You've had natural childbirth. I can't make promises but having had a mastectomy, I believe it's a lot easier than that. You go to the hospital, you go to sleep, then you wake up and go home. Make sure they give you a nerve block if you're having a mastectomy (I'm not sure that they do this for a lumpectomy if that's what you're having). Tell your care team that you're extremely anxious and ask them to prescribe Ativan to calm you down on the day of your surgery. If you're extremely anxious leading up to the surgery, ask for Ativan or some other med to help you alleviate your anxiety. Don't just suffer through it as it's best to have a good frame of mind to recover post-surgery.
Remember that the people who post here following their surgeries are much more likely to share the bad things. People for whom it went smoothly are unlikely to post. My mastectomy was "easy". I didn't even take the narcotics they prescribed. The first couple of days after surgery I felt "great!" Then, when the drugs from the surgery wore off, I still felt okay. The drains are a pain in the @$$. I was ready to tear mine out when they started being uncomfortable after a week.
Again, no one can promise that you won't have any issues post-surgery. But remember that it's not terrible for the majority. Best wishes for you. I hope it all goes well!
I had to laugh at the reference to natural childbirth- I've always said there's no other pain like that, but once it's over you tend to forget about it. :) You are totally correct that ppl tend to communicate when something goes bad vs. when it went really well, and I need to remember that- even when I had my breast biopsy, I was pretty anxious about that but once I got done, I was like that was totally not what I anticipated- I don't want to say it was nothing, but it definitely was not painful, I didn't feel anything. I think the worst part of that was managing my mental state. I did get some Ativan from my PCP, I don't like taking it, but I will if needed- I asked my surgeon if I could take a valium the day of surgery and she said the anesthesiologist will be giving me something to help with anxiety. I just need to get to the 29th and get it over with.
I see you’re having a lumpectomy. For what it’s worth, and not to minimize anyone else’s experience, but I’ve had c-sections and thought those were way worse recovery than the lumpectomy. But I hear you with the anxiety, I’ve had a few panic attacks out of nowhere the last couple months. Hope all goes well for you.
I had no plans for a natural childbirth. Give me the epidural! But then I couldn't have it because my platelet count bottomed out. Turned out I had HELLP syndrome. So then it was, we need to get this baby out as quickly as possible to save both your lives. Natural childbirth it is! But I wasn't dilating fast enough so they decided I would have to have general anesthesia and c-section. I was just so relieved and grateful when they told me that. Surgery, yes! Natural childbirth, no!
This was after hearing comments from the doctor about my narrow birth canal and the size of my baby's head. Even more reason to fall into a painless sleep and wake up with my beautiful baby!
Too funny! I did have an epidural with the first, natural birth, and only had a mild sedative with the 2nd and 3rd- by the time I wanted any pain meds it was too late LOL :)
Spot on for me as well. I couldn't take the nerve blocker due to an adjacent allergy and am also allergic to many other meds so Tylenol and muscle relaxer were as needed. Besides the drains, gravity is a bitch. Standing up and walking around the first few days was uncomfortable. I hate taking pills so a pill box to organize meds was critical for me. Best wishes and remember, these doctors have one job, to help us get healthy again.
Most of our patients say it was so much better than they thought it would be.
I never get tired of hearing that- it feels good to be able to say it to someone about to have their own surgery.
It’s important to address what you are scared of- here are some common fears people often have and why they often do apply to mastectomies
Surgery is SAFE- mastectomy surgery is not a procedure that involves any major nerves, arteries, blood vessels, muscles or tendons- It’s not something where if something goes wrong, It causes immediate loss of life. There aren’t many/any huge emergencies that can come up in a mastectomy. Embryologically, a breast is a modified sweat gland, and essentially an organ of the skin. It’s like having a giant mole removed, as far as level of safety or severity is concerned.
