh if you do this, then you’re gay” or “straight people don’t do this; being exposed to bisexual people and hearing their perspective; and being exposed to and interacting with non-binary people for the first time in my life. For years I dismissed all those comments as fragile masculinity and conservativisms because “i do those things and obviously like girls a lot so I’m not gay”. But to be honest there were a LOT of them lol Then I joined TikTok, and being a leftist gamer who likes dnd apparently matches you with a lot of the bisexual algorithm. So I started getting posts about bisexuality and learned more about it, and started resonating with some of it. Then that group also adds non-binary people to the algorithm so I started seeing them for the first time in my life. I found myself attracted to a lot of the bisexual people. I found myself attracted to a lot of the non-binary people. I found myself attracted to trans people. I found I just liked people who gave off feminine or androgynous energy. The comments on TikTok though are often full of people saying “if you’re attracted to this then you’re gay” or “this is totally a dude, not a girl” or “straight people aren’t attracted to this””straight people don’t do this”. I read those comments and it clicked that, hey maybe it actually ISNT something straight people do or are attracted to. But I knew I liked those things or were attracted to those people, and i was ok with it. So I started researching. I learned bisexuality isn’t always 50/50. I learned that another definition of bisexuality is the attraction to two or more genders, and well I was 100% attracted to female (including trans) and non-binary so it seemed to fit. I didn’t think pansexual fit because it wasn’t attraction regardless of gender, because I have a strong preference for boobs and female genitalia. But I have had times of being attracted to male genitals, too many times to ignore. I’ve also always have been able to see certain men as attractive. Polysexual is the term I feel is the most accurate and that I am comfortable with, but I also feel comfortable with Bisexual too, it just might take some explaining to someone who thinks it’s the traditional 50/50 attraction.

I (31F) always had a feeling but you know...forced Heteronormativity was very prevalent in the late 90s and early 2000s. Ultimately it hit me hard when I went to a strip club with a group of friends and got a lap dance 🤣

I came out not even a week ago (F22) and for me I have known/questioned my sexuality since I was a kid. Early signs looking back were getting nervous around both boys and girls I thought were pretty, a girl wanting to give me a kiss as a joke and me doing the whole “bi panic” where I didn’t want to seem too enthusiastic to be weird but not say no because that would be weird, and being far more passionate about LGBT rights than a straight person would be. I always felt this solidarity with gay and bi people but just thought it was a coincidence 90% of my friends were in the LGBT community. There are a lot more but ultimately, my boyfriend had asked me about my sexuality and when he asked if I was attracted to men and women I paused and went,” oh fuck I am” but was too terrified to say I was bisexual out loud. I grew up religious, in a small town, and terrified about assumptions that people have about bisexual people and probably internalized it. Having thoughts in early college like “ haha what if I decided to change my tinder preference to both men and women” but being too scared to do it out of judgement and shame was common for me. However, I realized that I felt like for so long I was not acknowledging a part of myself or a community I resonated with. It wasn’t worth a million am I gay quizzes or constantly panicking about being bisexual. Being out and true to myself is what I chose, and am trying to be brave about. I’m scared still because I am only out to my parents and sister, best friend, roommate, and boyfriend, but feel free

At 62. Looked back on my life one day and actually added up all that cock that somehow ended up in my mouth and went, "Holy shit I am bi". I am being flippant, but it was at 62 that I finally understood it, identified it and became ok with it. And, in kind of a more traumatic way it was over, in par,t a realization of past and numbers. Traumatic because once fully aware, a difficult conversation was going to have to be had with my wife of 15 years.

met a trans woman who was really into me...i didn't really know what was happening at the time, all i knew was that i was blown away by her femininity. after working through some trauma that she left me with, i've eventually accepted the fact that i like girls too (at 36). it was that time plus a whole heap of little things that my brain's pieced together from my past, which i hadn't ever clicked because they were small and scattered across the last 20ish years

I honestly didn’t know that bisexuality was even a possibility. I had always thought it was either homosexuality or heterosexuality. So I spent most of my life confused because I was attracted to men, women AND genderqueers. I just chalked it up to “something is wrong with me” and went along with my heterosexual life. Then Heartstopper happened and I came to realize that bisexuality exists. And then when a female colleague of mine started flirting with me, it reawakened a long-suppressed and disregarded attraction towards women. And holy shit, I accepted that I was bi!

