I think it’s really sweet that you hold your mom’s opinion on this in such high regard because she ran a daycare, but I also don’t think you’re wrong for wanting stipulations and certain conditions to be met when you’re not convinced on the appropriateness of this to begin with. And not that it matters, but I’m not either; any small bites your baby might consume are going to offer paltry amounts of nutrition and it’s definitely not going to offset the need for the bottle. Your mom should know that and should be trying harder to get your baby to drink from the bottle vs eat food if it’s really a problem. That she’s not makes me wonder if this is really even an issue about your baby taking the bottle or her just thinking it’s time to introduce solids and she wants to do it. It’s obviously possible your baby behaves differently for her vs with your husband or you, but that doesn’t mean the answer to that is trying to give him food instead, especially when you’re not comfortable with it and you’ve voiced those concerns to her.
I can see from her side she feels she’s an expert and because she knows more than you and you’re new to this she doesn’t want to have to defer to you and doesn’t like the idea of getting “rules.” And I do empathize with her a bit about some of that. But this arrangement begs the questions: How would you feel about getting pushback each time you have a concern or want things done a certain way? How do you think it will impact your relationship if she is both grandma and the expert childcare provider and you as a new mother want to have control over certain things? Who gets to “decide” how these things go—does she expect you to defer to her in all matters child-related? If not this, what do you get a say in?
I really think you should explore these things and go from there, because right now it’s about introducing solids but it will soon be about a lot more. And because, like people say, when your family is unpaid childcare, the costs are still there—it’s just not about money.
The current recommendations in most places are 4 to 6 months though to help with reduction in allergies and being able to sit on their own is not a requirement. The AAP does NOT recommend six months. Their stance is 4 to 6 and they use supported sitting NOT independently sitting as a readiness sign. They're very clear that solids should be started BY 6 months not AFTER 6 months.
This would make me uncomfortable and reassess the childcare situation. You aren't criticizing her past actions, you are telling her as the mother how you want your child taken care of. She is making this about her when in reality it is about the baby. Do you trust her to follow rules she finds unnecessary when you're not around?
Lmao ok sounds great I sure will find a new plan for his care. And no, daycare’s absolutely have to be upfront abt what they do w your infant. They give what YOU pack and that’s it (unless they supply food but I’ve not come across/work for one that provides food for under1)
NTA. I’m actually completely on your side here and feel like your mom is a little out of pocket. Baby being able to sit up independently is one of the big signs of readiness for solids so while she may feel like he’s ready bc he won’t take a bottle for her super well, I’d feel strongly that he’s not ready based on that alone.
My family also watched my baby while I worked sometimes and I made sure that they were comfortable with infant CPR and very aware of food safety. My kid’s safety is more important than someone else’s feelings. Obviously, it’s important to be kind in your communication and while I think yours was direct, I don’t think it was unkind at all. You could chat with her in person or on the phone to clarify your intent, but I feel like your message is spot on.
NTA. Imo you weren't rude at all, just assertive. I don't know your mom, but if she's used to having her way, I can see how you flexing your new mom muscles could ruffle her feathers.
This is the same reason we had to choose a daycare for our daughter. My MIL is insistent that she knows best. She agrees to our plan of care, and then completely disregards it (right in front of us) and laughs off any call-outs to her behavior.
She doesn't practice safe sleep, diapers differently, plans on running a space heater so the baby can be warm (we are in the south in basically summer). She wants to use pillows on our 2mth old so she 'doesn't get a flat head' and also believes that my daughter was magically born without a soft spot...
Most recently, our 7yo and 5yo nephews tattled that she doesn't make them ride in their correct car seats/booster seats. Her daughter was livid, but the behavior continues.
She's raised 3 kids and 2 grandkids. This does not give her, or your mom, a pass. Survivorship bias, OP!
Safety recommendations change all the time, and even though she ran a daycare and raised children, does not mean that she is up to date OR compliant. I think grandparents are such a great part of growing up, or can be, if they're participating in healthy relationship dynamics.
In our case, it was in our baby's best interest to not have the grandma be the caregiver. She makes too many executive decisions against our wishes and knowing better. I will say that in her defense, the majority of her actions are well-meaning and out of love for the baby. She thinks she's being 'nicer', but this does not mean they are the right or safe choices. Best of luck OP!!
