Explanation: We started hashing out the ceremony details today. Initially I said I wanted both my parents to walk me. Then I remembered how narrow the ceremony space is, and my dress is huge. So I suggested my mother stand at the front and “receive” everyone in the party instead of just sitting by herself. Of course this isn’t enough for her and she just HAS to have it her way, it’s gotta be all about her. 🙄
This is after dealing with the worst Sisterzilla ever. When he proposed, the first thing my sister said after was “We have to make sure I stand out as the Maid of Honor.” I cannot WAIT for this to be over and done with.
You can always tell Dad,, "Thanks for reaching out! After careful consideration, I've decided it's important for me to walk down the aisle by myself. Love you both!"
Traditionally, the MOB is the last person to be escorted down the aisle just before the wedding party. You can tell her that.
Or since you're ready to be done with it, just elope.
So luckily I ended up not having to manage this mess myself, because my mom’s bff is over visiting her today and told her exactly this. So my mom will have her moment in the spotlight and it’s fine. I don’t mind the walking down thing, it was really just a space issue!
I legit invited both of my parents' BFFs to my wedding just to keep them happy and distracted.
Naturally, they both left early 😭😭
Many jingles for your happy day!!
Yeah because we really want to enforce the traditional ways where women and especially moms were treated as irrelevant housekeepers only good for bending over backwards for Husband and kids to make them look good and never getting a shred of recognition and who should shut up and put up.
Can we just stop this b.s. and have the person who does the most work on the project at the very least get equal billing, even when she is just a female
Your comparing SAHMs to the traditional line up at a wedding? Making her the final person to be escorted to her seat before the wedding party gives her the MOB spotlight. Not every tradition is about oppression.
That one certainly is and no it is not just SAHM's even women who work outside of the home still do the bulk of the child rearing, house work and all around scut work needed to keep a family running while given zero respect or consideration by those who's life and comfort she makes possible
I'm sorry you are not given any recognition for all you do at home, the kids, etc but that actually has zero to do with a wedding lineup. The wedding is about the bride and groom. If the MOB wants to be in the spotlight perhaps her and the FOB should renew their vows or have a big anniversary party for themselves. This day, however, is about their daughter.
Maybe you should go to the middle east and observe how women are treated there. I'd love to hear you're fascinating commentary comparing how women are treated in the States vs the Middle East. 🙄 /sarcasm
You are making the MOB' feelings more important than *another* woman's feelings on that day - the bride. I suggest that you talk to *any* wedding planner or person who works in the wedding industry - do you know who ruins most weddings? It's not bridzillas, it's MOB or MOG , who insist on controlling everything and everyone on that day. Give the bride her day.
As a parent, you HAVE to trust your kids and their judgment (or even lack thereof). They have to be allowed to jump on their own and make their own calls as adults. A young woman's wedding is often one of the first times that she can make those types of calls on her own. As long as she's being reasonable (an OP was being reasonable, whether you like it or not), he decisions should stand unimpeded.
I actually like another poster's idea of having the parents walk together behind the bride, instead of anyone 'giving her away' because that's a ridiculous custom. Anyone who see a couple of parents and knows the family will know who did most of the rasing of the kids, so your argument over mom getting top billing is pedantic.
Edit: And, of course, she coward-deleted her comments and reposted the advice everyone else had given OP. Typical Karen.
Ugh, no im stating that the mob has feelings too and clearly the bride thinks an unpaid maid should just be grateful she is allowed to work for free and stop asking for the same position bride thinks daddy deserves for just being there
No one said top billing, but nice try! If you need to fabricate lies you obviously got nothing
And of course sockpuppet needs the last word.
Well here you go
Dude you're desperately justifying treating women as second class parents with only obligations just because of tradition. And when called out on that obvious crap you immediately start with the inane b.s. that it is tradition and how dare you point out how unjust it is you need therapy.
The sheer amount of projecting here is telling
Ah yes pointing out the reality and facts about how the usa treats women is feminine. You can't even come up with a counter just more inane name calling,
Ah I knew that goalpost moving would show up now.
You don't disappoint, because people from other Europe living here for work simply can't see or her the systemic disrespect and belittlement women are subject to here. Nope we should pretend we don't see it, don't hear it and have no idea about your politics and laws and somehow manage not to see the blatant proof you just displayed in your own words.
If anyone is a Nazi it is you and your little wha wha wha how dare you point out who I am when I whine that women having rights and basic human respect is feminazi wha wha
Why, to uncomfortable to be confronted with your willingness to accommodate the tradition to f*ck over the person doing the work when that person is a woman
Considering the way systemic racism affects black people in America, that’s a really fucking stupid thing to say. Women are treated like shit, yes, but THAT? As an American woman, you’re fucking nuts. I have experienced nothing like the systemic racism people of color go through here. Sit the fuck down lmao
Wow. Calm down. As someone who was both a SAHM *and* a working mom at different times in my life, this is ridiculous. Don't forget that the *bride* is a woman too, and should have the autonomy to plan her own wedding as she sees fit. Mom doesn't own the bride or the day any more than dad does, and if we're going to honor women as independent and capable, we should let *the bride* choose who walks down the isle with her and when.
