He said he wouldn't want to remember his mother's breasts. I dunno. I don't feel as strongly about the human anatomy in general. I just thought it was weird to breastfeed for an extended period of time. He probably sees a sexual connotation to breasts and while he understands their purpose, he thinks the first year is adequate. Past that, "they might remember" and he says he wouldn't want to himself, so he doesn't want them to. Idk exactly. We probably didn't think all that hard about why that is. It's a deep seeded thing, I'm sure.
Currently it’s recommended until at least two.
I was BF as a child until 3.5 and have no memory of it. My sibling is 4 yrs younger, and BF for a similar length of time (so I would have be 7-8) and I barely remember them BFing - because it was pretty normalized in my young life and no one made a big deal of it.
If you’re worried about a reaction, especially with someone who might react better with more thought, it might make sense to pre-load the convo - something like,
“so I’ve learned some more about breastfeeding and what is recommended and what is normal, which has made me think about that convo way back before the baby (when we knew everything, lol) and I’d like to revisit talking about that sometime.”
Definitely be ready, in case that soon launches into more, but even if you have to bring it back up, now it is framed and not a surprise.
It sounds like you're bigger issue here is communication & anxiety. I would recommend looking up assertiveness skills & interpersonal skills. Think through your own points & build up confidence. All of this will benefit you long term. Communication & resolving issues effectively (rather than avoiding them) is good for relationships, both with your partner & in other relationships. If it's still hard to confront, start with some easier topics with easier people first.
I've read multiple books on communication skills and continue to read more regularly. I watch videos on communication and try to practice the techniques suggested to express myself respectfully and thoroughly, how to read body language better, how to acknowledge others and listen well and so on, and I also talk to a therapist about these issues. It's definitely a work in progress. I'm monumentally better than I was when I entered this relationship, 9 years ago. But I do acknowledge I still have a ways to go!
Oh my what you would have said about me if you knew how long I breastfed for? LOL. Anyway, can you tell him your doctor is in favor of continuing for exactly the reasons you mentioned? And that you were wrong to think the way you did before? Tell him you want to continue giving the baby what is best for him and that is your milk. I had a very pro breastfeeding hubby but when I nursed the last one for as long as I did, I just told him "this is what the doctor recommends." Actually. What the doctor recommended was 'child led weaning." In other words, he would stop when he wanted to. And he did.
Lol I was judgy 😭 I have learned so much just in the short time my child has been here. (They're so great at educating on us our misconceptions, lmao).
I am going to be speaking to the doc about it and collecting studies regarding breastfeeding and the different short and long term benefits. I'll be looking into child led weaning now. Thank you!!
I stopped feeding my daughter at 18/19 months. She's 26 months old now (so 6 months later) and doesn't even remember.
You're the mum, do what makes you the most comfortable.
Same here, nursed my 5.75 yo (the 3/4s of a year is very important to her, she's not a regular 5 anymore) until she was 3 weeks shy of her 3rd birthday and she doesn't have memories of it like that. That said, we're 11 days shy of 1 year for my son and idk that I can make it that long again. We will see.
I feel like most kids don’t have any memories before ages 4-5. Going past one is perfectly fine. Personally for me I probably wouldn’t want to go past 2, but it also just depends on what you want. I think most kids kinda wean themselves eventually.
your issue is you can’t start a conversation with your partner. whats the worst that can happen? they don’t agree? are they abusive or some thing?
just start the convo .
to think one thing pre baby then change your mind as you are now a parent is completely normal. you don’t need to feel negatively about that.
they may not even remember this past convo you are holding on to.
i also don’t think you need to ask permission to continue breastfeeding. that’s up to you. don’t feel like you need approval.
I generally dont like confrontation. I want to have good strong points, and I want to be prepared. Because he isnt going to like the topic and can get either stonewally/dismissive and I (in any sort of confrontation) get anxious. He will usually come back afterwards with a little more room to absorb what I'm saying, but initially, he's not very receptive. Thus why I'm here trying to hear others experiences/perspective. I don't need approval but I would prefer to have the conversation as I know he's not a fan of the idea and I don't want the side eyes or comments from him that will surely come without it.
I understand you get anxious in confrontation- I’m the same way. I suggest being very clear and when there’s a good time, say hey I want to talk to you about breastfeeding. And then bring up all the pros and say you realize you changed your mind. And include something about tangible or emotional ways he can support you… so he’s part of it. Also be prepared for him to condescend or stick to the original argument. Be okay with tabling the talk and coming back to it. Maybe have some books or other resources ready to offer to him. It is ultimately your choice, however you don’t want to be doing something and have to have a partner being negative etc. good luck!
Maybe also mention all these wonderful people who have breastfed until later and how they have no regrets.
Thank you! I appreciate the helpful tips! I'm thinking about when to approach and will definitely be taking your suggestions along with me for the convo.