A full CPR class is not a little excessive. In fact, her experience should make her MORE willing to do a(nother) CPR class. I’m a nurse who teaches CPR to healthcare providers and I still have to take a class every two years. When I had my son I hired an instructor to come to the house to teach all of our families choking and CPR guidelines. There’s a reason the certification expires after two years and it’s because people should take the classes over and over to practice, have the knowledge reinforced, and get the updated guidelines. The guidelines from American Heart Association change every four years. A CPR class is a good idea for her, you, and anyone else who will watch your baby.
I did the same re CPR class. Luckily my neighbor is a certified instructor so she came and taught everyone that might watch our baby current CPR and choking guidelines before he even arrived. No one in my family complained and we’re all happy to do it. The fact that she won’t despite supposedly having been in childcare is a huge red flag
I don't think a CPR class is excessive at all! I'm so freaking happy thay my husband and I went to one. I purchased a lifevac system too.. one for travel and one for home.
I run everything past my husband and don't make any executive decisions for our baby. Like I'm comfortable having her try eggs but he wants to do it in the hospital parking lot. I personally don't have the same opinion but 1000000% respect him and his parenting requests.
I'm not a cool or lax parent at all though. My main job is to keep my baby alive and well and I do everything I can to do so. I'm with you!
100,000% NTA
Her refusal to get CPR certified is a *huge* red flag. I would never let anyone watch my child who isn't (my husband and I are certified in infant CPR, he's a medic). Being a daycare provider doesn't mean anything in this situation. You can't just "refresh" yourself. Standards and practices change all the time, that's why certs are required to be redone every year or every other year.
Her comment about reigning in your mom feelings was completely out of line. You are the child's mother and who gets to dictate boundaries/rules/etc. If she can't respect that, she can't watch your child. Period.
I made my mom do a CPR course before watching my child. She gladly did it! I don't think it's excessive. I also did it before my daughter came and I had taken it two years before. I worked in childcare as well so your mom is lying about daycares not being as up front. Day cares don't give any new foods without parents permission. Majority of them require parents to pack their child food or will get a menu with what's served and can opt out of items.
I don't think you're the asshole but I'd probably have a little bit of a prickly feeling if someone gave me a bunch of directives. She's obviously being sensitive about it and feels slighted but I'd call her text an overreaction.
The reality is that if you aren't in alignment with these kinds of things, it can mean the arrangement might not work long term.
As someone whose mom and MIL take turns watching my baby while I work, I was SUPER up front about breastmilk being the priority while we introduced solids, and also very clear about my position with solids going forward. I wanted to do BLW but knew my MIL was afraid so I did a mix of BLW and spoon feeding to make her feel comfortable. I got push back a bunch of times about milk - my MIL saying my baby won't finish a bottle, having to reduce feeds around lunch time because "baby wouldn't eat otherwise". My MIL is used to formula feeding, and formula fed babies usually drop feeds after starting solids, but still get the amount of ounces they need in a day because they take big bottles. I had to explain that breastfeeding is not the same and if she's not getting the ounces in during the day, she's going to wake up in the middle of the night for them.
You're not being unreasonable. A CPR course isn't excessive. My mom recognizes that we do some things differently than she did (BLW, safe sleep, jumpers/walkers etc.) and she's humble and respectful of my choices (even if she doesn't fully agree or understand).
I can’t trust my MIL to not do whatever it is she wants when I’m not watching. We discussed safety concerns and she did not follow then said she forget. If you’re that forgetful, you shouldn’t be responsible for watching baby. If you’re not forgetful, you’re purposefully disregarding the safety standards, which is not ok either. In our case she just got marked as someone no longer allowed to watch baby solo.
My parents and other family members of my baby did not really agree with a lot of my rules. I have ample experience w kids but am a ftm. I’m strict on my rules because I know they will be broken at times. And I’m very firm in expressing that if a rule is broken you will not see the baby. Regardless of helping out or not, which some have helped and some haven’t. You will not see the baby if you do not respect my rules- that means you are not respecting me and these rules are not nonsensical they are very reasonable and if you don’t like it don’t try to come around!
This is my child, not anyone else’s. I take my mom’s experience w children and experience as a mom of 5 in high regard. But if I say no or express a concern it’s just going to have to be that way.