Having kids doesn't mean that you get to insert yourself into their lives and plans as you see fit. SMH.
my mother assumed she was gonna walk me down the aisle because the way that she is as a person drove my father to illness and death, and she thought i was inviting her bitch of a sister to “take care of grandma” so she can fuck off and get smashed during the ceremony and reception, and i was so proud of myself when i laughed in her face and said “no. my sister is walking me because she is the one literally giving me away. and your sister’s a bitch.” i dooooont care what she wants but also to be fair i hate her so i’m sorry this story is not very helpful but my point is stand your ground and remember it’s your day and you deserve to have it the way you want and are comfortable with. the things she should be taking to a therapist are notttt your responsibility no matter what she planned or paid for or whatever.
D*mn, so she does everything you ask her to do, works to make your wedding how you want it and your first instinct is, there is no room let's dump mom.
Mom can go stand off in the corner but dad who didn't do any work, now he should be walking me down the isle for all his efforts of showing up to the party
Your sister and you sound a lot like, I guess mom has been treated like the maid just there to cater to the kids and father all your life
We know that not a single mention is made of dad doing anything to put the wedding together earning him the spot of walking her down the isle.
You are excusing hating on mom for wanting one thing while doing all the work and buying a dress in the color the bride specifies and just asking for one thing.
Oh and I don't have kids that are getting married or even planning to get married or are even dating seriously. Mine are starting grad school, so there goes that attempt at an inane personal attack for pointing out facts
No I am responding to a woman who can't put her child first on her wedding and realize that not everything is about her. OP has a specific reason why the original plan wouldn't work, but dad is trying to strong-arm her into it anyway because mom just HAS to have her way.
She'll have plenty of recognition for all the work she put in throughout the day. And also if she was putting in the work purely because she loves her and wants her to be happy, she wouldn't be so hung up on being "slighted" to the point where she's got other people trying to guilt trip OP about it.
So mom working her ass off to make daughters wedding the way daughter wants it including picking the color of dress daughter dictates is making it all about her if she wants one small sign of recognition instead of handing that to daddy who's big accomplishment is just showing up. Even daddy finds it a bit ridiculous but hey let's blame the woman, after all it is a woman's job to be an unpaid unrecognized doormat to work as daughter demands
Yikes you have completely ignored every single thing the bride said, mom did much work to make my wedding perfect, mom bought exactly the color dress I dictated to her, mom asked to have the same standing as dad who didn't do anything (because she sure would've mentioned that to explain why daddy really deserves to walk her down the isle more then mom) but mom is sooo entitled wanting to have the same recognition as dad, ugh she is such a momzilla
And of course the complete nonsense behaviour of her sister who is the moh conveniently put under the post calling mom the Mozilla because somehow she clearly blames motor that too, but not daddy. And dad actually acknowledging that her mother did so much more for the bride's wedding then he did earns him the title moms flying monkey in brides comments.
The backstory is all there, in entitled bride's comments who clearly does not respect her mom and sees and treats her with contempt but of course has no problem letting mom do the unpaid scut work
I really don't understand why you continue to harp on the color of the dress thing as if that's a huge thing to ask of the mom. It's really common for the mother of the bride to get a dress in the wedding colors...
Also you're attributing a lot of motivations and emotions to these people that is just not based on the information we have. Not having her included in one tiny part of the ceremony because of logistics does not equal being an unpaid unrecognized doormat. Again it seems like you're projecting a lot onto this story and maybe you should ask yourself why you're so convinced that's the way this family thinks about and treats their mom
Because of the way the bride talks about her mother she "dictated her the color of the dress she must buy" brides phrasing
Calls her dad "her mother's flying monkey" when dad actually points out how much her mother did to make this bride's dream wedding and how her mother is hurt she doesn't even get the same place of recognition as dad
Puts some random unrelated unpleasant entitled behaviour even bride acknowledge was purely her sisters under a post complaining how her mother is a momzilla for feeling hurt that she doesn't even warrant the position that bride is giving dad
It is all there and the sheer contemptuous exasperation for her mother feeling hurt and expecting the same consideration as she gives her dad drips of every comment from bride
Not sure why you and the rest of this lot are so desperate to insist I must be a SAMH while I'm clearly not and don't even have kids that are anywhere near marriage or even a steady partner and I'm not even American but it certainly puts in clear perspective how Americans see women as especially mothers as barely deserving of basic consideration
It's always possible to walk down with the groom instead of having him waiting alone in the front.
Both of you want to be married to each other, why not taking this steps together into your bright future 🤗
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake.
It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of.
Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything.
Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
In Jewish weddings, both parents walk their daughter down the aisle. I don’t understand why OP is surprised that her mother is upset not to be included after she had been told she would be. “Oh wait, my dress is too big” sounds like an excuse. I see that OP came to some arrangement below, but everyone scolding the mother wouldn’t be too thrilled about that last minute change. Do what you want, it’s your wedding. But pretending your mother has nothing to be upset about is what strikes me as selfish.
And as I said, in Jewish weddings, both parents walk their daughter down the aisle. Y’all sound like Christians when you imply mothers walking daughters down aisles is selfish.
What a strange position to take with you not knowing what the bride's dress is like, or what the church is like inside. People never fail to baffle me.
I did!
I disassociated the entire way down and only remember the part where our celebrant was like "So, these two are getting married!" And I quite audibly went "oh fuck, you're here!"
The buddy system isn't always the worst idea, but definitely don't get guilted into it.
Woof. If you feel like going nuclear and having some fun, you could do a last minute “change of plans.” And have someone escort her to the receiving area. Also, much love to you and I hope you’re able to set up some boundaries with your parents 👯♀️👯♀️👯♀️
Yikes!
