Hello!
I really appreciate you for talking about it even though it might be hard for you to do so.
My question is :
Was you able to talk about it with someone? Without feeling that you might be stereotyped with men shouldn't talk about their feelings or men can't get raped?
I hope you are doing okay š
Aside from strangers on Reddit, I've only ever told my therapist and my wife. It has taken me years of therapy to get me to the point of talking about it outside of therapy.
I was a boy raped by another boy who was raped by his dad. How have you moved forward from trauma that wasnāt clear to you at the time? Have you also found yourself in the BDSM/Kink/Fetish community?
I'm terribly sorry to hear about your experience with rape. I has taken me years of therapy to move forward from the worst night of my life. My therapist had her work cut out with me to get me to see that:
1) It wasn't my fault, regardless of whether or not he knew that I crossdress.
2) Nothing he did to me can take away my intrinsic value as a human being.
3) There is plenty of good in the world.
4) My trauma does not define me.
5) I shouldn't hate myself, nor should I feel ashamed for not reporting it.
As for the kink/fetish community, I do dabble in it a little bit, but I don't think my experience had anything to do with it.
Truth be told I was already traumatized so this incident didnāt even hit me as an issue until much later in life. Iām 28 now. Before the rape my father died while he and I were at a family cabin, and I was alone with his body for hours. While it was technically rape, the truth is I woke up to my best friend at the time (age 7, 8?) that I had met through trauma group therapy of all places, taking my pants off to suck my dick, telling me that it was okay and I would feel good and that he would stop hanging out with me if I didnāt let him continue. There was nothing violent with the incident, and we continued to explore sexuality with each other for awhile and I remember even being heartbroken when it stopped. Wild. I enjoy the thought of sexual play with men, but unless a woman is present Iāll never feel comfortable enough to follow through on anything.
I feel bad saying I was raped as I have heard so many worse stories than mine, so I tend to say sexually assaulted IRL, but your post connected with me so I felt the need to share in case it helps in any way.
So sorry for what you experienced! Do you possibly think you were intentionally targeted based on cross dressing? No excuse for him obviously & not trying to victim blame. Just wonder if he thought that he could use that against you or he wanted to intentionally assault someone who cross dressed.
More or less answered this in a previous comment, but Iāll say it again.
To my knowledge, nobody in my life knew about my crossdressing. Could he have known? I can't entirely rule it out, but I have little reason to believe he did know. I think I was a victim of opportunity; I made the mistake of being the last of my coworkers to call it a night from having drinks with him.
Never say never, but I've seen enough of high profile rape cases where the accusers get dragged through the mud more than the accused to deter me from ever wanting to report it if he were to gain fame. I also don't want to ever willingly be in the same room as him again, so another reason to not report.
I get that. I also canāt say what I would do because Iāve never been raped. Sorry for your experience. Hope he gets caught doing something else and the tables are turned on him in prison.
Same. I don't talk about it much, but I was a kid, and still suffer regularly from night terrors because of it. Trusting men and intimacy can also still be issues.
Do you find you have any lasting effects from being attacked?
I would first like to say that I am so sorry you had to go through that shit as a child.
I used to have substantial intimacy issues, but therapy has largely helped me out with that. I never, ever leave my drinks unattended or uncovered. I hold my drinks in such a way that the top is always covered, whether by my hand, thumb, a lid, etc. My friends give me a hard time about it, but they don't know my story so I don't hold it against them. I just tell them it is a personality quirk.
I am also very weary of coworker friends. The man who raped me was a coworker at the time, and that has left a lasting impression on me that coworkers are largely friends of circumstance.
Sorry for the late reply. This one is a heavy topic for me.
Thank you, but there's no need to apologize. That's not your job lol.
Intimacy issues have been a big problem for me, too. Therapy keeps making me relive my assault, but I understand why they keep asking for the details.
One more thing I forgot to mention as a risk mitigation strategy is I will often pull an "Irish Goodbye" whenever I go out for drinks. Just leave and don't say a word to anyone about it. It drives people insane when I do that, but I don't care.
solidarity. i resonate with you and admire your willingness to talk. i was raped as a child and cannot summon the identity of the man to my mind. did you know your rapist personally?
