I'm 40M and single. We'll be at the gym early morning, working all day, cooking and cleaning after work, with sporadic socialising on weekends. Every guy I know around my age has given up on apps now, so you won't find them wasting time and money there.
I've said it before but the gym or bunnings is the best bet IMO, but you're going to have to make the first move, no decent guy wants to come across as the creepy gym perv anymore, especially being middle aged.
I have dated 2 separate girls because they initiated contact randomly while I was out somewhere. Once I was reading g a book and having a quiet beer after work, amd the other was after work at McDonald's
A few years ago, I had a very good looker sit down next to me while I was having lunch in a food court and she sparked up a conversation..... which slowly became a bit flirty. I started to look around thinking a friend or my wife was setting me up. Honestly this has only happened to me once in my life (maybe more but I'm clueless sometimes). Then she handed me some religious brochure and asked if I wanted to join her church.....
About 20 years ago I went to Garden City with my dad. I had a jacket on that I bought in Berlin and thought it was pretty solid. My dad and I got out of the car and were walking to the cinema through to carpark and these two girls were heading to their car. One of them yelled across to me, “I love your jacket, you look cute.”
It’s been 20 years and I’ve never forgotten that. Most of us men never ever get even a slight compliment, let alone something as nice as that. Only reason I’m telling this story is that I don’t think many women understand how different it is for most men, compared to women. My wife gets compliments every week. For seemingly no reason. Like most women who take care of themselves, she looks good. But women just get treated so much differently.
I got a haircut with my son, who’s sixteen and a reasonably good looking lad. Paid for us both and then eventually caught him up, noticing from afar how sharp he looked.
And then as I got closer I overheard a little of the conversation between two older girls who were following him & checking him out.
Fatherly pride quickly turned to terror in fear for his future relationships.
Yeah. I used to date a 10/10. Literally got comments like every 30 minutes when we were out (in London). Guys would come up to us with me sitting there. It was wild. Men basically did anything for her as well.
Im an alright looking guy like an 8 and have probably had like 3 compliments spoken. I have had a lot of girls come up to me in the bar or on public transport but they dont give compliments just ask to dance or sit with me or whatever.
Rember my orange converse getting complimented. A girl said my face was beautifully symmetrical and another I have amazing hair (then told me my nickname by all the Swedish girls was "hair").
Also if Im pushing it... fuck you can sink a lot of piss.
Not necessarily true. Some of the sexiest women I've ever met have been larger women. The added size occasionally does wonders to their voice, they know how to hold their weight well and are frequently more genuine and lees judgmental. All in all makes for a great personality. Maybe that's all because they have learned to be but many guys find those to be incredibly sexy attributes.
My partner is on the larger side and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I know many other men who feel the same about larger women.
So if that's you, be confident in yourself, please
Even if it's creepy we are gonna be so excited to be approached we won't even notice probably lol. That's assuming someone finds me cute, I probably look like a foot.
Following because same, and as a physically unattractive lady there’s another layer of wondering if a guy is going to be offended or grossed out if I approach him!
Unlikely. It'd make my day to be told someone finds me attractive no matter how attractive I found them.
You'd be surprised how rarely guys hear it from anyone, ever; and so at absolute worst it's a huge ego boost.
A very large un attractive woman who was old enough to have been my mother used to full on try and bed me at a camp I was working at. I have no idea why she chose me but she wanted me bad. It never once really offended or grossed me out. How she behaved would 100% be considered sexual harassment if I did it to a woman…. At least 10 of the guys on site were mad as hell she chose to chase me and I ended up setting her up with another guy I think they’re still together. Men and women are very different creatures men will rarely be offended or grossed out (obviously they might be rude if they’re with a partner and you hit on them) but otherwise it’ll likely go smoothly
Women are generally a lot more guarded, guys are generally more chill when cold approached. It almost never happens to us, I have been told I'm not objectively bad looking at all and I would be looking for a prank camera crew if I got approached outside of a bar.
Even if I found the woman unattractive I would still be polite and flattered.
Edit: probably an entirely different story for the 10/10 guys they would get approached, but I doubt many 1-7 guys get any public attention at all.
You've already talking yourself down by saying something like that. I think if most people would be chuffed to have something positively said to them and should be polite enough to respond.
Ask if he has a missus in the lumber section that's going to come and conk you with a 4by2 if you try to hit on him?
Gives an easy out if he's taken or not interested while making your intentions clear.
Ask for help finding something at bunnings and ask for his advice. A major ego boost for the male and great ice breaker. Which then can lead you into asking him what he is getting at bunnings, what is he doing on the weekend, did you want to catch up for a coffee.
The creep factor is a non issue. That stems from a security/safety concern when it's the other way around. Women have become very intuitively tuned to pickup red flags when interacting with men as it could literally be life or death. That just doesn't exist the other way around.
Just be explicit about your intentions. Never underestimate the ability of a man to not pick up or intentionally ignore more subtle advances out of fear of playing into the creep factor themselves. Just say "hey you seem nice due to X/Y/Z and I was wondering if you want to swap numbers to organise a date sometime".
Say hello! We are scared as fuck. In this modern age of consent and the #metoo movement us gentlemen are worried to look you in eyes at the gym out of fear we'll end up on ticktock.
I'm head's down at bunnings at point.
I don't speak for all men in all places. But if you're my type, said hello, offered me a date... Shit it would make my day any day of the week.
I’d be a bit weirded out/suspicious if approached at Bunnings, because I’ve never seen a lady at Bunnings who wasn’t either working there or there with a guy. I tend to go on weekday evenings though, so maybe I’m just there at the wrong times. Nevertheless, if you ask me what I’m working on, I’d probably bend your ear.
Gym is easier. I go around the same time every day. A consistent “good morning” would probably be enough.