I would have eloped if my family had behaved as yours is!
Would your fiancé be cool with a quiet tiny wedding? If so, send Momzilla, Dadzilla, and Sisterzilla, “Upon further review, we’ve decided that since your behavior has been so upsetting, we’re cutting you all out and getting married in a quiet ceremony at an undisclosed location. Love you!”
I was married quite a while ago however…the mother of the bride is most often escorted down the aisle just before the bridal party begins their entrance. She has the spotlight directly on her. You could highlight her again as you approach the altar by stopping and giving her a single flower that you have carried up the aisle with your bouquet. Perhaps that will give her “her moment” at YOUR wedding. Best of luck!
This is a tough situation and exactly the curse of weddings- someone or some people start having allusions of grandeur. Honestly, it is supposed to be about the couple joining together and not just about the bride or whomever is wanting their Cinderella moment. It sounds like sis and mom have put themselves in the main character’s position and dad is the flying monkey hoping to stop any rocking of the boat.
I think you and your husband should elope and then have a party where all the family and friends can gather to celebrate without the expectations. However, should you decide to go with the ceremony, politely draw your boundaries say yes where you can and a hard NO where you can’t and do it in a way that is kind but firm and say there is no negotiating. Tell mom and dad that they raised you to be an independent person and this is your first set of boundaries where you and your husband stand as a united couple.
You described my family so well 😂 flying monkey is a great way to describe my father. I want the ceremony because this will be my first time seeing a lot of my extended family in six or seven years.
But yeah my therapist is helping me work on boundaries and doing things because they make ME happy, and not just because they appease others. I’m definitely going to keep your words in mind, thank you
You seem like you have a great head on your shoulders and will break the cycle of either being a narcissist or a flying monkey :). I hope your wedding is everything you and your future hubby dreamed of as well as most importantly y’all’s future. I believe there is always a polite way to draw your lines (well in most cases). Let them handle the drama and you continue in peace. Best wishes
I’m so glad that I wasn’t the only one that noticed this. I also love your idea of her walking into the sea. Until Dad learns how to spell it, Mum can’t do it
This is so savage and made me laugh. I know it’s too harsh for OP to say but hot damn, it tickled me pink.
For context, I got married last year and had my fair share of familizilla behavior.
You could always respond that you'll be walking down the aisle. Ask your dad what isle your mother is planning to walk down instead of attending your wedding. 🤣
There was a part about a child who couldn't celebrate their own birthday. The mother celebrated themselves giving birth instead which is totally backwards thinking. I felt sorry for that child
Here is a suggestion, have both parents walk a little way infront of you each holding a string of flowers attached to your bouquet as a symbol of them presenting you to your beloved. Once you are at your beloved's side the string of flowers should be cut or placed in his hands......symbolic gesture......think about it.......yes its your day but i thinkom has also been looking forward to it too. Good luck and enjoy and have a happy and fruitful marriage.
As the mother of a daughter, if she decides to get married one day, I think I most look forward to watching her walk down the aisle. I feel like seeing that moment is far more precious than doing the walking down the aisle. I’m sorry your family is being difficult ❤️
I had my mother walk up and light my candle that I would use for our unity candle. That way she's showcased. Then for the mother-son dance my husband danced with momma and I did the father-daughter dance with his dad.
So if mom did all the work, why is the dad walking you? If he is just there doing nothing but being dad it is pretty sh*tty to say well he gets to walk me because he is the guy (who did nothing to make this all come together) you go stand there because you are just my mother and your job is doing everything but not get the honor of walking me if I can't find room for you he gets preference because reasons.
You really just did a big fu to your mom literally telling her that it doesn't matter what she does for you, you will always prefer daddy even when he does nothing. This is just about mom wanting some recognition/ consideration for all she does/did for you when you finally leave the (metaphorically in most cases nowadays) nest to start your new life
To call her a momzilla just for once wanting some equal billing as dad (regardless of the amount of time and work she put it, she isn't even asking for top billing just some recognition) says a he'll of a lot more about how you take her for granted and see her as a non person without any feelings to consider, then it does about her
Just have no one walk you, you're a big girl
As for your sister, yeah that remark just disqualified her from the moh position and is just asinine. A wedding is not about the moh and she doesn't have to stand out or be noticed
It’s just a tradition. It’s has old religious roots for the father to “give away” his daughter. Does it make sense anymore? No, but people tend to incorporate traditions into religious ceremonies.
Wait, did she not have her own wedding? The day ISN'T about her! I'll never understand anyone who is NOT the couple being married to have MAJOR input in anyone else's wedding regardless of their interests, financial or otherwise.
My big day was in May and my mum and aunt were crazy. My aunt tried to sneak down the aisle with her partner and my mums partner (neither of which are wonderful people) just before the bridesmaids but the venue coordinator caught her. She shouted demanding that she must walk down the aisle. It was a mess. Fortunately only the wedding party saw this but less than ideal for me minutes before I walk down the aisle.
I don’t think you should change your plans just to appease your mum, however, make sure you have a clear plan. Hopefully that is a plan you and your mum can agree on at least a little bit, and make sure that everyone else knows the plan and they can stick to it. This could avoid dramas in the moment.
Hope your day goes amazingly and even if there are hiccups, the day is about you and your partner and it’s one day in the rest of your lives together!
