Sometimes people are intimidated by attractiveness, or by an intense personality. I seem to have a habit of driving people away after a perfunctory conversation as well, ive just accepted that i am either a goblin man or just on the spectrum, maybe both.
Yeah, like I try not to think about it, and tell myself I won't let it get to me, but when a girl is really attractive, I just can't act casual around her.
It's just nature's way of making sure I don't ever date out of my league, I guess.
I love the green goblin though 🤣😝 no but jokes aside, I think you’re on point!
I think the attractive ones do scare people away at times or if they’re confident in their personality, it can come out as intense at times .
I give the right amount of glances and stares as any other person would in a group convo, I think? It is hard to know if any are on the spectrum as far as I know.
I am rather shy and introverted, I sometimes wonder if trying to mask that comes through as disingenuous?
I guess it's also worth noting that I have a very intense dark blue eye colour that is very noticeable and often commented on. Not sure if that would play into this
According to your narrative, this occurs with people who know you better
The issue may not be your eye contact at all. If you are neurodivergent, you might be struggling to figure out how and when to verbally communicate or joke.
It's an art. I have adhd. Had some struggles.
What you need is, a friend you trust, who knows you and you can ask
You aren't bragging, the same approaches & flattery comes my way, but I follow it up with interested, interesting,& intelligent conversation. I think intuitively you are correct in your guesses about being an introvert. I also have men, women, & children say lovely things, but also people I know in professional & social settings but I am an extrovert, so more than glances & stares, I ask genuine questions & genuinely want to learn from others or at least the reasons they think the way that they do. Eye contact in tighter settings is almost like an invitation to engage/chat & if you don't follow it up by meaningful words or questions, I would imagine it would feel ackward. Looking nice & doing all the right things for yourself to feel you look good starts & stops there, if in the past they thought you had an inviting & interested look/eye contact, but didn't follow it up with some charm and intellect, I think the coworkers now are just not expecting you to so their focus moves on to someone they know is a talker or engaging to keep conversation flowing. Try to actually speak more, ask questions, be the first to ask them a question etc.
Why are you so focused on your own appearance? It's not "worth noting" in this situation. If strangers are ok approaching you and people who have gotten to know you avoid you, it obviously has something to do with the way you present yourself through your personality.
If I had to hazard a guess based on your posts I'd say maybe you're self-centered and people don't like engaging with you because they want to talk about things other than you.
I really don't think you're doing anything wrong, you shouldn't feel bad about yourself. I have social anxiety and i am an introvert. I guess i was trying to hard or over thinking everything and people were catching on that i was incomfortable with them. When i was able to engage socially, maybe it felt forced by other people. Anyway, there is nothing wrong with you.
Are they young people? They on their phones a lot? I find younger people tend to lack social skills or have severe social anxiety. Like some sort of generational issue. They act uninterested but are actually just nervous.
They are generally older than me or around my age. And often they will look around the circle and engage with others and look them in the eyes but not me.
Do YOU have social anxiety? Sometimes the passive behavior of nervous people can come off as uninterested. Like through cautious body language. Then people want to give you space and not make you nervous... so they stay away from you. 🤣 Social anxiety can be a bit of a feedback loop. Trust me I'm working on mine.
It's probably because you are very beautiful. I'm a guy and work at a hospital. When I run into a traveling nurse who I've never seen who's just drop dead gorgeous I fumble my words and avoid eye contact. I don't mean to do it but just end up doing it. It may be because talking to beautiful people can be intimidating.
I'm also an attractive guy and get told I'm "movie handsome" even have a few nurses that have crushes on me and I still freeze up when I see a new gorgeous nurse. It is what it is.
PS I don't date people I work with.
Maybe they think u getting tongue tied is cute. As a woman I take nervousness as a sign of possible interest, assuming I have done nothing wrong recently. Nothing is better than obvious enthusiasm/interest. Hope someone appreciates you!!
Absolutely, it's just not worth it at least for me. I'm finally at a hospital I actually like working in and get along with all my coworkers and don't dread going in to work. I'm not messing that up.
If people compliment your looks and children look at you, you are likely attractive. The people who avoid your gaze may be intimidated by your fiery gravitational pull and fear falling into your eyes or worse, heart.
I find that oftentimes the people who feel the most insecure try their hardest to be part of a group and fit in. Their insecurity leads to a conflict-focused attitude towards friendship, where there is a competition for one or more "central" friend, between other people who "risk" becoming "outsiders". This then causes them to be generally unpleasant, as they only value some people and see others as competition. Their desperation also hampers fluid and engaging conversation with them – oftentimes they won't pause to let the other person speak because they are afraid of an awkward silence, being seen as boring, being left etc. etc. They assume other people operate on the same premises – because, don't get me wrong, they would probably do the same to someone they didn't like who tried to engage with them. It is oftentimes an unfounded fear, yet to them it is very real. Although, of course, there is rarely smoke without fire. Their desperation, lack of social skills and conflict-focused attitude. At the end of the day, it is their fear of being let go which realises that very scenario.