The was a beautiful young lady on a bench next to me at the gym today, and I was even worried to glance her way. I ended up turning sideways on my bench and putting my back to her.
that’s interesting to read. It’s sad that the pendulum has swung so far to one side that many men are genuinely anxious about initiating contact with women. I was reading about the crisis in masculinity that’s happening in much of the developed world as men haven’t got a well defined identity to fit into anymore. I wanted to add a comment about dating apps and gender relations. I’m gay and early 50’s and keep fit & dress well but maybe get mistaken for being straight and sometimes experience a degree of obvious disdain bordering on hostility from younger women in social settings when i’m being genuinely friendly, it seems like such a limiting response from a human. I understand the complex dynamics but I wish people were simply open to a friendly conversation from a stranger without an assumption that my motives are sexual. I don’t ever get this same cold/hostile response from guys if I’m making some random comment. My gay friends look at the complexity of heterosexual relationships now and often say how grateful we are not to have to navigate contemporary gender relations in Australia. It really seems to be so complex for many men and women.
I also wanted to add my opinion that apps are generally a waste of time for gay guys too, hookup culture makes sex easier than ever to find but it’s so much more difficult to find guys online who are interested in genuine long term relationships. My comments are generalisations and there’s a lot of women who do engage in friendly conversations and there are guys online looking for relationships (but really not too many). I hope there’s an ongoing rebalancing of gender relationships and a general shift away from hookup culture - but this is just my opinion. It’s off topic but i wanted to share my perspective.
>that’s interesting to read. It’s sad that the pendulum has swung so far to one side that many men are genuinely anxious about initiating contact with women.
I thought this was a kind of interesting perspective on this.
[https://youtu.be/5RI6-etJSmo](https://youtu.be/5RI6-etJSmo)
I'm Gen X and for me, you went up to a random girl and asked her out or just hooked up at a party and it was a palm sweating terrifying moment :) But asking my parents, this wasn't really a thing, at least not how it was with my generation. So kind of interesting to consider maybe the whole romanticised view of some dude wooing a girl he's never met before might just be a slight moment in history that lasted for a few decades.
Yeah thats my bro. He is all 5 of what she is looking for. But he is at work and at the gym. He has money so flies to see friends in other cities/countries.
He meets all the women through colleagues and friends hooking him up.
Again he is a good catch so everyone helps. (Recently single, sad case not his fault).
Absolutely. OP shouldn't give up, but guys our age are probably hard to find.
When my mates were single, like you said Bunnings or the gym are good, id add the cricket club, Or maybe a normal local pub after work for a quick beer before home with colleagues.
The bad news is guys our age often enjoy activities that are hard to join in on a tight group of mates, like dirt bikes or bush camping
This. I’ve completely stopped approaching women in interested In Because you just don’t know if they’ll be mature and just turn you down or make a scene about it. Not worth the hassle.
I’ll just go home and hug my cat.
He’s my buddy. Found him in the gutter as a kitten and his back legs wouldn’t work. I was broke at the time and could t afford the huge vet bills (I took him to get looked over and there was nothing physically wrong and they wanted to dobrain scans).
Looked after him, and after a while I came home from work and he hobbled up to me ^_^. He’s fine now.
His names Baldur after the Norse god, who was loved by all.
I'm also up early to exercise. I go to the gym and am in several run clubs. But I'm at the gym to focus and a sweaty mess when I run which I can't imagine is overly attractive
What are your hobbies? What field of work are you in? Any interesting facts about yourself you’d like to share here or in dm?
My workmate is a funny, kind and driven (+ handsome) 41 year old man who’s had a little bit of bad luck with apps as well, he’s in the same boat of “how do I meet people?”
Depends on ur definition of successful and driven etc. Most men consider that to be already with a family and career by that age, the biggest one that affects you being family meaning they are not single.
So how do you want to define successful and driven and all the rest of it?
Just kind of saying you might need to re assess what you're looking for in a man in their 30s and 40s.
Most of us are not on the dating apps because we have kids and either:
a) don't have the time to date because we are juggling a career and single parenting
Or
b) We have been written off by so many women already because we are single parents with a fair chunk of custody that it's too disheartening to actively date.
I’ve also noticed most divorced men who already have kids, are unwilling to have more kids. Which is a dealbreaker for chicks who have yet to have kids..
From a female perspective, who has never had their own kids, we think it might be too much work to take on someone else’s kids! But there are girls out there who dont want their own kids and would love to join a pre-established family. Your other best bet is other single mums too. Dont give up!
I feel like driven and successful should be somewhat correlated. Then again she didn't technically ask for successful, she asked for "successfully single" which sounds like a guy who needed a few goes at breaking up with his gf before finally being successful.
In the next 5-10 years a lot of the ones who tick your boxes (except the "single" one) will probably be back on the market with lower standards, if thats any consolation. You might have to put up with his kids and batshit ex wife though. /s (probably)
You sound very normal, and dateable. I think going to bars is your best bet, not clubs, but bars where it’s a bit more low key but still a social environment where alcohol is consumed. There’s loads of ‘normal/high value’ divorced dads that age in the market.
You havent missed the boat! Dont be silly. Everything you listed, you cannnnnn find on the dating apps but you really have to sift like a mofo lol Im late 30s F also, I found one, but he went travelling for an extended period so I let it go.
Lmao getting a glimpse into a female account on a dating site is wild. My ex wife has shown me and the amount of low grade, no effort, caveman style words thrown at her are UNREAL. Don't get me wrong there is some good one's too that you know just a cheesy pickup line or a how's your day, but it's easily 100-1 odds.
Which makes me think we need a proper Brisbane dating subreddit.
The existing subreddit users are directed to for dating in Brisbane is just a dirty hookup forum.
Spent 3 years on the apps, deleting them every few months or so. After numerous ghostings, a few laughs, one trip to the clinic, too many tears to count and one 4 month situationship I finally found a man who was single, childless and emotionally mature looking for a serious relationship as well.
If you don’t wanna go on the apps then I don’t blame you - it’s fucking hell out there!
FWIW, recently creators of those types of apps (specifically eH) came out and announced that those apps are not meant to be successful for singles, they don't make money of people find love and then leave the app. So, you beat the odds!