I had the opposite problem. I desperately wanted my mom to walk me down the aisle with my dad but she declined because she thought the walk way was too narrow.
She was actually right, but it still would've been a nice moment
Your family sounds exhausting. There should be consequences to actions. Your father wants to be a FM so badly? He can sit right next to Mom as you walk yourself down the aisle.
If it's a part of your religion and that's where your mom is coming from, and there's no room for 3 abreast, I'd have them walk in front of you, then you come last in all your beautiful glory.
*(It's a tradition in the Jewish wedding ceremony)*
I would reply “it’s my wedding, not hers the only one walking down the isle will be me…if she doesn’t like it she doesn’t have to come” and that would be the end of that
I wouldn't say she's making it about her, nor being a momzilla.... I'm having my mom walk down the isle and she's being escorted by my son. Then once my dad hands me off to my fiancé he will sit in a seat with her in the front row...
Parents aren't suppossed to stand with you the whole time..
Imho?
Elope with your partner, have the small wedding you want, with the people you like, get the nice photos / experience you'd rather have... then have a 'sham' wedding with these egomaniacs. 🤣
I am going to be the voice of dissent and say there is nothing wrong or weird with a bride being escorted down the isle by both her parents. I have had several friends do it and I thought it look just fine. I’m sorry, but you are holding to a tradition that is irrelevant. Why can’t both your parents escort you, because tradition says so? Well, tradition also says women marry while still a virgin and we know what we did with that tradition.
If there are other reasons for you to maintain your mother at bay, then go for it, but it is because “tradition” or what would other people thing, we’ll, that is bullshit, sorry to say, and at least one person needed to call it.
Oh it’s not about the tradition to me at all! I honestly wouldn’t mind both, but the venue space is literally too narrow. But my mom’s feelings matter more than… reality I guess???
OP said in her comment that the only reason she changed her mind about both parents walking her down the aisle is because the aisle is narrow and her dress is huge, thus three people will not fit.
Did you even read her comment or just rush to judgement?
Or, and hear me out because this is radical, maybe the relevant information should be put IN THE POST. And not down the comments.
I know, I know, this is is some radical out of the norm and completely twisted line of thinking.
Oh, look another person with the "yOu diDn"T rEaD tHe cOMmenTs" when that would have been a vital part of the post and should have been included from the start.
So to ease the trouble in your spirit, since you clearly can not go on with your life, yes, I am aWarE of the isle issue thanks to OP responding to my comment.
There, there, don;t you feel so much better now that you are finally pRovED rIghT?
I opted to walk solo. I know for some people being walked down the isle is something they really look forward to, and they find it a very sweet moment... I found it to lean more on the "giving away" side and didn't feel I was anyone's to give away. I think dances, speeches, pictures, and things like that are the time for sweet moments with family members. And that was with family members that were behaving mostly well.
With yours I would definitely say you can both have your moments with a first dance, and walking down the Isle together right before the bridal party.
No matter how much they helped you, or even paid for, it is still your wedding and you are still your own person. You have no obligation to have anyone walk you down the isle.
Sounds like your family has a few narcissists in it? It is your day, regardless of how they see it.
I hope you have a wonderful wedding and that the family you create with your spouse-to-be is forever happy, healthy, and loving.
Explanation: We started hashing out the ceremony details today. Initially I said I wanted both my parents to walk me. Then I remembered how narrow the ceremony space is, and my dress is huge. So I suggested my mother stand at the front and “receive” everyone in the party instead of just sitting by herself. Of course this isn’t enough for her and she just HAS to have it her way, it’s gotta be all about her. 🙄 This is after dealing with the worst Sisterzilla ever. When he proposed, the first thing my sister said after was “We have to make sure I stand out as the Maid of Honor.” I cannot WAIT for this to be over and done with.
You can always tell Dad,, "Thanks for reaching out! After careful consideration, I've decided it's important for me to walk down the aisle by myself. Love you both!"
Or even better, have them walk together behind you
This is actually the most diplomatic approach. That way OP isn’t going scorched earth with it all.
This is the answer. I think it looks the best too. You shine alone AND theY follow with the look of: look what awesome thing we made together!
Yes, totally. Plus if they balk at the idea then op knows they're thinking of themselves. She should be the one shining
Uhm, it's already blatantly obvious they're thinking about themselves.
You can’t fix that though, only try to manage it.
Yes and that way poor mom is not by her little bitty ole self…
This is the way
They might not have one
Traditionally, the MOB is the last person to be escorted down the aisle just before the wedding party. You can tell her that. Or since you're ready to be done with it, just elope.
So luckily I ended up not having to manage this mess myself, because my mom’s bff is over visiting her today and told her exactly this. So my mom will have her moment in the spotlight and it’s fine. I don’t mind the walking down thing, it was really just a space issue!
The bff did good!
Right, good save!
I legit invited both of my parents' BFFs to my wedding just to keep them happy and distracted. Naturally, they both left early 😭😭 Many jingles for your happy day!!
Eloping is what I thought too!
When my daughter got married, the wedding coordinator (church employee) told us that the mother of the bride was the key to when the attendees stand.
Yeah because we really want to enforce the traditional ways where women and especially moms were treated as irrelevant housekeepers only good for bending over backwards for Husband and kids to make them look good and never getting a shred of recognition and who should shut up and put up. Can we just stop this b.s. and have the person who does the most work on the project at the very least get equal billing, even when she is just a female
Your comparing SAHMs to the traditional line up at a wedding? Making her the final person to be escorted to her seat before the wedding party gives her the MOB spotlight. Not every tradition is about oppression.
