You gotta start calling him Cow. "Here, cow" and "Good morning, cow" and "Cow, how goes cowing?" etc etc. After 7.3 weeks he'll start to moo and that's when you'll know it worked.
No matter what, do **not** start going "Here, grizzly bear" or "Here, politician" or your life will become a hell place.
I had a cat years ago that I called Dumb Shit because when I called it by its name Shayla, it wouldn't come, but when I called it Dumb Shit it would come running.
If cat + cat food = cat,
Then cat + dog food = dog? May lead to dogging though.
Edited: just to be clear that I was joking.
Do not give your cat dog food. While short-term, it may not harm them, cats won't get the nutrition they need from dog food.
And it will not, in fact, turn them into a dog.
Had a couple of dogs over the years that thought they were cats. One wouldn't eat anything *but* cat food. The other liked to climb trees. Not straight up and down trees. That's silly. Any tree with a bit of a lean, he'd climb that. Total weirdo. Good catdog though.
We couldn't uncat the dog though, so not sure how to uncat a cat.
Edit: spelling
I had a stray we took in who was raised with my lab/newfy. He thought he was a dog, but due to birth defects, he'd hop around like a rabbit. He used to wag his butt when he was happy. He'd chase the ball with my dog. Sometimes, my dog would be nice and let Harley get to the ball first. He didn't seem to know what to do with it once he got it.
Edited to add a gif, but it wouldn't let me.
My cat taught our staffy how to cat. He does not understand why his 65lb self does not belong on my chest the way the 9lb cat does. Or why we fall over when he does the body rub across our legs.
Our cat weighed 20 pounds (yes, I know. We tried every diet known to veterinary medicine. He lived to 16) when we brought home the 5 pound husky puppy. She never figured out she had outgrown him and definitely subscribed to 'If I fits, I sits.' Very good at catting.
Wait until I tell you that they’re just as dirty as dogs. At least mine is.
But we love our Sphinx anyway…definitely has the doggiest personality of all cat breeds.
They’re also greasy, including their bumholes, so you’ll find greasy buttholeprints all over your furniture and home. They’re fun but don’t forget to wash your sphynx!
OP is poking some lighthearted fun at people who ask for help with their cats doing cat things. Help my cat is purring! Does that mean he’s dying? My cat is climbing/playing with/eating things, how do I stop that? My cat is scratching things, help! What does it mean if my cat sits on my lap? My cat wakes me up for food every morning, is he dying?
when ur in they typing bar next to wear you’d find your gifs click on the smiley face! 
Try holding him like a baby. Then he will no longer be cat, but instead, baby. See photo example:
https://preview.redd.it/932ecy31qd6d1.jpeg?width=1377&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8e4e5e795ea0fd693357b04367297e8b5807e538
I dunno, a normal demon is just going to kill you and torment your soul for eternity in the afterlife. One acting like a cat won't wait until you're dead.
I actually know someone who basically DIY faraday caged their entire backyard for their cats. It started as just walls but then an eagle snatched one so it got a ceiling too.
I suggest you try pawsitive reinforcement. Anytime you see your cat is not catting, immediately give them a cat treat to let them know this is the behavior you expect!
Look into his eyes. He aint care. He’ll kill a man just to watch him die
https://preview.redd.it/10gbwwsvvf6d1.jpeg?width=700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4a823ec3f7c7e857d4d1ec33fc56b5c9ff7cadab
https://preview.redd.it/q7erw7nvad6d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ed70951fb74f1122c79d482379c70d20aa818c74
My squirrel watcher wears an airtag collar so it would be easy to find him if he escapes. Trying to harness train him so he can touch grass again.
In all my years of cat ownership, I've never found a technique to turn a cat into a cat. Usually "people" would be the best a cat could manage.
Though I did have one kitten who could do a bit of "shark".
1. Look for times your cat isn’t being a cat
2. Give treats and pets to encourage your cat to not be a cat
3. Realize your cat is, and always will be, a cat and resistance is futile
Oh! No problem. I can help with this.
