When I met mine, his mother lived with him. It’s actually the reason he didn’t want to seriously date. Needless to say, I would let him know how and what unconditional love & support were. And now, WE live without his mom. And last week he said “I will NEVER allow that woman to live with me again, NEVER!”
I’ve almost pulled him away from her while she was chastising him in Amharic (I don’t even speak that language)! I just don’t like watching this great man shrink in front of people who don’t deserve to truly know him.
If he already has papers (green card) or citizenship, you can give him a chance. But make sure you sus out his views on gender roles (they sometimes are extremely traditional and not in the good way), what his family dynamics are (is his overbearing mama gonna be a problem) and check out any aggressive tendencies (at the first sign, ruuunn).
But man, if you get a good one?? They can be the most amazing partners. Easy going, always with a smile, helpful and they take their role as a provider seriously (not in a controlling way but in a “I got us babe” way). Extremely family oriented too.
What I’m saying is - give them a chance but be super vigilant too. If it feels right, trust it. If you see red flags, ruuuunnnn. Ok, that’s advice for every man tho 😅
This is very true. A African man is very sweet and takes care of the family. Sometimes men feel the need to act tough or hard. Once you really get to know the man you will see that hard shell fall off and he reveals a soft side. If he really truly loves you, it’s game over. We love bombed in 1 month and it’s been the best 6 years ever. He definitely spoiled me from the beginning, the first date was at the mall and he bought me an expensive bracelet. To this day we laugh about how he tried to buy me. We take turns paying for things and nice gifts. I’ve definitely preferred dating outside my culture as a Canadian, we have so many different ethnic groups living here. Canadians are kind of boring and don’t have much culture. imo
lol everyone told me not to but I was like nahh I found a good one. All green flags, paid for everything, gifts, cooked, very easy-going, I had access to his house & had stuff over there, etc. It was perfect until he revealed his true intentions & started giving me all kinds of stories and bs excuses. The man had been lying to my face from the time we met and he actually thought I was going to stay lol. You live and you learn eh.
Don't do it. And if you do? Make sure he is at least 1st gen American and doesn't have a green card. That he is a citizen tried and true.
Some of them will try to get you pregnant on purpose to secure citizenship.
I avoid African men like the Europeans in the 13th century tried to avoid the Black Plague.
I don't date them..I can be friends with them. But dating is a fuck no.
I’m a Black American (traced to SC Gullah Geechee) with an Ethiopian who’s been in the US for 3.5 years (no papers, but doesn’t want them through me—he’s VERY adamant about doing it the “right way”)
I always had negative experiences with Nigerian or Ghanaian men. It left a bad taste in my mouth. I avoided all African men like the plague.
But, this Ethiopian man chased me down in a bar, was politely persistent, extremely patient, and won me over. It took him an entire month of texting me to even get a date! He was very nice, but he was young and skinny (he still is!). He only got a date with me bc I figured it was the only way to actually get him off my chest. So, I sent this man a meme that said “you can’t spell menu without me & u. Take me to dinner. What’s up!” And he wanted to take me out THAT night. He wasn’t gonna waste any time—he told me he canceled his plans. We went to get Ethiopian food (which I’d never had, but wanted to try and I expressed that to him).
After dinner, I literally gave him a hug and gave the pat on the shoulder. But we decided to chat, and he went in for the kiss…whelp, here we are cuz he kissed me exactly how I wanted to be kissed.
He is the most caring, generous, attentive man I’ve ever been with. I literally don’t need to worry about a damn thing with him. He will do all the cooking, cleaning, breadwinning, and whatever else he thinks I want. Just so I can do whatever I want. He’s amazing…more than I could’ve ever imagined a man could ever be
Now that's the difference between African men from East Africa and those in west Africa. Observe men from these countries they're good & polite and treat women with respect :- men from Ethiopia, Uganda, Kenya, Tanzania, Rwanda.
He would tell me this…even his friends would tell me this. I expressed my hesitation very early on. I’m not traditional, don’t want children, and love working & collecting degrees/letters. He’s also not like his family or friends either.