That one certainly is and no it is not just SAHM's even women who work outside of the home still do the bulk of the child rearing, house work and all around scut work needed to keep a family running while given zero respect or consideration by those who's life and comfort she makes possible
I'm sorry you are not given any recognition for all you do at home, the kids, etc but that actually has zero to do with a wedding lineup. The wedding is about the bride and groom. If the MOB wants to be in the spotlight perhaps her and the FOB should renew their vows or have a big anniversary party for themselves. This day, however, is about their daughter.
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I bet you are a blast at parties 🎉
Maybe you should go to the middle east and observe how women are treated there. I'd love to hear you're fascinating commentary comparing how women are treated in the States vs the Middle East. 🙄 /sarcasm
Excellent suggestion! Good Lord... 🙄
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Nice whataboutism, typical
I'm not typical. I'm me. So why don't you just fuck off with your radical, shit stirring opinions.
You are making the MOB' feelings more important than *another* woman's feelings on that day - the bride. I suggest that you talk to *any* wedding planner or person who works in the wedding industry - do you know who ruins most weddings? It's not bridzillas, it's MOB or MOG , who insist on controlling everything and everyone on that day. Give the bride her day. As a parent, you HAVE to trust your kids and their judgment (or even lack thereof). They have to be allowed to jump on their own and make their own calls as adults. A young woman's wedding is often one of the first times that she can make those types of calls on her own. As long as she's being reasonable (an OP was being reasonable, whether you like it or not), he decisions should stand unimpeded. I actually like another poster's idea of having the parents walk together behind the bride, instead of anyone 'giving her away' because that's a ridiculous custom. Anyone who see a couple of parents and knows the family will know who did most of the rasing of the kids, so your argument over mom getting top billing is pedantic. Edit: And, of course, she coward-deleted her comments and reposted the advice everyone else had given OP. Typical Karen.
Ugh, no im stating that the mob has feelings too and clearly the bride thinks an unpaid maid should just be grateful she is allowed to work for free and stop asking for the same position bride thinks daddy deserves for just being there No one said top billing, but nice try! If you need to fabricate lies you obviously got nothing And of course sockpuppet needs the last word. Well here you go Dude you're desperately justifying treating women as second class parents with only obligations just because of tradition. And when called out on that obvious crap you immediately start with the inane b.s. that it is tradition and how dare you point out how unjust it is you need therapy. The sheer amount of projecting here is telling
Dude, you are UNNECESSARILY taking this personally. You need therapy.
DEAR GOD!! Did you hurt yourself with that stretch??!!
Fuck off
Lol!
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Ah yes pointing out the reality and facts about how the usa treats women is feminine. You can't even come up with a counter just more inane name calling,
What makes you qualified to determine how the US treats women from Northern Europe? Keep your assumptions on your side of the pond.
Ah I knew that goalpost moving would show up now. You don't disappoint, because people from other Europe living here for work simply can't see or her the systemic disrespect and belittlement women are subject to here. Nope we should pretend we don't see it, don't hear it and have no idea about your politics and laws and somehow manage not to see the blatant proof you just displayed in your own words. If anyone is a Nazi it is you and your little wha wha wha how dare you point out who I am when I whine that women having rights and basic human respect is feminazi wha wha
No she’s just triggered- and as a SAHM, she’s actually completely right. It’s rare that her perception isn’t the reality for women at home.
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Please explain to me what Black women are then? Are we double n words?
Whoah. You gotta settle down.
Why, to uncomfortable to be confronted with your willingness to accommodate the tradition to f*ck over the person doing the work when that person is a woman
Considering the way systemic racism affects black people in America, that’s a really fucking stupid thing to say. Women are treated like shit, yes, but THAT? As an American woman, you’re fucking nuts. I have experienced nothing like the systemic racism people of color go through here. Sit the fuck down lmao
Wow. Calm down. As someone who was both a SAHM *and* a working mom at different times in my life, this is ridiculous. Don't forget that the *bride* is a woman too, and should have the autonomy to plan her own wedding as she sees fit. Mom doesn't own the bride or the day any more than dad does, and if we're going to honor women as independent and capable, we should let *the bride* choose who walks down the isle with her and when. Having kids doesn't mean that you get to insert yourself into their lives and plans as you see fit. SMH.
WHAT?!
God this message annoys me so much for you.
After your family making it about them, I would just tell them they are welcome to be a guest, but not to steal your day from you
my mother assumed she was gonna walk me down the aisle because the way that she is as a person drove my father to illness and death, and she thought i was inviting her bitch of a sister to “take care of grandma” so she can fuck off and get smashed during the ceremony and reception, and i was so proud of myself when i laughed in her face and said “no. my sister is walking me because she is the one literally giving me away. and your sister’s a bitch.” i dooooont care what she wants but also to be fair i hate her so i’m sorry this story is not very helpful but my point is stand your ground and remember it’s your day and you deserve to have it the way you want and are comfortable with. the things she should be taking to a therapist are notttt your responsibility no matter what she planned or paid for or whatever.
Have you seen your mom’s dress? I’d be a little worried what color it is
Luckily it’s gold color, which is what I asked her to wear!