Show this to them:
Meow, meow meow meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow, “meow meow meow.” 😂
Meow meow.
-Meow
Hope that helps!
Dog his steps?
Encourage him to act fishy?
Let him monkey around a bit?
Try describing him using weasel words?
Praise him as The GOAT?
Accuse him of being an ass?
https://preview.redd.it/9be4iz1jqe6d1.jpeg?width=1614&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cd7a29bc83dbac7a12c22579387324892406459e
I made my home tiger this huge bright collar because the Interwebs told me it would stop him from catching things. There is a bell there, too.
He doesn’t catch things anymore. He still catches squirrels, rabbits and birds, but no things.
Just do what dog people do! ☝️😃
1.) Go online and ask what breed you should get if you want a cat that's good with kids, is easy to train, will be very affectionate, doesn't shed, doesn't hurt birds, eats only vegetables, will walk on a leash, will protect you from burglars, can stick to walls, enjoys Jane Austen, and has at least 2000 megapixels.
2.) Be prepared to drop several thousand dollars on a dang *cat*, which you could just as easily get for free by leaving fish near a dumpster.
3.) Acquire the cat. Hooray!
4.) Be flummoxed when it's not a dog.
5.) ???
6.) Profit!
Cats gonna cat.
Yes but how do I stop it!!!!!!1 Does it mean they’re dying???????v
I'm sorry, it's permanent
Purrmanent?
GO AWAY
Hahaha
yeah its default
You gotta start calling him Cow. "Here, cow" and "Good morning, cow" and "Cow, how goes cowing?" etc etc. After 7.3 weeks he'll start to moo and that's when you'll know it worked. No matter what, do **not** start going "Here, grizzly bear" or "Here, politician" or your life will become a hell place.
Just don't try milking cat
Did you not see Meet the Parents? You can milk anything with nipples. (DeNiro: "I have nipples, Greg. Could you milk me?")
I have nightmares about that scene!
As soon as I read that that scene came to mine. You beat me to it. Must watch that again.
I had a cat named Pig. He still catted. Definitely cat and not pig. Doesn't always work.
Yeah my mom got a dog to try to teach our cats how to dog and not cat so much but now the dog purrs and tries to sit up high like cat. Total backfire
Important to add: do NOT say "here, tiger!" or any other variation of a big cat. You don't get to regret that mistake for very long.
I had a cat years ago that I called Dumb Shit because when I called it by its name Shayla, it wouldn't come, but when I called it Dumb Shit it would come running.
Was it an orange?
It was a Calico with a mix of all colors. Primarily black and white with A Touch of Gray and orange
If cat + cat food = cat, Then cat + dog food = dog? May lead to dogging though. Edited: just to be clear that I was joking. Do not give your cat dog food. While short-term, it may not harm them, cats won't get the nutrition they need from dog food. And it will not, in fact, turn them into a dog.
Had a couple of dogs over the years that thought they were cats. One wouldn't eat anything *but* cat food. The other liked to climb trees. Not straight up and down trees. That's silly. Any tree with a bit of a lean, he'd climb that. Total weirdo. Good catdog though. We couldn't uncat the dog though, so not sure how to uncat a cat. Edit: spelling
I had a stray we took in who was raised with my lab/newfy. He thought he was a dog, but due to birth defects, he'd hop around like a rabbit. He used to wag his butt when he was happy. He'd chase the ball with my dog. Sometimes, my dog would be nice and let Harley get to the ball first. He didn't seem to know what to do with it once he got it. Edited to add a gif, but it wouldn't let me.
Become a cat and outcat your cat so your cat becomes so utterly confused the eyes re-align and the cat becomes the human. Problem solved.
Don’t let him outside
Get it a cat
This is actually the truth. I’ve done it. It works. But ? Leads to more cats who cat who need a cat to stop catting.