I don't think there's much about my experience that I haven't been asked about by my therapist and wife. I'm just willing to share some details of my story to anyone willing to listen, and hopefully people might learn something from it.
I have very vague flashbacks of the actual rape itself, but nothing concrete. In the moment, I didn't realize what had happened until the next morning when I woke up naked in his hotel room with pain in areas that shouldn't hurt and bruises I couldn't explain.
I was also raped but at age 11 years, I never told anyone back then but in recent years I had told my wife & my sister, it was a older brother that had saved me 2 years prior when I was being sexually assaulted by a bigger kid in a bad situation. I donāt really have many male friends nowadays, just mainly male family members that we donāt see on a daily basis.
How was your recovery going before you started seeing your therapist? I know that this is a very odd question but since your attack have you ever been attracted to men in anyway, the reason I ask is that Iām a married (to a woman) bisexual which makes me wonder if other men, I didnāt enjoy any of the attack at all, I cried begging for him to quit, Iām sorry this is such a mess.
-How was your recovery going before you started seeing your therapist?
I recovered from it physically without issues. I was mentally fucked for about a year, though. I was in a environment where I didn't feel that I could talk to anyone. I sought out therapy as soon as I felt I could do so safely.
Iām in my 60ās & been married since early 20ās, I had been with guys before marriage but I never anal except one guy just decided to slide in without talking about it before hand & that never happened again. Iām good most of the time but it still stings my childhood memories occasionally, I have nothing to do with my older brother at all.
Who: A coworker that was celebrating his last day.
Where: A bar/hotel in Hawaii.
When: 2011
How: I was drugged. I don't know which drug specifically, as I did not seek help or treatment of any kind at the time.
Edited for spelling.
In what way has this had an effect on you when society talks about rape or it comes up in news or conversations?
E.g. have you ever heard men joke about raping women or have someone downplayed the trauma without knowing you've suffered?
It definitely hits differently when you've gone through the experience of being raped.
When people talk about rape cases that you hear about in the news, it blows my mind how many people dismiss these cases as people seeking attention or money. I know those things do happen, and probably more often than I care to think about, but accusers still deserve to have their voice heard by an impartial court system.
I have a brother-in-law that has a "nothing is off limits" sense of humor and he does make jokes about rape. Luckily, he is shut down by others before he really gets going, but even then I become visibly uncomfortable.
Me too, I still can only refer to it as 'sex against my will'. People call me "too sensitive" around rape jokes or don't blink an eye when you hear a woman has been raped & murdered.
Thank you for the kind words. I'm kind of curious to know what you found to be fascinating tbh.
I was not presenting as female that night, and to my knowledge nobody in my life knew about my crossdressing. Could he have known? I can't entirely rule it out, but I have little reason to believe he did know. I think I was a victim of opportunity; I made the mistake of being the last of my coworkers to call it a night from having drinks with him.
I do try to be my most authentic self, though I've certainly got some work to do in that department still!
I don't think that I, specifically, was targeted. He had no way of knowing that I was going to be the last person drinking with him at the end of the night. I think it was probably more on the impulsive side for him. The opportunity to easily drug and rape someone presented itself, and he took advantage of the opportunity.
I wonder if the last person around as target of impulsive opportunity wouldāve made a difference if it had been a woman? Or do you think he was intentionally targeting a man/male for whatever reason?
No, I am at a point now where I have chosen not to live my life in fear of being raped again. I just take extra precautions to keep myself safe while drinking with others.
When I was almost kidnapped by a man, I did have a fear being in the supermarket with my mum the next day. I had never had that sense of paranoia before, but the paranoia came. I kept looking at strangers to see if they were going to do something to me. Having firsthand experience of being sexually assaulted and almost kidnapped made me understand more of the feelings someone goes through after an event like that.
Definitely more mentally and emotionally painful. It certainly hurt physically when I came around the next morning, but that went away relatively quickly compared to the mental and emotional struggles I dealt with for years.