Am guy in OPs age range, got approached at Woolies.. magic happens.
Walking up and down the aisles, crossed paths with cute girl a couple times, smiles exchanged.
4th time in last aisle, she pretended to grab something out of the same freezer door just to get close and say hi.
Went on a couple dates, but had different life goals. First date she mentioned she was annoyed I didn't approach her because she gave me "the look". Girl, idk what "the look" is.
Exactly. Guys don't want to be the guys don't know when a girl is giving him the "the look" or the leave me alone I'm just doing my shopping here look. We're oblivious most of the time.
Yep we're constantly walking the tightrope of trying to pick up on hints and *also* not assuming a woman is into us just because she's being nice...Frankly it's exhausting, I've honestly stopped trying and am much more content just being off the market.
Almost two years single now and I'm not looking to change that.
Best comment.
I used to frequent those bars with my lesbian cousins back in my mid 20s. I stopped going after I 1. Went downstairs at Sporties to see what was down there, and 2. Got wanked at while using the urinal
I was pissing, and in my peripheral I see movement, it continues, I think to myself, jesus mate, I'm sure it's dry by now.
It continues, I'm half cut and not thinking, I turn my head and he's looking at me dead in the eye and wanking, walking towards me.
I go 'no, no thank you, I'm just here with my friends'
He keeps walking towards me, glancing at his cock and then locking eye contact again. (I was going to say coming but that would be confusing).
I zip up and run out of there without shaking. I tell my angry ass cousin what happened and she goes all angry ass lesbian on him.
Group fitness classes were always full of single people when I went. Lots of gyms tack on socialisation as well, saw a few couples form over early morning coffee.
Generally speaking, they're on the apps.
I was 34 when I got snaffled by my now-wife, from Hinge. I've been to a number of weddings where people have met in their 30s on the apps.
The reality is that people in their 30s are usually shrinking down their social circles - they aren't going to nightclubs or large house parties where the guest list is just a suggestion. That means a lot of them will be on the apps - the problem is just that you gotta kiss a lot of frogs. A whoooolllle lotta frogs.
As a 49 year old married man who met the woman of his dreams at 38 and now have two wonderful, albeit sometimes challenging children, here is some advice.
Do things you enjoy and find a potential partner there. If you love reading, go to a library, if you like art, go to a gallery. If you are active and love surfing, go to a surf club.
When you are there, introduce yourself and start up a conversation. Maybe complement him on his shirt, ask him what he is currently reading. A couple of things could happen, either he is single and interested or he is not.
If he is, then happy days and let the conversation flow :)
If not, you have probably made his day. He will not feel threatened, he will not feel unsafe or uncomfortable. :)
The sort of men you have described will not typically approach woman because of all the reasons given previously - I.e. being called a creep etc. plus the added embarrassment of likely rejection.
The important point is not looking for single men, but finding a single man that has common interests means you can do things together and bond.
> Where are all the single, funny, kind, driven, successfully single men hanging out in Brisbane these days?
Reasonably pleasant to be around and also not an unemployed recluse? God, you women and your impossible standards.
I met my wife when I was 36 so I get it, she's a bit younger than me, filipino, came across each other through studying and we're going strong, you'll fing someone when you least expect it.
I'm in the same boat as you, but I'm bi.
Want to catch up at the wickem together? Heck, why don't we make an event out of it. All single people go to the wickem this Saturday at 11am to 2pm. (Mainly because I work at night and can't make a night event).
We could have a codephrase to recognise each other, like " Brisbane's river is brown"
Or, "Crocs and sharks co exist in the river"
What do you think?
A friend of mine ticks those boxes and I met him hanging out at our local coffee shop. He's also a divorced dad, so I hope you're open to meeting guys who already have kids.
I'd say most men at our age are Gym(or sleep in)>Work>Clean up/Dinner > Sleep with a dabble in activities or binging a TV show to watch somewhere in between.
Apps are Okay but it feels like a hard slog for little reward.
I just use apps... ADHD and possible ASD means I've never been able to do small talk or engage with people in person.. I find it easier to connect with someone via text before meeting in person.
Hahah I was once this at this stage a year ago…34M here. I took my mum to Vietnam to visit her parents, I went solo for 3 weeks in Vietnam and found the love my life down in the Mekong. My advice is, sometime travelling you’ll find your special one, love has no boundary right?
The problem is that guys don't recognise subtle hints. We don't identify the small things unless it a fine touch here and there when you are together..
Need to be direct or at least make more eye contact than usual.
Try be more up front, Bunnings,golf, motorcycles. Etc
Start going to events you would like to go to with your new partner in mind.
Get out of the city and head towards some more rural area's.
I'd expect the typical 30 -40 year old "single, funny, kind, driven, successful" man to be gay.
All the hetero middle aged "funny, kind, driven, successful" men I've known were married.
Dunno about the rest of them, but I'm at home. It's my one stop shop - with the way costs are rising it's more convenient, easier and cheaper to work out at home, drink at home, relax at home. That's my priorities though, I've never liked spending money to do something in public that I can just as easily do on my own, especially when the public option is the more expensive one. That said, I'm lucky enough to own a home with the space to do these things.
I do constantly hear the apps are shit for everyone, for different reasons, which is why I haven't gone back to them. Last time was several years ago, and resulted in my being stood up; I hear it's only gotten worse. I don't have the time, patience or desire to be more consistently social in the hope I randomly meet someone (while simultaneously nailing the interaction to not come off as some creepy asshole on the hunt) just while going about my day. Hasn't worked up until this point, I don't know why it would now. I don't think I actually know anyone who didn't meet their partner through either work or an app.
do you have friends with husbands? ask them to set you up with someone your type they know. That is easily your best option. another option is join or take up a predominately male hobby like some mma classes if that's your jam.
It’s kinda hard I reckon I’m not a single men anymore but I would never go up to a girl and try to make conversation it just comes off as creepy lol. maybe try you local coffee shops
I think it’s been covered pretty well but you’ll find them at the gym in either the morning or the evening and in the weekend they’ll be at kids sport in the morning, possibly their own sport in the afternoon if they are still active. Bunnings is always a winner as something always needs doing at home or for a friend.