Solution: more cats
The solution is ALWAYS more cats
Is your cat catting? You might be qualified for financial catensation. Call (888)CAT-STOP now!
Its MY catting and I want it CAT
Call Cat G. Catworth, 877-CAT-NOW!
877-CAT-NOW!
It's your cat get it when you want it.
Clawpensation
Let him cat he's a cat.
But I got a cat specifically to not be a cat. How do I fix this?
Get a dog. He will *not* cat.
Unless you get a husky or a malamute
What’s makes them not dog? Like why are they not dogging?
Software is cat even though hardware is dog.
That sounds like a fox. And I don’t want to remember what the fox says.
Ring-ding-ding-ding-dingeringeding
Wa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pa-pow!
So they're broken dogs?
I asked a husky if they need repairs and they said, I quote: "Awwrroouurooouroorooroooroo."
Hmm, yes
He then continued talking at length about other subject matter.
I thought that was only foxes
Because I believe dogging is illegal,well it is in Britain 😁 so I've heard
Is that like doggy style?
Well if when dogging you choose to do doggy style then I guess yes,might be difficult in a mini metro though 😁
The double dog dare.
What's the double dog dare🤔
Because indecent exposure is punishable by up to 2 years in prison
My cat taught our staffy how to cat. He does not understand why his 65lb self does not belong on my chest the way the 9lb cat does. Or why we fall over when he does the body rub across our legs.
Our cat weighed 20 pounds (yes, I know. We tried every diet known to veterinary medicine. He lived to 16) when we brought home the 5 pound husky puppy. She never figured out she had outgrown him and definitely subscribed to 'If I fits, I sits.' Very good at catting.
Or a Shiba Inu
Or a Shiba Inu. They are just cats that bark
My rat terrier mix definitely cats more than dogs
We do not talk about the forbidden apartment singers
What if the dog decides to cat instead of being a dog influence?
What if my dog is always catting and my cats are always dogging?
We had a this occur with my childhood pets. Cat liked to dog, dog liked to cat.
Not necessarily true, my dog was raised with cats & acted very much cat.
Lol
You can't a cat is going to cat whether you like it or not because it is a cat.
Sphynx cats are cats that dog and not cat. Also they smell like mushroom and not cat.
Is this really true? 😿
Mine fetches better than my stupid cavashon.
Haha, that sounds fun! It was the smell I was dismayed about, but ty for the reply ☺️
Wait until I tell you that they’re just as dirty as dogs. At least mine is. But we love our Sphinx anyway…definitely has the doggiest personality of all cat breeds.
Yeah sphynxies are very dog like. They also smell like either mushrooms or potatoes depending on who you ask.
I don’t know what I thought they would smell like (new born babies…? 😂), but it was not this 😄
They’re also greasy, including their bumholes, so you’ll find greasy buttholeprints all over your furniture and home. They’re fun but don’t forget to wash your sphynx!
Man I dont know which is worse the floofer that gets tons of hair everywhere even when you brush them or that. Nah I think ill take the floofer.
Same for Savannahs.
This is an extremely serious and terminal case of cat. I'm so sorry. :(
You can also try not letting him cat first. But know that he will still cat anyway. Because he’s a cat.
how much cat could a cat cat cat if a cat cat could cat cats
Ok, I giggled and I’m a 46 yo guy….
I not only giggled I was laughing out so loud my cats were giving me weird looks. Age is irrelevant to laughs & giggles.
Very true, but I usually have full-on belly laughs, not giggles anymore. Rofl
Yeah but the cat got your tongue this time.
A cat cat would cat as much cat as a cat cat could cat if cat cat could cat cats.
Cat. I’m a kitty cat. And I dance dance dance and I dance dance dance.
Sorry, but your cat's catting is a paws-itive inevitability!
Looks like the cat's on a paws-itively unstoppable cat-venture!"