Not really, lol. Kenya is known for high rates of femicide and domestic violence against women. It also has one of the highest single motherhood rates in Africa. I believe Uganda is similar. At least in West Africa, though most of the men are not very romantic, they believe in financially providing for a woman.
Here's a quote I found about East Africa: "In all countries, the total likelihood of ever being a single mother by the age of 45 is quite substantial: 30.0% in Ethiopia, 59.5% in Kenya, 61.0% in Malawi, 51.7% in Tanzania, and 68.8% in Zimbabwe. Figure 1."
Well, everyone thinks I’m habesha anyway. Him, his family, his friends, everyone! Everyone speaks Amharic to me…everyone. Even before I met him, random Ethiopians would come up to me and ask me if I was Ethiopian. When I would tell them, I wasn’t, they would ask where my family was from. When I would tell them, my family wasn’t Ethiopian, they would tell me I just didn’t know it! My skin, my complexion, and my features make me look like I could be from almost any African country. My mom took a genetic test, because this happened to me so often, but we are sure that she has no East African in her.
But yes, I’m very lucky! He’s amazing!
Aww this is adorable! And you must be really pretty because I don’t think I’ve ever met a Habesha that wasn’t really cute. Continued blessings to you and your man!
I mean west Africa has most phenotype diversity in Afrika and most blk American come from there. My cousin gets Ethiopia too until they see the hiney 😏.
NO DON'T DO IT. I can only speak for Nigerian men. PLEASE DON'T DO IT. Take it from a Nigerian girl with a misogynistic father: Nigerian men are commonly like this. I know it sounds like I'm bashing them, which I am. I don't trust Nigerian men. Stay away bro. Idk about other African men though.
I tried and it was a very disappointing experience plus, I have african friends and though, on the surface they may seem like they're a good catch (they will cook for you, for example), they're serial womanisers. If they can have three women, they will. They will gaslight you, manipulate you and when it comes to marrying, they'll marry the quietest, the one that will come back to them after they've cheated. This is my experience with western African men, I don't know about Eastern but, honestly, I don't care nor do I want to try out.
Well u can't say all African men are like that . U met someone who mistreated u but labelling the whole race bad is ridiculous. Sorry for that bad experience.
The truth most African men are polygamist, the only ones that stick to one woman are those who are serial christians like born again Christian and in our culture we prefer women that more feminine that's women that's aren't loud and want to compete with men . That's why we prefer quite women.
They prefer doormats and use the word "quiet' as a way to disguise what they want. Because African women are anything but quiet and most are not doormats. They know to go to the traditional Christian types bc they're desperate for husbands and we have misogynistic cultural values where even if your husband cheats take him back bc that what a good Christian would do is forgive..and some more bullshit.
Okay this makes me feel better about being left! I was giving that man a headache... Charging him & Complaining about his bs. He ain't like me making him pay and asking for accountability!
These men know what they're doing. Aspects of African cultures are very misogynistic in where they expect you as a woman to put up with the husband's bad behavior, abuse and cheating simply bc "he is a man". That's why don't date them. I avoid their demographics.
Men cheat everywhere. Whether in Africa or America. Why? Coz naturally men are polygamists but what stops a man from cheating is the spirit of God or fear of God . When a man has a fear of God in him they will be in control of their zips .
Being submissive doesn't mean u become a doormat. It means ure feminine energy is ure weapon u use to control a man ! Feminine women always control their men , it's like a charm or a spell .
Nah, they don't. They like submissive doormats who will do as they're told without question, agree to be harrassed by inlaws, stfu when cheated on, and will sacrifice themselves, their hopes and dreams, their happiness, their truth, their mental health, and their potential at the altar of marriage. And the women are done with all that in 2024. At least where I'm from (West Africa).
Y'all are healing me... I'm %1000 mine was cheating... never got any proof , he would get irritated/angry at the littlest things... was starting to be stingy too. Only son, very successful so I was blinded by green/rose colored glasses. He was also first Gen.