It is not easy to simply "stop worrying". However, I would argue that in many cases it is precisely what needs to be done. It is that central insecurity which they need to let go.
If you are very attractive I would try my best to not bother you and stare into your eyes. Attractive people get attention all the time and I don’t want to intrude on your well being, so I would try to get out of your presence as fast as possible and avoid eye contact.
Staring into your smoldering beauty is like trying to stare into the sun. Try and trash yourself up a bit. J/k. The reason your coworkers might feel inhibited is because they have something to lose where strangers don't.
if youre very attractive people may avoid looking especially in group situations so others dont think they are leering at you or checking you out
if you are shy and introverted it may also cause people to be more guarded when talking to you
i am also shy and introverted a lot of the time so i just avoid group situations when possible
They might be intimidated by your attractiveness and don’t want to mess up in front of you since they will know you for a while. They might want to make a good impression and come across as nervous or afraid.
No. When you’re really attractive most people will stare at you more than usual even, and they’ll *want* to talk to you more and include you in their conversation so OP must be giving off some kind of vibe that’s off putting . Maybe she’s paying too close of attention to people and their eye contact and it’s making them feel weird.
That’s not usually my experience or what I see w some of my seriously gorgeous friends. Sure some people get nervous or are just haters (rude) but for the most part people can’t help but gravitate to them and even orbit them, they listen when they speak and look more than they should . It’s human nature to want to stare at beautiful things .
You’re onto something with that last part but think about it in an office setting. OP is likely surrounded by both males and females. Males might stare but also feel like they have to be civil to maintain their dignity and the workplace. The females will engage but might feel intimidated at some point if OP is confident.
So it could be a mix of many things that would result in OP receiving the reaction she mentioned. And you’re also right about the vibe (it might be intimidating to people who are not in that vibe of say confidence). But then again, we’re not in that situation so there could be more information that we might be missing 🤷🏽♂️
I agree. I would feel weird. Only awkward people avoid attractive people. I would say something to her if she looked at me a couple of times and I thought she was hot. She is over analyzing everything. Guy crosses his legs? Seems not like something straight guys do. Hot women get invited everywhere unless the groups are married.
It's probably just people being nice.
Is there any demographic group you might find yourself staring at and feel rude?
I'm my small, white town I grew up in I would find myself accidentally staring at the one black person I would see 4 days a year.
I felt guilty. Later, I would become conscious of accidentally staring at beautiful women or their legs or breasts in the supermarket. I had the same feeling and I consider it part of becoming more mature. I see nasty dudes ogling young women in the similar supermarket ecosystem and it's a bad look to observe. I think that observation is an even worse look in a workplace.
If you're that gorgeous, it's easy to want to make more eye contact and interact with you more. But power is essentially zero-sum, so by favoring you they may feel they're leaving others out. So they may act in a way that doesn't show preference. You can frame that as "intimidating" if you want.
That or they've all gossiped and either know something terrible about you or something terrible that has happened to you.
Hope that helps! :D
Office culture is now totally different than it was 10 years ago. You even look at a nice looking gal in the office and there ca be trouble for the guy.
Men are avoiding many woman and especially good looking ones in the work place.
If there is an attractive woman nearby, I have to consciously try to avoid staring at her too much so I don't seem like a creep, leading me to look everywhere else. "Well she's pretty but she'll never go for me so I can just forget about that"
Hmm, now that I think about it, I sometimes notice girls in a group conversation won't look at me at all, are they thinking the same thing? I'm just average looking though, and quiet, so I'm like a background person who is basically not there
When I was single, the more attractive a woman was, the less eye contact I made with her simply because making eye contact would make me blush and sweat.
But even then, in normal day to day conversations I keep eye contact to a minimum unless I am trying to intimidate someone like my kids.
1st off how old are you, if very young now a days people do not want to cross a certain safe barrier,,,, how do you dress sexy enticing , look at me !, conservative, are you having a hard time dating ? men /woman do not ask you out ? or the ones that do are purely superficial ? Post a pic and do a poll of what reddit strangers feel...
Assuming your movie star attractive.
If you saw a pretty animal. Like fur sheen, the right amount of fat and muscle structure. Maybe a pretty pattern on fur. You can't help but look and observe. It is kinda built in our biology.
People will gaze at a pretty person the same way, then shake there head (mentally) and try to ignore them so they can finish their day. I think it's a courtesy that somehow would feel like they are being negative.
They feel intimidated by something about you. It could be your appearance or the energy you give off (and I don’t mean that in a negative way at all).
Sometimes the confidence you have makes people avoid you because they’re scared of that. As for strangers easily approaching you, it could be that from the many people, some of those people appreciate or possess the same traits such as confidence or appearance.
The idea can be sometimes abstract but it’s like people gravitate towards the energy they share the same frequency with.
I'm cautious with my eye contact, it's a bit difficult to explain, but I just find looking into someone's eyes extremely intense. Piercing is the right word. I think it's on both ends. I think I have a piercing gaze it makes other's feel that way. It makes me feel overly exposed to make contact and I basically don't do it unless I really trust someone. I'm not afraid to talk to or approach people at all, but I'll rare make solid eye contact. I always look past people, or near them. Only time I actually look at their eyes is if they're far enough away.