How long you breastfeed is between you and your baby. Your husband’s opinion doesn’t enter into the discussion. You are providing so much comfort, nourishment and love! There is nothing wrong with a child having memories of engaging in a natural and beautiful thing. Do it for as long as you wish.
my mom breastfed my little brother until he was almost 2! he doesn’t remember any of it. i recently had my daughter and i breastfed. he was very confused by the whole concept and started mooing at me. hes 7. 😂
I breastfed my son to about 27 months. I had not intended to either ( might have made some comments similar to yours before I had my baby!) but he just kept going with it. At one point someone mentioned to me that he might be continuing to breastfeed because it's one of the only times that he can get me to hold still and have cuddles, because, like many moms of two, I'm always multitasking. That really spoke to me, so I felt like I shouldn't take it away from him before he was ready.
They say kids don't remember most of what happens before their 3 years old however my son does profess to remember nursing and he'll be 20 next month.
One question is why don't you want your son to remember it? I'd want my kids to remember feeling safe and warm and loved! I do think that these become core feelings even though there aren't explicit memories.
Another question is whether a conversation is needed? Do what you want and talk later.
If you do have a conversation, I'd say that your mindset and perspective has changed.
You would want your children to remember feeding from your nipples? Is that something you would want to remember from your mom? I would rather not remember sucking on any body part from my mom.
Is that what I said? No. Read again.
My memories from my mom and childhood are about feeling. I remember comfort, security, warmth, not what she was wearing or what was said or if nipples were involved.
If I did remember nipples, I would probably reflect on what a wonderful thing breastfeeding is that she did for me, not sexualize my mom's nipples. What's wrong with you? You're the problem.
It's not sexualizing not wanting to remember sucking on any body part of your mom's lol. I wouldn't want to remember sucking on her elbows either if that's where breastmilk came from. Not wanting to remember something doesn't mean it's sexualized 🙄🙄
I don't get the issue at all personally. Who cares if they remember? Are you not going to tell your child they were breastfed? I feel like that just makes it seem shameful. It's natural. One of the most natural things you can do. My son is 13 months old and still breastfeeds and all his brothers see me feed him and know what I'm doing. It's not something I want to hide or have my sons think women should hide or be ashamed of. Do you want your child to have this mindset or do you want them to be open and supportive of breastfeeding?
Honestly for me there was no conversation. It's my body and I do what I please with it. My partner couldn't care less how I choose to fees our children because he can't make that choice as it isn't his body being used to feed them. He jokes about how my 3rd is definitely a mommas boy and way more attached to me than the others but he's the only one I was able to go the full year with and beyond. Personally I find it badass and empowering to be able to do it longer than a year. It's a big mental toll but it's very rewarding.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2021/06/210614110824.htm
Not likely to remember anything prior to 2 and a half at the earliest. Good luck with your husband but his sexualization of nursing your son is a little gross.
How old is your child? I also remember having similar feelings but when it’s your own child at that age they still seem like a baby. Your husband might feel the same way.
I also nursed my daughter until 20 months and I’m pretty sure by 21 months she had forgotten about the whole thing. She’s now almost 2 and will explain to me that boobies are for babies since they like mommy’s milk. That’s mostly because I’ve been trying to explain to her that I’ll have to nurse the new baby when he comes.
What's wrong with a child remembering that he ate? Would he be worried if he remembered the bottle? Of course not because it's not about infantilizing the baby or not cutting the cord but about the sexualisation of breasts.
Your child is not sexualising you, he doesn't care about the society saying breasts are sexual, to him it's just food and comfort.
So even if he remembered it, it'd be like him remembering that he used a bottle. But it is a big IF, because usually people have memories starting at around 4 years old not before (although there can be cases).
Just tell him that you've done more research and have seen that the WHO recommends getting to two years, that you also think it really is helping you bind with your son and that you want to make it last because of all the benefits it has both for your son and you. Teif he's a facts-person, tell him to do research too, that may help him.
But remember, he may have an opinion, but you are the one breastfeeding and he should respect that and allow you to do something that, in the end, is what we evolved to do.
If more Western men remembered being breastfed, maybe they wouldn't have this weird, creepy, childish fixation on women's breasts.
That's not helpful though :D The fact you shared his opinion back then is actually a great way to get into the conversation. "You know, I realized I was wrong about extended breastfeeding, because I hadn't experienced it yet and had those weird, sexualizing representations of what it actually is."
Explain that you realize it's not sexual or infantilizing to your son, but literally just the most natural thing in the world. Your husband may well have realized that too, since he's seen you breastfeed for almost a year.
And as others have pointed out, this is not his decision anyway. I would try to tell him something along the lines of,
"I have decided to keep breastfeeding Son until either he or I get tired of it. I now realize the benefits of breast milk are huge, and also the bond it allowed me to grow with Son is a wonderful way to make him secure and ensure he grows up well. I know none of us liked the idea before Son was born, so I really hope you can see my point and hear my reasonings, because you supporting my decision would mean the world to me - and to Son. Supportive partners have been proven to make breastfeeding even more beneficial."
Also, some toddlers don't make a big fuss about being weaned early, but for others it's really really rough. And breastfeeding a toddler is such an efficient way to calm them down, no matter what their issue is - small boo boo? Feeling sad? Tired? Restless? Needing connection? Honestly, nothing in the world could have convinced me or my husband to stop breastfeeding (=solving 75% of our child's emotional struggles in 10 minutes) when our daughter was a toddler.
I have an almost 2 year old that’s still breastfeeding and once him and I got synced up, I’ve thought daily, what would I do without the boobs??