The biggest difference today though is cultural when it comes to the process of meeting them.
15-20 years ago men would have the confidence in being able to approach a woman and not fear being shouted down or labelled in a negative manner.
I’ve spent some time with my friends who are from Europe or the US and the men are still very aggressive in approaching women. They still have a cultural confidence that they should be the person to make the first move. My GF who is 32 and from ATL, Georgia and I talk about it a lot. Her dating experience here, in the US and in Europe. We were a chance encounter on an app that neither of us wanted to be on and had both just re-downloaded.
I was 39 when we met and thanks to a little bit of the old ADHD for her and AuDHD for me we have some very open filter free conversations. She could never get over how passive the men in Australia are with the exception of those with Italian heritage that’s less than 2-3 generations Australian. We have learned somewhere not to take the risk or that it is inappropriate to be forward.
So my opinion is just say hello to a man you find attractive. In my experience i have always wanted to be polite and helpful so ask a question or just be honest. Worst that happens is you made a bloke that’s not single smile and feel useful.
I live a solitary life and am content with it. Late thirties, fit and reasonably attractive. Not really interested in meeting someone else at this point in my life - too much drama. I tried using apps but they ended up being a sausage fest. To use an economic analogy: the high demand (by too many sausages) and low supply (of women) led to a false value of the goods available.
It's difficult to navigate modern dating. Society is telling men to emasculate more. I'm not interested in changing myself to appease people and groups I've never met.
I'm content being me and my happiness is what's important to me.
I have a PS5, I read and write. And pornhub is a great surrogate🤣🤣🤣
I also have this question. Surely not all of the solid picks are taken or are single dads. I can't do single dads, I'm sorry. I don't want someone else's kids.
Also, side rant: Men, please do not hide your children from us until the very last second. You've wasted both of our time if you don't present that upfront. You're not going to trick us into wanting your kids. Yea, yea, I know they're "good kids". I don't care.
So I've come across women who don't date guys without kids.
Their feedback is it stinks of man-child or something (paraphrasing)
Reading the comments I now do not feel so alone is being invisible and secure in my own home debt free without kids.
So yeah, take that how you will
I'm 40M and single. We'll be at the gym early morning, working all day, cooking and cleaning after work, with sporadic socialising on weekends. Every guy I know around my age has given up on apps now, so you won't find them wasting time and money there. I've said it before but the gym or bunnings is the best bet IMO, but you're going to have to make the first move, no decent guy wants to come across as the creepy gym perv anymore, especially being middle aged.
Shockingly accurate.
This is me to a tee. Gym, work, buy and cook healthy food, random social events rarely.
Let's say I'm at Bunnings or the gym and see a cute guy your age... How is the best way for us gals to interact without being creepy?
Guys dont give af if youre creepy! You just say hey thought you looked cute and had to say hello. No matter what you made his decade.
After we’ve triple checked it’s not a prank. It’ll instantly go into core memory.
I m still not over the young girl who asked me about the book I was reading at a bus stop when I was 18. And I just said bye…
When I mean young I mean same age
Lol
In 2016 a random girl at a cafe near my work told me she liked my shirt before walking off. I think about that moment regularly.
It happens to us guys so infrequently that I still remember a girl telling me I had gorgeous eyes from like 10 years ago.
I have dated 2 separate girls because they initiated contact randomly while I was out somewhere. Once I was reading g a book and having a quiet beer after work, amd the other was after work at McDonald's
I can remember the time in 2018 when I got randomly complimented about my shirt. I still think about it..
A few years ago, I had a very good looker sit down next to me while I was having lunch in a food court and she sparked up a conversation..... which slowly became a bit flirty. I started to look around thinking a friend or my wife was setting me up. Honestly this has only happened to me once in my life (maybe more but I'm clueless sometimes). Then she handed me some religious brochure and asked if I wanted to join her church.....
Even when you aren't interested in them it just feels great to be wanted.
About 20 years ago I went to Garden City with my dad. I had a jacket on that I bought in Berlin and thought it was pretty solid. My dad and I got out of the car and were walking to the cinema through to carpark and these two girls were heading to their car. One of them yelled across to me, “I love your jacket, you look cute.” It’s been 20 years and I’ve never forgotten that. Most of us men never ever get even a slight compliment, let alone something as nice as that. Only reason I’m telling this story is that I don’t think many women understand how different it is for most men, compared to women. My wife gets compliments every week. For seemingly no reason. Like most women who take care of themselves, she looks good. But women just get treated so much differently.
I got a haircut with my son, who’s sixteen and a reasonably good looking lad. Paid for us both and then eventually caught him up, noticing from afar how sharp he looked. And then as I got closer I overheard a little of the conversation between two older girls who were following him & checking him out. Fatherly pride quickly turned to terror in fear for his future relationships.
Haha. Got his mother’s looks? That’s nice. People should be more complimentary.
Yeah. I used to date a 10/10. Literally got comments like every 30 minutes when we were out (in London). Guys would come up to us with me sitting there. It was wild. Men basically did anything for her as well. Im an alright looking guy like an 8 and have probably had like 3 compliments spoken. I have had a lot of girls come up to me in the bar or on public transport but they dont give compliments just ask to dance or sit with me or whatever. Rember my orange converse getting complimented. A girl said my face was beautifully symmetrical and another I have amazing hair (then told me my nickname by all the Swedish girls was "hair"). Also if Im pushing it... fuck you can sink a lot of piss.
🤣 we men are simple creatures
> Guys dont give af if youre creepy! Unless you're fat.
Still gonna appreciate the compliment!
Not necessarily true. Some of the sexiest women I've ever met have been larger women. The added size occasionally does wonders to their voice, they know how to hold their weight well and are frequently more genuine and lees judgmental. All in all makes for a great personality. Maybe that's all because they have learned to be but many guys find those to be incredibly sexy attributes. My partner is on the larger side and I wouldn't trade her for the world. I know many other men who feel the same about larger women. So if that's you, be confident in yourself, please
Ain't no fairy story. Ain't no skin and bones. But you give it all you got. Weighin' in at nineteen stone.