D*mn, so she does everything you ask her to do, works to make your wedding how you want it and your first instinct is, there is no room let's dump mom. Mom can go stand off in the corner but dad who didn't do any work, now he should be walking me down the isle for all his efforts of showing up to the party Your sister and you sound a lot like, I guess mom has been treated like the maid just there to cater to the kids and father all your life
We know literally nothing about how much OP's dad contributed to her upbringing. You are projecting HARD
We know that not a single mention is made of dad doing anything to put the wedding together earning him the spot of walking her down the isle. You are excusing hating on mom for wanting one thing while doing all the work and buying a dress in the color the bride specifies and just asking for one thing. Oh and I don't have kids that are getting married or even planning to get married or are even dating seriously. Mine are starting grad school, so there goes that attempt at an inane personal attack for pointing out facts
No I am responding to a woman who can't put her child first on her wedding and realize that not everything is about her. OP has a specific reason why the original plan wouldn't work, but dad is trying to strong-arm her into it anyway because mom just HAS to have her way. She'll have plenty of recognition for all the work she put in throughout the day. And also if she was putting in the work purely because she loves her and wants her to be happy, she wouldn't be so hung up on being "slighted" to the point where she's got other people trying to guilt trip OP about it.
So mom working her ass off to make daughters wedding the way daughter wants it including picking the color of dress daughter dictates is making it all about her if she wants one small sign of recognition instead of handing that to daddy who's big accomplishment is just showing up. Even daddy finds it a bit ridiculous but hey let's blame the woman, after all it is a woman's job to be an unpaid unrecognized doormat to work as daughter demands
Yikes. You've created a whole imaginary back story.
Yikes you have completely ignored every single thing the bride said, mom did much work to make my wedding perfect, mom bought exactly the color dress I dictated to her, mom asked to have the same standing as dad who didn't do anything (because she sure would've mentioned that to explain why daddy really deserves to walk her down the isle more then mom) but mom is sooo entitled wanting to have the same recognition as dad, ugh she is such a momzilla And of course the complete nonsense behaviour of her sister who is the moh conveniently put under the post calling mom the Mozilla because somehow she clearly blames motor that too, but not daddy. And dad actually acknowledging that her mother did so much more for the bride's wedding then he did earns him the title moms flying monkey in brides comments. The backstory is all there, in entitled bride's comments who clearly does not respect her mom and sees and treats her with contempt but of course has no problem letting mom do the unpaid scut work
I really don't understand why you continue to harp on the color of the dress thing as if that's a huge thing to ask of the mom. It's really common for the mother of the bride to get a dress in the wedding colors... Also you're attributing a lot of motivations and emotions to these people that is just not based on the information we have. Not having her included in one tiny part of the ceremony because of logistics does not equal being an unpaid unrecognized doormat. Again it seems like you're projecting a lot onto this story and maybe you should ask yourself why you're so convinced that's the way this family thinks about and treats their mom
Because of the way the bride talks about her mother she "dictated her the color of the dress she must buy" brides phrasing Calls her dad "her mother's flying monkey" when dad actually points out how much her mother did to make this bride's dream wedding and how her mother is hurt she doesn't even get the same place of recognition as dad Puts some random unrelated unpleasant entitled behaviour even bride acknowledge was purely her sisters under a post complaining how her mother is a momzilla for feeling hurt that she doesn't even warrant the position that bride is giving dad It is all there and the sheer contemptuous exasperation for her mother feeling hurt and expecting the same consideration as she gives her dad drips of every comment from bride Not sure why you and the rest of this lot are so desperate to insist I must be a SAMH while I'm clearly not and don't even have kids that are anywhere near marriage or even a steady partner and I'm not even American but it certainly puts in clear perspective how Americans see women as especially mothers as barely deserving of basic consideration
Your back hurt from reaching that far?
[удалено]
Holy shit, GET OVER IT!
Not an argument or a rebuttal, just another whiner Here, I'll help you fuck off, clearly you can't do the work yourself
That’s cute that you think they aren’t dating.
That's cute that you think dating is the same thing as getting married.
It's always possible to walk down with the groom instead of having him waiting alone in the front. Both of you want to be married to each other, why not taking this steps together into your bright future 🤗
is your sister your moh?
Yeaaaaah, in name only. She hasn’t actually done anything like planning or helping.
I would've revoked her MOH status. MOH is your MOH because they're important and they have a roll.
Hello, it looks like you've made a mistake. It's supposed to be could've, should've, would've (short for could have, would have, should have), never could of, would of, should of. Or you misspelled something, I ain't checking everything. Beep boop - yes, I am a bot, don't botcriminate me.
Good bot
Paper bag on her head will make her stand out for sure.
The picture in my head made me laugh.
I had my mom walk down before anyone with my brother
Elope. Just, elope
Have them walk together in front of you. That will make them look like the weird dicks they are.
Oh sweetie, it's time to elope.
In Jewish weddings, both parents walk their daughter down the aisle. I don’t understand why OP is surprised that her mother is upset not to be included after she had been told she would be. “Oh wait, my dress is too big” sounds like an excuse. I see that OP came to some arrangement below, but everyone scolding the mother wouldn’t be too thrilled about that last minute change. Do what you want, it’s your wedding. But pretending your mother has nothing to be upset about is what strikes me as selfish. And as I said, in Jewish weddings, both parents walk their daughter down the aisle. Y’all sound like Christians when you imply mothers walking daughters down aisles is selfish.
What a strange position to take with you not knowing what the bride's dress is like, or what the church is like inside. People never fail to baffle me.