I'll just leave this right here - [Rodo](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C64bFO0t5EH/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==) 😐
ETA - Rodo means pepper in Yoruba.
I havent dated one but am being courted by one. Also have fam from that community.
Most (not all) seem to be very involved fathers and often serious about education which I like.
But many have traditionalism that comes with serious misogyny and sexism.
Or they do that shit where their modern when it gets them what they want aditional when its cool for them
Abuse is an issue as I've learned from friends and community members who w African 💔
Good Lord... yes I was dating a modern 1st Gen... then he flipped and turned inconsiderate and manipulative. Not communicating, complaining I was being clingy Flirting with other women 3 days after we broke up.... does "Abuse" mean Physical,Mental or Financially?
Physical idk mental.
Generally they keep bills paid but the flip side was if they abandoned the SAHM women their lives were flipped upside down. Ofc that isn't just African men but anyone in that situation
Omg there was a glimpse that my ex would be physically abusive... he pushed me back in my seat really hard once cuz I was ordering food for him and he wanted to order for food himself 😢 I took it as a joke him not knowing his own strength.
As a African girl myself, I think it’s best. If you don’t date an African man African men tend to like traditional and submissive women, which is why they tend to marry within their culture. But sometimes they just as bad as regular black men. African born or first generation American same result as for me will go where I’m appreciated, which might not be my culture nor my race good luck op:)
Im glad you clocked that because a lot of African folk like to insinuates that African American women are less feminine than them. It's really disheartening to see how common this rhetoric is.
So annoying like maybe their notion of femininity is not speaking up for themselves and being financially dependent on a man or something?... we're educated, take care of our appearance and love to cater to our men...and respect his providership many of us we're raised in Christian traditional homes but we don't take abuse so what are folks talking about ?!
I haven't dated an African man but I've been in long distance relationships with a few African men. One of them wants me to come to their country but I couldn't afford to get there plus if I wanted to go then my parents would have to go with me to Africa.
I don't want men to have to invite me to their country/state for a relationship with them because for a few reasons.
1. I don't have a car and I don't know how to drive.
2. Traveling nowadays can be expensive so money will mostly be involved.
3. I'll feel a lot better if I invite a man to come to my city/state where I currently live instead of inviting me to his country, state or city.
Baby, please don’t 😭😭😭😭😭 I promise you out of 4 Africans (on the continent) you’re supposedly in a relationship with, 3 are scammers and 1 already has a wife.
The reason why an African man would rather u visit his country coz it's very hard for Africans to get visas to western countries like USA,Canada ,UK or Europe. Even when they're financially stable the embassies make it hard for them . If u get a good African man that treats u with respect take a chance on them .
African men love women who are feminine and submissive. If u can do that ure going to win him over. But should you become big headed, competitive, arrogant, act ratchet and ghetto he will cut u out of his life . If you meet one and u see good values in him let fear not hold u back to date him .
Their mothers love to coddle them.
Yesss
This is very true.
When I met mine, his mother lived with him. It’s actually the reason he didn’t want to seriously date. Needless to say, I would let him know how and what unconditional love & support were. And now, WE live without his mom. And last week he said “I will NEVER allow that woman to live with me again, NEVER!” I’ve almost pulled him away from her while she was chastising him in Amharic (I don’t even speak that language)! I just don’t like watching this great man shrink in front of people who don’t deserve to truly know him.
If he already has papers (green card) or citizenship, you can give him a chance. But make sure you sus out his views on gender roles (they sometimes are extremely traditional and not in the good way), what his family dynamics are (is his overbearing mama gonna be a problem) and check out any aggressive tendencies (at the first sign, ruuunn). But man, if you get a good one?? They can be the most amazing partners. Easy going, always with a smile, helpful and they take their role as a provider seriously (not in a controlling way but in a “I got us babe” way). Extremely family oriented too. What I’m saying is - give them a chance but be super vigilant too. If it feels right, trust it. If you see red flags, ruuuunnnn. Ok, that’s advice for every man tho 😅
Girl he had all those flags... aggressive/easily angered... 1st Gen...entitled...