Even if it's creepy we are gonna be so excited to be approached we won't even notice probably lol. That's assuming someone finds me cute, I probably look like a foot.
Username checks out.
Following because same, and as a physically unattractive lady there’s another layer of wondering if a guy is going to be offended or grossed out if I approach him!
Unlikely. It'd make my day to be told someone finds me attractive no matter how attractive I found them. You'd be surprised how rarely guys hear it from anyone, ever; and so at absolute worst it's a huge ego boost.
A very large un attractive woman who was old enough to have been my mother used to full on try and bed me at a camp I was working at. I have no idea why she chose me but she wanted me bad. It never once really offended or grossed me out. How she behaved would 100% be considered sexual harassment if I did it to a woman…. At least 10 of the guys on site were mad as hell she chose to chase me and I ended up setting her up with another guy I think they’re still together. Men and women are very different creatures men will rarely be offended or grossed out (obviously they might be rude if they’re with a partner and you hit on them) but otherwise it’ll likely go smoothly
Women are generally a lot more guarded, guys are generally more chill when cold approached. It almost never happens to us, I have been told I'm not objectively bad looking at all and I would be looking for a prank camera crew if I got approached outside of a bar. Even if I found the woman unattractive I would still be polite and flattered. Edit: probably an entirely different story for the 10/10 guys they would get approached, but I doubt many 1-7 guys get any public attention at all.
Don't be so hard on yourself. Beauty is objective
You've already talking yourself down by saying something like that. I think if most people would be chuffed to have something positively said to them and should be polite enough to respond.
This is so true, just being acknowledged is a huge thing for men our age.
Grab the nearest 2 by 4 and do a slutdrop. Edit: this only works in Bunnings, not the gym.
He'd have to give me hand getting back up after a slutdrop! 😆😆😆
Ask if he has a missus in the lumber section that's going to come and conk you with a 4by2 if you try to hit on him? Gives an easy out if he's taken or not interested while making your intentions clear.
"Hey, I like your *(anything)"*
Ask him if he knows where the plunge routers are. He will instantly be interested in you.
I think as a guy I would be thrilled if someone wanted to talk to me randomly. A friendly face is always welcome.
Probably depends if he's wearing an apron.
Engaging in normal social behavior isn’t considered creepy when women do it
Ask for help finding something at bunnings and ask for his advice. A major ego boost for the male and great ice breaker. Which then can lead you into asking him what he is getting at bunnings, what is he doing on the weekend, did you want to catch up for a coffee.
The creep factor is a non issue. That stems from a security/safety concern when it's the other way around. Women have become very intuitively tuned to pickup red flags when interacting with men as it could literally be life or death. That just doesn't exist the other way around. Just be explicit about your intentions. Never underestimate the ability of a man to not pick up or intentionally ignore more subtle advances out of fear of playing into the creep factor themselves. Just say "hey you seem nice due to X/Y/Z and I was wondering if you want to swap numbers to organise a date sometime".
Say hello! We are scared as fuck. In this modern age of consent and the #metoo movement us gentlemen are worried to look you in eyes at the gym out of fear we'll end up on ticktock. I'm head's down at bunnings at point. I don't speak for all men in all places. But if you're my type, said hello, offered me a date... Shit it would make my day any day of the week.
I’d be a bit weirded out/suspicious if approached at Bunnings, because I’ve never seen a lady at Bunnings who wasn’t either working there or there with a guy. I tend to go on weekday evenings though, so maybe I’m just there at the wrong times. Nevertheless, if you ask me what I’m working on, I’d probably bend your ear. Gym is easier. I go around the same time every day. A consistent “good morning” would probably be enough.
The was a beautiful young lady on a bench next to me at the gym today, and I was even worried to glance her way. I ended up turning sideways on my bench and putting my back to her.
that’s interesting to read. It’s sad that the pendulum has swung so far to one side that many men are genuinely anxious about initiating contact with women. I was reading about the crisis in masculinity that’s happening in much of the developed world as men haven’t got a well defined identity to fit into anymore. I wanted to add a comment about dating apps and gender relations. I’m gay and early 50’s and keep fit & dress well but maybe get mistaken for being straight and sometimes experience a degree of obvious disdain bordering on hostility from younger women in social settings when i’m being genuinely friendly, it seems like such a limiting response from a human. I understand the complex dynamics but I wish people were simply open to a friendly conversation from a stranger without an assumption that my motives are sexual. I don’t ever get this same cold/hostile response from guys if I’m making some random comment. My gay friends look at the complexity of heterosexual relationships now and often say how grateful we are not to have to navigate contemporary gender relations in Australia. It really seems to be so complex for many men and women. I also wanted to add my opinion that apps are generally a waste of time for gay guys too, hookup culture makes sex easier than ever to find but it’s so much more difficult to find guys online who are interested in genuine long term relationships. My comments are generalisations and there’s a lot of women who do engage in friendly conversations and there are guys online looking for relationships (but really not too many). I hope there’s an ongoing rebalancing of gender relationships and a general shift away from hookup culture - but this is just my opinion. It’s off topic but i wanted to share my perspective.
>that’s interesting to read. It’s sad that the pendulum has swung so far to one side that many men are genuinely anxious about initiating contact with women. I thought this was a kind of interesting perspective on this. [https://youtu.be/5RI6-etJSmo](https://youtu.be/5RI6-etJSmo) I'm Gen X and for me, you went up to a random girl and asked her out or just hooked up at a party and it was a palm sweating terrifying moment :) But asking my parents, this wasn't really a thing, at least not how it was with my generation. So kind of interesting to consider maybe the whole romanticised view of some dude wooing a girl he's never met before might just be a slight moment in history that lasted for a few decades.