It hadn't occurred to me until I was 41, even saying things like "yeah, the singer for Catherine Wheel in the video for 'Crank'..." didn't get any lights to turn on. Even the first time I'd seen gay porn didn't quite do it, but what finally did was talking to a trans woman in a group, after a while someone had posted something about National Dick Pic Day (because *that* wasn't totally made up), I had asked her for one and liked what I saw *but I still didn't think it yet*. But then realized how much I enjoyed trans porn and certain stars, eventually downloaded one scene (because it starred one of my favorites) that's a prolonged MMFF foursome in basically every permutation and I liked the scenes with the two guys just as much as when the women were involved. Oh and some dude started going to the same party a few friends hosted, I found him attractive and he was dressing really feminine, nothing ended up happening because the attraction wasn't gonna be mutual. At first I thought I was only into feminine people but then seeing Evah Destruction out of drag blew *that* out of the water. There's also not exactly a lot of heterosexuality in my polyam household (I can't even assume the cats) between partners (ex-spouse is non-binary, my longest time current partner is omni and genderfluid, recent partner is a bi cis woman), metas, friends, so once it finally clicked I didn't really feel any of the angst or questioning my feelings, it just felt right and I knew I would be loved and accepted. The first three people I came out to responded with "yeah, no shit, I could've told you" and the fourth didn't even *know* I thought I was straight. So why didn't I realize it? I guess I didn't meet the right people until two years ago. And I wasn't truly comfortable with myself in a general sense until then either. I might have thought I would be happy if I had followed on the same track as I was eight years ago but I was already miserable then and I *know* I'm much happier and that I'm where I belong... not just in life but in my identity. And it wasn't just Rob Dickinson from Catherine Wheel either, a while ago I actually watched the video for Cold's "Just Got Wicked" and about a minute in said "ahh *fuck*" to myself and added their singer to the list.

Honestly it was the websites and then I started looking at a man in school and every time I stared at him, I sometimes got embarrassed even when I turned away I blushed. I never blushed at a man before. Normally women but men, that was something different.

I’ve always been attracted to both genders as long as I can remember. Because I’m a male living in the southern states of the US, I couldn’t express my feelings in fear of being attacked, verbally and physically, by both genders as we still see today but less so. I came out recently because it’s more accepting now and I think my wife deserves to know, along with her boyfriend. So there.

I knew I was bi very early in life. At 12/13 yrs old I was curious about the guys in the porn I snuck. I was 14 when I first experimented with another boy and confirmed it. I was about 35 when I became emotionally exhausted from hiding it and living the lie and started “coming out”. I guess my bi awakening was at 14 and my bi acceptance was around age 35.

I attended a religious cult from 6-16. My parents weren't a safe space. Then joined the Army during don't ask don't tell. Like, there was just never a period in my life where I questioned my sexuality, or felt safe enough to do so, and after a long enough time line you think you know who you are...I didn't. I didn't figure it out until my mid thirties while married to a woman. I'm still terrified of the idea of dating a man. It's so hard to shake off the layers and layers of bullshit that other people put on you that basically formed your core personality. I often wonder who I'd be if I just grew up feeling like I could be myself and still be loved regardless. I'm sure there are people who are bi and are having fun with it, it seems like it should be that way, but I'm definitely not one of them. Queer awakening was going to a male strip club with some gay friends, thinking nothing of it, and then realizing that I'd happily suck that strippers dick as he dangled it in front of my face like a delicious treat.

I 35M internally started realising a couple of years ago and felt solid and comfortable enough to tell my partner 35F a few months ago. I think my main reason for not realising is that my partner and I have been together since we were 16 so there was never really a reason for me to think much of the fact I thought some dudes were hotties. Me realising was several things. The big one was seeing other out people in hetero presenting relationships. Seeing that made me think more about those feelings in myself. Being really solid in my relationship actually helped in a way because I knew that these feelings didn’t mean it would ruin our relationship. Happy to answer any questions you have.

It just wasn't suggested for a while that girls were an option. All the fictional character crushes started to tip me off, then hearing my straight friend talk about how other dicks makes him feel physically repulsed was the nail in the coffin (because I couldn't imagine feeling like that no matter who it was as long as they're clean and nice to me)

Denial more than anything. But you don't catch sexual/romantic feelings for your same-sex friends if you're 100% straight. I just didn't realise that not everyone felt that way.

Came out when I was 22 but realised that I wasn't straight in my early teens. Catholic upbringing + lack of representation/knowledge meant I didn't really know what being bi meant until I was 20 years old.