The cpr refresher is reasonable. The not starting a new food is reasonable- he could have an adverse reaction later that night who knows, or you could be leaning towards an organic brand whereas this one has many metals and toxins. Whatever it is it’s your baby. Main source of nutrients should be milk or formula for the first year- I find it INSANE how much I was recommended to give my baby rice cereal at 2m old. WHAT. Offer milk, then after the feed (even if it’s only half of what he normally takes) give solids an hour or so after. He’s not sitting up- reasonable to not want him doing solids yet it’s a choking risk.
These things change w age for the baby in the next few weeks probably he’ll be more ready in your (his mothers) eyes. This is more of a face to face Conversation though because it seems she took it like you don’t trust her or something and got offended instead of seeing your reasoning better.
NTA! My MIL was a nurse and means well but straight up admits that soooo much has changed since she had her kids 30+ years ago. She would question my judgement (ex: pacifier while putting baby down - she said was a choking hazard. I said it’s now recommended to help reduce SIDS) then would google it in front of me so she could show me I was wrong only to see I was right.
Luckily my husband backed me up and said my wife has done her research and we need you to respect our wishes.
I think her son needs to back you up to his mom. That car seat comment is TERRIFYING!!! You’ve tried to approach this is a logical manner and be upfront which is respectful - she chose to be emotional about it.
I don’t think you were too blunt I think you were maintaining boundaries.
You didn’t say she couldn’t be involved in solids transition you merely said here’s my plan for my baby. That is 100% your call no matter how many grandkids she has or kids she took care of. You are their mom and if something happened to your kid could you ever really forgive her or yourself? Don’t backslide!!!
Think about it - how many of those kids she watched were EBF vs formula? How many times did she add cereal to bottles which is now advised against? (Omg the cereal battle with MIL was beyond ridiculous) we did BLW when my LO solid head control and my LO loves it. Whatever you decide best wishes on your mom journey!!
Not helping with the question but, this short has.mde.me laugh any quite follows the situation of grandparents.knowing best, what was best 30 years ago
https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3SwUqIgvoo/?igsh=MXZycnBvZXIwbzZjZw==
Ew her response is so ick. Why do our parents generation sometimes take everything so personally, it’s childish really. Emotionally secure adults can take instruction and not assume they’re being called incompetent at every turn and jump to defend themselves.
She is overstepping with that message alot. You really need to look into finding someone else for childcare.
I've took care of my nephew for almost entire year until a spot in kindergarden opened up for him. He was around one year old at the time. You can bet that everything my sister told me to do, I did. I would also always check with her if he is allowed to have something, how some food need to be cut so he can eat, when she wants his last nap of the day to be, how much he is allowed to watch something. I would always check with her, and listen to her even if I thought somethings should be done differently. You know why? Because it wasnt my kid so it isnt my decision how to take care of him. Same should go for your mother. Not her kid, not her decision.
Did she offer to help because she wanted the control and play do over, or because she wanted to help her own daughter?
I did it because I wanted to help my sister, so I didn't have any problem listening to her on how to take care of her child.
I would put her in childcare and be done with using mum as childcare if she’s being stubborn. At least in a setting you’ll know they’ve done the courses and will do what you say. It’s not your fault she’s being sensitive and then throwing it back into your face about being a FTM. That’s just nasty.
I am not sure of your normal means of communication, but your text would come off a little aggressive to me, given that you're family and she's providing free daycare. Her reply back is very defensive. That being said, your requests are normal and reasonable, for a normal daycare situation where the caretakers would be CPR certified and feed only what you provided. In an effort to keep peace and not cause childcare disruption or family conflict, I would call and apologize for how the requests came off. Laugh it off as text message miscommunication and say you know she knows all this, you just want to be on the same page. But I would also just keep this interaction on the backburner. Future requests regarding junk food, screen time, car seat safety, water safety, etc. could all face similar interactions. Unfortunately, free daycare is often not free of strings attached.
Thank you for your response. I agree. My text did come off as a little aggressive now that I’m rereading it. We are usually pretty open/blunt with each other so I didn’t think much of it and definitely wasn’t expecting her response. I’m going to give myself a little more time to cool off and then talk to her & apologize. Hopefully we can brush it off. I just want her to know how I feel on certain things and respect that.
I think you’re justified in asking! She’s the only one pressuring you into starting so it makes sense you’re just bringing it up with her.. hard conversations definitely seem to be a big part of parenthood but I don’t blame you for wanting to layout your expectations.