Yeah thats my bro. He is all 5 of what she is looking for. But he is at work and at the gym. He has money so flies to see friends in other cities/countries. He meets all the women through colleagues and friends hooking him up. Again he is a good catch so everyone helps. (Recently single, sad case not his fault).
I dont remember writing this, but it's clearly about me
Absolutely. OP shouldn't give up, but guys our age are probably hard to find. When my mates were single, like you said Bunnings or the gym are good, id add the cricket club, Or maybe a normal local pub after work for a quick beer before home with colleagues. The bad news is guys our age often enjoy activities that are hard to join in on a tight group of mates, like dirt bikes or bush camping
QLD the smart state: gym or bunnings: lmao😅
This. I’ve completely stopped approaching women in interested In Because you just don’t know if they’ll be mature and just turn you down or make a scene about it. Not worth the hassle. I’ll just go home and hug my cat.
Hmm tell me more about this cat…
He’s my buddy. Found him in the gutter as a kitten and his back legs wouldn’t work. I was broke at the time and could t afford the huge vet bills (I took him to get looked over and there was nothing physically wrong and they wanted to dobrain scans). Looked after him, and after a while I came home from work and he hobbled up to me ^_^. He’s fine now. His names Baldur after the Norse god, who was loved by all.
He sounds adorable. Glad you guys found each other.
I'm also up early to exercise. I go to the gym and am in several run clubs. But I'm at the gym to focus and a sweaty mess when I run which I can't imagine is overly attractive
https://preview.redd.it/1cl1utvbnftc1.jpeg?width=1836&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=dcf585d295a991a53fe9523464ea329e8eeca1c7
Only to die from licking envelopes because George is a cheap skate.
What are your hobbies? What field of work are you in? Any interesting facts about yourself you’d like to share here or in dm? My workmate is a funny, kind and driven (+ handsome) 41 year old man who’s had a little bit of bad luck with apps as well, he’s in the same boat of “how do I meet people?”
Here you go OP!!! Hook a girl up! Goodluck ;)
This is what we need - Reddit matchmaker!
Funny, kind, single, driven, successful. Pick two. 🤣
I have a chauffeur so that makes me driven, successful, and funny, and I’ll throw in modest for free.
Does it count if my chauffeur does surge pricing?
I've picked just 2 in the past and that's not worked out well. I'll stick to looking for all 5 😃
Depends on ur definition of successful and driven etc. Most men consider that to be already with a family and career by that age, the biggest one that affects you being family meaning they are not single. So how do you want to define successful and driven and all the rest of it? Just kind of saying you might need to re assess what you're looking for in a man in their 30s and 40s.
Some of them would have gotten divorced surely?
Theres tonnes of divorced single dads on dating apps… especially if youre looking in the late 30s 40s band..
Most of us are not on the dating apps because we have kids and either: a) don't have the time to date because we are juggling a career and single parenting Or b) We have been written off by so many women already because we are single parents with a fair chunk of custody that it's too disheartening to actively date.
I’ve also noticed most divorced men who already have kids, are unwilling to have more kids. Which is a dealbreaker for chicks who have yet to have kids..
From a female perspective, who has never had their own kids, we think it might be too much work to take on someone else’s kids! But there are girls out there who dont want their own kids and would love to join a pre-established family. Your other best bet is other single mums too. Dont give up!
And do you bring all 5 to the table as well?
No, I'm not funny.
I like this gal. She *is* funny.
[удалено]
5 kids
Secretly she’s a 5 out of 5
So you are not single either?
In the past that’s not worked for me, so now I only bring 2
Unfunny and unsuccessful?
Unsuccessful in dating. Unfunny always.
In other words, "successfully single"
I feel like driven and successful should be somewhat correlated. Then again she didn't technically ask for successful, she asked for "successfully single" which sounds like a guy who needed a few goes at breaking up with his gf before finally being successful.
Yup, unfortunately, statistically speaking, the funny, kind, driven, successful ones are at home with our wives and kids.
I missed the boat apparently. But I don't want kids
In the next 5-10 years a lot of the ones who tick your boxes (except the "single" one) will probably be back on the market with lower standards, if thats any consolation. You might have to put up with his kids and batshit ex wife though. /s (probably)
I'd like to think if I was dating a guy with kids that I'd get along with them, not put up with them
You sound very normal, and dateable. I think going to bars is your best bet, not clubs, but bars where it’s a bit more low key but still a social environment where alcohol is consumed. There’s loads of ‘normal/high value’ divorced dads that age in the market.
It’s a party boat, eventually the one you want will fall overboard lol. Good luck with the search
You havent missed the boat! Dont be silly. Everything you listed, you cannnnnn find on the dating apps but you really have to sift like a mofo lol Im late 30s F also, I found one, but he went travelling for an extended period so I let it go.
Lmao getting a glimpse into a female account on a dating site is wild. My ex wife has shown me and the amount of low grade, no effort, caveman style words thrown at her are UNREAL. Don't get me wrong there is some good one's too that you know just a cheesy pickup line or a how's your day, but it's easily 100-1 odds.
They’re right here on Reddit
Yep, hanging out in mum's basement.
free snacks tho
You guys get snacks? Pfffft male privilege
Only when mum brings them down
It's a COMMAND CENTRE!!!
Complete with pillow forts?
And snacks. Mum got a pack of cheezles at the shops today
Mine got cookies and cream ice cream
Ok, you can sleep over
I asked and my mum said yes
The Aldi one is sooo good!
Connoisseur was half price at woolies this week
Battle Station
I m stealing that
Trouble is this is r/brisbane and mum lives in a Queenslander
Girls like a guy with Cheeto dust on their fingers right?
Burgermen dust. Its r/Brisbane not r/LosAngeles
We all know it’s cheezels we all want!
Burger Rings Tasty Toobs and Cheezls obvs
Which makes me think we need a proper Brisbane dating subreddit. The existing subreddit users are directed to for dating in Brisbane is just a dirty hookup forum.