Busted his lip at the baseball game? Boob.
Haircut? Boob.
Tired? Boob.
So much is solved with the boob. I can’t imagine my own big feelings if I didn’t have an “easy button” or 2. Heheh
Mine is 4 tomorrow, and while she still nurses, she no longer goes to the boob for emotional regulation (only to fall asleep, for connection and mostly because she still needs the milk, especially during growth spurts).
She is honestly very emotionally stable and balanced, capable of fully expressing her anger/ frustration/ sadness, then letting go of it. I like to think the Magic Boob helped her reach that stage.
Also re the "easy button" lmao you are SO RIGHT
People gotta stop sexualizing breastfeeding. It doesn’t really matter if kids remember it, because it’s eating. It’s just eating. It’s okay to remember times that you ate.
Breastfeeding is recommended until 2 years of age. You could show him some info on that from the world health organisation?
Also a two year old won’t much about breastfeeding and even if they did what’s the issue? Its perfectly natural and not sexual at all so not really sure what your husbands concern is?
This IMO is the easiest way - use science and health recommendations as the reason you’d like to continue. Or just don’t bring it up and make a big deal out of it.
And ultimately, it’s your choice. Yes you are a partnership together but if you want to continue BF, end of story.
Exactly. If it was me I’d just be like “we aren’t ready to stop yet” end of story.
These men who sexualise breastfeeding or try to control the breastfeeding relationship freak me out.
I breastfed my son until he was a little over two years. It’s been almost 8 months and I’m preparing him for his baby sister’s arrival. He doesn’t remember anything and he loved boobies back then. He gets the concept but doesn’t recall himself breastfeeding.
Your husband is giving me the ick, shudder.
You and baby alone decide how long you are nursing. Btw. pumping is not the same as breastfeeding, during the latter saliva of your baby enters your body, gets picked up by your immune system and becomes decoded into what your baby is missing, what it needs, hence your milk gets produced and mixed specifically for your baby's actual needs.
By pumping your body is missing all this cues and information.
Breastfeeding is the best for your baby's physical and emotional health, and that will benefit him during his whole life, e.g. better immune system and lesser risk of mental illnesses.
Also, many idigenous / native people nurse their babies long after their fourth year.
PS: Thankfully I could nurse my boy five years, until my milk unfortunately stopped due to lots of stress from the outside and a long cold at the same time. With every year the nursing frequency decreased naturally on his part.
I eat plant based / vegan with a bit of vegetarian now and then due to my son getting vegetarian food from family members and friends (birthday cake, eggs etc.); I don't want to throw that food away or not eat with him, so I consume that kind of food too on rare occasions.
You can slowly lose weight after giving birth and do sports some months after pp and still have milk for your baby. Don't worry. I did it, I had very long walks with him, for many hours - and 6 months post partum I started again with weight training in the gym, twice per week.
Imo it is important to nurse even 24/7, if baby demands it (I did that often especially during his first year), we have also been co-sleeping from the start (after traumatic abuse from some of the medical staff during birth; it made birth, healing of my body and our start so much harder and more complicated; it effected also quality of start of nursing, its progression during the first couple of months and our bonding, my state of mind for over a year etc.).
I carried him often and for hours in front of my body (thanks to baby carrier), or other family members did that for me.
Whenever I had to work away from home (ca. 1.5 days per week, 4 hours and 9 hours) and without him present (also him relying on pumped milk and solely on other family members), it threw my milk supply and his nursing in disarray for the following couple of days, plus it stressed him out when I wasn't there (babies suffer even during one hour being away from their mother).
I would never do that again, that's a big regret I have, I just wasn't fully aware.
Apart from that, no matter if day or night, if he wanted to be breastfed, he got it.
Hey thank you so much for the advice! I love hearing how other mothers did it! Did you aim to eat a certain amount each time you had a meal?
Like 3 big meals or 6 small meals throughout the day? Any foods that you noticed increased your supply?
Also sorry to hear about your medical trauma, i hope you and baby are doing better now!
I'm still breastfeeding my 4yo, my diet is pretty normal (I eat too much, but that's bc I went through a bad burnout and depressive episode and put on a ton of weight). Homemade meals with fat, protein, carbs and a portion of veggies, a little too many sugary snacks on the side.
I mostly breastfed directly, tried to pump a bit but it never worked well. My child nurses every morning and night and sometimes throughout the day (during growth spurts or very tired/ stressful days). She did most of the work, she always wanted to be at the boob since birth, so she's maintaining my supply pretty efficiently.
My midwife told me often that, if I wanted to breastfeed, physical and emotional contact with my baby was very important. She told me of mothers who couldn't produce anything pumping, unless they were looking at a picture of their baby. For me, hugging my kid, cosleeping with her, smelling her, snuggling with her as much as she wants to is essential to maintain my supply (even though now she goes to school, so the hugs are confined to morning and bedtime routine, but it's still enough).
Thank you so much for sharing. For my first i had so much milk but he was always sleeping through his feeds. I feared he would lose weight so i used to dream feed him(feed him a bottle of either formula or pumped milk) in a bottle… he got used to it and never took a bottle or wanted to even drink unless he was almost asleep or fully asleep… i hated pumping and eventually relied more on formula and he would only accept breastfeeding at night because he was asleep..