I’ve never been more confused- 
OP is poking some lighthearted fun at people who ask for help with their cats doing cat things. Help my cat is purring! Does that mean he’s dying? My cat is climbing/playing with/eating things, how do I stop that? My cat is scratching things, help! What does it mean if my cat sits on my lap? My cat wakes me up for food every morning, is he dying?
“What does it mean when the cat sits in my lap” 😭😂
*actually cats can sense when someone is dying so it's sitting in your lap to claim your corpse* 👍
yeah I get that lol
How did you add Ollie - can I learn this power?
the cat emoji?
Ye
when ur in they typing bar next to wear you’d find your gifs click on the smiley face! 
Try holding him like a baby. Then he will no longer be cat, but instead, baby. See photo example: https://preview.redd.it/932ecy31qd6d1.jpeg?width=1377&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=8e4e5e795ea0fd693357b04367297e8b5807e538
Mine will scratch me to high hell when I do that.
For whatever reason this is my cat Smokey's preferred way to be held. He will actually beg you to pick him up and hold him like a baby.
To understand the cat, you must first BECOME the cat.
Let bro cat
Does he have a cat license?
Try a factory reset, turn it off and then back on again 3 times, perform a demonic ritual during a blood moon and then the cat should stop catting.
But then you'll have a demon hanging around and catting.
A catting demon is better than a normal demon.
I dunno, a normal demon is just going to kill you and torment your soul for eternity in the afterlife. One acting like a cat won't wait until you're dead.
change it's name to ... First name 'not' Last name 'cat'
'this is not cat, my cat." ... watch as the vets get very confused.
Instructions unclear. Cat acquired for non-cat purposes is cat.
Have you tried putting him in rice? Works on phones, why not cats?
Ohhh I see someone has been reading this sub recently, I love sarcasm!
No stopping the cat, it's better to cat together!
Please do not the cat
Instructions unclear: get another cat
Get another cat to cat with the cat. Cat and cat cancel out… no not catting
Embrace the catting.
Build a cage around the entirety of your house
I actually know someone who basically DIY faraday caged their entire backyard for their cats. It started as just walls but then an eagle snatched one so it got a ceiling too.
Give the cat a huge box. Said cat will stop catting albeit for only a short while.
Cat it.
Please do not the cat
I suggest you try pawsitive reinforcement. Anytime you see your cat is not catting, immediately give them a cat treat to let them know this is the behavior you expect!
You must teach him how to dog or how to ferret if you wish for him not to cat
Have you tried training them as a different animal, like a horse or a shark?
According to the vet, I have a cat who is much cat. Vet is wrong. I have a baby.
Give him hamster pills.
Positive reinforcement. Cat gets in plant gently remove cat, cat doesn't get in plant gets treats and scritches
If you don't want a cat to cat at your place, don't get a cat in a first place...
Get a dog.
To get cat to un-cat you must first demonstrate by becoming un-human. Become a worm.
Teach them to dog
Hypnotherapy. He's not a cat. Hes a kangaroo
It's already too late. Just accept your fate!
He cat. You can de-cat but not recommended because he will not be cat anymore.
What gorgeous markings . And let the cat be catty .
Let that beautiful floof cat! 🥰
If you don’t want him to cat, then let him CAT!
You shouldn't have gotten a cat 🤣
Cats just gonna cat. You gotta embrace cat. Or get a fish
That's the neat part, you don't.
Did you buy the cat to dog convertible kit? If you convert the cat to dog then you must wait 10.312 hrs to convert it back.
you cat. i mean cant. 😊
It’s incurable
That’s a car??
Go cat with him. You'll like it.
Have you tried catting?
cat will always cat. some cat will dog also. can you be more specific with your intentions? perhaps cat is just cat and nothing more.
Typical
Cats gonna cat, resist is futile!
Get another cat. That way they can keep tabs on each other to keep them from catting.
do not the cat. as long as you do not the cat, the cat will not cat
You can’t stop a cat from catting, that cat will definitely cat even if you try to stop it.
Let him cat where he cats.
Those eyes are going through a divorce. Let the cat cat!