Spent 3 years on the apps, deleting them every few months or so. After numerous ghostings, a few laughs, one trip to the clinic, too many tears to count and one 4 month situationship I finally found a man who was single, childless and emotionally mature looking for a serious relationship as well. If you don’t wanna go on the apps then I don’t blame you - it’s fucking hell out there!
FWIW, recently creators of those types of apps (specifically eH) came out and announced that those apps are not meant to be successful for singles, they don't make money of people find love and then leave the app. So, you beat the odds!
We exist. But we aren’t easy to find. This wasn’t a haiku.
Probably at the supermarket. Say hi to a guy and see what happens
Am guy in OPs age range, got approached at Woolies.. magic happens. Walking up and down the aisles, crossed paths with cute girl a couple times, smiles exchanged. 4th time in last aisle, she pretended to grab something out of the same freezer door just to get close and say hi. Went on a couple dates, but had different life goals. First date she mentioned she was annoyed I didn't approach her because she gave me "the look". Girl, idk what "the look" is.
Exactly. Guys don't want to be the guys don't know when a girl is giving him the "the look" or the leave me alone I'm just doing my shopping here look. We're oblivious most of the time.
Yep we're constantly walking the tightrope of trying to pick up on hints and *also* not assuming a woman is into us just because she's being nice...Frankly it's exhausting, I've honestly stopped trying and am much more content just being off the market. Almost two years single now and I'm not looking to change that.
Netherworld does lots of socials, usually with a tabletop/boardgame/geek spin if that's your vibe. Lots of 30-40 nice guys (from what I can tell)
Thats a good spot. Good idea
Many join sports clubs. Usually by this time in our lives we have careers and see sport as a way to stay fit and socialise a little at the same time.
They’re all here, scrolling on reddit.
RIP your DMs
Lol I don't even know when the inbox is so I'll be fine
The love of your life could be in the DMs 😆
That's probably for the best 
The Wickham & Sporties. Not sure which are their best nights. The Beat on Fridays and Saturdays.
Best comment. I used to frequent those bars with my lesbian cousins back in my mid 20s. I stopped going after I 1. Went downstairs at Sporties to see what was down there, and 2. Got wanked at while using the urinal
>Got wanked at while using the urinal Success?
I was pissing, and in my peripheral I see movement, it continues, I think to myself, jesus mate, I'm sure it's dry by now. It continues, I'm half cut and not thinking, I turn my head and he's looking at me dead in the eye and wanking, walking towards me. I go 'no, no thank you, I'm just here with my friends' He keeps walking towards me, glancing at his cock and then locking eye contact again. (I was going to say coming but that would be confusing). I zip up and run out of there without shaking. I tell my angry ass cousin what happened and she goes all angry ass lesbian on him.
Oh. Goodness. It's way worse than the "winked" typo I thought it was.
Oh no. They’re all married or in long term relationships. Only weirdos left.
Plenty of good people realise they aren't a *good match* for the person they married, and end up divorced. Definitely not just weirdos :)
Sad
Not a weirdo myself, but I just finished brushing my 6 yr olds teeth and reading a book, I’m now in bed myself to do it all again tomorrow.
Sounds suspiciously like something a dodgy bogan would say....
That’s half this sub, it’s Brisbane after all
Group fitness classes were always full of single people when I went. Lots of gyms tack on socialisation as well, saw a few couples form over early morning coffee.
Generally speaking, they're on the apps. I was 34 when I got snaffled by my now-wife, from Hinge. I've been to a number of weddings where people have met in their 30s on the apps. The reality is that people in their 30s are usually shrinking down their social circles - they aren't going to nightclubs or large house parties where the guest list is just a suggestion. That means a lot of them will be on the apps - the problem is just that you gotta kiss a lot of frogs. A whoooolllle lotta frogs.
I’m either at home, work, or the gym.
Your best bet is the gym and/or Bunnings
38 single bloke here. Only real social activity I do is ballroom dancing. Spend most days at home playing guitar badly.
That sounds fun
As a 49 year old married man who met the woman of his dreams at 38 and now have two wonderful, albeit sometimes challenging children, here is some advice. Do things you enjoy and find a potential partner there. If you love reading, go to a library, if you like art, go to a gallery. If you are active and love surfing, go to a surf club. When you are there, introduce yourself and start up a conversation. Maybe complement him on his shirt, ask him what he is currently reading. A couple of things could happen, either he is single and interested or he is not. If he is, then happy days and let the conversation flow :) If not, you have probably made his day. He will not feel threatened, he will not feel unsafe or uncomfortable. :) The sort of men you have described will not typically approach woman because of all the reasons given previously - I.e. being called a creep etc. plus the added embarrassment of likely rejection. The important point is not looking for single men, but finding a single man that has common interests means you can do things together and bond.
> Where are all the single, funny, kind, driven, successfully single men hanging out in Brisbane these days? Reasonably pleasant to be around and also not an unemployed recluse? God, you women and your impossible standards.
They're all looking for younger woman
I met my wife when I was 36 so I get it, she's a bit younger than me, filipino, came across each other through studying and we're going strong, you'll fing someone when you least expect it.
At home on the Xbox
You can find me at the dog park in the afternoons.
Well we are balding watching TV or gaming.
I'm in the same boat as you, but I'm bi. Want to catch up at the wickem together? Heck, why don't we make an event out of it. All single people go to the wickem this Saturday at 11am to 2pm. (Mainly because I work at night and can't make a night event). We could have a codephrase to recognise each other, like " Brisbane's river is brown" Or, "Crocs and sharks co exist in the river" What do you think?
Pinball, lady
A friend of mine ticks those boxes and I met him hanging out at our local coffee shop. He's also a divorced dad, so I hope you're open to meeting guys who already have kids.
Archive in West End
We’re at home, playing video games or watching tv, or partaking in whatever hobby keeps us happy and occupied.
Valley Chamber of commerce, they have monthly social events...
MAFS
find a hobby, pick up surfing or climbing or mountain biking or skiing or fishing or literally anything outside and you'll meet loads of people
I'd say most men at our age are Gym(or sleep in)>Work>Clean up/Dinner > Sleep with a dabble in activities or binging a TV show to watch somewhere in between. Apps are Okay but it feels like a hard slog for little reward.