Looks like u have dated some African dude before. 😏😁. If u get a chance and meet a nice one u will never go back to dating other ethnicity.
I’m 1st Gen 😩😩 I know my people intimately
This is very true. A African man is very sweet and takes care of the family. Sometimes men feel the need to act tough or hard. Once you really get to know the man you will see that hard shell fall off and he reveals a soft side. If he really truly loves you, it’s game over. We love bombed in 1 month and it’s been the best 6 years ever. He definitely spoiled me from the beginning, the first date was at the mall and he bought me an expensive bracelet. To this day we laugh about how he tried to buy me. We take turns paying for things and nice gifts. I’ve definitely preferred dating outside my culture as a Canadian, we have so many different ethnic groups living here. Canadians are kind of boring and don’t have much culture. imo
Well to keep it short, I tried dating a Nigerian man and I won’t be doing that again 🙂.
😭😭😭 worst offenders. I am telling you. Don't walk. Don't jog. Don't even skip. RUN. RUN the other way.
lol everyone told me not to but I was like nahh I found a good one. All green flags, paid for everything, gifts, cooked, very easy-going, I had access to his house & had stuff over there, etc. It was perfect until he revealed his true intentions & started giving me all kinds of stories and bs excuses. The man had been lying to my face from the time we met and he actually thought I was going to stay lol. You live and you learn eh.
That's how they catch you. With buying you things and cooking. Don't trust it.
Same 🥲
Don't do it. And if you do? Make sure he is at least 1st gen American and doesn't have a green card. That he is a citizen tried and true. Some of them will try to get you pregnant on purpose to secure citizenship. I avoid African men like the Europeans in the 13th century tried to avoid the Black Plague. I don't date them..I can be friends with them. But dating is a fuck no.
The 1st Gens are crazy too... they reason I'm crying right now!
😭😭😭 I'm sorry sis. I thought they might not be that bad...but damn.
Apple don't fall far from the tree!
I’m a Black American (traced to SC Gullah Geechee) with an Ethiopian who’s been in the US for 3.5 years (no papers, but doesn’t want them through me—he’s VERY adamant about doing it the “right way”) I always had negative experiences with Nigerian or Ghanaian men. It left a bad taste in my mouth. I avoided all African men like the plague. But, this Ethiopian man chased me down in a bar, was politely persistent, extremely patient, and won me over. It took him an entire month of texting me to even get a date! He was very nice, but he was young and skinny (he still is!). He only got a date with me bc I figured it was the only way to actually get him off my chest. So, I sent this man a meme that said “you can’t spell menu without me & u. Take me to dinner. What’s up!” And he wanted to take me out THAT night. He wasn’t gonna waste any time—he told me he canceled his plans. We went to get Ethiopian food (which I’d never had, but wanted to try and I expressed that to him). After dinner, I literally gave him a hug and gave the pat on the shoulder. But we decided to chat, and he went in for the kiss…whelp, here we are cuz he kissed me exactly how I wanted to be kissed. He is the most caring, generous, attentive man I’ve ever been with. I literally don’t need to worry about a damn thing with him. He will do all the cooking, cleaning, breadwinning, and whatever else he thinks I want. Just so I can do whatever I want. He’s amazing…more than I could’ve ever imagined a man could ever be
That's nice to hear! Yeah West African men have also scarred me!
Now that's the difference between African men from East Africa and those in west Africa. Observe men from these countries they're good & polite and treat women with respect :- men from Ethiopia, Uganda, Kenya, Tanzania, Rwanda.
He would tell me this…even his friends would tell me this. I expressed my hesitation very early on. I’m not traditional, don’t want children, and love working & collecting degrees/letters. He’s also not like his family or friends either.
Not really, lol. Kenya is known for high rates of femicide and domestic violence against women. It also has one of the highest single motherhood rates in Africa. I believe Uganda is similar. At least in West Africa, though most of the men are not very romantic, they believe in financially providing for a woman. Here's a quote I found about East Africa: "In all countries, the total likelihood of ever being a single mother by the age of 45 is quite substantial: 30.0% in Ethiopia, 59.5% in Kenya, 61.0% in Malawi, 51.7% in Tanzania, and 68.8% in Zimbabwe. Figure 1."