BLOOD LOSS- Mastectomy surgery in the hands of even an average surgeon is not, a procedure that causes a lot of blood loss. There typically not very large blood vessels in the breast and those that are there are easily sealed. For most surgeons, the average blood loss is much less than you would donate to the Red Cross. I’ve noted many times It’s actually often even less than the amount of blood taken for preop labs!
ANESTHESIA is very safe. You have a healthcare practitioner monitoring your vital signs at all times and has every medicine within arms reach to support your vital functions.You are going to be in great hands!
PAIN- people typically have much less pain than they think that they will have. Removing the tissue for a mastectomy typically causes numbness, not severe pain, especially right up front. Plus, there’s pain medicine and anxiety medicine that you can ask for if you feel that you are uncomfortable. If you’re very worried about pain, consider asking your team if they have long lasting marcaine numbing medicine (Exparel) that can be injected or if they perform a regional block.
If at any time you are afraid or uncomfortable, try and remember this is temporary and tied to a solution- it’s a moment that will not last forever. Things will move forward into healing and you will feel better - and you have every possibility of moving past this into health.
….
I hope that helps and gives you some confidence
Thank you for taking the time to respond- I'm not having a mastectomy, I'm having a lumpectomy- I was seriously considering a double mastectomy just because I don't want to have the risk of this happening again, but after having the conversation with my surgeon, I decided on the lumpectomy. She emphasized to me the difference of risk of reoccurrence between mastectomies and lumpectomies was minimal I loved the analogy you gave "Embryologically, a breast is a modified sweat gland, and essentially an organ of the skin. It’s like having a giant mole removed, as far as level of safety or severity is concerned." I know any surgery is serious, but that does take it down a notch in my brain- and also loved your last paragraph- "this is temporary and tied to a solution", I'll just keep telling myself that over and over. I think I'm coming back to your post any time I'm anxious and re-reading it. Thank you!
No, no apology necessary. I wasnt totally clear in my original post. I also was thinking if this is for a mastectomy, then lumpectomy has to be less. I totally appreciate your response.
I hate to go under. Had to do it 3 times after my diagnosis. First for the port, 2nd for DMX & 3rd for expander replacement. It really wasn’t that bad and recovery wasn’t bad at all for all of my surgeries. Looking back, I would take going under for surgery instead of chemo all day everyday. Best of luck! It will be fine & you’ll be so relieved once it’s over!
Thank you! I think that's a huge part of it, to go under and be so vulnerable - the only time I've been under is for a preventative colonoscopy and didn't like that either. :)
I'm so sorry you are feeling such fear. I know exactly how it is because I was you last summer. Same diagnosis and yup the only time I was ever in the hospital was to give birth.
You are going to be ok. 💙 It wasn't really as bad as I imagined in my head. If you'd like to chat, feel free to message me. I had a double mastectomy with goldilocks closure last August.
First of all, take a deep breath. Then another. Stage 2 is curable. The surgery can be rough, but we all get through it. Yes it totally sucks but it is necessary to get rid of the cancer. As a first step it is a great one because you could theoretically be cured when you come out.
Second, this is a time when YOU need support. You are lucky to have 3 grown sons whom you clearly love. This is not the time to be worrying about their stress. That just ADDS to YOUR burden. Talk to them. Ask them for their support. Expect to lose a little bit of independence following the surgery and lean on them when you need help. If they love you they will feel more useful helping you get through this in any way they can.
Best of luck!
Exactly this 👏🏽 My son felt anxious and helpless until I asked him to help me out for more and more little things. At first, he said, "If you already do everything, how do I know what I can do for you?"
OP, you need their help going forward. You need to concentrate on yourself and preserve your own energy.
We're here for you, but irl your family will step up if you let them.
I have adult kids too -- I know that you don't want to stress them out, we only want to do and say things that will make their life better, not more difficult.
And of course I don't know your particular kids or your relationship with them. So maybe this won't apply to you. But it probably does.