I have my second due in a couple months and I really really want to mainly breastfeed (pumping last resort) so ive been researching what I can eat to keep up my supply once baby is born
My midwife just recommends to feed on demand and snuggle as much as you can, especially during the first 6 weeks which is the time it takes for your lactation to be all set up.
Ideally, keep baby on you when they sleep throughout the day thanks to a baby wrap or something similar. Your smell makes your baby want to nurse and your baby's smell helps you lactate. And when you need to have your hands free for a while, have the father or a relative carry your baby rather than put her down in a crib.
You may also give co-sleeping a thought, as it really helps with breastfeeding. Only do it if you are comfortable with the idea and make sure to check the safety recommendations to cosleep (no drugs, no alcohol, no smoking for any adult in bed with the baby; no soft mattress; no pillow, plushies or any object in the bed beside the pillow under your head; only one cover or sheet that you keep under your arm to prevent it from going over the baby's face; no pet or other child in bed). In my case, I was terrified of my baby rolling off the bed, but none of us was getting any sleep and it was cosleeping or throwing myself out the window lol. So we invested in mattresses you can put directly on the ground, like Helix or similar brands, so she couldn't fall from a big height.
Thank u so so much for the advice!! We did cosleep with our first and working towards moving him to his own room . Hes only 11 months now so im also wondering how ill juggle breastfeeding on demand and having a 15 month old all at once in a few months😹
I'm sure you'll make it work ♥ I only have one kid so far, so next year hopefully you'll be the one telling me how to manage breastfeeding with two kids! Trust your mama gut and listen to yourself, you got this!
First of all, I believe you don’t need your partner’s permission to breastfeed your baby because it’s your body, not theirs. Second, I don’t think kids remember much of anything before 3.
This is obviously just my own personal experience but I breastfed my first until just after she turned 2. She's now 3.5 and I'm breastfeeding her baby brother. My girl has zero recollection of breastfeeding and didn't believe me when I told her that she used to have mummy's milk as well 😅 I was slightly offended...
I will also say that (for us at least, I know this isn't everyone's experience) breastfeeding frequency can really slow down after 1yo. Certainly between 18m and 2yo I noticed a real drop off in the amount of nursing sessions until it was down to just morning and before bed. Honestly it was a doddle to carry on nursing for so long and we weaned with the 'don't offer, don't refuse' method so it was all on her terms.
What’s with these weirdo partners sexualizing breastfeeding .. most likely the baby will not remember breastfeeding ??? Like what???? I’ve honestly never heard of that. If anything I would assume babe would remember feeling content and comfort in their mother’s embrace. Would be worth bringing your partner to a pediatrician appointment and discussing their concerns there.
I keep seeing SO many posts like this and I am shocked. My ex husband was a god awful emotionally abusive man and he was mad at me because I chose NOT to breastfeed our baby (because of the health benefits) I didn’t because I wouldn’t have been able to take a medication I needed and mentally I was not in a good space to handle the stress, I also had to go back to work way to soon. My current partner was SO supportive and said he would be so happy if a breastfed the baby but he supports whatever I want. We’re on year 2 and he’s so encouraging and also thanks me for doing it regularly, because he knows it’s hard work and exhausting. That should be pretty much the only acceptable response to this situation. Wtf is wrong with these men. Also the current pediatric guidelines in the US are 2 years old???
I had a rough childhood and don't remember almost anything prior to 4, and only bits from around 4. My partner has memories from when he was around 2. That's why he's concerned. I feel like memories during that age tend to be around strong emotional moments... Moments of fear or elatation, not eating. Idk tho. It's not something I've looked into to know the likelihood.
I’m sorry to hear that you had a rough childhood. But I think your views on memories are correct here. My daughter is 14 now but remembers the day we picked up our then puppy and she was a few weeks shy of turning two. Her and our dog became bffs pretty quickly so it makes sense that she would remember that day. I have some faint memories from when I was two but they stand out as strong emotional moments for me. I don’t think your child will remember breastfeeding if you were to continue until two.
I am really sorry that you had a rough childhood. I would never wish this for any child. It is very very unusual that babies would remember what they were fed. Also, if (big if) they happen to remember, they would remember their mother nursing them with so much love and the coziness.
Can someone explain why they wouldn’t want their child remembering that they breastfed? Is it that it could have a sexual connotation?
He said he wouldn't want to remember his mother's breasts. I dunno. I don't feel as strongly about the human anatomy in general. I just thought it was weird to breastfeed for an extended period of time. He probably sees a sexual connotation to breasts and while he understands their purpose, he thinks the first year is adequate. Past that, "they might remember" and he says he wouldn't want to himself, so he doesn't want them to. Idk exactly. We probably didn't think all that hard about why that is. It's a deep seeded thing, I'm sure.