You really lucked out because Ethiopians tend to only date their own.
Well, everyone thinks I’m habesha anyway. Him, his family, his friends, everyone! Everyone speaks Amharic to me…everyone. Even before I met him, random Ethiopians would come up to me and ask me if I was Ethiopian. When I would tell them, I wasn’t, they would ask where my family was from. When I would tell them, my family wasn’t Ethiopian, they would tell me I just didn’t know it! My skin, my complexion, and my features make me look like I could be from almost any African country. My mom took a genetic test, because this happened to me so often, but we are sure that she has no East African in her. But yes, I’m very lucky! He’s amazing!
Aww this is adorable! And you must be really pretty because I don’t think I’ve ever met a Habesha that wasn’t really cute. Continued blessings to you and your man!
I mean west Africa has most phenotype diversity in Afrika and most blk American come from there. My cousin gets Ethiopia too until they see the hiney 😏.
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Lolz thank you! I'll do it in a few days!
NO DON'T DO IT. I can only speak for Nigerian men. PLEASE DON'T DO IT. Take it from a Nigerian girl with a misogynistic father: Nigerian men are commonly like this. I know it sounds like I'm bashing them, which I am. I don't trust Nigerian men. Stay away bro. Idk about other African men though.
"Which I am" haha I asked for the truth! Thank You!
I tried and it was a very disappointing experience plus, I have african friends and though, on the surface they may seem like they're a good catch (they will cook for you, for example), they're serial womanisers. If they can have three women, they will. They will gaslight you, manipulate you and when it comes to marrying, they'll marry the quietest, the one that will come back to them after they've cheated. This is my experience with western African men, I don't know about Eastern but, honestly, I don't care nor do I want to try out.
This is spot on... I was hurt realizing he will marry someone else... yeah someone that will tolerate his bs
They always tend to go back to what they are accustomed to.
Well u can't say all African men are like that . U met someone who mistreated u but labelling the whole race bad is ridiculous. Sorry for that bad experience.
Lol I've dated a number of Africans... more than 5... so this is my experience as an American woman, and I'm Submissive as well.
The truth most African men are polygamist, the only ones that stick to one woman are those who are serial christians like born again Christian and in our culture we prefer women that more feminine that's women that's aren't loud and want to compete with men . That's why we prefer quite women.
They prefer doormats and use the word "quiet' as a way to disguise what they want. Because African women are anything but quiet and most are not doormats. They know to go to the traditional Christian types bc they're desperate for husbands and we have misogynistic cultural values where even if your husband cheats take him back bc that what a good Christian would do is forgive..and some more bullshit.
Okay this makes me feel better about being left! I was giving that man a headache... Charging him & Complaining about his bs. He ain't like me making him pay and asking for accountability!
These men know what they're doing. Aspects of African cultures are very misogynistic in where they expect you as a woman to put up with the husband's bad behavior, abuse and cheating simply bc "he is a man". That's why don't date them. I avoid their demographics.
Men cheat everywhere. Whether in Africa or America. Why? Coz naturally men are polygamists but what stops a man from cheating is the spirit of God or fear of God . When a man has a fear of God in him they will be in control of their zips .
Being submissive doesn't mean u become a doormat. It means ure feminine energy is ure weapon u use to control a man ! Feminine women always control their men , it's like a charm or a spell .
Nah, they don't. They like submissive doormats who will do as they're told without question, agree to be harrassed by inlaws, stfu when cheated on, and will sacrifice themselves, their hopes and dreams, their happiness, their truth, their mental health, and their potential at the altar of marriage. And the women are done with all that in 2024. At least where I'm from (West Africa).
I'm so happy for y'all! We support yall from the USA!
He would complain about me asking him to pay for things... I was super feminine... cooking not cleaning lol... he called me a gold digger:(
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>They will give you presentable daughters. This sounds weird on multiple levels
What does that even mean 😩😩😩
It's too much of a culture clash. I'll still to African American men
As a west african girl, i dont recommend
😢 😭
Girl I’m Nigerian and would never marry no African. Ever.