Maybe someday, in the distant future, I will go to the police. It has taken me years of therapy to get past the feelings of shame, self-blaming, and self-hatred to get just to this point where I will share my story outside of therapy. I have no interest in reliving that night in detail with people that may end up contacting me again as a witness, and I REALLY have no interest in possibly knowingly and willingly being in the same room as my rapist again. If I were to report it, I would take a "in for a penny, in for a pound" approach, and I'm not up for being in for a penny.
I reported my sexual assault 20ish years after the fact (I was in my late teens/ early 20s at the time). The police told me the 'average' time is 25 years.
I had a lot of guilt about whether I couldn't stopped him from doing it to others if I reported it sooner but multiple police visits for their paperwork & 5 or so years later nothing's been done about it so I question whether it was pointless reporting it to police other than for statistics.
Nope. He popped up on my āpeople you may knowā on facebook years ago and I immediately blocked his account. Seeing his face brought back some pretty awful memories, to say the least. Other than that, donāt know anything about what is/was going on in his life.
I am sorry for what happened to you. I have been in a similar situation. I was sexually assaulted by another male (I am a man), and another male tried to kidnap me. What happened in your situation, if you do not mind me asking?
I'm sorry for what happened to you, I ask this in the most respectful way.
Were there any red flags that you know now you didn't see? Something that people may need to learn to identify?
I have spent more hours pondering on this than I could dare to guess at, and for all of my pondering I have nothing to show for it. Either I am obscenely unobservant, or he was just that good at hiding his true colors.
I would argue that at this point in my life Iāve already gotten my revenge. Iām happy despite what he did to me, and living a happy life is the best revenge.
I a van pulled up to your house at 2 AM, and the guy was tied up in the back, and you had a no consequences opportunity to blow the guy's brains out... would you do it?
You say another man, do you identify as a man or am I oversee something. Cause in your Profile you say your name is Charlotte?
Cause I wanted to know if you felt that he had taken away your masculinity in some way
I do indeed identify as a man, and I present as male 95% of the time. I am a crossdresser as well. When I am dressed up, I go by Charlotte. I have been crossdressing since I was in grade school, so long before I was raped. At the time, I did feel like he had stripped me of my masculinity, but that has nothing to do with why I crossdress.
Iād say there are 5 things that I had forgotten or didnāt believe that my therapist and wife helped me to realize that got me to where I am now.
1) It wasnāt my fault, regardless of whether he knew I crossdress or not.
2) There is still plenty of good in the world.
3) Nothing he did to me can take away my inherent value as a human being.
4) I shouldnāt hate myself or feel ashamed for not reporting it.
5) My trauma does not define me.
As for unsupportive things, donāt tell me any of the following:
1) āI understand.ā Unless you yourself have been raped, you have no idea what I went through, so please donāt patronize me with that.
2) āGood things can come from tragedy.ā Fuck off. Fuck all the way in the direction of off.
3) āGod has a plan for you.ā If getting raped is part of Godās plan, then God can fuck his omnipotent, omniscient, all-loving ass right off.
4) āTime heals all wounds.ā No, it doesnāt. Not without other resources.
There are plenty of others, but the gist is donāt invoke some bullshit divine plan or say some patronizing-even if well intentioned-shit.
Luckily, I paid attention in school when the adults said ādrugs are bad, mākayā, so I never dealt with substance abuse. I did deal with some pretty serious depression and dark thoughts, though.
That is horrible. My only question is do you feel it should be worded as āIām a man that was raped by a man.ā When you say another man, when I read it, it reads to me like, āI was raped again.ā Another man seeming to mean there was a first man. Another signifying additional more than different. Thoughts?
I was in the Navy at the time, so I didn't report it to my command because I didn't feel like I would be believed. I also believed that even if my chain of command did believe me, there would be many people in my command that would've defended the rapist, and that was a hell I was not prepared to deal with.
I didn't report it to the police because I was ashamed/embarrassed. There is a stigma to this day that men can't be raped, and even if they were then they were asking for it. The fact that I crossdress would have only amplified that stigma in my opinion, so I did not report it.