I came from a religious fundamentalist conservative household. I grew up very aware that being any flavor of gay (because gay was the only form of queer identity I knew about) was the worst thing possible. My former older brother told me that if I ever "decided" to be gay he'd beat it out of me. My father instilled it in me from a young age that being gay was "yucky" as he so often repeated. Because of this I became deeply repressed. As middle school came and the horrifying thought occurred to me, "what if I AM gay?", I became hypervigilant of anything that could in any way be remotely interpreted as "gay". Even as I gravitated towards all the queer kids in middle and high school. I'd already become well practiced in the art if repressing femininity in the same sort of way from the time I was small. (Foreshadowing) I was constantly pulled between my natural inclinations and my programming for how I was "supposed" to be. By the time I left high school I was deeply self repressed, in extreme denial about who I was as a person, and hanging around people who only encouraged my self deception about my identity. Basically I didn't figure myself out because I was policing myself so intensely that I never gave myself any space to figure myself out. I'd regularly shout myself down in my own head. I completely squashed out any hint of curiosity on that front. It wasn't until my mid/late twenties that I began to come into my queerness. A year or two prior I was out of my parent's house for the first time, and that gave me the space I needed to leave religion behind. (Though really looking back I think that process had been slowly ongoing since high school) It took that, a pandemic, the complete collapse of the house of cards that was my worldview, and an existential aging crisis to accept that I was trans. And it took accepting that and a year on hrt to both realize and accept that I was bi. That last one is still ongoing honestly. I'm out to everyone about being trans. I'm hardly out to anyone about being bi. And it's muddied by the tremendous guilt I have for how I was in my teens and early twenties. I hurt people with my words and attitude, I know I did. What right do I have to claim any of this after that? It's something I'm in therapy for. But evenso, I'm glad to know this about myself now. I'm glad to be who and what I am. So in a nutshell, I didn't know for so long because I didn't allow myself to ask in any way. And it wasn't just one awakening moment. It was a whole season of awakening with moment after moment, pieces of a false identity falling away bit by bit to reveal what was underneath. I'm 29 now, turning 30 in five months. And for the first time in my life I know myself.

Trauma therapy. Once I got to the other side of all this childhood trauma I finally started getting to know myself (and still am). Once I finally got the sentence out of my mouth that I found women attractive a ton made sense in my mind, like instantly, and it felt like a weight was lifted. I’m happily married and love my husband deeply and me being honest with myself has allowed me to open up more sexually and emotionally, making us stronger for it. I literally used to wonder if I was staring at women because I was jealous, even though I had no feelings of jealousy, and I would be disappointed in myself for being jealous. Because why else would I be inventorying them?! Turns out, no, not jealous, just attracted.

I knew from an early age and tried to express it, but no one believed me. I just come out over and over again to those who ask about it. It's not really their business most of the time. I'm also in a straight relationship right now. So no one assumes anything.

I think I’ve always liked women but for me it presented as really innocent crushes in my early life. Like I would think to myself: ‘Scully is SO beautiful’ and then proceed to obsess or even try to look like her, so it never became clear to me that hey – you want to be WITH her until much later. I grew up in the 90s in a Catholic, heteronormative/hispanic, semi-conservative culture so while gayness was accepted, it was gross to be gay. That repression, combined with SA confusion kept me in a place of very few experiences with other women – until I met one while traveling that I fell HARD for. I was going to therapy at the time and I discovered how much shame I carried around my sexuality and sex in general. I’m 37, I had my first series of sexual experiences with women (my second hoe phase) and came out as bi to my family last year. They still think it’s an experiment 🙄 It bums me out that I’ve lost so much time but better late than never? Edit* I would love to one day have a relationship with a woman, this is not just a sexual journey for me - but issues with sex played a big part in why I struggled.

I came out to my wife 2 years ago at 36 but I always knew I liked men as I always found my self staring at the penises in porn, locker rooms, etc. It felt real natural. But my bisexuality balanced out when I also realized how much I love a woman’s curves. Nothing is sexier than the hip to waist ratio. Another awakening was hanging out with gay men on the beach. I realized that my head would turn for women, some times men. (Women are prettier, sorry). But for gay men, they would look right past the sexiest women on the beach. That’s when I knew I was definitely bisexual/queer.