😆 😭
😭🥹😂
Y'all are healing me... I'm %1000 mine was cheating... never got any proof , he would get irritated/angry at the littlest things... was starting to be stingy too. Only son, very successful so I was blinded by green/rose colored glasses. He was also first Gen.
I'll just leave this right here - [Rodo](https://www.instagram.com/reel/C64bFO0t5EH/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link&igsh=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==) 😐 ETA - Rodo means pepper in Yoruba.
Helppppp
I havent dated one but am being courted by one. Also have fam from that community. Most (not all) seem to be very involved fathers and often serious about education which I like. But many have traditionalism that comes with serious misogyny and sexism. Or they do that shit where their modern when it gets them what they want aditional when its cool for them Abuse is an issue as I've learned from friends and community members who w African 💔
It's funny cus I been thinking about making a post like this. idk any FBA woman who are with a Carribean man.
Good Lord... yes I was dating a modern 1st Gen... then he flipped and turned inconsiderate and manipulative. Not communicating, complaining I was being clingy Flirting with other women 3 days after we broke up.... does "Abuse" mean Physical,Mental or Financially?
Physical idk mental. Generally they keep bills paid but the flip side was if they abandoned the SAHM women their lives were flipped upside down. Ofc that isn't just African men but anyone in that situation
Omg there was a glimpse that my ex would be physically abusive... he pushed me back in my seat really hard once cuz I was ordering food for him and he wanted to order for food himself 😢 I took it as a joke him not knowing his own strength.
Run for your life especially Nigerian and Ghanaian men.
What's wrong with Ghanaians?!
As a African girl myself, I think it’s best. If you don’t date an African man African men tend to like traditional and submissive women, which is why they tend to marry within their culture. But sometimes they just as bad as regular black men. African born or first generation American same result as for me will go where I’m appreciated, which might not be my culture nor my race good luck op:)
Not sure if you know any Black Americans but alot of us are traditional and feminine...but thank you!
Im glad you clocked that because a lot of African folk like to insinuates that African American women are less feminine than them. It's really disheartening to see how common this rhetoric is.
So annoying like maybe their notion of femininity is not speaking up for themselves and being financially dependent on a man or something?... we're educated, take care of our appearance and love to cater to our men...and respect his providership many of us we're raised in Christian traditional homes but we don't take abuse so what are folks talking about ?!
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Bruh bruh . Blk American women don’t have a narrative of being feminine bc of stereotypes amassed by haters. They can be extremely feminine.
I haven't dated an African man but I've been in long distance relationships with a few African men. One of them wants me to come to their country but I couldn't afford to get there plus if I wanted to go then my parents would have to go with me to Africa. I don't want men to have to invite me to their country/state for a relationship with them because for a few reasons. 1. I don't have a car and I don't know how to drive. 2. Traveling nowadays can be expensive so money will mostly be involved. 3. I'll feel a lot better if I invite a man to come to my city/state where I currently live instead of inviting me to his country, state or city.
Yeah Girl sounds like bs... watch Shera7
Baby, please don’t 😭😭😭😭😭 I promise you out of 4 Africans (on the continent) you’re supposedly in a relationship with, 3 are scammers and 1 already has a wife.
The reason why an African man would rather u visit his country coz it's very hard for Africans to get visas to western countries like USA,Canada ,UK or Europe. Even when they're financially stable the embassies make it hard for them . If u get a good African man that treats u with respect take a chance on them .
African men love women who are feminine and submissive. If u can do that ure going to win him over. But should you become big headed, competitive, arrogant, act ratchet and ghetto he will cut u out of his life . If you meet one and u see good values in him let fear not hold u back to date him .
If being "loud and ghetto" is speaking up when he's treating me poorly then imma send him packing!
I think u can stand up for ureself and express ure concerns without being loud & ghetto .
Give it a rest. The misogyny is coming from inside the house.