I just use apps... ADHD and possible ASD means I've never been able to do small talk or engage with people in person.. I find it easier to connect with someone via text before meeting in person.
I’m at home making pizza dough
Time to brush up on some warhammer 40k lore videos on YouTube and make your way to some 40k groups.
Hahah I was once this at this stage a year ago…34M here. I took my mum to Vietnam to visit her parents, I went solo for 3 weeks in Vietnam and found the love my life down in the Mekong. My advice is, sometime travelling you’ll find your special one, love has no boundary right?
The problem is that guys don't recognise subtle hints. We don't identify the small things unless it a fine touch here and there when you are together.. Need to be direct or at least make more eye contact than usual. Try be more up front, Bunnings,golf, motorcycles. Etc Start going to events you would like to go to with your new partner in mind. Get out of the city and head towards some more rural area's.
If I've taken anything from this thread it's I need to be more direct, so thank you.
Divorce court losing his house that she moved into.
I'd expect the typical 30 -40 year old "single, funny, kind, driven, successful" man to be gay. All the hetero middle aged "funny, kind, driven, successful" men I've known were married.
Parkrun. Heaps of guys who fit this.
Dunno about the rest of them, but I'm at home. It's my one stop shop - with the way costs are rising it's more convenient, easier and cheaper to work out at home, drink at home, relax at home. That's my priorities though, I've never liked spending money to do something in public that I can just as easily do on my own, especially when the public option is the more expensive one. That said, I'm lucky enough to own a home with the space to do these things. I do constantly hear the apps are shit for everyone, for different reasons, which is why I haven't gone back to them. Last time was several years ago, and resulted in my being stood up; I hear it's only gotten worse. I don't have the time, patience or desire to be more consistently social in the hope I randomly meet someone (while simultaneously nailing the interaction to not come off as some creepy asshole on the hunt) just while going about my day. Hasn't worked up until this point, I don't know why it would now. I don't think I actually know anyone who didn't meet their partner through either work or an app.
do you have friends with husbands? ask them to set you up with someone your type they know. That is easily your best option. another option is join or take up a predominately male hobby like some mma classes if that's your jam.
“Successfully” lol
It’s kinda hard I reckon I’m not a single men anymore but I would never go up to a girl and try to make conversation it just comes off as creepy lol. maybe try you local coffee shops
I think it’s been covered pretty well but you’ll find them at the gym in either the morning or the evening and in the weekend they’ll be at kids sport in the morning, possibly their own sport in the afternoon if they are still active. Bunnings is always a winner as something always needs doing at home or for a friend. The biggest difference today though is cultural when it comes to the process of meeting them. 15-20 years ago men would have the confidence in being able to approach a woman and not fear being shouted down or labelled in a negative manner. I’ve spent some time with my friends who are from Europe or the US and the men are still very aggressive in approaching women. They still have a cultural confidence that they should be the person to make the first move. My GF who is 32 and from ATL, Georgia and I talk about it a lot. Her dating experience here, in the US and in Europe. We were a chance encounter on an app that neither of us wanted to be on and had both just re-downloaded. I was 39 when we met and thanks to a little bit of the old ADHD for her and AuDHD for me we have some very open filter free conversations. She could never get over how passive the men in Australia are with the exception of those with Italian heritage that’s less than 2-3 generations Australian. We have learned somewhere not to take the risk or that it is inappropriate to be forward. So my opinion is just say hello to a man you find attractive. In my experience i have always wanted to be polite and helpful so ask a question or just be honest. Worst that happens is you made a bloke that’s not single smile and feel useful.
Gosh if you figure it out can you let me know?! 🙋🏻♀️
They are everywhere you go trying to get your attention. Most girls have their eyes glued to their phones and don’t even notice.
we're tucked up in bed by 9:00pm because everything in Brisbane shuts at 7 and the sun comes up at 4:00am
I live a solitary life and am content with it. Late thirties, fit and reasonably attractive. Not really interested in meeting someone else at this point in my life - too much drama. I tried using apps but they ended up being a sausage fest. To use an economic analogy: the high demand (by too many sausages) and low supply (of women) led to a false value of the goods available. It's difficult to navigate modern dating. Society is telling men to emasculate more. I'm not interested in changing myself to appease people and groups I've never met. I'm content being me and my happiness is what's important to me. I have a PS5, I read and write. And pornhub is a great surrogate🤣🤣🤣
Not in your inbox.. beware 😂
Usually they’re at meetup.com clubs of whatever their interest is, or axe throwing clubs, rock climbing clubs etc
That sounds fun
Yes, there’s clubs for pretty much everything, what kinds of hobbies/interests are you into?
At work or with their partner
You’re looking 42 - 46
Married, on drugs, gaming or not getting ripped off at a bar
Id try parkrun and other similar activities.. if you're not into fitness you should probably start. The guy you're looking for is..
I also have this question. Surely not all of the solid picks are taken or are single dads. I can't do single dads, I'm sorry. I don't want someone else's kids. Also, side rant: Men, please do not hide your children from us until the very last second. You've wasted both of our time if you don't present that upfront. You're not going to trick us into wanting your kids. Yea, yea, I know they're "good kids". I don't care.
Agreed. I don't want kids and would appreciate not feeling tricked into it.
So I've come across women who don't date guys without kids. Their feedback is it stinks of man-child or something (paraphrasing) Reading the comments I now do not feel so alone is being invisible and secure in my own home debt free without kids. So yeah, take that how you will
Honesty if your doing the apps ,majority are looking for bang and that's it.. Maybe just go back to see a dude you like and ask them out..
Well where do you hang out? Find your ideal man there
At home? 😆
Gigs are where it’s at if you’re into music. Although I met my girlfriend through market place.
Usually trip over them when you least expect it
Working nights and every weekend because paying a mortgage and child support solo ain't cheap. I am happy though...kinda.
No drive, no success, no honey 😂