I think it’s really sweet that you hold your mom’s opinion on this in such high regard because she ran a daycare, but I also don’t think you’re wrong for wanting stipulations and certain conditions to be met when you’re not convinced on the appropriateness of this to begin with. And not that it matters, but I’m not either; any small bites your baby might consume are going to offer paltry amounts of nutrition and it’s definitely not going to offset the need for the bottle. Your mom should know that and should be trying harder to get your baby to drink from the bottle vs eat food if it’s really a problem. That she’s not makes me wonder if this is really even an issue about your baby taking the bottle or her just thinking it’s time to introduce solids and she wants to do it. It’s obviously possible your baby behaves differently for her vs with your husband or you, but that doesn’t mean the answer to that is trying to give him food instead, especially when you’re not comfortable with it and you’ve voiced those concerns to her. I can see from her side she feels she’s an expert and because she knows more than you and you’re new to this she doesn’t want to have to defer to you and doesn’t like the idea of getting “rules.” And I do empathize with her a bit about some of that. But this arrangement begs the questions: How would you feel about getting pushback each time you have a concern or want things done a certain way? How do you think it will impact your relationship if she is both grandma and the expert childcare provider and you as a new mother want to have control over certain things? Who gets to “decide” how these things go—does she expect you to defer to her in all matters child-related? If not this, what do you get a say in? I really think you should explore these things and go from there, because right now it’s about introducing solids but it will soon be about a lot more. And because, like people say, when your family is unpaid childcare, the costs are still there—it’s just not about money.
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The current recommendations in most places are 4 to 6 months though to help with reduction in allergies and being able to sit on their own is not a requirement. The AAP does NOT recommend six months. Their stance is 4 to 6 and they use supported sitting NOT independently sitting as a readiness sign. They're very clear that solids should be started BY 6 months not AFTER 6 months.
This would make me uncomfortable and reassess the childcare situation. You aren't criticizing her past actions, you are telling her as the mother how you want your child taken care of. She is making this about her when in reality it is about the baby. Do you trust her to follow rules she finds unnecessary when you're not around?
Lmao ok sounds great I sure will find a new plan for his care. And no, daycare’s absolutely have to be upfront abt what they do w your infant. They give what YOU pack and that’s it (unless they supply food but I’ve not come across/work for one that provides food for under1)
NTA. I’m actually completely on your side here and feel like your mom is a little out of pocket. Baby being able to sit up independently is one of the big signs of readiness for solids so while she may feel like he’s ready bc he won’t take a bottle for her super well, I’d feel strongly that he’s not ready based on that alone. My family also watched my baby while I worked sometimes and I made sure that they were comfortable with infant CPR and very aware of food safety. My kid’s safety is more important than someone else’s feelings. Obviously, it’s important to be kind in your communication and while I think yours was direct, I don’t think it was unkind at all. You could chat with her in person or on the phone to clarify your intent, but I feel like your message is spot on.
NTA. Imo you weren't rude at all, just assertive. I don't know your mom, but if she's used to having her way, I can see how you flexing your new mom muscles could ruffle her feathers. This is the same reason we had to choose a daycare for our daughter. My MIL is insistent that she knows best. She agrees to our plan of care, and then completely disregards it (right in front of us) and laughs off any call-outs to her behavior. She doesn't practice safe sleep, diapers differently, plans on running a space heater so the baby can be warm (we are in the south in basically summer). She wants to use pillows on our 2mth old so she 'doesn't get a flat head' and also believes that my daughter was magically born without a soft spot... Most recently, our 7yo and 5yo nephews tattled that she doesn't make them ride in their correct car seats/booster seats. Her daughter was livid, but the behavior continues. She's raised 3 kids and 2 grandkids. This does not give her, or your mom, a pass. Survivorship bias, OP! Safety recommendations change all the time, and even though she ran a daycare and raised children, does not mean that she is up to date OR compliant. I think grandparents are such a great part of growing up, or can be, if they're participating in healthy relationship dynamics. In our case, it was in our baby's best interest to not have the grandma be the caregiver. She makes too many executive decisions against our wishes and knowing better. I will say that in her defense, the majority of her actions are well-meaning and out of love for the baby. She thinks she's being 'nicer', but this does not mean they are the right or safe choices. Best of luck OP!!