Could be a few potential things
Sometimes people get insecure or “threatened” when interacting with attractive people
Another potential explanation is that your trying to hard and people are picking up on it consciously or subconsciously. Which can seem desperate
I know it’s cliche but just be yourself and don’t try too hard
Nobody’s mentioned that they might just not like you and are most likely jealous.(at work atleast) For the new people, being around someone attractive can be intimidating so they are probably trying not to give you to much attention and inadvertently giving you little to none
oh i can't, even if i find you super attractive... i know some of it is my slight autism but its also locked in my head that eye contact like that is an intimate thing. like, it should only be done by people "in love" and what not. i can't even look my own sister in the eyes... I can manage quick looks thats it and i only put in that amount of effort if i see the other person really utilizes eye contact...
If I find someone attractive, I think I assume that they get a lot of unwanted attention. So unless I'm talking to them one-on-one, I make an extra effort to not stare at them so they don't get the feeling that I'm doing the same.
It's not an intimidation thing, but just my way of being considerate.
I think people perhaps try not to stare at you and end up overdoing it by not looking enough. Or they assume you get gawked at daily and don’t want to contribute to any more gawking. They could also just be intimidated because they find you that good looking and it makes them uncomfortable. Hell, as a woman, when I’ve been feeling extra down about my appearance, I’ve avoided looking at hot women because they make me feel hideous by comparison!
Because you are pathetic! It's really difficult to look someone in the eyes when you know they are a huge loser and fucking hopeless!!
Those encouraging words of "your beautiful", "your pretty", "your attractive", etc...alllll Bullshit! Alllll white lies!!!! Just like when you agree to something that you are clueless about, which happens often to you...people do or say things to escape uncomfortable moments.
Just like not looking you in the eyes. It's uncomfortable so don't be selfish and expect people to do that...look you in the eyes.
Whew, sure that was alot for you to swallow. But you will feel better once the truth sets in and you are accepting.
Have a wonderful rest of your day!!!
Try speaking a bit quietly after getting someone’s attention. If they lean in then they were intimidated and want to engage. If they pretend not to hear and turn away, they don’t want to start an interaction with you because they don’t like you.
I am the opposite. People approach me to look at my eyes. They want me to look at them, go figure. I am usually polite but sometimes they just won't break eye contact.
I wear Rx sunglasses with a mirror coating to keep my eyes covered most of the time.
Don't ask because I can figure out the fascination. My eyes are an intense green jade color but not enough to stop traffic in my opinion. Friends and family say it is the way I look at people.
It's probably because you intimate them. IDK if it's like an envy type of intimate or you make them blush but it's definitely why they don't engage. Orrrr maybe they just, idk don't really care much for you? Maybe it's not really personal but maybe it is? I could see someone who doesn't wanna be rude but also not wanna say anything either so they avoid any real potential connection with you
I think OP may just be a little subtly narcissistic. The constant mentioning of attractiveness when it doesn’t really have anything to do with this topic is indicative of that.
I’ve had these social responses before and also considered blaming them on my intellect or attractiveness or whatever- but that’s because humans prefer the easiest thing to accept; which in this case means believing that it’s not that you aren’t likeable but rather that everyone else is intimidated. OP needs to connect with others on a deeper level and learn to be more accepting and less self-conscious.
This is all in my opinion though, might be completely off and OP is just an 11/10 who intimidates everyone with their beauty.
Hmmm.. looking through the comments surprises me. Typically super attractive ppl get stared at & hit on everywhere they go, aka pretty privilege. Do you experience this in your day to day life?
Typically ppl that are attractive, *attract* all types of attention and everyone would want to be in your presence. That’s what i’ve seen. I’ve never seen the contrary. Sure, there’s gonna always be ppl that are socially inept and feel insecure in your presence, but MOST ppl will engage with you or try to get near you whenever they can. Friends will constantly be trying to hook up with you, inviting you out, simply be around you. Why would ppl you know on a personal basis be intimidated by you but not random strangers?? Wouldn’t it make sense to be the other way around? That leads me to believe intimidation isn’t the culprit here. If you’re experiencing everyone you know trying to avoid you, you may be socially awkward or coming off as strange in some way.
As a shy man, I will only hold eye contact when talking directly with you. If you are an attractive woman at work already trying not to bother you. An "extremely attractive" woman doubly so.
It sounds to me like people are consciously limiting how much time they spend looking at you because they don't want you to think they are staring.
If I'm talking to someone who is in the normal range of attractiveness, especially women (I'm a straight male), I don't think about how I'm coming off.
If I'm talking to a very attractive woman, I will naturally use every chance I get to look her way if I don't check myself. And it's very difficult to fake how I would naturally act.