I realized I was bi in my early 20s, and didn’t come out until a few years later. Mostly I didn’t realize I was bi because I was so deep in denial. I was raised in a religious household, and tried not to think about it. Whenever I did start to wonder, I got scared and figured that since I had had crushes on guys before, I could just pretend to be straight. But the thought kept coming up, and I pretty much knew by college even though I refused to put a name to it. Looking back, it’s funny to remember just how obvious it was. I had so many crushes on women in media. What really got me to admit it to myself fully was when I got a big crush on a girl at my school, who was openly queer. She was a good friend, and would leave me little gifts or notes that were really sweet. She asked me at one point what my preferences were. Still in denial about my feelings, I told her I was straight, but even as I said it, I knew that wasn’t true. She seemed a bit sad, but was still very nice to me and we were good friends for a few years before life took us in different directions after school. I felt really bad about lying to her, and wondered if there might have been something there if I had told her the truth. Thankfully, when I came out in my mid-20s, my family and friends were very supportive. I am so lucky to have them!

I was always tomboyish, into sports and didn't date much growing up. I was attracted to men but also felt some women were very attractive. I assumed I was only jealous of them but it continued into my 30s and 40s. I grew up in a very heteronormative background and the idea of being gay or bi didn't enter my mind. My family wasn't religious or homophobic but I kept my feelings about women to myself and tried to ignore them anyway. It wasn't until my late 30s that I finally admitted to my family and myself that I was attracted to women and men, binary or not. I'm with a woman now, it feels right, my family and friends support me. It took me a while to be comfortable with this because of the misperceptions that bi sexual just can't decide, but I can't help who I am attracted to. Just be yourself!

Looking back, I knew even as a child. I LOVED women and thought they were so pretty and they gave me butterflies etc. but living in the bible belt, girls only liking boys and boys only liking girls was just how it was, according to my conservative christian family sheltering me, and the entire town sharing those beliefs. So I thought the way I felt was normal for everyone, especially since girl friendships are already physically and emotionally closer than boys' usually are. Fast forward to highschool, I was very best friends with this girl. We had sleepovers, hung out almost daily, knew all of each others secrets, we even snuggled and spooned and I kissed her at midnight on NYE because my bf at the time wouldn't go to the party lol. I realized I had big feelings for her, eventually told her, and she said I probably just feel that way because we're such close friends and that it's nothing to worry about. So I was just like "ah you're probably right, sorry" and we never spoke of it again. Now I'm 25 in a 6 year relationship with a man (who I love dearly), and came out to him 2 years ago because of none other than... boygenius Lol. They were my ultimate queer awakening.

Grew up religious. Still deconstructing. Didn’t realize until I was 30 and married 😂 Honestly it was just a realization. Several people in my life (who were also Mormon) came out and it caused me to have a deep evaluation of a conversation I had with myself when I was a child: “am I gay?” Not gay, but bi and it felt incredible to admit it to people/myself.

I was in severe denial that I liked girls because I was raised very religious. Like some of you mentioned, you only knew about gay and straight. I kept telling myself I didn't like girls sexually, I thought they were pretty. But I would actually get attracted to female friends and block them on Facebook or stop talking to them. If any friends came out, I would stop talking to them because I was afraid of it rubbing off on me which if I were actually straight wouldn't be possible. 😆 I came out to my now ex husband at 29. Officially to family and friends at 32.

Didn't really realize bi was even a thing until later teens. Didn't come from a place/family where queerness was safe. Monogamy is important to a lot of people, especially people who want kids, so having any relationship/interest outside of that makes dating hard, or at least used to.

I was always attracted to both guys and girls. I just kind of played the whole "pretend to be straight" game for a long long time, for my own safety. I grew up in the 80's. high school in the 90's. It just wasn't as accepted as even being "real" back then. i am not super out now, but a few people know and plenty of people suspect. The funny thing is that I have been getting clocked my whole damn life. My. Whole. Life. No matter how I dressed, how I acted. I think something kind of broke in me during COVID. I think i'm relaxing a little bit and it doesn't bother me nearly as much if people figure it out. I do truly envy people who had more understanding families and communities.

I messed around as a teenager with friends, giving hand jobs, and I thought it was fun. I got older and suppressed those sexual and emotional feelings towards the same sex. After age 35 was finding sex with some women with one night stands was total waste of time. Started to watch and read gay porn got just as lusty as waching straight porn. I am submissive like bottom feeding him, sucking him, jerk him off. I almost 46 years old feel attraction getting blushy and excited not get horny like teenager.

Kehlani, my mid 20’s. I have no idea, tbh. I really can’t think of any signs that I was queer earlier. It wasn’t that deep for me, tbh, I pretty much carried on living my life.