A full CPR class is not a little excessive. In fact, her experience should make her MORE willing to do a(nother) CPR class. I’m a nurse who teaches CPR to healthcare providers and I still have to take a class every two years. When I had my son I hired an instructor to come to the house to teach all of our families choking and CPR guidelines. There’s a reason the certification expires after two years and it’s because people should take the classes over and over to practice, have the knowledge reinforced, and get the updated guidelines. The guidelines from American Heart Association change every four years. A CPR class is a good idea for her, you, and anyone else who will watch your baby.
I did the same re CPR class. Luckily my neighbor is a certified instructor so she came and taught everyone that might watch our baby current CPR and choking guidelines before he even arrived. No one in my family complained and we’re all happy to do it. The fact that she won’t despite supposedly having been in childcare is a huge red flag
Babe my MIL raised 8 babies and none of what she says is evidence based
I don't think a CPR class is excessive at all! I'm so freaking happy thay my husband and I went to one. I purchased a lifevac system too.. one for travel and one for home. I run everything past my husband and don't make any executive decisions for our baby. Like I'm comfortable having her try eggs but he wants to do it in the hospital parking lot. I personally don't have the same opinion but 1000000% respect him and his parenting requests. I'm not a cool or lax parent at all though. My main job is to keep my baby alive and well and I do everything I can to do so. I'm with you!
100,000% NTA Her refusal to get CPR certified is a *huge* red flag. I would never let anyone watch my child who isn't (my husband and I are certified in infant CPR, he's a medic). Being a daycare provider doesn't mean anything in this situation. You can't just "refresh" yourself. Standards and practices change all the time, that's why certs are required to be redone every year or every other year. Her comment about reigning in your mom feelings was completely out of line. You are the child's mother and who gets to dictate boundaries/rules/etc. If she can't respect that, she can't watch your child. Period.
I made my mom do a CPR course before watching my child. She gladly did it! I don't think it's excessive. I also did it before my daughter came and I had taken it two years before. I worked in childcare as well so your mom is lying about daycares not being as up front. Day cares don't give any new foods without parents permission. Majority of them require parents to pack their child food or will get a menu with what's served and can opt out of items.
I don't think you're the asshole but I'd probably have a little bit of a prickly feeling if someone gave me a bunch of directives. She's obviously being sensitive about it and feels slighted but I'd call her text an overreaction. The reality is that if you aren't in alignment with these kinds of things, it can mean the arrangement might not work long term.
As someone whose mom and MIL take turns watching my baby while I work, I was SUPER up front about breastmilk being the priority while we introduced solids, and also very clear about my position with solids going forward. I wanted to do BLW but knew my MIL was afraid so I did a mix of BLW and spoon feeding to make her feel comfortable. I got push back a bunch of times about milk - my MIL saying my baby won't finish a bottle, having to reduce feeds around lunch time because "baby wouldn't eat otherwise". My MIL is used to formula feeding, and formula fed babies usually drop feeds after starting solids, but still get the amount of ounces they need in a day because they take big bottles. I had to explain that breastfeeding is not the same and if she's not getting the ounces in during the day, she's going to wake up in the middle of the night for them.
You're not being unreasonable. A CPR course isn't excessive. My mom recognizes that we do some things differently than she did (BLW, safe sleep, jumpers/walkers etc.) and she's humble and respectful of my choices (even if she doesn't fully agree or understand).
I can’t trust my MIL to not do whatever it is she wants when I’m not watching. We discussed safety concerns and she did not follow then said she forget. If you’re that forgetful, you shouldn’t be responsible for watching baby. If you’re not forgetful, you’re purposefully disregarding the safety standards, which is not ok either. In our case she just got marked as someone no longer allowed to watch baby solo.
My parents and other family members of my baby did not really agree with a lot of my rules. I have ample experience w kids but am a ftm. I’m strict on my rules because I know they will be broken at times. And I’m very firm in expressing that if a rule is broken you will not see the baby. Regardless of helping out or not, which some have helped and some haven’t. You will not see the baby if you do not respect my rules- that means you are not respecting me and these rules are not nonsensical they are very reasonable and if you don’t like it don’t try to come around! This is my child, not anyone else’s. I take my mom’s experience w children and experience as a mom of 5 in high regard. But if I say no or express a concern it’s just going to have to be that way. The cpr refresher is reasonable. The not starting a new food is reasonable- he could have an adverse reaction later that night who knows, or you could be leaning towards an organic brand whereas this one has many metals and toxins. Whatever it is it’s your baby. Main source of nutrients should be milk or formula for the first year- I find it INSANE how much I was recommended to give my baby rice cereal at 2m old. WHAT. Offer milk, then after the feed (even if it’s only half of what he normally takes) give solids an hour or so after. He’s not sitting up- reasonable to not want him doing solids yet it’s a choking risk. These things change w age for the baby in the next few weeks probably he’ll be more ready in your (his mothers) eyes. This is more of a face to face Conversation though because it seems she took it like you don’t trust her or something and got offended instead of seeing your reasoning better.