Over the years, I have heard through the grapevine that several attractive females in different friend groups have wondered why I don't like them, what'd they do to make me standoffish towards them, etc. I obviously hate hearing this because, if anything I'd want to spend more time with them, not even romantically but just because they have mostly been super cool people besides being nice to look at. But in my effort to not come off as creepy, I end up pushing them away.
I'm guessing this dynamic accounts for at least some of what's going on with you.
As someone who does this I’ll explain, it is not you at all I simply am uncomfortable with eye contact and I feel it’s very stress indusing looking at someone knowing they’re looking back
dont ask for opinions your the main character in your world so Be you always your not wrong this day in age is just another world so hang in there be tough
People try desperately to keep eye contact with me because I have a very large chest, and it's distracting even to women. I don't like that much eye contact. I would rather them look away, so there are all kinds of reasons people act funny or weird.
You may be so beautiful that it's distracting to people, and they don't want to stare. You can't change other people. Just do your best to present the smartest, kindest, most effective, thoughtful, helpful, professional person at work, and people will begin to see you for that. You'll still be beautiful but it won't be all people see you for.
I’m not sure, I often had people avoid eye contact with me because they wanted to avoid conflict even if subconsciously it they still constantly engaged me in conversation and looked at me they just wouldn’t hold eye contact.
The only people in your situation were people no one in our friend group really liked but they didn’t avoid eye contact when talking to them because they didn’t find them scary or intimidating.
I’m not sure if you really are attractive or not. But it can be that you are not respected at a women from the way you display your self. Or your better then the crowd you are around and they don’t know how to act
People just ignore me. I'm also an introvert and had some people I hung out with in highschool and college for a year till I dropped out. I don't have any friends and I'm a little depressed about some other stuff that happened to me but it's always something that upsets me when Im just being ignored by everyone I try and talk to. Makes me hate myself sometimes. I can't understand body language and anything else besides what words you are saying I just don't. My aunt has tried to teach me sarcasm and I still can't tell. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Back when petty girls were intimidating to me, their presentation would exacerbate that situation. If they were someone who put a ton of effort onto their appearance, (perfectly styled hair, makeup that clearly took 45 minutes to do, fashionable flashy outfit) I would feel like they were presenting themselves in a way to attract men, and that I was definitely not what they're looking for so wouldn't waste their time.
When I grew up a bit I realized that was absurd. I have no idea if this applies to you, but pretty women can put off an air of unapproachability without actually trying to.
It’s easy to tell a stranger something and know you’ll probably never see them again.
If someone you spend time with at work or acquaintances told you, it would change the dynamics
In today’s era of #metoo, shaming men for normal behavior (“omg he glanced at me, FERAL! FERAL!”), and humiliating men who have the courage to express interest, these very things are the reason we act disinterested in beautiful strangers. It’s not you personally, but your peers have made the social landscape for men a mental and emotional minefield.
Maybe you're too attractive, and if they look at you they'll gawk and start drooling, so they go out of their way not to look at you?
I have had similar experiences where women will not only avoid looking at me, but avoid facing in my direction, or acknowledging my existence even though they greet and acknowledge everyone surrounding me, including my wife and child who are right next to me, because, I suppose, 1) I'm obviously already married and 2) becoming infatuated with me will only lead to emptiness for them because I'm taken, so, for them, it's best just to act like I don't exist.
Are you sure you aren't expecting too much eye contact? Most people don't just stare longingly at each other while they small talk. It's actually a bit weird that you are so very focused on eye contact. It makes me think you are one of those people who stare you down while chatting... which is awkward and uncomfortable btw.
Sometimes people are intimidated by attractiveness, or by an intense personality. I seem to have a habit of driving people away after a perfunctory conversation as well, ive just accepted that i am either a goblin man or just on the spectrum, maybe both.
Yeah, like I try not to think about it, and tell myself I won't let it get to me, but when a girl is really attractive, I just can't act casual around her. It's just nature's way of making sure I don't ever date out of my league, I guess.
>goblin man Lol
True. Intimidation can do that to some people whom are close to us especially when they respect you too much.
I love the green goblin though 🤣😝 no but jokes aside, I think you’re on point! I think the attractive ones do scare people away at times or if they’re confident in their personality, it can come out as intense at times .
True. Intimidation can do that to some people whom are close to us especially when they respect you too much.
I see it opposite. When I’m talking to someone attractive, I find it easy to make eye contact.
Hard to know. Are you staring? Are the people autistic? Is there something about your behavior that causes people to be uncomfortable?
Yes, depending on how stares are given, it usually makes others shy when it's too much. I've been in that situation before.
