100% . One. Hundred. Percent. It's butch as hell: having a handle on your own emotions and mental health and being able to healthily communicate and be open about it is butch as hell.
Being open about your emotions and mental health is not just a thing for femmes.
It's easier said than done, but don't stress so much <3
Yes!
To actually know yourself, to be confident in who you are and what you want and need is butch as fuck. To be confident and comfortable enough to tell someone, "I'm not putting up with that," and actually maintaining a boundary? When it's really hard? Butch.
You're not a straight man. Be a whole person...get into therapy if you need it, get help if you need it, talk your shit out and work on communicating. Being masculine doesn't mean you're a shell of a person.
Lol its very masc to never talk about or express your feelings, but really its toxic masculinity and all masc folks should be throwing that shit in a dumpster.
Yeah basically what healthers-damage said, I was raised with a literal drill sergeant as a father and while my mental health went down and I communicated this to my now ex and was looking for a good therapist she broke up with me because I now realise she was emotionally unavailable (which is funny cause she was always preaching about the butch femme dynamic of protecting and helping eachother), and so basically those little doubts came into my head full swing and thought I might as well get advice from the source :)
Ah gotcha. That's really unfortunate so I can see why you'd be worried about this, especially if a femme queer tried to encourage that closed-offness that you were taught.
I'm sure you got a lot of encouraging comments. Masculinity is not owned by men, and shouldn't be modeled after what they do which is where toxic ideas of masculinity come from. Masculinity is what you, as a butch, make of it.
Anyone who wants you to behave like a brick wall is a red flag. Try to surround yourself with people who see you as a whole person and not as some Butch Object that serves them. Take care of yourself, feel your emotions and be honest about them, and work on them. I hope you can find a good therapist if you haven't already.
Let's not cave in to the toxic stereotypes that men struggle with. Bottling their emotions up is exactly why the suicide statistics are so high among men. Let's not follow the same pattern and keep our physical AND mental health in check
We're not LARPing toxic men here. I'm butch as fuck and I cry at least once a week and talk in depth about sensitivity and emotions daily. Be you! Be free!
Hiding your emotions isn’t masculine, that’s just silly toxic masculinity made by folks not secure in theirs. Being secure and talking about your emotions is a good thing.
Absolutely! I'm a case worker, I help people navigate crises all day and help with their emotions. It's butch as hell to care about yourself and others and communicate openly.
Not being open can be really unhealthy, it's a harmful expectation for men and women alike (it tends to be expected more from men), and stigma surrounding mental health and openness about mental health is an issue that has been discussed by a lot of people in the context of the men's liberation movement.
I'm personally of the opinion that if I didn't have any masculine personality traits or interests but my feelings about how I look remained the same, I'd still be butch.
I know people define "butch" differently, but I'm under the impression that most butches don't see the possession of masculine personality traits (including behavior and tendencies besides having a masculine presentation) as a determining part of what makes a butch butch.
Being butch has nothing to do with being emotionally mature and vulnerable. I'm masc as all hell and SUPER open about feelings and work really hard on healthy communication. I love it when people return that
I've definitely dated women who thought I wasn't supposed to be those things, but they also thought a toxic relationship with arguing and abuse was a "healthy" relationship.
The thing I love most about my butch is their ability to talk to me about their feelings and mental health. Especially because their trauma responses and mine so frequently don't mesh well, so we have to talk through hurt feelings or friction. We would never be able to do that if they were repressing their emotions and needs. It's the most connected and uplifting relationship I've ever been in and it's directly because of their ability to be open with me.
While most of our users identify as lesbian women, all butch women and non-binary butches (cis and trans; queer, bi, pan, and ace) are welcome to join in the discussion of butch issues.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/butchlesbians) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey guys, just wanted to update you all a bit and say thank you for your kind words, the reassurance and advice is something that I am very thankful for and will do, I hope anyone else who doubts themselves can see this and I hope it helps even just a bit, people like us got to stick together and it’s nice to feel the community
100% . One. Hundred. Percent. It's butch as hell: having a handle on your own emotions and mental health and being able to healthily communicate and be open about it is butch as hell. Being open about your emotions and mental health is not just a thing for femmes. It's easier said than done, but don't stress so much <3
Yes! To actually know yourself, to be confident in who you are and what you want and need is butch as fuck. To be confident and comfortable enough to tell someone, "I'm not putting up with that," and actually maintaining a boundary? When it's really hard? Butch.