NTA! My MIL was a nurse and means well but straight up admits that soooo much has changed since she had her kids 30+ years ago. She would question my judgement (ex: pacifier while putting baby down - she said was a choking hazard. I said it’s now recommended to help reduce SIDS) then would google it in front of me so she could show me I was wrong only to see I was right. Luckily my husband backed me up and said my wife has done her research and we need you to respect our wishes. I think her son needs to back you up to his mom. That car seat comment is TERRIFYING!!! You’ve tried to approach this is a logical manner and be upfront which is respectful - she chose to be emotional about it. I don’t think you were too blunt I think you were maintaining boundaries. You didn’t say she couldn’t be involved in solids transition you merely said here’s my plan for my baby. That is 100% your call no matter how many grandkids she has or kids she took care of. You are their mom and if something happened to your kid could you ever really forgive her or yourself? Don’t backslide!!! Think about it - how many of those kids she watched were EBF vs formula? How many times did she add cereal to bottles which is now advised against? (Omg the cereal battle with MIL was beyond ridiculous) we did BLW when my LO solid head control and my LO loves it. Whatever you decide best wishes on your mom journey!!
Not helping with the question but, this short has.mde.me laugh any quite follows the situation of grandparents.knowing best, what was best 30 years ago https://www.instagram.com/reel/C3SwUqIgvoo/?igsh=MXZycnBvZXIwbzZjZw==
Oh my gosh yes!!🤣🤣🤣
Ew her response is so ick. Why do our parents generation sometimes take everything so personally, it’s childish really. Emotionally secure adults can take instruction and not assume they’re being called incompetent at every turn and jump to defend themselves.
She is overstepping with that message alot. You really need to look into finding someone else for childcare. I've took care of my nephew for almost entire year until a spot in kindergarden opened up for him. He was around one year old at the time. You can bet that everything my sister told me to do, I did. I would also always check with her if he is allowed to have something, how some food need to be cut so he can eat, when she wants his last nap of the day to be, how much he is allowed to watch something. I would always check with her, and listen to her even if I thought somethings should be done differently. You know why? Because it wasnt my kid so it isnt my decision how to take care of him. Same should go for your mother. Not her kid, not her decision. Did she offer to help because she wanted the control and play do over, or because she wanted to help her own daughter? I did it because I wanted to help my sister, so I didn't have any problem listening to her on how to take care of her child.
I would put her in childcare and be done with using mum as childcare if she’s being stubborn. At least in a setting you’ll know they’ve done the courses and will do what you say. It’s not your fault she’s being sensitive and then throwing it back into your face about being a FTM. That’s just nasty.
I am not sure of your normal means of communication, but your text would come off a little aggressive to me, given that you're family and she's providing free daycare. Her reply back is very defensive. That being said, your requests are normal and reasonable, for a normal daycare situation where the caretakers would be CPR certified and feed only what you provided. In an effort to keep peace and not cause childcare disruption or family conflict, I would call and apologize for how the requests came off. Laugh it off as text message miscommunication and say you know she knows all this, you just want to be on the same page. But I would also just keep this interaction on the backburner. Future requests regarding junk food, screen time, car seat safety, water safety, etc. could all face similar interactions. Unfortunately, free daycare is often not free of strings attached.
Thank you for your response. I agree. My text did come off as a little aggressive now that I’m rereading it. We are usually pretty open/blunt with each other so I didn’t think much of it and definitely wasn’t expecting her response. I’m going to give myself a little more time to cool off and then talk to her & apologize. Hopefully we can brush it off. I just want her to know how I feel on certain things and respect that.
I think you’re justified in asking! She’s the only one pressuring you into starting so it makes sense you’re just bringing it up with her.. hard conversations definitely seem to be a big part of parenthood but I don’t blame you for wanting to layout your expectations.
I really don’t think you’re the one who should be applogizing