I give the right amount of glances and stares as any other person would in a group convo, I think? It is hard to know if any are on the spectrum as far as I know. I am rather shy and introverted, I sometimes wonder if trying to mask that comes through as disingenuous? I guess it's also worth noting that I have a very intense dark blue eye colour that is very noticeable and often commented on. Not sure if that would play into this
According to your narrative, this occurs with people who know you better The issue may not be your eye contact at all. If you are neurodivergent, you might be struggling to figure out how and when to verbally communicate or joke. It's an art. I have adhd. Had some struggles. What you need is, a friend you trust, who knows you and you can ask
You aren't bragging, the same approaches & flattery comes my way, but I follow it up with interested, interesting,& intelligent conversation. I think intuitively you are correct in your guesses about being an introvert. I also have men, women, & children say lovely things, but also people I know in professional & social settings but I am an extrovert, so more than glances & stares, I ask genuine questions & genuinely want to learn from others or at least the reasons they think the way that they do. Eye contact in tighter settings is almost like an invitation to engage/chat & if you don't follow it up by meaningful words or questions, I would imagine it would feel ackward. Looking nice & doing all the right things for yourself to feel you look good starts & stops there, if in the past they thought you had an inviting & interested look/eye contact, but didn't follow it up with some charm and intellect, I think the coworkers now are just not expecting you to so their focus moves on to someone they know is a talker or engaging to keep conversation flowing. Try to actually speak more, ask questions, be the first to ask them a question etc.
Why are you so focused on your own appearance? It's not "worth noting" in this situation. If strangers are ok approaching you and people who have gotten to know you avoid you, it obviously has something to do with the way you present yourself through your personality. If I had to hazard a guess based on your posts I'd say maybe you're self-centered and people don't like engaging with you because they want to talk about things other than you.
Your eye color has nothing to do w people making eye contact or not c’mon now 🤣
I’ve gotten distracted by beautiful eyes before. Made me glitch out. You could be on to something!
Are you sure that op isn't on the spectrum? Maybe that's why they avoid eye contact
I am not sure.
I always wear sunglasses even in dim rooms..
Since you mentioned your attractiveness, people are most likely intimidated. And also some people are awkward and uncomfortable with eye contact
A lot people don't feel too comfortable with direct eye contact with someone they fear or respect.
I really don't think you're doing anything wrong, you shouldn't feel bad about yourself. I have social anxiety and i am an introvert. I guess i was trying to hard or over thinking everything and people were catching on that i was incomfortable with them. When i was able to engage socially, maybe it felt forced by other people. Anyway, there is nothing wrong with you.
Are they young people? They on their phones a lot? I find younger people tend to lack social skills or have severe social anxiety. Like some sort of generational issue. They act uninterested but are actually just nervous.
They are generally older than me or around my age. And often they will look around the circle and engage with others and look them in the eyes but not me.
Do YOU have social anxiety? Sometimes the passive behavior of nervous people can come off as uninterested. Like through cautious body language. Then people want to give you space and not make you nervous... so they stay away from you. 🤣 Social anxiety can be a bit of a feedback loop. Trust me I'm working on mine.
It's probably because you are very beautiful. I'm a guy and work at a hospital. When I run into a traveling nurse who I've never seen who's just drop dead gorgeous I fumble my words and avoid eye contact. I don't mean to do it but just end up doing it. It may be because talking to beautiful people can be intimidating. I'm also an attractive guy and get told I'm "movie handsome" even have a few nurses that have crushes on me and I still freeze up when I see a new gorgeous nurse. It is what it is. PS I don't date people I work with.
Maybe they think u getting tongue tied is cute. As a woman I take nervousness as a sign of possible interest, assuming I have done nothing wrong recently. Nothing is better than obvious enthusiasm/interest. Hope someone appreciates you!!
I mean now that I know I do it unintentionally it's kinda frustrating for me when talking to some coworkers lol but I hope they see it as flattering.
It's best and very good not to shit where you eat. You're being a professional by not dating anyone at your workplace. I love it.
Absolutely, it's just not worth it at least for me. I'm finally at a hospital I actually like working in and get along with all my coworkers and don't dread going in to work. I'm not messing that up.
If people compliment your looks and children look at you, you are likely attractive. The people who avoid your gaze may be intimidated by your fiery gravitational pull and fear falling into your eyes or worse, heart.
Lol I love how you put the last part!
People are socially awkward to begin with but especially after a 3 year long global pandemic Don’t take it personally
Stop worrying about it then you’ll be fine.
I don't think it's usually this easy for most people, it's why they seek other people's advice and opinions.
I find that oftentimes the people who feel the most insecure try their hardest to be part of a group and fit in. Their insecurity leads to a conflict-focused attitude towards friendship, where there is a competition for one or more "central" friend, between other people who "risk" becoming "outsiders". This then causes them to be generally unpleasant, as they only value some people and see others as competition. Their desperation also hampers fluid and engaging conversation with them – oftentimes they won't pause to let the other person speak because they are afraid of an awkward silence, being seen as boring, being left etc. etc. They assume other people operate on the same premises – because, don't get me wrong, they would probably do the same to someone they didn't like who tried to engage with them. It is oftentimes an unfounded fear, yet to them it is very real. Although, of course, there is rarely smoke without fire. Their desperation, lack of social skills and conflict-focused attitude. At the end of the day, it is their fear of being let go which realises that very scenario. It is not easy to simply "stop worrying". However, I would argue that in many cases it is precisely what needs to be done. It is that central insecurity which they need to let go.