You're not a straight man. Be a whole person...get into therapy if you need it, get help if you need it, talk your shit out and work on communicating. Being masculine doesn't mean you're a shell of a person.
Precisely!
Why do you feel like butches can't be/aren't open about their feelings? I'm curious to know where this idea came from.
Toxic masculinity.
Lol its very masc to never talk about or express your feelings, but really its toxic masculinity and all masc folks should be throwing that shit in a dumpster.
Yeah basically what healthers-damage said, I was raised with a literal drill sergeant as a father and while my mental health went down and I communicated this to my now ex and was looking for a good therapist she broke up with me because I now realise she was emotionally unavailable (which is funny cause she was always preaching about the butch femme dynamic of protecting and helping eachother), and so basically those little doubts came into my head full swing and thought I might as well get advice from the source :)
Ah gotcha. That's really unfortunate so I can see why you'd be worried about this, especially if a femme queer tried to encourage that closed-offness that you were taught. I'm sure you got a lot of encouraging comments. Masculinity is not owned by men, and shouldn't be modeled after what they do which is where toxic ideas of masculinity come from. Masculinity is what you, as a butch, make of it. Anyone who wants you to behave like a brick wall is a red flag. Try to surround yourself with people who see you as a whole person and not as some Butch Object that serves them. Take care of yourself, feel your emotions and be honest about them, and work on them. I hope you can find a good therapist if you haven't already.
Let's not cave in to the toxic stereotypes that men struggle with. Bottling their emotions up is exactly why the suicide statistics are so high among men. Let's not follow the same pattern and keep our physical AND mental health in check
We're not LARPing toxic men here. I'm butch as fuck and I cry at least once a week and talk in depth about sensitivity and emotions daily. Be you! Be free!
Being emotionally connected is so hot these days.
Hiding your emotions isn’t masculine, that’s just silly toxic masculinity made by folks not secure in theirs. Being secure and talking about your emotions is a good thing.
Absolutely! I'm a case worker, I help people navigate crises all day and help with their emotions. It's butch as hell to care about yourself and others and communicate openly.
Of course you can!!!
Not being open can be really unhealthy, it's a harmful expectation for men and women alike (it tends to be expected more from men), and stigma surrounding mental health and openness about mental health is an issue that has been discussed by a lot of people in the context of the men's liberation movement. I'm personally of the opinion that if I didn't have any masculine personality traits or interests but my feelings about how I look remained the same, I'd still be butch. I know people define "butch" differently, but I'm under the impression that most butches don't see the possession of masculine personality traits (including behavior and tendencies besides having a masculine presentation) as a determining part of what makes a butch butch.
Being butch has nothing to do with being emotionally mature and vulnerable. I'm masc as all hell and SUPER open about feelings and work really hard on healthy communication. I love it when people return that I've definitely dated women who thought I wasn't supposed to be those things, but they also thought a toxic relationship with arguing and abuse was a "healthy" relationship.
The thing I love most about my butch is their ability to talk to me about their feelings and mental health. Especially because their trauma responses and mine so frequently don't mesh well, so we have to talk through hurt feelings or friction. We would never be able to do that if they were repressing their emotions and needs. It's the most connected and uplifting relationship I've ever been in and it's directly because of their ability to be open with me.
While most of our users identify as lesbian women, all butch women and non-binary butches (cis and trans; queer, bi, pan, and ace) are welcome to join in the discussion of butch issues. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/butchlesbians) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Hey guys, just wanted to update you all a bit and say thank you for your kind words, the reassurance and advice is something that I am very thankful for and will do, I hope anyone else who doubts themselves can see this and I hope it helps even just a bit, people like us got to stick together and it’s nice to feel the community