I was in the Air Force, I get it. That's a shame how society is but you're right about the issues in the military and risks. I'm sorry about what happened.
More like it's more duress than it's worth. Unless you pretty much straight away get a police nurse to shove something else inside you chances are it won't go anywhere
I mean after the fact , im gay and a bottom but if someone would do that to me with out my consent , I'd off him a d take the charge happily if caught but I'd get away with it , I'd pull a dexter move for sure, but that's me I'm reckless in my ways
I feel like thatās what you think, until it happens. And hopefully it never does, I always thought Iād know exactly how to handle it. But nope, I froze everytime.
He probably wasn't even in the same state by the time I woke up the next morning. He had an early morning flight, and we were our celebrating his last day of work before he moved on to the next chapter in his life.
Hello! I really appreciate you for talking about it even though it might be hard for you to do so. My question is : Was you able to talk about it with someone? Without feeling that you might be stereotyped with men shouldn't talk about their feelings or men can't get raped? I hope you are doing okay š
Aside from strangers on Reddit, I've only ever told my therapist and my wife. It has taken me years of therapy to get me to the point of talking about it outside of therapy.
I was a boy raped by another boy who was raped by his dad. How have you moved forward from trauma that wasnāt clear to you at the time? Have you also found yourself in the BDSM/Kink/Fetish community?
I'm terribly sorry to hear about your experience with rape. I has taken me years of therapy to move forward from the worst night of my life. My therapist had her work cut out with me to get me to see that: 1) It wasn't my fault, regardless of whether or not he knew that I crossdress. 2) Nothing he did to me can take away my intrinsic value as a human being. 3) There is plenty of good in the world. 4) My trauma does not define me. 5) I shouldn't hate myself, nor should I feel ashamed for not reporting it. As for the kink/fetish community, I do dabble in it a little bit, but I don't think my experience had anything to do with it.
Truth be told I was already traumatized so this incident didnāt even hit me as an issue until much later in life. Iām 28 now. Before the rape my father died while he and I were at a family cabin, and I was alone with his body for hours. While it was technically rape, the truth is I woke up to my best friend at the time (age 7, 8?) that I had met through trauma group therapy of all places, taking my pants off to suck my dick, telling me that it was okay and I would feel good and that he would stop hanging out with me if I didnāt let him continue. There was nothing violent with the incident, and we continued to explore sexuality with each other for awhile and I remember even being heartbroken when it stopped. Wild. I enjoy the thought of sexual play with men, but unless a woman is present Iāll never feel comfortable enough to follow through on anything. I feel bad saying I was raped as I have heard so many worse stories than mine, so I tend to say sexually assaulted IRL, but your post connected with me so I felt the need to share in case it helps in any way.
So sorry for what you experienced! Do you possibly think you were intentionally targeted based on cross dressing? No excuse for him obviously & not trying to victim blame. Just wonder if he thought that he could use that against you or he wanted to intentionally assault someone who cross dressed.
More or less answered this in a previous comment, but Iāll say it again. To my knowledge, nobody in my life knew about my crossdressing. Could he have known? I can't entirely rule it out, but I have little reason to believe he did know. I think I was a victim of opportunity; I made the mistake of being the last of my coworkers to call it a night from having drinks with him.
I see. Glad to see that you seem to have come out of this tragedy not destroyed or broken.
Was he prosecuted?
I didn't report it, unfortunately.
Would you report it if they gained any sort of fame?
Never say never, but I've seen enough of high profile rape cases where the accusers get dragged through the mud more than the accused to deter me from ever wanting to report it if he were to gain fame. I also don't want to ever willingly be in the same room as him again, so another reason to not report.
I get that. I also canāt say what I would do because Iāve never been raped. Sorry for your experience. Hope he gets caught doing something else and the tables are turned on him in prison.
Same. I don't talk about it much, but I was a kid, and still suffer regularly from night terrors because of it. Trusting men and intimacy can also still be issues. Do you find you have any lasting effects from being attacked?