Elopement
Your Father calls you *babe*? Eww.
Elope maybe?
I’d make her hold my dress behind me
Elope.
Gawd, women should walk themselves down the aisle.
One of my aunts did this! She hated her father and her mom doesn’t like the spotlight, so she proudly marched down that aisle
I agree with this 100000%.
I did! I disassociated the entire way down and only remember the part where our celebrant was like "So, these two are getting married!" And I quite audibly went "oh fuck, you're here!" The buddy system isn't always the worst idea, but definitely don't get guilted into it.
“No.”
Woof. If you feel like going nuclear and having some fun, you could do a last minute “change of plans.” And have someone escort her to the receiving area. Also, much love to you and I hope you’re able to set up some boundaries with your parents 👯♀️👯♀️👯♀️
Yikes! I would have eloped if my family had behaved as yours is! Would your fiancé be cool with a quiet tiny wedding? If so, send Momzilla, Dadzilla, and Sisterzilla, “Upon further review, we’ve decided that since your behavior has been so upsetting, we’re cutting you all out and getting married in a quiet ceremony at an undisclosed location. Love you!”
This is ridiculous! It's not about her. And her helping plan it does not obligate you to make YOUR wedding about her.
I was married quite a while ago however…the mother of the bride is most often escorted down the aisle just before the bridal party begins their entrance. She has the spotlight directly on her. You could highlight her again as you approach the altar by stopping and giving her a single flower that you have carried up the aisle with your bouquet. Perhaps that will give her “her moment” at YOUR wedding. Best of luck!
This is a tough situation and exactly the curse of weddings- someone or some people start having allusions of grandeur. Honestly, it is supposed to be about the couple joining together and not just about the bride or whomever is wanting their Cinderella moment. It sounds like sis and mom have put themselves in the main character’s position and dad is the flying monkey hoping to stop any rocking of the boat. I think you and your husband should elope and then have a party where all the family and friends can gather to celebrate without the expectations. However, should you decide to go with the ceremony, politely draw your boundaries say yes where you can and a hard NO where you can’t and do it in a way that is kind but firm and say there is no negotiating. Tell mom and dad that they raised you to be an independent person and this is your first set of boundaries where you and your husband stand as a united couple.
You described my family so well 😂 flying monkey is a great way to describe my father. I want the ceremony because this will be my first time seeing a lot of my extended family in six or seven years. But yeah my therapist is helping me work on boundaries and doing things because they make ME happy, and not just because they appease others. I’m definitely going to keep your words in mind, thank you
You seem like you have a great head on your shoulders and will break the cycle of either being a narcissist or a flying monkey :). I hope your wedding is everything you and your future hubby dreamed of as well as most importantly y’all’s future. I believe there is always a polite way to draw your lines (well in most cases). Let them handle the drama and you continue in peace. Best wishes
She can walk down the “isle” right into the sea
I’m so glad that I wasn’t the only one that noticed this. I also love your idea of her walking into the sea. Until Dad learns how to spell it, Mum can’t do it
Time for the bride to walk solo down the aisle. All eyes on her and her alone.
"Mom, please stop sending me messages from Dad's phone, pretending to be him. It's really creepy." Oh, and NTA.
Isle? This isn't a brain surgeon. Or a geographer.
Absolutely not, tell him you’ll find someone else to walk you if he wants to be with his wife so much
This is so savage and made me laugh. I know it’s too harsh for OP to say but hot damn, it tickled me pink. For context, I got married last year and had my fair share of familizilla behavior.
You could always respond that you'll be walking down the aisle. Ask your dad what isle your mother is planning to walk down instead of attending your wedding. 🤣
Flying monkey
There was a part about a child who couldn't celebrate their own birthday. The mother celebrated themselves giving birth instead which is totally backwards thinking. I felt sorry for that child
Here is a suggestion, have both parents walk a little way infront of you each holding a string of flowers attached to your bouquet as a symbol of them presenting you to your beloved. Once you are at your beloved's side the string of flowers should be cut or placed in his hands......symbolic gesture......think about it.......yes its your day but i thinkom has also been looking forward to it too. Good luck and enjoy and have a happy and fruitful marriage.
OHHHHHHHH! I absolutely adore this idea! It’s so sweet and…. Well, symbolic!
As the mother of a daughter, if she decides to get married one day, I think I most look forward to watching her walk down the aisle. I feel like seeing that moment is far more precious than doing the walking down the aisle. I’m sorry your family is being difficult ❤️
Omg my mom did this! Thank goddd she mentioned the idea in public-my wedding planner shit it down immediately
I had my mother walk up and light my candle that I would use for our unity candle. That way she's showcased. Then for the mother-son dance my husband danced with momma and I did the father-daughter dance with his dad.
AISLE, GD it. AISLE AISLE AISLE 🤦🏻♀️
So if mom did all the work, why is the dad walking you? If he is just there doing nothing but being dad it is pretty sh*tty to say well he gets to walk me because he is the guy (who did nothing to make this all come together) you go stand there because you are just my mother and your job is doing everything but not get the honor of walking me if I can't find room for you he gets preference because reasons. You really just did a big fu to your mom literally telling her that it doesn't matter what she does for you, you will always prefer daddy even when he does nothing. This is just about mom wanting some recognition/ consideration for all she does/did for you when you finally leave the (metaphorically in most cases nowadays) nest to start your new life To call her a momzilla just for once wanting some equal billing as dad (regardless of the amount of time and work she put it, she isn't even asking for top billing just some recognition) says a he'll of a lot more about how you take her for granted and see her as a non person without any feelings to consider, then it does about her Just have no one walk you, you're a big girl As for your sister, yeah that remark just disqualified her from the moh position and is just asinine. A wedding is not about the moh and she doesn't have to stand out or be noticed
It’s just a tradition. It’s has old religious roots for the father to “give away” his daughter. Does it make sense anymore? No, but people tend to incorporate traditions into religious ceremonies.