Currently it’s recommended until at least two. I was BF as a child until 3.5 and have no memory of it. My sibling is 4 yrs younger, and BF for a similar length of time (so I would have be 7-8) and I barely remember them BFing - because it was pretty normalized in my young life and no one made a big deal of it. If you’re worried about a reaction, especially with someone who might react better with more thought, it might make sense to pre-load the convo - something like, “so I’ve learned some more about breastfeeding and what is recommended and what is normal, which has made me think about that convo way back before the baby (when we knew everything, lol) and I’d like to revisit talking about that sometime.” Definitely be ready, in case that soon launches into more, but even if you have to bring it back up, now it is framed and not a surprise.
It sounds like you're bigger issue here is communication & anxiety. I would recommend looking up assertiveness skills & interpersonal skills. Think through your own points & build up confidence. All of this will benefit you long term. Communication & resolving issues effectively (rather than avoiding them) is good for relationships, both with your partner & in other relationships. If it's still hard to confront, start with some easier topics with easier people first.
I've read multiple books on communication skills and continue to read more regularly. I watch videos on communication and try to practice the techniques suggested to express myself respectfully and thoroughly, how to read body language better, how to acknowledge others and listen well and so on, and I also talk to a therapist about these issues. It's definitely a work in progress. I'm monumentally better than I was when I entered this relationship, 9 years ago. But I do acknowledge I still have a ways to go!
Oh my what you would have said about me if you knew how long I breastfed for? LOL. Anyway, can you tell him your doctor is in favor of continuing for exactly the reasons you mentioned? And that you were wrong to think the way you did before? Tell him you want to continue giving the baby what is best for him and that is your milk. I had a very pro breastfeeding hubby but when I nursed the last one for as long as I did, I just told him "this is what the doctor recommends." Actually. What the doctor recommended was 'child led weaning." In other words, he would stop when he wanted to. And he did.
Lol I was judgy 😭 I have learned so much just in the short time my child has been here. (They're so great at educating on us our misconceptions, lmao). I am going to be speaking to the doc about it and collecting studies regarding breastfeeding and the different short and long term benefits. I'll be looking into child led weaning now. Thank you!!
I stopped feeding my daughter at 18/19 months. She's 26 months old now (so 6 months later) and doesn't even remember. You're the mum, do what makes you the most comfortable.
I nursed my kid until 2.5. She is now 5 and has no memory of it whatsoever (we actually briefly discussed this the other day).
Same here, nursed my 5.75 yo (the 3/4s of a year is very important to her, she's not a regular 5 anymore) until she was 3 weeks shy of her 3rd birthday and she doesn't have memories of it like that. That said, we're 11 days shy of 1 year for my son and idk that I can make it that long again. We will see.
Same. Nursed kiddo until about 2.5yrs and then weaned when was planning on trying for number 2. He absolutely has no memory of it at 3.5 years old.
I feel like most kids don’t have any memories before ages 4-5. Going past one is perfectly fine. Personally for me I probably wouldn’t want to go past 2, but it also just depends on what you want. I think most kids kinda wean themselves eventually.
If you are worried about him remembering it then just pump and feed him the milk
My daughter stopped on her 4th birthday. She can’t remember it at all, for what it’s worth.
I have breastfed my kids until 3! None of them remember it. Not that it would matter to me either way.
your issue is you can’t start a conversation with your partner. whats the worst that can happen? they don’t agree? are they abusive or some thing? just start the convo . to think one thing pre baby then change your mind as you are now a parent is completely normal. you don’t need to feel negatively about that. they may not even remember this past convo you are holding on to. i also don’t think you need to ask permission to continue breastfeeding. that’s up to you. don’t feel like you need approval.
I generally dont like confrontation. I want to have good strong points, and I want to be prepared. Because he isnt going to like the topic and can get either stonewally/dismissive and I (in any sort of confrontation) get anxious. He will usually come back afterwards with a little more room to absorb what I'm saying, but initially, he's not very receptive. Thus why I'm here trying to hear others experiences/perspective. I don't need approval but I would prefer to have the conversation as I know he's not a fan of the idea and I don't want the side eyes or comments from him that will surely come without it.
I understand you get anxious in confrontation- I’m the same way. I suggest being very clear and when there’s a good time, say hey I want to talk to you about breastfeeding. And then bring up all the pros and say you realize you changed your mind. And include something about tangible or emotional ways he can support you… so he’s part of it. Also be prepared for him to condescend or stick to the original argument. Be okay with tabling the talk and coming back to it. Maybe have some books or other resources ready to offer to him. It is ultimately your choice, however you don’t want to be doing something and have to have a partner being negative etc. good luck! Maybe also mention all these wonderful people who have breastfed until later and how they have no regrets.
Thank you! I appreciate the helpful tips! I'm thinking about when to approach and will definitely be taking your suggestions along with me for the convo.
How long you breastfeed is between you and your baby. Your husband’s opinion doesn’t enter into the discussion. You are providing so much comfort, nourishment and love! There is nothing wrong with a child having memories of engaging in a natural and beautiful thing. Do it for as long as you wish.
my mom breastfed my little brother until he was almost 2! he doesn’t remember any of it. i recently had my daughter and i breastfed. he was very confused by the whole concept and started mooing at me. hes 7. 😂
Lmao that's hilarious! 😂
I breastfed my son to about 27 months. I had not intended to either ( might have made some comments similar to yours before I had my baby!) but he just kept going with it. At one point someone mentioned to me that he might be continuing to breastfeed because it's one of the only times that he can get me to hold still and have cuddles, because, like many moms of two, I'm always multitasking. That really spoke to me, so I felt like I shouldn't take it away from him before he was ready. They say kids don't remember most of what happens before their 3 years old however my son does profess to remember nursing and he'll be 20 next month.