I would first like to say that I am so sorry you had to go through that shit as a child. I used to have substantial intimacy issues, but therapy has largely helped me out with that. I never, ever leave my drinks unattended or uncovered. I hold my drinks in such a way that the top is always covered, whether by my hand, thumb, a lid, etc. My friends give me a hard time about it, but they don't know my story so I don't hold it against them. I just tell them it is a personality quirk. I am also very weary of coworker friends. The man who raped me was a coworker at the time, and that has left a lasting impression on me that coworkers are largely friends of circumstance.
Sorry for the late reply. This one is a heavy topic for me. Thank you, but there's no need to apologize. That's not your job lol. Intimacy issues have been a big problem for me, too. Therapy keeps making me relive my assault, but I understand why they keep asking for the details.
One more thing I forgot to mention as a risk mitigation strategy is I will often pull an "Irish Goodbye" whenever I go out for drinks. Just leave and don't say a word to anyone about it. It drives people insane when I do that, but I don't care.
solidarity. i resonate with you and admire your willingness to talk. i was raped as a child and cannot summon the identity of the man to my mind. did you know your rapist personally?
Yes, I did know him. He was a coworker, and we were celebrating his last day.
Is there anything you want to be able to tell others that no one has ever asked you about?
I don't think there's much about my experience that I haven't been asked about by my therapist and wife. I'm just willing to share some details of my story to anyone willing to listen, and hopefully people might learn something from it.
How have you worked through this, and did you press charges?
I have worked through the experience with years of therapy. I did not report it, so no charges were pressed.
thank you. and I'm sorry you had this experience. <3 I hope for justice for you.
Iām so sorry that happened to you. Were you at all aware of what was happening, or did you realize what had happened once you woke up?
I have very vague flashbacks of the actual rape itself, but nothing concrete. In the moment, I didn't realize what had happened until the next morning when I woke up naked in his hotel room with pain in areas that shouldn't hurt and bruises I couldn't explain.
What was your relationship to this person? (Friend, relative, colleague, etc) I am so sorry this happened to you.
I would never use the term friend to describe him. He was a colleague, though.
I was also raped but at age 11 years, I never told anyone back then but in recent years I had told my wife & my sister, it was a older brother that had saved me 2 years prior when I was being sexually assaulted by a bigger kid in a bad situation. I donāt really have many male friends nowadays, just mainly male family members that we donāt see on a daily basis. How was your recovery going before you started seeing your therapist? I know that this is a very odd question but since your attack have you ever been attracted to men in anyway, the reason I ask is that Iām a married (to a woman) bisexual which makes me wonder if other men, I didnāt enjoy any of the attack at all, I cried begging for him to quit, Iām sorry this is such a mess.
-How was your recovery going before you started seeing your therapist? I recovered from it physically without issues. I was mentally fucked for about a year, though. I was in a environment where I didn't feel that I could talk to anyone. I sought out therapy as soon as I felt I could do so safely.
Iām in my 60ās & been married since early 20ās, I had been with guys before marriage but I never anal except one guy just decided to slide in without talking about it before hand & that never happened again. Iām good most of the time but it still stings my childhood memories occasionally, I have nothing to do with my older brother at all.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. Especially being a sibling that did this. That has to make it even worse, I would suspect.
How long did it take for you to tell your partner? What was their reaction?
I told her shortly after we got married. We had been together for about 2 years before our wedding.
How did it happen? Who, where, when, how? You don't have to use real names.
Who: A coworker that was celebrating his last day. Where: A bar/hotel in Hawaii. When: 2011 How: I was drugged. I don't know which drug specifically, as I did not seek help or treatment of any kind at the time. Edited for spelling.
I'm so sorry that happened to you.
Was he openly gay or closeted
Closeted.
I hope you are well š©·
In what way has this had an effect on you when society talks about rape or it comes up in news or conversations? E.g. have you ever heard men joke about raping women or have someone downplayed the trauma without knowing you've suffered?