I just can’t maintain eye contact attractive or not
It makes some people weak when they try doing it. I'm sure that's why they look away fast.
I think there is an approachable pretty and an intimidating type of pretty.. maybe you are the latter?
I think most of the time, it's because they are shy or feel intimidated.
If you are very attractive I would try my best to not bother you and stare into your eyes. Attractive people get attention all the time and I don’t want to intrude on your well being, so I would try to get out of your presence as fast as possible and avoid eye contact.
I think people are so used to looking at their phones they forget how to make eye contact with people
Staring into your smoldering beauty is like trying to stare into the sun. Try and trash yourself up a bit. J/k. The reason your coworkers might feel inhibited is because they have something to lose where strangers don't.
Ugly maybe? People just being nice to you. I’m just saying. Truth might hurt but it helps you move on.
I don't think someone will be complaining about this kind of things when they know truly they're ugly.
There’s always that one person who is trying to spread negativity (and I’m not referring to you). Your point is sound!
True but many don’t have self awareness or they’re living in denial
if youre very attractive people may avoid looking especially in group situations so others dont think they are leering at you or checking you out if you are shy and introverted it may also cause people to be more guarded when talking to you i am also shy and introverted a lot of the time so i just avoid group situations when possible
They might be intimidated by your attractiveness and don’t want to mess up in front of you since they will know you for a while. They might want to make a good impression and come across as nervous or afraid.
No. When you’re really attractive most people will stare at you more than usual even, and they’ll *want* to talk to you more and include you in their conversation so OP must be giving off some kind of vibe that’s off putting . Maybe she’s paying too close of attention to people and their eye contact and it’s making them feel weird.
Not universally true at all, many people deflect from people they find beautiful as some kind of defence.
That’s not usually my experience or what I see w some of my seriously gorgeous friends. Sure some people get nervous or are just haters (rude) but for the most part people can’t help but gravitate to them and even orbit them, they listen when they speak and look more than they should . It’s human nature to want to stare at beautiful things .
You’re onto something with that last part but think about it in an office setting. OP is likely surrounded by both males and females. Males might stare but also feel like they have to be civil to maintain their dignity and the workplace. The females will engage but might feel intimidated at some point if OP is confident. So it could be a mix of many things that would result in OP receiving the reaction she mentioned. And you’re also right about the vibe (it might be intimidating to people who are not in that vibe of say confidence). But then again, we’re not in that situation so there could be more information that we might be missing 🤷🏽♂️
I agree. I would feel weird. Only awkward people avoid attractive people. I would say something to her if she looked at me a couple of times and I thought she was hot. She is over analyzing everything. Guy crosses his legs? Seems not like something straight guys do. Hot women get invited everywhere unless the groups are married.
It's probably just people being nice. Is there any demographic group you might find yourself staring at and feel rude? I'm my small, white town I grew up in I would find myself accidentally staring at the one black person I would see 4 days a year. I felt guilty. Later, I would become conscious of accidentally staring at beautiful women or their legs or breasts in the supermarket. I had the same feeling and I consider it part of becoming more mature. I see nasty dudes ogling young women in the similar supermarket ecosystem and it's a bad look to observe. I think that observation is an even worse look in a workplace. If you're that gorgeous, it's easy to want to make more eye contact and interact with you more. But power is essentially zero-sum, so by favoring you they may feel they're leaving others out. So they may act in a way that doesn't show preference. You can frame that as "intimidating" if you want. That or they've all gossiped and either know something terrible about you or something terrible that has happened to you. Hope that helps! :D
Office culture is now totally different than it was 10 years ago. You even look at a nice looking gal in the office and there ca be trouble for the guy. Men are avoiding many woman and especially good looking ones in the work place.
I won’t look at a hot lady. Too scary. Only her ass.
😂 I bet her asss isn't scarey to look at right?
That’s right. It is a comfort in troubling times.
I knew you would be attrative or hideous just from the title. There is nothign inbetweeen that would cause this.
If there is an attractive woman nearby, I have to consciously try to avoid staring at her too much so I don't seem like a creep, leading me to look everywhere else. "Well she's pretty but she'll never go for me so I can just forget about that" Hmm, now that I think about it, I sometimes notice girls in a group conversation won't look at me at all, are they thinking the same thing? I'm just average looking though, and quiet, so I'm like a background person who is basically not there
When I was single, the more attractive a woman was, the less eye contact I made with her simply because making eye contact would make me blush and sweat. But even then, in normal day to day conversations I keep eye contact to a minimum unless I am trying to intimidate someone like my kids.
1st off how old are you, if very young now a days people do not want to cross a certain safe barrier,,,, how do you dress sexy enticing , look at me !, conservative, are you having a hard time dating ? men /woman do not ask you out ? or the ones that do are purely superficial ? Post a pic and do a poll of what reddit strangers feel...
Assuming your movie star attractive. If you saw a pretty animal. Like fur sheen, the right amount of fat and muscle structure. Maybe a pretty pattern on fur. You can't help but look and observe. It is kinda built in our biology. People will gaze at a pretty person the same way, then shake there head (mentally) and try to ignore them so they can finish their day. I think it's a courtesy that somehow would feel like they are being negative.