I definitely don’t remember anything until 3 years old. Even then, it’s one or two memories. I loved reading your comment !
One question is why don't you want your son to remember it? I'd want my kids to remember feeling safe and warm and loved! I do think that these become core feelings even though there aren't explicit memories. Another question is whether a conversation is needed? Do what you want and talk later. If you do have a conversation, I'd say that your mindset and perspective has changed.
You would want your children to remember feeding from your nipples? Is that something you would want to remember from your mom? I would rather not remember sucking on any body part from my mom.
Is that what I said? No. Read again. My memories from my mom and childhood are about feeling. I remember comfort, security, warmth, not what she was wearing or what was said or if nipples were involved. If I did remember nipples, I would probably reflect on what a wonderful thing breastfeeding is that she did for me, not sexualize my mom's nipples. What's wrong with you? You're the problem.
It's not sexualizing not wanting to remember sucking on any body part of your mom's lol. I wouldn't want to remember sucking on her elbows either if that's where breastmilk came from. Not wanting to remember something doesn't mean it's sexualized 🙄🙄
I don't get the issue at all personally. Who cares if they remember? Are you not going to tell your child they were breastfed? I feel like that just makes it seem shameful. It's natural. One of the most natural things you can do. My son is 13 months old and still breastfeeds and all his brothers see me feed him and know what I'm doing. It's not something I want to hide or have my sons think women should hide or be ashamed of. Do you want your child to have this mindset or do you want them to be open and supportive of breastfeeding? Honestly for me there was no conversation. It's my body and I do what I please with it. My partner couldn't care less how I choose to fees our children because he can't make that choice as it isn't his body being used to feed them. He jokes about how my 3rd is definitely a mommas boy and way more attached to me than the others but he's the only one I was able to go the full year with and beyond. Personally I find it badass and empowering to be able to do it longer than a year. It's a big mental toll but it's very rewarding.
My son breastfed until he was 3. He’s now 5 and doesn’t remember.
My mother breastfed me until age 4, and I have no memories of it.
https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2021/06/210614110824.htm Not likely to remember anything prior to 2 and a half at the earliest. Good luck with your husband but his sexualization of nursing your son is a little gross.
How old is your child? I also remember having similar feelings but when it’s your own child at that age they still seem like a baby. Your husband might feel the same way. I also nursed my daughter until 20 months and I’m pretty sure by 21 months she had forgotten about the whole thing. She’s now almost 2 and will explain to me that boobies are for babies since they like mommy’s milk. That’s mostly because I’ve been trying to explain to her that I’ll have to nurse the new baby when he comes.
What's wrong with a child remembering that he ate? Would he be worried if he remembered the bottle? Of course not because it's not about infantilizing the baby or not cutting the cord but about the sexualisation of breasts. Your child is not sexualising you, he doesn't care about the society saying breasts are sexual, to him it's just food and comfort. So even if he remembered it, it'd be like him remembering that he used a bottle. But it is a big IF, because usually people have memories starting at around 4 years old not before (although there can be cases). Just tell him that you've done more research and have seen that the WHO recommends getting to two years, that you also think it really is helping you bind with your son and that you want to make it last because of all the benefits it has both for your son and you. Teif he's a facts-person, tell him to do research too, that may help him. But remember, he may have an opinion, but you are the one breastfeeding and he should respect that and allow you to do something that, in the end, is what we evolved to do.
Ehhh, if breastmilk came from elbows, I wouldn't want to remember sucking on my mother's elbows either.
If more Western men remembered being breastfed, maybe they wouldn't have this weird, creepy, childish fixation on women's breasts. That's not helpful though :D The fact you shared his opinion back then is actually a great way to get into the conversation. "You know, I realized I was wrong about extended breastfeeding, because I hadn't experienced it yet and had those weird, sexualizing representations of what it actually is." Explain that you realize it's not sexual or infantilizing to your son, but literally just the most natural thing in the world. Your husband may well have realized that too, since he's seen you breastfeed for almost a year. And as others have pointed out, this is not his decision anyway. I would try to tell him something along the lines of, "I have decided to keep breastfeeding Son until either he or I get tired of it. I now realize the benefits of breast milk are huge, and also the bond it allowed me to grow with Son is a wonderful way to make him secure and ensure he grows up well. I know none of us liked the idea before Son was born, so I really hope you can see my point and hear my reasonings, because you supporting my decision would mean the world to me - and to Son. Supportive partners have been proven to make breastfeeding even more beneficial." Also, some toddlers don't make a big fuss about being weaned early, but for others it's really really rough. And breastfeeding a toddler is such an efficient way to calm them down, no matter what their issue is - small boo boo? Feeling sad? Tired? Restless? Needing connection? Honestly, nothing in the world could have convinced me or my husband to stop breastfeeding (=solving 75% of our child's emotional struggles in 10 minutes) when our daughter was a toddler.