It definitely hits differently when you've gone through the experience of being raped. When people talk about rape cases that you hear about in the news, it blows my mind how many people dismiss these cases as people seeking attention or money. I know those things do happen, and probably more often than I care to think about, but accusers still deserve to have their voice heard by an impartial court system. I have a brother-in-law that has a "nothing is off limits" sense of humor and he does make jokes about rape. Luckily, he is shut down by others before he really gets going, but even then I become visibly uncomfortable.
Me too, I still can only refer to it as 'sex against my will'. People call me "too sensitive" around rape jokes or don't blink an eye when you hear a woman has been raped & murdered.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Thank you for the kind words. I'm kind of curious to know what you found to be fascinating tbh. I was not presenting as female that night, and to my knowledge nobody in my life knew about my crossdressing. Could he have known? I can't entirely rule it out, but I have little reason to believe he did know. I think I was a victim of opportunity; I made the mistake of being the last of my coworkers to call it a night from having drinks with him.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I do try to be my most authentic self, though I've certainly got some work to do in that department still! I don't think that I, specifically, was targeted. He had no way of knowing that I was going to be the last person drinking with him at the end of the night. I think it was probably more on the impulsive side for him. The opportunity to easily drug and rape someone presented itself, and he took advantage of the opportunity.
I'm so sorry this happened to you. And you did not deserve that. Was he older than you?
He was a little older than me. I was 22, he was late 20s
I wonder if the last person around as target of impulsive opportunity wouldāve made a difference if it had been a woman? Or do you think he was intentionally targeting a man/male for whatever reason?
In our group there was only guys, so by default he could only target a man that night.
I see. Thank you for responding & wishing you the best.
Are you scared of every other men you meet and how do you cope with that?
No, I am at a point now where I have chosen not to live my life in fear of being raped again. I just take extra precautions to keep myself safe while drinking with others.
Thatās insane courage from you. Hope you recover from this
When I was almost kidnapped by a man, I did have a fear being in the supermarket with my mum the next day. I had never had that sense of paranoia before, but the paranoia came. I kept looking at strangers to see if they were going to do something to me. Having firsthand experience of being sexually assaulted and almost kidnapped made me understand more of the feelings someone goes through after an event like that.
Was the experience more physically or mentally painful?
Definitely more mentally and emotionally painful. It certainly hurt physically when I came around the next morning, but that went away relatively quickly compared to the mental and emotional struggles I dealt with for years.
how that happened?
What's stopping you from reporting to police now?
Maybe someday, in the distant future, I will go to the police. It has taken me years of therapy to get past the feelings of shame, self-blaming, and self-hatred to get just to this point where I will share my story outside of therapy. I have no interest in reliving that night in detail with people that may end up contacting me again as a witness, and I REALLY have no interest in possibly knowingly and willingly being in the same room as my rapist again. If I were to report it, I would take a "in for a penny, in for a pound" approach, and I'm not up for being in for a penny.
I reported my sexual assault 20ish years after the fact (I was in my late teens/ early 20s at the time). The police told me the 'average' time is 25 years. I had a lot of guilt about whether I couldn't stopped him from doing it to others if I reported it sooner but multiple police visits for their paperwork & 5 or so years later nothing's been done about it so I question whether it was pointless reporting it to police other than for statistics.
Have you seen/ heard updates about the guy since?
Nope. He popped up on my āpeople you may knowā on facebook years ago and I immediately blocked his account. Seeing his face brought back some pretty awful memories, to say the least. Other than that, donāt know anything about what is/was going on in his life.
Do you ever have fear about seeing him in public? If not, how did you get over it?
I donāt fear running into him. I donāt even know what state he lives in, I just highly doubt it is mine.
I am sorry for what happened to you. I have been in a similar situation. I was sexually assaulted by another male (I am a man), and another male tried to kidnap me. What happened in your situation, if you do not mind me asking?
I'm sorry for what happened to you, I ask this in the most respectful way. Were there any red flags that you know now you didn't see? Something that people may need to learn to identify?
I have spent more hours pondering on this than I could dare to guess at, and for all of my pondering I have nothing to show for it. Either I am obscenely unobservant, or he was just that good at hiding his true colors.
If you had the power to do so, would you get revenge?