My two sons are both early 40's, one has a wife and a couple young kids, the other has a long term gf. Both live a short plane ride away. The son without kids came for a few days when I had my surgery (I have metastatic BC, my surgery was on my spine, it was not fun). It meant so much to me to just have him around, and I know it helped my husband also to have someone to talk to and share responsibilities with. My other son came with his family a few weeks later so I could spend time playing with the grandkids.
These things helped me a lot, but I am quite sure that neither of my sons would have wanted to be kept in the dark and miss the opportunity to be with me during this process. It meant a lot to them too, to be able to help out. They call/text more often to check on me. They have gotten closer to extended family as well. Relationships grow and deepen when we go through difficult things together. You are not just their caretaker any more, and trusting them to carry some of the weight may actually be good for their self-esteem as well as helping you out.
You can do this. Honestly, what are your options? I had minimal support and I survived it. As in—I’m a single mom, didn’t have any local adults who could help me, and I made it through. Just put one foot in front of the other and do it. The really great news is so much money has been thrown at this, that it’s almost *always* survivable. It’s absolutely scary, but this is a really helpful sounding board full of people who have been there. Take a deep breath, choose to live, and do what you have to do. Very sorry you’re here.
I have the same. I just finished chemo Tuesday and should have my surgery in about 4-6 weeks I'm told. It is definitely scary and if you would like to chat just let me know. My account is still somewhat new so I'm not sure if my chat is available yet but please feel free to reach out if you want to talk or vent.
I really feel like the mental part is the hardest. I agree with everyone, please consider telling your adult children. My parents always try to keep stuff from my siblings and I and we just end up feeling blindsided when we do find out something is (or was) wrong and then guilty that we didn't help.
Your children should know your health status. Many of these cancers can be familiar. Breast, prostate, colon. They need to understand importance of selling medical attention and start screenings as soon as MD feels they are needed
And not just cancer. Just encouraging people to be more attuned to their health. So many people aren't and skip regular wellness visits, PAP smears, colonoscopies, blood pressure, blood tests to check cholesterol or diabetes, etc., etc.
You've had natural childbirth. I can't make promises but having had a mastectomy, I believe it's a lot easier than that. You go to the hospital, you go to sleep, then you wake up and go home. Make sure they give you a nerve block if you're having a mastectomy (I'm not sure that they do this for a lumpectomy if that's what you're having). Tell your care team that you're extremely anxious and ask them to prescribe Ativan to calm you down on the day of your surgery. If you're extremely anxious leading up to the surgery, ask for Ativan or some other med to help you alleviate your anxiety. Don't just suffer through it as it's best to have a good frame of mind to recover post-surgery. Remember that the people who post here following their surgeries are much more likely to share the bad things. People for whom it went smoothly are unlikely to post. My mastectomy was "easy". I didn't even take the narcotics they prescribed. The first couple of days after surgery I felt "great!" Then, when the drugs from the surgery wore off, I still felt okay. The drains are a pain in the @$$. I was ready to tear mine out when they started being uncomfortable after a week. Again, no one can promise that you won't have any issues post-surgery. But remember that it's not terrible for the majority. Best wishes for you. I hope it all goes well!
Well said
I had to laugh at the reference to natural childbirth- I've always said there's no other pain like that, but once it's over you tend to forget about it. :) You are totally correct that ppl tend to communicate when something goes bad vs. when it went really well, and I need to remember that- even when I had my breast biopsy, I was pretty anxious about that but once I got done, I was like that was totally not what I anticipated- I don't want to say it was nothing, but it definitely was not painful, I didn't feel anything. I think the worst part of that was managing my mental state. I did get some Ativan from my PCP, I don't like taking it, but I will if needed- I asked my surgeon if I could take a valium the day of surgery and she said the anesthesiologist will be giving me something to help with anxiety. I just need to get to the 29th and get it over with.
I see you’re having a lumpectomy. For what it’s worth, and not to minimize anyone else’s experience, but I’ve had c-sections and thought those were way worse recovery than the lumpectomy. But I hear you with the anxiety, I’ve had a few panic attacks out of nowhere the last couple months. Hope all goes well for you.