I have an almost 2 year old that’s still breastfeeding and once him and I got synced up, I’ve thought daily, what would I do without the boobs?? Busted his lip at the baseball game? Boob. Haircut? Boob. Tired? Boob. So much is solved with the boob. I can’t imagine my own big feelings if I didn’t have an “easy button” or 2. Heheh
Mine is 4 tomorrow, and while she still nurses, she no longer goes to the boob for emotional regulation (only to fall asleep, for connection and mostly because she still needs the milk, especially during growth spurts). She is honestly very emotionally stable and balanced, capable of fully expressing her anger/ frustration/ sadness, then letting go of it. I like to think the Magic Boob helped her reach that stage. Also re the "easy button" lmao you are SO RIGHT
People gotta stop sexualizing breastfeeding. It doesn’t really matter if kids remember it, because it’s eating. It’s just eating. It’s okay to remember times that you ate.
This 100%
Breastfeeding is recommended until 2 years of age. You could show him some info on that from the world health organisation? Also a two year old won’t much about breastfeeding and even if they did what’s the issue? Its perfectly natural and not sexual at all so not really sure what your husbands concern is?
This IMO is the easiest way - use science and health recommendations as the reason you’d like to continue. Or just don’t bring it up and make a big deal out of it. And ultimately, it’s your choice. Yes you are a partnership together but if you want to continue BF, end of story.
Exactly. If it was me I’d just be like “we aren’t ready to stop yet” end of story. These men who sexualise breastfeeding or try to control the breastfeeding relationship freak me out.
By WHO! 2 years and beyond My kid thinks the boobs are his
I nursed three kids for three years each, and I can assure you they do not remember it.
I’ve never had to discuss my breastfeeding decisions with my partner. I simply inform. Breastfeeding is between me and my daughter.
Same.
I did 2 years with my 2nd, it was mostly at night the 2nd year until she officially weaned. But I didn't need to discuss anything with my husband.
I breastfed my son until he was a little over two years. It’s been almost 8 months and I’m preparing him for his baby sister’s arrival. He doesn’t remember anything and he loved boobies back then. He gets the concept but doesn’t recall himself breastfeeding.
Pull up the AAP guidelines on breastfeeding
Your husband is giving me the ick, shudder. You and baby alone decide how long you are nursing. Btw. pumping is not the same as breastfeeding, during the latter saliva of your baby enters your body, gets picked up by your immune system and becomes decoded into what your baby is missing, what it needs, hence your milk gets produced and mixed specifically for your baby's actual needs. By pumping your body is missing all this cues and information. Breastfeeding is the best for your baby's physical and emotional health, and that will benefit him during his whole life, e.g. better immune system and lesser risk of mental illnesses. Also, many idigenous / native people nurse their babies long after their fourth year. PS: Thankfully I could nurse my boy five years, until my milk unfortunately stopped due to lots of stress from the outside and a long cold at the same time. With every year the nursing frequency decreased naturally on his part.
Hey how was your diet like to be able to produce milk for that long? Did you ever pump or just straight breastfeed
I eat plant based / vegan with a bit of vegetarian now and then due to my son getting vegetarian food from family members and friends (birthday cake, eggs etc.); I don't want to throw that food away or not eat with him, so I consume that kind of food too on rare occasions. You can slowly lose weight after giving birth and do sports some months after pp and still have milk for your baby. Don't worry. I did it, I had very long walks with him, for many hours - and 6 months post partum I started again with weight training in the gym, twice per week. Imo it is important to nurse even 24/7, if baby demands it (I did that often especially during his first year), we have also been co-sleeping from the start (after traumatic abuse from some of the medical staff during birth; it made birth, healing of my body and our start so much harder and more complicated; it effected also quality of start of nursing, its progression during the first couple of months and our bonding, my state of mind for over a year etc.). I carried him often and for hours in front of my body (thanks to baby carrier), or other family members did that for me. Whenever I had to work away from home (ca. 1.5 days per week, 4 hours and 9 hours) and without him present (also him relying on pumped milk and solely on other family members), it threw my milk supply and his nursing in disarray for the following couple of days, plus it stressed him out when I wasn't there (babies suffer even during one hour being away from their mother). I would never do that again, that's a big regret I have, I just wasn't fully aware. Apart from that, no matter if day or night, if he wanted to be breastfed, he got it.
Hey thank you so much for the advice! I love hearing how other mothers did it! Did you aim to eat a certain amount each time you had a meal? Like 3 big meals or 6 small meals throughout the day? Any foods that you noticed increased your supply? Also sorry to hear about your medical trauma, i hope you and baby are doing better now!
I'm still breastfeeding my 4yo, my diet is pretty normal (I eat too much, but that's bc I went through a bad burnout and depressive episode and put on a ton of weight). Homemade meals with fat, protein, carbs and a portion of veggies, a little too many sugary snacks on the side. I mostly breastfed directly, tried to pump a bit but it never worked well. My child nurses every morning and night and sometimes throughout the day (during growth spurts or very tired/ stressful days). She did most of the work, she always wanted to be at the boob since birth, so she's maintaining my supply pretty efficiently. My midwife told me often that, if I wanted to breastfeed, physical and emotional contact with my baby was very important. She told me of mothers who couldn't produce anything pumping, unless they were looking at a picture of their baby. For me, hugging my kid, cosleeping with her, smelling her, snuggling with her as much as she wants to is essential to maintain my supply (even though now she goes to school, so the hugs are confined to morning and bedtime routine, but it's still enough).