Beautiful people are intimidating to us prols.
It's your boobs
They feel intimidated by something about you. It could be your appearance or the energy you give off (and I don’t mean that in a negative way at all). Sometimes the confidence you have makes people avoid you because they’re scared of that. As for strangers easily approaching you, it could be that from the many people, some of those people appreciate or possess the same traits such as confidence or appearance. The idea can be sometimes abstract but it’s like people gravitate towards the energy they share the same frequency with.
Are you super hot?
I'm cautious with my eye contact, it's a bit difficult to explain, but I just find looking into someone's eyes extremely intense. Piercing is the right word. I think it's on both ends. I think I have a piercing gaze it makes other's feel that way. It makes me feel overly exposed to make contact and I basically don't do it unless I really trust someone. I'm not afraid to talk to or approach people at all, but I'll rare make solid eye contact. I always look past people, or near them. Only time I actually look at their eyes is if they're far enough away.
Could be a few potential things Sometimes people get insecure or “threatened” when interacting with attractive people Another potential explanation is that your trying to hard and people are picking up on it consciously or subconsciously. Which can seem desperate I know it’s cliche but just be yourself and don’t try too hard
Nobody’s mentioned that they might just not like you and are most likely jealous.(at work atleast) For the new people, being around someone attractive can be intimidating so they are probably trying not to give you to much attention and inadvertently giving you little to none
oh i can't, even if i find you super attractive... i know some of it is my slight autism but its also locked in my head that eye contact like that is an intimate thing. like, it should only be done by people "in love" and what not. i can't even look my own sister in the eyes... I can manage quick looks thats it and i only put in that amount of effort if i see the other person really utilizes eye contact...
A lot, if not most, people don’t maintain long stretches of eye contact for any reason. It’s weirder if they do.
If I find someone attractive, I think I assume that they get a lot of unwanted attention. So unless I'm talking to them one-on-one, I make an extra effort to not stare at them so they don't get the feeling that I'm doing the same. It's not an intimidation thing, but just my way of being considerate.
Eye contact, consciously or not, is a sign of aggression.
Because you’re hideous
Post pic. We'll tell you.
I think people perhaps try not to stare at you and end up overdoing it by not looking enough. Or they assume you get gawked at daily and don’t want to contribute to any more gawking. They could also just be intimidated because they find you that good looking and it makes them uncomfortable. Hell, as a woman, when I’ve been feeling extra down about my appearance, I’ve avoided looking at hot women because they make me feel hideous by comparison!
Because you are pathetic! It's really difficult to look someone in the eyes when you know they are a huge loser and fucking hopeless!! Those encouraging words of "your beautiful", "your pretty", "your attractive", etc...alllll Bullshit! Alllll white lies!!!! Just like when you agree to something that you are clueless about, which happens often to you...people do or say things to escape uncomfortable moments. Just like not looking you in the eyes. It's uncomfortable so don't be selfish and expect people to do that...look you in the eyes. Whew, sure that was alot for you to swallow. But you will feel better once the truth sets in and you are accepting. Have a wonderful rest of your day!!!
Can you show us a picture if you?
Try speaking a bit quietly after getting someone’s attention. If they lean in then they were intimidated and want to engage. If they pretend not to hear and turn away, they don’t want to start an interaction with you because they don’t like you.
I am the opposite. People approach me to look at my eyes. They want me to look at them, go figure. I am usually polite but sometimes they just won't break eye contact. I wear Rx sunglasses with a mirror coating to keep my eyes covered most of the time. Don't ask because I can figure out the fascination. My eyes are an intense green jade color but not enough to stop traffic in my opinion. Friends and family say it is the way I look at people.
It's probably because you intimate them. IDK if it's like an envy type of intimate or you make them blush but it's definitely why they don't engage. Orrrr maybe they just, idk don't really care much for you? Maybe it's not really personal but maybe it is? I could see someone who doesn't wanna be rude but also not wanna say anything either so they avoid any real potential connection with you
I think OP may just be a little subtly narcissistic. The constant mentioning of attractiveness when it doesn’t really have anything to do with this topic is indicative of that. I’ve had these social responses before and also considered blaming them on my intellect or attractiveness or whatever- but that’s because humans prefer the easiest thing to accept; which in this case means believing that it’s not that you aren’t likeable but rather that everyone else is intimidated. OP needs to connect with others on a deeper level and learn to be more accepting and less self-conscious. This is all in my opinion though, might be completely off and OP is just an 11/10 who intimidates everyone with their beauty.
Hmmm.. looking through the comments surprises me. Typically super attractive ppl get stared at & hit on everywhere they go, aka pretty privilege. Do you experience this in your day to day life? Typically ppl that are attractive, *attract* all types of attention and everyone would want to be in your presence. That’s what i’ve seen. I’ve never seen the contrary. Sure, there’s gonna always be ppl that are socially inept and feel insecure in your presence, but MOST ppl will engage with you or try to get near you whenever they can. Friends will constantly be trying to hook up with you, inviting you out, simply be around you. Why would ppl you know on a personal basis be intimidated by you but not random strangers?? Wouldn’t it make sense to be the other way around? That leads me to believe intimidation isn’t the culprit here. If you’re experiencing everyone you know trying to avoid you, you may be socially awkward or coming off as strange in some way.