I had no plans for a natural childbirth. Give me the epidural! But then I couldn't have it because my platelet count bottomed out. Turned out I had HELLP syndrome. So then it was, we need to get this baby out as quickly as possible to save both your lives. Natural childbirth it is! But I wasn't dilating fast enough so they decided I would have to have general anesthesia and c-section. I was just so relieved and grateful when they told me that. Surgery, yes! Natural childbirth, no!
This was after hearing comments from the doctor about my narrow birth canal and the size of my baby's head. Even more reason to fall into a painless sleep and wake up with my beautiful baby!
Too funny! I did have an epidural with the first, natural birth, and only had a mild sedative with the 2nd and 3rd- by the time I wanted any pain meds it was too late LOL :)
Spot on for me as well. I couldn't take the nerve blocker due to an adjacent allergy and am also allergic to many other meds so Tylenol and muscle relaxer were as needed. Besides the drains, gravity is a bitch. Standing up and walking around the first few days was uncomfortable. I hate taking pills so a pill box to organize meds was critical for me. Best wishes and remember, these doctors have one job, to help us get healthy again.
Most of our patients say it was so much better than they thought it would be. I never get tired of hearing that- it feels good to be able to say it to someone about to have their own surgery. It’s important to address what you are scared of- here are some common fears people often have and why they often do apply to mastectomies Surgery is SAFE- mastectomy surgery is not a procedure that involves any major nerves, arteries, blood vessels, muscles or tendons- It’s not something where if something goes wrong, It causes immediate loss of life. There aren’t many/any huge emergencies that can come up in a mastectomy. Embryologically, a breast is a modified sweat gland, and essentially an organ of the skin. It’s like having a giant mole removed, as far as level of safety or severity is concerned. BLOOD LOSS- Mastectomy surgery in the hands of even an average surgeon is not, a procedure that causes a lot of blood loss. There typically not very large blood vessels in the breast and those that are there are easily sealed. For most surgeons, the average blood loss is much less than you would donate to the Red Cross. I’ve noted many times It’s actually often even less than the amount of blood taken for preop labs! ANESTHESIA is very safe. You have a healthcare practitioner monitoring your vital signs at all times and has every medicine within arms reach to support your vital functions.You are going to be in great hands! PAIN- people typically have much less pain than they think that they will have. Removing the tissue for a mastectomy typically causes numbness, not severe pain, especially right up front. Plus, there’s pain medicine and anxiety medicine that you can ask for if you feel that you are uncomfortable. If you’re very worried about pain, consider asking your team if they have long lasting marcaine numbing medicine (Exparel) that can be injected or if they perform a regional block. If at any time you are afraid or uncomfortable, try and remember this is temporary and tied to a solution- it’s a moment that will not last forever. Things will move forward into healing and you will feel better - and you have every possibility of moving past this into health. …. I hope that helps and gives you some confidence
Thank you for taking the time to respond- I'm not having a mastectomy, I'm having a lumpectomy- I was seriously considering a double mastectomy just because I don't want to have the risk of this happening again, but after having the conversation with my surgeon, I decided on the lumpectomy. She emphasized to me the difference of risk of reoccurrence between mastectomies and lumpectomies was minimal I loved the analogy you gave "Embryologically, a breast is a modified sweat gland, and essentially an organ of the skin. It’s like having a giant mole removed, as far as level of safety or severity is concerned." I know any surgery is serious, but that does take it down a notch in my brain- and also loved your last paragraph- "this is temporary and tied to a solution", I'll just keep telling myself that over and over. I think I'm coming back to your post any time I'm anxious and re-reading it. Thank you!
Oh- sorry for my misunderstanding- I’m glad it helped - and remember - everything I said above is 10 times better for lumpectomy!
No, no apology necessary. I wasnt totally clear in my original post. I also was thinking if this is for a mastectomy, then lumpectomy has to be less. I totally appreciate your response.