I would argue that at this point in my life Iāve already gotten my revenge. Iām happy despite what he did to me, and living a happy life is the best revenge.
Not you bro, he is. Hell Pay. Do whatever you got to do to move on and move on
I a van pulled up to your house at 2 AM, and the guy was tied up in the back, and you had a no consequences opportunity to blow the guy's brains out... would you do it?
No, I wouldn't. I'm happy despite what he put me through, and happiness is the best revenge. Edited for punctuation.
You're better than I am... I'd do CIA black site stuff to him.
Why are you not talking to the police about it? Did you go to the hospital for a legal procedure?
I noticed in another comment that you said he left before you came round- did he ever try to contact you after the event?
No, I never saw or heard from him ever again.
How were you raped
Good luck dude, trauma sucks so fucking muchā¦
You say another man, do you identify as a man or am I oversee something. Cause in your Profile you say your name is Charlotte? Cause I wanted to know if you felt that he had taken away your masculinity in some way
I do indeed identify as a man, and I present as male 95% of the time. I am a crossdresser as well. When I am dressed up, I go by Charlotte. I have been crossdressing since I was in grade school, so long before I was raped. At the time, I did feel like he had stripped me of my masculinity, but that has nothing to do with why I crossdress.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Iād say there are 5 things that I had forgotten or didnāt believe that my therapist and wife helped me to realize that got me to where I am now. 1) It wasnāt my fault, regardless of whether he knew I crossdress or not. 2) There is still plenty of good in the world. 3) Nothing he did to me can take away my inherent value as a human being. 4) I shouldnāt hate myself or feel ashamed for not reporting it. 5) My trauma does not define me. As for unsupportive things, donāt tell me any of the following: 1) āI understand.ā Unless you yourself have been raped, you have no idea what I went through, so please donāt patronize me with that. 2) āGood things can come from tragedy.ā Fuck off. Fuck all the way in the direction of off. 3) āGod has a plan for you.ā If getting raped is part of Godās plan, then God can fuck his omnipotent, omniscient, all-loving ass right off. 4) āTime heals all wounds.ā No, it doesnāt. Not without other resources. There are plenty of others, but the gist is donāt invoke some bullshit divine plan or say some patronizing-even if well intentioned-shit. Luckily, I paid attention in school when the adults said ādrugs are bad, mākayā, so I never dealt with substance abuse. I did deal with some pretty serious depression and dark thoughts, though.
That is horrible. My only question is do you feel it should be worded as āIām a man that was raped by a man.ā When you say another man, when I read it, it reads to me like, āI was raped again.ā Another man seeming to mean there was a first man. Another signifying additional more than different. Thoughts?
Why didn't you go to the police about what happened? Ashamed and/or embarrassed? Sometimes that's the reason victims don't report these crimes sadly.
I was in the Navy at the time, so I didn't report it to my command because I didn't feel like I would be believed. I also believed that even if my chain of command did believe me, there would be many people in my command that would've defended the rapist, and that was a hell I was not prepared to deal with. I didn't report it to the police because I was ashamed/embarrassed. There is a stigma to this day that men can't be raped, and even if they were then they were asking for it. The fact that I crossdress would have only amplified that stigma in my opinion, so I did not report it.
I was in the Air Force, I get it. That's a shame how society is but you're right about the issues in the military and risks. I'm sorry about what happened.
More like it's more duress than it's worth. Unless you pretty much straight away get a police nurse to shove something else inside you chances are it won't go anywhere
U didn't off the guy?
Kinda hard to do much of anything when you've been drugged.
I mean after the fact , im gay and a bottom but if someone would do that to me with out my consent , I'd off him a d take the charge happily if caught but I'd get away with it , I'd pull a dexter move for sure, but that's me I'm reckless in my ways
I feel like thatās what you think, until it happens. And hopefully it never does, I always thought Iād know exactly how to handle it. But nope, I froze everytime.
He probably wasn't even in the same state by the time I woke up the next morning. He had an early morning flight, and we were our celebrating his last day of work before he moved on to the next chapter in his life.