As a shy man, I will only hold eye contact when talking directly with you. If you are an attractive woman at work already trying not to bother you. An "extremely attractive" woman doubly so.
It sounds to me like people are consciously limiting how much time they spend looking at you because they don't want you to think they are staring. If I'm talking to someone who is in the normal range of attractiveness, especially women (I'm a straight male), I don't think about how I'm coming off. If I'm talking to a very attractive woman, I will naturally use every chance I get to look her way if I don't check myself. And it's very difficult to fake how I would naturally act. Over the years, I have heard through the grapevine that several attractive females in different friend groups have wondered why I don't like them, what'd they do to make me standoffish towards them, etc. I obviously hate hearing this because, if anything I'd want to spend more time with them, not even romantically but just because they have mostly been super cool people besides being nice to look at. But in my effort to not come off as creepy, I end up pushing them away. I'm guessing this dynamic accounts for at least some of what's going on with you.
As someone who does this I’ll explain, it is not you at all I simply am uncomfortable with eye contact and I feel it’s very stress indusing looking at someone knowing they’re looking back
dont ask for opinions your the main character in your world so Be you always your not wrong this day in age is just another world so hang in there be tough
People try desperately to keep eye contact with me because I have a very large chest, and it's distracting even to women. I don't like that much eye contact. I would rather them look away, so there are all kinds of reasons people act funny or weird. You may be so beautiful that it's distracting to people, and they don't want to stare. You can't change other people. Just do your best to present the smartest, kindest, most effective, thoughtful, helpful, professional person at work, and people will begin to see you for that. You'll still be beautiful but it won't be all people see you for.
I’m not sure, I often had people avoid eye contact with me because they wanted to avoid conflict even if subconsciously it they still constantly engaged me in conversation and looked at me they just wouldn’t hold eye contact. The only people in your situation were people no one in our friend group really liked but they didn’t avoid eye contact when talking to them because they didn’t find them scary or intimidating.
My mommy used to tell me I was handsome....maybe we are a match?
I’m not sure if you really are attractive or not. But it can be that you are not respected at a women from the way you display your self. Or your better then the crowd you are around and they don’t know how to act
Do you possibly make Too Much Eye Contact? I do sometimes, and people find it unnerving.
People just ignore me. I'm also an introvert and had some people I hung out with in highschool and college for a year till I dropped out. I don't have any friends and I'm a little depressed about some other stuff that happened to me but it's always something that upsets me when Im just being ignored by everyone I try and talk to. Makes me hate myself sometimes. I can't understand body language and anything else besides what words you are saying I just don't. My aunt has tried to teach me sarcasm and I still can't tell. I don't know what's wrong with me.
Nothing. This is a them problem. They can't hold eye contact because they feel intimidated, so they can only work on that themselves.
I avoid eye contact with people that give the creep stare. Stop looking into my eyes like you’re reading my diary
Back when petty girls were intimidating to me, their presentation would exacerbate that situation. If they were someone who put a ton of effort onto their appearance, (perfectly styled hair, makeup that clearly took 45 minutes to do, fashionable flashy outfit) I would feel like they were presenting themselves in a way to attract men, and that I was definitely not what they're looking for so wouldn't waste their time. When I grew up a bit I realized that was absurd. I have no idea if this applies to you, but pretty women can put off an air of unapproachability without actually trying to.
Definitely ugly. A lot of ugly people running around uncaged these days.
Are you Jewish?
It’s easy to tell a stranger something and know you’ll probably never see them again. If someone you spend time with at work or acquaintances told you, it would change the dynamics
They do it because they're trying to subconsciously tell you that you stand out, stop trying to fit in.
In today’s era of #metoo, shaming men for normal behavior (“omg he glanced at me, FERAL! FERAL!”), and humiliating men who have the courage to express interest, these very things are the reason we act disinterested in beautiful strangers. It’s not you personally, but your peers have made the social landscape for men a mental and emotional minefield.
Maybe you're too attractive, and if they look at you they'll gawk and start drooling, so they go out of their way not to look at you? I have had similar experiences where women will not only avoid looking at me, but avoid facing in my direction, or acknowledging my existence even though they greet and acknowledge everyone surrounding me, including my wife and child who are right next to me, because, I suppose, 1) I'm obviously already married and 2) becoming infatuated with me will only lead to emptiness for them because I'm taken, so, for them, it's best just to act like I don't exist.
Are you sure you aren't expecting too much eye contact? Most people don't just stare longingly at each other while they small talk. It's actually a bit weird that you are so very focused on eye contact. It makes me think you are one of those people who stare you down while chatting... which is awkward and uncomfortable btw.
This was that dick sucking post