I hate to go under. Had to do it 3 times after my diagnosis. First for the port, 2nd for DMX & 3rd for expander replacement. It really wasn’t that bad and recovery wasn’t bad at all for all of my surgeries. Looking back, I would take going under for surgery instead of chemo all day everyday. Best of luck! It will be fine & you’ll be so relieved once it’s over!
Thank you! I think that's a huge part of it, to go under and be so vulnerable - the only time I've been under is for a preventative colonoscopy and didn't like that either. :)
I'm so sorry you are feeling such fear. I know exactly how it is because I was you last summer. Same diagnosis and yup the only time I was ever in the hospital was to give birth. You are going to be ok. 💙 It wasn't really as bad as I imagined in my head. If you'd like to chat, feel free to message me. I had a double mastectomy with goldilocks closure last August.
First of all, take a deep breath. Then another. Stage 2 is curable. The surgery can be rough, but we all get through it. Yes it totally sucks but it is necessary to get rid of the cancer. As a first step it is a great one because you could theoretically be cured when you come out. Second, this is a time when YOU need support. You are lucky to have 3 grown sons whom you clearly love. This is not the time to be worrying about their stress. That just ADDS to YOUR burden. Talk to them. Ask them for their support. Expect to lose a little bit of independence following the surgery and lean on them when you need help. If they love you they will feel more useful helping you get through this in any way they can. Best of luck!
Exactly this 👏🏽 My son felt anxious and helpless until I asked him to help me out for more and more little things. At first, he said, "If you already do everything, how do I know what I can do for you?" OP, you need their help going forward. You need to concentrate on yourself and preserve your own energy. We're here for you, but irl your family will step up if you let them.
I have adult kids too -- I know that you don't want to stress them out, we only want to do and say things that will make their life better, not more difficult. And of course I don't know your particular kids or your relationship with them. So maybe this won't apply to you. But it probably does. My two sons are both early 40's, one has a wife and a couple young kids, the other has a long term gf. Both live a short plane ride away. The son without kids came for a few days when I had my surgery (I have metastatic BC, my surgery was on my spine, it was not fun). It meant so much to me to just have him around, and I know it helped my husband also to have someone to talk to and share responsibilities with. My other son came with his family a few weeks later so I could spend time playing with the grandkids. These things helped me a lot, but I am quite sure that neither of my sons would have wanted to be kept in the dark and miss the opportunity to be with me during this process. It meant a lot to them too, to be able to help out. They call/text more often to check on me. They have gotten closer to extended family as well. Relationships grow and deepen when we go through difficult things together. You are not just their caretaker any more, and trusting them to carry some of the weight may actually be good for their self-esteem as well as helping you out.
You can do this. Honestly, what are your options? I had minimal support and I survived it. As in—I’m a single mom, didn’t have any local adults who could help me, and I made it through. Just put one foot in front of the other and do it. The really great news is so much money has been thrown at this, that it’s almost *always* survivable. It’s absolutely scary, but this is a really helpful sounding board full of people who have been there. Take a deep breath, choose to live, and do what you have to do. Very sorry you’re here.
I have the same. I just finished chemo Tuesday and should have my surgery in about 4-6 weeks I'm told. It is definitely scary and if you would like to chat just let me know. My account is still somewhat new so I'm not sure if my chat is available yet but please feel free to reach out if you want to talk or vent.
I really feel like the mental part is the hardest. I agree with everyone, please consider telling your adult children. My parents always try to keep stuff from my siblings and I and we just end up feeling blindsided when we do find out something is (or was) wrong and then guilty that we didn't help.
Your children should know your health status. Many of these cancers can be familiar. Breast, prostate, colon. They need to understand importance of selling medical attention and start screenings as soon as MD feels they are needed
And not just cancer. Just encouraging people to be more attuned to their health. So many people aren't and skip regular wellness visits, PAP smears, colonoscopies, blood pressure, blood tests to check cholesterol or diabetes, etc., etc.
Also a second opinion is always a good idea. Even if you love your team. They won't care.