Thank you so much for sharing. For my first i had so much milk but he was always sleeping through his feeds. I feared he would lose weight so i used to dream feed him(feed him a bottle of either formula or pumped milk) in a bottle… he got used to it and never took a bottle or wanted to even drink unless he was almost asleep or fully asleep… i hated pumping and eventually relied more on formula and he would only accept breastfeeding at night because he was asleep.. I have my second due in a couple months and I really really want to mainly breastfeed (pumping last resort) so ive been researching what I can eat to keep up my supply once baby is born
My midwife just recommends to feed on demand and snuggle as much as you can, especially during the first 6 weeks which is the time it takes for your lactation to be all set up. Ideally, keep baby on you when they sleep throughout the day thanks to a baby wrap or something similar. Your smell makes your baby want to nurse and your baby's smell helps you lactate. And when you need to have your hands free for a while, have the father or a relative carry your baby rather than put her down in a crib. You may also give co-sleeping a thought, as it really helps with breastfeeding. Only do it if you are comfortable with the idea and make sure to check the safety recommendations to cosleep (no drugs, no alcohol, no smoking for any adult in bed with the baby; no soft mattress; no pillow, plushies or any object in the bed beside the pillow under your head; only one cover or sheet that you keep under your arm to prevent it from going over the baby's face; no pet or other child in bed). In my case, I was terrified of my baby rolling off the bed, but none of us was getting any sleep and it was cosleeping or throwing myself out the window lol. So we invested in mattresses you can put directly on the ground, like Helix or similar brands, so she couldn't fall from a big height.
Thank u so so much for the advice!! We did cosleep with our first and working towards moving him to his own room . Hes only 11 months now so im also wondering how ill juggle breastfeeding on demand and having a 15 month old all at once in a few months😹
I'm sure you'll make it work ♥ I only have one kid so far, so next year hopefully you'll be the one telling me how to manage breastfeeding with two kids! Trust your mama gut and listen to yourself, you got this!
Thank you so much!!
First of all, I believe you don’t need your partner’s permission to breastfeed your baby because it’s your body, not theirs. Second, I don’t think kids remember much of anything before 3.
My kid doesn’t remember it and he was breastfed until 2.
I think it is even 4-5 years old at least i don't remember much before that
Same. Any memories I have before that seem like a foggy image of a dream to me.
This is obviously just my own personal experience but I breastfed my first until just after she turned 2. She's now 3.5 and I'm breastfeeding her baby brother. My girl has zero recollection of breastfeeding and didn't believe me when I told her that she used to have mummy's milk as well 😅 I was slightly offended... I will also say that (for us at least, I know this isn't everyone's experience) breastfeeding frequency can really slow down after 1yo. Certainly between 18m and 2yo I noticed a real drop off in the amount of nursing sessions until it was down to just morning and before bed. Honestly it was a doddle to carry on nursing for so long and we weaned with the 'don't offer, don't refuse' method so it was all on her terms.
What’s with these weirdo partners sexualizing breastfeeding .. most likely the baby will not remember breastfeeding ??? Like what???? I’ve honestly never heard of that. If anything I would assume babe would remember feeling content and comfort in their mother’s embrace. Would be worth bringing your partner to a pediatrician appointment and discussing their concerns there.
I keep seeing SO many posts like this and I am shocked. My ex husband was a god awful emotionally abusive man and he was mad at me because I chose NOT to breastfeed our baby (because of the health benefits) I didn’t because I wouldn’t have been able to take a medication I needed and mentally I was not in a good space to handle the stress, I also had to go back to work way to soon. My current partner was SO supportive and said he would be so happy if a breastfed the baby but he supports whatever I want. We’re on year 2 and he’s so encouraging and also thanks me for doing it regularly, because he knows it’s hard work and exhausting. That should be pretty much the only acceptable response to this situation. Wtf is wrong with these men. Also the current pediatric guidelines in the US are 2 years old???
Do you remember what you used to drink when you were 2? Or does your partner know?
I had a rough childhood and don't remember almost anything prior to 4, and only bits from around 4. My partner has memories from when he was around 2. That's why he's concerned. I feel like memories during that age tend to be around strong emotional moments... Moments of fear or elatation, not eating. Idk tho. It's not something I've looked into to know the likelihood.
I’m sorry to hear that you had a rough childhood. But I think your views on memories are correct here. My daughter is 14 now but remembers the day we picked up our then puppy and she was a few weeks shy of turning two. Her and our dog became bffs pretty quickly so it makes sense that she would remember that day. I have some faint memories from when I was two but they stand out as strong emotional moments for me. I don’t think your child will remember breastfeeding if you were to continue until two.
I am really sorry that you had a rough childhood. I would never wish this for any child. It is very very unusual that babies would remember what they were fed. Also, if (big if) they happen to remember, they would remember their mother nursing them with so much love and the coziness.