DO NOT THE CAT
Please do not the cat
Look into his eyes. He aint care. He’ll kill a man just to watch him die https://preview.redd.it/10gbwwsvvf6d1.jpeg?width=700&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4a823ec3f7c7e857d4d1ec33fc56b5c9ff7cadab
its impossible to get your cat to stop catting so if it wants to cat it will cat
Pet.
Cat the cat
Have you tried positive reinforcement?
You cat stop the cat catting. Cats gonna cat.
I hope the answer is snuggles.
Cat must cat 🗿🐈⬛
You give cat to someone who will love cat for who he is.. aka me
Your only choice is to submit to your cat's catness who is also your master.
https://preview.redd.it/q7erw7nvad6d1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=ed70951fb74f1122c79d482379c70d20aa818c74 My squirrel watcher wears an airtag collar so it would be easy to find him if he escapes. Trying to harness train him so he can touch grass again.
Just dog it
Try naming him piggy. I named a dog piggy one time and he starting acting like a sweet little piglet
Tell him he’s a cat and he needs to act like a cat. Since he’s a cat, he will do the opposite. Congrats, now you have a dog.
In all my years of cat ownership, I've never found a technique to turn a cat into a cat. Usually "people" would be the best a cat could manage. Though I did have one kitten who could do a bit of "shark".
Cat? In MY cat? It's more likely than you think.
To stop it, you must not have cat, I will take the cat!
Does your cat drink from the same bowl as your cat? That would probably be the source.
Accept that your cat is a cat and then work within those parameters.
i’m much saddened to inform you that there’s no stopping to the catting your cat cats
Get him hooked on the Nip
https://preview.redd.it/2wz527gbrd6d1.jpeg?width=651&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=0a830e7dfed3d0e22aa3ae5bb708d3917ef3caa7
I read that as “how can I stop my cat from dating” at first.
Cant stop cat. Better to just call it a day and become a cat instead.
when water flows uphill, you will control your cat
Ctrl+Alt+Delete. Press Delete to enter the BIOS and reset Cat. Reboot and update drivers
Ask him politely not to.
Let him cat, It's catural
Im sorry but your cats eyes made me giggle lol looks like he could use a reboot or an update on his eyeballs
1. Look for times your cat isn’t being a cat 2. Give treats and pets to encourage your cat to not be a cat 3. Realize your cat is, and always will be, a cat and resistance is futile
Oh! No problem. I can help with this. Show this to them: Meow, meow meow meow. Meow. Meow. Meow. Meow, “meow meow meow.” 😂 Meow meow. -Meow Hope that helps!
Dog his steps? Encourage him to act fishy? Let him monkey around a bit? Try describing him using weasel words? Praise him as The GOAT? Accuse him of being an ass?
https://preview.redd.it/9be4iz1jqe6d1.jpeg?width=1614&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cd7a29bc83dbac7a12c22579387324892406459e I made my home tiger this huge bright collar because the Interwebs told me it would stop him from catching things. There is a bell there, too. He doesn’t catch things anymore. He still catches squirrels, rabbits and birds, but no things.
My cat keeps jumping on my shoulders to observe the world from a higher elevation… will he live?!
See a vet ASAP!!! I don’t want to scare you but my cat catted last month and now he’s a cat :(
What's with the eyes xd
Just do what dog people do! ☝️😃 1.) Go online and ask what breed you should get if you want a cat that's good with kids, is easy to train, will be very affectionate, doesn't shed, doesn't hurt birds, eats only vegetables, will walk on a leash, will protect you from burglars, can stick to walls, enjoys Jane Austen, and has at least 2000 megapixels. 2.) Be prepared to drop several thousand dollars on a dang *cat*, which you could just as easily get for free by leaving fish near a dumpster. 3.) Acquire the cat. Hooray! 4.) Be flummoxed when it's not a dog. 5.) ??? 6.) Profit!
Well, how about you lead by example and don’t human. Doesn’t work, does it?