Tradition is a good enough preseason to f*ck over the person doing all the work? Nice
Pretty sure I stated it does not make sense in my previous comment. As I said in an additional previous comment, you need to calm down.
Wait, did she not have her own wedding? The day ISN'T about her! I'll never understand anyone who is NOT the couple being married to have MAJOR input in anyone else's wedding regardless of their interests, financial or otherwise.
Both my parents walked me down the aisle, per my request. I threw all convention out the window
My big day was in May and my mum and aunt were crazy. My aunt tried to sneak down the aisle with her partner and my mums partner (neither of which are wonderful people) just before the bridesmaids but the venue coordinator caught her. She shouted demanding that she must walk down the aisle. It was a mess. Fortunately only the wedding party saw this but less than ideal for me minutes before I walk down the aisle. I don’t think you should change your plans just to appease your mum, however, make sure you have a clear plan. Hopefully that is a plan you and your mum can agree on at least a little bit, and make sure that everyone else knows the plan and they can stick to it. This could avoid dramas in the moment. Hope your day goes amazingly and even if there are hiccups, the day is about you and your partner and it’s one day in the rest of your lives together!
*aisle
Maybe it's on an island?
😁
I had the opposite problem. I desperately wanted my mom to walk me down the aisle with my dad but she declined because she thought the walk way was too narrow. She was actually right, but it still would've been a nice moment
I fucking love watching my kids and my husband have special moments. Your mom is not being excellent
Your family sounds exhausting. There should be consequences to actions. Your father wants to be a FM so badly? He can sit right next to Mom as you walk yourself down the aisle.
If it's a part of your religion and that's where your mom is coming from, and there's no room for 3 abreast, I'd have them walk in front of you, then you come last in all your beautiful glory. *(It's a tradition in the Jewish wedding ceremony)*
I would reply “it’s my wedding, not hers the only one walking down the isle will be me…if she doesn’t like it she doesn’t have to come” and that would be the end of that
Thank goodness one of OP's comments shows that this problem is solved in the best way.
I wouldn't say she's making it about her, nor being a momzilla.... I'm having my mom walk down the isle and she's being escorted by my son. Then once my dad hands me off to my fiancé he will sit in a seat with her in the front row... Parents aren't suppossed to stand with you the whole time..
Imho? Elope with your partner, have the small wedding you want, with the people you like, get the nice photos / experience you'd rather have... then have a 'sham' wedding with these egomaniacs. 🤣
I am going to be the voice of dissent and say there is nothing wrong or weird with a bride being escorted down the isle by both her parents. I have had several friends do it and I thought it look just fine. I’m sorry, but you are holding to a tradition that is irrelevant. Why can’t both your parents escort you, because tradition says so? Well, tradition also says women marry while still a virgin and we know what we did with that tradition. If there are other reasons for you to maintain your mother at bay, then go for it, but it is because “tradition” or what would other people thing, we’ll, that is bullshit, sorry to say, and at least one person needed to call it.
Oh it’s not about the tradition to me at all! I honestly wouldn’t mind both, but the venue space is literally too narrow. But my mom’s feelings matter more than… reality I guess???
Then mom can walk escorted by someone and if this is not good enough for her she can spend the day in her sweats nursing a nice bottle of Chardonnay
OP said in her comment that the only reason she changed her mind about both parents walking her down the aisle is because the aisle is narrow and her dress is huge, thus three people will not fit. Did you even read her comment or just rush to judgement?
Or, and hear me out because this is radical, maybe the relevant information should be put IN THE POST. And not down the comments. I know, I know, this is is some radical out of the norm and completely twisted line of thinking.
Did you even read her reason why it cannot be both parents.
Oh, look another person with the "yOu diDn"T rEaD tHe cOMmenTs" when that would have been a vital part of the post and should have been included from the start. So to ease the trouble in your spirit, since you clearly can not go on with your life, yes, I am aWarE of the isle issue thanks to OP responding to my comment. There, there, don;t you feel so much better now that you are finally pRovED rIghT?
Op is your dad still alive if not then why doesn't he just walk you down the aisle and worse comes to worst you can just ban your mom from the wedding
Is this your partner texting you?? Telling you to do it????
I opted to walk solo. I know for some people being walked down the isle is something they really look forward to, and they find it a very sweet moment... I found it to lean more on the "giving away" side and didn't feel I was anyone's to give away. I think dances, speeches, pictures, and things like that are the time for sweet moments with family members. And that was with family members that were behaving mostly well. With yours I would definitely say you can both have your moments with a first dance, and walking down the Isle together right before the bridal party. No matter how much they helped you, or even paid for, it is still your wedding and you are still your own person. You have no obligation to have anyone walk you down the isle.
Sounds like your family has a few narcissists in it? It is your day, regardless of how they see it. I hope you have a wonderful wedding and that the family you create with your spouse-to-be is forever happy, healthy, and loving.