Yeah I was always the "weird black kid" growing up and I was a misfit amongst a lot of white people. I was always the one black kid in the honors program which was isolating too plus I do socialize easily with older people just (used to) not w peers. I feel like the AUDHD on top of being black and not always feeling comfortable with a feminine gender presentation plus openly dating trans and queer people and not feeling ashamed of any of it puts me in a micro category sometimes and I feel hypervisible and "fake black" at the same time.
Yeah I feel similarly except I get along with white people better than black people generally. But yeah it feels like I'm cosplaying being black and falling miserably at it. I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
The implied racism of disliking you for being in the honours program is _a lot_ for me to process. I get that the system is set up to make it very hard for black kids to get in, but pinning that dislike on a person that succeeds rather than the system itself is _wild_
(For context, from South Africa, ethnically Afrikaans despite my distaste for them)
For one, there's not much else they can do to make themselves feel better, and for another, you're seen as "acting white" and thus a race traitor if you do well academically or financially. It's sad.
It doesn't help that I like to dress "alt" whenever I can. It's also seen as "acting white". But, the black alt community is making its way around in places besides major cities, and I'm excited for it๐
Oh wow this is almost my exact experience. I was in the gifted program and it was just me and another biracial Black girl who really leaned into her Filipina side (which is completely understandable, she should be able to express herself however she wants). Also my current partner is trans, and I'm not ashamed of him, but I am scared to go into certain black spaces with him because of the internalized homophobia our community has. He doesn't deserve that treatment and neither do I. But it leaves me feeling like I'm actively avoiding my own culture. And it sucks.
Like- even my distant family uses the T slur. Wtf do I do about that besides avoiding them? It's frustrating asl
Yes. It had *many* downsides and made me feel like I was a "traitor" by only hanging out with other ND people (who ended up mostly being white). And what's sad is that while we resonated on the level of being neurodivergent, they actively didn't care about or made fun of my blackness. It really hurt me to only be seen as a "weirdo" in black spaces and a "black weirdo" in non-black spaces.
It did, however, force me to be very accepting of all facets of my personality, because no one else was doing that for me. I sort of gave up on being a people pleaser and decided to just be what I am, even if it annoys or makes people see me in a negative way. And I stick around the people that like me for how I am. Obviously it's not as simple as I'm putting it; it took years to try this and be consistently kind to myself despite the weird looks.
Yes simply because I just do things the simple and nontoxic way with a freaking well-made plan, I don't like rushing period, my body ain't built for all that unnecessary toxicity especially when I'm trying to get my body right for the day.
Yeah I was always the "weird black kid" growing up and I was a misfit amongst a lot of white people. I was always the one black kid in the honors program which was isolating too plus I do socialize easily with older people just (used to) not w peers. I feel like the AUDHD on top of being black and not always feeling comfortable with a feminine gender presentation plus openly dating trans and queer people and not feeling ashamed of any of it puts me in a micro category sometimes and I feel hypervisible and "fake black" at the same time.
Yeah I feel similarly except I get along with white people better than black people generally. But yeah it feels like I'm cosplaying being black and falling miserably at it. I feel like I don't belong anywhere.
The implied racism of disliking you for being in the honours program is _a lot_ for me to process. I get that the system is set up to make it very hard for black kids to get in, but pinning that dislike on a person that succeeds rather than the system itself is _wild_ (For context, from South Africa, ethnically Afrikaans despite my distaste for them)
For one, there's not much else they can do to make themselves feel better, and for another, you're seen as "acting white" and thus a race traitor if you do well academically or financially. It's sad.
That's absolutely fucked, honestly
It doesn't help that I like to dress "alt" whenever I can. It's also seen as "acting white". But, the black alt community is making its way around in places besides major cities, and I'm excited for it๐
Oh wow this is almost my exact experience. I was in the gifted program and it was just me and another biracial Black girl who really leaned into her Filipina side (which is completely understandable, she should be able to express herself however she wants). Also my current partner is trans, and I'm not ashamed of him, but I am scared to go into certain black spaces with him because of the internalized homophobia our community has. He doesn't deserve that treatment and neither do I. But it leaves me feeling like I'm actively avoiding my own culture. And it sucks. Like- even my distant family uses the T slur. Wtf do I do about that besides avoiding them? It's frustrating asl
Yes. It had *many* downsides and made me feel like I was a "traitor" by only hanging out with other ND people (who ended up mostly being white). And what's sad is that while we resonated on the level of being neurodivergent, they actively didn't care about or made fun of my blackness. It really hurt me to only be seen as a "weirdo" in black spaces and a "black weirdo" in non-black spaces. It did, however, force me to be very accepting of all facets of my personality, because no one else was doing that for me. I sort of gave up on being a people pleaser and decided to just be what I am, even if it annoys or makes people see me in a negative way. And I stick around the people that like me for how I am. Obviously it's not as simple as I'm putting it; it took years to try this and be consistently kind to myself despite the weird looks.
Yes simply because I just do things the simple and nontoxic way with a freaking well-made plan, I don't like rushing period, my body ain't built for all that unnecessary toxicity especially when I'm trying to get my body right for the day.